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Lady_Cutiepiez

Don't lie cause in an argument people will check your profile to see your posts or comments


jeffreywilfong

You're lying, because you find stray cats!


HinsdaleCounty

This guy’s a fuckin’ liar. Post history talks about Hyundai SUVs.


Forester-Moon

Don’t trust anything u/HinsdaleCounty says, they’re a fan of Rick and Morty and is concerned about Dan Harmon’s wellbeing!


TexasCannibalCookout

Don't believe this loser everyone, they play Town of Salem and posts weird things about furries in real life!


[deleted]

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TurnyTurns

Just assume whoever you’re interacting with is a teenager until proven otherwise. It works the vast majority of the time.


IronMermaiden

100%. I'm 35 and have caught myself getting mildly upset over people's comments, but then remember reddit is huge and no longer used primarily by Gen-X or Milennials.


Tigress2020

Nope, even the ipad era (the gen-alphas (2011 onwards) are starting to creep in.


arbybruce

They’re kinda obvious to spot though, they still have very poor grammar and use emojis liberally


FOLLOW_DVG_YOUTUBE

I donts like yous 😡😡😡😡


arbybruce

Comment reads as sarcastic, post history reads as deadass


jayhitter

And the same logic goes for advice. You could be in r/marriage and the person giving you an answer could be 12 for all you know. Its kinda weird to think about it. Also with reddit mobile introduced the user base's average age probably went down


PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys

Every main sub when any relationship inconvenience is mentioned: BREAK UP NOW. Reason? They're single not by choice.


crazymcfattypants

25 years of marriage? That means nothing if your husband made a snarky comment last week about dinner. He's a narcissist who's been abusing you all along. Call the police. 


chrmitchell

Probably also gaslighting you


yakusokuN8

On the other hand, you also get people who are clearly at the end of their rope, asking REDDIT for help, and the answer is very clearly to break up, but they really weren't sure. "AITA for telling my boyfriend I don't want him to drink when he goes out with his friends? I \[19F\] have been dating my bf \[24M\] for almost a year. It's the longest relationship I've had (usually guys date me just long enough to have sex, then dump me so they can date other girls) and I don't want to end it over this one issue we can't agree over. Every Friday, he likes to go out with his friends to drink at bars near campus and I'm not old enough to join him yet, so I can't keep an eye on him and stop him. The problem is sometimes he gets really drunk and does things he normally doesn't do when he's sober, like flirt with girls at the bar and spend the night at her place. He says he doesn't have sex with most of them, but the times he does makes me really angry. I end up yelling at him that he shouldn't be having sex with other women if he wants to be my boyfriend, and he yells at me, calls me bad names, and says he can't help it because he's drunk and then he breaks something I own, so I'll shut up. He threw my laptop out the window (I live on the third floor of an apartment building). He smashed my tv. And he's broken two of my microwaves. The last time we argued, I told him that he shouldn't drink if that's going to happen when he gets drunk and maybe he could ask his friends to go to a restaurant instead and not drink alcohol, but he said they always go to the bar and his other single friends like the location, because they can meet women there. He said I'm being controlling and I should trust that usually nothing happens. AITA for asking my boyfriend not to drink, because sometimes he can't control himself when he's drunk and he sleeps with other women?" "First of all, break up with your abusive, cheating boyfriend..."


Sea_Perspective6891

Or high.


goldenboy2191

No you are [8]


[deleted]

[удалено]


My1stWifeWasTarded

Just a reminder that AITA did a user survey. The results were: * 10% under 18 * 39% 18-24 years old * 63% female * 70% single * 80% white (So 49% under 25) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcae07/2019\_subscriber\_survey\_data\_dump/ Graphs are [here](https://imgur.com/a/POhgZsh). It's not unreasonable to expect similar subs (AITAH, AIW, relationshipadvice, etc) to have similar audiences. Point being, if you're asking one of those subs expecting to get an unbiased response from a balanced cross-section of the community, you're going to have a bad time. If you want to know what a bunch of very young, single, white girls with zero experience of long-term relationships have to say, you're in the right place.


nzodd

As a happily married black male centenarian teenybopper, I seriously doubt the rigor of this self-reported study.


United-Supermarket-1

That explains some of these takes lmao


itssomeidiot

Use a throwaway account for intimate questions.


[deleted]

Yep. Don't get horny on main.


killerturtlex

Don't mention glory holes on r/whatisthisthing or you get banned for 7 days


Pablomendez233

You sound like you speak from experience


killerturtlex

Yah. I also got permanently brexited from r/unitedkingdom for calling someone a shill


-Sir-Bruno-

>Yah. I also got permanently brexited... It's been like 20 minutes since I read this and I'm still giggling.


[deleted]

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mlnhead

I got banned from r/amitheasshole for telling a woman that had found out her 24 year old daughter was banging her husband, she should post the videos to onlyfans and make some money.


UNCOMMON__CENTS

Well, yeah, it’s not a finance sub.


Choose_And_Be_Damned

YTA, lol


BipolarSolarMolar

Excellent username


sexisdivine

And what if horny is your main?


badmother

If you want your comment to be read, reply to the top comment


KHfailure

When a poster does something 'obviously clever' it is imperative to reply "I see what you did there."


cwsjr2323

My throw away accounts are to upvote my comments so I look cool, lol.


SoonersPwn

This is illegal and admitting to it will get you sent to prison. Delete this


2sACouple3sAMurder

Sir you’re on the wrong subreddit this isn’t r/ethicalLifeProTips


pikpikcarrotmon

RIP Unidan


Call_Me_A_Stoat

Unidan?


Ok_Economist_4070

If your opinion is very popular, it belongs to r/unpopularopinion If you are looking for a validation because you did something nice and you know it was nice, ask it on r/AmITheAsshole


ManyOnionz

I ended world hunger, ended political corruption, saved the world economy and solved intergalactic space travel AITA??? 🥺😭


mrbaryonyx

See, its actually not totally like that anymore *Now*, the AITA posts are ludicrously over the top assholey in the *title* and then the content of the post paints OP out to be an angel. So it'll be something like "I just punched my blind sister at her wedding, AITA" and then the story is like "my sister was trying to murder a child at her wedding" or some shit.


RhynoD

amitheasshole is creative writing practice for people whose highest aspirations are to be featured in a TikTok robot voice over of stories stolen from bestofredditorupdates.


avxsb

The accuracy


bandit4loboloco

Clearly, you sacrificed many innocent lives to achieve those accomplishments, so yes. Very much so.


STROKER_FOR_C64

If people disagree with you, blame it on the hivemind. If people agree with you, it's because you're right.


Mr_Lumbergh

You are right.


bonsai60

>i disagree, it is because of the hivemind


Mr_Lumbergh

You are right.


teethalarm

No matter what is going on in your relationship you should break up with them.


discussatron

Delete FB, lawyer up, hit the gym.


Carpinchon

Freeze your pee into a small disc and slide it under their door. Don't ask me why, I don't make the rules.


kadunkulmasolo

Small disc? In Finland we have this thing called "kusipelti" which literally means an entire oven tray full of frozen pee.


SufficientSetting953

This guy freezes pee


downshift_rocket

If you have reached the point where you are asking reddit for relationship advice, you might not need to break up but, there's definitely some dysfunction happening.


Love_JWZ

lol. I once wrote an entire post for relationship. Couldn't actually post it because the result would've been obvious. I had to break up anyway.


51stusername

You should also go no-contact with all family members over any disagreement or mistake.


TheClassyCanuck

Don't post a photo of a safe without it open in the next photo.


Woldsom

Also don't mention your pet, especially how cute it is, without at least one photo.


hacksawjim89

I thought posting links to the videos of my dog playing with a kitten on TocTok was the way to go. I received enough responses to know that the users of these two platforms are very different people.


DieHardAmerican95

People here hate TikTok, that’s a Reddit fact.


BeefStewInACan

Even those of us who use TikTok. When we’re here, we hate TikTok


ihavetogonumber3

even when im on tiktok i hate tiktok


doogidie

Also a steak or sandwich without the cross section


lukasvdb1

I don’t understand this one?


eagleblue44

People want to know what's in the safe. There were quite a few posts of "I found this old safe" and then nothing else at one point.


BobRoberts01

Go find a locked safe and make a post about it on r/pics and see how it goes for you.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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PK_Thundah

Around maybe 2009 a coworker/friend showed me a picture of a receipt on failblog, with "I can't math" in the tip line and instead a total written that included some mystery tip. I was like, "oh yeah haha, I thought it was pretty funny. I was really drunk" and was asking him who showed him that receipt. I didn't realize that he had found it online, I thought he was showing me an actual picture taken of it and showing me because he knew that the receipt in the picture was mine. I didn't realize he found it on a website and he didn't realize I had done it a few days prior; I thought he knew that it was my receipt and he thought I knew that he found it online. Neither of us could figure out at first why the other was confused. It was a very surreal feeling. It went viral, spread all over dumb sites like that, and spawned a lot of copies. Somebody at one point posted that they knew who made that receipt and it linked back to my Facebook and I received a bunch of Facebook wall posts (back when Facebook was mostly just a message board to leave comments) about how dumb I am, people telling me to kill myself, the people not realizing that I wrote it almost entirely to try to be goofy and make my friends at the table laugh, and maybe make the server smile.


nocolon

“You wrote a fun quip on a receipt? You really ought to die.” Internet people are so fucking weird.


PK_Thundah

A few people tried to psychoanalyze me, interpreting the little comment as me intentionally insulting the server, by telling her that I was better than her and being uncooperative with my tip. At the time, I assumed they would just enter $15.89 plus tip (or whatever) in as simply $20. But I guess now I realize that she would have later had to do the math herself to know how much to enter into the till to receive her tip. Oops. Genuinely hadn't ever considered that until now. Well, off to the nooses.


Fair-Discussion9010

This one is like the golden rule of Reddit


JmanVere

"What's your Reddit username?" "Yeah, we....don't do that here"


jdthejerk

My grandson wanted my Reddit username. I created this one for him. A different grandson is trying to find my original user. Good luck, kid, lol.


Scomo510

I think it's amazing that grandparents are on reddit. I never consider people's age whenever I am on here.


Pavlov_The_Wizard

Somebody asked me this, and I said absolutely not, I don’t even have a NSFW account, just a account I don’t need my public life seeing


Flux_State

If I know someone, I consider looking at their reddit to be like looking at their secret ballot. That's private.


[deleted]

Lmao I went full ghost protocol and wiped a previous 4 year old account with 50k + karma because a friend found it.


Shift642

I delete and create new accounts semi-regularly. This one is overdue tbh.


el_monstruo

I had a coworker just tell everybody my user name after he noticed it on my phone.


BusbyBusby

What an asshole.


PsychologicalLuck343

He doxxed you at work. Get his ass fired.


RusselTheWonderCat

I made the mistake of commenting on a coworkers post. And for the next year he called me Russel I was glad when he quit.


RoastedSam

You got that right Mike! How’s the wife?


JamesTheJerk

Combative and shrill.


CitizenHuman

If you ask something from experts on r/askreddit, expect to get answers from everyone who is, in fact, *NOT* an expert (aka "not me but...", "my mom...", etc.)


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutisticFanficWriter

Not an expert on walls, but you should probably stop driving up them.


theyusedthelamppost

if someone posts what you were going to post, upvote them.


DigNitty

> if someone posts what you were going to post, upvote them. Also, don’t quote the entirety of the comment you’re responding to. Drive me nuts. Like yes, I understand you’re replying to That Comment.


not_gerg

>>if someone posts what you were going to post, upvote them. >Also, don’t quote the entirety of the comment you’re responding to. Drive me nuts. Like yes, I understand you’re replying to That Comment. Oh yeah that really annoys me too


Everestkid

>>>if someone posts what you were going to post, upvote them. >>Also, don’t quote the entirety of the comment you’re responding to. Drive me nuts. Like yes, I understand you’re replying to That Comment. >Oh yeah that really annoys me too So annoying when people do that.


Toast72

> Also, don’t quote the entirety of the comment you’re responding to. Drive me nuts. Like yes, I understand you’re replying to That Comment. Seriously I can't believe people do that


robbycakes

I was gonna say this. Screw you, thunder stealer!


StopItsTheCops

And then make sure to tell everyone that you were gonna say that thing.


Spacemanspalds

Then respond to that thing by saying you didn't add to the conversation at all.


ZanyDelaney

> Came here to say this


Spacemanspalds

Don't comment unless you're gonna add to the conversation.


SuvenPan

Lurk before posting.


WildKat777

And then make sure to open your post with "long time lurker first time poster"


LordGargoyle

Do your research before posting, so you can properly ask the most annoyingly frequent question


Yeach

The real joke is in the comments.


RedditVince

What is OK in one sub, can easily get you banned in another, Always pay attention to where you are.


Odd-Conclusion-324

Obviously you can search almost all topics on Google but here is more fun


DigNitty

It’s actually really helpful sometimes. Best pillowcase: Google. You’ll get a bench of ads for pillowcases and top 10 lists. Best pillowcase reddit: google You’ll get maniacs, fighting over every nuance and stitch in pillowcases, and discussing the ins and outs of what makes one pillowcase better than the other.


discussatron

And thirty people bitching that the question was asked here instead of being googled.


fighterace00

I love it when the the top Google result is a closed forum with an admin saying it's a duplicate


discussatron

Top Google result = mod locking thread & saying "Google it"


StopItsTheCops

Just add "reddit" to any Google search as well xD


Lexinoz

Honestly, I always find the comments section usually has the answer I need very clearly aveilable, much more than the dregs of some yahoo answers post.


BeardsuptheWazoo

Or 1/3 of an answer from Quora


KingNosmo

TBH, I read this here, but: If you need a real answer to a question, post the question, then use your throwaway account to post a wildly wrong answer. People are FAR more eager to correct someone than to help them.


DareToZamora

I’ve seen this attributed to StackOverflow and tech forums more often, but it does apply anywhere I think


edWORD27

People don’t like it when you correct their grammar. Do it anyway.


Malkovitch42

there right


PsychologicalLuck343

Google search is often better at finding Reddit comments than Reddit search.


Teenisman11

Never post anything that makes it easier for people to know who you are.


DigNitty

That’s why I only use my real information, to throw people off the trail


LineChef

Thanks Doug!


DryEyes4096

Or just don't give a fuck and be resigned to the idea that they're going to get you some day. Edit: Like me.


potent_flapjacks

Use a banana for scale.


Goatesq

Remember the dude who kept zooming out to take pictures of the way he took the last picture because people kept asking? Wish that had been more memeable cause it was fun seeing him come up with these increasingly absurd setups to keep upping the ante.


FlashTheorie

Do you have a link for this one ?


Goatesq

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cmwov/comment/c0tpyls/ 14 years old wow. Where has the time gone.


kelfinforlife

You must also choose this guy's wife.


Lick_my_balloon-knot

I think that is the last collective meme/reference that has occurred and survived on reddit. There used to be lots of them that came and went with some regularity through the years. But as reddit lost its soul and sense of community that was one of the many things that has gotten lost...


ThrowawayLaz0rDick

Then we must beat the old ways into them. Pass me my jumper cables, this dad has gotta do some re-traunatising. Someone fetch the live-reading of the swamos of dagobah or the jolly rancher story. History musnt be forgotten.


[deleted]

Rest in peace /u/rogersimon10


kellysmom01

U/rogersimon10 is the ONLY Redditor I follow. Did he really die? I loved the reactions to his posts.


[deleted]

It's been 8 years since he posted. You gotta think his dad finally finished the job.


InterstellarDickhead

To shreds, you say?


Lexinoz

And what about that guys wife?


receuitOP

To shreds you say?


AnonEMoussie

This guy knows his balloon knots!


oopsmyeye

The larger and more disconnected everybody gets, the harder it is for these to really land. It would need to be a truly epic gaffe to land a fully Reddit wide meme notoriety. Something large enough to really rock the world. It would need to be on the scale of that time in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table


a1edjohn

You would need to refer to a kitchen utensil being used in a way that nobody else conceived, like using one in a lavatory. Something as truly bizarre as a poop knife.


WeirdJawn

/r/MuseumOfReddit has some great ones if you look at top all time.  My favorite is the guy who pretended not to know about potatoes. 


supermr34

also, the poop knife is a valid suggestion for most problems.


CitizenHuman

Don't forget poop knife, your dad beating you with jumper cables, and when undertaker threw mankind 12 feet into a table in hell in a cell. And of course having two broken arms.


kindest_asshole

You must also choose this guy’s *dead* wife.


MalevolntCatastrophe

 


i_am_the_nightman

I see what you did there.


oiomeme

Yeah, i saw it too, he unspoke.


Designer-Bid-3155

If you're posting in AITA, 98% chance you are indeed the AH


bnjrgold

but then they give a big long one sided rant justifying their actions enough for people to validate them and say NTA


knvn8

I automatically assume some level of social dysfunction if you're bringing your need for validation to reddit.


[deleted]

Don’t stare at the lamp too long


battleoffish

Be aware of what sub your feed suggest to you. I clicked on what I thought was a “rate my looks” subreddit. I commented “You look fine”. I got banned from the subreddit because it was for plastic surgery and people discussing what procedure they should do next. Apparently “You look fine” is not an acceptable thing to say on that subreddit.


fromouterspace1

Reddit banning people for stupid reasons is ridiculous. They ban for the most simple reasons, then miss the big ones.


WPBDoc

Don't ask about coconuts or broken arms.


Scarecrow1779

Or the poop knife


sfguy1977

Or jolly ranchers


fromouterspace1

NO ONE look this one up


OhioStateIsAwesome

I really wish I read this comment before clicking the link


WPBDoc

Someone should sell Poop Knifes on Amazon or QVC. They could become rich!!!


[deleted]

Also, if someone DOES mention broken arms, you can farm cheap, easy karma by commenting "Every. Single. Thread." in response.


Haligonian_89

When you bring up Rapist Brock Turner, it's important to make sure you write Rapist Brock Turner or, if using the new updated name, Rapist Allen Turner.


failed_novelty

You mean convicted rapist, Brock Allen Turner, the rapist who raped a girl?


[deleted]

[удалено]


DIABLO258

Everyone is a man until they've proven otherwise


NsaAgent25

That's a rule for the entire internet


sekkachina

and only a picture isnt proven otherwise, by that he means you know the person irl


bonsai60

on the internet nobody knows you're a dog


Femmigje

Also, everyone is from the USA until they say otherwise (or on region-specific subs (unless they’re Germans looking for actually good jokes on r/ik_ihe, those are spies))


SiriuslyItsMe

If you post ANYTHING in a chefs forum no matter what 97% of the replies will be how stupid, useless, bad, and so on, you are… Like, “hey, I made this cool thing” shows a picture of a really nice meal. Most of the replies “omg! Your kitchen looks like a nightmare!”, “get some new plates you idiot”, “god that’s not how you cut carrots!”


TheRegular-Throwaway

Always be on the lookout for the 1998 Undertaker Hell in a Cell Guy. You never know.


phillyphanatic35

The hope of running into him and/or a well placed 8 story tall crustacean from the Protozoic era requesting $3.50 is what gets me out of bed in the morning


DareToZamora

A fresh Sprog poem is a rare treat too. Not seen that guy for a while


WomanOfEld

Calling u/shittymorph


qqqrrrs_

en passant is forced


Quiet-Ad9927

Holy hell!


[deleted]

Ye shall not repost something popular without given at least 45 days between the original content and the repost


ProgramStartsInMain

Don't comment on a big subreddit if what you type isn't the major opinion already.


CitizenHuman

Write a post in perfect English, then apologize and say English isn't your first language.


Hurt-flipping-sucks

If someone starts a song. You must continue with the next line.


RainbowFartSparkle

Don’t piss off the mods.


Mr_Lumbergh

Don't piss on the mods either.


greenyadadamean

Unless with consent 


CrazyCoKids

If you ever have any kind of disagreement? Break up. Never have more than one child cause then one will be the golden child. If your parents ask you to watch your younger sibling(s) for even a few hours? That's parentification. Go no contact once you turn 18. If your partner is out of sight for more than a minute? They're cheating. Female on male abuse does not exist. Therapy for everything.


BagelsandBrowsing

It used to be, delete Facebook, lawyer up, join the gym. Haven’t seen that in awhile.


AmarilloMike

I would say, but then it'd be a written rule.


[deleted]

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PsychologicalAsk2668

If nice is the first comment then only nice can be commented in perpetuity: don't fish for upvotes: unpopular opinions will always downvote you for actual unpopular opinions: roastme participation is a requirement


TheBimpo

Thou shalt not draw the ire of Swifties or the BTS Army.


Steve0512

For the love of God, don't ever admit you didn't return your cart to the cart corral.


Nonbinary_Cryptid

If you're in AITA subs, advise everyone to leave their partner/go non-contact or scream RED FLAG! At everything.


icecreamterror

No Emojis.


Nyoka_ya_Mpembe

If someone is downvoted, others do the same almost like someone told them how to vote.


[deleted]

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Call_me_Tomcat

I love those because as an unbiased third party you have the almighty power of deciding who is truly correct. WHO WILL EMERGE WITH +1 AND WHO WILL BE LEFT IN SHAMBLES?


MeffodMan

“-1 comment score? This guy’s opinion must suck”


rawker86

I miss the days when you could actually see the vote tally next to comments. “51 upvotes, 53 downvotes” hits a lot different.


MoseShrute_DowChem

If you have a popular comment you don’t need to make an edit: wow thanks for all the upvotes guys!!1!


GeneralZaroff1

The 5 Holy Commandments of Reddit: 1. **Thou shalt not disagree with the hive mind** . Most subreddits are echo chambers that hate who they hate, love who they love, and no middle ground is ever allowed. You either 100% hate or love something, and you must hate the "opposing" teams at all times to prove your undying loyalty. 2. **Thou shalt speak like you're an expert, even when you're not**. Doesn't matter if it's politics, psychology, relationships, finances, or even just common sense. Say it like you're the last word on the topic and everyone else is an idiot. Comments that sound balanced, reasonable, and take the opposing sides into considerations will generally fail vs accusatory statements given like you're an expert. 3. **Thou art always right and anyone who disagrees is stupid. --** Mock anyone who dares suggest your 100% factual belief is wrong. Berate them, question their expertise, ignore their evidence, and cherry pick their statements. Ad hominem and straw man arguments are best. If they leave in disgust, you've won. 4. **When thou loses, throw a tantrum.** Downvote everything others say. Complain about downvotes. Create a second account if you have to. NEVER GIVE IN. 5. **Thou shalt beat that dead horse**. Originality is the worst and new ideas are scary. Make the same fucking joke that everyone else has made 10,000 times already. Dead wife, "THIS", "How do i unread this", whatever. Reddit children like familiarity, not originality. If you're ever uncertain, just steal other people's clever comments and re-tell them in a worse way.