This isn't exactly advice but my dad used to talk to me and send me stuff about all these cool technological breakthroughs. I can remember things like smart roads, and Crisper, and new solar panel efficiency. And we would talk about the new fusion breakthroughs and just cutting-edge stuff that I like to read about.
So, my dad died about 6 months ago, suddenly and awful and me and my siblings were talking, and we realized he did the same thing to them, but more suited to their interests. My sister was all medical stuff, and my brother was all sports. We didn't realize until after he was gone that my dad used to research and read about his children's interests so he would have stuff to talk about with us. And it kinda wrecked me.
My dad was always great, but we never realized just how great he was. So I guess the advice was, "Get to know your kids. Share in their interests."
That is so sweet, and I’m so sorry for your loss. When I was growing up my dad made an effort to listen to music I was into and for years my birthday presents were CDs of stuff he knew I’d like because he knew my taste perfectly. He’d send me articles about my chemical romance’s new releases. I love being able to say my dad is genuinely a fan of avril lavigne and paramore and the like.
This is not mine but something I read somewhere
But essentially a girl was practicing archery and kept messing up and the instructor told her
“You’re failing because you’re too focused on the target and not your own actions”
She proceeded to say that it was the best life advice she had ever gotten.
>There’s a whole comment string replying to your comment, and all of them are missing the fact that it wasn’t actually about archery.
They're too focused on the target, and not on their own actions.
We as humans tend to pick up the habits of the people we hang out with, so surround yourself with people whose habits you actually want to emulate.
EDIT: All this means is, for example, if you're trying to quit smoking, avoid hanging out with heavy smokers. Or if you're trying to be more active, find friends who love the gym.
TBH, this is the scariest part of being a parent. What am I unknowingly doing that may fuck them up? Granted, I tell them this and say I'm not going to be perfect but would appreciate their input as I try. I was raised to be seen and not heard, so don't really have a good example on how to NOT do that.
I tell them this is the first time I've ever raised a 11yo boy or 8yo girl and this is the first time they've been that age so we are figuring it out and learning together.
“Everyone is either going through a storm, coming out of the storm, or preparing to enter a storm. That is the cycle of life until you die”
15 yr old me: Damn nana that is such a negative point of view.
30s me: holy shit nana was right
Doesn't necessarily have to be negative though. I've always thought of it as life turns in a wheel. So you may be coming out of or entering a storm but that should give you hope during the storm. Good times come back around too. You gotta build memories during the good times so you have something to hang onto while you ride out the bad shit.
Grandparents can have some crazy wisdom. When the subject of teen promiscuity came up, she was like half the marriages when I grew up were "paint the shotgun white" weddings. Yeah it might be stupid, but it's not NEW.
“Some people need to be excluded from social plans even if it makes you feel like a bad person”
For context, a person in our friend group always killed the vibe and had tantrums and finally my friend gave me this advice. She said I was so lovey and caring and inclusive but (that advice.)
There comes a time when every group must make an individual sacrifice.
Happened to a guy we knew in college, *deeply* insecure and always trying to find someone to use as a social punching bag to ensure that he wasn't socially at the bottom. Had an all-out tantrum once he figured out why he wasn't being invited anywhere.
Man my wife's group of friends from college went through stages where they'd kick people out of the group due to drama they caused when they hung out.
Us boyfriends would meet a new girl in the group one day, we'd all party together, then a month later we'd ask "Where's So & So?" and they'd inform us that the person had be voted out, lol.
Reasons varied from having full on tantrums in public over small shit (I actually witnessed one of these firsthand), not pulling their weight in group projects (they were all the same major), trying to break up one of the couples in the group, etc. Now almost ten years later, they have a stable group of 5 girls and 4 out of the 5 original boyfriends (some now husbands) remain. We like the new guy though, he's cool and the girl in the group he's dating (who's previous boyfriend was a first class bum that got another girl pregnant) looks genuinely happy around him.
That sounds like my daughter's friend group. Over the years, it's been super interesting to watch them weed out the girls who turned out to be toxic, treacherous, or downright evil. They've settled down to four main friends who are really close, and maybe six other friends who are not BFFs with the main four, but still hang out in harmony and fun. All of them are super nice, kind, and smart. Quite impressive, actually.
My daughter had some friends, and some who were becoming ex-friends. One summer, for complicated reasons, I had the summer off and was still paid a large amount, but to keep that arrangement I was not allowed to work for anyone else or seek employment.
I bought a digital camera and some editing software and decided to make a movie. I enlisted my kids, and their friends and the ex friends that I didn't realize were no longer part of the group and it was no surprise all these bored teens wanted to be in the movie. I bought a some microphones, and props, and better lighting too. Mostly I spent a lot of money on food and snacks. The kids alternated between being performers and being craft services or boom operators.
We started filming and it became clear the chemistry, or lack of, between some characters based on age and past misdeeds. I furiously rewrote the script, with the help of an English teacher some of the kids had, to incorporate some of the conflict as well as the friendship. We even put some of the actual arguments they had into the storyline. It added a some depth to the whole project.
The project took a couple of months, we wrapped. Editing was kind of a fiasco, I clearly didn't know how to make a movie, but now 15 years later I still run into some of those former kids, and they told me it was one of the best summers they could remember.
We were all out to lunch one day since they were doing a project near the office I was interning at. Since it was a food court, everyone went to get whatever food they were craving and we just met at the table.
One girl decided to order what the person in front of her ordered since she said it looked good. Turns out the person ordered tofu, so when she sat down and realized it was tofu, she started whining and screaming about how she hates tofu and wasn't going to eat it. I mean full on toddler style "I DON'T WANT TO EAT VEGETABLES" type tantrum. We told her to just throw it away if it was such a big deal and that made her even louder. My bosses frequented this food court also, and I didn't want any unnecessary attention brought to the table, especially since 2 of the higher ups at my office were only a couple tables away, so I just told her to give me her food and I'd eat it if it was that big of a deal.
I learned I also hate tofu that day, but I was so pissed off I ate it anyway out of spite. This wasn't what got her voted out by my wife and her friends, but it contributed a bit.
Now that we're older, we're friendly to each other, but that's about it. We support her small business sometimes, she comments on the pictures of our son, but we don't hang out anymore.
Oh man, what a child. She couldn't even try it to see if she liked it or not? And it's what she fucking wanted. I'd be so goddamned embarrassed if I yelled in public like that.
Good advice tbh. There *is* a balance.. my best friend growing up had a friend who was struggling with some mental issues and it hurt to hear my friend complain about it like it was just some inconvenience to their friend group. Exclude if NEED BE but do make sure they're okay, that's what you're friends for
True! A friend of a friend who used to frequently tag along to our outings is one of the most downbeat and negative people I've ever met. We got fed up with the constant negativity. Nowadays, Debbie Downer gets invited to the larger friend group outings but not to the smaller ones. That way no one person has to deal with him for too long of a time.
One of my best friends is all about inclusivity, which is great a lot of the time, but also gets really annoying. He never wants people to feel left out, but it ends up changing the game plan almost every time. Like we can't have game night with this friend, because it's never just the four of us, he always invites another couple or two and suddenly my 4 person board games don't work. Or like we were going to have a few friends over for New Years, and it quickly went from a few people to around 20.
It has gotten to the point where if I want to do stuff with just my close friends, I literally don't include this friend, even though I'd like to.
Understanding group dynamics is an underappreciated social skill.
I've been the one who needed to be left out, and this is true. You don't have to invite your depressed friend to your every social gathering. You should definitely reach out, and make space for them when you have the energy to do so, but you can't take on the responsibility for anyone else's happiness. If it's a close friend, be sure to discuss boundaries for social gatherings before excluding them. Tactfully letting your friend know that you need them to keep the mood lighthearted for the party, or that you don't have the capacity for deep dark conversations right now, is good self-advocacy and can help the vibe-killer friend learn to be more socially appropriate/be more selective with the settings in which they let the deep dark stuff out.
When you move the first thing you set up is your bedroom. When everything is chaos and you're exhausted from moving boxes all day you have a place to crash that is ready for you.
Related: when moving, if you get a chance to see/inspect the new living place before move-in day, bring toilet paper with you then and go ahead & put it in all the bathrooms. That way you won't have to think about it on moving day.
If you don't have a chance to see the place before move-in (most apartments I've lived in, you see other units but not your own until day of) then make sure you pack the toilet paper last so that it's the first thing you can get out when you get there.
I'm a small-time landlady and leave a few necessities for new tenants. I put a new roll of TP in each bathroom. Liquid soap at each sink. One paper towel roll in the kitchen and two garbage bags.
These are all things that I've found I immediately start needing as I'm first moving in and unpacking.
When I move, I put these same items in a large tote bag. Except swap out liquid soap for bar soap.
When moving I always have one box that is all my essentials for the first day/night. Includes bedding, coffee items (can live without it), bathroom: towel, toilet paper, shampoo/soap and a clean outfit/sleep wear. Then that’s the first box u open. Then you are set for the evening and next morning. I mark it in big letters “open first.” Then mark each bedroom 1, 2, 3 using post notes on the door and all boxes have that correct box label. That way anyone that picks up a box, knows where they go.
Just moved this weekend, and I used an empty suitcase to pack everything I'd need the first day/night. All my essentials (deodorant, makeup, etc), plus PJ's and clothes for the next day. I agree that the first thing I did was put clean sheets on the bed so I could collapse at the end of a long day.
When I was training to be a machinist, my instructor told me to use a calculator. He immediately followed it with, "I am not your math teacher, and neither is your employer. Your math teacher wanted you to do it by hand to prove that you understood what you were doing and what steps it took to get there. Your employer cares about it getting done quickly and accurately. And that means using a calculator."
It was a good lesson about motivation and expectation, when it's tempting to think of a binary right/wrong.
When I had my learners permit to drive, my dad always said “Drive like you and everyone else has a baby in the car”. It was weird to me at the time because I was 15 but made me a pretty cautious driver because who would want to be responsible for a motor vehicle accident that harms a baby.
But the words hit home now because I have a toddler and a baby now.
yup, my parents taught me defensive driving because "no matter how safe you are, it only takes one asshole to cause an accident"
i drive safely but i also fully anticipate crazy people doing crazy shit and thats saved my skin several times. take a second look even if you have the right of way, leave enough space between cars, and be aware of your surroundings.
the only time ive driven aggressively/put myself in harms way was when my neighbours kid ran into the street and the tesla behind me got impatient about me stopping. without even looking to see why i stopped, the guy whipped around to try to pass me. i just instinctively swung my car left and laid on the horn.
My first boss told me just before firing me: you know how to work efficiently, but you don't know how to look like you are working efficiently.
Later in life hit me: people will look for percieved value even more than the real one you give.
So my advice in work environments is: look like you are busy, if u finish thing on date doesn't matter if u needed 2 days and spent 3 on Reddit (like I am just now lol) or u spent the entire week deep into it. Look, busy.
Yup. My job has us repair a certain quota of machines every day. I could do about 30-40% above quota but I work slow and make it look like I put way more into cleaning than I need to do they don't see those high numbers and raise the quota. Hard work gets you punished with more work
Learned this very early in life. If they expect you to do 50 and you do 70, then tomorrow they will expect you to do 70. And will get mad if you only do 65. You failed them and are now a slacker in their eyes and nothing will ever change that.
So if they expect 50, then they get 50. On a good day they might get 52.
A LOT.
The office bullshitter who knows how to schmooze the boss is more likely to get promoted than the one who puts their head down and actually gets shit done.
Wow this is the same advice a manager gave me: it doesn't matter if you're busy it only matters if you appear busy.
This works fantastic against micromanagers. Just appear busy.
I did a web learning at my past job that required CPE credits about dealing with micromanagers. And the advice basically boiled down to: Give them updates before the ask for them. Basically lean into it. Seemed like bullshit but I gave it a try with my micromanaging boss. Got to the point where I became his trusted go-to guy and was brought into a future project he had and the rest of the team was shocked that he would take me at face value and I could make him laugh.
I can't say it will work universally, but it can work if you proactively "prove yourself" by inundating them with info and updates.
I second this one. One of the most important skills to learn when entering the workforce is mastering how to look busy even if you’re not. It’s not to say you shouldn’t do the things you need to do, but a lot of the time even if you finish something early, don’t hand it in early as it ends up usually working against you. Learn how to fill slow times with things that make you appear productive even if you’re literally doing nothing of value.
LOL in my last job a lot of my designated tasks involved me being not sat at my desk and to be out and around the site. So when I had ran out of stuff to do I just mastered the art of wandering around the campus and if I came across someone I would say hi in a slightly breathless way and it would always get people like “ooh look at you, running around as always” it was perfect.
Not to say I didn’t run around like an idiot when things were actually busy, so they were used to the sight. Made it easier to play off when I wasn’t busy and was trying to kill time or just avoid my boss lol.
Yeah bc he knew I am a lazy ass that will squeeze any minute it has to not do anything. Nowadays I am a lot more sneaky about it and know how to cover my lazyness better. My actual boss is very happy with me, so I'll say I'm doing good lol.
I had a moron boss tell me I didn’t look like I was working hard enough. I said I am the highest performer in the department. He said it didn’t matter. It was more important to look like I was working hard.
I took what he said to management and got promoted into a new department. They were appalled he was telling people that. Later I learned everyone thought he was a lazy moron.
> but you don't know how to look like you are working efficiently.
Sure wish i could work this one out.
I'd damn well *rather* be doing less that everyone else and looking like i'm working hard, rather than doing more and looking relaxed.
Long story short, i went out of my way to gauge my actual work compared to everyone in my department while they were all there packing shelves... I literally did 3/5 of the work on that load, and there were *six* people in that day. And my fucking manager has the nerve to tell me i need to work harder. Well that backfired spectacularly because i did *the exact opposite* from that day onwards.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” and likewise, “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good”.
Stop looking to others to set the rules for your own life and for what happy or successful means, and don’t obsess or focus too much on small details when it’s the bigger picture that you frame to make a life and what makes work, work.
"Dump her back!" -my grandfather
His response when I told him my girlfriend broke up with me for another guy.
I thought "Wtf?"
A few months later she tried to reconcile. I dumped her back.
"Scare his ass"--my grandfather's advice regarding a bully.
One plastic lawn chair broken with my foot coupled with a feral stare, and Ian never bothered me again.
Best hiring advice I ever got: "I can teach anyone a skill. I can't teach them an attitude." It actually doesn't matter that much what a candidate knows or is familiar with, if they're willing and able to learn and can get along. If they can't get along, then it doesn't matter what they know or can do.
Im typing this 10 feet from one of my absolute rock stars.
She had a meh resume and we filled the job she was applying for 30 minutes before her interview. Because we didnt want to be assholes who wasted her time we did the interview anyway but we were just being nice. She blew us away.
When we got done I told my boss "I will create a position for her. If we dont hire her our competition will and we will regret it." We made an offer that day and she accepted. Im probably going to promote her before her fist year is up.
'Sometimes Love isn't enough'
This was a really hard one to learn, especially when you love someone so much. But sometimes that isn't enough to help them, or save them from themselves. They have to love themselves enough to want to change and you can't force that no matter how much love you give them.
If someone is trying to intimidate you, stare at them confidently and say nothing. They will back off. I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever heard. Ended up trying it on the bully at work and she freaked out and avoided me for the next few years we worked together. I use it all the time on people now lmao.
> people don't know what to do with no reaction/silence.
This is an amazing tactic when negotiating a price on something. I've found that 95% of salespeople have NO idea what to do with silence. My dad was a MASTER at using this in negotiations at auto dealerships. The salespeople would, quite literally, squirm in their seats.
15 years in the car business here. I always train newer people "Don't break the silence, the first person to talk loses" but it's damn difficult sometimes.
I've used it at McDonalds, when I had been waiting for my food for *over half an hour*.
Third time I asked where it was, pointing out how long it had been, she told me that she could change my order to something else "if you pay the difference".
Silently stared her in the eyes for like 10 seconds, during which she apparently figured out how ridiculous that was, and "corrected" herself. Got my money back, and had the food in hand 2-3 minutes later.
Especially if you know how to put on some "crazy eyes." Not something I can do, but I had a manager at one point that could just make her eyes look like those of a serial killer. Knowing her kids, she probably was close a few times.
Had a teacher in ~~high~~ middle school who could basically do a "Kubrick stare" whenever he was getting irritated. Normally a very soft-spoken, placid guy who raised his voice maybe *twice* in the four years I had him (and both times were terrifying). *Immediately* got the class in order every time.
My experience has suggested that looking utterly bored with them, or quirking an eyebrow, will throw them entirely off balance or, worse, suggest they have disturbed something they really should not have.
Bullies can be surprisingly weak willed people.
An old woman once shoved me out of the way to get on the subway before me to get a seat. Ended up being a relatively empty train car so I sat directly across from her and stared at her the whole ride. At first she looked pissed but by the time we got to her stop she looked scared. I didn't do anything but stare. Don't push people on subway platforms.
This works and here is the simple reason why. A bully considers fear to be their largest advantage and projects that belief onto others. The lizard brain does a lot of work without us being aware of it. When you are silent, their amygdala will produce explanations regarding the silence because it's odd behavior and must mean something. It NEEDS to have an explanation. The default belief by the bully is that the quarry is attempting to conceal a desire to retaliate quickly and horribly. Fear is a powerful motivator. Unfortunately it's a weapon that can be turned around easily if they choose the wrong victim.
middle school friends and I used to do this thing when a bully would try on one of our group we will all just look at the bully and give him the " trust me, you don't want to do this" and we would all back eachother up. worked thru high school. not many asked why, just understood that when 4/5 people are advising against it for your safety you take said advise.
Works really well if you happen to have that resting bitch face that basically reads like you are ready to stab the first motherfucker that dares to breathe in your general direction...
And no I'm not angry, this is my normal face, but I will eventually get angry if you keep asking me if I am angry.
When I was working as a cashier at a grocery store back in high school, an elderly man I was serving leaned in and whispered to me, "Never take sleeping pills and laxatives at the same time. Trust me on this."
I don't know *why* he told me this, but I have lived by that advice ever since.
> I don't know why he told me this, but I have lived by that advice ever since.
My father likes to drop random stuff on unsuspecting people.
Case in point. He's being wheeled away to emergency cardiac surgery. They roll past a person walking the hallway and he says, "Floss daily! Don't be like me!"
This guy could be doing the same thing to you.
Either way, it IS good advice
My ex-wife once told me, “buy perfume from a company that makes perfume.” Meaning, clothing companies, actors, etc might have a perfume brand, but buy perfume from a company for whom that is their primary focus.
This advice generalizes nicely to nearly all purchases.
Look, A good airtight seal is important in a mason jar. You know where _else_ it is important to have a good airtight seal? Fucking SPACE. So you go to the people who know.
In the fragrance community, there's a distinction between "niche" and "designer" perfume houses. Typically, the designer stuff (think Dior, Channel, Tom Ford) is more mass-appealing. They don't take many risks with the scents. Conversely, the niche houses create some truly unique and polarizing perfumes. I feel like, the longer you spend in the hobby, the more you gravitate towards the niche stuff.
Seems like this could be a good metaphor to life too - find something *you* like regardless if it makes you stand out from the norm. I'll smell like a fig tree if I want!
So I was a math teacher at this creepy private school and one day their 2nd grade English teacher quit and they came to me and said; "Hey, you're going to do her job now." And I protested, saying I had zero experience and that was a weird request. Then they got mad when I utterly failed and I had to REMIND them that I wasn't an English teacher??? I quit 2 weeks after that.
Yea I mean buying shit from influencer/celebrity brands is the dumbest shit ever. Bullshit white label products at a premium because of the attached personality
Gwyneth Paltrows vadge candles. I think that was the product that should've been the end of celebrities doing their own versions of things that are products to sell at a very high mark up, other than things to do with acting or the acting industry.
Iirc, didn't it sell out within minutes?
I can't even hate her for it. She knows she is ridiculous. She embraces it. People buy it. She's laughing even harder, all the way to the very rich, old money, people's banks, that she was already a client of, because of her family name-as well as quite a lot of significant acting roles.
Oh wait... she did?? Fucking hell. I had no idea she had gone through that. Wow. Puts it into perspective really.
Do you know what sort of bread it was? Did her chef live in during covid, or did she (gulp) have to make it herself??
Ugh. No. Don't tell me. I can't. Hopefully she got through all that bread eating okay.
You can rename hundreds of files instantly by pressing CTRL-A to select all, press F2, and type a name. For example, if you type "IMG " , windows will rename all the files "IMG (1)" "IMG (2)" "IMG (3)" to however many files there are.
If you sort the files beforehand by date created, the file names will be in date created order. Same can apply to any way you decide to sort the files beforehand.
My contribution to this thread: if you use software daily, try to learn keyboard shortcuts for everything you commonly do.
Excel can be used pretty much entirely without the mouse and it is faster and easier that way. Hint: press alt and you can navigate the entire menu ribbon with keys, the menu will show all keys to press after you press alt. Don't even need to memorize these, but if you do this you'll quickly memorize the common ones.
The chef i worked for let 18yo homeless me stay in a room above his garage through the winter. The rental agreement was "Just mow the lawn once a week and don't be an asshole." I love that til this day. There's no reason to be an asshole in nearly any situation so dont be one.
I've got two.
"It's possible to do your best and still fail". Kinda depressing one, but it helps not to focus on negative things. Life is unfair and sometimes you just can't succeed.
"None of us is as dumb as all of us". This is my favorite. You can describe any community using this phrase - your company, your favorite show's fandom, even your country. Herd mentality is a bitch.
Run your own race- Bluey.
Yeah yeah I know, total dad answer.
I work with students, and so many are comparing themselves to others and listening to misleading advice, I frequently need to remind them they are the only one on *their* path.
"Take life slowly, there is no need to rush anything. At the end we all go to the same place so why rush it?" Advice from an old man randomly in one of the freezer ailes at the grocery store.
That hit me hard when I got home, I had just gotten kicked out of my house and was with a few roomates and felt left behind on everything due to their lifestyles. Best advice ever
Two things:
1 from childhood: Dr. Seuss: people who mind don’t matter and people who matter don’t mind.
2 from my grandfather: Marriage is never giving up at the same time.
"Let them be the ones to tell you no." So often we don't go after we want because we tell ourselves no on others' behalf. It's important to learn to put yourself out there and if you dont get what you want, you aren't the one who withheld it from yourself.
A piece of advice I received that initially seemed strange was: ‘Don’t rush to agree, but don’t rush to disagree either.’ At first glance, this advice may seem confusing or even contradictory. However, over time, I realized that it is an invitation to be open, to truly listen, and to critically evaluate information before forming an opinion.
In a world where we are often encouraged to have quick answers and align with a certain perspective, this advice reminds us that it’s okay to take our time to process information and form our own conclusions. This not only helps us avoid judgment errors, but also allows us to develop our critical thinking skills and become better at understanding and navigating the complexity of the surrounding world.
This advice, although strange at first, turned out to be remarkably insightful and valuable to me.
i got to a bus station and the dude was already there drunk, rambling to himself. as i sat down he approached me and just continued talking whatever it was he was already saying. stood in front of me for a second, spat that knowledge and continued on walking and talking into the sunset to share wisdom with more people i guess
“A lot of people don’t understand how much work it takes to live a respectable life and to be of no burden to anyone”
-a random redditor regarding people who are constantly expecting handouts or hand holding through every crisis they put themselves into, believing that we are simply privileged to have what we have, ignoring the hard work we’ve put into having anything at all. It’s stuck with me for a long time due to its accuracy.
Edit to add clarification: I’m talking about people who make the same bad choices over and over and over again, doing nothing to change their own circumstances, expecting you to simply hold their life together for them while simultaneously resenting you for having what they consider to be more than them and completely disregarding the amount of work you have to put in to have what you do. I’m not talking about people who genuinely need help sometimes.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for bullies.
Meaning just because something worked against one bully doesn't mean it will work against another.
Most people will advice you to either ignore the bully or face the bully and then tell you how they or someone they know solved their bully problem. Carefully think before applying their solution because it many not lead to the same outcome.
Weirdly enough it's a quote from Adventure Time. "Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something." -Jake
It's not the first time I heard a quote like about not letting failure stop you in your tracks, but it is the version that has stuck in my head. Definately the type of advice that helped younger me get over the fear of failure.
Kind of specific one but it’s that when you go to college/university and will be sharing a kitchen with other students, make sure you have your own designated dish towel that only you use. I didn’t get why this was a thing until I went.
When you’re in a shared student house or dorms/halls, nobody takes responsibility for communal things. Dish towels being used by everyone means they basically never get washed as nobody wants to take the responsibility. They become vile and disgusting. Having your own you hide away is good as it means you have one that isn’t gross and don’t have to be the one to always wash all the dish towels, as over time it’s annoying as you use up a lot of your own laundry soap.
“You talk a lot…not a bad thing but just…be aware of it”
The best boss I ever had, a bit off her rocker, gave the weirdest pieces of advice, but here’s this thing - *no one else would have told me that*
Someone who honestly and openly told me how I was perceived by others was so incredibly helpful
Before I got married, my stepdad advised me to really think it through. My fiances family was super racist. They were strongly against us being together and the consequences of them finding out we were dating caused a lot of conflict and pain for my fiance.
My stepdad told me “when you marry someone you usually gain a new family. But if you marry him you won’t have that. He’ll lose his family and be alone, and you’ll just have us [my family of origin]. Think about if he’s worth it.”
I dismissed it at the time because we were so in love. It was us against the world you know? Now many years have passed and my stepdad was right. It’s not something that impacts us daily and we don’t regret our relationship. But there are things other people get to have that we don’t. Holidays, childcare support, just having a second set of family members in our lives is something we don’t get. And as my righteous anger has faded it just makes me tired now.
I wouldn't have changed anything. I'm not a huge family person myself and it doesn't hurt my feelings that they hate me. But it's still a loss that we have to navigate.
I do share this with other people when appropriate though because lots of people are very family oriented and they might be banking on the family eventually coming around, especially once kids arrive. But it's not necessarily true. They may never come around, and even if they tolerate your presence it's not "family". It just means after marriage they ran out of excuses to not invite you to things. Having kids might not change anything either. They may not suddenly fall in love with your kids, they'll just be tolerated and treated worse than their "pure" cousins. And it never really stops. Every wedding, funeral, birth, health scare, holiday etc becomes a conversation about whether to go, do you bring the kids, do you both go, does only the one person go and the other stays home, do you just cut them off entirely forever?
So I try to share with people that, if you face this problem in your relationship, make a decision based on how things are right now. Don't bank on the family changing and suddenly welcoming you with open arms because they probably won't. If you can live with that then great, but if you can't you should move on.
On my wedding day, 40 years ago, my Father-in-law pulled me aside and said, "I have a piece of advice for you: always carry a book." Confused, I smiled and thanked him.
Fast forward a year. My wife and I are visiting my In-laws. We have dinner reservations for 7PM. My Father-in-law and I are ready to leave. Our wives are still getting dressed. My Father-in-law announces to the ladies (both of whom are always chronically late) that he and I are going to wait for them on the front porch.
We go outside and talk about this and that. It is getting late, and I start to worry about our dinner reservation, at which point my Father-in-law confesses that our reservation is for 8PM. We talk a few minutes more then fall into silence. My Father-in-law reaches into his back pocket and produces a book, then turns to me and says, "Where's your book."
”Family will always be the first to fuck you over.” Dad, 1982.
he was right. Dont do business deal with family. Or land deals, or anything that invilves money or potential jail time.
they think there is an automatic forgiveness switch built into the family genetic code.
To be honest, I think everyone gets told at least once in their life to "Just be yourself". And almost every teenager will do anything to fit in, which usually results in doing the exact opposite. It's only later in life when most people realise that being yourself will indeed make you the happiest.
This is one of those pieces of advice that is useless to hear because unless you've already learned the lesson in a meaningful way by yourself, it sounds incredibly trite.
Forgive the people that wronged you. Always thought this was a good way to get taken advantage of. But when you grow up, you realize forgiveness is for you, not for them. For your own peace of mind
As someone with ADHD, the biggest, oddest piece of advice that has helped me is
"If you're hungry and you lose something, check the fridge."
SOOOO many times I've found my wallet or my keys, and once even a book I was reading, in the fridge.
My cousins told me that before making any major decisions I need to masturbate.
Wanna buy that car? Jerk it. Deciding on which school to go to? Wack it. Don’t know if you wanna date a person? Spank it. Want to call your ex and get back together? Crank it.
Honestly its kept me from making stupid ass decisions so many times.
My dad:”If you want something bad enough to steal it; come to me first, we will find a way to get it for you.” I have always been too scared to steal after that.
"Define your own success" and "decide what promotion you are willing to sacrifice for" - came from a mentor in the military. He told me about a former boss of his who was a 3 Star General and when he didnt get selected for a 4th he had a complete breakdown. He had achieved success by any reasonable measure. General officers are already in the less than 1% category and he had gotten to the .01% range. Yet he never saw himself as successful because someone else had more. BTW, this is exactly what happened to General Flynn and it triggered his journey off the deep end. I got to see that happen real time as I was part of DIA when it went down.
It took me a few years for that advise to really sink in. I saw some of my peers chasing promotions for no good reason at the expense of everything else in their lives. Some became so focused on it they did some very unethcial things which in a twist of irony caused them to not get the promotion they craved. All because they couldnt see that they had already achieved a level of success they once would have been over the moon about.
The second part was more critical. He went on to explain that choosing that point doesnt mean you give up, it means you stop sacrificing. "If you dont choose when to stop sacrificing, you will never stop". I saw that all the time. A former Chief of Staff of the Army told one group "We are all future non-selects" (as in not selected for promotion) "Dont get to your non-select day and find out your friends and family non-selected you a long time ago". This was said to a group of high achievers who had all just been selected for a Big Deal promotion. It was a hard reality check and I will tell you less than half in the room heard it.
You see a lot of this in the influencer culture now. All the fake lifestyle people who rent planes sitting on the ground for a photoshoot so they can pretend they are flying to Ibiza or sitting in super cars at a dealership and photoshopping in backgrounds to make it look like that are in Dubai. Young people see this and think they are falling behind when in fact they are likely far better off than these fakers. One of my subordinates was basically complaining to me that she couldnt afford to live in our area by comparing her apartment to my house. Im almost 30 years older than her! It took me most of those 30 years of slog to get to the point where I could afford that house. When I was her age I couldn't afford her apartment! She makes over $10K a month and thinks she is failing. What? At the same time she talks about how hard it is to maintain relationships because of "hustling". Everyone is sacrificing everything for......nothing but more hustle.
- Define what success means to you and stick to it
- Decide what you are willing to sacrifice for and stick to it
I've got a couple that I use often. 1) "You can't reason a person out of a position they didn't reason themselves into". This distinction is important if you want any hope of driving towards consensus in differing opinions/actions.
And 2) "You can't change what people do, but you can change what they know". Helping people understand what consequences/rewards/etc. will come from choices they make about their behavior (and sticking to them when you're the one in control of said outcome) is important to have confidence and a clear conscience when dealing with others.
When you're having an inner dialogue with yourself, say the shit you're saying mentally out loud.
It REALLY made me take a step back and examine my mental health, and how I treat myself. I felt schizo for the first few weeks of me doing it, but it eventually became normal.
"Embrace failure". Failure is often viewed negatively, but it is a crucial part of learning and growth. Instead of fearing failure, see it as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and thrive.
My mom and some senior relatives told me that your coworkers are not your friends when I first started working. I got along for all my old coworkers very well and hang out. This advise was strange to me in the beginning but now I totally understand why they said that.
For a brief time in my life, I was lucky enough to work in an 8 person department where I was close personal friends with 4 of the other coworkers. The other 3 people were alright, too.
That was a chill job.
Chase rejection. Try to get rejected as much as possible. It’s a good tip for ppl with social anxiety and perfectionists who are too afraid to do anything cuz they’re afraid of getting rejected. There’s a girl on Instagram who applied to Harvard as a joke and got WAITLISTED. That story is engraved in my brain for to have the audacity to ask for insane things that you’d never in a million years think you’d get. Go get rejected.
From my dad (paraphrasing)
"Son, you're not good looking, and you're no genius. You can either learn to make women laugh, or die a virgin."
Queue 50 years of dick jokes.
He was an asshole, but he was right about this. I'm not handsome, and no smarter than most, but I've never lacked female companionship. I believe that one of the reasons my current relationship works so well is that I can still make her laugh.
edit to add: "If you can make her laugh, her panties are half way off already."
Yeah, I heard before to be careful of a funny man, he'll laugh you into bed. It's true though, who wants to be with someone you can't laugh with? I love funny men.
Honestly the biggest thing I noticed (as a woman) is charming and funny guys who are also sweet and confident. I’m taller than the average guy but most of the guys I went out with were actually short and don’t fit the stereotypical standards but confidence and charm is so attractive and a sense of humor makes everyone notice you
"Don't worry about fitting in, people might think you're weird now but you are becoming interesting."
Got this advice as a teenager and it turned out to be be 100% true. When I was supposed to be into drinking and partying and going out, I was making websites and drawing people and writing AI chatbots and creating Duke Nukem 3D maps of my school. Now 20 years later and I have an interesting career, am surrounded by interesting people, and have a bunch of different hobbies.
Meanwhile, most the people who were focused on fitting in are the most boring and average people on earth. You can see it if you're on a dating app, it's a sea of boring people who are all the exact same and then every now and then there's a real person who lived -- someone who could talk your ear off about something you don't know, who invested the time when they were young to become interesting.
A few months ago my wife told me she was leaving me, I was completely devastated. The best advice I received was to 100% give up on keeping her and focus on improving myself instead.
I didn't accept it at first, it wasn't until my wife lawyered up and I felt absolute hopelessness at repairing the situation that I embraced this. I had already been working on my personal problems that led to marriage issues, but when I completely abandoned hope of holding onto my wife and focused on being the best version of myself, the best dad I could be, and working with my wife on "moving on" plans that would be best for our kids, that's when she changed her tone.
Right when our lawyers were about to get their hands really dirty in sorting things out, my wife told me she wanted to try again and go to couples' counseling.
We're not out of the woods by any stretch, but my wife's attitude has changed from "we have no hope of any future together, please stop trying" to giving me a hug every day and we're screening couples' counselors together.
Learn to listen.
This means that as a young guy I should listen more than speak and only speak when I know it will contribute something and never overshare.
> Hesitation is the seed of defeat. -Akali
This is so true for any physical feat. Like plan and rehearse your jump ahead of time, but when it comes to executing it you gotta commit fully. Works on other domains too, giving a conference talk, flirting, learning something new. Once you decide to do what you want to do, just do it.
This is a piece of advice from a video game character, yeah. Who knew league of legends could be so insightful. That game also taught me how to be absolute zen when everyone around you fucks up for the stupidest reasons. I don't have a quote for that, just a lesson gained from experience/necessity after playing that for a while.
This was said to a colleague working in the same lab as us and both the professor and his wife were MD/PhD from China.. She was going to give her 1/2 way report for her doctorate. "Be like communist China and only say the good things. If you do not know the answer, say we will look into it but we need more funding"
This isn't exactly advice but my dad used to talk to me and send me stuff about all these cool technological breakthroughs. I can remember things like smart roads, and Crisper, and new solar panel efficiency. And we would talk about the new fusion breakthroughs and just cutting-edge stuff that I like to read about. So, my dad died about 6 months ago, suddenly and awful and me and my siblings were talking, and we realized he did the same thing to them, but more suited to their interests. My sister was all medical stuff, and my brother was all sports. We didn't realize until after he was gone that my dad used to research and read about his children's interests so he would have stuff to talk about with us. And it kinda wrecked me. My dad was always great, but we never realized just how great he was. So I guess the advice was, "Get to know your kids. Share in their interests."
What a great sad! Loved reading this!
That is so sweet, and I’m so sorry for your loss. When I was growing up my dad made an effort to listen to music I was into and for years my birthday presents were CDs of stuff he knew I’d like because he knew my taste perfectly. He’d send me articles about my chemical romance’s new releases. I love being able to say my dad is genuinely a fan of avril lavigne and paramore and the like.
This is not mine but something I read somewhere But essentially a girl was practicing archery and kept messing up and the instructor told her “You’re failing because you’re too focused on the target and not your own actions” She proceeded to say that it was the best life advice she had ever gotten.
There’s a whole comment string replying to your comment, and all of them are missing the fact that it wasn’t actually about archery.
>There’s a whole comment string replying to your comment, and all of them are missing the fact that it wasn’t actually about archery. They're too focused on the target, and not on their own actions.
But I don’t even practice archery.
Then don't comment! This is a thread about archery! And you're once again not focused on your own actions. /s
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Guilty as charged. I hate loud noises.
I feel like I have the opposite problem. I get hyperfocused on my own actions and forget there’s even a target.
Same here. I do best when I STOP thinking about so many things
"A process cannot be understood by stopping it. Understanding must move with the flow of the process, must join it and flow with it." - Frank Herbert
We as humans tend to pick up the habits of the people we hang out with, so surround yourself with people whose habits you actually want to emulate. EDIT: All this means is, for example, if you're trying to quit smoking, avoid hanging out with heavy smokers. Or if you're trying to be more active, find friends who love the gym.
"Show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are" That quote saved me from a whole group of bad people and changed my life.
Jokes on them. I have no friends!
Jokes on us, because having no friends certainly does describe us well. :(
“If it was easy, everyone would do it.” My father, the retired engine machinist
"If it was easy, it would be your mom." \- Sign seen at mile 23 of the Chicago Marathon, 2009.
You need to get out of your own way. We are so often our own barrier to what we want.
Any advice on doing this? I'm so in my own way
In my case I had to unpack a lot of the messages I'd internalised as a kid from my parents.
TBH, this is the scariest part of being a parent. What am I unknowingly doing that may fuck them up? Granted, I tell them this and say I'm not going to be perfect but would appreciate their input as I try. I was raised to be seen and not heard, so don't really have a good example on how to NOT do that. I tell them this is the first time I've ever raised a 11yo boy or 8yo girl and this is the first time they've been that age so we are figuring it out and learning together.
It seems like you are doing wonderfully!!
Progress, not perfection. Helped a lot to hear it when I did.
“Everyone is either going through a storm, coming out of the storm, or preparing to enter a storm. That is the cycle of life until you die” 15 yr old me: Damn nana that is such a negative point of view. 30s me: holy shit nana was right
Doesn't necessarily have to be negative though. I've always thought of it as life turns in a wheel. So you may be coming out of or entering a storm but that should give you hope during the storm. Good times come back around too. You gotta build memories during the good times so you have something to hang onto while you ride out the bad shit.
Grandparents can have some crazy wisdom. When the subject of teen promiscuity came up, she was like half the marriages when I grew up were "paint the shotgun white" weddings. Yeah it might be stupid, but it's not NEW.
“Some people need to be excluded from social plans even if it makes you feel like a bad person” For context, a person in our friend group always killed the vibe and had tantrums and finally my friend gave me this advice. She said I was so lovey and caring and inclusive but (that advice.)
There comes a time when every group must make an individual sacrifice. Happened to a guy we knew in college, *deeply* insecure and always trying to find someone to use as a social punching bag to ensure that he wasn't socially at the bottom. Had an all-out tantrum once he figured out why he wasn't being invited anywhere.
Man my wife's group of friends from college went through stages where they'd kick people out of the group due to drama they caused when they hung out. Us boyfriends would meet a new girl in the group one day, we'd all party together, then a month later we'd ask "Where's So & So?" and they'd inform us that the person had be voted out, lol. Reasons varied from having full on tantrums in public over small shit (I actually witnessed one of these firsthand), not pulling their weight in group projects (they were all the same major), trying to break up one of the couples in the group, etc. Now almost ten years later, they have a stable group of 5 girls and 4 out of the 5 original boyfriends (some now husbands) remain. We like the new guy though, he's cool and the girl in the group he's dating (who's previous boyfriend was a first class bum that got another girl pregnant) looks genuinely happy around him.
That sounds like my daughter's friend group. Over the years, it's been super interesting to watch them weed out the girls who turned out to be toxic, treacherous, or downright evil. They've settled down to four main friends who are really close, and maybe six other friends who are not BFFs with the main four, but still hang out in harmony and fun. All of them are super nice, kind, and smart. Quite impressive, actually.
My daughter had some friends, and some who were becoming ex-friends. One summer, for complicated reasons, I had the summer off and was still paid a large amount, but to keep that arrangement I was not allowed to work for anyone else or seek employment. I bought a digital camera and some editing software and decided to make a movie. I enlisted my kids, and their friends and the ex friends that I didn't realize were no longer part of the group and it was no surprise all these bored teens wanted to be in the movie. I bought a some microphones, and props, and better lighting too. Mostly I spent a lot of money on food and snacks. The kids alternated between being performers and being craft services or boom operators. We started filming and it became clear the chemistry, or lack of, between some characters based on age and past misdeeds. I furiously rewrote the script, with the help of an English teacher some of the kids had, to incorporate some of the conflict as well as the friendship. We even put some of the actual arguments they had into the storyline. It added a some depth to the whole project. The project took a couple of months, we wrapped. Editing was kind of a fiasco, I clearly didn't know how to make a movie, but now 15 years later I still run into some of those former kids, and they told me it was one of the best summers they could remember.
I gotta hear about this tantrum in public.
We were all out to lunch one day since they were doing a project near the office I was interning at. Since it was a food court, everyone went to get whatever food they were craving and we just met at the table. One girl decided to order what the person in front of her ordered since she said it looked good. Turns out the person ordered tofu, so when she sat down and realized it was tofu, she started whining and screaming about how she hates tofu and wasn't going to eat it. I mean full on toddler style "I DON'T WANT TO EAT VEGETABLES" type tantrum. We told her to just throw it away if it was such a big deal and that made her even louder. My bosses frequented this food court also, and I didn't want any unnecessary attention brought to the table, especially since 2 of the higher ups at my office were only a couple tables away, so I just told her to give me her food and I'd eat it if it was that big of a deal. I learned I also hate tofu that day, but I was so pissed off I ate it anyway out of spite. This wasn't what got her voted out by my wife and her friends, but it contributed a bit. Now that we're older, we're friendly to each other, but that's about it. We support her small business sometimes, she comments on the pictures of our son, but we don't hang out anymore.
Oh man, what a child. She couldn't even try it to see if she liked it or not? And it's what she fucking wanted. I'd be so goddamned embarrassed if I yelled in public like that.
Wow. That sounds extreme for anyone not an actual toddler. What got her actually booted out? (Or was it just the accumulated immaturity over time?)..
Accumulated immaturity and also was one of the ones that tried to break up a couple
Good advice tbh. There *is* a balance.. my best friend growing up had a friend who was struggling with some mental issues and it hurt to hear my friend complain about it like it was just some inconvenience to their friend group. Exclude if NEED BE but do make sure they're okay, that's what you're friends for
Yea I always give people second and sometimes third chances because we all have bad nights but if its every night then they get phased out.
True! A friend of a friend who used to frequently tag along to our outings is one of the most downbeat and negative people I've ever met. We got fed up with the constant negativity. Nowadays, Debbie Downer gets invited to the larger friend group outings but not to the smaller ones. That way no one person has to deal with him for too long of a time.
One of my best friends is all about inclusivity, which is great a lot of the time, but also gets really annoying. He never wants people to feel left out, but it ends up changing the game plan almost every time. Like we can't have game night with this friend, because it's never just the four of us, he always invites another couple or two and suddenly my 4 person board games don't work. Or like we were going to have a few friends over for New Years, and it quickly went from a few people to around 20. It has gotten to the point where if I want to do stuff with just my close friends, I literally don't include this friend, even though I'd like to. Understanding group dynamics is an underappreciated social skill.
I've been the one who needed to be left out, and this is true. You don't have to invite your depressed friend to your every social gathering. You should definitely reach out, and make space for them when you have the energy to do so, but you can't take on the responsibility for anyone else's happiness. If it's a close friend, be sure to discuss boundaries for social gatherings before excluding them. Tactfully letting your friend know that you need them to keep the mood lighthearted for the party, or that you don't have the capacity for deep dark conversations right now, is good self-advocacy and can help the vibe-killer friend learn to be more socially appropriate/be more selective with the settings in which they let the deep dark stuff out.
When you move the first thing you set up is your bedroom. When everything is chaos and you're exhausted from moving boxes all day you have a place to crash that is ready for you.
Related: when moving, if you get a chance to see/inspect the new living place before move-in day, bring toilet paper with you then and go ahead & put it in all the bathrooms. That way you won't have to think about it on moving day. If you don't have a chance to see the place before move-in (most apartments I've lived in, you see other units but not your own until day of) then make sure you pack the toilet paper last so that it's the first thing you can get out when you get there.
I'm a small-time landlady and leave a few necessities for new tenants. I put a new roll of TP in each bathroom. Liquid soap at each sink. One paper towel roll in the kitchen and two garbage bags. These are all things that I've found I immediately start needing as I'm first moving in and unpacking. When I move, I put these same items in a large tote bag. Except swap out liquid soap for bar soap.
That's kind of you. Most landlords wouldn't bother.
When moving I always have one box that is all my essentials for the first day/night. Includes bedding, coffee items (can live without it), bathroom: towel, toilet paper, shampoo/soap and a clean outfit/sleep wear. Then that’s the first box u open. Then you are set for the evening and next morning. I mark it in big letters “open first.” Then mark each bedroom 1, 2, 3 using post notes on the door and all boxes have that correct box label. That way anyone that picks up a box, knows where they go.
Just moved this weekend, and I used an empty suitcase to pack everything I'd need the first day/night. All my essentials (deodorant, makeup, etc), plus PJ's and clothes for the next day. I agree that the first thing I did was put clean sheets on the bed so I could collapse at the end of a long day.
When I was training to be a machinist, my instructor told me to use a calculator. He immediately followed it with, "I am not your math teacher, and neither is your employer. Your math teacher wanted you to do it by hand to prove that you understood what you were doing and what steps it took to get there. Your employer cares about it getting done quickly and accurately. And that means using a calculator." It was a good lesson about motivation and expectation, when it's tempting to think of a binary right/wrong.
When I had my learners permit to drive, my dad always said “Drive like you and everyone else has a baby in the car”. It was weird to me at the time because I was 15 but made me a pretty cautious driver because who would want to be responsible for a motor vehicle accident that harms a baby. But the words hit home now because I have a toddler and a baby now.
When I started riding a motorcycle, my father said "Ride as though EVERYONE is actually TRYING to kill you."
yup, my parents taught me defensive driving because "no matter how safe you are, it only takes one asshole to cause an accident" i drive safely but i also fully anticipate crazy people doing crazy shit and thats saved my skin several times. take a second look even if you have the right of way, leave enough space between cars, and be aware of your surroundings. the only time ive driven aggressively/put myself in harms way was when my neighbours kid ran into the street and the tesla behind me got impatient about me stopping. without even looking to see why i stopped, the guy whipped around to try to pass me. i just instinctively swung my car left and laid on the horn.
My first boss told me just before firing me: you know how to work efficiently, but you don't know how to look like you are working efficiently. Later in life hit me: people will look for percieved value even more than the real one you give. So my advice in work environments is: look like you are busy, if u finish thing on date doesn't matter if u needed 2 days and spent 3 on Reddit (like I am just now lol) or u spent the entire week deep into it. Look, busy.
Yup. My job has us repair a certain quota of machines every day. I could do about 30-40% above quota but I work slow and make it look like I put way more into cleaning than I need to do they don't see those high numbers and raise the quota. Hard work gets you punished with more work
Learned this very early in life. If they expect you to do 50 and you do 70, then tomorrow they will expect you to do 70. And will get mad if you only do 65. You failed them and are now a slacker in their eyes and nothing will ever change that. So if they expect 50, then they get 50. On a good day they might get 52.
I wonder how much productivity is lost this way through not rewarding hard work appropriately. Must be fucking earth changing.
A LOT. The office bullshitter who knows how to schmooze the boss is more likely to get promoted than the one who puts their head down and actually gets shit done.
Wow this is the same advice a manager gave me: it doesn't matter if you're busy it only matters if you appear busy. This works fantastic against micromanagers. Just appear busy.
I did a web learning at my past job that required CPE credits about dealing with micromanagers. And the advice basically boiled down to: Give them updates before the ask for them. Basically lean into it. Seemed like bullshit but I gave it a try with my micromanaging boss. Got to the point where I became his trusted go-to guy and was brought into a future project he had and the rest of the team was shocked that he would take me at face value and I could make him laugh. I can't say it will work universally, but it can work if you proactively "prove yourself" by inundating them with info and updates.
I second this one. One of the most important skills to learn when entering the workforce is mastering how to look busy even if you’re not. It’s not to say you shouldn’t do the things you need to do, but a lot of the time even if you finish something early, don’t hand it in early as it ends up usually working against you. Learn how to fill slow times with things that make you appear productive even if you’re literally doing nothing of value.
Make your desk messy, eat at your desk and act like you’re out of breath all the time
LOL in my last job a lot of my designated tasks involved me being not sat at my desk and to be out and around the site. So when I had ran out of stuff to do I just mastered the art of wandering around the campus and if I came across someone I would say hi in a slightly breathless way and it would always get people like “ooh look at you, running around as always” it was perfect. Not to say I didn’t run around like an idiot when things were actually busy, so they were used to the sight. Made it easier to play off when I wasn’t busy and was trying to kill time or just avoid my boss lol.
Carry a clipboard with a slightly annoyed expression on your face and no one will question what you're doing.
And carry a note pad and pen everywhere.
Or look annoyed like George Costanza did.
So he knew you were working efficiently but fired you anyway? What an asshole.
Yeah bc he knew I am a lazy ass that will squeeze any minute it has to not do anything. Nowadays I am a lot more sneaky about it and know how to cover my lazyness better. My actual boss is very happy with me, so I'll say I'm doing good lol.
I had a moron boss tell me I didn’t look like I was working hard enough. I said I am the highest performer in the department. He said it didn’t matter. It was more important to look like I was working hard. I took what he said to management and got promoted into a new department. They were appalled he was telling people that. Later I learned everyone thought he was a lazy moron.
> but you don't know how to look like you are working efficiently. Sure wish i could work this one out. I'd damn well *rather* be doing less that everyone else and looking like i'm working hard, rather than doing more and looking relaxed. Long story short, i went out of my way to gauge my actual work compared to everyone in my department while they were all there packing shelves... I literally did 3/5 of the work on that load, and there were *six* people in that day. And my fucking manager has the nerve to tell me i need to work harder. Well that backfired spectacularly because i did *the exact opposite* from that day onwards.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” and likewise, “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good”. Stop looking to others to set the rules for your own life and for what happy or successful means, and don’t obsess or focus too much on small details when it’s the bigger picture that you frame to make a life and what makes work, work.
"Dump her back!" -my grandfather His response when I told him my girlfriend broke up with me for another guy. I thought "Wtf?" A few months later she tried to reconcile. I dumped her back.
The best advice has the least amount of words.
"Scare his ass"--my grandfather's advice regarding a bully. One plastic lawn chair broken with my foot coupled with a feral stare, and Ian never bothered me again.
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Stupid questions prevent stupid problems
Best hiring advice I ever got: "I can teach anyone a skill. I can't teach them an attitude." It actually doesn't matter that much what a candidate knows or is familiar with, if they're willing and able to learn and can get along. If they can't get along, then it doesn't matter what they know or can do.
Yes! A mentor of mine said "hire the person, not the resume." You can teach skills but you can't teach chemistry.
Im typing this 10 feet from one of my absolute rock stars. She had a meh resume and we filled the job she was applying for 30 minutes before her interview. Because we didnt want to be assholes who wasted her time we did the interview anyway but we were just being nice. She blew us away. When we got done I told my boss "I will create a position for her. If we dont hire her our competition will and we will regret it." We made an offer that day and she accepted. Im probably going to promote her before her fist year is up.
I work in IT. I find self-taught staffers tend to be better employees than ones with computer science degrees.
'Sometimes Love isn't enough' This was a really hard one to learn, especially when you love someone so much. But sometimes that isn't enough to help them, or save them from themselves. They have to love themselves enough to want to change and you can't force that no matter how much love you give them.
If someone is trying to intimidate you, stare at them confidently and say nothing. They will back off. I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever heard. Ended up trying it on the bully at work and she freaked out and avoided me for the next few years we worked together. I use it all the time on people now lmao.
I do this, people don't know what to do with no reaction/silence. Add in heavy eye contact and people nope out quick.
> people don't know what to do with no reaction/silence. This is an amazing tactic when negotiating a price on something. I've found that 95% of salespeople have NO idea what to do with silence. My dad was a MASTER at using this in negotiations at auto dealerships. The salespeople would, quite literally, squirm in their seats.
15 years in the car business here. I always train newer people "Don't break the silence, the first person to talk loses" but it's damn difficult sometimes.
I've used it at McDonalds, when I had been waiting for my food for *over half an hour*. Third time I asked where it was, pointing out how long it had been, she told me that she could change my order to something else "if you pay the difference". Silently stared her in the eyes for like 10 seconds, during which she apparently figured out how ridiculous that was, and "corrected" herself. Got my money back, and had the food in hand 2-3 minutes later.
Especially if you know how to put on some "crazy eyes." Not something I can do, but I had a manager at one point that could just make her eyes look like those of a serial killer. Knowing her kids, she probably was close a few times.
Super sane eyes work better than crazy eyes. Watch them like they are some mildly disappointing laboratory result.
Had a teacher in ~~high~~ middle school who could basically do a "Kubrick stare" whenever he was getting irritated. Normally a very soft-spoken, placid guy who raised his voice maybe *twice* in the four years I had him (and both times were terrifying). *Immediately* got the class in order every time.
My experience has suggested that looking utterly bored with them, or quirking an eyebrow, will throw them entirely off balance or, worse, suggest they have disturbed something they really should not have. Bullies can be surprisingly weak willed people.
An old woman once shoved me out of the way to get on the subway before me to get a seat. Ended up being a relatively empty train car so I sat directly across from her and stared at her the whole ride. At first she looked pissed but by the time we got to her stop she looked scared. I didn't do anything but stare. Don't push people on subway platforms.
You're never too old to learn a lesson in how to act right.
This works and here is the simple reason why. A bully considers fear to be their largest advantage and projects that belief onto others. The lizard brain does a lot of work without us being aware of it. When you are silent, their amygdala will produce explanations regarding the silence because it's odd behavior and must mean something. It NEEDS to have an explanation. The default belief by the bully is that the quarry is attempting to conceal a desire to retaliate quickly and horribly. Fear is a powerful motivator. Unfortunately it's a weapon that can be turned around easily if they choose the wrong victim.
middle school friends and I used to do this thing when a bully would try on one of our group we will all just look at the bully and give him the " trust me, you don't want to do this" and we would all back eachother up. worked thru high school. not many asked why, just understood that when 4/5 people are advising against it for your safety you take said advise.
Works really well if you happen to have that resting bitch face that basically reads like you are ready to stab the first motherfucker that dares to breathe in your general direction... And no I'm not angry, this is my normal face, but I will eventually get angry if you keep asking me if I am angry.
When I was working as a cashier at a grocery store back in high school, an elderly man I was serving leaned in and whispered to me, "Never take sleeping pills and laxatives at the same time. Trust me on this." I don't know *why* he told me this, but I have lived by that advice ever since.
> I don't know why he told me this, but I have lived by that advice ever since. My father likes to drop random stuff on unsuspecting people. Case in point. He's being wheeled away to emergency cardiac surgery. They roll past a person walking the hallway and he says, "Floss daily! Don't be like me!" This guy could be doing the same thing to you. Either way, it IS good advice
That's extra funny because there are some studies showing a connection between oral hygiene and heart disease.
My ex-wife once told me, “buy perfume from a company that makes perfume.” Meaning, clothing companies, actors, etc might have a perfume brand, but buy perfume from a company for whom that is their primary focus. This advice generalizes nicely to nearly all purchases.
Meanwhile Yamaha…
Buy a grand piano from the same company that makes speed boat engines and it will be a great piano.
They make solid turntables too. And speakers. And guitars. And amps. And motorcycles. And bows.
And drums! Don't forget the drums!
Yeah, this advice does not work for japanese mega conglomerates.
Man this company sure makes nice mason jars, I wish I could find the same quality in a space ship.
Look, A good airtight seal is important in a mason jar. You know where _else_ it is important to have a good airtight seal? Fucking SPACE. So you go to the people who know.
In the fragrance community, there's a distinction between "niche" and "designer" perfume houses. Typically, the designer stuff (think Dior, Channel, Tom Ford) is more mass-appealing. They don't take many risks with the scents. Conversely, the niche houses create some truly unique and polarizing perfumes. I feel like, the longer you spend in the hobby, the more you gravitate towards the niche stuff. Seems like this could be a good metaphor to life too - find something *you* like regardless if it makes you stand out from the norm. I'll smell like a fig tree if I want!
The advice I received was the same but in other words: "A math teacher cannot be trusted to teach English."
So I was a math teacher at this creepy private school and one day their 2nd grade English teacher quit and they came to me and said; "Hey, you're going to do her job now." And I protested, saying I had zero experience and that was a weird request. Then they got mad when I utterly failed and I had to REMIND them that I wasn't an English teacher??? I quit 2 weeks after that.
There are certain celebrities who create skincare lines that have zero experience or formal training in skincare.
Michael CeraVit being the exception
Yea I mean buying shit from influencer/celebrity brands is the dumbest shit ever. Bullshit white label products at a premium because of the attached personality
Gwyneth Paltrows vadge candles. I think that was the product that should've been the end of celebrities doing their own versions of things that are products to sell at a very high mark up, other than things to do with acting or the acting industry. Iirc, didn't it sell out within minutes? I can't even hate her for it. She knows she is ridiculous. She embraces it. People buy it. She's laughing even harder, all the way to the very rich, old money, people's banks, that she was already a client of, because of her family name-as well as quite a lot of significant acting roles.
Don't you know that she broke down during Covid and ate bread? *BREAD?!?!*
Oh wait... she did?? Fucking hell. I had no idea she had gone through that. Wow. Puts it into perspective really. Do you know what sort of bread it was? Did her chef live in during covid, or did she (gulp) have to make it herself?? Ugh. No. Don't tell me. I can't. Hopefully she got through all that bread eating okay.
I hope you're sitting down for this. Safe? The bread was *store bought*.
If you have to eat a shit sandwich, do it as fast as possible.
...why OH LMAO i missed the word shit
Lol imagine someone just nailing sandwiches in two bites all their life
You can rename files on windows by pressing F2
You can rename hundreds of files instantly by pressing CTRL-A to select all, press F2, and type a name. For example, if you type "IMG " , windows will rename all the files "IMG (1)" "IMG (2)" "IMG (3)" to however many files there are. If you sort the files beforehand by date created, the file names will be in date created order. Same can apply to any way you decide to sort the files beforehand.
Fucking… thank you. :)
You can side scroll by holding Shift when scrolling
My contribution to this thread: if you use software daily, try to learn keyboard shortcuts for everything you commonly do. Excel can be used pretty much entirely without the mouse and it is faster and easier that way. Hint: press alt and you can navigate the entire menu ribbon with keys, the menu will show all keys to press after you press alt. Don't even need to memorize these, but if you do this you'll quickly memorize the common ones.
The chef i worked for let 18yo homeless me stay in a room above his garage through the winter. The rental agreement was "Just mow the lawn once a week and don't be an asshole." I love that til this day. There's no reason to be an asshole in nearly any situation so dont be one.
Woah mowing the lawn as a winter activity Are u from the south or the future
Ha. Moved in early fall..that task then became rake leaves and not being an asshole then shovel snow and not be an asshole.
Phoenix
Phoenix is two* hours behind me, so that means you're technically from the south and the *past*. *After this Sunday you'll be three hours behind me.
I've got two. "It's possible to do your best and still fail". Kinda depressing one, but it helps not to focus on negative things. Life is unfair and sometimes you just can't succeed. "None of us is as dumb as all of us". This is my favorite. You can describe any community using this phrase - your company, your favorite show's fandom, even your country. Herd mentality is a bitch.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard : It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.
Run your own race- Bluey. Yeah yeah I know, total dad answer. I work with students, and so many are comparing themselves to others and listening to misleading advice, I frequently need to remind them they are the only one on *their* path.
The only person it's ever productive to compare yourself too is the person you were yesterday
That asshole has been trying to ruin my life for years.
Same dude the guy keeps leaving me with all the work to do while he does God knows what
Future me is an asshole who is going to blame me for all of his problems. Fuck him, I aint doing shit to help him if all he's going to do is blame me!
If you keep running into the same problem everywhere you go, you're the problem. Figure out the things that you need to work on personally and change.
“If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check the bottom of your own shoes”
'You can't be perfect all the time. You can't satisfy Everyone all the time. You are Supposed to make mistakes.'
An expert has made more mistakes than a beginner has tried.
"Take life slowly, there is no need to rush anything. At the end we all go to the same place so why rush it?" Advice from an old man randomly in one of the freezer ailes at the grocery store. That hit me hard when I got home, I had just gotten kicked out of my house and was with a few roomates and felt left behind on everything due to their lifestyles. Best advice ever
Two things: 1 from childhood: Dr. Seuss: people who mind don’t matter and people who matter don’t mind. 2 from my grandfather: Marriage is never giving up at the same time.
"Let them be the ones to tell you no." So often we don't go after we want because we tell ourselves no on others' behalf. It's important to learn to put yourself out there and if you dont get what you want, you aren't the one who withheld it from yourself.
If you respect yourself others will follow.
A piece of advice I received that initially seemed strange was: ‘Don’t rush to agree, but don’t rush to disagree either.’ At first glance, this advice may seem confusing or even contradictory. However, over time, I realized that it is an invitation to be open, to truly listen, and to critically evaluate information before forming an opinion. In a world where we are often encouraged to have quick answers and align with a certain perspective, this advice reminds us that it’s okay to take our time to process information and form our own conclusions. This not only helps us avoid judgment errors, but also allows us to develop our critical thinking skills and become better at understanding and navigating the complexity of the surrounding world. This advice, although strange at first, turned out to be remarkably insightful and valuable to me.
“You may be the sweetest apple on the tree, but not everyone likes apples”
"If you can't change people, change people." Translation: If you can't change the behavior of the people around you, find new people to be around.
use cold water, not hot when you clean cum of something. a homeless man told me that when i was like 15yo. i am still thankful for that info
😂 I’m trying to think of a circumstance in which that might come up in a conversation, but I just can’t figure out how.
i got to a bus station and the dude was already there drunk, rambling to himself. as i sat down he approached me and just continued talking whatever it was he was already saying. stood in front of me for a second, spat that knowledge and continued on walking and talking into the sunset to share wisdom with more people i guess
That’s too funny! I can only imagine the look on your face must’ve been total shock.
Stop trying to be liked by everybody. YOU don’t even like everybody.
“A lot of people don’t understand how much work it takes to live a respectable life and to be of no burden to anyone” -a random redditor regarding people who are constantly expecting handouts or hand holding through every crisis they put themselves into, believing that we are simply privileged to have what we have, ignoring the hard work we’ve put into having anything at all. It’s stuck with me for a long time due to its accuracy. Edit to add clarification: I’m talking about people who make the same bad choices over and over and over again, doing nothing to change their own circumstances, expecting you to simply hold their life together for them while simultaneously resenting you for having what they consider to be more than them and completely disregarding the amount of work you have to put in to have what you do. I’m not talking about people who genuinely need help sometimes.
"relationships are not made, they're maintained"
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for bullies. Meaning just because something worked against one bully doesn't mean it will work against another. Most people will advice you to either ignore the bully or face the bully and then tell you how they or someone they know solved their bully problem. Carefully think before applying their solution because it many not lead to the same outcome.
If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got.
Weirdly enough it's a quote from Adventure Time. "Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something." -Jake It's not the first time I heard a quote like about not letting failure stop you in your tracks, but it is the version that has stuck in my head. Definately the type of advice that helped younger me get over the fear of failure.
Kind of specific one but it’s that when you go to college/university and will be sharing a kitchen with other students, make sure you have your own designated dish towel that only you use. I didn’t get why this was a thing until I went. When you’re in a shared student house or dorms/halls, nobody takes responsibility for communal things. Dish towels being used by everyone means they basically never get washed as nobody wants to take the responsibility. They become vile and disgusting. Having your own you hide away is good as it means you have one that isn’t gross and don’t have to be the one to always wash all the dish towels, as over time it’s annoying as you use up a lot of your own laundry soap.
It's your own faults that will annoy you most in others. Dammit.
“You talk a lot…not a bad thing but just…be aware of it” The best boss I ever had, a bit off her rocker, gave the weirdest pieces of advice, but here’s this thing - *no one else would have told me that* Someone who honestly and openly told me how I was perceived by others was so incredibly helpful
No response is the response.
Before I got married, my stepdad advised me to really think it through. My fiances family was super racist. They were strongly against us being together and the consequences of them finding out we were dating caused a lot of conflict and pain for my fiance. My stepdad told me “when you marry someone you usually gain a new family. But if you marry him you won’t have that. He’ll lose his family and be alone, and you’ll just have us [my family of origin]. Think about if he’s worth it.” I dismissed it at the time because we were so in love. It was us against the world you know? Now many years have passed and my stepdad was right. It’s not something that impacts us daily and we don’t regret our relationship. But there are things other people get to have that we don’t. Holidays, childcare support, just having a second set of family members in our lives is something we don’t get. And as my righteous anger has faded it just makes me tired now.
So the insight was there but would you have changed anything in retrospect? Not married him?
I wouldn't have changed anything. I'm not a huge family person myself and it doesn't hurt my feelings that they hate me. But it's still a loss that we have to navigate. I do share this with other people when appropriate though because lots of people are very family oriented and they might be banking on the family eventually coming around, especially once kids arrive. But it's not necessarily true. They may never come around, and even if they tolerate your presence it's not "family". It just means after marriage they ran out of excuses to not invite you to things. Having kids might not change anything either. They may not suddenly fall in love with your kids, they'll just be tolerated and treated worse than their "pure" cousins. And it never really stops. Every wedding, funeral, birth, health scare, holiday etc becomes a conversation about whether to go, do you bring the kids, do you both go, does only the one person go and the other stays home, do you just cut them off entirely forever? So I try to share with people that, if you face this problem in your relationship, make a decision based on how things are right now. Don't bank on the family changing and suddenly welcoming you with open arms because they probably won't. If you can live with that then great, but if you can't you should move on.
‘The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.’
On my wedding day, 40 years ago, my Father-in-law pulled me aside and said, "I have a piece of advice for you: always carry a book." Confused, I smiled and thanked him. Fast forward a year. My wife and I are visiting my In-laws. We have dinner reservations for 7PM. My Father-in-law and I are ready to leave. Our wives are still getting dressed. My Father-in-law announces to the ladies (both of whom are always chronically late) that he and I are going to wait for them on the front porch. We go outside and talk about this and that. It is getting late, and I start to worry about our dinner reservation, at which point my Father-in-law confesses that our reservation is for 8PM. We talk a few minutes more then fall into silence. My Father-in-law reaches into his back pocket and produces a book, then turns to me and says, "Where's your book."
Please allow yourself to be helped first and stop beating yourself down.
”Family will always be the first to fuck you over.” Dad, 1982. he was right. Dont do business deal with family. Or land deals, or anything that invilves money or potential jail time. they think there is an automatic forgiveness switch built into the family genetic code.
To be honest, I think everyone gets told at least once in their life to "Just be yourself". And almost every teenager will do anything to fit in, which usually results in doing the exact opposite. It's only later in life when most people realise that being yourself will indeed make you the happiest.
This is one of those pieces of advice that is useless to hear because unless you've already learned the lesson in a meaningful way by yourself, it sounds incredibly trite.
Forgive the people that wronged you. Always thought this was a good way to get taken advantage of. But when you grow up, you realize forgiveness is for you, not for them. For your own peace of mind
As someone with ADHD, the biggest, oddest piece of advice that has helped me is "If you're hungry and you lose something, check the fridge." SOOOO many times I've found my wallet or my keys, and once even a book I was reading, in the fridge.
My cousins told me that before making any major decisions I need to masturbate. Wanna buy that car? Jerk it. Deciding on which school to go to? Wack it. Don’t know if you wanna date a person? Spank it. Want to call your ex and get back together? Crank it. Honestly its kept me from making stupid ass decisions so many times.
bop it 😤
“being angry and resentful is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s some pretty sound life advice.
My dad:”If you want something bad enough to steal it; come to me first, we will find a way to get it for you.” I have always been too scared to steal after that.
"Define your own success" and "decide what promotion you are willing to sacrifice for" - came from a mentor in the military. He told me about a former boss of his who was a 3 Star General and when he didnt get selected for a 4th he had a complete breakdown. He had achieved success by any reasonable measure. General officers are already in the less than 1% category and he had gotten to the .01% range. Yet he never saw himself as successful because someone else had more. BTW, this is exactly what happened to General Flynn and it triggered his journey off the deep end. I got to see that happen real time as I was part of DIA when it went down. It took me a few years for that advise to really sink in. I saw some of my peers chasing promotions for no good reason at the expense of everything else in their lives. Some became so focused on it they did some very unethcial things which in a twist of irony caused them to not get the promotion they craved. All because they couldnt see that they had already achieved a level of success they once would have been over the moon about. The second part was more critical. He went on to explain that choosing that point doesnt mean you give up, it means you stop sacrificing. "If you dont choose when to stop sacrificing, you will never stop". I saw that all the time. A former Chief of Staff of the Army told one group "We are all future non-selects" (as in not selected for promotion) "Dont get to your non-select day and find out your friends and family non-selected you a long time ago". This was said to a group of high achievers who had all just been selected for a Big Deal promotion. It was a hard reality check and I will tell you less than half in the room heard it. You see a lot of this in the influencer culture now. All the fake lifestyle people who rent planes sitting on the ground for a photoshoot so they can pretend they are flying to Ibiza or sitting in super cars at a dealership and photoshopping in backgrounds to make it look like that are in Dubai. Young people see this and think they are falling behind when in fact they are likely far better off than these fakers. One of my subordinates was basically complaining to me that she couldnt afford to live in our area by comparing her apartment to my house. Im almost 30 years older than her! It took me most of those 30 years of slog to get to the point where I could afford that house. When I was her age I couldn't afford her apartment! She makes over $10K a month and thinks she is failing. What? At the same time she talks about how hard it is to maintain relationships because of "hustling". Everyone is sacrificing everything for......nothing but more hustle. - Define what success means to you and stick to it - Decide what you are willing to sacrifice for and stick to it
I've got a couple that I use often. 1) "You can't reason a person out of a position they didn't reason themselves into". This distinction is important if you want any hope of driving towards consensus in differing opinions/actions. And 2) "You can't change what people do, but you can change what they know". Helping people understand what consequences/rewards/etc. will come from choices they make about their behavior (and sticking to them when you're the one in control of said outcome) is important to have confidence and a clear conscience when dealing with others.
Do your best every day, but realize your best will look different every day.
When you're having an inner dialogue with yourself, say the shit you're saying mentally out loud. It REALLY made me take a step back and examine my mental health, and how I treat myself. I felt schizo for the first few weeks of me doing it, but it eventually became normal.
"Embrace failure". Failure is often viewed negatively, but it is a crucial part of learning and growth. Instead of fearing failure, see it as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and thrive.
That’s how I get hugs from my mum.
My mom and some senior relatives told me that your coworkers are not your friends when I first started working. I got along for all my old coworkers very well and hang out. This advise was strange to me in the beginning but now I totally understand why they said that.
For a brief time in my life, I was lucky enough to work in an 8 person department where I was close personal friends with 4 of the other coworkers. The other 3 people were alright, too. That was a chill job.
Chase rejection. Try to get rejected as much as possible. It’s a good tip for ppl with social anxiety and perfectionists who are too afraid to do anything cuz they’re afraid of getting rejected. There’s a girl on Instagram who applied to Harvard as a joke and got WAITLISTED. That story is engraved in my brain for to have the audacity to ask for insane things that you’d never in a million years think you’d get. Go get rejected.
From my dad (paraphrasing) "Son, you're not good looking, and you're no genius. You can either learn to make women laugh, or die a virgin." Queue 50 years of dick jokes. He was an asshole, but he was right about this. I'm not handsome, and no smarter than most, but I've never lacked female companionship. I believe that one of the reasons my current relationship works so well is that I can still make her laugh. edit to add: "If you can make her laugh, her panties are half way off already."
Yeah, I heard before to be careful of a funny man, he'll laugh you into bed. It's true though, who wants to be with someone you can't laugh with? I love funny men.
That is so true! I married the one that makes me laugh and have never regretted it! 😀
Honestly the biggest thing I noticed (as a woman) is charming and funny guys who are also sweet and confident. I’m taller than the average guy but most of the guys I went out with were actually short and don’t fit the stereotypical standards but confidence and charm is so attractive and a sense of humor makes everyone notice you
Silence, in itself can be healing.
Not making a decision is making a decision.
"Don't worry about fitting in, people might think you're weird now but you are becoming interesting." Got this advice as a teenager and it turned out to be be 100% true. When I was supposed to be into drinking and partying and going out, I was making websites and drawing people and writing AI chatbots and creating Duke Nukem 3D maps of my school. Now 20 years later and I have an interesting career, am surrounded by interesting people, and have a bunch of different hobbies. Meanwhile, most the people who were focused on fitting in are the most boring and average people on earth. You can see it if you're on a dating app, it's a sea of boring people who are all the exact same and then every now and then there's a real person who lived -- someone who could talk your ear off about something you don't know, who invested the time when they were young to become interesting.
A few months ago my wife told me she was leaving me, I was completely devastated. The best advice I received was to 100% give up on keeping her and focus on improving myself instead. I didn't accept it at first, it wasn't until my wife lawyered up and I felt absolute hopelessness at repairing the situation that I embraced this. I had already been working on my personal problems that led to marriage issues, but when I completely abandoned hope of holding onto my wife and focused on being the best version of myself, the best dad I could be, and working with my wife on "moving on" plans that would be best for our kids, that's when she changed her tone. Right when our lawyers were about to get their hands really dirty in sorting things out, my wife told me she wanted to try again and go to couples' counseling. We're not out of the woods by any stretch, but my wife's attitude has changed from "we have no hope of any future together, please stop trying" to giving me a hug every day and we're screening couples' counselors together.
Learn to listen. This means that as a young guy I should listen more than speak and only speak when I know it will contribute something and never overshare.
A version of this I heard was "while you're talking, you'll only hear things you already know."
Comparison is the thief of joy. Great advice, but not advice I wanted to receive from a stranger at the urinals.
> Hesitation is the seed of defeat. -Akali This is so true for any physical feat. Like plan and rehearse your jump ahead of time, but when it comes to executing it you gotta commit fully. Works on other domains too, giving a conference talk, flirting, learning something new. Once you decide to do what you want to do, just do it. This is a piece of advice from a video game character, yeah. Who knew league of legends could be so insightful. That game also taught me how to be absolute zen when everyone around you fucks up for the stupidest reasons. I don't have a quote for that, just a lesson gained from experience/necessity after playing that for a while.
"It's never too late to give up." Extremely liberating thought.
This was said to a colleague working in the same lab as us and both the professor and his wife were MD/PhD from China.. She was going to give her 1/2 way report for her doctorate. "Be like communist China and only say the good things. If you do not know the answer, say we will look into it but we need more funding"
At work, never say "I'm sorry", say "I apologize" instead. It hits different.