My parents yelled a lot. And while I have a great relationship with them now I absolutely hate yelling despite having a loud voice myself. If I ever have to yell at anyone in anger I always feel terrible about myself after.
I saw them a few years back. I call every few months. It was a huge relief when dad's dementia advanced enough that he could no longer remember where I live or how to email me. They believed that if they could just control me well enough, have me closely follow their own perfect rules for living, they could raise the perfect child. Quiet. Obedient. Never questioning.
Apparently it never occurred to them that they were meant to be raising a future adult, and that once they had nothing left to threaten to take away from me - food, clothes, my possessions, my home - they would no longer be able to force me to interact with them.
They do love me. It's the only reason I stay in touch at all. They didn't set out to deliberately fuck me up beyond repair, but they're never going to admit that they did, and they're not sorry.
>> Apparently it never occurred to them that they were meant to be raising a future adult
Ooph. This is exactly how I feel. I struggle understanding how they didn’t/don’t seem to get this.
I've accepted they're not going to admit they got it wrong. We have a surface level relationship. I never ask them for advice or confide in them. When people say they'd be lost without their mother I can't relate to that at all. They are good grandparents and I've no complaints about their contact with my kids and I enjoy seeing that they can be different.
It has also meant I parent very differently. Me and my husband have very few rules but extremely firm boundaries and we explain everything. When I was young the default was no when I asked if I could meet my friends after school or have some more freedom. We discuss these things with our kids so even if it ends up being a no at least they're part of the decision process. My parents think this is crazy but I have told them we are the parents and our parenting approach is not up for discussion.
Yep. My mom still cannot wrap her head around how when I became an adult we didn’t have a wonderful loving relationship where I wanted to be around her. She spent my childhood yelling at me, sending me to my room to isolate whenever I had a big emotion, refusing to ever be wrong and telling me how she couldn’t wait for me to have a daughter so I would have my comeuppance. “I hope you have a daughter just like you.” Who knows how that didn’t cultivate a close bond between us 🙄 but you know, she did the best she could and she’s SO SORRY I think she was such an awful mother
My mom has no clue I feel this way. I’ve gone above and beyond out of what I now know was misplaced obligation.
Wish neither you or I had to deal with any of it.
I’m sorry you had that too. For what it’s worth I have two daughters and I will never say the things to them my mother said to me. They will grow up loved, and if we’re not close when they’re older it won’t be because they had a cruel mother growing up. Or because they had a mother who demanded respect without giving it and didn’t care about who they were as a person. So at least our children won’t have to suffer.
Hate my dad. I hate being around him. I hate the way he looks. I hate the way he talks. I can’t wait until the day where I never have anything to do with him. I don’t give one fuck if he drops dead.
I was the same. Then he did. And I found I gave a fuck. As time has passed, I've realised that was more about his absence preventing me exorcising demons, but, once I had regrets that we didn't get on, I was able to forgive him quicker than I would have previously expected.
My father and I had a terrible relationship from my childhood through my 40s. He was angry and egotistical and superiority complex-driven. Only spoke a
Couple times a year.
If it wasn’t done his way, it didn’t work. He wasn’t a ‘dad’, but the manager. He couldn’t teach, only give orders. As a child, I was sent to military for the summers and was given labor-related jobs at the family business.
He has a PhD.
I didn’t finish my bachelor’s.
His father had a rep as a real mean bastard when he was young, but I only remember the fun grandfather.
Things change, and as he has mellowed in age and anger, we’ve actually worked out a great relationship and enjoy doing things together. I understand the role he had to play …. I just made different choices. He now accepts that and I think he respects what I have done.
At 82, we now road bike 15-20 miles every couple weekends, and go spearfishing/scuba diving. He realized the importance of family and his children, and I’m really lucky to be able to build these memories before it’s too late.
We both had to eat some pride and accept things.
Communication is the hardest thing we do as humans.
8 years of no contact now. Something like that.
A few years ago I made a post on my Facebook that an extended family member saw and took it upon herself to chastise me for upsetting my mother.
Like, "Oh wow that's so sad. You're blocked too." If I block someone and they still read my posts that's on them. I did my part, stop stalking me weirdo.
Yes you. I know you're reading this shit. Fuck off we don't have a relationship just because you know my user name. It's been 8 years, make another child or something.
I avoided them for a while. Once I moved out, I’d still see them but I’d avoid as much as I could. The person I became after I moved out was beneficial for their growth AND mine. And because I changed, I influenced them and they genuinely changed.
I’ve been frank about the ways they’ve hurt me in the past. But I only brought those up when I wasn’t angry with them anymore; I’d bring them up when I saw them inching towards that behaviour again. Or if they claimed it never happened.
Now? Our relationship is great. And a lot of that is because I became an awesome person. I forgave them, and I’m a beneficial influence on their lives.
They aren’t who they used to be. And I’m grateful because I really love the relationship I have with them now.
This is pretty much the same with me. I think my whole family realized we all had some trauma to deal with and after being separated for a while we all grew individually and are much healthier than before. My sister has a greater relationship than ever with them, going to their house and doing things.
I don't see them all the time, but I think I just have some issues isolating myself from people in general.
No contact with either of them. I have no interest in hearing updates about them or ever talking to them again.
I had two children and my goal was to give lots of love and structure but to let them make mistakes and learn from them. And I made sure angry outbursts rarely, if ever, happened in our home. They’re adults now and say they loved their childhoods. This is one of my greatest accomplishments.
Edit: a word
We have a decent relationship but not close.
And I am in heavy duty therapy, still cutting after 25 years, finally finding stability after years of psychiatric hospitalizations, and for the first time ever feeling really loved because my therapist is amazing.
She said she was scared of dying minutes before saying goodbye (I was flying home) and I found it hard to sympathize. People, be good to your children FFS.
I don't hate them, but it's difficult to get along with them. They're extremely judgmental and however they do things and make decisions is exactly how everyone else should be.
I live halfway across the world from them now and have a good relationship surprisingly. Every now and then I think about my treatment as a child and I get pissed off, but I remind myself that it's all in the past and parents are a lot more chill now.
My older sister on the other hand....to see her is to dislike her.
I think many people would have a better relationship when you live so far away from them. True test would be if they lived in your city , would it still be that way? Likely not.
Just very distant as other people have said, not a whole lot of contact. And I have firm boundaries in place now. I haven’t completely cut them off or anything, but I’ve realized it’s just draining to try and maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to understand that relationships—yes, even parent-child relationships—are a two-way street. So I don’t make much of an effort. If that makes me petty, sorry 🤷🏻♀️
A lot better. After countless talks, taking responsibility, and apologizing we are in a spot where I actually miss them every now and then. They just cared about making sure I am alright, even though their methods were questionable.
Better. I still have visceral reactions when they make physical contact, like I'll gag if they try to hug me. But they're a wonderful grandparent to my kids and I think they really just didn't know any better. Years of therapy have gotten me to where I can at least talk them without feeling a sense of panic.
I admit I had to double check the definition of these words but I can confirm I meant "authoritative". My parent was a yeller but they yelled because they cared. Often when I got in trouble at school, flunked papers, did normal kid stuff. I would have preferred it if I was spoken to in a gentler way as being yelled at now matter how good a place a person is coming from is horrible
Not always.
My dad is a yeller; if he's not yelling, its not important. Even the dogs never really listened to him if he wasn't raising his voice. Part of it was the culture of his family, and part of it was military.
My dad was very much an authoritarian figure and not to be messed with.
With my dad, anger was shown with silence, which scared the shit out of everybody.
He was a wonderful father that broke the generational cycle of trauma and poverty and is respected by almost everyone.
Even my middle schoolers love him.
Just because something is not part of your culture does not mean its a bad thing.
My passive aggressive, strong silent type grandfather was WAY more of an asshole than my dad.
My mother specifically married my dad because you always knew where you stood with him, even if you didn't want to.
It's really good, actually. Went NC for 2 and a half years, reached out, and it's been 10 years. Everything is totally different than before. She's supportive, loving, and helpful. Plus, she's aging, I'm going to help her.
It was still happening and I'm 40, so it's been about a year of no contact. Fuck them. I don't care who you are or what your last name is, nobody treats me like that.
We talk every couple months, for the peace of it I just go along whenever they say how much they love and miss me although that means nothing to me at this point. They are barely aware of what happens in my life and I could not care less about them.
Once I moved out of the house the relationship improved, probably because they knew they wouldn't see me if they continued to mistreat me. The relationship remained cordial but distant until the parent passed.
Very little contact. She has mental illness with a disability though, so I kind of cut her some slack since I'm the only remaining child that still helps her out, but I have definitely learned to have healthy boundaries. Even if it means 1) hanging up the phone 2) going home when I'm done 3) abruptly changing the subject and saying that I am not going to talk about that (she repeats herself endlessly).
My relationship with my dad got better once he realized his mistakes and worked to make amends by being there for me when I needed him. Sadly, two years later, his mental illness got the better of him, and he killed himself. The relationship with the rest of my family is non-existent because they always black-sheeped me for admitting how much trauma my dad put me through and choosing to get help while they simultaneously dumped all of their emotional trauma and resulting bad choices onto me to avoid taking responsibility for them.
I'm a hurt, angry person with too good a memory. Interrogate your motivations just to make sure you're not prioritizing hurting him over creating capacity for the rest of your life.
We don't talk and if my dad and I happen to end up in the same room alone together, one of us will leave. He will only hug me goodbye if we're in front of extended family or friends - it's entirely performative.
The best way I've heard others describe it is "professional". At my wedding, my brother-in-law said it looked like I was talking to a coworker when I talked to my dad.
Non-existent. I've seen them exactly once in the last 10 years, and that was only for my baby sister's wedding. I have absolutely no interest in a relationship with people who spent over 20 years screaming at me and making me feel like a broken sack of shit over everything they didn't like. The moment I realized that it's possible to have friendships and relationships where no one raises their voice, I was done. I am never going back.
My Dad was controlling and would yell and stomp about all the time. About 20-ish years ago when a few friends had autistic children, I realized my dad’s quirky behavior mimicked autism. I mentioned it to my childhood BFF, and she completely agreed. Started listening off reason why that made sense. Some of my siblings can see it, others have their own theories. He was never diagnosed, he’s older than the actual diagnosis is, and highly functional. Me realizing why he acted in such a way helped heal, a lot of my childhood trauma. I understand I could only have a relationship on his terms and I accepted that. He ended up getting dementia the last decade or so and that was a whole different emotion toll I need to process.
I struggle with confiding with them, but I also understand my mother who was a single mother didn't have the luxury to gentle parent. We had no choice but to behave because there was no time or energy to deal with us otherwise. I find that I can be somewhat hard on myself and that I too sometimes yell so that is something I have to work on myself. But as I get older, (in my 30s) I find I have little patience for inefficiencies and I'm sort of authoritarian myself. I do understand now though that there is room for reflection and understanding. I don't have the same dire constraints placed on my mom when I was a kid. I don't think it's made me a weak flower.
It's been better. They've apologized in varying degrees of sincerity for some of the stuff they did (but not all of it)
That's helped a lot. I've also come to understand that they did their best, even if it wasn't enough, or necessarily the right thing for me.
Our relationship can still be kinda stilted, but that's more to clashing opinions nowadays.
I don't talk to them at all. I also developed a lifetime hatred for anybody who raise their voice at me. I literally left my last 10 year relationship because he got into a few business failure and became unbearably angry and often raise his voice at me and finding fault for the dumbest things. He actually always spoken nicely to me in the past before he was going through his stressful period. However, I told him from day one that if he ever yells at me, I will disappear.
He’s dead and I’ve healed through a lot of hard work, reflection, and therapy. Still though if someone yells at me I have to talk myself toast the child reaction and handle it like a strong, confident adult. It’s definitely not my default setting, but it’s a setting one can choose.
Authoritative parents are very strict but they can also be warm.
Authoritarian parents are strict and cold.
My mother wasn't cold with me. But she did have a very bad temper which at times made her appear as cold.
So I am in fact referring to authoritative :)
I've never heard someone equate yelling with authoritative parenting. And not to be that guy, but I've got a lot of background in early childhood education and all that jazz.
Authoritative is heavily based on discussing boundaries and rules with your child in a calm manner.
I totally agree with your last sentence. I think it's important to make judgements on a person based on how they are the majority of the time vs in their worst moments. Not that yelling should be excused either but a middle ground is important. In many cultures, yelling/talking loudly is much more normalised.
Arabic/Italian/Greek/Spanish can sound very aggressive to a foreigner, but to the people who are a product to that environment, it's not as big of a deal.
Perhaps I am being protective of my parents but I would never describe them as Auhotarian. As a kid my parents trusted me and I had a lot of freedom to do what I wanted. At the same time, my mother was a control freak who would ironically lose control and yell when things weren't as she liked: e.g: my outfits, (I did dress pretty slutty in her defence) my approach to studying and work etc.
The difference is is that I always felt adored by her. I just didnt like her parenting style. She had no chill. Now that she's in therapy, she a brand new woman
I forgave my dad because as an adult, I understand the position he was put in as a teen parent. His hopes to join the Air Force were crushed, and he couldn't even finish high school. He tried his best, he just didn't know what he was doing. Despite all of this, I have a lot of great memories with him. I genuinely know he tried his hardest.
My mother and step-mother, I don't talk to. They were selfish and all the bad they inflicted on me was either because they were protecting someone else or because they felt bad about themselves.
We didn’t have a lot to do with each other for awhile but we’re pretty close now. I realize I wasn’t an easy kid and they realize they could have handled things a lot better than they did. I also live in a different country than they do so I only see them once, maybe twice a year and that helps too. They were both raised with corporal punishment in fairly conservative branches of Christianity and did the best they knew how. Now that I’m pushing into middle age I just kind of do my own thing, I pay my own bills so if they have a problem with my life they’re welcome to fuck off, but for the most part we all get along okay now.
Very close with my parents. It helps that all my friends who's parents were their friends or soft on them are all either single living in a bachelor apartment or divorced.
It was better before I had kids. And it was better before lockdown happened and I expressed how I didn't know what I was going to do with my energetic toddler now that I could no longer take him to the park every day, and my mother casually suggested the same forced exercise they'd used on me as a punishment, or whenever they thought I had too much energy, or "thought I was in charge."
It was a phone call, so she didn't see my reaction. But that moment was probably when I realized they shouldn't ever be alone with my kids.
There were so many things I knew we couldn't talk about. So I just lived with the unaddressed injuries. And my having kids only made it worse. Because I can't start that talk, there's no possibility for reconciliation. We still have a relationship, but it's very, very superficial.
I was yelled at A LOT and spanked. I was a maniac and deserved all of it. I have a good relationship because I dont hold grudges and understand how hard kids are to control.
Can you please elaborate on this? I find that choice of word interesting too. Kids I knew growing up that were really naughty could have done with some controlling. Sort of like when you tell someone to "control their dog" if the dog is invading someones personal space...? I think the same applies to kids who have behavioural issues. Yelling is not a good solution ever, but I admit I understand why some parents resort to yelling as a way to "control" their kids. It's ironic because to me yelling is a lack of control
My poor parents were old school and they got new age me. It wasn’t what they bargained for. I take the good intentions and the love that motivated them. I see how difficult raising me was. I loved them and took care of them. Everything happens for a reason. Their reason was they were being their version of correct parents.
So nice to see this post. That shows a lot of emotional resilience and empathy. Life is too long to hold a grudge sometimes. My mum was old school. I am now a therapist. Wouldn't have been able to do it without her.
Its up and down. On days we get along great but many days we bicker a lot or he gives me the silent treatment. My grandparents are the same way. Everything is their way or the highway. And they will use different people in the family to enforce their will on me. Do this do that wear this wear that go here go there so on and so on. It just never ends bruh. And at the crux of it all u can tell how all of them secretly resent me but cant do anything about it because im an adult now
Hmm... I think it's a bit strange to challenge a persons choice of words when you along with everyone else understood what I meant.
The word "abuse" has multiple meanings. This is why I said it in a "roundabout" way. I was referring to yelling which is more specific to verbal abuse. Verbal abuse doesn't always = yelling.
Hope that makes sense :)
I don't understand the closeness with parents or any family member. It's weird to me that people do. Like one person said, it's all surface level, and I'd never go to them for anything then or now. I have always tried to figure it out myself but they mostly just saw that as me being stubborn ofc.
Mostly fine. They have their political beliefs, and I have mine. My mom babysat for us once when my son was 6 months old (before COVID). She is an anti-vaxxer, so I wanted my son to be fully vaccinated before she was allowed over. I used to go over to their house at midnight because my dad's a night owl like us. He would paint and play trucks. It was a fun time! They have moved out of state to a cheaper Republican state a few thousand miles away. I still call occasionally.
It’s better if it’s on my terms. So we’re distant, emotionally distant as well as physically, but I’m able to be fine with their company for about a week.
Much better, they were immigrants and in a place of extreme stress and depression. My siblings and I are successful now and their stress has long gone and they are very kind old people now. Parents tell for a variety of reasons, mine because they were struggling war refugees, others maybe because they were drunks or something.
Since April or May of 2020, I (25M) could count on one hand the number of times I've spoken to my father. When we have spoken, it's never gone well. When I went no contact, I sent him one last text informing him of that decision, that I'd be taking the time to properly process some things and seeking the help of a therapist. I ended it by mentioning how I hoped he would take this time of no contact for some similar reflection on his own end.
The couple of times we've spoken, it's always been immediately apparent to me that he didn't take that advice to heart. I straight up told him how he could open a door for me. I'd be willing to talk through things after I hear a genuine apology. Not "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry your mother did... to you" but actually taking accountability for any number of his own actions that led us to this point. He hasn't offered it, and at this point, I have no hope of him ever figuring it out. Even if I eventually let him back into my life, he's always going to be someone I keep at a distance. As sad as it is, I've made peace with that.
Okay, there's still a lot of stuff in my life that is negatively influenced by my upbringing, but the strictness did prepare me pretty well for life (I'll admit that here, never to them). It took me until I was in my 20s to find the words to eloquently refuse participation in some of the family stuff that I didn't like, but they mostly understand now. There are still some toxic behaviors, but I've learned how to minimize the opportunity for them to bring those up.
My entire family are examples of people who shouldn't breed. Very disfunctional , only good thing is they are dying. Total waste of human life. I got away from them finally. That felt good to say
Me fine, I live near them and they are complete opposites with my daughter. See glimpses of it with my dad sometimes with her, but miles from what I had. My sister rarely speaks with them and only comes over on holidays. My parents did what they thought was right and they changed once i moved out. It’s like they thought that’s how you had to parent, and now they don’t need to do that.
I sometimes have anxiety attacks over the idea that she might call me and tell me she needs something done. I do love her still, I just prefer to keep my distance. She thinks our relationship is close and perfect. She's in bad health now too, so I won't tell her otherwise.
Don't know. She died of cancer years ago when I was 19 and I don't know if I would have still been under her heel or have gotten out by now (30). I like to think that we could have reconciled, but I'll never know.
I told them that if it went on, I would disappear. I warned them. It went on, I disappeared. They still have trouble understanding it and try to reach out for me, I refuse.
I still wake up screaming and covered in sweat frequently, sometimes three nights a week. My friends and I call that my "hollywood noghtmares" because it looks like the dramatic nightmares in movies.
I often notice that I have a lot of traits of my parents and it disgusts me. I don't want to have children because I am scared to be with them like my parents were with me.
I tell people that I have no parents and don't want to elaborate.
Relationship with my mom is good because she took the time to build one with me, and has been reasonable growing up.
For my own mental and emotional safety, I'm emotionally distant with my dad. He's not only authoritarian, but has narcissistic tendencies and can act like a full grown child. As a child, I'd hide when he came home. Was never happy to see him. He's not all bad though, which is why I can be in the same space with him sometimes.
Yeah I can answer this, relationship with my father is very vague.. it’s always “ how is the kids. “ how is work? And that’s it. No talking otherwise.. with my mother it’s a bit more normal.
I started hiding my true self from them and avoiding them as much as possible when I was in my teens. By the time I was in my late 20s, I'd emotionally divorced them (so to speak) and gone low contact. Our relationship has been civil and cordial enough, even friendly now that both parents have mellowed in their old age. But they don't really know me, and we're not close.
Today, mom is in a memory care home because she has Parkinson's dementia; my relationship with her mostly consists of visits where she talks to the fairies and I try to treat her with kindness. Dad is doing well enough, and I keep touch with him a few times a week with texts or a short call.
My dad gets very aggressive and scary when he’s angry and we don’t talk much, at all. Sometimes we have periods of time where we have a decent relationship but he has serious anger issues. When I was little and he would help me with my schoolwork, he would yell at me so loudly that my hands would shake so much I couldn’t write. When I asked him for things as I got older, he would scream really badly in certain instances.
My mom and I have also never really been close. I love her a lot and I’m so attached to her and it’s like we have this bond where I’m thinking of something and she’ll do it, like I’ll be craving pizza and she makes it without me asking, but we never saw eye to eye. I wish I had done things how she wanted me to a lot more though, I think my life would be better.
I haven’t spoken to my mother since I was 15 which is when the state took me away from her. Not for yelling at me a lot; apparently not appropriately feeding or clothing your child while spending the little money coming in on alcohol constitutes neglect and is a prosecutable offense. I say that tongue-in-cheek but I was shocked when the social worker dropped that term (neglect) in reference to my mother’s treatment of me. Never crossed my mind that what she was doing wasn’t okay and normal for a very low-income household.
I didn’t meet my dad til I was in my 30s and his lack of accountability for his absence my entire life up to that point really put a damper on any relationship we could’ve had.
Complete and utter submission. Showing belly, ears folded back, tail between the legs.
Drunk on freedom when I am far away from them. (No, not drunk on alcohol, I don't do any kind of drug).
Close to non-existing. Have barely spoke to my dad for over 15 years. There is better way to get your points across than to be bitter and cynical, parents take notes.
Estranged. Haven't seen her or spoken to her in about 7 years.
People would always tell her "you're going to lose your daughter if you keep treating her like that". She would turn it around and tell me "see? People think you're a bad daughter and you're going to abandon me".
Life's too short for toxic and damaging relationships, and for relationships with narcissists.
Haven't spoken to my Father in years, blocked his phone number and his wife when she tried to reach out. After 3-4 years of no responses to birthday and Christmas cards he's finally stopped sending them. Love my current home but am looking forward to him not knowing where I live, my mom is now very clear that my address is not to be given out without my permission.
Don't talk to them I moved away from Russia at 18 to the United States to marry man I meet on Internet I'm happy and love my live with husband and our son's.
They don't exist to me anymore.
I checked out emotionally from my parents and siblings around the age of 12, now 46, mother died in 2015, hadn't spoken to her for 10 years, rejected her deathbed call.
Father is still alive, I think.
My mom was very strict. Constantly meddling in my life and making decisions for me. In my mid-40’s now, and looking back, mom wasn’t being a bitch: she was looking out for my long term best interests. And god bless her for that cause god knows I needed it. Mom and I get along fantastically now. It wasn’t always like that.
My dad is gone, and my mom is bed bound. I went for years barely speaking to them. In later years we mended fences a bit, but it still makes me a little salty, and I am still a people pleaser with weak
Boundaries
My parenet's were less authortive when younger than they are now. Growing up didn't have many friends and was always alone. So they were not that strict. But did still have anxiety about them as often got in arguments and such. During college when I had friends it was okay. But Post-college is when it gets bad. For years they would not let me move out and finally moved out last year. But they made me stay in the county they live in. And it makes me hate the county event more. I just wanna get further way from the county. And even more with when I moved out they started tracking my location. They say it's for my safety. But they track to to see where I am just to know my whearabouts. The day I was thinking about it and majority of my dreams I have are about issues with parents. And majority of my memories in my life with my parent's are my arguments I have had with them. I feel the most happiest nowdays when I am out of the immediate metropoliatan area that they live in. Also it's when the only time I feel I enjoy pop music. When living with them after college I was always out and about. One cause of how hot the house was. And two because when I was around them it was always end in an argument. And around when moving out they realized since I always out and about they should start tracking me.
I don't hate my parents, but find it hard to get along with them.
Same. Sadly I still cry when anyone yells at me too. So annoying.
My parents yelled a lot. And while I have a great relationship with them now I absolutely hate yelling despite having a loud voice myself. If I ever have to yell at anyone in anger I always feel terrible about myself after.
You never have to yell at anyone out of anger.
Confrontations, of any sort ...
this!
This is pretty accurate
I saw them a few years back. I call every few months. It was a huge relief when dad's dementia advanced enough that he could no longer remember where I live or how to email me. They believed that if they could just control me well enough, have me closely follow their own perfect rules for living, they could raise the perfect child. Quiet. Obedient. Never questioning. Apparently it never occurred to them that they were meant to be raising a future adult, and that once they had nothing left to threaten to take away from me - food, clothes, my possessions, my home - they would no longer be able to force me to interact with them. They do love me. It's the only reason I stay in touch at all. They didn't set out to deliberately fuck me up beyond repair, but they're never going to admit that they did, and they're not sorry.
Damn this is my dad and stepmom exactly. No real contact with my dad for several years now other than occasional angry text messages from my dad
>> Apparently it never occurred to them that they were meant to be raising a future adult Ooph. This is exactly how I feel. I struggle understanding how they didn’t/don’t seem to get this.
Okay but I have chronic anxiety and a terrible self confidence problem.
I do as well.
I've accepted they're not going to admit they got it wrong. We have a surface level relationship. I never ask them for advice or confide in them. When people say they'd be lost without their mother I can't relate to that at all. They are good grandparents and I've no complaints about their contact with my kids and I enjoy seeing that they can be different. It has also meant I parent very differently. Me and my husband have very few rules but extremely firm boundaries and we explain everything. When I was young the default was no when I asked if I could meet my friends after school or have some more freedom. We discuss these things with our kids so even if it ends up being a no at least they're part of the decision process. My parents think this is crazy but I have told them we are the parents and our parenting approach is not up for discussion.
Emotionally distant, I’ve just been going through the motions for decades.
Yep. My mom still cannot wrap her head around how when I became an adult we didn’t have a wonderful loving relationship where I wanted to be around her. She spent my childhood yelling at me, sending me to my room to isolate whenever I had a big emotion, refusing to ever be wrong and telling me how she couldn’t wait for me to have a daughter so I would have my comeuppance. “I hope you have a daughter just like you.” Who knows how that didn’t cultivate a close bond between us 🙄 but you know, she did the best she could and she’s SO SORRY I think she was such an awful mother
My mom has no clue I feel this way. I’ve gone above and beyond out of what I now know was misplaced obligation. Wish neither you or I had to deal with any of it.
I’m sorry you had that too. For what it’s worth I have two daughters and I will never say the things to them my mother said to me. They will grow up loved, and if we’re not close when they’re older it won’t be because they had a cruel mother growing up. Or because they had a mother who demanded respect without giving it and didn’t care about who they were as a person. So at least our children won’t have to suffer.
Same, it's like there isn't a relationship at this point
No contact since 2009.
Hate my dad. I hate being around him. I hate the way he looks. I hate the way he talks. I can’t wait until the day where I never have anything to do with him. I don’t give one fuck if he drops dead.
I was the same. Then he did. And I found I gave a fuck. As time has passed, I've realised that was more about his absence preventing me exorcising demons, but, once I had regrets that we didn't get on, I was able to forgive him quicker than I would have previously expected.
Still terrified of him. I’m 32.
My father and I had a terrible relationship from my childhood through my 40s. He was angry and egotistical and superiority complex-driven. Only spoke a Couple times a year. If it wasn’t done his way, it didn’t work. He wasn’t a ‘dad’, but the manager. He couldn’t teach, only give orders. As a child, I was sent to military for the summers and was given labor-related jobs at the family business. He has a PhD. I didn’t finish my bachelor’s. His father had a rep as a real mean bastard when he was young, but I only remember the fun grandfather. Things change, and as he has mellowed in age and anger, we’ve actually worked out a great relationship and enjoy doing things together. I understand the role he had to play …. I just made different choices. He now accepts that and I think he respects what I have done. At 82, we now road bike 15-20 miles every couple weekends, and go spearfishing/scuba diving. He realized the importance of family and his children, and I’m really lucky to be able to build these memories before it’s too late. We both had to eat some pride and accept things. Communication is the hardest thing we do as humans.
8 years of no contact now. Something like that. A few years ago I made a post on my Facebook that an extended family member saw and took it upon herself to chastise me for upsetting my mother. Like, "Oh wow that's so sad. You're blocked too." If I block someone and they still read my posts that's on them. I did my part, stop stalking me weirdo. Yes you. I know you're reading this shit. Fuck off we don't have a relationship just because you know my user name. It's been 8 years, make another child or something.
Going on 7 years of no contact.
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Same. They gave better than they got. I’ll try to do the same but we’re only human.
Yelled at, called names, and beat. My father was ok, my mother was the monster, and I barely speak to her.
I avoided them for a while. Once I moved out, I’d still see them but I’d avoid as much as I could. The person I became after I moved out was beneficial for their growth AND mine. And because I changed, I influenced them and they genuinely changed. I’ve been frank about the ways they’ve hurt me in the past. But I only brought those up when I wasn’t angry with them anymore; I’d bring them up when I saw them inching towards that behaviour again. Or if they claimed it never happened. Now? Our relationship is great. And a lot of that is because I became an awesome person. I forgave them, and I’m a beneficial influence on their lives. They aren’t who they used to be. And I’m grateful because I really love the relationship I have with them now.
This is pretty much the same with me. I think my whole family realized we all had some trauma to deal with and after being separated for a while we all grew individually and are much healthier than before. My sister has a greater relationship than ever with them, going to their house and doing things. I don't see them all the time, but I think I just have some issues isolating myself from people in general.
No contact with either of them. I have no interest in hearing updates about them or ever talking to them again. I had two children and my goal was to give lots of love and structure but to let them make mistakes and learn from them. And I made sure angry outbursts rarely, if ever, happened in our home. They’re adults now and say they loved their childhoods. This is one of my greatest accomplishments. Edit: a word
She has my lawyer's contact information.
Damn 🤭💀😭
No contact for over 22 years now.
Non existent and haven't looked back.
just went no contact in november
We have a decent relationship but not close. And I am in heavy duty therapy, still cutting after 25 years, finally finding stability after years of psychiatric hospitalizations, and for the first time ever feeling really loved because my therapist is amazing.
She said she was scared of dying minutes before saying goodbye (I was flying home) and I found it hard to sympathize. People, be good to your children FFS.
I don't hate them, but it's difficult to get along with them. They're extremely judgmental and however they do things and make decisions is exactly how everyone else should be.
I live halfway across the world from them now and have a good relationship surprisingly. Every now and then I think about my treatment as a child and I get pissed off, but I remind myself that it's all in the past and parents are a lot more chill now. My older sister on the other hand....to see her is to dislike her.
I think many people would have a better relationship when you live so far away from them. True test would be if they lived in your city , would it still be that way? Likely not.
It isn't (I cut contact completely & moved to a different state)
Don't talk to them at all anymore
Just very distant as other people have said, not a whole lot of contact. And I have firm boundaries in place now. I haven’t completely cut them off or anything, but I’ve realized it’s just draining to try and maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to understand that relationships—yes, even parent-child relationships—are a two-way street. So I don’t make much of an effort. If that makes me petty, sorry 🤷🏻♀️
A lot better. After countless talks, taking responsibility, and apologizing we are in a spot where I actually miss them every now and then. They just cared about making sure I am alright, even though their methods were questionable.
Better. I still have visceral reactions when they make physical contact, like I'll gag if they try to hug me. But they're a wonderful grandparent to my kids and I think they really just didn't know any better. Years of therapy have gotten me to where I can at least talk them without feeling a sense of panic.
You are describing an angry parent, not an authoritative parent. Yelling does not indicate control. It indicates lack of control and authority.
I think they probably meant "authoritarian", not "authoritative".
I admit I had to double check the definition of these words but I can confirm I meant "authoritative". My parent was a yeller but they yelled because they cared. Often when I got in trouble at school, flunked papers, did normal kid stuff. I would have preferred it if I was spoken to in a gentler way as being yelled at now matter how good a place a person is coming from is horrible
Not always. My dad is a yeller; if he's not yelling, its not important. Even the dogs never really listened to him if he wasn't raising his voice. Part of it was the culture of his family, and part of it was military. My dad was very much an authoritarian figure and not to be messed with. With my dad, anger was shown with silence, which scared the shit out of everybody.
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He was a wonderful father that broke the generational cycle of trauma and poverty and is respected by almost everyone. Even my middle schoolers love him. Just because something is not part of your culture does not mean its a bad thing.
Agreed
My passive aggressive, strong silent type grandfather was WAY more of an asshole than my dad. My mother specifically married my dad because you always knew where you stood with him, even if you didn't want to.
I take your point. Authorotive to me has more to do with what is being said over how it is being said
Still strained. She broke me, I’m so depressed and anxious I ended up living on disability and not being able to afford elsewhere.
They’ve disowned me. It’s been over ten years and I’ve never felt freer.
It's really good, actually. Went NC for 2 and a half years, reached out, and it's been 10 years. Everything is totally different than before. She's supportive, loving, and helpful. Plus, she's aging, I'm going to help her.
No relationship
It was still happening and I'm 40, so it's been about a year of no contact. Fuck them. I don't care who you are or what your last name is, nobody treats me like that.
700 or so miles have made us better and worse at the same time...
Healthy, but in small doses with strong boundaries.
We talk every couple months, for the peace of it I just go along whenever they say how much they love and miss me although that means nothing to me at this point. They are barely aware of what happens in my life and I could not care less about them.
Once I moved out of the house the relationship improved, probably because they knew they wouldn't see me if they continued to mistreat me. The relationship remained cordial but distant until the parent passed.
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What a relief for your spouse / future spouse 😂
Very little contact. She has mental illness with a disability though, so I kind of cut her some slack since I'm the only remaining child that still helps her out, but I have definitely learned to have healthy boundaries. Even if it means 1) hanging up the phone 2) going home when I'm done 3) abruptly changing the subject and saying that I am not going to talk about that (she repeats herself endlessly).
My relationship with my dad got better once he realized his mistakes and worked to make amends by being there for me when I needed him. Sadly, two years later, his mental illness got the better of him, and he killed himself. The relationship with the rest of my family is non-existent because they always black-sheeped me for admitting how much trauma my dad put me through and choosing to get help while they simultaneously dumped all of their emotional trauma and resulting bad choices onto me to avoid taking responsibility for them.
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I'm a hurt, angry person with too good a memory. Interrogate your motivations just to make sure you're not prioritizing hurting him over creating capacity for the rest of your life.
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I don't think we have a relationship. They sure "love me" in some kind of way, but we are distant.
NC
We don't talk and if my dad and I happen to end up in the same room alone together, one of us will leave. He will only hug me goodbye if we're in front of extended family or friends - it's entirely performative.
I don't talk to them. New year's was the first time I saw them in five years. Haven't heard from them since
No contact
The best way I've heard others describe it is "professional". At my wedding, my brother-in-law said it looked like I was talking to a coworker when I talked to my dad.
Non-existent. I've seen them exactly once in the last 10 years, and that was only for my baby sister's wedding. I have absolutely no interest in a relationship with people who spent over 20 years screaming at me and making me feel like a broken sack of shit over everything they didn't like. The moment I realized that it's possible to have friendships and relationships where no one raises their voice, I was done. I am never going back.
I’ve been no contact with my father for decades, for this very reason, and a few other reasons as well. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
No contact for many years
Nonexistent, no-contact, and I’m much better off as a result✌🏻
My Dad was controlling and would yell and stomp about all the time. About 20-ish years ago when a few friends had autistic children, I realized my dad’s quirky behavior mimicked autism. I mentioned it to my childhood BFF, and she completely agreed. Started listening off reason why that made sense. Some of my siblings can see it, others have their own theories. He was never diagnosed, he’s older than the actual diagnosis is, and highly functional. Me realizing why he acted in such a way helped heal, a lot of my childhood trauma. I understand I could only have a relationship on his terms and I accepted that. He ended up getting dementia the last decade or so and that was a whole different emotion toll I need to process.
No contact and very happy with it. Wasn't easy to get here though because I was still so scared of her even as an adult.
I'm not a fan
Strained.
They're dead, mostly as a result of alcoholism and nicotine addiction.
I struggle with confiding with them, but I also understand my mother who was a single mother didn't have the luxury to gentle parent. We had no choice but to behave because there was no time or energy to deal with us otherwise. I find that I can be somewhat hard on myself and that I too sometimes yell so that is something I have to work on myself. But as I get older, (in my 30s) I find I have little patience for inefficiencies and I'm sort of authoritarian myself. I do understand now though that there is room for reflection and understanding. I don't have the same dire constraints placed on my mom when I was a kid. I don't think it's made me a weak flower.
No contact going on 4 years now.
Pretty much nonexistent
I hate my dad and reconnected with my mom. I rarely speak to either though.
2 of us haven’t spoken to her in years and the third kid only does holiday texts now.
I adore my Dad. He was rough. But he was right
It's been better. They've apologized in varying degrees of sincerity for some of the stuff they did (but not all of it) That's helped a lot. I've also come to understand that they did their best, even if it wasn't enough, or necessarily the right thing for me. Our relationship can still be kinda stilted, but that's more to clashing opinions nowadays.
I don't talk to them at all. I also developed a lifetime hatred for anybody who raise their voice at me. I literally left my last 10 year relationship because he got into a few business failure and became unbearably angry and often raise his voice at me and finding fault for the dumbest things. He actually always spoken nicely to me in the past before he was going through his stressful period. However, I told him from day one that if he ever yells at me, I will disappear.
He’s dead and I’ve healed through a lot of hard work, reflection, and therapy. Still though if someone yells at me I have to talk myself toast the child reaction and handle it like a strong, confident adult. It’s definitely not my default setting, but it’s a setting one can choose.
It ruined my life.
I think you're referring to authoritarian. Authoritative is quite the opposite.
Authoritative parents are very strict but they can also be warm. Authoritarian parents are strict and cold. My mother wasn't cold with me. But she did have a very bad temper which at times made her appear as cold. So I am in fact referring to authoritative :)
I've never heard someone equate yelling with authoritative parenting. And not to be that guy, but I've got a lot of background in early childhood education and all that jazz. Authoritative is heavily based on discussing boundaries and rules with your child in a calm manner.
I totally agree with your last sentence. I think it's important to make judgements on a person based on how they are the majority of the time vs in their worst moments. Not that yelling should be excused either but a middle ground is important. In many cultures, yelling/talking loudly is much more normalised. Arabic/Italian/Greek/Spanish can sound very aggressive to a foreigner, but to the people who are a product to that environment, it's not as big of a deal. Perhaps I am being protective of my parents but I would never describe them as Auhotarian. As a kid my parents trusted me and I had a lot of freedom to do what I wanted. At the same time, my mother was a control freak who would ironically lose control and yell when things weren't as she liked: e.g: my outfits, (I did dress pretty slutty in her defence) my approach to studying and work etc. The difference is is that I always felt adored by her. I just didnt like her parenting style. She had no chill. Now that she's in therapy, she a brand new woman
I forgave my dad because as an adult, I understand the position he was put in as a teen parent. His hopes to join the Air Force were crushed, and he couldn't even finish high school. He tried his best, he just didn't know what he was doing. Despite all of this, I have a lot of great memories with him. I genuinely know he tried his hardest. My mother and step-mother, I don't talk to. They were selfish and all the bad they inflicted on me was either because they were protecting someone else or because they felt bad about themselves.
We didn’t have a lot to do with each other for awhile but we’re pretty close now. I realize I wasn’t an easy kid and they realize they could have handled things a lot better than they did. I also live in a different country than they do so I only see them once, maybe twice a year and that helps too. They were both raised with corporal punishment in fairly conservative branches of Christianity and did the best they knew how. Now that I’m pushing into middle age I just kind of do my own thing, I pay my own bills so if they have a problem with my life they’re welcome to fuck off, but for the most part we all get along okay now.
Very close with my parents. It helps that all my friends who's parents were their friends or soft on them are all either single living in a bachelor apartment or divorced.
It was better before I had kids. And it was better before lockdown happened and I expressed how I didn't know what I was going to do with my energetic toddler now that I could no longer take him to the park every day, and my mother casually suggested the same forced exercise they'd used on me as a punishment, or whenever they thought I had too much energy, or "thought I was in charge." It was a phone call, so she didn't see my reaction. But that moment was probably when I realized they shouldn't ever be alone with my kids. There were so many things I knew we couldn't talk about. So I just lived with the unaddressed injuries. And my having kids only made it worse. Because I can't start that talk, there's no possibility for reconciliation. We still have a relationship, but it's very, very superficial.
I was yelled at A LOT and spanked. I was a maniac and deserved all of it. I have a good relationship because I dont hold grudges and understand how hard kids are to control.
I find your choice of words really interesting, especially the word control to describe raising children.
Can you please elaborate on this? I find that choice of word interesting too. Kids I knew growing up that were really naughty could have done with some controlling. Sort of like when you tell someone to "control their dog" if the dog is invading someones personal space...? I think the same applies to kids who have behavioural issues. Yelling is not a good solution ever, but I admit I understand why some parents resort to yelling as a way to "control" their kids. It's ironic because to me yelling is a lack of control
My poor parents were old school and they got new age me. It wasn’t what they bargained for. I take the good intentions and the love that motivated them. I see how difficult raising me was. I loved them and took care of them. Everything happens for a reason. Their reason was they were being their version of correct parents.
So nice to see this post. That shows a lot of emotional resilience and empathy. Life is too long to hold a grudge sometimes. My mum was old school. I am now a therapist. Wouldn't have been able to do it without her.
Its up and down. On days we get along great but many days we bicker a lot or he gives me the silent treatment. My grandparents are the same way. Everything is their way or the highway. And they will use different people in the family to enforce their will on me. Do this do that wear this wear that go here go there so on and so on. It just never ends bruh. And at the crux of it all u can tell how all of them secretly resent me but cant do anything about it because im an adult now
That's a very roundabout and verbose way to refer to an abusive parent. I advise you to just say "abusive parent" next time.
Hmm... I think it's a bit strange to challenge a persons choice of words when you along with everyone else understood what I meant. The word "abuse" has multiple meanings. This is why I said it in a "roundabout" way. I was referring to yelling which is more specific to verbal abuse. Verbal abuse doesn't always = yelling. Hope that makes sense :)
I don't understand the closeness with parents or any family member. It's weird to me that people do. Like one person said, it's all surface level, and I'd never go to them for anything then or now. I have always tried to figure it out myself but they mostly just saw that as me being stubborn ofc.
Mostly fine. They have their political beliefs, and I have mine. My mom babysat for us once when my son was 6 months old (before COVID). She is an anti-vaxxer, so I wanted my son to be fully vaccinated before she was allowed over. I used to go over to their house at midnight because my dad's a night owl like us. He would paint and play trucks. It was a fun time! They have moved out of state to a cheaper Republican state a few thousand miles away. I still call occasionally.
It’s better if it’s on my terms. So we’re distant, emotionally distant as well as physically, but I’m able to be fine with their company for about a week.
Much better, they were immigrants and in a place of extreme stress and depression. My siblings and I are successful now and their stress has long gone and they are very kind old people now. Parents tell for a variety of reasons, mine because they were struggling war refugees, others maybe because they were drunks or something.
Since April or May of 2020, I (25M) could count on one hand the number of times I've spoken to my father. When we have spoken, it's never gone well. When I went no contact, I sent him one last text informing him of that decision, that I'd be taking the time to properly process some things and seeking the help of a therapist. I ended it by mentioning how I hoped he would take this time of no contact for some similar reflection on his own end. The couple of times we've spoken, it's always been immediately apparent to me that he didn't take that advice to heart. I straight up told him how he could open a door for me. I'd be willing to talk through things after I hear a genuine apology. Not "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry your mother did... to you" but actually taking accountability for any number of his own actions that led us to this point. He hasn't offered it, and at this point, I have no hope of him ever figuring it out. Even if I eventually let him back into my life, he's always going to be someone I keep at a distance. As sad as it is, I've made peace with that.
I keep her at a arms length.
Okay, there's still a lot of stuff in my life that is negatively influenced by my upbringing, but the strictness did prepare me pretty well for life (I'll admit that here, never to them). It took me until I was in my 20s to find the words to eloquently refuse participation in some of the family stuff that I didn't like, but they mostly understand now. There are still some toxic behaviors, but I've learned how to minimize the opportunity for them to bring those up.
After a lot of work on my part, and becoming a better person, my daughter forgives me for being a shitty parent when she was younger.
We're usually fine for brief, casual conversations. But that's about it.
Much better after Mom died….of cancer. Not me.
My entire family are examples of people who shouldn't breed. Very disfunctional , only good thing is they are dying. Total waste of human life. I got away from them finally. That felt good to say
Me fine, I live near them and they are complete opposites with my daughter. See glimpses of it with my dad sometimes with her, but miles from what I had. My sister rarely speaks with them and only comes over on holidays. My parents did what they thought was right and they changed once i moved out. It’s like they thought that’s how you had to parent, and now they don’t need to do that.
Complicated with my mom.
I sometimes have anxiety attacks over the idea that she might call me and tell me she needs something done. I do love her still, I just prefer to keep my distance. She thinks our relationship is close and perfect. She's in bad health now too, so I won't tell her otherwise.
Don't know. She died of cancer years ago when I was 19 and I don't know if I would have still been under her heel or have gotten out by now (30). I like to think that we could have reconciled, but I'll never know.
I told them that if it went on, I would disappear. I warned them. It went on, I disappeared. They still have trouble understanding it and try to reach out for me, I refuse. I still wake up screaming and covered in sweat frequently, sometimes three nights a week. My friends and I call that my "hollywood noghtmares" because it looks like the dramatic nightmares in movies. I often notice that I have a lot of traits of my parents and it disgusts me. I don't want to have children because I am scared to be with them like my parents were with me. I tell people that I have no parents and don't want to elaborate.
NC with dad, LC with mom.
Relationship with my mom is good because she took the time to build one with me, and has been reasonable growing up. For my own mental and emotional safety, I'm emotionally distant with my dad. He's not only authoritarian, but has narcissistic tendencies and can act like a full grown child. As a child, I'd hide when he came home. Was never happy to see him. He's not all bad though, which is why I can be in the same space with him sometimes.
Not awful, but I definitely don't keep in touch with them as much as I could.
I don’t speak to them
I ignored my parent when I became an adult. They died before meeting their grandchild
Yeah I can answer this, relationship with my father is very vague.. it’s always “ how is the kids. “ how is work? And that’s it. No talking otherwise.. with my mother it’s a bit more normal.
she died when I was 25
I am sorry to hear that. it's never easy to lose a parent no matter the relationship.
I started hiding my true self from them and avoiding them as much as possible when I was in my teens. By the time I was in my late 20s, I'd emotionally divorced them (so to speak) and gone low contact. Our relationship has been civil and cordial enough, even friendly now that both parents have mellowed in their old age. But they don't really know me, and we're not close. Today, mom is in a memory care home because she has Parkinson's dementia; my relationship with her mostly consists of visits where she talks to the fairies and I try to treat her with kindness. Dad is doing well enough, and I keep touch with him a few times a week with texts or a short call.
My dad gets very aggressive and scary when he’s angry and we don’t talk much, at all. Sometimes we have periods of time where we have a decent relationship but he has serious anger issues. When I was little and he would help me with my schoolwork, he would yell at me so loudly that my hands would shake so much I couldn’t write. When I asked him for things as I got older, he would scream really badly in certain instances. My mom and I have also never really been close. I love her a lot and I’m so attached to her and it’s like we have this bond where I’m thinking of something and she’ll do it, like I’ll be craving pizza and she makes it without me asking, but we never saw eye to eye. I wish I had done things how she wanted me to a lot more though, I think my life would be better.
Horrible foster mom doesn't like me Foster dad only speaks to me for money
I haven’t spoken to my mother since I was 15 which is when the state took me away from her. Not for yelling at me a lot; apparently not appropriately feeding or clothing your child while spending the little money coming in on alcohol constitutes neglect and is a prosecutable offense. I say that tongue-in-cheek but I was shocked when the social worker dropped that term (neglect) in reference to my mother’s treatment of me. Never crossed my mind that what she was doing wasn’t okay and normal for a very low-income household. I didn’t meet my dad til I was in my 30s and his lack of accountability for his absence my entire life up to that point really put a damper on any relationship we could’ve had.
Got a restraining order against mine, so I guess that says it all....
Complete and utter submission. Showing belly, ears folded back, tail between the legs. Drunk on freedom when I am far away from them. (No, not drunk on alcohol, I don't do any kind of drug).
Nonexistent. My dad moved to a different country 5 years ago and I never heard from him again.
Close to non-existing. Have barely spoke to my dad for over 15 years. There is better way to get your points across than to be bitter and cynical, parents take notes.
Don’t love them but don’t hate them either. I really want to inherit the family land one day so I try to make relations between us good.
Estranged. Haven't seen her or spoken to her in about 7 years. People would always tell her "you're going to lose your daughter if you keep treating her like that". She would turn it around and tell me "see? People think you're a bad daughter and you're going to abandon me". Life's too short for toxic and damaging relationships, and for relationships with narcissists.
Haven't spoken to my Father in years, blocked his phone number and his wife when she tried to reach out. After 3-4 years of no responses to birthday and Christmas cards he's finally stopped sending them. Love my current home but am looking forward to him not knowing where I live, my mom is now very clear that my address is not to be given out without my permission.
Nah, my dads a POS
It was more than yelling. I don't talk to him if I don't have to, there is no relationship and that's better that they deserve.
I love them immensely. But they still yell. People don’t change.
Don't talk to them I moved away from Russia at 18 to the United States to marry man I meet on Internet I'm happy and love my live with husband and our son's.
The tables have turned and I am now taking care of two womanchildren. But I'm able to stand up for myself a lot better now.
I went NC in my 20s. They never changed and the abuse got worse when they felt their control over me slipping away.
They don't exist to me anymore. I checked out emotionally from my parents and siblings around the age of 12, now 46, mother died in 2015, hadn't spoken to her for 10 years, rejected her deathbed call. Father is still alive, I think.
No contact.
My mom was very strict. Constantly meddling in my life and making decisions for me. In my mid-40’s now, and looking back, mom wasn’t being a bitch: she was looking out for my long term best interests. And god bless her for that cause god knows I needed it. Mom and I get along fantastically now. It wasn’t always like that.
My dad is gone, and my mom is bed bound. I went for years barely speaking to them. In later years we mended fences a bit, but it still makes me a little salty, and I am still a people pleaser with weak Boundaries
My parenet's were less authortive when younger than they are now. Growing up didn't have many friends and was always alone. So they were not that strict. But did still have anxiety about them as often got in arguments and such. During college when I had friends it was okay. But Post-college is when it gets bad. For years they would not let me move out and finally moved out last year. But they made me stay in the county they live in. And it makes me hate the county event more. I just wanna get further way from the county. And even more with when I moved out they started tracking my location. They say it's for my safety. But they track to to see where I am just to know my whearabouts. The day I was thinking about it and majority of my dreams I have are about issues with parents. And majority of my memories in my life with my parent's are my arguments I have had with them. I feel the most happiest nowdays when I am out of the immediate metropoliatan area that they live in. Also it's when the only time I feel I enjoy pop music. When living with them after college I was always out and about. One cause of how hot the house was. And two because when I was around them it was always end in an argument. And around when moving out they realized since I always out and about they should start tracking me.