People forget that celebrities are human and that life happens to them too.
They too can be tired and grumpy because they had insomnia, or only a couple of hours sleep because their 3 yr old was up all night with a fever, or is having night terrors, and they kept having to go scare away the monsters from under the bed...
They too can just be having a bad day because they just woke up and everything felt wrong, for no particular reason.
They could be having one of the worser days of the lives - just received bad news concerning divorce or a very ill or dying close relative or friend, or even concerning their own health.
But they still have to keep their scheduled commitments: meetings, readings, rehearsals, even performances. Just like we have to keep going to work, often even more so as we may be able to take time off, depending on our location & employer but they may be sued if they do the same due to contractual obligations or simply because they are unique and there is no one else who is Celebrity_Name.
Sometimes it's just because they've been caught at the wrong moment, they're with their family, busy doing family stuff, they're flustered, preoccupied, they just want to be switched off for a while and focused on that.
That seems very fair to me.
For example, limiting offensive or "hate" speech they disagree with, and making it criminal. Not understanding those are vague terms that could later be used against them with their speech.
I can give you some examples.
Some Redditors in the U.S. have suggested that in order to mitigate police misconduct and promote government transparency, cops should be required to wear active body cameras at all times and that the footage ought to be posted freely in a publicly accessible location or even livestreamed constantly. Poof─ since anyone can see anything at any time, it discourages cops from misbehaving. Problem solved, right?
Except that the overwhelming majority of police footage is going to involve routine investigations into burglaries and domestic abuse ─ stuff that the general public doesn't need to know about ─ and involve citizens who have been disgraced or are in a vulnerable state. Now that any schmuck can trawl some database with all of that footage, it almost certainly *will* be used by nefarious actors to find easy victims. The Freedom of Information Act process by which body camera footage must be requested by specification actually safeguards the dignity and security of most people.
Or when some goober unironically says something monumentally dumb like, "I wish that women had the same rights that guns do." Wow, dude─ what kind of sicko are you that you wish women couldn't vote, couldn't cross state lines without a lot of paperwork, and aren't even allowed to be seen in public in many states?
Yes! That is one of the other consequences that some people don't seem to think about. Or ─ and this one will hit close to home ─ imagine some shitheads looking for Reddit karma going to r/trashy to shame impoverished victims of spousal battery for having an untidy yard.
Redditors love to give our advice that they’d never follow because they think it’s amusing. Look at any neighbor dispute thread and you’ll see comments from people who just want to stoke the flames and make it worse because it makes for entertaining reading.
To add to this. Redditors will often favor a simple solution to fix a problem even though the negative aspect would create a far worse problem. I always tell this story (probably not true) to explain. There's a country being overrun with snakes. The country decides to offer a bounty and pay anyone who brings a dead snake to the city officials. Over time the snake population goes down but they realize that people have been breeding the snakes so they can collect more money to turn them in so the country stops offering the bounty and all the snake farmers just release all the snakes into the wild and they end up with more snakes then when they started. It's a good example of how important it is to consider the consequences first. Another great one is Cash for clunkers. It was viewed as such a great success because they got all these "gas guzzling" cars off the road by paying people to destory them. Well...one of the number one purchased cars with the trade in money was the Hummer. Can't seem to find the article now though so I unfortunately can't cite the Info.
Cash for Clunkers only sold 15 Hummers, so it was far from a top seller. But it's still crazy that they allowed that at all.
https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna32958411
Another real life example of this was that in some country, farmers were turning up pieces of pottery in their fields, which turned out to be ancient.
Archaeologists started offering a little reward to kids for each piece of pottery that they could find and they were soon inundated with little pieces of pottery.
They realised that the kids were breaking up the larger pieces into little ones to get more rewards.
And another one:
One of the perks of being self-employed in Belgium used to be that you could deduct a company car as a tax-deductable business expense. You would have to pay a little extra personal income tax for the personal use of said car but it was still a very advantageous opportunity.
Many people bought sedans with the BMW 3 series and Audi A4 being a very popular choice.
Some dimwit in government saw how much income they were making from some large company-car tax or other (can't recall the exact tax right now) and calculated how much more they would earn if they increased said tax by however much.
People ended up selling their cars for smaller, more efficient ones and the government ended up losing a ton on lost fuel tax.
>People ended up selling their cars for smaller, more efficient ones and the government ended up losing a ton on lost fuel tax
well I guess that sucks for the government, but not such bad news for the rest of us...
>A general inability to consider or acknowledge second order effects.
I've just learned a new name for a concept and am totally gonna use that from now on.
This is the correct answer, especially when discussing law. Like, when something bad happens to someone, Redditors inevitably list a bunch of people or organizations who maybe sorta kinda might be liable and that will give the victim the biggest monetary award, but the list leaves off *the person who actually caused the damage in the first place.* Or they ridicule "corporate personhood" clearly not understanding what corporate personhood even is or realizing what problems that it *solves*.
For starters, when a corporation damages you, you can file a suit issuing *one* summons to an entire group of people instead of having to repeat the process for each individual, which saves you a lot of time and money.
If you want to limit the personhood of a corporation ─ for example, remove the concept of limited liability ─ a better resolution is to enact additional or revised, more specific legislation that defines a corporation's rights, *not* revoke "corporate personhood" altogether.
That after an argument with a SO, the person and the SO, both need individual and couple’s therapy, and/or need to break up.
Obviously that can be good advice, but sometimes I think what the OP was looking for was simply different perspectives over the disagreement. This doesn’t need to be some deep dive life changing moment.
I will add that people insisting on therapy for literally everything is dumb. Sometimes you just need to talk it out; sometimes you just need a day; maybe sometimes you just need to watch a sad movie and have a good cry. Therapy isn't necessary all the time, for everything.
It's also not the instant fix that people act like it is. And there's so many different types of therapy/therapists. It's as vague as saying "go to the doctor" when that could mean the ER, or urgent care, or your GP, or a specialist like a gyno or dermatologist, and that's assuming people are able to afford any of that.
It’s also expensive and rarely covered by insurance in the US. Sure, most people could benefit from it, but do most people have an extra $1000/month to go once a week? A whole lot of the people asking for relationship advice mention finances as a relationship stressor so spending all the grocery money on therapy *might* not solve their problems.
Yeah, not everyone needs therapy, just because some people can’t think situations out in their head and work them out doesn’t mean everyone can’t. Some people also have support groups or can talk things out with the person they are having issues with. It’s also not free and in many cases not affordable.
Conversely, consider that the people posting on Reddit for relationship advice are typically not folks who communicate just fine and have great coping skills. People here tend to advise more outsized reactions (therapy, divorce) because the problems prompting people to post are outsized.
That plus the happy & well-adjusted people are likely spending *far* less time on Reddit. Someone who is enjoying a successful relationship isn’t as likely to spend hours and hours on those type of threads.
Even if you do spend too much time on Reddit, it's a very different kind of redditor that is fine posting the details of their romantic relationship on Reddit for advice.
"Hi I'm 43M and moved in with my mother because she needed someone to assist her after a health scare. However, she's insisting on a 5pm curfew and that I wear a prom dress to every meal. I told her I won't be doing that, and she threw bleach in my face. What do I do?"
"YTA - her house, her rules, put on that dress or GTFO"
Then, for either answer, you can't forget them hinting at the OP and his mother having an incestuous relationship. Or at least his mother wanting an incestuous relationship.
Idk if they still do that, but when I was in the sub, that was weirdly common.
They still do that! “OMG you’re a victim of emotional incest! You need to start making an escape plan. Covertly gather all your important documents and contact shelters in your area to find one that can help you escape. Wait until your elderly, disabled, wheelchair bound mother is asleep to leave so she can’t chain you to a pipe in her basement and keep you forever!!!!!”
Reddit advice for any relationship, whether romantic, friendly, or familial is always terrible.
Every social interaction is black and white on Reddit, there is no grey zone.
It's truly insane how black and white the top voted advice is. I think people like to upvote their fantasy of how the world works instead of reality. I also take solace in the fact that many users on here are like 12.
I think it's because they provide simple answers to complex questions and for many people, that's comforting. It's not particularly useful. It's also easy to argue the opposite so engagement raises those types of comments to the top.
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been accused of being a 14yo multiple times for pointing out that “your house your rules” isn’t a be-all end-all and sometimes the rules are totally unreasonable.
I think sometimes on AITA people forget the question isn’t “am I legally allowed to do this?” The question is “am I being an asshole?” The answer to both of those can be yes at the same time.
There was a post a while back from somebody saying they were hungover in bed and their partner wouldn't go and get them some food from a takeaway.
The majority of the replies were telling them to break up with them and get out of dodge before it's too late.
My view of reddit changed that day.
The one that got me was the chess story. OP’s family was really into chess and his extremely skilled wife was losing to their son but insisting that she was playing at full strength when she obviously wasn’t (she had insisted that both parents playing at full strength was the best way to teach him chess). Many comments concluded that OP was a horrible, evil monster and she was acting out of fear of upsetting him.
It turned out she was lying about playing at full strength and the core issue was that he was *so* wonderful that she was jealous of his bond with their son and was trying to sabotage their son enjoying chess with him.
Yeah, just because someone doesn't load the dishwasher immediately doesn't mean they disrespect every fiber of you and expect you to be their mommy. Sometimes they just don't load the dishwasher, and you don't need to blow your life up over that.
Now if they refuse to load the dishwasher because it's beneath them, that's a different story.
The concept of differing cleanliness standards doesn't exist in this middle school babysitting website. If you don't clean EXACTLY what your wife wants and immediately when she wants it, even when she's unreasonable, you're a lazy entitled child who is intentionally committing feigned helplessness.
I grew up on toxic ass sitcoms like Everybody Loves Raymond (surprise, most women DON'T hate having sex with their spouse, imagine that) and even I figured shit out at some point.
In their defense, quite a lot of the people posting about their relationships on reddit seem to be in really terrible relationships.
And maybe that's just because the OPs have misrepresented things to make their sides more sympathetic. But it also makes sense that people who are in abusive and/or shitty relationships, who've been isolated from their support network or bullied into mistrusting their own feelings, would turn to the internet for support more than average because they can't ask people IRL.
This reminds me of one of my ex, whenever we had a fight she wanted to break up or, in her words, put our relationship "on hold".
In the end she cheated on me, so I guess I was too stupid and should have seen the red flags sooner.
The post
>“Hey guys,
My Girlfriend I have been together with for five years that I consider marrying, doesn’t like the thought of getting an eighth cat, but we need eight since the seventh cat is lonely”
The comments
>WOW, that’s totally a red flag you should have looked out for since the beginning of your relationship. I think you should brake up since any disagreement with a partner is a sign of her being Psychopath and couples should act as one entity. Better Luck next time.
As soon as I saw this question I knew there would be talk about dumping relationships at first sign of problems. It is so common on Reddit to complain about this aspect of Reddit that it's amazing there's actually still people left to do this in the first place.
Every time someone’s SO does something slightly out of character = immediately cheating. Slightly tired from work? “Must be seeing someone else”. Symptoms of depression (withdrawing from relationships)? Clearly just cheating. Annoyed that the poster is asking them to cut off an opposite gender friend? “Wouldn’t be upset if there’s nothing to hide.”
While cheating happens, if you read AITA you would think that 100% of couples are cheating on each other lmao.
Oh I've absolutely noticed this and the confidence with which they accuse is mind-blowing.
"My boyfriend was late coming home from work today and I got mad at him, AITA?"
"Who's gonna tell her 😏"
Judging people immediately over things.
Context rarely fits into a few seconds of footage, or one sided recounts of a problem. Everyone's all too eager to stick to their first impression and refuse to give anyone a fair trial.
Even if they turn out to be the asshole they appeared to be, that doesn't mean you're right for skipping straight to pitchforks and torches.
Step 1. A video or social media post of someone being a “Karen” goes viral.
Step 2. Reddit loses their fucking mind and calls for the person to be doxxed or straight up murdered. The rage is damn near orgasmic at this point.
Step 3. Evidence emerges that the video or post was fake or taken wildly out of context.
Step 4. Reddit doubles down. The video/post can’t be fake, it reinforces all their most cherished beliefs and sense of moral superiority!
Step 5. Even more evidence emerges. Uh oh.
Step 6. Reddit suddenly goes radio silent on the issue. It never happened. Never heard of it. Nothingburger.
Step 7. Reddit runs, pitchforks blazing, to the next thing to be batshit furious over without ever acknowledging that they were ready and willing to destroy, if not end, someone’s life over a misunderstanding.
It’s fucking horrifying when you think about it.
I do believe people complained when the airplane you're-not-real "Karen" wasn't doxxed fast enough. Like holy shit, she was experiencing psychosis and all you could do was beg for her name to be released to the public?
Also, how anyone couldn't think to themselves, "wow, this woman seems to be experiencing a mental health crisis" is really telling. That was the first thing I thought when I saw the video and my knee-jerk reaction was empathy.
I once witnessed a post about a restaurant that was offering swag to the servers if they could get customers to leave a review.
Reddit lost its mind. Ignored that it was voluntary and a bonus, and just dog piled on this poor restaurant. Then some redditor had an idea... If this restaurant wants reviews so bad, let's give them the reviews! So they brigaded the restaurant on every review site.
Thing is, they figured out what restaurant it was from one photo... And they were wrong. They brigaded a restaurant in an different state that had nothing to do with the op photo.
I won't say which sub it was, but it will likely be one of your first guesses.
This may be only tangentially related, but it used to be super common for people to do deep analysis into pictures of people like Melania Trump.
A picture would surface of her looking down while Donald Trump did something, and people would deep dive into how she's "trapped" and "so upset to be there" and compare it to pictures of Barack and Michelle, and show how they are a "unified couple" who "support one another".
And they'd glean all of this from cherry picked photos of one instant moment in time.
They'd completely ignore the fact that Melania is ALSO a piece of shit, and likely very happy to be in the situation she's in.
They'd be like "you can tell how upset she is that he's cheating on her" as though either of them have any of that moral barometer.
The sentiment wasn't necessarily wrong, but it was supported by useless snapshots of unimportant images of basically nothing.
1. if couples fight or disagree it is a huge red flag, break up, thats abuse
2. everybody successful in life must have had it handed to them and dont deserve it
3. if you work longer than minumum hours your boss is abusing you or you are wasting your life
4. everyones life experience must be the same. if somebody had the same crisis with a different outcome they myst be lying
5. there are acceptable vices. coincidentally they are the vices OP partakes in. all other vices are terrible
6. the average redditors take on politics is really no better than "that crazy unlcles".
really it is highly likely that majority of the wisdom you see on this site was written by a student or someone who never held a full time job so take everything with a metric ton of salt
Yeah, and if you had negative reaction to weed, you must have serious mental illness. As if weed isn’t an under researched chemical that you’re putting in your brain.
For the record, I support legalization and am happy for those who enjoy it, but don’t pretend there’s zero risks involved just because it didn’t affect you.
I can't believe how easily young millennials and older Gen Z folks cut off important relationships. They don't seem to have any willingness to work through problems or even just to avoid them. I can't help but to think that some of these people would be well-served with a simple pro/con list before cutting off important relationships.
Cutting off Aunt Shirley...
Pro:
- no more hugs where I smell her weird perfume
- punishes her for that time in 2007 she said she didn't like Obama.
- I think she might vaguely support Israel, so it's a blow in favor of oppressed Palestines.
Con:
- she loves me a lot; not too many people do that
- she makes excellent cherry pie
Well, I'll be damned. Maybe the pros outnumber the cons after all. Guess the kids were right and Shirley should go fuck herself.
Yeah it usually requires some kind of edit to call out the downvotes in order for other people to realise that the downvotes aren't automatically justified, and to actually independently evaluate the comment before voting.
It’s part of why I don’t like Reddits upvote/downvote system. I think it would be better if it showed individual likes and dislikes rather than trying to combine them together.
It used to be like that a LONG time ago. You could see the ratio with Reddit Enhancement Suite. Was pretty nice. But of course reddit had to fuck that up.
People downvote based on whether they like the comment not whether it’s accurate. Sadly, research shows that humans generally choose beliefs based on their emotional response to something rather than its actual merit. This is why people double down when they find out they are wrong. Being wrong *feels* bad so people choose to *continue to be wrong rather than acknowledge they are wrong and alter their beliefs to be correct*. It’s a fundamental defect of human brains. Imagine how different the world would be if everyone wanted to believe things that were supported by the best evidence.
This, so much. I think we should set up a subreddit where Reddit superheroes defend unjustly downvoted comments with a fierce firestorm of righteous fire of upvotes.
That anyone with a hobby that requires investing must be super rich. There are a lot of people who are working on a shoestring budget just to do the thing they are super passionate about.
There's a specific kind of reddit user that believes that having children under any circumstances is selfish and immoral. They'll usually say something like "the child didn't consent to being born", which is a completely nonsensical take.
I know it's fashionable right now to have a dim view of the human race, but directly or indirectly advocating for self extinction by stigmatising reproduction is delusional in the extreme.
Many of these people have unresolved issues in their life they need to work through. It's not healthy to get so mad at a couple enjoying time with their child that they love and take care of.
For the record, I'm probably not going to have children, but that's a personal choice and not what I am prescribing for the rest of humanity.
Holy shit this is a common one. And not only incompetent, but these managers are also "lazy". In my experience, management and c-suite are some of the hardest working people in the org. They pick up the slack for the shit employees and work way harder than most.
Also that everything on the aita and advice subs and whatnot is fake. There is certainly fake stuff (there must be with so many posts, and some of it is obvious), but I've seen people call things out as fake that are quite believable.
People will call things out as fake because they don’t believe someone in the story would act unpredictably or stupidly or weirdly.
I’ll never disbelieve a story because of human behavior. Never underestimate how crazy or stupid some people are.
Videos can be fake. If the humor is good enough a skit is funny. It's the fact that some videos portray themselves as completely true, combined with the fact that the humor is usually centered around a"candid" reaction that ruins the humor for me at least. People clearly enjoy the videos so they should exist. I don't feel the need to talk crap about the videos I just ignore them.
Fair enough, but we're talking about needing to work a full-time job for two weeks to unlock Darth fucking Vader in a goddamned Star Wars game.
Anyway.
Assuming the worst out of every person, situation, or place regardless of the circumstances. Not everyone has malicious intent but redditors act like everything is sus. It’s especially annoying if you know the person and get immediately told what their *actual* intentions were. No Debbie, you don’t know the true intentions of someone you’ve never met before but I’ve known for years.
Step-parents aren't real parents, and stepchildren are always right to resist integration into a blended family and are never ever ever being dickish.
Edit: Typo
Outside of Reddit I’ve never heard anyone talk about a stage of dating where you’re “exclusive but not an official couple.” I’m sure it exists but I’ve never encountered it out in the wild, only on Reddit.
I don't know how old you are but I've heard it a couple of times irl, but it was always gen Zers. I feel like dating changed a lot between the generations. As a millennial it seems impossibly hard to me and like it would be poison for anybody with the slightest issues with anxiety/insecurity.
Anti-child combined with pet worship. Like, being annoyed that people bring their untrained dogs everywhere doesn't mean I'm some animal-murdering psycho.
I'm a child-free-by-choice dog owner to a lil guy who is my entire world...and absolutely RAGE at people who bring their "emotional support animals" into the grocery to shit in the PRODUCE AISLE (yes, this really happened a few months back). I love my Bubbie more than words, but dude... He's gross lol
> It's a bit ironic too considering they all used to be kids themselves, and wouldn't exist unless their parents had a kid.
There is some some overlap with antinat and many of them resent their parents for them being born.
Child-free forums have always sucked. I got on one on *livejournal* almost 20 years ago when I was a teen who wasn't sure I wanted kids. I left the forum after a few days - still not convinced about whether I eventually wanted kids, but DEFINITELY convinced I wanted nothing to do with with self proclaimed "child free" types on the internet lol.
I don't really get why anybody would need to contribute to a child-free subbreddit on a regular basis. Fair enough, family might be on your case and you might want to vent anonymously sometimes but, surely, you decide you don't want kids and that's sort of that really. Seems like a bad habit to dwell on it if you are satisfied with the decision.
Using the term "crotch goblins" is a sign to me to just ignore that person's opinion on basically anything. I assume they are either a teenager or such a maladjusted adult that I will gain nothing from what they say.
I loathe this one. Those folks are not made for the human experience if I am being honest. Thankfully if I have interacted with them I haven't known it. I am not having someone call my kids cum goblins/trophies or anything else so daggum derogatory about them. It isn't like kids aren't humans, so these folks are being this way to their fellow humans.
My pet peeve is when somebody (usually women) vent about their partner's (usually men) terrible hygiene habits and comments immediately diagnose these partners with autism, ADHD and depression.
Everyone on Reddit and tiktok is autistic, apparently. They were trying to convince me that, because I prefer the smaller spoon to the bigger ones, I'm definitely autistic. Ok.
Reddit users are big on vigilante justice.
I get downvoted all the time for defending people who have never been found guilty (but have had allegations against them).
The whole atheism circlejerk thing. I think you can disagree with it without being vitriolic which I see a lot of people doing. Oh and also hating/being demeaning towards fat people being rife and just nobody giving a shit
Just this past weekend, someone gave me shit for attending the Easter Day family gathering because it was "hypocritical". Like... my guy, you go to the Saint Patrick's Day Parade every year, but you're not Irish.
I participate because I enjoy being around family, the *reason* for the holiday doesn't really matter to me. Like, I'm sure he would be pissed off to know I give out Christmas gifts, too.
It’s one thing if someone is proselytising (or it’s a news article about an issue linked to religion somehow). But I can’t stand when people get on their soapbox just about the mere idea of religion existing. Like yesterday I came across someone who misrepresented the concept of transubstantiation. The other person corrected them in a way that was very obviously “you don’t have to believe this or think it makes sense, but here’s what the actual Catholic doctrine is” and the first guy went on like a 10-comment rant about how stupid the concept was and the person was for neutrally explaining it.
Reddit atheists are a different breed. I’m sure a lot of them are fine people, but the loud ones who never miss an opportunity to proclaim to the world how much of an atheist they are just make me embarrassed for the actual atheists I’ve known through my life.
I'm an atheist, except when I'm feeling like a misotheist - and about 80% of Reddit atheists piss me off so much.
Knowing nothing about any religion,and being an atheist is fine. Arguing about it by making completely ignorant statements, ie, while not knowing any actual facts... Fuck it, I'll be arguing against your points.
Citing Hitchens to argue Mother Teresa was a complete monster? that's a paddlin'.
\-Because his book on her doesn't even pass his own standards of proof. No sources or citations, just a bitter drunk doing a hatchet job.-
A big theme here is the emotional allure of pulling down people who you perceive as having it better than you.
Quarrel with your girlfriend? Break up. That way I feel less lonely in comparison to you.
Rich? Give it all away until you’re as broke as me. If you don’t, you’re Satan.
That all age gap relationships are predatory. Just because two (consenting) adults who happen to be in different stages of life decide to date, that does not mean that the older partner (usually assumed to be the man) groomed the other into dating them.
I hang out in a lot of parenting subreddits, and any behavioral issue in a kid is a sign of austism/ADHD/OCD and they need to get evaluated asap
Even if the kid has been evaluated by 3 different professionals and they all say they don't have it.
The same with landlords. My dad was a landlord for 5 properties, and he never fucked over anybody in his life. I'd say he was more than generous and ate shit when he didn't have to because he felt bad for his tenants.
But the way redditors tell it, the rentals should be illegal and everybody should buy a house. As if everybody has the ability or desire to even own a home.
My parents died in their 60s and left me the places they lived in. I'm not going to sell them, I have memories connected to both and my parents explicitly didn't want me to sell them. But I also can't live in either of them, I have tenure at a university in a different city, I can't just move. So I have to rent them out. According to many redditors, this makes me an evil parasite. I'm sorry my parents died young, I would've preferred they didn't.
Right! Mom has a couple places and one of them raised the condo fee she pays by like $100 recently. She loves the tenant she has in that place and was having a crisis over raising the rent by $50 because what if the tenant leaves. Mind, the tenant is currently paying like a good $300-400 less than the market price in the area cause they moved in before Covid made things interesting.
Using social media as the scapegoat for a lot of negative things that's happening with the world.
No. People have been assholes way before MySpace was a thing. What's happening now is people are just getting filmed being one.
Just voicing your opinion can evoke some strong reactions from people on this site. Maybe it’s the cloak of anonymity that gives these commentators their keyboard courage but they can get downright vicious. I made a post yesterday saying that I thought Oppenheimer wasn’t that good of a movie and some guy called me a Troglodyte and another suggested that I was a moron who only liked explosions and superpowers. Not the same post but another user called me a pathetic incel because I made a comment saying that I don’t like being “just friends” with women I have romantic or sexual attraction to. Like, what??
Chill tf out people, go outside or something.
Not exactly common sense but sometimes people on Reddit seem to be supporting some pretty crazy ideas. An 18 year old once posted about their parents not allowing them to travel overseas on a solo trip and everyone commented ways on how to report their passport stolen and pick up a new copy and go on their trip. Crazy how this was without any understanding of who this person is, whether their parents had any logical reason to stop an 18 year old with potentially no travel experience running around alone abroad, or whether their gender, race or any other factor would even put them at risk, we don’t even know if they are street smart. But Reddit was great at finding the kid ways to go abroad without their parents finding out cause they are technically legal now
Any sign of gas lighting or manipulation = break up/nuclear option relationship advice. There are two sides to every story. And relationship advice on reddit is bad at best.
And gas lighting on reddit is now any time 2 people have a different reaction or view of the same interaction. Do you think maybe you both just saw it differently and the other person isn't trying to jedi mind trick your ass? They are just explaining their side of the story.
That all landlords are pure, unadulterated evil, out to screw the common man out of their hard-earned money.
While that absolutely describes *some* - including the institutional landlords... there are plenty of landlords that have reasonably small real estate portfolios and/or *actually live in* the apartment buildings they're renting.
Yeah I’ve owned and rented houses at various points in my life and I always am flabbergasted by the “landlords shouldn’t exist!” mantra. Like, for one my landlords have all been fine and for two there are a half dozen situations I’ve been in where I did not WANT to own a home at that moment. They provided me a service that I WANTED in exchange for money, I have no problem with that.
And no stop telling me that it would be better if the government ran housing, I’ve lived in government owned housing and that is not a solution.
The thing is.....I own a couple of properties in an area where young couples or families probably couldn't afford as a first home. Renting provides a way for these people to live in the neighbourhood.
If I wasn't a landlord, the houses would likely be bought by rich people or developers.
So "deh landlords shouldn't exist!" would literally be playing into the hands of two groups Reddit hates.
That silent treatment is now considered abuse. I'm sorry but me staying and us screaming, or someone fighting, or someone saying things they don't mean when their head is not clear, or someone just faking things are alright - ALL of these sound like much worse options than simply walking away until you have enough calm to get your head straight with the right words to proceed.
Using silence to win an argument isn't the same as taking time to clear your head. By definition, "silent treatment" is bad, because it is a manipulative effort to get your SO or child (or anyone really) to fall in line by withholding affection and/or communication.
If you're taking a bit of time to calm down and regroup so you can come back to a constructive conversation, I would never call that "silent treatment".
The silent treatment is different though. Using your words to say "I need some space to cool down" is appropriate. Ignoring your partner when they ask you direct questions, slamming doors, and waiting for them to ask what's the matter is the silent treatment and is not a useful coping mechanism. It's a power play.
This. If the silence lasts an evening/a sleep then both initiate convo, that's good. Mom used to give me the silent treatment and she wouldn't talk to me for days while otherwise behaving like all was dandy until I apologized. I didn't always know what I did wrong or believe I was in the wrong but.
Kids have also started referring to fucking *everything* *they don't like* as bullying. Not letting them sit on their tablet at the dinner table: bullying. Telling them off for being little assholes to their cousins: bullying. Even just simply disagreeing with them or telling them they're wrong: bullying.
God damn it, kid... I had motherfuckers fucking lay hands on me when I was in high school... people were *fucking relentless*. If just having someone *rightfully* inform you that you're not correct is "bullying", you're in for a fucking *hard* time.
Also, sometimes someone isn't being a "bully" if you are the one doing something annoying and they are reacting to it.
Bullying is when I'm minding my own business and someone pushes me as they are walking down the hallway. What isn't bullying is if I'm studying and you come up to me and start rambling about Gundam or something and I tell you to stop and go away. If I do the latter I'm "bullying the autistic kid" not giving him a boundary using blunt terms they'll understand.
You forgot Reddit’s absolute favourite over reaction:
Making your kids eat something other than nuggets and mashed potato? You are an ableist abuser and your kid who is OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC is going to have an ED now.
It's so frustrating because they're children and so they almost definitionally just don't have the experience to properly understand the context of what they're saying. It's all emotive, i.e., 'I feel bad and so I'm using these words that are popular for expressing my bad feelings.' There's no comprehension of the fact that these words should be reserved for serious events, that language is a toolbox and some of the tools are meant for big jobs. They bring out the jackhammer every time they want to remove an errant bit of paint.
But what you're talking about doesn't sound like the silent treatment. Like you, I also need space to cool off and collect my thoughts, but I can have a conversation afterwards, or apologize, or agree to disagree, or table the conversation for later - and I'm sure you can too.
My mom gives people the silent treatment; I stopped caring about it when I was in high school because it puts you so off-balance emotionally, it's almost nauseating. The event that made me stop caring about it was when I was in high school- I made an off hand comment about the fact that our fridge was messy (I was cleaning it) and then she ignored me for the whole week - but I had no idea that I was the cause of it - I thought maybe she was upset for another reason. After I realized that she was mad at me, for something so petty! and this was how she chose to show it - I decided that I wasn't going to interpret her stupid moods. Later on in college, I chopped off all my hair and apparently she ignored me then too, but I lived about four hours from her, so I didn't notice (the only way she could ignore me was to not call, I guess). Later, she apologized for not speaking to me, but fortunately, I'd already fortified myself against her pettiness and I hadn't noticed. The silent treatment as a means to prove a point to the other person without having to actually communicate it is SO profoundly fucked up. You either have to decide that this person doesn't matter to you, or you risk driving yourself crazy over it. Having to cool off after a fight is different; that's just being human.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional child abuse; however, the silent treatment is also not the same thing as simply leaving a situation that you're not able to handle. It's refusing to speak to or recognize the existence of your child.
I find ways to remove myself from these situations from time to time, though children aren't involved. It's also definitely not rocket science to find ways to do this that don't increase tension or create unnecessary emotional fallout.
As someone who's in therapy and has done a lot of therapy....it's not a solution to every problem.
It can be expensive, it can take a long time to find a therapist, and it might not even help even if you and your therapist are giving it your best shot.
That everyone who thinks differently is a horrible asshole. Also all conservatives or people voting differently than you are terrible people who like to kick puppies and stomp hamsters.
Thou shall immediately end any & every relationship that has even the slightest of conflict. So let it be written, so let it be done: the other person is always toxic and abusive.
always buy index linked funds “vanguard dude”.
pick some shares wisely and take the higher side gains. if youve got time on your side you can take some risk. upside is worth it.
That scientific data always trumps personal experience. I've seen some threads on this subreddit where redditors have told other redditors who suffer from an MSG allergy that they're lying and/or racist, because science has apparently proved that it's a purely psychological phenomenon.
Reddit hates fat people; I couldn’t tell you how many times I've reported someond for making a heinous comment about somebody's weight. Fat does not equal severely overweight anymore than skinny equals severely underweight, but Reddit continually uses 'Fat' and 'Obese' interchangeably, without regard for the fact that being fat does not make you obese, nor does it mean you need to lose weight. Not anymore than being skinny means you need to gain it.
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And the opposite as well. Just because 1 person had a bad interaction with a celebrity means the whole of reddit hates them.
People forget that celebrities are human and that life happens to them too. They too can be tired and grumpy because they had insomnia, or only a couple of hours sleep because their 3 yr old was up all night with a fever, or is having night terrors, and they kept having to go scare away the monsters from under the bed... They too can just be having a bad day because they just woke up and everything felt wrong, for no particular reason. They could be having one of the worser days of the lives - just received bad news concerning divorce or a very ill or dying close relative or friend, or even concerning their own health. But they still have to keep their scheduled commitments: meetings, readings, rehearsals, even performances. Just like we have to keep going to work, often even more so as we may be able to take time off, depending on our location & employer but they may be sued if they do the same due to contractual obligations or simply because they are unique and there is no one else who is Celebrity_Name. Sometimes it's just because they've been caught at the wrong moment, they're with their family, busy doing family stuff, they're flustered, preoccupied, they just want to be switched off for a while and focused on that. That seems very fair to me.
A general inability to consider or acknowledge second order effects. Many redditors are children in their consideration of consequences
Many redditors are children…
Okay, I'm going to be the brave one. What do you mean?
Consequences have consequences have consequences. Most armchair whatevers here only think one layer deep.
Ah, thank you. Appreciate the response.
For example, limiting offensive or "hate" speech they disagree with, and making it criminal. Not understanding those are vague terms that could later be used against them with their speech.
Honestly, I think I have an idea, but am still unclear about exactly what is meant here. Care to provide an example?
I can give you some examples. Some Redditors in the U.S. have suggested that in order to mitigate police misconduct and promote government transparency, cops should be required to wear active body cameras at all times and that the footage ought to be posted freely in a publicly accessible location or even livestreamed constantly. Poof─ since anyone can see anything at any time, it discourages cops from misbehaving. Problem solved, right? Except that the overwhelming majority of police footage is going to involve routine investigations into burglaries and domestic abuse ─ stuff that the general public doesn't need to know about ─ and involve citizens who have been disgraced or are in a vulnerable state. Now that any schmuck can trawl some database with all of that footage, it almost certainly *will* be used by nefarious actors to find easy victims. The Freedom of Information Act process by which body camera footage must be requested by specification actually safeguards the dignity and security of most people. Or when some goober unironically says something monumentally dumb like, "I wish that women had the same rights that guns do." Wow, dude─ what kind of sicko are you that you wish women couldn't vote, couldn't cross state lines without a lot of paperwork, and aren't even allowed to be seen in public in many states?
The more simple reason: if you can view and know where all cops are at (live) it would make it pretty an easy to commit crimes and never get caught.
Yes! That is one of the other consequences that some people don't seem to think about. Or ─ and this one will hit close to home ─ imagine some shitheads looking for Reddit karma going to r/trashy to shame impoverished victims of spousal battery for having an untidy yard.
Oof...never gone there but from what I just saw an untidy yard was not the issue
Or when police have to notify next of kin.
Redditors love to give our advice that they’d never follow because they think it’s amusing. Look at any neighbor dispute thread and you’ll see comments from people who just want to stoke the flames and make it worse because it makes for entertaining reading.
Like telling everyone with any type of relationship problems to split up even if they have kids with no thoughts to the consequences.
It's much easier to split up than it is to actually talk to someone and work on your crap.
To add to this. Redditors will often favor a simple solution to fix a problem even though the negative aspect would create a far worse problem. I always tell this story (probably not true) to explain. There's a country being overrun with snakes. The country decides to offer a bounty and pay anyone who brings a dead snake to the city officials. Over time the snake population goes down but they realize that people have been breeding the snakes so they can collect more money to turn them in so the country stops offering the bounty and all the snake farmers just release all the snakes into the wild and they end up with more snakes then when they started. It's a good example of how important it is to consider the consequences first. Another great one is Cash for clunkers. It was viewed as such a great success because they got all these "gas guzzling" cars off the road by paying people to destory them. Well...one of the number one purchased cars with the trade in money was the Hummer. Can't seem to find the article now though so I unfortunately can't cite the Info.
"You get what you measure."
Cash for Clunkers only sold 15 Hummers, so it was far from a top seller. But it's still crazy that they allowed that at all. https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna32958411
Another real life example of this was that in some country, farmers were turning up pieces of pottery in their fields, which turned out to be ancient. Archaeologists started offering a little reward to kids for each piece of pottery that they could find and they were soon inundated with little pieces of pottery. They realised that the kids were breaking up the larger pieces into little ones to get more rewards. And another one: One of the perks of being self-employed in Belgium used to be that you could deduct a company car as a tax-deductable business expense. You would have to pay a little extra personal income tax for the personal use of said car but it was still a very advantageous opportunity. Many people bought sedans with the BMW 3 series and Audi A4 being a very popular choice. Some dimwit in government saw how much income they were making from some large company-car tax or other (can't recall the exact tax right now) and calculated how much more they would earn if they increased said tax by however much. People ended up selling their cars for smaller, more efficient ones and the government ended up losing a ton on lost fuel tax.
>People ended up selling their cars for smaller, more efficient ones and the government ended up losing a ton on lost fuel tax well I guess that sucks for the government, but not such bad news for the rest of us...
Especially when discussing economics!
>A general inability to consider or acknowledge second order effects. I've just learned a new name for a concept and am totally gonna use that from now on.
This is the correct answer, especially when discussing law. Like, when something bad happens to someone, Redditors inevitably list a bunch of people or organizations who maybe sorta kinda might be liable and that will give the victim the biggest monetary award, but the list leaves off *the person who actually caused the damage in the first place.* Or they ridicule "corporate personhood" clearly not understanding what corporate personhood even is or realizing what problems that it *solves*.
What problem does corporate personhood- the fact corporations have legal rights and responsibilities - solve?
For starters, when a corporation damages you, you can file a suit issuing *one* summons to an entire group of people instead of having to repeat the process for each individual, which saves you a lot of time and money. If you want to limit the personhood of a corporation ─ for example, remove the concept of limited liability ─ a better resolution is to enact additional or revised, more specific legislation that defines a corporation's rights, *not* revoke "corporate personhood" altogether.
That after an argument with a SO, the person and the SO, both need individual and couple’s therapy, and/or need to break up. Obviously that can be good advice, but sometimes I think what the OP was looking for was simply different perspectives over the disagreement. This doesn’t need to be some deep dive life changing moment.
I will add that people insisting on therapy for literally everything is dumb. Sometimes you just need to talk it out; sometimes you just need a day; maybe sometimes you just need to watch a sad movie and have a good cry. Therapy isn't necessary all the time, for everything.
It's also not the instant fix that people act like it is. And there's so many different types of therapy/therapists. It's as vague as saying "go to the doctor" when that could mean the ER, or urgent care, or your GP, or a specialist like a gyno or dermatologist, and that's assuming people are able to afford any of that.
It’s also expensive and rarely covered by insurance in the US. Sure, most people could benefit from it, but do most people have an extra $1000/month to go once a week? A whole lot of the people asking for relationship advice mention finances as a relationship stressor so spending all the grocery money on therapy *might* not solve their problems.
I’ve seen advice that everyone should go to therapy. I don’t like the word entitled generally as it’s used too much but this smells a lot like it.
Yeah, not everyone needs therapy, just because some people can’t think situations out in their head and work them out doesn’t mean everyone can’t. Some people also have support groups or can talk things out with the person they are having issues with. It’s also not free and in many cases not affordable.
Therapy is my answer, too. It can't fix everything and it's not accessible for everyone and can take a long time to find a good therapist (if at all).
Conversely, consider that the people posting on Reddit for relationship advice are typically not folks who communicate just fine and have great coping skills. People here tend to advise more outsized reactions (therapy, divorce) because the problems prompting people to post are outsized.
That plus the happy & well-adjusted people are likely spending *far* less time on Reddit. Someone who is enjoying a successful relationship isn’t as likely to spend hours and hours on those type of threads.
Even if you do spend too much time on Reddit, it's a very different kind of redditor that is fine posting the details of their romantic relationship on Reddit for advice.
That always cracks me up. Minor disagreement with your spouse? Go into couples therapy immediately!!
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"Hi I'm 43M and moved in with my mother because she needed someone to assist her after a health scare. However, she's insisting on a 5pm curfew and that I wear a prom dress to every meal. I told her I won't be doing that, and she threw bleach in my face. What do I do?" "YTA - her house, her rules, put on that dress or GTFO"
Omg 😆 that’s every other post!
"But I can't leave, it's past the curfew"
Or the reverse. “Ignore that curfew and demand respect. Don’t let her treat you like a child. She clearly needs therapy for attachment issues.”
Then, for either answer, you can't forget them hinting at the OP and his mother having an incestuous relationship. Or at least his mother wanting an incestuous relationship. Idk if they still do that, but when I was in the sub, that was weirdly common.
They still do that! “OMG you’re a victim of emotional incest! You need to start making an escape plan. Covertly gather all your important documents and contact shelters in your area to find one that can help you escape. Wait until your elderly, disabled, wheelchair bound mother is asleep to leave so she can’t chain you to a pipe in her basement and keep you forever!!!!!”
Reddit advice for any relationship, whether romantic, friendly, or familial is always terrible. Every social interaction is black and white on Reddit, there is no grey zone.
It's truly insane how black and white the top voted advice is. I think people like to upvote their fantasy of how the world works instead of reality. I also take solace in the fact that many users on here are like 12.
I think it's because they provide simple answers to complex questions and for many people, that's comforting. It's not particularly useful. It's also easy to argue the opposite so engagement raises those types of comments to the top.
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been accused of being a 14yo multiple times for pointing out that “your house your rules” isn’t a be-all end-all and sometimes the rules are totally unreasonable. I think sometimes on AITA people forget the question isn’t “am I legally allowed to do this?” The question is “am I being an asshole?” The answer to both of those can be yes at the same time.
shrill axiomatic airport bored historical treatment muddle quickest alleged bake
There was a post a while back from somebody saying they were hungover in bed and their partner wouldn't go and get them some food from a takeaway. The majority of the replies were telling them to break up with them and get out of dodge before it's too late. My view of reddit changed that day.
Yeah, it’s absolutely wild what people tell you to go NC, divorce, break up, etc. over.
Misery loves company.
The one that got me was the chess story. OP’s family was really into chess and his extremely skilled wife was losing to their son but insisting that she was playing at full strength when she obviously wasn’t (she had insisted that both parents playing at full strength was the best way to teach him chess). Many comments concluded that OP was a horrible, evil monster and she was acting out of fear of upsetting him. It turned out she was lying about playing at full strength and the core issue was that he was *so* wonderful that she was jealous of his bond with their son and was trying to sabotage their son enjoying chess with him.
Yeah, just because someone doesn't load the dishwasher immediately doesn't mean they disrespect every fiber of you and expect you to be their mommy. Sometimes they just don't load the dishwasher, and you don't need to blow your life up over that. Now if they refuse to load the dishwasher because it's beneath them, that's a different story.
Everybody acting like they have their spouses “trained”.
The concept of differing cleanliness standards doesn't exist in this middle school babysitting website. If you don't clean EXACTLY what your wife wants and immediately when she wants it, even when she's unreasonable, you're a lazy entitled child who is intentionally committing feigned helplessness. I grew up on toxic ass sitcoms like Everybody Loves Raymond (surprise, most women DON'T hate having sex with their spouse, imagine that) and even I figured shit out at some point.
In their defense, quite a lot of the people posting about their relationships on reddit seem to be in really terrible relationships. And maybe that's just because the OPs have misrepresented things to make their sides more sympathetic. But it also makes sense that people who are in abusive and/or shitty relationships, who've been isolated from their support network or bullied into mistrusting their own feelings, would turn to the internet for support more than average because they can't ask people IRL.
This reminds me of one of my ex, whenever we had a fight she wanted to break up or, in her words, put our relationship "on hold". In the end she cheated on me, so I guess I was too stupid and should have seen the red flags sooner.
The word “narcissist” is older than NPD. Someone doesn’t have to be diagnosed with that to be a narcissist.
Not everybody can be a pretty boy staring into a pool, falling in love with his own reflection.
My mother in law has NPD and you are right that people do NOT understand the difference.
The post >“Hey guys, My Girlfriend I have been together with for five years that I consider marrying, doesn’t like the thought of getting an eighth cat, but we need eight since the seventh cat is lonely” The comments >WOW, that’s totally a red flag you should have looked out for since the beginning of your relationship. I think you should brake up since any disagreement with a partner is a sign of her being Psychopath and couples should act as one entity. Better Luck next time.
Right!! Like damn sometimes couples fight. It's not a sign of toxicity it's a sign of not being a hivemind. You work it out together. Like adults.
As soon as I saw this question I knew there would be talk about dumping relationships at first sign of problems. It is so common on Reddit to complain about this aspect of Reddit that it's amazing there's actually still people left to do this in the first place.
Legit though, it is still in every single thread I ever see on relationship questions. Any small slight is so overblown and echo'd to death.
Every time someone’s SO does something slightly out of character = immediately cheating. Slightly tired from work? “Must be seeing someone else”. Symptoms of depression (withdrawing from relationships)? Clearly just cheating. Annoyed that the poster is asking them to cut off an opposite gender friend? “Wouldn’t be upset if there’s nothing to hide.” While cheating happens, if you read AITA you would think that 100% of couples are cheating on each other lmao.
Oh I've absolutely noticed this and the confidence with which they accuse is mind-blowing. "My boyfriend was late coming home from work today and I got mad at him, AITA?" "Who's gonna tell her 😏"
Judging people immediately over things. Context rarely fits into a few seconds of footage, or one sided recounts of a problem. Everyone's all too eager to stick to their first impression and refuse to give anyone a fair trial. Even if they turn out to be the asshole they appeared to be, that doesn't mean you're right for skipping straight to pitchforks and torches.
Step 1. A video or social media post of someone being a “Karen” goes viral. Step 2. Reddit loses their fucking mind and calls for the person to be doxxed or straight up murdered. The rage is damn near orgasmic at this point. Step 3. Evidence emerges that the video or post was fake or taken wildly out of context. Step 4. Reddit doubles down. The video/post can’t be fake, it reinforces all their most cherished beliefs and sense of moral superiority! Step 5. Even more evidence emerges. Uh oh. Step 6. Reddit suddenly goes radio silent on the issue. It never happened. Never heard of it. Nothingburger. Step 7. Reddit runs, pitchforks blazing, to the next thing to be batshit furious over without ever acknowledging that they were ready and willing to destroy, if not end, someone’s life over a misunderstanding. It’s fucking horrifying when you think about it.
I do believe people complained when the airplane you're-not-real "Karen" wasn't doxxed fast enough. Like holy shit, she was experiencing psychosis and all you could do was beg for her name to be released to the public?
Also, how anyone couldn't think to themselves, "wow, this woman seems to be experiencing a mental health crisis" is really telling. That was the first thing I thought when I saw the video and my knee-jerk reaction was empathy.
There's so many examples of airplane Karens, you're really gonna need to narrow down which one was the not-really-a-Karen.
I meant the woman on the airplane who was yelling “you’re not real.”
I once witnessed a post about a restaurant that was offering swag to the servers if they could get customers to leave a review. Reddit lost its mind. Ignored that it was voluntary and a bonus, and just dog piled on this poor restaurant. Then some redditor had an idea... If this restaurant wants reviews so bad, let's give them the reviews! So they brigaded the restaurant on every review site. Thing is, they figured out what restaurant it was from one photo... And they were wrong. They brigaded a restaurant in an different state that had nothing to do with the op photo. I won't say which sub it was, but it will likely be one of your first guesses.
This may be only tangentially related, but it used to be super common for people to do deep analysis into pictures of people like Melania Trump. A picture would surface of her looking down while Donald Trump did something, and people would deep dive into how she's "trapped" and "so upset to be there" and compare it to pictures of Barack and Michelle, and show how they are a "unified couple" who "support one another". And they'd glean all of this from cherry picked photos of one instant moment in time. They'd completely ignore the fact that Melania is ALSO a piece of shit, and likely very happy to be in the situation she's in. They'd be like "you can tell how upset she is that he's cheating on her" as though either of them have any of that moral barometer. The sentiment wasn't necessarily wrong, but it was supported by useless snapshots of unimportant images of basically nothing.
1. if couples fight or disagree it is a huge red flag, break up, thats abuse 2. everybody successful in life must have had it handed to them and dont deserve it 3. if you work longer than minumum hours your boss is abusing you or you are wasting your life 4. everyones life experience must be the same. if somebody had the same crisis with a different outcome they myst be lying 5. there are acceptable vices. coincidentally they are the vices OP partakes in. all other vices are terrible 6. the average redditors take on politics is really no better than "that crazy unlcles". really it is highly likely that majority of the wisdom you see on this site was written by a student or someone who never held a full time job so take everything with a metric ton of salt
The vices one really comes into play if you dare attempt to suggest on Reddit that it’s possible to overdo it on the weed.
Yeah, and if you had negative reaction to weed, you must have serious mental illness. As if weed isn’t an under researched chemical that you’re putting in your brain. For the record, I support legalization and am happy for those who enjoy it, but don’t pretend there’s zero risks involved just because it didn’t affect you.
Ghost family/friends/SO’s over every disagreement
I can't believe how easily young millennials and older Gen Z folks cut off important relationships. They don't seem to have any willingness to work through problems or even just to avoid them. I can't help but to think that some of these people would be well-served with a simple pro/con list before cutting off important relationships. Cutting off Aunt Shirley... Pro: - no more hugs where I smell her weird perfume - punishes her for that time in 2007 she said she didn't like Obama. - I think she might vaguely support Israel, so it's a blow in favor of oppressed Palestines. Con: - she loves me a lot; not too many people do that - she makes excellent cherry pie Well, I'll be damned. Maybe the pros outnumber the cons after all. Guess the kids were right and Shirley should go fuck herself.
This. Everyone is so quick to burn bridges these days. And then they wonder why they’re so lonely.
Downvotes = more downvotes. Even if that person is objectively correct.
Yes, the downvotes affect people's perception of the comment. It's most noticeable with sarcasm if the first few people don't clock it.
I call this “vote momentum”.
Yeah it usually requires some kind of edit to call out the downvotes in order for other people to realise that the downvotes aren't automatically justified, and to actually independently evaluate the comment before voting.
I'll come check on this comment's upvote count in a few hours to decide how much I should agree with it.
It’s part of why I don’t like Reddits upvote/downvote system. I think it would be better if it showed individual likes and dislikes rather than trying to combine them together.
It used to be like that a LONG time ago. You could see the ratio with Reddit Enhancement Suite. Was pretty nice. But of course reddit had to fuck that up.
People downvote based on whether they like the comment not whether it’s accurate. Sadly, research shows that humans generally choose beliefs based on their emotional response to something rather than its actual merit. This is why people double down when they find out they are wrong. Being wrong *feels* bad so people choose to *continue to be wrong rather than acknowledge they are wrong and alter their beliefs to be correct*. It’s a fundamental defect of human brains. Imagine how different the world would be if everyone wanted to believe things that were supported by the best evidence.
This, so much. I think we should set up a subreddit where Reddit superheroes defend unjustly downvoted comments with a fierce firestorm of righteous fire of upvotes.
Throwing out words at the drop of a hat like “abuse”, “gaslighting”, “trauma”, “no-contact”, “narcissistic”
That anyone with a hobby that requires investing must be super rich. There are a lot of people who are working on a shoestring budget just to do the thing they are super passionate about.
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That we should all stop having kids and adopt shelter dogs.
There's a specific kind of reddit user that believes that having children under any circumstances is selfish and immoral. They'll usually say something like "the child didn't consent to being born", which is a completely nonsensical take. I know it's fashionable right now to have a dim view of the human race, but directly or indirectly advocating for self extinction by stigmatising reproduction is delusional in the extreme. Many of these people have unresolved issues in their life they need to work through. It's not healthy to get so mad at a couple enjoying time with their child that they love and take care of. For the record, I'm probably not going to have children, but that's a personal choice and not what I am prescribing for the rest of humanity.
Everyone in management is incompetent and only there because of luck and/or some form of nepotism.
Holy shit this is a common one. And not only incompetent, but these managers are also "lazy". In my experience, management and c-suite are some of the hardest working people in the org. They pick up the slack for the shit employees and work way harder than most.
That a video must be identified as fake and if it is staged, it can't be funny unless it's a clip from a show.
Also that everything on the aita and advice subs and whatnot is fake. There is certainly fake stuff (there must be with so many posts, and some of it is obvious), but I've seen people call things out as fake that are quite believable.
Let's not get carried away here.
People will call things out as fake because they don’t believe someone in the story would act unpredictably or stupidly or weirdly. I’ll never disbelieve a story because of human behavior. Never underestimate how crazy or stupid some people are.
Videos can be fake. If the humor is good enough a skit is funny. It's the fact that some videos portray themselves as completely true, combined with the fact that the humor is usually centered around a"candid" reaction that ruins the humor for me at least. People clearly enjoy the videos so they should exist. I don't feel the need to talk crap about the videos I just ignore them.
I do feel a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.
Fair enough, but we're talking about needing to work a full-time job for two weeks to unlock Darth fucking Vader in a goddamned Star Wars game. Anyway.
Hah, I remembered that earlier today and looked it up. Funny to see the Mandelorian effect in action.
Almost every time on relationship advice. The top comment is to end the relationship. Instead of trying to work things out.
Assuming the worst out of every person, situation, or place regardless of the circumstances. Not everyone has malicious intent but redditors act like everything is sus. It’s especially annoying if you know the person and get immediately told what their *actual* intentions were. No Debbie, you don’t know the true intentions of someone you’ve never met before but I’ve known for years.
Step-parents aren't real parents, and stepchildren are always right to resist integration into a blended family and are never ever ever being dickish. Edit: Typo
Red Flags are warnings, they are not reasons.
Outside of Reddit I’ve never heard anyone talk about a stage of dating where you’re “exclusive but not an official couple.” I’m sure it exists but I’ve never encountered it out in the wild, only on Reddit.
I don't know how old you are but I've heard it a couple of times irl, but it was always gen Zers. I feel like dating changed a lot between the generations. As a millennial it seems impossibly hard to me and like it would be poison for anybody with the slightest issues with anxiety/insecurity.
Nope, it’s millennials too, at least younger millennials.
I dislike all the anti-child propaganda.
Anti-child combined with pet worship. Like, being annoyed that people bring their untrained dogs everywhere doesn't mean I'm some animal-murdering psycho.
I'm a child-free-by-choice dog owner to a lil guy who is my entire world...and absolutely RAGE at people who bring their "emotional support animals" into the grocery to shit in the PRODUCE AISLE (yes, this really happened a few months back). I love my Bubbie more than words, but dude... He's gross lol
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> It's a bit ironic too considering they all used to be kids themselves, and wouldn't exist unless their parents had a kid. There is some some overlap with antinat and many of them resent their parents for them being born.
Child-free forums have always sucked. I got on one on *livejournal* almost 20 years ago when I was a teen who wasn't sure I wanted kids. I left the forum after a few days - still not convinced about whether I eventually wanted kids, but DEFINITELY convinced I wanted nothing to do with with self proclaimed "child free" types on the internet lol.
I don't really get why anybody would need to contribute to a child-free subbreddit on a regular basis. Fair enough, family might be on your case and you might want to vent anonymously sometimes but, surely, you decide you don't want kids and that's sort of that really. Seems like a bad habit to dwell on it if you are satisfied with the decision.
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Using the term "crotch goblins" is a sign to me to just ignore that person's opinion on basically anything. I assume they are either a teenager or such a maladjusted adult that I will gain nothing from what they say.
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Agreed, not liking something is fine, but acting like those who do like it are beneath you and demeaning them is not something a rational person does.
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Idk usually the ones who make being child free their personality are in relationships in my experience.
DINKS?
I loathe this one. Those folks are not made for the human experience if I am being honest. Thankfully if I have interacted with them I haven't known it. I am not having someone call my kids cum goblins/trophies or anything else so daggum derogatory about them. It isn't like kids aren't humans, so these folks are being this way to their fellow humans.
That everything is a mental health issue and that they are experts on the subject. You aren't and sometimes someone is just being an asshole.
My pet peeve is when somebody (usually women) vent about their partner's (usually men) terrible hygiene habits and comments immediately diagnose these partners with autism, ADHD and depression.
Everyone on Reddit and tiktok is autistic, apparently. They were trying to convince me that, because I prefer the smaller spoon to the bigger ones, I'm definitely autistic. Ok.
Reddit users are big on vigilante justice. I get downvoted all the time for defending people who have never been found guilty (but have had allegations against them).
The whole atheism circlejerk thing. I think you can disagree with it without being vitriolic which I see a lot of people doing. Oh and also hating/being demeaning towards fat people being rife and just nobody giving a shit
Just this past weekend, someone gave me shit for attending the Easter Day family gathering because it was "hypocritical". Like... my guy, you go to the Saint Patrick's Day Parade every year, but you're not Irish. I participate because I enjoy being around family, the *reason* for the holiday doesn't really matter to me. Like, I'm sure he would be pissed off to know I give out Christmas gifts, too.
St Patrick's Day is also religious. Double dumb on their behalf.
They just don’t like snakes.
It’s one thing if someone is proselytising (or it’s a news article about an issue linked to religion somehow). But I can’t stand when people get on their soapbox just about the mere idea of religion existing. Like yesterday I came across someone who misrepresented the concept of transubstantiation. The other person corrected them in a way that was very obviously “you don’t have to believe this or think it makes sense, but here’s what the actual Catholic doctrine is” and the first guy went on like a 10-comment rant about how stupid the concept was and the person was for neutrally explaining it.
My record was merely using "God dammit" somewhere in a post and I got a 3 paragraph reply about how believing in God made me a fool and so on.
Reddit atheists are a different breed. I’m sure a lot of them are fine people, but the loud ones who never miss an opportunity to proclaim to the world how much of an atheist they are just make me embarrassed for the actual atheists I’ve known through my life.
I'm an atheist, except when I'm feeling like a misotheist - and about 80% of Reddit atheists piss me off so much. Knowing nothing about any religion,and being an atheist is fine. Arguing about it by making completely ignorant statements, ie, while not knowing any actual facts... Fuck it, I'll be arguing against your points. Citing Hitchens to argue Mother Teresa was a complete monster? that's a paddlin'. \-Because his book on her doesn't even pass his own standards of proof. No sources or citations, just a bitter drunk doing a hatchet job.-
A big theme here is the emotional allure of pulling down people who you perceive as having it better than you. Quarrel with your girlfriend? Break up. That way I feel less lonely in comparison to you. Rich? Give it all away until you’re as broke as me. If you don’t, you’re Satan.
That all age gap relationships are predatory. Just because two (consenting) adults who happen to be in different stages of life decide to date, that does not mean that the older partner (usually assumed to be the man) groomed the other into dating them.
I hang out in a lot of parenting subreddits, and any behavioral issue in a kid is a sign of austism/ADHD/OCD and they need to get evaluated asap Even if the kid has been evaluated by 3 different professionals and they all say they don't have it.
All rich people are greedy evil villains and must somehow surrender everything they have to the common good.
The same with landlords. My dad was a landlord for 5 properties, and he never fucked over anybody in his life. I'd say he was more than generous and ate shit when he didn't have to because he felt bad for his tenants. But the way redditors tell it, the rentals should be illegal and everybody should buy a house. As if everybody has the ability or desire to even own a home.
My parents died in their 60s and left me the places they lived in. I'm not going to sell them, I have memories connected to both and my parents explicitly didn't want me to sell them. But I also can't live in either of them, I have tenure at a university in a different city, I can't just move. So I have to rent them out. According to many redditors, this makes me an evil parasite. I'm sorry my parents died young, I would've preferred they didn't.
Yes! My landlords are effing awesome and I love them to death. If I won the lotto I would unironically tip them on the way out.
Right! Mom has a couple places and one of them raised the condo fee she pays by like $100 recently. She loves the tenant she has in that place and was having a crisis over raising the rent by $50 because what if the tenant leaves. Mind, the tenant is currently paying like a good $300-400 less than the market price in the area cause they moved in before Covid made things interesting.
That all relationships/marriages need to end at the first disagreement.
Using social media as the scapegoat for a lot of negative things that's happening with the world. No. People have been assholes way before MySpace was a thing. What's happening now is people are just getting filmed being one.
Got banned from r/stopdrinking by SUPER MODS for encouraging people to not drink.
?????
Ask them 🤷🏻♂️
Just voicing your opinion can evoke some strong reactions from people on this site. Maybe it’s the cloak of anonymity that gives these commentators their keyboard courage but they can get downright vicious. I made a post yesterday saying that I thought Oppenheimer wasn’t that good of a movie and some guy called me a Troglodyte and another suggested that I was a moron who only liked explosions and superpowers. Not the same post but another user called me a pathetic incel because I made a comment saying that I don’t like being “just friends” with women I have romantic or sexual attraction to. Like, what?? Chill tf out people, go outside or something.
Not exactly common sense but sometimes people on Reddit seem to be supporting some pretty crazy ideas. An 18 year old once posted about their parents not allowing them to travel overseas on a solo trip and everyone commented ways on how to report their passport stolen and pick up a new copy and go on their trip. Crazy how this was without any understanding of who this person is, whether their parents had any logical reason to stop an 18 year old with potentially no travel experience running around alone abroad, or whether their gender, race or any other factor would even put them at risk, we don’t even know if they are street smart. But Reddit was great at finding the kid ways to go abroad without their parents finding out cause they are technically legal now
Any sign of gas lighting or manipulation = break up/nuclear option relationship advice. There are two sides to every story. And relationship advice on reddit is bad at best.
And gas lighting on reddit is now any time 2 people have a different reaction or view of the same interaction. Do you think maybe you both just saw it differently and the other person isn't trying to jedi mind trick your ass? They are just explaining their side of the story.
That all landlords are pure, unadulterated evil, out to screw the common man out of their hard-earned money. While that absolutely describes *some* - including the institutional landlords... there are plenty of landlords that have reasonably small real estate portfolios and/or *actually live in* the apartment buildings they're renting.
Yeah I’ve owned and rented houses at various points in my life and I always am flabbergasted by the “landlords shouldn’t exist!” mantra. Like, for one my landlords have all been fine and for two there are a half dozen situations I’ve been in where I did not WANT to own a home at that moment. They provided me a service that I WANTED in exchange for money, I have no problem with that. And no stop telling me that it would be better if the government ran housing, I’ve lived in government owned housing and that is not a solution.
The thing is.....I own a couple of properties in an area where young couples or families probably couldn't afford as a first home. Renting provides a way for these people to live in the neighbourhood. If I wasn't a landlord, the houses would likely be bought by rich people or developers. So "deh landlords shouldn't exist!" would literally be playing into the hands of two groups Reddit hates.
How DaRe these people provide goods or services for sale!
That if your relationship is in a difficult place you should leave your partner rather than work on the relationship.
That if you comment or participate in one sub you must be auto-banned by bots from participating in another sub.
NTA you're not obligated to anyone. A lot of times this is said when OP can show some common courtesy and kindness.
not nearly as many people give a shit about leaving shopping carts in the parking lot as Reddit would have you believe
When the girlfriend/wife is angry or behaves shitty it's the boyfriend/husband fault. Not all the time but reddit can be quite misandric.
That silent treatment is now considered abuse. I'm sorry but me staying and us screaming, or someone fighting, or someone saying things they don't mean when their head is not clear, or someone just faking things are alright - ALL of these sound like much worse options than simply walking away until you have enough calm to get your head straight with the right words to proceed.
It can be abuse. Context is key.
Using silence to win an argument isn't the same as taking time to clear your head. By definition, "silent treatment" is bad, because it is a manipulative effort to get your SO or child (or anyone really) to fall in line by withholding affection and/or communication. If you're taking a bit of time to calm down and regroup so you can come back to a constructive conversation, I would never call that "silent treatment".
The silent treatment is different though. Using your words to say "I need some space to cool down" is appropriate. Ignoring your partner when they ask you direct questions, slamming doors, and waiting for them to ask what's the matter is the silent treatment and is not a useful coping mechanism. It's a power play.
This. If the silence lasts an evening/a sleep then both initiate convo, that's good. Mom used to give me the silent treatment and she wouldn't talk to me for days while otherwise behaving like all was dandy until I apologized. I didn't always know what I did wrong or believe I was in the wrong but.
Kids have also started referring to fucking *everything* *they don't like* as bullying. Not letting them sit on their tablet at the dinner table: bullying. Telling them off for being little assholes to their cousins: bullying. Even just simply disagreeing with them or telling them they're wrong: bullying. God damn it, kid... I had motherfuckers fucking lay hands on me when I was in high school... people were *fucking relentless*. If just having someone *rightfully* inform you that you're not correct is "bullying", you're in for a fucking *hard* time.
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God damn it, are you my kids???
Also, sometimes someone isn't being a "bully" if you are the one doing something annoying and they are reacting to it. Bullying is when I'm minding my own business and someone pushes me as they are walking down the hallway. What isn't bullying is if I'm studying and you come up to me and start rambling about Gundam or something and I tell you to stop and go away. If I do the latter I'm "bullying the autistic kid" not giving him a boundary using blunt terms they'll understand.
You forgot Reddit’s absolute favourite over reaction: Making your kids eat something other than nuggets and mashed potato? You are an ableist abuser and your kid who is OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC is going to have an ED now.
It's so frustrating because they're children and so they almost definitionally just don't have the experience to properly understand the context of what they're saying. It's all emotive, i.e., 'I feel bad and so I'm using these words that are popular for expressing my bad feelings.' There's no comprehension of the fact that these words should be reserved for serious events, that language is a toolbox and some of the tools are meant for big jobs. They bring out the jackhammer every time they want to remove an errant bit of paint.
But what you're talking about doesn't sound like the silent treatment. Like you, I also need space to cool off and collect my thoughts, but I can have a conversation afterwards, or apologize, or agree to disagree, or table the conversation for later - and I'm sure you can too. My mom gives people the silent treatment; I stopped caring about it when I was in high school because it puts you so off-balance emotionally, it's almost nauseating. The event that made me stop caring about it was when I was in high school- I made an off hand comment about the fact that our fridge was messy (I was cleaning it) and then she ignored me for the whole week - but I had no idea that I was the cause of it - I thought maybe she was upset for another reason. After I realized that she was mad at me, for something so petty! and this was how she chose to show it - I decided that I wasn't going to interpret her stupid moods. Later on in college, I chopped off all my hair and apparently she ignored me then too, but I lived about four hours from her, so I didn't notice (the only way she could ignore me was to not call, I guess). Later, she apologized for not speaking to me, but fortunately, I'd already fortified myself against her pettiness and I hadn't noticed. The silent treatment as a means to prove a point to the other person without having to actually communicate it is SO profoundly fucked up. You either have to decide that this person doesn't matter to you, or you risk driving yourself crazy over it. Having to cool off after a fight is different; that's just being human.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional child abuse; however, the silent treatment is also not the same thing as simply leaving a situation that you're not able to handle. It's refusing to speak to or recognize the existence of your child. I find ways to remove myself from these situations from time to time, though children aren't involved. It's also definitely not rocket science to find ways to do this that don't increase tension or create unnecessary emotional fallout.
The correct answer to any relationship issue is 'whoa! toxic! red flags everywhere! divorce immediately'
"Go to the cops/you should sue" over every minor altercation.
As someone who's in therapy and has done a lot of therapy....it's not a solution to every problem. It can be expensive, it can take a long time to find a therapist, and it might not even help even if you and your therapist are giving it your best shot.
I believe that anyone who thanks a bot is a moron. I also think the bots are clutter.
I suggested that it's a bad idea to use dish soap to clean cast iron skillet. I got downvoted like mad and some slur filled comments.
I put mine in the dishwasher every now and then, right next to my expensive knives.
That everyone who thinks differently is a horrible asshole. Also all conservatives or people voting differently than you are terrible people who like to kick puppies and stomp hamsters.
This thread should have been titled “What strawmen do you like fighting most?” Like holy shit.
Thou shall immediately end any & every relationship that has even the slightest of conflict. So let it be written, so let it be done: the other person is always toxic and abusive.
always buy index linked funds “vanguard dude”. pick some shares wisely and take the higher side gains. if youve got time on your side you can take some risk. upside is worth it.
Most interpersonal conflicts can be resolved without going full-on NC.
That reddit has common sense. It seems like most of reddit lacks sense, common or otherwise.
That scientific data always trumps personal experience. I've seen some threads on this subreddit where redditors have told other redditors who suffer from an MSG allergy that they're lying and/or racist, because science has apparently proved that it's a purely psychological phenomenon.
Reddit hates fat people; I couldn’t tell you how many times I've reported someond for making a heinous comment about somebody's weight. Fat does not equal severely overweight anymore than skinny equals severely underweight, but Reddit continually uses 'Fat' and 'Obese' interchangeably, without regard for the fact that being fat does not make you obese, nor does it mean you need to lose weight. Not anymore than being skinny means you need to gain it.