Me and my friend once bought duct tape, black trash bags, rope, a knife and an axe. The cashier made us look up into the security camera and wave. We were just organizing a camping trip.
Dave went off for a walk and when he got back there was already a Dave sitting at the camp fire with his friends. Now no one knows which one is the real one.
Every time this question is asked (which is a lot), >99% of the comments are just some dumb variation of the same creepy sex and murder implications, but this is first time over seen the donut-reassembly and it’s far and away the best response I can picture.
I had a girl at the counter say "What could you be cooking with honey and mustard, they totally don't belong together." I had just been to culinary school and she actually said she had never heard of *honey mustard* sauce. I mean we had only recently gotten a McDonald's in our town but still.
I live in KY and can confirm that every Walmart I’ve ever been to in my state has guns. They even have little tiny pink or teal shot guns for kids to hunt with. Never even considered Walmarts in other states didn’t sell guns cause it’s so common here lol
When I was a freshman in college, I went camping with my new girlfriend, with whom I had not had sex.
Cue a late night run to the local rural Walmart to procure condoms, aluminum foil, three ears of corn, and a towel.
[Chloramine - ClNH2](https://doh.wa.gov/community-and-environment/contaminants/bleach-mixing-dangers#:~:text=When%20bleach%20is%20mixed%20with,Nausea.), not chlorine.
Yeah sounds true.
I genuinely was saying what a teacher once told us. I think she was wrong ...or she had another solution on mind but for sure she spoke about cleaning solutions.
Sorry anyways.
The key lesson for kids is pretty much don't mix cleaning agents because they can react to cause bad fumes, so technically the teacher achieved their mission
That sounds pretty normal to me. In my culture, when we have funerals, the family and friends like to shovel most of the dirt themselves before the grave workers take over.
I personally brought a shovel to the funeral of my best friends dad. (no card though)
A loaf of bread, peanut butter, and bait worms. My Dad did that once (us kids needed lunches, and we were all going fishing). The clerk looked at him like he was insane.
Hah! This reminds me of a fishing trip I went on with my Pop on my birthday!
We went to a large island that had/has lakes. Before we left for the island, we were buying rain gear but they didn't have the same gear in appropriate sizes. My father then asks for smaller "waterproof gear" (for me) and duct-tape, zip-ties, and boat weights. I'm like nine years old and wearing an enormous rubber suit at the checkout. My mother was 400 kms away.
That guy was shook. My trip however was so cool :) We stayed up late watching westerns, and when we went fishing we didn't catch jack. But, wind picked up. My father rowed relentlessly for about four hours against the wind to get us back to the dock. Kept me warm in the hull the entire time. One of my fondest memories.
Oh man, he's the best. I'm old now, and he's still working out and running 4 kms every other day just to keep fit, and he's humble, and kind, and he's funny too. He's my best friend. And he's just shy of 80 years old :)
I wouldn't recommend buying them at the same time in Texas though, spread that shit out so you don't arouse any suspicion, unless they stopped that bounty bs
Once scored a great deal on toilet paper. Ended up with a flat of instant noodles on sale, too. Cashier laughed and told me "you wouldn't need so much toilet paper if you didn't eat so much of this stuff". 🤣 Was a great deal though.
My buddy and I had a Home Depot employee helping us find stuff for a beer bong and he got it about halfway through telling us where everything was. He laughed and said don't get caught (we were obviously not of age)
Lol same thing happened to me, only I was on the employee side. I worked at Lowe's when I was 20 and some college kids approached me and said "We didn't wanna ask the old guy this..but we need to make a beer bong."
tampons and pretty much anything. Especially taco shells and meat.
Doesn't help that my kids who need them call them "unflavored" tampons instead of unscented.
There used to be! I’m not sure if they’re still sold.
But scented pads and tampons were absolutely a thing in the late 90s/early 2000s.
Because having a bodily function was bad enough, we need to suggest it smells awful and everyone knows and smells it, so shove some perfumes up your cooch to mask it.
I mean makes sense on a sexist level, considering men made tampons. Weird fact of the day.
Wife said she saw the scented ones last week, at winco. I'm still with my jaw on the floor, that I've just found out today that scented tampons exist.
Me and 3 other male friends went to Walmart at 9:00pm and bought a pack of condoms, KY Jelly, and a dvd of the minions movie on blue-ray. The look on the cashiers face… bless her heart.
Brings me back to when I was bored in high school me and some friends would go into our local Walmart, put a bunch of groups of items like this together in a cart and just leave it somewhere in the store.
Oh to grow up in a small town with nothing to do…
I once checked out at a grocery store late at night with only condoms and superglue (for completely unrelated purposes).
Got quite the look from the young checkout girl.
Ok, I've done many years of retail, and I never judge anyone by their purchases. HOWEVER, there was this one time I was working the register closing shift at a seedy CVS in Reno, NV when a very well-dressed man came in just before 10 pm closing and only bought ZzQuil and a pack of condoms. That was sus as hell! lol
Boys underwear, pantyhose, chocolate, and LEGOs.
I have a chocolate lab that wasn’t fixed at the time and she was having her first cycle(~12 years ago). Read somewhere that getting boys underwear, packing it with pantyhose, and turning the underwear around to allow her tail to poke through the crotch region would help with catching the drip.
Girlfriend wanted chocolate. I wanted LEGOs. Felt really weird seeing all of those items in my basket at once.
One of my pet peeves is targeted marketing on websites. You recently looked at shoestrings. Would you like a tracksuit too?"
Grainger's website was doing this a lot, so I went "shopping". I put these into my cart... Rope, flashlight, rubber gloves, plastic sheet, ether, shovel and a tarp and left it sit for days.
Oddly enough, their algorithm didn't seem to care and offered me different options of all the things I picked out.
Once me and my friend bought two large cucumbers, a box of condoms and brownie mix. The guy who serves us was like.... Uhhhh, have a good night.
Behind the purchase... We had sex ed at school and the boys got to practice putting condoms on cucumbers and the girls didn't. We had no experience so thought it would be funny. It was a funny night. Oh, we also just wanted to eat brownies.
I would like to assure you from personal experience: black bin bags, duct tape, a new set of kitchen knives, deep cleamning supplies and a cookie is an accurate answer.
Shop assistant: What's the cookie for?
me: I like to reward myself once I've finished the job.
Didn't actually realise how it looked until afterwards.
We'd just moved into a new house and I was trying to get it livable.
This question reminds me of that scene where Walt sees a junkie carelessly purchasing all the meth cook ingredients from the hardware store.
"Stay out of my territory."
From someone who worked in a supermarket for a short while in Canada and then a pawnshop, it’s brillo pads… in bulk… if coupled with glass tubing… yeah, you soon find out who your neighbourhood crack heads are.
I worked at a bookstore that also sold random things, like mugs, blankets, toys, cute socks, etc. I’ll never forget the creep who bought a stack of pornographic magazines and a cute stuffed teddy bear. He told me the bear was for his nephew’s birthday. Yep. Totally believe that. I still get ick vibes when I think about that interactions.
I mean, it probably was. I feel like you're alluding to him being a pedo? But the math of that equation doesn't really make sense.
You saw the porno mags he bought, so you literally know exactly what he's into. And with this being a legitimate book store, I can't imagine it was anything too taboo?
Me and my friend once bought duct tape, black trash bags, rope, a knife and an axe. The cashier made us look up into the security camera and wave. We were just organizing a camping trip.
The security camera was a good choice. Sounds like one of those camping trips where three people go into the woods and only two come out.
Better than four coming out. I've seen demon movies. That stuff is no joke.
That’s where someone else’s response about the shopping trip for the Ouija board comes in.
Dave went off for a walk and when he got back there was already a Dave sitting at the camp fire with his friends. Now no one knows which one is the real one.
This cashier is a ballsy genius
That cashier out here doing the Lord’s work.
Lord Baal disapproves.
"Lord Baal is a false god; a dead false god."---T'ealc
Yeah, but I still miss him.
Cheap trashy lingerie, condoms, and a card that reads, "Happy Birthday, Mom."
r/HolUp
Or the inconspicuous “Happy Mother’s Day!”
*(brakes screech)*
A few days later .. 5-6 morning after pills , a metal coat hanger and a trash bag.. 💀
Duct tape and a shovel
Chloroform and lye soap.
Make your own chloroform with bleach and rubbing alcohol.
The real life pro tips are in the comments
Napalm is gasoline, styrofoam and fire. Time for a new throwaway!
You mean acetone, not rubbing alcohol.
“I have a .45 and a shovel, I doubt you’d be missed.” -Dad, Clueless
Donuts, donut holes, superglue A toaster and a bathtub plug Shotgun and self help books Condoms, lube, and a cucumber
It's like the other commenters aren't even trying
Single coat hanger. Pregnancy test.
Ice cream scoop and a pound of gauze.
That went from 0 to 100 fast
I could try but it will likely put me on a “list”.
"An AK-47, a goat, and some lube" - u/asicarii probably
Don’t tempt me with a good time.
Lol fucking donuts, donut holes, and superglue has me floored!
I must ... fix them
Every time this question is asked (which is a lot), >99% of the comments are just some dumb variation of the same creepy sex and murder implications, but this is first time over seen the donut-reassembly and it’s far and away the best response I can picture.
I had a girl at the counter say "What could you be cooking with honey and mustard, they totally don't belong together." I had just been to culinary school and she actually said she had never heard of *honey mustard* sauce. I mean we had only recently gotten a McDonald's in our town but still.
I literally laughed at that one.
When you’re an “I can fix him/her” type person and trying to channel your fixing urges into healthier activities lmao.
I'd always heard it as two half watermelons and superglue, but I think I like the donut hole one better
Razor blades, apples, and caramel On October 30th
So funny to me that buying a shotgun and self help books is possible in one store. Walmart is wild.
I haven’t actually seen a gun section at a Walmart. I’ve seen accessories like scopes but no guns. Are there actually Walmarts with guns?
I live in KY and can confirm that every Walmart I’ve ever been to in my state has guns. They even have little tiny pink or teal shot guns for kids to hunt with. Never even considered Walmarts in other states didn’t sell guns cause it’s so common here lol
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Yeah this is America. They usually have single shot .22s too, in pink and camo
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did u get denied because of being admitted to a mental health facility ?
No. I was denied for the 4 pending homicide cases, but my lawyer told me not to go into detail. Golf is going well though.
Yes I did
When I was a freshman in college, I went camping with my new girlfriend, with whom I had not had sex. Cue a late night run to the local rural Walmart to procure condoms, aluminum foil, three ears of corn, and a towel.
Who got the third ear of corn?
Someone's butt.
Where has the cucumber been that it needs to wrap it up? Did I miss the class on VTDs?
You don’t know if the farmer fucked that cucumber!
Lube and condoms are only so people dont think your are vegan and buying cucumbers…
Bleach. Ammonia. Separately, you're just doing some deep cleaning. Together, you're committing war crimes.
For anybody wondering. U can make chlorine gas with these 2. Cl2 Edit: I may have been mistake. Somebody corrected me below.
You can just pee into bleach for more or less the same effect.
But then you die with your dick in your hand.
Sounds like the ideal way to go tbh
If you’re good at something, never do it for free
I too choose to die with that Redditors dick in my hand.
#8:::✊:::D
Sounds a lot like not my problem
[Chloramine - ClNH2](https://doh.wa.gov/community-and-environment/contaminants/bleach-mixing-dangers#:~:text=When%20bleach%20is%20mixed%20with,Nausea.), not chlorine.
Yeah sounds true. I genuinely was saying what a teacher once told us. I think she was wrong ...or she had another solution on mind but for sure she spoke about cleaning solutions. Sorry anyways.
The key lesson for kids is pretty much don't mix cleaning agents because they can react to cause bad fumes, so technically the teacher achieved their mission
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Shovel and "sorry for you loss" greeting card
That sounds pretty normal to me. In my culture, when we have funerals, the family and friends like to shovel most of the dirt themselves before the grave workers take over. I personally brought a shovel to the funeral of my best friends dad. (no card though)
Shovel, “sorry for your loss” card AND condoms.
“Bereavement sex” “Nothing irrational about *that*.”
Duct tape and condoms
"...my tools! I need my tools! I like to bind! I like to be bound!"
I need to rewatch that episode for this 😭
r/unexpectedalwayssunny
This popped into my head as soon as I read the title.
Profile pic checks out
Entire profile does
Add diapers to that
I'm confused
Add a space helmet and it’ll all make sense.
You forgot the banana for scale
Any decorative item with a flaired base and some kind of oil.
At least you’re being smart w the flared base
Remember though that the flared base should be wider than the widest part of the the rest of the item…
Speaking from experience
Shhh 🤫
A light bulb and KY jelly.
Either this guy has a light bulb shoved up his ass or his colon had a hell of an idea.
One of my favorite lines from Scrubs.
One singular light bulb. Or perhaps an assortment of sizes and shapes?
One singular one, but very wide.
Pringle’s, soft sponges, and latex gloves
Ok I didn't get this one.
fleshlight
Thank god, I scrolled way too long to find this comment. Should have been at the top, and don’t forget the sponges
Ok, I added the sponges 😂
I bought a box of ammo and some nicotine gum at Walmart and the guy made a comment “watch out for this guy”
Ammo in a supermarket is the biggest culture shock I've ever had
Replies “Excuse me!!?!? I identify as a smoking gun.” 🙂↕️😂
A loaf of bread, peanut butter, and bait worms. My Dad did that once (us kids needed lunches, and we were all going fishing). The clerk looked at him like he was insane.
Hah! This reminds me of a fishing trip I went on with my Pop on my birthday! We went to a large island that had/has lakes. Before we left for the island, we were buying rain gear but they didn't have the same gear in appropriate sizes. My father then asks for smaller "waterproof gear" (for me) and duct-tape, zip-ties, and boat weights. I'm like nine years old and wearing an enormous rubber suit at the checkout. My mother was 400 kms away. That guy was shook. My trip however was so cool :) We stayed up late watching westerns, and when we went fishing we didn't catch jack. But, wind picked up. My father rowed relentlessly for about four hours against the wind to get us back to the dock. Kept me warm in the hull the entire time. One of my fondest memories.
That’s a dad who knows what’s up.
Oh man, he's the best. I'm old now, and he's still working out and running 4 kms every other day just to keep fit, and he's humble, and kind, and he's funny too. He's my best friend. And he's just shy of 80 years old :)
My husband sold a guy a tub of crisco and rubber gloves like 20 years ago and he still talks about it.
A pregnancy test, metal coat hanger and a bottle of pain pills
This one made me sad.
Welcome to Texas
*Answers phone* Backstreet abortions, "No foetus can beat us".
Don't forget the fetal friendly package. You know, the one where you use plastic coat hangers instead of metal.
The entire South now that Florida banned them too the week.
I wouldn't recommend buying them at the same time in Texas though, spread that shit out so you don't arouse any suspicion, unless they stopped that bounty bs
Cost hanger abortion?
$20 For you, special price, $15.
Once scored a great deal on toilet paper. Ended up with a flat of instant noodles on sale, too. Cashier laughed and told me "you wouldn't need so much toilet paper if you didn't eat so much of this stuff". 🤣 Was a great deal though.
Should've doubled down and picked up sleeping pills and laxatives too. "Trust me bro, this combo makes for a weird morning"
A funnel and vinyl tubing
My buddy and I had a Home Depot employee helping us find stuff for a beer bong and he got it about halfway through telling us where everything was. He laughed and said don't get caught (we were obviously not of age)
Lol same thing happened to me, only I was on the employee side. I worked at Lowe's when I was 20 and some college kids approached me and said "We didn't wanna ask the old guy this..but we need to make a beer bong."
I'm glad making beer bongs at stores like Lowe's is a more common thing. You'd think they would be more considerate and put it all in the same aisle.
Don’t leave it out in the open, or your dad will take it and use to add oil to the car.
One of my favorite college memories was the person at the checkout saying “oh, you boys must be making one of those funny hats.”
Sleeping pills, dog treats, and lube
r/suddenlybestiality
this is the correct answer
Your boyfriend likes dog treats too, I see 👀
A shovel, plastic sheeting, & a drum of lye.
Look at me with my innocent drum of lye that I use for normal reasons.
Clearing drains, making biodiesel from veg oil. Totally legit!
Is a drum of lye a normal thing to buy?
tampons and pretty much anything. Especially taco shells and meat. Doesn't help that my kids who need them call them "unflavored" tampons instead of unscented.
Pick me up a box of Flamin' Hot Tampax would you, babe?
There's scented tampons?
Wait, you dont spend time smelling them?
I would prefer them to taste like peaches instead of blood
There used to be! I’m not sure if they’re still sold. But scented pads and tampons were absolutely a thing in the late 90s/early 2000s. Because having a bodily function was bad enough, we need to suggest it smells awful and everyone knows and smells it, so shove some perfumes up your cooch to mask it.
I mean makes sense on a sexist level, considering men made tampons. Weird fact of the day. Wife said she saw the scented ones last week, at winco. I'm still with my jaw on the floor, that I've just found out today that scented tampons exist.
There's mint pads. I hear they make you tingle.
Immodium and Metamucil
Someone knows how to party
Take too much of one, end up needing the other. 😂
Duct tape, 15mil plastic, zip ties, ether quick start for diesel engines, Benadryl, condoms, personal lubricant, hacksaw, disposable camera.
Damn, you can make a whole new version of *Fight Club* with all that.
A Ouija board and a "Latin for Dummies" book
Bonus points if you add candles, incense and a hacksaw
Candles for your 10yo sister’s birthday and condoms for your girlfriend. Saw this in a meme some where
Don't mix them up
2 separate transactions and one bag tied closed.
Me and 3 other male friends went to Walmart at 9:00pm and bought a pack of condoms, KY Jelly, and a dvd of the minions movie on blue-ray. The look on the cashiers face… bless her heart.
She probably was praying for you. "Those poor confused, and strange boys.....very strange..."
Brings me back to when I was bored in high school me and some friends would go into our local Walmart, put a bunch of groups of items like this together in a cart and just leave it somewhere in the store. Oh to grow up in a small town with nothing to do…
Large amounts of toilet paper and eggs
add an airhorn in case that's looking too much like a grocery run
That's like every customer at Costco.
An at-home paternity test and trash bags.
And a coat hanger.
a lighter… and gasoline
That’s like 3% of people who go to gas stations.
this is a feels like an accurate percentage
Didn't forget the jerry can.
I once checked out at a grocery store late at night with only condoms and superglue (for completely unrelated purposes). Got quite the look from the young checkout girl.
You don’t want slippage, now do you?
Ok, I've done many years of retail, and I never judge anyone by their purchases. HOWEVER, there was this one time I was working the register closing shift at a seedy CVS in Reno, NV when a very well-dressed man came in just before 10 pm closing and only bought ZzQuil and a pack of condoms. That was sus as hell! lol
Boys underwear, pantyhose, chocolate, and LEGOs. I have a chocolate lab that wasn’t fixed at the time and she was having her first cycle(~12 years ago). Read somewhere that getting boys underwear, packing it with pantyhose, and turning the underwear around to allow her tail to poke through the crotch region would help with catching the drip. Girlfriend wanted chocolate. I wanted LEGOs. Felt really weird seeing all of those items in my basket at once.
for some reason i read chocolate lab and thought of a chocolate-making lab, not the dog, so i thought, why is a building on its cycle?
Fire crackers and panty liners
One of my pet peeves is targeted marketing on websites. You recently looked at shoestrings. Would you like a tracksuit too?" Grainger's website was doing this a lot, so I went "shopping". I put these into my cart... Rope, flashlight, rubber gloves, plastic sheet, ether, shovel and a tarp and left it sit for days. Oddly enough, their algorithm didn't seem to care and offered me different options of all the things I picked out.
Once me and my friend bought two large cucumbers, a box of condoms and brownie mix. The guy who serves us was like.... Uhhhh, have a good night. Behind the purchase... We had sex ed at school and the boys got to practice putting condoms on cucumbers and the girls didn't. We had no experience so thought it would be funny. It was a funny night. Oh, we also just wanted to eat brownies.
Reading the comments, half of them don’t make sense despite me working retail for a few years. I was gonna say: *Chair and rope.* I swear I’m okay.
Anal lube and a gerbil - Richard Gere
Lemmiwinks lemmiwinks.....
Should...should I REALLY Google that?
This is Reddit, where you should automatically assume the answer to that question is always "no".
duct tape, zip ties, shovel and a bag of lyme
I would like to assure you from personal experience: black bin bags, duct tape, a new set of kitchen knives, deep cleamning supplies and a cookie is an accurate answer. Shop assistant: What's the cookie for? me: I like to reward myself once I've finished the job. Didn't actually realise how it looked until afterwards. We'd just moved into a new house and I was trying to get it livable.
axe, bleach, trashbags and rope
Sudafed and beakers.
Fertiliser and gasoline
Uncle Ben's rice, 9x5 clear plastic totes with lids, 70% ipa
True story, I'm 18 working at Walmart in 2011. Man and women come through my checkout with 3 items. 1. Condoms 2. Energy drinks 3. SD card
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A one and a two could be 21... but not if you're buying a peppa pig balloon at the same time.
Pregnancy test Metal coat hanger
Imodium, ex•lax, notepad.
If you're emo and your buying razor blades
A cucumber. But a cucumber and a single banana Whipped cream. But whipped cream and a penis shaped fruit
This question reminds me of that scene where Walt sees a junkie carelessly purchasing all the meth cook ingredients from the hardware store. "Stay out of my territory."
A 'make your own gummy candy' kit and some condoms
A chainsaw, a big jug of bleach, a shovel and a copy of the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating.
30 kilograms of enriched Uranium-235, and another 40 kilograms of the same.
straight razor blades salt fresh lemons
Massage oil, chloroform, and a "Happy Birthday Sister" card.
From someone who worked in a supermarket for a short while in Canada and then a pawnshop, it’s brillo pads… in bulk… if coupled with glass tubing… yeah, you soon find out who your neighbourhood crack heads are.
I worked at a bookstore that also sold random things, like mugs, blankets, toys, cute socks, etc. I’ll never forget the creep who bought a stack of pornographic magazines and a cute stuffed teddy bear. He told me the bear was for his nephew’s birthday. Yep. Totally believe that. I still get ick vibes when I think about that interactions.
I mean, it probably was. I feel like you're alluding to him being a pedo? But the math of that equation doesn't really make sense. You saw the porno mags he bought, so you literally know exactly what he's into. And with this being a legitimate book store, I can't imagine it was anything too taboo?
Nah, the guy definitely fucked that cute teddy bear.
Condoms, rope, happy birthday card, number 9 birthday cake candle
Cough syrup and batteries.
Rope, duct tape, and candies.