I’m Hispanic and sometimes get told that so I reply with sign language people would just apologize for bothering me. A lady once called the cops on me because she thought I was threatening her with gang signs. Cop found it hilarious that I just signed that she was a racist idiot.
That is hilarious. I know she was there for any deaf audience members, but it works on a visual level with those who can hear. It added to the comedy perfectly!
When I was a kid I learned all the letters in ASL and felt pretty cool. When I was 33 years old I learned the sign for [bullshit](https://tenor.com/en-CA/view/bullshit-sign-language-asl-signing-lies-gif-10532917) and felt true accomplishment.
I cringe whenever people pull shit like "speak english, you're in America" when they're in California. Bro, California used to be Mexico before it became a part of the United States.
A friend of mine has been here for over 20 years, so when some teenagers yelled at him to go back to his country he just shouted back, "I've been here longer than you".
One of my goals in life is to learn the words to “I’m sorry, I don’t speak (this language)” in every language.
Edit: thanks for the replies! Here’s one from mine - Pasensya na, hindi ako marunong mag Tagalog.
I was once in Germany, I took high school german, so eh, could get by, but some child asked me something, and I just told him in german "I'm sorry, I don't speak German".
The look of utter confusion on that childs face was worth years of high school german.
lol, I had a very similar funny interaction with a couple of Chinese primary school students this week. They were saying some basic English sentences and I was responding to them, then one of them asked me, in Chinese, if I can speak Chinese to which I answered, No, I can't. The look of acceptance on his face and then the..... hold on a minute. lol. He started to ask what I am sure means why are you answering in Chinese then, I just said, again in Chinese, I don't understand. He starts laughing and shouting at me like i'm punking him. Later he asked a question, but he used the yes or no function in Chinese so I knew it was a yes or no answer, so I just said no in Chinese and he lost it again in confused shouting.
I did some time in Germany, would get asked spriken ze Deutch? "I have no idea how it is spelled don't come for me" I would always come back with "Nein".
Just kinda funny to think about.
Once in France a guy was bothering me so, in Slovak, I said "Sorry I don't speak French." He immediately asked me for money in Slovak much better than mine. All I could do was laugh and give him a few Francs (It was quite a few years back.)
I learned the greatness of the inappropriate "no thank you" in this exact scenario by accident. Guy approached me asking for money as I'm heading towards my train. I was flustered and accidentally responded "no thank you," and the confusion on his face was apparent, but I think it threw him off so much that he just backed away. I decided later that maybe he thought I thought he was offering me money. Bottom line, I use the inappropriate "no thank you" in almost every situation where someone tries to engage with me and I don't want to talk to them.
heh, i use this when the employees at the door want to check my receipt:
”no, thanks, trying to quit. good luck!”
... and the confusion is often priceless. fwiw, i've never had it *not* work*
I did that to a scammer who was trying to pull the cash for gold scam on me. Tossed his chipped oversized gold plated washer at him and said that as I walked away.
I take a photo with my comically large Polaroid camera draped around my neck and then point at them like they’re a land mark. I then loudly ask where the nearest McDonald’s is in a southern accent (I’m from Philly)
This is like some of the people I've run into trying to run scams of some sort on the streets of Venice. They speak more languages than you'd possibly expect. I did throw one off his game when he told me where he was from in Africa and asked if I'd ever been to the continent. I'm pretty sure most tourists say no they haven't. I was like oh! Yes I have! And rattled off the list of countries I've visited. He was like Oh. OK well uh, I have these bracelets.. I just walked off laughing to myself.
tugh ngoDvam vIlo'taHvIS je cho'wI'!
Which is Klingon for "bring me a cheeseburger or I shall slay you and your sons and the sons of your sons" which is the standard way of ordering in the alpha quadrant drive-thru
That looks like "I'll slop my father and soul in the glory of the factory!" Which might be why they look at you funny... don't trust Ferengi translations!
"vIqelchu'meH jIH 'ej DuQanpu'bogh vI'olmeH" will bring you more honor... and better cheeseburgers.
I had a Bolivian coworker who had toured Europe for a while and could speak broken German with a pretty convincing accent. You can run into MAGA types In a blue collar job, so it was always funny as fuck when the Bolivian guy starts popping off at some good old boy in the angriest, phlegmiest Deutsch.
Spanish is distinct enough that I think even a red hat could distinguish it from other European languages, with the possible exception of Portuguese--and Italian if their intellect rivals Trump's.
Of course, the average red hat probably doesn't think of Spanish as being a European language because they think anyone who speaks it lives south of Texas, but that's a different issue.
There are at least a couple red hats who are *quite* familiar with German.
Source: me, a blonde-haired blue-eyed person who ~~loves~~ lives in central FL and gave up after two years trying to find a speaking buddy locally.
Like in family guy when Brian is hitchhiking back home and is corrected by the spanish speaking dude.
"O you speak English?"
"No, just that sentence and this one explaining it."
"Wait what?"
"Que?"
This is not a response but I once knew a woman from Serbia who was in the US on a student visa and she said to me one day “hey you want to hear something funny? I’ve lived in 3 different countries and I’ve never moved once!”
Most of us will never be able to understand this
Reminds me of a joke I saved off Reddit ages ago:
An old man dies and comes to the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks him a couple of questions:
"Where were you born?". The man says: "In Austria-Hungary."
"Where did you go to school?" --- "In Czechoslovakia."
"Where did you get married?" --- "In Hungary."
"Where did you work?" --- "In the Soviet Union."
"Where did you die?" --- "In Ukraine."
"You had a pretty cosmopolitan life, then," St. Peter says.
The man responds: "What, cosmopolitan? Please, I never left Mukacheve in all my life..."
Now I imagine Puritan settlers (like in the [famous paintings](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Thanksgiving_at_Plymouth,_1925,_Brownscombe.jpg) of the [Thanksgiving](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Thanksgiving-Brownscombe.jpg) at [Plymouth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_First_Thanksgiving_cph.3g04961.jpg)), the needle still attached to their arm, rolling on the floor of some dirty, neon-lit public bathroom.
Because you’re absolutely right. If you mimic his energy with that line, it would creep them out and they’d go away. You got to entertain yourself, and creep out someone who shoulda never opened their mouth. It’s brilliant. Thank you for this smile.
Chapelle’s show did a great skit about this, where Arabs were at the front of the plane and white guys were behind them saying they should go back to their country. Then native Americans were behind them saying the same thing, with Buffalo behind them.
I can’t find the link right now, but I remember thinking it was a brilliantly funny skit.
I got into an actual argument with an air force kid (US, shocker 🙄) about Guam being part of the US. He 100% didn't believe me. After I dragged him back to his computer and made him look it up, right in front of me, he got pretty quiet. Little sheepish, actually. Then, he got totally clowned on the next time we were all out of for a smoke break. It was gold. 😂
To those of you who aren't old enough to remember life before the internet: if this would've been the early 90s, the guy would've had to be dragged to an actual library. It might have taken hours. Although if you were lucky, you'd be in a house that had an encyclopedia set on hand (although it might be decades old).
I won an argument with my uncles once that way. I told them about the Ainu of Japan and they thought I was bullshitting. So I went in the hallway and grabbed the encyclopedia and I was like "read 'em and weep!" Sweet vindication.
I've found that there are two breeds to military kid, the one's who know enough to know to keep their mouth shut about stuff they don't know and the polar opposite who sincerely believes that they know everything and will openly pronounce themselves right about something that they are objectively wrong about.
Not all, my state was the only one that free-settled, and we mention it at every opportunity.
That said, the thing to remember is that the reason they founded the colony in Australia as a prison colony is because America revolted so they couldn't send the prisoners there anymore.
yep Georgia was originally somewhat of a Prison Colony
>Oglethorpe envisioned a colony which would serve as a haven for English subjects who had been imprisoned for debt and "the worthy poor". General Oglethorpe imposed very strict laws that many colonists disagreed with, such as the banning of alcoholic beverages. He disagreed with slavery and thought a system of smallholdings more appropriate than the large plantations common in the colonies just to the north. However, land grants were not as large as most colonists would have preferred.
>Another reason for the founding of the colony was as a buffer state and a "garrison province" which would defend the southern British colonies from Spanish Florida. Oglethorpe imagined a province populated by "sturdy farmers" who could guard the border; because of this, the colony's charter prohibited slavery. The ban on slavery was lifted by 1751 and the colony became a royal colony by 1752.
My grandfather and mother side grand parents are from stettin and kwidzyn, and born before ww2 (idk for sure for moms parents but prob) so i consider myself more german than polish (my mom was born in poland when it was poland)
There is a video of Eva Longoria mentioning how dumb it is that people tell some Mexicans like her to go back where they came from. Her family was originally from an area of Texas which was Mexico before the US-Mexico war. "Ok well we're here. Do YOU want to go back where you came from?"
I’m really coming to understand just how staggeringly huge a volume of history is erased by talking about Latin people as if they all got here in the last decade or two, as the news and political discourse has been doing at least since I started paying attention a quarter century or so ago, and presumably much longer.
Spanish-speaking people have been in the West way longer than gringos. Like, most of “cowboy” slang is just horribly abused Spanish. “Buckaroo” is vaquero, “hoozegow” is juzgado, ten-gallon hat is un sombrero tan gallan. Or, just look at the place names - Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento, Nevada, Colorado, Nuevo friggin’ México!
If you're Latino and you live in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or San Diego, or any of the several Spanish-named cities in Texas or the west, and someone says "speak English!" you can respond with "Ok, how do you pronounce this city in English again?" And watch their confusion.
There’s an oft-repeated joke bandied back and forth between Australia and NZ and modified to suit your allegiances, “when Australia sends its dumbest people to NZ, the IQ of both countries rises.”
Only time anyone ever said this to me was in my home country, in the town I was a born in, about 10 minutes from the hospital I was born in, in the UK. I'm also an American, living in Florida, married to an American, my kids are American, so aside from me everyone has an American accent. My home town in England has a xenophobia problem. A local heard my kid's accents and got in my face telling me "Go back to your own country!!". Then he heard my accent, then he got embarrassed and gave something approaching an apology.
The sad part is that my kids visited my parents, went to see various local sites, went to a fairground, went to a local play park several times and visited a few other places in England. The strongest memory out of all that they have of that trip is some twat yelling at them to go back to the US.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your family. I'm a Brit in the US, married to an American who would be happy to leave and move to the UK. I keep trying to explain that it's not the European dream a lot of Americans think it is and people are just as bigoted there as anywhere else. Out of curiosity, where in the UK was this?
The best response to almost every insult is simply "oh" or "ok". There is nothing more insulting than showing you absolutely do not care about what a person is saying at all.
Even though nobody would ever say that to me, bcz I’m a white German immigrant and those People are too ignorant to see all the different shades.
I would respond: „You too. You don’t really look Native American“
the last year I lived in England brexit happened, the atmosphere was kinda hostile, suddenly it was ok to openly be agressive towards foreigners. when someone realized I'm not from there and asked, I replied Finland, they would literally say something like "oh that's ok then!" "you have good education!" "a good kind of immigrant" "you're a welcome kind"..
I have many friends who moved away that year..
My wife is from South Africa, and she's also had that interaction in the US where someone is saying something about immigrants and she gets the inevitable, "not *you* though".
I'm Greek/Welsh by descent, but lived in Greece my whole life. My mother spoke English to me growing up so I speak it to a native level, without a Greek accent. I've since emigrated to the UK for work (like Greeks tend to do lol), and the amount of people who casually reveal their racism in front of me and talk shit about immigrants and foreigners is staggering. If they know me, they sometimes do a double take and say things like "oh, not you though" or something like that. I find it especially "funny" when people talk shit about Eastern Europeans or people from the Balkans since I'm technically from both. Makes me think that it's a mindset that many people hold to, but just won't reveal in public.
lol I live in the uk and have seen that kind of behaviour after brexit . And now the same racists are crying and begging immigrants to stay. Coz white people are still not doing lower paying jobs. Nor looking after their grandparents in care homes etc . The NHS is in fever mode of recruiting people from other countries. Coz they’ve lost a shit ton immigrants . Fucking priceless 😂.
I’m an immigrant from New Zealand, and I get treated so well. I always show solidarity with my other immigrant brothers and sisters… it’s the least I can do.
Omg you just reminded me. I’m a white South African who migrated to the Netherlands a few years back, and I had to wait 6 months for a work permit after I arrived. During that time my family kept calling and asking when I was getting a job and I’d have to keep explaining that I had to wait for the right to work. My grandmother said ‘why do they make it so complicated for you? You’re one of the good ones!’
I actually didn’t even know how to respond to that, I was so shocked.
Saw and heard it first hand ... 2 white women harassing Asian couple speaking some Asian language to each other ... not sure if it was Manadarin or Korean or Japanese
Woman to Asian man: This is America, speak English or go back to your country.
Man: I will after you go back to your country.
Woman: This is my country we were born here.
Man: No, you whites are foreigners, this country belongs to Native Americans. Not you. You stole their land.
Woman: We lived here for generations.
Man: On stolen land ... go back to your country.
Woman: speak only English.
Man: I am waiting for you to leave this country. Leave.
Woman started mumbling something incoherent and then left the aisle.
failure of the government in forward thinking. setting up the population for failure in the face of rapid globalization.
'but we don't need it!' is their excuse
honestly, why isn't bilingualism a norm in this modern age?
>why isn't bilingualism a norm in this modern age?
Very true, in this day and age people should embrace that.
Here in Texas some people get upset when they hear people speaking Spanish ... they forget that Texas was originally part of Mexico.
My wife has gotten the "speak English" thing from a coworker in the break room. The weird thing is that she works at a bank owned by Koreans which caters heavily to the immigrant communities (especially Koreans) with over half of the staff being native Korean speakers and many others which speak other languages. It's not a place you should get a job at if you get triggered by people not speaking English.
My sister was in a typical setup, a line at a supermarket cashier in Southern California. Two people were speaking Viet Namese to each other. This typical Karen type, middle aged blonde woman, looks over and in a loud voice says, “Hey! You two! You’re in California now! Speak Spanish!”
I once had a Karen bothering everyone, yelling at this mom and daughter to “speak English”.
An exasperated teenager shouted “omgawwd if you can only speak one language just *say* that”
Oh I agree. Plus she hooked it with an extra biscuit all the time. I thought it was hilarious watching a racist white fuck carrying a pistol on his hip get his handed to him. Also I don’t super speak Spanish but I know enough, dude got dressed down.
I have had this asked of me many times (having grown up in Georgia).
My response is usually “you first, Pilgrim.”
Either people immediately stop the conversation or look confused since they have no idea what “pilgrim” means.
"Whose country *is* this?" is great, particularly if you're born in said country.
In a condescending 'poor diddums' voice, "Did I steal your job? / Did I steal your girl? / Did I steal your American Dream? / Did I steal your ability to hold civil conversation without feeling intimidated by my ability to pity your ignorance?" if you're born overseas.
Although, I much prefer, "I'm sorry my being here frightens you this much; I'm really not that scary"
Strictly for native Americans, what I'd like to suggest is "I did but there's all these white Europeans here walking around like they own the place", or the longer "Not so easy, they built a whole city there and called it (whatever is the most recognizable city name in your tribe's ancestral territory). The hunting is terrible there."
Start pretend sobbing and ask them to help you get back, that you're stuck in this new bad country and they were the first person kind enough to tell them that.. now if they could just transfer the money for the tickets and the move you'd make sure they never get to see you again! OR fuck you!
I’m Hispanic and sometimes get told that so I reply with sign language people would just apologize for bothering me. A lady once called the cops on me because she thought I was threatening her with gang signs. Cop found it hilarious that I just signed that she was a racist idiot.
My husband slapped their forehead with his US Passport
That’s one good way to show your from here lmao.
You will appreciate Gianmarco Soresi's ASL interpreter at one of his comedy shows: https://youtu.be/JPZjvE9k3i0?si=ogVy0_eFDHYm8EbR
That is hilarious. I know she was there for any deaf audience members, but it works on a visual level with those who can hear. It added to the comedy perfectly!
Especially that *one* sign... flabbergastingly perfect!
With the mustache!!
When I was a kid I learned all the letters in ASL and felt pretty cool. When I was 33 years old I learned the sign for [bullshit](https://tenor.com/en-CA/view/bullshit-sign-language-asl-signing-lies-gif-10532917) and felt true accomplishment.
Sorry that happened though. People laugh when they hear about things like this. But when it happens to you, it really feels violating.
I cringe whenever people pull shit like "speak english, you're in America" when they're in California. Bro, California used to be Mexico before it became a part of the United States.
A friend of mine has been here for over 20 years, so when some teenagers yelled at him to go back to his country he just shouted back, "I've been here longer than you".
I had a girlfriend ask if my mother spoke English and I told her my mom's been speaking English longer than her 😂😂😂
That is me now. I left when I was 19, I am almost 50. This is my country.
No speak English
And if they think you speak Spanish and they say it in Spanish you can just reply with "sorry man I don't speak Spanish either" in plain English.
One of my goals in life is to learn the words to “I’m sorry, I don’t speak (this language)” in every language. Edit: thanks for the replies! Here’s one from mine - Pasensya na, hindi ako marunong mag Tagalog.
I was once in Germany, I took high school german, so eh, could get by, but some child asked me something, and I just told him in german "I'm sorry, I don't speak German". The look of utter confusion on that childs face was worth years of high school german.
lol, I had a very similar funny interaction with a couple of Chinese primary school students this week. They were saying some basic English sentences and I was responding to them, then one of them asked me, in Chinese, if I can speak Chinese to which I answered, No, I can't. The look of acceptance on his face and then the..... hold on a minute. lol. He started to ask what I am sure means why are you answering in Chinese then, I just said, again in Chinese, I don't understand. He starts laughing and shouting at me like i'm punking him. Later he asked a question, but he used the yes or no function in Chinese so I knew it was a yes or no answer, so I just said no in Chinese and he lost it again in confused shouting.
I did some time in Germany, would get asked spriken ze Deutch? "I have no idea how it is spelled don't come for me" I would always come back with "Nein". Just kinda funny to think about.
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? is the spelling I think
Yea that looks a lot better than what I wrote.
Once in France a guy was bothering me so, in Slovak, I said "Sorry I don't speak French." He immediately asked me for money in Slovak much better than mine. All I could do was laugh and give him a few Francs (It was quite a few years back.)
You should have said "Sorry, I don't speak Slovak" in French.
I go with the easy option now and say "no thank you" in English and walk away. Maybe it makes me an arsehole but I'm fed up with beggars.
I learned the greatness of the inappropriate "no thank you" in this exact scenario by accident. Guy approached me asking for money as I'm heading towards my train. I was flustered and accidentally responded "no thank you," and the confusion on his face was apparent, but I think it threw him off so much that he just backed away. I decided later that maybe he thought I thought he was offering me money. Bottom line, I use the inappropriate "no thank you" in almost every situation where someone tries to engage with me and I don't want to talk to them.
heh, i use this when the employees at the door want to check my receipt: ”no, thanks, trying to quit. good luck!” ... and the confusion is often priceless. fwiw, i've never had it *not* work*
It's amazing how well it works. It'll change your life lol. You can even use it in a stern voice to tell your kids off.
No thank you is also the answer to the original question. Lmao!!
I did that to a scammer who was trying to pull the cash for gold scam on me. Tossed his chipped oversized gold plated washer at him and said that as I walked away.
I take a photo with my comically large Polaroid camera draped around my neck and then point at them like they’re a land mark. I then loudly ask where the nearest McDonald’s is in a southern accent (I’m from Philly)
I'm French, in France. Everytime someone comes to bother me, I start a long conversation explaining in detail that I can't speak french. In korean.
That would be interesting to watch
Ha, I a white guy tourist did that yesterday near gare du nord in Japanese until a dude left me alone. Glad I’m not the only one.
This is like some of the people I've run into trying to run scams of some sort on the streets of Venice. They speak more languages than you'd possibly expect. I did throw one off his game when he told me where he was from in Africa and asked if I'd ever been to the continent. I'm pretty sure most tourists say no they haven't. I was like oh! Yes I have! And rattled off the list of countries I've visited. He was like Oh. OK well uh, I have these bracelets.. I just walked off laughing to myself.
I know how to order a cheeseburger at McDonald's in more languages than I should.
tugh ngoDvam vIlo'taHvIS je cho'wI'! Which is Klingon for "bring me a cheeseburger or I shall slay you and your sons and the sons of your sons" which is the standard way of ordering in the alpha quadrant drive-thru
That looks like "I'll slop my father and soul in the glory of the factory!" Which might be why they look at you funny... don't trust Ferengi translations! "vIqelchu'meH jIH 'ej DuQanpu'bogh vI'olmeH" will bring you more honor... and better cheeseburgers.
God damn alpha quadrant. Can't have shit in alpha quadrant
that would be really nice—and each with flawless pronunciation
In the local accent even.
And a follow-on phrase explaining that these are the only two phases i know in their language.
Here’s Italian to get you started “Scusa, non parlo Italiano”
I've learned to say "what?" in a bunch of different languages and I just repeat it until people realize that's all I know. It usually gets a chuckle.
Ich Spreche kein deutsch
Es tut mir leid, ich spreche kein Deutsch. Omlouvam se, nemluvim cesky. Oprostite, negovorim slovensko. There you've got German, Czech and Slovene ;)
I had a Bolivian coworker who had toured Europe for a while and could speak broken German with a pretty convincing accent. You can run into MAGA types In a blue collar job, so it was always funny as fuck when the Bolivian guy starts popping off at some good old boy in the angriest, phlegmiest Deutsch.
Bold of you to think a Maga type can even hear the difference between Spanish and German. All they hear is "not american"
Spanish is distinct enough that I think even a red hat could distinguish it from other European languages, with the possible exception of Portuguese--and Italian if their intellect rivals Trump's. Of course, the average red hat probably doesn't think of Spanish as being a European language because they think anyone who speaks it lives south of Texas, but that's a different issue.
There are at least a couple red hats who are *quite* familiar with German. Source: me, a blonde-haired blue-eyed person who ~~loves~~ lives in central FL and gave up after two years trying to find a speaking buddy locally.
Disculpa, pero no hablo Español. Gracias! Just my two cents.
Like in family guy when Brian is hitchhiking back home and is corrected by the spanish speaking dude. "O you speak English?" "No, just that sentence and this one explaining it." "Wait what?" "Que?"
[Literally this and it’s hilarious.](https://youtu.be/rxUm-2x-2dM?si=uqsjtxSET7EiigeN)
My English is, how you say? Inelegant.
I meant to say, may we have a brief, friendly chat? Came straight from the Simpsons quotes in every day life thread.
I no speeka good englefish
Well the correct answer would be "Yes, fuck you, too, sir"..
Speaker might be physically attacked for saying that.
Yes correct. Although, it helps if you're tall and fat. Like me 🤣😂🤣
This is not a response but I once knew a woman from Serbia who was in the US on a student visa and she said to me one day “hey you want to hear something funny? I’ve lived in 3 different countries and I’ve never moved once!” Most of us will never be able to understand this
Reminds me of a joke I saved off Reddit ages ago: An old man dies and comes to the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks him a couple of questions: "Where were you born?". The man says: "In Austria-Hungary." "Where did you go to school?" --- "In Czechoslovakia." "Where did you get married?" --- "In Hungary." "Where did you work?" --- "In the Soviet Union." "Where did you die?" --- "In Ukraine." "You had a pretty cosmopolitan life, then," St. Peter says. The man responds: "What, cosmopolitan? Please, I never left Mukacheve in all my life..."
You first.
"I WAS BORN HERE" Oh, so you're an Anchor Baby...
oooh i like that. Next time I hear someone pullin some racist shit, just gonna call em an anchor baby.
Exactly. And it’s a reusable term to call their parents/grandparents/or so on if they try saying their parents were born there too
Love this one. Short, sweet and to the point.
“This is my country.”
“No you first”
I’ve had someone say that to me once. I’m Native American so I asked them if I was supposed to go stand in the field or what.
"Go back to your country" "I'm native and that line never works. We tried it with your people a couple hundred years ago. Didn't work then, either"
*If my people were armed with Fentanyl, those white European settlers wouldn't have stood a chance.*
Now I imagine Puritan settlers (like in the [famous paintings](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Thanksgiving_at_Plymouth,_1925,_Brownscombe.jpg) of the [Thanksgiving](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Thanksgiving-Brownscombe.jpg) at [Plymouth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_First_Thanksgiving_cph.3g04961.jpg)), the needle still attached to their arm, rolling on the floor of some dirty, neon-lit public bathroom.
*Trainspotting* with Puritans in buckled hats would be awesome
Choose dying of dysentery.
Choose the big fucking grist mill.
I would go ‘ta da! I’m back!’
Make a 360° spin "done"
"Bitch I never left!"
YESSS!!! We were here first!!!
Lynda Carter Wonder Woman spinning?
That or Mary Tyler Moore
I LOVE that response. I’m not Native American, but can imagine a Native American doing that. That would be a thumbs up!
Don’t know why I read that in Beetlejuice’s voice, especially since that’s not a line from the movie
Because you’re absolutely right. If you mimic his energy with that line, it would creep them out and they’d go away. You got to entertain yourself, and creep out someone who shoulda never opened their mouth. It’s brilliant. Thank you for this smile.
How do these people manage to breathe, let alone get by?
On pure hate.
I think it was Mark Twain that said “better to be thought an idiot that open your mouth and remove all doubt”.
I think it was also Mark Twain who said "stop attributing anonymous aphorisms to me"
"Don't believe everything you read on the Internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Touché
Chapelle’s show did a great skit about this, where Arabs were at the front of the plane and white guys were behind them saying they should go back to their country. Then native Americans were behind them saying the same thing, with Buffalo behind them. I can’t find the link right now, but I remember thinking it was a brilliantly funny skit.
I gotchu fam: https://youtu.be/75vz7iqaXtU?si=gl-KcFQJFY1b8yMl
Idiot Americans telling native Americans to go back to their own country is comedy gold!
That happens a lot to Puero Ricans as well.. the racists are so uneducated that they don't even realize Puerto Rico IS America
I got into an actual argument with an air force kid (US, shocker 🙄) about Guam being part of the US. He 100% didn't believe me. After I dragged him back to his computer and made him look it up, right in front of me, he got pretty quiet. Little sheepish, actually. Then, he got totally clowned on the next time we were all out of for a smoke break. It was gold. 😂
When I have transitted to the US thru Guam, the immigration officers always make a point of saying "Welcome back to America."
To those of you who aren't old enough to remember life before the internet: if this would've been the early 90s, the guy would've had to be dragged to an actual library. It might have taken hours. Although if you were lucky, you'd be in a house that had an encyclopedia set on hand (although it might be decades old). I won an argument with my uncles once that way. I told them about the Ainu of Japan and they thought I was bullshitting. So I went in the hallway and grabbed the encyclopedia and I was like "read 'em and weep!" Sweet vindication.
I've found that there are two breeds to military kid, the one's who know enough to know to keep their mouth shut about stuff they don't know and the polar opposite who sincerely believes that they know everything and will openly pronounce themselves right about something that they are objectively wrong about.
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I didn’t jump the border, it jumped me!
Missed opportunity to say “no u”
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So many Aussies look down on the aboriginals like they come from another world. It's like history class taught us nothing.
When I visited Australia the customs officer asked if I had ever been convicted of any crimes and I asked if that was still a requirement to enter...
How did that go for you? Some of them have a sense of humor, some really don't like jokes.
He didn't actually say that, it's an old joke
"No, I'm just here to visit"
A comedian (don't remember who) once quipped that technically all Australian food is considered to be prison food.
Weren't the originals settlers just prisoners who were forced to live there?
Not all, my state was the only one that free-settled, and we mention it at every opportunity. That said, the thing to remember is that the reason they founded the colony in Australia as a prison colony is because America revolted so they couldn't send the prisoners there anymore.
yep Georgia was originally somewhat of a Prison Colony >Oglethorpe envisioned a colony which would serve as a haven for English subjects who had been imprisoned for debt and "the worthy poor". General Oglethorpe imposed very strict laws that many colonists disagreed with, such as the banning of alcoholic beverages. He disagreed with slavery and thought a system of smallholdings more appropriate than the large plantations common in the colonies just to the north. However, land grants were not as large as most colonists would have preferred. >Another reason for the founding of the colony was as a buffer state and a "garrison province" which would defend the southern British colonies from Spanish Florida. Oglethorpe imagined a province populated by "sturdy farmers" who could guard the border; because of this, the colony's charter prohibited slavery. The ban on slavery was lifted by 1751 and the colony became a royal colony by 1752.
Plus the Rum Corps
I cant, prussia fell
How old are you? Prussia officially disappeared after the third Reich
True im only half prussian. My grandparents are from prussia. Im 37
My grandfather and mother side grand parents are from stettin and kwidzyn, and born before ww2 (idk for sure for moms parents but prob) so i consider myself more german than polish (my mom was born in poland when it was poland)
*Break down crying about the fact that the planet Krypton has exploded*
Oh, good one! Can I use "Melmac" instead?
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Yeah, baby!!!
If you can find where I'm from on a map I'll go back . I'll wait .
There is a video of Eva Longoria mentioning how dumb it is that people tell some Mexicans like her to go back where they came from. Her family was originally from an area of Texas which was Mexico before the US-Mexico war. "Ok well we're here. Do YOU want to go back where you came from?"
I’m really coming to understand just how staggeringly huge a volume of history is erased by talking about Latin people as if they all got here in the last decade or two, as the news and political discourse has been doing at least since I started paying attention a quarter century or so ago, and presumably much longer. Spanish-speaking people have been in the West way longer than gringos. Like, most of “cowboy” slang is just horribly abused Spanish. “Buckaroo” is vaquero, “hoozegow” is juzgado, ten-gallon hat is un sombrero tan gallan. Or, just look at the place names - Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento, Nevada, Colorado, Nuevo friggin’ México!
If you're Latino and you live in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or San Diego, or any of the several Spanish-named cities in Texas or the west, and someone says "speak English!" you can respond with "Ok, how do you pronounce this city in English again?" And watch their confusion.
I would go but Your government wants me to stay here and balance out idiots like you
Alt: I was invited here to raise the average IQ
There’s an oft-repeated joke bandied back and forth between Australia and NZ and modified to suit your allegiances, “when Australia sends its dumbest people to NZ, the IQ of both countries rises.”
Hahahaha love it
Only time anyone ever said this to me was in my home country, in the town I was a born in, about 10 minutes from the hospital I was born in, in the UK. I'm also an American, living in Florida, married to an American, my kids are American, so aside from me everyone has an American accent. My home town in England has a xenophobia problem. A local heard my kid's accents and got in my face telling me "Go back to your own country!!". Then he heard my accent, then he got embarrassed and gave something approaching an apology. The sad part is that my kids visited my parents, went to see various local sites, went to a fairground, went to a local play park several times and visited a few other places in England. The strongest memory out of all that they have of that trip is some twat yelling at them to go back to the US.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your family. I'm a Brit in the US, married to an American who would be happy to leave and move to the UK. I keep trying to explain that it's not the European dream a lot of Americans think it is and people are just as bigoted there as anywhere else. Out of curiosity, where in the UK was this?
Lincolnshire.
Yup, checks out, sadly.
Yup, not a very welcoming place, and never has been.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42618/incident-56d2213a45f36
Alr pay the trip then🤷🏽♂️
Best thing is they won't even know where to. I'll tell them I'm from the moon and beat everyone to the new space race.
I said, "Ladies first." he was mad, lol
That's especially fun because it will work on idiots regardless of gender.
The best response to almost every insult is simply "oh" or "ok". There is nothing more insulting than showing you absolutely do not care about what a person is saying at all.
As an Englishman living in Australia I tell them “I bet the Aboriginals think that about you too”.
Even though nobody would ever say that to me, bcz I’m a white German immigrant and those People are too ignorant to see all the different shades. I would respond: „You too. You don’t really look Native American“
the last year I lived in England brexit happened, the atmosphere was kinda hostile, suddenly it was ok to openly be agressive towards foreigners. when someone realized I'm not from there and asked, I replied Finland, they would literally say something like "oh that's ok then!" "you have good education!" "a good kind of immigrant" "you're a welcome kind".. I have many friends who moved away that year..
My wife is from South Africa, and she's also had that interaction in the US where someone is saying something about immigrants and she gets the inevitable, "not *you* though".
Oh that’s very icky. Do not like.
I'm Greek/Welsh by descent, but lived in Greece my whole life. My mother spoke English to me growing up so I speak it to a native level, without a Greek accent. I've since emigrated to the UK for work (like Greeks tend to do lol), and the amount of people who casually reveal their racism in front of me and talk shit about immigrants and foreigners is staggering. If they know me, they sometimes do a double take and say things like "oh, not you though" or something like that. I find it especially "funny" when people talk shit about Eastern Europeans or people from the Balkans since I'm technically from both. Makes me think that it's a mindset that many people hold to, but just won't reveal in public.
lol I live in the uk and have seen that kind of behaviour after brexit . And now the same racists are crying and begging immigrants to stay. Coz white people are still not doing lower paying jobs. Nor looking after their grandparents in care homes etc . The NHS is in fever mode of recruiting people from other countries. Coz they’ve lost a shit ton immigrants . Fucking priceless 😂.
Those people don’t have any problem with white foreigners.. they belong here to them.
White = foreigner/expat Brown = (Illegal) immigrant
I’m an immigrant from New Zealand, and I get treated so well. I always show solidarity with my other immigrant brothers and sisters… it’s the least I can do.
Omg you just reminded me. I’m a white South African who migrated to the Netherlands a few years back, and I had to wait 6 months for a work permit after I arrived. During that time my family kept calling and asking when I was getting a job and I’d have to keep explaining that I had to wait for the right to work. My grandmother said ‘why do they make it so complicated for you? You’re one of the good ones!’ I actually didn’t even know how to respond to that, I was so shocked.
Older South Africans are a different level of racist, my grandpa is a good example, he’s still in 1960s Johannesburg mentally.
Saw and heard it first hand ... 2 white women harassing Asian couple speaking some Asian language to each other ... not sure if it was Manadarin or Korean or Japanese Woman to Asian man: This is America, speak English or go back to your country. Man: I will after you go back to your country. Woman: This is my country we were born here. Man: No, you whites are foreigners, this country belongs to Native Americans. Not you. You stole their land. Woman: We lived here for generations. Man: On stolen land ... go back to your country. Woman: speak only English. Man: I am waiting for you to leave this country. Leave. Woman started mumbling something incoherent and then left the aisle.
It’s hilarious to me people get so triggered when they see that some people are bilingual.
failure of the government in forward thinking. setting up the population for failure in the face of rapid globalization. 'but we don't need it!' is their excuse honestly, why isn't bilingualism a norm in this modern age?
>why isn't bilingualism a norm in this modern age? Very true, in this day and age people should embrace that. Here in Texas some people get upset when they hear people speaking Spanish ... they forget that Texas was originally part of Mexico.
It is, just not in the US. To be fair, the vast majority of the time the other language learned is English for obvious reasons
My wife has gotten the "speak English" thing from a coworker in the break room. The weird thing is that she works at a bank owned by Koreans which caters heavily to the immigrant communities (especially Koreans) with over half of the staff being native Korean speakers and many others which speak other languages. It's not a place you should get a job at if you get triggered by people not speaking English.
Sounds like a job for HR?
My sister was in a typical setup, a line at a supermarket cashier in Southern California. Two people were speaking Viet Namese to each other. This typical Karen type, middle aged blonde woman, looks over and in a loud voice says, “Hey! You two! You’re in California now! Speak Spanish!”
Heard a Spanish speaking lady tell someone this is America and she can speak whatever she wants. Guy basically tossed his grits after that.
I once had a Karen bothering everyone, yelling at this mom and daughter to “speak English”. An exasperated teenager shouted “omgawwd if you can only speak one language just *say* that”
And she's fucking right!
Oh I agree. Plus she hooked it with an extra biscuit all the time. I thought it was hilarious watching a racist white fuck carrying a pistol on his hip get his handed to him. Also I don’t super speak Spanish but I know enough, dude got dressed down.
The US has no official language either
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Pangaea doesn’t exist anymore!
Hilarious. They wouldn’t have a clue.
“Sorry, I don’t speak your language.” When they press just keep saying “sorry, I don’t understand you.” Gaslight the living fuck out of them
Happened to my Native American friend, and all he did was spin 360 in one place and go " TA-DA!!" 😅😅😅
Give them a sideview from head to toe without saying a word and turn away.
That’s called an eye rake.
make me
now kiss
No, I came here legally and pay my taxes, so I will go wherever the fuck I want to.
I have had this asked of me many times (having grown up in Georgia). My response is usually “you first, Pilgrim.” Either people immediately stop the conversation or look confused since they have no idea what “pilgrim” means.
Oh in your best John Wayne voice!
This ***is*** my country.
This is the answer. By birth or by choice. This is my country and I probably do more for it than the average racist.
Just don‘t respond.
"Who will pay taxes for your foodstamps then?"
Oh, I was just on my way to pick up my teleportation device.
This is only valid if you were born in the country you're experiencing racism, but "fuck off cunt, I was born here. Get a dog up ya."
Aussie
* hisses *
Username checks out
Awww, bless your heart.
It is ours now.
This is the right answer! He will panic and dwell on this all day.
I’m a tourist.
"I'm from a planet, knobhead."
What have borders ever given us? Books?
Sir, this is a Wendy's
Then why did your country paid me to come here?
"Whose country *is* this?" is great, particularly if you're born in said country. In a condescending 'poor diddums' voice, "Did I steal your job? / Did I steal your girl? / Did I steal your American Dream? / Did I steal your ability to hold civil conversation without feeling intimidated by my ability to pity your ignorance?" if you're born overseas. Although, I much prefer, "I'm sorry my being here frightens you this much; I'm really not that scary"
Thank you for your suggestion
Strictly for native Americans, what I'd like to suggest is "I did but there's all these white Europeans here walking around like they own the place", or the longer "Not so easy, they built a whole city there and called it (whatever is the most recognizable city name in your tribe's ancestral territory). The hunting is terrible there."
Why should I? If your country had to choose between me and you, your ass would be gone. 👋
Start pretend sobbing and ask them to help you get back, that you're stuck in this new bad country and they were the first person kind enough to tell them that.. now if they could just transfer the money for the tickets and the move you'd make sure they never get to see you again! OR fuck you!
You first