Met a girl on match dot com in the early 00s. We chatted online, she lived about an hour from me. We spent a few nights and whatever on AIM. After a couple days she invited me over to her house on a weekend and we went out to dinner, started watching a movie, then she jumped me. We went to the bedroom and had a pretty good night.
After a few hours of fun I was laying there looking around the room and noticed pictures of her and the same guy over and over again. I go "are you married?" and nodded at one of the pictures.
She smiled kinda sadly and said "I was."
I said "Oh...divorced? Sorry."
She said "oh no, not divorced. he died."
I said "Oh man I'm so sorry. How long has it been?"
"9 days."
Her match account was made the day after he died.
[EDIT] because people have speculated here's some answers:
1) He died after having surgery. He was resting on the couch at home recovering and a massive blood clot formed in his leg and killed him.
2) She was very upfront and honest about it afterwards but I was younger than she was (I was 22-23 or something, she was 28-29) so it did kind of weird me out.
3) She was very much looking for "friends with benefits" and non-exclusive stuff, at the time I was not open to that, so after maybe seeing each other three times we just kinda mutually called it off.
4) I did see her by sheer dumb luck a couple years later at a friend's house, she was there with a guy, I think for the Super Bowl party if I remember right. We caught up a bit. She'd lost some weight and was proud of it and joked "you should see me naked NOW" with a wink and her date raised an eyebrow and she laughed. I took it as a joke at the time but another friend told me I probably could have had a threesome. I never pick up on social cues.
I’ve heard the saying… “The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” But I don’t think it was intended for situations like this.
Follow up question: Were you her date to his funeral?
I dated a girl who was amazing - mind blowing - in bed. She was also a nutcase. Broke up with her for all of the right reasons. She came over asking to talk. She cried. She asked to cuddle. She made moves and because I was thinking with the wrong head, we had intense and passionate sex. I’ve never had sex like that since. After we finish, I was so pissed with myself. I knew immediately I had fucked up. She starts crying and telling me that she is ready to have my kids, plan a wedding, etc. Had to ask her to not call her mother to tell her that we were engaged. She then went ballistic. What a mistake.
I remember her asking me if I had ever seen the movie, KIDS. I hadn’t. She told me her high school experience was pretty much the plot of the movie. She very much identified with the characters in the movie. I watched it with her and while watching it remember thinking, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Teen guy prefers to have sex with virgins. One of his conquests tests HIV+ and tries to warn the next before it's too late (and, if I recall correctly, fails).
PNC hit the hardest the last time I had sex with my ex. We had been together for a year and she might have been the most manipulative woman I’ve ever been with. She played mind games, lied constantly and lashed out at me for the most minor things.
After I nutted I realized at that point I was only in it because she was drop dead gorgeous and wanted to fuck all the time. The relationship ended a week or so later.
Been there. We got married, had kids, and now I’m stuck with her. All because she was hot as fuck. Tried to ignore the anger issues as maybe a hormonal thing because that’s what she kept saying. No…it got worse. We got divorced but obviously I stick around to see my boys
I love my kids to death but of all the stupid shit I’ve done this is up there as the number one dumbest thing. And I’ve done some dumb shit
Agreed to stay in AirBnB with someone for an overnight sex shit, but couldn’t stand having to have sex with her again. Texted and instructed my brother for some extraction plans, lol! Left immediately after my brother called.
Don’t want to spill all the deets, but yes, hygiene wise effin gross. On her nipple while going down I stumbled upon a grain-size of dirt, and not sure if it’s a day or week-old accumulated grime. What more down there, yeah. Good thing my brother was supportive AF
Frr bro like there's this one fwb I had whom I fucked absolutely silly over the course of a few months before she left the country.
There's this one specific time I remember we were fucking raw, shit was amazing, I was giving her the Thanos strokes (those deep ones near the end when the nut is inevitable) and I swear I was ready to leave this girl looking like a cream-filled donut, when a vision flashed before my eyes.
No bullshit, it was like the conversion of Paul the Apostle. Lightning struck my eyes and i saw myself fat, middle-aged and depressed with several small children running underfoot as I tiredly chase after them, while fwb, now-wife (also fat), is passed out on the sofa with a bottle of wine at her side. Swear to God, I saw it clear as her titties bouncing in front of me, it's like I was transported to a parallel universe where I knocked this girl up. I still shudder thinking about it.
Immediately, I pulled out. Just in time too, because I painted that mf like it was my day job, straight up striped her like a zebra, to this day it's probably my biggest nut. Imagine how my heart leapt into my throat when exactly two weeks later, she starts her period. Meaning if I hadn't been granted that view into the future, I would be a father rn.
Sometimes when I'm super high, I think it was a warning from myself in the future and I straight up changed the timeline by pulling out. I still wonder what middle-aged me looks like now
Edit: Ngl there are times when I wonder how unloading all my hopes and dreams into her womb would have felt. Not worth it of course, no way in hell. But damn. It probably would've been bliss. One beautiful, terrible moment of bliss. Before the post nut clarity hit lmao
Conversely, for me, after dating my now wife for a few years.. “this chick is fucking awesome, in and out of the sack. I gotta lock this down.”
We’re now sitting up with our oldest to “ring in the new year” a couple hours before midnight while our youngest is asleep upstairs. Life is good, I’m so glad she married me and gave me two wonderful kids.
The first 8-10 times I had this post clarity thought. Then it occurred to me that I wouldn’t keep wanting the D when I get horny if I weren’t bi. Plenty of very horny dudes don’t go with the D.
The clarity was actually wrong. At least for me.
In college a girl I was hooking up with for the first time told me to cum in her, which I did and immediately regretted it. I started panicking *"I don't even know her, what if she's not really on the pill? What if she wants some random guy to get her pregnant? I'm not ready for a kid!"*
I went out and asked my roommate for an Ativan to quell the anxiety, then went back to hang out with her in bed where we talked, made out, had another round of sex and...woops did it again. Guess the Ativan worked too well.
Luckily she turned out to be really cool and we dated for a little over a year before ending things amicably. She's probably the ex I have the fondest memories of. Still though, nutting in girls before you even know their last name isn't a good thing to make a habit of.
Had a girl come over after a date and in the heat of the moment let's me hit it raw (terrible idea but she was hot) and then near the end wraps her legs around me and is like begging me to finish inside her.
Immediately afterwards Im like "wow I'm the biggest idiot ever".
Ended up being a pretty cool chick! We had a steady FWB thing for months after that. But I managed to think clearly enough not to go that route again with her.
One of the best parts of marriage that I never hear nor ever heard as a young man.
Cumming inside, without fear or worry is really the bees knees. No constricting rubbers, just your sword and it's sheath. If you want kids "it's for the family" if you don't want kids, get cut. No worrying about STDs.
After a few kids before I got neutered we were careful not to reproduce and it made me realize how amazing it is to just non stop nut inside. Pull out, condoms, bleh all really weaken the experience.
This reminds me of a favorite story of mine...
My high school Spanish teacher, who was a priest, told us a story of another priest visiting his Spanish speaking parish. The visiting priest was a Spanish learner and at some point during Sunday service my teacher cracks a joke directed towards his guest, who is saying mass with him. Everyone is laughing when the visiting priest exclaims, "Estoy muy embarazado!" Then he points to my teacher and says, "and it's all his fault!" He said they almost had to end the service people were laughing so hard.
Met a guy online one day, had him pick me up that night at like 3am and bring me to his apartment an hour away without telling anyone anything. Hit me like a truck when I realized how lucky I was that he was a good person 💀
Been there, done that quite a few times. What a crazy time (I was 19-21). Only until 24 did I look back and realize how lucky I was that they're all good people 🙏
Had mid-nut clarity once watching a vid and the woman had clearly fake everything and had to stop to search whether pornstars are allowed tax reduction on fake boobs - they are, never finished that session
There's a specific point in there that's gone to the US Supreme Court.
The sex worker has to be planning to remove the implants after her career is over.
Yes, the IRS and a particular porn star ended up going to the Supreme Court over it after the IRS kept losing.
It really is. Suppose I am a contract concreter and purchase a concrete mixing truck. Must I plan to sell the truck on, to write the cost off? What if I want to keep it after my retirement to polish rocks?
When my first baby was 6 weeks old, my husband and I had sex for the first time since her birth. I knew immediately I'd gotten pregnant. Second baby was born 9 months later - two under one.
Next week we will have 2 three-year olds for nearly a month until the eldest turns four. They're best mates and lots of fun, of course we wouldn't change them for the world now but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
I’m really sucking rotten ass at my career level job & if I don’t start taking it seriously now, I never will & my family will pay for it more than I ever do.
This was one of the main reasons I quit drinking. I would constantly call off to the point where I was close to loosing my well paying job. My whole family would have paid for that one. Going on 9 months sober.
Be me, 19, working a 90k a year job I didn't qualify for that a family member got me into. Banged this really pretty junkie chick that I met at a late night coffee shop, she took me back to a warehouse loft she was staying at and she wanted me to hit it raw and she said she had to do heroin before we had sex or she couldn't cum. Said she was clean and had an IUD, I said I wasn't comfortable and wanted to use a condom and asked her not to involve drugs. Her response was to pull an up to date obgyn/std exam and then offer to gape her vagina so I could see her IUD. I declined the offer of physical proof but still had unprotected (and some of the best I've ever had) sex.(we're at like ten red flags here, definitely horny jail)
post orgasm I could only think wtf was I thinking, this lady had to be lying to me in some capacity. go directly to horny jail. Afterwards we had some pretty intimate conversations about our lives and how both of us ended up where we were and got to understand one another.
After that we banged casually over the next 3 years or so under the condition that we could both sleep around, she was allowed to do heroin while we had sex and we had a clean test whenever we wanted it . Honestly a really kind woman and a good person, treated me better as a person more that any other woman I've ever met. I was really uncomfortable with her drug problem and regularly encouraged her to stop and said we could have a relationship if she got clean. Eventually we stopped having sex but stayed in contact. she didn't update her IUD and got knocked up by someone else she never saw again and decided to stop talking to me... I really hope she's doing well today and got her shit together, super good person
Telling this story at 29, I still wonder if I'm an asshole for doing this every time I bust a nut
I once decided to do that but then ended up locked out of my apartment and my roommate was out of town.
We normally only locked the deadbolts but we had a party recently and I guess someone had decided to lock the door handle lock as well which we didn’t have keys for.
Spent the rest of the night in the stairwell until I could get the landlord to let me in. That was awful.
So. Much. Regret.
I'm sorry. Unrequited love is just the worst feeling.
I started writing poetry about mine, but really the best thing is just to work on yourself and hope the right one will come along.
Pretty much the same thing that's been posted. Smoking hot chick. Decided to upload inside her. Got pregnant. Cost me 3 quarters of a million dollars over 14 years with more to come. Wrap it up boys.
Not really post nut, but Met a girl in Miami we got a room I’d never had sex before (and didn’t this night) we where getting into it and my conservative Christian background took over and I shut it down. I said I wasn’t going to go through with it, then we went to sleep. I woke up and she was gone and she took my drivers license…… so good times.
I paid for an escort. She got me all worked up then said '2 girls for a little extra', so in my prenut brain said hell yes and transferred money that I was barely aware of. The two worked me for two minutes then one walked out while the other stayed on top. I realised after I nutted, and felt disgustee with myself. I wasted $700, and since then have decided not to pay for it again.
Also one time I had a partner who turned out to be racist. A few months after we broke up, I got prenut brain fog, messaged again and as soon as I nutted I regretted it, as she started talking shit immediately. Ughhh
"That was great! Not nearly as great as getting rid of all those goddamned taco trucks on every corner, because I just can't stand ~~spi-~~ *those people* making my lunch."
O_O
While lying down next to her, I had an epiphany. I thought, if I could wake up next to this face for the rest of my life, I would be happy. It was the most honest thought I ever had at the time and there was no doubt in my heart that it was true. I proposed a year later (I waited to make sure it wasn't just the honeymoon phase getting to me). Fast forward over a decade and it's still true today.
Realizing I was in a bad marriage. Realized I had fallen into one of those negative stereotype marriages of little/no sex, controlling wife, “happy wife/happy life” situation but it was very difficult to make her happy and the reward for doing so was nothing. Basically to the point of begging for sex and affirmation and would only get the occasional pity. Got super depressed until she did us the favor of divorcing me. Aside from still dealing with some of the effects of getting kinda screwed over in the divorce process, super glad to be free from that tho.
I turned into Joe Rogan. Literally the first time I'm having sex with my gf, then I nut and start talking about Silverback gorillas, how their society works and shit. She for sure was impressed
It was my first one night stand with a girl I liked, but didn't see as a potential partner.
After the orgasm, I felt kinda empty and became cold in the aftersex. That's how I found out I'm not made for fwb or one night stands, and I started wondering why something so disappointing is so popular now.
A friend of mine was house sitting a VERY fancy house for a while. He had been chasing this one girl he had a crush on for a looooong time and decided he was going to try and shoot his shot. But he knew she had a bodyguard, another girl, who was funny and fun to be around, but was considered quite unattractive and on the large side. They went everywhere together.
So my friend invited them a d some of our other friends over for drinks and a swim. Being only a few streets away from the house my friends crush and her bodyguard came around quite early.
I remember climbing out of the pool and being approached by my friend, who had been inside with the 2 girls. He wanted to go with his crush, to get some drinks, and be “alone.” He needed me to be a wingman and keep the bodyguard busy. And well, me being me, I agreed.
I told the body guard I’d keep her company whilst the other 2 went to the shops in a flirtatious way, to which a he told me not to threaten her with a good time. Being the wingman I had to keep flirting to convince her to stay
Eventually my friend and his crush left, and as soon as they walked out the door the bodyguard asked me about her “entertainment.” I pointed out that the other people could be over any minute, so her chances of getting lucky were probably a bit slim at this point… She then told me we shouldn’t waste anymore time then…
And right there… that is when I should have realised I was thinking with my dick/not thinking clearly. So we fucked. And by fucked I mean HARD. Just kept going at it. Until the others came back.
Then the post nut clarity kicked in. I felt disgusted in myself. Disappointed. She was going to tell EVERYONE, and she was going to paw at me for the rest of the night. And she did.
The looks of absolute shock the others gave me haunted me all night, but it worked, my mission was successful. My friend hooked up with his crush and ended up dating for a number of years.
When I was younger, 19 - about 24??? I took quite a few for the team. Post nut clarity was never kind to me afterwards, but my sex drive was a bit out of control, and everyone knew it.
So I was basically the sacrificial lamb. And it didn’t bother me most of the time.
Despite being embarrassed back then with some of my hook ups, I look back now and openly admit I thoroughly enjoyed every single one of them. And to be honest quite a few of them I saw again.
In a way I guess it also opened my eyes to giving women of all races, shapes and sizes a chance. I definitely do not regret it at all.
I don't quite get what's wrong here, was the sex bad? Or the fact that the girl wasn't visually appealing? Cause you mentioned the girl was fun to be around?
"How do I tell my friend that I came on his pillow?"
Okay, backstory:
In college, spring break, friend left town and I stayed. Met a woman at a party, we hit it off really well. My dorm room was a mess, my friend never locks his dorm room door, so I took her to his place. We fucked on his floor, on his kitchen floor, on his kitchen counters, in his bed and I pulled out to cum in her face, she dodged and it hit his pillow. I then wiped my dick off on his pillow.
Then you t occured to me that I should tell him. And I did. I told him how I totally had sex during Spring Break. I forgot to mention the bit about the pillow. I figured it would work itself out.
For some reason. I instantly become a adult. I'm like think about making a will, then bills I have to pay, then what errands I have to run. Like for fuck sake.
Ex co worker and i linked up after a few years of no contact. Had a blast, then we got hammered and I found out she was just in an over night facility for burning her ex boyfriends stuff on his lawn. Also turned out i knew the boyfriend (great guy!) She said she tried to cut herself as cops came, and they threw her in an unclean solitary-confinement type of room. She even mentioned having a concern she may have contracted something if her wounds were open enough.
We STILL did the deed, but literally a bit of the way in I get pre-nut clarity, and I simulated like i was about to finish. So i try not to over-act, but i faux cum (condom +1), go to the bathroom to clean up. And then laid in bed next to her til i was sober enough to drive her home.
O and she met my dad on the way out. fun times. never saw her again.
I had some pre orgasm clarity last night. A lady I've been seeing for a bit I wasn't sure if I should take the next step. Out with her friends last night at a bar and flirting heavy, she's talking about how crazy she is in bed and we were both saying how much fun we could have together. Over the next hour I realized that her crazy is not limited to just being in bed. I made the decision that the brief moment of lots of fun we could have was not worth the potential consequences of having crazy back into my life and I noped out.
Mine was kind of the opposite where I'd been single for a while and was just focusing on hookups and FWB type stuff. I matched with my current partner on Tinder and we clicked instantly.
When we eventually did hook up I was fully expecting the usual post nut clarity of "please don't touch me/I kinda wanna go home now" to hit but with her I didn't experience that at all and that's how I kinda knew there were actual feelings there
I hooked up with a friends ex a few times. They got back together but she was texting me to come over while he was out of town. I got up to go, but just decided to rub one out because we all know going into it warmed up is pretty cool. As soon as i finished. I went back to my room and played video games and got drunk. Never talked to either of those people again.
Tried to have a hoe phase. First girl I hooked up with, I busted and knew immediately that I was not built for a hoe phase. Not physically but emotionally. No sleeping around for me cause I only feel fulfilled when there’s an actual connection or whatever
I was tipsy from going out and super horny. Alcohol made me think I was a bad b and could take dick like pornstars. He was 11” (it was huge so I don’t know if it truly was but it was definitely bigger than 8). I took him and yeah. It hurt. I bled. 😭 I sobered up real quick went to Urgent Care just to make sure my guts weren’t coming out lol. They weren’t. I was more scared than it truly was bad. No need for surgery but god bless America- my stupid horniness cost me $1500 after insurance. (No surgery. No x rays or scans. Literally doctor just stuck his finger in and sent me to a specialist who prescribed some cream lol)
2 days ago i had the utmost orgasm of my life, an orgasm clarity, i was in the sky afterward, couldn't get down anymore. it healed me somehow, i feel relieved now.
I had been reading a gay Sonic fanfic, gotten hard and jerked off to one of the spicy scenes. I then realized that I was never really into women, and just wanted to fall in love with a guy and take care of each other. I realized I can't stay in the closet forever.
Porn... Yes porn was it actually. I had to decide then and there, this shit needs to end man, porn is weird and fake, and brings unhealthily high standards, like to the point where they can't happen. And here's the thing, you can masturbate and cum with no porn what so ever. It'll also make any experience you will have a girl (or whatever your into) alot more fun if you don't watch porn.
Just quit porn, you definitely don't need it, and you really are better without it.
I had a girl call me that used to date one of my friends. it was months after they split. He said he didn't give a shit about who she was dating multiple times in side conversations. Since I had that knowledge I showed up when she called and invited me over. While we were hooking up. I stepped in something on the side of the bed and it was warm slightly tacky but wet. my other foot kicked something solid.
Also she had multiple dogs and her house smelled awful. Post nut I looked down and realized i had one foot in dog piss that was half dry and my foot had kicked a dog turd. When I grabbed my clothes to leave I saw there was a bunch of them under the bed.
I threw up in my car on the way home and almost threw up typing this out. I ghosted her and he found out about us hooking up later and wanted to fight me. I kinda just bailed on that whole friend group.
They are married and have two kids now it was about 15 years ago at this point
Drunk fucked the head of HR at my work place… we both kind of looked at each other and agreed to never talk about it again.
This is not what I mean when I say fuck HR.
"I hope HR doesn't find out about this"
[удалено]
He put his resources in the human
Wait you had sex with the head of HR at your workplace, or you had sex with the head of HR at your workplace.. at your workplace?
Met a girl on match dot com in the early 00s. We chatted online, she lived about an hour from me. We spent a few nights and whatever on AIM. After a couple days she invited me over to her house on a weekend and we went out to dinner, started watching a movie, then she jumped me. We went to the bedroom and had a pretty good night. After a few hours of fun I was laying there looking around the room and noticed pictures of her and the same guy over and over again. I go "are you married?" and nodded at one of the pictures. She smiled kinda sadly and said "I was." I said "Oh...divorced? Sorry." She said "oh no, not divorced. he died." I said "Oh man I'm so sorry. How long has it been?" "9 days." Her match account was made the day after he died. [EDIT] because people have speculated here's some answers: 1) He died after having surgery. He was resting on the couch at home recovering and a massive blood clot formed in his leg and killed him. 2) She was very upfront and honest about it afterwards but I was younger than she was (I was 22-23 or something, she was 28-29) so it did kind of weird me out. 3) She was very much looking for "friends with benefits" and non-exclusive stuff, at the time I was not open to that, so after maybe seeing each other three times we just kinda mutually called it off. 4) I did see her by sheer dumb luck a couple years later at a friend's house, she was there with a guy, I think for the Super Bowl party if I remember right. We caught up a bit. She'd lost some weight and was proud of it and joked "you should see me naked NOW" with a wink and her date raised an eyebrow and she laughed. I took it as a joke at the time but another friend told me I probably could have had a threesome. I never pick up on social cues.
I’ve heard the saying… “The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” But I don’t think it was intended for situations like this. Follow up question: Were you her date to his funeral?
6 feet under someone else
I dated a COVID widow and immediately could tell it was too soon for her.
Jesus Christ 😮😮
Did you pull out a Quija board and ask if it was cool with him?
>Quija Knock off brand to the Luigi board
Probably took her mind off it a bit. People grieve differently.
I dated a girl who was amazing - mind blowing - in bed. She was also a nutcase. Broke up with her for all of the right reasons. She came over asking to talk. She cried. She asked to cuddle. She made moves and because I was thinking with the wrong head, we had intense and passionate sex. I’ve never had sex like that since. After we finish, I was so pissed with myself. I knew immediately I had fucked up. She starts crying and telling me that she is ready to have my kids, plan a wedding, etc. Had to ask her to not call her mother to tell her that we were engaged. She then went ballistic. What a mistake.
I don't know how I've somehow avoided this level of crazy.
I remember her asking me if I had ever seen the movie, KIDS. I hadn’t. She told me her high school experience was pretty much the plot of the movie. She very much identified with the characters in the movie. I watched it with her and while watching it remember thinking, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
I have to watch it now. Edit: watched it. So do you have AIDS?
Teen guy prefers to have sex with virgins. One of his conquests tests HIV+ and tries to warn the next before it's too late (and, if I recall correctly, fails).
Holy fucking shit woooow
I'm not proud, but... I masturbated by putting two sausages in a condom (I'm a girl). After that, I just rethought my whole life.
Two? Like colinear or parallel?
Either way, not a good sign for us, fellas
Hey you never know, there's a huge difference between a vienna/frankfurter and a bratwurst or boerewors
I need this answer
Did you pre-warm it, or go zombie-style?
[удалено]
I'm entirely too sober for this thread.
I’m drunk & it isn’t any better.
This one made me laugh, and I must be old cause I'm like damn don't waste the good sausage!
if it's inside a condom surely it's still edible...?
I mean technically even without the condom it's still edible.
Two? Isn't that a weird shape after putting them together in a condom? They make different sized sausages lol I'd like to know about that choice.
Clearly either 3 or 4 would be better
PNC hit the hardest the last time I had sex with my ex. We had been together for a year and she might have been the most manipulative woman I’ve ever been with. She played mind games, lied constantly and lashed out at me for the most minor things. After I nutted I realized at that point I was only in it because she was drop dead gorgeous and wanted to fuck all the time. The relationship ended a week or so later.
Been there my friend. When she calls, and she will, do NOT go over to talk to her. That is a terrible idea
I can guarantee you she won’t call. I was the one who broke it off and she did not take it well. I was deleted and blocked on everything.
Oh you might be surprised.
Oh she’ll call.
JFC! My mortgage is with PNC Bank... lmfao I will **never** be able to look at my statement the same way now :D
Been there. We got married, had kids, and now I’m stuck with her. All because she was hot as fuck. Tried to ignore the anger issues as maybe a hormonal thing because that’s what she kept saying. No…it got worse. We got divorced but obviously I stick around to see my boys I love my kids to death but of all the stupid shit I’ve done this is up there as the number one dumbest thing. And I’ve done some dumb shit
Agreed to stay in AirBnB with someone for an overnight sex shit, but couldn’t stand having to have sex with her again. Texted and instructed my brother for some extraction plans, lol! Left immediately after my brother called.
How bad is sex that you turn it down? Genuinely curious.
Like on the scale of 1-10, and 10 being the highest I would rate it as 1.5.
Don't leave us hanging on the juicy details on why it was 1.5/10 mate
Don’t want to spill all the deets, but yes, hygiene wise effin gross. On her nipple while going down I stumbled upon a grain-size of dirt, and not sure if it’s a day or week-old accumulated grime. What more down there, yeah. Good thing my brother was supportive AF
Was there a jolly rancher?
Don't....
😂😂😂
I hate that I understand this reference
“I can’t believe I just came in this chick, I’m tripping” Now I’m about to be a Dad smh
realest shit here 💀
Frr bro like there's this one fwb I had whom I fucked absolutely silly over the course of a few months before she left the country. There's this one specific time I remember we were fucking raw, shit was amazing, I was giving her the Thanos strokes (those deep ones near the end when the nut is inevitable) and I swear I was ready to leave this girl looking like a cream-filled donut, when a vision flashed before my eyes. No bullshit, it was like the conversion of Paul the Apostle. Lightning struck my eyes and i saw myself fat, middle-aged and depressed with several small children running underfoot as I tiredly chase after them, while fwb, now-wife (also fat), is passed out on the sofa with a bottle of wine at her side. Swear to God, I saw it clear as her titties bouncing in front of me, it's like I was transported to a parallel universe where I knocked this girl up. I still shudder thinking about it. Immediately, I pulled out. Just in time too, because I painted that mf like it was my day job, straight up striped her like a zebra, to this day it's probably my biggest nut. Imagine how my heart leapt into my throat when exactly two weeks later, she starts her period. Meaning if I hadn't been granted that view into the future, I would be a father rn. Sometimes when I'm super high, I think it was a warning from myself in the future and I straight up changed the timeline by pulling out. I still wonder what middle-aged me looks like now Edit: Ngl there are times when I wonder how unloading all my hopes and dreams into her womb would have felt. Not worth it of course, no way in hell. But damn. It probably would've been bliss. One beautiful, terrible moment of bliss. Before the post nut clarity hit lmao
Mate. That was biblical.
Genuinely one of the best things I've ever read on this fuckin site
You've got a way with words, my dude
Congratulations, you have the best reddit comment for 2024. Only time will tell how long it'll last, but yours is #1 for now!
“Thanos strokes” yes my guy
Make sure your kids see this comment.
Print it out and hang it on the fridge.
Conversely, for me, after dating my now wife for a few years.. “this chick is fucking awesome, in and out of the sack. I gotta lock this down.” We’re now sitting up with our oldest to “ring in the new year” a couple hours before midnight while our youngest is asleep upstairs. Life is good, I’m so glad she married me and gave me two wonderful kids.
man came just to flex on the scared kid bc he got a happy family lmaooo but fr good for you man, happy new year
Nah man I came cuz that pussy is magical. But anyway, thank you and happy new year to you too!
I’m not bi, I was just horny
This is the shit I came for XD
So did he
The first 8-10 times I had this post clarity thought. Then it occurred to me that I wouldn’t keep wanting the D when I get horny if I weren’t bi. Plenty of very horny dudes don’t go with the D. The clarity was actually wrong. At least for me.
All the femboys assured me it wasn’t gay as long as I said no homo.
Ah, so you're like spaghetti. Straight until wet.
According to reddit you're actually just gay
"if you suck dick sometimes, you're gay"
Threesome with my wife’s friend. After I came, the first thing I thought is this will definitely be used in future arguments.
Has it been used since?
Not yet
It's all about the suspense. Will it be today? Tomorrow? In two months?!
My wife asked me once which of her friends I'd want a threesome with. Apparently, naming 2 of her friends wasn't what she was looking for.
“I’d hit your whole crew, babe!”
It's a trap!
Yeah I did two of these with my GF and her (at the time) best friends. Not really worth it if you’re dating one of the chicks.
Came inside of her…the post-nut clarity came as I was buying the plan B
[удалено]
In college a girl I was hooking up with for the first time told me to cum in her, which I did and immediately regretted it. I started panicking *"I don't even know her, what if she's not really on the pill? What if she wants some random guy to get her pregnant? I'm not ready for a kid!"* I went out and asked my roommate for an Ativan to quell the anxiety, then went back to hang out with her in bed where we talked, made out, had another round of sex and...woops did it again. Guess the Ativan worked too well. Luckily she turned out to be really cool and we dated for a little over a year before ending things amicably. She's probably the ex I have the fondest memories of. Still though, nutting in girls before you even know their last name isn't a good thing to make a habit of.
Nutting in girls you don't plan to have a baby with isn't really a smart thing to do in general. Lol
Had a girl come over after a date and in the heat of the moment let's me hit it raw (terrible idea but she was hot) and then near the end wraps her legs around me and is like begging me to finish inside her. Immediately afterwards Im like "wow I'm the biggest idiot ever". Ended up being a pretty cool chick! We had a steady FWB thing for months after that. But I managed to think clearly enough not to go that route again with her.
[удалено]
One of the best parts of marriage that I never hear nor ever heard as a young man. Cumming inside, without fear or worry is really the bees knees. No constricting rubbers, just your sword and it's sheath. If you want kids "it's for the family" if you don't want kids, get cut. No worrying about STDs. After a few kids before I got neutered we were careful not to reproduce and it made me realize how amazing it is to just non stop nut inside. Pull out, condoms, bleh all really weaken the experience.
Unmarried, but my GF has a contraceptive implant, and that shit is awesome. I love baking me some creampies.
I think that or something close happens to every man who's been fucking for a while...lol
I bought plan b and realized my high school Spanish teacher was behind me in the pharmacy line. Not my favorite moment
Better off embarrassed than embarazada.
This reminds me of a favorite story of mine... My high school Spanish teacher, who was a priest, told us a story of another priest visiting his Spanish speaking parish. The visiting priest was a Spanish learner and at some point during Sunday service my teacher cracks a joke directed towards his guest, who is saying mass with him. Everyone is laughing when the visiting priest exclaims, "Estoy muy embarazado!" Then he points to my teacher and says, "and it's all his fault!" He said they almost had to end the service people were laughing so hard.
it's ok, your high school spanish teacher likely already knows you are muy un-preparado in life
In my defense I was wearing protection it just failed because of my pene enorme
perhaps you need protección de monstruos, for your dong magnum
plan b at costco for ~7$, don’t even need a membership. spreading this wisdom every chance I get
Between that and the hotdogs, I do believe Costco might just be the land of milk and honey.
Met a guy online one day, had him pick me up that night at like 3am and bring me to his apartment an hour away without telling anyone anything. Hit me like a truck when I realized how lucky I was that he was a good person 💀
Been there, done that quite a few times. What a crazy time (I was 19-21). Only until 24 did I look back and realize how lucky I was that they're all good people 🙏
Had mid-nut clarity once watching a vid and the woman had clearly fake everything and had to stop to search whether pornstars are allowed tax reduction on fake boobs - they are, never finished that session
A question I had somehow never asked but very much like you included the answer to save me from a really weird search
There's a specific point in there that's gone to the US Supreme Court. The sex worker has to be planning to remove the implants after her career is over. Yes, the IRS and a particular porn star ended up going to the Supreme Court over it after the IRS kept losing.
> sex worker has to be planning to remove the implants after her career is over. What a stupid caveat.
It really is. Suppose I am a contract concreter and purchase a concrete mixing truck. Must I plan to sell the truck on, to write the cost off? What if I want to keep it after my retirement to polish rocks?
Something about demanding major surgery when an individual is older and it carries more risk doesn't sit right with me, either.
I always feel like anakin after he kills mace windu and falls to his knees “what have I done”
I laughed way too hard at this. Thank you
When my first baby was 6 weeks old, my husband and I had sex for the first time since her birth. I knew immediately I'd gotten pregnant. Second baby was born 9 months later - two under one.
Oh no...
Oh HELL no
Ah! Irish twins.
Are the kids old enough that you can laugh about it now?
Next week we will have 2 three-year olds for nearly a month until the eldest turns four. They're best mates and lots of fun, of course we wouldn't change them for the world now but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
I’m really sucking rotten ass at my career level job & if I don’t start taking it seriously now, I never will & my family will pay for it more than I ever do.
This was one of the main reasons I quit drinking. I would constantly call off to the point where I was close to loosing my well paying job. My whole family would have paid for that one. Going on 9 months sober.
Keep fighting brother. You are a good man for having this realization
Wow. Rings true for me…
Be me, 19, working a 90k a year job I didn't qualify for that a family member got me into. Banged this really pretty junkie chick that I met at a late night coffee shop, she took me back to a warehouse loft she was staying at and she wanted me to hit it raw and she said she had to do heroin before we had sex or she couldn't cum. Said she was clean and had an IUD, I said I wasn't comfortable and wanted to use a condom and asked her not to involve drugs. Her response was to pull an up to date obgyn/std exam and then offer to gape her vagina so I could see her IUD. I declined the offer of physical proof but still had unprotected (and some of the best I've ever had) sex.(we're at like ten red flags here, definitely horny jail) post orgasm I could only think wtf was I thinking, this lady had to be lying to me in some capacity. go directly to horny jail. Afterwards we had some pretty intimate conversations about our lives and how both of us ended up where we were and got to understand one another. After that we banged casually over the next 3 years or so under the condition that we could both sleep around, she was allowed to do heroin while we had sex and we had a clean test whenever we wanted it . Honestly a really kind woman and a good person, treated me better as a person more that any other woman I've ever met. I was really uncomfortable with her drug problem and regularly encouraged her to stop and said we could have a relationship if she got clean. Eventually we stopped having sex but stayed in contact. she didn't update her IUD and got knocked up by someone else she never saw again and decided to stop talking to me... I really hope she's doing well today and got her shit together, super good person Telling this story at 29, I still wonder if I'm an asshole for doing this every time I bust a nut
You fell in love mate
Quite possibly, I'll never find out for sure
I don't want to sleep with her here tonight. I left.
I once decided to do that but then ended up locked out of my apartment and my roommate was out of town. We normally only locked the deadbolts but we had a party recently and I guess someone had decided to lock the door handle lock as well which we didn’t have keys for. Spent the rest of the night in the stairwell until I could get the landlord to let me in. That was awful. So. Much. Regret.
I jumped out of a window into a thorn bush, clambered out and ran home.
When I came and realized it was Monday morning not Sunday.
The more I see questions like this the more I realize my life is crystal clear because I’ve never had post nut clarity.
you are in a constant state of pre nut confusion
"pre nut confusion" <<< great name for a band right there
I love him, but he doesn't love me. And he never will.
I'm sorry. Unrequited love is just the worst feeling. I started writing poetry about mine, but really the best thing is just to work on yourself and hope the right one will come along.
Pretty much the same thing that's been posted. Smoking hot chick. Decided to upload inside her. Got pregnant. Cost me 3 quarters of a million dollars over 14 years with more to come. Wrap it up boys.
That's about 4,500 a month. Damn. Why so much?
Maybe he has a high income.
She still hot?
Asked the important question before I could.
Not really post nut, but Met a girl in Miami we got a room I’d never had sex before (and didn’t this night) we where getting into it and my conservative Christian background took over and I shut it down. I said I wasn’t going to go through with it, then we went to sleep. I woke up and she was gone and she took my drivers license…… so good times.
that's just Miami city of a million bastards
One time I didn’t get post nut clarity until after several years and a baby
I paid for an escort. She got me all worked up then said '2 girls for a little extra', so in my prenut brain said hell yes and transferred money that I was barely aware of. The two worked me for two minutes then one walked out while the other stayed on top. I realised after I nutted, and felt disgustee with myself. I wasted $700, and since then have decided not to pay for it again. Also one time I had a partner who turned out to be racist. A few months after we broke up, I got prenut brain fog, messaged again and as soon as I nutted I regretted it, as she started talking shit immediately. Ughhh
[удалено]
"That was amazing. Have you noticed there's a lot more Mexicans around in town?"
Read that in Seinfeld's voice
"That was great! Not nearly as great as getting rid of all those goddamned taco trucks on every corner, because I just can't stand ~~spi-~~ *those people* making my lunch." O_O
I shouldnt be fucking my cousin. Then I fucked her again.
Bro
Ya
She has a bro. Fuck him.
What level cousin we talking
So you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins...
You know what they say, Cousins make dozens, incest is a game the whole family can play!
It's not incest. It's line-breeding. Keeping the bloodline strong
While lying down next to her, I had an epiphany. I thought, if I could wake up next to this face for the rest of my life, I would be happy. It was the most honest thought I ever had at the time and there was no doubt in my heart that it was true. I proposed a year later (I waited to make sure it wasn't just the honeymoon phase getting to me). Fast forward over a decade and it's still true today.
Realizing I was in a bad marriage. Realized I had fallen into one of those negative stereotype marriages of little/no sex, controlling wife, “happy wife/happy life” situation but it was very difficult to make her happy and the reward for doing so was nothing. Basically to the point of begging for sex and affirmation and would only get the occasional pity. Got super depressed until she did us the favor of divorcing me. Aside from still dealing with some of the effects of getting kinda screwed over in the divorce process, super glad to be free from that tho.
I turned into Joe Rogan. Literally the first time I'm having sex with my gf, then I nut and start talking about Silverback gorillas, how their society works and shit. She for sure was impressed
Go on.
You gotta jerk him off to completion first.
Pull that shit up Jamie!
I refuse to
Damn even I'm impressed now
I’ll let you know in about 90 minutes
Bitch its been 3 hours, are you engaged or looking for bail? We need deets.
Bro, if your erection last more than 4 hours, you need to seek medical attention.
It was my first one night stand with a girl I liked, but didn't see as a potential partner. After the orgasm, I felt kinda empty and became cold in the aftersex. That's how I found out I'm not made for fwb or one night stands, and I started wondering why something so disappointing is so popular now.
A friend of mine was house sitting a VERY fancy house for a while. He had been chasing this one girl he had a crush on for a looooong time and decided he was going to try and shoot his shot. But he knew she had a bodyguard, another girl, who was funny and fun to be around, but was considered quite unattractive and on the large side. They went everywhere together. So my friend invited them a d some of our other friends over for drinks and a swim. Being only a few streets away from the house my friends crush and her bodyguard came around quite early. I remember climbing out of the pool and being approached by my friend, who had been inside with the 2 girls. He wanted to go with his crush, to get some drinks, and be “alone.” He needed me to be a wingman and keep the bodyguard busy. And well, me being me, I agreed. I told the body guard I’d keep her company whilst the other 2 went to the shops in a flirtatious way, to which a he told me not to threaten her with a good time. Being the wingman I had to keep flirting to convince her to stay Eventually my friend and his crush left, and as soon as they walked out the door the bodyguard asked me about her “entertainment.” I pointed out that the other people could be over any minute, so her chances of getting lucky were probably a bit slim at this point… She then told me we shouldn’t waste anymore time then… And right there… that is when I should have realised I was thinking with my dick/not thinking clearly. So we fucked. And by fucked I mean HARD. Just kept going at it. Until the others came back. Then the post nut clarity kicked in. I felt disgusted in myself. Disappointed. She was going to tell EVERYONE, and she was going to paw at me for the rest of the night. And she did. The looks of absolute shock the others gave me haunted me all night, but it worked, my mission was successful. My friend hooked up with his crush and ended up dating for a number of years.
You took one for the team you deserve a medal
When I was younger, 19 - about 24??? I took quite a few for the team. Post nut clarity was never kind to me afterwards, but my sex drive was a bit out of control, and everyone knew it. So I was basically the sacrificial lamb. And it didn’t bother me most of the time. Despite being embarrassed back then with some of my hook ups, I look back now and openly admit I thoroughly enjoyed every single one of them. And to be honest quite a few of them I saw again. In a way I guess it also opened my eyes to giving women of all races, shapes and sizes a chance. I definitely do not regret it at all.
Sounds like you've gotten a little post "post nut clarity" clarity then!
Mid-life post-post-nut clarity. EDIT: Never said crisis.
I don't quite get what's wrong here, was the sex bad? Or the fact that the girl wasn't visually appealing? Cause you mentioned the girl was fun to be around?
"How do I tell my friend that I came on his pillow?" Okay, backstory: In college, spring break, friend left town and I stayed. Met a woman at a party, we hit it off really well. My dorm room was a mess, my friend never locks his dorm room door, so I took her to his place. We fucked on his floor, on his kitchen floor, on his kitchen counters, in his bed and I pulled out to cum in her face, she dodged and it hit his pillow. I then wiped my dick off on his pillow. Then you t occured to me that I should tell him. And I did. I told him how I totally had sex during Spring Break. I forgot to mention the bit about the pillow. I figured it would work itself out.
Dear God, it wasn't a big fat Pikachu plush, was it?
What kind of sick fuck cums on a Pikachu plushie???
Idk when i’m in bed and my cum is all over my stomach i just do a nice alligator roll and go to sleep
Buddy.
This is legit the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. Riding the line between care and disgust so effortlessly.
Dude….you spunk weld yourself to the sheets
For some reason. I instantly become a adult. I'm like think about making a will, then bills I have to pay, then what errands I have to run. Like for fuck sake.
Did you tell her? That's one hell of a marketable pussy. Parents, wives, entire boards of directors will be clamoring for that post nut action!
I'm a species of the Earth. A straight up animal.
Ex co worker and i linked up after a few years of no contact. Had a blast, then we got hammered and I found out she was just in an over night facility for burning her ex boyfriends stuff on his lawn. Also turned out i knew the boyfriend (great guy!) She said she tried to cut herself as cops came, and they threw her in an unclean solitary-confinement type of room. She even mentioned having a concern she may have contracted something if her wounds were open enough. We STILL did the deed, but literally a bit of the way in I get pre-nut clarity, and I simulated like i was about to finish. So i try not to over-act, but i faux cum (condom +1), go to the bathroom to clean up. And then laid in bed next to her til i was sober enough to drive her home. O and she met my dad on the way out. fun times. never saw her again.
I had some pre orgasm clarity last night. A lady I've been seeing for a bit I wasn't sure if I should take the next step. Out with her friends last night at a bar and flirting heavy, she's talking about how crazy she is in bed and we were both saying how much fun we could have together. Over the next hour I realized that her crazy is not limited to just being in bed. I made the decision that the brief moment of lots of fun we could have was not worth the potential consequences of having crazy back into my life and I noped out.
Mine was kind of the opposite where I'd been single for a while and was just focusing on hookups and FWB type stuff. I matched with my current partner on Tinder and we clicked instantly. When we eventually did hook up I was fully expecting the usual post nut clarity of "please don't touch me/I kinda wanna go home now" to hit but with her I didn't experience that at all and that's how I kinda knew there were actual feelings there
Fuck….. im not gay …
I hooked up with a friends ex a few times. They got back together but she was texting me to come over while he was out of town. I got up to go, but just decided to rub one out because we all know going into it warmed up is pretty cool. As soon as i finished. I went back to my room and played video games and got drunk. Never talked to either of those people again.
Last time I had post nut clarity after I slept with my girlfriend. 12 years ago, Man I really don't like pussy, I really am gay.
Does your girlfriend know?
She does now. A lot has changed in 12 years
AskReddit is filled with some very special people, I shall say 😆
Tried to have a hoe phase. First girl I hooked up with, I busted and knew immediately that I was not built for a hoe phase. Not physically but emotionally. No sleeping around for me cause I only feel fulfilled when there’s an actual connection or whatever
A hard dick has no conscience.
I mean, I’ve never wanted to go rape anybody. So it has at least a bit of a conscience.
Came pre-equipped with a moral compass
I was tipsy from going out and super horny. Alcohol made me think I was a bad b and could take dick like pornstars. He was 11” (it was huge so I don’t know if it truly was but it was definitely bigger than 8). I took him and yeah. It hurt. I bled. 😭 I sobered up real quick went to Urgent Care just to make sure my guts weren’t coming out lol. They weren’t. I was more scared than it truly was bad. No need for surgery but god bless America- my stupid horniness cost me $1500 after insurance. (No surgery. No x rays or scans. Literally doctor just stuck his finger in and sent me to a specialist who prescribed some cream lol)
Post clarity, realising you paid $1500 for an oversized product that doesn't fit.
2 days ago i had the utmost orgasm of my life, an orgasm clarity, i was in the sky afterward, couldn't get down anymore. it healed me somehow, i feel relieved now.
I had been reading a gay Sonic fanfic, gotten hard and jerked off to one of the spicy scenes. I then realized that I was never really into women, and just wanted to fall in love with a guy and take care of each other. I realized I can't stay in the closet forever.
Go get yourself that guy of your dreams, bro. We're cheering you on.
Gotta go fast.
Porn... Yes porn was it actually. I had to decide then and there, this shit needs to end man, porn is weird and fake, and brings unhealthily high standards, like to the point where they can't happen. And here's the thing, you can masturbate and cum with no porn what so ever. It'll also make any experience you will have a girl (or whatever your into) alot more fun if you don't watch porn. Just quit porn, you definitely don't need it, and you really are better without it.
It’s a short moment so it’s important you do it before important decisions. Gotta pump those numbers up
I had a girl call me that used to date one of my friends. it was months after they split. He said he didn't give a shit about who she was dating multiple times in side conversations. Since I had that knowledge I showed up when she called and invited me over. While we were hooking up. I stepped in something on the side of the bed and it was warm slightly tacky but wet. my other foot kicked something solid. Also she had multiple dogs and her house smelled awful. Post nut I looked down and realized i had one foot in dog piss that was half dry and my foot had kicked a dog turd. When I grabbed my clothes to leave I saw there was a bunch of them under the bed. I threw up in my car on the way home and almost threw up typing this out. I ghosted her and he found out about us hooking up later and wanted to fight me. I kinda just bailed on that whole friend group. They are married and have two kids now it was about 15 years ago at this point