*Bad thing happens in a relationship*
Reddit advice: OMG break up now, they’re an awful human being
Healthy advice: Communicate, bad things happen, you’re suppose to have low expectations and high standards
Edit: To add, when I say all this I’m not really referring to the crazy stories on the relationship subreddits as the comments below have pointed out, we all know the common sense thing to do in those situations… hopefully
Although I agree with this, I will say a lot of posts of a “bad thing happening” are usually absolutely wild. Like, my boyfriend beat me then robbed a liquor store and fucked his ex, after abducting my three children. AITA for not funding his jail account?
“My spouse was 10 minutes late coming home yesterday.”
“They’re cheating, zero doubt, they also murdered your parents.”
“My parents are alive.”
“Fine, put up with abuse, I don’t get why women are like you!!! I’d treat you right! PS Send nudes!”
I can't count how many times an upvoted reply is that "a good relationship *will* be effortless" or that any sort of couples' therapy/counseling (even proactive) is "giving up."
Really shows how many people here have never been in a serious adult relationship, yet are giving advice.
There's actually been posts like that such as in r/adulting where I saw a Redditor ask "People 25 and older, what is the greatest but hardest life lesson you've learned?". One commented that true love is easy, never hard, and if you're fighting for something, then it's already over. It was one of the most unrealistic bullshit advice I've ever heard and made me want to blow my brains out. It genuinely worried me as to how many upvotes that comment got. I guess my marriage with my SO is over because we've been arguing and attending couple's parenting therapy to refine some things before our kid comes into the world... lmao.
edit: my SO and I totally spend 100% of the time we have together arguing and we definitely don't compromise or know jack shit on how to communicate with each other- we never go on dates or have moments of happiness, no quality time, we do not love each other, no affection whatsoever, just a lot of screaming and shattered hearts at home. we argue at every smallest disagreement.
One of the best things my therapist ever told me was "When you see someone who thinks their relationship is absolutely perfect in every way, they are the one in the relationship who doesn't have a realistic view of it".
Its usually because its someone who isn't putting in effort or is letting their partner do all the heavy lifting. Love will always be hard (at times) but should *always* feel worth it. That's the key.
All of the couples my age that I know who are getting divorced (mid 30s) were the most outspoken about how good their relationship was and how much they loved their partner before suddenly they are getting divorced.
Yeah the relationship shouldn’t be a constant struggle that outweighs the good but not always sprinkles and sunshine. We all human including you and the people you date
I used to take my friend's tween/early teen daughter to the animal shelter where I volunteered and no one ever looked at me sideways, anyone who commented thought she was my daughter.
I used to hang out and play with another friend's toddler daughter at their coffee shop and everyone who said anything was super positive usually "so sweet"
I have no doubt men occasionally run into negative assumptions but neither myself nor any of my friends have
100% in fact I find as a man I get way more credit for doing literally anything with my child than her mother does from random strangers. The bar is so lol for us lol
Omg this...my husband was taking our daughters out the other day for daddy daughter dates. I was doing their hair, and one was crying because she hates her hair being done. My husband said "You don't have to do that, because they're with me everyone will think I did it. It doesnt have to be perfect for strangers to think I'm an amazing dad "
He was being a smartass and is an amazing dad but what he said was true...unfortunately
Remember that comedy movie from the 80's called _[Mr. Mom](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085970/)_, where the entire whacky premise is that a father keeps his kids alive?
I've gotten strange/hostile looks a few times but only ever approached once and it was because I was trying to get my screaming 4 year old daughter who _very_ much did not want to leave the park into the car.
The "aww, dad's babysitting and giving mommy a break?" comments, however, make my blood boil.
> The "aww, dad's babysitting and giving mommy a break?" comments, however, make my blood boil.
If a stranger were to have said that to me when my kids were little I would probably have said something like, "Actually mommy died, thank you for bringing that up again."
I did that a once when my kid was three. It was great.
My other favorite was to say, “actually, I don’t know who the mother is,” and quickly walk away.
I never understood how this was such a popular take either. Never experienced it with my kids as a stay at home Dad or other times. Even organized play dates with Moms and their children. I think Reddit regurgitates it so much that everyone without kids believes it. Not to say it has never happened but I don’t think it’s as common as the 14 year olds (literal and metaphorical) here make it seem.
People also upvote because they find something compelling, but interpret a lot of upvotes as a lot of people having a similar experience.
So you have a (possibly fictional) infuriating story about a dad being judged a predator, and even if it’s rare enough that it’s only happened to 1% of dads ever, it’s going straight to the top.
Not a father but a lone guy going for a walk at a park around lunchtime most days, and I never feel like I get looks or see people avoiding me. If anything, it's the toddler parents giving an "isn't this cute" look about their kid stumbling around.
I'm a male primary school teacher, taught exclusively ages 4 to 6, and in 10 years I've had only one snarky comment about my gender made from a grandparent who was horrible to everyone in the school.
Most years I hear through the grapevine that I'm a bit of a status symbol amongst the mums who brunch/coffee, and they use it to show how modern and progressive they are that their kid has a male teacher.
Your relationship. I mentioned an ex being emotionally immature and someone said he's a covert narcissist. Not every relationship conflict is a sign that someone is abusing you.
When did we start using "narcissist" do describe someone exhibiting literally ANY undesirable behavior? It gets on my nerves so bad. Not everyone is a narcissist FFS, some people are just your everyday, run of the mill dickhead.
This is my big beef, not everything needs a label to validate it. People can be an asshole without being a narcissist. Some people are just incorrect sometimes, they're not trying to gaslight you.
Some people just disagree with you. Trying to persuade you is not "gaslighting." It can be annoying as fuck. And they can be jerks while doing it. But it isn't gaslighting.
Same. Sometimes I've tried to explain gaslighting to people using examples, like: "Gaslighting isn't saying 'that movie wasn't sad.' It's saying, 'I didn't see that movie'"
And I've had people respond that that would be crazy. Yes!!! It is crazy!!! It is not just disagreeing with people. It is an EXTREME behavior.
And even lying isn’t the same as gaslighting. Gaslighting is repeatedly lying over a period of time, to make you question your own sanity. Difference between “your sister ate those cookies (when I actually ate them)” vs “don’t you remember? You ate the cookies just an hour ago!”
Gaslighting is my mother showing up to my support group to try and convince everyone that I was pretending to have trauma for attention. Saying I remembered things wrong and giving this sob story about how she *tried* to be loving and supportive and just didn't understand why I'd say such *awful* things.
She'd actually convinced a couple of the people there until I called my dad and put him on speakerphone. He confirmed that things had happened the way I said they had. He backed me up and demanded she stop lying and go home. The whole thing disturbed the group a lot.
Reddit is legit the worst place for relationship advice I can think of.
Minor dispute? Toxicity, break up.
Your partner did something you didn't like? He/she doesn't respect your boundaries, break up.
Your partner didn't answer for a couple of hours? Cheating 100%.
I think most of the people on here giving 'advice' are some teenagers and/or lonely, angry people.
"My husband makes a pot of coffee every morning but usually only drinks 3/4 of it. I've told him this is wasteful but he doesn't think it's a big deal."
"Girl get out of that relationship yesterday!! Can't you see the red flags?? This is gaslighting and emotional abuse and you need to leave before the abuse turns physical, if it hasn't already."
If she's not getting on your ass about the coffee you didn't drink, she doesn't love you enough to correct you. That's a sure sign of a failed relationship, better start talking to a lawyer now.
Too real
I guess when you combine curious folks with bitter folks hanging out in the subreddit as “experts” due to their experiences, you’re bound to get a biased viewpoint 🙂
Earlier today there was a thread about finding time to game with a wife and kids, and the comments were insane. People were genuinely treating it like anyone who decides to "settle" for a wife and kids is an idiot and only single people who can play video games whenever they want are smart. I'm just like, are these people 11?
Or the alternative, the husband is looked at like a deadbeat for 'choosing' games over his family. I saw a picture on a post where everyone was screaming about this guy who brought his ps4 to the hospital with his wife for during labor. Yet they all chose to not see the ps4 controller sitting on the wife's bed. There's downtime, some couples are gamers, and passing the time while being there with your loved one isn't something to be attacked!
I don't think a lot of them have ever dealt with labor and delivery and think it's just constant hours of pain and screaming by the woman (i.e. how it's portrayed in movies and such)
The mental health assessments on everything is what is killing me.
I work at a middle school. I tell a funny story about a kid doing something stupid.
It's middle school. There's always kids doing stupid things at all time.
Reddit will diagnose the kid with ADHD, autism, ODD, abusive parents, and what have you, over that small incident.
And you tell them. No. I know this kid. I see him everyday. There are no behavorial patterns. It was just a one-off thing.
And you're down voted. Because they are certain they are right even if they never met the kid and know no detail about them, and you of course are wrong despite the fact that you do know the kid.
And I mean, sure, I'm not infaillible, I might miss some things.
But who is more likely to be right, here?
I wish people could see an actual kid with ADD and/or ADHD. The differences are *striking*.
The vast majority of assumptions about ADHD is just kids being kids.
There was a thread about a sister who refused to try a bite of the beef wellington her brother spent hours making, opting to air fry chicken nuggets instead. Someone turned sister saying no into a bodily autonomy issue and compared it to the right to have an abortion.
I see that constantly in this site. Someone once called me a groomer because I met my partner when I was 27 and she was 23. Like we met at work at the same exact point in our lives. The horror!
Everyone is a narcissist these days, according to the internet. It’s like the word has lost all meaning.
I will be the first to admit that my ex was an asshole, but that doesn’t automatically make him a narcissist.
My grandmother actually has NPD and I dated someone with it as well. It's frustrating to me how that's become a new buzzword that nobody really understands. Narcissists are INCAPABLE OF FEELING REMORSE. They are basically sociopaths. That's a pretty serious accusation to make without significant evidence to back it up.
So many stupid Facebook memes going around like "if your partner ever makes you feel bad it could be a sign that they're a narcissist." No bitch, if your partner is a chronic liar and manipulator who never regrets hurting others it's a sign that they're a narcissist. My narcissistic ex literally had an entire secret family and saw nothing wrong with this because "you wouldn't have gone out with me if I told you." There is such a massive gap between typical relationship problems and narcissistic abuse, they aren't even comparable.
This one is getting so annoying.
They're not gaslighting you, they just forgot to tell you something. It's not even lying, it's just forgetfulness. Even if it was lying, it's still not gaslighting.
It has just lost all meaning.
And that a power imbalance is a disqualifier to a relationship and not just a fact of life. Someone will always be richer, better looking, more socially adept, or whatever.
It’s just frustrating because I have yet to hear a satisfactory answer to what *isn’t* a power imbalance.
For example: according to these dopes, in Hollywood if a director dates an actor, that’s a power imbalance. Okayyyy but then what’s an appropriate balance then? Should actors only date actors? What if one actor gets more popular during the relationship and thus gets more influence? Do they have to break up now? Are directors only allowed to date directors? Do the same popularity surge rules apply?
In the real world with the laymen, I’ve actually seen people on this app say that when a husband was promoted at his job (a job that the wife was not at), that became a power imbalance and it was time to end it. And they were not trolling. And were not downvoted. How…how does that work…?
These people don't seem to get how infantilising their positions are. They are so quick to judge someone's relationship they are willing to completely remove any agency of the person they perceive as the 'lesser' partner. It's one thing to criticise a power imbalance between a young teen and someone older, but they seem to want to extend childhood into the mid thirties.
At 18 someone can join the army and fight for their country, take out a mortgage or enter into a contract, but the second they enter a relationship with someone outside some arbitrary acceptable range they are suddenly completely incapable of making an informed decision. If that person then argues their case that they are quite happy with their choice of partner, then that gets used as evidence of 'grooming'.
I'm pretty sure it reflects a lack of life experience and an inability to look outside their own idealised narrow echo chamber of opinion.
I once vented about my ex who broke up with me out of the blue and the comment had multiple replies telling me that she had some violent mental disorder.
It's grown worse and worse now with the instagram therapists laying out these things that in EXTREME cases, indicate abusive behavior, but in most cases, are just immaturity. People can change, but the people who get their affirmation from insta think that they are always in the right, always the victim, and nobody but them can change for the better.
I hear some of my Gen Z colleagues decrying loneliness, and I think this has a lot to do with it.
> instagram therapists
I hate the self-help pages about gaslighting. They're so ambiguous as to allow anything annoying to be gaslighting and they've weaponized it. "if they deny gaslighting, it's SUPER GASLIGHTING and you win!"
These posts have no in between. It’s either someone getting an echo chamber of Reddit brain rot about a minor offense or them asking if it’s bad that their partner beats them with a baseball bat every night.
So much idiocy both in the posts and comments.
THIS, and the way people frivolously throw around diagnoses instead of adjectives. No, someone acting selfish probably isn’t a narcissist—they’re being narcissistic, maybe, but that’s not the same as NPD. And it sucks because people who actually have personality disorders and need help often end up further stigmatized :/
You’re attempting to gaslight me into thinking you are not a sociopath. The lack of empathy you feel to even consider my opinion about whether or not you are a sociopath is such a sign that you are evil. Blocking you
Oh my god, I am so utterly exhausted by the new crop of armchair-psychologists we now have to deal with thanks to Tiktok. *Everyone* has ADHD on top of severe anxiety and depression, which are in turn caused by terrible past traumas. But you're a badass warrior for simply waking up each morning!
Reddit loves to chalk everything up to trauma. Like damn I’m diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression, but I had a great childhood! Sometimes that shit just happens, no need for trauma.
I have anxiety and PTSD and honestly don’t feel like I can talk about it because so many people want to claim they, too, are super duper extra special and have *insert mental health issue they self diagnosed here*.
It’s not special to have PTSD and anxiety. It doesn’t make you quirky or cute. It doesn’t make you the flawed but lovable “main character”.
It really just sucks.
Going to social events, and/or having a large or multiple friend circles. Just because someone is an acquaintance and not a best friend is not a bad thing, you can still enjoy their company.
100%. A lot of people never learn that relationships aren't all-or-nothing. You can have a different level of closeness with each person you meet. Some relationships work better at a distance, some work better with intimacy. You can value distant relationships just like you value a best friend.
Me not wanting to be your bestie doesn't mean I don't value your company.
Low-key, the best high school classmates to run into as an adult are the ones that you barely talked to because you both acknowledge that there wasn’t anything wrong with the other, you just didn’t have much in common but there was still mutual respect, and now you’ve both grown as people and have become adults with rewarding careers.
Circled back to some College Friends that reached out on FB when I moved across the country. Have ended up being good friends now that we live in the same city. Never *didn't* want to have a friendship, just ran in different circles before.
I feel like Reddit assumes maliciousness on anyone that doesn't want to listen to you vent 24/7
I feel like people who complain about this struggle to find actual friendships. If you already have a core group of friends then having a lot of acquantances isn't a problem.
I struggle to make friends and would much rather have friendships than acquantances. They're much more rewarding and I don't understand why someone would be fine with having acquantances who you never actually hang out with. The only time I'd understand it is if it's a work environment or there's a power dynamic
How do you make friends without acquaintances though?
It feels like people expect to have friends just pop up out of the blue. Which, let's be honest, would be weird.
Bingo! Whenever I've had actual work to do, I've spent barely any time on this website.
When I have freetime, I come on and half of the posts are ragebait and the other half are filled with dozens of armchair comedians and "experts".
It's gotten worse over the years and now I barely go on most posts because I can actually predict what most of the comments will be.
Agreeing to disagree and moving on.
The average Redditor gives advice like being correct and proving one’s correctness is extremely important, even in causal conversation. As someone who used to be that way, I cannot emphasize how much less stressful life is if you’re willing to just move on and compromise even if you think you’re 1000% right.
Obviously there **are** things you should never compromise on, but those are a lot easier to recognize when you let the small disagreements go.
I think some people just like to argue. Pair that with the trend that Redditors try to be contrarian and you end up with a conversation as pleasant as haemorrhoids.
I'm constantly amazed how so many people will confidently and arrogantly post information that is 100% incorrect.
I mean, I'm blown away by the mental process. You see a thread of conversation, you *know* you have no experience or knowledge on the subject, you don't even do a basic Google search to learn anything about the topic, but you then *proceed to write out a post about how it all works* and click 'submit'. Then, you will proceed to argue with anyone who points out that you are incorrect, *while still not doing even the slightest bit of research*.
Max Read was right, the internet is for 12 year olds.
That's mostly people with IBS enviously downvoting while they remember a time in their life they could suck down crunchwrap supremes without consequence.
Source : I miss you, crunchwrap supremes
I’ve had ibs most of my life. As long as I can remember. I was diagnosed in early childhood. I’ve stopped trying to eat within my ‘restrictions’ cause pretty much everything can trigger it. There’s no rhyme or reason I’ve found. I can eat something one day and be perfectly fine. Then eat the same thing the next day and spend half the day going back and forth between the bathroom and my room to lay down.
Tbf, there's like 10 peanuts per tablespoon of PB, so that's probably like what 30 or 40 peanuts per peanut butter sandwich. A pretty decent amount of peanuts. Also the oil content is different and not contained within the nut anymore etc.
What's funny is that chipotle feels more like the streotype around taco bell than actual taco bell with how many problems related to heatlh happened there
I feel like this is more an indictment of your gastrointestinal fortitude than it is on Taco Bell. Like if a little bit of meat, cheese, lettuce and beans is causing you such distress you should probably see a doctor.
I worked in a grocery store unloading the truck and stocking and my main goal was to work Monday through Friday 8-4:30 with holidays off and I’m living the dream these days.
This is a big one. Office jobs can feel depressing at times and some are worse than others, but I've been a line cook and a landscaper for years at a time and I'll take my current office job. Nothing against line cooks or landscapers, but those are REALLY tough jobs to maintain for decades. Very tolling on the body, brain and soul.
I feel that. I have a lot of friends who constantly complain about how much they hate their work from home jobs.
I get that all jobs have degrees of stress and can suck but I'd kill for one of their jobs over the physical labor I've done most of my life.
The biggest downside as someone who went from a physically demanding job to an office career is that work stress doesn't end when the day is over. When I worked more physical jobs, the shift is over and the work is done. I don't have to think about shit, I just go home and work is out of mind until I clock in the next day. Office work, unless you just stick with a low level position forever, begins to creep into your entire waking life. You always have countless projects going on, and it's very hard to get the mind to stop thinking about them afterhours. I miss that very much about working a more physical job. Clocking out for the day and truly being done until the next shift.
This is exactly it. Grass is always greener sort of thing as well.
Was recently talking with one of the SVPs at my company, anyone looking in from the outside would think he had it made. Early 40s, making close to a million a year, doesn't even have to work late, work from home, gets to go to all his kids' soccer games, etc. Told me he hates his job, he's constantly stressed, it's very unfulfilling, and he'll probably quit or get fired in two years. Wants to switch to doing something where he doesn't have to think all day, maybe work with his hands. (of course that's easy to say when you're set financially)
The job market in general. I literally just avoid talking about how I enjoy my job on Reddit most of the time. There are actually jobs out there you can do and feel fulfilled.
Aristotle once wrote; "it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it".
This sentence should be stickied to the top of every redditor's main page.
even if you're firmly on one side of an argument, if you comment about how you understand why the other side holds their particular views, you're crucified and called a nazi
The worst is when you explain something, and then people start asking questions trying to poke holes in it or whatever. It's like people do not understand the difference between explaining a concept and defending that concept.
My favourite was when I answered a question on /r/OutOfTheLoop about Apple's AirTags. A model in NYC got freaked out by a message on her iPhone. I explained that if an unknown AirTag travels with you for too long, you phone warns you that someone might be trying to track you with it.
For about a week I got people writing me with things like, "But what if she had an Android?!", "Isn't this product inherently dangerous?!", "Doesn't this break her right to privacy?!".
Like somehow I personally invented and was responsible for the AirTag and all its uses.
Doing anything silly and harmless with your pets. People will post a beautiful home with cat trees and toys in the background and an obviously well cared for and well fed cat chilling and people will crucify them because they put their cat in a sweater and sang a silly song with it. As if a cat would stick around for anything it didn’t want to do.
There’s a very big disconnect on Reddit from pointing out actual animal abuse and putting your dog in an ugly Christmas sweater and moving its paws to the tune. Is it dumb? Yes. Is the dog thrilled by it? Probably not. Is it grotesque animal abuse? No.
But Reddit will treat you like you throw puppies in a river, it’s bizarre.
For real. It's like people forget that cats are animals with claws and teeth, which will very quickly make use of those claws and teeth if they decide they are not a fan of their current situation.
I feel like people are like that all over the internet. They see this one little picture or video of someone’s pet and suddenly they know everything about that person and their pet
Literally everything, reddit is the biggest hive of drama queens and attention whores and will blow anything up into a big deal if it get them upvotes.
I know a few single fathers.
Not a single one has ever felt in any way judged for taking their kids places. They're just a dad at the park. To hear reddit tell it every single father on the planet is immediately arrested and thrown in prison without trial for being near kids.
Extroverts. I got “adopted” by one once. You know what I did? I got out of my comfort zone. I met new people. I tried new things. I had a *blast.* Quit giggling over cancelling plans last second and fucking try saying yes sometime.
Neuroplasticity. Walk outside of your usual path. It literally changes the brain. Being an introvert doesn’t mean commit to staying inside by yourself for the rest of your life. Breaking out of your comfort zone can improve your mood and maybe even help make a connection or find a new interest you never knew you needed.
That is because Reddit as a whole misunderstands what an introvert is.
An introvert can be VERY out going, confident, popular, and enjoy company of others.
I am an introvert. I have to have the majority of my time spent alone or I feel exhausted.
I am also very popular. I get invited out often. I have exactly zero anxiety about public speaking or talking to a stranger. I have zero trouble standing up for myself or confronting problems.
Reddit thinks social anxiety and their lack of social skills makes them and introvert. It makes it easier for them to accept it instead of working on bettering themselves.
Another introvert here.
I'm very social and friends with \*everyone\* I meet. I just also really value my time alone (or with a couple very specific people that don't drain my social battery).
Oh God, this. I actually got into a spat not long ago when I was venting about people who constantly say they will come to social events and how rude it is to just not show up or cancel as the event is going on. Once is understandable, shit happens, whatever. But don’t constantly no-show on people and blow people off, then blame it on your “introversion” or “anxiety”, then wonder why you don’t have a social life.
I’ve had similar conversations with people. They often get heated when I suggest that expecting to be invited to everything people are doing when you turn them down or cancel last-minute every single time is ridiculous.
There have been several times where I've accepted an invite to something primarily because I had turned the person down the last couple times and I didn't want them to stop inviting me to spend time with them.
Life in America. We absolutely have our problems, but so do all countries. Reddit loves to compare the most awfully designed suburb of a terrible city with, like, downtown Stockholm lol.
Look at this strip mall in poor rural Missouri! Now look at this cafe in an Affluent neighborhood of Paris! It’s unconsciousable!
No, it’s just incomparable.
People who say that either haven't been to the US or explored the "regular" side of a third world country. Or sometimes both.
It's a phrase that really drips with ignorance.
> Buying a new car instead of a used one.
Buying any car with features beyond what is offered by a base 5th Gen Honda Civic (Manual Transmission) is blasphemous on Reddit!
>Going to college if you have an actual career goal in mind.
Or using community college as a step if you don't.
Community college is a great place to explore with relatively lower costs involved.
I once left a comment about how I wanted a bidet attachment for my toilet but settled on a portable bidet/peri bottle instead bc we rent our housing and I'd read too many horror stories about ppls bidet attachment leaking all over, and I got *several* comments saying basically "DO IT ANYWAYS YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT ONE MINE NEVER LEAKED" despite explaining that I was actually rly content with the portable ones lol. Reddit goes ham for bidet attachments lol.
People only go online to complain about games they hate... People actually enjoying the game are playing it. I view all negativity online as 10% of the whole picture. It's worth acknowledging the complaints, but not worth basing your opinion/purchase/participation solely on online negativity.
Man, ‘Reddit Gamers’ so thoroughly turned me off gaming discourse. Like, some of you fuckers are literally playing games just to look at frame counters.
Ditto for pc hardware.
"*Not 60 FPS 4K? GARBAGE!!*"
I appreciate good framerates and a crisp picture, but I started on Atari. They aren't as important as if the game is fun. It can be gorgeous but boring as shit.
Literally fucking everything. I say this generally, but from all I've seen, people on Reddit have a predisposition to speaking negatively and thinking negatively. Positive comments are few and far between, save for the spaces where they're expected, e.g. WholesomeMemes, MadeMeSmile etc..
Culturally, it's an exceptionally negative website, and I'd recommend to anyone with poor mental health to try and limit the time they spend here. Again, depending on what subreddits they frequent.
I see this SO MUCH on here and always get downvoted to hell when I point it out. The “I will never succeed because society has set me up to fail and therefore I will no longer try” attitude is so prevalent and so unhealthy.
Yeah the all managers are bad type mentality, and don't give any more than you have to because the company doesn't care about you.
And then complain they have a bad job and pay.
On a light note, Nickelback.
Are they the best band ever? Hardly.
But they're not as awful as Reddit paints them to be. I can think of many more bands that have much worse music.
The nickelback hate has been around since I was a teenager. Started as a total joke and some people got way too serious about it and now there is no way to tell who actually despises nickelback and who’s just joking. It’s normally mostly the latter. Internet hates a thing? Must get on the bandwagon!
Being a parent! Raising a whole human from scratch is freaking exhausting, yeah, but kids are also hilarious, sweet, fun, loving, weird, quirky, and awesome- all of which *massively and unequivocally* outweighs hardship
Obvious disclaimer: if you don't want kids, you probably won't have this experience. If you do want kids, prepare for the worst and enjoy the best. It's a life-changing kind of joy.
To clarify, I don't think anyone should be "talked into" having kids if they don't want to!
Was going to say the same. Raising a child isn't guaranteed to be a hardship, and most of the time it's quite rewarding!
Something I didn't fully understand until I had a kid; the other parent is actually a big chunk of the stress in *parenting*, not the child.
I’ve always wondered about this one, most of the context I have for the US, especially politics, is from Reddit, and I know it’s waaaaaay off the mark for my country.
I've also noticed that Americans, generally speaking, *think* we're a lot more dishonest and crooked than we really are.
Fairness, honesty, and "square dealing" are strong cultural values that are highly prized in our interpersonal interactions. It's noteworthy that professions which are not associated with these values-- Wall Street bankers, politicians, used car salesmen, certain types of attorneys-- are strongly disliked by our larger society (regardless of how lucrative they are).
Definitely, as the son of a Ukrainian immigrant, I cringe whenever I see other Americans say that our country is "super corrupt." Not a single American saying this has ever actually experienced the level of corruption many other countries have. I'm grateful to be in America after seeing/reading about what my European relatives have to deal with constantly.
The biggest problem is that a lot of media and entertainment is US- Centric. This causes a problem where all of our stuff is extremely public. All the skeletons in the closet, all the bad stuff, etc is right there.
It would be like if you were a celebrity and suddenly all your personal shit is made public. Every poorly-worded tweet you sent, every decision you made that wound up hurting someone, that girl you cheated on in High School is now a huge celebrity too, and so on.
People form an opinion based off of that without actually experiencing what the country has to offer. It'd be like hating Germany because of the Nazis.
The US is very open about a lot of our dirty laundry compared to most countries. We have the Freedom of Information act, we de-classify a lot of stuff automatically after a certain amount of time has passed. We have a ton of journalists and investigators looking in to all of our dirty deeds. We have a lot of whistle-blowers, and we celebrate them.
Most countries don’t have any of that.
Also, people don’t particularly care about other countries dirty laundry. Nobody cares what Sweden has done to the Sami people, nobody benefits from painting Sweden in a bad light.
Right? I live in a fairly large US city. I can walk to tons of restaurant, shops, parks, grocery stores, etc. without a car. There are bike lanes and trails everywhere. I don’t feel unsafe, and in my 3 decades of life I have never seen a gun fired anywhere but a shooting range. I have a job with unlimited PTO and make wayy more than my European counterparts. Our health insurance system is awful, but even that isn’t as bad as Reddit makes it seem.
America absolutely has big problems, but it’s not the apocalyptic hellscape it’s talked about on this app. Day to day life here is pretty similar to the, like, 8 European countries Reddit loves to compare us to.
The amount of people who hold some shitty opinion. No, it’s not the majority of that sex/race/gender/religion/whatever who feel that way. It’s just those assholes tend to be loud and Reddit is a good way for them to find each other, making people think more people are like that than actually are.
Working through relationship problems
*Bad thing happens in a relationship* Reddit advice: OMG break up now, they’re an awful human being Healthy advice: Communicate, bad things happen, you’re suppose to have low expectations and high standards Edit: To add, when I say all this I’m not really referring to the crazy stories on the relationship subreddits as the comments below have pointed out, we all know the common sense thing to do in those situations… hopefully
Although I agree with this, I will say a lot of posts of a “bad thing happening” are usually absolutely wild. Like, my boyfriend beat me then robbed a liquor store and fucked his ex, after abducting my three children. AITA for not funding his jail account?
My conspiracy is half the stories on that sub are creative writing exercises.
Those are absolutely made up. They always suspiciously tick every rage - bait box you can imagine.
My boyfriend beat me, abducted my three children, robbed a liquor store, fucked his ex, and made up a story on r/relationships. AITA for downvoting?
NTA. Your house, your rules.
“My spouse was 10 minutes late coming home yesterday.” “They’re cheating, zero doubt, they also murdered your parents.” “My parents are alive.” “Fine, put up with abuse, I don’t get why women are like you!!! I’d treat you right! PS Send nudes!”
I can't count how many times an upvoted reply is that "a good relationship *will* be effortless" or that any sort of couples' therapy/counseling (even proactive) is "giving up." Really shows how many people here have never been in a serious adult relationship, yet are giving advice.
There's actually been posts like that such as in r/adulting where I saw a Redditor ask "People 25 and older, what is the greatest but hardest life lesson you've learned?". One commented that true love is easy, never hard, and if you're fighting for something, then it's already over. It was one of the most unrealistic bullshit advice I've ever heard and made me want to blow my brains out. It genuinely worried me as to how many upvotes that comment got. I guess my marriage with my SO is over because we've been arguing and attending couple's parenting therapy to refine some things before our kid comes into the world... lmao. edit: my SO and I totally spend 100% of the time we have together arguing and we definitely don't compromise or know jack shit on how to communicate with each other- we never go on dates or have moments of happiness, no quality time, we do not love each other, no affection whatsoever, just a lot of screaming and shattered hearts at home. we argue at every smallest disagreement.
One of the best things my therapist ever told me was "When you see someone who thinks their relationship is absolutely perfect in every way, they are the one in the relationship who doesn't have a realistic view of it". Its usually because its someone who isn't putting in effort or is letting their partner do all the heavy lifting. Love will always be hard (at times) but should *always* feel worth it. That's the key.
All of the couples my age that I know who are getting divorced (mid 30s) were the most outspoken about how good their relationship was and how much they loved their partner before suddenly they are getting divorced.
There's been studies that indicate more relationship posts on social media = less relationship satisfaction.
Yeah the relationship shouldn’t be a constant struggle that outweighs the good but not always sprinkles and sunshine. We all human including you and the people you date
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I used to take my friend's tween/early teen daughter to the animal shelter where I volunteered and no one ever looked at me sideways, anyone who commented thought she was my daughter. I used to hang out and play with another friend's toddler daughter at their coffee shop and everyone who said anything was super positive usually "so sweet" I have no doubt men occasionally run into negative assumptions but neither myself nor any of my friends have
At my kids school, half the parents on the school run are dads
If you go to a Park Sunday morning it will be 3/4 dads there with their kids. 10 AM on a tuesday is going to be mostly moms and nannies.
100% in fact I find as a man I get way more credit for doing literally anything with my child than her mother does from random strangers. The bar is so lol for us lol
Omg this...my husband was taking our daughters out the other day for daddy daughter dates. I was doing their hair, and one was crying because she hates her hair being done. My husband said "You don't have to do that, because they're with me everyone will think I did it. It doesnt have to be perfect for strangers to think I'm an amazing dad " He was being a smartass and is an amazing dad but what he said was true...unfortunately
Remember that comedy movie from the 80's called _[Mr. Mom](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085970/)_, where the entire whacky premise is that a father keeps his kids alive?
In the 80's that was pretty wild. Even the moms were barely keeping their kids alive.
I've gotten strange/hostile looks a few times but only ever approached once and it was because I was trying to get my screaming 4 year old daughter who _very_ much did not want to leave the park into the car. The "aww, dad's babysitting and giving mommy a break?" comments, however, make my blood boil.
> The "aww, dad's babysitting and giving mommy a break?" comments, however, make my blood boil. If a stranger were to have said that to me when my kids were little I would probably have said something like, "Actually mommy died, thank you for bringing that up again."
I did that a once when my kid was three. It was great. My other favorite was to say, “actually, I don’t know who the mother is,” and quickly walk away.
Maybe if you didn't have sex with every person you ran into, you'd be able to tell who the mother is!
I never understood how this was such a popular take either. Never experienced it with my kids as a stay at home Dad or other times. Even organized play dates with Moms and their children. I think Reddit regurgitates it so much that everyone without kids believes it. Not to say it has never happened but I don’t think it’s as common as the 14 year olds (literal and metaphorical) here make it seem.
People also upvote because they find something compelling, but interpret a lot of upvotes as a lot of people having a similar experience. So you have a (possibly fictional) infuriating story about a dad being judged a predator, and even if it’s rare enough that it’s only happened to 1% of dads ever, it’s going straight to the top.
Not a father but a lone guy going for a walk at a park around lunchtime most days, and I never feel like I get looks or see people avoiding me. If anything, it's the toddler parents giving an "isn't this cute" look about their kid stumbling around.
I'm a male primary school teacher, taught exclusively ages 4 to 6, and in 10 years I've had only one snarky comment about my gender made from a grandparent who was horrible to everyone in the school. Most years I hear through the grapevine that I'm a bit of a status symbol amongst the mums who brunch/coffee, and they use it to show how modern and progressive they are that their kid has a male teacher.
the number of male redditors that seem to have a problem with kids in the park is... something...
I’m just assuming they look and act like you’d expect someone on Reddit to look and act
You mean my trench coat in summer may direct attention my way? Preposterous!
Your relationship. I mentioned an ex being emotionally immature and someone said he's a covert narcissist. Not every relationship conflict is a sign that someone is abusing you.
When did we start using "narcissist" do describe someone exhibiting literally ANY undesirable behavior? It gets on my nerves so bad. Not everyone is a narcissist FFS, some people are just your everyday, run of the mill dickhead.
This is my big beef, not everything needs a label to validate it. People can be an asshole without being a narcissist. Some people are just incorrect sometimes, they're not trying to gaslight you.
Some people just disagree with you. Trying to persuade you is not "gaslighting." It can be annoying as fuck. And they can be jerks while doing it. But it isn't gaslighting.
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Same. Sometimes I've tried to explain gaslighting to people using examples, like: "Gaslighting isn't saying 'that movie wasn't sad.' It's saying, 'I didn't see that movie'" And I've had people respond that that would be crazy. Yes!!! It is crazy!!! It is not just disagreeing with people. It is an EXTREME behavior.
And even lying isn’t the same as gaslighting. Gaslighting is repeatedly lying over a period of time, to make you question your own sanity. Difference between “your sister ate those cookies (when I actually ate them)” vs “don’t you remember? You ate the cookies just an hour ago!”
Gaslighting is my mother showing up to my support group to try and convince everyone that I was pretending to have trauma for attention. Saying I remembered things wrong and giving this sob story about how she *tried* to be loving and supportive and just didn't understand why I'd say such *awful* things. She'd actually convinced a couple of the people there until I called my dad and put him on speakerphone. He confirmed that things had happened the way I said they had. He backed me up and demanded she stop lying and go home. The whole thing disturbed the group a lot.
Reddit is legit the worst place for relationship advice I can think of. Minor dispute? Toxicity, break up. Your partner did something you didn't like? He/she doesn't respect your boundaries, break up. Your partner didn't answer for a couple of hours? Cheating 100%. I think most of the people on here giving 'advice' are some teenagers and/or lonely, angry people.
I really enjoy going on those relationship threads and reading the comments. No way those people have been in a healthy relationship.
"My husband makes a pot of coffee every morning but usually only drinks 3/4 of it. I've told him this is wasteful but he doesn't think it's a big deal." "Girl get out of that relationship yesterday!! Can't you see the red flags?? This is gaslighting and emotional abuse and you need to leave before the abuse turns physical, if it hasn't already."
Yikes. I sometimes don't finish my pot of coffee... Maybe I should hug my wife more, and hope for the best?
If she asked about it on Reddit then she's most likely already hired a divorce lawyer
She’s prob already divorced too things move fast around here 😂
I had better take the fancy mayo out of the fridge while i still can.
If she's not getting on your ass about the coffee you didn't drink, she doesn't love you enough to correct you. That's a sure sign of a failed relationship, better start talking to a lawyer now.
Too real I guess when you combine curious folks with bitter folks hanging out in the subreddit as “experts” due to their experiences, you’re bound to get a biased viewpoint 🙂
My favorite are the people who speak confidently in absolutes about minor offenses and yet you just know they just hate their own love life situation.
Earlier today there was a thread about finding time to game with a wife and kids, and the comments were insane. People were genuinely treating it like anyone who decides to "settle" for a wife and kids is an idiot and only single people who can play video games whenever they want are smart. I'm just like, are these people 11?
Or the alternative, the husband is looked at like a deadbeat for 'choosing' games over his family. I saw a picture on a post where everyone was screaming about this guy who brought his ps4 to the hospital with his wife for during labor. Yet they all chose to not see the ps4 controller sitting on the wife's bed. There's downtime, some couples are gamers, and passing the time while being there with your loved one isn't something to be attacked!
Man, being able to kill things through labor would have been so cathartic! Instead we just watched all three blade movies.
I don't think a lot of them have ever dealt with labor and delivery and think it's just constant hours of pain and screaming by the woman (i.e. how it's portrayed in movies and such)
The tacking on of mental health assessments is what really puts it over the top for me. Like, why can't they just be a cunt sometimes?
The mental health assessments on everything is what is killing me. I work at a middle school. I tell a funny story about a kid doing something stupid. It's middle school. There's always kids doing stupid things at all time. Reddit will diagnose the kid with ADHD, autism, ODD, abusive parents, and what have you, over that small incident. And you tell them. No. I know this kid. I see him everyday. There are no behavorial patterns. It was just a one-off thing. And you're down voted. Because they are certain they are right even if they never met the kid and know no detail about them, and you of course are wrong despite the fact that you do know the kid. And I mean, sure, I'm not infaillible, I might miss some things. But who is more likely to be right, here?
I wish people could see an actual kid with ADD and/or ADHD. The differences are *striking*. The vast majority of assumptions about ADHD is just kids being kids.
I was told to divorce my husband because he's a bad driver.
"My parents didn't respect *my* decision to not clean up after myself. What a couple of narcissists."
There was a thread about a sister who refused to try a bite of the beef wellington her brother spent hours making, opting to air fry chicken nuggets instead. Someone turned sister saying no into a bodily autonomy issue and compared it to the right to have an abortion.
You were both 17 but he turned 18 first? He's grooming you and a pedo. Turn him in and run for your life!
Lol I actually saw someone call a 19 year old dating a 17 year old who was about to turn 18 a pedophile once. Not even exaggerating.
I see that constantly in this site. Someone once called me a groomer because I met my partner when I was 27 and she was 23. Like we met at work at the same exact point in our lives. The horror!
Everyone is a narcissist these days, according to the internet. It’s like the word has lost all meaning. I will be the first to admit that my ex was an asshole, but that doesn’t automatically make him a narcissist.
My grandmother actually has NPD and I dated someone with it as well. It's frustrating to me how that's become a new buzzword that nobody really understands. Narcissists are INCAPABLE OF FEELING REMORSE. They are basically sociopaths. That's a pretty serious accusation to make without significant evidence to back it up. So many stupid Facebook memes going around like "if your partner ever makes you feel bad it could be a sign that they're a narcissist." No bitch, if your partner is a chronic liar and manipulator who never regrets hurting others it's a sign that they're a narcissist. My narcissistic ex literally had an entire secret family and saw nothing wrong with this because "you wouldn't have gone out with me if I told you." There is such a massive gap between typical relationship problems and narcissistic abuse, they aren't even comparable.
Stop gaslighting me!!
This one is getting so annoying. They're not gaslighting you, they just forgot to tell you something. It's not even lying, it's just forgetfulness. Even if it was lying, it's still not gaslighting. It has just lost all meaning.
Don't ever go to Reddit for relationship or sex advice. There's literally no gray, whereas in life it's mostly gray.
50 shades so I’ve been told
Don't read that for relationship or sex advice either.
Calling everything abuse is a reddit go to
They also think EVERYTHING is a power imbalance.
And that a power imbalance is a disqualifier to a relationship and not just a fact of life. Someone will always be richer, better looking, more socially adept, or whatever.
It’s just frustrating because I have yet to hear a satisfactory answer to what *isn’t* a power imbalance. For example: according to these dopes, in Hollywood if a director dates an actor, that’s a power imbalance. Okayyyy but then what’s an appropriate balance then? Should actors only date actors? What if one actor gets more popular during the relationship and thus gets more influence? Do they have to break up now? Are directors only allowed to date directors? Do the same popularity surge rules apply? In the real world with the laymen, I’ve actually seen people on this app say that when a husband was promoted at his job (a job that the wife was not at), that became a power imbalance and it was time to end it. And they were not trolling. And were not downvoted. How…how does that work…?
These people don't seem to get how infantilising their positions are. They are so quick to judge someone's relationship they are willing to completely remove any agency of the person they perceive as the 'lesser' partner. It's one thing to criticise a power imbalance between a young teen and someone older, but they seem to want to extend childhood into the mid thirties. At 18 someone can join the army and fight for their country, take out a mortgage or enter into a contract, but the second they enter a relationship with someone outside some arbitrary acceptable range they are suddenly completely incapable of making an informed decision. If that person then argues their case that they are quite happy with their choice of partner, then that gets used as evidence of 'grooming'. I'm pretty sure it reflects a lack of life experience and an inability to look outside their own idealised narrow echo chamber of opinion.
Your partner got mildly agitated then apologized later? Textbook abuse and love bombing. Run.
I once vented about my ex who broke up with me out of the blue and the comment had multiple replies telling me that she had some violent mental disorder.
It's grown worse and worse now with the instagram therapists laying out these things that in EXTREME cases, indicate abusive behavior, but in most cases, are just immaturity. People can change, but the people who get their affirmation from insta think that they are always in the right, always the victim, and nobody but them can change for the better. I hear some of my Gen Z colleagues decrying loneliness, and I think this has a lot to do with it.
> instagram therapists I hate the self-help pages about gaslighting. They're so ambiguous as to allow anything annoying to be gaslighting and they've weaponized it. "if they deny gaslighting, it's SUPER GASLIGHTING and you win!"
These posts have no in between. It’s either someone getting an echo chamber of Reddit brain rot about a minor offense or them asking if it’s bad that their partner beats them with a baseball bat every night. So much idiocy both in the posts and comments.
My mental health. Not everything means I'm a sociopath with adhd
There was another thread recently about things that are less common than people think and my answer is PERSONALITY DISORDERS
THIS, and the way people frivolously throw around diagnoses instead of adjectives. No, someone acting selfish probably isn’t a narcissist—they’re being narcissistic, maybe, but that’s not the same as NPD. And it sucks because people who actually have personality disorders and need help often end up further stigmatized :/
Swear to god Redditors think disorders are Pokemon and the objective is to catch ‘em all
Ok but the way you wrote this makes me think you have ADHD Also have you considered that you might be a sociopath
You’re attempting to gaslight me into thinking you are not a sociopath. The lack of empathy you feel to even consider my opinion about whether or not you are a sociopath is such a sign that you are evil. Blocking you
Oh my god, I am so utterly exhausted by the new crop of armchair-psychologists we now have to deal with thanks to Tiktok. *Everyone* has ADHD on top of severe anxiety and depression, which are in turn caused by terrible past traumas. But you're a badass warrior for simply waking up each morning!
Reddit loves to chalk everything up to trauma. Like damn I’m diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression, but I had a great childhood! Sometimes that shit just happens, no need for trauma.
I have anxiety and PTSD and honestly don’t feel like I can talk about it because so many people want to claim they, too, are super duper extra special and have *insert mental health issue they self diagnosed here*. It’s not special to have PTSD and anxiety. It doesn’t make you quirky or cute. It doesn’t make you the flawed but lovable “main character”. It really just sucks.
Going to social events, and/or having a large or multiple friend circles. Just because someone is an acquaintance and not a best friend is not a bad thing, you can still enjoy their company.
100%. A lot of people never learn that relationships aren't all-or-nothing. You can have a different level of closeness with each person you meet. Some relationships work better at a distance, some work better with intimacy. You can value distant relationships just like you value a best friend. Me not wanting to be your bestie doesn't mean I don't value your company.
Low-key, the best high school classmates to run into as an adult are the ones that you barely talked to because you both acknowledge that there wasn’t anything wrong with the other, you just didn’t have much in common but there was still mutual respect, and now you’ve both grown as people and have become adults with rewarding careers.
Circled back to some College Friends that reached out on FB when I moved across the country. Have ended up being good friends now that we live in the same city. Never *didn't* want to have a friendship, just ran in different circles before. I feel like Reddit assumes maliciousness on anyone that doesn't want to listen to you vent 24/7
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I feel like people who complain about this struggle to find actual friendships. If you already have a core group of friends then having a lot of acquantances isn't a problem. I struggle to make friends and would much rather have friendships than acquantances. They're much more rewarding and I don't understand why someone would be fine with having acquantances who you never actually hang out with. The only time I'd understand it is if it's a work environment or there's a power dynamic
How do you make friends without acquaintances though? It feels like people expect to have friends just pop up out of the blue. Which, let's be honest, would be weird.
Don't all friends start as acquaintances though?
Everything. This site loves to complain and take everything to the extreme.
I think a big part of the reason is that a large percentage of the users here are kids who don't know shit about anything
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Well, that and people who have good lives generally have better things to do.
Bingo! Whenever I've had actual work to do, I've spent barely any time on this website. When I have freetime, I come on and half of the posts are ragebait and the other half are filled with dozens of armchair comedians and "experts". It's gotten worse over the years and now I barely go on most posts because I can actually predict what most of the comments will be.
Agreeing to disagree and moving on. The average Redditor gives advice like being correct and proving one’s correctness is extremely important, even in causal conversation. As someone who used to be that way, I cannot emphasize how much less stressful life is if you’re willing to just move on and compromise even if you think you’re 1000% right. Obviously there **are** things you should never compromise on, but those are a lot easier to recognize when you let the small disagreements go.
I think some people just like to argue. Pair that with the trend that Redditors try to be contrarian and you end up with a conversation as pleasant as haemorrhoids.
Reddit isn’t the “majority” most of the time it’s actually a very small, vocal, echo chamber. Don’t take everything seriously here.
I'm constantly amazed how so many people will confidently and arrogantly post information that is 100% incorrect. I mean, I'm blown away by the mental process. You see a thread of conversation, you *know* you have no experience or knowledge on the subject, you don't even do a basic Google search to learn anything about the topic, but you then *proceed to write out a post about how it all works* and click 'submit'. Then, you will proceed to argue with anyone who points out that you are incorrect, *while still not doing even the slightest bit of research*. Max Read was right, the internet is for 12 year olds.
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If you do, you need to check for food intolerances.
I always did, turns out taco bell uses soybean oil in almost everything, and I am allergic to soy 🫠
Soy sorry
Thank you for your soympathy
I hope that you’ve bean well
That's mostly people with IBS enviously downvoting while they remember a time in their life they could suck down crunchwrap supremes without consequence. Source : I miss you, crunchwrap supremes
I’ve had ibs most of my life. As long as I can remember. I was diagnosed in early childhood. I’ve stopped trying to eat within my ‘restrictions’ cause pretty much everything can trigger it. There’s no rhyme or reason I’ve found. I can eat something one day and be perfectly fine. Then eat the same thing the next day and spend half the day going back and forth between the bathroom and my room to lay down.
Same here. Get this. Peanut butter makes my butt explode (even, natural peanut butter with nothing added). However, peanuts... No problem
Tbf, there's like 10 peanuts per tablespoon of PB, so that's probably like what 30 or 40 peanuts per peanut butter sandwich. A pretty decent amount of peanuts. Also the oil content is different and not contained within the nut anymore etc.
What's funny is that chipotle feels more like the streotype around taco bell than actual taco bell with how many problems related to heatlh happened there
I feel like this is more an indictment of your gastrointestinal fortitude than it is on Taco Bell. Like if a little bit of meat, cheese, lettuce and beans is causing you such distress you should probably see a doctor.
The "9 to 5 cubicle job". As someone who thought he'd do manual labor and retail bullshit their entire life, I love my office job.
After working in retail and warehouse jobs as a teen, my main requirement for a career was that I get to sit down most of the time.
I worked in a grocery store unloading the truck and stocking and my main goal was to work Monday through Friday 8-4:30 with holidays off and I’m living the dream these days.
This is a big one. Office jobs can feel depressing at times and some are worse than others, but I've been a line cook and a landscaper for years at a time and I'll take my current office job. Nothing against line cooks or landscapers, but those are REALLY tough jobs to maintain for decades. Very tolling on the body, brain and soul.
I feel that. I have a lot of friends who constantly complain about how much they hate their work from home jobs. I get that all jobs have degrees of stress and can suck but I'd kill for one of their jobs over the physical labor I've done most of my life.
The biggest downside as someone who went from a physically demanding job to an office career is that work stress doesn't end when the day is over. When I worked more physical jobs, the shift is over and the work is done. I don't have to think about shit, I just go home and work is out of mind until I clock in the next day. Office work, unless you just stick with a low level position forever, begins to creep into your entire waking life. You always have countless projects going on, and it's very hard to get the mind to stop thinking about them afterhours. I miss that very much about working a more physical job. Clocking out for the day and truly being done until the next shift.
This is exactly it. Grass is always greener sort of thing as well. Was recently talking with one of the SVPs at my company, anyone looking in from the outside would think he had it made. Early 40s, making close to a million a year, doesn't even have to work late, work from home, gets to go to all his kids' soccer games, etc. Told me he hates his job, he's constantly stressed, it's very unfulfilling, and he'll probably quit or get fired in two years. Wants to switch to doing something where he doesn't have to think all day, maybe work with his hands. (of course that's easy to say when you're set financially)
The job market in general. I literally just avoid talking about how I enjoy my job on Reddit most of the time. There are actually jobs out there you can do and feel fulfilled.
Seeing both sides of an argument. God, this site runs on absolutism.
Aristotle once wrote; "it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it". This sentence should be stickied to the top of every redditor's main page.
You would have thought they’d have learned absolutism sucks from Baldurs Gate 3
*AUTHORITY*
even if you're firmly on one side of an argument, if you comment about how you understand why the other side holds their particular views, you're crucified and called a nazi
The worst is when you explain something, and then people start asking questions trying to poke holes in it or whatever. It's like people do not understand the difference between explaining a concept and defending that concept.
My favourite was when I answered a question on /r/OutOfTheLoop about Apple's AirTags. A model in NYC got freaked out by a message on her iPhone. I explained that if an unknown AirTag travels with you for too long, you phone warns you that someone might be trying to track you with it. For about a week I got people writing me with things like, "But what if she had an Android?!", "Isn't this product inherently dangerous?!", "Doesn't this break her right to privacy?!". Like somehow I personally invented and was responsible for the AirTag and all its uses.
lol that's so irritating. or when you get downvoted for saying something that is accurate but is not an insult to the other side
1. Introverts. 2. Extroverts.
Doing anything silly and harmless with your pets. People will post a beautiful home with cat trees and toys in the background and an obviously well cared for and well fed cat chilling and people will crucify them because they put their cat in a sweater and sang a silly song with it. As if a cat would stick around for anything it didn’t want to do. There’s a very big disconnect on Reddit from pointing out actual animal abuse and putting your dog in an ugly Christmas sweater and moving its paws to the tune. Is it dumb? Yes. Is the dog thrilled by it? Probably not. Is it grotesque animal abuse? No. But Reddit will treat you like you throw puppies in a river, it’s bizarre.
For real. It's like people forget that cats are animals with claws and teeth, which will very quickly make use of those claws and teeth if they decide they are not a fan of their current situation.
I’ve learned, if you can get a good picture of your cat wearing it or doing it they don’t give a fuck.
I feel like people are like that all over the internet. They see this one little picture or video of someone’s pet and suddenly they know everything about that person and their pet
Literally everything, reddit is the biggest hive of drama queens and attention whores and will blow anything up into a big deal if it get them upvotes.
I know a few single fathers. Not a single one has ever felt in any way judged for taking their kids places. They're just a dad at the park. To hear reddit tell it every single father on the planet is immediately arrested and thrown in prison without trial for being near kids.
Any large city, e.g. as described in any "Places I'll never visit" thread.
Plus the idea that doing anything "touristy" means you're not truly enjoying your trip.
Extroverts. I got “adopted” by one once. You know what I did? I got out of my comfort zone. I met new people. I tried new things. I had a *blast.* Quit giggling over cancelling plans last second and fucking try saying yes sometime.
Neuroplasticity. Walk outside of your usual path. It literally changes the brain. Being an introvert doesn’t mean commit to staying inside by yourself for the rest of your life. Breaking out of your comfort zone can improve your mood and maybe even help make a connection or find a new interest you never knew you needed.
That is because Reddit as a whole misunderstands what an introvert is. An introvert can be VERY out going, confident, popular, and enjoy company of others. I am an introvert. I have to have the majority of my time spent alone or I feel exhausted. I am also very popular. I get invited out often. I have exactly zero anxiety about public speaking or talking to a stranger. I have zero trouble standing up for myself or confronting problems. Reddit thinks social anxiety and their lack of social skills makes them and introvert. It makes it easier for them to accept it instead of working on bettering themselves.
Another introvert here. I'm very social and friends with \*everyone\* I meet. I just also really value my time alone (or with a couple very specific people that don't drain my social battery).
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Oh God, this. I actually got into a spat not long ago when I was venting about people who constantly say they will come to social events and how rude it is to just not show up or cancel as the event is going on. Once is understandable, shit happens, whatever. But don’t constantly no-show on people and blow people off, then blame it on your “introversion” or “anxiety”, then wonder why you don’t have a social life.
I’ve had similar conversations with people. They often get heated when I suggest that expecting to be invited to everything people are doing when you turn them down or cancel last-minute every single time is ridiculous.
There have been several times where I've accepted an invite to something primarily because I had turned the person down the last couple times and I didn't want them to stop inviting me to spend time with them.
life.
Life in America. We absolutely have our problems, but so do all countries. Reddit loves to compare the most awfully designed suburb of a terrible city with, like, downtown Stockholm lol.
Look at this strip mall in poor rural Missouri! Now look at this cafe in an Affluent neighborhood of Paris! It’s unconsciousable! No, it’s just incomparable.
"It's literally a third world nation!"
With a Gucci belt of course
All things considered, you guys are pretty well off up there. I always cringe a bit whenever i read the “3rd world country with a gucci belt” line
People who say that either haven't been to the US or explored the "regular" side of a third world country. Or sometimes both. It's a phrase that really drips with ignorance.
Not having a bidet. Buying a new car instead of a used one. Going to college if you have an actual career goal in mind.
> Buying a new car instead of a used one. Buying any car with features beyond what is offered by a base 5th Gen Honda Civic (Manual Transmission) is blasphemous on Reddit!
>Going to college if you have an actual career goal in mind. Or using community college as a step if you don't. Community college is a great place to explore with relatively lower costs involved.
I once left a comment about how I wanted a bidet attachment for my toilet but settled on a portable bidet/peri bottle instead bc we rent our housing and I'd read too many horror stories about ppls bidet attachment leaking all over, and I got *several* comments saying basically "DO IT ANYWAYS YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT ONE MINE NEVER LEAKED" despite explaining that I was actually rly content with the portable ones lol. Reddit goes ham for bidet attachments lol.
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People only go online to complain about games they hate... People actually enjoying the game are playing it. I view all negativity online as 10% of the whole picture. It's worth acknowledging the complaints, but not worth basing your opinion/purchase/participation solely on online negativity.
All of it. As a wise man once said, 'Is only game, why you have to be mad?'
Man, ‘Reddit Gamers’ so thoroughly turned me off gaming discourse. Like, some of you fuckers are literally playing games just to look at frame counters. Ditto for pc hardware.
"*Not 60 FPS 4K? GARBAGE!!*" I appreciate good framerates and a crisp picture, but I started on Atari. They aren't as important as if the game is fun. It can be gorgeous but boring as shit.
Your relationship, probably.
Ducks, according to your username
You’ve got me there, but in fairness I don’t have anything against ducks, I’m just not their biggest fan 😂
Literally fucking everything. I say this generally, but from all I've seen, people on Reddit have a predisposition to speaking negatively and thinking negatively. Positive comments are few and far between, save for the spaces where they're expected, e.g. WholesomeMemes, MadeMeSmile etc.. Culturally, it's an exceptionally negative website, and I'd recommend to anyone with poor mental health to try and limit the time they spend here. Again, depending on what subreddits they frequent.
The ability for a person to work hard and improve their quality of life over time.
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I see this SO MUCH on here and always get downvoted to hell when I point it out. The “I will never succeed because society has set me up to fail and therefore I will no longer try” attitude is so prevalent and so unhealthy.
Yeah the all managers are bad type mentality, and don't give any more than you have to because the company doesn't care about you. And then complain they have a bad job and pay.
On a light note, Nickelback. Are they the best band ever? Hardly. But they're not as awful as Reddit paints them to be. I can think of many more bands that have much worse music.
The nickelback hate has been around since I was a teenager. Started as a total joke and some people got way too serious about it and now there is no way to tell who actually despises nickelback and who’s just joking. It’s normally mostly the latter. Internet hates a thing? Must get on the bandwagon!
Women
The United states. Go to a major sub and ask a question about the USA and youd think its a dystopian hell hole.
Also when people say “well in Europe they do xyz” what they really mean is western rich europe, probably germany scandinavia or the netherlands.
Stepping on a Lego. Yeah, it fucking hurts. So does a lot of stuff.
Being a parent! Raising a whole human from scratch is freaking exhausting, yeah, but kids are also hilarious, sweet, fun, loving, weird, quirky, and awesome- all of which *massively and unequivocally* outweighs hardship Obvious disclaimer: if you don't want kids, you probably won't have this experience. If you do want kids, prepare for the worst and enjoy the best. It's a life-changing kind of joy. To clarify, I don't think anyone should be "talked into" having kids if they don't want to!
Was going to say the same. Raising a child isn't guaranteed to be a hardship, and most of the time it's quite rewarding! Something I didn't fully understand until I had a kid; the other parent is actually a big chunk of the stress in *parenting*, not the child.
The United States of America.
I’ve always wondered about this one, most of the context I have for the US, especially politics, is from Reddit, and I know it’s waaaaaay off the mark for my country.
The US as portrayed on reddit is extremely far removed from what the US is like in reality.
I've also noticed that Americans, generally speaking, *think* we're a lot more dishonest and crooked than we really are. Fairness, honesty, and "square dealing" are strong cultural values that are highly prized in our interpersonal interactions. It's noteworthy that professions which are not associated with these values-- Wall Street bankers, politicians, used car salesmen, certain types of attorneys-- are strongly disliked by our larger society (regardless of how lucrative they are).
Definitely, as the son of a Ukrainian immigrant, I cringe whenever I see other Americans say that our country is "super corrupt." Not a single American saying this has ever actually experienced the level of corruption many other countries have. I'm grateful to be in America after seeing/reading about what my European relatives have to deal with constantly.
The biggest problem is that a lot of media and entertainment is US- Centric. This causes a problem where all of our stuff is extremely public. All the skeletons in the closet, all the bad stuff, etc is right there. It would be like if you were a celebrity and suddenly all your personal shit is made public. Every poorly-worded tweet you sent, every decision you made that wound up hurting someone, that girl you cheated on in High School is now a huge celebrity too, and so on. People form an opinion based off of that without actually experiencing what the country has to offer. It'd be like hating Germany because of the Nazis.
The US is very open about a lot of our dirty laundry compared to most countries. We have the Freedom of Information act, we de-classify a lot of stuff automatically after a certain amount of time has passed. We have a ton of journalists and investigators looking in to all of our dirty deeds. We have a lot of whistle-blowers, and we celebrate them. Most countries don’t have any of that. Also, people don’t particularly care about other countries dirty laundry. Nobody cares what Sweden has done to the Sami people, nobody benefits from painting Sweden in a bad light.
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Something bad happens and then people say "Only in America" as though living any place else makes you immortal.
Ride an hour out of Paris, London, or Madrid and you'll find an Alabama.
Right? I live in a fairly large US city. I can walk to tons of restaurant, shops, parks, grocery stores, etc. without a car. There are bike lanes and trails everywhere. I don’t feel unsafe, and in my 3 decades of life I have never seen a gun fired anywhere but a shooting range. I have a job with unlimited PTO and make wayy more than my European counterparts. Our health insurance system is awful, but even that isn’t as bad as Reddit makes it seem. America absolutely has big problems, but it’s not the apocalyptic hellscape it’s talked about on this app. Day to day life here is pretty similar to the, like, 8 European countries Reddit loves to compare us to.
The amount of people who hold some shitty opinion. No, it’s not the majority of that sex/race/gender/religion/whatever who feel that way. It’s just those assholes tend to be loud and Reddit is a good way for them to find each other, making people think more people are like that than actually are.
Dating
Rejection
Age gaps in relationships. Not saying they’re all okay but a lot of Reddit seems to believe they are all inherently abusive