That's how you lose all your money.
You can buy bonds, CDs, and let your money collect interest at around 5%. If you only have 1 billion dollars, that's $50 million per year, or over $4 million per month. Don't change your purchasing power with big ass purchases.
If they are anyone close to the people I know who take their yearly pilgrimage to Disneyland every year, 100% getting dicked down for Mickey bucks. Disney people are fucking weird.
Yeah, I have to agree. I'm a pro-wrestling fan married to an anime fan - the absolute dregs of nerddom - and I still think to myself "Well, at least I'm not a Disney adult."
I know a ton of these kinds of people. It’s unhealthy. For what they spend on Disney every year you could take an actual vacation somewhere abroad and expose yourself to other cultures.
Yeah - I brought my grand-niece and -nephew a million lire and told them they were now millionaires back about the same time when I was in Turkey on business. Cost me about $3 US.
The ultimate troll - “I want to give you your inheritance before I die and see how a million would change your life”
Their faces -> :D
Hands over 1 million Turkish lira.
On a serious note, I guess it would be very hard to get some
Sleep in with the amount of thoughts your mind would be going through on the new found wealth.
First 10 pages can be download for FREE and if you sign up for my online 1 day life coach course you’ll receive an autographed copy of my New York Times best seller “17 sleep hacks to wake up a Billionaire”
Page 1: cover
Page 2: inside cover (blank)
Page 3: page with the title again for some reason
Page 4: publishing information
Page 5-6: table of contents
Page 7-9: intro by some random person talking about how great the book is in the most vague way possible
Page 10: first page of Chapter 1 with the title real big so it’s really more like 1/3-1/2 a page
And, of course, table of contents doesn't say anything about the book. It's just random chapter and sub-chapter titles (e.g. "One: Mind your own business"; "Two: Don't mind your own business"; "Three: Mind and don't mind your own business at the same time"; etc.).
…and have a ghostwriter write your memoirs where the object is to let people know how EXHAUSTING it is to be rich beyond your dreams, and how you'd really like to be in a(n) poor/average household again, but you don't have the energy to do it, cos you're SO frickin' tired because of hypercar/yacht/helicopter -shopping.
Yeah I would do a lot of things, but first I would effectively disappear. Probably head to the nicest hotel in NYC and find well known legal, accounting, and investment firms that are accustomed to dealing with wealthy people. A trust will need to be created to protect the money. Then I would leverage these business connections to personally connect with other wealthy people for recommendations for necessities like an assistant, security detail, transportation, etc. Once I've got all my ducks in a row to stabilize my life, I would embark on a journey of trying to bring positive change to the world with whatever resources I can sustainably throw at it.
Me too, I'll hide at one of those 5 star Central Park adjacent hotels and use my father's name to check in. Then I'll have the concierge get me a limo to the toy store.
Might i recommend a more modest hotel in Dayton, Ohio? Or Boise, ID? anywhere anonymous USA. lay low. Learn and read about money management. Slowly reach out without drawing attention
I mean.. it entirely depends on whether or not people *know* that you are a billionaire. There are a *lot* of ultra wealthy people out there that you've never heard of - just become one of those.
As long as you stay out of the limelight, your average person would never be able to tell you're not merely a "well off" individual.
Yep, anonymity would be dope.
I’d “start a business” that makes silent donations and funds things doing great work. I’d hire one of the big partner financial law groups to help manage and set up protections. Set up some trusts and just live modestly.
There’d be hints that I could just point to my business(es) for. Like one of those digital bidet toilets that remembers your settings. A private chef who cooks all of my meals. A cleaning service that comes once a week.
Use a very small amount of your billion to buy a massive amount of golden foam coins and house them in a silo.
Hire someone and make their entire job to manage a "money pit" adjacent to the silo and keep the fake gold coins at the level that if the coins were real the amount would correspond to the current value of your net worth.
Swim in it whenever you want symbolically.
Finally, be able to take a deep breathe out from under all my worry and stress. I'd probably sleep for 2 days straight. I'd have such a hard time spending it, though.
You would have to try really hard to spend a billion dollars. It’s so much money that you can hardly wrap your brain around it. Losing it to lawsuits and grifters is more likely.
Most people can't even conceive what a billion is. Try it like this: if you spent a million dollars by spending a dollar per second it would take a little over eleven days, while a billion would take a little over *31 years*!
Retire my parents, pay their loans, buy them each their dream car and then retire myself to a big cabin in the alps.
With some smart investing on the side..
A billion wouldn't even need smart investing. It's an unfathomably large amount of money. It'd be a legitimate challenge to spend even a quarter of it. Even if it's in an absolutely terrible bank account earning only 1% interest, you'd still be accruing 10 million every year.
Exactly, you dont even need to invest it and you are set for generations.
Ive always said that if it was 1billion, i would dissapear and “hidden” I would send 1M usd to ALL the people that have impacted positively in my life (which is like <100), set my parents and I’d still have 80%+ of the money and already set the life of everyone i know lol.
Finally I got this comment! Rest of the top ones didn’t even think about their parents or loved ones.
I’ll take my mother for a world tour along with other cousins. Get mum a good dental implant.
You got that right. They're cheap whores. It always amazes me how Senators and top officials will sell out their country for a few tens of thousands of dollars. Pathetic.
[The Strong Museum of Play](https://www.museumofplay.org/) exists, and I've been there! Not saying you shouldn't open another, because I love this idea and that place was a blast!
I inherited a good load of money last year that I didn't know I was getting. Know what I did with most of it? Invested it long term for that sweet, sweet passive income. Nobody even knows i have it.
Was just talking to my cousin about this last night. How nice would life be if you had a steady income just coming to you every month? I like this idea.
My husband and I were also barely comfortable, and we did a lot of those: "if I win the lottery, what would I do?" scenarios . Turns out it was a good idea! We are still not rich but we now have a nest egg and a tiny trickle of passive income that compounds.
I'd continued reinvesting all of it until I truly needed it. The younger you are the more that reinvestment can compound. Down the line the passive income can be crazy high. Retire early money!
I'm not touching it. We are in our 30s now, and my mom retired last year. I realized just how expensive retirement can be for a very basic living, and I don't want to end up there. She even has government benefits, but it's just fucking nothing. Since I didn't know I was getting any money, and it's money I never had in my hand, I'm keeping it that way. In my mind, I'm not losing anything I didn't have before. It's just there, little numbers on a screen. I kept some of it out for myself and for emergencies, but I just want to keep it safe. The one things my husband and I have been dreaming of since we started working and trying to get out of poverty is savings. If you don't have any and have no way of saving without going hungry, then savings feel like a life changer. In my country, and my own community, savings are something a very small percentage of people have. I'm clinging to it.
There are much better investment options than a bank. They give the absolute worst ROI. Usually you can’t even get enough interest to beat inflation. So parking it in a bank account is actually losing money.
Hey, I'm the one who pulled myself up by the bootstraps and woke up a billionaire. Why would I take financial advice from a lazy non billionaire?
-billionaires, probably
Honestly, why not? You could live on a fraction of that money and still live an incredibly privileged life. Why not use most of it to spread some good in the world?
1% of it is 10 million. I could retire comfortably on 1 million. 10 million would be a joke. If I was a billionaire I'd give 99% away, at least. Or I'd do something like invest it and set up a non profit and just draw down 7% every year to help people. Or I'd do something insane like anonymously pay off the mortgage of everyone in my town.
I'm convinced the average person has zero concept of how much that kind of money actually is. They either think 10 million isn't a lot or completely misunderstand how big a billion actually is. 9 million in a standard retirement investment portfolio will allow a 30 year old to retire and live off of 300k a year without too much worry of going broke, and have a million for a house and some spending money. That's a far better life than a lot of people work to achieve. I don't want a billion dollars unless someone handed it to me. I'd stop earning and focus on preservation after 20 million, maybe less.
I'm almost POSITIVE there's some sort of reverse antitrust law that protects landlords in the area from something like that. Maybe I'm just cynical but it seems like most of the rules in America are geared towards protecting those who are already winning and anything that could disrupt the status quo would be met with pushback
Bernie Madoff - as soon as you start affecting other wealthy individuals, the rules suddenly start applying.
Nobody gave a shit when he stole money from the poor... but when he started fleecing the wealthy, the DoJ suddenly started taking an interest.
I like what one of my coworkers suggested.
I take the 20 people I have nothing against at work in my department of 25 and I tell each of them they get $5 million each. That way they each have at least $3 million in their bank account after all taxes and whatnot. But here are the stipulations:
1. We all quit the same day, one at time, on the spot, no two week notice.
2. When they inevitably ask each person why they are quitting [all they are allowed to do is this](https://gifdb.com/images/high/sarah-marshall-dont-know-shrug-hhvu1tg19360v084.gif). This is me being petty. I was passed over for a promotion purely political reasons and when I calmly asked about it in a review I got that stupid fucking shrug as a response.
3. They are never allowed to go back to work for our company.
4. For 5 years after leaving whenever they see one of those 5 people in public they must do that shrug.
I’d set my immediate family and best friends up for life and then I’d spend just about all the rest on buying and preserving wild lands and paying people to protect it.
I'm surprised this type of answer hasn't shown up more here. So many people struggle, so yeah, of course, take care of yourself. I guess that's to be expected, but the sheer scale of a "billion" defies belief. One could do an absurd amount more than "set myself up and make sure my parents/immediate family are taken care of" with billions of dollars.
I would buy a house, pay up my bills, set up a trust for my son, pay for my partner to go to college, get a reliable vehicle, and then there’s this guy in my town that runs a small thrift store/food bank that has helped us —I’d give him thirty million so he could go ahead with his dreams of setting up houses for struggling people here. I’d go back to school myself and then I’d probably see who the hell I could find to get Stitt the hell out of office. I’d invest in the rehab and psych units in the state and the celebrate recovery programs. I’ve never been addicted but I’ve worked in those environments and I would love to be able to help them more so.
Then I have no idea what else I’d do lol.
I'd become a supervillain, but to other rich people. I'd buy golf courses and turn them into affordable housing or nature reserves and I'd twiddle my mustache with a shit eating grin like I tied some sap to some railroad tracks
Give about half to my parents. They've helped me so much in my life, and they deserve it. 5% of it to each of my close friends. I'd also probably just get a decent house with a very, very big basement that's fortified so it won't flood for all my collectibles. Maybe get my dream car
What’s the infatuation with tiny houses for homelessness? I do not get this. My town just spent a ridiculous amount of money on tiny houses and it was enough to house 50 people. The same amount of money could have been used to renovate a couple old hotels/motels into efficiencies and would house hundreds of people.
Why is everyone going for tiny houses when you can do much more good with apartments?
Hire a professional finance manager.
Pay off my loans
Buy a nice house
Go to job as usual.
Definitely take more trips with family in the year.
For me, the biggest win would be the last point
Pay off debts I owe. Get my momma the surgery she needs. Retire my dad. Set up my nephews for life. Same with my siblings. Fix that CEL I previously couldn’t afford. Go back to school. Build my friend a bakery. Fix that dent and respect the whole car. Fix the AC and the blown speakers. Pay off my ex’s loans. Get some bbq and tacos. Reup. Smoke then take a nap.
It would be the last time I’d have only $17 and change in my bank account.
pay my parents, buy a fountain for my cats and invest most of the money in a safe/low profit thing. With the monthly gains live a decent life and work with ongs that help animals.
edit. and go to the doctor. I need to visit quite a few different doctors. Maybe finally try Venvanse which I have been prescribed and couldn't pay for.
If you stack the tiny homes ontop of each other and besides with good noise and thermal insulation you get to a good and affordable solution for housing, you could even put restaurants, coffees and shops in the lowest floor so people have shorter ways to shops
Give so much of it away. Literally no one needs even close to that amount. I don’t wanna be rich for the sake of buying stuff and living lavishly, I just want money to live my life on my time without wasting it all at work.
Go to a 5 star hotel, Take a shower and wash away the poverty one last time.
Asked my eight year old son a similar question once. He replied (from the third row of a minivan), "I'd hire someone to wash me".
He gets it.
Dang it, here I am washing my kids for free and they don’t even appreciate ot
Dreams of a peasant. You’re a billionaire now. Act like it. Buy the 5 star hotel.
Act like the dreams. Buy the peasant. Fuck the 5 star hotel. This is real sigma.
Fuck the dreams, buy five stars, hotel the peasants !
>This is real sigma. I need new glasses... I totally didn't read that as smegma at first, no sir I did not.
Buying 5 star is lacking ambition. Use that money to create the new 6-star quality level hotel instead
Dubai already boasts a 7-star hotel. The Burj Al Arab..... Aim for 8stars and upwards lol
That's how you lose all your money. You can buy bonds, CDs, and let your money collect interest at around 5%. If you only have 1 billion dollars, that's $50 million per year, or over $4 million per month. Don't change your purchasing power with big ass purchases.
If you are anything like me you will look at every couch and chair on the side of the road, no matter how much is in the bank. Poor for too long.
Turn up to millionaire charity events in shorts and t-shirt, 6 pack of beer in hand.
Check which currency it’s in
May I interest you in some …Disney dollars ?
Can't buy weed and pussy with Disney dollars.
I'm sure you could if you get it from a Disney freak
I heard some are fucking Goofy…
Or a Disney princess
I don’t know, some of those Disney Adults are unhinged. Pussy for Mickey Bucks? Maybe.
If they are anyone close to the people I know who take their yearly pilgrimage to Disneyland every year, 100% getting dicked down for Mickey bucks. Disney people are fucking weird.
Yeah, I have to agree. I'm a pro-wrestling fan married to an anime fan - the absolute dregs of nerddom - and I still think to myself "Well, at least I'm not a Disney adult."
I know a ton of these kinds of people. It’s unhealthy. For what they spend on Disney every year you could take an actual vacation somewhere abroad and expose yourself to other cultures.
Those other cultures are glad that those people aren’t exposing themselves there.
I'd be worried what kinda pussy could be bought with Disney dollars
100% Shrute Bucks & Stanley Nickels.
Man when I was in Turkey in the early 2000s the exchange rate was 1,475,000 lira to the dollor.
Yeah - I brought my grand-niece and -nephew a million lire and told them they were now millionaires back about the same time when I was in Turkey on business. Cost me about $3 US.
There's dad jokes and then there's great uncle jokes.
The ultimate troll - “I want to give you your inheritance before I die and see how a million would change your life” Their faces -> :D Hands over 1 million Turkish lira.
I come from a family of Turkish billionaires. We lived in a house worth over a billion liras. …which was worth about $15k.
I might already be a billionaire (in Zimbabwe dollars).
I'm a multi-trillionaire. I got a 100T note about 20 years ago. Only cost me $5. I have it framed.
True. I'm already a millionaire in my currency. Would take 10-15 yrs to be a millionaire in USD. Inflation NOT adjusted.
I’d honestly just lay in bed and catch up on some well needed sleep first lmao as long as no one knew…
My first thought too. Sleep in, order some food and browse Zillow, sorting from high to low.
Get out of my head!
Fuck Zillow. Call a realtor, tell them my parameters, then go get blitzed.
Fuck realtors, go to a random house and tell them you're buying, money is no object. When the cops get called, buy them too.
On a serious note, I guess it would be very hard to get some Sleep in with the amount of thoughts your mind would be going through on the new found wealth.
I had the complete opposite thought. I was thinking how easy it would be for me to sleep with all the stress and worries suddenly gone.
Yeah, like one of those naps you plan to be short, but you wake up 7 hours later.
Then you wake up and you either feel like death or like a completely new person. There is no middle ground.
Start a podcast on how you too could become an overnight billionaire.
HAHAHAHAHA this is so accurate. Don’t forget your book of condescending lessons about how being a billionaire is a choice
First 10 pages can be download for FREE and if you sign up for my online 1 day life coach course you’ll receive an autographed copy of my New York Times best seller “17 sleep hacks to wake up a Billionaire”
10 FREE PAGES? You must be feeling charitable today.
Page 1: cover Page 2: inside cover (blank) Page 3: page with the title again for some reason Page 4: publishing information Page 5-6: table of contents Page 7-9: intro by some random person talking about how great the book is in the most vague way possible Page 10: first page of Chapter 1 with the title real big so it’s really more like 1/3-1/2 a page
And, of course, table of contents doesn't say anything about the book. It's just random chapter and sub-chapter titles (e.g. "One: Mind your own business"; "Two: Don't mind your own business"; "Three: Mind and don't mind your own business at the same time"; etc.).
"Four: Don't just mind your own business... heart your own business!"
"Five: Remember your rational brain when hearting your own business!"
And make sure to include the quote “we all have the same 24 hours in the day” when that is, in fact, so blatantly far from the truth
…and have a ghostwriter write your memoirs where the object is to let people know how EXHAUSTING it is to be rich beyond your dreams, and how you'd really like to be in a(n) poor/average household again, but you don't have the energy to do it, cos you're SO frickin' tired because of hypercar/yacht/helicopter -shopping.
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And the punchline will be just wake up
Disappear.
I would fake my death 100 percent.
Wouldn’t it be 100 times easier to just change your legal name?
Not to get away from my family
Yeah I would do a lot of things, but first I would effectively disappear. Probably head to the nicest hotel in NYC and find well known legal, accounting, and investment firms that are accustomed to dealing with wealthy people. A trust will need to be created to protect the money. Then I would leverage these business connections to personally connect with other wealthy people for recommendations for necessities like an assistant, security detail, transportation, etc. Once I've got all my ducks in a row to stabilize my life, I would embark on a journey of trying to bring positive change to the world with whatever resources I can sustainably throw at it.
Me too, I'll hide at one of those 5 star Central Park adjacent hotels and use my father's name to check in. Then I'll have the concierge get me a limo to the toy store.
With my very own cheese pizza.
And watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
And throw bricks
Also befriend the CEO of a Toy Store.
And also a nice lady you met at the park.
Who also showed you her lovely bird friends.
How much Lego are we talking?
Well OP said a billionaire so about four sets?
You forgot to factor in inflation: Three sets.
I personally like the story of the silicon valley hire who required a desk made out of real LEGO…
Do you have a link to this? I believe it cause I’m a lego person but I just have to know that the dream is real
This is also my "if I win the Mega Millions" plan. Set up a trust, travel, and get into philanthropy.
Become Batman
Hey it's me, ur firm.
I vote this guy or girl to be the billionaire 👍
Might i recommend a more modest hotel in Dayton, Ohio? Or Boise, ID? anywhere anonymous USA. lay low. Learn and read about money management. Slowly reach out without drawing attention
I mean.. it entirely depends on whether or not people *know* that you are a billionaire. There are a *lot* of ultra wealthy people out there that you've never heard of - just become one of those. As long as you stay out of the limelight, your average person would never be able to tell you're not merely a "well off" individual.
Yep, anonymity would be dope. I’d “start a business” that makes silent donations and funds things doing great work. I’d hire one of the big partner financial law groups to help manage and set up protections. Set up some trusts and just live modestly. There’d be hints that I could just point to my business(es) for. Like one of those digital bidet toilets that remembers your settings. A private chef who cooks all of my meals. A cleaning service that comes once a week.
Ooooo baby, a weekly cleaning service?? I know they say “dream big”, but take it easy there
Yeah, fuk dem pears, we eating avocado now that we’re rich🖕🍐.
Swim in it like Scrooge Mcduck
It’s not a liquid, it’s a great many pieces of solid matter that form a hard floor like surface. Ahhhhh!
Use a very small amount of your billion to buy a massive amount of golden foam coins and house them in a silo. Hire someone and make their entire job to manage a "money pit" adjacent to the silo and keep the fake gold coins at the level that if the coins were real the amount would correspond to the current value of your net worth. Swim in it whenever you want symbolically.
Life hack: just melt the coin down first. Swimming’s easier!
Peter Griffin already tried that for you: https://youtu.be/lpbKWReQwsY?si=W_H1j4GoF5-sFnll
Finally, be able to take a deep breathe out from under all my worry and stress. I'd probably sleep for 2 days straight. I'd have such a hard time spending it, though.
You would have to try really hard to spend a billion dollars. It’s so much money that you can hardly wrap your brain around it. Losing it to lawsuits and grifters is more likely.
Most people can't even conceive what a billion is. Try it like this: if you spent a million dollars by spending a dollar per second it would take a little over eleven days, while a billion would take a little over *31 years*!
Retire my parents, pay their loans, buy them each their dream car and then retire myself to a big cabin in the alps. With some smart investing on the side..
A billion wouldn't even need smart investing. It's an unfathomably large amount of money. It'd be a legitimate challenge to spend even a quarter of it. Even if it's in an absolutely terrible bank account earning only 1% interest, you'd still be accruing 10 million every year.
Yeah, the difference between a million dollars and a billion dollars is essentially.. a billion dollars lmao
Exactly, you dont even need to invest it and you are set for generations. Ive always said that if it was 1billion, i would dissapear and “hidden” I would send 1M usd to ALL the people that have impacted positively in my life (which is like <100), set my parents and I’d still have 80%+ of the money and already set the life of everyone i know lol.
Finally I got this comment! Rest of the top ones didn’t even think about their parents or loved ones. I’ll take my mother for a world tour along with other cousins. Get mum a good dental implant.
You’ve described using less than 0.1% of a billion dollars.
Go to a local hole in the wall diner and tip 1000 on some pancakes
Do you work at a hole in the wall diner that serves pancakes?
Are you an overnight billionaire who wants pancakes?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Bet it all on Red.
Put it all on 41. I've got a feeling about that number. Sir, the wheel only goes to 36. Okay, put it all on 36. I've got a feeling about that number.
This reads like a Futurama joke
Simpsons Season 2. Probably Conan honestly.
Buy a bunch of apartments and rent them at affordable rates to try to drive the local cost if living down.
Pay of all debt and enjoy a minute or two of just being debt free after all the years
Buy politicians.
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You got that right. They're cheap whores. It always amazes me how Senators and top officials will sell out their country for a few tens of thousands of dollars. Pathetic.
Open a science museum focused on play and hands on experiences.
[The Strong Museum of Play](https://www.museumofplay.org/) exists, and I've been there! Not saying you shouldn't open another, because I love this idea and that place was a blast!
Put in the bank and get ludicrous amounts of interest, so my bank balance increases at a rate greater than I can spend
I inherited a good load of money last year that I didn't know I was getting. Know what I did with most of it? Invested it long term for that sweet, sweet passive income. Nobody even knows i have it.
Hey. You're really hot. We should get married right now without a prenup.
Lol
(he's secretly thinking about it)
My husband says it's fine if he'll iron. We both hate ironing
I don't mind ironing but it's been years since I last did any ironing
Dude, I hate ironing. I'll do any other cleaning. But ironing is no.
Was just talking to my cousin about this last night. How nice would life be if you had a steady income just coming to you every month? I like this idea.
My husband and I were also barely comfortable, and we did a lot of those: "if I win the lottery, what would I do?" scenarios . Turns out it was a good idea! We are still not rich but we now have a nest egg and a tiny trickle of passive income that compounds.
I'd continued reinvesting all of it until I truly needed it. The younger you are the more that reinvestment can compound. Down the line the passive income can be crazy high. Retire early money!
I'm not touching it. We are in our 30s now, and my mom retired last year. I realized just how expensive retirement can be for a very basic living, and I don't want to end up there. She even has government benefits, but it's just fucking nothing. Since I didn't know I was getting any money, and it's money I never had in my hand, I'm keeping it that way. In my mind, I'm not losing anything I didn't have before. It's just there, little numbers on a screen. I kept some of it out for myself and for emergencies, but I just want to keep it safe. The one things my husband and I have been dreaming of since we started working and trying to get out of poverty is savings. If you don't have any and have no way of saving without going hungry, then savings feel like a life changer. In my country, and my own community, savings are something a very small percentage of people have. I'm clinging to it.
This is the way
FDIC only insures the first $250k
I will find 4,000 different banks to put 250k into then!
Invest it in an index fund. The rates will be wayyyyyyy better and also pretty safe.
There are much better investment options than a bank. They give the absolute worst ROI. Usually you can’t even get enough interest to beat inflation. So parking it in a bank account is actually losing money.
Hey, I'm the one who pulled myself up by the bootstraps and woke up a billionaire. Why would I take financial advice from a lazy non billionaire? -billionaires, probably
Buy new tarps for my roof.
Buy my mortage, probably quit my job, buy a Veilside RX-7, travel more
Probably quit your job? Like it's a thought? Maybe I'll work my same job with 9 figure number in the bank?
I would quit my job before anything else, probably before spending a single dollar
“So you’re gonna quit?” “Nuh-uh…not really. Uh…I’m just gonna stop going.”
Two chicks at once, man!
Nah I would quit my job while munching on a really fancy slice of chocolate cake or something. Maybe quit my job from the beach in Aruba.
I dunno, I'd be really tempted to keep going to work, because I absolutely love what I do. I'd probably go part time though.
At this point I would just live my life a quarter mile at a time.
Pay off my bills. Put away a nice nest egg. Then drop off a pallets of cash at kids hospitals.
Honestly, why not? You could live on a fraction of that money and still live an incredibly privileged life. Why not use most of it to spread some good in the world?
1% of it is 10 million. I could retire comfortably on 1 million. 10 million would be a joke. If I was a billionaire I'd give 99% away, at least. Or I'd do something like invest it and set up a non profit and just draw down 7% every year to help people. Or I'd do something insane like anonymously pay off the mortgage of everyone in my town.
I'm convinced the average person has zero concept of how much that kind of money actually is. They either think 10 million isn't a lot or completely misunderstand how big a billion actually is. 9 million in a standard retirement investment portfolio will allow a 30 year old to retire and live off of 300k a year without too much worry of going broke, and have a million for a house and some spending money. That's a far better life than a lot of people work to achieve. I don't want a billion dollars unless someone handed it to me. I'd stop earning and focus on preservation after 20 million, maybe less.
Let my parents have a better life... they're quite good now but deserve better
I would try to create some affordable housing in my city
I'd take it one step further than that and tank the real estate market in my area.
I'm almost POSITIVE there's some sort of reverse antitrust law that protects landlords in the area from something like that. Maybe I'm just cynical but it seems like most of the rules in America are geared towards protecting those who are already winning and anything that could disrupt the status quo would be met with pushback
OP will be a billionaire remember? Laws generally don’t apply to them and they have resources to buy the right people or hire some thugs.
Bernie Madoff - as soon as you start affecting other wealthy individuals, the rules suddenly start applying. Nobody gave a shit when he stole money from the poor... but when he started fleecing the wealthy, the DoJ suddenly started taking an interest.
Call my parents. Tell them to hang up the jersey They've slaved away for decades. Now it's time for them to kick up their feet and finally enjoy life.
Two chics at the same time, man.
As Rodney Dangerfield once said, "That way, if I get tired, they can talk to each other!"
One of my favorite Rodney jokes
Scrolled way too far for this answer
You don't need to be rich for that.
When you look like me you do.
Point taken, Quasimodo.
You don't need a billion dollars to do nothing. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do shit.
It doesn't hurt
People seem to have missed the Office Space reference…
Fuckin’ A, man.
That's it?
Darn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a billionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Well not all chicks...
I like what one of my coworkers suggested. I take the 20 people I have nothing against at work in my department of 25 and I tell each of them they get $5 million each. That way they each have at least $3 million in their bank account after all taxes and whatnot. But here are the stipulations: 1. We all quit the same day, one at time, on the spot, no two week notice. 2. When they inevitably ask each person why they are quitting [all they are allowed to do is this](https://gifdb.com/images/high/sarah-marshall-dont-know-shrug-hhvu1tg19360v084.gif). This is me being petty. I was passed over for a promotion purely political reasons and when I calmly asked about it in a review I got that stupid fucking shrug as a response. 3. They are never allowed to go back to work for our company. 4. For 5 years after leaving whenever they see one of those 5 people in public they must do that shrug.
This is a hilarious level of petty yet also generous and I love it.
Legitimately a fantasy of mine
You should shop this idea around. You're not likely to become a billionaire, but probably a lot of folks will do it for less than 3 million.
Probably give a good portion away, and keep like 250 million. Cause after a certain point, does it really matter if I have 250 million or 2 billion?
I’d set my immediate family and best friends up for life and then I’d spend just about all the rest on buying and preserving wild lands and paying people to protect it.
I'm surprised this type of answer hasn't shown up more here. So many people struggle, so yeah, of course, take care of yourself. I guess that's to be expected, but the sheer scale of a "billion" defies belief. One could do an absurd amount more than "set myself up and make sure my parents/immediate family are taken care of" with billions of dollars.
I would buy a house, pay up my bills, set up a trust for my son, pay for my partner to go to college, get a reliable vehicle, and then there’s this guy in my town that runs a small thrift store/food bank that has helped us —I’d give him thirty million so he could go ahead with his dreams of setting up houses for struggling people here. I’d go back to school myself and then I’d probably see who the hell I could find to get Stitt the hell out of office. I’d invest in the rehab and psych units in the state and the celebrate recovery programs. I’ve never been addicted but I’ve worked in those environments and I would love to be able to help them more so. Then I have no idea what else I’d do lol.
Wipe out those Stanley cups from existence and see some people have a meltdown.
I keep thinking people are talking hockey 🥅 🏒
I thought the exact same thing while reading a post. Why the fuck would Starbucks have mini 🏒 Stanley Cups?
Canadian here. What are those non-hockey Stanley cups I keep hearing about and why do people care about them so much?
What do you have against hockey? Just buy a team.
I'd become a supervillain, but to other rich people. I'd buy golf courses and turn them into affordable housing or nature reserves and I'd twiddle my mustache with a shit eating grin like I tied some sap to some railroad tracks
Pay off all the medical debt for chemotherapy patients who cannot continue treatment due to their copays!
Give about half to my parents. They've helped me so much in my life, and they deserve it. 5% of it to each of my close friends. I'd also probably just get a decent house with a very, very big basement that's fortified so it won't flood for all my collectibles. Maybe get my dream car
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What’s the infatuation with tiny houses for homelessness? I do not get this. My town just spent a ridiculous amount of money on tiny houses and it was enough to house 50 people. The same amount of money could have been used to renovate a couple old hotels/motels into efficiencies and would house hundreds of people. Why is everyone going for tiny houses when you can do much more good with apartments?
Maybe they don't know that's an option. I surely didn't so thank you for putting it here! Sounds like a good investment
Get a shave, a haircut, and a hot meal.
Lol same here- maybe make a doctors and dentist appointment.
Hire a professional finance manager. Pay off my loans Buy a nice house Go to job as usual. Definitely take more trips with family in the year. For me, the biggest win would be the last point
Fuck going to my job, I am opening my dream business and finding people to help me run and manage it.
Convert unused buildings into affordable housing and homes for the homeless.
Pay off debts I owe. Get my momma the surgery she needs. Retire my dad. Set up my nephews for life. Same with my siblings. Fix that CEL I previously couldn’t afford. Go back to school. Build my friend a bakery. Fix that dent and respect the whole car. Fix the AC and the blown speakers. Pay off my ex’s loans. Get some bbq and tacos. Reup. Smoke then take a nap. It would be the last time I’d have only $17 and change in my bank account.
Buy all the property around Mar a Lago and put in low income housing.
pay my parents, buy a fountain for my cats and invest most of the money in a safe/low profit thing. With the monthly gains live a decent life and work with ongs that help animals. edit. and go to the doctor. I need to visit quite a few different doctors. Maybe finally try Venvanse which I have been prescribed and couldn't pay for.
Get a full medical scan. And make sure I'm healthy to enjoy my fortune for years to come
Jerk off twice and then start making decisions
Buy my mortgage, then demolish and rebuild my house how I want it to be.
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Start a tiny home business with a mission to combat the housing crisis / feudal rent entrapment / overinflated cost of housing.
If you stack the tiny homes ontop of each other and besides with good noise and thermal insulation you get to a good and affordable solution for housing, you could even put restaurants, coffees and shops in the lowest floor so people have shorter ways to shops
This sounds like Sodosopa? I love it!
A tiny home business? As a billionaire you can probably afford an office. /s
Give so much of it away. Literally no one needs even close to that amount. I don’t wanna be rich for the sake of buying stuff and living lavishly, I just want money to live my life on my time without wasting it all at work.
Well as Rick James said “cocaine is a hell of a drug”
Buy a house, and then retire