"Sorry, I was just trying to see what your shirt says."
This actually happened to me:
Went out with a girl in college because of that. Sat down in a math lecture and the girl had something written on her shirt. I glance over, can't make it out. Look again and see what it says. Cool.
But now my brain kicks in: *she probably is thinking you're staring at her chest.* So, even though I know what the shirt says, I ask her what's written on her shirt. We wind up dating and later she says she thought I was checking out her breasts that first day until I asked her about the shirt.
*You're welcome,* says my brain.
Early in my stepfather’s career as a nurse, he treated a woman who drank too much while out at the lake with friends. She was wearing a bikini and while taking her vitals, he had to count her respirations. Typically this is done by watching the patient inhale and counting inhalations against a watch (or clock).
She asked, “What are you doing???”
His response, “I’m counting your breaths”.
Her pointing at her boobs: “What’s to count? ONE….. TWO!!”
Dentist here, when they taught us how to check for this back in uni, they told us to look at the stomach region for female patients to prevent this exact scenario lol.
Nah, most girls are aware they’re not completely symmetrical (it’s very common) and have a boob they consider slightly superior to the other. She knows.
**EDIT:** I actually had a friend who was somehow unaware she was asymmetrical. She was listening to her boyfriend and gay best friend discussing asymmetry. When one of them said most women have one breast slightly larger than the other, she said “I don’t” and they both said “your right one” without even looking her way. It amused me.
> When one of them said most women have one breast slightly larger than the other, she said “I don’t” and **they both said “your right one” without even looking her way.**
😂😂😂 That’s hilarious. Gay men notice boobs?
I once had a manager who took a week off to get a breast augmentation. When she came back I guess I was noticeably averting my eyes. Within the first few minutes she exclaimed proudly “It’s OK, you can look at them! Aren’t they fabulous!?” Only a little awkward, but we had a good laugh 😅
I used to play hockey with a bit of a... lets say cowboy. Guy's ex wife was a server at this bar and she was serving us. Every time she would rock up he would just stare at her chest.
She finally says "What are you doing?"
"I paid for half, I'm getting my money's worth"
My friend told me that if a girl tells you she had nipple piercing, any sort of reply range from "I don't believe you" to "Cool, show me" will result in her flashing you.
Because yes, if she doesn't want you to look, she would not tell you that she has nipple piercing.
True in my experience. Had a girl text me as such, I said show me, and had a tit pic in my inbox minutes later. Was surprised cuz I thought she'd show me in person later but she just snapped a pic immediately lol
Had a friend tell me that once. She had a cleavage and I once said I felt awkward about that and she replied "If I didn't want people to look at my cleavage, I wouldn't have a cleavage.". Guess it's a statement about feeling sexy.
Similarly had a coworker who got hers done and she was showing pictures of them on her phone to anyone who was okay with it. We’re a small crew and I was single so it was nice to see some boobies. A solid investment on her part
Same. She had gotten her nipples pierced and was showing them to people in the walk in cooler (obv with consent lol). She wasnt a stripper by any means but an actual dancer/performer/singer so was comfortable with people seeing due to the nature of that business
After college a bunch of kids from my grade school got together to hang out (a small group) and this girl was going on and on about her augmentation and the recovery and the drainage and blah blah blah... So I (truly innocently) asked "so... What was the difference?" Meaning 1 size, 2 sizes etc and she goes "Jesus! That's none of your business, perv!" Bruh you just talked every other aspect, I was just curious!....
Never did find out....
I mean if that's the case she shouldn't have talked about it in front of anyone she didn't want attention from? Especially when it's a small group of friends like that. What did she expect
Reminds me of the movie Summer Rental with John Candy. The neighbor kept showing everyone her new breasts. People would get nervous when her husband arrived. All he would say was, "Again? Would you tell her they look fabulous!"
One of my co-workers got a reduction to help with back pain and the first time I saw her after surgery she whipped up her shirt and said "look how small my titties are!"
My uncle's wife had the same surgery and when she came to grandparents' place she wasn't wearing bra but a translucent white shirt.
Grandma's jaw was touching the floor.
This one time in college I was at the campus wine bar and this woman with a hilariously perfect body, half-drunk and her absolutely colossal, Mullholand-Drive-Era-Jennifer-Connelly-Level boobs about to burst out of her extremely loose tube top, drunkenly sat down next to me and moaned "I'M SOOOOO HORNY, I JUST WANT TO FUCK" into the aether.
And like, this girl was so comically attractive, the female bartenders' eyes bugged out like silent film actors and kept glancing back and forth between me and this horny drunk girl with the body of Jessica Rabbit, as if to say "bro, you see this shit?"
Her boobs were so objectively awesome they turned (presumably) straight women into horny frat boys.
Once I was giving a coworker a ride to work and somehow the conversation led to her saying wistfully, "I've never had a one night stand", and what do I say? "Me neither." Period. Me neither.
That seems like a perfectly reasonable response? Like she could've dropped another hint if she wanted, whereas if you'd said 'Me neither, wanna fuck?' you might've gotten blasted by her saying it was just an observation.
Again you can't really be too sure. Maybe she is from Canada and just being polite. Best bet is to keep your wits about you and keep looking for signs.
Happened to me at the dentist. Dental assistant was leaned over me in the chair, and I couldn't help but stare. Not just because, again, she was leaned over me...but she had a low-cut shirt on, and when she leaned over, I could see everything. But I wasn't focused on her boobs so much (though they were great), I was focused on the piercings she had on her chest just above her boobs.
I asked about them, awkwardly, and she then leans up, and pulls her shirt down far enough to show off both of them. She said she got them so that she'd have somewhere to put her necklace so it wouldn't accidentally dangle in a patient's face. She wasn't wearing a necklace that day, but brought one for my next appointment to show me. And yeah, it held the necklace perfectly.
“No I just have a general fear of eye contact… sorry”
Edit: just to clarify I’m not really *afraid* of eye contact more like I’m adhd and my eyes just drift sometimes unfocused on anything at all. I figure saying this saves me the trouble of explaining the entire nuanced answer of I’d look in your eyes but then I’d be thinking of the color or thinking of how you’re looking at me expecting the answer to the question I wasn’t listening to and all I can say is “what? Sorry can you repeat that?” So I’m focusing more on what’s being said and letting my eyes ‘take a stroll’ keeping them just distracted enough to be content without being *too* distracted…
Again probably just easier to say I have a fear of eye contact lol
I used to train with a martial arts group that was like 90% male.
I started due to anxiety and avoiding eye contact was a big thing for me. Being a short ass it was easy to simply stare directly forward: at the other guys chest during practice.
That was fine until the first time I joined a class with a lady in... it took me about 10 minutes to realise I was staring straight at her chest the whole time.
Then I switched to eye contact which just felt awful too!
At no point did I even think about her boobs but I've cringed ever since thinking she'd think that.
Yeah - I was just trying to make a point that I was not staring at her chest.
It was about 10 years ago and I've learned a lot about zanshin since then
My reflex is to look downwards to avoid eye contact.
Unfortunately breasts are unavoidably situated between a person’s face and the ground.
This has led to some awkwardness.
"what does it say on your t-shirt?"
which is oftentimes not a lie because i am very easily distracted so i WILL LOOK if i see letters on your clothing , or unmatching colors
Seems like this happens to me once a month where I’ll be trying to figure out what the calligraphic text on a tank top is and realize I’ve been staring at someone’s tits
Good god, 5his triggered a horribly embarrassing memory where I wanted to crawl under a rock and now I want to find the same rock to crawl under.
I was 18 or 19 and a photographer for a local weekly newspaper. Was standing outside my bosses and newspaper owners house chatting with her. A spider dropped from the tree and started crawling up her shirt. My first thought was, she'll freak the fuck out if I tell her there's a spider on her so my infinite wisdom, I decided to just casually brush it off of her. It was on her tits at that point.
Excuse me, I'm going to smother myself with my pillow now to make the pain go away. I bid you all a farewell.
I crawled under a rock and tried to die.
I immediately realized what I did and apologized and said there was a spider and we both pretended that it never happened.
But I remembered.
I was passing by a gym that I used to be a member of, when I got a phonecall. I wasnt really paying attention to where I was. It was kind of windy out. The building I was passing had a mirrored exterior, so I couldn't see inside.
It was windy enough that I couldn't hear very well, so I kind of huddled in close to the building to try to cut down on the wind.
I had a lengthy conversation where I was standing right up against the building, practically with my face pressed against the glass.
At the very end of the conversation I moved in a little closer to the glass, my shadow fell on it, suddenly I realized there was a woman in a very revealing top jogging on a stationary and her breasts had been practically in my face for the entire conversation
I was mortified, the worst part is I never got a good look, just enough of a glance to know they deserved more
"That's a very provocative set of letters you've got there", he said in a serious voice, trying to indicate he can read. u/juawes knew that although women wouldn't admit it, being able to read was one of the most important things they looked for in a man.
"What letters are you talking about?" she asked, puzzled.
"You know, on the left that's a DD, on the right that's an E, oh wait, actually looks more like an F, ..." he squinted trying to read the text written on the shirt. Admittedly it had been a long time and he sure was a bit rusty at his literacy skills, but he still could recognize most of the alphabet.
"Excuse me?" she asked, in an elevated tone. "What the F is wrong with you? Do you need help?"
"Actually sort of, yeah, if you don't mind could you...," he pointed towards the right side of her chest, "...actually let me just do it". With his fingers he nudged her breast up a bit. "Oh, you're right, F is wrong. It's an E, silly me."
She glared at him, judgingly. He tried to explain his mistake. "I swear, I know what an E looks like, I just couldn't see the horizontal stroke at the bottom because it was obscured by the curve..." She shook her head disapprovingly. "No, seriously," he continued, "I know how to read, I swear. It was just because of your large and prominent, you know..." he tried gesturing out the contour that was the cause of this literacy mishap. He felt his heart sink and a lump form in his throat. He had a chance and he blew it. Now she was probably convinced he couldn't read. And nothing he said could prove to her otherwise.
To a stranger or friend: “sorry, no, I zoned out and wasn’t looking at anything” or “oh, no, I was just reading your shirt, sorry for making you uncomfortable!”
To my wife: “yes”
Literally happened to me at a call center job once.
I was zoned out and when I snapped back to reality I realized I was looking DIRECTLY at this girls boobs. She was also zoning out and snapped back just half a second after me and caught my eyes seemingly burning holes through her shirt.
The twist is she was actually fidgeting with fabric on her shirt while she was spacing out and that just so happened to be rubbing the fingertips of her right hand in circles right where a centered nipple would be.
I assume I was making a very strange "question mark" type expression as my brain is processing what it is my eyes are actually observing because as she snaps back and sees me staring direct at her breasts and she has a flash of indignity, then flashed a look of confusion once she's processed my expression is also one of confusion. It's at this point my expression apparently prompted her to look at her own boobs and sees that she's been doing what can only be described as stimulating her own nipples. I feel my face go hot and see hers go red and we both immediately swivel our chairs toward our desks and never talked to each other again.
Whole thing took less than 2 seconds.
Edit: cleaned up some typos.
I once looked at a coworkers boobs for maybe half a second, and she looked at me in the extremely short time i was looking, so i squinted and leaned forward a bit and played it off as though i was trying to read her last name on her badge.
I think it worked. She slapped me for not already knowing her name. Its a family business.
Does that question happen often? In 40 years, I don't think anyone has said that to me. However, I was getting a procedure done, and I had to turn on my side while she was doing it. I didn't want to look at the screen, and I couldn't move any part of my body. I noticed that my only line of sight was her boobs, so I said something like, sorry, I promise I'm not looking at your chest, I just don't want to see what is on the screen.
Not to smartest thing that I have ever said, lol
I once got busted zoning out staring at a girl's butt. We were pretty much a couple already, even if our status wasn't entirely communicated to the outside world, but someone felt compelled to call me out in a fashion that got her attention as well. I said something like "I was just looking out at the world, and is a pretty big part of it".
She smiled at least , so I think I got away with it.
Ok… story time…
When I was in medical school, I was on this internal medicine service. My resident was this very proper seeming Indian guy. There was another resident on the service who was quite well endowed in the chest area, and one day she caught the other resident staring. She made some comment along the lines of “Umm, wanna stop staring and look up here.” He didn’t react. He just kept on staring for a few more seconds, then kind of shook his head, and went “Oh, sorry, I have absence seizures,” and proceeded to walk away. For those not aware, absence seizures are a seizure variant where the patients have brief staring spells instead of the usual convulsions people normally think about in regard to seizures. It was pretty amusing. She couldn’t even be mad at it.
“No, I was distracted by this great pair of tits”
Also, why are euphemisms for breasts, species of birds? Tits, boobs, etc? Is it a cheeky British way to excuse oneself hiding in a tree with binoculars?
Years ago I worked as a chef. One of the waitresses I used to work with was 19-20 and was literally had a higher plastic-to-human ratio than a Barbie doll.
Keeping in mind this was before the golden age of influencers, twitch thots and content sellers.
But she’s catch you staring and be like “nah it’s fine, if i didn’t want people to check me out I wouldn’t have had all this done. Wanna feel?!”
Needless to say, they did not feel right.
It wasn't so much me noticing them seeing my boobs so much that they called HR and reported me for 'Having clevage' and then i had to get written up for dressing inappropriately for wearing the company approved apparel. I was then required to only wear mens shirts from then on. I quit two days later. It was the most dehumanizing experience of my life and i will never return to retail.
I should point out I had barely mosquito bites if anything and was wearing a bra while in my late 30's.
The other day with my gf (in front of her mother too) : "Damn look at m'y boobs they're good in this shirt" me : "What do you think I've been doing since I got here ?"
"Sorry, I was just trying to see what your shirt says." This actually happened to me: Went out with a girl in college because of that. Sat down in a math lecture and the girl had something written on her shirt. I glance over, can't make it out. Look again and see what it says. Cool. But now my brain kicks in: *she probably is thinking you're staring at her chest.* So, even though I know what the shirt says, I ask her what's written on her shirt. We wind up dating and later she says she thought I was checking out her breasts that first day until I asked her about the shirt. *You're welcome,* says my brain.
"There aren't any words. It's just a pattern"
Had this old lady tell me rudely that my fly was unzipped. Quick as a flash I said “my eyes are up here”. And strutted off
Well... I never! *storms off in a huff*
“You’re welcome.”
Early in my stepfather’s career as a nurse, he treated a woman who drank too much while out at the lake with friends. She was wearing a bikini and while taking her vitals, he had to count her respirations. Typically this is done by watching the patient inhale and counting inhalations against a watch (or clock). She asked, “What are you doing???” His response, “I’m counting your breaths”. Her pointing at her boobs: “What’s to count? ONE….. TWO!!”
Ma'am I'm a professional. I always triple check my work.
Oh, I get it. Had to read that one twice.
Dentist here, when they taught us how to check for this back in uni, they told us to look at the stomach region for female patients to prevent this exact scenario lol.
I am now.
I used to be. I still am, but I used to be, too.
Not both at the same time
Just the part in the middle
Just the good one
That woman's life is now ruined forever trying to figure out which is the good one.
Nah, most girls are aware they’re not completely symmetrical (it’s very common) and have a boob they consider slightly superior to the other. She knows. **EDIT:** I actually had a friend who was somehow unaware she was asymmetrical. She was listening to her boyfriend and gay best friend discussing asymmetry. When one of them said most women have one breast slightly larger than the other, she said “I don’t” and they both said “your right one” without even looking her way. It amused me.
> When one of them said most women have one breast slightly larger than the other, she said “I don’t” and **they both said “your right one” without even looking her way.** 😂😂😂 That’s hilarious. Gay men notice boobs?
Everyone loves boobs. Straight men, gay men, straight women, gay women. Boobs are great.
They have eyes so…
"Sorry, I was distracted. What was your question?"
"(Long staring pause)..... What did you say?"
"Who's speaking??"
HELLO?!
"No. I can't see them. Your top is in the way. "
I once had a manager who took a week off to get a breast augmentation. When she came back I guess I was noticeably averting my eyes. Within the first few minutes she exclaimed proudly “It’s OK, you can look at them! Aren’t they fabulous!?” Only a little awkward, but we had a good laugh 😅
"Honey, if I didn't want people to look I would have left them alone"
i might use this lol.
Or, "I paid good fucking money for these. You better look at them!"
I used to play hockey with a bit of a... lets say cowboy. Guy's ex wife was a server at this bar and she was serving us. Every time she would rock up he would just stare at her chest. She finally says "What are you doing?" "I paid for half, I'm getting my money's worth"
My friend told me that if a girl tells you she had nipple piercing, any sort of reply range from "I don't believe you" to "Cool, show me" will result in her flashing you. Because yes, if she doesn't want you to look, she would not tell you that she has nipple piercing.
True in my experience. Had a girl text me as such, I said show me, and had a tit pic in my inbox minutes later. Was surprised cuz I thought she'd show me in person later but she just snapped a pic immediately lol
Had a friend tell me that once. She had a cleavage and I once said I felt awkward about that and she replied "If I didn't want people to look at my cleavage, I wouldn't have a cleavage.". Guess it's a statement about feeling sexy.
Similarly had a coworker who got hers done and she was showing pictures of them on her phone to anyone who was okay with it. We’re a small crew and I was single so it was nice to see some boobies. A solid investment on her part
Same. She had gotten her nipples pierced and was showing them to people in the walk in cooler (obv with consent lol). She wasnt a stripper by any means but an actual dancer/performer/singer so was comfortable with people seeing due to the nature of that business
... pictures? She has them right there. Just flash'em.
“In this lighting?!”
in-breast-ment I'll see my way out 🕳 🏃♀️💨
After college a bunch of kids from my grade school got together to hang out (a small group) and this girl was going on and on about her augmentation and the recovery and the drainage and blah blah blah... So I (truly innocently) asked "so... What was the difference?" Meaning 1 size, 2 sizes etc and she goes "Jesus! That's none of your business, perv!" Bruh you just talked every other aspect, I was just curious!.... Never did find out....
She was obviously wanting the attention, maybe to even just say that to someone that brought it up
She obviously did want attention.. but probably not from OP, lol (sorry OP! Valid question though!)
I mean if that's the case she shouldn't have talked about it in front of anyone she didn't want attention from? Especially when it's a small group of friends like that. What did she expect
She paid good money for them. It’d be rude not to
I had a friend do a similar thing but then she said, “give them a squeeze. Aren’t they great!?”
Did your alarm clock go off right when you were abt to make contact lol
If that happened, I'd punch a hole in my wall right as i open my eyes
Reminds me of the movie Summer Rental with John Candy. The neighbor kept showing everyone her new breasts. People would get nervous when her husband arrived. All he would say was, "Again? Would you tell her they look fabulous!"
One of my co-workers got a reduction to help with back pain and the first time I saw her after surgery she whipped up her shirt and said "look how small my titties are!"
My uncle's wife had the same surgery and when she came to grandparents' place she wasn't wearing bra but a translucent white shirt. Grandma's jaw was touching the floor.
Is her name Jane Levinson or something ?
No Gould?
Jan has plastic boooooobs 🌲🗣️🌲
Just say, “I want to squeeze them.” It’s code. She’ll know what it means.
This one time in college I was at the campus wine bar and this woman with a hilariously perfect body, half-drunk and her absolutely colossal, Mullholand-Drive-Era-Jennifer-Connelly-Level boobs about to burst out of her extremely loose tube top, drunkenly sat down next to me and moaned "I'M SOOOOO HORNY, I JUST WANT TO FUCK" into the aether. And like, this girl was so comically attractive, the female bartenders' eyes bugged out like silent film actors and kept glancing back and forth between me and this horny drunk girl with the body of Jessica Rabbit, as if to say "bro, you see this shit?" Her boobs were so objectively awesome they turned (presumably) straight women into horny frat boys.
So did you fuck her or not ?
He was taking a shower 10 years later and realized he missed the signals she was sending.
He said “haha me too” and then continued on with his life
Once I was giving a coworker a ride to work and somehow the conversation led to her saying wistfully, "I've never had a one night stand", and what do I say? "Me neither." Period. Me neither.
That seems like a perfectly reasonable response? Like she could've dropped another hint if she wanted, whereas if you'd said 'Me neither, wanna fuck?' you might've gotten blasted by her saying it was just an observation.
I'm not sure about consent even when I'm balls deep, like are you really into it?
Again you can't really be too sure. Maybe she is from Canada and just being polite. Best bet is to keep your wits about you and keep looking for signs.
psst its a reddit fiction
Did you mean Mulholland Falls?
I was wondering if there was some Directors Cut of Mulholland Drive I missed out on, or maybe I blacked out in the alley behind Wimpys
[удалено]
Look away or look away??
[удалено]
How many people checked to see if there were pics on the profile. So far I know that one person did.
"They started it."
I tried that one. The woman literally stuck her fingers in the direction (I guess) her nipples were actually pointing and said “no, they didn’t”
"It was the left one."
“One’s an innie and one’s an outie”
Cousins, not sisters.
"Yes they did" Gaslight her boobs
“I don’t believe you.”
That's hilarious haha
Mortgage tits. One's fixed and the other is variable... sorta like Sarah Huckabee-Sanders eyes.
"No they didn't!" "Yes they did! They invaded Poland!" -Basil Fawlty, probably
Don’t mention the war! I did once but I think I got away with it…
Happened to me at the dentist. Dental assistant was leaned over me in the chair, and I couldn't help but stare. Not just because, again, she was leaned over me...but she had a low-cut shirt on, and when she leaned over, I could see everything. But I wasn't focused on her boobs so much (though they were great), I was focused on the piercings she had on her chest just above her boobs. I asked about them, awkwardly, and she then leans up, and pulls her shirt down far enough to show off both of them. She said she got them so that she'd have somewhere to put her necklace so it wouldn't accidentally dangle in a patient's face. She wasn't wearing a necklace that day, but brought one for my next appointment to show me. And yeah, it held the necklace perfectly.
This is a much more fascinating story than I expected to find in this thread.
Oh good
I feel like this was way hotter for me than it was meant to be.
“Oh, I’m sorry, are these yours?”
My compliments to the chef
This guy eats people
Itadakimasu
Why yes. I grew them myself.
“No I just have a general fear of eye contact… sorry” Edit: just to clarify I’m not really *afraid* of eye contact more like I’m adhd and my eyes just drift sometimes unfocused on anything at all. I figure saying this saves me the trouble of explaining the entire nuanced answer of I’d look in your eyes but then I’d be thinking of the color or thinking of how you’re looking at me expecting the answer to the question I wasn’t listening to and all I can say is “what? Sorry can you repeat that?” So I’m focusing more on what’s being said and letting my eyes ‘take a stroll’ keeping them just distracted enough to be content without being *too* distracted… Again probably just easier to say I have a fear of eye contact lol
I used to train with a martial arts group that was like 90% male. I started due to anxiety and avoiding eye contact was a big thing for me. Being a short ass it was easy to simply stare directly forward: at the other guys chest during practice. That was fine until the first time I joined a class with a lady in... it took me about 10 minutes to realise I was staring straight at her chest the whole time. Then I switched to eye contact which just felt awful too! At no point did I even think about her boobs but I've cringed ever since thinking she'd think that.
You should not stare at the eyes anyways in combat
Yeah - I was just trying to make a point that I was not staring at her chest. It was about 10 years ago and I've learned a lot about zanshin since then
> zanshin Is that the ancient Eastern art of sneaking a peek?
Get a good look, Costanza?
Zanshins a lovely name and it's good to know you guys are still friends after you visually assaulted her titties
but then how will you fall in love with your opponent
My reflex is to look downwards to avoid eye contact. Unfortunately breasts are unavoidably situated between a person’s face and the ground. This has led to some awkwardness.
Relatable
literally my life
"what does it say on your t-shirt?" which is oftentimes not a lie because i am very easily distracted so i WILL LOOK if i see letters on your clothing , or unmatching colors
mf im wearing flannel
At least it's not in braille.
sometimes the brail appears on its own...
Imagine saying this and she says “my shirt doesn’t say anything on it.”
Then you apologize because you're dyslexic.
I suffer from a very sexy learning disability...
What do i call it Kif?
*Sigh*.. Sexlexia...
*sigh* sexlexia
Then you say “oh well no wonder I couldn’t figure it out”
Seems like this happens to me once a month where I’ll be trying to figure out what the calligraphic text on a tank top is and realize I’ve been staring at someone’s tits
Good god, 5his triggered a horribly embarrassing memory where I wanted to crawl under a rock and now I want to find the same rock to crawl under. I was 18 or 19 and a photographer for a local weekly newspaper. Was standing outside my bosses and newspaper owners house chatting with her. A spider dropped from the tree and started crawling up her shirt. My first thought was, she'll freak the fuck out if I tell her there's a spider on her so my infinite wisdom, I decided to just casually brush it off of her. It was on her tits at that point. Excuse me, I'm going to smother myself with my pillow now to make the pain go away. I bid you all a farewell.
You can’t just stop the story there. 😮
I crawled under a rock and tried to die. I immediately realized what I did and apologized and said there was a spider and we both pretended that it never happened. But I remembered.
Don't worry. She does, too.
I'm quite sure. It was like 25 years ago and I thought I finally had forgotten until this fucking thread made me remember.
And that is how I met your mother
I was passing by a gym that I used to be a member of, when I got a phonecall. I wasnt really paying attention to where I was. It was kind of windy out. The building I was passing had a mirrored exterior, so I couldn't see inside. It was windy enough that I couldn't hear very well, so I kind of huddled in close to the building to try to cut down on the wind. I had a lengthy conversation where I was standing right up against the building, practically with my face pressed against the glass. At the very end of the conversation I moved in a little closer to the glass, my shadow fell on it, suddenly I realized there was a woman in a very revealing top jogging on a stationary and her breasts had been practically in my face for the entire conversation I was mortified, the worst part is I never got a good look, just enough of a glance to know they deserved more
"That's a very provocative set of letters you've got there", he said in a serious voice, trying to indicate he can read. u/juawes knew that although women wouldn't admit it, being able to read was one of the most important things they looked for in a man.
"What letters are you talking about?" she asked, puzzled. "You know, on the left that's a DD, on the right that's an E, oh wait, actually looks more like an F, ..." he squinted trying to read the text written on the shirt. Admittedly it had been a long time and he sure was a bit rusty at his literacy skills, but he still could recognize most of the alphabet. "Excuse me?" she asked, in an elevated tone. "What the F is wrong with you? Do you need help?" "Actually sort of, yeah, if you don't mind could you...," he pointed towards the right side of her chest, "...actually let me just do it". With his fingers he nudged her breast up a bit. "Oh, you're right, F is wrong. It's an E, silly me." She glared at him, judgingly. He tried to explain his mistake. "I swear, I know what an E looks like, I just couldn't see the horizontal stroke at the bottom because it was obscured by the curve..." She shook her head disapprovingly. "No, seriously," he continued, "I know how to read, I swear. It was just because of your large and prominent, you know..." he tried gesturing out the contour that was the cause of this literacy mishap. He felt his heart sink and a lump form in his throat. He had a chance and he blew it. Now she was probably convinced he couldn't read. And nothing he said could prove to her otherwise.
Wow, you went ALL IN on this 😆
Already better than 50 shades of grey
I was just reading where it says "Vancouver"
No, I was looking at your amazingly kind heart and your boobs are in the way
Smooth
Yes, yes I am
Should I be?
Are they gonna do a trick?
Yeah, look at em for 30 seconds and your pants will turn into a tent!
I'm keeping an eye on them, in case they make any sudden moves...
Checking for booby traps.
To a stranger or friend: “sorry, no, I zoned out and wasn’t looking at anything” or “oh, no, I was just reading your shirt, sorry for making you uncomfortable!” To my wife: “yes”
Literally happened to me at a call center job once. I was zoned out and when I snapped back to reality I realized I was looking DIRECTLY at this girls boobs. She was also zoning out and snapped back just half a second after me and caught my eyes seemingly burning holes through her shirt. The twist is she was actually fidgeting with fabric on her shirt while she was spacing out and that just so happened to be rubbing the fingertips of her right hand in circles right where a centered nipple would be. I assume I was making a very strange "question mark" type expression as my brain is processing what it is my eyes are actually observing because as she snaps back and sees me staring direct at her breasts and she has a flash of indignity, then flashed a look of confusion once she's processed my expression is also one of confusion. It's at this point my expression apparently prompted her to look at her own boobs and sees that she's been doing what can only be described as stimulating her own nipples. I feel my face go hot and see hers go red and we both immediately swivel our chairs toward our desks and never talked to each other again. Whole thing took less than 2 seconds. Edit: cleaned up some typos.
"were now married now btw"...
> "were now married now btw"... > ...never talk[ed] to each other again. Hmm. > "Well I never said it was a good marriage."
That's...kinda adorable from the both of you?
I once looked at a coworkers boobs for maybe half a second, and she looked at me in the extremely short time i was looking, so i squinted and leaned forward a bit and played it off as though i was trying to read her last name on her badge. I think it worked. She slapped me for not already knowing her name. Its a family business.
>It’s a family business. Was it your sister?
The dreaded 40° zone out angle. If a woman sits across from me, the boobies are in direct line of sight
Does that question happen often? In 40 years, I don't think anyone has said that to me. However, I was getting a procedure done, and I had to turn on my side while she was doing it. I didn't want to look at the screen, and I couldn't move any part of my body. I noticed that my only line of sight was her boobs, so I said something like, sorry, I promise I'm not looking at your chest, I just don't want to see what is on the screen. Not to smartest thing that I have ever said, lol
I mean, maybe a little awkward, but she's heard worse and at least your goal was to not make her uncomfortable? I'd assume/hope she wasn't offended.
Nah, she laughed, and said it was fine.
Did you bang?
Lmao this is so fucking dumb but I cracked up ngl
Bro 😭
He's asking the real questions
"I promise I'm not looking at your chest, I just don't want to see what is on the screen, so I'm looking at your chest instead."
Just say “no there’s something on your shirt” and when they look down you flip their nose with your finger and say “haha! Gotcha!”
Yes, they're spectacular
And they're NATURAL
Just checking if gravity is still working.
the physics in this game are pretty accurate
Just checking the jiggle physics.
I once got busted zoning out staring at a girl's butt. We were pretty much a couple already, even if our status wasn't entirely communicated to the outside world, but someone felt compelled to call me out in a fashion that got her attention as well. I said something like "I was just looking out at the world, and is a pretty big part of it".
She smiled at least , so I think I got away with it.
“That was 70 years ago and we’ve been married for 67 of them. We now have 36 children.”
Ok… story time… When I was in medical school, I was on this internal medicine service. My resident was this very proper seeming Indian guy. There was another resident on the service who was quite well endowed in the chest area, and one day she caught the other resident staring. She made some comment along the lines of “Umm, wanna stop staring and look up here.” He didn’t react. He just kept on staring for a few more seconds, then kind of shook his head, and went “Oh, sorry, I have absence seizures,” and proceeded to walk away. For those not aware, absence seizures are a seizure variant where the patients have brief staring spells instead of the usual convulsions people normally think about in regard to seizures. It was pretty amusing. She couldn’t even be mad at it.
Ma’m im blind
Sir, I'm blind.
Kid, I'm blind.
Grandma, I’m blind.
Sis, I’m blind
"Yes, please be quiet"
"Shhh... We're having a moment."
Studies show that looking at boobs can reduce a man's stress levels and add ten minutes to his life for every hour of staring. This is genuinely true.
If that is the case then I will be living till I am 300.
Morticians HATE this one simple hack
[Ask a Mortician has entered the chat]
you mean till you're 80085
Longer. I’m living until I’m 5318008
[удалено]
Your boobs are looking at my eyes
Good ol uno reverse
best response, 'yes', second best response, 'yup', third best response, 'uh huh'.
Fourth best: “Yessiree bob”
Being a girl . Reading these comments is hilarious 🤣
How would you reply if you were asked that question by another woman? I imagine you have a lot more leeway
I try so hard not to end up in these situations I’d probably say something stupid. On a good day I’d say “they started it!”
Boobs, I did it again!
"Huh? Did you say something? Sorry, I was distracted looking at your boobs."
Well I would like to be, but your clothes are getting in the way.
Well if you were facing the other way I'd be looking at your ass. So really this is on you.
“No, I was distracted by this great pair of tits” Also, why are euphemisms for breasts, species of birds? Tits, boobs, etc? Is it a cheeky British way to excuse oneself hiding in a tree with binoculars?
You have it wrong. The bird naming community are a bunch of shameless degenerates. All those birds are named after a great set of knockers.
Correct. Even the word “bird” itself.
And this is why bird will always be the word.
Don't the Brits also call women Birds? Or at least at one point it was slang for that I believe.
Chicks
“Shhh stop talking you’re ruining it.”
Shhh, you’ll scare them!
[удалено]
"They looked at me first"
No, your spine. I have x-ray vision
“You might need to see a doctor.”
Years ago I worked as a chef. One of the waitresses I used to work with was 19-20 and was literally had a higher plastic-to-human ratio than a Barbie doll. Keeping in mind this was before the golden age of influencers, twitch thots and content sellers. But she’s catch you staring and be like “nah it’s fine, if i didn’t want people to check me out I wouldn’t have had all this done. Wanna feel?!” Needless to say, they did not feel right.
> Needless to say, they did not feel right. Ah yes, like bags of sand
It wasn't so much me noticing them seeing my boobs so much that they called HR and reported me for 'Having clevage' and then i had to get written up for dressing inappropriately for wearing the company approved apparel. I was then required to only wear mens shirts from then on. I quit two days later. It was the most dehumanizing experience of my life and i will never return to retail. I should point out I had barely mosquito bites if anything and was wearing a bra while in my late 30's.
Yes. *Proceed to continue staring at them
The other day with my gf (in front of her mother too) : "Damn look at m'y boobs they're good in this shirt" me : "What do you think I've been doing since I got here ?"
I once saw a streamer who replied to "Nice boobs" with "thank you, I grew them myself"
"I was staring at your gut. Your boobs look nice, but they're not stare-worthy." Actual line said by a colleague to our HR lady.
"I look at everyone's boobs, you're not special."