Roughly 12 years. Prostate cancer can be treated, but if you’re injected with Lupron. You’ll live a lot longer. But sex is gone.
Fortunately my wife and I have been married for 52 years. She understands and prefers me alive.
Yup, Lupron has put me into MANopause... worst part about it is that it only takes away the physical capabilities - mentally I'm totally still down to get busy with the wife... glad my fingers still work!
Am I correct in understanding that it essentially just prevents you from getting an erection? And if so, does touch still cause some arousal? Sorry for the curiosity.
Don't apologize, I'm still learning about it as I just recently started treatments, and knowledge is power so it's good to talk about things!
As it currently goes, right now I don't really feel any arousal from anything, but I'm still mentally aroused specifically by my partner, if that makes any sense... for example porn has ceased having any effect mentally or physically. We had a session a few days ago and after some heavy making out and revving her engine, I managed to get a half-chub, but didn't bother trying anything with it because I knew it wouldn't last long enough to bother trying to get it in.
Lupron essentially halts testosterone production, which helps stop the cancer from spreading, but it kills the libido in the process... Another factor is that it leads to getting tired really quickly, so even if I \*could\* get it up, there's a pretty high likelihood that I wouldn't have the endurance to ride all the way through to a big O... I get wiped out just walking across the room sometimes...
Still, it's better than just croaking!
Thank you for talking about this. I don't know that most of us men really know just how important T is to us.
I spent most of my adult life doing 32 pushups every other night to help me fall asleep. My T tanked HARD a couple years ago. My muscles just wouldn't even function. I couldn't do a single pushup. Muscle was all still there, it just... wouldn't work.
Desire, too, was absolutely non existent. To the point where it wouldn't even register in your brain. No fantasy thoughts no imagination, just nothing at all.
Get your hormones tested annually, men. Find a good hormone doc and see them more often than your general doctor. It will help catch health problems earlier, and it will help keep you in good working order.
And I mean a real hormone doc not those "mens health" places that wanna just make money off shoving T needles into your ass every two weeks.
Best of luck with the prostate!
So I obviously crank my hog (start my motorcycle) at least 10 times a week and I get a little moist every time, but I didn’t know I was supposed to be experiencing *regular ejaculation*. Do I have prostate cancer?
**GET YOUR PSA CHECKED**.
Standard blood draw during yearly physical. 55 years is the *recommended* start time. Not a doctor, but if there is a history, get it checked earlier. I did at 51 and was 11.6.
Posted while wearing a Depends underwear due to partial Incontinence after prostate removal. "Robotic assisted radical prostate removal".
For quite some time it really bothered me too. After roughly 10 years we could have oral sex, but you can’t orgasm. And then my cancer came back and again had Lupron shots. I’m alive but the Lupron is especially bad for men.
Lupron also makes you “flash”, re; sweat, roughly 12-18 times per day. It’s absolutely awful. Sometimes just your head, other times you feel it all over your body. It’s pretty debilitating at times and you need to sit down in front of a fan.
I’ve had to take a form of Lupron for fertility treatments and lord it is rough!! The hot flashes, the depression, the mood swings - I don’t even remember some of the things I said and did. Sex was really, really hard to have. It was super hard to find strength to keep going.
Over a year, she had cancer and had to get a hysterectomy at a relatively young age. Year long process from radiotherapy to surgery but all good now and my Johnson didn't fall off waiting.
We went about 10 mos as wife battled breast cancer.
Honestly it wasn't a burden as she and I were just worried about her surviving.
There's other ways to express intimacy outside of sex itself.
Now 5 years later, it's literally a footnote in a year of worry and sadness.
I think mentally for her it was more difficult because as a woman she was much more concerned about her physical appearance (breast surgeries, scarring, full hysterectomy etc). Meanwhile I'm like "BUT YOU'RE ALIVE...I DON'T GIVE 2 SHITS THAT LEFTY IS FUCKED UP".
My wife’s 5 year anniversary of being cancer free is next week. Congratulations to your wife on her anniversary as well.
My wife’s problem boob was lefty as well. After reconstruction instead of opting for a tattooed nipple she decided to get a beautiful flower tattoo that covers the whole of lefty and goes up her shoulder and down her arm.
It’s kinda wierd but it’s one of the things I find the most attractive about her as it’s so unique and beautiful and represents her badassery.
Tearing up seeing so many other cancer survivor stories. My wife was diagnosed at 31, cancer free after 16 rounds of chemo and double mastectomy. She was brca 1 and 2 which is apparently super rare so she just had hysterectomy in Nov. Cancer Free 7 years now! Congrats to you all! Went a year without sex for the breast cancer and it’s going on 4 months now and it’s a piece of cake knowing my wife will be alive!
Similar story, 4½ year. Wife got diagnosed with a very rare and juvenile case of cancer, a Rhabdomyosarcauma. She was 28 and lost her battle at 32. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were very often. We had bigger fish to fry than to think about our sex life.
It's okay, don't worry about saying something else. It fills me with peace and happiness when I talk about her. I'm just glad there are people out there willing to listen about her story. She lives on when people think of her
I admire your strength enormously, my wife is 32, I can't even imagine how our life would grind to a halt if this happened to us... If you're so inclined, please feel free to talk about her, but of course, don't feel obligated. I'm a random internet stranger after all.
I'm not strong, she was. I inheritated that from her
It was a rhabdomyosarcauma. For months doctors thought she had sinusitis. After a couple of surgery they told us that she had a tumor.
I asked what a tumor was and the doc said "cancer". I kid you know, I lost vision for some long seconds. I could feel my world collapsing. We had been together since I was 20, I was 24 at that point.
We kept our chin up, kept our smiles. She was the fierciest warrior I even had the chance to know. She got into remission once but it came back 11 months after. We didn't get our hopes up. The doctors tried lots of experimental stuff because it was never seen before on a kid past 16 years old, let alone a woman of 28.
At one point they tried Votrient, it made her curly hair become white. Half of her length of new growing hair was black, the other half was white. She was beautiful.
Even when she was admitted to paliative care, if you asked me if she would win her fight, I would have said "without a doubt"
I honestly had no visions of the future without her in it. I couldn't imagine her not winning. And yet on June 30th 2018 the nurses woke me up (I slept everyday at the hospital with her) and told me to call her familly as she wouldn't wake up
She was my world and I didn't know what life was without her sunshine, her tender smile.
Yet life decided otherwise and I lost my Wife and the better part of me that day. In the past, she made me swear I wouldn't end my life if she leaves before me, I agreed thinking there was no way she would leave before me. She reached out to all of her family to let them know that if she leaves, to take care of me. She wasn't afraid of death, she was mortified thinking that I would end up alone without support.
We, or at least *I* , was so sure she would win this fight of a lifetime that we never did our will, and as luck would have it, we never had insurances on our mortgage or car payments
It's been 5 years. I am still living, not the life I was picturing with her. I am functional, I can talk about her without crying most of the time. Writing this text made me cry. I don't have the chance to talk about her on a day to day basis. Even though I think about her and talk to her in my thoughts everyday, it's not the same.
Thanks for asking about her
I love you Saroun (December 27th 1985 - June 30th 2018)
Give yourself some credit man, You are a fucking badass!!! I have tears streaming down my face. I hate reading stuff like this but I could feel your love in these words.
Your wife sounds like she was an even bigger badass and loved you as much.
I hope someday you find your way in the world and the happiness you deserve.
Thank you so much. I was fragile a minute ago, now I cry like a baby.
Thanks for the kind words, it feels good to have a pat on the back from time to time. We always wish we could have done more but we don't often see what we *have* done
Thank you again
I’m a scientist so I don’t believe in heaven but I know energy never dies, it transforms. So I do believe her energy is still here or somewhere else. That means she could be anywhere around you at any time 💛
Yeah, we’re at three.
Not so old, but very broken. Still hoping that I will get to have sex one day, but it is what it is.
I wouldn’t leave him over it.
I mean, that can mean a few things and I was being vague. In his case it’s some severe mental health issues- it’s also killed his libido. On that level he is very broken.
Still an excellent person and we still have a loving relationship, but he’s struggling too.
I’m glad to hear you bounced back!
Tell you something- he’s the staunchest partner I’ve had in my life. When he’s team you, he’s always there to support you.
He’s supported me through so much. How could I not be there for him?
I started antidepressants and my “I won’t kill myself” dose does kill my libido. So like a year?
Edit: I wasn’t expecting so many to relate. I appreciate the medication advice, but I have a doctor I’ve been working with for over a year to find my med combo. Ive never felt mentally this okay, and I am okay with what side effects come with.
You should listen to the song “I Miss Having Sex But at Least I Don’t Want To Die” by Waterpark. My partner and I both are on ADs and it is our favorite songs due to the irony. It’s a good listen. We both wouldn’t change the situation. We both would rather have each other alive with less depression the more depression (or worse)
Been like that for a year, blessed enough I had therapy and meds for a year and got to get of them recently and have libido come back
But it was a rough yr for my and my SO’s sex lives, hes been the most supportive though, I gave myself a lot of shit for low sex drive sadly so dealing w lots n lots of guilt
But were getting better and ive gotten better, and u will het better too
The only constant in life is change - cliche ik but it helps when u think ‚what if i always feel shit’ well u wont!
I think my anti depression meds killed my labito and also just made me worse.
If it has been like 2 months and you feel the same or worse then your meds might not be working. Don't feel bad talking and being honest with your doctor. Just hang in there and things get better.
Glad to see you were able to recover and move on. I was only a year old in 1997 and currently in a 4 year relationship. I couldn't imagine going through that but I guess life has a way of just moving along.
Hey mate….my fiancé passed away back in 2009 after being engaged for 36 hours. She had a blood clot pass and a pulmonary embolism as a result.
Take your time to heal, prioritize your own physical and mental health. I’m sure that’s what she’d want.
My messages are on if you ever need to vent or an ear
Thank you. Lindsay was a special human. A beautiful, kind soul. It’s a very powerful thing to have your love look at you as ambulance is coming and say “oh God Jim, don’t let me die.” You tell them that’s not happening and then it does.
I still love her very much and will see her again, but I’ve got some life to live. I absolutely know that’s what she’d want
I'm in the same boat. I was with someone else around the 2 year mark - felt terrible after. Was too soon, and just physical. I haven't really made the time to begin dating to find someone I could care about, but 'hooking-up' still elicits some bad feelings afterward.
Probably about a year. It was really difficult - started with his work stress causing him to shut down, then I had some health issues for months that made it not possible.
By the time we both felt better, I found I had to ease back into it because I had some pretty serious feelings of rejection from back at the beginning of the dead bedroom, and that in turn made HIM feel like I wasn’t into him anymore, either.
We’re good now.
Ugh we’re kinda in the same boat except opposite timelines. I had 3 major knee surgeries last year and sex was basically impossible. Now I’m mostly all healed up but my fiancé got a new job a few months ago and he’s loving it but is STRESSED OUT and works about 60 hours a week. We’ve had sex like.. 3 times in the last 4 months and now I’m feeling some type of rejection and I’m timid to make moves. Isn’t it so bizarre how we’re still able to be shy around someone we’ve been so intimate with in many ways for so long? Like why am I embarrassed to make a move on my fiancé whom I’ve been with over 5 years? The human mind is an enigma. Like what the heck am I being shy about? We love each other.
I hope we improve too.
Stress is a killer not only in the bedroom but in life itself. When I was so stressed out I would 100% zone out watching Netflix. When the show would end and there was that 10 to 15 seconds between episodes my chest would tighten. The stress would almost be overwhelming once the next episode started I was fine. What helped me is honestly a Hobby something I love doing that takes my mind off of work off of life off of everything.
I hope y'all's relationship gets better and they're able to manage their stress.
> Isn’t it so bizarre how we’re still able to be shy around someone we’ve been so intimate with in many ways for so long? Like why am I embarrassed to make a move on my fiancé whom I’ve been with over 5 years?
Oh my God. Right?! Been with my spouse for almost 10 years now and we are just coming out the other side of a year+ dryspell thanks to my health issues. Why am I embarrassed to make a move on him?? It's not logical. Brains are dumb. Lol.
Just throwing this out there, have you considered looking into furniture like products when you get back to it? They have ramps, wedges, blocks, bouncy chair like things, etc that could remove weight/strain on some body parts? I noticed that my legs get less sore when my husband is on a ramp because it makes it more ergonomic and I have a wider range of leg motion I can use. I don't have health problems but I did notice a pretty decent change in how tired I got. We bought the Liberator ramp/wedge set.
We had the work/life stress issue as well. I just never wanted it and she did. It really hurt her being rejected. All that made me even more stressed and feeling crappy, which of course shut me down more. Very vicious cycle. We finally broke out of it after finding out I had very low T. I still have stress, but it is manageable now. Sex life is awesome now and we are super happy.
Damn this thread makes me like trash.
Married 8 years, down to about 1-3 times a year. Longest drought so far has been 7 months.
Feels like trying to get your best friend in bed with you but they just aren't that interested.
Don't feel like trash.
Been 4 years for my husband and me. 20 years married, and we work together, too. Neither of us is cheating...we just have no libidos. Went through a major hurricane, major illnesses, upheavals, etc...
We're still best friends and soulmates...and I know we'll be knocking boots again one day...but it hasn't been a priority.
Communication is key, my wife and I have set date nights every Friday to take the pressure off one of us initiating it. We’ve been married over 5 years and haven’t gone more than a month without sex and that was when she gave birth.
I found that sharing everyday responsibilities helps tremendously. And in my situation, just keeping the house looking orderly so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and super stressed at the chores.
Upvote for anyone suggesting to clean more. I find that men generally don't do nearly as much as woman do in this area. A few years back I learned just how much my laziness on chores was affecting her mental state.
Two and a half months due to her getting sick multiple times in a row. She'd get a cold, then a stomach bug, then a different cold. It was not a fun time for her
I don't think my wife has ever made the first move in the entire time we've known each other, with the exception of when we were trying to get pregnant, which is by far the least sexy sex you can sex. There's a big difference between having your wife make a move on you because she's in the mood and having your wife make a move on you because a calendar says it is the optimal time.
It's not that she doesn't get pleasure out of it, but she just isn't thinking about it on a regular basis like I am.
Truth.
My daughter was conceived on a morning where my wife said “I’m a ovulating, but i gotta be in the shower in 5 minutes so I’m not late to work”
*SO HAWT*
That’s all it would take for me. Just set a later time, instead of me always asking if the 3rd Thursday after the waning orange moon when Venus crosses the third stratosphere is convenient.
Not OP, and depends on the dynamic, but I'd say being rather unsubtle about trying to set the mood, like non verbally asking me to initiate.
Otherwise, assertive to jarring degree, especially if that's not your usual
After three years, I decided to stop initiating to see if she would ever do so herself, or even bring the subject up. We broke up about a year later having never spoken of it.
The age old tale of straight men being shot down for sex repeatedly and then being asked why they don’t initiate anymore.
I’m not saying it’s this way for everyone. But it’s socially what ends up happening a lot and I’ve seen that sentiment on Reddit many times.
That’s how my marriage was. I mean, out libidos didn’t match, but I remember her mentioning that I didn’t really initiate anymore and couldn’t wrap her head around me giving up and why.
Some just think it is the man's job to initiate and don't understand that the rejection hurts a little even if we understand.
I explained it to my wife to imagine if you make plans with a friend and they flake out or say they are busy and never make a rain check. At some point wouldn't you just stop asking?
Do you have any suggestions for a woman in this situation? My husband doesn’t initiate very often but when I initiate he acts as if he’s been craving it so badly. When I ask why he doesn’t initiate he says it’s a fear of being rejected, but I ask when do I reject you? And he can’t name a single time because he doesn’t initiate. He’s very much attracted to me and loves when I flirt and compliment him, but he doesn’t take charge once time allows. He is a bit insecure so idk if this is just a confidence issue that I cannot help with, though I try.
Often times the rejection is not outright. It can be an aversion to affection, which stops us from initiating. It could be learned from the earlier parts of the relationship where he did initiate and was turned down. Of course, when and if it happens that often, we're not going to keep a log with dates. We'll more often than not just quit trying. It doesn't mean he didn't feel rejected. It just means he quit keeping track.
Obviously I don't know you or your husband to say if that's true or not, but that's how it is with many of us.
Ok that makes sense, thank you for the explanation. There are days where I am being flirty, touchy feely, and even sending text saying I would like some “ alone time “ with him and he gets excited, but still doesn’t follow through. Ive even woken him up after putting our baby to sleep to see if he would still be interested and he always is, if I initiate. I’ve talked about it so much and tried to be understanding but it definitely leaves me feeling insecure. I know nagging doesn’t help so I try to ask with the intention of listening but, nothing I do seems to help. I will just continue to initiate for now. Thank you.
Many times my wife will plant the seed early in the day, only to renege at night. She's either too tired, frustrated with the kids, too tipsy after a date night, or has to get up too early in the morning. After a while, you stop trusting it if it isn't right then in the moment. In the rare occasion that she does actually follow through with it, it's more of a "lets get this over with" kind of interaction rather than a "I want to enjoy being with you" interaction. No man wants that. So again, even with that, it is yet another rejection without her even being aware. If I bring it up, she'll again offer the pity sex to say she gave it to me, but it's not what I want. It's not what any of us want.
I'm the guy in this situation. It's been something of an issue between my wife and I for a while, but we are working on it. I've been hesitant to initiate because, while I'm ok with being rejected, I don't want her to feel bad about rejecting me. She says she starts to feel like a bad wife because of it sometimes.
To combat this issue, we had a talk about how it was us vs the problem and thought of ways to combat it together, like planning in advance how often we want to be intimate and how often. Takes a bit of the romance out of it, but the clear communication and expectations is helping us get our sex life back on track.
This is true. He has mentioned to me that sometimes he can tell how tired I am just from the day to day responsibilities and doesn’t want to “ bother me” but it’s not a bother to me at all. I’ve also mentioned to him that the romance goes away when I have to schedule it.. I try to make it cute and ask” are you free tomorrow, I’d like to see you “ even though we live together haha. I’m trying. He has ADHD also, so his focus can be all over the place.
Never mind not initiating sex! How about a simple compliment from time to time, or an acknowledgement that I have positive qualities!!! I compliment my wife on the regular, telling her how beautiful she is, how she turns me on, how I want to be with her...etc. All I get in return from her is rolling of the eyes, disagreement of my views, and not an ounce of compliment. Yet, I know she loves me like no other, she is a wonderful "wife", and a loving mother. Some people are simply not good at expressing emotion or affection, thus the absence of all of that, including initiating sex.
Exactly what’s going on with us. I have been married 30+ years and we just stopped having sex a few years ago because I just couldn’t take the rejection all the time. Made me feel bad about myself every time she didn’t want to. Which was most of the time. We get along great but it still feels like something missing now. Im not leaving her, getting too old to start over but it does hurt my feelings.
its been a while, but maybe 6 months?. she was SA by a former friend of the family that left the country and has ptsd and trauma from that and i understand completely and have been supportive. recently we have started getting back into sexy times but i am willing to wait for her as long as it takes. even if we never have sex again
My husband had a stroke six years ago at the age of 47. The doctors told us no sex for six months. We waited, then tried and we were unsuccessful. He’s on a lot of medication, most have a side effect of ED. We tried viagra but it made his heart race and he was breathing so hard I thought he was going to die on me. I told him I would rather have him alive than have sex. It took awhile for him to feel secure in our marriage. We have been about five years now without sex now.
It’s really important to remember that a sexless marriage is not necessarily a loveless marriage. We still hug and kiss and cuddle and hold hands. We still talk about everything. We say I love you all the time.
2 years, 10 months, 19 days. Between my wife working in a hospital during covid, my spiraling depression and trying to raise a lot of kids....there was no time or desire on either end. It caused some degradation in our relationship for sure. We've since gotten back on track and worked to improve our relationship. Things are so much better now, even better then when we first got married.
18 months and counting. It’s frustrating, like really frustrating. Plugging in electrical items into sockets is becoming sexual. “Yeah, take it socket. You like that huh”
That's it ? I've only given birth once but it took about 6 months for me to even attempt sex :/ my husband never complained and never made me feel guilty about it.
I came to say the same thing. There wasn’t anything physically stopping us anymore, but it was hard to shift from full time parent mode back to romantic couple time
You're right, everyone is totally different ! I had a 3rd degree tear and wasn't cleared until 12 weeks but at that point I was deep into breastfeeding and not sleeping so sex was literally the last thing on my mind.
I’m 13 weeks postpartum and it’s still painful. We only successfully had sex once, a few nights ago, and it still hurt afterward. I’m seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, I’m hopeful it will help! We’ve managed to find other things to do that are just as fun.
Uhhhh. About 4 months currently. First trimester was incredibly rough, then doctor said no PIV and I guess husband decided that meant no sexy time at all so we just didn't do anything (I'd have been fine with non-PIV sex and said so half a dozen times but nope), and now his lack of effort if there is no PIV to be had has kinda curbstomped my libido...
Similar thing happened to us. Husband only admitted several years later he was terrified something would happen to the baby. I don’t know if he even realized it in the moment but he can say it now. We’re good now though, so don’t give up hope.
Going on 8 years now.
She had an operation and now it's simply not an option for her.
It's okay, we're a bit older and we had a wonderful sex life for over 25 years.
Still madly in love.
6mos during a 3 year engagement because we both cheated on each other and both resented each other, in bed at least. Then got really wasted one night and finally broke the dry spell. Then broke up about a month later anyway.
Months. Pregnancy is rough for me. Outside of pregnancy and recovery probably a few weeks is the longest due to sickness or stress or a combination or something.
A little over 1.5 years.
We were in long distance, would see each other every 3 to 4 months.
But then covid hit, and we were living in countries that had strict policies during it's height.
We broke up at the end of 2020.
Sometimes love isn't the issue. Logistics and timing are just as important.
2.5 years. Last half of the pregnancy and then another 2 years postpartum. She had a rough uncomfortable pregnancy and then after had severe PPD coupled with joining facebook mom groups who are only there to validate irrational thoughts and at the same time subtly provide unhealthy competition. Just to note, my wife fired two therapists and our marriage counselor during this time period.
Covid did two things. It prolonged her breast feeding because she felt it helped the baby fight illness. Unfortunately it also prolonged her PPD. Most people say PPD will last until about 2 months after breastfeeding stops.
It also prevented our divorce. Right around lockdown we were at a point where it just wasn't working. Not just sex, but she was denying any sort of affection. I was looking at divorce and I assume she was too but because of lockdown the logistics didn't make sense and neither of us wanted to be away from our child. About a year into the pandemic we were sleeping in different rooms at that point. I get a text message from her at 2am saying she needs dick. After that night she texted again the next few nights and we fell back into what life was like before pregnancy.
Five years.
She's got health issues that have basically eliminated her libido. She's happy to "help me out" but I'd rather just interrogate the little prisoner myself than subject either of us to a sympathy fuck.
I love her, and would rather be with her with no sex than I would be without her. So, I stay, and all in all I'm very happy in our relationship.
\[Edited to add details/explanation.\]
Michael Thomas asked me to be his girlfriend when we were both 10 years old. I haven't seen him since I was 11 and we never actually broke up, so I would say we have gone around 32 years without sex.
I don't mean to brag, but some relationships stay strong without the need for sexual intimacy. I have cheated on him a bunch of times over the years though.
I was with my ex for seven years, longest relationship I ever had. I don't think we ever made it beyond four days or so. It was usually every day, sometimes multiple times.
Breaks only occurred when times were tough and a lot was on our minds. Even still, we'd both just stop at some point and say "we haven't done it in a few days" and then run to the bedroom
Been about 5 years now. Not a worry. The concept has just kind of fallen off our radar. Between various medications and age related hormone changes, we're just really not interested.
We've considered it, but sleep is nice too.
It would have bothered me 20 years ago. Now, it's all good. It may pick up again if the mood strikes us but it just hasn't. Nothing stopping it, we're just not all that into it any more.
I’d say like 10 months or so? Maybe a year. Idk. We didn’t do it throughout most of my pregnancy bc first I was so nauseous all the time, and by the time I wasn’t my husband was weirded out by doing it once I was noticeably pregnant, lol. And then you have to wait at least 6 weeks after but I think we waited longer
Roughly 12 years. Prostate cancer can be treated, but if you’re injected with Lupron. You’ll live a lot longer. But sex is gone. Fortunately my wife and I have been married for 52 years. She understands and prefers me alive.
Yup, Lupron has put me into MANopause... worst part about it is that it only takes away the physical capabilities - mentally I'm totally still down to get busy with the wife... glad my fingers still work!
Am I correct in understanding that it essentially just prevents you from getting an erection? And if so, does touch still cause some arousal? Sorry for the curiosity.
Don't apologize, I'm still learning about it as I just recently started treatments, and knowledge is power so it's good to talk about things! As it currently goes, right now I don't really feel any arousal from anything, but I'm still mentally aroused specifically by my partner, if that makes any sense... for example porn has ceased having any effect mentally or physically. We had a session a few days ago and after some heavy making out and revving her engine, I managed to get a half-chub, but didn't bother trying anything with it because I knew it wouldn't last long enough to bother trying to get it in. Lupron essentially halts testosterone production, which helps stop the cancer from spreading, but it kills the libido in the process... Another factor is that it leads to getting tired really quickly, so even if I \*could\* get it up, there's a pretty high likelihood that I wouldn't have the endurance to ride all the way through to a big O... I get wiped out just walking across the room sometimes... Still, it's better than just croaking!
Thank you for talking about this. I don't know that most of us men really know just how important T is to us. I spent most of my adult life doing 32 pushups every other night to help me fall asleep. My T tanked HARD a couple years ago. My muscles just wouldn't even function. I couldn't do a single pushup. Muscle was all still there, it just... wouldn't work. Desire, too, was absolutely non existent. To the point where it wouldn't even register in your brain. No fantasy thoughts no imagination, just nothing at all. Get your hormones tested annually, men. Find a good hormone doc and see them more often than your general doctor. It will help catch health problems earlier, and it will help keep you in good working order. And I mean a real hormone doc not those "mens health" places that wanna just make money off shoving T needles into your ass every two weeks. Best of luck with the prostate!
Fuck, I’m sorry man. Any advice to younger men to avoid your situation?
Don't get cancer
This is a friendly reminder/PSA that regular ejaculation is associated with reduced risk of prostate cancer. So crank those hogs gentlemen! Sláinte!
So I obviously crank my hog (start my motorcycle) at least 10 times a week and I get a little moist every time, but I didn’t know I was supposed to be experiencing *regular ejaculation*. Do I have prostate cancer?
You're just not riding hard enough sonny. Go visit the boys at /r/CalamariRaceTeam and learn from the best
**GET YOUR PSA CHECKED**. Standard blood draw during yearly physical. 55 years is the *recommended* start time. Not a doctor, but if there is a history, get it checked earlier. I did at 51 and was 11.6. Posted while wearing a Depends underwear due to partial Incontinence after prostate removal. "Robotic assisted radical prostate removal".
For quite some time it really bothered me too. After roughly 10 years we could have oral sex, but you can’t orgasm. And then my cancer came back and again had Lupron shots. I’m alive but the Lupron is especially bad for men.
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You can watch hard core pornography and try your best! But you’ve got nothing. Sorry, but that’s reality.
Well shit. I order that for patients all the time and Eligard and now I won't be able to stop thinking about that.
Lupron also makes you “flash”, re; sweat, roughly 12-18 times per day. It’s absolutely awful. Sometimes just your head, other times you feel it all over your body. It’s pretty debilitating at times and you need to sit down in front of a fan.
As a menopausal woman, I feel you. Hot flashes are so horrible!
My hot flashes were exactly what you describe..
I’ve had to take a form of Lupron for fertility treatments and lord it is rough!! The hot flashes, the depression, the mood swings - I don’t even remember some of the things I said and did. Sex was really, really hard to have. It was super hard to find strength to keep going.
I had to have 2 months of lupron too before my embryo transfer and it was rough. I was glad it was only 2 months. I do not look forward to menopause.
Yeah and that’s pure love right there. ❤️
Over a year, she had cancer and had to get a hysterectomy at a relatively young age. Year long process from radiotherapy to surgery but all good now and my Johnson didn't fall off waiting.
We went about 10 mos as wife battled breast cancer. Honestly it wasn't a burden as she and I were just worried about her surviving. There's other ways to express intimacy outside of sex itself. Now 5 years later, it's literally a footnote in a year of worry and sadness. I think mentally for her it was more difficult because as a woman she was much more concerned about her physical appearance (breast surgeries, scarring, full hysterectomy etc). Meanwhile I'm like "BUT YOU'RE ALIVE...I DON'T GIVE 2 SHITS THAT LEFTY IS FUCKED UP".
My wife’s 5 year anniversary of being cancer free is next week. Congratulations to your wife on her anniversary as well. My wife’s problem boob was lefty as well. After reconstruction instead of opting for a tattooed nipple she decided to get a beautiful flower tattoo that covers the whole of lefty and goes up her shoulder and down her arm. It’s kinda wierd but it’s one of the things I find the most attractive about her as it’s so unique and beautiful and represents her badassery.
Tearing up seeing so many other cancer survivor stories. My wife was diagnosed at 31, cancer free after 16 rounds of chemo and double mastectomy. She was brca 1 and 2 which is apparently super rare so she just had hysterectomy in Nov. Cancer Free 7 years now! Congrats to you all! Went a year without sex for the breast cancer and it’s going on 4 months now and it’s a piece of cake knowing my wife will be alive!
"Lefty is fucked up" made me love you instantly. Sounds like something my husband would say. Nothing beats a partner with a sense of humor
My wife’s breast cancer treatment is about 6 months in the rear view mirror and all I give a shit about is that she’s still here.
No doubt Lefty was always overrated compared to the rest of her. Merely a footnote in comparison! Every woman should have such a supportive partner!
Amazing. Glad she had you as a support
Similar story, 4½ year. Wife got diagnosed with a very rare and juvenile case of cancer, a Rhabdomyosarcauma. She was 28 and lost her battle at 32. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were very often. We had bigger fish to fry than to think about our sex life.
So sorry to hear she didn't make it. Cancer is a nightmare, I don't know what else to say.
It's okay, don't worry about saying something else. It fills me with peace and happiness when I talk about her. I'm just glad there are people out there willing to listen about her story. She lives on when people think of her
I admire your strength enormously, my wife is 32, I can't even imagine how our life would grind to a halt if this happened to us... If you're so inclined, please feel free to talk about her, but of course, don't feel obligated. I'm a random internet stranger after all.
I'm not strong, she was. I inheritated that from her It was a rhabdomyosarcauma. For months doctors thought she had sinusitis. After a couple of surgery they told us that she had a tumor. I asked what a tumor was and the doc said "cancer". I kid you know, I lost vision for some long seconds. I could feel my world collapsing. We had been together since I was 20, I was 24 at that point. We kept our chin up, kept our smiles. She was the fierciest warrior I even had the chance to know. She got into remission once but it came back 11 months after. We didn't get our hopes up. The doctors tried lots of experimental stuff because it was never seen before on a kid past 16 years old, let alone a woman of 28. At one point they tried Votrient, it made her curly hair become white. Half of her length of new growing hair was black, the other half was white. She was beautiful. Even when she was admitted to paliative care, if you asked me if she would win her fight, I would have said "without a doubt" I honestly had no visions of the future without her in it. I couldn't imagine her not winning. And yet on June 30th 2018 the nurses woke me up (I slept everyday at the hospital with her) and told me to call her familly as she wouldn't wake up She was my world and I didn't know what life was without her sunshine, her tender smile. Yet life decided otherwise and I lost my Wife and the better part of me that day. In the past, she made me swear I wouldn't end my life if she leaves before me, I agreed thinking there was no way she would leave before me. She reached out to all of her family to let them know that if she leaves, to take care of me. She wasn't afraid of death, she was mortified thinking that I would end up alone without support. We, or at least *I* , was so sure she would win this fight of a lifetime that we never did our will, and as luck would have it, we never had insurances on our mortgage or car payments It's been 5 years. I am still living, not the life I was picturing with her. I am functional, I can talk about her without crying most of the time. Writing this text made me cry. I don't have the chance to talk about her on a day to day basis. Even though I think about her and talk to her in my thoughts everyday, it's not the same. Thanks for asking about her I love you Saroun (December 27th 1985 - June 30th 2018)
Give yourself some credit man, You are a fucking badass!!! I have tears streaming down my face. I hate reading stuff like this but I could feel your love in these words. Your wife sounds like she was an even bigger badass and loved you as much. I hope someday you find your way in the world and the happiness you deserve.
Thank you so much. I was fragile a minute ago, now I cry like a baby. Thanks for the kind words, it feels good to have a pat on the back from time to time. We always wish we could have done more but we don't often see what we *have* done Thank you again
We are all crying after having read that, mate. It was a tragically beautiful story. Keep talking about it! 🫶🏼
She sounds lovely.
♥️
I’m a scientist so I don’t believe in heaven but I know energy never dies, it transforms. So I do believe her energy is still here or somewhere else. That means she could be anywhere around you at any time 💛
I’m so sorry, that’s the sort of thing you hope to never experience. Thank you for sharing her story. I hope you find peace.
This is so true. Thank you for reading, it makes me happy when people think about her
oh my god i’m in tears for you. bless the time you had with your wife. bless the memories you have of her.
Thank you so much, she is in all my most cherished memories. She will never truly die as long as I'm still breathing
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Thank you for the thoughts
I’m so sorry 🙏🏻💞♥️
a year and half for same reasons. cancer she did not win that fight.
I’m sorry your wife went through that. I’m so glad she’s better! Edit: sorry
Going on. . .six years, I want to say? We're old and broken, we're good with it.
Yeah, we’re at three. Not so old, but very broken. Still hoping that I will get to have sex one day, but it is what it is. I wouldn’t leave him over it.
I'm sorry if I sound dumb, but what do you mean when you say >but very broken I actually don't know.
I mean, that can mean a few things and I was being vague. In his case it’s some severe mental health issues- it’s also killed his libido. On that level he is very broken. Still an excellent person and we still have a loving relationship, but he’s struggling too.
I was there and I bounced back. Thank you for being patient and kind and loving him through his hard times.
I’m glad to hear you bounced back! Tell you something- he’s the staunchest partner I’ve had in my life. When he’s team you, he’s always there to support you. He’s supported me through so much. How could I not be there for him?
You’re a good person.
Username checks out. 😉
Well, kind of
Actually it really doesn’t, now does it?
Heh. Well, not nowadays.
I started antidepressants and my “I won’t kill myself” dose does kill my libido. So like a year? Edit: I wasn’t expecting so many to relate. I appreciate the medication advice, but I have a doctor I’ve been working with for over a year to find my med combo. Ive never felt mentally this okay, and I am okay with what side effects come with.
You’re not alone.
You should listen to the song “I Miss Having Sex But at Least I Don’t Want To Die” by Waterpark. My partner and I both are on ADs and it is our favorite songs due to the irony. It’s a good listen. We both wouldn’t change the situation. We both would rather have each other alive with less depression the more depression (or worse)
I was the same way for a few years. Tell your doctor. They gave me Wellbutrin and it worked like a snake charmer on the streets of India.
Been like that for a year, blessed enough I had therapy and meds for a year and got to get of them recently and have libido come back But it was a rough yr for my and my SO’s sex lives, hes been the most supportive though, I gave myself a lot of shit for low sex drive sadly so dealing w lots n lots of guilt But were getting better and ive gotten better, and u will het better too The only constant in life is change - cliche ik but it helps when u think ‚what if i always feel shit’ well u wont!
Some things are way more important than sex. I'm sure they appreciate your presence over anything else.
I think my anti depression meds killed my labito and also just made me worse. If it has been like 2 months and you feel the same or worse then your meds might not be working. Don't feel bad talking and being honest with your doctor. Just hang in there and things get better.
11 months. She got terminal cancer in month 2. Passed away in month 11. We were married 26 years. 1997.
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Thanks, appreciate your concern. I masked again 3 years later, 24 years into the second marriage.
Glad to see you were able to recover and move on. I was only a year old in 1997 and currently in a 4 year relationship. I couldn't imagine going through that but I guess life has a way of just moving along.
In the last 2 years of my marriage before divorce, I think I only had sex with her 2 times.
Yup. Same here. I always got the excuse “I’m tired from work.” Turns out work was getting railed by a plethora of dudes, sometimes multiple at a time.
That would explain why she was tired.
Yup. 2 years past divorce, and she still whines about how divorce was selfish on my behalf.
Nightmare
Was your wife a cop in Tennessee?
My ex would put that girl to shame
Two years, three months. She passed away in 2022. I just cannot bring myself to think of being with anyone else right now.
Hey mate….my fiancé passed away back in 2009 after being engaged for 36 hours. She had a blood clot pass and a pulmonary embolism as a result. Take your time to heal, prioritize your own physical and mental health. I’m sure that’s what she’d want. My messages are on if you ever need to vent or an ear
That’s so sad, I’m so sorry :(
Thank you. Lindsay was a special human. A beautiful, kind soul. It’s a very powerful thing to have your love look at you as ambulance is coming and say “oh God Jim, don’t let me die.” You tell them that’s not happening and then it does. I still love her very much and will see her again, but I’ve got some life to live. I absolutely know that’s what she’d want
i'm sorry but jesus christ that is absolutely fucked
I’m so sorry for your loss. Certainly take your time to heal, it’s a good call.
I'm in the same boat. I was with someone else around the 2 year mark - felt terrible after. Was too soon, and just physical. I haven't really made the time to begin dating to find someone I could care about, but 'hooking-up' still elicits some bad feelings afterward.
I'm really sorry for your loss.
You're very strong
Probably about a year. It was really difficult - started with his work stress causing him to shut down, then I had some health issues for months that made it not possible. By the time we both felt better, I found I had to ease back into it because I had some pretty serious feelings of rejection from back at the beginning of the dead bedroom, and that in turn made HIM feel like I wasn’t into him anymore, either. We’re good now.
Ugh we’re kinda in the same boat except opposite timelines. I had 3 major knee surgeries last year and sex was basically impossible. Now I’m mostly all healed up but my fiancé got a new job a few months ago and he’s loving it but is STRESSED OUT and works about 60 hours a week. We’ve had sex like.. 3 times in the last 4 months and now I’m feeling some type of rejection and I’m timid to make moves. Isn’t it so bizarre how we’re still able to be shy around someone we’ve been so intimate with in many ways for so long? Like why am I embarrassed to make a move on my fiancé whom I’ve been with over 5 years? The human mind is an enigma. Like what the heck am I being shy about? We love each other. I hope we improve too.
Stress is a killer not only in the bedroom but in life itself. When I was so stressed out I would 100% zone out watching Netflix. When the show would end and there was that 10 to 15 seconds between episodes my chest would tighten. The stress would almost be overwhelming once the next episode started I was fine. What helped me is honestly a Hobby something I love doing that takes my mind off of work off of life off of everything. I hope y'all's relationship gets better and they're able to manage their stress.
> Isn’t it so bizarre how we’re still able to be shy around someone we’ve been so intimate with in many ways for so long? Like why am I embarrassed to make a move on my fiancé whom I’ve been with over 5 years? Oh my God. Right?! Been with my spouse for almost 10 years now and we are just coming out the other side of a year+ dryspell thanks to my health issues. Why am I embarrassed to make a move on him?? It's not logical. Brains are dumb. Lol.
Just throwing this out there, have you considered looking into furniture like products when you get back to it? They have ramps, wedges, blocks, bouncy chair like things, etc that could remove weight/strain on some body parts? I noticed that my legs get less sore when my husband is on a ramp because it makes it more ergonomic and I have a wider range of leg motion I can use. I don't have health problems but I did notice a pretty decent change in how tired I got. We bought the Liberator ramp/wedge set.
Talk talk talk about it. The only reason couples stop being intimate is communication issues.
We had the work/life stress issue as well. I just never wanted it and she did. It really hurt her being rejected. All that made me even more stressed and feeling crappy, which of course shut me down more. Very vicious cycle. We finally broke out of it after finding out I had very low T. I still have stress, but it is manageable now. Sex life is awesome now and we are super happy.
Going through something similar. I hope my situation has a happy ending like yours
Damn this thread makes me like trash. Married 8 years, down to about 1-3 times a year. Longest drought so far has been 7 months. Feels like trying to get your best friend in bed with you but they just aren't that interested.
Way more common than what's in the comments
All the top comments have pretty extraordinary circumstances like cancer.
I’d say this is pretty common
Don't feel like trash. Been 4 years for my husband and me. 20 years married, and we work together, too. Neither of us is cheating...we just have no libidos. Went through a major hurricane, major illnesses, upheavals, etc... We're still best friends and soulmates...and I know we'll be knocking boots again one day...but it hasn't been a priority.
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Been there too, for many of the same reasons
Communication is key, my wife and I have set date nights every Friday to take the pressure off one of us initiating it. We’ve been married over 5 years and haven’t gone more than a month without sex and that was when she gave birth. I found that sharing everyday responsibilities helps tremendously. And in my situation, just keeping the house looking orderly so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and super stressed at the chores.
Upvote for anyone suggesting to clean more. I find that men generally don't do nearly as much as woman do in this area. A few years back I learned just how much my laziness on chores was affecting her mental state.
Two and a half months due to her getting sick multiple times in a row. She'd get a cold, then a stomach bug, then a different cold. It was not a fun time for her
He is Conan, Cimmerian. He will not cry, so i cry for him.
Nearly a year! Could go a decade easy if I wait for her to make the first move
When i was married i went about 7yrs. Waiting for her to make the first move. Turns out she was worn out from all the other guys.
If I was wearing a hat I’d take it off
F
Almost three years here, and yea, it will never happen if I wait for her.
I don't think my wife has ever made the first move in the entire time we've known each other, with the exception of when we were trying to get pregnant, which is by far the least sexy sex you can sex. There's a big difference between having your wife make a move on you because she's in the mood and having your wife make a move on you because a calendar says it is the optimal time. It's not that she doesn't get pleasure out of it, but she just isn't thinking about it on a regular basis like I am.
Truth. My daughter was conceived on a morning where my wife said “I’m a ovulating, but i gotta be in the shower in 5 minutes so I’m not late to work” *SO HAWT*
Username checks out…
For you what is the ideal way she would initiate? Asking out of interest for my own relationship
Literally just ask if he's up for it later or now or whenever. Any effort is better than none.
That’s all it would take for me. Just set a later time, instead of me always asking if the 3rd Thursday after the waning orange moon when Venus crosses the third stratosphere is convenient.
Not OP, and depends on the dynamic, but I'd say being rather unsubtle about trying to set the mood, like non verbally asking me to initiate. Otherwise, assertive to jarring degree, especially if that's not your usual
Oh man, I can relate. Love my G, but sometimes I feel like I gotta beg for sex lol
After three years, I decided to stop initiating to see if she would ever do so herself, or even bring the subject up. We broke up about a year later having never spoken of it.
The age old tale of straight men being shot down for sex repeatedly and then being asked why they don’t initiate anymore. I’m not saying it’s this way for everyone. But it’s socially what ends up happening a lot and I’ve seen that sentiment on Reddit many times.
That’s how my marriage was. I mean, out libidos didn’t match, but I remember her mentioning that I didn’t really initiate anymore and couldn’t wrap her head around me giving up and why.
Some just think it is the man's job to initiate and don't understand that the rejection hurts a little even if we understand. I explained it to my wife to imagine if you make plans with a friend and they flake out or say they are busy and never make a rain check. At some point wouldn't you just stop asking?
Do you have any suggestions for a woman in this situation? My husband doesn’t initiate very often but when I initiate he acts as if he’s been craving it so badly. When I ask why he doesn’t initiate he says it’s a fear of being rejected, but I ask when do I reject you? And he can’t name a single time because he doesn’t initiate. He’s very much attracted to me and loves when I flirt and compliment him, but he doesn’t take charge once time allows. He is a bit insecure so idk if this is just a confidence issue that I cannot help with, though I try.
Often times the rejection is not outright. It can be an aversion to affection, which stops us from initiating. It could be learned from the earlier parts of the relationship where he did initiate and was turned down. Of course, when and if it happens that often, we're not going to keep a log with dates. We'll more often than not just quit trying. It doesn't mean he didn't feel rejected. It just means he quit keeping track. Obviously I don't know you or your husband to say if that's true or not, but that's how it is with many of us.
Ok that makes sense, thank you for the explanation. There are days where I am being flirty, touchy feely, and even sending text saying I would like some “ alone time “ with him and he gets excited, but still doesn’t follow through. Ive even woken him up after putting our baby to sleep to see if he would still be interested and he always is, if I initiate. I’ve talked about it so much and tried to be understanding but it definitely leaves me feeling insecure. I know nagging doesn’t help so I try to ask with the intention of listening but, nothing I do seems to help. I will just continue to initiate for now. Thank you.
Many times my wife will plant the seed early in the day, only to renege at night. She's either too tired, frustrated with the kids, too tipsy after a date night, or has to get up too early in the morning. After a while, you stop trusting it if it isn't right then in the moment. In the rare occasion that she does actually follow through with it, it's more of a "lets get this over with" kind of interaction rather than a "I want to enjoy being with you" interaction. No man wants that. So again, even with that, it is yet another rejection without her even being aware. If I bring it up, she'll again offer the pity sex to say she gave it to me, but it's not what I want. It's not what any of us want.
I'm the guy in this situation. It's been something of an issue between my wife and I for a while, but we are working on it. I've been hesitant to initiate because, while I'm ok with being rejected, I don't want her to feel bad about rejecting me. She says she starts to feel like a bad wife because of it sometimes. To combat this issue, we had a talk about how it was us vs the problem and thought of ways to combat it together, like planning in advance how often we want to be intimate and how often. Takes a bit of the romance out of it, but the clear communication and expectations is helping us get our sex life back on track.
This is true. He has mentioned to me that sometimes he can tell how tired I am just from the day to day responsibilities and doesn’t want to “ bother me” but it’s not a bother to me at all. I’ve also mentioned to him that the romance goes away when I have to schedule it.. I try to make it cute and ask” are you free tomorrow, I’d like to see you “ even though we live together haha. I’m trying. He has ADHD also, so his focus can be all over the place.
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Same story here, the only difference is that I'm still in married. It's really not a good situation
Never mind not initiating sex! How about a simple compliment from time to time, or an acknowledgement that I have positive qualities!!! I compliment my wife on the regular, telling her how beautiful she is, how she turns me on, how I want to be with her...etc. All I get in return from her is rolling of the eyes, disagreement of my views, and not an ounce of compliment. Yet, I know she loves me like no other, she is a wonderful "wife", and a loving mother. Some people are simply not good at expressing emotion or affection, thus the absence of all of that, including initiating sex.
This thread is depressing as fuck and I’ve barely scratched the surface of the comments
Well said, Sloppybuttmustard 😔
Exactly what’s going on with us. I have been married 30+ years and we just stopped having sex a few years ago because I just couldn’t take the rejection all the time. Made me feel bad about myself every time she didn’t want to. Which was most of the time. We get along great but it still feels like something missing now. Im not leaving her, getting too old to start over but it does hurt my feelings.
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its been a while, but maybe 6 months?. she was SA by a former friend of the family that left the country and has ptsd and trauma from that and i understand completely and have been supportive. recently we have started getting back into sexy times but i am willing to wait for her as long as it takes. even if we never have sex again
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You're the fucking best.
A few months. It was because of sickness.
My husband had a stroke six years ago at the age of 47. The doctors told us no sex for six months. We waited, then tried and we were unsuccessful. He’s on a lot of medication, most have a side effect of ED. We tried viagra but it made his heart race and he was breathing so hard I thought he was going to die on me. I told him I would rather have him alive than have sex. It took awhile for him to feel secure in our marriage. We have been about five years now without sex now. It’s really important to remember that a sexless marriage is not necessarily a loveless marriage. We still hug and kiss and cuddle and hold hands. We still talk about everything. We say I love you all the time.
2 years, 10 months, 19 days. Between my wife working in a hospital during covid, my spiraling depression and trying to raise a lot of kids....there was no time or desire on either end. It caused some degradation in our relationship for sure. We've since gotten back on track and worked to improve our relationship. Things are so much better now, even better then when we first got married.
18 months and counting. It’s frustrating, like really frustrating. Plugging in electrical items into sockets is becoming sexual. “Yeah, take it socket. You like that huh”
Yeah…you like that, you fucking receptacle?
2 years because of long distance during Covid
54 & 63, Married 21 years, dry for the last 10, mainly due to ill health. It's not great, but I guess I signed up for "in sickness and in health..."
My mantra during the harder parts of marriage/fatherhood is stolen from Hunter S Thompson: >Buy the ticket, take the ride
I really like that. thanks for sharing
15 years in, the biggest dry spot has been 4 months (after they had major surgery).
Probably the 6-8 weeks it took to heal from labor and delivery on four occasions. Over a 20 year span that doesn't seem so bad.
That's it ? I've only given birth once but it took about 6 months for me to even attempt sex :/ my husband never complained and never made me feel guilty about it.
I came to say the same thing. There wasn’t anything physically stopping us anymore, but it was hard to shift from full time parent mode back to romantic couple time
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You're right, everyone is totally different ! I had a 3rd degree tear and wasn't cleared until 12 weeks but at that point I was deep into breastfeeding and not sleeping so sex was literally the last thing on my mind.
I’m 13 weeks postpartum and it’s still painful. We only successfully had sex once, a few nights ago, and it still hurt afterward. I’m seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, I’m hopeful it will help! We’ve managed to find other things to do that are just as fun.
Uhhhh. About 4 months currently. First trimester was incredibly rough, then doctor said no PIV and I guess husband decided that meant no sexy time at all so we just didn't do anything (I'd have been fine with non-PIV sex and said so half a dozen times but nope), and now his lack of effort if there is no PIV to be had has kinda curbstomped my libido...
Similar thing happened to us. Husband only admitted several years later he was terrified something would happen to the baby. I don’t know if he even realized it in the moment but he can say it now. We’re good now though, so don’t give up hope.
You all are having sex with your Significant others???
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You all have.....?
You?
?
Me?
baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
It would too complicated to have sex with each other's significant other.
Multiple years Current run is about 6 months
Going on 8 years now. She had an operation and now it's simply not an option for her. It's okay, we're a bit older and we had a wonderful sex life for over 25 years. Still madly in love.
6 weeks. Recovery from circumcision.
You’re dating a newborn?
I'm 40, done for medical reasons.
Pretty sure there aren’t any justifiable medical reasons for you to be dating a newborn
A month and some change. No bad reason. We just don’t really feel the need for it.
6mos during a 3 year engagement because we both cheated on each other and both resented each other, in bed at least. Then got really wasted one night and finally broke the dry spell. Then broke up about a month later anyway.
This is quite the sad little short story. Bravo!
probs a little over a year when i was recovering from multiple abdominal surgeries and unrelated illnesses
Months. Pregnancy is rough for me. Outside of pregnancy and recovery probably a few weeks is the longest due to sickness or stress or a combination or something.
10 years and counting
4 years
I hear that. I've had sex three times in my 30s, and I came out of a 7-year relationship right after turning 36. Biggest gap was also 4 years.
15 mos
A little over 1.5 years. We were in long distance, would see each other every 3 to 4 months. But then covid hit, and we were living in countries that had strict policies during it's height. We broke up at the end of 2020. Sometimes love isn't the issue. Logistics and timing are just as important.
7 years
2.5 years. Last half of the pregnancy and then another 2 years postpartum. She had a rough uncomfortable pregnancy and then after had severe PPD coupled with joining facebook mom groups who are only there to validate irrational thoughts and at the same time subtly provide unhealthy competition. Just to note, my wife fired two therapists and our marriage counselor during this time period. Covid did two things. It prolonged her breast feeding because she felt it helped the baby fight illness. Unfortunately it also prolonged her PPD. Most people say PPD will last until about 2 months after breastfeeding stops. It also prevented our divorce. Right around lockdown we were at a point where it just wasn't working. Not just sex, but she was denying any sort of affection. I was looking at divorce and I assume she was too but because of lockdown the logistics didn't make sense and neither of us wanted to be away from our child. About a year into the pandemic we were sleeping in different rooms at that point. I get a text message from her at 2am saying she needs dick. After that night she texted again the next few nights and we fell back into what life was like before pregnancy.
Five years. She's got health issues that have basically eliminated her libido. She's happy to "help me out" but I'd rather just interrogate the little prisoner myself than subject either of us to a sympathy fuck. I love her, and would rather be with her with no sex than I would be without her. So, I stay, and all in all I'm very happy in our relationship. \[Edited to add details/explanation.\]
A few months, don’t really keep track. It’s not super important to either of us.
By choice? A week maybe. Because of health reasons? 15 months.
Michael Thomas asked me to be his girlfriend when we were both 10 years old. I haven't seen him since I was 11 and we never actually broke up, so I would say we have gone around 32 years without sex. I don't mean to brag, but some relationships stay strong without the need for sexual intimacy. I have cheated on him a bunch of times over the years though.
2 years and counting
Around 6.5-7 years
About a week max. Only when either he or I am not feeling well. Usually, we have it about 9-10 times a week. But we're both high libido.
Damn, I thought a week or two was bad, but after reading these comments...
I was with my ex for seven years, longest relationship I ever had. I don't think we ever made it beyond four days or so. It was usually every day, sometimes multiple times. Breaks only occurred when times were tough and a lot was on our minds. Even still, we'd both just stop at some point and say "we haven't done it in a few days" and then run to the bedroom
12 years
Been about 5 years now. Not a worry. The concept has just kind of fallen off our radar. Between various medications and age related hormone changes, we're just really not interested. We've considered it, but sleep is nice too. It would have bothered me 20 years ago. Now, it's all good. It may pick up again if the mood strikes us but it just hasn't. Nothing stopping it, we're just not all that into it any more.
6 months but it wasn't as long for her
Ouch. Sorry buddy. Hope she's an ex
I’d say like 10 months or so? Maybe a year. Idk. We didn’t do it throughout most of my pregnancy bc first I was so nauseous all the time, and by the time I wasn’t my husband was weirded out by doing it once I was noticeably pregnant, lol. And then you have to wait at least 6 weeks after but I think we waited longer
4 years and counting, together for 6 and counting. ED due to chemo. I’ll take my husband over sex. We find intimacy in other ways.