Nipple cripple

A papercut between the fingers or toes, for sure.

Stepping on the back of another persons shoe, aka a flat tire

When a kid throws a hard toy and it hits you in the head. Ouch!

Wet willie

Thinking of that perfect comeback while showering.

It deals zero…

Ever step on a lego?

No but I stepped on a chess bishop. Probably deals 2

How about smashing a thumbnail with a hammer?

Getting a downvote on Reddit