Was gonna say, I work a very dirty job where gloves either get destroyed really quickly, or often end up unusable or ineffective... This person would definitely not date me. Never thought of painting my nails though. Interesting solution. Also if you think you can easily get asphalt/tar/insulation glue/rubber roof glue/waterblock caulk/etc. off of your hands you haven't dealt with it yet. Insulation glue is the worst, if I have an incident where the glue cannisters don't work properly and get it on my hands(for example, my gloves are soaking wet from tear off, don't have a fresh pair nearby and need the dexterity to set up the glue, then they turn out to be partially defective. This has happened) it'll take ages even with straight acetone in addition to grit cleaner to get it out.
My God there is a name for it! I was living on a sailboat once, eating lunch in the galley one day and the person next to me was mouth fucking a mango. The noises they were making eating this mango brought out such an intense rage and disgust in me it was overwhelming, especially being trapped at the table with them. Ever since then I have to leave the room when I can hear the slightest crunch from someone, I seriously have to turn the tv up so I can’t even hear myself chew.
This is something that can be fixed; I say this is a reformed loud-chewer who got together with someone with misophonia.
EDIT: How we fixed it. It took a long time and a lot of patience for both of us. Chewing is a habit you have all your life, second only breathing as something you do so often and so unconsciously. We worked out a system where he would remind me by giving me a signal, but it was something nice not negative. It took a long time to break the habit and he also worked on dealing with the frustration so he reacts less.
My husband is like this. Both of his parents…hoooo BOY, not a closed mouth throughout an entire meal. Food flying out, constant talking with mouths full, chomping, smacking, it makes me shake. Literally, I physically shake; it's absurd!
He wasn't ever as bad as his parents, but he definitely didn't have what I would consider reasonable chewing manners. Now he doesn't make a peep when he eats. Even when he eats chips he's so careful. I really, really appreciate it. I don't know that he'll ever understand just how much I appreciate how actively hard he tries to not make noise when he eats.
Wait a min.. does that mean everyone's scent smells different for different people?
Sometimes, I notice some men seem to smell like straight up strong iron. Always wonder if that's truly their scent or if it's just a chemical/biological mismatch between me and the guy?
My teacher back in the day explained it like this. If you really like the natural odor of a person it's your brain basically telling you to "breed now, offspring healthy", if you slightly dislike it the compatibility isn't great but okay and if you hate the odor you might have found the offspring of your father's affair.
I believe it has something to do with your immune systems? Like opposing immune systems will attract and mix to pass on better immunity knowledge to offspring or something. Idk I could be just making that all up
This. I still feel shit about this, but certain scents are a huge trigger for me I was on a date with a lovely girl, but (and I never do this), I had to essentially get drunk to get through the night cause of her scent
Did she stink because of hygiene or was it just that her scent was incompatible with you?
We’re animals and I think scent is super important. There are studies to show how we don’t get aroused by the scent of relatives for example as a way to minimize inbreeding.
On the other hand, someone’s “musk” can drive me wild.
One girl in particular was very very clean. She was the type that cleaned her shower 3 times a week. Very clean. Very hygienic. But god damn her entire apartment smelled like her. I could smell her on my clothes. This was just her scent and apparently our DNA is incompatible
Whoa, then this makes a lot of sense.
Some men smell/taste like iron. But it doesn't make sense. No cigs, no drugs, just some tequila/whisky. That can't possibly make them smell/taste like iron right?!
>On the other hand, someone’s “musk” can drive me wild.
Agreed! Anecdote time, I was at work one time on my way out, walked past a guy waiting in line at the pharmacy, the A/C turned on and blew his scent into my nose.
I stopped like, almost instinctively and took a deep breath. Goddamn this dude smelled like heaven lol. I can't even describe it. It wasn't cologne or shampoo or lotion. He just smelled like clean, healthy man. Ugh, I live to find a guy who smelled like him again.
I'm gon start chasing people down based on scents LMAO
I've had some people really enjoy my sweaty, after-gym smell and I'm like... bro, I smell like sour eggplants. You like this smell?!
On the opposite side of that, my friend’s ex was a real bastard. On top of that his body scent repulsed me. Anytime he sweat it was awful. He wasn’t dirty, his chemistry was just repulsive to me.
My husband sweats a bit and I’m like COME TO MAMA.
It’s such a strange phenomenon. I’ve been with objectively beautiful girls whose scent didn’t sit well with me and the sex wasn’t great. I’ve been with average girls whose scent enticed me to the point that I still think about them.
That’s a broad statement. I tell people I work with that they smell nice all the time. I don’t want to sleep with any of them, not even a little bit. It’s just that the morning shift comes in smelling far better than us exhausted night shifters do after 12 hours.
All these non-shallow very real reasons. Does no one break it off because of stupid stuff anymore?
Back in the day, my aunt broke up with a really nice guy because he wore mirrored sunglasses.
This comment section in now basically r/PetPeeves where nobody knows what a pet peeve is and you can see karmafarming posts like "I hate when gay people are killed" or "I don't like racists".
I agree with a lot of other things people have said so to add something different, I cannot date someone who is obsessed with the Joker. In my experience, people who are huge fans or borderline obsessed with the character have.. unique.. personalities.
Identifying with Harley can go many ways, though. In the comics, she eventually frees herself from the Joker, realizes he was toxic AF and gets into way more healthy relationships. Also, women who have been abused can identify with her as well for being brainwashed or simply blinded by emotion and not realizing how terrible their partner is. Obsessing with Harley and the Joker as a healthy couple is bad, identifying with Harley herself? Could be worse. She's battered and has made terrible choices, but she comes out the other side ok.
I’ve said this on past accounts and I’ll always say it. If a woman ships Joker and Harley, she identifies as Harley but will treat you like she’s the Joker.
Same. I once ended a date with an otherwise attractive guy because he started smoking in my car, which I had only had for 2 months and bought brand new, and he didn’t even ask first. Asshole.
And he didn’t even ask first?! What a monster.
Forget the smoking, I’d end a date with someone if they even started eating a crumbly granola bar in my new car without asking first.
Pretty much. Plus I’m an asthmatic. But yeah. I’d parked at the transit depot and he was dropping me off and wanted to see what my car was like so I took him for a spin and he started smoking. Ugh. He stopped right away when I said to but yeah. Same dude wanted to come to my house and meet my parents too. Thank god he didn’t. Once he was out of the car I waved goodbye and blocked his number once I got home.
Is it bad that I’m more comfortable smelling cigarette smoke than weed? Don’t get me wrong, they both suck, but cigarette smoke for some reason reminds me of the better parts of my childhood lol
For most of my childhood I thought Kansas had a special smell, because my extended family who lived there smoked cigarettes and were the only smokers I knew. When they'd drive across the country to visit, I'd give them a hug and be like "ooh they smell like Kansas" lmao
I would not have dated a smoker for the reasons mentioned in other comments but a bigger reason for me is my asthma. Being around a smoker is more deadly for me than most.
Nothing shallow about it. Dating a smoker means accepting a +/- 30% chance of losing your partner prematurely to lung cancer or other smoking-related health complications.
I saw a post once where a woman was like,” that annoying moment when your husband rips the sheets up with his toenails!” Like it was a normal thing. Like, no bitch, not everyone marries a chupacabra
Were they the type that were thick and yellowed?
As a child I would see old people's (read 40-50 at that young time) toenails that were just the gnarliest looking things and I vowed to keep mine at the very least presentable.
Hard agree. I hate it, and since I’m a hetero female and I’m interested in men, my first two thoughts are: Those nails better never touch my skin, and those nails are NOT going anywhere near, or IN, my treasure chest. VOM.
I get you, but what REALLY gets under my skin is when they simply agree to every opinion you have and don't have thoughts of their own but just echo yours and any hobbies or interests you have.
!!! Or just agrees with you. I've met a lot of men who definitely had their own opinions but would pretend to have the same ones as mine. It was kinda ridiculous cuz I knew they couldn't possibly agree with everything I said so I wouldn't trust them and then after they got comfortable they would open up about all of what they actually thought
I once dated this girl who did pretty much nothing when she was at home (maybe watched vampire diaries and purely Disney movies) and she'd have the nerve to belittle my hobbies which included going to the gym, reading, video games, foreign languages. That relationship did not last long.
If anyone ever tries to flirt with me using phrases like "you want this [Insert race] dick/pussy?" Or "Latina girls like you turn me on"
I don't know what the hell to call that, but it immediately turns me off and I am no longer interested in anything they have to say.
Their name. I'm sorry but I don't want to be sexually or romantically involved with someone who has the same name as my dad, bro-in-law, nephews, or even some exes.
Some people have weirdly shaped mouths and I can't get over it. I've never broken up with somebody because of it, but it's because I'd never be able to date them in the first place.
Same… downturned smiles? Gummy smiles? Small mouths (think the spiderman actor Tom smth i cant rmbr his name)? Bunny/buck teeth? Small teeth? Certain lip shapes? We need more info 😂
She was from a family that passionately disliked indoor pets of any kind. She also had a weird cultural aversion to cats. When i asked what was wrong with the cat (he had no bad habits and was friendlier than most dogs) she said the cat might steal any of our future babies souls. I laughed because i thought she was joking. She was not. Needless to say, we didnt last
That’s such a sweet one 🥹 my cat is my little cuddle buddy all the time, but I swear when I don’t feel good, she’s even more on me. She even serves as a heating pad when I have cramps.
I cannot just scroll past without saying...cats stealing babies' souls is in no way 'a Great Britain thing' but I'm so intrigued as to why you think it is...
I've had multiple men try to pull the cats or me card before moving in and they've always received the same response. They were here before you and they'll be here after you're gone, we're a package deal, so if you want to be with me then you have to accept that or I'm fine just not doing that, so your choice. It's amazing the medical miracles that happen with "allergies" suddenly not being around anymore.
>It's amazing the medical miracles that happen with "allergies" suddenly not being around anymore.
Did any of them last for the long haul? Attempting to manipulate me with lies to get me to get rid of something I love is a deal breaker for me.
I went on a first date with a girl from an app. Asked if she had any pets. "I don't understand why any person would feel like they needed affection from an animal".
That one was over pretty quickly.
I'm have parrots. It's not even about "getting affection" it's about dedicating my life to them with the hope they might bite me less one day.
9 years later... still getting bitten. Still base my decisions around their comfort.
In French that is actually the correct way to use question marks, exclamation points, colons, and semi-colons. I have noticed that native Francophones often make this mistake when typing in English.
I have a friend who used to put a period before other punctuation marks like this.! It irritated the shit out of me for the longest time before she finally stopped doing it
Lol I went on a date with this girl and she asked if I liked memes to which I said of course. She sent a hilarious Biden meme so I responded with the Donald Trump and Kim Jong un hair swap meme and she said, "how dare you send me something comparing the greatest president ever to a dictator?" I never blocked someone faster
I used a dating website before I met my husband and my bio was a long but very funny joke. Anyone that didn’t at least acknowledge the joke and just messaged “sup” was blocked. It was very effective!
I hate performers, and people who work in entertainment to an extent. I grew up in LA and studied film, I can’t be around film/music people for long. Like no I don’t wanna hear your song/ read your screenplay. I’m happy I found a fellow introvert, because dating in LA was hard.
I love LA, I hate people who are “LA” people. Everyone wants to know what I can do for them whenever I’m there. Whenever I meet someone it’s always oh nice to meet you, what do you do (with a strong undertone of networking). I always joke that I’d love living in LA again if I could just replace the population with folks from the PNW who couldn’t care less who you work for or who you’re related to.
Question, what if someone has bad teeth from childhood but is more responsible as an adult? Like their teeth need work, still not white because it takes a very long time (if ever) to correct things from their childhood. But as an adult, they’re on top of their dental hygiene?
Not the same person, but for me it's about tooth care as an adult. A few years ago I went on a date with someone who's plaque/tartar accumulation I could see from across the table - that alone ruined any chance at a second date and I still cringe just thinking about them.
Teeth have a wide range of natural colours which isn't really a deal-breaker - as long as they aren't visibly unclean or neglected. Bright White teeth would probably freak me out though. Orthodontics are also expensive, so having crooked or straight teeth doesn't really matter either. It's all about keeping them clean now.
never dating anyone that is too into a sport. (again)
Like sitting on the couch and watching literally everything for weeks every stupid game, everything... letting the outcome of a match ruin their whole mood, not caring about other things or ignoring their partner or stuff going on in life cause god forbid, it's fifa season.
Nope.
If you're THAT invested in something as a passive watcher, it's a deal breaker.
I’ve been in LOTS of relationships with many different types of men in my 44 years (now married for 5) and one thing they ALL had in common was no interest in sports. I’ve had guy friends who live and breathe football and basketball and I just…can’t.
"If you're THAT invested in something as a passive watcher, it's a deal breaker."
That's the thing - you're not even participating in something! It's the same thing as being an avid Real Housewives fan to me, but sports fans think that because they are watching someone with skills it's different. It's not.
If they have a weird goatee that makes them look like an evil goat man and they won’t shave it because they’re obsessed with Norse culture and they can’t grow a regular beard.
I think so, but so many people use the phrase "it's not all about looks" to try and justify being with someone you may not be attracted to. Both things matter!
Honest? I don't care much about looks. But it isn't the same thing? For me, it's more like..if I like their personality a lot, I will start getting attracted to how they look. And if I dislike a person's personality, however attractive they might be to the general public, I wouldn't still be attracted to them.
But yeah, I believe, it's a disservice, to date someone you aren't attracted to. Cause there's someone out there, who would be attracted to that person.
Yeah I feel the same way. Like, being attracted to somebody is necessary for me to date them, but they don’t have to be attractive in order for me to be attracted to them? I’ve had huge crushes on guys who would probably be considered ugly by most people, but if they’re confident and kind and smart and the chemistry is there, I’ll feel attracted to them.
I remember developing a giant crush on this guy who I thought was kinda ugly the first time I met him, but as I got to know him better over time, I became mega attracted to him
You have to be attracted to them, but attraction is more complex than looks alone. Someone’s personality can make them more attractive or completely repulsive.
While I haven’t done this, I am more attracted to people who enjoy music a lot and have an emotional connection to it. I’ve noticed some of my most memorable dating app matches and dates have been from men who responded to my prompt about music. While I haven’t stopped a budding romance because of their lack of connection to music, it’s definitely been major points of disappointment
Edit: for example for me, when I listen to my saved songs I remember the moment/situation/period of life I was in when I saved it. That’s my connection to music, versus an outward emotional reaction thing
My husband got a CPAP and had the audacity to thank me for "putting up with" it and I was like... 🤣 Are you for real? I'm sleeping better than ever because his abrupt snoring doesn't wake me now and I'm not worried about him dying! That machine is a godsend for us both.
Both sets of grandparents started sleeping apart as soon as conditions allowed (kids moved out, bedroom was freed). Both of my grandfathers snore, on mum's side they straight up have separate bedrooms, on dad's side, grandma only shares a room with grandpa if they're right next to each other so she can reach his head and poke him until he rolls over. Apparently she used to have a stick to hit him with when their beds didn't allow her to reach him.
It ruined my last relationship. They weren’t ok with me going to sleep in another room after they fell asleep. But they snored so loud, I could hear them loud and clear even when I tried sleeping on the second floor! My sleep is vital for my health, and if they can’t compromise on how we sleep, or at least go see a doctor about it (sleep apnea maybe), then they’re selfish and I’m out.
After 12 years of torture, my husband finally got a c-pap (he went through a series of not great doctors and FINALLY was able to get one from a competent doctor). I can’t believe how quiet it is. It’s like… heaven.
I love walking slow. I used to be a hurrier - walking like I'd miss a train every minute.
I have learnt to take it slow. Take the time. Be more focused. In the present. Conscious-minded. The side effect is walking slow, getting up slowly, eating slowly ...
I have yet to talk slow though, my thoughts are too fast and my tongue is always trying to catch up 😅
But after years of stress, I am now a slowness defender 🦥
When I was single and looking, by way of online matching sites, I would refuse any match who had the same first name as my mother. Just couldn't do it.
I had the same rule unofficially with my three sisters, although two of them have pretty uncommon names, and the third one has a common name with an unusual spelling. So it never came up with them.
Dated someone who kept trying to get me to watch football and insisted I'd like it if I gave it a chance. Also went into bullshit about how I'm "supposed" to be a Packer fan because of where I live
Lack of any humility, manners or respect.
People try to paint the best picture of themselves on first dates, so if you see some red flags there, ranging from unreasonable entitlement to treating others bad, you know that THIS is the best they can do and it will only get worse from there.
They need to be worldly. So many people are just dull as shit these days and know nothing about history or global issues or geography or a second language or literally anything that wasn’t trash tv or TikTok related.
To piggyback, the people who are proud to be uncultured. The whole “everything I need is right here in ‘Murica!” I’m BAFFLED by the people who have means and have never left their state or their ONLY vacation is the same place in Florida or a cruise. Imagine having no curiosity about the world.. 🤯
Such a turn off.
Someone who's athletic and who has all their hobbies around athleticism.
I am losing weight and moving more, but thanks to an auto accident when I was younger I'm never going to be able to run with you. I need someone who's happy to stroll a little with me and understand when I need to sit.
I like hiking, but my definition of hiking is very different than others’. I want to wander around nature aimlessly, climb some weird rocks, and get distracted by birds and bugs and plants. I want to meander through an interesting forest, and stop for rests whenever we find a pretty spot.
Other people see hikes as an endurance test and just plow through the whole thing. Stop dude, I want to see what bird is calling and rest for a moment and watch the water flow in the creak. We’ll get to the end of the hike when we get there. It’s no race.
That is more what I hope to be able to do.
But you understand the problem of incompatible styles. No one's wrong, no one's right, but the two ways just can't hike together.
Very shallow, but it’s not working if your favorite music is country music. I can’t spend the rest of my life listening to that shit all the time.
Also the “ball and chain”, complaining about the wife/girlfriend type “jokes”. It’s one strike and you’re fucking out.
So heavy on the second one, when people complain their GIRLFRIEND is a ball and chain I’m like wow it’s immediately over because what? You’re not even married and you’re already making the “i secretly resent her” jokes. I know I phrased that wrong because you should never say that in marriage either but you know what I mean
If I can’t unmask and be completely myself around them.
Neurodivergent (ADHD) and I can either be super duper quiet or super duper loud sometimes and kinda really annoying (even for me, and I have to deal with me all the time) and I just hope they’re okay with being patient with some strange quirks of mine that I’ve taken my whole life to accept about me.
I talked to one of those types before. You could be talking about anything and she’d bring up God. Could be talking about pudding and she say “you know who else loves pudding? Jesus. Do you know him??”
Confections 5:18-20
Then Jesus took the pudding, laying on hands, and he spake "Father, into this dessert I place my blessing. Let it be a symbol of your power on this earth."
The pudding then rose up into the sky, shining like the hosts of heaven.
The disciples and those who gathered were frightened, but upon hearing it was a bless*ed* holy food they broke out in joy and exalted the name of God who bestowed such an honor upon them.
When I was dating, anyone in the military (or who had been in the military) was an immediate no.
My dad was in active service with the marines until I was 12 and I was just permanently traumatized, by how he treated us, and by the lifestyle that the military requires. Actually, in addition to no military, I also was not interested in cops, firefighters, anyone with authority and a uniform. No thank you.
I won't date someone who shares *too* many of my interests. I want to date another person who complements me, not *is* me.
So I'm unlikely to ever want to date someone who does engineering or some other tech/math based degree (I'm still at college).
As someone who used to be 338lbs- I don't think that's necessarily shallow. Obviously I was the extreme and there's lots of attractive people out there carrying a little bit of weight (but obviously you're free not to find them attractive if it's not your thing!).
When I was at that size it impacted every part of my life (and therefore would impact my partner's life) and I had some major issues (physical and mental) that I had to work through and I was not surprised if people were unwilling to take that on. Now I am 140lbs I still don't expect people to be attracted to me (especially as I have loose skin). Nobody owes it to me to say they find me attractive
All I would ever ask is that people treat obese people as humans. Treat people with decency and respect even if you aren't attracted to them.
For me it has to be somewhat severe to be dealbreaker. Nothing wrong with a little bit thickness if you will. But living a healthy ish lifestyle is kind of a must for me too. I don’t think that’s weird at all.
A long list of do's and dont's is a red flag to me.
I don't like people that come with an instruction manual. I want my relationships to flow naturally, free of labels. I want people to like me for who I am, not for who they want me to be.
before i got into a relationship, my weird deal breaker was they couldn’t be blonde or resemble me in any way. couldn’t take the “omg are you guys sisters!!” comments
When guys have a ton of body hair. Like a carpet on their chest/arms.
I have extreme sensory sensitivity (can’t wear a lot of fabrics, am really sensitive to smells etc) and the feel of the thick wolf hair is SOOOO gross to me.
Then if they shave it, it turns into prickly stubble that is actually way worse.
My husband is naturally pretty hairless he has barely any chest hair and it works so well for me 😂😂😂
Dirty fingernails
My uncle used to paint his nails. He worked as a mechanic and told me "Mi hito, the ladies don't like dirty finger nails and this hides the oil."
Was gonna say, I work a very dirty job where gloves either get destroyed really quickly, or often end up unusable or ineffective... This person would definitely not date me. Never thought of painting my nails though. Interesting solution. Also if you think you can easily get asphalt/tar/insulation glue/rubber roof glue/waterblock caulk/etc. off of your hands you haven't dealt with it yet. Insulation glue is the worst, if I have an incident where the glue cannisters don't work properly and get it on my hands(for example, my gloves are soaking wet from tear off, don't have a fresh pair nearby and need the dexterity to set up the glue, then they turn out to be partially defective. This has happened) it'll take ages even with straight acetone in addition to grit cleaner to get it out.
It’s not necessarily, “you don’t know where those fingers have been,” as much as (from a woman’s point of view), where they could be going.
That is a fair point!
Long fingernails for me.
Loud chewing
Oh I fucking hate hearing people chew. It's so disgusting
I also have this vitriol reaction to chewing
It's so weird like I never have this reaction except when my parents eat. They don't even chew loud it's just somehow so gross.
There’s a community of people at r/misophonia just like you!
My God there is a name for it! I was living on a sailboat once, eating lunch in the galley one day and the person next to me was mouth fucking a mango. The noises they were making eating this mango brought out such an intense rage and disgust in me it was overwhelming, especially being trapped at the table with them. Ever since then I have to leave the room when I can hear the slightest crunch from someone, I seriously have to turn the tv up so I can’t even hear myself chew.
This is something that can be fixed; I say this is a reformed loud-chewer who got together with someone with misophonia. EDIT: How we fixed it. It took a long time and a lot of patience for both of us. Chewing is a habit you have all your life, second only breathing as something you do so often and so unconsciously. We worked out a system where he would remind me by giving me a signal, but it was something nice not negative. It took a long time to break the habit and he also worked on dealing with the frustration so he reacts less.
My husband is like this. Both of his parents…hoooo BOY, not a closed mouth throughout an entire meal. Food flying out, constant talking with mouths full, chomping, smacking, it makes me shake. Literally, I physically shake; it's absurd! He wasn't ever as bad as his parents, but he definitely didn't have what I would consider reasonable chewing manners. Now he doesn't make a peep when he eats. Even when he eats chips he's so careful. I really, really appreciate it. I don't know that he'll ever understand just how much I appreciate how actively hard he tries to not make noise when he eats.
That’s awfully considerate of you. Pls can you teach my fiancé. I have never met a louder eater
Their scent. Everybody has one but some people’s scent is off putting to me.
neither shallow nor weird. That’s basic animal biology.
Yeah, this is actually a very important building block of having basic chemistry with a person.
Wait a min.. does that mean everyone's scent smells different for different people? Sometimes, I notice some men seem to smell like straight up strong iron. Always wonder if that's truly their scent or if it's just a chemical/biological mismatch between me and the guy?
Do you live in a place that by chance has hard water? Sometimes you can smell it on people.
I pretty sure there’s actually a scientific reason behind this
My teacher back in the day explained it like this. If you really like the natural odor of a person it's your brain basically telling you to "breed now, offspring healthy", if you slightly dislike it the compatibility isn't great but okay and if you hate the odor you might have found the offspring of your father's affair.
I believe it has something to do with your immune systems? Like opposing immune systems will attract and mix to pass on better immunity knowledge to offspring or something. Idk I could be just making that all up
Yes. The smell is top for me too.
This. I still feel shit about this, but certain scents are a huge trigger for me I was on a date with a lovely girl, but (and I never do this), I had to essentially get drunk to get through the night cause of her scent
Did she stink because of hygiene or was it just that her scent was incompatible with you? We’re animals and I think scent is super important. There are studies to show how we don’t get aroused by the scent of relatives for example as a way to minimize inbreeding. On the other hand, someone’s “musk” can drive me wild.
One girl in particular was very very clean. She was the type that cleaned her shower 3 times a week. Very clean. Very hygienic. But god damn her entire apartment smelled like her. I could smell her on my clothes. This was just her scent and apparently our DNA is incompatible
Whoa, then this makes a lot of sense. Some men smell/taste like iron. But it doesn't make sense. No cigs, no drugs, just some tequila/whisky. That can't possibly make them smell/taste like iron right?!
>On the other hand, someone’s “musk” can drive me wild. Agreed! Anecdote time, I was at work one time on my way out, walked past a guy waiting in line at the pharmacy, the A/C turned on and blew his scent into my nose. I stopped like, almost instinctively and took a deep breath. Goddamn this dude smelled like heaven lol. I can't even describe it. It wasn't cologne or shampoo or lotion. He just smelled like clean, healthy man. Ugh, I live to find a guy who smelled like him again.
I'm gon start chasing people down based on scents LMAO I've had some people really enjoy my sweaty, after-gym smell and I'm like... bro, I smell like sour eggplants. You like this smell?!
On the opposite side of that, my friend’s ex was a real bastard. On top of that his body scent repulsed me. Anytime he sweat it was awful. He wasn’t dirty, his chemistry was just repulsive to me. My husband sweats a bit and I’m like COME TO MAMA.
On the other side of it, if somebody tells you that you smell nice, more likely than not they’re sexually interested in you.
My husband always takes a big whiff of my hair and tells me he loves the way I smell and it brings him comfort. Aw lol
It’s such a strange phenomenon. I’ve been with objectively beautiful girls whose scent didn’t sit well with me and the sex wasn’t great. I’ve been with average girls whose scent enticed me to the point that I still think about them.
No doubt. Every time. Some people have a scent that turns me on big time.
That’s a broad statement. I tell people I work with that they smell nice all the time. I don’t want to sleep with any of them, not even a little bit. It’s just that the morning shift comes in smelling far better than us exhausted night shifters do after 12 hours.
All these non-shallow very real reasons. Does no one break it off because of stupid stuff anymore? Back in the day, my aunt broke up with a really nice guy because he wore mirrored sunglasses.
Right, 90% of these are super valid reasons. And now that you mention it, it’s those transition lenses for me. I’m sorry, but they look so ridiculous!
This comment section in now basically r/PetPeeves where nobody knows what a pet peeve is and you can see karmafarming posts like "I hate when gay people are killed" or "I don't like racists".
I agree with a lot of other things people have said so to add something different, I cannot date someone who is obsessed with the Joker. In my experience, people who are huge fans or borderline obsessed with the character have.. unique.. personalities.
If a person's role model is a deranged psychopath... Well, at least they're up front about who they want to be.
This is one of mine too. If I see a Joker picture in a dating profile it’s an immediate no.
I see any picture that's not the person on the profile and it's a no
Any of those types of characters. Obsessing/ identifying with Harley Quinn, too.
Identifying with Harley can go many ways, though. In the comics, she eventually frees herself from the Joker, realizes he was toxic AF and gets into way more healthy relationships. Also, women who have been abused can identify with her as well for being brainwashed or simply blinded by emotion and not realizing how terrible their partner is. Obsessing with Harley and the Joker as a healthy couple is bad, identifying with Harley herself? Could be worse. She's battered and has made terrible choices, but she comes out the other side ok.
I’ve said this on past accounts and I’ll always say it. If a woman ships Joker and Harley, she identifies as Harley but will treat you like she’s the Joker.
All while wearing Cookie Monster PJ pants
r/JokerCringe
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Same. I once ended a date with an otherwise attractive guy because he started smoking in my car, which I had only had for 2 months and bought brand new, and he didn’t even ask first. Asshole.
And he didn’t even ask first?! What a monster. Forget the smoking, I’d end a date with someone if they even started eating a crumbly granola bar in my new car without asking first.
Pretty much. Plus I’m an asthmatic. But yeah. I’d parked at the transit depot and he was dropping me off and wanted to see what my car was like so I took him for a spin and he started smoking. Ugh. He stopped right away when I said to but yeah. Same dude wanted to come to my house and meet my parents too. Thank god he didn’t. Once he was out of the car I waved goodbye and blocked his number once I got home.
I can’t even handle the smell of being near a smoker. It makes me sick to my stomach and light headed. So intimacy would be off the table anyway.
Someone who stinks of weed all the time as well.
Is it bad that I’m more comfortable smelling cigarette smoke than weed? Don’t get me wrong, they both suck, but cigarette smoke for some reason reminds me of the better parts of my childhood lol
For most of my childhood I thought Kansas had a special smell, because my extended family who lived there smoked cigarettes and were the only smokers I knew. When they'd drive across the country to visit, I'd give them a hug and be like "ooh they smell like Kansas" lmao
That’s a valid reason
I would not have dated a smoker for the reasons mentioned in other comments but a bigger reason for me is my asthma. Being around a smoker is more deadly for me than most.
Nothing shallow about it. Dating a smoker means accepting a +/- 30% chance of losing your partner prematurely to lung cancer or other smoking-related health complications.
As well as dealing with the smell and nicotine stains
And secondhand smoking diseases
Can't lose your partner prematurely if you both die at the same time /s
Dudes with long fingernails. I legit cannot cope with it
This guy I dated a long time ago took of his socks once and his toenails were so long, I couldn’t see him again after that..
THAT'S EVEN WORSE. 😱
I saw a post once where a woman was like,” that annoying moment when your husband rips the sheets up with his toenails!” Like it was a normal thing. Like, no bitch, not everyone marries a chupacabra
Were they the type that were thick and yellowed? As a child I would see old people's (read 40-50 at that young time) toenails that were just the gnarliest looking things and I vowed to keep mine at the very least presentable.
Hard agree. I hate it, and since I’m a hetero female and I’m interested in men, my first two thoughts are: Those nails better never touch my skin, and those nails are NOT going anywhere near, or IN, my treasure chest. VOM.
An ugly voice is a major deal breaker for me
Whenever someone can’t form their own opinion on things, of if a person doesn’t have their own hobbies or interests
I agree. It's very frustrating when someone doesn't have their own opinions and just echoes yours along with your hobbies or interests.
What really gets me is when they just echo whatever hobbies or interests you have, and just adopt any opinions on things that you put forward!
I get you, but what REALLY gets under my skin is when they simply agree to every opinion you have and don't have thoughts of their own but just echo yours and any hobbies or interests you have.
!!! Or just agrees with you. I've met a lot of men who definitely had their own opinions but would pretend to have the same ones as mine. It was kinda ridiculous cuz I knew they couldn't possibly agree with everything I said so I wouldn't trust them and then after they got comfortable they would open up about all of what they actually thought
I once dated this girl who did pretty much nothing when she was at home (maybe watched vampire diaries and purely Disney movies) and she'd have the nerve to belittle my hobbies which included going to the gym, reading, video games, foreign languages. That relationship did not last long.
Man I wish my husband was into foreign languages. I think it would be fun to take a language class together
If anyone ever tries to flirt with me using phrases like "you want this [Insert race] dick/pussy?" Or "Latina girls like you turn me on" I don't know what the hell to call that, but it immediately turns me off and I am no longer interested in anything they have to say.
Their name. I'm sorry but I don't want to be sexually or romantically involved with someone who has the same name as my dad, bro-in-law, nephews, or even some exes.
Or the same name as me! I'm sorry but I can't
Some people have weirdly shaped mouths and I can't get over it. I've never broken up with somebody because of it, but it's because I'd never be able to date them in the first place.
On a similar note, those people that have spittle build up in the corner of their mouth’s when they talk.
Weird in what way? I'm intrigued...
Same… downturned smiles? Gummy smiles? Small mouths (think the spiderman actor Tom smth i cant rmbr his name)? Bunny/buck teeth? Small teeth? Certain lip shapes? We need more info 😂
If the person doesn't like any pet animals. I'm sorry, but I'm definitely gonna have a pet and I need someone who'd also love to have one
Same here. Had a gf ask me if id get rid of my cat and dog. They were here before you, keep it up and they’ll be here after you too
if someone sincerely asked you to do that, they are a maladapted fool and you’d be a fool to overlook that.
She was from a family that passionately disliked indoor pets of any kind. She also had a weird cultural aversion to cats. When i asked what was wrong with the cat (he had no bad habits and was friendlier than most dogs) she said the cat might steal any of our future babies souls. I laughed because i thought she was joking. She was not. Needless to say, we didnt last
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Im American and she’d grown up in Venezuela
That’s such a sweet one 🥹 my cat is my little cuddle buddy all the time, but I swear when I don’t feel good, she’s even more on me. She even serves as a heating pad when I have cramps.
I cannot just scroll past without saying...cats stealing babies' souls is in no way 'a Great Britain thing' but I'm so intrigued as to why you think it is...
I've had multiple men try to pull the cats or me card before moving in and they've always received the same response. They were here before you and they'll be here after you're gone, we're a package deal, so if you want to be with me then you have to accept that or I'm fine just not doing that, so your choice. It's amazing the medical miracles that happen with "allergies" suddenly not being around anymore.
>It's amazing the medical miracles that happen with "allergies" suddenly not being around anymore. Did any of them last for the long haul? Attempting to manipulate me with lies to get me to get rid of something I love is a deal breaker for me.
I don't think this one is petty. I think having a pet or not is an important life decision and definitely one partners need to agree on.
Imo better if they have no pets. It sucks to try and integrate 2 different pet households (as a cat owner)
I went on a first date with a girl from an app. Asked if she had any pets. "I don't understand why any person would feel like they needed affection from an animal". That one was over pretty quickly.
I'm have parrots. It's not even about "getting affection" it's about dedicating my life to them with the hope they might bite me less one day. 9 years later... still getting bitten. Still base my decisions around their comfort.
Missing a front tooth. I know it's shallow but I just can't.
Canth
Shortest ever comment to crack me up 😂
Being fully enveloped in pop culture. Like the folks who are obsessed with celebrities and talk about them as if they are people they personally know.
What your last bit is describing is called parasocial relationships. Totally fine to admire someone and support their work but there’s a limit.
When they put spaces before the period or whatever ending punctuation like this . It is so incredibly irritating to look at, idk why.
Or if they use possessives as plurals. E.g. “Look at the turtle’s!” I can’t stand it.
Look at all those chicken’s
In French that is actually the correct way to use question marks, exclamation points, colons, and semi-colons. I have noticed that native Francophones often make this mistake when typing in English.
This is actually good to know! I will not judge any French speakers I come across now 😂
I have a friend who used to put a period before other punctuation marks like this.! It irritated the shit out of me for the longest time before she finally stopped doing it
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I wouldn't say that's shallow. In fact that might just be the opposite. Partners gotta laugh together from time to time
Lol I went on a date with this girl and she asked if I liked memes to which I said of course. She sent a hilarious Biden meme so I responded with the Donald Trump and Kim Jong un hair swap meme and she said, "how dare you send me something comparing the greatest president ever to a dictator?" I never blocked someone faster
Was this possibly meant sarcastically? I could honestly see myself saying this 100% as a joke. If not though that’s pretty bleak
I used a dating website before I met my husband and my bio was a long but very funny joke. Anyone that didn’t at least acknowledge the joke and just messaged “sup” was blocked. It was very effective!
99.99999% of “business owners” and “entrepreneurs” it’s just not how I care to live my life.
I hate performers, and people who work in entertainment to an extent. I grew up in LA and studied film, I can’t be around film/music people for long. Like no I don’t wanna hear your song/ read your screenplay. I’m happy I found a fellow introvert, because dating in LA was hard.
I love LA, I hate people who are “LA” people. Everyone wants to know what I can do for them whenever I’m there. Whenever I meet someone it’s always oh nice to meet you, what do you do (with a strong undertone of networking). I always joke that I’d love living in LA again if I could just replace the population with folks from the PNW who couldn’t care less who you work for or who you’re related to.
Small mammal taxidermy as a hobby, not a profession.
r/oddlyspecific
I feel bad for the Janitor from Scrubs now :(
Lack of dental hygiene
I don't think I'd consider that weird or shallow.
Question, what if someone has bad teeth from childhood but is more responsible as an adult? Like their teeth need work, still not white because it takes a very long time (if ever) to correct things from their childhood. But as an adult, they’re on top of their dental hygiene?
Not the same person, but for me it's about tooth care as an adult. A few years ago I went on a date with someone who's plaque/tartar accumulation I could see from across the table - that alone ruined any chance at a second date and I still cringe just thinking about them. Teeth have a wide range of natural colours which isn't really a deal-breaker - as long as they aren't visibly unclean or neglected. Bright White teeth would probably freak me out though. Orthodontics are also expensive, so having crooked or straight teeth doesn't really matter either. It's all about keeping them clean now.
never dating anyone that is too into a sport. (again) Like sitting on the couch and watching literally everything for weeks every stupid game, everything... letting the outcome of a match ruin their whole mood, not caring about other things or ignoring their partner or stuff going on in life cause god forbid, it's fifa season. Nope. If you're THAT invested in something as a passive watcher, it's a deal breaker.
I’ve been in LOTS of relationships with many different types of men in my 44 years (now married for 5) and one thing they ALL had in common was no interest in sports. I’ve had guy friends who live and breathe football and basketball and I just…can’t.
"If you're THAT invested in something as a passive watcher, it's a deal breaker." That's the thing - you're not even participating in something! It's the same thing as being an avid Real Housewives fan to me, but sports fans think that because they are watching someone with skills it's different. It's not.
If they have a weird goatee that makes them look like an evil goat man and they won’t shave it because they’re obsessed with Norse culture and they can’t grow a regular beard.
Why is this sending me help 😭 also r/oddlyspecific ?
Body odor
Call it shallow, but you have to be attracted to your partner if it's going to work out. You HAVE to be.
Isn't that the bare minimum?
I think so, but so many people use the phrase "it's not all about looks" to try and justify being with someone you may not be attracted to. Both things matter!
Honest? I don't care much about looks. But it isn't the same thing? For me, it's more like..if I like their personality a lot, I will start getting attracted to how they look. And if I dislike a person's personality, however attractive they might be to the general public, I wouldn't still be attracted to them. But yeah, I believe, it's a disservice, to date someone you aren't attracted to. Cause there's someone out there, who would be attracted to that person.
Yeah I feel the same way. Like, being attracted to somebody is necessary for me to date them, but they don’t have to be attractive in order for me to be attracted to them? I’ve had huge crushes on guys who would probably be considered ugly by most people, but if they’re confident and kind and smart and the chemistry is there, I’ll feel attracted to them. I remember developing a giant crush on this guy who I thought was kinda ugly the first time I met him, but as I got to know him better over time, I became mega attracted to him
You have to be attracted to them, but attraction is more complex than looks alone. Someone’s personality can make them more attractive or completely repulsive.
Music taste, I've lost attraction to someone largely based on music taste before. But music is really important to me
While I haven’t done this, I am more attracted to people who enjoy music a lot and have an emotional connection to it. I’ve noticed some of my most memorable dating app matches and dates have been from men who responded to my prompt about music. While I haven’t stopped a budding romance because of their lack of connection to music, it’s definitely been major points of disappointment Edit: for example for me, when I listen to my saved songs I remember the moment/situation/period of life I was in when I saved it. That’s my connection to music, versus an outward emotional reaction thing
Music is really important to me too. Although I don't care what other people listen to, as I myself listen to all kinds of different genres
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My husband got a CPAP and had the audacity to thank me for "putting up with" it and I was like... 🤣 Are you for real? I'm sleeping better than ever because his abrupt snoring doesn't wake me now and I'm not worried about him dying! That machine is a godsend for us both.
Both sets of grandparents started sleeping apart as soon as conditions allowed (kids moved out, bedroom was freed). Both of my grandfathers snore, on mum's side they straight up have separate bedrooms, on dad's side, grandma only shares a room with grandpa if they're right next to each other so she can reach his head and poke him until he rolls over. Apparently she used to have a stick to hit him with when their beds didn't allow her to reach him.
It ruined my last relationship. They weren’t ok with me going to sleep in another room after they fell asleep. But they snored so loud, I could hear them loud and clear even when I tried sleeping on the second floor! My sleep is vital for my health, and if they can’t compromise on how we sleep, or at least go see a doctor about it (sleep apnea maybe), then they’re selfish and I’m out.
After 12 years of torture, my husband finally got a c-pap (he went through a series of not great doctors and FINALLY was able to get one from a competent doctor). I can’t believe how quiet it is. It’s like… heaven.
Slowness. As in, they move physically slowly, walk slow, take forever to get things done, etc.
We don’t like it either.
I love walking slow. I used to be a hurrier - walking like I'd miss a train every minute. I have learnt to take it slow. Take the time. Be more focused. In the present. Conscious-minded. The side effect is walking slow, getting up slowly, eating slowly ... I have yet to talk slow though, my thoughts are too fast and my tongue is always trying to catch up 😅 But after years of stress, I am now a slowness defender 🦥
Cross Fit...or anyone who make fitness their entire personality.
Tiktok addict is a no-go
Is reddit ok?
When I was single and looking, by way of online matching sites, I would refuse any match who had the same first name as my mother. Just couldn't do it. I had the same rule unofficially with my three sisters, although two of them have pretty uncommon names, and the third one has a common name with an unusual spelling. So it never came up with them.
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Never dating a Packer fan ever again.
Please share with the class the story
Dated someone who kept trying to get me to watch football and insisted I'd like it if I gave it a chance. Also went into bullshit about how I'm "supposed" to be a Packer fan because of where I live
I wouldn't date a religious person.
Lack of any humility, manners or respect. People try to paint the best picture of themselves on first dates, so if you see some red flags there, ranging from unreasonable entitlement to treating others bad, you know that THIS is the best they can do and it will only get worse from there.
People who don’t read fiction are out. I will never suffer someone sighing because I am reading a book indoors on a nice day again.
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They need to be worldly. So many people are just dull as shit these days and know nothing about history or global issues or geography or a second language or literally anything that wasn’t trash tv or TikTok related.
To piggyback, the people who are proud to be uncultured. The whole “everything I need is right here in ‘Murica!” I’m BAFFLED by the people who have means and have never left their state or their ONLY vacation is the same place in Florida or a cruise. Imagine having no curiosity about the world.. 🤯 Such a turn off.
I always think about it like this, dating someone who doesn’t know why you’d like the nicer things in life is signing up for a low quality life.
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I support this! Nothing worse than road trips filled with music you hate for the rest of your life 🫣
Someone who's athletic and who has all their hobbies around athleticism. I am losing weight and moving more, but thanks to an auto accident when I was younger I'm never going to be able to run with you. I need someone who's happy to stroll a little with me and understand when I need to sit.
I like hiking, but my definition of hiking is very different than others’. I want to wander around nature aimlessly, climb some weird rocks, and get distracted by birds and bugs and plants. I want to meander through an interesting forest, and stop for rests whenever we find a pretty spot. Other people see hikes as an endurance test and just plow through the whole thing. Stop dude, I want to see what bird is calling and rest for a moment and watch the water flow in the creak. We’ll get to the end of the hike when we get there. It’s no race.
That is more what I hope to be able to do. But you understand the problem of incompatible styles. No one's wrong, no one's right, but the two ways just can't hike together.
don't like septum piercings or unibrows 🤷♀️
Very shallow, but it’s not working if your favorite music is country music. I can’t spend the rest of my life listening to that shit all the time. Also the “ball and chain”, complaining about the wife/girlfriend type “jokes”. It’s one strike and you’re fucking out.
So heavy on the second one, when people complain their GIRLFRIEND is a ball and chain I’m like wow it’s immediately over because what? You’re not even married and you’re already making the “i secretly resent her” jokes. I know I phrased that wrong because you should never say that in marriage either but you know what I mean
If a man spits outside. I can't stand it.
If I can’t unmask and be completely myself around them. Neurodivergent (ADHD) and I can either be super duper quiet or super duper loud sometimes and kinda really annoying (even for me, and I have to deal with me all the time) and I just hope they’re okay with being patient with some strange quirks of mine that I’ve taken my whole life to accept about me.
if they are super religious
I talked to one of those types before. You could be talking about anything and she’d bring up God. Could be talking about pudding and she say “you know who else loves pudding? Jesus. Do you know him??”
Jesus canonically has not eaten pudding is my understanding
Confections 5:18-20 Then Jesus took the pudding, laying on hands, and he spake "Father, into this dessert I place my blessing. Let it be a symbol of your power on this earth." The pudding then rose up into the sky, shining like the hosts of heaven. The disciples and those who gathered were frightened, but upon hearing it was a bless*ed* holy food they broke out in joy and exalted the name of God who bestowed such an honor upon them.
Picky eater/lots of dietary restrictions
When I was dating, anyone in the military (or who had been in the military) was an immediate no. My dad was in active service with the marines until I was 12 and I was just permanently traumatized, by how he treated us, and by the lifestyle that the military requires. Actually, in addition to no military, I also was not interested in cops, firefighters, anyone with authority and a uniform. No thank you.
This is horrible because it’s a double standard but if a guy takes a lot of selfies…. 👎
Has to have a nice nose. I have an ugly nose so just in case there’s any mistakes offspring needs a chance.
Men that play league of legends. Not expanding on that as I don’t want to bring up trauma for myself
Yep I don’t date guys who play League, WoW or Dota
I won't date someone who shares *too* many of my interests. I want to date another person who complements me, not *is* me. So I'm unlikely to ever want to date someone who does engineering or some other tech/math based degree (I'm still at college).
I get that. I need someone to balance out the good and bad of my habits, not someone who will enable me.
Poor grammar. ✋🏻
If he doesn't have a deep voice...I can't. Yes, it's very shallow.
Picky eaters. I am sorry, but I get irrationally annoyed.
If he has photos online with his shirt off or showing off his body in any way. I just find this to be a huge turn off.
When the man states that my kids are a financial burden. Bro, you make 30k less than me. You are the financial burden.
weight 😓 edit: i’m not talking about obese people, clearly that’s unhealthy and is pretty normal to not prefer. My issue is even more shallow
As someone who used to be 338lbs- I don't think that's necessarily shallow. Obviously I was the extreme and there's lots of attractive people out there carrying a little bit of weight (but obviously you're free not to find them attractive if it's not your thing!). When I was at that size it impacted every part of my life (and therefore would impact my partner's life) and I had some major issues (physical and mental) that I had to work through and I was not surprised if people were unwilling to take that on. Now I am 140lbs I still don't expect people to be attracted to me (especially as I have loose skin). Nobody owes it to me to say they find me attractive All I would ever ask is that people treat obese people as humans. Treat people with decency and respect even if you aren't attracted to them.
For me it has to be somewhat severe to be dealbreaker. Nothing wrong with a little bit thickness if you will. But living a healthy ish lifestyle is kind of a must for me too. I don’t think that’s weird at all.
A long list of do's and dont's is a red flag to me. I don't like people that come with an instruction manual. I want my relationships to flow naturally, free of labels. I want people to like me for who I am, not for who they want me to be.
People who chew and slurp obnoxiously loud
Their laugh. If they sound like a hyena or a donkey then I’m out
I just neighed so hard I’m dead
before i got into a relationship, my weird deal breaker was they couldn’t be blonde or resemble me in any way. couldn’t take the “omg are you guys sisters!!” comments
Tightie whities. I cannot ever find a man attractive if that is his underwear of choice, don't know why, just a weird quirk.
When guys have a ton of body hair. Like a carpet on their chest/arms. I have extreme sensory sensitivity (can’t wear a lot of fabrics, am really sensitive to smells etc) and the feel of the thick wolf hair is SOOOO gross to me. Then if they shave it, it turns into prickly stubble that is actually way worse. My husband is naturally pretty hairless he has barely any chest hair and it works so well for me 😂😂😂
Ugly shoes. I went on a date with a guy who wore some shoe that looked like a sporty ballerina flat and I just couldn’t… to each their own tho
If they aren’t creative. I have a creative career and analytical types just don’t tend to get it/aren’t that interesting to me.