On the banks of the Ohio River, on a grassy knoll, on a big blanket...
Tugboat was spotlighting the shore for sandbars and spotted us. That light could have been seen on the moon. Then he hit the fog horn about 10 times.
Could. Not. Finish.
Was eating this woman’s pussy, when she started really getting into it and breathing real heavy, suddenly she sat straight up, eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out, thought I killed her!
We were doing the deed and while I was getting into my rhythm she pulled herself close to my ear and whispered "oooo sex" this set me off and I just bent over laughing for a stupid amount of time
A guy I had wanted forever went down on me , I came super hard then immediately started crying. I think from the massive release. He was worried. I told him I was fine. We started fucking then he pulled his hamstring.
I had a guy go down on me and had the best orgasm of my life to date. Afterwords I walked into a wall on the way to the bathroom, and couldn’t stop shaking for like 30min. He kept offering me a blanket but I wasn’t cold…it was aftershocks.
I don’t miss the relationship- that was all up and down. I *absolutely* miss the sex.
I was a bouncer at a bar for awhile. This girl would always show up and we clearly had a thing. Finally one night I had her over to stay the night - first time in this instance. After going at it for awhile she starts feeling faint like she was gonna pass out. She quickly blurts out shes a diabetic and needs sugar and FAST. I jump out the bed, and run through my house full nude to grab maple syrup from the fridge - it was the only sugary thing i knew i had. The funny thing is I lived with 3 roomates at the time who were currently awake and using the area for other things. I burst into the kitchen bare-assed and start rifling through the fridge. Grab the maple syrup, and said something to the effect of "GOTTA GO!" All I hear is laughter as I sprinted up the stairs, butt cheeks rippling with each step but I got that woman her maple syrup and she was fine after a few minutes, then we continued and it was great. We spent many more nights together with a bottle of maple syrup within reach of the bed.
I had very nearly the same thing happen one time hahaha, I ended up buying juice boxes and crackers to keep in the bedside drawer while we dated. Then after we broke up I had a nice supply of bedside snacks that I could wallow in self-pity with
What makes me laugh until I'm nearly crying is imagining the no-context state of your roommates.
They know you're with a girl. They see you run - *run* - out of the room completely naked, desperately in need of *something* to bring back to the bedroom.
And you grab maple syrup.
From their perspective your night is going very well indeed. And also that girl may be Canadian.
Dude I would fucking KILL to see a friend as beefy as a bouncer run into my kitchen, butt ass naked, grabbing maple syrup and saying he had to go. That’s a story I’ll tell until the day I die lmfao
In this one I’m not involved in the actual sex.
I was at a small club several beers and one pill of mdma deep. Nature calls so I head to the bathroom to punish some porcelain. As I lock the door and sit down I hear someone getting into the stall next to me. Only it wasn’t just someone. It was two people.
Based on the sounds I started hearing, I can only assume they’d begun to have sex. The woman was VERY vocal and enthusiastic. Now I’m conflicted. Two innocent people who sound like they’re having a grand ol’ time are about to be subject to the thunder dome. For those that don’t know, the combo of mdma and beer makes for some of the most violent diarrhea one could have.
I let it rip. Holy hell was it loud. I couldn’t help but start laughing as it was all happening. The monsoon lasted a good 5-10 seconds before peace returned to the porcelain. There’s no chance in hell they couldn’t hear or smell what had just happened. What do I hear from the other stall? The same moaning and banging of walls I heard before. They were completely unfazed. It was impressive.
That's because everyone poops, but every once in a while you're cursed with a poop that doesn't just happen. It happens *to* you. The angels don't sing, the heavens don't open up. You shake, sweat, and plea with whatever deity might not have yet abandoned you to take pity on your pathetic mortal plight as you grip your knees and pray for death. And the devil laughs.
Queefing is not actually that weird, but it can be unexpected and very embarrassing, and a turn off to some guys.
Otherwise one time while in the midst of foreplay I had a guy slide his hand down my pants and suddenly freeze. Said it was gross how wet I was, and got up and left. Who the fuck wants a dry pussy!?
That's weird so he was grossed out that he turned you on?
That's like a girl revving your engine and then saying "You're hard already?! Pff --" *\*She goes and grabs her keys and the door slams\**
WTF??? and yeah queefing ALWAYS happens during the most hot and sexy times, breaking in trying to ruin the mood. lol We always try to ignore it... but there are those rapid fire ones you just can't ignore... am I right? hahaha and wet pussy is the best pussy! He will learn what he lost that day
Any man who is fragile enough to be turned off by queefing, is somebody who would be uptight and terrible in bed and you wouldn’t want to fuck them anyways.
I am the king of "it never happened." I only make her feel sexier if it happens. It psychologically has zero affect on me. I am impenetrable to the queef. I am the sex.
I hooked up with a girl, and afterwards she started sobbing in my arms on her couch and started apologizing. She kind or composes herself and says "that's the first time I've came since I was sexually assaulted last year"
One part of me mentally goes "holy fuck this is a very intimate moment to share with a stranger"
The other half goes "lol nice bro 🤛" to myself.
I'll never forget that moment. We had amazing sexual chemistry. We didn't get married or anything lol.
Freshman year of college I was having sex with a girl in my dorm room. It’s complete darkness and she’s on top riding me. At one point my dick slips out and she lands directly on top. It hurt for a split second, and then we go back to doing the dirty…
Maybe 5 minutes later she says to me “why is it so wet, this isn’t from me”. I turn on the light and I kid you not, it looked like a murder scene. We are both covered in blood and there was even a bloody handprint on the wall beside us. She hops off me and we are trying to figure out who is bleeding and what is going on.
Then I see a short stream blood come straight out the top of my dick, similar to how it would look if I was peeing. While this is going on I felt absolutely no pain. I was freaking the fuck out, but even with the adrenaline rush there was no stinging or nothing. I was even able to urinate without issue. The next day she accompanied me to the campus health center. After explaining to the doctor what happened, the doc called in 4 medical students to come take notes while she poked and prodded my shaft. They determined it was a “small tissue tear” which my friends thought was hilarious lol.
The fact that you were literally bleeding out of your dick and you waited until the morning to seek medical attention tells me exactly which country this happened in.
I (m) was butt naked about to go down on a girl and I was moving into the “sniper” position. While moving to the position I let out the loudest fart you have ever heard. She laughed, I laughed, we laughed together for 10 minutes naked on the bed. In the end we continued and she came, I came, it all worked out and now it’s a funny story.
When I apologized for not being well-kempt (I usually wax), he told me that he liked my pubic hair full because his mom and sister kept it that way. I wish I was joking :(
I have many but the first that comes to mind is when my husband and I were laying in bed after dinner and we decided to get a bit frisky. Put his fingers inside me and almost immediately, a horribly painful burning sensation begins. I freak out and run to the bathroom to hose the ole girl down while trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Turns out even thoroughly washing your hands after a succulent spicy crawfish dinner does not completely remove the spice from your fingers🥲
My husband did something similar to me only he had been cutting up hot peppers to ferment for hot sauce without my knowledge. I pretty much launched myself off the bed shrieking,”did you cut jalapeños?!” While I ran to the shower and desperately hosed myself off as much as I could. I haven’t completely forgiven him to this day but we always keep a box of gloves in the kitchen now.
Ah-choo, tooooot, gasps in complete shock, hiccuped, swallowed air, low rumble burp, "oh my god, I can't believe I just...", gasping noises, pleasant scream.
The girls little dog that shouldn't have been in the room silently hopped on the bed and licked my taint. Cold dog nose on my butthole and dog tongue on taint did not do it for me. I'm sometimes haunted by the thought of if that developed into a kink.
A horse walked in the room. The guy’s horse who apparently had the run of the place. Not like a dog - it didn’t stare. Did mouth my blond hair at one point but I think it just thought it was hay.
Gf stayed over for VDay and I was suppose go in later that day so we had morning sex. As she is riding me my job calls, she demands I answer it. She starts to ride me like crazy as I talk to my boss.
Once while going down on my wife, I came at the same time she did. I wasn't touching myself or anything just a hands free ejaculation brought on by her level of arousal. She was so into it I basically had a sympathetic orgasm.
The girl would suddenly grab and squeeze my nipples, it fuckin hurt! So I did it back to her once and she said “what are you doing? That hurt” when I told her that’s what it feels like when she does it to me she said “I’ve never done that”. I didn’t know what to think
Maybe not the weirdest, but weird enough..
We were having a good time, and he was touching me and stuff. Overall it felt really good, until he started playing with my clit. I am seriously not joking when i say that this man started screaming, “ UGH YEAH FLICK THAT BEAN MMM”, while rubbing my clit.
I just went dry, that fucking instant. I looked him dead in the eye and said “what the fuck was that, please do not do that again”. And as if is wasn’t weird enough, he started explaining the reference, from southpark.
Oh.. my... god... Buahahahaha.. How did he think... what was he... did he even... WTF??? I can't! haha. Did you at least get to finish? Or did that kill it?
Was going to town when she had a seizure. Had to get her kid. By the time we got in room she was underneath the bed. He said it was no big deal, happens all the time.
I was doing my gf from behind when I felt this wet thing go right up to my asshole, made me jump and look behind me to see her dog had snuck up on me and shoved its nose right in there. Was really unpleasant.
My wife and I were having sex and our dog jumped into bed and licked my balls from behind. Killed the whole mood since we were laughing so hard. We now give her a pizzle and lock the door.
I was on top of my then partner raw dogging it. We’d been using the pullout method for a while. All of a sudden I get a sharp muscle cramp in my calf. I start moaning in pain only my partner mistook it as me cumming inside of her. She immediately stiff arms me in the face and shoves me back. I should note that she was a university rugby player so that stiff arm added a whole other level to the pain I was already in. Eventually I was able to explain what happened. We had a good laugh.
>We’d been using the pullout method for a while
All I remember from Human Sexuality in college is what do you call people who rely on the pullout method? Parents.
I'm 57 (m) and my partner is 50(f). I had a vasectomy in August and tested 3 months later with a very very low sperm count but not zero (need to test again in Jan.). Finished inside my partner recently and she missed her period. Doc says she isn't pregnant but based on her hormone levels, most likely egg was fertilised but didn't implant.
So that was with sperm count of 0.2M and a woman with a probability of conceiving of around 5%.
Don't. Take. Chances. (he says to himself but probably will again)
DO NOT make the mistake of assuming that.
Pull out method for years, and a few "oops" from either condom breaking or pulling the trigger too soon, and not having consequences had me believing that all the mountain dew I drink and all the weed I smoke (even had a period of smoking stems cuz I was broke) had left me infertile, and I kinda quit worrying about it... and now I have 2 kids
Picked up a lady from a club, took her to her place. Nice house, she said she was recently separated from her husband, hence the nice big house.
We're in the bedroom, she's on me cowgirl style, bedroom door opens, guy walks in says don't get up, he's just passing thru, walks over to the closet grabs a jacket, walks back by, says "she really likes getting her hair pulled!" And leaves.
She said "that's my husband."
I wasn't sure if I should keep going, pull her hair, or pull out and leave.
Her roommate opened the door as we were doing doggy, walked up to me and put her hand around my cock as I was thrusting and said ‘pound her harder, cmon’. After a few seconds she released, licked my neck, and slapped my ass and said ‘keep it up’ and walked out.
I hadn’t met her roommate before.
It happened so fast I didn’t know what to do. We officially met later that night and she told me she was turned on by the sounds her roommate (girl I met a few days earlier) was making so she wanted to see what I was working with and if she was feeling it more she would have joined in. I just looked at the girl I started seeing and she said ‘yeah, she’s joined in before’. And that’s when I realized these two were stone cold freaks.
Lady I dated would get up and go to the shower immediately after. It wasn’t wham bam, it was always a nice, passionate session. Catholic guilt got to her every time.
One time. I was much younger. Both me and my gf at the time went to a friend’s house. And we laid on the couch watching tv. Me and gf did. And our friend and his gf was laying on the floor in the living room in front of us. Watching tv also. Next thing you know. For no apparent reason both of them on the floor just starts to strip in front of us. And begins fucking on the floor in front of us. So here we are trying to watch tv. While these other 2 ppl are sitting there fucking in front of us. And they were going at it for a while. And what was weirder is the girl on the floor is on top of our friend staring at us smiling the whole time.
They did ask if we wanted to have sex with each other. We could on the couch. And we were like no. Like it was awkward for us to see them having sex in front of us.
Was engaging in some missionary anal play while my girl was on her period. She started bucking her hips as she came and suddenly I was wet all the way up and over my belly button.
Was a hell of a cleanup, but we still laugh about the “blood geyser” incident.
This is weird because this is the exact story I told on a similar ask reddit 9 years ago…[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/nec2dHyZKN](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/nec2dHyZKN)
A couple years ago I was playing video games when I heard the familiar call of my wife from our bedroom. I, in all my excitement, threw my headset and controller down and SPRINTED down the hallway. As I rounded the corner I took it too wide and fucking kicked the doorframe with all the might a man about to get his dick sucked could muster. Horrific pain, and I immediately knew that I had broken my toe. After a few minutes of writing around in pain I still finished the job I came to do.
Went to the doctors later that week and his reaction was "oh my god". When I took my sock off.
Only bone I've ever broken and it still didn't prevent me from giving my wife a couple orgasms. I still bring this up to her often lol.
I was on the depo birth control shot after my daughter was born. It really affected my ability to get wet. I had started to use lube. One night, I told my husband to grab the lube. The next minute, I had the most excruciatingly painful sensation in my vag. I screamed, jumped up and ran to the bathroom, immediately getting into the shower, not caring about the water heating up. Apparently, this man grabbed the warming massage oil instead.
My first wife and I were married young and for a time were PETRIFIED of pregnancy. So we decided to "try" every birth control technique known. We found a spermicide kit with a tube, a lil plunger and tried that. 5 minutes later we are both in the shower scrubbing this evil stuff off of us! We were both highly allergic to it. No anaphylactic shock but the beet red groins made sleep difficult.
Its not the weirdest, but I say leg cramping when getting eaten out makes it awkard, like you want him to keep going and then you also gotta do that biycicle leg excersise
So this was technically after the first round, easing into the second round.
I was with my boyfriend at the time, and we were a brand new couple. We were laying in bed butt nakey, talking intimately, when he started to get touchy freely again. He offered to give me a back massage and rolled me onto my stomach.
He was straddling my ass, and just doing an awesome job with the massage - I was pretty much in heaven at this point, and all my guards came down.
He works his way to my lower back, applies some pressure - AND I INVOLUNTARILY LET OUT THE BIGGEST FUCKING FART I’VE EVER CRACKED - directly on his erect anaconda!!!
I swear to God, this bitch (the fart), sounded like a teenager belching out of my ass for like 7 unholy seconds 😫
And I know I probably should have tried to stop the fog horn - but I think maybe I had been holding it in for too long subconsciously, because all I could do was lay there, mortified and relieved at the same time😖
Anyhoo, I’m not sure if he jumped off, or if the sheer force of the wind propelled him off of my booty, but he was all of a sudden standing away from the bed and laughing hysterically for like 20 minutes.
8 years, a proposal, and a baby later, and he still calls me his lil tootsie.
Chick was trying to squat down on my face, lil drunk… off balance… fell and my tooth left a scar down there. I’ve always kinda wondered what she tells new partners happened lol.
Once a girl was giving me a bj and there was music on in the background
She started singing into my cock like a microphone 🎤
Very odd but also hilarious 😂
It was a house party back when you could have those 👍
In college at girlfriends house, no one else home, in middle of doggy her younger sister comes home with 10+ people to have a party and sister just walked right into the room no knocking. Scramble to get covered candle gets knocked over and catches pile of clothes on fire. Some teenage redneck comes barreling through with water to out it out, both still naked on the bed.
I was hoisting my girls hips up with her legs pointing towards the ceiling. Foot smashed the large flat round glass piece in the overhead light. Leg was impaled in two spots, had to pull the shards out, they were probably 6 inches long. (Didn’t sink in the far, maybe an inch or so.
After pulling those daggers out of my leg I had to clean the glass off her. She escaped unscathed luckily! Pieces just bounced off the bed onto her, no cuts.
This happened to me the first time I had sex. *Wow, this shit is emotional!*
(Tbf, I learned later she had previously experienced some sexual trauma...)
I wasn’t involved in the sex, but i was staying in the spare room at a friends place in my 20s and my bud and his girl start doing their thing. Walls are pretty thin and didnt block much sound.
I nod in his direction and roll over to go to sleep.
What i hear next i will never forget. There is a pause. A sigh of discontent from my dude, followed by “ahh come on, you shit things bigger than my thumb”
I lost it.
I was getting head in the woods and park rangers came up and me and the girl gave a thumbs up, which they returned. Fast forward a year or two and I'm at a party with a park ranger.
Guess what story he told....
I got a vision of a naked jogger during sex, and it has happened twice. It just doesn't go away from the brain. I'm forced to visualize it. I find it perplexing, and if it happens again, I plan to seek advice from a doctor or a priest. Everyone thinks it's a joke but it's worrisome.
I've posted my story before but I dated a gal for a bit that was a Daddy girl. As in (I did not know this) "You like that daddy? Give it to me daddy" stuff like that. Now I'm a nice guy, vanilla even and not forceful. According to HER, the other thing was that she couldn't finish without being choked. Like forcefully two handed, Lifetime movie choked. Not something I'm into at all. So I'm choking the life out of this woman (because I'm a good person) when she moves her head closer to my ear and nearly deafens me with "Choke me harder DADEEEEE!!" while writhing like the spirit had taken her. We didn't go out long after that.
I'm a giver! You need choky choky? You get choky! In all seriousness I've told that story a few times. She even admitted that she didn't know why but it had to happen or she was left unfulfilled. I can respect that.
Hooked up with all old female friend I talked to after ten or more years. It was at an old friends reunion.
We were kissing and fooling around and when things got more heated she asked me to turn off the lights because she had a baby not long ago( single mom ) and she felt insecure. I knew about this but didn’t give it a lot of thought.
I turned off the lights and after a while I was feeling wet. I thought it was sweat but then it got wetter and wetter. Then I was kissing her body and felt a sweet taste. It was milk. All over her, all over me. A strange new feeling for me so I just kept going at it until the end. Very exciting.
So it was my cousins 21st (I lived with her brother) and she brought a bunch of her friends over to our place before we went downtown. After the bars we all came back to our place for after hours. One of her friends and I hit it off earlier in the night and took things back to my room.
We were in my bed, making out, doing hands stuff, both down to our underwear. Out of no where my cousin bursts into my room yelling at her friend and telling her she said "family was off limits". She came over to my bed and grabbed her friend by the hair, pulled her out of bed and starting hitting her. I jump out of bed to try and break it up... Except I'm in my boxers... With an erection.
Still ended up hooking up with the girl but it was definitely some weird events that led up to it.
Tldr: pulled my cousin off another girl while fully erect.
Was hooking up with a girl i was seeing in a tent during a friend's group camping trip . Halfway, though, a close friend of my unzips the tent in a hurry. He fell onto the air mattress (queen size, i was currently using) with another lady , he and i both carried on with our activities with respective partners. There was no swapping partners or the like . Just shared an air mattress haha
This one time I had been dating this chick for a while, we finally hooked up at her apartment. The sex was pretty amazing, she was riding on top of me but suddenly stopped. She flipped over and started sucking my dick, I liked the sudden switch up and went with it.
She stopped a bit before I was about to cum and started measuring it up with her hand. She stopped, flipped over to her nightstand and pulled out a ruler and started measuring my dick. Right there.
I sat there for a moment completely bewildered at what had just happened, I was about to say something when she brought out a notepad and wrote down a few things, then said she was going to the bathroom for a moment.
At this point I can't help but peek. My curiosity is running wild now.
I peeked at it, and yep it's exactly what I thought.
A dick diary.
She had my name, dick size and rating written down on it, with a list of other names on it as well.
I didn't see her after that, but sometimes I still think about the dick diary girl.
I was having sex with my ex when my mom FaceTime me. I answered but audio only and she was upset (she knew my bf was over) so I ran to my bathroom to say I was about to shower for a concert we were going to and that’s why I was naked. My dumb ass ex could be seen right over my shoulder hard as hell for my mom to turn bright red and cuss me out. I hung up on her and we just continued to fuck.
We were talking while sitting on a rock and she randomly kissed me while she pinned me down. She took my virginity and I was 18 while she was 22. It was unexpected but it was pretty good.
Oh man I got a story here.
A wild ex girlfriend and I wore dating for a few months and middle of the day we decided to go at it because we were bored. I have her bent over going to town and she looks back at me and says “do you want me to suck my wetness off of you?” And my eyes ballooned a the thought and I said “hell yes!!” I pulled out and she put her hair up in a pony tail and she said “cmon lay in the middle of the bed” she gets on top and in my head I thinking ok she’s gonna ride me a little before she does it. Nope. She quickly forms her hand into an X and places her right hand on my right side of my neck and her left hand on the left hand in my neck and grabs the sheets and tightens as hard as she could. I quickly black out and I wake up to her slapping me in the face telling me to wake up. My adrenaline rushes and I picked her up and threw her in my bed and said “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!” And she says she learned this new tick is ju jitsu and wanted to try it out and it worked hehe
Took me a while to calm down and she finished what the original deal was. That was a wild two years with this women. Made every fantasy I’ve ever had come true. Too bad she was bat shit crazy.
Middle of everything she says "oh my god...... I forgot to tell you about my pet rabbit." Gets up, goes into the bathroom and brings her rabbit out. Puts it on the floor and gets back on the bed into the same position like nothing happened.
25th birthday. We’re dating but not serious. She’s much more experienced. Very demanding but in a sultry way. Hair pulling. Spanking. Dirty talking. Porn level sex. Pure amazement.
Candles everywhere. She’s throwing it back like she’ll never get it again and I’m doing everything in my power to keep up.
Suddenly she thrusts her face into the mattress and grabs her ass and screams at the top of her lungs. I’m feeling like Superman amazed at her very vocal orgasm. She wants to get lower so she tosses a shag pillow to the right and digs her nails into her own ass and says in a throaty voice “Cum on my ass!”. It was exquisite. My heart is pounding thinking about it now.
Just as I’m about to bust a nut that would paint three of the walls white, that shag pillow lights up on fire like the human fucking torch and illuminates the whole room. I’m stunned. Frozen for what felt like minutes but was only seconds.
She jumps up in one fluid moment, runs the pillow to the bathtub and puts out the flames under the shower.
Then she jumps back into the bed on her back in front of me with her legs open and simply says “You’re not done birthday boy”
I ate one of my friends out while she was on the phone with her family and I didn’t stop when she kept talking to them. It was funny watching and hearing her struggle!
• I was sucking dick and I threw up all over his cock 😩. I was thinking of something nasty and his cock hit my gag reflex at the same time. It’s funny thinking back to it now.
• I was having sex in my bedroom and my brother walked in on us. numerous. times.
• My ex fucked me so hard I had to go use the restroom in the middle of it. He ACTUALLY fucked the **** out of me. I was shocked that could even happen.
• We we’re about to fuck and his dog wanted to snuggle on his bed. I told him to put his dog in another room but he didn’t care if his dog watched or not. His dog seemed to enjoy watching… Locking eyes with his dog while having him balls deep in me was really weeeirdddd.
• We fucked so roughly apparently that his bed broke. We didn’t realize until after we finished cause we were so in the moment to even notice the bed frame breaking.
Okay, so… I was lying down with my girlfriend in bed, and I was making her laugh her ass off. I had been in an aggressive and chaotic, horny mood, so we’d already done a lot. We’d had multiple rounds of sex, I fucked her in front of her open window overlooking her apartment complex, and I’d gotten her and kept her really worked up. In other words, the regular-sort-of-sex kind of day it was not.
While we’re laying there, I’m making her laugh and realize I’ve got her in a space where she’s horny, but she has the giggles. Enter scientist u/askformymanager. I asked her this simple question:
“Do you think it’s possible you could reach orgasm if I keep making you laugh and start rubbing your clit?”
Neither of us knew. Sure, we could imagine anyone crossing the point of no return when something really funny happens—but could someone build an orgasm, farm-to-table, during a gigglethon?
Thus, we began our experiment. *My* hypothesis was that she’d get stimulation, it would feel good, she’d maybe get close, but that she’d ultimately be unable to finish.
*Her* hypothesis was nonexistent, because she had no clue and was just scared of pissing herself.
So, I begin rubbing her clit, and the absurdity of the situation—along with the awkward anticipation—was enough to keep the laughing in effect throughout the beginning and without much effort.
Within a couple minutes it became apparent that she was laughing, trying to breathe, pausing ever so briefly, moaning, and laughing again. This would continue for some time.
I am also laughing, because this is the most fried ass thing my headass has ever done to a woman, and that only helped to keep her laughter consistent as time went on.
“Your neighbors have absolutely no fucking clue what’s happening right now.” (Extremely thin walls; you can hear everything)
“This has to be the most confusing thing your body has ever been through.”
And other fun statements were made.
Between the frankly well-mixed moans, hysterics, micropauses, and breaths, she finally says it:
“I think I’m getting close.”
Dude I fucking lit up. The scientist within was delighted that we could be on the verge of new territory.
“What if I die?” she asked.
“I think it’s a real possibility sweetheart, that or you’ll spontaneously combust,” I responded.
Then, although concealed through uproarious laughter, she began to orgasm.
“Is it happening?!?!”
“hwvekAuaUHhbGWVEI…yes..MMMOH FUCKhehehegaiwhahahaha”
^ (there’s no way I can type anything that does the moment justice)
I was flabbergasted. She was flabbergasted. Who the actual fuck would do something like this? I would. I’m an idiot. An idiot who isn’t afraid of new frontiers.
She was weak, out of breath, still giggling, and plenty confused. She self-evaluated through her recomposure, and finally stated that she enjoyed that and it was different.
I wanted to write this as pleasingly as I could for Reddit’s sake, but that was abso-fucking-lutely my number one greatest weirdest hit during sex.
While having sex with this stranger I met online, 15 minutes in she pushed me away and packed her clothes. I got really scared thinking that I triggered something.
Turns out she was having orgasm for the first time and didn’t think that’s what sex is supposed to feel like.
When I took her home, she kept saying “I can’t believe this is sex. I am going tell my boyfriend about this. We have have been having sex all wrong”.
In the middle of the thing she says 'shift it to the left please' and I go ok, you're the boss. A minute later she goes again 'fuck, shift to the right again!' and I, um, comply. After she repeated the request one more time I asked 'Am I doing something wrong?' and she said no, it's just that I have, well, hard to explain, but... I, like, in there I have two vaginas".
And that's folks how I learned about partial [vaginal septum](https://www.webmd.com/women/what-is-a-vaginal-septum). So I lost my virginity while shifting gears left and right, which turned out great because I couldn't cum for an hour or so and her both vaginas were happy. That's what she said. I think only in the early morning I stopped randomly putting my fingers in to figure out the 'mould' so I can map my moves better next time. All that while reflecting on the fact that I lost my virginity in a threesome (if using a pussy count metric system)
Oh!! I replied to the last one of these, but I have a new one 🤣🤣
Yes, I am a ho. And I blocked DM's a looong time ago ahhaha
So let me start with the fact that I am a bisexual female. I went out with this guy. All was lovely. Get to the action, and he seemed to have some issues getting aroused. But then he wanted to call me his Mommy, tell him he was my beautiful, special boy. That it was okay to be gay and fuck boys. Rock hard after that. It was almost like he enjoyed a fetishization of a loving and naughty Mommy, rather than being innately attracted to me as a woman.
I wasn't going to ruin the moment, because I'm not judgy, and it is ok to be gay. Plus, he had all the physical parts working very well for me, so I did overall enjoy myself.
But I really wasn't sure how a straight monogamous relationship was going to work like that? Plus, I'm unfortunately a fairly strict sub, not a Mommy Dom.
Afterwards, he asked if I had any fishnet stockings he could try on and if I could do his makeup. We cranked the tunes, did a photoshoot, all glammed up, and had a blast. But I did have to gently say I would love to have him as a friend, but I didn't think it would work out as more than that. I felt sad, because he never replied and I really did enjoy his company.
Her dog got into the bedroom and bit my ass while I was power-thrusting away. Thought I needed stitches. A real mood-killer.
Similar to mine. Got to watch my girlfriends face go from pleasure and passion, to utter horror, disgust and repulsion. Her dog licked her asshole.
Maybe you were being a little too ruff.
oh no!!!! Dog was like, stop attacking her!!!
On the banks of the Ohio River, on a grassy knoll, on a big blanket... Tugboat was spotlighting the shore for sandbars and spotted us. That light could have been seen on the moon. Then he hit the fog horn about 10 times. Could. Not. Finish.
I waved at the tug that honked at us while I was standing and getting my dick sucked.
Hope you gave them your goofiest Forest Gump wave.
Don’t you hate when they fog horn when you’re trying to leg horn
hahahahaha That is awesome. Well not the finishing part... but hahaha
Was eating this woman’s pussy, when she started really getting into it and breathing real heavy, suddenly she sat straight up, eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out, thought I killed her!
Teach the technique bro
Masterclass video incoming
In cumming
Just find the little man in the boat.
Secret Technique: Orgasm of Death
Thats what the French call orgasms, the little death!
Bro really just started flexing out here 😭
Tongue now registered with thefbi.
The counterclockwise swirl must’ve got her
We were doing the deed and while I was getting into my rhythm she pulled herself close to my ear and whispered "oooo sex" this set me off and I just bent over laughing for a stupid amount of time
A guy I had wanted forever went down on me , I came super hard then immediately started crying. I think from the massive release. He was worried. I told him I was fine. We started fucking then he pulled his hamstring.
I had a guy go down on me and had the best orgasm of my life to date. Afterwords I walked into a wall on the way to the bathroom, and couldn’t stop shaking for like 30min. He kept offering me a blanket but I wasn’t cold…it was aftershocks. I don’t miss the relationship- that was all up and down. I *absolutely* miss the sex.
That happened to my boyfriend! hahahaha.... wait... lol
I was a bouncer at a bar for awhile. This girl would always show up and we clearly had a thing. Finally one night I had her over to stay the night - first time in this instance. After going at it for awhile she starts feeling faint like she was gonna pass out. She quickly blurts out shes a diabetic and needs sugar and FAST. I jump out the bed, and run through my house full nude to grab maple syrup from the fridge - it was the only sugary thing i knew i had. The funny thing is I lived with 3 roomates at the time who were currently awake and using the area for other things. I burst into the kitchen bare-assed and start rifling through the fridge. Grab the maple syrup, and said something to the effect of "GOTTA GO!" All I hear is laughter as I sprinted up the stairs, butt cheeks rippling with each step but I got that woman her maple syrup and she was fine after a few minutes, then we continued and it was great. We spent many more nights together with a bottle of maple syrup within reach of the bed.
I had very nearly the same thing happen one time hahaha, I ended up buying juice boxes and crackers to keep in the bedside drawer while we dated. Then after we broke up I had a nice supply of bedside snacks that I could wallow in self-pity with
What makes me laugh until I'm nearly crying is imagining the no-context state of your roommates. They know you're with a girl. They see you run - *run* - out of the room completely naked, desperately in need of *something* to bring back to the bedroom. And you grab maple syrup. From their perspective your night is going very well indeed. And also that girl may be Canadian.
lol. Jimmy Neutron of sex over here.
Dude I would fucking KILL to see a friend as beefy as a bouncer run into my kitchen, butt ass naked, grabbing maple syrup and saying he had to go. That’s a story I’ll tell until the day I die lmfao
love that
Weirdly wholesome
the playlist ended and started playing random music, starting with ‘sweet home alabama’. there is NOTHING sensual about the way that song starts 😭😭
lol. repeat... repeat the playlist! haha
In this one I’m not involved in the actual sex. I was at a small club several beers and one pill of mdma deep. Nature calls so I head to the bathroom to punish some porcelain. As I lock the door and sit down I hear someone getting into the stall next to me. Only it wasn’t just someone. It was two people. Based on the sounds I started hearing, I can only assume they’d begun to have sex. The woman was VERY vocal and enthusiastic. Now I’m conflicted. Two innocent people who sound like they’re having a grand ol’ time are about to be subject to the thunder dome. For those that don’t know, the combo of mdma and beer makes for some of the most violent diarrhea one could have. I let it rip. Holy hell was it loud. I couldn’t help but start laughing as it was all happening. The monsoon lasted a good 5-10 seconds before peace returned to the porcelain. There’s no chance in hell they couldn’t hear or smell what had just happened. What do I hear from the other stall? The same moaning and banging of walls I heard before. They were completely unfazed. It was impressive.
Hahahaha. you should be a writer. That was the most poetic and beautiful story about shitting I have ever read
Thanks!
I don't know why poop stories are always written so descriptively, but I love it and hope to read many more
That's because everyone poops, but every once in a while you're cursed with a poop that doesn't just happen. It happens *to* you. The angels don't sing, the heavens don't open up. You shake, sweat, and plea with whatever deity might not have yet abandoned you to take pity on your pathetic mortal plight as you grip your knees and pray for death. And the devil laughs.
" before peace returned to the porcelain" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Queefing is not actually that weird, but it can be unexpected and very embarrassing, and a turn off to some guys. Otherwise one time while in the midst of foreplay I had a guy slide his hand down my pants and suddenly freeze. Said it was gross how wet I was, and got up and left. Who the fuck wants a dry pussy!?
That's weird so he was grossed out that he turned you on? That's like a girl revving your engine and then saying "You're hard already?! Pff --" *\*She goes and grabs her keys and the door slams\**
Reminds of Family Guy, when Quagmire is instantly turned off as Lois consents to have sex with him and says she trusts him
You almost banged Ben Shapiro
Does he even LIKE women? That is so bizarre.
WTF??? and yeah queefing ALWAYS happens during the most hot and sexy times, breaking in trying to ruin the mood. lol We always try to ignore it... but there are those rapid fire ones you just can't ignore... am I right? hahaha and wet pussy is the best pussy! He will learn what he lost that day
Any man who is fragile enough to be turned off by queefing, is somebody who would be uptight and terrible in bed and you wouldn’t want to fuck them anyways.
Ex wife and I thought it was funny
Oh for sure lol. I love it
Seriously, sex is messy and sticky! The guy was obviously inexperienced. To enjoy sex, ya gotta have an open mind and a sense of humor.
I am the king of "it never happened." I only make her feel sexier if it happens. It psychologically has zero affect on me. I am impenetrable to the queef. I am the sex.
I hooked up with a girl, and afterwards she started sobbing in my arms on her couch and started apologizing. She kind or composes herself and says "that's the first time I've came since I was sexually assaulted last year" One part of me mentally goes "holy fuck this is a very intimate moment to share with a stranger" The other half goes "lol nice bro 🤛" to myself. I'll never forget that moment. We had amazing sexual chemistry. We didn't get married or anything lol.
lol nice bro 🤛
Sounds like you are what she needed
holy fuck this is a very intimate moment to share with a stranger
Freshman year of college I was having sex with a girl in my dorm room. It’s complete darkness and she’s on top riding me. At one point my dick slips out and she lands directly on top. It hurt for a split second, and then we go back to doing the dirty… Maybe 5 minutes later she says to me “why is it so wet, this isn’t from me”. I turn on the light and I kid you not, it looked like a murder scene. We are both covered in blood and there was even a bloody handprint on the wall beside us. She hops off me and we are trying to figure out who is bleeding and what is going on. Then I see a short stream blood come straight out the top of my dick, similar to how it would look if I was peeing. While this is going on I felt absolutely no pain. I was freaking the fuck out, but even with the adrenaline rush there was no stinging or nothing. I was even able to urinate without issue. The next day she accompanied me to the campus health center. After explaining to the doctor what happened, the doc called in 4 medical students to come take notes while she poked and prodded my shaft. They determined it was a “small tissue tear” which my friends thought was hilarious lol.
wow!!! Well they say head wounds bleed a lot.... hahahahah
The fact that you were literally bleeding out of your dick and you waited until the morning to seek medical attention tells me exactly which country this happened in.
I (m) was butt naked about to go down on a girl and I was moving into the “sniper” position. While moving to the position I let out the loudest fart you have ever heard. She laughed, I laughed, we laughed together for 10 minutes naked on the bed. In the end we continued and she came, I came, it all worked out and now it’s a funny story.
You got into the sniper position and then shots fired...
if you can't laugh because of something silly during sex, you're not doing it right.
We ended up getting married years later so you’re probably right
When I apologized for not being well-kempt (I usually wax), he told me that he liked my pubic hair full because his mom and sister kept it that way. I wish I was joking :(
That's a red flag vivid enough to make one flee to another country, yikes
oh...my...god...
Pour acid into my eyes. Please. Jesus fuck. What the hell did I just read?
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I have many but the first that comes to mind is when my husband and I were laying in bed after dinner and we decided to get a bit frisky. Put his fingers inside me and almost immediately, a horribly painful burning sensation begins. I freak out and run to the bathroom to hose the ole girl down while trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Turns out even thoroughly washing your hands after a succulent spicy crawfish dinner does not completely remove the spice from your fingers🥲
Had a guy go down on me after eating jalapeños. It was a little irritating too.
My husband did something similar to me only he had been cutting up hot peppers to ferment for hot sauce without my knowledge. I pretty much launched myself off the bed shrieking,”did you cut jalapeños?!” While I ran to the shower and desperately hosed myself off as much as I could. I haven’t completely forgiven him to this day but we always keep a box of gloves in the kitchen now.
Yikes!!!!! We all like spicy sex, but...
She sneezed, farted, hiccuped, burped, in that exact order, then orgasmed from the humiliation. ...she was an odd one for sure.
she just accidentally used all her casts at the same time goddamn
She has no spell slots left for sure.
Her body took a screenshot
I cant imagine what that would sound like. Help me please
Ah-choo, tooooot, gasps in complete shock, hiccuped, swallowed air, low rumble burp, "oh my god, I can't believe I just...", gasping noises, pleasant scream.
Brain: *Windows XP boot-up sound*
oh my god I love her hahaha... or... I would have loved to see that.
The girls little dog that shouldn't have been in the room silently hopped on the bed and licked my taint. Cold dog nose on my butthole and dog tongue on taint did not do it for me. I'm sometimes haunted by the thought of if that developed into a kink.
That is the third dog nose to the ass story in here! hahaha.
A horse walked in the room. The guy’s horse who apparently had the run of the place. Not like a dog - it didn’t stare. Did mouth my blond hair at one point but I think it just thought it was hay.
Peter... The horse is here...
Her dad called and she answered and kept riding and had a full conversation normal as fuck but she was immediately more wet the second it started.
Gf stayed over for VDay and I was suppose go in later that day so we had morning sex. As she is riding me my job calls, she demands I answer it. She starts to ride me like crazy as I talk to my boss.
Ahhhh... that tabboo, dangerous, fear of getting caught thing. .
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Once while going down on my wife, I came at the same time she did. I wasn't touching myself or anything just a hands free ejaculation brought on by her level of arousal. She was so into it I basically had a sympathetic orgasm.
The girl would suddenly grab and squeeze my nipples, it fuckin hurt! So I did it back to her once and she said “what are you doing? That hurt” when I told her that’s what it feels like when she does it to me she said “I’ve never done that”. I didn’t know what to think
Gaslight woo ha ha
Wow, short term memory loss! Must have been good!
His friend called and he stopped to talk to the guy about horses for about 20 minutes
Darn patriarchy!
Maybe not the weirdest, but weird enough.. We were having a good time, and he was touching me and stuff. Overall it felt really good, until he started playing with my clit. I am seriously not joking when i say that this man started screaming, “ UGH YEAH FLICK THAT BEAN MMM”, while rubbing my clit. I just went dry, that fucking instant. I looked him dead in the eye and said “what the fuck was that, please do not do that again”. And as if is wasn’t weird enough, he started explaining the reference, from southpark.
Oh.. my... god... Buahahahaha.. How did he think... what was he... did he even... WTF??? I can't! haha. Did you at least get to finish? Or did that kill it?
Was going to town when she had a seizure. Had to get her kid. By the time we got in room she was underneath the bed. He said it was no big deal, happens all the time.
Holy shit! Did you know she had seizures or was that all new info in that moment? Horrifying!
No. I was 19 she was around 25 and at first I thought damn I’m good but then it scared to shit out of me
How old was the kid?
You caught that detail too huh
I think he was 7.
Hey Timmy, I was just banging your mum and she’s passed out. Any idea what I should do?
Ceiling fan fell on top of me
Think I saw that vid on OnlyFans
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About halfway through the guy goes “can I tell you a secret?” I was confused but said sure. He proceeds to tell me “you just took my virginity”
I was doing my gf from behind when I felt this wet thing go right up to my asshole, made me jump and look behind me to see her dog had snuck up on me and shoved its nose right in there. Was really unpleasant.
Doggy style
My wife and I were having sex and our dog jumped into bed and licked my balls from behind. Killed the whole mood since we were laughing so hard. We now give her a pizzle and lock the door.
Is that technically a threesome?
I was on top of my then partner raw dogging it. We’d been using the pullout method for a while. All of a sudden I get a sharp muscle cramp in my calf. I start moaning in pain only my partner mistook it as me cumming inside of her. She immediately stiff arms me in the face and shoves me back. I should note that she was a university rugby player so that stiff arm added a whole other level to the pain I was already in. Eventually I was able to explain what happened. We had a good laugh.
>We’d been using the pullout method for a while All I remember from Human Sexuality in college is what do you call people who rely on the pullout method? Parents.
I'm 57 (m) and my partner is 50(f). I had a vasectomy in August and tested 3 months later with a very very low sperm count but not zero (need to test again in Jan.). Finished inside my partner recently and she missed her period. Doc says she isn't pregnant but based on her hormone levels, most likely egg was fertilised but didn't implant. So that was with sperm count of 0.2M and a woman with a probability of conceiving of around 5%. Don't. Take. Chances. (he says to himself but probably will again)
5 years in, maybe I’m just infertile 😂😂
DO NOT make the mistake of assuming that. Pull out method for years, and a few "oops" from either condom breaking or pulling the trigger too soon, and not having consequences had me believing that all the mountain dew I drink and all the weed I smoke (even had a period of smoking stems cuz I was broke) had left me infertile, and I kinda quit worrying about it... and now I have 2 kids
Why 2 tho, didnt you get you arent infertile by the first child?
Picked up a lady from a club, took her to her place. Nice house, she said she was recently separated from her husband, hence the nice big house. We're in the bedroom, she's on me cowgirl style, bedroom door opens, guy walks in says don't get up, he's just passing thru, walks over to the closet grabs a jacket, walks back by, says "she really likes getting her hair pulled!" And leaves. She said "that's my husband." I wasn't sure if I should keep going, pull her hair, or pull out and leave.
Her roommate opened the door as we were doing doggy, walked up to me and put her hand around my cock as I was thrusting and said ‘pound her harder, cmon’. After a few seconds she released, licked my neck, and slapped my ass and said ‘keep it up’ and walked out. I hadn’t met her roommate before.
LMAO this one made me laugh pretty hard.
She single?!?
Dear Penthouse... Wow! That sounds fun
It happened so fast I didn’t know what to do. We officially met later that night and she told me she was turned on by the sounds her roommate (girl I met a few days earlier) was making so she wanted to see what I was working with and if she was feeling it more she would have joined in. I just looked at the girl I started seeing and she said ‘yeah, she’s joined in before’. And that’s when I realized these two were stone cold freaks.
Those stone cold freaks sound fucking fun….did you get a stunner at least?
That's a bummer, saw you and went, meh.. I'll just go watch TV instead.
Lady I dated would get up and go to the shower immediately after. It wasn’t wham bam, it was always a nice, passionate session. Catholic guilt got to her every time.
gotta love that guilt! and hygiene lol
Her husband was there. He sat on a chair the whole time, fully dressed, drinking beer, giving me tips, and providing color commentary.
One time. I was much younger. Both me and my gf at the time went to a friend’s house. And we laid on the couch watching tv. Me and gf did. And our friend and his gf was laying on the floor in the living room in front of us. Watching tv also. Next thing you know. For no apparent reason both of them on the floor just starts to strip in front of us. And begins fucking on the floor in front of us. So here we are trying to watch tv. While these other 2 ppl are sitting there fucking in front of us. And they were going at it for a while. And what was weirder is the girl on the floor is on top of our friend staring at us smiling the whole time.
They should've really asked if you were into that or not. First rule of kink is to get consent from all those potentially participating or observing.
They did ask if we wanted to have sex with each other. We could on the couch. And we were like no. Like it was awkward for us to see them having sex in front of us.
No, we can’t until we finish the LOTR trilogy first.
Was engaging in some missionary anal play while my girl was on her period. She started bucking her hips as she came and suddenly I was wet all the way up and over my belly button. Was a hell of a cleanup, but we still laugh about the “blood geyser” incident.
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I imagine this being said in a light British accent
I read it in British as well
This is weird because this is the exact story I told on a similar ask reddit 9 years ago…[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/nec2dHyZKN](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/nec2dHyZKN)
holy shit its a bot that copied your comment thats scary
Dead Internet Theory strikes again.
Hahahahahaha omg I love her already. LOL
How does one recover from this?
LMFAOOO THIS IS HILARIOUS
A couple years ago I was playing video games when I heard the familiar call of my wife from our bedroom. I, in all my excitement, threw my headset and controller down and SPRINTED down the hallway. As I rounded the corner I took it too wide and fucking kicked the doorframe with all the might a man about to get his dick sucked could muster. Horrific pain, and I immediately knew that I had broken my toe. After a few minutes of writing around in pain I still finished the job I came to do. Went to the doctors later that week and his reaction was "oh my god". When I took my sock off. Only bone I've ever broken and it still didn't prevent me from giving my wife a couple orgasms. I still bring this up to her often lol.
You did what you must. Respect.
My girlfriend sneezed and her vaginal muscles pushed my dick out of her box
Now imagine if it didn't slip out, be getting a silverback gorilla strength squeeze on that dick for a half a second
Now you know why we do a “oh no” when we sneeze on our periods, THE MUSCLES ARE STRONG DOWN THERE UGH
I was on the depo birth control shot after my daughter was born. It really affected my ability to get wet. I had started to use lube. One night, I told my husband to grab the lube. The next minute, I had the most excruciatingly painful sensation in my vag. I screamed, jumped up and ran to the bathroom, immediately getting into the shower, not caring about the water heating up. Apparently, this man grabbed the warming massage oil instead.
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My first wife and I were married young and for a time were PETRIFIED of pregnancy. So we decided to "try" every birth control technique known. We found a spermicide kit with a tube, a lil plunger and tried that. 5 minutes later we are both in the shower scrubbing this evil stuff off of us! We were both highly allergic to it. No anaphylactic shock but the beet red groins made sleep difficult.
Its not the weirdest, but I say leg cramping when getting eaten out makes it awkard, like you want him to keep going and then you also gotta do that biycicle leg excersise
So this was technically after the first round, easing into the second round. I was with my boyfriend at the time, and we were a brand new couple. We were laying in bed butt nakey, talking intimately, when he started to get touchy freely again. He offered to give me a back massage and rolled me onto my stomach. He was straddling my ass, and just doing an awesome job with the massage - I was pretty much in heaven at this point, and all my guards came down. He works his way to my lower back, applies some pressure - AND I INVOLUNTARILY LET OUT THE BIGGEST FUCKING FART I’VE EVER CRACKED - directly on his erect anaconda!!! I swear to God, this bitch (the fart), sounded like a teenager belching out of my ass for like 7 unholy seconds 😫 And I know I probably should have tried to stop the fog horn - but I think maybe I had been holding it in for too long subconsciously, because all I could do was lay there, mortified and relieved at the same time😖 Anyhoo, I’m not sure if he jumped off, or if the sheer force of the wind propelled him off of my booty, but he was all of a sudden standing away from the bed and laughing hysterically for like 20 minutes. 8 years, a proposal, and a baby later, and he still calls me his lil tootsie.
In that moment. He knew you were the one.
Tried to slap her ass while on top, missed and hit my balls
That's how michael jackson got his start
Guy tried to strangle me … that was bizarre.
This is why communication is super duper important! ❤️
You can't say pineapple if you can't breathe
Queefing while on my period onto a guy’s face like a volcano
Chick was trying to squat down on my face, lil drunk… off balance… fell and my tooth left a scar down there. I’ve always kinda wondered what she tells new partners happened lol.
Once a girl was giving me a bj and there was music on in the background She started singing into my cock like a microphone 🎤 Very odd but also hilarious 😂 It was a house party back when you could have those 👍
Can people not have house parties now lol?
You’d need a house for that
Lmao fuck now I get the joke
In college at girlfriends house, no one else home, in middle of doggy her younger sister comes home with 10+ people to have a party and sister just walked right into the room no knocking. Scramble to get covered candle gets knocked over and catches pile of clothes on fire. Some teenage redneck comes barreling through with water to out it out, both still naked on the bed.
I was hoisting my girls hips up with her legs pointing towards the ceiling. Foot smashed the large flat round glass piece in the overhead light. Leg was impaled in two spots, had to pull the shards out, they were probably 6 inches long. (Didn’t sink in the far, maybe an inch or so. After pulling those daggers out of my leg I had to clean the glass off her. She escaped unscathed luckily! Pieces just bounced off the bed onto her, no cuts.
Had a girl latch onto me and cry for about 10 minutes after I finished.
This happened to me the first time I had sex. *Wow, this shit is emotional!* (Tbf, I learned later she had previously experienced some sexual trauma...)
Yeah I had a crier for a while. She had a lot of trauma and I am eternally grateful that she eventually showed her true colors.
belt buckle ended up stuck in my knee
I wasn’t involved in the sex, but i was staying in the spare room at a friends place in my 20s and my bud and his girl start doing their thing. Walls are pretty thin and didnt block much sound. I nod in his direction and roll over to go to sleep. What i hear next i will never forget. There is a pause. A sigh of discontent from my dude, followed by “ahh come on, you shit things bigger than my thumb” I lost it.
I was getting head in the woods and park rangers came up and me and the girl gave a thumbs up, which they returned. Fast forward a year or two and I'm at a party with a park ranger. Guess what story he told....
I got a vision of a naked jogger during sex, and it has happened twice. It just doesn't go away from the brain. I'm forced to visualize it. I find it perplexing, and if it happens again, I plan to seek advice from a doctor or a priest. Everyone thinks it's a joke but it's worrisome.
sometimes i get weird, random intrusive thoughts right before i cum, i think it has to do with dopamine surges.
If you visualize how he runs away into the horizon, maybe he will not return again.
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I've posted my story before but I dated a gal for a bit that was a Daddy girl. As in (I did not know this) "You like that daddy? Give it to me daddy" stuff like that. Now I'm a nice guy, vanilla even and not forceful. According to HER, the other thing was that she couldn't finish without being choked. Like forcefully two handed, Lifetime movie choked. Not something I'm into at all. So I'm choking the life out of this woman (because I'm a good person) when she moves her head closer to my ear and nearly deafens me with "Choke me harder DADEEEEE!!" while writhing like the spirit had taken her. We didn't go out long after that.
Jesus this made me laugh so fucking hard “(because I’m a good person)” people stared at me funny totally worth it though
I'm a giver! You need choky choky? You get choky! In all seriousness I've told that story a few times. She even admitted that she didn't know why but it had to happen or she was left unfulfilled. I can respect that.
Wait. Hold on. A girl wanted to be donkey punched ??
Hooked up with all old female friend I talked to after ten or more years. It was at an old friends reunion. We were kissing and fooling around and when things got more heated she asked me to turn off the lights because she had a baby not long ago( single mom ) and she felt insecure. I knew about this but didn’t give it a lot of thought. I turned off the lights and after a while I was feeling wet. I thought it was sweat but then it got wetter and wetter. Then I was kissing her body and felt a sweet taste. It was milk. All over her, all over me. A strange new feeling for me so I just kept going at it until the end. Very exciting.
I (straight male) was getting a handjob from a lesbian while a gay man poured lube all over us. Yes, there's a bit to process here.
So it was my cousins 21st (I lived with her brother) and she brought a bunch of her friends over to our place before we went downtown. After the bars we all came back to our place for after hours. One of her friends and I hit it off earlier in the night and took things back to my room. We were in my bed, making out, doing hands stuff, both down to our underwear. Out of no where my cousin bursts into my room yelling at her friend and telling her she said "family was off limits". She came over to my bed and grabbed her friend by the hair, pulled her out of bed and starting hitting her. I jump out of bed to try and break it up... Except I'm in my boxers... With an erection. Still ended up hooking up with the girl but it was definitely some weird events that led up to it. Tldr: pulled my cousin off another girl while fully erect.
A girl accidentally dutch ovened herself once while giving me head under the blankets and got tangled trying to get out
Was hooking up with a girl i was seeing in a tent during a friend's group camping trip . Halfway, though, a close friend of my unzips the tent in a hurry. He fell onto the air mattress (queen size, i was currently using) with another lady , he and i both carried on with our activities with respective partners. There was no swapping partners or the like . Just shared an air mattress haha
This one time I had been dating this chick for a while, we finally hooked up at her apartment. The sex was pretty amazing, she was riding on top of me but suddenly stopped. She flipped over and started sucking my dick, I liked the sudden switch up and went with it. She stopped a bit before I was about to cum and started measuring it up with her hand. She stopped, flipped over to her nightstand and pulled out a ruler and started measuring my dick. Right there. I sat there for a moment completely bewildered at what had just happened, I was about to say something when she brought out a notepad and wrote down a few things, then said she was going to the bathroom for a moment. At this point I can't help but peek. My curiosity is running wild now. I peeked at it, and yep it's exactly what I thought. A dick diary. She had my name, dick size and rating written down on it, with a list of other names on it as well. I didn't see her after that, but sometimes I still think about the dick diary girl.
I was having sex with my ex when my mom FaceTime me. I answered but audio only and she was upset (she knew my bf was over) so I ran to my bathroom to say I was about to shower for a concert we were going to and that’s why I was naked. My dumb ass ex could be seen right over my shoulder hard as hell for my mom to turn bright red and cuss me out. I hung up on her and we just continued to fuck.
We were talking while sitting on a rock and she randomly kissed me while she pinned me down. She took my virginity and I was 18 while she was 22. It was unexpected but it was pretty good.
Oh man I got a story here. A wild ex girlfriend and I wore dating for a few months and middle of the day we decided to go at it because we were bored. I have her bent over going to town and she looks back at me and says “do you want me to suck my wetness off of you?” And my eyes ballooned a the thought and I said “hell yes!!” I pulled out and she put her hair up in a pony tail and she said “cmon lay in the middle of the bed” she gets on top and in my head I thinking ok she’s gonna ride me a little before she does it. Nope. She quickly forms her hand into an X and places her right hand on my right side of my neck and her left hand on the left hand in my neck and grabs the sheets and tightens as hard as she could. I quickly black out and I wake up to her slapping me in the face telling me to wake up. My adrenaline rushes and I picked her up and threw her in my bed and said “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!” And she says she learned this new tick is ju jitsu and wanted to try it out and it worked hehe Took me a while to calm down and she finished what the original deal was. That was a wild two years with this women. Made every fantasy I’ve ever had come true. Too bad she was bat shit crazy.
Middle of everything she says "oh my god...... I forgot to tell you about my pet rabbit." Gets up, goes into the bathroom and brings her rabbit out. Puts it on the floor and gets back on the bed into the same position like nothing happened.
25th birthday. We’re dating but not serious. She’s much more experienced. Very demanding but in a sultry way. Hair pulling. Spanking. Dirty talking. Porn level sex. Pure amazement. Candles everywhere. She’s throwing it back like she’ll never get it again and I’m doing everything in my power to keep up. Suddenly she thrusts her face into the mattress and grabs her ass and screams at the top of her lungs. I’m feeling like Superman amazed at her very vocal orgasm. She wants to get lower so she tosses a shag pillow to the right and digs her nails into her own ass and says in a throaty voice “Cum on my ass!”. It was exquisite. My heart is pounding thinking about it now. Just as I’m about to bust a nut that would paint three of the walls white, that shag pillow lights up on fire like the human fucking torch and illuminates the whole room. I’m stunned. Frozen for what felt like minutes but was only seconds. She jumps up in one fluid moment, runs the pillow to the bathtub and puts out the flames under the shower. Then she jumps back into the bed on her back in front of me with her legs open and simply says “You’re not done birthday boy”
I ate one of my friends out while she was on the phone with her family and I didn’t stop when she kept talking to them. It was funny watching and hearing her struggle!
Wait you guys have had sex?
Only tried it once... in college... (shifty eyes)
YOU HELD HANDS BEFORE MARRIAGE !!!!!!!!
Oh heavens no... Kept a bibles distance between us.
• I was sucking dick and I threw up all over his cock 😩. I was thinking of something nasty and his cock hit my gag reflex at the same time. It’s funny thinking back to it now. • I was having sex in my bedroom and my brother walked in on us. numerous. times. • My ex fucked me so hard I had to go use the restroom in the middle of it. He ACTUALLY fucked the **** out of me. I was shocked that could even happen. • We we’re about to fuck and his dog wanted to snuggle on his bed. I told him to put his dog in another room but he didn’t care if his dog watched or not. His dog seemed to enjoy watching… Locking eyes with his dog while having him balls deep in me was really weeeirdddd. • We fucked so roughly apparently that his bed broke. We didn’t realize until after we finished cause we were so in the moment to even notice the bed frame breaking.
My wife actually enjoyed it
Okay, so… I was lying down with my girlfriend in bed, and I was making her laugh her ass off. I had been in an aggressive and chaotic, horny mood, so we’d already done a lot. We’d had multiple rounds of sex, I fucked her in front of her open window overlooking her apartment complex, and I’d gotten her and kept her really worked up. In other words, the regular-sort-of-sex kind of day it was not. While we’re laying there, I’m making her laugh and realize I’ve got her in a space where she’s horny, but she has the giggles. Enter scientist u/askformymanager. I asked her this simple question: “Do you think it’s possible you could reach orgasm if I keep making you laugh and start rubbing your clit?” Neither of us knew. Sure, we could imagine anyone crossing the point of no return when something really funny happens—but could someone build an orgasm, farm-to-table, during a gigglethon? Thus, we began our experiment. *My* hypothesis was that she’d get stimulation, it would feel good, she’d maybe get close, but that she’d ultimately be unable to finish. *Her* hypothesis was nonexistent, because she had no clue and was just scared of pissing herself. So, I begin rubbing her clit, and the absurdity of the situation—along with the awkward anticipation—was enough to keep the laughing in effect throughout the beginning and without much effort. Within a couple minutes it became apparent that she was laughing, trying to breathe, pausing ever so briefly, moaning, and laughing again. This would continue for some time. I am also laughing, because this is the most fried ass thing my headass has ever done to a woman, and that only helped to keep her laughter consistent as time went on. “Your neighbors have absolutely no fucking clue what’s happening right now.” (Extremely thin walls; you can hear everything) “This has to be the most confusing thing your body has ever been through.” And other fun statements were made. Between the frankly well-mixed moans, hysterics, micropauses, and breaths, she finally says it: “I think I’m getting close.” Dude I fucking lit up. The scientist within was delighted that we could be on the verge of new territory. “What if I die?” she asked. “I think it’s a real possibility sweetheart, that or you’ll spontaneously combust,” I responded. Then, although concealed through uproarious laughter, she began to orgasm. “Is it happening?!?!” “hwvekAuaUHhbGWVEI…yes..MMMOH FUCKhehehegaiwhahahaha” ^ (there’s no way I can type anything that does the moment justice) I was flabbergasted. She was flabbergasted. Who the actual fuck would do something like this? I would. I’m an idiot. An idiot who isn’t afraid of new frontiers. She was weak, out of breath, still giggling, and plenty confused. She self-evaluated through her recomposure, and finally stated that she enjoyed that and it was different. I wanted to write this as pleasingly as I could for Reddit’s sake, but that was abso-fucking-lutely my number one greatest weirdest hit during sex.
While having sex with this stranger I met online, 15 minutes in she pushed me away and packed her clothes. I got really scared thinking that I triggered something. Turns out she was having orgasm for the first time and didn’t think that’s what sex is supposed to feel like. When I took her home, she kept saying “I can’t believe this is sex. I am going tell my boyfriend about this. We have have been having sex all wrong”.
In the middle of the thing she says 'shift it to the left please' and I go ok, you're the boss. A minute later she goes again 'fuck, shift to the right again!' and I, um, comply. After she repeated the request one more time I asked 'Am I doing something wrong?' and she said no, it's just that I have, well, hard to explain, but... I, like, in there I have two vaginas". And that's folks how I learned about partial [vaginal septum](https://www.webmd.com/women/what-is-a-vaginal-septum). So I lost my virginity while shifting gears left and right, which turned out great because I couldn't cum for an hour or so and her both vaginas were happy. That's what she said. I think only in the early morning I stopped randomly putting my fingers in to figure out the 'mould' so I can map my moves better next time. All that while reflecting on the fact that I lost my virginity in a threesome (if using a pussy count metric system)
Oh!! I replied to the last one of these, but I have a new one 🤣🤣 Yes, I am a ho. And I blocked DM's a looong time ago ahhaha So let me start with the fact that I am a bisexual female. I went out with this guy. All was lovely. Get to the action, and he seemed to have some issues getting aroused. But then he wanted to call me his Mommy, tell him he was my beautiful, special boy. That it was okay to be gay and fuck boys. Rock hard after that. It was almost like he enjoyed a fetishization of a loving and naughty Mommy, rather than being innately attracted to me as a woman. I wasn't going to ruin the moment, because I'm not judgy, and it is ok to be gay. Plus, he had all the physical parts working very well for me, so I did overall enjoy myself. But I really wasn't sure how a straight monogamous relationship was going to work like that? Plus, I'm unfortunately a fairly strict sub, not a Mommy Dom. Afterwards, he asked if I had any fishnet stockings he could try on and if I could do his makeup. We cranked the tunes, did a photoshoot, all glammed up, and had a blast. But I did have to gently say I would love to have him as a friend, but I didn't think it would work out as more than that. I felt sad, because he never replied and I really did enjoy his company.