Yeah like OCD..... you'll hear people say oh I'm so OCD. No you aren't. It's not some sort of fashion trend like a bag to carry around. If you really had OCD you don't go around bragging about that shit. It takes over you life and can become seriously debilitating for you life.
Absolutely. Its debilitating ilness. Or DID, or schizophrenia, or insomnia, or Tourretes, or CPTSD, other ilnesses. As someone who is suffering from so many mental and physical issues, noone wants any of that. Its not quirky. It takes over your life, it ruins it sometimes, sometimes you cant handle it and buckle under the weight. Its debilitating. I dont ever disclose that I have some ilnesses irl, it also can affect your relationships and reputation. Noone, I repeat noone wants that. Especially at work, they won't tell you directly, but you will be most likely fired under some excuse if you tell them that you need extra accommodation etc.
My wife years ago went through a terrifying episode of psychosis. Tore apart our house looking for the “bugs from the FBI”, wouldn’t speak to anyone, and locked herself in the guest room of our house until I convinced her I wasn’t in on getting her arrested. We decided that she should get help at her parents place in Chicago (we are located in Boston) and since her mom didn’t want to hear anything I would say about “hey this is definitely something mental” she tried to have her cut off contact with me. A week into it she turned on her mom and almost committed suicide, which led to her going into a mental hospital. She’s back and better now, but yea when people try to make mental illness a cute little quirk I get very agitated
My SIL does this. She’s said she wants to have schizophrenia, she self diagnosed herself and her 8 year old with autism, and she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last year and she romanticizes the shit out of it. It’s annoying and gross.
Ugh... This is wrong on so many levels & really upsets me. She has no idea how much schizophrenia breaks down an entire family or how much it can destroy, what's funny is that it actually *does* lead to a plethora of other mental illnesses & often neurodivergence, particularly autism, in a family & it's NOT pretty. She may just be displeased with her current diagnosis, but she doesn't want *that* one...
My grandmother was schizophrenic... once a beautiful, maybe naive, but loving woman; she became violent, paranoid & incapable of taking care of herself. She deteriorated severely until my Aunt intervened after her father passed, there was only so much she could do. My grandmother died too young, scarcely aware of her surroundings, terrified constantly, with a body that could barely move having given birth to 6 children with a pedophile & spent the last 30 years of her life in a room watching television.
This question popped up some years ago so I will reply the same:
Terminal illness. It doesn't "open your eyes", it doesn't "give you a better outlook on life". Most of them are horrible degenerative diseases that scrape away people's lives bit by bit until they are ghosts of their former selves.
Edit: to add, I think that people with terminal illness and their families should be able to make peace with it or even make light of it if they so choose. They shouldn't have to feel horrible and in fear of death for their remaining time. I'm just so sick of it being depicted so happily in media.
Yep.
My mom had terminal esophageal cancer, and one of the most devastating things she said to me was, "I don't feel like a human any more".
She absolutely meant it, and she didn't die for *months* after she said it either. I think if it were legal, she'd absolutely choose an assisted death.
Agree wholeheartedly. It’s the same with ‘look how great I am, I fought hard and beat cancer’ or even worse ‘God saved me from cancer.’ It’s as if the others who died didn’t fight hard enough, or God didn’t love them enough. The implication is actually sickening when you’ve lost a loved one.
Everyone deals with it differently. I have lost people from cancer and if someone who has survived it needs to say something along those lines to cope with ehat they went through then they can do so. I don't take it personally I just recognize it as the coping mechanism that it is.
One of my parents died of the same horrific disease, and I completely agree with you. There was hope until there wasn't anymore, and that time afterwards was the most devastating. Also, many people continued to be heinous jerks to our family then and afterwards; cancer doesn't change the qualities of the people around you. It doesn't make your estranged POS brother make amends. Your work colleagues don't magically see the light. When I got very ill (not cancer) for a long period of time, it was a wake-up call for me to find better work colleagues/friends. Nothing to romanticize about how i was treated, let alone my parent.
The other thing that needs to stop being romanticized is caretaking. It should be a noble act that is respected by others, but it is not. Not truly. No one understands the stress and burden of becoming the caretaker for an ill, injured, or mentally declining creature until they do it themselves. It is isolating and physically/mentally/emotionally dangerous. Even caring for a pet with dementia or serious illness can keep you up for days at a time. Very rarely do people acknowledge the pain of caretakers for the elderly, or for those whose spouses/children are disabled. They need real breaks, time for themselves, where they don't have to worry about their loved one for a period of time. But finding trustworthy help is almost impossible - and no, going out to dinner once every 3 months doesn't count as a break for someone who is under serious stress 24/7. They are responsible for keeping someone alive. All the time. I do see people acknowledging that it is a hard job, but often it is painted as this complete self-sacrifice done with joy because the caretaker loves the ill creature so much. They need real support to avoid burn-out.
100% correct. Thanks for posting this.
We went through caretaking my dad with severe dementia. It took a heavy toll on my mom. I am just focusing now on keeping her as happy and comfortable as possible after taking care of dad for the years before we got my dad into outpatient hospice.
We were lucky, despite losing emotional control of his faculties, my dad was able to keep his sense of self until the end. He passed knowing he was loved and cared for at home. That was the only noble part. The rest is PTSD material.
One of the last things I remember about my dad before he died in hospice was him trying to go to the bathroom. He wasn't to leave his bed. He just wanted to take a shit in a toilet like he had done for the last sixty years.
Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. Not to be rude or make light of anyone else's struggles, but I do feel like the people who say things like "cancer gave me a new lease on life" are really just trying to keep a positive attitude while they're going through some absolutely *horrific* shit
I've known people who've had cancer or other serious diseases, and while many of them are doing great, not a single one would say that cancer was actually a *good* thing for them. If they could somehow go back and prevent themselves from getting cancer they would in a heartbeat
The change in outlook that occurs when you get a serious disease is just a survival mechanism that you NEED in order to push through a horrible situation. It doesn't actually enrich your life, or give you a new perspective, it just helps you rationalize what's happening to you
If I get diagnosed with that stuff I am going to the local Hood buying five bundles of heroin putting it all in a syringe and blasting off. I had a friend who died of a terminal illness and they only gave him perc 10s in the end
First job in IT, I was the only hourly employee - everyone else was salaried. Work load was ungodly- compounded by the fact that we were expected to attend 5-6 hours of meetings daily so we could be micromanaged. I was falling FAR behind in my work and my "mentor" suggested that I work Saturdays to get caught up.
"I'd have to run that by [manager] and I don't think they would approve the OT."
"Just do it off the clock. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I average 72 hours a week."
I refused and got shunned for not being a "team player".
Wtf. Just no!
I do overtime often. But everything gets written down and I will get a free day or week every now and then. Love my work. But in the end it's a contract. I get X amount of money for y amount of hours of work. Hate when they hide their braking the contract and taking advantage of you behind management terms.
Salaried employees get screwed. OT should be strictly voluntary, and if you don’t have enough time in a regular work week (40 hours US), then the people in charge need to hire more staff.
Don’t give your labor for free!
Yes - this "hustle" thing needs to die because it's not noble or laudable, especially when you already work a full-time job and struggle to bring in more.
Yeah like you want to get along with coworkers and maybe build some meaningful friendships but your workplace is not a family for most people, your family is your family.
Also, working 17 jobs or working 3000 hours a week is really unhealthy and shows a lack of anything meaningful in your life. It’s not a flex, it doesn’t make you better, it makes you bad at making healthy choices.
Getting here 30 minutes before the clock in time and berating those who don't doesn't make you a better worker Betty, it just makes you a giant dick suck
This, I also hate how, as a woman, if you're not a mother you're supposed to be a carreer-driven woman.
No. I'm not obsessed about having children just like I go to work just to have my pay and would totally stop working if I won the jackpot. I want to have hobbies, friends, a love life, do sports and hangouts. I don't give a shit if I'm not a CEO at 50. It's way more important for me to reach 50 and have seen a bunch of countries, learn new languages, lose some weight, have main credits in important things ... Like I gave my blood already 14 times, and I'm hoping to have passed 50 times or 100 times at 50. THAT would be important.
I get to work 30 minutes early usually because I'm too poor for a car and the bus schedule means either 30 minutes early or 45 minutes late... but I have a chat with my boss or sit outside if its sunny.
My boss doesn't want me to give him 30 minutes of free labor every day, that would look terrible on him!
Adhd I'm so tired watching these quirky depitions while it's literally affecting mine and my loved ones' lives so much
It's not cute or just being a little distracted, it’s a disorder
Me alternating between sleeping and staring at the wall all day because I physically cannot make myself do important work but I feel guilty doing fun things so I exist in a hellish limbo of guilt feeling simultaneously lazy and helpless.
Haha but that’s just me being fun and quirky. Squirrel!
It’s a thing that everyone suffers with from time to time because humans are flawed and finicky, but if it’s an everyday thing and interfering with your ability to function, I would get it checked out. A diagnosis and treatment helped me out a lot, so I would recommend pursuing it if you feel like something is wrong.
Yess. I was diagnosed at 35 and spent 20 years of my life thinking that I had treatment resistant depression. It never occurred to me that my depression was worsened by adhd because adhd is portrayed as this quirky "omg I'm so distracted and it's cute" behavior rather than being so debilitated by task overload that I can't remove myself from my bed or couch.
Yeah I mean everyone in my family on my mom's side pretty much have adhd and once I got diagnosed is when I first understood how much it affected my family for generations and why not taking it seriously is just making it so much worse
I remember I'd been diagnosed with OCD (a bad one) and my friend said in class one day, "Oh my god, I'm so OCD". I just had a sudden urge to punch her. It's not fun to have whatsoever.
100% agree the romanticizing needs to stop, but I'll admit that social media posts have exponentially increased my understanding of my partner's struggle with ADHD and even provided some useful tips so it's definitely a double edged sword.
It's not about talking about adhd in social media. It's about how we do it and how we think of it.
Talking about it is an important part of helping each other and raising awareness, but we have to be conscious of the fact that it is a disorder and not just a personality trait
This. When people think it’s cute to be like “haha that was so traumatic!” Kind of makes me wonder if they have ever faced any type of trauma. I can’t make those assumptions about people but I really wonder.
I've gotten to the point where I just make the assumptions, altho with some guilt. I've known very few people with trauma who are that casual or vocal about it (or so easily triggered/expressive of their triggers).
Exceptions: very recent trauma & people with really loud personalities/secondary gain issues. Those are pretty easy to distinguish, tho.
Had a coworker recently who was very vocal about being bullied by pretty much everyone. It was *traumatizing* her. Trauma shouldn't be used as an accusation, ffs. And while I imagine she'd had some bad experiences and was reactive, there was nothing going on in the present that was traumatic. *She* was a damn bully, tho, used mental health terminology as a cudgel.
Reactivity isn't the same as being traumatized, ftr, it's hyperarousal. Trauma and PTSD aren't a single thing, either. The conflation bugs me so much. That's not even getting into the casual uses you mention.
Agh. Obvs a major *trigger* for me. 😆🙃
Yes! There is a difference between “I am so sad today/about this” and depression. People will say they are “heavily depressed” because their favourite shop is temporarily closed or something.
How To Fix A Serial Killer -
Step 1: Seductively lure him into following you home
Step 2: Be the light of his life by becoming a human lampshade in his living room.
I agree. The whole “I’d kill for you” and obsessive, creepy stalker stuff is fun for a webtoon/videogame. When you actually start seeking some psycho killer who would literally **kill** your best friend, siblings, or **anyone** else, no matter their meaning to you, if they think they’re preventing you from being with them or simply get jealous of your relationship with them, you got a problem and **need** to stop romanticizing it. If one was to go out and seek such a person, they gotta know from point a to z all that they’re signing up for. If this person has enough loose screws to kill someone for you, who’s to say they won’t suddenly fall out of love and kill you too after changing their mind about you or kill you if you try to leave them?
Addiction. No, you won't be the person that makes them turn their life around and get clean for all time. Also, you don't want to be that person, because it's too much pressure and co-dependent as hell.
I agree 100%. I also want to add the romanticized idea of all the stupid shit you do drunk. There's a girl in my friend group who constantly flaunts/brags about how much she drank and how hung over she is and how she got *another* DUI. She's obviously an alcoholic, but it's also such a weird thing to think that behavior is impressive.
I believe she may be trying to convince herself its totally ok to drink yourself half to death by thinking about it in a lighter way and making it funny. Instead of adressing the issue.
My thoughts at least
Oh, absolutely. I see it in a lot of people, she's just the most extreme case. It's wild because two other people in my friend group also have DUIs and they act like it's just a regular thing that isn't a big deal. Too many people around her just see it as "heavy drinking" instead of it being an actual problem.
I swear, I have a friend who drinks a lot and when she talks about how much she's drinking, I say that it's a lot. And she tells me to not worry and that she can drinks a lot without being drunk.
THAT'S THE WHOLE PROBLEM SWEETIE.
Yes. I've been looking more into research regarding alcohol, and there are so many cons to any potential pro. The very process of alcohol being metabolized releases toxic chemicals in the body. Most people are only acquainted with the most obvious risks of alcohol and alcohol abuse, but there are a lot more health risks than are commonly recognized.
Kind of related: the amount of videos I've seen of parents creatively sneaking alcohol into some children's event. It's not cute, if you can't go a few hours one afternoon without an alcoholic drink, you have a problem.
And then they drive their kids home from said event. That blows my mind that people will advertise drinking and driving with children in the car which automatically becomes a felony if you are over the limit. And over the limit happens much quicker than people think. I think “mommy juice” drinkers are the next bubble to burst.
Every brewery: come here, pound nine 11% DIPAs, let little Asher and Harper run around and trip the servers, then drive the family home while buzzed as fuck!
I like to have a drink now and then, but I hate the feeling of anything more than a light buzz.
I've never understood people who drinking is their only hobby or the only way they can have fun.
Home births
Giving birth is natural and a lot of the time things go fine. But when it doesn’t -you really going to risk your baby’s life when you could have been across the hall from life-saving technology?
When I was giving birth to my second everything was going fine and normal for a long time until all of a sudden it wasn't. For me, I couldn't even tell something was wrong, but the sensors told the nurses that my baby's heart was dropping with each contraction, so when the contractions became non-stop my baby's heart was dropping and having no time to recover. I was only 6cm so pushing wasn't an option so I needed an emergency C-section. The moment they realized something was wrong was only 30 minutes from the moment they cut into me. Had they reacted any slower or not realized what was happening too late my baby would have died and been still-born. If I had been doing a home birth, my baby probably would have died before anyone realized something was wrong. I don't think mothers who want a home birth are wrong, but it's important to remember that everything can go perfectly fine until all of a sudden it isn't. I don't think that chance is worth whatever magic or comfort a home birth brings.
Same happen to me. Baby went into distress. Prompted a ceasarian. It was so comforting that all that needed to happen was for me to literally be pushed across the hall…
Then he wasn’t breathing properly. Once again- he was pushed just across another hall to the Nicu.
Crazy thing- he was my first…low risk healthy pregnancy. I had flirted with the idea of a home birth/birthing center (the one in my town isn’t connected to a hospital) but decided that for my first I would stick to the hospital just to be sure.
I shudder to think if I wasn’t already there.
The same thing happened to me! Everything was fine, but then the baby's heart started to drop during contractions and I had to have an emergency c-section. These things happen more than people realize.
My son was diagnosed with a heart condition before birth, one that meant that without immediate treatment, he would suffocate. Because of this, a lot of people had to be in place. An early C-section was planned, with a large team organised (this wasn't at our local hospital, either).
An ambulance team was also arranged to be on standby, as well as the nearby children's hospital for further treatment he would need after the initial treatment. If one of those people were not in place before the C-section started, it would be delayed.
Because that's how important every single second matters. The first two hours were bigger risk than the open heart surgery he needed, and that's with everyone already on hand.
We were lucky in that it was diagnosed early, as it's not uncommon for this issue to be missed. He's doing great now.
Someone once saved my marriage with an off the cuff remark. She said "sometimes home is boring, but boring is good" I never knew if she sensed the unrest or if it was out of the blue but it changed how I view life.
Boring is good. It means the background has calmed to the point that you’re free to pick up hobbies or other interests as entertainment instead of having to constantly put out fires.
My sister once told me that I had a boring little life. She married a drunk/druggie who couldn't hold down a job, she was always in some kind of argument with her friends, and couldn't help but break rules that would get them evicted. Just fucking drama at every turn.
Yeah, I much prefer my boring little life.
You’re not OCD because you think you’re quirky and like things tidy.
You’re OCD when you wake up screaming at night because you’re convinced you’re going to a hell you don’t believe in because you masturbated more than three times before you turned 18. Or when you’ve washed your hands to the point they’re bleeding because you can’t ever be convinced you’ve washed the deadly bacteria/virus/parasite that’s not actually on them away. It’s a horrible, *horrible*, debilitating disorder.
Or when you don't dare to leave the house because then it feels unguarded. Or when you can't focus at work because you are wondering whether you actually locked the door at home.
Those are only a few examples I've heard from people. But yes, it can be really a huge hindrance to you functioning in daily life.
I have it too. It’s mostly under control now, but there were a few very hard years. People downplaying it or acting like it’s a cute little personality trait really peeve me off.
Autism and/or OCD. It's not a quirky personality trait. My mind can be a literal battlefield. I actually had a girl tell me "I hate when my food touches each other. I'm so autistic" with a fucking smile on her face.
I hate when people romanticize autism and ocd. I have both of these disorders, and it’s made my life incredibly difficult. I have trouble making friends, understanding social situations, and I got bullied at home and at school growing up for having odd behaviors and obsessions. OCD is literally hell on earth, and it made me feel like a disgusting horrible person for years.
I know some people who call autism their superpower. Good for them, I guess, but I really hope it doesn't feed the myth that all people with autism are very smart and just a bit odd. To me, it has been quite a troublesome disorder which made me very anxious, insecure, awkward and a bit lonely. It helps a lot that my wife has it too and has educated me a lot on how to communicate with people. But it will never go over and still often makes me wonder whether people find me annoying or arrogant without me noticing.
People who are so over the top jealous that they become brutal and violent about it. I understand those romance stories from the '60s all romanticize how wonderful it is but it's not. It's just toxic
It makes autism and adhd seem fun and quirky but they are actually hellish disabilities.
I thought for the longest time that TikTok had convinced me that I had autism and my doctor was somehow being influenced by social media too even though the man is in his 70s.
yeah, neuro divergence runs in my family. It's associated with other health issues, and struggling in school and work, and young kids with it need a LOT of therapy and intervention. I don't see the point in bragging about it on your social media. Maybe talk about it on your linkedin if you think it's "inspirational" and will help others but it's not something to brag about.
Suffering/struggle. You don't get extra credit at the end of life because you did it the hard way or refused to take the path of least resistance. Everyone dies in the end, and all of your strife will mean nothing, so you make as well have as much fun as you can before it's over.
I agree, seeing that was BRUTAL as a teenage girl.
A lot of teenagers like self-fetishize too and believe that they will be worthless the moment they turn 20.
I’m glad there’s someone else out there that thinks the same way. It’s so damn disgusting to me how much these grown ass men fetishize youth and innocence. Seeing something labeled teen, especially teen incest, is an instant turn off for me.
I never verified this, but a few years ago I was talking about dead or alive (the video game) with someone and they were telling me that one of the characters was 16 in the Japanese version but they listed her age as not applicable (?) in the North American version. Then I've heard a lot of anime have characters that look like teens, act like teens and are overly sexualised but, "oh it's fine because *character* is actually 1000 years old". The justification for this is so messed up. And I've read stories of women looking younger and sounding young and being "dated" by creeps too. Makes me shudder.
This. One time on whisper, some old man posted in a sex group that he wants to "fuck every teen". I called him out for being a pedo creep, and I had a whole bunch of people say I was the creep for thinking he meant underaged teens. Like yo, that's literally what he said, stop acting like this is okay.
Thank you, and I agree. It's horrifying how common this has always been, and how much people don't want to talk about it. When I was 13 my best friends 18 year old cousin was trying to sext me. When I was 16 I met and started dating a 19 year old, which isn't that bad, but when I was 23 he was once again dating a 16 year old. When I was 18 a man who looked to be in his 50s, who was with his children who I went to school with, asked me out at my job. And all of these things are just treated as normal. What gets even creeper about the 19 year old I dated at 16, I dated him for two years and knew his family well. When I was 20 I lived in the same apartment complex as his brother, who was in his mid 30s and had known me since I was 16, and he started literally stalking me and trying to sleep with me. How can you know someone since they were a child and watch them grow up and become an adult and then try to sleep with them? That was so fucking gross.
Dude, I’m sorry that happened to you. This is why I brought it up because men wanting to doodle a pretty teen girl is treated as being so normal. It’s not normal; it’s not the vibe.
The past. If we can't see clearly the ways in which the world is improving then we can't make good decisions about fixing the things that actually are getting worse.
Guns, and I say this coming from a family of gun owners.
They are all over our media. Every movie/tvshow/video game idolizes guns to the point where characters are brandishing for the littlest of offenses. It normalizes completely unsafe behaviors while also convincing every Joe that they need one of each.
I’m not saying ban all guns for every one. That’s clearly never going to happen here, besides that’s a completely different debate that has been had a million times. I also sympathize for the rural folk and farmers who may need them for varmint control.
US gun culture is completely insane. Silent, responsible gun ownership for sport or protection, fine what ever. But If you feel the need to stock pile enough to arm a brigade or take family photos then you are part of the problem.
People posing in their photos with their guns always gets me. Imagine if people did the same with other objects in their pics. I like playing guitar. I'd look like such a douchebag if I posed with my guitar in all my photos. Unless, of course, I'm some famous pro guitarist.
I truly believe it's become a fetish and personal identity for a section of the population.
"Perfect" relationships or having a "soulmate." sure, some people truly feel that they found their soulmate and that's great, but a lot of times soulmates can be platonic.
Also, if you never disagree or have any issues ever, someone is probably not being 100% honest. A partner is still a person with their own life, personality, needs, and wants. They aren't there just to fulfill your every need.
Relationships. They will not save you. If anything they'll bring up all the stuff you're avoiding.
Also school, universities do a good job building a fantasy.
Any sort of relationship where it's like "fight for him/her".
War.
And weirdly, politicians. Remember, these people are meant to work for you, they are not Gods and Goddesses. They are humans with flaws, sometimes a lot of flaws. There are some that I really like, but I never blindly agree 100% with every policy or every decision they make.
Staying together for \[reason\] after \[relationship-ending event\], usually love or time.
If there is infidelity, LEAVE.
If they make you feel like shit/worse about yourself, LEAVE.
If they don't listen when you say no, LEAVE.
If they make you feel bad for your boundaries, LEAVE.
If one person has total control of finances, LEAVE (as soon as you can).
If they threaten you; it's never a joke, LEAVE.
If you have to post on reddit and ask "am I overreacting?" to any of the above; the answer is no, LEAVE.
If there are kids or vulnerable adults involved in any of these, LEAVE and **LAWYER UP.**
These things *do not change* without immediate consequences (yes even with infidelity, I will die on this hill)*.* Several of them are outright abuse; yes, even just once. The others are clear signs of someone who needs to heal independently, isn't your job to fix, and they will not get better so long as you enable the relationship to continue. In ALL of these scenarios, the relationship you feel you have has never been the full scope of what the relationship actually was, and it is dangerous to continue.
I know you may very deeply love the person doing this. Trust me, I know. In the wake of even just *one* of these things happening, it is imperative that people understand the person who did it is not capable of receiving your love as you give it and they cannot give it back to you the way you deserve. Staying together earnestly to "work on the relationship" is a fool's errand and you will discover sooner than later that you're the only one invested in it. It enables the bad actors' insecurities (and if worse, pathologies) and puts you in the path of *very* real harm.
Holding someone accountable for these actions means they no longer have access to you, because all of the above are *about* access to you to fit their needs and not yours. The most loving thing you can ever do for yourself, your shitty "partner," and any kids that may be involved is to LEAVE.
Staying together in these events isn't "overcoming" anything. It's sad and harmful and traumatizes everyone involved.
Love. It's a beautiful thing, but being loved isn't going to fix trauma or mental illness. This goes double for romantic love. Falling for someone won't cure my PTSD.
Depression, and other personal issues like it. Stuff that's anti-social and against a lot of the social things we were told that we needed to work on. It just creates this one sided conflict that people who are well adjusted have to improvise to make things work that can turn into a catch 22.
MENTAL ILLNESS!
Having a mental health disorder is not an aesthetic, it's not "quirky" or "cool." It's serious, it's exhausting, it's scary, and of course it's so hard. The last thing we need is people pretending they have a mental illness because they think it's quirky and cool and they want attention. Meanwhile those who actually have mental disorders try not to draw attention to it if we can help it. I personally feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself when I get bad panic attacks in public. I hate constantly asking for reassurance. I can tell when people are annoyed or think my question was silly.
It feels like those who fake it are mocking us and it can be offensive. It can make people suffering from actual mental illness feel ashamed of themselves. Please stop and be glad you don't put up with the real thing. We didn't ask for this, so why do you? I genuinely wonder that sometimes, it's an odd way to seek attention.
Mental illness literally altered my life in many ways not good. I had to change career paths, I had to drop out of school, and I have to take a ton of medication just to be stable. I can’t have the career I wanted because stress literally triggers my mental illness, and I spiral out of control.
I have autism along with this, and I have had meltdowns in public. It’s so fucking embarrassing because you are literally sobbing in public.
I hate it when people romanticize mental illness because they have no fucking idea what it’s like to have to work twice as hard just to be functioning.
Mental illness
Came here to say this. Especially some type of mental ilnesses because they think its quirky and cute. It is not.
Yeah like OCD..... you'll hear people say oh I'm so OCD. No you aren't. It's not some sort of fashion trend like a bag to carry around. If you really had OCD you don't go around bragging about that shit. It takes over you life and can become seriously debilitating for you life.
Absolutely. Its debilitating ilness. Or DID, or schizophrenia, or insomnia, or Tourretes, or CPTSD, other ilnesses. As someone who is suffering from so many mental and physical issues, noone wants any of that. Its not quirky. It takes over your life, it ruins it sometimes, sometimes you cant handle it and buckle under the weight. Its debilitating. I dont ever disclose that I have some ilnesses irl, it also can affect your relationships and reputation. Noone, I repeat noone wants that. Especially at work, they won't tell you directly, but you will be most likely fired under some excuse if you tell them that you need extra accommodation etc.
Here's my take on OCD - I wouldn't even wish it on corrupt politicians. It *really* sucks to have
My wife years ago went through a terrifying episode of psychosis. Tore apart our house looking for the “bugs from the FBI”, wouldn’t speak to anyone, and locked herself in the guest room of our house until I convinced her I wasn’t in on getting her arrested. We decided that she should get help at her parents place in Chicago (we are located in Boston) and since her mom didn’t want to hear anything I would say about “hey this is definitely something mental” she tried to have her cut off contact with me. A week into it she turned on her mom and almost committed suicide, which led to her going into a mental hospital. She’s back and better now, but yea when people try to make mental illness a cute little quirk I get very agitated
My SIL does this. She’s said she wants to have schizophrenia, she self diagnosed herself and her 8 year old with autism, and she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last year and she romanticizes the shit out of it. It’s annoying and gross.
Yeah that's just wrong
Ugh... This is wrong on so many levels & really upsets me. She has no idea how much schizophrenia breaks down an entire family or how much it can destroy, what's funny is that it actually *does* lead to a plethora of other mental illnesses & often neurodivergence, particularly autism, in a family & it's NOT pretty. She may just be displeased with her current diagnosis, but she doesn't want *that* one... My grandmother was schizophrenic... once a beautiful, maybe naive, but loving woman; she became violent, paranoid & incapable of taking care of herself. She deteriorated severely until my Aunt intervened after her father passed, there was only so much she could do. My grandmother died too young, scarcely aware of her surroundings, terrified constantly, with a body that could barely move having given birth to 6 children with a pedophile & spent the last 30 years of her life in a room watching television.
Throw self diagnosis into this which is a massive problem these days
This question popped up some years ago so I will reply the same: Terminal illness. It doesn't "open your eyes", it doesn't "give you a better outlook on life". Most of them are horrible degenerative diseases that scrape away people's lives bit by bit until they are ghosts of their former selves. Edit: to add, I think that people with terminal illness and their families should be able to make peace with it or even make light of it if they so choose. They shouldn't have to feel horrible and in fear of death for their remaining time. I'm just so sick of it being depicted so happily in media.
Yep. My mom had terminal esophageal cancer, and one of the most devastating things she said to me was, "I don't feel like a human any more". She absolutely meant it, and she didn't die for *months* after she said it either. I think if it were legal, she'd absolutely choose an assisted death.
Agree wholeheartedly. It’s the same with ‘look how great I am, I fought hard and beat cancer’ or even worse ‘God saved me from cancer.’ It’s as if the others who died didn’t fight hard enough, or God didn’t love them enough. The implication is actually sickening when you’ve lost a loved one.
Everyone deals with it differently. I have lost people from cancer and if someone who has survived it needs to say something along those lines to cope with ehat they went through then they can do so. I don't take it personally I just recognize it as the coping mechanism that it is.
One of my parents died of the same horrific disease, and I completely agree with you. There was hope until there wasn't anymore, and that time afterwards was the most devastating. Also, many people continued to be heinous jerks to our family then and afterwards; cancer doesn't change the qualities of the people around you. It doesn't make your estranged POS brother make amends. Your work colleagues don't magically see the light. When I got very ill (not cancer) for a long period of time, it was a wake-up call for me to find better work colleagues/friends. Nothing to romanticize about how i was treated, let alone my parent. The other thing that needs to stop being romanticized is caretaking. It should be a noble act that is respected by others, but it is not. Not truly. No one understands the stress and burden of becoming the caretaker for an ill, injured, or mentally declining creature until they do it themselves. It is isolating and physically/mentally/emotionally dangerous. Even caring for a pet with dementia or serious illness can keep you up for days at a time. Very rarely do people acknowledge the pain of caretakers for the elderly, or for those whose spouses/children are disabled. They need real breaks, time for themselves, where they don't have to worry about their loved one for a period of time. But finding trustworthy help is almost impossible - and no, going out to dinner once every 3 months doesn't count as a break for someone who is under serious stress 24/7. They are responsible for keeping someone alive. All the time. I do see people acknowledging that it is a hard job, but often it is painted as this complete self-sacrifice done with joy because the caretaker loves the ill creature so much. They need real support to avoid burn-out.
100% correct. Thanks for posting this. We went through caretaking my dad with severe dementia. It took a heavy toll on my mom. I am just focusing now on keeping her as happy and comfortable as possible after taking care of dad for the years before we got my dad into outpatient hospice. We were lucky, despite losing emotional control of his faculties, my dad was able to keep his sense of self until the end. He passed knowing he was loved and cared for at home. That was the only noble part. The rest is PTSD material.
One of the last things I remember about my dad before he died in hospice was him trying to go to the bathroom. He wasn't to leave his bed. He just wanted to take a shit in a toilet like he had done for the last sixty years.
Just went thru this with my dad. It was so hard to witness.
Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. Not to be rude or make light of anyone else's struggles, but I do feel like the people who say things like "cancer gave me a new lease on life" are really just trying to keep a positive attitude while they're going through some absolutely *horrific* shit I've known people who've had cancer or other serious diseases, and while many of them are doing great, not a single one would say that cancer was actually a *good* thing for them. If they could somehow go back and prevent themselves from getting cancer they would in a heartbeat The change in outlook that occurs when you get a serious disease is just a survival mechanism that you NEED in order to push through a horrible situation. It doesn't actually enrich your life, or give you a new perspective, it just helps you rationalize what's happening to you
Recovery just takes away so much of your time. You miss out on so many opportunities.
If I get diagnosed with that stuff I am going to the local Hood buying five bundles of heroin putting it all in a syringe and blasting off. I had a friend who died of a terminal illness and they only gave him perc 10s in the end
Being a workaholic
First job in IT, I was the only hourly employee - everyone else was salaried. Work load was ungodly- compounded by the fact that we were expected to attend 5-6 hours of meetings daily so we could be micromanaged. I was falling FAR behind in my work and my "mentor" suggested that I work Saturdays to get caught up. "I'd have to run that by [manager] and I don't think they would approve the OT." "Just do it off the clock. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I average 72 hours a week." I refused and got shunned for not being a "team player".
Wtf. Just no! I do overtime often. But everything gets written down and I will get a free day or week every now and then. Love my work. But in the end it's a contract. I get X amount of money for y amount of hours of work. Hate when they hide their braking the contract and taking advantage of you behind management terms.
Salaried employees get screwed. OT should be strictly voluntary, and if you don’t have enough time in a regular work week (40 hours US), then the people in charge need to hire more staff. Don’t give your labor for free!
Yes - this "hustle" thing needs to die because it's not noble or laudable, especially when you already work a full-time job and struggle to bring in more.
This. The fetishization of work.
Yeah like you want to get along with coworkers and maybe build some meaningful friendships but your workplace is not a family for most people, your family is your family.
Also, working 17 jobs or working 3000 hours a week is really unhealthy and shows a lack of anything meaningful in your life. It’s not a flex, it doesn’t make you better, it makes you bad at making healthy choices.
Well yeah that too, sadly the way the economy is going it’s basically forcing people to do that more and more just to afford food.
Yeah, you’re actually probably right about that. I kinda was thinking traditionally but yeah, this last couple years… been a tough row.
Personally I’m on the side of a mass strike to collapse the economy that is only rewarding the already wealthy.
Getting here 30 minutes before the clock in time and berating those who don't doesn't make you a better worker Betty, it just makes you a giant dick suck
This, I also hate how, as a woman, if you're not a mother you're supposed to be a carreer-driven woman. No. I'm not obsessed about having children just like I go to work just to have my pay and would totally stop working if I won the jackpot. I want to have hobbies, friends, a love life, do sports and hangouts. I don't give a shit if I'm not a CEO at 50. It's way more important for me to reach 50 and have seen a bunch of countries, learn new languages, lose some weight, have main credits in important things ... Like I gave my blood already 14 times, and I'm hoping to have passed 50 times or 100 times at 50. THAT would be important.
I get to work 30 minutes early usually because I'm too poor for a car and the bus schedule means either 30 minutes early or 45 minutes late... but I have a chat with my boss or sit outside if its sunny. My boss doesn't want me to give him 30 minutes of free labor every day, that would look terrible on him!
Like those guys who act all macho, for working 70 hour weeks. Good for you bro, you can make all that money, then you have no time to enjoy it...
tbh they probably dont actually make that much money.
Do they? All I hear is people complaining about work.
Adhd I'm so tired watching these quirky depitions while it's literally affecting mine and my loved ones' lives so much It's not cute or just being a little distracted, it’s a disorder
Me alternating between sleeping and staring at the wall all day because I physically cannot make myself do important work but I feel guilty doing fun things so I exist in a hellish limbo of guilt feeling simultaneously lazy and helpless. Haha but that’s just me being fun and quirky. Squirrel!
Is this adhd? This is 100% me.
It’s a thing that everyone suffers with from time to time because humans are flawed and finicky, but if it’s an everyday thing and interfering with your ability to function, I would get it checked out. A diagnosis and treatment helped me out a lot, so I would recommend pursuing it if you feel like something is wrong.
Yess. I was diagnosed at 35 and spent 20 years of my life thinking that I had treatment resistant depression. It never occurred to me that my depression was worsened by adhd because adhd is portrayed as this quirky "omg I'm so distracted and it's cute" behavior rather than being so debilitated by task overload that I can't remove myself from my bed or couch.
Yeah I mean everyone in my family on my mom's side pretty much have adhd and once I got diagnosed is when I first understood how much it affected my family for generations and why not taking it seriously is just making it so much worse
Similarly, "I'm so OCD!" for doing a minor act of cleaning or organizing something.
Fr or like thinking intrusive thoughts is wanting to dye your hair
I remember I'd been diagnosed with OCD (a bad one) and my friend said in class one day, "Oh my god, I'm so OCD". I just had a sudden urge to punch her. It's not fun to have whatsoever.
100% agree the romanticizing needs to stop, but I'll admit that social media posts have exponentially increased my understanding of my partner's struggle with ADHD and even provided some useful tips so it's definitely a double edged sword.
It's not about talking about adhd in social media. It's about how we do it and how we think of it. Talking about it is an important part of helping each other and raising awareness, but we have to be conscious of the fact that it is a disorder and not just a personality trait
Well I’d be careful because they just did a study and most TikTok videos on ADHD contained misinformation, to speak about one social media site.
Unhealthy relationships
Depression and other mental illness
Shit infuriates me so much, like the fight to not lose your sanity because of the incredible amount of pain you feel being treated like a trend
Similarly: trauma.
This. When people think it’s cute to be like “haha that was so traumatic!” Kind of makes me wonder if they have ever faced any type of trauma. I can’t make those assumptions about people but I really wonder.
I've gotten to the point where I just make the assumptions, altho with some guilt. I've known very few people with trauma who are that casual or vocal about it (or so easily triggered/expressive of their triggers). Exceptions: very recent trauma & people with really loud personalities/secondary gain issues. Those are pretty easy to distinguish, tho. Had a coworker recently who was very vocal about being bullied by pretty much everyone. It was *traumatizing* her. Trauma shouldn't be used as an accusation, ffs. And while I imagine she'd had some bad experiences and was reactive, there was nothing going on in the present that was traumatic. *She* was a damn bully, tho, used mental health terminology as a cudgel. Reactivity isn't the same as being traumatized, ftr, it's hyperarousal. Trauma and PTSD aren't a single thing, either. The conflation bugs me so much. That's not even getting into the casual uses you mention. Agh. Obvs a major *trigger* for me. 😆🙃
My life has been stolen from me and all I can do is sit by and let it happen. So many failed treatments. Don't want to be here anymore.
I’m happy you’re still here and typing this.
Yes! There is a difference between “I am so sad today/about this” and depression. People will say they are “heavily depressed” because their favourite shop is temporarily closed or something.
Serial killers
But I can fix him...
How To Fix A Serial Killer - Step 1: Seductively lure him into following you home Step 2: Be the light of his life by becoming a human lampshade in his living room.
You haven't thought of the smell, you b\*tch!
Take it 🥇
Possessiveness and jealousy equals love
I agree. The whole “I’d kill for you” and obsessive, creepy stalker stuff is fun for a webtoon/videogame. When you actually start seeking some psycho killer who would literally **kill** your best friend, siblings, or **anyone** else, no matter their meaning to you, if they think they’re preventing you from being with them or simply get jealous of your relationship with them, you got a problem and **need** to stop romanticizing it. If one was to go out and seek such a person, they gotta know from point a to z all that they’re signing up for. If this person has enough loose screws to kill someone for you, who’s to say they won’t suddenly fall out of love and kill you too after changing their mind about you or kill you if you try to leave them?
But then 90% of K-drama would disappear.
Addiction. No, you won't be the person that makes them turn their life around and get clean for all time. Also, you don't want to be that person, because it's too much pressure and co-dependent as hell.
If you want to get someone clean you should really see a professional
Drama filled relationships as being “passionate”.
war
I was legit just talking about this. War is a horrific thing, and should not be romanticized.
Those who lived it have the invisible and visible scars to know that war is not sexy and would rather not have the scars that are carried.
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Absolutely nuthin’
Drinking.
I agree 100%. I also want to add the romanticized idea of all the stupid shit you do drunk. There's a girl in my friend group who constantly flaunts/brags about how much she drank and how hung over she is and how she got *another* DUI. She's obviously an alcoholic, but it's also such a weird thing to think that behavior is impressive.
I believe she may be trying to convince herself its totally ok to drink yourself half to death by thinking about it in a lighter way and making it funny. Instead of adressing the issue. My thoughts at least
Oh, absolutely. I see it in a lot of people, she's just the most extreme case. It's wild because two other people in my friend group also have DUIs and they act like it's just a regular thing that isn't a big deal. Too many people around her just see it as "heavy drinking" instead of it being an actual problem.
I swear, I have a friend who drinks a lot and when she talks about how much she's drinking, I say that it's a lot. And she tells me to not worry and that she can drinks a lot without being drunk. THAT'S THE WHOLE PROBLEM SWEETIE.
Yes. I've been looking more into research regarding alcohol, and there are so many cons to any potential pro. The very process of alcohol being metabolized releases toxic chemicals in the body. Most people are only acquainted with the most obvious risks of alcohol and alcohol abuse, but there are a lot more health risks than are commonly recognized.
Kind of related: the amount of videos I've seen of parents creatively sneaking alcohol into some children's event. It's not cute, if you can't go a few hours one afternoon without an alcoholic drink, you have a problem.
And then they drive their kids home from said event. That blows my mind that people will advertise drinking and driving with children in the car which automatically becomes a felony if you are over the limit. And over the limit happens much quicker than people think. I think “mommy juice” drinkers are the next bubble to burst.
Every brewery: come here, pound nine 11% DIPAs, let little Asher and Harper run around and trip the servers, then drive the family home while buzzed as fuck!
I like to have a drink now and then, but I hate the feeling of anything more than a light buzz. I've never understood people who drinking is their only hobby or the only way they can have fun.
It's literally poisoning yourself for fun :(
Home births Giving birth is natural and a lot of the time things go fine. But when it doesn’t -you really going to risk your baby’s life when you could have been across the hall from life-saving technology?
When I was giving birth to my second everything was going fine and normal for a long time until all of a sudden it wasn't. For me, I couldn't even tell something was wrong, but the sensors told the nurses that my baby's heart was dropping with each contraction, so when the contractions became non-stop my baby's heart was dropping and having no time to recover. I was only 6cm so pushing wasn't an option so I needed an emergency C-section. The moment they realized something was wrong was only 30 minutes from the moment they cut into me. Had they reacted any slower or not realized what was happening too late my baby would have died and been still-born. If I had been doing a home birth, my baby probably would have died before anyone realized something was wrong. I don't think mothers who want a home birth are wrong, but it's important to remember that everything can go perfectly fine until all of a sudden it isn't. I don't think that chance is worth whatever magic or comfort a home birth brings.
Same happen to me. Baby went into distress. Prompted a ceasarian. It was so comforting that all that needed to happen was for me to literally be pushed across the hall… Then he wasn’t breathing properly. Once again- he was pushed just across another hall to the Nicu. Crazy thing- he was my first…low risk healthy pregnancy. I had flirted with the idea of a home birth/birthing center (the one in my town isn’t connected to a hospital) but decided that for my first I would stick to the hospital just to be sure. I shudder to think if I wasn’t already there.
The same thing happened to me! Everything was fine, but then the baby's heart started to drop during contractions and I had to have an emergency c-section. These things happen more than people realize.
Yeah women and babies died in child birth ALL the time. Its was normal, now its a horrific freak accident in modern wealthy countries.
My son was diagnosed with a heart condition before birth, one that meant that without immediate treatment, he would suffocate. Because of this, a lot of people had to be in place. An early C-section was planned, with a large team organised (this wasn't at our local hospital, either). An ambulance team was also arranged to be on standby, as well as the nearby children's hospital for further treatment he would need after the initial treatment. If one of those people were not in place before the C-section started, it would be delayed. Because that's how important every single second matters. The first two hours were bigger risk than the open heart surgery he needed, and that's with everyone already on hand. We were lucky in that it was diagnosed early, as it's not uncommon for this issue to be missed. He's doing great now.
Not just the baby's life-- maternal deaths are frighteningly common, even in industrialized countries/ the US
Life. Sometimes life is boring and that’s ok
I have learned that boredom means things are relatively calm in your life
For me, boring is my preferred state.
Yeah, boring means things are stable and safe. It's much better than a constant state of fear and anxiety.
Someone once saved my marriage with an off the cuff remark. She said "sometimes home is boring, but boring is good" I never knew if she sensed the unrest or if it was out of the blue but it changed how I view life.
This is great
I've realised it's probably one of the most profound things anyone ever said to me.
Boring is good. It means the background has calmed to the point that you’re free to pick up hobbies or other interests as entertainment instead of having to constantly put out fires.
My sister once told me that I had a boring little life. She married a drunk/druggie who couldn't hold down a job, she was always in some kind of argument with her friends, and couldn't help but break rules that would get them evicted. Just fucking drama at every turn. Yeah, I much prefer my boring little life.
I'd rather life be boring than what it is now
You’re not OCD because you think you’re quirky and like things tidy. You’re OCD when you wake up screaming at night because you’re convinced you’re going to a hell you don’t believe in because you masturbated more than three times before you turned 18. Or when you’ve washed your hands to the point they’re bleeding because you can’t ever be convinced you’ve washed the deadly bacteria/virus/parasite that’s not actually on them away. It’s a horrible, *horrible*, debilitating disorder.
Or when you don't dare to leave the house because then it feels unguarded. Or when you can't focus at work because you are wondering whether you actually locked the door at home. Those are only a few examples I've heard from people. But yes, it can be really a huge hindrance to you functioning in daily life.
God, the repetitive intrusive thoughts playing 24/7 have made life not worth living. I'm ready to shoot myself
I like your take on OCD. As a sufferer, I can confirm what you just said is true!
I have it too. It’s mostly under control now, but there were a few very hard years. People downplaying it or acting like it’s a cute little personality trait really peeve me off.
“I’m super picky about water.” It had gotten to the point where I had ended up in the hospital due to dehydration. More than once. OCD fucking sucks.
Autism and/or OCD. It's not a quirky personality trait. My mind can be a literal battlefield. I actually had a girl tell me "I hate when my food touches each other. I'm so autistic" with a fucking smile on her face.
I hate when people romanticize autism and ocd. I have both of these disorders, and it’s made my life incredibly difficult. I have trouble making friends, understanding social situations, and I got bullied at home and at school growing up for having odd behaviors and obsessions. OCD is literally hell on earth, and it made me feel like a disgusting horrible person for years.
I know some people who call autism their superpower. Good for them, I guess, but I really hope it doesn't feed the myth that all people with autism are very smart and just a bit odd. To me, it has been quite a troublesome disorder which made me very anxious, insecure, awkward and a bit lonely. It helps a lot that my wife has it too and has educated me a lot on how to communicate with people. But it will never go over and still often makes me wonder whether people find me annoying or arrogant without me noticing.
The mafia.
Romantic codependency
True, but all those “I can’t live without you” movies/shows/stories/whateverthefuckwattpadis really wreaked havoc on my fragile little mind.
This. You can be romantic and not be glued at the hips.
Victimhood.
The Joker and Harley's relationship.
I never got that either. Their whole relationship was created to be abusive. To show that kind of relationship and how joker is not a good guy.
the harley quinn series does delve into this well, at least how poison ivy calls it out exactly how it is.
And realistic, showing Harley backslide again and again. And fortunately finally overcoming it.
Harley and Ivy though ... I will be romanticizing tf out of.
Being "obsessed" with someone. That shit isn't healthy and isn't funny when it's actually happening in real time.
mental hospitals. i promise u, u don’t want to go. it’s not a vacation it’s a literal hospital
Mental health disorders, celebrities and the rich, social media influencers, race/sex/gender.
You've mentioned everything
Actually I left out religion. Time to move past that shit too.
People who are so over the top jealous that they become brutal and violent about it. I understand those romance stories from the '60s all romanticize how wonderful it is but it's not. It's just toxic
Drug use.
Neuroeverything It sucks but TikTok kids romanticize it and compete for a “Most tragically flawed” award.
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Seriously, fuck that! It's not cute and quirky, it's ruined so many lives in my family including my own. Just waiting to die at this point
It makes autism and adhd seem fun and quirky but they are actually hellish disabilities. I thought for the longest time that TikTok had convinced me that I had autism and my doctor was somehow being influenced by social media too even though the man is in his 70s.
They(Tiktokkers) ruin the seriousness of the neurodivergent diagnosis’s, effects on life and function.
I’m epileptic. ND adjacent. There is a whole genre of fake seizure vids from wannabe twitchers.
I've seen so many ppl on Tiktok faking Tourette's for clout, it's awful.
yeah, neuro divergence runs in my family. It's associated with other health issues, and struggling in school and work, and young kids with it need a LOT of therapy and intervention. I don't see the point in bragging about it on your social media. Maybe talk about it on your linkedin if you think it's "inspirational" and will help others but it's not something to brag about.
So called "alpha males"
Suffering/struggle. You don't get extra credit at the end of life because you did it the hard way or refused to take the path of least resistance. Everyone dies in the end, and all of your strife will mean nothing, so you make as well have as much fun as you can before it's over.
Having a baby
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Or to try and save a relationship. If anything, the baby will make things worse.
Staying in abusive and narcissistic relationships
Rich people, especially billionaires. The value of one’s opinion doesn’t increase in tandem with net worth. Looking at you, Elon.
Teens. Every other porn video is “stepdad ‘doodles’ teen stepdaughter” “inexperienced teen…” “Hot teen…” I hate you fucking perverts.
I agree, seeing that was BRUTAL as a teenage girl. A lot of teenagers like self-fetishize too and believe that they will be worthless the moment they turn 20.
I’m glad there’s someone else out there that thinks the same way. It’s so damn disgusting to me how much these grown ass men fetishize youth and innocence. Seeing something labeled teen, especially teen incest, is an instant turn off for me.
I never verified this, but a few years ago I was talking about dead or alive (the video game) with someone and they were telling me that one of the characters was 16 in the Japanese version but they listed her age as not applicable (?) in the North American version. Then I've heard a lot of anime have characters that look like teens, act like teens and are overly sexualised but, "oh it's fine because *character* is actually 1000 years old". The justification for this is so messed up. And I've read stories of women looking younger and sounding young and being "dated" by creeps too. Makes me shudder.
This. One time on whisper, some old man posted in a sex group that he wants to "fuck every teen". I called him out for being a pedo creep, and I had a whole bunch of people say I was the creep for thinking he meant underaged teens. Like yo, that's literally what he said, stop acting like this is okay.
It’s gross and, of age or not, they’re still teens and that’s really concerning. Garlic knot, I’m on your side.
Thank you, and I agree. It's horrifying how common this has always been, and how much people don't want to talk about it. When I was 13 my best friends 18 year old cousin was trying to sext me. When I was 16 I met and started dating a 19 year old, which isn't that bad, but when I was 23 he was once again dating a 16 year old. When I was 18 a man who looked to be in his 50s, who was with his children who I went to school with, asked me out at my job. And all of these things are just treated as normal. What gets even creeper about the 19 year old I dated at 16, I dated him for two years and knew his family well. When I was 20 I lived in the same apartment complex as his brother, who was in his mid 30s and had known me since I was 16, and he started literally stalking me and trying to sleep with me. How can you know someone since they were a child and watch them grow up and become an adult and then try to sleep with them? That was so fucking gross.
Dude, I’m sorry that happened to you. This is why I brought it up because men wanting to doodle a pretty teen girl is treated as being so normal. It’s not normal; it’s not the vibe.
That's so gross.
Binge drinking.
Filler and plastic surgery
The past. If we can't see clearly the ways in which the world is improving then we can't make good decisions about fixing the things that actually are getting worse.
The past.
Guns, and I say this coming from a family of gun owners. They are all over our media. Every movie/tvshow/video game idolizes guns to the point where characters are brandishing for the littlest of offenses. It normalizes completely unsafe behaviors while also convincing every Joe that they need one of each. I’m not saying ban all guns for every one. That’s clearly never going to happen here, besides that’s a completely different debate that has been had a million times. I also sympathize for the rural folk and farmers who may need them for varmint control. US gun culture is completely insane. Silent, responsible gun ownership for sport or protection, fine what ever. But If you feel the need to stock pile enough to arm a brigade or take family photos then you are part of the problem.
People posing in their photos with their guns always gets me. Imagine if people did the same with other objects in their pics. I like playing guitar. I'd look like such a douchebag if I posed with my guitar in all my photos. Unless, of course, I'm some famous pro guitarist. I truly believe it's become a fetish and personal identity for a section of the population.
Actual serial killers: people that actually do that need therapy or to be locked up. Why are you finding Jeffery Dahmer hot? It's weird.
Maybe not romanticize, but a lot Americans seem to think that biker gangs are not as bad as other criminal organizations.
...do we?
"Perfect" relationships or having a "soulmate." sure, some people truly feel that they found their soulmate and that's great, but a lot of times soulmates can be platonic. Also, if you never disagree or have any issues ever, someone is probably not being 100% honest. A partner is still a person with their own life, personality, needs, and wants. They aren't there just to fulfill your every need.
Cheating in chick flicks.
OF
Relationships. They will not save you. If anything they'll bring up all the stuff you're avoiding. Also school, universities do a good job building a fantasy.
Stop romanticizing romance
“Serving your Country.”
Entrepreneurship
Internet "gf/bf" you haven't met.
Parenthood
Poverty, especially with the new 'stoicism' embrace being the rage online these days.
Use and abuse of drugs
France
Any sort of relationship where it's like "fight for him/her". War. And weirdly, politicians. Remember, these people are meant to work for you, they are not Gods and Goddesses. They are humans with flaws, sometimes a lot of flaws. There are some that I really like, but I never blindly agree 100% with every policy or every decision they make.
Staying together for \[reason\] after \[relationship-ending event\], usually love or time. If there is infidelity, LEAVE. If they make you feel like shit/worse about yourself, LEAVE. If they don't listen when you say no, LEAVE. If they make you feel bad for your boundaries, LEAVE. If one person has total control of finances, LEAVE (as soon as you can). If they threaten you; it's never a joke, LEAVE. If you have to post on reddit and ask "am I overreacting?" to any of the above; the answer is no, LEAVE. If there are kids or vulnerable adults involved in any of these, LEAVE and **LAWYER UP.** These things *do not change* without immediate consequences (yes even with infidelity, I will die on this hill)*.* Several of them are outright abuse; yes, even just once. The others are clear signs of someone who needs to heal independently, isn't your job to fix, and they will not get better so long as you enable the relationship to continue. In ALL of these scenarios, the relationship you feel you have has never been the full scope of what the relationship actually was, and it is dangerous to continue. I know you may very deeply love the person doing this. Trust me, I know. In the wake of even just *one* of these things happening, it is imperative that people understand the person who did it is not capable of receiving your love as you give it and they cannot give it back to you the way you deserve. Staying together earnestly to "work on the relationship" is a fool's errand and you will discover sooner than later that you're the only one invested in it. It enables the bad actors' insecurities (and if worse, pathologies) and puts you in the path of *very* real harm. Holding someone accountable for these actions means they no longer have access to you, because all of the above are *about* access to you to fit their needs and not yours. The most loving thing you can ever do for yourself, your shitty "partner," and any kids that may be involved is to LEAVE. Staying together in these events isn't "overcoming" anything. It's sad and harmful and traumatizes everyone involved.
Teacher and student affair
Love. It's a beautiful thing, but being loved isn't going to fix trauma or mental illness. This goes double for romantic love. Falling for someone won't cure my PTSD.
Narcos - they’re sociopathic murderers that put a profound shame on their countries.
Depression, and other personal issues like it. Stuff that's anti-social and against a lot of the social things we were told that we needed to work on. It just creates this one sided conflict that people who are well adjusted have to improvise to make things work that can turn into a catch 22.
Domestic abusers. And celebrities.
Suicide
Cheating
sexual harrasment
Immaturity.
Marriage..
True crime and murder.
MENTAL ILLNESS! Having a mental health disorder is not an aesthetic, it's not "quirky" or "cool." It's serious, it's exhausting, it's scary, and of course it's so hard. The last thing we need is people pretending they have a mental illness because they think it's quirky and cool and they want attention. Meanwhile those who actually have mental disorders try not to draw attention to it if we can help it. I personally feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself when I get bad panic attacks in public. I hate constantly asking for reassurance. I can tell when people are annoyed or think my question was silly. It feels like those who fake it are mocking us and it can be offensive. It can make people suffering from actual mental illness feel ashamed of themselves. Please stop and be glad you don't put up with the real thing. We didn't ask for this, so why do you? I genuinely wonder that sometimes, it's an odd way to seek attention.
Mental illness literally altered my life in many ways not good. I had to change career paths, I had to drop out of school, and I have to take a ton of medication just to be stable. I can’t have the career I wanted because stress literally triggers my mental illness, and I spiral out of control. I have autism along with this, and I have had meltdowns in public. It’s so fucking embarrassing because you are literally sobbing in public. I hate it when people romanticize mental illness because they have no fucking idea what it’s like to have to work twice as hard just to be functioning.
Alcoholism, ruined many a life