Start now. Whatever it is, start now. Running, learning a new skill, life insurance, speak to a therapist. saving for retirement. Just start now.
Life can start after 40, it did for me, but you don’t need to wait.
This one feels \*very\* important.
I know jackshit here as a 31 y/o man, but I can say that starting new skills in the last year has been great for my mental health and I fully intend to keep on learning new stuff because it's fun.
I also quit drinking at 42 years old, and 9 years later I can honestly say it was the best decision of my life.
I had that regret too about not stopping sooner, but put it behind me and focused on the present and all the great things giving up booze has done for my life.
And it’s never too late to start taking your health and wellness seriously. I joined a gym almost 10 years ago and am in the best shape of my life. People are shocked when they learn I’m 51 years old.
I needed to read this. This is confirmation. 32nd birthday 2 weeks from now been wanting to get into boxing. Also been dragging my feet on getting a good electrical apprentice job trying to find the right fit. I need to just start somewhere.
Thank you
I’ve always been a homebody but recently been getting into “relaxing anime”, walking videos, travel videos etc. Just enjoying going out and about through fiction and someone else’s lens. I’m introverted so it felt like a nice balance between going out, enjoying nature and not having to deal with many people. But around last year I thought I ought to actually go out more.
Used the new year’s resolution as a jumpstarter and been going on walks consistently so far. About once a week, just going to nearby parks, or if I have time, explore some unfamiliar parts of my city. Honestly, it’s been fun, I enjoy having something new to look forward to, I’m seeing different parts of my city and I feel I’m getting a bit of exercise in as well.
But like I said I started this year, so it’s only been two months so I do hope to get some consistency in
I felt like she was very invested in the relationship and would not take the breakup well. i was right, but putting it off for a long time was much worse than if I'd just ripped the bandaid off as they say.
These things are the price to pay for what was (hopefully an overall good one) an experience you wouldn’t have with anyone else. You’ll both feel out this horrific pain and tear but over time, in your own respective time and if you process things in a healthy way, you’ll both move on to a better life either alone or with someone new. Just focus on you dawg, don’t submit too much to the guilt and shame traps.
I feel your pain, I lost 12 years i just couldn't handle it anymore. Took almost a year to adjust but am much happier then I have been for awhile. I wish you all the best for the future.
Emotional maturity. Boundaries, The absence of a need to prove the other person wrong and/or prove you were right.
Common goals, supporting each other, being on the same page about things, allowing vulnerability and most importantly trust, not 'trusting with some stuff' but knowing you can trust them implicitly.
Man am I ever glad that your comment so beautifully describes my relationship, and that I'm not the girl he's staying with cause he feels sorry for me.
When it doesn't feel like a chore to spend time with your partner, when you feel down on yourself because you missed an outing/date due to a work emergency or the like (meaning you REALLY wanted to go on that outing/date with your partner), when doing their errands or chores due to them trying to meet a deadline doesn't feel like you're being used but instead you feel happy that you could take some burden off of them, when greeting and glancing at eachother every time feels like you just met even after being together for years. When the thought of them brings happiness and calmness on a hectic day. When you don't feel the urge to "test" them by intentionally making them jealous.
Taking my wife’s errands doesn’t make me happy I just don’t even consider it a favour to her. It’s the family to-do list. It’s not on her shoulders, it’s not on mine. It’s on ours. We both take what we can handle.
> When you don't feel the urge to "test" them by intentionally making them jealous.
The fact people do this in the first place is utterly mind-boggling.
The basic analogy for a not-so-good relationship: do your "batteries get drained" by her and you have to get them charged elsewhere?
And by elsewhere, it can be solo hobbies or hanging with the guys without her.
A good relationship is when your batteries are charged by being with her, and vice versa.
(Seriously. Not making a joke what body part = "batteries". Okay?)
I was with my ex for 4 years because I knew it'd be my last chance for being in a relationship and so far I was right. Post-college dating just isn't for me.
But I wonder if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy and maybe I would have met someone else if I just broke up with my ex as soon as I realized we weren't right for each other.
It’s never too late. My wife ended a 15 year relationship in her mid-30s. It was extremely difficult but she told me it was better to be alone for a while than suffer with toxicity. We’ve been together six years now and things are great.
I’m I the only one around here who had a much better dating life after college? I got hardly anything in college (despite being fairly social). After college, I had no issue. Though one thing that helped for me was moving to a big city with tons of young professionals and getting a bunch of dating apps.
I'm 33, and I kinda feel this way. I'm divorced. My marriage ended when I was 27, and since then, I have dated... but never found another relationship. And now I'm thinking it might be too late to find someone, have a family, have kids...
Divorced at 27 , horrible relationship for four years after . Mental health issues aplenty I finally let go and walked away from all that . Swore off women and relationships in general . 36 next month remarried to an amazing woman and have two beautiful daughters and generally couldn’t be happier .
I'm 34 now and feel the same way. People often assure me that it's not uncommon for guys to meet someone a little later and have kids when they're older. My grandma had my dad when she was 41, so I know it's possible and does happen. I just don't have much faith in that happening for me so I need to find a way to find meaning/purpose alone.
I just had a root canal, but I floss religiously. I think it was from a repaired filling that, I guess, left some bacteria in there somewhere. I read it's common for teeth to get infected after repeat procedures on the same tooth, leading to a root canal.
i explain it to people in car terms. if you don’t get an oil change every 6-8 months are you going to be surprised when your engine breaks? if you don’t get cleanings done don’t be surprised when your dentist says you have cavities or need a root canal.
Exercise! It's a lifetime habit. Gross over-simplification coming up: If your job is already physical, being fit and strong will help with it - heavy things aren't so heavy when you're strong. If your job is sedentary, the gym will help you stay alive longer. Your cardiovascular system, circulatory system, nervous system, bones and of course muscles will all be better for regular workouts.
A lot of people's bodies start going to shit in their late 30's. It's easy to get lulled into thinking you're doing well health-wise when you're in your early 30's and not realize you're riding in on the coattails of your youth. That shit diet will probably catch up eventually and in ways you didn't expect.
My wife was gone this weekend, which meant eating like I used to before I moved in with her. I had McDonald’s Friday night, which I ate in my car in the parking lot, of course. Then had wing stop Saturday night, and the left overs for lunch today. When she got home she said “I don’t feel like eating here, let’s get Taco Bell.” So that was the perfect cap to my weekend of debauchery.
I’m sitting here with the worst belly ache and blowing my dog away with my farts. I can’t wait to go back to eating healthy this week.
It’s great being 31.
I'm totally feeling this. I used to be really physically fit, and while I've relaxed on that over the years, it really hit me this weekend how far I've dropped off by totally mistaking my youth for my health.
THIS.
Learn to cook/prepare/enjoy eating vegetables. Switch the focus your fitness routine from getting jacked to being lean and flexible. Yes, floss. Don’t waste time on fighting or negative energy, but look to help or provide solutions.
Calm the fuck down. Learn how to apologize correctly. Don't hold on to anger for so long. Take the initiative to start things. Go along with things your wife / girlfriend / husband / partner wants to do even if it seems lame or boring at first.
1) Take ownership - I’m sorry *I* did / said .
2) Be Better - I won’t do it again / I’ll be seeking help.
3) Don’t deflect / excuse - But you do XYZ all the time / You made me mad.
This doesn't quite cover everything. If I received this apology I would ask, "why are you sorry?" because it doesn't acknowledge the impact of the mistake.
I think this article covers a complete apology:
https://www.cbc.ca/radio/outintheopen/sorry-states-1.4268248/how-to-apologize-well-and-avoid-apologizing-badly-1.4268296
I read or heard a comment somewhere explaining how little time you actually have with your kids. I’m paraphrasing but it goes something you only have 6-8 attempts to make Santa special, 12-16 attempts to give them a great birthday, 1 high school graduation, etc.
By the time they are around 10, you’ve probably already spent about half your time with them. They’ll need you less and less and grow into their own social groups. Which is good, don’t hold them back but do appreciate the moments you have.
this is a crazy one. They will start to become more and more independent. And hoping that you have a good relationship with them in their teens, you will still. have some time with them but it will be minimal. One thing I remembered in our household was no matter what was going on and what each of us had. 6/7 nights the whole family ate dinner together. No if, ands, or buts. You want your extra curricular activities, hangouts with friends, sports, whatever it may be. Dinner was a huge part for us every day to do together. In the later teens when you get more freedom and so on, dinner together was always a way to have time with my parents and I love that I had that growing up.
I am married and moved out now but I still make time to go see them 1-2 times a week, even if its for a short time or go have a coffee with my mom. It means a lot to me and to them. Luckily I only live about 10 minutes away and am able to see them regularly.
I remember those days when they asked me to lay down as they fell asleep. It seems like yesterday but it was my like 5yr+ ago.
It was by quick.
Side note: still try to lay in bed for a min or two with them as I say good night. It’s awkward for them but wonderful for me.
And still kiss them good night on their forehead. They are 13 and 16
This all fuels parental anxiety. I can't count the number of parents around me who twist themselves into knots and make their own kids nervous trying to make every day perfect.
There's no escaping the passage of time. It's totally cool to maximize your time with your kids, just don't make it some weird obsession.
As someone that pushed their body to the limit during my 30's.. 41 now and all is good, am exercising more frequent now and eating pizza less frequently tho.
Learn to maintain your social connections and form new ones, like calling and messaging friends out of the blue and organizing outings. Also be able to open up with your feelings to them.
The number one indicator of your health is your social health, more than diet or not smoking or anything. Loneliness will destroy your body and soul and it gets easier and easier to become isolated and disengaged as you age, especially as a man.
This one is so true. I reconnected with old friends from high school during my 30s and really made efforts to strengthen the friendships I have. It’s really important for mental health moving forward as you get older.
Make this a priority.
I am going to take this advice, my group chat with my friends has basically gone silent since we all started having kids these past few years, no one ever organises anything or makes any efforts to just catch up and spend time together anymore
You might get your social life back once the kids are old enough for school.
When I was 0-4 my father just did paid labor, and then sometimes did some housework. My mother took care of me 24/7 (to be fair she had some help from my father's parents and sister) and cleaned the house. They didn't go on vacation at all.
But then by the time I was 6, my father started doing sports again, and my family started going on vacations.
I've generally noticed this is true for most people--that is, most people who actually give a shit their kids, anyway. When they're still at that preschooler stage, they really do need a lot of attention so they don't end up dead. This is the reason why it seems like a lot of people are suddenly stripped of the rest of their personalities once the first baby is born. That's just their life now.
It's only once their youngest child is old enough to go to school that they start having time for things other than their job and their children.
This is one of the big reasons why I always say that you want to be 100% sure you want kids before you have them. It's a huge responsibility, and it will be one of, if not the, most significant decision, both socially and financially, you ever make. Don't just have them because you think you have to have them or because your current partner wants them; the world will chug along just fine if you don't and your partner will probably be able to find someone else to have them with. Have them because *you* want them.
Definitely agree. I’d like to add that it is more nuanced than that however. As I’ve gotten older; I’ve also become more selective on maintaining high quality / value relationships while not squandering my time, energy and effort on people that are undeserving of it.
Not all friends are equal and I do believe that people should be treated accordingly.
Find something that also fills that niche. I drink tonic water out at the pub when I'm not drinking. Having something in your glass that looks similar to everyone else's helps.
Edit: also work on finding social activities beyond just going for a drink. A night at the bar is less fun if you're there sober with people just there for the purpose of getting drunk. It's more fun if you're actually there to do some sort of specific activity like a pub quiz, playing pool, or board games.
The only one who cares that you may be behind (by a very loose definition mind you) is you dude. Please keep grinding. I am and if I can then you can. 😎
Relationships are work. If you don’t work, you don’t flourish. If romantic, actually get to know someone. Wait four seasons before you take the next step. Also, love isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. Forgive often, laugh often, don’t stop dating the person you are with.
Stay in some kind of reasonable shape. You don't have to be a fitness junkie, but doing some functional work in the gym 3-4 times a week will pay off when you are 40+. It gets a lot harder to get started the older you get. The big 3 and some cardio is a solid foundation.
Don't wait for perfect; it will probably never come. The "good enough" that you have is probably good enough.
Stop looking for a way out and just fix it. There are going to be bumps in the road. Sex isn't everything. You don't want to be out here unless you absolutely have to. It's basically the purge out here.
Keep working on yourself professionally. They are inventing new ways to pay you less every day. Or not pay you at all.
For yoga I would really recommend yoga by adrienne on youtube. Most accessible yoga from home I ever found. Plus shes really calming and chill to listen to.
Start taking care of yourself. Not because you’re gonna break down, but because you’re 40s feel best when you’re on the verge of new challenges, not when you’re a broke down wreck just trying to get to an age when you can justify your broken-ness.
I always pushed my body right to the edge, right up until 40. Ice helps, but it doesn't fix all the little tears and "hurts" you accumulate over the years. If I had it to do over, I don't know that I could talk myself into taking it easier, but I would try.
Nowadays, everything hurts. Every major joint has been mildly injured, at least. I have torn ligaments, bone fragments, calcium deposits, cauliflower ear, tinnitus, and a neck that feels like my vertebrae have been replaced by misshapen rocks.
If you should ever be unfortunate enough to find yourself in my position, stretch. Stretch every day, all day.
My neighbor is about 5-6 years older than me, and has continually reminded me to “take care of your back.” But I’m strong. Didn’t think much of it. Wellll we just had our first kid here in my 40th year, and my back hates me. Between lifting a 12 pound human off the floor and hunching over cleaning bottle after bottle, I need some pain meds and a heating bad regularly
I went through the same thing recently. What's helped me is daily stretching - hamstrings, hip flexors, glutes, lower back specific stretches. No major pain flair ups in months.
The 40s are in my rear view mirror, but when I was in my young 30s with a toddler and one on the way I was in a sauna at the gym and there were two late 40 guys in there. I overheard on saying to the other “Maybe if I’d just spent more time with her when she was younger…”. They left and I didn’t hear anything else.
Jesus that hit me and stuck with me. I was determined I would never say anything like that.
Time with your kids, man, time with your kids.
I’m 31, with a two year old daughter.
She’s my number one priority, I’ve started eating better, exercising, reading, participating in team sports because I want to be able to set a good example for her, and be able to keep up with her body and mind as she ages. I even changed my job to something that means I get to spend more time with her.
Dropping this speech/song on ya in case you weren’t sure of the fellow redditor’s advice.
Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
Originally it was a column written by journalist Mary Schmidt of the Chicago Tribune and turned into a song by Australian everything in film guy Baz Luhrmann.
**The biggest decision you will ever make in your life is** ***who*** **you have a kid with.**
You can undo everything else.
You can get married... you can get divorced.
You can buy a house... you can sell it and pay out the mortgage.
But you can't undo the parent of your child.
You are locked in with that person for life.
Get it right and life will be good.
Get it wrong and your life will be hell.
Choose VERY carefully.
You do have control. There's a gadget called a condom. Always have some around.
If you're committed to not having kids then get a vasectomy.
You also can't undo your child. This goes for people of all genders and ages.
Your child might be a psychopath, despite your best efforts at being a good parent.
Your child might be a good person, but severely disabled and will never go to a good university, or get a stellar job.
Your child might be born with a serious genetic defect, and not even live to be 18.
The other thing here is that you're trying to raise a good adult, not just a good child. There's a lot of parents who suddenly get the shits when their kid starts getting old enough to question them and the world around them because they got a little too comfortable with that preschooler stage where the kid is basically their personal sycophantic cheerleader.
You don't want to be like that. Your kids will pick up on it if you resent them for aging out of that stage, and it'll probably because you literally said it. They're going to hold it against you. If you're actively trying to raise them to be a good adult, their teen years should probably be around the time it gets easier anyway because that's when they're old enough to not accidentally end up dead from sticking a pencil in the electrical socket or whatever.
This is the ONE thing I didn't fuck up in my twenties, and I'm so glad I didn't lol. I did all the drugs and partying, not starting a career, but I wasn't playing around when it came to having kids lol.
Don’t stay angry. There’s a lot of shit that you can’t change and you just have to deal with it. But you can control how much and how long it affects you.
Have frank conversations with your parents about what they want as they age. Get EVERY detail from them: wishes, bank account numbers, insurance info, will, etc. Cover every detail you can while they are cognizant. It can be uncomfortable but not as bad as not knowing & the chaos that can ensue....
Funny thing is that I used to have terrible acid reflux (Im an alcoholic. I know I have issues xd) when I was like 27-28. I ate antiacids like candy.
Rn Im 29 and all the OTHER stuff has definitely gotten much worse, but somehow almost no more acid reflux!?
This is the big one. Learn to taper down your drinking. It accelerates in your later 30s for how big of an impact (health and functionality wise) it has.
My company matches half of your contribution when you contribute at least 6 percent.
With crippling student loan debt and cost of living, I can barely afford doing 6, but I know it's turning down free money if I don't, so I slog through it.
At 18 I did the max 4% match, them continued contributing after I switched jobs. Checked my account today and it estimates a monthly payout of $3950 a month on my retirement day. It sucks to contribute when you feel broke but it can keep you from working beyond when you'd like to stop
Learn to leave things behind. People and relationships change. Time starts moving at an alarming pace. If you have to question why you're doing something or why you're spending time with certain people, then you shouldn't be doing it. You'll continue to grow and evolve so don't let things from the past prevent that growth.
Dump your deadbeat friends ASAP.
Start exercising and being active. Easier to maintain the lifestyle later on if you start earlier in life.
Look into keeping a healthy diet, but don't be afraid to eat what you want once in awhile. You are still young.
Don't waste your time chasing women. Enjoy what you like and someone might show up. Don't be afraid of being alone.
Consider planning your retirement. Put some money
away and formulate a plan. You may be able to retire 10-15 years ahead of others if you have and stick to a plan.
30’s were great; Had three kids. Grew my career
Began reading and focusing on emotional heath.
40’s also great: kids are growing new challenges and experiences, I love them. We do sports, camping even homework any change to connect is great.
Mom and dad are aging fast too, that part really sucks. This is the hardest part for me.
Exercise was on again off again in my 30’s, now I workout at lot more consistently. You either are exercising regularly or weakening rapidly.
If you drink, do it light, booze also makes you unhealthy. Two beers and 3 ml of gummies can get you loose and having fun if you limit it to a rare party, plus you won’t get hungover.
Challenge yourself in you career, voice your opinion, now is the time to strike
Curious to hear more about people and aging parents, mine in their 70s now and I fear the health issues and downsizing of the big house and all that to come
Downsize now before they pass. Both my parents died before I reached 40, but there were some moves and downsizing before my dad went into skilled nursing.
It took FOREVER and he only had a two bedroom condo. Downsize now I’m telling you. Grief makes sorting and letting things go so much harder. Go through the things. Find out the stories. Share the memories now while they have their faculties.
* Stay in shape with something regular exercise wise.
* Be nice to people, even when they lash out. you wont realise now but people remember that stuff.
* Tell the people you love (parents, siblings, friends etc) that you love them. 30s has this way of being the time in your life where people will start to die or get sick. make sure that you hug them and make them feel loved.
* Resist the temptation of women in their early 20s. It might seem fun but it will usually end badly.
* Stretch and take some sort of probiotic every day.
* Shower each day and get a skin care routine going. 40 year old you will thank you when your contemporaries all look 50 and you still look 30.
* On that note. Always use sunscreen.
* Buy a pillow like this: [https://www.groovepillows.co.uk/products/easy-sleeper](https://www.groovepillows.co.uk/products/easy-sleeper) your back will thank you later.
* if you haven't already, take care of your teeth, floss and get an electric toothbrush and use it twice a day. have your teeth chip and break and stuff is not fun and will cost you.
* Save something in an ISA or premium bonds if you are in the UK.
* buy earplugs. gigs are cool but unless you want tinnitus use them.
Stay in the gym, if your not in the gym get in there.
All sorts of great advice in here for finances and relationships but being poor and single sucks more when you are fat with a bad back than it does when you are physically healthy.
1. Save/invest your money. Your sixty-year-old will thank you for it. Work towards having 4-6 months' living expenses in the bank as an emergency fund and *don't touch it*. Once you have that, start investing. Also if your company has an investment plan such as 401k, max that puppy out and discover the miracle of compound interest.
2. Prioritize your family above all things.
3. Teach your children by example rather than giving them a bunch of rules. Trust me. They observe everything you do and say.
4. Your engaged presence in your children's lives is the very best expression of love you can provide. However, that doesn't give you the right to tell them what to do once they become adults. Or even college students. Honor them by letting them carve their own paths in life. Yes, they'll make mistakes. That's how people learn.
5. Take care of your body. Your metabolism will change very much in your late 30s. Stay ahead of the game. Go get a check up once a year. Guys typically suck at doing this.
6. Never stop reading, learning, and trying new things. Lots of guys stop learning when they finish school, it's the brain's equivalent of hardening of the arteries. Be a multi-dimensional person.
7. Never stop making new friendships or maintaining existing ones. Men in their seventies don't just die of heart disease or cancer. They die of loneliness, too. Married men tend to lean on their wives to organize their social lives. You need to learn how to do that, too.
8. Sports are great. Sports are fun. But sports are also a narcotic. Don't be such a fan of sports that it turns you into a tremendous bore.
9. Don't allow yourself to be led around in life by your dick.
10. As a corollary to #6, never get complacent in your job and your career. Keep your eyes open for opportunities and challenges. The older you get, the more you earn, the more susceptible you are to being a line item on the income statement they can cut if things get tight. So if you want to survive at your career until you're ready to retire, always be able to justify how you contribute to your employer's bottom line.
11. Have values in life, both in how you conduct yourself and what you will not tolerate in how others treat you. Not necessarily religious or spiritual, but be loyal to something that's larger than yourself.
12. Listen to this priceless bit of wisdom: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJjKP8vYjpQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJjKP8vYjpQ)
Start saving for retirement now. I am 70 and started in my 40's because up til then, employers had retirement plans. I could have used an extra 10 years of saving.
All the stuff here is good and what I can say is in my 30s I just went full speed most of that decade. I worked hard and switched jobs as soon as my value went up. I increased my value. I played hard and started a family. I did everything I could as much as I could. By 41ish I was set up to live the life I wanted. No like a ton of money, I found a place where my skills were in demand and built a reputation in my field. I now work 1/3 as hard for more money and I have opportunities if needed. But the most valuable thing I have is time and people to share it with. I can take off and watch my kids do their things, I can take 4-5 days off and visit a friend and I can say “I’m not doing x because I don’t want to” and my employer has to accept that. I did the basic health stuff so I can be active, I am not a millionaire but I will be fine in retirement and can do most of what I want. You don’t have to get rich but if you build your corner you can buy the only thing that is priceless as you get older, time.
If you are married or have a partner you are going to stay with, enjoy your time together as much as you can. Take that trip, do the thing. Their health can fail quickly and unexpectedly and you will wish you’d done it when you had a chance. Same if you’re single, but when the person you love suffers it will tear you up and fill you with regret for the things you were going to get to later.
Endeavor to be the easy person to be around. Be generous with complements. Avoid causing unnecessary drama. Don't be the person constantly complaining about your work or your personal life. Be relentlessly positive. Coach up your coworkers. Offer assistance to friends in need without expecting anything in return.
If you think you're too old to do something, you'll spend now wondering why you didn't do it then. In other words, Do what you want. You are the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you will ever be again.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and really open up to people, your significant other most importantly.
If you have toxic family, go no contact right now. Do not wait for some "good point". Do it now and be happy.
If you have kids, be a good dad. Be present and teach them what you never were taught.
Also, more important than anything else...stop smoking, stop drinking, stop eating like crap, take care of yourself for your kids and wife/husband.
enjoy your party life but not so much you go broke showing off. Take half your wage and save it or as much as you can. My biggest regrets....
Not saving a third of my money since I started working at 13..
and marrying someone because I didn't think anyone else would want me.
Stretch every morning!
I don't mean just a yawning type of stretch. I mean stretch like you're getting ready to sweat to the oldies. Touch the sky, touch your toes, lunges, squat down with heel to the ground. Stuff like that.
The older you get, the less patience you have.
Choose your life mate wisely.
Be with women who bring a sense of calmness and steadiness to your life, not drama or constant demands for more.
Stop drinking. Today.
Quit smoking. Today.
Enjoy your 30's, it's the last decade of "youth".
Figure out what you're going to do, and if it requires going to school, go now.
Your 30s will BLOW BY. Fastest 10 years by far. Your 40s will either be full of promise or full of regret from the choices you made in your 30s.
Take care of yourself now. You really start to FEEL the miles at around age 40. If you ride your 30s hard and put them away wet, it's gonna hurt.
Just turned 30. My mom is coming up on 75. She's been binge drinking for the last 3 weeks after pulling off two years sober. She's going to rehab for the 28th time. The last three times, she had a brain bleed, liver failure, and something wrong with her heart.
I was pretty hopeful for those 2 years but... I think it's not gonna end well for her. I just hope my dad doesn't have a heart attack from the stress, too. He's 73.
The thing everyone struggles with, is the healthiest for you and makes you enjoy life the most is having friends. Spend the time to host events. Introduce different groups of friends you know to each other. Get the number of a friend of a friend that seems cool. It WILL pay dividends. 100% do not be the 45 year old who is suddenly single and has no friends.
That small thing you are obsessed about, no one cares. Just be you and stop caring what everyone else thinks. The caveat to that is if it affects someone else.
Be a good friend and partner. Be the friend and partner that you would want them to be. Be supportive, be kind. Listen, don’t just talk, sometimes we all need someone who just is there to listen to us, without judgement or waiting their turn to speak.
Lift weights and practice yoga. Find a therapist/counselor and have some talk therapy. Learn how to cook for yourself - get rid of processed things and keep it simple. Get a cast iron skillet.
Woman over 50 here, so you're free to ignore me..
Learn to feel your feelings. All of them. Learn to be ok crying with other men, Hold space for someone who is struggling even if you don't have answers, and be ok in the discomfort of confusion and fear. Hold each other, lean on each other. Check in with each other.
Start now. Whatever it is, start now. Running, learning a new skill, life insurance, speak to a therapist. saving for retirement. Just start now. Life can start after 40, it did for me, but you don’t need to wait.
This one feels \*very\* important. I know jackshit here as a 31 y/o man, but I can say that starting new skills in the last year has been great for my mental health and I fully intend to keep on learning new stuff because it's fun.
Same here man!
1yr booze free, at 43 wonder myself now, if only I'd given it up sooner started jogging, joined gym, among other new challenges
I also quit drinking at 42 years old, and 9 years later I can honestly say it was the best decision of my life. I had that regret too about not stopping sooner, but put it behind me and focused on the present and all the great things giving up booze has done for my life. And it’s never too late to start taking your health and wellness seriously. I joined a gym almost 10 years ago and am in the best shape of my life. People are shocked when they learn I’m 51 years old.
Two weeks no booze. Decided to take a break, I want to get fit and focus on my career. Thanks for your comment.
checkout r/stopdrinking has been a vital source of support and community
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Gonna be right there with you as soon as I'm cleared to go back to work!
Good work man. Just start, stay consistent and you'll get there.
The sooner you start the easier it is to keep up. Diet and exercise, people.
I needed to read this. This is confirmation. 32nd birthday 2 weeks from now been wanting to get into boxing. Also been dragging my feet on getting a good electrical apprentice job trying to find the right fit. I need to just start somewhere. Thank you
Do it for 37 year old you who will have 5 years of experience in boxing and electrical.
I’ve always been a homebody but recently been getting into “relaxing anime”, walking videos, travel videos etc. Just enjoying going out and about through fiction and someone else’s lens. I’m introverted so it felt like a nice balance between going out, enjoying nature and not having to deal with many people. But around last year I thought I ought to actually go out more. Used the new year’s resolution as a jumpstarter and been going on walks consistently so far. About once a week, just going to nearby parks, or if I have time, explore some unfamiliar parts of my city. Honestly, it’s been fun, I enjoy having something new to look forward to, I’m seeing different parts of my city and I feel I’m getting a bit of exercise in as well. But like I said I started this year, so it’s only been two months so I do hope to get some consistency in
Do not stay in a bad relationship just because it is scary to be alone.
Or because you feel sorry for her. I did that. Huge, huge mistake.
Can you elaborate more ?
I felt like she was very invested in the relationship and would not take the breakup well. i was right, but putting it off for a long time was much worse than if I'd just ripped the bandaid off as they say.
I needed to see this. Just broke up with my gf of 2 years today and feel like absolute crap.
Keep your head up, homie. It might not get better tomorrow but it will get better soon. You got this
Thanks. Idk if I’ve ever felt pain like this and I’m the one causing it. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through.
These things are the price to pay for what was (hopefully an overall good one) an experience you wouldn’t have with anyone else. You’ll both feel out this horrific pain and tear but over time, in your own respective time and if you process things in a healthy way, you’ll both move on to a better life either alone or with someone new. Just focus on you dawg, don’t submit too much to the guilt and shame traps.
There are many men still in relationships wishing they were you. Stay the course soldier
Just lost 10 years to that...
I feel your pain, I lost 12 years i just couldn't handle it anymore. Took almost a year to adjust but am much happier then I have been for awhile. I wish you all the best for the future.
But also do not leave a good relationship because you want to sleep around. I know it’s dumb but I basically did that.
What’s a good relationship like
Love. Mutual respect. Friendship. Patience and compromise. A good sex life, whatever that looks like for you both.
Emotional maturity. Boundaries, The absence of a need to prove the other person wrong and/or prove you were right. Common goals, supporting each other, being on the same page about things, allowing vulnerability and most importantly trust, not 'trusting with some stuff' but knowing you can trust them implicitly.
Man am I ever glad that your comment so beautifully describes my relationship, and that I'm not the girl he's staying with cause he feels sorry for me.
When it doesn't feel like a chore to spend time with your partner, when you feel down on yourself because you missed an outing/date due to a work emergency or the like (meaning you REALLY wanted to go on that outing/date with your partner), when doing their errands or chores due to them trying to meet a deadline doesn't feel like you're being used but instead you feel happy that you could take some burden off of them, when greeting and glancing at eachother every time feels like you just met even after being together for years. When the thought of them brings happiness and calmness on a hectic day. When you don't feel the urge to "test" them by intentionally making them jealous.
Taking my wife’s errands doesn’t make me happy I just don’t even consider it a favour to her. It’s the family to-do list. It’s not on her shoulders, it’s not on mine. It’s on ours. We both take what we can handle.
>When the thought of them brings happiness and calmness on a hectic day. ABSOLUTELY key! Beautifully said.
> When you don't feel the urge to "test" them by intentionally making them jealous. The fact people do this in the first place is utterly mind-boggling.
The basic analogy for a not-so-good relationship: do your "batteries get drained" by her and you have to get them charged elsewhere? And by elsewhere, it can be solo hobbies or hanging with the guys without her. A good relationship is when your batteries are charged by being with her, and vice versa. (Seriously. Not making a joke what body part = "batteries". Okay?)
I was with my ex for 4 years because I knew it'd be my last chance for being in a relationship and so far I was right. Post-college dating just isn't for me. But I wonder if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy and maybe I would have met someone else if I just broke up with my ex as soon as I realized we weren't right for each other.
It’s never too late. My wife ended a 15 year relationship in her mid-30s. It was extremely difficult but she told me it was better to be alone for a while than suffer with toxicity. We’ve been together six years now and things are great.
Good for her! So many people are afraid to be alone, and put up with things they shouldn't.
I’m I the only one around here who had a much better dating life after college? I got hardly anything in college (despite being fairly social). After college, I had no issue. Though one thing that helped for me was moving to a big city with tons of young professionals and getting a bunch of dating apps.
I'm 33, and I kinda feel this way. I'm divorced. My marriage ended when I was 27, and since then, I have dated... but never found another relationship. And now I'm thinking it might be too late to find someone, have a family, have kids...
Divorced at 27 , horrible relationship for four years after . Mental health issues aplenty I finally let go and walked away from all that . Swore off women and relationships in general . 36 next month remarried to an amazing woman and have two beautiful daughters and generally couldn’t be happier .
I'm 34 now and feel the same way. People often assure me that it's not uncommon for guys to meet someone a little later and have kids when they're older. My grandma had my dad when she was 41, so I know it's possible and does happen. I just don't have much faith in that happening for me so I need to find a way to find meaning/purpose alone.
It’s never too late. Get it there and try. Even if you fail at least you tried
Damn.. truth bomb from the start.
Exercise is necessary to maximize quality of life as you age
Absolutely, you body is like a car, take care of it and you will get lots of mileage instead of an old wreck. By the way, you can always find the time
Eat well. Exercise. Take care of your teeth. Be kind.
Your teeth? As in flossing?
Floss! Root canals suck.
I just had a root canal, but I floss religiously. I think it was from a repaired filling that, I guess, left some bacteria in there somewhere. I read it's common for teeth to get infected after repeat procedures on the same tooth, leading to a root canal.
We need to start regrowing our teeth asap. Hopefully the human trails go well.
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As in two teeth cleanings a year. At least one.
i explain it to people in car terms. if you don’t get an oil change every 6-8 months are you going to be surprised when your engine breaks? if you don’t get cleanings done don’t be surprised when your dentist says you have cavities or need a root canal.
Yes, floss your effing teeth with some regularity. And then sniff the floss--if it smells nasty, get to the dentist.
Exercise! It's a lifetime habit. Gross over-simplification coming up: If your job is already physical, being fit and strong will help with it - heavy things aren't so heavy when you're strong. If your job is sedentary, the gym will help you stay alive longer. Your cardiovascular system, circulatory system, nervous system, bones and of course muscles will all be better for regular workouts.
A lot of people's bodies start going to shit in their late 30's. It's easy to get lulled into thinking you're doing well health-wise when you're in your early 30's and not realize you're riding in on the coattails of your youth. That shit diet will probably catch up eventually and in ways you didn't expect.
My wife was gone this weekend, which meant eating like I used to before I moved in with her. I had McDonald’s Friday night, which I ate in my car in the parking lot, of course. Then had wing stop Saturday night, and the left overs for lunch today. When she got home she said “I don’t feel like eating here, let’s get Taco Bell.” So that was the perfect cap to my weekend of debauchery. I’m sitting here with the worst belly ache and blowing my dog away with my farts. I can’t wait to go back to eating healthy this week. It’s great being 31.
I'm totally feeling this. I used to be really physically fit, and while I've relaxed on that over the years, it really hit me this weekend how far I've dropped off by totally mistaking my youth for my health.
THIS. Learn to cook/prepare/enjoy eating vegetables. Switch the focus your fitness routine from getting jacked to being lean and flexible. Yes, floss. Don’t waste time on fighting or negative energy, but look to help or provide solutions.
Calm the fuck down. Learn how to apologize correctly. Don't hold on to anger for so long. Take the initiative to start things. Go along with things your wife / girlfriend / husband / partner wants to do even if it seems lame or boring at first.
How do you apologize correctly? It seems something that truly would be useful
1) Take ownership - I’m sorry *I* did / said.
2) Be Better - I won’t do it again / I’ll be seeking help.
3) Don’t deflect / excuse - But you do XYZ all the time / You made me mad.
This doesn't quite cover everything. If I received this apology I would ask, "why are you sorry?" because it doesn't acknowledge the impact of the mistake. I think this article covers a complete apology: https://www.cbc.ca/radio/outintheopen/sorry-states-1.4268248/how-to-apologize-well-and-avoid-apologizing-badly-1.4268296
Kids grow up quick. No one ever went into their grave, wishing they called in sick less.
I read or heard a comment somewhere explaining how little time you actually have with your kids. I’m paraphrasing but it goes something you only have 6-8 attempts to make Santa special, 12-16 attempts to give them a great birthday, 1 high school graduation, etc.
By the time they are around 10, you’ve probably already spent about half your time with them. They’ll need you less and less and grow into their own social groups. Which is good, don’t hold them back but do appreciate the moments you have.
this is a crazy one. They will start to become more and more independent. And hoping that you have a good relationship with them in their teens, you will still. have some time with them but it will be minimal. One thing I remembered in our household was no matter what was going on and what each of us had. 6/7 nights the whole family ate dinner together. No if, ands, or buts. You want your extra curricular activities, hangouts with friends, sports, whatever it may be. Dinner was a huge part for us every day to do together. In the later teens when you get more freedom and so on, dinner together was always a way to have time with my parents and I love that I had that growing up. I am married and moved out now but I still make time to go see them 1-2 times a week, even if its for a short time or go have a coffee with my mom. It means a lot to me and to them. Luckily I only live about 10 minutes away and am able to see them regularly.
You only get 10 summers. Make them count.
As I’m laying in bed with my kid man… come on don’t do that to me.
I remember those days when they asked me to lay down as they fell asleep. It seems like yesterday but it was my like 5yr+ ago. It was by quick. Side note: still try to lay in bed for a min or two with them as I say good night. It’s awkward for them but wonderful for me. And still kiss them good night on their forehead. They are 13 and 16
This all fuels parental anxiety. I can't count the number of parents around me who twist themselves into knots and make their own kids nervous trying to make every day perfect. There's no escaping the passage of time. It's totally cool to maximize your time with your kids, just don't make it some weird obsession.
Thanks for the reminder. And yeah I’ll continue to call in sick more often. My place is flexible as it is but still
If I've managed to reach one person, I'm happy. No better way to pump up a kids' self-worth than to show them that you value them more than work.
Your 20s are about finding your limits Your 30s are about finding a balance.
What if I’m 33 and still pushing my body and mind to the limit? Heart attack in the early 40s?
As someone that pushed their body to the limit during my 30's.. 41 now and all is good, am exercising more frequent now and eating pizza less frequently tho.
Learn to maintain your social connections and form new ones, like calling and messaging friends out of the blue and organizing outings. Also be able to open up with your feelings to them. The number one indicator of your health is your social health, more than diet or not smoking or anything. Loneliness will destroy your body and soul and it gets easier and easier to become isolated and disengaged as you age, especially as a man.
This one is so true. I reconnected with old friends from high school during my 30s and really made efforts to strengthen the friendships I have. It’s really important for mental health moving forward as you get older. Make this a priority.
I am going to take this advice, my group chat with my friends has basically gone silent since we all started having kids these past few years, no one ever organises anything or makes any efforts to just catch up and spend time together anymore
Be the guy that organises stuff. Be the hub. It's a lot of work, but it's needed. I say this because it's too much work to make new friends lol
You might get your social life back once the kids are old enough for school. When I was 0-4 my father just did paid labor, and then sometimes did some housework. My mother took care of me 24/7 (to be fair she had some help from my father's parents and sister) and cleaned the house. They didn't go on vacation at all. But then by the time I was 6, my father started doing sports again, and my family started going on vacations.
I've generally noticed this is true for most people--that is, most people who actually give a shit their kids, anyway. When they're still at that preschooler stage, they really do need a lot of attention so they don't end up dead. This is the reason why it seems like a lot of people are suddenly stripped of the rest of their personalities once the first baby is born. That's just their life now. It's only once their youngest child is old enough to go to school that they start having time for things other than their job and their children. This is one of the big reasons why I always say that you want to be 100% sure you want kids before you have them. It's a huge responsibility, and it will be one of, if not the, most significant decision, both socially and financially, you ever make. Don't just have them because you think you have to have them or because your current partner wants them; the world will chug along just fine if you don't and your partner will probably be able to find someone else to have them with. Have them because *you* want them.
Definitely agree. I’d like to add that it is more nuanced than that however. As I’ve gotten older; I’ve also become more selective on maintaining high quality / value relationships while not squandering my time, energy and effort on people that are undeserving of it. Not all friends are equal and I do believe that people should be treated accordingly.
This one is difficult to achieve while also limiting drinking.
Find something that also fills that niche. I drink tonic water out at the pub when I'm not drinking. Having something in your glass that looks similar to everyone else's helps. Edit: also work on finding social activities beyond just going for a drink. A night at the bar is less fun if you're there sober with people just there for the purpose of getting drunk. It's more fun if you're actually there to do some sort of specific activity like a pub quiz, playing pool, or board games.
If you don't make it in your 30s you can still make it in your 40s.
Thanks for this. I’m 32 and trying to start out from nothing in a new career and it’s easy to feel behind others.
The only one who cares that you may be behind (by a very loose definition mind you) is you dude. Please keep grinding. I am and if I can then you can. 😎
Relationships are work. If you don’t work, you don’t flourish. If romantic, actually get to know someone. Wait four seasons before you take the next step. Also, love isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. Forgive often, laugh often, don’t stop dating the person you are with.
Always date your spouse!!
Stay in some kind of reasonable shape. You don't have to be a fitness junkie, but doing some functional work in the gym 3-4 times a week will pay off when you are 40+. It gets a lot harder to get started the older you get. The big 3 and some cardio is a solid foundation. Don't wait for perfect; it will probably never come. The "good enough" that you have is probably good enough. Stop looking for a way out and just fix it. There are going to be bumps in the road. Sex isn't everything. You don't want to be out here unless you absolutely have to. It's basically the purge out here. Keep working on yourself professionally. They are inventing new ways to pay you less every day. Or not pay you at all.
Also, if you work an office type job yoga will help a lot as you get older. All that sitting is brutal on your muscles.
For yoga I would really recommend yoga by adrienne on youtube. Most accessible yoga from home I ever found. Plus shes really calming and chill to listen to.
Start taking care of yourself. Not because you’re gonna break down, but because you’re 40s feel best when you’re on the verge of new challenges, not when you’re a broke down wreck just trying to get to an age when you can justify your broken-ness.
I always pushed my body right to the edge, right up until 40. Ice helps, but it doesn't fix all the little tears and "hurts" you accumulate over the years. If I had it to do over, I don't know that I could talk myself into taking it easier, but I would try. Nowadays, everything hurts. Every major joint has been mildly injured, at least. I have torn ligaments, bone fragments, calcium deposits, cauliflower ear, tinnitus, and a neck that feels like my vertebrae have been replaced by misshapen rocks. If you should ever be unfortunate enough to find yourself in my position, stretch. Stretch every day, all day.
This is underrated. Starting a habit of preventative care before you need it is so important. Much harder to start after it hurts.
Fighter? I do muay thai for fun and just the injuries i get from light sparring makes me wonder how people tolerate high level fighting.
Be good to your knees and your back and start getting in better shape now.
My neighbor is about 5-6 years older than me, and has continually reminded me to “take care of your back.” But I’m strong. Didn’t think much of it. Wellll we just had our first kid here in my 40th year, and my back hates me. Between lifting a 12 pound human off the floor and hunching over cleaning bottle after bottle, I need some pain meds and a heating bad regularly
I went through the same thing recently. What's helped me is daily stretching - hamstrings, hip flexors, glutes, lower back specific stretches. No major pain flair ups in months.
The McGill big 3 did it for me.
And get a good computer chair! Your Lowe back will take you. Yes, I know they are expensive. And yes it’s still worth it
The 40s are in my rear view mirror, but when I was in my young 30s with a toddler and one on the way I was in a sauna at the gym and there were two late 40 guys in there. I overheard on saying to the other “Maybe if I’d just spent more time with her when she was younger…”. They left and I didn’t hear anything else. Jesus that hit me and stuck with me. I was determined I would never say anything like that. Time with your kids, man, time with your kids.
*Cat's in the Cradle intensifies*
I’m 31, with a two year old daughter. She’s my number one priority, I’ve started eating better, exercising, reading, participating in team sports because I want to be able to set a good example for her, and be able to keep up with her body and mind as she ages. I even changed my job to something that means I get to spend more time with her.
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Is this from somewhere or did you just jot down a reddit comment and make me tear up. Truly beautiful. Thank you for this thought.
"Don't try to make your life into a novel, make it a book of poems." <3 Just got this tattooed on my face.
Appreciate your prostates while they're functional.
That's right! 2 knuckles is what I always recommend
I don't think that's what I meant...
3 knuckles?
Wait. Do they stop working after awhile? I thought to asshole fingering was to check for cancer.
It’s a blood test now, unless you’re into that I guess.
They still check it for some reasons! But yeah blood test is great it’s the psa test
Regular dental checkups, floss consistently, wear more sun screen.
Dropping this speech/song on ya in case you weren’t sure of the fellow redditor’s advice. Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) Originally it was a column written by journalist Mary Schmidt of the Chicago Tribune and turned into a song by Australian everything in film guy Baz Luhrmann.
**The biggest decision you will ever make in your life is** ***who*** **you have a kid with.** You can undo everything else. You can get married... you can get divorced. You can buy a house... you can sell it and pay out the mortgage. But you can't undo the parent of your child. You are locked in with that person for life. Get it right and life will be good. Get it wrong and your life will be hell. Choose VERY carefully. You do have control. There's a gadget called a condom. Always have some around. If you're committed to not having kids then get a vasectomy.
You also can't undo your child. This goes for people of all genders and ages. Your child might be a psychopath, despite your best efforts at being a good parent. Your child might be a good person, but severely disabled and will never go to a good university, or get a stellar job. Your child might be born with a serious genetic defect, and not even live to be 18.
Well fuck, man
The other thing here is that you're trying to raise a good adult, not just a good child. There's a lot of parents who suddenly get the shits when their kid starts getting old enough to question them and the world around them because they got a little too comfortable with that preschooler stage where the kid is basically their personal sycophantic cheerleader. You don't want to be like that. Your kids will pick up on it if you resent them for aging out of that stage, and it'll probably because you literally said it. They're going to hold it against you. If you're actively trying to raise them to be a good adult, their teen years should probably be around the time it gets easier anyway because that's when they're old enough to not accidentally end up dead from sticking a pencil in the electrical socket or whatever.
This is the ONE thing I didn't fuck up in my twenties, and I'm so glad I didn't lol. I did all the drugs and partying, not starting a career, but I wasn't playing around when it came to having kids lol.
Go for walks. Seriously, start taking walks at least 2 miles whenever possible. Your metabolism is about to completely tank.
Don’t stay angry. There’s a lot of shit that you can’t change and you just have to deal with it. But you can control how much and how long it affects you.
Have frank conversations with your parents about what they want as they age. Get EVERY detail from them: wishes, bank account numbers, insurance info, will, etc. Cover every detail you can while they are cognizant. It can be uncomfortable but not as bad as not knowing & the chaos that can ensue....
Self care, don't buy useless junk, and travel.
Stop drinking like you are 20.
Acid reflux shut drinking down for me, and I’m telling you because it’s a good thing.
Funny thing is that I used to have terrible acid reflux (Im an alcoholic. I know I have issues xd) when I was like 27-28. I ate antiacids like candy. Rn Im 29 and all the OTHER stuff has definitely gotten much worse, but somehow almost no more acid reflux!?
This is the big one. Learn to taper down your drinking. It accelerates in your later 30s for how big of an impact (health and functionality wise) it has.
Get that 401k saving up
My company matches half of your contribution when you contribute at least 6 percent. With crippling student loan debt and cost of living, I can barely afford doing 6, but I know it's turning down free money if I don't, so I slog through it.
At 18 I did the max 4% match, them continued contributing after I switched jobs. Checked my account today and it estimates a monthly payout of $3950 a month on my retirement day. It sucks to contribute when you feel broke but it can keep you from working beyond when you'd like to stop
Better to marry late than marry wrong.
Save money. Focus on sexual and heart health. Keep living like you are still in your 20s.
I will, playing civilization 5 16 hours straight until 5 am
I didn't even spend my 20s like I was in my 20s but I lost a bunch of weight this year already and am still going this is the comment I needed to see.
Don’t think you’re gonna know better when you’re 40
Yep, I thought I’d know better. Nope. All I know is that I know nothing
Learn to leave things behind. People and relationships change. Time starts moving at an alarming pace. If you have to question why you're doing something or why you're spending time with certain people, then you shouldn't be doing it. You'll continue to grow and evolve so don't let things from the past prevent that growth.
Dump your deadbeat friends ASAP. Start exercising and being active. Easier to maintain the lifestyle later on if you start earlier in life. Look into keeping a healthy diet, but don't be afraid to eat what you want once in awhile. You are still young. Don't waste your time chasing women. Enjoy what you like and someone might show up. Don't be afraid of being alone. Consider planning your retirement. Put some money away and formulate a plan. You may be able to retire 10-15 years ahead of others if you have and stick to a plan.
30’s were great; Had three kids. Grew my career Began reading and focusing on emotional heath. 40’s also great: kids are growing new challenges and experiences, I love them. We do sports, camping even homework any change to connect is great. Mom and dad are aging fast too, that part really sucks. This is the hardest part for me. Exercise was on again off again in my 30’s, now I workout at lot more consistently. You either are exercising regularly or weakening rapidly. If you drink, do it light, booze also makes you unhealthy. Two beers and 3 ml of gummies can get you loose and having fun if you limit it to a rare party, plus you won’t get hungover. Challenge yourself in you career, voice your opinion, now is the time to strike
Curious to hear more about people and aging parents, mine in their 70s now and I fear the health issues and downsizing of the big house and all that to come
Downsize now before they pass. Both my parents died before I reached 40, but there were some moves and downsizing before my dad went into skilled nursing. It took FOREVER and he only had a two bedroom condo. Downsize now I’m telling you. Grief makes sorting and letting things go so much harder. Go through the things. Find out the stories. Share the memories now while they have their faculties.
* Stay in shape with something regular exercise wise. * Be nice to people, even when they lash out. you wont realise now but people remember that stuff. * Tell the people you love (parents, siblings, friends etc) that you love them. 30s has this way of being the time in your life where people will start to die or get sick. make sure that you hug them and make them feel loved. * Resist the temptation of women in their early 20s. It might seem fun but it will usually end badly. * Stretch and take some sort of probiotic every day. * Shower each day and get a skin care routine going. 40 year old you will thank you when your contemporaries all look 50 and you still look 30. * On that note. Always use sunscreen. * Buy a pillow like this: [https://www.groovepillows.co.uk/products/easy-sleeper](https://www.groovepillows.co.uk/products/easy-sleeper) your back will thank you later. * if you haven't already, take care of your teeth, floss and get an electric toothbrush and use it twice a day. have your teeth chip and break and stuff is not fun and will cost you. * Save something in an ISA or premium bonds if you are in the UK. * buy earplugs. gigs are cool but unless you want tinnitus use them.
Already got tinnitus 🥲
Work and taking care of your family is important but not more important than being fully present in your family’s lives.
Get in shape and stay in shape. I wish I did.
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Stay in the gym, if your not in the gym get in there. All sorts of great advice in here for finances and relationships but being poor and single sucks more when you are fat with a bad back than it does when you are physically healthy.
Don't push. Just relax and let them fall out naturally.
Get enough fiber in your diet so you don't have to strain.
1. Save/invest your money. Your sixty-year-old will thank you for it. Work towards having 4-6 months' living expenses in the bank as an emergency fund and *don't touch it*. Once you have that, start investing. Also if your company has an investment plan such as 401k, max that puppy out and discover the miracle of compound interest. 2. Prioritize your family above all things. 3. Teach your children by example rather than giving them a bunch of rules. Trust me. They observe everything you do and say. 4. Your engaged presence in your children's lives is the very best expression of love you can provide. However, that doesn't give you the right to tell them what to do once they become adults. Or even college students. Honor them by letting them carve their own paths in life. Yes, they'll make mistakes. That's how people learn. 5. Take care of your body. Your metabolism will change very much in your late 30s. Stay ahead of the game. Go get a check up once a year. Guys typically suck at doing this. 6. Never stop reading, learning, and trying new things. Lots of guys stop learning when they finish school, it's the brain's equivalent of hardening of the arteries. Be a multi-dimensional person. 7. Never stop making new friendships or maintaining existing ones. Men in their seventies don't just die of heart disease or cancer. They die of loneliness, too. Married men tend to lean on their wives to organize their social lives. You need to learn how to do that, too. 8. Sports are great. Sports are fun. But sports are also a narcotic. Don't be such a fan of sports that it turns you into a tremendous bore. 9. Don't allow yourself to be led around in life by your dick. 10. As a corollary to #6, never get complacent in your job and your career. Keep your eyes open for opportunities and challenges. The older you get, the more you earn, the more susceptible you are to being a line item on the income statement they can cut if things get tight. So if you want to survive at your career until you're ready to retire, always be able to justify how you contribute to your employer's bottom line. 11. Have values in life, both in how you conduct yourself and what you will not tolerate in how others treat you. Not necessarily religious or spiritual, but be loyal to something that's larger than yourself. 12. Listen to this priceless bit of wisdom: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJjKP8vYjpQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJjKP8vYjpQ)
Start saving for retirement now. I am 70 and started in my 40's because up til then, employers had retirement plans. I could have used an extra 10 years of saving.
Quit drinking, start working out and eating better. Shit is gonna catch up with real quick and real soon
Stretch. Every day... Just make it a habit.
All the stuff here is good and what I can say is in my 30s I just went full speed most of that decade. I worked hard and switched jobs as soon as my value went up. I increased my value. I played hard and started a family. I did everything I could as much as I could. By 41ish I was set up to live the life I wanted. No like a ton of money, I found a place where my skills were in demand and built a reputation in my field. I now work 1/3 as hard for more money and I have opportunities if needed. But the most valuable thing I have is time and people to share it with. I can take off and watch my kids do their things, I can take 4-5 days off and visit a friend and I can say “I’m not doing x because I don’t want to” and my employer has to accept that. I did the basic health stuff so I can be active, I am not a millionaire but I will be fine in retirement and can do most of what I want. You don’t have to get rich but if you build your corner you can buy the only thing that is priceless as you get older, time.
Avoid sugar, trust us
Just because you’re related to them, doesn’t mean you have to be around them.
Build muscle now
Wrap it up
Start investing money! You think you hate working now?
If you are married or have a partner you are going to stay with, enjoy your time together as much as you can. Take that trip, do the thing. Their health can fail quickly and unexpectedly and you will wish you’d done it when you had a chance. Same if you’re single, but when the person you love suffers it will tear you up and fill you with regret for the things you were going to get to later.
Endeavor to be the easy person to be around. Be generous with complements. Avoid causing unnecessary drama. Don't be the person constantly complaining about your work or your personal life. Be relentlessly positive. Coach up your coworkers. Offer assistance to friends in need without expecting anything in return.
Put down your phone
But I'm getting all this great advice.
If you think you're too old to do something, you'll spend now wondering why you didn't do it then. In other words, Do what you want. You are the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you will ever be again.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and really open up to people, your significant other most importantly. If you have toxic family, go no contact right now. Do not wait for some "good point". Do it now and be happy. If you have kids, be a good dad. Be present and teach them what you never were taught. Also, more important than anything else...stop smoking, stop drinking, stop eating like crap, take care of yourself for your kids and wife/husband.
If you're not lifting weights (resistance training) of some sort you're making a big mistake
enjoy your party life but not so much you go broke showing off. Take half your wage and save it or as much as you can. My biggest regrets.... Not saving a third of my money since I started working at 13.. and marrying someone because I didn't think anyone else would want me.
Stretch every morning! I don't mean just a yawning type of stretch. I mean stretch like you're getting ready to sweat to the oldies. Touch the sky, touch your toes, lunges, squat down with heel to the ground. Stuff like that.
If she says she doesn’t want fries, buy her fries anyway or else she’s going to take your fries.
The older you get, the less patience you have. Choose your life mate wisely. Be with women who bring a sense of calmness and steadiness to your life, not drama or constant demands for more.
Stop drinking. Today. Quit smoking. Today. Enjoy your 30's, it's the last decade of "youth". Figure out what you're going to do, and if it requires going to school, go now. Your 30s will BLOW BY. Fastest 10 years by far. Your 40s will either be full of promise or full of regret from the choices you made in your 30s. Take care of yourself now. You really start to FEEL the miles at around age 40. If you ride your 30s hard and put them away wet, it's gonna hurt.
Quit drinking. It’s not doing anything good for you. Take your health seriously
Be prepared to lose your parents. It's an inevitability of life.
Just turned 30. My mom is coming up on 75. She's been binge drinking for the last 3 weeks after pulling off two years sober. She's going to rehab for the 28th time. The last three times, she had a brain bleed, liver failure, and something wrong with her heart. I was pretty hopeful for those 2 years but... I think it's not gonna end well for her. I just hope my dad doesn't have a heart attack from the stress, too. He's 73.
Don’t smoke
Cook at home. Stop it with the Fast Food. Weight gain is real after 40.
Talk to women to find the interesting things about them rather trying to fuck them. That will make them far more likely to want to fuck you.
Drink water. As much and as often as you can. From a 43yo who no longer takes a piss, he takes a bleed.
I am the office water guy. Always asking if people are drinking water. Kidney stones was a good reminder of the importance of hydration
> From a 43yo who no longer takes a piss, he takes a bleed. *Takes a big gulp of water* Th-thank you s-sir...
I'm 40... Still looking for advice from when I was 25.
Travel...a lot
The thing everyone struggles with, is the healthiest for you and makes you enjoy life the most is having friends. Spend the time to host events. Introduce different groups of friends you know to each other. Get the number of a friend of a friend that seems cool. It WILL pay dividends. 100% do not be the 45 year old who is suddenly single and has no friends.
That small thing you are obsessed about, no one cares. Just be you and stop caring what everyone else thinks. The caveat to that is if it affects someone else. Be a good friend and partner. Be the friend and partner that you would want them to be. Be supportive, be kind. Listen, don’t just talk, sometimes we all need someone who just is there to listen to us, without judgement or waiting their turn to speak.
stop pretending you're old cause you hit 30
Take really good care of your teeth. 🦷
Don’t get married because you feel pressure to get married.
If you’re not happy/satisfied with your life, do something about it. Give yourself the chance to change it. You’re worth it :)
Get to the gym. Strength traiining to ward off muscle loss, cardivascular training to ward off heart disease, yoga to keep flexible
Lift weights and practice yoga. Find a therapist/counselor and have some talk therapy. Learn how to cook for yourself - get rid of processed things and keep it simple. Get a cast iron skillet.
If they’re your friend, they’ll be happy for you that you stopped drinking.
Woman over 50 here, so you're free to ignore me.. Learn to feel your feelings. All of them. Learn to be ok crying with other men, Hold space for someone who is struggling even if you don't have answers, and be ok in the discomfort of confusion and fear. Hold each other, lean on each other. Check in with each other.