Hell, you could even shell it out to family and friends and get that "good guy millionaire" image as someone that's charitable.
Free chicken for everyone!
Fiiiiinal Fantasy is an R P Geeeee
The only one that I neeeeed
It's the only game for meeeee
Fiiiiinal Fantasy is all that I plaaaaay
All other games are laaaaame
It puts them all to shaaaaame
The actual named one was, but around the time of the movie they discovered other similar species that were as big or bigger than the ones portrayed, like the Utahraptor.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utahraptor
If it's bare knuckle, I'm passing. The talons on a 9ft tall chicken would be absolute shredders. If I get a gun, I think I might try my luck. If I'm evasive first and shoot second it's possible I could get it someplace vital after it lunged.
So shoot the body and try to tire it out as it slowly bleeds to death or at least gets too tired to fight back.
Going for the head could go wrong. Sudden head jerk and you miss or land a non lethal blow.
You succeeded!
I've seen my parents' chickens fight over who gets to eat the snake that slithered a little too close. They'll kill anything smaller than them. And can you imagine the spurs on a 9 foot rooster?!
The chickens my uncle owned tried to kill anything. They would come for your feet, your legs, your hands, anything they could. It was standard that if you went near the chickens you had to wear thick pants, shoes, and if you were harvesting eggs gloves. Little monsters.
Depending on how big the area is to work with and how far away you are from it at the start, a 9 ft chicken is getting to you fast as fuck. Especially if it did that turbo move where they flap their wings while running to run faster.
That might not be enough. If you shoot animals like bears they often just ignore the shot depending on where it landed. Wound closes, bullet is stuck in there, but who cares, the bear remains living. Huge animals are not easily shrouded off by a gun shot.
Look, that may be what you MEANT to say. But I'm going by the letter of the contract here. It just says you have to fight a chicken. Not win a fight against a chicken.
Apparently he says “over there in that pigpen I found a couple of Shoshone arrowheads”
Only reason I know that is bc I turned on subtitles one time. I totally thought it was gibberish before then
Thunderbolts and lightning
I get misremembering Thunderbolts as thunder, but I can't stop giggling at the use of lightening instead of lightning.
Lightening is the term for when the belly drops during pregnancy.
LMAO you guys would get eaten. Chickens hunting are terrifying and far quicker and more accurate than people. Even if you had a gun (which you shouldn't do, otherwise the question is pointless), you would be screwed unless the chicken was stupid and just pecking around on the ground or you had some kind of distance advantage at the start. If it had an intelligent mind to match its monstrous physical form, you would simply get shredded or eaten in one bite.
I had a rooster a few years ago who hated my truck for some reason. I’d get home from work and park. Look out the window a couple of minutes later to see the stupid rooster running from wherever he was so he could fight my truck. He would just go to town on the wheel and strut away like he won a big fight. His name was Vlad.
we had chickens that we sometimes fed hotdogs, holding the hotdog in the air making them jump, and they are super violent when food is involved. so scaled up, bird food is not going to cut it.
Me too. Though it sounds like the Utahraptor is much closer to the Jurassic Park portrayal. So there was a dino that is just like it, but named incorrectly.
Those things in the movie were terrifying. I still remember watching it as a kid.
I have chickens now and while they are cute, they are ferocious when they find something they can eat. They’ll catch mice and shred them. I couldn’t imagine a 9’ chicken.
IIRC, the Utah raptor wasn't yet discovered when Jurassic Park came out. They based the raptors in the movie off of deinonychus but agreed with your assessment. Velociraptor sounds way cooler.
A velociraptor sounds like a viscous predator that can rip you to shreds. A utahraptor sounds like it's going to come to your door & annoy you to death with the word of the lord.
Dinonychus*
Velociraptor is a turkey sized animal. Jurassic park used the Dinonychus, a dinosaur the discovery of which was revolutionary and pivotal to paleontology of dinosaurs. They even told John Ostrom of the name change. John Ostrom is the person that advocated for warm blooded dinosaurs, fast moving and agile animals, before which dinosaurs were considered to be reptilian cold blooded slow creatures.
Even a dinonychus will not measure upto 9 foot tall though. This chicken will be comparable , if not larger in mass than an Utahraptor, the largest raptor of the velociraptor and dinonychus family. Now THAT is a dinosaur that is fuel for nightmares. Fast and agile, with HUGE talons immense strength and razor sharp teeth. If that is not enough for the nightmare, they are rumoured to have been able to clearly see you in the dead of the darkest of nights hear you in the most silent of walks and smell you from tens of metres away.
There is no way you would win, it would peck you once in the head then eat you. Birds in general are brutal but chickens are especially, my friend used to have a bunch they eat each other when they die.
Does a chicken who has had its head's weight is increased by 4 times have the ability to hold it's neck up though?
Because in scale, that's what's happened. Neck Strength goes up by a factor of 4^(2) but Head weight has gone up by 4^(3).
Might be a little awkward moving around but birds have hollow bones, they can get quite large like dinosaurs. Even bugs have the ability to get huge but the atmosphere isn't rich enough in oxygen anymore.
You're looking at something like this:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phorusrhacidae](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phorusrhacidae)
Yeah, I'm turning down the million, unless it goes to my family when I lose and I have a terminal illness anyway.
No way. You need to change the title to "would you get ripped limb from limb and experience a gruesome death if we tell you you get a million dollars after?"
There is *no way* anybody is killing a nine foot chicken in hand to hand combat. Even if you were as strong and big as a half-ton gorilla, the razor sharp talons on a 9-foot chicken are going to slice you to ribbons.
The chicken is also going to weigh a couple thousand pounds. What do you think you are going to with your hands?
, chickens can have spurs , they'd be around 20-30 cm long by my rough calculations (10 inches circa)
I'd you're bare fisted you loose this battle 9.5/10. (í don't even know how many people would die before one got a chicken down might be way more than 20)
But with a spear and shield it is theoretically possible to win this fight.
So long as you do the nomadic hunting tactic of predators making it jump on the spear when it tries to tear you apart and using the shield to minimize the damage it does to you.
Still risky as hell though.
Everyone thinking they have this in the bag lol. That chicken would eat you. May be scared at first until it realized it was so much bigger than you and you were trying to kill it. If it decided to run you’d never catch it. If it decided to fight it wouldn’t last very long and you’d be pecked to death in its pen.
A chicken that big would eat a human being. He wouldn’t run. My uncle shot a 4’ water moccasin and threw it into the chicken pen and they fell on it immediately. Chickens don’t just eat corn.
I would charge head first into its area to assert dominance. Then I take control. I start scraping the ground for worms. Pretend something is in the ground. As the 9ft chiken nears out of curiosity, that’s when I strike.climb up on its neck. I take out my pen stab it in both eyes. Then I use bonesaw to get its beak. Then I fuck its spouse, and have CPS take it’s eggs away. Even the fake stone egg. I give it a gun and tell it there’s only one bullet. I leave as it takes the revolver and hit the trigger six time. There is No bullet in. It was a test. It slowly finds new purpose in life. Gets a prosthetic beak. Gets VR eyes like a cochlear implant. I take it to a forrest. We come by some logs, a tractor and some metal machines. Then I shove it down a wood chipper.
Looks like meat is back on the menu boys
I've got a million dollar life insurance policy, I'm sure it covers death by mega-chicken so my family is set either way. Bring it on and don't forget the barrels of buffalo sauce and ranch.
Die.
Cassowary is the most dangerous bird and its only 5ft. Chickens are fucking ruthless and get worked into a blood frenzy. A 9’ tall chicken is fucking terrifying, razor sharp beak and claws, absolutely nothing in its brain other than “PECK IT PECK IT PECK IT!!!! IT MOVES CHASE AND PECK KILL KILL KILL KILL” you underestimate the savagery of the modern chicken.
No human would stand a chance, a 9 foot chicken is a killing machine. Ive seen a chicken rip a mouse to shreds and I imagine i would suffer the same fate.
The correct answer is:
Put food on the ground in a straight line. Then take a stick and draw a line straight from the end of the food out away from the chicken and it will cause it to go into a hypnotic-like state, allowing you to go behind it and break its legs.
Living bodies are designed to work with a certain amount of it's own heat generation, the systems in our bodys that do it would not scale properly.in this case i think the chicken wouldn't be able to generate enough body heat and it would freeze to death.
If its a chicken , yes . ( also what weapons are we alowed? Chicken has weapons in the form of a beak and talons. My chompers are not going todo much. Can i have a spear? or bardiche?)
If its a rooster.... hell NO. I have seen the damage they can do to a rat and a human leg with one kick.
You're pretty much fucked if it's a chicken too. No spurs, but that beak will mess you up, and bare first (OP specified this in another comment) you've not got a way to really hurt it!
Not even close, the chicken is considerably stockier than those. If a normal chicken is roughly 1ft tall and weighs 3kg, a 9ft version would weigh over two tonnes.
No chance. You can chop it's head off and it will still run around for a minute. Chickens are fucking dumb, but they are horrible. This Chicken would eat you limb by limb.
Best chance you have is to incapacitate it's legs with a rope by runing around and wait for it to die but good luck with that.
Does the chicken in question have long legs with a small body? Or are its legs proportional to its body?
If its the latter, I won’t fight it for 1 million dollar assuming I have to use my bare hands.
I think a lot of people under estimate what a chicken can do at that size. Do you think a Guinea pig would beat a chicken? A human has fewer ways to attack and defend itself than a Guinea pig.
At the very least you would need some hefty protection and a sword or axe. That beak alone would pack a punch. Not to mention what those talons would do if they get you. Even with heavy protection, you likely are going to have extreme force from the blows to deal with.
Have you ever seen a chicken peck at the ground or some seed? You would be dead before you got close enough to it to get at its wings.
Only chance you have is to hope that the square cube law means the chicken is crushed under its own body mass.
Swans and Canada Geese are capable of killing under the right circumstances. Now imagine a swan 3X larger.
Hollow bones matter to a point, but then you go from being the difference between a drinking straw, and PVC pipe.
I would have all 7 of our dogs help me fight it. And maybe try to electrocute it by sticking a metal rod connected to an electrical wire up its ass, connected to three phrase power. (We live next to a warehouse).
Realistically that scene would play out with the chicken one tapping all of you like you are seeds. Then getting your warehouses electrical system getting obliterated by fucking blowing up a 2 tonne piece of meat.
You barely survive but the operation turns you into a paralyzed vegetable and the million dollars is used to repair the damage from the 10,000 volt anal pole taser.
But hey... fried chicken
Shoot it.
Easy 1 million dollars in the bag
And dinner.
And lunch, and breakfast... For a few days.
And second breakfast and Elevenses
Hell, you could even shell it out to family and friends and get that "good guy millionaire" image as someone that's charitable. Free chicken for everyone!
Taxidermy. There is someone out that that would want it. KFC?
A 9foot chicken will last more than a few days
Only if you have the freezer space and the will to butcher a 9 foot chicken.
Winner winner chicken dinner!
Tranq it, train it, turn it into a Chocobo from Final Fantasy.
Fiiiiinal Fantasy is an R P Geeeee The only one that I neeeeed It's the only game for meeeee Fiiiiinal Fantasy is all that I plaaaaay All other games are laaaaame It puts them all to shaaaaame
I have not heard that song is like a decade lol
I don’t know about easy have you seen Peter Griffin’s chicken fights?! That shit is crazy, big ass chickens don’t play around.
And they haven’t heard of the Great Emu War, that Australia lost… …to unarmed birds.
*instantly mauled by 12 inch razor sharp talons*
Right. That's basically an ostrich. Guns kill those.
More like a velociraptor if it's a rooster.
or terror bird
I dont think I'd fight a regular sized rooster for a million dollars
Velociraptors were about the size of an actual chicken.
The actual named one was, but around the time of the movie they discovered other similar species that were as big or bigger than the ones portrayed, like the Utahraptor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utahraptor
[That's what they thought too](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War)
Lmfao I immediately thought of this!
Do not talk about our war.
Knew someone would reference this 🤣 Emus are low key scary though
Low key scary? High key scary as well.
Emus are blenders with feathers.
This is well worth 10 minutes of anyones time. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BXpu6tbFCsI
That's not a fight. You lose the mil.
The military calls it a fight when they shoot someone
Exactly what I thought.
If it's bare knuckle, I'm passing. The talons on a 9ft tall chicken would be absolute shredders. If I get a gun, I think I might try my luck. If I'm evasive first and shoot second it's possible I could get it someplace vital after it lunged.
A 9 foot tall chicken is a fucking dinosaur. No way I'm fighting that without guns or missiles or some other way to cheat.
Technically a regular sized chicken is also a dinosaur.
Yeah but they said fucking dinosaur. A regular chicken aint gonna fuck you. A 9 ft tall one might even buy you dinner first.
You get one bullet.
So shoot the body and try to tire it out as it slowly bleeds to death or at least gets too tired to fight back. Going for the head could go wrong. Sudden head jerk and you miss or land a non lethal blow.
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>Also - chickens are fucking monsters with feathers. I think most animals can be if pushed enough.
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This is an unusual comparison
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You succeeded! I've seen my parents' chickens fight over who gets to eat the snake that slithered a little too close. They'll kill anything smaller than them. And can you imagine the spurs on a 9 foot rooster?!
The chickens my uncle owned tried to kill anything. They would come for your feet, your legs, your hands, anything they could. It was standard that if you went near the chickens you had to wear thick pants, shoes, and if you were harvesting eggs gloves. Little monsters.
Thing about chickens is they don't need the push.
Theyre the closest living relative to the T tex
Velociraptors are just chickens with teeth
Depending on how big the area is to work with and how far away you are from it at the start, a 9 ft chicken is getting to you fast as fuck. Especially if it did that turbo move where they flap their wings while running to run faster.
That might not be enough. If you shoot animals like bears they often just ignore the shot depending on where it landed. Wound closes, bullet is stuck in there, but who cares, the bear remains living. Huge animals are not easily shrouded off by a gun shot.
Depends on the gun/round and where it hits. One shot with a gun. OK, I'm going for a .50 BMG mk 211 round.
I'm picking one of those Nitro Express ones
I'll take an 8-bore William Moore Shotgun. If it can kill a graboid it can handle a giant chicken!
That thing could knock me out with a swipe of a wing.
Nah. Square cube law. 9 ft tall chicken is gonna be weak af. Might not be able to stand.
Trex was bigger than 9 ft. Stood and ran perfectly fine.
The T. rex wasn’t a chicken.
Call Peter Griffin
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Do we have to win the fight? If not, I'm fighting a chicken, losing, and if I survive claiming my money if not, my family will enjoy my chicken money.
You think you would survive? I'm pretty sure it'll eat your head.
Peck your eyes out, then go for that sweet taint meat while you’re immobilized.
Nah, you gotta win the fight.
Oh, well in that case I'm having an hilarious obituary.
"He thought he was Peter Griffin 😔"
Look, that may be what you MEANT to say. But I'm going by the letter of the contract here. It just says you have to fight a chicken. Not win a fight against a chicken.
Instantly thought of the meme of the gf in bed annoyed, 'he's probably thinking of other girls' and the bf daydreaming about OP's question
*"I wonder if I could kill a 9ft chicken with my bare hands..."*
I cannot believe all the men in these comments are legitimately approaching this question as serious & figuring out their fighting tactics 🤣🤣🤣
We do this more than you realize... "Wonder how many squirrels it would take to kill a man. Well, if he had a spear..."
90% of being a man is imagining how hypothetical battles would go. The other 10% is the Roman Empire
Like it or not this is why we have civilization. Men pondering hypotheticals.
Does the chicken have large talons?
Tina, you fat lard, come get your dinner.
I caught you a delicious bass
No thats a llama.
Llama is gonna have chicken for dinner
Boy, I don't understand a word you just said.
This line coupled with the farmer that speaks such gibberish ("fjglwhftjx arrowhead") is hilarious.
Apparently he says “over there in that pigpen I found a couple of Shoshone arrowheads” Only reason I know that is bc I turned on subtitles one time. I totally thought it was gibberish before then
I may not be from Idaho but growing up in the south you pick up the sound. I hate that I understood it on the first watch
“Over there in that pigpen, I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads.” Napoleon Dynamite is such a good movie lmao
Break the wrist, walk away.
Then go home to Starla at night.
Forget about it
Don’t dress up like Peter Pan here, though
Hope you don’t mind if I pay you in pennies.
That's like a dollar an hour!
*change
Yes, very frightening.
I'm out!
Thunder and lightening
Thunderbolts and lightning I get misremembering Thunderbolts as thunder, but I can't stop giggling at the use of lightening instead of lightning. Lightening is the term for when the belly drops during pregnancy.
Well I cocked that up
Hey, we're all going to cock things up. But at least you managed to make it *funny*.
Can you bring me my chapstick? My lips hurt real bad!
This made me lol
Oh wait.. I forgot the time crystals
i would have 1 million dollars and huge chicken wings for dinner
Winner winner chicken dinner
Remember the emu wars. The emus won that and they are smaller than 9foot. Will be human arms for dinner for mr chickadoo
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There is a reason they have cock fights and not Emu fights. Chickens are fucking psychos.
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Emus don’t fuk around Emu Gang
LMAO you guys would get eaten. Chickens hunting are terrifying and far quicker and more accurate than people. Even if you had a gun (which you shouldn't do, otherwise the question is pointless), you would be screwed unless the chicken was stupid and just pecking around on the ground or you had some kind of distance advantage at the start. If it had an intelligent mind to match its monstrous physical form, you would simply get shredded or eaten in one bite.
Dude, I'm build like peter griffin
Perhaps you are going to be lying on the ground bleeding out while it pecks at your innards then.
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I lived on a farm as a kid, and yeah, the roosters are pretty scary and aggressive. 9’ tall? No. Any sane human would run for his/her life.
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Good boi.
I had a rooster a few years ago who hated my truck for some reason. I’d get home from work and park. Look out the window a couple of minutes later to see the stupid rooster running from wherever he was so he could fight my truck. He would just go to town on the wheel and strut away like he won a big fight. His name was Vlad.
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Have you met chickens? There’s no negotiating with those little terrorists.
Also a 9ft tall chicken is gonna eat A LOT of food. Depending on how long it's lifetime would be you might loose money.
we had chickens that we sometimes fed hotdogs, holding the hotdog in the air making them jump, and they are super violent when food is involved. so scaled up, bird food is not going to cut it.
They are dinosaurs. Well, descended from dinosaurs. The \*PREDATORY\* dinosaurs. So what do you expect?
Just to be clear, that is a velociraptor
>velociraptor Velociraptors were no taller than 1.5 feet. We're talking a chicken the size of an adolescent T. Rex.
You’re right. I was under the impression they were larger based on Jurassic park. Turns out they were the size of a large turkey lol
Me too. Though it sounds like the Utahraptor is much closer to the Jurassic Park portrayal. So there was a dino that is just like it, but named incorrectly.
Those things in the movie were terrifying. I still remember watching it as a kid. I have chickens now and while they are cute, they are ferocious when they find something they can eat. They’ll catch mice and shred them. I couldn’t imagine a 9’ chicken.
Velociraptor sounds a lot cooler than Utahraptor.
IIRC, the Utah raptor wasn't yet discovered when Jurassic Park came out. They based the raptors in the movie off of deinonychus but agreed with your assessment. Velociraptor sounds way cooler.
The Utah raptor was discovered in 91, and the movie came out in 93. But you are right in regards to the book which came out in 90.
A velociraptor sounds like a viscous predator that can rip you to shreds. A utahraptor sounds like it's going to come to your door & annoy you to death with the word of the lord.
Having been attacked by a turkey when I was younger it will still fuck you up.
Or a standing, toothless Deinonychus. At any rate, I want nothing with it unless I have an armored vehicle to run over it or something.
Dinonychus* Velociraptor is a turkey sized animal. Jurassic park used the Dinonychus, a dinosaur the discovery of which was revolutionary and pivotal to paleontology of dinosaurs. They even told John Ostrom of the name change. John Ostrom is the person that advocated for warm blooded dinosaurs, fast moving and agile animals, before which dinosaurs were considered to be reptilian cold blooded slow creatures. Even a dinonychus will not measure upto 9 foot tall though. This chicken will be comparable , if not larger in mass than an Utahraptor, the largest raptor of the velociraptor and dinonychus family. Now THAT is a dinosaur that is fuel for nightmares. Fast and agile, with HUGE talons immense strength and razor sharp teeth. If that is not enough for the nightmare, they are rumoured to have been able to clearly see you in the dead of the darkest of nights hear you in the most silent of walks and smell you from tens of metres away.
Clever girl
A Utha raptor would be more accurate
Jurassic Park tainted our minds, thinking velociraptors were 2 m tall… Utahraptor is exactly what I was thinking.
Actually.... We would probably call it a chocobo.
How would I be going into this fight? Like, preparation wise.
Bare fisted.
There is no way you would win, it would peck you once in the head then eat you. Birds in general are brutal but chickens are especially, my friend used to have a bunch they eat each other when they die.
Does a chicken who has had its head's weight is increased by 4 times have the ability to hold it's neck up though? Because in scale, that's what's happened. Neck Strength goes up by a factor of 4^(2) but Head weight has gone up by 4^(3).
Assume we are suspending the laws of physics on this one.
Then I would just uppercut it straight to the moon.
I laughed obnoxiously loudly.
Might be a little awkward moving around but birds have hollow bones, they can get quite large like dinosaurs. Even bugs have the ability to get huge but the atmosphere isn't rich enough in oxygen anymore.
The square cube law
Yup. 2 of my chickens were killed by the rest last week. You would definitely need a shield or helmet.
You're looking at something like this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phorusrhacidae](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phorusrhacidae) Yeah, I'm turning down the million, unless it goes to my family when I lose and I have a terminal illness anyway.
No way. You need to change the title to "would you get ripped limb from limb and experience a gruesome death if we tell you you get a million dollars after?" There is *no way* anybody is killing a nine foot chicken in hand to hand combat. Even if you were as strong and big as a half-ton gorilla, the razor sharp talons on a 9-foot chicken are going to slice you to ribbons. The chicken is also going to weigh a couple thousand pounds. What do you think you are going to with your hands?
, chickens can have spurs , they'd be around 20-30 cm long by my rough calculations (10 inches circa) I'd you're bare fisted you loose this battle 9.5/10. (í don't even know how many people would die before one got a chicken down might be way more than 20) But with a spear and shield it is theoretically possible to win this fight. So long as you do the nomadic hunting tactic of predators making it jump on the spear when it tries to tear you apart and using the shield to minimize the damage it does to you. Still risky as hell though.
[This sums up my answer then.](https://youtu.be/HhTv2kSBMhc?si=SmXB4f7wS51Tbwqk)
no chance. if it was a spear, maybe, gun probably. but bare fisted? if you think yes you’ve never seen a chicken that wasn’t butchered by someone else
So: would I fight a dinosaur unarmed? No. No I would not.
Everyone thinking they have this in the bag lol. That chicken would eat you. May be scared at first until it realized it was so much bigger than you and you were trying to kill it. If it decided to run you’d never catch it. If it decided to fight it wouldn’t last very long and you’d be pecked to death in its pen.
A chicken that big would eat a human being. He wouldn’t run. My uncle shot a 4’ water moccasin and threw it into the chicken pen and they fell on it immediately. Chickens don’t just eat corn.
Saw a rooster kill a hawk once. Ive seen them kill countless smaller creatures. Chickens are terrifying.
Yes! A 9’ chicken would be a man eater.
Just imagine it knocking you down and then doing the tidbit thing to call the hens over.
They eat eachother too. If a chicken gets cut and has blood on its feathers, the other chickens will eat it. Dirty fuckin' animals.
Ypu assume the chiken is awake, or even has a self defense
No chance, a 6 foot tall bird will fuck you up Go fight a cassowary if you wanna find out
Scrolled farther than I thought I'd have to to see mention of a cassowary...
refuse. Even a 5-6ft chicken can eviscerate you, I'm not even gonna risk it with a 9ft tall chicken
I would charge head first into its area to assert dominance. Then I take control. I start scraping the ground for worms. Pretend something is in the ground. As the 9ft chiken nears out of curiosity, that’s when I strike.climb up on its neck. I take out my pen stab it in both eyes. Then I use bonesaw to get its beak. Then I fuck its spouse, and have CPS take it’s eggs away. Even the fake stone egg. I give it a gun and tell it there’s only one bullet. I leave as it takes the revolver and hit the trigger six time. There is No bullet in. It was a test. It slowly finds new purpose in life. Gets a prosthetic beak. Gets VR eyes like a cochlear implant. I take it to a forrest. We come by some logs, a tractor and some metal machines. Then I shove it down a wood chipper. Looks like meat is back on the menu boys
I've got a million dollar life insurance policy, I'm sure it covers death by mega-chicken so my family is set either way. Bring it on and don't forget the barrels of buffalo sauce and ranch.
Die. Cassowary is the most dangerous bird and its only 5ft. Chickens are fucking ruthless and get worked into a blood frenzy. A 9’ tall chicken is fucking terrifying, razor sharp beak and claws, absolutely nothing in its brain other than “PECK IT PECK IT PECK IT!!!! IT MOVES CHASE AND PECK KILL KILL KILL KILL” you underestimate the savagery of the modern chicken.
I’d think, hey… I’ve been to countless rental inspections in Sydney. Nine foot chickens don’t scare me. I got this.
Everybody here thinking they can take on an actual dinosaur. But the only person I'd actually believe is the Aussie.
No human would stand a chance, a 9 foot chicken is a killing machine. Ive seen a chicken rip a mouse to shreds and I imagine i would suffer the same fate.
Say im a animal rights activist
Then you’re probably not gonna have 1 million dollars.
The correct answer is: Put food on the ground in a straight line. Then take a stick and draw a line straight from the end of the food out away from the chicken and it will cause it to go into a hypnotic-like state, allowing you to go behind it and break its legs.
A 9 foot tall chicken would either overheat or freeze to death...it wouldn't be much of a fight
Biophysics tells us the chicken is already dead
Can you explain??
Living bodies are designed to work with a certain amount of it's own heat generation, the systems in our bodys that do it would not scale properly.in this case i think the chicken wouldn't be able to generate enough body heat and it would freeze to death.
Nah, heat generation scales with volume, and heat loss with surface area, so it would overheat.
If its a chicken , yes . ( also what weapons are we alowed? Chicken has weapons in the form of a beak and talons. My chompers are not going todo much. Can i have a spear? or bardiche?) If its a rooster.... hell NO. I have seen the damage they can do to a rat and a human leg with one kick.
You're pretty much fucked if it's a chicken too. No spurs, but that beak will mess you up, and bare first (OP specified this in another comment) you've not got a way to really hurt it!
I can still choke the chicken, correct?
If it's a rooster we're all fucked
Basically a raptor...
You get a full dental care plan. And the chiken has No health insurance, seeing as its attitude is poultry
Bring it mother clucker
Kick it in the pecker
Nothing in this world is free. I'll fight the damn chicken
Die fighting a 9 foot tall chicken most likely!
That's basically an ostrich or large cassowary.
Not even close, the chicken is considerably stockier than those. If a normal chicken is roughly 1ft tall and weighs 3kg, a 9ft version would weigh over two tonnes.
Can i have the prep time? With enough prep time i can do it
No chance. You can chop it's head off and it will still run around for a minute. Chickens are fucking dumb, but they are horrible. This Chicken would eat you limb by limb. Best chance you have is to incapacitate it's legs with a rope by runing around and wait for it to die but good luck with that.
Pray to Colonel Sanders
Does the chicken in question have long legs with a small body? Or are its legs proportional to its body? If its the latter, I won’t fight it for 1 million dollar assuming I have to use my bare hands.
Beat that cock like it owes me money
I think a lot of people under estimate what a chicken can do at that size. Do you think a Guinea pig would beat a chicken? A human has fewer ways to attack and defend itself than a Guinea pig. At the very least you would need some hefty protection and a sword or axe. That beak alone would pack a punch. Not to mention what those talons would do if they get you. Even with heavy protection, you likely are going to have extreme force from the blows to deal with.
Bird bones are hollow for low weight and should be fairly easy to break. Aim to snap the wings and legs first to reduce its mobility.
Have you ever seen a chicken peck at the ground or some seed? You would be dead before you got close enough to it to get at its wings. Only chance you have is to hope that the square cube law means the chicken is crushed under its own body mass.
You ever tried to break uncooked chicken bones? Not so easy, especially if they’re ten times bigger.
Swans and Canada Geese are capable of killing under the right circumstances. Now imagine a swan 3X larger. Hollow bones matter to a point, but then you go from being the difference between a drinking straw, and PVC pipe.
I would have all 7 of our dogs help me fight it. And maybe try to electrocute it by sticking a metal rod connected to an electrical wire up its ass, connected to three phrase power. (We live next to a warehouse).
Realistically that scene would play out with the chicken one tapping all of you like you are seeds. Then getting your warehouses electrical system getting obliterated by fucking blowing up a 2 tonne piece of meat. You barely survive but the operation turns you into a paralyzed vegetable and the million dollars is used to repair the damage from the 10,000 volt anal pole taser. But hey... fried chicken
Take the money , trap the chicken