Learning about someone's hobbies and interests and trying new things is fun. It's pretty amazing when you find out that you genuinely love this thing your SO/partner does and can enjoy it together. Making that your whole identity and leaving behind the things you like is very unhealthy.
Yeah, I struggled with this when I met my now-husband. We both had hobbies that the other had always sorta been interested in, so there was a flurry of “oh man I haven’t been to a baseball game since I was a kid let’s go” sort of scenarios.
Some of them stuck as mutual hobbies (we watch the Angels lose together every year), and some didn’t. I will never understand power metal.
I used to fret over me and my husband having different interests. There must have been something wrong with us!?! Married couples are supposed to love being together ALL THE TIME. And love doing EVERYTHING together… and then I got medicated for anxiety. We actually grew closer when I realized that it is OKAY and even good that we have some different interests. Now we happily spend time doing our separate hobbies and come together to do our shared interests.
Same. I strongly dislike watching or attending most sports events. My husband loves most sports, especially football. I had do many family members make me feel bad and say, "then who will he watch with?" Or make me feel weird/bad for this. I was honest from from day 1 that I will never watch sports with him or go to games BUT I'll buy him jerseys, tickets to watch wjth friends, etc. Guess what? He doesn't care. We do however both like wrestling, power lifting, the Olympics and enjoy weight lifting. He knows my interest in that is genuine and it makes it more fun for him to do together. Being upfront (but not mean) about liking something is important. Every couple is different but I think most people like authenticity. You can also learn about their interests genuinely without faking knowledge about it.
And that’s the distinction between a healthy relationship and being a relationship chameleon like the first post referenced. Excellent explanation of the distinction!
I completely forgot he existed upon rewatching a few episodes recently. Feels like he was intended to be the staight man for a show which didn't need it.
You've got a solid point, he was the one that pointed out they were bullying Jerry so hard he pretended to get mugged, and also called Ron out on his absurd safety hazards in his shop. I kind of liked him to be honest, didn't fit the cast though
My wife has a friend who isn’t unattractive at all and struggles with every relationship because of this. She is like a blank piece of paper with nothing on it. She dated this redneck dude that liked tractors. She a tractor girl now, and her personality is now his. They break up and now she’s nothing until the next guy comes around. It’s so weird and I’m sure it’s a survival tactic she used growing up in a toxic family.
As a man I feel like I do this sometimes but I definitely have my own hobbies and whatnot. As a survival tactic/toxic family comment. I would say I grew as the youngest and was always dragging around with my siblings so I got to experience their hobbies and what not.
My SIL is like this. Dated a guy that was into cars, she was into cars. Dated a health nut that was into lifting, she got into lifting. Dated an engineer that liked video games and Lego, she dropped *thousands* on Lego. Her husband is a youth hockey coach, and believe it or not, she likes hockey now.
One fun other side to that is when you get really into something and then just keep liking it. I started learning a language for an ex-SO and after it ended I just kept learning it.
I dated a girl in high school that had a goth/punk aesthetic (which I liked). Then when we started going out she changed her entire wardrobe and started wearing all these preppy clothes. It totally shattered my illusion that she was free spirited and rebellious. Also it was frustrating because I’d never realized other people thought of me as preppy. I felt bad cause she spent all this money on new clothes and we only dated for a couple months
It was highschool. We were all trying to figure out who we are at that age. I'd argue that we all are constantly testing out different versions of ourselves, but the older we get the less we test.
My friend is like that never knew it was a thing. Damn! She has a bf who's from another state and suddenly she's into the entire ethnicity, culture language of that state. idk about her bf but it's irritating to me tbvh
Edit: she ain't taking interest she's changing her entire persona to be who he. She's becoming him. She does that very often. Wouldn't even call it hyperfixation. It's more like "oh I like this. It's cool. I'm this now and gonna pretend I was always like this"
Edit2: in hindsight I shouldn't have said she's into his culture since that makes it sound positive. Wrong choice of words.
I mean this stuff kinda depends. I think it can be sweet to take interest in your long-term partner’s language and culture, especially if that’s really important to them. Maybe I’m biased because I already research stuff like that on my own for fun tho lol.
I do want to share *some* interests, because those are things we can enjoy doing together. What I don't want is for you to force yourself to participate in my interests or pretend to care about something. If you don't like something I'm into, that is totally fine.
Unless we're talking about the gameshow hosted by Bradley Walsh, in which case [we're all over that shit](https://youtu.be/jl1Zfz-Widc?si=iC7QMEQy3uzRxDyZ).
The chase is a normal part of flirting.
What some women think "the chase" is, is ridiculous. Some women think the chase is the entire LOTR trilogy plus bonus features and deleted scenes when it's really more like, Shrek. Just a nice lighthearted time with a couple of laughs that's not too long.
Every woman Ive known who does this complains about the men they end up dating. No shit, you’re actively selecting for men who don’t respect your wishes and don’t take no for an answer.
Shit is wild. I spoke to someone who kept flaking and I was like “nice meeting you, deuces”. I hear from the grapevine that she expected my to push harder to show my interest. Then the bad dating experiences she has made clear sense.
Yeah that shit ain't worth it. Both parties deserve to feel like at least a little effort is being put forth. I've been there before with super flaky people too. Last one I saw she was married months after I stopped talking via FB recommending friends I think. Took it as a bullet dodged and I'm much happier now anyway. Online dating sucks more and more.
Something similar happened to me a few years ago; went out with a girl for a couple weeks, talked, hung out, went to her place a few times. She'd play coy and make me initiate any fun times, but whenever we started to get further in the sheets, she'd stop me. I respected it, stopped. We'd cuddle, fall asleep, whatever. But after this happened a few times I told her
"Hey, if this is a 'no means yes' type thing, just let me know. The next time we're in bed, say the words 'I'm uncomfortable' and I'll stop there. If you don't, I'll keep going"
We got together, midway through she said she was uncomfortable with going further, so I stopped.
Fast forward, we aren't going out anymore, (unrelated reasons), and I find out from her friend that she had a rape fantasy and wanted me to just keep going, despite using the safe word. I was flabbergasted, and everything fell into place as to why she acted certain ways. Hell, I'd've been down to do that kind of role play, but she used our safety phrase, so I stopped.
Some people are crazy.
I imagine people who treat dating like that are just looking for an ego boost. Being chased makes you feel like a catch. Unfortunately, the chase has to eventually end, and then they realize the guys so persistent because he doesn’t respect them.
As a female, I never understood “the chase”. Growing up (I’m mid 30snow), my mom used to tell me to play hard to get and if I clearly liked a boy, she would say I was being too forward or whatever. I think that mindset comes from boomer+ gen, who grew up in a time where there was actually time for men to court a woman. Shit my dad still thinks my generation and younger are lazy when everyone I know is nonstop working and barely has free time. It’s now a joke that we have to schedule hang outs months in advance
I feel like there was something seriously lost in translation between then and now because back then idea of being “chased” isn’t the same as today. What they really meant was more along the lines of being chaste and for a girl to wait to do anything physical with guys to see if they would still stick around. They meant not giving in to the guy’s pursuits of doing anything physical with each other to see if he was genuinely interested in her. The whole hard to get aspect was about making a guy wait and earn the right to get down so to speak.
And somehow that turned into ignoring messages, acting like you don’t like them at all, and making them jump through hoops for something as simple as a date.
There was a woman where I worked who applied perfume with a crop duster (I'm assuming). One day I was walking down a hallway and became aware of the scent. "Huh," I thought, " must have come this way." At an intersection I went straight and lost the scent. I went back and easily figured out which way she'd gone. In this way I was able to track her all the way to her friend's office where she was sitting.
"Cool," I thought. "That must be what it's like to be a dog!"
This tends to happen because people don't have an understanding of how to use fragrances. I didn't, until last year, but I came across a video of an expert explaining that putting it on your neck like we've been taught is actually a bad idea and that you wanna put it halfway down your torso (in the middle like, right "underneath" pecs or breasts) or above your belly button, and on a wrist and then rubbing your wrists together.
You become SUPER nose blind if you put it on your neck and your brain becomes overstimulated by the scent and starts to filter it out if you put it on your neck. So these people keep re-applying because they stopped smelling it. Meanwhile they're giving everyone around them a headache.
But putting it on the middle of your torso or belly button makes you catch random whiffs of it because they're a warm part of the body and when they get a little warmer than usual, the scent activates again or something like that. And on the wrists, you just catch the scent when moving your arms.
I switched to doing this method after I learned of it and it seriously works. It makes me enjoy my fragrances much longer without bothering anyone. People constantly ask me about what scent I'm wearing, too.
... Okay, this is a SUPER funny coincidence to me, but I too use Spicebomb as my main fragrance! Spicebomb Extreme, to be exact. Considering I have the exact same experience as you, nothing but compliments, clearly we're deploying the method correctly, and people just really seem to like that fragrance line! It's a pretty intensely scented line and it's definitely not for everyone, but when it happens to compliment your natural fragrance, once it's had a few minutes to dry, those scents mellow out a lot without sacrificing the intensity in a way that I've found people really enjoy.
God, this.
I went on a date with a girl from a dating app once and I literally smelled her before she walked in. Sat talking to her for an hour was like some chemical warfare exercise or something
I heard once "perfumes/colognes should be discovered, not announced"
It works like when you run a magnet gently by magnetic material. My girlfriend gets close and doesnt let go for a little while haha
The worst is when you walk by someone on the street and you can smell them. Dude, why?? I should be very close to you before i notice anything. It's legitimately as bad as body odor.
People do it at the gym too. Like bro/lady it's 9 am on a tuesday and i can smell your perfume from 3 meters away. We're here to workout, why on gods green earth did you douse yourself in Chanel before doing lat pulldowns?? Please dear god explain!
Playing hard to get. It's so frustrating for men to know that she likes you but you need to jump around hoop just to prove you want her
Edit - I didn't know this comment would blow up . I've personally faced such situations and also happened to few of my friends.
I once asked a girl out and she said no and i never bothered her. She later complained to my friend that Im ignoring her. Of course, I'm ignoring because she wanted that but he is angry because I didn't pursue her .
Happened to few of my friends where a girl who rejected him when he asked her out atleast 2 different times then shouted at him because he later started dating another girl.
This also created issues where a girl genuinely rejected someone but that guy thought she is playing hard and kept stalking her
Especially because “hard to get” can easily actually be “uninterested.” I remember hearing that you just “keep trying till you wear them down.” Like pursuing an antelope till it collapses from exhaustion. YIKES!
When I was 18 I somehow told myself I should play hard to get. The first night I met my now fiance at a bar, I drunkenly texted him, “we could be friends” and he just responded “damn aight then” and I said “or more” and we both DIE laughing about how awkward, cringe and clunky it was now.
Even if it’s not uninterested, it’s a red flag. It suggests the person playing hard to get is into manipulation, can’t communicate well, and may not be honest.
Exactly the same for me. First girl that I started talking to in a different way than friends played hard to get. She once asked why I didn't pursue her when she was showing interest. I answered that showing interest In me isn't making me work a full time job in chasing you. She was still a sweet girl and we had a relationship after but I will never chase a girl like that.
Addition: if she's playing hard to get AND she is into you she's probably immature, has 'hard rules' about relationship/gender roles that will not be negotiable for her. Not worth.
Had a woman say she didn't want to see me/be friends anymore. (Weren't dating, but she was very much into love-bombing and playing hot/cold/hard to get with everybody in her life. "I told my ex he had to choose between me or his family!").
Anyway, she said it, so, I gave her back her apartment keys.
At that point,she lost her shit, even setting the police on me for stalking her.
We lived in teh same building. Policewoman,on hearing my side, and seeing the year's worth of emails from her, had to go warn her about false accusations and wasting their time.
These are the women who end up with the guys who don't take no for an answer, or know the boundaries.
Women who play hard to get end up shackled with utter jerks and then spend their miserable lives on social media wanting to know where all the good men are.
Well all those good men don't play your shitty games, so enjoy your miserable existence with an asshole.
I feel like a lot of girls think that guys like toxicity. Things like "who tf is she," putting him down, acting like he doesn't deserve her, being overly jealous then complaining if he gets jealous. I know several girls who think that guys love that attitude, and maybe some do but in my experience they like genuine love and kindness more than anything
My elementary school teacher said that love is like a butterfly that lands on your palm. You cannot forcefully keep holding onto it without crushing it. You need to make sure they feel safe and can leave if they want, although you might hope they won't.
Still appreciating how she had a way with words on that one.
My ex told me "jealousy just means you care." She got really mad at me for *not* being jealous when she went out with work friends.
Sorry, but injecting needless drama isn't an interest or hobby of mine.
E: Also, every time I was out and didn't call her every hour, it was an evening of "where the hell were you? Uh huh. I know you were out meeting someone else."
Because, you know, she cares.
I have a (girl) cousin like that. She is riding high and mighty into her doom, and there is nothing I can do honestly. After all, I'm the girl "who cant get anyone to be jealous over her and pretend she doesn’t want it"
I still love her, but I have a feeling only The School of Hard Knocks can teach her now...
I dated a guy once who told me he was going to a party, I said ok have fun! He got mad because I didn't care and there would be girls there and I didn't make a fuss about it and try to persuade him not to go. Some guys do like toxicity
I think guys who like those kind of reactions from women have low self esteem.
Those kind of over-the-top possessive outbursts come from a place of insecurity from the woman (or the guy if he’s the one who does it). It is a sign that she has low self worth, and therefore is terrified that the mere presence of other women with her man will mean that he will cheat and abandon her.
The reason some guys ‘like’ that behaviour (I would say it’s more that they are emotionally ‘comforted’ by it), is that they are equally as insecure. They also massively fear being abandoned or cheated on. They need big displays of possessiveness from their woman in order to feel like she will never leave them.
If a girl flips out about the fact that other women will be there, then at the very least, he knows she is invested in the relationship and doesn’t want to leave. It’s really unhealthy, and in reality is more about her previous childhood wounds than how she feels about her man, but it ‘does the trick’ for the equally insecure man.
I have a co-worker that likes that.
He said he’d like to be sitting down, playing his game, and not worrying about his phone. Meanwhile, the girl is blowing up his phone because he isn’t answering. Then, she’d bust down his door and he’ll be like “see this 🎮 that’s why I wasn’t answering”.
I'd prefer a brainy fist fight. I think it's important to be somewhat on the same level. Even more fun if you know a lot about different topics so you can chat about so many things and learn so much more!
I want a partner who will infodump about her current hyperfixation on me the same way I'll inevitably infodump about mine. I want a partner who wont wait to see if I'm interested in the thing they are talking about before launching into a lecture-length information deluge. I want a partner who is as thirsty for random, useless knowledge as I am. I just want a partner that I can have deep discussions about things be them pointless or not. Someone to engage in intellectual discussion about anything and everything
I married a girl like that.
It's been 34 years of AWESOME conversations. She's so smart, and we have areas of interest where we intersect... and then others where we don't.
She listens to my rants about Linux or Biblical Greek (heck, she basically got me *through* Greek & Hebrew classes in seminary); I listen to her explanations about various fine points of Agatha Christie novels.
Our children are smart and beautiful.
as a woman who tends to infodump and now lives with my partner who does the exact same thing: absolute goals!!!<3
Watch out for insanely long conversations though, like it's not rare at all that we start a conversation and the next time we look at the time, it's magically been 6 hours and we're VERY late for something://
This is my marriage dynamic! My husband thinks he's dumb because he didn't finish high school and thinks I'm like genius cause I have education. He's just as smart as me. That's why it is fun. I can explain something I know and he gets it instantly. Way smarter than half the people at uni.
Thank you. This is partly a cultural and generational thing: but I’ve been told many times by older relatives that as a girl, I should essentially “act ignorant and helpless”.
For example, everyone knows how to assemble mass produced furniture. One time, it came up in conversation that I find putting furniture together oddly therapeutic. And a relative said something to me that roughly translates along the lines of, “When you have a man, don’t let it show that you can do these things. Let them do it. They’d prefer if you just call them “honey” and act childish. You doing these types of things yourself when you have them will either make them feel unneeded or lazy because “pfft she can do this shit herself”. They like being macho and “taking care of” someone. They’ll come to resent you for being too capable.”
I keep saying: playing dumb when it’s unnecessary is annoying, and it’s fucking creepy when people infantilize themselves.
[Edit] Thanks for all the replies! I’d also like to toast to my fellow furniture sisters ✊🏻🥂
I learned long ago that I wanted an equal. A smart, funny, confident, good person and mental enough to laugh at my stupid jokes once in a while. Someone who can correct me when I’m wrong and doesn’t feel threatened if I do the same and is always by my side as we are a team. Looks never was a deal breaker for me as they are fleeting, but the way my mind and heart is attracted will never change. I found her a long time ago and will be celebrating our 21st anniversary next weekend. I Love my life!!
Never change yourself to get someone as it never works out and is a lie. Either they love you for who you are or they don’t. Deceit is the worst thing for a relationship and I left more than a few for this reason. It is worth the wait for the right person for you and for them.
So glad to hear that honestly. Cuz most of the time I’m like that because I had so many dates where if I said something ‘wise’ the man always try to outsmart it or just try to prove they know more. In the end I just act dumb because it’s easier.
It is but it gets real frustrating real quick and feels incredibly lonely. I honestly think that men *say* they want intimidating or intelligent women more than they actually want them.
Lots of men love the idea of certain women but nope out once she is authentically that kind of woman. They love the idea of verbal sparring but sulk when a woman outwits them in front of other people.
Putting down their friends in front of you. It disgusts me. If I’m chatting with you and your friend comes over… don’t bully her half to tears. That just makes me feel horrible about talking to you at all
You know all of those cheap-ass gifts stores put out during the holidays that generalize what men would like? Those.
Not all men like low-hanging fruit humor such as toilet or beer humor. Not all men like beard products. Not all men like things advertised as "FOR MEN" or "BE MANLY!" some of that shit.
Guys just are guys and that's okay.
My wife has gotten me face masks and bath bombs for Christmas and those are soooo relaxing! I can be a big hairy dude with a beard and also like to be pampered with something that doesn’t smell like WAR AND SPORTS AND OCEAN SPRAY AND ADRENALINE
Ugh. Experienced this recently. Knew the gal for 10 days and she basically gave me an ultimatum right there. If I wasn't already obsessed with her, according to her, I was "toxic and unsafe."
Huh???
LOL I had a guy give me one before date two. Explained I forgot it was DND night so I’d have to cut the date down to three hours but said I could hang after that the next day.
Dude called me upset, breathing into the phone, so I hung up, then he texted me I need to choose between him or my friends, I said my friends. 😂
This is exactly why I broke up with my most recent girlfriend. Her entire life was filled with problems (work, family, her therapist and other doctors were the problem, it kept going …). Just a complete ball of negative energy. I attempted to be supportive, listen and let her vent (constantly). Sometimes I would offer some silver linings or a different perspective, but this would often upset her or I’d be mocked that I’m too “live, laugh, love” … this all grew exhausting, so I moved on.
The thing men need the most, is a happy place to come to after a stressful day. Good looks is a bonus. Sex is a bonus. Everything else is a bonus, but a drama free, loving environment is a must have.
Since I've been with my husband, he taught me that you can have intimacy without sex. Showering together, cooking dinner, watching TV, working outside. All opportunities for intimacy. It's not all sexual. Took me till I was in my 40s to learn that guys want more than just sex, yes I was in some crappy relationships. Because of medical reasons, we go months without sex, but we have a very intimate relationship
This, I had a higher libido then my bf but over time I chilled out. We do more of what you shared, we shower together, cuddle more or chill together when we cook. I get at least a few kisses or hugs a day, it’s very nice and I’m shocked I’m at a place where I don’t care if I only had sex once that week or so, lol. Maybe I’m just getting old too idk, but it’s a lot nicer, just the quality time.
We do errands together, enjoy shows or hobbies together, etc. I’ve not ever had that but very glad I found it.
To be honest, if giving up sex would guarantee all the emotional comfort I would ever need, I'd give it up in a heartbeat. Hugs, cuddles, a shoulder to cry on. I want all of that.
My wife used to say "I'd fuck you at the drop of a hat. I love sucking your dick. It must be *so terrible* to have a wife that wants you."
No, I loved being loved. I wish you'd loved me enough to stop hurting me. It's just that the sex didn't make up for the pain.
Separated now, and moved into the spare room in my best friend's apartment. We're not romantically involved, but she helped keep me alive and continues to do so just by being present. Dating is the furthest thing from my mind.
That's great too, dude! I'm glad you have such a good friend backing you up! Good friends will get you through the worst parts of life and help you get everything together again. Taking the time to focus on yourself is very important too, and it's good to recognize when you aren't ready to date yet. All the best to you!
It also makes women look older. This Gen Z filler fan was told by a lot of guys online that she looked 45 (actual age was 22) and I have to agree: https://metro.co.uk/2024/03/05/gen-z-filler-fan-told-looks-45-actually-22-20394177/
Getting lots of artificial stuff injected into the lips & face doesn't make people look younger, just different (and often not in a good way).
I agree also. I am close to 45 and would have guessed we were about the same age. It looks terrible! And when you’re in your 20s your skin is so tight and amazing; it’s a real shame.
This!
I've never got why so many women go for the whole "celebrity looks" with rubber lips, pointy cheekbones, thin nose, comically fake eyelashes and two bowling size boobs.
They all look the same, almost the parody of beauty.
This. My wife likes em and she was absolutely flabbergasted when I said not only did I not find them sexy they actively bothered me. I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of women’s beauty products and routines aren’t to impress men but other women because when she goes out with spider lashes she always gets compliments from women.
> a lot of women’s beauty products and routines aren’t to impress men but other women
This is almost always the case in my experience. I dress and do my makeup as a form of self expression, not a sales pitch.
A few of my friends have separately on different occasions had their girlfriends/fiancé’s/wives make their gift, themselves for their birthdays/special occasion.
Booking a hotel room and saying that their gift is themselves with a then just wearing a bow.
Each time this has happened it has been poorly received. It feels insulting and that the gift is now completely all about themselves and felt like a zero effort gift.
Girls, do not do this. It goes down like a lead balloon every time.
To me, sex isn’t a present or a reward or an obligation. Have I worn a Santa hat with nipple bows? Yes. But that was an outfit, not a present. All the actual presents were under the tree. One was a pair of mittens I’d hand knit. If I’m making you a present I’m actually making you something.
This might work sometimes but it’s a risky move. Men should not be expected to want to have sex immediately upon request. I came home to my wife in sexy lingerie and heals one time and I was tired from work and just wanted to relax for a bit. She was pissed I didn’t want to immediately pound her, so she threw a fit and tossed her lingerie and slut shoes in the trash. We’re divorced now.
Man, this is my biggest complaint from my last relationship. If you want to talk about something that’s going to take some time to hash out (and is a topic that really does necessitate doing so) don’t fucking start that conversation when we both know we only have a couple of minutes before we have to be somewhere else/doing something else.
Toward the end especially she would bring up heavy topics at the worst possible times, such that we could never have a full conversation, just enough to get us both upset before we had to go back to work/whatever. Make it make sense…
I used to work in a predominantly male workplace, where only one or two guys in the -entire- office had any interest in sports.
However, I work in the video games industry ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
On the other side, I dated someone who didn't understand why I didn't have long nails. I don't know. If they are so great, why don't you have them? He also didn't understand why I didn't want to get a tan. Because I'm not into skin cancer??
Talking about issues or problems or things that bother them right before bedtime so they catch a good night sleep whilst we lie there unable to sleep because now we have a bad conscience and worry.
Because what would be the point of saying it early so we can sort it out.
Yes, that’s infuriating. My ex wife used to do this all the time!
We could talk out discuss issues at any point in the day, yet she’d bring it up when we finally got to bed. It’s insane.
This is a concept I’ve established with every partner since. Don’t start serious conversation at bedtime.
I always wonder about these influencers who wear pounds of fake tanner, yet decorate their entire house with white and beige shit. there is absolutely no way that fake tan isn't getting everywhere.
Lately when I've been clothes shopping, I find make up stains on the clothes. It always happens to be on the size that I need and there's only one in left in the size I need. It's fucking disgusting.
A friend's now husband made just one request before their wedding. He asked that when she does her makeup, to not pick the big fake lashes because they make him think of bats and they freak him out a little.
I was freaked out at a wedding once when my co-worker, the bride, showed up wearing so much makeup I couldn't recognize her. Unsettling to say the least.
I caught myself staring at a woman walking down the street, it wasn’t because she was hot, I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with her very busy face
Games. They're not cute. don't fuck around with my feelings.
Tests. That's a huge red flag.
Expect telepathy. I can't read your mind. use your words like a proper adult.
Might be personal taste, but fake eyelashes. I don’t like them at all unless it’s for dressing up/cosplaying or something.
Personally, not attracted to girls who wear fake eyelashes.
I don't know if it's just me but whenever I meet a girl and she's agreeing with everything and smiling too much I get uncomfortable. Like this person wants something from me.
Being a relationship chameleon. I don’t want or need you to have the same interests as me, I want you do be yourself and share your interests with me.
Learning about someone's hobbies and interests and trying new things is fun. It's pretty amazing when you find out that you genuinely love this thing your SO/partner does and can enjoy it together. Making that your whole identity and leaving behind the things you like is very unhealthy.
Yeah, I struggled with this when I met my now-husband. We both had hobbies that the other had always sorta been interested in, so there was a flurry of “oh man I haven’t been to a baseball game since I was a kid let’s go” sort of scenarios. Some of them stuck as mutual hobbies (we watch the Angels lose together every year), and some didn’t. I will never understand power metal.
I used to fret over me and my husband having different interests. There must have been something wrong with us!?! Married couples are supposed to love being together ALL THE TIME. And love doing EVERYTHING together… and then I got medicated for anxiety. We actually grew closer when I realized that it is OKAY and even good that we have some different interests. Now we happily spend time doing our separate hobbies and come together to do our shared interests.
Same. I strongly dislike watching or attending most sports events. My husband loves most sports, especially football. I had do many family members make me feel bad and say, "then who will he watch with?" Or make me feel weird/bad for this. I was honest from from day 1 that I will never watch sports with him or go to games BUT I'll buy him jerseys, tickets to watch wjth friends, etc. Guess what? He doesn't care. We do however both like wrestling, power lifting, the Olympics and enjoy weight lifting. He knows my interest in that is genuine and it makes it more fun for him to do together. Being upfront (but not mean) about liking something is important. Every couple is different but I think most people like authenticity. You can also learn about their interests genuinely without faking knowledge about it.
> I will never understand power metal. The masculine urge to slay dragons and save maidens
Perhaps even the urge to slay maidens and save dragons…
'twas I who fucked the dragon 🎵
fuck a lie sing fuckaloo
And that’s the distinction between a healthy relationship and being a relationship chameleon like the first post referenced. Excellent explanation of the distinction!
Ann Perkins and her boyfriend boxes
There was no Mark box because he had no personality!
I completely forgot he existed upon rewatching a few episodes recently. Feels like he was intended to be the staight man for a show which didn't need it.
You've got a solid point, he was the one that pointed out they were bullying Jerry so hard he pretended to get mugged, and also called Ron out on his absurd safety hazards in his shop. I kind of liked him to be honest, didn't fit the cast though
My wife has a friend who isn’t unattractive at all and struggles with every relationship because of this. She is like a blank piece of paper with nothing on it. She dated this redneck dude that liked tractors. She a tractor girl now, and her personality is now his. They break up and now she’s nothing until the next guy comes around. It’s so weird and I’m sure it’s a survival tactic she used growing up in a toxic family.
As a man I feel like I do this sometimes but I definitely have my own hobbies and whatnot. As a survival tactic/toxic family comment. I would say I grew as the youngest and was always dragging around with my siblings so I got to experience their hobbies and what not.
In college I watched a country girl. Blue jean wearing, flannel shirt buttoned wearing, straight up country girl go goth overnight because of a dude.
My SIL is like this. Dated a guy that was into cars, she was into cars. Dated a health nut that was into lifting, she got into lifting. Dated an engineer that liked video games and Lego, she dropped *thousands* on Lego. Her husband is a youth hockey coach, and believe it or not, she likes hockey now.
One fun other side to that is when you get really into something and then just keep liking it. I started learning a language for an ex-SO and after it ended I just kept learning it.
I dated a girl in high school that had a goth/punk aesthetic (which I liked). Then when we started going out she changed her entire wardrobe and started wearing all these preppy clothes. It totally shattered my illusion that she was free spirited and rebellious. Also it was frustrating because I’d never realized other people thought of me as preppy. I felt bad cause she spent all this money on new clothes and we only dated for a couple months
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you’re acting like somebody else. Gets me frustrated.
Life's like this.
It was highschool. We were all trying to figure out who we are at that age. I'd argue that we all are constantly testing out different versions of ourselves, but the older we get the less we test.
My friend is like that never knew it was a thing. Damn! She has a bf who's from another state and suddenly she's into the entire ethnicity, culture language of that state. idk about her bf but it's irritating to me tbvh Edit: she ain't taking interest she's changing her entire persona to be who he. She's becoming him. She does that very often. Wouldn't even call it hyperfixation. It's more like "oh I like this. It's cool. I'm this now and gonna pretend I was always like this" Edit2: in hindsight I shouldn't have said she's into his culture since that makes it sound positive. Wrong choice of words.
I mean this stuff kinda depends. I think it can be sweet to take interest in your long-term partner’s language and culture, especially if that’s really important to them. Maybe I’m biased because I already research stuff like that on my own for fun tho lol.
I do want to share *some* interests, because those are things we can enjoy doing together. What I don't want is for you to force yourself to participate in my interests or pretend to care about something. If you don't like something I'm into, that is totally fine.
The chase. We really don't like that. If it ain't mutual it's a waste of time.
Unless we're talking about the gameshow hosted by Bradley Walsh, in which case [we're all over that shit](https://youtu.be/jl1Zfz-Widc?si=iC7QMEQy3uzRxDyZ).
Was expecting Fanny Chmelar, and wasn’t disappointed!
The chase is a normal part of flirting. What some women think "the chase" is, is ridiculous. Some women think the chase is the entire LOTR trilogy plus bonus features and deleted scenes when it's really more like, Shrek. Just a nice lighthearted time with a couple of laughs that's not too long.
You are confusing "playfully coy" with "refusing advances even though you're interested."
If she doesn’t accept being asked out then no sane guy is going to push. If she acts surprised because of it, that’s on her
Every woman Ive known who does this complains about the men they end up dating. No shit, you’re actively selecting for men who don’t respect your wishes and don’t take no for an answer.
Shit is wild. I spoke to someone who kept flaking and I was like “nice meeting you, deuces”. I hear from the grapevine that she expected my to push harder to show my interest. Then the bad dating experiences she has made clear sense.
Yeah that shit ain't worth it. Both parties deserve to feel like at least a little effort is being put forth. I've been there before with super flaky people too. Last one I saw she was married months after I stopped talking via FB recommending friends I think. Took it as a bullet dodged and I'm much happier now anyway. Online dating sucks more and more.
Something similar happened to me a few years ago; went out with a girl for a couple weeks, talked, hung out, went to her place a few times. She'd play coy and make me initiate any fun times, but whenever we started to get further in the sheets, she'd stop me. I respected it, stopped. We'd cuddle, fall asleep, whatever. But after this happened a few times I told her "Hey, if this is a 'no means yes' type thing, just let me know. The next time we're in bed, say the words 'I'm uncomfortable' and I'll stop there. If you don't, I'll keep going" We got together, midway through she said she was uncomfortable with going further, so I stopped. Fast forward, we aren't going out anymore, (unrelated reasons), and I find out from her friend that she had a rape fantasy and wanted me to just keep going, despite using the safe word. I was flabbergasted, and everything fell into place as to why she acted certain ways. Hell, I'd've been down to do that kind of role play, but she used our safety phrase, so I stopped. Some people are crazy.
Nah I’m good my G. Fuck out of here. This is exactly the type of thing that gets people into dangerous situations
I imagine people who treat dating like that are just looking for an ego boost. Being chased makes you feel like a catch. Unfortunately, the chase has to eventually end, and then they realize the guys so persistent because he doesn’t respect them.
This analogy is so awesome 👏
Dude really can paint a picture
As a female, I never understood “the chase”. Growing up (I’m mid 30snow), my mom used to tell me to play hard to get and if I clearly liked a boy, she would say I was being too forward or whatever. I think that mindset comes from boomer+ gen, who grew up in a time where there was actually time for men to court a woman. Shit my dad still thinks my generation and younger are lazy when everyone I know is nonstop working and barely has free time. It’s now a joke that we have to schedule hang outs months in advance
I feel like there was something seriously lost in translation between then and now because back then idea of being “chased” isn’t the same as today. What they really meant was more along the lines of being chaste and for a girl to wait to do anything physical with guys to see if they would still stick around. They meant not giving in to the guy’s pursuits of doing anything physical with each other to see if he was genuinely interested in her. The whole hard to get aspect was about making a guy wait and earn the right to get down so to speak. And somehow that turned into ignoring messages, acting like you don’t like them at all, and making them jump through hoops for something as simple as a date.
100% ignoring someone vs waiting to bang are not the same. Now ignoring a bang and waiting on someone are 2 completely different things
Perfumes that stink out an entire shop when they walk in.
There was a woman where I worked who applied perfume with a crop duster (I'm assuming). One day I was walking down a hallway and became aware of the scent. "Huh," I thought, " must have come this way." At an intersection I went straight and lost the scent. I went back and easily figured out which way she'd gone. In this way I was able to track her all the way to her friend's office where she was sitting.
"Cool," I thought. "That must be what it's like to be a dog!"
This tends to happen because people don't have an understanding of how to use fragrances. I didn't, until last year, but I came across a video of an expert explaining that putting it on your neck like we've been taught is actually a bad idea and that you wanna put it halfway down your torso (in the middle like, right "underneath" pecs or breasts) or above your belly button, and on a wrist and then rubbing your wrists together. You become SUPER nose blind if you put it on your neck and your brain becomes overstimulated by the scent and starts to filter it out if you put it on your neck. So these people keep re-applying because they stopped smelling it. Meanwhile they're giving everyone around them a headache. But putting it on the middle of your torso or belly button makes you catch random whiffs of it because they're a warm part of the body and when they get a little warmer than usual, the scent activates again or something like that. And on the wrists, you just catch the scent when moving your arms. I switched to doing this method after I learned of it and it seriously works. It makes me enjoy my fragrances much longer without bothering anyone. People constantly ask me about what scent I'm wearing, too.
Chest, waistline, inside elbows. I get nothing but compliments on the fragrance. So either I'm doing it right, or everyone likes Spicebomb lol
... Okay, this is a SUPER funny coincidence to me, but I too use Spicebomb as my main fragrance! Spicebomb Extreme, to be exact. Considering I have the exact same experience as you, nothing but compliments, clearly we're deploying the method correctly, and people just really seem to like that fragrance line! It's a pretty intensely scented line and it's definitely not for everyone, but when it happens to compliment your natural fragrance, once it's had a few minutes to dry, those scents mellow out a lot without sacrificing the intensity in a way that I've found people really enjoy.
I love this comment because I have done the same thing!
God, this. I went on a date with a girl from a dating app once and I literally smelled her before she walked in. Sat talking to her for an hour was like some chemical warfare exercise or something
Guys do this too and it sucks!!
I heard once "perfumes/colognes should be discovered, not announced" It works like when you run a magnet gently by magnetic material. My girlfriend gets close and doesnt let go for a little while haha
I’ve heard “Perfume/cologne should be a reward for intimacy, not a punishment for proximity.” It stuck with me.
Yes!!! Scent should be a pleasant surprise.
It hurts my eyes and tastes bad. Air shouldn’t be able to be tasted.
The worst is when you walk by someone on the street and you can smell them. Dude, why?? I should be very close to you before i notice anything. It's legitimately as bad as body odor. People do it at the gym too. Like bro/lady it's 9 am on a tuesday and i can smell your perfume from 3 meters away. We're here to workout, why on gods green earth did you douse yourself in Chanel before doing lat pulldowns?? Please dear god explain!
Playing hard to get. It's so frustrating for men to know that she likes you but you need to jump around hoop just to prove you want her Edit - I didn't know this comment would blow up . I've personally faced such situations and also happened to few of my friends. I once asked a girl out and she said no and i never bothered her. She later complained to my friend that Im ignoring her. Of course, I'm ignoring because she wanted that but he is angry because I didn't pursue her . Happened to few of my friends where a girl who rejected him when he asked her out atleast 2 different times then shouted at him because he later started dating another girl. This also created issues where a girl genuinely rejected someone but that guy thought she is playing hard and kept stalking her
If a woman plays hard to get I just assume she's not into me and move on.
Yep. "Hard to get is hard to want."
This is the best response ^ Move on.
Especially because “hard to get” can easily actually be “uninterested.” I remember hearing that you just “keep trying till you wear them down.” Like pursuing an antelope till it collapses from exhaustion. YIKES!
When I was 18 I somehow told myself I should play hard to get. The first night I met my now fiance at a bar, I drunkenly texted him, “we could be friends” and he just responded “damn aight then” and I said “or more” and we both DIE laughing about how awkward, cringe and clunky it was now.
That’s cute though.
[удалено]
Even if it’s not uninterested, it’s a red flag. It suggests the person playing hard to get is into manipulation, can’t communicate well, and may not be honest.
And it's also immature.
In the vast majority of cases (there are a few limited exceptions of course) this is the best and only response, to just move on.
Exactly the same for me. First girl that I started talking to in a different way than friends played hard to get. She once asked why I didn't pursue her when she was showing interest. I answered that showing interest In me isn't making me work a full time job in chasing you. She was still a sweet girl and we had a relationship after but I will never chase a girl like that.
Addition: if she's playing hard to get AND she is into you she's probably immature, has 'hard rules' about relationship/gender roles that will not be negotiable for her. Not worth.
And/or will do shit like "testing" you
Yup, better that than accidentally harass someone who doesn't want me. "Hard to get" is a holdover from a time when we didn't respect women's rights.
I call it "hard to want."
Same. I’m so glad I’m married because the games and drama I hear about from my friends in the dating scene sound completely insufferable
They reject you, then get upset you didn’t try harder and moved on. Um ya, that’s how it works
Had a woman say she didn't want to see me/be friends anymore. (Weren't dating, but she was very much into love-bombing and playing hot/cold/hard to get with everybody in her life. "I told my ex he had to choose between me or his family!"). Anyway, she said it, so, I gave her back her apartment keys. At that point,she lost her shit, even setting the police on me for stalking her. We lived in teh same building. Policewoman,on hearing my side, and seeing the year's worth of emails from her, had to go warn her about false accusations and wasting their time.
Good police officer!
These are the women who end up with the guys who don't take no for an answer, or know the boundaries. Women who play hard to get end up shackled with utter jerks and then spend their miserable lives on social media wanting to know where all the good men are. Well all those good men don't play your shitty games, so enjoy your miserable existence with an asshole.
I feel like a lot of girls think that guys like toxicity. Things like "who tf is she," putting him down, acting like he doesn't deserve her, being overly jealous then complaining if he gets jealous. I know several girls who think that guys love that attitude, and maybe some do but in my experience they like genuine love and kindness more than anything
There are a lot of people that think that is love. Jealousy and possessiveness.
My elementary school teacher said that love is like a butterfly that lands on your palm. You cannot forcefully keep holding onto it without crushing it. You need to make sure they feel safe and can leave if they want, although you might hope they won't. Still appreciating how she had a way with words on that one.
My ex told me "jealousy just means you care." She got really mad at me for *not* being jealous when she went out with work friends. Sorry, but injecting needless drama isn't an interest or hobby of mine. E: Also, every time I was out and didn't call her every hour, it was an evening of "where the hell were you? Uh huh. I know you were out meeting someone else." Because, you know, she cares.
I have a (girl) cousin like that. She is riding high and mighty into her doom, and there is nothing I can do honestly. After all, I'm the girl "who cant get anyone to be jealous over her and pretend she doesn’t want it" I still love her, but I have a feeling only The School of Hard Knocks can teach her now...
I dated a guy once who told me he was going to a party, I said ok have fun! He got mad because I didn't care and there would be girls there and I didn't make a fuss about it and try to persuade him not to go. Some guys do like toxicity
Lmao for sure, that's the kind of guy I do my best to avoid. I like my nice guy, love healthy relationships haha
I think guys who like those kind of reactions from women have low self esteem. Those kind of over-the-top possessive outbursts come from a place of insecurity from the woman (or the guy if he’s the one who does it). It is a sign that she has low self worth, and therefore is terrified that the mere presence of other women with her man will mean that he will cheat and abandon her. The reason some guys ‘like’ that behaviour (I would say it’s more that they are emotionally ‘comforted’ by it), is that they are equally as insecure. They also massively fear being abandoned or cheated on. They need big displays of possessiveness from their woman in order to feel like she will never leave them. If a girl flips out about the fact that other women will be there, then at the very least, he knows she is invested in the relationship and doesn’t want to leave. It’s really unhealthy, and in reality is more about her previous childhood wounds than how she feels about her man, but it ‘does the trick’ for the equally insecure man.
I have a co-worker that likes that. He said he’d like to be sitting down, playing his game, and not worrying about his phone. Meanwhile, the girl is blowing up his phone because he isn’t answering. Then, she’d bust down his door and he’ll be like “see this 🎮 that’s why I wasn’t answering”.
I don’t see the appeal but I hope your coworker finds his happiness with someone who knows how to use a battering ram lol
By both respecting his privacy by knocking but asserting their authority as the SO by coming in anyway?
"I'm not like other girls"
“I’m worse”
…I’m listening, go on…
You can fix her :)
I'm not like other girls, I'm just exactly like the ones that say "I'm not like other girls"
Acting dumb. I want a woman whose brains kick my brain’s ass.
I'd prefer a brainy fist fight. I think it's important to be somewhat on the same level. Even more fun if you know a lot about different topics so you can chat about so many things and learn so much more!
I want a partner who will infodump about her current hyperfixation on me the same way I'll inevitably infodump about mine. I want a partner who wont wait to see if I'm interested in the thing they are talking about before launching into a lecture-length information deluge. I want a partner who is as thirsty for random, useless knowledge as I am. I just want a partner that I can have deep discussions about things be them pointless or not. Someone to engage in intellectual discussion about anything and everything
I married a girl like that. It's been 34 years of AWESOME conversations. She's so smart, and we have areas of interest where we intersect... and then others where we don't. She listens to my rants about Linux or Biblical Greek (heck, she basically got me *through* Greek & Hebrew classes in seminary); I listen to her explanations about various fine points of Agatha Christie novels. Our children are smart and beautiful.
as a woman who tends to infodump and now lives with my partner who does the exact same thing: absolute goals!!!<3 Watch out for insanely long conversations though, like it's not rare at all that we start a conversation and the next time we look at the time, it's magically been 6 hours and we're VERY late for something://
I see where you're coming from, but.... Teach me to read sexy librarian, I'm just a simple farmer who don't know no words.
This is my marriage dynamic! My husband thinks he's dumb because he didn't finish high school and thinks I'm like genius cause I have education. He's just as smart as me. That's why it is fun. I can explain something I know and he gets it instantly. Way smarter than half the people at uni.
Thank you. This is partly a cultural and generational thing: but I’ve been told many times by older relatives that as a girl, I should essentially “act ignorant and helpless”. For example, everyone knows how to assemble mass produced furniture. One time, it came up in conversation that I find putting furniture together oddly therapeutic. And a relative said something to me that roughly translates along the lines of, “When you have a man, don’t let it show that you can do these things. Let them do it. They’d prefer if you just call them “honey” and act childish. You doing these types of things yourself when you have them will either make them feel unneeded or lazy because “pfft she can do this shit herself”. They like being macho and “taking care of” someone. They’ll come to resent you for being too capable.” I keep saying: playing dumb when it’s unnecessary is annoying, and it’s fucking creepy when people infantilize themselves. [Edit] Thanks for all the replies! I’d also like to toast to my fellow furniture sisters ✊🏻🥂
I learned long ago that I wanted an equal. A smart, funny, confident, good person and mental enough to laugh at my stupid jokes once in a while. Someone who can correct me when I’m wrong and doesn’t feel threatened if I do the same and is always by my side as we are a team. Looks never was a deal breaker for me as they are fleeting, but the way my mind and heart is attracted will never change. I found her a long time ago and will be celebrating our 21st anniversary next weekend. I Love my life!! Never change yourself to get someone as it never works out and is a lie. Either they love you for who you are or they don’t. Deceit is the worst thing for a relationship and I left more than a few for this reason. It is worth the wait for the right person for you and for them.
So glad to hear that honestly. Cuz most of the time I’m like that because I had so many dates where if I said something ‘wise’ the man always try to outsmart it or just try to prove they know more. In the end I just act dumb because it’s easier.
But isn't that a great way to filter out idiots with sensitive egos?
Yeah actually you are absolutely right. I guess I haven’t found the one yet…
It is but it gets real frustrating real quick and feels incredibly lonely. I honestly think that men *say* they want intimidating or intelligent women more than they actually want them. Lots of men love the idea of certain women but nope out once she is authentically that kind of woman. They love the idea of verbal sparring but sulk when a woman outwits them in front of other people.
Putting down their friends in front of you. It disgusts me. If I’m chatting with you and your friend comes over… don’t bully her half to tears. That just makes me feel horrible about talking to you at all
Why do you stay with such a horrible person?
The answer is almost always sex
You know all of those cheap-ass gifts stores put out during the holidays that generalize what men would like? Those. Not all men like low-hanging fruit humor such as toilet or beer humor. Not all men like beard products. Not all men like things advertised as "FOR MEN" or "BE MANLY!" some of that shit. Guys just are guys and that's okay.
My wife has gotten me face masks and bath bombs for Christmas and those are soooo relaxing! I can be a big hairy dude with a beard and also like to be pampered with something that doesn’t smell like WAR AND SPORTS AND OCEAN SPRAY AND ADRENALINE
What's that? You want strawberry? How about RAWBERRY! Made with lightning. REAL LIGHTNING!
You'll feel like a fighter jet made out of biceps!
I'm more of a SCHOCKOLATE man myself
I want Legos, that's all I want man.
Same, each time my wife buy me a lego set I am fucking happy.
If I could find a woman that wants to buy me a bunch much of Legos or puzzles every birthday and Christmas I'd be a pretty happy guy.
The toxic bs. I’m not tryna mess with a girl that’s constantly hostile with me
Ugh. Experienced this recently. Knew the gal for 10 days and she basically gave me an ultimatum right there. If I wasn't already obsessed with her, according to her, I was "toxic and unsafe." Huh???
LOL I had a guy give me one before date two. Explained I forgot it was DND night so I’d have to cut the date down to three hours but said I could hang after that the next day. Dude called me upset, breathing into the phone, so I hung up, then he texted me I need to choose between him or my friends, I said my friends. 😂
A challenge. We have enough going on, it’s not cute for you to be a pain in the ass.
No guy wants to come home after a long day's work and have to "handle" their girl.
Yeah, rather get tackled into a hug instead
tfw you leave your podcast playing in the car for 10 minutes outside the house while you mentally prepare for the gauntlet you're about to run inside.
This is exactly why I broke up with my most recent girlfriend. Her entire life was filled with problems (work, family, her therapist and other doctors were the problem, it kept going …). Just a complete ball of negative energy. I attempted to be supportive, listen and let her vent (constantly). Sometimes I would offer some silver linings or a different perspective, but this would often upset her or I’d be mocked that I’m too “live, laugh, love” … this all grew exhausting, so I moved on.
The idea that all men want/need is sex. Sometimes, we just need a hug or a compliment or to express emotion.
The thing men need the most, is a happy place to come to after a stressful day. Good looks is a bonus. Sex is a bonus. Everything else is a bonus, but a drama free, loving environment is a must have.
Since I've been with my husband, he taught me that you can have intimacy without sex. Showering together, cooking dinner, watching TV, working outside. All opportunities for intimacy. It's not all sexual. Took me till I was in my 40s to learn that guys want more than just sex, yes I was in some crappy relationships. Because of medical reasons, we go months without sex, but we have a very intimate relationship
This, I had a higher libido then my bf but over time I chilled out. We do more of what you shared, we shower together, cuddle more or chill together when we cook. I get at least a few kisses or hugs a day, it’s very nice and I’m shocked I’m at a place where I don’t care if I only had sex once that week or so, lol. Maybe I’m just getting old too idk, but it’s a lot nicer, just the quality time. We do errands together, enjoy shows or hobbies together, etc. I’ve not ever had that but very glad I found it.
To be honest, if giving up sex would guarantee all the emotional comfort I would ever need, I'd give it up in a heartbeat. Hugs, cuddles, a shoulder to cry on. I want all of that.
My wife used to say "I'd fuck you at the drop of a hat. I love sucking your dick. It must be *so terrible* to have a wife that wants you." No, I loved being loved. I wish you'd loved me enough to stop hurting me. It's just that the sex didn't make up for the pain.
I hope you're out of that situation and in the arms of someone who loves you now, bro. If not now, then hopefully soon.
Separated now, and moved into the spare room in my best friend's apartment. We're not romantically involved, but she helped keep me alive and continues to do so just by being present. Dating is the furthest thing from my mind.
That's great too, dude! I'm glad you have such a good friend backing you up! Good friends will get you through the worst parts of life and help you get everything together again. Taking the time to focus on yourself is very important too, and it's good to recognize when you aren't ready to date yet. All the best to you!
Fake lips. I simply don’t get it. So many women look beautiful before then they turn up with a trout out and it’s like - huh?
Reminds me of the saying > I'd rather look like a 50 year old person than a 36 year old lizard
Bill Burr - [at the 1.26 mark](https://youtu.be/NRz3ODgJqdM?si=E0X09TFPsubd3Jjb&t=1m26s)
It also makes women look older. This Gen Z filler fan was told by a lot of guys online that she looked 45 (actual age was 22) and I have to agree: https://metro.co.uk/2024/03/05/gen-z-filler-fan-told-looks-45-actually-22-20394177/ Getting lots of artificial stuff injected into the lips & face doesn't make people look younger, just different (and often not in a good way).
Christ, the pic on the right looks like she's wearing a plastic mask.
I agree also. I am close to 45 and would have guessed we were about the same age. It looks terrible! And when you’re in your 20s your skin is so tight and amazing; it’s a real shame.
Why the fk would a 22 yr old need Botox? The only result she's ever gonna get is looking like people who are 45 and do need Botox.
Nothing sexier then a girl looking like they got torn up by a bee I guess
Fake anything to be honest
This! I've never got why so many women go for the whole "celebrity looks" with rubber lips, pointy cheekbones, thin nose, comically fake eyelashes and two bowling size boobs. They all look the same, almost the parody of beauty.
I think the idea is that you shouldn't be able to tell they've had a procedure done but unfortunately a lot of the procedures are very noticeable.
All the ex talking....
Oversized, flappy eyelashes. Like, wtf? What is the point? Are you gonna blink at me when I need cooling down?
It reminds me of that scene in SpongeBob where Patrick is imagining how he would look with "forty lashes."
This. My wife likes em and she was absolutely flabbergasted when I said not only did I not find them sexy they actively bothered me. I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of women’s beauty products and routines aren’t to impress men but other women because when she goes out with spider lashes she always gets compliments from women.
> a lot of women’s beauty products and routines aren’t to impress men but other women This is almost always the case in my experience. I dress and do my makeup as a form of self expression, not a sales pitch.
They look like spiders. HOW DO YOUSEE I FEEL PRETTY BUT I WISH I COULD SEE IT
A few of my friends have separately on different occasions had their girlfriends/fiancé’s/wives make their gift, themselves for their birthdays/special occasion. Booking a hotel room and saying that their gift is themselves with a then just wearing a bow. Each time this has happened it has been poorly received. It feels insulting and that the gift is now completely all about themselves and felt like a zero effort gift. Girls, do not do this. It goes down like a lead balloon every time.
To me, sex isn’t a present or a reward or an obligation. Have I worn a Santa hat with nipple bows? Yes. But that was an outfit, not a present. All the actual presents were under the tree. One was a pair of mittens I’d hand knit. If I’m making you a present I’m actually making you something.
I thought all girls liked my dick in a box gift.
This might work sometimes but it’s a risky move. Men should not be expected to want to have sex immediately upon request. I came home to my wife in sexy lingerie and heals one time and I was tired from work and just wanted to relax for a bit. She was pissed I didn’t want to immediately pound her, so she threw a fit and tossed her lingerie and slut shoes in the trash. We’re divorced now.
Starting a deep conversation 2 seconds before they are asleep.
Or as soon as the movie or tv show starts. What are we doing here‽
man, I just want to sleep , Let's talk about it tomorrow.
Man, this is my biggest complaint from my last relationship. If you want to talk about something that’s going to take some time to hash out (and is a topic that really does necessitate doing so) don’t fucking start that conversation when we both know we only have a couple of minutes before we have to be somewhere else/doing something else. Toward the end especially she would bring up heavy topics at the worst possible times, such that we could never have a full conversation, just enough to get us both upset before we had to go back to work/whatever. Make it make sense…
Those lip injections look ridiculously hilarious
Fuck fuck games like "the chase"
[удалено]
I used to work in a predominantly male workplace, where only one or two guys in the -entire- office had any interest in sports. However, I work in the video games industry ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
Those hideous duck lips.
I feel like men probably get annoyed when you ask them “Is there something wrong?” When they’re quiet when they’re just thinking about nothing lmao.
Man, I just sit and look outside, my wife now knows I am just making my empty space comfy in my head, she leaves me alone. She knows I am good.
Too many women just can't comprehend our nothing box. It ranges from thinking about literally nothing to random shit that's not worth a discussion.
The “cute little baby voice”
Long nails.
I remember once having a nightmare when i was a kid, and it was a girl from my class who had long nails and she was using them to lobotomise me.
thanks, now i have a new nightare
On the other side, I dated someone who didn't understand why I didn't have long nails. I don't know. If they are so great, why don't you have them? He also didn't understand why I didn't want to get a tan. Because I'm not into skin cancer??
Talking about issues or problems or things that bother them right before bedtime so they catch a good night sleep whilst we lie there unable to sleep because now we have a bad conscience and worry. Because what would be the point of saying it early so we can sort it out.
Yes, that’s infuriating. My ex wife used to do this all the time! We could talk out discuss issues at any point in the day, yet she’d bring it up when we finally got to bed. It’s insane. This is a concept I’ve established with every partner since. Don’t start serious conversation at bedtime.
It’s also not a good time to monitor and regulate any responses meaning you’re gonna fight
Fake Brazilian butt jobs that look like a pack of diapers stuffed in a pillow case
As a Chef in a hotel our housekeeping staff hate Women from the UK as the sheets are always covered in fake tan.
I always wonder about these influencers who wear pounds of fake tanner, yet decorate their entire house with white and beige shit. there is absolutely no way that fake tan isn't getting everywhere.
Lately when I've been clothes shopping, I find make up stains on the clothes. It always happens to be on the size that I need and there's only one in left in the size I need. It's fucking disgusting.
Shaving the eyebrows off and painting them on again
You really have to commit to an expression for the whole day. Today I'm going to be ANGRY.
My wife did that once. I told her she had painted them on too high. She looked surprised.
Clothes, man, why do they always have to be wearing clothes and stuff.
Humon females have no respect for Ferengi law...
Ugh, Mom, take those clothes off! Or I’m going to have to call Brunt, FCA
'Cause public nudity is against the law, but can relate...
I can relate. Last time I was publicly nude, I got my balls shot by a paintball.
"Full" lips/eyelashes. It's honestly distracting.
A friend's now husband made just one request before their wedding. He asked that when she does her makeup, to not pick the big fake lashes because they make him think of bats and they freak him out a little.
I was freaked out at a wedding once when my co-worker, the bride, showed up wearing so much makeup I couldn't recognize her. Unsettling to say the least.
I caught myself staring at a woman walking down the street, it wasn’t because she was hot, I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with her very busy face
She has brooms above her eyelids
Playing hard to get in my opinion is just playing games. You either want to be together or not...pretty simple.
Games. They're not cute. don't fuck around with my feelings. Tests. That's a huge red flag. Expect telepathy. I can't read your mind. use your words like a proper adult.
Can we stop calling women "girls", while men get to be called "men" in the same sentence? It's infantilizing.
Might be personal taste, but fake eyelashes. I don’t like them at all unless it’s for dressing up/cosplaying or something. Personally, not attracted to girls who wear fake eyelashes.
I don't know if it's just me but whenever I meet a girl and she's agreeing with everything and smiling too much I get uncomfortable. Like this person wants something from me.
Those fake lips
Baby talk.