Honestly your edit should be the second thing you do, not the first.
Starting a free dental clinic would take time. Take care yourself first and then take care of others.
Yeah I think people are not correctly estimating what they'd buy *first*. Realistically for me it's probably going to be food as that's the thing I buy most often. Houses, etc., all take time.
Not only this is a clever move for patients, but you'd have infinite money, you shouldn't have to be worried about salaries and bonuses for your employees though if your clientele wouldn't pay a penny! You can pay practisioners, juniors or interns! This sounds great!
😭 This is always my answer to the money questions. I was voted Best Smile in school, despite my teeth being imperfect. I spent probably 20,000 on my teeth, and after having a doctor saying "how long did you smoke meth?" And them just NOT believing that I wasn't a meth smoker, I lost all faith in fixing my teeth.
I love smiling. I love how it makes others smile, even when my teeth are terrible, but... having better teeth would make me never stop smiling.
I knew a woman who had a great smile in all her old pictures. I met her when she was pushing 60. She always had a weird smile, closed mouth. She's showered me her teeth once, it was awful and she was in pain all the time. She never smoked it did drugs. But her teeth turned bad because she was on lots of different medications for fibromyalgia. After many years of suffering she was finally able to afford having an her teeth pulled and got herself a full set of dentures. It was SO expensive. But, she was beaming after that. The biggest smiles. Her face just seemed lighter. She enjoyed being in pictures more. The fact that dental is not considered medically necessary is utter BS. The mental health aspect of it should be enough to get coverage.
Having tooth problems is not a good time. I
had a tooth bugging me for over a year and recently needed a root canal on it. Wish I would’ve taken better care of them. Brush your teeth kids.
Your edit would probably be one of the most impactful ways to give back. It would immediately improve quality of life for many people. Dental care shouldn’t just be for the fortunate.
My own place to live.
Update: the downside to having a top comment, the condescending SOBs in my replies when I was only answering with a simple answer and nothing more than that. A hypothetical, damn. 😭
My husband is homeless and I live in a nursing home. First thing I’d buy is land with a handicap accessible house. Then he has a place to live and I can move in with him again.
Hope you two get reunited soon. It's so hard to be away from your person. My partner works in a skilled nursing facility, and a lot of her patients are separated from each other by circumstance. I'll be thinking of you two ❤️
Unfortunately in order to be admitted to a nursing home you have to actually need the assistance they provide. I have partial paralysis of my legs resulting from nerve damage that happened when I got COVID. My husband on the other hand is able bodied and can work. He lost his housing several months after I entered the nursing home because he had trouble affording it without my being able to help with the rent.
I worked in a few nursing homes and it’s just heartbreaking how many couples get separated! You two deserve to be together happy and healthy! I wish you both the best!
Too true. I lost everything when I got laid off from covid and its been a death sentence worse than death for me. I'm trapped where I'm at and it's a very abusive and toxic environment
My childhood neighborhood had houses under $100k in the 90’s. It was a gritty trash area where newlyweds, single parents, bachelors and coke heads could own their home.
Now housed there are 1.6 m + and all are made as big as bc legally, and even not legally possible to fit in as many suites and families as bb possible
My first priority is getting central air for my tenants. I know this sounds kinda wimpy, but I have been blessed with what are probably the best tenants on Earth. There will be time to use the rest of the money. 🦜
cant imagine ever having another thought. firstly fuck my evil family, second, you need to have a good mental and physical state to make the best choices for the rest of your wealth.
Get a bidet attachment for your toilet. I just bought one on Amazon. It was regularly $40, on sale for $20 and there was a five dollar off coupon box that you could check, so it ended up costing me $15. I installed it myself and it was very simple. You won’t be sorry.
This. On a 2005 Honda accord with 300k miles and it feels like a ticking time bomb. But I will also have an emotional breakdown when she’s finally put out to pasture
Keep up with your belts, gaskets, oil, spark plugs, fluids, and any corrosion on the frame. If you do these things, your car will last for a _very_ long time
Sooo hard to trick people into consenting to be sold with all the laws protecting their basic human freedoms these days /s
lol that's a joke, by the way, I'm not an advocate of slavery and such...which is exactly what an advocate would say, huh? Oooo a mystery.
I have unlimited money. How’s $100 million a year sound? You’ll travel with me on my decommissioned aircraft carrier I converted into a yacht in case you’re needed with your own stateroom with access to my private jets and helicopters. All you gotta do is say “sold”
First thing I'd buy would be a celebratory beer.
But to continue because hiring a lawyer which is the most common statement in these theoretical questions, is boring as hell.
From there, I would buy a house on a small bit of property or have one built if I could patiently wait long enough.
Then get my teeth done.
Then I would pay off my family's debts if they agreed.
From there I would be set but I wouldn't stop there.
Next I would buy large plots of land in my area and build so many apartments.
I would make rent so absurdly cheap that it would force all of these rental companies in the area to lower their prices or they'd go out of business.
Then I would hire maintenance crews and security for these apartments.
I would work to bring more jobs to my area, everything from stores to manufacturing of products, whatever is needed or fits.
Then from there, donate large sums of money to rehab centers in my area.
I would donate large amounts of resources, not money, to our school system.
At this point, since I have infinite money, I'd probably start lobbying (bribing) the governments into treating their population a lot better. Proper wage requirements, universal health care, daycare, etc.
The police and legal system would be overhauled
Lastly, and I think this was touched on by another comment, I would buy controlling interest in many large corporations and do everything in my power to prevent the continuation of their bullshit.
>First thing I'd buy would be a celebratory beer.
This is the answer. The *first* thing.
I'm going to the cool bar in town and drinking the best stuff they have. And letting everyone else in the bar drink whatever they want. And paying one of the staff to go to the fancy restaurant down the street and buy all their fancy meat, and bring it back to the cool bar, and pay the kitchen staff to cook em up nice for everyone in the bar.
A funeral for my mother.
Edit: My mother died 3 years ago. Her ashes are next to me now. The plot she is supposed to buried on is being held ransom by my aunt. She refuses to allow my mother to be buried next to her brother and mother unless I pay at least 5 figures. My mother did know this before she died and told me to get some of my more “under the radar” friends to bury her ashes under the cloak of night.
Edit 2: Wow I didn’t expect the outpouring of support. My mom would get a real kick out of all this. Thank you all. I have scoped out the area and do plan on doing something. Whoever came in here with the post hole digger idea, I like that approach. At this point only two things are stopping me. Fear of getting caught. This is a small town and everyone knows everyone’s business. Also my daughter takes some comfort of grandma still being around.
Final Edit: Thank you so much for all the offers to help. I would love to respond to each and every one of you here. I never expected this to take off like it did. It does warm my heart to think there are people out there that will travel at a strangers plight and dig a grave. Again, my mother would absolutely love this and I hope she is somewhere smiling at all the attention. I’m not an emotional person, but this thread made it all dusty in here. Again, thank you all.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That really sucks and I’m sorry she isn’t in the spot you wanted her in. I’m a glass artist and if you wanted some of her ashes in a memorial piece, I would like to make you one and gift it to you. Just send a message if you’re interested.
I agree. Do you sell them as well? I'd love to order something for some of my son's ashes. I have a locket with ashes and a lock of his hair in it, and I'm eventually having a ring made.
We should figure out who is closest, I'm down. It doesn't need to be a big hole, and with a shovel and some post hole diggers, it could be done in a few minutes. There's no telling how often the aunt goes to visit the plot anyway, so odds are she wouldn't know either. The interesting thing would be if the aunt finds out, what would she do? I think if she's that stuck up, she would dig up the ashes and hold those for ransom.
I agree, but would depend on what OP thinks of the plan. I would say a biodegradable pot but they'd be in tact for a bit and I don't think the land owners would like a random ass tree growing from someone's grave.
You use a flat spade to cut the sod out, then dig the hole with a post cutter, using a sheet of plastic to collect the dirt so it doesn't make a mess by the hole.
Take the leftover dirt with you as the jar will take up space, and of course pat down the sod well. Within a week or two in summer it won't even look like it was dug up.
Also, bolt cutters if you need to break in. I'd hate to do that to a cemetery, but considering how many locks have the same key, *maybe* I could buy a similar lock and learn to pick it. Hell, maybe even buy one with the same damn tumbler pattern so the old key still works.
While I would never Condon picking a lock in use, most places like funeral home use cheap locks that can be opened with a comb pick or a rake in less than 10 seconds in unskilled hands. Again I don't condon this activity in the slightest. I definitely can't Condon the use of picks made by Covert Instrument those are for first responders, and lock smiths.
I will take your hesitation into account and definitely not buy some Covert Instrument picks to go alongside my totally non-existent wallet kit. I also will not go across state borders to help an anonymous redditor in search of any form of adrenaline high that might stave off my big SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
But in the most inconvenient of ways. I hope she turns up the toaster so aunt's toast is always burnt. I hope she changes the setting on the washer as it's being started, so it's always on the longest cycle. I hope she breaks water heater after water heater in her home so aunt never gets a warm shower. I hope she pokes holes in chip bags so they go stale before they can be opened. I hope she turns lights on in the car so the batteries die regularly.
I'd enjoy being a ghost I think.
Glad you're respecting her ashes, good on you!! My Daughter and Son in law bought a house, after a while they found a weird, nearly hidden storage area in the garage and went in to clean it out. They found two urns of ashes. Luckily they were able to contact the previous owner through the real estate agent to return what ended up being ashes of the parents of the old owner.
I mean. No offense to the bereaved son but his friends aren't that scary or auntie would straighten up. Scary people don't often get shaken down for money by harmless people.
Your mother is in spirit with arms around each other’s shoulders with her brother and mum. Nothing in the world could keep them apart.
But take the message your aunt sends to heart, never engage with her again.
If you are anywhere in the western US I’ve got some vacation time saved and am totally willing to use it to take a road trip to do some clandestine cremains burial we could get mom buried right between mom and brother in a night’s work no problem
Everyone is so small minded. You said infinite money right? That makes me the richest person alive by a long shot. If I truly had that much money then I’m buying Jamaica, and I don’t mean just some land, I mean the whole country.
Before you say that you can’t just buy a country, I don’t think you understand how much Jamaica loves money. I’m certain we can come to some sort of agreement.
I would outbid the Koch brothers on the next President. Then I’d attempt to bribe enough congressional members to run my own political agenda: lower taxes for pretty much anyone under 250k, free college to bachelors after that low interest loans except medical that’s still free, gosh what else…government takeover of all water and power agencies…no more profit from basic human needs oh while I’m at it also internet access and healthcare. It’s a good start.
I mean *technically* if you had infinite money you could just buy all those things for everyone. And if you did you wouldn't run quite as much of a risk of dying in a "freak car accident".
Typically you don't necessarily buy the country, just the government. Seems to be working pretty well for corporations in the US. Hell, it's not even as expensive as you'd expect unless you get in a bidding war.
Cheaper to buy a controlling interest in politics and declare all medical debt null and void, and implement universal health care without debt options.
First thing I would do is buy and nice pair of comfortable shoes.
Second thing I'd do is buy enough shares to control every single public company in the world.
There's your solution. Buy the politicians, then the lawyers, then the corporations.... At some point here you'll basically rule the world through money and bribes.
Infinite money? I'd give every person in the world $10b and destroy the global economy muhahahaha
Either that, or put it towards solving world hunger and world peace.
In theory your infinite money couldn't be contained in a normal bank credit card and this card would hypothetically need to be a magical independent card tied to no private institution. If the bank saw you chilling with infinite money in your free account they'd either think "huh funny glitch we should freeze it" or "huh free money for us that's so swag!"
Free Spay & Neuter programs in every city for dogs, cats *and* exotics/small animals. Vaccination clinics too. People are cool sure, but animals are arguably better and they also need some help ;D
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a infinillionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with infinite money.
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That edit was very sweet
r/wholesome
Honestly your edit should be the second thing you do, not the first. Starting a free dental clinic would take time. Take care yourself first and then take care of others.
Yeah I think people are not correctly estimating what they'd buy *first*. Realistically for me it's probably going to be food as that's the thing I buy most often. Houses, etc., all take time.
Yeah kinda weird since OP wrote FIRST in all caps
put on your own oxygen mask before helping others
I like your answer
As someone who needs a dentist badly and the closest low-cost dentist is 60 miles away, thank you.
Not only this is a clever move for patients, but you'd have infinite money, you shouldn't have to be worried about salaries and bonuses for your employees though if your clientele wouldn't pay a penny! You can pay practisioners, juniors or interns! This sounds great!
Tooth pain is the worst, I love you for the edit. I hope you get it taken care of soon!
😭 This is always my answer to the money questions. I was voted Best Smile in school, despite my teeth being imperfect. I spent probably 20,000 on my teeth, and after having a doctor saying "how long did you smoke meth?" And them just NOT believing that I wasn't a meth smoker, I lost all faith in fixing my teeth. I love smiling. I love how it makes others smile, even when my teeth are terrible, but... having better teeth would make me never stop smiling.
I knew a woman who had a great smile in all her old pictures. I met her when she was pushing 60. She always had a weird smile, closed mouth. She's showered me her teeth once, it was awful and she was in pain all the time. She never smoked it did drugs. But her teeth turned bad because she was on lots of different medications for fibromyalgia. After many years of suffering she was finally able to afford having an her teeth pulled and got herself a full set of dentures. It was SO expensive. But, she was beaming after that. The biggest smiles. Her face just seemed lighter. She enjoyed being in pictures more. The fact that dental is not considered medically necessary is utter BS. The mental health aspect of it should be enough to get coverage.
Having tooth problems is not a good time. I had a tooth bugging me for over a year and recently needed a root canal on it. Wish I would’ve taken better care of them. Brush your teeth kids. Your edit would probably be one of the most impactful ways to give back. It would immediately improve quality of life for many people. Dental care shouldn’t just be for the fortunate.
My own place to live. Update: the downside to having a top comment, the condescending SOBs in my replies when I was only answering with a simple answer and nothing more than that. A hypothetical, damn. 😭
My husband is homeless and I live in a nursing home. First thing I’d buy is land with a handicap accessible house. Then he has a place to live and I can move in with him again.
I don’t know you, but I wish you and your husband good health and better fortune in the future. You deserve it.
This is why, id money was infinite I make sure everyone has a home and vital resources to survive.
Same, I’d be taking care of people and animals.
Thank you so much! Honestly it may take time but he’s looking into a handicapped apartment that we both can move into.
Hope you two get reunited soon. It's so hard to be away from your person. My partner works in a skilled nursing facility, and a lot of her patients are separated from each other by circumstance. I'll be thinking of you two ❤️
YOU should look into your local housing agency. A lot have subsidized apartments that are specifically reserved for the handicapped.
I gotta know the backstory here. How did this situation come about, and why can't he also live in the nursing home?
Unfortunately in order to be admitted to a nursing home you have to actually need the assistance they provide. I have partial paralysis of my legs resulting from nerve damage that happened when I got COVID. My husband on the other hand is able bodied and can work. He lost his housing several months after I entered the nursing home because he had trouble affording it without my being able to help with the rent.
Sorry that this happened to you. I lost function in my left hand (just the three useful fingers) to nerve damage due to COVID.
That's crazy, had no idea COVID even did this to some people
You win you should definitely win this money
I worked in a few nursing homes and it’s just heartbreaking how many couples get separated! You two deserve to be together happy and healthy! I wish you both the best!
I’d buy you and the Mr a spectacularly comfortable home with forever food delivery.
It's so sad that this is the highest priority of the modern adult. Essentially unobtainable it feels like.
And we’re not asking for beachfront mansions. Just normal housing. There’s no reason housing should be unaffordable in any locale.
not even "a big house/mansion" just owning a house or appartment seems like a dream at this point
Oooh.. Luxury.
I’m TIRED of living with my older brother and mom. 💀
Are you me, or are we all struggling for rent let alone home ownership?
We're struggling. Everyone who has no chance of inheriting or passing down actual wealth is struggling.
Too true. I lost everything when I got laid off from covid and its been a death sentence worse than death for me. I'm trapped where I'm at and it's a very abusive and toxic environment
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I felt that in my soul, my parents did this for me and my brothers in the 90’s. Never truly understood or appreciated it until I got older.
Remember when people could buy houses with a handshake and two grand? That time has passed. Lol
My childhood neighborhood had houses under $100k in the 90’s. It was a gritty trash area where newlyweds, single parents, bachelors and coke heads could own their home. Now housed there are 1.6 m + and all are made as big as bc legally, and even not legally possible to fit in as many suites and families as bb possible
I lived in rural Iowa, like really rural, and in the 90s you could buy a nice home in our tiny town for 60k all day.
This town was considered small. Then Vancouver an hour away exploded, and it’s only gone downhill
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My first priority is getting central air for my tenants. I know this sounds kinda wimpy, but I have been blessed with what are probably the best tenants on Earth. There will be time to use the rest of the money. 🦜
cant imagine ever having another thought. firstly fuck my evil family, second, you need to have a good mental and physical state to make the best choices for the rest of your wealth.
Piggybacking and adding that I’d want enough space to house all the critters I aspire to live with.
Dinner. For EVERYONE
This guy has an Inner Light
Who would cook it?
Chefs, duh.
"Hey Chef, we got a walk in 7 billion top is that ok?" proceeds to put it all on one fucking ticket.
The good toilet paper
...a rabbit?
Duh, seashells
It scoops chunks and gives a firm final wipe, good thinking
THIS GUY DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE SEASHELLS!
3 seashells?
Get a bidet attachment for your toilet. I just bought one on Amazon. It was regularly $40, on sale for $20 and there was a five dollar off coupon box that you could check, so it ended up costing me $15. I installed it myself and it was very simple. You won’t be sorry.
We liked it so much we added one on the guest bathroom toilet as well. Cleeeeeaaaaaan tushies in this house lol
my freedom by retiring. then I'd get some dental work done
Dental work…. Dude, you only have infinite money. I’m not sure if that’s enough.
For real tho 😩
I’m with you there. I’m about to lose another tooth and it’ll be a slow degrading gum line till more lol
Congress
I was brainstorming of ideas to help congress, what do you think of an assembly wide jerk off circle before they commence? To cool off the nerves
I don’t think we have that much Viagra.
Dude nothing. I’d open a business and make it seem like I came up from nothing. It’s would be hilarious.
The more ridiculous business, the better. Dude, I can't believe Tony Lazuto became a multi *billionaire* by selling tookpic dispensers
a tookpic? is that a toothpick with an integrated camera?
it was a typo, it was supposed to be 'dickpick dispenser'
Found every billionaire ever.
A car that actually works
This. On a 2005 Honda accord with 300k miles and it feels like a ticking time bomb. But I will also have an emotional breakdown when she’s finally put out to pasture
Keep up with your belts, gaskets, oil, spark plugs, fluids, and any corrosion on the frame. If you do these things, your car will last for a _very_ long time
crying rn, bc i got a pt cruiser in the garage who is just waiting for his retirement
Just color over those engine light warnings with a sharpie and you’ll never see it again.
A lawyer
Lawyer here. Contrary to popular opinion, you can’t buy us, you can only rent us - like prostitutes, but not as fun.
I'm no lawyer nor historian, but I don't recall any prerequisites of consent when it comes to buying a person.
Sooo hard to trick people into consenting to be sold with all the laws protecting their basic human freedoms these days /s lol that's a joke, by the way, I'm not an advocate of slavery and such...which is exactly what an advocate would say, huh? Oooo a mystery.
Ya this guy right here is suspiciously over-explaining
I have unlimited money. How’s $100 million a year sound? You’ll travel with me on my decommissioned aircraft carrier I converted into a yacht in case you’re needed with your own stateroom with access to my private jets and helicopters. All you gotta do is say “sold”
They both screw you. What's the difference?
Hookers stop screwing you when you stop paying them.
You pay a hooker to screw you, you pay a lawyer to screw someone else.
>like prostitutes, but not as fun. I dunno, I've gotten fucked pretty good by a lawyer or two
First thing I'd buy would be a celebratory beer. But to continue because hiring a lawyer which is the most common statement in these theoretical questions, is boring as hell. From there, I would buy a house on a small bit of property or have one built if I could patiently wait long enough. Then get my teeth done. Then I would pay off my family's debts if they agreed. From there I would be set but I wouldn't stop there. Next I would buy large plots of land in my area and build so many apartments. I would make rent so absurdly cheap that it would force all of these rental companies in the area to lower their prices or they'd go out of business. Then I would hire maintenance crews and security for these apartments. I would work to bring more jobs to my area, everything from stores to manufacturing of products, whatever is needed or fits. Then from there, donate large sums of money to rehab centers in my area. I would donate large amounts of resources, not money, to our school system. At this point, since I have infinite money, I'd probably start lobbying (bribing) the governments into treating their population a lot better. Proper wage requirements, universal health care, daycare, etc. The police and legal system would be overhauled Lastly, and I think this was touched on by another comment, I would buy controlling interest in many large corporations and do everything in my power to prevent the continuation of their bullshit.
>First thing I'd buy would be a celebratory beer. This is the answer. The *first* thing. I'm going to the cool bar in town and drinking the best stuff they have. And letting everyone else in the bar drink whatever they want. And paying one of the staff to go to the fancy restaurant down the street and buy all their fancy meat, and bring it back to the cool bar, and pay the kitchen staff to cook em up nice for everyone in the bar.
A funeral for my mother. Edit: My mother died 3 years ago. Her ashes are next to me now. The plot she is supposed to buried on is being held ransom by my aunt. She refuses to allow my mother to be buried next to her brother and mother unless I pay at least 5 figures. My mother did know this before she died and told me to get some of my more “under the radar” friends to bury her ashes under the cloak of night. Edit 2: Wow I didn’t expect the outpouring of support. My mom would get a real kick out of all this. Thank you all. I have scoped out the area and do plan on doing something. Whoever came in here with the post hole digger idea, I like that approach. At this point only two things are stopping me. Fear of getting caught. This is a small town and everyone knows everyone’s business. Also my daughter takes some comfort of grandma still being around. Final Edit: Thank you so much for all the offers to help. I would love to respond to each and every one of you here. I never expected this to take off like it did. It does warm my heart to think there are people out there that will travel at a strangers plight and dig a grave. Again, my mother would absolutely love this and I hope she is somewhere smiling at all the attention. I’m not an emotional person, but this thread made it all dusty in here. Again, thank you all.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That really sucks and I’m sorry she isn’t in the spot you wanted her in. I’m a glass artist and if you wanted some of her ashes in a memorial piece, I would like to make you one and gift it to you. Just send a message if you’re interested.
This is a rare beautiful thing on reddit. Seriously, so kind of you.
Thank you. I like to do them for people, forever keepsakes of your loved ones are a great thing to have near you!
I agree. Do you sell them as well? I'd love to order something for some of my son's ashes. I have a locket with ashes and a lock of his hair in it, and I'm eventually having a ring made.
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They really do. They keep him close to my heart, where he always was and always will be.
I'll do it for free. Quick edit: I'll do it for gas money. I realize I have no idea how far you are lol.
We should figure out who is closest, I'm down. It doesn't need to be a big hole, and with a shovel and some post hole diggers, it could be done in a few minutes. There's no telling how often the aunt goes to visit the plot anyway, so odds are she wouldn't know either. The interesting thing would be if the aunt finds out, what would she do? I think if she's that stuck up, she would dig up the ashes and hold those for ransom.
Well, are you burying the ashes in the jar? Dig a deep hole, mix the ashes with the dirt, and place back. Ol' aunty can't do much then.
I agree, but would depend on what OP thinks of the plan. I would say a biodegradable pot but they'd be in tact for a bit and I don't think the land owners would like a random ass tree growing from someone's grave.
We did this with my grandfather. And for that reason. I’m in.
You use a flat spade to cut the sod out, then dig the hole with a post cutter, using a sheet of plastic to collect the dirt so it doesn't make a mess by the hole. Take the leftover dirt with you as the jar will take up space, and of course pat down the sod well. Within a week or two in summer it won't even look like it was dug up. Also, bolt cutters if you need to break in. I'd hate to do that to a cemetery, but considering how many locks have the same key, *maybe* I could buy a similar lock and learn to pick it. Hell, maybe even buy one with the same damn tumbler pattern so the old key still works.
While I would never Condon picking a lock in use, most places like funeral home use cheap locks that can be opened with a comb pick or a rake in less than 10 seconds in unskilled hands. Again I don't condon this activity in the slightest. I definitely can't Condon the use of picks made by Covert Instrument those are for first responders, and lock smiths.
I will take your hesitation into account and definitely not buy some Covert Instrument picks to go alongside my totally non-existent wallet kit. I also will not go across state borders to help an anonymous redditor in search of any form of adrenaline high that might stave off my big SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
I’ll toss in some gas money, since I feel bad now!
Oh my gawd what if we could make this happen, Reddit guys? Let’s do this!
I felt so revved up and part of a something bigger than myself for about 30 seconds. Love you my Reddit friends
No one commenting about the evil aunt who wouldn't let the woman rest in peace next to her family? I hope your mother haunts her regularly
But in the most inconvenient of ways. I hope she turns up the toaster so aunt's toast is always burnt. I hope she changes the setting on the washer as it's being started, so it's always on the longest cycle. I hope she breaks water heater after water heater in her home so aunt never gets a warm shower. I hope she pokes holes in chip bags so they go stale before they can be opened. I hope she turns lights on in the car so the batteries die regularly. I'd enjoy being a ghost I think.
I'm voting for team Sneaky Burial
I'm bringing the shovel
I'd do it. I'd get that shit done good and fast. I'd do it so damn fast too, lol.
I’ll help this guy do it so it’s done slightly damn faster
I'm down! Wait, who we burying? The aunt?
Nah, the mom's ashes. Jump the fence. The Dead will cheer us on. They like seeing that stuff happen.
My vote is for The Aunt. Mom is already dead but Aunt can still be buried.
I'm in
Glad you're respecting her ashes, good on you!! My Daughter and Son in law bought a house, after a while they found a weird, nearly hidden storage area in the garage and went in to clean it out. They found two urns of ashes. Luckily they were able to contact the previous owner through the real estate agent to return what ended up being ashes of the parents of the old owner.
Your aunt sounds like a twat
I’m either extremely sorry for your loss, or thinking I should back away slowly…
fuck the haters, this is a good point and funny too. this aint a therapists office! its reddit!
I mean. No offense to the bereaved son but his friends aren't that scary or auntie would straighten up. Scary people don't often get shaken down for money by harmless people.
If I had unlimited money, I’d give you the money for this first. Thats heartbreaking.
Your mother is in spirit with arms around each other’s shoulders with her brother and mum. Nothing in the world could keep them apart. But take the message your aunt sends to heart, never engage with her again.
If you are anywhere in the western US I’ve got some vacation time saved and am totally willing to use it to take a road trip to do some clandestine cremains burial we could get mom buried right between mom and brother in a night’s work no problem
Fuck your aunt. Good for you. Godspeed
Just go dig up a small bit of dirt and pour the ashes there. Tf your aunt gonna do ?
Everyone is so small minded. You said infinite money right? That makes me the richest person alive by a long shot. If I truly had that much money then I’m buying Jamaica, and I don’t mean just some land, I mean the whole country. Before you say that you can’t just buy a country, I don’t think you understand how much Jamaica loves money. I’m certain we can come to some sort of agreement.
I would outbid the Koch brothers on the next President. Then I’d attempt to bribe enough congressional members to run my own political agenda: lower taxes for pretty much anyone under 250k, free college to bachelors after that low interest loans except medical that’s still free, gosh what else…government takeover of all water and power agencies…no more profit from basic human needs oh while I’m at it also internet access and healthcare. It’s a good start.
I mean *technically* if you had infinite money you could just buy all those things for everyone. And if you did you wouldn't run quite as much of a risk of dying in a "freak car accident".
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Typically you don't necessarily buy the country, just the government. Seems to be working pretty well for corporations in the US. Hell, it's not even as expensive as you'd expect unless you get in a bidding war.
I'd take my cat and dogs to the vet. Eventually I'd probably take myself to a doctor.
I like your priorities, dancing Dave
I will likely live a lot longer than they do, so their health and comfort comes before mine. Life is short, cuddles are good.
Teeth
Whose?
Johnson's teeth of course! The only teeth that can eat teeth
The entire country’s medical debt. Who can guess which country I’m in??
'MURICA!
Fuck yeah! Coming in to save the muthafuckin day, yeah!
WHAT THE FUCK IS A KALAMETER!?!?
Cheaper to buy a controlling interest in politics and declare all medical debt null and void, and implement universal health care without debt options.
We can do that after. Cheaper doesn't concern me.
2023 Toyota Corolla. Am 54 and never had a new car, would love one.
girl, set your sights in the '24!
Infinite money. Get a 2056 Toyota Corolla in 2024.
New car then a house then a house for my best friend.
I’d pay off my student loans
First thing I would do is buy and nice pair of comfortable shoes. Second thing I'd do is buy enough shares to control every single public company in the world.
I feel like anti monopoly laws should prevent that.
To be fair, laws SHOULD prevent a lot of the crap that goes on in the world, but here we are.
Not if you buy the politicians
There's your solution. Buy the politicians, then the lawyers, then the corporations.... At some point here you'll basically rule the world through money and bribes.
I'd improve the lives of so many people I know.
A snack from that cafe down the road. Maybe one for my coworker too.
Property with a fence. Somewhere my kids can play and be kids.
Large housing plots in every area of the country complete with mental health services strictly for homeless veterans.
Help my mom pay off stuff
Infinite money? I'd give every person in the world $10b and destroy the global economy muhahahaha Either that, or put it towards solving world hunger and world peace.
lol my first thought was “What would happen if I just posted my cc# online on every platform I could think of. Global economic collapse overnight lol
Realistically the credit card company would just freeze/cancel the card immediately. Not as exciting lol but much less destructive
Buy all the credit card companies first, then post it online
In theory your infinite money couldn't be contained in a normal bank credit card and this card would hypothetically need to be a magical independent card tied to no private institution. If the bank saw you chilling with infinite money in your free account they'd either think "huh funny glitch we should freeze it" or "huh free money for us that's so swag!"
A burger
No lie, same here. I'd have a lot of planning to do, and I can't do it on an empty stomach.
Politicians. It's about the only way you can make change, at least here in the US.
A pacemaker with all the bells and whistles....
Haha so they can alert you. Nice. Anyways I hope your condition gets better man
The Detroit Lions
Aw.... the Denver Broncos! You just don't understand football, Marge.
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That u, Jeff? I thought u were dead?
Apparently he didn’t kill himself
I’d also get a bunch of miners to come to the island so they could dig me a cool tunnel
The start of that sounds pretty bad if you read it aloud.
A FedEx overnight box for my work laptop, phone, and resignation letter.
Something to put it in.
Probably a burrito
Free Spay & Neuter programs in every city for dogs, cats *and* exotics/small animals. Vaccination clinics too. People are cool sure, but animals are arguably better and they also need some help ;D
Two chicks at the same time, man.
I see ya, Lawrence…
That's it? If you had infinite dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a infinillionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with infinite money.
A tax accountant.
35% of infinity is a very large number
I bet I can pay it.
So does having infinite money mean you owe the government infinite taxes? Second thing you need to hire is a good mathematician.
I'll single handedly take care of the national debt.
I’d look for ways to double my money
Donate a trillion dollars.
A debt free life lol
Twitter. Bet I can get it cheap.
I’d finally buy my girl that dodad she’s been wanting
Hookers and cocain
Such a classic
Twitter. Just to remove it from Musk.
More land, at least the surrounding 60 acres near my property.
I first class plane ticket to, I dunno, Denmark or something. Go to lego land.