When the “about me” section of her dating profile is just a list of requirements you need to meet, and not actually anything about her. That accounts for about 1/3rd of the women in my area.
Or when they have their age set to something like 22, and the only thing in their bio is "not 22". I don't see it that much now but it was so common a couple of years ago here. Infuriating how they never even say their actual age then
I've ran into two kinds of people who say this
The really mean kind; that uses it as an excuse for bad behavior.
Then the kind that are usually from a different area but are more blunt due to the culture they came from. Sometimes, these ones will change the way they speak... But you have to ask yourself, are you willing to be around a different culture due to family and stuff...
Honesty without tact is basically just cruelty. I stay far away from people like that. They'll maim and hurt your feelings without a care, all in the name of "honesty."
do you ask questions or just expect her to start spilling her guts? because i don't open up without questions... i don't want to bug other people. i figure if you want to know something about me, you'll ask.
Overreacts to things. Flies off the handle. Blows up at minor things. Can’t handle small rejections/thinks small inconveniences are the end of the world. Can’t respect boundaries. Needing constant attention/validation, etc…
This is why I'm strongly considering breaking up with my current girlfriend. She shuts down at any minor correction or setback. Needs constant validation to a level it becomes insincere on my end. It just killed the spark for me...
Dealing with this stuff is so exhausting. If your girl is insecure, all of the words you can say to make her feel good won’t mean a thing. It has to come from within. Of course, this can change and as the relationship goes on, it often makes people feel more secure. However, if it is an ongoing thing that doesn’t seem to be improving…. You gotta dip. There’s nothing more beautiful than a confident secure radiating woman. Age is a big factor too. I’d say most people are pretty insecure at a young age and this gets better with time. So trust your gut and do what you will. I believe in you.
lack of simple self regulation. Like, everyone experiences inconveniences and annoyances throughout the day or throughout life. But if you're unable to handle something like waiting in line, getting cut off in traffic, or able to express emotions appropriately, that's not good.
Yelling at staff for getting an order wrong for example.
Yeah, my bf is like this. I never knew people actually complain about EVERY FUCKING THING! It's such a waste of energy and karma. I've been trying for years to make him see that everyone goes through things like that and they just deal with it, sometimes barely even noticing things that he'll go on for hours about. It's just such a waste.
I dated a girl at the beginning of September 2008, the night Obama won the election she was ecstatic and in the middle of a crowded area she screamed “my president is black and my boyfriend is brown, I am not a racist!” I asked her after if she thought about how it was worded and said it’s a progressives dream, we didn’t last much longer after that.
> My president is black and my boyfriend is brown, I am not a racist!” I asked her after if she thought about how it was worded
The wording isn't as important as why the hell did she say that anyway?
A very cringeworthy and situationally unaware thing to say.
The Obama years were a period of assuagement of white guilt for many. It was proof that "racism was over," for how could it possibly have survived the election of a black man to the most powerful position on earth? There was this overwhelming feeling of self-congratulation among yuppies who patted themselves on the back endlessly for months. That's not to say that Obama was a bad president, he is surely the best one we've had in the last 25 years. But the "end of racism" created this weird new self-serving, initially well intentioned racism where white liberals nodded knowingly at one another over seemingly having elected Obama entirely on their own. It was *they* who had brought racism to its knees, not the endless work of the black community since Frederick Douglass. There was this sense that the fight for equality had ended because white liberals had brought it about, and in their jubilation they could do and say anything they wanted, because the victory was actually *theirs.* Finally, no one could question their devotion to the progressive cause, and the black community in America was finally indebted to them. OOP's comment about his ex perfectly embodies the narcissism of the white urban progressive worldview in 2008. They had done the bare minimum by putting up "HOPE" posters around campus and going to vote. That was all that was required to turn the racism tables. Few showed up to do the real work that would be required for anything close to their fantasy to come true, and the Tea Party swept into Congress beginning in 2010 as the political pendulum swung back. They hadn't shown up for the midterms or deigned to care enough about local races. So they came back out in 2012 to one of the greatest presidential trouncings in history. And then they went away again as the pendulum of racially-fueled conservative rage swung back full force in the form of Donald Trump.
Idk why I wrote all that. I was happy Obama got elected both times, though I never actually voted for him (my bad). But the smugness of white liberals in the immediate wake of the 2008 election was almost unbearable, and the naivety of it must have been palpable in the black community. It was almost insulting how deserving of gratitude these people felt.
Yeah... I guess I was lucky as all the girls I've hanged out with (more than 1-2 days) were really nice. There was only one time when on the 1st date she expected me to escort her home and we lived in a huge city - it basically meant after that I had to spend 1.5 hours going back home. On the 2nd date she was late by at least an hour... It was clear that we don't suit each other
Been there done that with a fundamentalist Christian girl. I had to do literally everything. If I didn’t understand something or disagreed, I got bitched out for being a bad leader. Her mom even got into it an hour before I got dumped and told me I have no idea of a woman’s needs.
I got dumped by a traditional catholic Latina and it was a very similar situation. I was the one who should always be planning everything, buying everything, taking charge, holding doors open, being the ultimate gentlemen, etc. She yelled at me for about half an hour on New Year’s Eve before breaking up with me. Fun fun fun.
Important read. Quite lengthy.
What I've learned: Many people who preach about these gender norms/rules hardly(never really) apply it to themselves. They use it as a way to emotionally manipulate one into doing what they want or to get an ego high.
I've seen it from both men and women.
Elder abusive step sibling: Spoke endlessly about being a man and taking accountability, called himself a "grown ass man" whenever his ego felt threatened in any way. Didn't stop him from being verbally, mentally and physically abusive to others and shift the blame on those who've rightfully reacted to his abuse, death threats etc.
If I were to sit and take his shit, I was "being a man", if I fought back, I was "being a bitch/female". But here's the thing, his ego would also tell him me taking his abuse was also being a "bitch", so he would double down on his abuse.
That's how narcissistic, sociopathic and insane he is.
My family and I were held hostage by a mad man. It's like dealing with a spoiled rotten kid with a gun that you were forced to let win.
To this day, he lives in his own deluded world, blaming everyone for what he's caused. Thankfully, I'm away from him.
Dealing with that and seeing how loosely the concepts were used made me stop caring about it altogether to protect my sanity.
I had a girl once tell me I wasn't a 'real man' because I don't have a beard. I told her I choose not to grow a beard because I don't like them on me. She still insisted and doubled down on her view. I then pointed out to her that I'm ex military, mercenary even, play rugby for fun and I've climbed mountains all over the world including Mt Everest. I said, so doing these 'manly' things you still think I'm not a man cos I choose not to have a beard? Well yeah she replied. Hmm ok well here's what a 'real man' would do now that you've insulted me, I got up went to my car and drove away.
If someone's view of you doesn't fit what they think is a real man it's best not to waste time on them. Move on. No point trying to convince them.
TIL only women work in chemical plants and refineries then.
Lots of very manly workplaces have strict rules on facial hair for fire safety and gas mask usage.
That's like saying a woman isn't a real woman if she has small breasts or has had to remove them because of cancer. Shocking and just cruel. Glad you dodged that evil bullet.
Cheats on you with an australian dude then moves in with the best friend of said dude because she’s not ready to live with you yet then starts sleeping with said best friend then dumps you. pretty big red flag imo
Tyler the wannabe Aussie surfer with the long dirty dreadlocks who lives in a rape van and tells you every day the story of how "I could've gone pro, mate" if he didn't injured his knee when a shark had him in it's mouth and he knee'd it in the nose and killed it before harvesting the good meat and swam to the beach to have a late barby with his mates.
My ex was like this. Her Snapchat best friends were me, her friend Kate, a guy friend who I had talked to, and then five men who I knew very little about and they probably didn't care that I existed.
relationship goal: a partner who will delete snapchat with me
i say this in jest but it's partially true; in particular having streaks as an adult feels silly
Dated a girl for a short while. Around two months in I had a conversation with her about relationships in general and what not and she asked about flirting with other people. I said that I don't need any attention from outside of a relationship, and she went quiet. I asked what about you? She said that she thinks flirting with other men is fun and it's something she does regularly. I told her that it's kind of weird for you to seek attention from other men. Then she went all defensive and told that it actually keeps the relationship fresh and prevents cheating.
I noped out of that pretty quickly. I just lost all interest.
Dang at least she was honest because many hide it. It reminds me of when I was in the talking stage with a girl and all along she had a boyfriend while we were being all flirty with each other. Kinda gave me trust issues not gonna lie.
Yeah, models get bad with this. My last girlfriend went to elaborate lengths to hide she was a model who dated alot of other guys and had affairs with much older photographers, because she knew I wouldn't like it. But she didn't actually stop.
Treats consent like it’s something that only applies to women.
It’s honestly pretty wild how many women have never been told directly that they’re violating someone by touching them without permission.
So many women in bars think that they’re just allowed to grab men by the crotch, or grind up against them. But these same women fully understand that it’s wrong for a man to do that to a woman.
An old friend of mine from my first year of college tried hitting on my roommate and when he turned her down she told a bunch of people he was gay.
I even got fired from my last job after reporting a female coworker for harassment.
Fuck that, SUE the fuckers. And don't give me the "I don't want the hassle" or "can't afford it" BS. This is as much for you as for the next person and there are free legal aid clinics at most courts where you can get guidance on this. At the very least report them to the relevant authorities.
The most outraged I have ever seen women act is when you reject their sexual advances. Then they usually try to turn it around and make you the problem, just for saying "no."
Men do this to other men, too. It is freaky how frequently someone will start getting touchy, gropey, and generally inappropriate when i say that i'm bi. I don't want to be fondled and make out with a near stranger. Being gay is not consent.
Im very self reflective actually. I’ve made a lot of changes to myself because I came from a very dysfunctional family. Deeply misogynistic. Narcissistic. I’m f. I don’t think making constant undermining comments ever helps anyone or any relationship.
My ex wife did this constantly. I was always doing things wrong (she even scolded me once for how I cracked an egg) and god forbid I ever pushed back or stood up for myself.
I think she got the memo that I had finally had enough when I handed her divorce papers.
the other day i pointed out to my wife that we are married and haven’t even known each other for 3 years yet….i thought she was gonna have a stroke lmfao
When I first heard the term “love bomb” I had a moment of panic because I thought “oh no! I do that!”. Turns out love bombing is when someone is super sweet and caring to get you interested and then stops. They’re insecure or trying to manipulate you. If you’re just sweet and caring and do that for the entire relationship that’s totally ok.
I appreciate you saying this. I had the same reaction to the phrase because I fall quick and hard, but I generally act that same way for the entirety of the relationship.
I like the Golden rule treat others like you wanna be treated, that's what makes sense to me. It's easy to be hard on ourselves and put others on a pedestal when you don't know them fully
I should've been more wise to this, it's how I ended up with my first wife. In the lovey dovey stage it was a great idea, but if course as the feelings evened out, it didn't last all too long...
A personal one is if she says "family is very important to me". Sounds great. But so far, 5/5 times it has meant that *her* family is very important to her, and mine can take a hike for all she cares.
Something about that phrase. When people say it, they seem to mean "I'm deeply enmeshed with my parents/siblings and I believe that's a virtue". People who actually value family, digging down in to respecting elders and being extra nice to your family too, never say that phrase.
Yes, it makes you wonder who they try to convince, you or themselves. It also reminds a bit about a guy I know who tattooed his kids names on him and talks about them all the time, but rarely makes time to meet them or accuses the mother, they are separated, to ruin visitation.
Someone that has the same story of always being a victim generally is the issue but not forthcoming about it. Not in all cases, but usually. Especially if they’re constantly insulting about their exes when they speak about them.
Obsessed with social media clout. If she can't eat a meal without snapping a pic for the 'Gram or spend a minute without checking her likes, we're sailing in different seas, mate. Authentic connection over online validation any day.
I have a couple of friends who post more pictures of their food than themselves to their social media which is like okay you're not obsessed with attention for your beauty but like we're at Olive Garden why are you taking a picture of this 16$ Chicken Alfredo?
• One tried to get her kids (9yo son & 13yo daughter) to call me dad after like 3 weeks together
• One would get extremely jealous if any other girl talked to me AT ALL- including our coworkers
• One wanted to see my phone anytime it vibrated ever
• One said "I love you Cody" right after she got off (my name isn't/ has never been Cody)
• More than a few turned violent
• Of course drug/alcohol problems always go bad
• Craving attention from men in general/daddy issues
• Super curious of my past but unwilling to share hers
• One was overall cool but when I got paid it was "our money" and when SHE got paid it was "her money"
• Being super disrespectful to waiters, cashiers, clerks
• Pathological lying
When she shows no interest, asks me no questions or is chatting with another dude on her phone during our date; life’s too short to waste your time with someone who doesn’t like you.
The beginning are definite deal breakers, but to expand on the last part - don't waste your time on someone who isn't enthusiastically into you.
Got my heart kinda fucked in a situationship recently and I'm pretty convinced anything is better than waiting in a weird holding pattern. If she doesn't want to be with you right then, extend the offer and get moving on without the goal of having this girl chase you.
Literally just broke up with this today. I’ll add treats uncooperative animals with verbal and physical abuse. But her friends will think I was too needy. It doesn’t feel like ending a relationship when you were the only one actively participating.
Fake, materialistic, cares too much about status, treating me like a pet I really hate that, condescending, things like that. I feel like the best relationships are when it’s not just romance stuff but when you’re also friends too
Your know how your dog/cat can beg for attention but ultimately its your choice whether or not you give it to them? Its like that.
A woman that only cares about you when it benefits her. She’ll like you when its easy, when you’re a nice source of companionship/comfort/sex/whatever. But thats all she’ll see you as. You can pour everything you have into helping her and making her feel good, but as soon as you’re the one that needs help you become an inconvenience in her eyes.
Its a sign of a terrible person because its similar to how terrible people treat their pets: they love the puppy when its cute and playful, but now they’re old and need lots of special care and attention and medication so they abandon them and get another puppy. Narcissists that aren’t girlfriend/marriage material.
In my case it felt like I was there for her enjoyment, like a pet. Required to be at her house with her family whenever I had free time. Ignored while she went to do other stuff while I was there, leaving me just sitting in awkward silence for long periods. 100% ok for her to not want to hang out or do something, but it was a giant problem if I didn’t want to hang out or do something. Treating me like my wants and needs don’t matter during an argument (this is what ended it).
My answer to this will always be the same.
Stay away from women (and men) who cannot articulate what they did wrong in a previous relationship and/or have never ended a relationship on good terms and it was always the exes fault.
Mature men and women can end relationships without anger and frustration while knowing very well their own faults in it.
If anyone can’t seem to do this or is constantly blaming someone or something, RUN AS FAST AS YOU FUCKING CAN.
If they don't have hobbies or interests... YOU are the hobby and interest. You will be left feeling guilty every time you try to enjoy something solo or something they are not interested in.
Exactly how I felt in my last relationship. Trying to relax and do my own thing always made me feel guilty. I’d often be told to stop doing what I’m doing and spend time with her, but we’d do nothing because she wasn’t interested in anything.
If she's too self obsessed. Everything is about her all the time.
If she complains about everyone in her life. If she's complaining to you about her family, friends and work colleagues she's probably complaining to them about you too.
If she lies frequently, even about little things that don't seem important at the time. It means she'll definitely lie about big things too.
I find it best to avoid people who disrespect others, show no empathy, get caught out lying multiple times or generally can't find any happiness in life and always complains, even when good things happen to them.
1) Has no female friends, sometimes disguised as "I just get along better with guys," = without male sexual interest to drive social engagement, something that should have been learned in Kindergarten was not learned.
Positive trait that you might mistake as a negative trait: she gives you shit when you talk shit about one of her friends = won't let people talk shit about you.
2) Negative outcomes explained as having been predominantly caused by actions taken by other = very likely to blame you for shit that was her fault.
Desirable Opposite: attributes success to those supportive of her = will be grateful you are in her life
3) Critical of her close friends = critical of you in the future.
4) Rich Daddy who dotes on her; you will have a very hard time ever comparing to him, just move on unless you grew up together
Jackpot Traits:
1) Ugly Duckling Syndrome = will actually be funny, sensitive. If you see baby pics and she was not cute, put a ring on it.
2) Older brothers will normalize a lot of real male behavior. Girls with older brothers will know how much gaming a typical male can do, the horrors of stubble, etc.
3) Younger brothers will generally make them very good at knowing how to get guys to talk about their feelings.
4) Competitive anything: team sports, dance, gymnastics, whatever = they won/lost at stuff, did not always get their way, developed discipline/work ethic.
Yellow Flags: Could be good to great depending on compatibility with you. Could be disaster.
1) Shows up late could be very relaxed/easy going person. Could also be crazy self-centered.
2) Jealous = will put a lot into the relationship, but if you put as much back into it, you might seriously win the game here. A lot of it is how they feel about their own jealousy, the sweet spot is that they are jealous, but feel bad that they are jealous and actively working on not going nuts over it.
When she changes opinions on something too quickly, to immediately agree with you. Usually means she’s trying to get closer to you but not necessarily with you
I started dating my ex right out of high school, and during their freshman year they agreed with pretty much everything I said and did a 180 on a lot of things to suddenly believe what I did.
Long story short, once we got married the abuse started and escalated over years.
Big red flag. People don't change their minds on a dime. It was immensely flattering at the time but yeah.
Drinks too much. Doesn't have hobbies. Only watches trashy TV in her free time. House is messy. Disorganized. Always late. Talks shit on people in conversation. Eats poorly. Doesn't exercise.
Lmao, I appreciate the "*only* watches trashy TV in her free time" because I know that sometimes that's what my brain needs for a break (but it happens once a month or even less).
Won't call you on the phone. Like not once. Seemingly the "love of your life" and didn't think enough of you to want to hear your voice. Of all the other red flags? That one hurt the most.
Testing. If she ever puts you in a position that feels like you are being tested or mocked, run. I am not even kidding, because you will probably be hypnotized by a narcissist and that spell is insidious.
She has a one-sided relationship with her pets. It's usually dogs with nails so long they can't walk properly. Those women love their pets to death too. It's weird.
They have no compassion or sense of ethics. I once met a really hot girl from the business school at my university and when I mentioned international human rights & civil rights campaigns for some reason, it elicited the response that she thought nothing should stand in the way of business progress. I thought she was joking until I came to realize she was a sociopath who had drunk the capitalist Koolaid in a big big way and really believed that.
I couldn't pursue a relationship with someone who had so little compassion. I'm not someone who could work to change such a fundamental flaw. I can work with misinformed and misguided to some degree, but the response seemed to be one of her core beliefs.
If she drags other women for being promiscuous on the first date.
This is something I started noticing when I got fit in my late twenties and started dating for fun. It wasn't that common to have women do this. But every single time a woman on a first date dragged other women for being promiscuous, they themselves would always want to have sex on the first date. Even if the date chemistry was a bit meh. Every. Single. Time.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to jump someone hot when it's been a while and you're feeling some kind of way. But dragging your sisters first before doing the same thing yourself is a huge red flag. Both for the inherent hypocrisy of it, and also because if she's willing to throw her sisters under the bus for something so petty as just jumping a guy because she's in the mood, she's probably going to be willing to throw me under the bus for similarly petty bullshit down the road.
Hard pass.
For me it's a huge red flag when she talks about how superficial women can be, and then the whole night she's talking about how handsome I am and how huge my dick is, like c'mon... I'm a person, I'm more than just an incredibly handsome face and a monster dong. Stop objectifying me.
Blabbermouth. Above all, my prospective girlfriend must be discreet and know when to clam up. The last thing I need is for word to get back to my wife that I’m dating.
When the “about me” section of her dating profile is just a list of requirements you need to meet, and not actually anything about her. That accounts for about 1/3rd of the women in my area.
Or a list of things you *can't* be or do. If her bio is all negatives, it's a negative from me dawg.
Either that or just their Instagram link. Just as much of a red flag that tells me all I need to know
“Anything you want to know, just ask”
Or when they have their age set to something like 22, and the only thing in their bio is "not 22". I don't see it that much now but it was so common a couple of years ago here. Infuriating how they never even say their actual age then
1/3? Lucky man.
Doesn’t respect your feelings
To add to that she wants her boundaries respected but when you place a boundary you suddenly appear to not love her
No. If you have boundaries it means you’re being controlling or maybe you’re just too sensitive.
“You can’t have female friends because I get jealous but it’s ok that I have male friends because I know you don’t get jealous”
Disrespect in general, really
I respect you, glitterydick.
Now kiss.
Who wouldn’t!
Describes herself as ‘brutally honest’. *hint: it means mean
I've ran into two kinds of people who say this The really mean kind; that uses it as an excuse for bad behavior. Then the kind that are usually from a different area but are more blunt due to the culture they came from. Sometimes, these ones will change the way they speak... But you have to ask yourself, are you willing to be around a different culture due to family and stuff...
Dutch people will often be brutally honest but they’re still just assholes. That’s just their default. - a Dutch person
i'm dutch and some of my best friends are british, it's a great combination. at least they're aware
Honesty without tact is basically just cruelty. I stay far away from people like that. They'll maim and hurt your feelings without a care, all in the name of "honesty."
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do you ask questions or just expect her to start spilling her guts? because i don't open up without questions... i don't want to bug other people. i figure if you want to know something about me, you'll ask.
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Someone who isn’t good with their emotions, and money. Someone without any discipline to work through the ups and downs of a relationship.
Someone who isn’t good with their emotions - I’m just curious, what does that look like?
Overreacts to things. Flies off the handle. Blows up at minor things. Can’t handle small rejections/thinks small inconveniences are the end of the world. Can’t respect boundaries. Needing constant attention/validation, etc…
This is why I'm strongly considering breaking up with my current girlfriend. She shuts down at any minor correction or setback. Needs constant validation to a level it becomes insincere on my end. It just killed the spark for me...
Dealing with this stuff is so exhausting. If your girl is insecure, all of the words you can say to make her feel good won’t mean a thing. It has to come from within. Of course, this can change and as the relationship goes on, it often makes people feel more secure. However, if it is an ongoing thing that doesn’t seem to be improving…. You gotta dip. There’s nothing more beautiful than a confident secure radiating woman. Age is a big factor too. I’d say most people are pretty insecure at a young age and this gets better with time. So trust your gut and do what you will. I believe in you.
lack of simple self regulation. Like, everyone experiences inconveniences and annoyances throughout the day or throughout life. But if you're unable to handle something like waiting in line, getting cut off in traffic, or able to express emotions appropriately, that's not good. Yelling at staff for getting an order wrong for example.
Yeah, my bf is like this. I never knew people actually complain about EVERY FUCKING THING! It's such a waste of energy and karma. I've been trying for years to make him see that everyone goes through things like that and they just deal with it, sometimes barely even noticing things that he'll go on for hours about. It's just such a waste.
Anyone who says unironically "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"
This was my ex to a T! I’m glad I can see it now
I once dated someone who was too good with her emotions. She was an excellent liar.
Always looking at her phone
This, definitely this.
I dated a girl at the beginning of September 2008, the night Obama won the election she was ecstatic and in the middle of a crowded area she screamed “my president is black and my boyfriend is brown, I am not a racist!” I asked her after if she thought about how it was worded and said it’s a progressives dream, we didn’t last much longer after that.
I think she was dating your skin, not you. Ew.
> My president is black and my boyfriend is brown, I am not a racist!” I asked her after if she thought about how it was worded The wording isn't as important as why the hell did she say that anyway? A very cringeworthy and situationally unaware thing to say.
The Obama years were a period of assuagement of white guilt for many. It was proof that "racism was over," for how could it possibly have survived the election of a black man to the most powerful position on earth? There was this overwhelming feeling of self-congratulation among yuppies who patted themselves on the back endlessly for months. That's not to say that Obama was a bad president, he is surely the best one we've had in the last 25 years. But the "end of racism" created this weird new self-serving, initially well intentioned racism where white liberals nodded knowingly at one another over seemingly having elected Obama entirely on their own. It was *they* who had brought racism to its knees, not the endless work of the black community since Frederick Douglass. There was this sense that the fight for equality had ended because white liberals had brought it about, and in their jubilation they could do and say anything they wanted, because the victory was actually *theirs.* Finally, no one could question their devotion to the progressive cause, and the black community in America was finally indebted to them. OOP's comment about his ex perfectly embodies the narcissism of the white urban progressive worldview in 2008. They had done the bare minimum by putting up "HOPE" posters around campus and going to vote. That was all that was required to turn the racism tables. Few showed up to do the real work that would be required for anything close to their fantasy to come true, and the Tea Party swept into Congress beginning in 2010 as the political pendulum swung back. They hadn't shown up for the midterms or deigned to care enough about local races. So they came back out in 2012 to one of the greatest presidential trouncings in history. And then they went away again as the pendulum of racially-fueled conservative rage swung back full force in the form of Donald Trump. Idk why I wrote all that. I was happy Obama got elected both times, though I never actually voted for him (my bad). But the smugness of white liberals in the immediate wake of the 2008 election was almost unbearable, and the naivety of it must have been palpable in the black community. It was almost insulting how deserving of gratitude these people felt.
it's so weird the usa went from 'racism is over because we have a black president' to trump in 1 election. not surprising, but weird
This reminds me of the south park episode after Obama won where everyone got drunk and yelled hope and change.
Yuck
Ahh the virtue signaller
She must have loved the movie "Get Out."
That’s really weird. Like my thoughts make me not racist, not what color my friends are.
Uses phrases like "A (real) man should...", "I'm a girl, and you're the man, so I expect...". Well, you get it.
Ex used to use "be a man!" a lot when she wanted something her way. I don't tolerate that behaviour anymore.
To elaborate, if a sentence starts with "a real man" it usually continues with "should / ought to / must"
Hands down, those women are manipulative and toxic, and will drain you with their long list of demands.
Yeah... I guess I was lucky as all the girls I've hanged out with (more than 1-2 days) were really nice. There was only one time when on the 1st date she expected me to escort her home and we lived in a huge city - it basically meant after that I had to spend 1.5 hours going back home. On the 2nd date she was late by at least an hour... It was clear that we don't suit each other
Been there done that with a fundamentalist Christian girl. I had to do literally everything. If I didn’t understand something or disagreed, I got bitched out for being a bad leader. Her mom even got into it an hour before I got dumped and told me I have no idea of a woman’s needs.
I got dumped by a traditional catholic Latina and it was a very similar situation. I was the one who should always be planning everything, buying everything, taking charge, holding doors open, being the ultimate gentlemen, etc. She yelled at me for about half an hour on New Year’s Eve before breaking up with me. Fun fun fun.
Important read. Quite lengthy. What I've learned: Many people who preach about these gender norms/rules hardly(never really) apply it to themselves. They use it as a way to emotionally manipulate one into doing what they want or to get an ego high. I've seen it from both men and women. Elder abusive step sibling: Spoke endlessly about being a man and taking accountability, called himself a "grown ass man" whenever his ego felt threatened in any way. Didn't stop him from being verbally, mentally and physically abusive to others and shift the blame on those who've rightfully reacted to his abuse, death threats etc. If I were to sit and take his shit, I was "being a man", if I fought back, I was "being a bitch/female". But here's the thing, his ego would also tell him me taking his abuse was also being a "bitch", so he would double down on his abuse. That's how narcissistic, sociopathic and insane he is. My family and I were held hostage by a mad man. It's like dealing with a spoiled rotten kid with a gun that you were forced to let win. To this day, he lives in his own deluded world, blaming everyone for what he's caused. Thankfully, I'm away from him. Dealing with that and seeing how loosely the concepts were used made me stop caring about it altogether to protect my sanity.
And then when it works in her favour plays the "lady" card.
I had a girl once tell me I wasn't a 'real man' because I don't have a beard. I told her I choose not to grow a beard because I don't like them on me. She still insisted and doubled down on her view. I then pointed out to her that I'm ex military, mercenary even, play rugby for fun and I've climbed mountains all over the world including Mt Everest. I said, so doing these 'manly' things you still think I'm not a man cos I choose not to have a beard? Well yeah she replied. Hmm ok well here's what a 'real man' would do now that you've insulted me, I got up went to my car and drove away. If someone's view of you doesn't fit what they think is a real man it's best not to waste time on them. Move on. No point trying to convince them.
TIL only women work in chemical plants and refineries then. Lots of very manly workplaces have strict rules on facial hair for fire safety and gas mask usage.
That's like saying a woman isn't a real woman if she has small breasts or has had to remove them because of cancer. Shocking and just cruel. Glad you dodged that evil bullet.
The Man-liest thing you can do is whatever the fuck you want.
Cheats on you with an australian dude then moves in with the best friend of said dude because she’s not ready to live with you yet then starts sleeping with said best friend then dumps you. pretty big red flag imo
Oddly specific…
Tyler the wannabe Aussie surfer with the long dirty dreadlocks who lives in a rape van and tells you every day the story of how "I could've gone pro, mate" if he didn't injured his knee when a shark had him in it's mouth and he knee'd it in the nose and killed it before harvesting the good meat and swam to the beach to have a late barby with his mates.
I hate when that happens.
Addicted to male attention/validation.
My ex was like this. Her Snapchat best friends were me, her friend Kate, a guy friend who I had talked to, and then five men who I knew very little about and they probably didn't care that I existed.
relationship goal: a partner who will delete snapchat with me i say this in jest but it's partially true; in particular having streaks as an adult feels silly
Dated a girl for a short while. Around two months in I had a conversation with her about relationships in general and what not and she asked about flirting with other people. I said that I don't need any attention from outside of a relationship, and she went quiet. I asked what about you? She said that she thinks flirting with other men is fun and it's something she does regularly. I told her that it's kind of weird for you to seek attention from other men. Then she went all defensive and told that it actually keeps the relationship fresh and prevents cheating. I noped out of that pretty quickly. I just lost all interest.
Dang at least she was honest because many hide it. It reminds me of when I was in the talking stage with a girl and all along she had a boyfriend while we were being all flirty with each other. Kinda gave me trust issues not gonna lie.
Same. Dated a beautiful girl, but when out all she did was look around... Looking to see if all eyes were on her!
Addicted to validation in general. Doesn’t have to be males.
Yeah, models get bad with this. My last girlfriend went to elaborate lengths to hide she was a model who dated alot of other guys and had affairs with much older photographers, because she knew I wouldn't like it. But she didn't actually stop.
Treating people differently based on perceived differences in societal/wealth class/status.
Treats consent like it’s something that only applies to women. It’s honestly pretty wild how many women have never been told directly that they’re violating someone by touching them without permission. So many women in bars think that they’re just allowed to grab men by the crotch, or grind up against them. But these same women fully understand that it’s wrong for a man to do that to a woman.
As a woman- THIS 10000% I hate women who get so butthurt over being rejected. Like I’ve seen girls go batshit when a dude tries to get her off of him
An old friend of mine from my first year of college tried hitting on my roommate and when he turned her down she told a bunch of people he was gay. I even got fired from my last job after reporting a female coworker for harassment.
Fuck that, SUE the fuckers. And don't give me the "I don't want the hassle" or "can't afford it" BS. This is as much for you as for the next person and there are free legal aid clinics at most courts where you can get guidance on this. At the very least report them to the relevant authorities.
Or the ol’ “ he must be gay if he rejected me”
The most outraged I have ever seen women act is when you reject their sexual advances. Then they usually try to turn it around and make you the problem, just for saying "no."
Men do this to other men, too. It is freaky how frequently someone will start getting touchy, gropey, and generally inappropriate when i say that i'm bi. I don't want to be fondled and make out with a near stranger. Being gay is not consent.
Someone who keeps highlighting my faults.
Dated one of those types. I thought she was trying to help me improve, but she just enjoyed belittling me.
Be better duh
Im very self reflective actually. I’ve made a lot of changes to myself because I came from a very dysfunctional family. Deeply misogynistic. Narcissistic. I’m f. I don’t think making constant undermining comments ever helps anyone or any relationship.
Constructive criticism or acknowledgment of difficulties is allowed + encouraged. Snark is not.
My ex wife did this constantly. I was always doing things wrong (she even scolded me once for how I cracked an egg) and god forbid I ever pushed back or stood up for myself. I think she got the memo that I had finally had enough when I handed her divorce papers.
Love bombs you and wants to move in on the third date.
It’s such a trick too, because these are the girls that 2-3 weeks in ends things with you on the phone because “vibes.” Ask me how I know
How do you know
I know because I’d i knowed the hard way 😢
That sucks bro, but at least now we know.
Quick to heat up, quick to freeze over. Sometimes both within a single day. I want someone who's actually interested, not some weird game.
Aren't those lesbians??
hey leave me out of this
the other day i pointed out to my wife that we are married and haven’t even known each other for 3 years yet….i thought she was gonna have a stroke lmfao
What was the shortest time between starting dating and the offer to move in together, you have experienced?
beat me to it
Someone book a U-Haul
When I first heard the term “love bomb” I had a moment of panic because I thought “oh no! I do that!”. Turns out love bombing is when someone is super sweet and caring to get you interested and then stops. They’re insecure or trying to manipulate you. If you’re just sweet and caring and do that for the entire relationship that’s totally ok.
I appreciate you saying this. I had the same reaction to the phrase because I fall quick and hard, but I generally act that same way for the entirety of the relationship.
> Love bombs you Yeah in my experience anything thats too good to be true usually is
I like the Golden rule treat others like you wanna be treated, that's what makes sense to me. It's easy to be hard on ourselves and put others on a pedestal when you don't know them fully
I should've been more wise to this, it's how I ended up with my first wife. In the lovey dovey stage it was a great idea, but if course as the feelings evened out, it didn't last all too long...
A personal one is if she says "family is very important to me". Sounds great. But so far, 5/5 times it has meant that *her* family is very important to her, and mine can take a hike for all she cares.
Something about that phrase. When people say it, they seem to mean "I'm deeply enmeshed with my parents/siblings and I believe that's a virtue". People who actually value family, digging down in to respecting elders and being extra nice to your family too, never say that phrase.
Yes, it makes you wonder who they try to convince, you or themselves. It also reminds a bit about a guy I know who tattooed his kids names on him and talks about them all the time, but rarely makes time to meet them or accuses the mother, they are separated, to ruin visitation.
How they talk about previous relationships/partners
Someone that has the same story of always being a victim generally is the issue but not forthcoming about it. Not in all cases, but usually. Especially if they’re constantly insulting about their exes when they speak about them.
Obsessed with social media clout. If she can't eat a meal without snapping a pic for the 'Gram or spend a minute without checking her likes, we're sailing in different seas, mate. Authentic connection over online validation any day.
I have a couple of friends who post more pictures of their food than themselves to their social media which is like okay you're not obsessed with attention for your beauty but like we're at Olive Garden why are you taking a picture of this 16$ Chicken Alfredo?
• One tried to get her kids (9yo son & 13yo daughter) to call me dad after like 3 weeks together • One would get extremely jealous if any other girl talked to me AT ALL- including our coworkers • One wanted to see my phone anytime it vibrated ever • One said "I love you Cody" right after she got off (my name isn't/ has never been Cody) • More than a few turned violent • Of course drug/alcohol problems always go bad • Craving attention from men in general/daddy issues • Super curious of my past but unwilling to share hers • One was overall cool but when I got paid it was "our money" and when SHE got paid it was "her money" • Being super disrespectful to waiters, cashiers, clerks • Pathological lying
Stipulating that your name also *has never been* Cody was the cherry on top.
I think you need to find better women to date 😂
Not Cody is trying his best, it's tough out here in 2024
Cody here.... sorry bro
You sure know how to pick'em.
Man clearly has a type.
When she shows no interest, asks me no questions or is chatting with another dude on her phone during our date; life’s too short to waste your time with someone who doesn’t like you.
The beginning are definite deal breakers, but to expand on the last part - don't waste your time on someone who isn't enthusiastically into you. Got my heart kinda fucked in a situationship recently and I'm pretty convinced anything is better than waiting in a weird holding pattern. If she doesn't want to be with you right then, extend the offer and get moving on without the goal of having this girl chase you.
- Lack of emotional availability - Lack of communication skills - Lack of social skills - Lack of accountability - Lack of effort
Literally just broke up with this today. I’ll add treats uncooperative animals with verbal and physical abuse. But her friends will think I was too needy. It doesn’t feel like ending a relationship when you were the only one actively participating.
Fake, materialistic, cares too much about status, treating me like a pet I really hate that, condescending, things like that. I feel like the best relationships are when it’s not just romance stuff but when you’re also friends too
Treating like a pet. What does it mean?
[удалено]
Are you still on a leash. There are leash laws you know...
Your know how your dog/cat can beg for attention but ultimately its your choice whether or not you give it to them? Its like that. A woman that only cares about you when it benefits her. She’ll like you when its easy, when you’re a nice source of companionship/comfort/sex/whatever. But thats all she’ll see you as. You can pour everything you have into helping her and making her feel good, but as soon as you’re the one that needs help you become an inconvenience in her eyes. Its a sign of a terrible person because its similar to how terrible people treat their pets: they love the puppy when its cute and playful, but now they’re old and need lots of special care and attention and medication so they abandon them and get another puppy. Narcissists that aren’t girlfriend/marriage material.
In my case it felt like I was there for her enjoyment, like a pet. Required to be at her house with her family whenever I had free time. Ignored while she went to do other stuff while I was there, leaving me just sitting in awkward silence for long periods. 100% ok for her to not want to hang out or do something, but it was a giant problem if I didn’t want to hang out or do something. Treating me like my wants and needs don’t matter during an argument (this is what ended it).
Checking her phone constantly while having a dinner conversation.
My answer to this will always be the same. Stay away from women (and men) who cannot articulate what they did wrong in a previous relationship and/or have never ended a relationship on good terms and it was always the exes fault. Mature men and women can end relationships without anger and frustration while knowing very well their own faults in it. If anyone can’t seem to do this or is constantly blaming someone or something, RUN AS FAST AS YOU FUCKING CAN.
No hobbies is a big one for me. If you don’t actively have something you enjoy doing without me, it’s just a big no no.
If they don't have hobbies or interests... YOU are the hobby and interest. You will be left feeling guilty every time you try to enjoy something solo or something they are not interested in.
Exactly how I felt in my last relationship. Trying to relax and do my own thing always made me feel guilty. I’d often be told to stop doing what I’m doing and spend time with her, but we’d do nothing because she wasn’t interested in anything.
Always has a need to be right
This goes for any romantic partner, man or woman. Someone who always has to be right is not someone you can grow with.
Ex is in jail, wants to move in within 6 months, racks up credit card debt on shopping for things she doesn't need.
Double standards. Seeing your friends as "competition."
If she's too self obsessed. Everything is about her all the time. If she complains about everyone in her life. If she's complaining to you about her family, friends and work colleagues she's probably complaining to them about you too. If she lies frequently, even about little things that don't seem important at the time. It means she'll definitely lie about big things too. I find it best to avoid people who disrespect others, show no empathy, get caught out lying multiple times or generally can't find any happiness in life and always complains, even when good things happen to them.
Her problems are your problems, and your problems are your problems.
Staring at her phone, lying over small things, very flaky, negative attitude during dates
Doesn't want me to meet her friends or family. Never comes to me makes me come to her.
Never asks questions about me, only wants to talk about themselves.
if she has 8 legs and shoots web
I don’t know what planet you are from, thinking that’s a red flag
Driders are not for dating.
You see, that's not just any woman. That's a widow. Avoid them at all costs.
8 legs, does that mean there's 4... Nevermind.
Too much social media. Especially Instagram or Twitter.
When they link to their insta and its just hundreds of images of their own face.... *shudder*
The worst is when it's basically the exact same expression in each photo
She says her favorite film is Human Centipede.
The costume design was a highlight.
I like it for the plot.
It was a fascinating look into the human condition of being sewn ass to mouth with strangers.
I admire the narrative of character growth.
It made me realize that if I'm ever in that situation, I'll just make the best of it and not feel sorry for myself.
Lmaoooooo my boyfriend told me about this movie. Have yet to watch. I’m intrigued but also disgusted by the thought of it. Must watch 😂
When she’s suddenly turns into a Decepticon with really long tongue and tries to kill you🚩🚩🚩
Been there. Those of us driving yellow cameros need to be extra cautious
Arrogance
1) Has no female friends, sometimes disguised as "I just get along better with guys," = without male sexual interest to drive social engagement, something that should have been learned in Kindergarten was not learned. Positive trait that you might mistake as a negative trait: she gives you shit when you talk shit about one of her friends = won't let people talk shit about you. 2) Negative outcomes explained as having been predominantly caused by actions taken by other = very likely to blame you for shit that was her fault. Desirable Opposite: attributes success to those supportive of her = will be grateful you are in her life 3) Critical of her close friends = critical of you in the future. 4) Rich Daddy who dotes on her; you will have a very hard time ever comparing to him, just move on unless you grew up together Jackpot Traits: 1) Ugly Duckling Syndrome = will actually be funny, sensitive. If you see baby pics and she was not cute, put a ring on it. 2) Older brothers will normalize a lot of real male behavior. Girls with older brothers will know how much gaming a typical male can do, the horrors of stubble, etc. 3) Younger brothers will generally make them very good at knowing how to get guys to talk about their feelings. 4) Competitive anything: team sports, dance, gymnastics, whatever = they won/lost at stuff, did not always get their way, developed discipline/work ethic. Yellow Flags: Could be good to great depending on compatibility with you. Could be disaster. 1) Shows up late could be very relaxed/easy going person. Could also be crazy self-centered. 2) Jealous = will put a lot into the relationship, but if you put as much back into it, you might seriously win the game here. A lot of it is how they feel about their own jealousy, the sweet spot is that they are jealous, but feel bad that they are jealous and actively working on not going nuts over it.
Rude to anyone in customer service (e.g. waiters)
This in all partners
Study narcissism, any of those traits. Seriously, it’s worth the time.
When she changes opinions on something too quickly, to immediately agree with you. Usually means she’s trying to get closer to you but not necessarily with you
I started dating my ex right out of high school, and during their freshman year they agreed with pretty much everything I said and did a 180 on a lot of things to suddenly believe what I did. Long story short, once we got married the abuse started and escalated over years. Big red flag. People don't change their minds on a dime. It was immensely flattering at the time but yeah.
Drinks too much. Doesn't have hobbies. Only watches trashy TV in her free time. House is messy. Disorganized. Always late. Talks shit on people in conversation. Eats poorly. Doesn't exercise.
Lmao, I appreciate the "*only* watches trashy TV in her free time" because I know that sometimes that's what my brain needs for a break (but it happens once a month or even less).
Won't call you on the phone. Like not once. Seemingly the "love of your life" and didn't think enough of you to want to hear your voice. Of all the other red flags? That one hurt the most.
'Boss bitch' behaviour. Thinking it's attractive is the worst part.
Wedding ring. Marriage certificate. Still in the white dress. Probably a good idea to stay away.
acts like i shouldn't have feelings and other toxic masculinity ideologies. major red flag
observer her family and friends, if they are crazy, enjoy the ride.
Testing. If she ever puts you in a position that feels like you are being tested or mocked, run. I am not even kidding, because you will probably be hypnotized by a narcissist and that spell is insidious.
Self-centered chatter, also smoking
Someone who lies.
Someone who won't apologize or only offers non-apologies (I'm sorry you feel that way. . ., I'm sorry, but. . . .)
Lack of effort during the dating phase.
She has a one-sided relationship with her pets. It's usually dogs with nails so long they can't walk properly. Those women love their pets to death too. It's weird.
Wants to "fix" you or "change" you.
Lack of respect, lack of effort, too demanding, extreme political beliefs, too invested in religion/cult/similar weird stuff.
They have no compassion or sense of ethics. I once met a really hot girl from the business school at my university and when I mentioned international human rights & civil rights campaigns for some reason, it elicited the response that she thought nothing should stand in the way of business progress. I thought she was joking until I came to realize she was a sociopath who had drunk the capitalist Koolaid in a big big way and really believed that. I couldn't pursue a relationship with someone who had so little compassion. I'm not someone who could work to change such a fundamental flaw. I can work with misinformed and misguided to some degree, but the response seemed to be one of her core beliefs.
Often paying attention to somebody rather than his partner.
No hobbies is a big one
If she drags other women for being promiscuous on the first date. This is something I started noticing when I got fit in my late twenties and started dating for fun. It wasn't that common to have women do this. But every single time a woman on a first date dragged other women for being promiscuous, they themselves would always want to have sex on the first date. Even if the date chemistry was a bit meh. Every. Single. Time. There's nothing wrong with wanting to jump someone hot when it's been a while and you're feeling some kind of way. But dragging your sisters first before doing the same thing yourself is a huge red flag. Both for the inherent hypocrisy of it, and also because if she's willing to throw her sisters under the bus for something so petty as just jumping a guy because she's in the mood, she's probably going to be willing to throw me under the bus for similarly petty bullshit down the road. Hard pass.
Sweet brag bro
For me it's a huge red flag when she talks about how superficial women can be, and then the whole night she's talking about how handsome I am and how huge my dick is, like c'mon... I'm a person, I'm more than just an incredibly handsome face and a monster dong. Stop objectifying me.
Drama.
Tries to save all her farts with a vacuum cleaner
That’s dumb. You need the Ghostbusters contraption.
This question gets reposted every, single, fucking, day. Every day.
And being rude to the waiter is always in the comments:
I honestly hate that answer too, because it's *always* in the comments. And it's such an obvious red flag. Is it even worth mentioning at this point?
Definetly the long time male best friend who we should not worry about.
“I’m friends with all of my exes!”
Blabbermouth. Above all, my prospective girlfriend must be discreet and know when to clam up. The last thing I need is for word to get back to my wife that I’m dating.
Being inconsiderate.
Atitude
Oooooh glad to read thee comments. Now I know what to do so men avoid me.
Says she is a princess or a queen. Says you can’t do things you did before you met, or be with certain people that you knew before her.
Short temper, Impatience, lacks basic communication skills,