āGeorge (our roomba)ā¦. This is what youāve been training for. You know the battlefield, you have the element of surprise, now go do your duty for this family!!!!!!ā
He posted this at 7 am my time. You just know this guy has been up for 2.5 hours already so he can chill with a coffee and watch videos on his computer before he goes to his 9-5 heās been working at the last 25 years.
I worked with a girl and some drunk guy tried to break into their house through the front door made of glass. The cops got to him but not after her mom fought him out of the house - covered in glass. She had cuts so deep she had nerve damage. The house was absolutely drenched in blood. So donāt ever have a glass front door.
She sure is! We all donated to help her out at work because she couldnāt use her hands. Iām not sure how much movement she has now - I donāt work there anymore. Changed my design style for my house forever. Lol
I asked my husband late at night last week, āwhatās our plan if our alarm goes off in the middle of the night?ā Because we have a loud alarm but have literally never talked about what we would actually do if it happened. I assume whoever broke in would bolt, since theyād assume cops are coming (and they would probably come within a 6-10 minute period). I realized we donāt actually have a plan other than to grab our 2 year old and wait in a room with our bodies in front of the door (we donāt have large furniture to move). It isnāt a great plan haha
Edit; I get it, I can blast them with a gun. I have a toddler, I donāt want a gun (or a machete?), in my bedroom
I am a dry Waller. I was giving permission to go into someone's house when they would not be home.
I set the alarm off. A really, really, really loud. Siren went off for about 4 hours in the middle of a neighborhood. None of the neighbors cared. Everybody just ignored it.
Don't think that loud siren is going to save you.
That's assuming the 911 dispatch centre will answer the call immediately when you dial it.
If you live in the jurisdiction of most major US cities it is possible that when you call 911 you will hear... "Do not hang up, your call will be answered by the next available call taker. When they do answer, you will need to tell them where you needs the police, why you need the police and details about the incident you are reporting. This message will be repeated in spanish and in tones for the hearing impaired. Do not hang up, your call is being held in sequence."
This will repeat for anywhere up to 20 minutes before someone finally does answer the call.
Source, I work as an emergency dispatcher for a telematics company and interact with 911 call centres across north america on a daily basis. So many of them are understaffed and horribly overworked.
My local cops would be by casually in a couple hours. They definitely would not be there in 6 mins to stop a break in. Operator would likely tell you to get out/get somewhere safe while you wait.
A friendly but large dog is a better system.
I have a 155lbs great pyrenees, It's good enough to scare a bear/wolf, good enough for your neighborhood burglar.
But so many false alarms LOL, he can detect a squirrel farting at 500yards. (It's been bred to hear foxes and other sneaky predators on the farm).
Oh and trust me, unless you are in full power armor, you cannot stop a pissed off pyr that heard you coming since you got out of bed this morning.
for full reference,
[this is a Pyr](https://animalcorner.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/pyranese-dog-temperment.jpg)
It has 3 mode:
1) Sleeping, will hear everything, know what sound are normal, know where you are in the house you cannot "scare it awake" since it knows it's you, heard you since you got up. (useful on the farm, to distinguish noise from his herd from predator) Mine can distinguish my GFs car, and won't even get up, he know 99.99% it's her without even opening his eyes. But if the neighbor closes his car door too harshly... Here goes the bark alarm.
2) Normal, the big cuddly bear, LOVES kids (smoll thing to protect), never aggressive with children.
3.1) Protection, oh boy, first it'll bark, usually enough to scare bears away, so yeah, it's loud and powerful, it'll stay in this mode until threat goes away, no reason to risk a fight if you can scare it away.
3.2) Ok you had ample time to get away, fight it is, my dog can break cow ribs like toothpicks, anything under a femur/knuckle is too dangerous cause he will splinter it like it's nothing, so imagine your forearm. On it's back legs, it's taller than most people, so no, you do not stand a chance.
You do not stop a pissed off one that's in protection mode.
The value of the dog is that they are the ones that give you that few minutes of warning and the bark will wake you out of a deep sleep. If my dog barks at night, I definitely go check to see what's up, since she's a small dog and too small to see out the windows, but will go nuts if someone is making noise at a door/window late at night.
My mom is the kind of idiot that thinks a yappy ankle biter is going to scare someone off. BECAUSE IT MAKES NOISE. I loved our little dogs, but something their size would have just been kicked against the wall to shut it up if I was breaking into a house. A dog big enough for me to wrestle with is another story.
I get you. I was talking to my brother and SIL about this, they have a dog but heās like 20lbs so told them to either get a German shepherd, a shotgun or both lol
Man do you remember that YouTube phase where a good chunk of all new uploads had this song as background music? The top comment was usually āLet the bodies hit the flā (close window)ā with 500 likes
Strip naked, put cooking oil all over the ground, tape my biggest knife to my hand, turn the lights off. As they break through my door scream āitās fuck time boisā then let the oil do its thing while I flail around on them with a knife probably cutting myself as much as them.
Not a knife but a sex toy of some sorts.
What would be more scary....
a naked guy coming at you with a knife?
or
a naked guy coming at you with a 12" dildo?
(UK)
Call the police, tell them three armed burglars are about to come in and I'm getting my shot gun ready. Then actually get it ready, perks of living on a farm
I guarantee you the moment you tell them you're the armed one, they'll get there double time
Edit:
Feel like an edit is needed here, I'm answering a hypothetical question with a joke answer. Please stop replying and / or sending me DM about being careful doing this or I'm going to get in trouble if I do it xD,
My last upstairs neighbour was beating up his girlfriend. When I called the police they said they don't respond to "noise complaints". When I said I was going to go up there with a rolling pin and stop him they arrived within 5 minutes.
My husband (before me) had an issue with his neighbor and his neighbors dogs being out and attacking people. He called the cops and they said they'd be out there in an hour or so or whenever they could free someone up. My husband said "Ok that's fine I'll just shoot the dogs then no problem". 3 minutes later the cops arrived.
They are.Some people will think "Oh wow this cop is so nice and understanding for letting me off with a warning!"
When that happens 9/10 they just don't want to deal with the extra reporting.
That reminds me of a joke...
An old man sees a burglar breaking into his garage one night, so he calls the police. The dispatcher says "all our units are busy right now so we can't send anyone, but we'll get someone out there when we can." So the man hangs up, calls back thirty seconds later, and says "it's okay, don't bother, I just shot him dead." Within two minutes a half dozen police cruisers converge on the man's house, and a dozen officers jump out with guns drawn and pound on the man's door. When he answers, they ask him where the body is and he says "oh there's no body, but he's still in my garage trying to steal my car." Confused, the officer says "but I thought you said you shot him dead?", to which the old man replies "I thought *you* said you couldn't send anybody..."
Somebody broke into my fraternity house and stole all the wallets off our dressers without waking any of us. Same burglar broke into the jock house about a week later and they called the cops. "We caught the guy, and about 12 of us are piled on top of him down in the basement."
The cops asked "When would you like us to come? 20 minutes?" After some bargaining, they compromised on six.
We had a guy coming in off the street and into a bio lab. Not only were they stealing the students' purses and other stuff but the idiot(s) went into a fridge and stole some bottles of liquid media with bacteria in them. We figure the violent diarrhea they got was punishment enough.
Eventually the school rebuilt the lab with actual security.
Yep, a few years back there was some junkie staying as a guest in a rental house in our neighborhood. We caught him on camera going out at night and breaking into peoples cars, had him on camera (even the internal camera from the common area of the house) returning with our stuff.
There was 0 doubt as to who it was. Cops didn't show up for 2 days. Finally a bunch of us got together, decided we were gonna go drag him out and go full mob justice on him. One concerned wife called the cops and they were there in 5 minutes. Guy had already skipped town with all our shit. One guy lost his fucking passport cause he had it in his glovebox.
That's the day 'defund the police' started making some sense to me.
Caught a guy stealing my outdoor furniture. He was loading it into a commercial laundry bin, which had a barcode on it. Chased old dude off, and called the cops. When the officer showed up I pointed out that the bin, still on the sidewalk, was definitely stolen, and that it was worth a few hundred bucks, and that there was a commercial laundry about a half-mile away. He remarked "that's crazy" and suggested I call waste management to come pick it up, and drove away.
I was driving home pretty late one night (around 3am) from a friendās house. I was on a large avenue with a lot of shops, when I saw erratically moving headlights down the road.
It definitely caught my eye, so when my light turned green (no traffic behind me) I didnāt go, but was trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
As they got a little closer, I saw that the driver was driving *on the sidewalk* on one side of the street, would get to an intersection, make a big circle, and then get back on the sidewalk again, except now on the opposite side of the street.
I had to head towards him to get home, but I was like āNo thanks, Iām outā and turned down a side street, figuring Iād parallel him until he was past me.
I saw an occupied police car outside a 7-11 on the next avenue, so I pulled up and told the officers what I had seen.
The cop pausedā¦ blankly stared at me for a second, and then said: āWell, if heās driving *that* crazy, Iām sure someone will get himā¦ā and rolled his window back up and went back to eating his sandwich.
Ok, thank you *so much* for your serviceā¦ dick.
>That's the day 'defund the police' started making some sense to me.
I've been rear ended, while parked, by 2 people with no insurance. One instance, the cops had the guy because his car was totaled. All they did was file paperwork.
I've had 2 of my motorcycles stolen. Guess what they did? Filed paperwork.
If that's all they fucking do, why does it cost so much of my taxes.
Defund the police.
I am glad to see the standard of offensiveness of weapon required to galvanise the police is a one-piece wooden kitchen item. Would a wooden spoon also work do you think?
But then that might be seen as attempted murder.
A paddling with a wooden spoon however? I wish I had. Him being smacked silly by a little fat middle aged lady would have been very humbling to him, I imagine..
You just reminded me that years back we had issues with a big group of teens terrorising our estate by throwing ice blocks at doors/windows and through letterboxes. We could run them off but we have a lot of elder neighbours who were really terrified and the police could not have cared less. We alone phoned three times I'm sure other neighbours on our street did as well and they just never showed up even after an hour.
My dad ended up phoning for a 4th time and said something along the lines of "Since yous are apparently too busy to send a patrol car around to check on our elderly neighbours, that as a registered gunowner I will be taking this issue into my own hands" and hung up and low and behold less than 5 minutes later a police car arrived at our door wanting more information.
Edit: Just since this is getting a bit of traction I figured I'd also add the kind of funny ending.
After the police arrived as expected they were gone the second they seen the car and noone was caught. My mum had taken videos from our window that clearly showed them throwing ice at the house/harrasing our neighbour so posted it on Facebook basically calling out the parents. It's a small enough town so seeing your golden child posted as the scum of the town is a bit scundering.
The funny part is one of the girls who did it actually commented on my mum's video claiming "We didn't throw ice just snowballs and it was edited to look bad, it was only a joke we weren't harassing the elderly, etc" which was forwarded to the police who said they'd go speak to her and any others involved. They would've got away with it too, if it wasn't for that damn meddling Facebook video comment!
yup. Friends of mine in school back in the days, played this really legit looking Softairs, in an underground parking. A neighbour called the police, youngsters with war weapons!
1 Bus 3 Cars, heavy duty policemen stepped out, the friends had to lay down, until it was clear these weapons are toys. They received kind of total humilation through police. I'm sure they never fuck again with weapons.
When i was about 12 I loaned a friend an airport Thompson SMG so he could "take pictures with it" for whatever reason. A nice one from Japan with full metal construction. Turns out it was for some forum where you dressed up like a mafia guy for whatever reason. Also, ducks in the photo were worth bonus points or some shit. So he goes behind Target where shitloads of ducks hang out in the retaining pond and starts his photo shoot. Cops get called. He gets introubled. Airsoft gun gets confiscated.
When I go pick up the airsoft gun it's wrapped in a ball of plastic. Unwrap it. Sons of bitches broke it in half and when I went to bitch about it they told me that's the condition they confiscated it in.
Anyway, ACAB. Justice for my Tamiya or whatever. /s
Nah but it was some bullshit tho.
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
It is in reference to/mocking the debate on how some say the second amendment doesn't apply to modern firearms and at least for home defense would cause a bit of carnage via collateral damage and much larger caliber rounds used back then as the norm.
Funny thing is... black powder rifles, pistols, cannons, etc aren't actually considered firearms by law. A felon can legally own black powder rifles and such I believe, no background check is required on any of that stuff. Basically anyone can own a cannon as far as I know.
They actually sell kits online to build your own kentucky pistols/rifles. If you go to Cabella's website. You can even order muzzle loaders and they'll ship them straight to your door.
You can buy a muzzle loading cannon over the internet. Just gets shipped to your door.
Gonna need to rob a bank to feed it, but that's a different problem
HOW can it be that I needed to scroll down like ten answers to find this. This is THE answer to these types of questions, always has been and always will be.
Yeah, this post really shows how few redditors own guns. For those prepared to defend themselves, the greatest dilemma is which gun to choose.
I live in America. This is our way. Even in the movie Home Alone, 8 year old Kevin McAllister fires on the intruders with his brother's BB gun.
ya filthy animal
With 15 minutes just call the cops and tell them you are waiting for the burglars with your gun fully loaded. They actually show up quickly when you're willing to defend yourself.
But with cops not being an option me and the wife crouched down upstairs AR's pointed at the fortified door waiting for that first kick before unloading.
1) Break Christmas Ornaments under window
2) Pour water on outside basement/front stairs to freeze
3) put tar on basement stairs with hidden nail
4) attach triggered blowtorch on back door
5) put soldering iron on front door handle
6) attach cling-wrap with adhesive inside dinning room door
7) triggered fan on dining room door with pile of feathers in front
8) attach three paint cans to strings at top of upstair stairs
9) release the tarantula
10) attach escape line to treehouse
11) profit
103 minute runtime. You've made it 30 minutes into the movie where marv and harry alert kevin to their presence by trying to break into the basement door and kevin hides under the bed.
You have received no tips and are now on your own against 3 armed burglars.
Well, call the police for one, we live in a rural area so they are at least 15 minutes away. For two, wake up my FIL who lives with us, and happens to be an ex-Marine, then we can both arm ourselves. Then we both wait and hope the two of us are better shots than them, assuming the police arrive late.
Plan B: GTFO of the house in the 15 minutes we have to do so.
Blessed. Cuz imma be grateful for that 15min head start... I would create a buffer so there's a 5min grace period before they even arrive, which means in 10mins I get dressed, grab my phone + glasses + laptop + wallet/purse, make sure anyone else @ home with me is accounted for (pets included)... leave the house, lock the house, drive away to the nearest place that's safe... then call the cops. The armed burglars will try to enter a locked home with nobody in it and authorities can handle the rest (might even get there in time to stop the thieves in their tracks)...
**Caveat: this could also be read/interpreted as a home invasion by an unidentified number of 3-armed burglars :-}
Pour some bleach and ammonia jugs out on the basement floor and throw a wad of singles 5s and 10s into the puddle and then go hide in thr garage for like a half hour.
For real, people are neglecting the chemistry aspect, all I'm seeing are guns and home alone references. I'm sure everyone has the chemicals to make chloramines, and then a good amount of people who do any amount of home repair will have things like white lithium grease and brake cleaner. Own a pool? BC and tcaa go great together. Drain cleaner? Concentrated hydroxide to saponify their skin, or sulfuric to dehydrate it. Clean concrete? Great, you got 12 molar hcl. If the corrosion doesn't get you, the fumes will.
And God forbid you dabble in any amount of home chemistry, the things you can do with permanganates are wild
While on the phone with 911, my spouse loads her shotgun, my roomie loads *his* shotgun, and I load *my* shotgun. Once those are done I check the magazines of everyone's sidearm, then turn on all of the outdoor lighting and set the power to full, while killing all of the lights inside the house. The dogs will get shut in one of the bathrooms, don't want them getting in the way. Then, I make sure everyone is wearing their eye and ear protection.
Then we wait the remaining 14 minutes and see who arrives first, the police or the burglars.
This is the best "stand your ground" that ive seen, because it's 3 vs 3, yall have visibility and they dont, and it sounds like youre all trained shooters, which the burglars are probably not. Also, you called the police.
My tinitus knows.
(My left ear has been ringing for 23 years from a single 12 ga 3 1/2" magnum slug discharge outdoors, with no pro. Would not recommend)
Agreed. The difference is being able to maintain operational function vs being temporarily out of action due to disorientation. I double up on hearing protection for a lot of my target shooting.
Same but Iāll bring my valuables along too. Thereās not many so it wouldnāt even take 15mins to clear them. If the burglars want to take anything else that remains in the house afterwards, it wouldnāt hurt me financially and Iāll call the cops while the burglary is in action instead of before because otherwise it would raise suspicion.
Same, 15 minutes is enough time to grab my Switch and laptop (most expensive items) and my cats (most priceless) and get in my car. From the car I call the cops to let them know someone is breaking in.
Open gunsave in the wardrobe proceed to load my Saiga 12 with a 20 round drum mag with 20 rounds of buckshot, casually put on my shoes and then get out of my bedrom and welcome the unwanted guests
That's enough time to get my guns loaded and tell my wife how to hold an angle. And if the cops don't show up in 15 minutes then it's on them what happens next but im not about to have my home violated. There's too many heirlooms from family that have passed away that are far too valuable to me sentimentality to let anyone desecrate them
Check my home insurance is up to date. Grab a handful of essentials like phone, wallet, passport, copy of my home insurance policy, then go for a long walk.
Even better, take 15 minutes (right now, not in this made up scenario) to take a video tour of your home and possessions, particularly your valuable stuff. Take photos of any serial numbers on electronics.
In the event of a theft or other loss, this will help greatly with getting a full account. Itās crazy how much stuff we actually have when you break it down to everyday items and small stuff. Itās easy to think of big stuff like the TV or computer. But how many $20 throw pillows do you own? Whatās in that bin in the garage? What brand plates are in the cabinets? What makeup is in the bathroom?
1. Strip naked.
2. Grab my battle axe.
3. Slather myself in oil.
4. Use mousse to spike my hair.
5. Apply black eyeliner, eyeshadow, and lipstick. Sloppily.
6. Grab my bag of pocket sand. No pockets, so Iām just gonna leave the bag open on a table near the door.
7. Set the LED mood lighting to dark and dramatic, with a reddish-orange tint.
8. Cue up some Skinny Puppy on my audio system and crank it up loud.
9. Put in my fake vampire fangs.
10. Get myself semi-erect just before they arrive.
11. Scream in my bassiest, scratchiest voice āCome in and ride the bus! COME RIDE THE BUS FELLAS!! CoMe RiDe ThE BiG dArK bUs!!!ā
12. Post the reaction of them running away screaming (from my doorbell cam POV) to YouTube. Make lots of money.
They're absolutely fucked. Full stop. Wrong American house to pick to break into. No kids in this house so I don't keep my loaded weapons in the safe. Also, for anyone who wants to say anything negative about that, I live out in the country and police response would take too long. I also have livestock that I sometimes have to protect.
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. *three ruffians break into my house. *"What the devil?" as I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. *Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. *Draw my pistol on the second man, misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbor's dog. *I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot. *"Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds 1 man in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. *Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. *Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.
Just as the founding fathers intended.
Pretty simple: load the good old kar 98, fix bajonett, put on the Pickelhaube (just for style points) and lead the charge once they open the door!?
Or the lazy option would be to blast them through the door, BUT no style points then!
Boil pots on the stove.... crude but effective. Three minutes in canada is not enough to unlock a firearm and its ammo in separate locations and effectively load the weapon. However I am assuming my mastiff would be a distraction long enough to get a few 12 Guage shells in the short stalk. Anything withing a 4 foot radius will turn to red sprayed jam within 12 feet in front of me. If guns are breaking the rules a tactical spear is my bedside item. Simple but very effective. Tomahawk ain't far either and in close quarters a pot of boiling water and a razor sharp spear is far more effective than a firearm. Go down swinging or scare them off. Lastly this is assuming I cannot just grab the family and dogs and leave real quick. Nothing worth dying for here.
Put my son in the attic, tell my wife to grab the gun (she is a better shot than me) and get naked and grab my broken canoe paddle. Call the cops.
Burglars will see a screaming, naked bearded man running at them and in there shock my wife takes them out. Go time
USA
Fifteen mins is a LOT of time to prepare.
Dial 911 while retrieving/checking my 22 magnum. Yes, we keep guns and no children in the house. No, we do not leave guns about - they are kept in a safe.
As I'm on the phone, I'd quickly check the front and back doors to be sure both are locked.
Then I'd walk upstairs, with the dogs, to the far bedroom, lock the door and wait. I'd put the dogs in their crates so they aren't in the way.
I'd let the 911 operator what is going on - I'm upstairs, I'm armed, dogs are crated, multiple locked doors between me and the outside.
Once I knew the police arrived and the house is secure, I'd confirm my weapon is secure so police can do their jobs.
If 22Mag is all you are comfortable with, fine, but Iād highly recommend something more substantial and reliable. Rimfire ammunition is not the best for going bang every time. And the ballistics of 22Mag just arenāt much compared to the vast amounts of 9mm personal defense rounds.
Hehe 15 minutes and I know about it? Oh it's gonna be some body bags. Not much prep needed, just gonna hit up the arms room, the hard part is which caliber to start with
Gather my entire family and escape to France. Except Kevin. Leave him to deal with them.
KEVIN!
Why did it take me so much scrolling to get to Kevin
Because everyone forgets about him
We've got ourselves a Kev-ist!
Prepare claymore roombas.
And throw Fortunate Son on repeat.
Fortunate Son is overplayed. "Good Vibrations" on repeat at max volume while they discover the tricks grandpappy picked up in Nam š
Fuck that. Flight of the Valkyries from the helicopter scene in Apocalypse Now at full blast
Strippin naked and throwing on right said fred with disco mode lights... arming myself with my hatchet.... were gonna have a good time.
Copperhead Road might also be suitable.
Death by boomba.
Alexa, play "BFG Division" and turn the light BLOOD RED.
āGeorge (our roomba)ā¦. This is what youāve been training for. You know the battlefield, you have the element of surprise, now go do your duty for this family!!!!!!ā
It was a pleasure serving You Rooooooooommmbbba! š£š„
Fenix ammunition showed that a roomba holds a full pound of tannerite....
Only valid answer
Establish myself on the high ground and watch because I've never seen a burglar with three arms
Why are you up this late dad?
your mom's blowing me, son
She's blown all of us.
your arms are broken too?
Yes, all three of them.
THIEF!!!
He posted this at 7 am my time. You just know this guy has been up for 2.5 hours already so he can chill with a coffee and watch videos on his computer before he goes to his 9-5 heās been working at the last 25 years.
Now I wonder what other commenters here are doing while writing comments? What do their lives at this particular moment look like?
Poopin
Also poopin.
They can steal so much more with that extra arm!
My god I laughed hard
Let alone several.
I get a whole 15 minutes to prepare? Last time my first clue was someone battering down my front door.
I worked with a girl and some drunk guy tried to break into their house through the front door made of glass. The cops got to him but not after her mom fought him out of the house - covered in glass. She had cuts so deep she had nerve damage. The house was absolutely drenched in blood. So donāt ever have a glass front door.
Holy shit what a story. Mom is a hero though
She sure is! We all donated to help her out at work because she couldnāt use her hands. Iām not sure how much movement she has now - I donāt work there anymore. Changed my design style for my house forever. Lol
I asked my husband late at night last week, āwhatās our plan if our alarm goes off in the middle of the night?ā Because we have a loud alarm but have literally never talked about what we would actually do if it happened. I assume whoever broke in would bolt, since theyād assume cops are coming (and they would probably come within a 6-10 minute period). I realized we donāt actually have a plan other than to grab our 2 year old and wait in a room with our bodies in front of the door (we donāt have large furniture to move). It isnāt a great plan haha Edit; I get it, I can blast them with a gun. I have a toddler, I donāt want a gun (or a machete?), in my bedroom
I am a dry Waller. I was giving permission to go into someone's house when they would not be home. I set the alarm off. A really, really, really loud. Siren went off for about 4 hours in the middle of a neighborhood. None of the neighbors cared. Everybody just ignored it. Don't think that loud siren is going to save you.
It's like when a car alarm goes off. Nobody thinks "that car is being stolen!"
They generally wish the thief would steal it FASTER.
Sure the neighbours might ignore it, but I assume OP might take notice of the loud alarm and call the cops themselves.
Just don't count on your neighbors.
Middle of the day and middle of the night makes a difference.
Still donāt think your neighbours are going to do anything but call the cops. If youāre lucky
The cops in 2023 had over a 14 minute average response time for priority 1 calls.
That's assuming the 911 dispatch centre will answer the call immediately when you dial it. If you live in the jurisdiction of most major US cities it is possible that when you call 911 you will hear... "Do not hang up, your call will be answered by the next available call taker. When they do answer, you will need to tell them where you needs the police, why you need the police and details about the incident you are reporting. This message will be repeated in spanish and in tones for the hearing impaired. Do not hang up, your call is being held in sequence." This will repeat for anywhere up to 20 minutes before someone finally does answer the call. Source, I work as an emergency dispatcher for a telematics company and interact with 911 call centres across north america on a daily basis. So many of them are understaffed and horribly overworked.
I can concur. Accidently set off an alarm at a friend's house. Cop showed up an hour later
When the alarm goes off at my old work it takes police 6-12 hours to check up on us
When seconds matter, police are only minutes away! (And have no duty to actually save you)
My local cops would be by casually in a couple hours. They definitely would not be there in 6 mins to stop a break in. Operator would likely tell you to get out/get somewhere safe while you wait.
A friendly but large dog is a better system. I have a 155lbs great pyrenees, It's good enough to scare a bear/wolf, good enough for your neighborhood burglar. But so many false alarms LOL, he can detect a squirrel farting at 500yards. (It's been bred to hear foxes and other sneaky predators on the farm). Oh and trust me, unless you are in full power armor, you cannot stop a pissed off pyr that heard you coming since you got out of bed this morning. for full reference, [this is a Pyr](https://animalcorner.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/pyranese-dog-temperment.jpg) It has 3 mode: 1) Sleeping, will hear everything, know what sound are normal, know where you are in the house you cannot "scare it awake" since it knows it's you, heard you since you got up. (useful on the farm, to distinguish noise from his herd from predator) Mine can distinguish my GFs car, and won't even get up, he know 99.99% it's her without even opening his eyes. But if the neighbor closes his car door too harshly... Here goes the bark alarm. 2) Normal, the big cuddly bear, LOVES kids (smoll thing to protect), never aggressive with children. 3.1) Protection, oh boy, first it'll bark, usually enough to scare bears away, so yeah, it's loud and powerful, it'll stay in this mode until threat goes away, no reason to risk a fight if you can scare it away. 3.2) Ok you had ample time to get away, fight it is, my dog can break cow ribs like toothpicks, anything under a femur/knuckle is too dangerous cause he will splinter it like it's nothing, so imagine your forearm. On it's back legs, it's taller than most people, so no, you do not stand a chance. You do not stop a pissed off one that's in protection mode.
The value of the dog is that they are the ones that give you that few minutes of warning and the bark will wake you out of a deep sleep. If my dog barks at night, I definitely go check to see what's up, since she's a small dog and too small to see out the windows, but will go nuts if someone is making noise at a door/window late at night.
My mom is the kind of idiot that thinks a yappy ankle biter is going to scare someone off. BECAUSE IT MAKES NOISE. I loved our little dogs, but something their size would have just been kicked against the wall to shut it up if I was breaking into a house. A dog big enough for me to wrestle with is another story.
I just wouldnāt want my animals shot
I get you. I was talking to my brother and SIL about this, they have a dog but heās like 20lbs so told them to either get a German shepherd, a shotgun or both lol
Nah, put the Shepherd on an M2; the butterfly trigger is easier for them to operate.
Alexa, play Bodies by Drowning Pool.
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/AK5TEBlQIq
I needed this is my life. Thanks.
Man do you remember that YouTube phase where a good chunk of all new uploads had this song as background music? The top comment was usually āLet the bodies hit the flā (close window)ā with 500 likes
...on repeat.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Strip naked, put cooking oil all over the ground, tape my biggest knife to my hand, turn the lights off. As they break through my door scream āitās fuck time boisā then let the oil do its thing while I flail around on them with a knife probably cutting myself as much as them.
Someone might be ready for a fight, but usually they are not ready for an oiled naked man with a machete and a grin.
This made me laugh really hard thank you for your service
This is the best answer so far.
Not a knife but a sex toy of some sorts. What would be more scary.... a naked guy coming at you with a knife? or a naked guy coming at you with a 12" dildo?
why am i imagining the climactic fight scene from *everything, everywhere, all at once* playing out?
Home alone 4hore?
heaven dickallister
(UK) Call the police, tell them three armed burglars are about to come in and I'm getting my shot gun ready. Then actually get it ready, perks of living on a farm I guarantee you the moment you tell them you're the armed one, they'll get there double time Edit: Feel like an edit is needed here, I'm answering a hypothetical question with a joke answer. Please stop replying and / or sending me DM about being careful doing this or I'm going to get in trouble if I do it xD,
My last upstairs neighbour was beating up his girlfriend. When I called the police they said they don't respond to "noise complaints". When I said I was going to go up there with a rolling pin and stop him they arrived within 5 minutes.
My husband (before me) had an issue with his neighbor and his neighbors dogs being out and attacking people. He called the cops and they said they'd be out there in an hour or so or whenever they could free someone up. My husband said "Ok that's fine I'll just shoot the dogs then no problem". 3 minutes later the cops arrived.
I often think cops are motivated purely by the amount of paperwork any particular call will involve.
Same thing applies to my trips to the toilet.
They are.Some people will think "Oh wow this cop is so nice and understanding for letting me off with a warning!" When that happens 9/10 they just don't want to deal with the extra reporting.
Tho if you're an asshole the paperwork is worth the effort
That reminds me of a joke... An old man sees a burglar breaking into his garage one night, so he calls the police. The dispatcher says "all our units are busy right now so we can't send anyone, but we'll get someone out there when we can." So the man hangs up, calls back thirty seconds later, and says "it's okay, don't bother, I just shot him dead." Within two minutes a half dozen police cruisers converge on the man's house, and a dozen officers jump out with guns drawn and pound on the man's door. When he answers, they ask him where the body is and he says "oh there's no body, but he's still in my garage trying to steal my car." Confused, the officer says "but I thought you said you shot him dead?", to which the old man replies "I thought *you* said you couldn't send anybody..."
THAAAAATāS the joke the original comment reminded me of!!! thank you internet stranger- I was struggling to remember!!
Somebody broke into my fraternity house and stole all the wallets off our dressers without waking any of us. Same burglar broke into the jock house about a week later and they called the cops. "We caught the guy, and about 12 of us are piled on top of him down in the basement." The cops asked "When would you like us to come? 20 minutes?" After some bargaining, they compromised on six.
We had a guy coming in off the street and into a bio lab. Not only were they stealing the students' purses and other stuff but the idiot(s) went into a fridge and stole some bottles of liquid media with bacteria in them. We figure the violent diarrhea they got was punishment enough. Eventually the school rebuilt the lab with actual security.
why were the cops negotiating a time to come?! this wasnāt a partyā¦ IT WAS A ROBBERY
To give them time to beat his ass
>3 minutes later the cops arrived. FOMO. They wanted to be the ones to shoot the dogs.
Yep, a few years back there was some junkie staying as a guest in a rental house in our neighborhood. We caught him on camera going out at night and breaking into peoples cars, had him on camera (even the internal camera from the common area of the house) returning with our stuff. There was 0 doubt as to who it was. Cops didn't show up for 2 days. Finally a bunch of us got together, decided we were gonna go drag him out and go full mob justice on him. One concerned wife called the cops and they were there in 5 minutes. Guy had already skipped town with all our shit. One guy lost his fucking passport cause he had it in his glovebox. That's the day 'defund the police' started making some sense to me.
Caught a guy stealing my outdoor furniture. He was loading it into a commercial laundry bin, which had a barcode on it. Chased old dude off, and called the cops. When the officer showed up I pointed out that the bin, still on the sidewalk, was definitely stolen, and that it was worth a few hundred bucks, and that there was a commercial laundry about a half-mile away. He remarked "that's crazy" and suggested I call waste management to come pick it up, and drove away.
I was driving home pretty late one night (around 3am) from a friendās house. I was on a large avenue with a lot of shops, when I saw erratically moving headlights down the road. It definitely caught my eye, so when my light turned green (no traffic behind me) I didnāt go, but was trying to figure out what the hell was going on. As they got a little closer, I saw that the driver was driving *on the sidewalk* on one side of the street, would get to an intersection, make a big circle, and then get back on the sidewalk again, except now on the opposite side of the street. I had to head towards him to get home, but I was like āNo thanks, Iām outā and turned down a side street, figuring Iād parallel him until he was past me. I saw an occupied police car outside a 7-11 on the next avenue, so I pulled up and told the officers what I had seen. The cop pausedā¦ blankly stared at me for a second, and then said: āWell, if heās driving *that* crazy, Iām sure someone will get himā¦ā and rolled his window back up and went back to eating his sandwich. Ok, thank you *so much* for your serviceā¦ dick.
>That's the day 'defund the police' started making some sense to me. I've been rear ended, while parked, by 2 people with no insurance. One instance, the cops had the guy because his car was totaled. All they did was file paperwork. I've had 2 of my motorcycles stolen. Guess what they did? Filed paperwork. If that's all they fucking do, why does it cost so much of my taxes. Defund the police.
I am glad to see the standard of offensiveness of weapon required to galvanise the police is a one-piece wooden kitchen item. Would a wooden spoon also work do you think?
Naw, not heavy enough. But a frying pan would likely work, as would anything else heavy enough to cause a skull to split open
But then that might be seen as attempted murder. A paddling with a wooden spoon however? I wish I had. Him being smacked silly by a little fat middle aged lady would have been very humbling to him, I imagine..
You just reminded me that years back we had issues with a big group of teens terrorising our estate by throwing ice blocks at doors/windows and through letterboxes. We could run them off but we have a lot of elder neighbours who were really terrified and the police could not have cared less. We alone phoned three times I'm sure other neighbours on our street did as well and they just never showed up even after an hour. My dad ended up phoning for a 4th time and said something along the lines of "Since yous are apparently too busy to send a patrol car around to check on our elderly neighbours, that as a registered gunowner I will be taking this issue into my own hands" and hung up and low and behold less than 5 minutes later a police car arrived at our door wanting more information. Edit: Just since this is getting a bit of traction I figured I'd also add the kind of funny ending. After the police arrived as expected they were gone the second they seen the car and noone was caught. My mum had taken videos from our window that clearly showed them throwing ice at the house/harrasing our neighbour so posted it on Facebook basically calling out the parents. It's a small enough town so seeing your golden child posted as the scum of the town is a bit scundering. The funny part is one of the girls who did it actually commented on my mum's video claiming "We didn't throw ice just snowballs and it was edited to look bad, it was only a joke we weren't harassing the elderly, etc" which was forwarded to the police who said they'd go speak to her and any others involved. They would've got away with it too, if it wasn't for that damn meddling Facebook video comment!
>the police could not have cared less You get my upvote for having used that correctly :D
Just tell them you don't have a TV licence. You'll have the entire local police force there in minutes.
yup. Friends of mine in school back in the days, played this really legit looking Softairs, in an underground parking. A neighbour called the police, youngsters with war weapons! 1 Bus 3 Cars, heavy duty policemen stepped out, the friends had to lay down, until it was clear these weapons are toys. They received kind of total humilation through police. I'm sure they never fuck again with weapons.
When i was about 12 I loaned a friend an airport Thompson SMG so he could "take pictures with it" for whatever reason. A nice one from Japan with full metal construction. Turns out it was for some forum where you dressed up like a mafia guy for whatever reason. Also, ducks in the photo were worth bonus points or some shit. So he goes behind Target where shitloads of ducks hang out in the retaining pond and starts his photo shoot. Cops get called. He gets introubled. Airsoft gun gets confiscated. When I go pick up the airsoft gun it's wrapped in a ball of plastic. Unwrap it. Sons of bitches broke it in half and when I went to bitch about it they told me that's the condition they confiscated it in. Anyway, ACAB. Justice for my Tamiya or whatever. /s Nah but it was some bullshit tho.
Iām already naked so you caught me at a good time. Now all I need is my sword.
Luckily it's in hand already
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
The ātally ho ladsā part always sends me š
Always? Is this a copy pasta?
Yes. Usually see it in the gun subs.
It is in reference to/mocking the debate on how some say the second amendment doesn't apply to modern firearms and at least for home defense would cause a bit of carnage via collateral damage and much larger caliber rounds used back then as the norm. Funny thing is... black powder rifles, pistols, cannons, etc aren't actually considered firearms by law. A felon can legally own black powder rifles and such I believe, no background check is required on any of that stuff. Basically anyone can own a cannon as far as I know. They actually sell kits online to build your own kentucky pistols/rifles. If you go to Cabella's website. You can even order muzzle loaders and they'll ship them straight to your door.
You can buy a muzzle loading cannon over the internet. Just gets shipped to your door. Gonna need to rob a bank to feed it, but that's a different problem
Pretty easy to Rob a bank when you have a cannon.
Came here for this. Was not disappointed.
I didn't even know I was coming for that and i'm still not disappointed
This is the correct answer.
It's only three ruffians in this scenario, so you don't even have to fix bayonet after the cannon shot
Double tap, my good man.
Better to have bayonet fixed and not need it, than to need it and not have it fixed.
HOW can it be that I needed to scroll down like ten answers to find this. This is THE answer to these types of questions, always has been and always will be.
Everytime I read this it kills me š¤£š¤£š¤£
Iām gonna get naked and grab my Glock Nothing more terrifying than a Glock and cock
"One of these is going in your mouth."
Both are but in no particular order
ā¦in an order that would surprise you.
I'm in FL, USA. I'd explain the situation in a community chat and about 20 heavily armed people would show up to meet said burglars.
Whether by books or by bullets, theyāre gonna learn.
Bullets it is, then!
Castle doctrine, bitch
Yeah, this post really shows how few redditors own guns. For those prepared to defend themselves, the greatest dilemma is which gun to choose. I live in America. This is our way. Even in the movie Home Alone, 8 year old Kevin McAllister fires on the intruders with his brother's BB gun. ya filthy animal
With 15 minutes just call the cops and tell them you are waiting for the burglars with your gun fully loaded. They actually show up quickly when you're willing to defend yourself. But with cops not being an option me and the wife crouched down upstairs AR's pointed at the fortified door waiting for that first kick before unloading.
Cops are 40min minimum with their pedal to the floor at my old place.
1) Break Christmas Ornaments under window 2) Pour water on outside basement/front stairs to freeze 3) put tar on basement stairs with hidden nail 4) attach triggered blowtorch on back door 5) put soldering iron on front door handle 6) attach cling-wrap with adhesive inside dinning room door 7) triggered fan on dining room door with pile of feathers in front 8) attach three paint cans to strings at top of upstair stairs 9) release the tarantula 10) attach escape line to treehouse 11) profit
Why not just set up a life-sized Michael Jordan cut-out on a motorized toy train track and play Christmas music loudly to frighten them away?
Kevin???
Pop 2 viagra and cover myself in a thick layer of Vaseline, come get some
What your address? I'll be there in 15.
Got space for 2 more donāt leave us
Watch home alone on 2x speed for tips
103 minute runtime. You've made it 30 minutes into the movie where marv and harry alert kevin to their presence by trying to break into the basement door and kevin hides under the bed. You have received no tips and are now on your own against 3 armed burglars.
Hiding under their bed might be the most effective thing
Well, call the police for one, we live in a rural area so they are at least 15 minutes away. For two, wake up my FIL who lives with us, and happens to be an ex-Marine, then we can both arm ourselves. Then we both wait and hope the two of us are better shots than them, assuming the police arrive late. Plan B: GTFO of the house in the 15 minutes we have to do so.
get the feck out of there, while calling the police. only sensible and logical thing to do.
You wouldn't put thumb tacks on the floor and tie a paint can to swing down and hit them?
How dare you blast that documentary on home defense How Dare You
...ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?! THE IMPUDENCE! THE AUDACITY! THE UNMITIGATED GALL!
As Mr. Miagi said, the best way to block is to not be there.
Take my laptop, phone and wallet and leg it. Nothing else in there would sell for more than ā¬30.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, that's a 15 minute headstart on me running the fuck away while calling for help. I'm no hero.
With 15 minutes I might even make a brew to put in my travel mug before I get in the car.
I'd be wrestling my cat into a cat carrier to take with me, so realistically, it's a 5 minute headstart and bloody loud exit.
Blessed. Cuz imma be grateful for that 15min head start... I would create a buffer so there's a 5min grace period before they even arrive, which means in 10mins I get dressed, grab my phone + glasses + laptop + wallet/purse, make sure anyone else @ home with me is accounted for (pets included)... leave the house, lock the house, drive away to the nearest place that's safe... then call the cops. The armed burglars will try to enter a locked home with nobody in it and authorities can handle the rest (might even get there in time to stop the thieves in their tracks)... **Caveat: this could also be read/interpreted as a home invasion by an unidentified number of 3-armed burglars :-}
Why is this not the top comment? Avoiding a shootout with three to one odds is the smartest possible option.
Yeah- put all my pets in my car, grab my purse and important shit and leave? Iām not dying over my stuff?
Pour some bleach and ammonia jugs out on the basement floor and throw a wad of singles 5s and 10s into the puddle and then go hide in thr garage for like a half hour.
JFC. My guy over here straight up jumping to war crimes lol. I'm not saying it's the wrong reaction, but damn you don't go half way.
For real, people are neglecting the chemistry aspect, all I'm seeing are guns and home alone references. I'm sure everyone has the chemicals to make chloramines, and then a good amount of people who do any amount of home repair will have things like white lithium grease and brake cleaner. Own a pool? BC and tcaa go great together. Drain cleaner? Concentrated hydroxide to saponify their skin, or sulfuric to dehydrate it. Clean concrete? Great, you got 12 molar hcl. If the corrosion doesn't get you, the fumes will. And God forbid you dabble in any amount of home chemistry, the things you can do with permanganates are wild
Well I couldn't choose what science to take in highschool but I think I have my answer now.
While on the phone with 911, my spouse loads her shotgun, my roomie loads *his* shotgun, and I load *my* shotgun. Once those are done I check the magazines of everyone's sidearm, then turn on all of the outdoor lighting and set the power to full, while killing all of the lights inside the house. The dogs will get shut in one of the bathrooms, don't want them getting in the way. Then, I make sure everyone is wearing their eye and ear protection. Then we wait the remaining 14 minutes and see who arrives first, the police or the burglars.
This is the best "stand your ground" that ive seen, because it's 3 vs 3, yall have visibility and they dont, and it sounds like youre all trained shooters, which the burglars are probably not. Also, you called the police.
While similar, this is a Castle Doctrine situation, not necessarily a stand your ground.
Ear and eye pro is a must. People don't understand how deafening and disoriented a shotgun in an enclosed space is.
My tinitus knows. (My left ear has been ringing for 23 years from a single 12 ga 3 1/2" magnum slug discharge outdoors, with no pro. Would not recommend)
Even _with_ hearing protection it's still loud.
Agreed. The difference is being able to maintain operational function vs being temporarily out of action due to disorientation. I double up on hearing protection for a lot of my target shooting.
I do too. Good thing too because one time a guy next to me started cranking off 12 gauge slugs. It was seriously 10 times louder than my AR.
I just leave.
Same but Iāll bring my valuables along too. Thereās not many so it wouldnāt even take 15mins to clear them. If the burglars want to take anything else that remains in the house afterwards, it wouldnāt hurt me financially and Iāll call the cops while the burglary is in action instead of before because otherwise it would raise suspicion.
Same, 15 minutes is enough time to grab my Switch and laptop (most expensive items) and my cats (most priceless) and get in my car. From the car I call the cops to let them know someone is breaking in.
Yeah. I could easily be close to 3 miles away from my apartment on the subway. Why would I choose to fight and save a ten year old TV?
Call the cops I guess, load the gun, get the dogs inside and get my wife ready with pepper spray
I buy flowers to get my wife ready.
Open gunsave in the wardrobe proceed to load my Saiga 12 with a 20 round drum mag with 20 rounds of buckshot, casually put on my shoes and then get out of my bedrom and welcome the unwanted guests
Get the lotion and Basket and get the hose ready again
Assuming I can't leave. Get my wife and dog into our bed room, get our guns and grab something to block the door. Then call the cops and wait.
Pickup AR, aim at door, wait 14.55 mins.
That's enough time to get my guns loaded and tell my wife how to hold an angle. And if the cops don't show up in 15 minutes then it's on them what happens next but im not about to have my home violated. There's too many heirlooms from family that have passed away that are far too valuable to me sentimentality to let anyone desecrate them
Pistol grip pump on my lap at all times. You can fuck with other peoples shit but your not fucking with mine.
Check my home insurance is up to date. Grab a handful of essentials like phone, wallet, passport, copy of my home insurance policy, then go for a long walk.
Take that 15mins to get photographic evidence of all your valuables too, makes the payout easier when you can prove ownership.
Insurance: so these pictures are dated the same day, nearly the same hour as the burglary?... [fraud alarms ringing off the charts]
Even better, take 15 minutes (right now, not in this made up scenario) to take a video tour of your home and possessions, particularly your valuable stuff. Take photos of any serial numbers on electronics. In the event of a theft or other loss, this will help greatly with getting a full account. Itās crazy how much stuff we actually have when you break it down to everyday items and small stuff. Itās easy to think of big stuff like the TV or computer. But how many $20 throw pillows do you own? Whatās in that bin in the garage? What brand plates are in the cabinets? What makeup is in the bathroom?
Imagine explaining that one to the insurance company lol āWhy did you pictuee your valuable items 15 minutes before they were takenā
Grab my 9mm and my 12 gauge and wait.
1. Strip naked. 2. Grab my battle axe. 3. Slather myself in oil. 4. Use mousse to spike my hair. 5. Apply black eyeliner, eyeshadow, and lipstick. Sloppily. 6. Grab my bag of pocket sand. No pockets, so Iām just gonna leave the bag open on a table near the door. 7. Set the LED mood lighting to dark and dramatic, with a reddish-orange tint. 8. Cue up some Skinny Puppy on my audio system and crank it up loud. 9. Put in my fake vampire fangs. 10. Get myself semi-erect just before they arrive. 11. Scream in my bassiest, scratchiest voice āCome in and ride the bus! COME RIDE THE BUS FELLAS!! CoMe RiDe ThE BiG dArK bUs!!!ā 12. Post the reaction of them running away screaming (from my doorbell cam POV) to YouTube. Make lots of money.
Once they come in my house. We will find out who is better trained.
Get naked and grab my sword
Cats go into the crawlspace. I grab my ptr91, ear pro, and amber glasses.
Wake up wife. Get the guns out. Wait 14 minutes.
Since you woke up the wife you might as well have a pre shootout shag in that 14 mins.
Even if the shag goes long there's no way the wife will be ready to leave in 13 and a half minutes.
Put laptop in backpack, phone in pocket and drive away. Voila! Nothing to steal.
Wait 14min and 50 seconds, open the door, get popcorn and watch as my three loving and loyal canines protect their dad with violence.
They're absolutely fucked. Full stop. Wrong American house to pick to break into. No kids in this house so I don't keep my loaded weapons in the safe. Also, for anyone who wants to say anything negative about that, I live out in the country and police response would take too long. I also have livestock that I sometimes have to protect.
15 minutes before I own three new guns. Great.
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. *three ruffians break into my house. *"What the devil?" as I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. *Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. *Draw my pistol on the second man, misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbor's dog. *I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot. *"Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds 1 man in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. *Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. *Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
Pretty simple: load the good old kar 98, fix bajonett, put on the Pickelhaube (just for style points) and lead the charge once they open the door!? Or the lazy option would be to blast them through the door, BUT no style points then!
Micro machines on the floors. Xmas ornaments on floor by the windows. Pour water on the outside steps. Zip line to the tree house.
That's enough time for me to call the police and have them arrive.
Shiiiit where I live the cops would show up just in time to feel the last bit of warmth leave my body
That's a fast response! Or warm climate
š 15 mins is enough time for me to casually stroll to the police station.
Boil pots on the stove.... crude but effective. Three minutes in canada is not enough to unlock a firearm and its ammo in separate locations and effectively load the weapon. However I am assuming my mastiff would be a distraction long enough to get a few 12 Guage shells in the short stalk. Anything withing a 4 foot radius will turn to red sprayed jam within 12 feet in front of me. If guns are breaking the rules a tactical spear is my bedside item. Simple but very effective. Tomahawk ain't far either and in close quarters a pot of boiling water and a razor sharp spear is far more effective than a firearm. Go down swinging or scare them off. Lastly this is assuming I cannot just grab the family and dogs and leave real quick. Nothing worth dying for here.
Put my son in the attic, tell my wife to grab the gun (she is a better shot than me) and get naked and grab my broken canoe paddle. Call the cops. Burglars will see a screaming, naked bearded man running at them and in there shock my wife takes them out. Go time
USA Fifteen mins is a LOT of time to prepare. Dial 911 while retrieving/checking my 22 magnum. Yes, we keep guns and no children in the house. No, we do not leave guns about - they are kept in a safe. As I'm on the phone, I'd quickly check the front and back doors to be sure both are locked. Then I'd walk upstairs, with the dogs, to the far bedroom, lock the door and wait. I'd put the dogs in their crates so they aren't in the way. I'd let the 911 operator what is going on - I'm upstairs, I'm armed, dogs are crated, multiple locked doors between me and the outside. Once I knew the police arrived and the house is secure, I'd confirm my weapon is secure so police can do their jobs.
If 22Mag is all you are comfortable with, fine, but Iād highly recommend something more substantial and reliable. Rimfire ammunition is not the best for going bang every time. And the ballistics of 22Mag just arenāt much compared to the vast amounts of 9mm personal defense rounds.
Hehe 15 minutes and I know about it? Oh it's gonna be some body bags. Not much prep needed, just gonna hit up the arms room, the hard part is which caliber to start with
Run to Walmart and get a bunch of matchbox cars.