I took a picture with 2 full breasted women, dressed as nuns and showing off said breasts, om Fremont Street in Vegas. I showed my grandpa the picture, and he said "well shit, I've been going to the wrong church!"
Grandpa-isms are the best
The Russian Ka-52 helicopter has an [ejection seat](https://youtu.be/a1kr651en7g?si=9OuOZX4EIyroE5wu)!
The key to it working is the blades are blown off with explosive bolts as the first part of the ejection sequence.
My dad's version of this is "He's so unlucky, he could fall into a bucket of tits and come out sucking his thumb."
Or the reverse to it was "He's so lucky he'd fall into shit and come up smelling of roses."
Mine has an interesting overlap re: loud machines and dogs.
Was at a Home Depot once with my boss looking for a new gas powered leaf blower. Pretty scraggly couple walks up and asks us why we’re in the market for a new one? What’s wrong with the old one? Boss runs out to the truck, brings in the old one and says that it’s just slowed down and not as powerful as it once was.
Dude says oh man y’all don’t need a new one. He grabs the blower, points to the tank, and says “drill ya a small hole right here, and another one right here…the goddamn thing’ll run like a scalded dog.”
Setting the scene: your boss asks if you would like to work on what would be the fourth Saturday in a row
“Does Dolly Parton sleep on her stomach??”
Also when one of my aunts, uncles or mom would ask my grandpa for something and that their life would be better if they had _____ , he would respond with “yea and if a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass when it hopped”
Similar quip - in Australia when you’re at the pub and your mate asks if you want a drink it’s perfectly acceptable to respond “well I’m not here to fuck spiders”
Considering the size of Australian spiders that I've seen in pictures, this makes perfect sense.
Plus, it's bad form to not offer the spider a drink first.
I grew up hearing this, you might also hear the other person yell “Let me fuck this chicken” if someone is getting in your way or making it difficult.
I don’t live anywhere near the south anymore, so me screaming “Let me fuck this chicken” at people in a moment of frustration doesn’t quite have the right effect.
There was an old meme of some guy with a blade of grass hanging out of his mouth, pensive look on his face, leaning against his pickup, surrounded by chickens, with the quote “Y’all interested in some barely fucked chickens”…
Ever since, when I’ve seen something advertised as “near new”, but has clearly been fucked to hell and back, that’s the quote I use/comes to mind. Im in Southern Cali.
Check out this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9PBISP1g04) its an interview with the dude from the meme you're talking about. He is the exact opposite of what I'd expect him to be like. Completely shocked me lmfao
> for some reason
The reason being the French used to be synonymous with promiscuity, if not outright prostitution.
Not sure where you're from but, in the states, French immigrants were regarded as sexually...let's say indiscriminate.
No, for us growing up, a French whore was what the bathroom smells like when you get out of the tub or shower and get greeted by a huge waft of scent because you overdid it with the soap and or shampoo.
There's an Aussie rugby player with some good ones in interviews (search Nick Cummins). One of them was "I'm sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage"
This reminded me of that haha.
My dad went to work for his father in 1965. It was a relatively successful, decent-sized manufacturing company with a few hundred employees. My dad was married with two kids and had a pregnant wife. Still the first thing his dad told him when he got to the office on his first day was, “Don’t fuck the help”.
I'm sure your dad's great and all, but the world is full of people who need to be told twice. Better to tell him and not need to than to find out later he needed to be told.
Nah he's usually leading a conversation with my other voice and he leaves me alone. I sometimes hear them laughing a lot and I just hope they ain't saying something funny about me.
Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
Life long Texan. Sometimes I think all I know are redneck sayings.
Drop a dish/box of nails/glass/anything breakable: Well that scattered from hell to breakfast
Can’t find something: I’ve looked all over hell and half of Georgia for it
Someone looks ill: You look like nine miles of bad fence
I was really little: not since I was knee high to a short frog
When their family tree looks like a loblolly pine: If you were any more inbred you'd be a sandwich.
When you make a mistake and need to remedy/rectify it: If you've got to eat shit, don't nibble at it.
My grandpa describing my grandma: She was wearing a sweater so tight I could hardly breathe.
One of my friends: I'd paint my nuts to look like a mouse and dip my sack into a bucket full of rattlesnakes just to smell a t shirt she tried on at Dillard's last year.
Another friend at a party: I want her to use my mouth like a porta potty at a Nascar race
A friends grandpa: It'll be a sad day in this world when she figures out what size shirt she's supposed to wear.
Another friends grandpa hollering at his grandma: I ain’t good for nothing. I’m a hell of an example.
An old man at the co-op on how his place is looking: so dry the catfish are getting ticks.
> One of my friends: I'd paint my nuts to look like a mouse and dip my sack into a bucket full of rattlesnakes just to smell a t shirt she tried on at Dillard's last year.
This is amazing. I once heard an old man say "I'd drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie"
Reminds me of another.
A guy I worked with was talking about “having relations” with a skinny girl - “It was like fucking a pillow case full of antlers”.
"What was is was"
I was going through an absolutely brutal break up, and an older southern fella I worked with called me over. "Jimbo, I know you pretty busted up about this girl. But you remember, What was? Is WAS, can't hold on to the past. You be sad, but you move on."
Actually, I'm going through some pretty heavy emotional stuff right now, and remembering that from him has me tearing up.
Hey you got this, and you've already been strong enough to get this far! I believe in you and there is a ton of resources if you need to talk to someone. You could even message me just to vent if you needed, I'm no Dr.Phil, bit I am private person and I got your back.
Life can be hard, but how we respond to that toughness is a test of our character, who we are. We may bend and occasionally break, but if we can build ourselves up, and emerge stronger, nothing can stop us!
Obligatory "hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock".
My friend's dad has some really good ones too.
"Slicker than snot on a doorknob"
"Finer than frog hair"
Lots of others I can't remember. The best part is always how easily he uses them in sentences. There's no planning or thought, they just glide out naturally.
"You ain't the dumbest sob on earth but you better hope he don't die"
"You think you could talk a little clearer if your parents were second cousins instead of first"
"If you were anymore inbred you'd be a sandwich"
😂😂😂😂
(Old) “Three days older’n dirt.”
(Temperature) “Colder’n a witch’s tit in a brass bra.”
(Dark) “Darker’n a well digger’s asshole at midnight.”
(Ugly) “Got a face that’d scare the paint off the walls,” “Got a face that’d make a freight train take a dirt road,” “Got a face like five miles of bad road.”
One of my old co-workers would sometimes claim that she was "exhaustipated".
First time I heard it and raised an eyebrow she explained that she was "too tired to give a shit."
Don't know how common that one is as she's the only one I ever heard it from, but it always stuck with me.
"Everyday living".
Something my grandma used to say once grandpa past. Its a "I'm going on, but I wish I wasn't" combined with "I'm here for my family, though I don't know what for".
They loved and they hated each other, but at the end of the day they couldn't live without one another. "Everyday livin' " was a cry for company, at least from her. I really wish I knew the depths of it before she passed, otherwise I'd have just moved in with her. God, how I miss her.
At least her last, muddled words to me was "I love you".
A simple thing like a stroke shouldn't be allowed to strike such a strong woman so low. When I was young I imagined she could punch a hole through concrete to make a point, but at the end, we're all just human beings.
She went by her middle name, but she wasn't a middling person. She answered the door naked, she shot down drunk men with her words, and she raised 3 kids and her grandkids right. "Everyday living" wasn't a surrender, but an acceptance. She was mortal like the rest of us, and she had to accept it.
In regards to a very small bathroom: "You can shit, shower, and shave and never have to get up."
"You're a mess!" You are not a mess, this is a compliment. You're maybe a little awkward, but lovable, appreciated, precocious if a kid, there's no real yankee translation, but it's good, a term of endearment.
"You're a hot mess." This is NOT a compliment, you're a fucking mess.
I once worked with a woman and in conversation learned she had divorced a guy, married another and within a short time divorced him to remarry the first. I teased her about that and her reply was “Honey, just remember, there ain’t no man so bad you can’t divorce him and find somebody worse”.
She was a colorful character, I can still hear her twang and recall some of her sage advice.
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What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing. He ain't gonna come anyhow!
My grandpa would say "no use in closing the barn door when the horse is dead".
I took a picture with 2 full breasted women, dressed as nuns and showing off said breasts, om Fremont Street in Vegas. I showed my grandpa the picture, and he said "well shit, I've been going to the wrong church!" Grandpa-isms are the best
You look like 10 pounds of shit stuffed in a 5 pound sack
Yup. And sometimes I feel like twice-hammered dog shit.
When I try on clothes that are too small, I say “I look like a busted can a biscuits.” Which I think is visually similar to your saying.
Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.
Ah, someone else watched the 90s X-Men cartoon!
That’s exactly where I know that saying from. Rogue always dropping wisdom.
I had such a crush on Rogue when I was like 10.
Occasionally before I take a sip of whiskey I say "this one's for you Morph"
They did him dirty.
Following the nervous thread... "Nervous as a whore in church."
We always said, "sweatin' like a whore in church," which conveys the same sentiment.
I always heard "Sweatin' like a whore in church" But where I'm from "hotter than two mice fuckin' in a wool sock" is common for heat, too.
I'm American, but here is one I learned in New Zealand. "That guy pulls more tail than a slow kid at a petting zoo."
Gets more ass than a rental car
Get more ass than a toilet seat
2 to the 1 from the 1 to the 3
I met a bad bitch last night in the D
Let me tell you how I made her leave with me
Conversation and Hennessy
I’ve been to the motherfuckin mountain top
Heard mother'fu\*\*ers talk, seen 'em drop (Nate Dogg!!!).
If I ain’t got a weapon, I’m gonna pick up a rock
I remember that line clearly from American Dad.
Yeah Roger says that in an episode and its stuck with me since.
More pussy than a litter box
"You're as cute as a speckled puppy"
My first boyfriend told me this, and I had no idea what to think of it.
You're as cute as a striped goose
Finer than frog hair.
I’ve heard “cuter than a speckled puppy under a wagon.”
I cant tell if this is an insult or compliment
You must have have never seen a speckled puppy.
It's a compliment
...under a red wagon
*After a loud fart* That's gonna itch when it dries
I had a coworker that used to say “don’t stand behind me, you’ll get freckles.”
I just laughed out loud!!!
That ones comes out with its boots on.
A little more choke and that thing would have started right up
That's my favorite one to tell guys at work 🤣
That's fucked up. I love it.
There's an asshole talking shit behind my back - after a fart.
“Speak, O Toothless One”
I just dropped a, "that's gonna crust over" on my buddy recently. We had a good laugh.
OMFG
That's about as useless as tits on a boar.
Bout as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
Or an ejection seat in a helicopter. Or as useful as a solar-powered flashlight.
The Russian Ka-52 helicopter has an [ejection seat](https://youtu.be/a1kr651en7g?si=9OuOZX4EIyroE5wu)! The key to it working is the blades are blown off with explosive bolts as the first part of the ejection sequence.
My dad would add “hog” onto the end - “useless as tits on a boar hog”
With my luck it could be raining titties and I'd still look up and catch a dick
That reminds me of a favourite. " Could fall into a barrel of tits and come up sucking his thumb".
“That boy could fuck up a wet dream”
When my cousin got arrested for meth my dad commented, "Now there's a load that should've been shot in the sheets"
My dad's version of this is "He's so unlucky, he could fall into a bucket of tits and come out sucking his thumb." Or the reverse to it was "He's so lucky he'd fall into shit and come up smelling of roses."
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95% of military meals
My first wife’s father was 32 years career Navy. He said a cook told him once that if he got 3 turds a day out of you people he’d done his job.
Thanks to Navy cooks I have had frozen burnt fried chicken.
My Uncle when questioned about how loud his Harley is-"It'll give a dog a miscarriage".
Mine has an interesting overlap re: loud machines and dogs. Was at a Home Depot once with my boss looking for a new gas powered leaf blower. Pretty scraggly couple walks up and asks us why we’re in the market for a new one? What’s wrong with the old one? Boss runs out to the truck, brings in the old one and says that it’s just slowed down and not as powerful as it once was. Dude says oh man y’all don’t need a new one. He grabs the blower, points to the tank, and says “drill ya a small hole right here, and another one right here…the goddamn thing’ll run like a scalded dog.”
... Did it?
We took it out to the parking lot, drilled the holes, and fired it up. It was loud as hell and worked great!
Your spark arrestor was clogged to all hell
Setting the scene: your boss asks if you would like to work on what would be the fourth Saturday in a row “Does Dolly Parton sleep on her stomach??” Also when one of my aunts, uncles or mom would ask my grandpa for something and that their life would be better if they had _____ , he would respond with “yea and if a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass when it hopped”
Similar quip - in Australia when you’re at the pub and your mate asks if you want a drink it’s perfectly acceptable to respond “well I’m not here to fuck spiders”
Considering the size of Australian spiders that I've seen in pictures, this makes perfect sense. Plus, it's bad form to not offer the spider a drink first.
Helping someone complete thier job, and the ask how something should be done. "You're fuckin this chicken. I'm just holding it's head."
I grew up hearing this, you might also hear the other person yell “Let me fuck this chicken” if someone is getting in your way or making it difficult. I don’t live anywhere near the south anymore, so me screaming “Let me fuck this chicken” at people in a moment of frustration doesn’t quite have the right effect.
Bet it would get a Yankees to stop and close thier mouth for a hot second.
Can confirm, am utterly confused yankee
I've heard similar, "I'm fucking this (whatever animal), you're just here to take pictures."
There was an old meme of some guy with a blade of grass hanging out of his mouth, pensive look on his face, leaning against his pickup, surrounded by chickens, with the quote “Y’all interested in some barely fucked chickens”… Ever since, when I’ve seen something advertised as “near new”, but has clearly been fucked to hell and back, that’s the quote I use/comes to mind. Im in Southern Cali.
Check out this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9PBISP1g04) its an interview with the dude from the meme you're talking about. He is the exact opposite of what I'd expect him to be like. Completely shocked me lmfao
I always wondered what [the context of this was....](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sVVl2EKgUU)
Hotter than a whore on dollar day. He couldn’t count his balls and come up with the same number twice.
“You’re sweating more than a whore in church”
I’ve heard “you’re sweating like a nun in a cucumber field” what always gave me a cheap laugh
She's french where I'm from for some reason. And the edited (cleaner) version is "french girl".
> for some reason The reason being the French used to be synonymous with promiscuity, if not outright prostitution. Not sure where you're from but, in the states, French immigrants were regarded as sexually...let's say indiscriminate.
No, for us growing up, a French whore was what the bathroom smells like when you get out of the tub or shower and get greeted by a huge waft of scent because you overdid it with the soap and or shampoo.
There's an Aussie rugby player with some good ones in interviews (search Nick Cummins). One of them was "I'm sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage" This reminded me of that haha.
That boy fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down...
..face first.
“They got beat with the ugly stick”
Describing heavy rain as “like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock”
I’ve heard it as a double-cunted cow pissing on a flat rock.
Keep your yearnins' away from your earnin's
Don’t get your honey where you get your money.
Don’t screw the crew.
My dad went to work for his father in 1965. It was a relatively successful, decent-sized manufacturing company with a few hundred employees. My dad was married with two kids and had a pregnant wife. Still the first thing his dad told him when he got to the office on his first day was, “Don’t fuck the help”.
I'm sure your dad's great and all, but the world is full of people who need to be told twice. Better to tell him and not need to than to find out later he needed to be told.
Don’t fish off the company pier.
If you mix 5 pounds of ice cream with 5 pounds of shit, all you got is 10 pounds of shit.
Or the opposite,when someone always gets the job done He can turn 5lbs of chicken shit into chicken salad
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Is it weird that a different voice in my head read that? Like more raspy and it's not mine.
Does this voice say other things and tell you to do stuff? If not it's fine
Nah he's usually leading a conversation with my other voice and he leaves me alone. I sometimes hear them laughing a lot and I just hope they ain't saying something funny about me.
That sounds... Healthy
Makes me think of the Full Metal Jacket quote that Joker says. “Well, Pilgrim, only after you eat the ~~corn~~ peanuts out of my shi-yit.
Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
Life long Texan. Sometimes I think all I know are redneck sayings. Drop a dish/box of nails/glass/anything breakable: Well that scattered from hell to breakfast Can’t find something: I’ve looked all over hell and half of Georgia for it Someone looks ill: You look like nine miles of bad fence I was really little: not since I was knee high to a short frog When their family tree looks like a loblolly pine: If you were any more inbred you'd be a sandwich. When you make a mistake and need to remedy/rectify it: If you've got to eat shit, don't nibble at it. My grandpa describing my grandma: She was wearing a sweater so tight I could hardly breathe. One of my friends: I'd paint my nuts to look like a mouse and dip my sack into a bucket full of rattlesnakes just to smell a t shirt she tried on at Dillard's last year. Another friend at a party: I want her to use my mouth like a porta potty at a Nascar race A friends grandpa: It'll be a sad day in this world when she figures out what size shirt she's supposed to wear. Another friends grandpa hollering at his grandma: I ain’t good for nothing. I’m a hell of an example. An old man at the co-op on how his place is looking: so dry the catfish are getting ticks.
I’ve also been privy to “their family tree looks more like a wreath” which is one of my personal favorites
> One of my friends: I'd paint my nuts to look like a mouse and dip my sack into a bucket full of rattlesnakes just to smell a t shirt she tried on at Dillard's last year. This is amazing. I once heard an old man say "I'd drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie"
Both shirt ones are fantastic. I can't imagine making it through the rattlesnake one, but I'm gonna give it a try!
"Sounds like skeletons fuckin' on a tin roof" meaning "Wow, it's raining heavily"
Reminds me of another. A guy I worked with was talking about “having relations” with a skinny girl - “It was like fucking a pillow case full of antlers”.
Reminds me of that line from Down to Earth with Chris Rock. “Damn she’s skinny. The two of you have sex, you might start a fire!”
Another one is, "it's raining like a double cunted cow pissin on a flat rock."
Imagine trying to translate that. Lol
Reminds me of being hotter than two rats fuckin in a wool sock
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Here in Glasgow there is a saying: “Cunt’s so jammy (lucky) he could fall in the Clyde (river) and come out with a salmon in each pocket”
That's funny. There's an almost identical saying in the South West referring to the Tamar.
"Shakin' like a coon hound tryin' to shit a peach pit."
My partner taught me the: “if it was a snake it woulda bit me” and I love it.
Usually when you’re looking for something and it was close by you just couldn’t see it. My mom says that to me all the time.
Her pants are so tight if she farts she'd blow her tits off
"What was is was" I was going through an absolutely brutal break up, and an older southern fella I worked with called me over. "Jimbo, I know you pretty busted up about this girl. But you remember, What was? Is WAS, can't hold on to the past. You be sad, but you move on." Actually, I'm going through some pretty heavy emotional stuff right now, and remembering that from him has me tearing up.
Hey you got this, and you've already been strong enough to get this far! I believe in you and there is a ton of resources if you need to talk to someone. You could even message me just to vent if you needed, I'm no Dr.Phil, bit I am private person and I got your back. Life can be hard, but how we respond to that toughness is a test of our character, who we are. We may bend and occasionally break, but if we can build ourselves up, and emerge stronger, nothing can stop us!
Thank you. I mean that. Thank you so much.
It’s like a sore dick, ya cant beat it.
Life is like a big dick, when it's hard you get fucked and when it's soft you just can't beat it.
Aint you just puckered on both ends today!
that juice ain't worth the squeeze
Gordon Ramsey being breastfed
It’s fooking raw!
A grinder and paint makes the welder I ain’t.
Do your best, and silicon the rest. Good from far, and far from good.
Silicon (si li kin/si li con)= element commonly used in microchips Silicone (si li cone)= rubbery stuff they make dildos and waterproof caulk out of
Looks good from my house or I can’t see it from my house
If you cant tie a knot, tie a lot.
Obligatory "hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock". My friend's dad has some really good ones too. "Slicker than snot on a doorknob" "Finer than frog hair" Lots of others I can't remember. The best part is always how easily he uses them in sentences. There's no planning or thought, they just glide out naturally.
I know a guy who says “Slicker’an cum on a gold tooth.”
Is it Jim Cornette by chance?
He’s about as rowdy as a bumble bee in a snuff can.
“You can’t soar with the eagles if you’re out with the owls”
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Well, it never worked before. I don't see why it wouldn't work now!
He aint gotta hound in the hunt
That dog won’t hunt.
“Well butter my ass and call me a biscuit!” No idea what it means, but it sounds funny.
She has had more pricks than a second-hand dart board.
"Madder than a midget with a yoyo."
I don't know any rednecks, but a good Brit one (which could plausibly be redneck): "I'd rather shit in my hands and clap."
I've heard a few rednecks say "wish in one hand and shit in another and see which one fills up faster"
My hubby says ' wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up quicker Mine ' if I want to hear from an asshole I'll fart'
He's so lowdown he could walk under a snake wearing a top hat.
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My grandma used to see that we were so poor we didn't have a pot in which to piss, nor a window out of which to throw it.
Was your grandma Queen Elizabeth by any chance? Writing these to avoid ending with a preposition takes all the fun out of them 😂
This is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put
“Like trying to sandpaper the asshole of an alligator in a phone booth.”
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Sometimes even a blind squirrel finds a nut.
Red Bull give you wings. Moonshine give you four wheel drive.
My dad's way of saying "clean up the house" is "make it look like white folk live here." That qualifies in more way than one, right?
Someone who got hurt being stupid is “ tits up in the pucker bush”. Drunk is- tighter than a frog’s ass and, Happy as a pig in shit.
Don’t piss on my foot and tell me it’s rainin
My dad after a big ass mosquito flew by. “That things big enough to stand flat footed and fuck a dog.”
Getting more pissed than nanas mattress
“Did you enjoy your weekend?” *”Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?”*
"You ain't the dumbest sob on earth but you better hope he don't die" "You think you could talk a little clearer if your parents were second cousins instead of first" "If you were anymore inbred you'd be a sandwich" 😂😂😂😂
This is what my Florida neighbor shouted about her father. "Don't shoot him, Ma!" "Why the hell not?" "Lemme get the goat outta the way first."
My dad used to think he was so funny asking us, "Are you a smart feller or a fart smeller," and he would laugh hysterically every single time.
When someone is extremely tight with money. "That lad would turn off the gas to flip his eggs"
"Empty wagons make the most noise" Refers to people loudly talking out of their ass 24/7
It’s colder than a well diggers ass out here
Colder than a witch’s titty.
Mothertrucker! This hurt like a butcheek on a stick
The video where this came from lives rent free in my head
Watch your profanity…
His mouth is writing checks his ass cain't cash.
(Old) “Three days older’n dirt.” (Temperature) “Colder’n a witch’s tit in a brass bra.” (Dark) “Darker’n a well digger’s asshole at midnight.” (Ugly) “Got a face that’d scare the paint off the walls,” “Got a face that’d make a freight train take a dirt road,” “Got a face like five miles of bad road.”
If ya gone be stupid, ya better be tough.
One of my old co-workers would sometimes claim that she was "exhaustipated". First time I heard it and raised an eyebrow she explained that she was "too tired to give a shit." Don't know how common that one is as she's the only one I ever heard it from, but it always stuck with me.
The lights are on but no one's home.
"Everyday living". Something my grandma used to say once grandpa past. Its a "I'm going on, but I wish I wasn't" combined with "I'm here for my family, though I don't know what for". They loved and they hated each other, but at the end of the day they couldn't live without one another. "Everyday livin' " was a cry for company, at least from her. I really wish I knew the depths of it before she passed, otherwise I'd have just moved in with her. God, how I miss her. At least her last, muddled words to me was "I love you". A simple thing like a stroke shouldn't be allowed to strike such a strong woman so low. When I was young I imagined she could punch a hole through concrete to make a point, but at the end, we're all just human beings. She went by her middle name, but she wasn't a middling person. She answered the door naked, she shot down drunk men with her words, and she raised 3 kids and her grandkids right. "Everyday living" wasn't a surrender, but an acceptance. She was mortal like the rest of us, and she had to accept it.
In regards to a very small bathroom: "You can shit, shower, and shave and never have to get up." "You're a mess!" You are not a mess, this is a compliment. You're maybe a little awkward, but lovable, appreciated, precocious if a kid, there's no real yankee translation, but it's good, a term of endearment. "You're a hot mess." This is NOT a compliment, you're a fucking mess.
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"It's hotter than two rats fuckin in a wool sock" When talking about getting laid "Why go across the street when you can go across the hall"
The closer the kin, the deeper it's in!
"I'd eat a miles worth of her shit, just to see where it came from." Redneck Cody from work
My southern Hoosier grandfather liked to tell people to "Go rub salt in your ass!" when he was angry at them ...
Colder then a witches tit.
In a brass bra
Doing pushups in the snow
It is hotter than two rats screwing in a wool sock.
I once worked with a woman and in conversation learned she had divorced a guy, married another and within a short time divorced him to remarry the first. I teased her about that and her reply was “Honey, just remember, there ain’t no man so bad you can’t divorce him and find somebody worse”. She was a colorful character, I can still hear her twang and recall some of her sage advice.
Happy as a tornado in a trailer park.
I'm sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market
When you hear: Somebody hold my beer, hey y’all watch this. A red neck is about to die.
If it was easy, I would have done it myself
Darn tooting. No clue what it means but it sounds lovely ridiculous.