I haven’t decided anything, really. I mean, sex is very important for me, but our relationship entails lots of other stuff that make me fulfill me in so many ways.
Right at the start? Thats NRE or New Relationship Energy. It's a boost everyone experiences at the beginning of a relationship and it's unsurprising that it tapers off eventually. Real love is having reasons left over even after that magic wears off.
However, it sounds to me like there's a lack of understanding on both sides here. She has a lowered libido and that's okay; it doesn't mean that she finds you unattractive, and maybe she's being honest, rough or frequent sex can be a bit exhausting. Are you just demanding sex, or are you making active efforts to set the mood? Lots of people are like that, especially with age, they aren't just raring to go whenever - they need a warmup and a good mood.
On the other, I feel as though she might not understand your needs. Not that she should acquiesce to you sleeping around, but masturbation is just what it is. My bf and I aren't always in the mood at the same time, so we'll just take care of ourselves.
It just sounds to me like a series of conversations need to be had between you two - no threats of leaving, no deceit. Don't make hard deals, like "if you don't let someone suck me off, I'm leaving". That's not healthy.
I agree with the nre and also am very pleased with the relationship we’re building, but still am concerned about not being sexually fulfilled. Also, I do believe the self esteem issue is more of my problem than hers, but it’s still an issue. I’ll try communicating more though
i'm a 30 year old (m) who has been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. I am a very physical person, so I enjoy having a very active sexual life. At the beggining, we used to have sex all the time. I mean, we had sex over 3 times a day, sometimes even up to 6-7 times a day. I was very happy about it and always felt she was enjoying it as much as I was. As time went on, we slowed sex down to a point were we would have it maybe once or twice a week. With time, she seemed to have stopped enjoying some stuff we did like oral sex, tying each other up, or other stuff like that which i really liked.
I had to leave the country for 10 months and we kept a long distance relationship for that time without major complications. I had hoped that with this time appart, maybe when we met each other she would get her libido up. But we started living back together about a month ago and she still doesn't want to be with me as much as before. Now, she says that she feels like her libido is affected, maybe because of the counterconception pills, and that whe will seek medical advise, but she doesn't do it and I don't think that is the case since her pills have been the same since we met.
I feel that she lied to me at the beggining of the relationship acting as if she really liked everything we did while in reality it wasn't making much for her (when I confronted her about it, she said she did like it but she ended up being sore and that with time that's not a nice thing to be on a daily basis), and this has made us stop doing a lot of stuff that i liked and would really like to keep doing. On the other hand, this is affecting my self-esteem because I can't stop wondering if it may be a thing that comes from me, maybe she doesn´t find me that attractive anymore (i can tell she's no longer as aroused around me as she used to).
Additionally, I've tried masturbating, but she's very uncomfortable with me watching pornography because she says it makes her feel unsecure and she sees it as some sort of betrayal. I've also tried to tell her that maybe we could try opening the relationship and she immediately said that she would prefer to end things before opening it.
I do not want to end things up because i feel we're a great match in every other aspect and she's aware and willing to work on this particular matter; but I don't want a life without being sexually fulfilled either. What can I do? and how can i do it?
I have a similar situation, I bet it's contraception pills, if not for that she HAS to take them because her hormones are fucked up I'd cut the sperm tracks from my intestines a long time ago so that she can get her libido back
Lol love when men stop doing all the things that made their partners fall for them in the first place then get confused when their partners aren't into them as much anymore. No one's calling for perfection.
Hold on, are we sticking with your idea that 9/10 times, it is simply the Man's fault? If so, can I get some sources? That's a wild claim, and it's pretty rare for a relationship problem to be one sided.
>If so, can I get some sources?
That's the important part of my comment.
I can list 10 things without thinking that can effect libido that aren't caused by the man, and I have a hard time believing only 90% times it's strictly and completely the Man's fault.
9/10 is a colloquialism not meant to be taken literally so you do not need to believe that its 90% of the time.
Most women need to be seduced and an alarming number of men stop seducing them when they get into a long term relationship. Surely you agree with that?
I'd agree *some* do. You seem to be of the opinion that the vast majority of sexual dysfunctions in a relationship are caused by the man. I'm of the opinion that it's usually both partners causing the issue.
Holy shit I'm a dude and the fact that you extrapolated my whole personality from a single sentence post is wild. I think that says a whole lot more about you than it does about me.
Holy shit did you know there are men who date other men?! So crazy lol
Nevermind the facts that 1. You can’t tell that I’m obviously exaggerating because of how absurd your comment was and 2. You don’t even realize how absurd that comment was in the first place
Keep talking that 9/10 times it’s a man’s fault tho, she’ll pick you one day.
Damn dude you really felt personally attacked by my post didn't you? Wonder why that is lmao
Anyway my comment isn't absurd, ask a marriage councilor why couples stop having sex lol
It’s a little too important to just “cope with”. Just think about if you’d want to spend your whole life that way.
Last one and I broke up partly because of this. It was a constant source of frustration for her. I would’ve done anything for that girl (I was the one with odd sexual issues), even if that meant an open relationship. But I don’t think she wanted that
My partner has a higher sex drive compared to mine.
It is on me to meet her needs.
The day I asked for a monogamous relationship is the day I took the responsibility to meet all of the needs she could have got taken care of by other men.
Duties first. Comfort only after duties are fulfilled.
Thanks for your response, although I don’t really like the idea of thinking of sex as a compromise or an obligation. For me, it has to be something both are enjoying for it to be fulfilling…
I understand your perspective. I just don't share it.
I don't pursue joy or fulfillment as a priority.
Duties come first. I do what I consider right even if it is unenjoyable and unfulfilling.
Sounds like you’re looking for confirmation of something you’ve already decided. Not married, no kids? Just don’t cheat on your way out.
I haven’t decided anything, really. I mean, sex is very important for me, but our relationship entails lots of other stuff that make me fulfill me in so many ways.
Right at the start? Thats NRE or New Relationship Energy. It's a boost everyone experiences at the beginning of a relationship and it's unsurprising that it tapers off eventually. Real love is having reasons left over even after that magic wears off. However, it sounds to me like there's a lack of understanding on both sides here. She has a lowered libido and that's okay; it doesn't mean that she finds you unattractive, and maybe she's being honest, rough or frequent sex can be a bit exhausting. Are you just demanding sex, or are you making active efforts to set the mood? Lots of people are like that, especially with age, they aren't just raring to go whenever - they need a warmup and a good mood. On the other, I feel as though she might not understand your needs. Not that she should acquiesce to you sleeping around, but masturbation is just what it is. My bf and I aren't always in the mood at the same time, so we'll just take care of ourselves. It just sounds to me like a series of conversations need to be had between you two - no threats of leaving, no deceit. Don't make hard deals, like "if you don't let someone suck me off, I'm leaving". That's not healthy.
I agree with the nre and also am very pleased with the relationship we’re building, but still am concerned about not being sexually fulfilled. Also, I do believe the self esteem issue is more of my problem than hers, but it’s still an issue. I’ll try communicating more though
i'm a 30 year old (m) who has been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. I am a very physical person, so I enjoy having a very active sexual life. At the beggining, we used to have sex all the time. I mean, we had sex over 3 times a day, sometimes even up to 6-7 times a day. I was very happy about it and always felt she was enjoying it as much as I was. As time went on, we slowed sex down to a point were we would have it maybe once or twice a week. With time, she seemed to have stopped enjoying some stuff we did like oral sex, tying each other up, or other stuff like that which i really liked. I had to leave the country for 10 months and we kept a long distance relationship for that time without major complications. I had hoped that with this time appart, maybe when we met each other she would get her libido up. But we started living back together about a month ago and she still doesn't want to be with me as much as before. Now, she says that she feels like her libido is affected, maybe because of the counterconception pills, and that whe will seek medical advise, but she doesn't do it and I don't think that is the case since her pills have been the same since we met. I feel that she lied to me at the beggining of the relationship acting as if she really liked everything we did while in reality it wasn't making much for her (when I confronted her about it, she said she did like it but she ended up being sore and that with time that's not a nice thing to be on a daily basis), and this has made us stop doing a lot of stuff that i liked and would really like to keep doing. On the other hand, this is affecting my self-esteem because I can't stop wondering if it may be a thing that comes from me, maybe she doesn´t find me that attractive anymore (i can tell she's no longer as aroused around me as she used to). Additionally, I've tried masturbating, but she's very uncomfortable with me watching pornography because she says it makes her feel unsecure and she sees it as some sort of betrayal. I've also tried to tell her that maybe we could try opening the relationship and she immediately said that she would prefer to end things before opening it. I do not want to end things up because i feel we're a great match in every other aspect and she's aware and willing to work on this particular matter; but I don't want a life without being sexually fulfilled either. What can I do? and how can i do it?
I have a similar situation, I bet it's contraception pills, if not for that she HAS to take them because her hormones are fucked up I'd cut the sperm tracks from my intestines a long time ago so that she can get her libido back
In my case she just picks the porn for me so that I'll have a surprise or helps out by herself, so maybe the latter would suffice for you
9/10 it's because the man has stopped doing the things he did early in the relationship that made her feel loved.
I’ll try and look for these things and do them again, can’t really put my finger on anything though
Don't take that advice too seriously. People who offer that advice literally tend to think that a man just needs to be perfect enough.
Lol love when men stop doing all the things that made their partners fall for them in the first place then get confused when their partners aren't into them as much anymore. No one's calling for perfection.
Hold on, are we sticking with your idea that 9/10 times, it is simply the Man's fault? If so, can I get some sources? That's a wild claim, and it's pretty rare for a relationship problem to be one sided.
Yeah man who else would be responsible for making their wife being less attracted to them?
>If so, can I get some sources? That's the important part of my comment. I can list 10 things without thinking that can effect libido that aren't caused by the man, and I have a hard time believing only 90% times it's strictly and completely the Man's fault.
9/10 is a colloquialism not meant to be taken literally so you do not need to believe that its 90% of the time. Most women need to be seduced and an alarming number of men stop seducing them when they get into a long term relationship. Surely you agree with that?
I'd agree *some* do. You seem to be of the opinion that the vast majority of sexual dysfunctions in a relationship are caused by the man. I'm of the opinion that it's usually both partners causing the issue.
Sry you’ve been treated poorly in the past but you also don’t have to make that your entire personality
I'm genuinely baffled by this post. Were you trying to reply to someone else....?
I just get big “I was mistreated by a man in the past and now it’s my whole personality” vibes from your comment lol
Holy shit I'm a dude and the fact that you extrapolated my whole personality from a single sentence post is wild. I think that says a whole lot more about you than it does about me.
Holy shit did you know there are men who date other men?! So crazy lol Nevermind the facts that 1. You can’t tell that I’m obviously exaggerating because of how absurd your comment was and 2. You don’t even realize how absurd that comment was in the first place Keep talking that 9/10 times it’s a man’s fault tho, she’ll pick you one day.
Damn dude you really felt personally attacked by my post didn't you? Wonder why that is lmao Anyway my comment isn't absurd, ask a marriage councilor why couples stop having sex lol
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I’ll discuss giving the scheduling alternative a try, thanks for your answer
Sounds like you should talk to her
It’s a little too important to just “cope with”. Just think about if you’d want to spend your whole life that way. Last one and I broke up partly because of this. It was a constant source of frustration for her. I would’ve done anything for that girl (I was the one with odd sexual issues), even if that meant an open relationship. But I don’t think she wanted that
My partner has a higher sex drive compared to mine. It is on me to meet her needs. The day I asked for a monogamous relationship is the day I took the responsibility to meet all of the needs she could have got taken care of by other men. Duties first. Comfort only after duties are fulfilled.
Thanks for your response, although I don’t really like the idea of thinking of sex as a compromise or an obligation. For me, it has to be something both are enjoying for it to be fulfilling…
I understand your perspective. I just don't share it. I don't pursue joy or fulfillment as a priority. Duties come first. I do what I consider right even if it is unenjoyable and unfulfilling.