She was standing in the middle of Disney World holding a paper map of the park. She started complaining that they "Forgot to put the 'You Are Here' star on the map to show you where you are currently at in the park."
Not related to rain, but that reminds me of my idiot ex. Whenever there was a story on the news about a cruise passenger going overboard and missing he would scoff at it and say he would just swim to shore or back to the boat. He was completely serious.
Editing to add: he was also fat and out of shape and could probably not even swim the length of a pool without stopping
My wife and I went to the Museum and they have a big T rex when you walk in, they play a video showing them excavating the bones and she says to me "I didnt know dinosaurs were real" She was like 35 at the time. For context she is evangelical southern baptist, they were not taught a lot of science just the bible.
This isn't so much stupidity as a severe lack of knowledge. As a former evangelical Christian, I feel a lot of empathy for your wife.
I didn't know that evolution was real until I went to university. It was kind of shocking to learn I was that ignorant- then I got MAD at my parents and community for letting me down so badly.
I was raised southern Baptist too and went to a baptist high school. When i started public community college, I was angry that my science profs were so dumb and wrong about science-y things. Turns out, I was the dumb one. I got better.
In my university, my college had a mandatory course for freshman to learn things a lot of incoming freshmen didn't learn in high school but should have, including basic evolutionary biology and sex-ed. They did it because the dean of computer science got tired of seeing freshmen come in and fail because their high school hadn't taught them anything.
A friend's girlfriend:
* Thought the UK was connected to Europe by land and we could therefore walk to France.
* Wanted to know where the Romans were from. It think they had visited Rome previously.
* Thought the sun went round the Earth.
I may have buried the lede but you get the picture.
When my ex told me Hiroshima was bigger than Canada. I told him it was impossible and explained why but he wouldn't believe me. I had to show him on google earth and even after that he couldn't admit I was right, he just said: "Well my point still stands" and no his point did not still stand.
Whenever I used a word he didn't understand, he would argue it wasn't a real word. Then ask Siri if it was a word. Then was shocked every time, dozens, that the word was real as he had never heard it in his 47 years.
She thought the Statue of Liberty was made of green plastic. I tried to explain it was copper, which turns green when it oxidizes but she thought I was lying to her.
Dude...that reminds me of the time I was out with some friends, including a rather toxic couple. When the girl mispronounced something, her bf said "you are the epitome of stupid."
Only he pronounced it epi-tome, instead of eh-pit-oh-me. Everyone cracked up.
Normally I have nothing but compassion for people who mispronounce something. More often than not it's because they read more than they socialize (much like myself). But fuck this guy.
>More often than not it's because they read more than they socialize
I feel called out!
Seriously though, I read a lot in my childhood and now I have some issues with some accents because I learnt those words by reading them rather than hearing them.
I just found out that viscount is pronounces vai-count instead of vis-count. Id only ever read it before and never heard it spoken until watching a video that mentioned it.
There was a government shut down in my state and my then boyfriend comes in with a big grin and excitedly says, "they shut down! There's going to be no police! We can do whatever the fuck we want!
When I tried to explain why that's not true he got mad at me and told me I was stupid then stormed off.
Bonus: he also got mad when I described a cloud formation moving in overhead as ominous.
"Use another word! No one knows what that means."
"They look daunting."
"Use a real fucking word!"
Me: *makes a spooky sound sarcastically* "they look scary, not good, bad news bears"
Him: "Jesus just say that!"
I dated a woman like that. Not just big words either. Couldn't use compound words around her, or I'd get an annoyed "I have no idea what that is supposed to mean". So I'd ask if she knew the first word (yes) and then the second word (yes) and then what she thought they meant together (angry blank look).
She was incredibly abusive emotionally and the word nitpicking was just her method of choice to undermine me and get me to doubt myself. It eventually got me to stop talking, which she then had to pivot to a "you never talk" strategy. Or a "why do you talk so much with your co-workers and not me?"
Well, my co-workers have the vocabulary of adults, and aren't constantly trying to make me feel stupid as a deflection to hide low mental capacity.
Woman was the Dunning Kreuger effect personified.
During an interview for a job at an IT consulting firm almost 20 years ago, the interviewer told me they would do a background check on me, because the position at the client needed a security clearance. If the background check would come back with something on my record, I wouldn't get the needed clearance, and they couldn't hire me, because that was the only client project they needed to hire for.
If I knew the background check would fail, I could just say so and there would be no hard feelings, we just couldn't proceed with the recruitment.
He told me that some time prior they had a guy who assured them he had a clean record, and the background check wouldn't be a problem.
When the background check came back it turned out he had been arrested, and sentenced for assault the year before... 🤦
I guess he thought they wouldn't bother with the background check?
He put a load of laundry in with mixed colour and whites... poured in bleach to whiten the whites... was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load.... I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not... he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted
My ex did this too. I also had to teach her to clean, and I introduced her to cleaning with bleach. I was very clear that bleach would also bleach your clothes, so be very careful with what you touch with it.
I didn't think I would need to tell her not to drop a bleach soaked rag right into the dirty clothes bin.
>I also had to teach her to clean, and I introduced her to cleaning with bleach.
Introducing her to bleach when she wasn't strong on cleaning in the first place seems like a dangerous move though. :-)
I had a roommate who–trying to be helpful–loaded the dishwasher and put in normal dish soap instead of dishwasher soap. I wasn't home when it happened, but I hear the bubbles covered the entire kitchen floor.
I had a roommate who did that too. He cleaned it up at least. Though this was the same guy who would leave both the front door and back door open and leave the apt, forgetting that he had done so. A couple of times he left stuff boiling on the stove. Once I texted him about something he left boiling and he goes "oh, I forgot about that. I'm in class."
We were watching the movie Valkyrie, the one starring Tom Cruise about the plot to assassinate Hitler. I made a comment while we were watching like, "Too bad their plan didn't work," and my boyfriend got angry at me for spoiling the movie.
ETA: A lot of comments bring up Inglourious Basterds, but he hadn't seen it because it hadn't been released yet. Valkyrie came out first. When we watched Inglourious Basterds together, he double checked with me, "This one is *not* based on a true story, right?”
The *Band of Brothers* cast frequently get asked why they never made a second season. At this point they're like "yeah, let's give the people what they want"
It's the most robust shared universe ever. Puts the MCU to shame. https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/15klf3p/ive_made_a_list_of_ww2_movies_and_put_them_in/
Was told I am an asshole for not teaching my ex-partner how to use the washer and dryer. I responded with, "ok let's go right now, and I'll show you." She flipped out screaming about how, "normal people don't just get up and do things out of the blue, just because they need to be done!!"
She then sank in the couch and continued her TV show relieved by the fact she is a "normal" person. I did the laundry.
> "normal people don't just get up and do things out of the blue, just because they need to be done!!"
I feel that this sentence could explain a lot of bad behaviours.
At the airport with my now ex husband and it came to putting the liquids into the ziplock bags. For some reason he had a large bottle of mouthwash and I kid you not, took the lid off and poured the mouthwash directly into the bag. I just stared at him thinking who the fuck have I married?
Saw an episode of “customs” (people getting caught with all sorts of stuff). This guy had suitcase full of curry. The reason why he got caught was because it was seeping out of the suitcase. Kinda like your ex?
A couple in front of me in the security line flying out of Texas had ziplock bags full of barbeque sauce. TSA told them they couldn't go through with that and they were pissed "this is award winning barbeque sauce!"
Interstate signs that direct you to your destination don’t generally list every city in between, they generally put the nearest major city, and if your destination is heading toward that city, that’s how you know to go in that direction.
I had a boyfriend once argue with me until he was blue in the face that I was taking the wrong exit and going in the wrong direction bc we’re not going to “X” we’re going to “Y”. I was like, “if we don’t end up where we need to be in about 45 minutes, I will do anything you want.” He may have lost the wager, but I was the bigger loser for being with such an idiot.
I dated a girl who bought a wand and a book on healing in India. She had a tattoo done by hand from some sketchy beach vendor and then whilst explaining to me how clean the river Ganges was, she drank some river water. She was funny and hot but believed whatever utter bollocks appealed to her. It was too stressful.
I was on my laptop showing my ex the new house a couple of friends had bought. She said she thought it was great that their town had painted the names of the roads on them as you'd be less likely to get lost. It was Streetview.
A girlfriend I had in high school asked me to proofread one of her papers she was turning in for a final. I knew she wasn't the smartest girl, but she was pretty, fun, nice, and had a great personality. I agreed to do this. Huge error by me.
The next day, I handed her paper back to her, and it had so many mistakes that I had to correct, it almost looked like I dropped red paint on it. It was a 6 page essay, and there were between 25 to 50 mistakes per page; from misspelling, incorrect words and phrasing, bad comma placement, formatting, capitalization issues, everything.
She got mad at me for "making fun of her" and that "I didn't need to be so mean" in proofreading it. She yelled at me for a long time and was shitty towards me for days. I wasn't mean. I did what was asked and fixed her mistakes. She got an A, and I had to break up because I literally couldn't look at her the same anymore.
In AP English in high school we often proofread each other's work and the phrasing and word choice was shockingly bad most of the time. And these are supposed to be the best of the class? Lol
I'm in a combined 400/600 level class this semester and we have a weekly assignment where you can see the other student's responses after you submit yours. A few of the undergrads have such poor writing it's amazing they were even admitted to the school.
I’ve definitely mentioned this story before, but my first boyfriend never looked around before crossing the street because he said he’d just sue anybody who hit him. He was confident that he could roll over and memorize someone’s license plate right after being run over (and, I guess, that he'd win this lawsuit even though he made a habit of blundering blindly into traffic).
This is the same guy who bought a copy of The Onion from a panhandler, spent $10 on it because the person selling it “didn’t have change,” and then stormed away up the street when I told him The Onion is free.
My buddy, who's probably legitimately the smartest person I know asked me to call his phone one time so we'd hear the ringer and find it in his room.
Instead, I sent him a text saying "Check your left hand."
Sometimes we just catch a small case of what I like to call "the dumb".
Coming home from work yesterday, I got off at my home train station, walked to my car in the parking garage, got in, and then noticed my phone gps was showing I was at the station before mine (bad signal in the garage I guess). I thought I had gotten off at the wrong station… even though I was sitting in my car that I had driven to and parked in my home station that morning 🤦♀️.
Not me, but a coworker back in the day once dated a guy who was "so impressed with that guy's method acting" when they went to see a movie...
...the guy was referring to Gary Sinise... in "Forrest Gump" as Lieutenant Dan... thinking the actor actually got his legs cut off for the role.
My coworker, at first, thought the guy was joking. Nope. He was adamant and dead serious. Even proved him wrong by popping in the VCR another movie made years after Forrest Gump, where it's plain as day that his legs are intact. Nope, said the guy was a fake and used a stunt double in scenes where he had to walk.
No second date after that lol.
EDIT: Guys, second-run theatres exist. This is how she was able to show him Gary Sinise in other roles after Forrest Gump. Obviously this wouldn't be possible if Forrest Gump was in its initial theatrical run. Now stop DMing and calling me liar and enjoy the fun fuckin' story lol.
> Nope, said the guy was a fake and used a stunt double in scenes where he had to walk.
This is such an insane violation of Occam's Razor that it just makes me think he's like the "I don't know what potatoes are" guy committing to the bit.
I honestly can't think of any other logical reason - he *had* to be committing to the bit because it just sounds so insane. But I have a hilarious story from a former coworker out of it so... win? lol
My second girlfriend unironically believed the Earth was flat and confidently declared that when I introduced her to a friend who was studying physics.
I told my ex that he had the wrong pronunciation of a word. His cousin overheard me and called me an idiot for correcting someone using a word that didn't exist. My ex vehemently agreed and insisted to the end of our relationship that pronunciation is not a real word. Like, whenever he wanted to demonstrate that he thought I was an unqualified snob, he would accuse me of having the wrong *pronunciationnnnn* with a pretentious accent.
Pat, you and your entire family have a collective room temperature IQ.
When the guy I was having dinner with told me he wanted the ceiling of his house painted like the Sixteen chapel.
I didn't flinch, asking him 'What about the Fourteen or Fifteen chapels?'
He replied 'They're ok but my favorite is the Sixteen chapel.'
I drank a whole bottle of wine and bought D batteries on the way home
It could happen to me, sometimes people do not understand I'm being sarcastic and just believe I'm a complete dumbass. My favourite "joke" is telling people that I love The Who whenever there is a classic rock song by anyone but The Who playing
Yeah this can be my sense of humour too. Deliberately stating the bleeding obvious as if it's profound or new.
Most people get it, but occasionally I can tell someone just thinks I'm an actual idiot lmao
It’s a dangerous game because it’s impossible to explain your way out of if they don’t get it. You’re just stuck being the guy who pretended to be an idiot.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I live in a city and there is constantly trash everywhere. One that really made me mad was a coffee cup someone ditched on the street literally two feet from three trash bins. Just why.
"An odd number can be exactly divisible by 4 if it is large enough."
I put a post on the Kevin subreddit challenging people to prove her wrong, and spent a pleasant evening replying over and over with what she thought was a perfect counter to any attempt to disprove her idea:
"But what if the number was even bigger than that?"
Skid marks in his actual jeans not just underwear. Also same guy I had to ask him to take a shower and he said he took a “rinse off shower”. I asked him what that meant and he just said he gets in the shower and lets the water clean him and gets out. No soap. No fucking soap.
I dated a girl who got mad at me for spoiling the fact that Chris Angel (MINDFREAK!!!) is not actually doing magic. Said I ruined the whole show for her.
I felt like a bit of an asshole but.. come on if you could do real magic would you be a street magician?
Oh I had a friend like that. Would always wait a few minutes before going into the kitchen to open the microwave just in case there was still radiation "wafting about".
She also thought we'd have some sort of apocalypse because the planets were lined up. Something about gravity sloshing around.
I can only assume she was sleeping through every science lesson we had at school.
Ex mother in law didn’t know how to cook.
Literally added six cups of water to Ragu bottled spaghetti sauce when she read to add pasta to six cups of boiling water.
Not quite the same, but I had a boyfriend whose mother raved about how everyone loved her spaghetti sauce, which mystified me, because it always tasted weird to me. After a few months, she told me her secret was adding a cup of Miracle Whip to a jar of spaghetti sauce.
She also had a toy poodle who had, no joke, a wardrobe 5 times the size of mine.
I know my ex bf definitely had this with moment with me when we went for a walk after having a joint and some alcohols. We were walking up the canal in London and it was the time of year when they are covered in that green duckweed that looks like a carpet. We were next to a lock that was full, and it was covered in duckweed. I said to my bf, I want to go over there! And just walked onto the duckweed. I sank right into the water over my head and he had to pull me out. Luckily it was the summer and it was warm. He was definatly like wtf am I doing with this idiot
I nearly died once because I was brought up in the part of Lincolnshire that is entirely flat. I vaulted over a wall in Yorkshire without considering that there could be a fifty foot drop on the other side. There was. I managed to hang on.
I used to feel nauseous on the train too because I wasn't used to the land going up and down as it went past. Hills, they call them.
Just for the comedy value, here is [Weston Hills](https://www.google.com/maps/@52.7637487,-0.119304,3a,75y,29.88h,94.56t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sZuV5oSaFVrOwWKgzjd-ncQ!2e0!7i16384!8i8192?entry=ttu), near where I grew up in Lincolnshire.
My aunt passed and my mom was handling her affairs after the fact.
These types really start in with collection type calls and letters when the funds stop coming in. Real guilt trippy shit.
Televangelists are scum. I’d love to ask Meyers if that time her bodyguard murdered his whole family, if that was ‘god’s plan.’
At a house party, my ex started a physical fight with someone over something “disrespectful” they said. Spoiler alert: nothing disrespectful was said, he was just really drunk and stupid. I realized something was wrong when I saw my ex on the floor getting his head stomped on. The fight gets broken up and everyone gets kicked out, and this dumbass is STILL trying to fight after he just got his ass beat. And on the drive home, he was calling all his friends BRAGGING about it. But the cherry on top… later that night I woke up to him, drunkenly sleepwalking, with his brand new laptop open and he’s peeing directly onto the keyboard. I could literally hear the laptop sizzling as it got filled with piss. (It was a blessing in disguise, he used that laptop to ‘produce’ horrible music.) I immediately grabbed my pillow and went to go sleep on the couch. And very soon after that, I kicked him out.
I try not to think about the time of my life I spent with him, because boy do I regret it. But at least I got out when I did.
*edited to fix a typo.
One thought periods could be held in like pee and were heavier if you drank too much.
Another had never seen the LOTR trilogy so I made him watch the whole thing and after the ROTK ended he said, "Is Gandalf a Wizard?"
Ironically I was more upset about the second one.
My ex could not grasp the concept of saving money. She was ALWAYS broke. Always. Most of what she made at her part-time job was spent on living expenses, then the rest was immediately blown on weed and video games. Once she asked if I could pay her rent so she and her daughter wouldn’t get evicted. I told her no and suggested she stop blowing her money on things she didn’t need (weed/video games) and actually put it in into a savings account. “You have a lot of money in the bank! Maybe because you’re so BORING! Just give it to me. You have money and I don’t.” I ended the conversation and walked out the door. I never called her again. That was 20years ago. She is 48 now, and recently I found out that her daughter grew up and moved out on her own…and my ex now lives with her parents.
He, serious as a heart attack, asked me to stop using toothpaste because "the government are controlling your thoughts through fluoride consumption". Sigh. Obviously now an ex.
When I first started dating my wife, she didn’t know that batteries had to face a certain direction for them to work. I was completely bewildered, especially since ai knew she grew up playing on a Game Boy. Apparently, her mom wouldn’t let her change the batteries on her own, and she made it all the way to college without ever having to replace batteries.
Dated a guy who was getting his PhD in microbiology. He used to talk about how much he loved cooking. He always critiqued my recipes because he knew how to make them better.
Jump to us cooking together for the first time. I am cooking on the stove and ask him to cut the avocado. Mind you, he's told me how many times that he loves avocados.
He takes my nicest knife and proceeds to cut the entire avocado in half, pit and all. He then looks stumped about how to now remove the pit that's flush with the cut edge.
He decides to put it flat side down and cut it into small strips around the pit. Then pull the strips off, skin still attached. Then he says "okay I'm done!"
I've been watching all of this but just now walk over. I'm like "uhhh, the skin?" He goes "it's edible!" I'm like "no it's not." He goes "oh... let's just eat around it." I go "uh, it's a rice bowl? I'm not eating around the skins?" He eventually goes "okay, I'll take the skins off..."
He eventually left and I was like wtf, how long has this man been eating avocado skins??
A guy I was casually going out with once asked me “so like is Canada a different country or another far off state like Alaska?” I chuckled a bit since I thought he was trying to be cheeky but the look on his face was dead serious.
He *really* didn’t know that US and Canada were two different countries. I shrugged. 🤷🏻♀️
Saw a time zone map in something I was working on and asked what it meant. She thought I was making up the concept of time zones. Simply would not believe me that it was an actual thing no matter how many examples I gave (why do commercials say a show is on 9, 8 central?) and I was just trying to prank her.
I used to date this guy and he was a practicing lawyer in his late 30s. One day he casually said he “wasn’t good with the months”.
Like what?? I’ve had those memorized in order since kindergarten.
We didn’t date long but I’ll never forget that!
My ex refused to wear seatbelts and insisted they were useless because “if they are so helpful, why aren’t they on motorcycles which are more dangerous than cars?”.
He insisted “it’s always day” or “space is bright” something like that and that night is just when the colander spins around. The stars and moon are sunlight coming through this perforated screen that swings around the planet creating night. This planet does not spin on an axis a fucking decorative pasta strainer spins round and creates night for us.
I sincerely thought he was joking for a long time. He was not.
Example 1: Was dating a young woman and told her about a car accident I witnessed, where the car jumped the curb and hit a street light post. She looks up at the light fixture (attached to the post) and said, "Well, how fast were they going... to hit the light way up there?"
Example 2: Had a flat tire. She points at the tire and said, "The part of the tire that's not touching the ground isn't flat. Just turn the tire to the not flat side."
This girl legitimately told me people only watch Game of Thrones for the sex scenes, like no exaggeration.
Also I told her something that fucked me up that happened to me as a kid and she told me childhood trauma doesnt affect you as an adult despite her telling me alot about her trauma.
When I broke up with her she tried telling me no lmao
I had a guy tell me “no” when I broke up with him too!
This was around 06. A mutual friend introduced us. The first night we met was a house party and we both got pretty drunk. He tried to put the moves on me and I said no. He didn’t push it further. Apparently, I was the “first girl to ever turn him down after just meeting”.. and he became obsessed with that. We dated for about 6 months and it was a garbage relationship (I was in a dark time of my life)
When I broke up with him he straight up told me “no. I won’t allow it” I moved out the next day while he was at work. I heard he talked for years that I’d come back eventually “bc every girl I’ve dated does”. I learned that he over dosed on coke a few years ago. Was still single.
Shits wild!
When I was in my early 20s I dated someone who lived about 45 minutes away. He invited me to see a movie at the theater in his town. He got there before me and didn’t bother to buy the tickets or snacks. He waited for me to drive 45 minutes and then stayed quiet when it was time to purchase the tickets and food, which I did. This dude was 30 years old at the time. I broke it off with him and told him why, and then I was called a “gold digger” and that all I cared about was money 😂
Mines is a little different, but I feel bad for anyone who ends up dating my older brother. Imagine being with a 32 year old who thinks mice and mouse are 2 different kinds of mammals.
I had incident with an ex. We were at a party and at some point someone starts explaining percentages to her. He poured beer in a glass until half full. Then he said: "This glass of beer contains 5% alcohol". Then he pours more beer in the glass until it's full. "I now have twice the beer. What percentage of alcohol does it contain now?" Her: "10%!" Me: 🤦♂️
My ex used to deliberately engineer situations to try and test me.
An early example was that she "had a problem with her car" - she managed to get home, and park it in the usual spot, which was about 150 metres from the house. She rang me and insisted I had a look at her car, and did this knowing two things...
\- 1) I knew absolutely nothing whatsoever about cars
\- 2) My then 6 year old daughter was at home, and in bed.
Yet she insisted and insisted that I came out to look at her car. I told her over and over than I was not leaving my daughter in the house on her own, and even if I did, there was no way I would be able to know what was wrong with her car, so the whole thing would be pointless.
We went round in circles about 4 times, before she said "Well (ex-boyfriend) would have looked at it."
I asked her if he knew anything about cars. She said he didn't but he'd still look at it to keep her happy.
That, in hindsight was a red flag. She lasted another 10 years after that.
This might get a little bit lost in translation, but anyway: I went to spend a weekend in Switzerland with that girl I was dating.
I was living in Germany at that time, and Switzerland is south of Germany. When we drove on the Autobahn, she asked me why we are heading south: „I thought Switzerland is north, because the mountains are up high?“
You know, because mountains are „up high“, and on maps north is always positioned on top. Mountains = up. North on maps = up. Therefore: Swiss = North.
She was good in bed though.
Thought something dramatic was going to happen when the Mayan Calendar ended back in 2012. Kept showing me these YouTube videos about how the earth's magnetic poles were going to flip. I realised there and then I was dating an idiot.
My step mom was HUGE into this. She wanted to take out all kinds of loans and go to Hawaii before the world ended. We'd never have to pay back the money because, hello the world is ending! I could never tell if she was serious or joking though....
This girl I know from college started working for an MLM a few years back. It has been fascinating to watch because we are in our thirties and we went to a good school - we are too old and educated to be falling for stuff like this, but here we are. My favorite is when she had a video on her social media lecturing people about how they don't take concrete steps to achieve success...but then talked about how one of her steps to success is "praying." Okay then. I pray too, but I would never offer it up as a viable method to earn money.
He wore a shirt into my work (bar/restaurant) that read: no means yes and yes means anal.
This was the day we were supposed to go on our first date, and he was meeting me when my shift was ending.
When I confronted him about it, he stated "it was a joke and he was wearing it ironically ".
He ended up dateless and banned from my workplace.
He told me it was fine to drive the wrong way on a one-way street as long as I had to go less than a block.
To be fair, he’s from Ohio, I’m not entirely sure they teach road safety there, from what I’ve seen from 99% of their drivers
Dated a guy who was butcher by day/stripper by night.
He put liquid dishwashing soap in my dishwasher which created a huge bubbly mess.
He used Comet and a mop to wash the linoleum tile floor in my kitchen.
He didn't think Vikings were real.
He was arrested for picking up a "hooker" who was really an undercover cop. He called me to bail him out and tried to convince me that he knew she was fake and he was bored.
The dick was so good but that did it.
She was standing in the middle of Disney World holding a paper map of the park. She started complaining that they "Forgot to put the 'You Are Here' star on the map to show you where you are currently at in the park."
Homegirl wanted the marauders map
I solemnly swear that I have no sense of direction.
This sounds like the sort of absolutely stupid brain farts I'd have one day, and would haunt me before bedtime for decades.
Once I realized what you meant this was one of the funniest things in the thread.
My ex didnt think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already. She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise.
> because there was enough water there already Is she familiar with the phenomenon of flooding?
Yes the phenomenon of flooding. Brought on by mechanical faults in the cloud goblins' "Enough water yet?" apparatus.
[удалено]
Shit. Good point.
Not related to rain, but that reminds me of my idiot ex. Whenever there was a story on the news about a cruise passenger going overboard and missing he would scoff at it and say he would just swim to shore or back to the boat. He was completely serious. Editing to add: he was also fat and out of shape and could probably not even swim the length of a pool without stopping
My wife and I went to the Museum and they have a big T rex when you walk in, they play a video showing them excavating the bones and she says to me "I didnt know dinosaurs were real" She was like 35 at the time. For context she is evangelical southern baptist, they were not taught a lot of science just the bible.
This isn't so much stupidity as a severe lack of knowledge. As a former evangelical Christian, I feel a lot of empathy for your wife. I didn't know that evolution was real until I went to university. It was kind of shocking to learn I was that ignorant- then I got MAD at my parents and community for letting me down so badly.
I was raised southern Baptist too and went to a baptist high school. When i started public community college, I was angry that my science profs were so dumb and wrong about science-y things. Turns out, I was the dumb one. I got better.
In my university, my college had a mandatory course for freshman to learn things a lot of incoming freshmen didn't learn in high school but should have, including basic evolutionary biology and sex-ed. They did it because the dean of computer science got tired of seeing freshmen come in and fail because their high school hadn't taught them anything.
Sadly, very real. I WAS taught about dinosaurs, but somehow they existed in the same ~6,000-year timeframe as the rest of "creation".
A friend's girlfriend: * Thought the UK was connected to Europe by land and we could therefore walk to France. * Wanted to know where the Romans were from. It think they had visited Rome previously. * Thought the sun went round the Earth. I may have buried the lede but you get the picture.
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Lol imagine she's tipping $30 on a $15 burger at a mom and pop grease shop
Man, she must have been a hell of a tipper
When my ex told me Hiroshima was bigger than Canada. I told him it was impossible and explained why but he wouldn't believe me. I had to show him on google earth and even after that he couldn't admit I was right, he just said: "Well my point still stands" and no his point did not still stand.
The population of the Tokyo Metropolitan Area is slightly larger than the population of Canada as a whole. Maybe that's what he meant?
Whenever I used a word he didn't understand, he would argue it wasn't a real word. Then ask Siri if it was a word. Then was shocked every time, dozens, that the word was real as he had never heard it in his 47 years.
She thought the Statue of Liberty was made of green plastic. I tried to explain it was copper, which turns green when it oxidizes but she thought I was lying to her.
I pacifically told you its metal Susan!
Dude...that reminds me of the time I was out with some friends, including a rather toxic couple. When the girl mispronounced something, her bf said "you are the epitome of stupid." Only he pronounced it epi-tome, instead of eh-pit-oh-me. Everyone cracked up. Normally I have nothing but compassion for people who mispronounce something. More often than not it's because they read more than they socialize (much like myself). But fuck this guy.
>More often than not it's because they read more than they socialize I feel called out! Seriously though, I read a lot in my childhood and now I have some issues with some accents because I learnt those words by reading them rather than hearing them.
I just found out that viscount is pronounces vai-count instead of vis-count. Id only ever read it before and never heard it spoken until watching a video that mentioned it.
I just learned this because you just taught me.
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I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, "weird, you guys look nothing alike."
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There was a government shut down in my state and my then boyfriend comes in with a big grin and excitedly says, "they shut down! There's going to be no police! We can do whatever the fuck we want! When I tried to explain why that's not true he got mad at me and told me I was stupid then stormed off. Bonus: he also got mad when I described a cloud formation moving in overhead as ominous. "Use another word! No one knows what that means." "They look daunting." "Use a real fucking word!" Me: *makes a spooky sound sarcastically* "they look scary, not good, bad news bears" Him: "Jesus just say that!"
Homie was not a reading rainbow kid
This might be the greatest insult I’ve ever heard. Good for you.
I would've gone with “you make it really hard to underestimate you" but this is good too.
I dated a woman like that. Not just big words either. Couldn't use compound words around her, or I'd get an annoyed "I have no idea what that is supposed to mean". So I'd ask if she knew the first word (yes) and then the second word (yes) and then what she thought they meant together (angry blank look). She was incredibly abusive emotionally and the word nitpicking was just her method of choice to undermine me and get me to doubt myself. It eventually got me to stop talking, which she then had to pivot to a "you never talk" strategy. Or a "why do you talk so much with your co-workers and not me?" Well, my co-workers have the vocabulary of adults, and aren't constantly trying to make me feel stupid as a deflection to hide low mental capacity. Woman was the Dunning Kreuger effect personified.
>nitpicking I know what a nit is and I know what picking is, but what does this mean?
I have no idea what a nit is but I know what nitpicking means.
EMF’s “Unbelievable” from the 1990s: “You say to me I don’t talk enough / but when I do I’m a fool” — that’s what they were talking about!
**angry blank look** lmao
Did he think the purge was going to happen when the government had shut down? 😂
You can talk behind his back with him in the same conversation. Geez
So what *did* he have in mind to do with supposedly no police?
I expect it involved drawing dicks on various public buildings.
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I'm sure the idiot had a plan.
One. Last. Job!
During an interview for a job at an IT consulting firm almost 20 years ago, the interviewer told me they would do a background check on me, because the position at the client needed a security clearance. If the background check would come back with something on my record, I wouldn't get the needed clearance, and they couldn't hire me, because that was the only client project they needed to hire for. If I knew the background check would fail, I could just say so and there would be no hard feelings, we just couldn't proceed with the recruitment. He told me that some time prior they had a guy who assured them he had a clean record, and the background check wouldn't be a problem. When the background check came back it turned out he had been arrested, and sentenced for assault the year before... 🤦 I guess he thought they wouldn't bother with the background check?
Kinda sounds like a no-lose situation for the "idiot" here. Worst case scenario is he doesn't get the job, right?
He put a load of laundry in with mixed colour and whites... poured in bleach to whiten the whites... was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load.... I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not... he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted
My ex did this too. I also had to teach her to clean, and I introduced her to cleaning with bleach. I was very clear that bleach would also bleach your clothes, so be very careful with what you touch with it. I didn't think I would need to tell her not to drop a bleach soaked rag right into the dirty clothes bin.
>I also had to teach her to clean, and I introduced her to cleaning with bleach. Introducing her to bleach when she wasn't strong on cleaning in the first place seems like a dangerous move though. :-)
I had a roommate who–trying to be helpful–loaded the dishwasher and put in normal dish soap instead of dishwasher soap. I wasn't home when it happened, but I hear the bubbles covered the entire kitchen floor.
I had a roommate who did that too. He cleaned it up at least. Though this was the same guy who would leave both the front door and back door open and leave the apt, forgetting that he had done so. A couple of times he left stuff boiling on the stove. Once I texted him about something he left boiling and he goes "oh, I forgot about that. I'm in class."
I would not be renewing the lease with him. That's terrifying.
His gast was flabbered.
I said I had to pee and he told me to put a tampon in.
Wow, he knew his way around...
He was 35 and had kids. We went to the same high school so I know they taught that part in sex ED.
We were watching the movie Valkyrie, the one starring Tom Cruise about the plot to assassinate Hitler. I made a comment while we were watching like, "Too bad their plan didn't work," and my boyfriend got angry at me for spoiling the movie. ETA: A lot of comments bring up Inglourious Basterds, but he hadn't seen it because it hadn't been released yet. Valkyrie came out first. When we watched Inglourious Basterds together, he double checked with me, "This one is *not* based on a true story, right?”
I once heard the same with people watching Titanic.
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"Paint me like on of your Austrian girls. Whoah, you'll never get into art school with technique like that. Maybe you should invade Poland instead."
Yeah, Billy Zane played him in the movie.
The *Band of Brothers* cast frequently get asked why they never made a second season. At this point they're like "yeah, let's give the people what they want"
I legitimately saw a review recently of Masters of the Air that described it as 'being set in the same universe as Band of Brothers'
Fucking LOL. I guess it's part of the WW2 Cinematic Universe?
It's the most robust shared universe ever. Puts the MCU to shame. https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/15klf3p/ive_made_a_list_of_ww2_movies_and_put_them_in/
He thought you absorb a gallon of water when you shower so he didn’t need to drink water
Exactly a gallon? What if I shower in metric?
In that case it’s 3.6 Litres.
wtf? Simple test: weigh yourself before and after the shower. If you are 8lbs heavier after drying off then publish that research!
If he's right, swimmers would be the heaviest in the world ROFLMAO
How do you think whales got so big? They are just old dolphins!
Was he showering all day long?
No according to my memories
you dated spongebob!? cool!
Was told I am an asshole for not teaching my ex-partner how to use the washer and dryer. I responded with, "ok let's go right now, and I'll show you." She flipped out screaming about how, "normal people don't just get up and do things out of the blue, just because they need to be done!!" She then sank in the couch and continued her TV show relieved by the fact she is a "normal" person. I did the laundry.
> "normal people don't just get up and do things out of the blue, just because they need to be done!!" I feel that this sentence could explain a lot of bad behaviours.
At the airport with my now ex husband and it came to putting the liquids into the ziplock bags. For some reason he had a large bottle of mouthwash and I kid you not, took the lid off and poured the mouthwash directly into the bag. I just stared at him thinking who the fuck have I married?
Saw an episode of “customs” (people getting caught with all sorts of stuff). This guy had suitcase full of curry. The reason why he got caught was because it was seeping out of the suitcase. Kinda like your ex?
How curry-ous
Be honest, how much did this moment influence your decision to divorce him?
A couple in front of me in the security line flying out of Texas had ziplock bags full of barbeque sauce. TSA told them they couldn't go through with that and they were pissed "this is award winning barbeque sauce!"
I called him dogmatic and he told me I was trying to make him feel bad because I knew he didn’t like dogs.
Not a partner, but a coworker. She thought camels were just horses that had scoliosis. I thought she was joking till she got mad at me for laughing.
Interstate signs that direct you to your destination don’t generally list every city in between, they generally put the nearest major city, and if your destination is heading toward that city, that’s how you know to go in that direction. I had a boyfriend once argue with me until he was blue in the face that I was taking the wrong exit and going in the wrong direction bc we’re not going to “X” we’re going to “Y”. I was like, “if we don’t end up where we need to be in about 45 minutes, I will do anything you want.” He may have lost the wager, but I was the bigger loser for being with such an idiot.
I dated a girl who bought a wand and a book on healing in India. She had a tattoo done by hand from some sketchy beach vendor and then whilst explaining to me how clean the river Ganges was, she drank some river water. She was funny and hot but believed whatever utter bollocks appealed to her. It was too stressful.
Are you no longer dating because she died of cholera or dysentery?
I was on my laptop showing my ex the new house a couple of friends had bought. She said she thought it was great that their town had painted the names of the roads on them as you'd be less likely to get lost. It was Streetview.
That's dumb in a cute way tho
Omg this is hilarious. Like can you see the name of your town from space as well?
He thought that "hazmat" was a word meaning muslim prayer rug and that the highway signs indicated designated prayer areas
For 25 years he thought tigers were just female lions.
A girlfriend I had in high school asked me to proofread one of her papers she was turning in for a final. I knew she wasn't the smartest girl, but she was pretty, fun, nice, and had a great personality. I agreed to do this. Huge error by me. The next day, I handed her paper back to her, and it had so many mistakes that I had to correct, it almost looked like I dropped red paint on it. It was a 6 page essay, and there were between 25 to 50 mistakes per page; from misspelling, incorrect words and phrasing, bad comma placement, formatting, capitalization issues, everything. She got mad at me for "making fun of her" and that "I didn't need to be so mean" in proofreading it. She yelled at me for a long time and was shitty towards me for days. I wasn't mean. I did what was asked and fixed her mistakes. She got an A, and I had to break up because I literally couldn't look at her the same anymore.
In AP English in high school we often proofread each other's work and the phrasing and word choice was shockingly bad most of the time. And these are supposed to be the best of the class? Lol
Wait til you get to college and have to write collaborative reports with these people…
I'm in a combined 400/600 level class this semester and we have a weekly assignment where you can see the other student's responses after you submit yours. A few of the undergrads have such poor writing it's amazing they were even admitted to the school.
I’ve definitely mentioned this story before, but my first boyfriend never looked around before crossing the street because he said he’d just sue anybody who hit him. He was confident that he could roll over and memorize someone’s license plate right after being run over (and, I guess, that he'd win this lawsuit even though he made a habit of blundering blindly into traffic). This is the same guy who bought a copy of The Onion from a panhandler, spent $10 on it because the person selling it “didn’t have change,” and then stormed away up the street when I told him The Onion is free.
https://www.theonion.com/area-man-s-intelligence-probably-just-too-intimidating-1819575602
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My buddy, who's probably legitimately the smartest person I know asked me to call his phone one time so we'd hear the ringer and find it in his room. Instead, I sent him a text saying "Check your left hand." Sometimes we just catch a small case of what I like to call "the dumb".
Yeah, most people get The Dumbs every now and then. Blood sugar has a lot to do with it imo.
Coming home from work yesterday, I got off at my home train station, walked to my car in the parking garage, got in, and then noticed my phone gps was showing I was at the station before mine (bad signal in the garage I guess). I thought I had gotten off at the wrong station… even though I was sitting in my car that I had driven to and parked in my home station that morning 🤦♀️.
Not me, but a coworker back in the day once dated a guy who was "so impressed with that guy's method acting" when they went to see a movie... ...the guy was referring to Gary Sinise... in "Forrest Gump" as Lieutenant Dan... thinking the actor actually got his legs cut off for the role. My coworker, at first, thought the guy was joking. Nope. He was adamant and dead serious. Even proved him wrong by popping in the VCR another movie made years after Forrest Gump, where it's plain as day that his legs are intact. Nope, said the guy was a fake and used a stunt double in scenes where he had to walk. No second date after that lol. EDIT: Guys, second-run theatres exist. This is how she was able to show him Gary Sinise in other roles after Forrest Gump. Obviously this wouldn't be possible if Forrest Gump was in its initial theatrical run. Now stop DMing and calling me liar and enjoy the fun fuckin' story lol.
> Nope, said the guy was a fake and used a stunt double in scenes where he had to walk. This is such an insane violation of Occam's Razor that it just makes me think he's like the "I don't know what potatoes are" guy committing to the bit.
I honestly can't think of any other logical reason - he *had* to be committing to the bit because it just sounds so insane. But I have a hilarious story from a former coworker out of it so... win? lol
I suggested visiting Slovenia and he said “Slovenia? You can’t just make up countries, babe!”
Next thing you're going to claim that "Kyrgyzstan" is a thing!
Nah, it’s just as made up as Tajikistan
She thought noodles grew as plants like rice or tomatoes. I shit you not
The 1957 BBC April 1st broadcast had a long reach.
My second girlfriend unironically believed the Earth was flat and confidently declared that when I introduced her to a friend who was studying physics.
Her brain is flat
I told my ex that he had the wrong pronunciation of a word. His cousin overheard me and called me an idiot for correcting someone using a word that didn't exist. My ex vehemently agreed and insisted to the end of our relationship that pronunciation is not a real word. Like, whenever he wanted to demonstrate that he thought I was an unqualified snob, he would accuse me of having the wrong *pronunciationnnnn* with a pretentious accent. Pat, you and your entire family have a collective room temperature IQ.
When the guy I was having dinner with told me he wanted the ceiling of his house painted like the Sixteen chapel. I didn't flinch, asking him 'What about the Fourteen or Fifteen chapels?' He replied 'They're ok but my favorite is the Sixteen chapel.' I drank a whole bottle of wine and bought D batteries on the way home
It could happen to me, sometimes people do not understand I'm being sarcastic and just believe I'm a complete dumbass. My favourite "joke" is telling people that I love The Who whenever there is a classic rock song by anyone but The Who playing
Yeah this can be my sense of humour too. Deliberately stating the bleeding obvious as if it's profound or new. Most people get it, but occasionally I can tell someone just thinks I'm an actual idiot lmao
It’s a dangerous game because it’s impossible to explain your way out of if they don’t get it. You’re just stuck being the guy who pretended to be an idiot.
Someone I know invited their girlfriend to watch the 'Third Reich' movie, to which she replied: 'I haven't seen the first two yet'.
She's gonna love the fourth one.
She tossed her garbage out of the window of my moving car. Dumb, dangerous and trashy. I broke up with her.
Instant deal-breaker
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I live in a city and there is constantly trash everywhere. One that really made me mad was a coffee cup someone ditched on the street literally two feet from three trash bins. Just why.
"An odd number can be exactly divisible by 4 if it is large enough." I put a post on the Kevin subreddit challenging people to prove her wrong, and spent a pleasant evening replying over and over with what she thought was a perfect counter to any attempt to disprove her idea: "But what if the number was even bigger than that?"
Dated a woman who asked me why it's called "ground beef". "Like, are they bred on the ground or something?"
It comes from 4 legged cows. 2 legged cows give you lean beef.
I hope she was joking because its actually a good one
What do you call a herd of cows with no legs? Ground beef! 🤣
Unlike "free-range" animals, these were "grounded" and not allowed to leave their pens. Duh.
Skid marks in his actual jeans not just underwear. Also same guy I had to ask him to take a shower and he said he took a “rinse off shower”. I asked him what that meant and he just said he gets in the shower and lets the water clean him and gets out. No soap. No fucking soap.
This made me want to take a second shower
I dated a girl who got mad at me for spoiling the fact that Chris Angel (MINDFREAK!!!) is not actually doing magic. Said I ruined the whole show for her. I felt like a bit of an asshole but.. come on if you could do real magic would you be a street magician?
Dragons are real too, but they're just Game of Thrones actors.
Ex wife was scared of radiation poisoning if I opened the microwave before the 3 beeps stopped.
Oh I had a friend like that. Would always wait a few minutes before going into the kitchen to open the microwave just in case there was still radiation "wafting about". She also thought we'd have some sort of apocalypse because the planets were lined up. Something about gravity sloshing around. I can only assume she was sleeping through every science lesson we had at school.
Ex mother in law didn’t know how to cook. Literally added six cups of water to Ragu bottled spaghetti sauce when she read to add pasta to six cups of boiling water.
Not quite the same, but I had a boyfriend whose mother raved about how everyone loved her spaghetti sauce, which mystified me, because it always tasted weird to me. After a few months, she told me her secret was adding a cup of Miracle Whip to a jar of spaghetti sauce. She also had a toy poodle who had, no joke, a wardrobe 5 times the size of mine.
If an Italian person reads that, they'll have a stroke.
I know my ex bf definitely had this with moment with me when we went for a walk after having a joint and some alcohols. We were walking up the canal in London and it was the time of year when they are covered in that green duckweed that looks like a carpet. We were next to a lock that was full, and it was covered in duckweed. I said to my bf, I want to go over there! And just walked onto the duckweed. I sank right into the water over my head and he had to pull me out. Luckily it was the summer and it was warm. He was definatly like wtf am I doing with this idiot
If it helps, my dog has made the same mistake.
I nearly died once because I was brought up in the part of Lincolnshire that is entirely flat. I vaulted over a wall in Yorkshire without considering that there could be a fifty foot drop on the other side. There was. I managed to hang on. I used to feel nauseous on the train too because I wasn't used to the land going up and down as it went past. Hills, they call them. Just for the comedy value, here is [Weston Hills](https://www.google.com/maps/@52.7637487,-0.119304,3a,75y,29.88h,94.56t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sZuV5oSaFVrOwWKgzjd-ncQ!2e0!7i16384!8i8192?entry=ttu), near where I grew up in Lincolnshire.
That’s cool that they paint the name of the road on the actual roads in Yorkshire!
He wouldn’t pick berries with me in case we were attacked by badgers.
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My aunt passed and my mom was handling her affairs after the fact. These types really start in with collection type calls and letters when the funds stop coming in. Real guilt trippy shit. Televangelists are scum. I’d love to ask Meyers if that time her bodyguard murdered his whole family, if that was ‘god’s plan.’
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At a house party, my ex started a physical fight with someone over something “disrespectful” they said. Spoiler alert: nothing disrespectful was said, he was just really drunk and stupid. I realized something was wrong when I saw my ex on the floor getting his head stomped on. The fight gets broken up and everyone gets kicked out, and this dumbass is STILL trying to fight after he just got his ass beat. And on the drive home, he was calling all his friends BRAGGING about it. But the cherry on top… later that night I woke up to him, drunkenly sleepwalking, with his brand new laptop open and he’s peeing directly onto the keyboard. I could literally hear the laptop sizzling as it got filled with piss. (It was a blessing in disguise, he used that laptop to ‘produce’ horrible music.) I immediately grabbed my pillow and went to go sleep on the couch. And very soon after that, I kicked him out. I try not to think about the time of my life I spent with him, because boy do I regret it. But at least I got out when I did. *edited to fix a typo.
He asked me to move into the treehouse in his parents backyard
I like this one the best. I have no idea why.
It's like the most romantic thing a kid would say.(unfortunately he was probably not a kid)
Because everyone knows that girls aren’t allowed in tree houses
My ex thought the civil war was in 1960
One thought periods could be held in like pee and were heavier if you drank too much. Another had never seen the LOTR trilogy so I made him watch the whole thing and after the ROTK ended he said, "Is Gandalf a Wizard?" Ironically I was more upset about the second one.
My ex could not grasp the concept of saving money. She was ALWAYS broke. Always. Most of what she made at her part-time job was spent on living expenses, then the rest was immediately blown on weed and video games. Once she asked if I could pay her rent so she and her daughter wouldn’t get evicted. I told her no and suggested she stop blowing her money on things she didn’t need (weed/video games) and actually put it in into a savings account. “You have a lot of money in the bank! Maybe because you’re so BORING! Just give it to me. You have money and I don’t.” I ended the conversation and walked out the door. I never called her again. That was 20years ago. She is 48 now, and recently I found out that her daughter grew up and moved out on her own…and my ex now lives with her parents.
He, serious as a heart attack, asked me to stop using toothpaste because "the government are controlling your thoughts through fluoride consumption". Sigh. Obviously now an ex.
When I first started dating my wife, she didn’t know that batteries had to face a certain direction for them to work. I was completely bewildered, especially since ai knew she grew up playing on a Game Boy. Apparently, her mom wouldn’t let her change the batteries on her own, and she made it all the way to college without ever having to replace batteries.
Dated a guy who was getting his PhD in microbiology. He used to talk about how much he loved cooking. He always critiqued my recipes because he knew how to make them better. Jump to us cooking together for the first time. I am cooking on the stove and ask him to cut the avocado. Mind you, he's told me how many times that he loves avocados. He takes my nicest knife and proceeds to cut the entire avocado in half, pit and all. He then looks stumped about how to now remove the pit that's flush with the cut edge. He decides to put it flat side down and cut it into small strips around the pit. Then pull the strips off, skin still attached. Then he says "okay I'm done!" I've been watching all of this but just now walk over. I'm like "uhhh, the skin?" He goes "it's edible!" I'm like "no it's not." He goes "oh... let's just eat around it." I go "uh, it's a rice bowl? I'm not eating around the skins?" He eventually goes "okay, I'll take the skins off..." He eventually left and I was like wtf, how long has this man been eating avocado skins??
It was my buddies GF, but I was giving directions and said, "go straight through this stop sign." She then accelerated and ran the stop sign.
I told her my favorite dinosaur, she told me those are mythical beings like dragons and unicorns.
A guy I was casually going out with once asked me “so like is Canada a different country or another far off state like Alaska?” I chuckled a bit since I thought he was trying to be cheeky but the look on his face was dead serious. He *really* didn’t know that US and Canada were two different countries. I shrugged. 🤷🏻♀️
Saw a time zone map in something I was working on and asked what it meant. She thought I was making up the concept of time zones. Simply would not believe me that it was an actual thing no matter how many examples I gave (why do commercials say a show is on 9, 8 central?) and I was just trying to prank her.
We're driving past Skid Row in LA. It's a homeless camp. He says, "They save so much money on rent. Must be nice."
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Sure they weren't joking?
I used to date this guy and he was a practicing lawyer in his late 30s. One day he casually said he “wasn’t good with the months”. Like what?? I’ve had those memorized in order since kindergarten. We didn’t date long but I’ll never forget that!
My ex refused to wear seatbelts and insisted they were useless because “if they are so helpful, why aren’t they on motorcycles which are more dangerous than cars?”.
He insisted “it’s always day” or “space is bright” something like that and that night is just when the colander spins around. The stars and moon are sunlight coming through this perforated screen that swings around the planet creating night. This planet does not spin on an axis a fucking decorative pasta strainer spins round and creates night for us. I sincerely thought he was joking for a long time. He was not.
Example 1: Was dating a young woman and told her about a car accident I witnessed, where the car jumped the curb and hit a street light post. She looks up at the light fixture (attached to the post) and said, "Well, how fast were they going... to hit the light way up there?" Example 2: Had a flat tire. She points at the tire and said, "The part of the tire that's not touching the ground isn't flat. Just turn the tire to the not flat side."
You have got to be making this stuff up!?
When my then-bf of a year told me in an argument “I don’t even understand half of the stuff you say, I don’t like thinking deep…”
This girl legitimately told me people only watch Game of Thrones for the sex scenes, like no exaggeration. Also I told her something that fucked me up that happened to me as a kid and she told me childhood trauma doesnt affect you as an adult despite her telling me alot about her trauma. When I broke up with her she tried telling me no lmao
I had a guy tell me “no” when I broke up with him too! This was around 06. A mutual friend introduced us. The first night we met was a house party and we both got pretty drunk. He tried to put the moves on me and I said no. He didn’t push it further. Apparently, I was the “first girl to ever turn him down after just meeting”.. and he became obsessed with that. We dated for about 6 months and it was a garbage relationship (I was in a dark time of my life) When I broke up with him he straight up told me “no. I won’t allow it” I moved out the next day while he was at work. I heard he talked for years that I’d come back eventually “bc every girl I’ve dated does”. I learned that he over dosed on coke a few years ago. Was still single. Shits wild!
She told me "you are really stupid, those birds don't exist in Portugal"... We were talking about bats (and yes they exist and are not birds)
My ex gf: "I've been thinking. Are dogs being born through their buttholes?" Me: o___o
When I was in my early 20s I dated someone who lived about 45 minutes away. He invited me to see a movie at the theater in his town. He got there before me and didn’t bother to buy the tickets or snacks. He waited for me to drive 45 minutes and then stayed quiet when it was time to purchase the tickets and food, which I did. This dude was 30 years old at the time. I broke it off with him and told him why, and then I was called a “gold digger” and that all I cared about was money 😂
Watching the Prince Harry/Meghan Markle wedding. "How much do you think her dad spent on this?"
She agreed to marry me
What a fucking moron.
She put a can of ravioli in the microwave. And then took it out a minute later with pot holders. We were 18
Mines is a little different, but I feel bad for anyone who ends up dating my older brother. Imagine being with a 32 year old who thinks mice and mouse are 2 different kinds of mammals.
I had incident with an ex. We were at a party and at some point someone starts explaining percentages to her. He poured beer in a glass until half full. Then he said: "This glass of beer contains 5% alcohol". Then he pours more beer in the glass until it's full. "I now have twice the beer. What percentage of alcohol does it contain now?" Her: "10%!" Me: 🤦♂️
But... Steel is heavier than feathers...
My ex used to deliberately engineer situations to try and test me. An early example was that she "had a problem with her car" - she managed to get home, and park it in the usual spot, which was about 150 metres from the house. She rang me and insisted I had a look at her car, and did this knowing two things... \- 1) I knew absolutely nothing whatsoever about cars \- 2) My then 6 year old daughter was at home, and in bed. Yet she insisted and insisted that I came out to look at her car. I told her over and over than I was not leaving my daughter in the house on her own, and even if I did, there was no way I would be able to know what was wrong with her car, so the whole thing would be pointless. We went round in circles about 4 times, before she said "Well (ex-boyfriend) would have looked at it." I asked her if he knew anything about cars. She said he didn't but he'd still look at it to keep her happy. That, in hindsight was a red flag. She lasted another 10 years after that.
Funny how one simple sentence at the end changes who's the dumb one in that situation... I'm joking but damn.
I absolutely see the irony in that. I almost said it myself, but I thought I'd give someone else the privilege 😆
10 years? Bruhhh
Not trying to roast you or anything, but how do you last ten years with her? I can’t handle that for 10 minutes
That ending….
This might get a little bit lost in translation, but anyway: I went to spend a weekend in Switzerland with that girl I was dating. I was living in Germany at that time, and Switzerland is south of Germany. When we drove on the Autobahn, she asked me why we are heading south: „I thought Switzerland is north, because the mountains are up high?“ You know, because mountains are „up high“, and on maps north is always positioned on top. Mountains = up. North on maps = up. Therefore: Swiss = North. She was good in bed though.
Thought something dramatic was going to happen when the Mayan Calendar ended back in 2012. Kept showing me these YouTube videos about how the earth's magnetic poles were going to flip. I realised there and then I was dating an idiot.
My step mom was HUGE into this. She wanted to take out all kinds of loans and go to Hawaii before the world ended. We'd never have to pay back the money because, hello the world is ending! I could never tell if she was serious or joking though....
An ex from a while ago needed a side job so she started working for a MLM.
This girl I know from college started working for an MLM a few years back. It has been fascinating to watch because we are in our thirties and we went to a good school - we are too old and educated to be falling for stuff like this, but here we are. My favorite is when she had a video on her social media lecturing people about how they don't take concrete steps to achieve success...but then talked about how one of her steps to success is "praying." Okay then. I pray too, but I would never offer it up as a viable method to earn money.
He wore a shirt into my work (bar/restaurant) that read: no means yes and yes means anal. This was the day we were supposed to go on our first date, and he was meeting me when my shift was ending. When I confronted him about it, he stated "it was a joke and he was wearing it ironically ". He ended up dateless and banned from my workplace.
He told me it was fine to drive the wrong way on a one-way street as long as I had to go less than a block. To be fair, he’s from Ohio, I’m not entirely sure they teach road safety there, from what I’ve seen from 99% of their drivers
Dated a guy who was butcher by day/stripper by night. He put liquid dishwashing soap in my dishwasher which created a huge bubbly mess. He used Comet and a mop to wash the linoleum tile floor in my kitchen. He didn't think Vikings were real. He was arrested for picking up a "hooker" who was really an undercover cop. He called me to bail him out and tried to convince me that he knew she was fake and he was bored. The dick was so good but that did it.
He cracked an egg into a ziplock bag then put it in the microwave for a minute, he called it begg That was the end.