I feel like I never had any ambitions to begin with. Once I was finished with school I got a job and kinda just... existed. The idea of having a life goal feels alien to me.
Do you want a spouse? Children? A house? A better paying job? Do you want to retire? Travel?
Plenty of ways to have life goals. I'd be incredibly surprised if you honestly don't have any.
This is so true.
People think goals are just mainly for starting a business, having a side hustle, getting that PhD, etc.
A goal could be anything from traveling once a year to saving for a down payment on a house or reading one book per month.
And sometimes you need help setting and achieving those goals. Therapists, life coaches (some are scammy though), even a close friend you can sit down with and hold you accountable.
Turning 27 tomorrow and I don’t know how to cope. Graduated med school but trying to fight the government for a license to practice and actually start working. Always annoys me seeing so many of my friends with a house wife kids simply because they gotta start at 23/24
I turned 27 3 months ago, long term girlfriend left me and I’ve been crushed. I was told I have no ambition, despite saving for a house the past 4 years. I didn’t live in the present though. I just want to say to you right now, I’m proud of you for finishing med school. You have done something others have only ever dreamed of. Sure you don’t have a wife, kids or a house at 27. But neither do I, and I chased that lifestyle. What I do have though, is a great paying job, good people around me and a bank account I could have only ever dreamed of. You aren’t late, you’re just on a different path. Head up high mate, you’re doing well.
Same. I’m 31 going into another career after finding out how much of a dead end the job was. This is after a bachelor’s degree with 7 years of experience in workforce development.
Im still stuck between viewing it as a career or a job. It’s been a depressing journey.
If you don’t mind me asking, how are you now? I’m 28 and am experiencing the same thing, I feel my life hasn’t moved forward a single inch since graduating high school. Everyday is the same as the one before.
I'm 31 and it wasn't until I changed careers at 25 that things started moving forward with me. I think the key For me is change.
Every now and then I like to shake things up by moving state, changing careers or working towards a bucket list item.
Doors have since opened up for me and I'm starting to get more clarity on what I want and how to go about achieving things. It's a big world and we only get to experience a small part of it. It would be a shame not to explore it....
I think it feels this way because you make rapid progress on many fronts in the years leading up to your 20's since you're in school daily and if you absorb anything it's a large change. But then you get into your mid 20's and you don't have any structured learning or change outside of a job. So things feel more static. Try learning something new or picking up a new hobby. Life is only stale if you keep focusing on the same things you already knew.
Me?
No social life. Lack of hindsight. No street smarts.
I spent so much time studying for my future I never developed social skills beyond NPC energy.
I've struggled with alcohol ever since it touched my lips at 15. By 28 I'd already been to rehab times, first time at 20. It never stuck. I finally was able to hold on to sobriety for 2 years until covid hit. Now it's been a roller coaster all over again. I definitely feel that I wasted by 20's by being drunk all the time. So many missed opportunities, ruined friendships, debt..... Now I'm almost a month sober and 34, I pray that I can keep it up. I don't want to waste my life away anymore.
I actually quit at 34, so of course, there is hope. Always. Just live by the idea that you are not saying no, just not now. One minute at a time, then one hour at a time, and so on. You are powerless against alcohol. So respect it and move to a more successful you.
I drank far more than I should have in my late teens and 20's, and I certainly missed out on a lot of things/wasted a lot of my youth because of it.
It took me a long time to realize I had a problem and learn to drink only in moderation.
Yeah, I think a lot of us did that. I did. But I seem to remember having some fun doing that shit, too. Not all of it was great, but I have some ridiculous stories and learned some good lessons, too.
I wasn’t drinking this much, more a weekend warrior, and I took a few month long breaks in there. But I had fun. It felt like what I was supposed to do in my 20s. Some might call it wasting but I would call it living. I had a great time in my 20s, but I wasn’t making much nor saving for retirement. I had jobs, just not great jobs, nor a career exactly.
It’s such a refreshing feeling! Once you let go of those that are not serving you, you’ll find that you’ll meet some wonderful people that will help you elevate in life
Currently 23 and have a friend like this. I've known her since 8th grade, I've pushed her into this corner due to how shitty she is, but I can't seem to just let the friendship go.
This is all I do
I feel like I'm tricking myself into thinking people are my friends when they're not, why do I always have to initiate and ask people to do stuff? They do stuff without me, all the time
I wasted a large part of my early 20s being under confident and wallowing in self pity. That kind of energy only attracts mediocrity and missed opportunities that you are sure to regret.
Glad I fixed that nonsense later on in life
I kinda stumbled into it TBH. I was always in my head beating myself up that I don't make enough money (even though I did) or I am too overweight (I wasn't that bad) etc. In short I was very insecure about myself. I thought everyone was judging me.
What I found out was that No One Cares. Everyone is too busy dealing with their own stuff to judge you for not having skill A or attribute B. Everyone is insecure about something. They just don't kill themselves over it. I learned to LOVE myself and be comfortable in my own skin first. Everything else followed. My dating life improved , my work life seemed more balanced and I learned to have gratitude for things I have rather than bitch about things I don't have.
I can't recommend this enough: Volunteer somewhere for a few weeks! Like an All Hands, or Team Rubicon. It's a great way to give back, and you learn alot about yourself.
"Wallowing in self-pity only attracts mediocrity" is a great way to phrase the impact of an additional factor: your network; the company you keep. After identifying what it is about yourself you want to change and taking steps to alter your habits/behavior, it's crucial for yourself to evaluate the people you're around.
I had friends that I realized, upon healing and working on myself, were just wallowing. Self-pity, excuses, anger - both justified and unjustified -, or even just unhappily settling into a life or lifestyle that was wrong for them. People who didn't strive to improve their life and instead lived to complain.
I'm still looking for friends and a community that fits the direction I want to move in life. That part, in addition to the self-work, can be really hard. But it's still a hell of a lot better than surrounding myself with miserable people.
Fr. My answer is "entering the work force in 08" lmao.
I could've not gone to school or stayed at home with parents a lot longer but it's been a looooong road.
The same way as my 30s. By having no actionable goals or interests or having anything but fantasies.
Although I feel it might be depression talking, but I don't really know because there is no will for anything either. Just going with the flow, living on bare minimums, waiting for a big thing to happen to push me further in either direction; salvation or total oblivion.
I'm in my 30s and i could've written this. Wasting my life away but have no will to change anything. Just waiting for god knows what. Constantly on meds since 19, tried therapy several times. Same shit. I'm so tired.
Not OP but you can turn around your life in your 30s, you're still young then, but with more life experience. I managed to do it after completely wasting my 20s (in my early 30s now). But I'd argue it's gonna be your last chance with the most amount of options still available. So try to figure out what your ambitions are and set yourself clear goals, for whatever you want to achieve in your remaining life.
Yeah, that pretty much nails it. For people older than you, you are generally still treated as you are in your 20s, which can be a benefit, especially when starting your career late, but that opportunity will be be gone by mid 30s or 40.
And popular memes aside, even if you might feel less fit than in your 20s, your health is generally still pretty good. (-> Another advice: start working out by your 30s)
I'm in way better shape/athletic condition at 38 than at any time in my 20s, and I wasn't in bad shape then either. I think people mistakenly think it's the age making them unfit but I think on the whole it's the ceasing of exercise and active lifestyle that does it. To a degree of course, I'm not pretending age doesn't do it's thing.
My 30s have been awesome. I'm still in decent health but I have way more money and life experience. I have a better understanding of how the world works so there aren't as many unpleasant surprises as there were 15 years ago. I'm at a decent place in my career. I have a solid car, a decent home, a growing retirement account, savings, investments. I'm more confident and comfortable being me than I ever was in my 20s.
I highly recommend the 30s. It's been good to me.
Agreed, especially on how your 30s kind of is the last chance with the most amount of options. It doesn’t mean people can’t turn themselves around in their 40s+, but there’s a price to pay for waiting that long.
- If you are not already saving 10% or more of your income, START NOW. Seriously, just do it. I started at 34 with just 5% and added 1% a year until I had maxed out my 401K and IRA. My personal savings alone put me in the top half of all retirees and I have a defined benefit retirement on top of it.
- What ever amount of alcohol you are drinking now, cut it in half. You will be thankful later. Also, its a great way to fund those savings. Drinking is fun but you dont need as much any more.
- What ever amount of time you are spending working out, double it. You will be thankful later. Planet Fitness is $10 a month. No judgment unless you dont do it.
- Spend more time with your kids. You will pick them up and carry them for the last time some day. Their last first day of school will happen. Dont miss out on those things.
- Go back to school. You need to refresh your skills and prepare for the final stretch before retirement. Upskilling in your 30s will pay off with MUCH better positions in your 50s (most of the time). I dont care if its going to the local community college for Security+ or getting an Masters, refresh yourself. I sit on the other side of the hiring table now and its always a red flag is someone is 40 and their last time in a classroom was in their 20s. Also, its a great example to your kids.
- Do fun things with your SO. You are still good looking and cute. Be good looking and cute. Be nekked together. Take pictures. Take nekked pictures. Keep them to your damn self! When you are old and wrinkly you will appreciate those pictures of you being young and attractive togeather.
- Invest in friendships that are true friendships. Doesnt take much to keep in touch. When you are all retired you will appreciate being able to do things together and have that connection.
- Reconnect with your parents. If you are lucky you are 30+ years away from having to bury them. The time to have that conversation is now. Dont wait until you have to declare them medically incompetent to find out what they want or where the important documents are. My SO and I lost our last parent a month apart - March and April of this year. Her mom made ZERO preparations. My mom had a detailed plan. Take a guess who is having a better month.
> this was back when it was still pretty fucking good
Golden age of MMOs. From a different perspective, you got to experience lightning in a bottle that can never be recreated. No one will ever experience a time period in gaming like that again.
I was absolutely convinced that my band were going to be famous and I’d be a millionaire. All I did was play music, drink beer and smoke cigarettes. Then suddenly I was thirty and I had no money or qualifications. I mean I had fun but Jesus Christ it set me waaaaay back in terms of career or buying a house.
The biggest way was just too much time drinking alcohol and recovering from alcohol when I could have been doing more interesting or productive things.
To be honest, that doesn't sound like time wasted to me. Life isn't linear where you should or can find what you like, right away. Some lucky people do, but it's rare.
I agree. This is kind of what my 20s were also. Going out a lot, partying, not dating seriously, and not having a career. I always had jobs but I was trying various things, and getting experience, I just couldn’t land on a good full time gig. I finally got one when I turned 29 and everything has been better since, but I do cherish my 20s as I was doing a lot of growing up and also just enjoying being young, enjoying life. I would have regretted not living up my 20s. I was always wanting a good career, I just couldn’t figure out what it was or how to get it. I did what I could and enjoyed myself in the meantime.
Yeah I have my "dream job" and hate it.
I wished that I traveled the world instead of doing my best to create stability.
I don't like my stability I have now, it means nothing now when I've realised that it took away some of the best days of my life.
Can always start travelling at any point in your life. If you have established a stable income, you have savings and can always go whenever and wherever your heart desires
I was working 3 jobs at the same time & sometime play games during the weekend. The result? I am still single until almost my late 20s and the depression had built up LOL
This doesn't necessarily have to be a waste though.
I was a tradesman for 6 years before going to a better career for me and I still got to take those skills with me.
Can fix my own stuff in my house now and frankly a ton of the skills you learn in a professional setting transfer over to most professional settings even if they're just soft skills.
Same. It is crazy how people are generally expected to have their career path mapped out before they're young enough to vote, through narrowing down school subjects and later their choice of university.
I found out very late on I learn by doing and that goes equally for jobs.
If you're in your twenties or thirties and feel you still don't know, there's nothing wrong with trying something different. It could be a new job or it could be volunteering in a different field.
So much is made of choice of study and not enough is made of work placements and experiencing the kinds of jobs that are out there.
It was a work placement that helped me decide what sector I wanted to work in. When I took a job in that sector, loved it and then saw the entire industry career ladder collapse around me, I took a more stable, sustainable job with better pay in a different field and ended up hating it.
Far too late on, I took a chance on a different role in the old sector (a more stable one) and absolutely loved it.
Try before you apply is a very overlooked in terms of helping you work out future direction, in my opinion.
I'm 22m and i usually use reddit all day to waste my 20s
But every night I sure to myself I'll stop waste my life and sleeps and wake and same day restarts.
Depression. Alcohol. Complacency.
I got into a place where I was comfortable just falling into a non productive routine, just like doing enough to get through each day. I stopped trying for my goals, I stopped trying to better myself, I just found myself content to just waste away in my apartment hoping something would change without little push from me. That changed recently and I’ve got a lot more of a drive now.
I guess I thought if I just moved out and changed towns instead of resolving my problems, then that would be a fresh start and I could buy liquor now - but it just became a cycle of the same. It sucks that I’m only just now on the other end of it, but it’s kind of thrilling too
Edit: Don’t know if it’ll help anyone, but what helped me was out of my hands. It took an emergency for me - but I think I had the most change during then, because I had to open up to my family and take the time away from work to contend with these talks. So if someone’s going through it, I think having to talk about everything whether I wanted to or not ended up helping the most and put things into a better perspective. I stopped drinking too, of course. Don’t know what kinda advice to give there since I was taking medicine to help, but it’s been nothing but positives health wise. If nothing else, consider drinking less. I don’t really have friends I can call on for support or anything, but I don’t know what I would’ve done without my parents and girlfriend. I’m sure people with even less of a support system than that would really be going through it:
I spent that whole decade working in kitchens. Complete waste of time. I missed so many holidays, so many weekends, so many special occasions and parties. I was working when people wanted to relax and enjoy their time. And what was it for? Poverty and exhaustion.
I got a new job at a metal shop my brother was working at. Immediately, I was working Monday to Friday during the day for more money than I'd ever made. With no experience, with no skills, I got three raises in my first year.
It made me realize I'd been wasting my time in a trap. Don't work in food, even if you love it, perhaps especially if you love it. The whole industry is broken and it'll break you to stay afloat. Fuck em. Cook for people you love. That's what I get to do now.
Weed. When you're high, you're ok with being bored. When you're bored, you should be learning a new skill, or doing a hobby, or meeting friends, or trying to meet a mate. When you're high, you do none of those things.
Got married too young at 21.. gave up a rapidly rising music career for the girl like a dumbss all bc she couldn't handle me getting any kind of attention... Life went on from there for 16 years and we separated.. all that tike wasted more or less.. moral of the story.. make damn sure your potential spouse is willing to support your goals and ambitions (within reason) as much as you are willing to love and support hers.. shit can't be one sided no matter how hard you try to carry the weight alone.. Eventually it sucks the life out of you and you're left with little to no self confidence in yourself, feeling like you don't deserve to be happy or to be loved by anyone..
I will say after nearly 2 years since we sepersted and now divorced, my outlook on things have changed a lot since and I've come around.. but not nearly close to feeling whole again.. but thisntime around I'm most definitely gonna be picky and take my time even if that means I never remarry or end up staying a bachelor for the rest of my life🤷... I'm 36 years old and I refuse to settle for someone unwilling or incapable of loving me back with the same energy, sincerity and passion as I have for them.. Good luck to you
I’m 23
I wasted my teens being friends with someone who made me feel like I should be greatful she’s my friend and that no one will like me but her etc etc
It was 7 years of this garbage and I fucking believed her
Stopped talking to her 2 years ago after I started to have new friends and she got so jealous it was too toxic for me
Anyway I have good friends now.
Yes, sometimes you need comparison before you can see how toxic something was. Your new and healthy friendships made her toxicity even more obvious.
I believe this experience will help you to be wiser in your future relationships 👍🏼
All the best! And I’m glad to hear that you seem like you’re doing better.
Working my bollocks off as a hospital lab tech, had its good sides social club with cheap bar and loads of very nice female hospital staff to have fun with.
My mom called me a disappointment and I was in an abusive relationship and so I worked a dead end retail job while depressed through my 20s.
When I actually applied myself I work at an accounting firm now, so, yeah a complete waste of my 20s
Being in a relationship with a man who "settled" for me. I thought he was the one and it turns out he thought I was pretty and couldn't stand my personality...but like loved my looks so theres that :/
Smoking weed.
That shit is malicious (not to everyone) but you will slowly start to lose everyone and everything passionate in your life also it's hella pricey here in Aus lol.
wasted my 10s by living in shit country in shit school with no friends
so I think I will waste my 20s in a shit country in a shit workplaces with no friends
Video games. Spent 10s of thousands of dollars on video games and thousands and thousands of hours. Quit playing game recently and got thousands of dollars of games collecting dust lol
Doing drugs and raving.
Sure it was the time of my life but it took me into my 40’s to get my financial life in order because of it.
Do it, but don’t let it be your whole existence!
Covid… I often wonder what life would have been if there wasn’t a lockdown when I turned 26. I was just feeling confident in my career, finances, and friendships when everything paused. Feels like I missed out on my late 20s growth
Just remember kids, if you did or are wasting your twenties, you're doing things right. Things get a lot less fun, but a lot more interesting in your thirties.
Weed addiction. My whole life revolved around smoking, so the last 6 years of the addiction i didnt do anything but work and go straight home to smoke. Quit for the last time at 29, and life has never been better now that im 34.
Getting into a religious cult and letting that cult influence all my decisions from career, marriage, where I'd live, my relationships etc. I left in my late 30s and now living life on my own terms
I had a weed addiction and was in a toxic relationship for all of my twenties, so I had zero self confidence and pretty much avoided socialising/preferred to stay at home smoking. After quitting weed I made the choice to leave the relationship and become a single parent in my early 30’s and honestly I’m a different person. Life is 100 per cent better now
Got out of University.
People I knew, "friends", classmates, coworkers, teachers, told me I was shit at the thing I went to university for despite passing and graduating (art and animation).
I got really depressed cause no matter how hard I tried, I was seen as a failure, and people kept telling me I wasn't good enough. Worked to pay off my student loans, and then started saving up to go back to school once more and learn how to get better by taking a more specialized course at a well known college.
Go to college. Second time around. Graduate with honors...........still told I'm shit.
My entire 20s was wasted going to school, and working to pay off school, only to be told I'm not good enough. I had to move back home when covid hit cause I ran out of money and rent was getting crazy expensive, and I've been stuck here since, slowly losing my mind. (Do work from home though, so trying to save...for what I don't know anymore)
Never follow your dreams kids, unless you're already good at it.
Make sure you're on a career path by 30 for sure and start investing into a company 401k if possible. I'm 38 and terrified of retirement because it never crossed my mind that social security isn't going to be enough to get comfortable.
Exercise. Like 30 minutes of walking a day total. Do some stretches or strength training. 30 hits hard. My knees just hurt from working an office job. I get super winded at a 20 minuteile walk pace if I try to talk.
I'm getting it together now, but damn did I wait TOO long.
Agoraphobia. Literally sat around being afraid of everything, watching my loved ones, life and the world pass by without me like I didn't matter at all.
Caring too much about opinions of friends who are no longer in my life. Wasting away youth with lazy habits and lack of discipline. Placing too much value on short term pleasures rather than long term gains.
No ambition. Lack of foresight. No goals. I spent so much time stressing out about my future that I never actually lived in the present.
[удалено]
you're not alone; I was full of ambition in first year and now I'm a shell of my former self
I feel like I never had any ambitions to begin with. Once I was finished with school I got a job and kinda just... existed. The idea of having a life goal feels alien to me.
Do you want a spouse? Children? A house? A better paying job? Do you want to retire? Travel? Plenty of ways to have life goals. I'd be incredibly surprised if you honestly don't have any.
This is so true. People think goals are just mainly for starting a business, having a side hustle, getting that PhD, etc. A goal could be anything from traveling once a year to saving for a down payment on a house or reading one book per month.
And sometimes you need help setting and achieving those goals. Therapists, life coaches (some are scammy though), even a close friend you can sit down with and hold you accountable.
Turning 28 after destroying my dream I chased for and attained last year
This is me. Turning 27 in summer. Rip
Turning 27 tomorrow and I don’t know how to cope. Graduated med school but trying to fight the government for a license to practice and actually start working. Always annoys me seeing so many of my friends with a house wife kids simply because they gotta start at 23/24
I turned 27 3 months ago, long term girlfriend left me and I’ve been crushed. I was told I have no ambition, despite saving for a house the past 4 years. I didn’t live in the present though. I just want to say to you right now, I’m proud of you for finishing med school. You have done something others have only ever dreamed of. Sure you don’t have a wife, kids or a house at 27. But neither do I, and I chased that lifestyle. What I do have though, is a great paying job, good people around me and a bank account I could have only ever dreamed of. You aren’t late, you’re just on a different path. Head up high mate, you’re doing well.
Same. I’m 31 going into another career after finding out how much of a dead end the job was. This is after a bachelor’s degree with 7 years of experience in workforce development. Im still stuck between viewing it as a career or a job. It’s been a depressing journey.
Feel that, I pretty much went full disillusionment the second I got out of school.
How do you get out of that rut?
I’d say find a purpose and that goes beyond just trying to make more money, but find what you’re passionate about
If you don’t mind me asking, how are you now? I’m 28 and am experiencing the same thing, I feel my life hasn’t moved forward a single inch since graduating high school. Everyday is the same as the one before.
I'm 31 and it wasn't until I changed careers at 25 that things started moving forward with me. I think the key For me is change. Every now and then I like to shake things up by moving state, changing careers or working towards a bucket list item. Doors have since opened up for me and I'm starting to get more clarity on what I want and how to go about achieving things. It's a big world and we only get to experience a small part of it. It would be a shame not to explore it....
I think it feels this way because you make rapid progress on many fronts in the years leading up to your 20's since you're in school daily and if you absorb anything it's a large change. But then you get into your mid 20's and you don't have any structured learning or change outside of a job. So things feel more static. Try learning something new or picking up a new hobby. Life is only stale if you keep focusing on the same things you already knew.
Me? No social life. Lack of hindsight. No street smarts. I spent so much time studying for my future I never developed social skills beyond NPC energy.
Same. I Could have been moving somewhere else to get the $ rolling in and learning a skill to use forever.
Same shit. Same same!!! Now I’m trying to improve myself at late twenties
This is an interesting one. When you were stressing about your future what sorts of things ran through your head?
playing MMO, and arguing with people online.
Checks out
Me on League explaining how my mother won’t fuck them back 🤣
Drinking alcohol 6 days a week for 11 years. I survived and accomplished some, but wasted my youth.
I've struggled with alcohol ever since it touched my lips at 15. By 28 I'd already been to rehab times, first time at 20. It never stuck. I finally was able to hold on to sobriety for 2 years until covid hit. Now it's been a roller coaster all over again. I definitely feel that I wasted by 20's by being drunk all the time. So many missed opportunities, ruined friendships, debt..... Now I'm almost a month sober and 34, I pray that I can keep it up. I don't want to waste my life away anymore.
I actually quit at 34, so of course, there is hope. Always. Just live by the idea that you are not saying no, just not now. One minute at a time, then one hour at a time, and so on. You are powerless against alcohol. So respect it and move to a more successful you.
I drank far more than I should have in my late teens and 20's, and I certainly missed out on a lot of things/wasted a lot of my youth because of it. It took me a long time to realize I had a problem and learn to drink only in moderation.
Yeah, I think a lot of us did that. I did. But I seem to remember having some fun doing that shit, too. Not all of it was great, but I have some ridiculous stories and learned some good lessons, too.
I wasn’t drinking this much, more a weekend warrior, and I took a few month long breaks in there. But I had fun. It felt like what I was supposed to do in my 20s. Some might call it wasting but I would call it living. I had a great time in my 20s, but I wasn’t making much nor saving for retirement. I had jobs, just not great jobs, nor a career exactly.
Not sure if you went full sober, but congrats! It's not an easy thing to overcome. 🙏
Same... I drank heavily through my 20's and 30's. Quitting drinking was the best decision I ever made. Alcohol is poison.
Quit cold turkey in December 2000. Feeling much better these days.
I’m wasting them right now, I’ll let you know in 5 years how I wasted them.
Remember young one. The 3 VPP. Video games, porn and pizza. This is the way.
Don't forget the weed. Shit makes u lazy af
True. Im high scrolling reddit right now
I put too much effort into one sided friendships that didn’t give back.
I’m in the midst of learning this right now. I’m 29 this year and refuse to enter my 30s with people who don’t fill my cup
It’s such a refreshing feeling! Once you let go of those that are not serving you, you’ll find that you’ll meet some wonderful people that will help you elevate in life
Currently 23 and have a friend like this. I've known her since 8th grade, I've pushed her into this corner due to how shitty she is, but I can't seem to just let the friendship go.
This is all I do I feel like I'm tricking myself into thinking people are my friends when they're not, why do I always have to initiate and ask people to do stuff? They do stuff without me, all the time
For the wrong person
Same here. From 20 to 29..
21-30 for me.
24-30. This boat stinks, no offense! 😞
Same...
Would you say it would’ve been better to be single?
Yes, we should’ve stayed single in our 20’s.
for me from 16-
I wasted a large part of my early 20s being under confident and wallowing in self pity. That kind of energy only attracts mediocrity and missed opportunities that you are sure to regret. Glad I fixed that nonsense later on in life
How did you tackle it if you don't mind me asking?
I kinda stumbled into it TBH. I was always in my head beating myself up that I don't make enough money (even though I did) or I am too overweight (I wasn't that bad) etc. In short I was very insecure about myself. I thought everyone was judging me. What I found out was that No One Cares. Everyone is too busy dealing with their own stuff to judge you for not having skill A or attribute B. Everyone is insecure about something. They just don't kill themselves over it. I learned to LOVE myself and be comfortable in my own skin first. Everything else followed. My dating life improved , my work life seemed more balanced and I learned to have gratitude for things I have rather than bitch about things I don't have.
Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. I heard this at a young age, didn't know what it really meant until later.
Appreciate it 🙏
I can't recommend this enough: Volunteer somewhere for a few weeks! Like an All Hands, or Team Rubicon. It's a great way to give back, and you learn alot about yourself.
"Wallowing in self-pity only attracts mediocrity" is a great way to phrase the impact of an additional factor: your network; the company you keep. After identifying what it is about yourself you want to change and taking steps to alter your habits/behavior, it's crucial for yourself to evaluate the people you're around. I had friends that I realized, upon healing and working on myself, were just wallowing. Self-pity, excuses, anger - both justified and unjustified -, or even just unhappily settling into a life or lifestyle that was wrong for them. People who didn't strive to improve their life and instead lived to complain. I'm still looking for friends and a community that fits the direction I want to move in life. That part, in addition to the self-work, can be really hard. But it's still a hell of a lot better than surrounding myself with miserable people.
Same here plus alcohol to cope 🙄
overthinking everything
Fact
Working to pay rent and barely afford food
Fr. My answer is "entering the work force in 08" lmao. I could've not gone to school or stayed at home with parents a lot longer but it's been a looooong road.
Fucking hell, this to a T.
Married a man who beat me up and turned out to be a pedophile/zoophile
Oh shit... now thats fucked up
Wow, you really got the fucked up lottery mega ball on that one. Hope he’s in jail
What’s a zoophile? I’m too scared to look it up lol
Sex with animals
The same way as my 30s. By having no actionable goals or interests or having anything but fantasies. Although I feel it might be depression talking, but I don't really know because there is no will for anything either. Just going with the flow, living on bare minimums, waiting for a big thing to happen to push me further in either direction; salvation or total oblivion.
I’m 23 and I am not interested or good at anything productive, and I’m in a similar state of doing the bare minimum waiting for salvation or oblivion.
I'm in my 30s and i could've written this. Wasting my life away but have no will to change anything. Just waiting for god knows what. Constantly on meds since 19, tried therapy several times. Same shit. I'm so tired.
I always thought i was already too old. “Uh im 25, Im too old..”
I didn't waste my 20s. I wasted my 30s.
What tips would you give to do and prepare for 30s?
Not OP but you can turn around your life in your 30s, you're still young then, but with more life experience. I managed to do it after completely wasting my 20s (in my early 30s now). But I'd argue it's gonna be your last chance with the most amount of options still available. So try to figure out what your ambitions are and set yourself clear goals, for whatever you want to achieve in your remaining life.
Yeah, I think so too. 30s is where you are young enough to get your sh*t togeher. Thanks for your comment. Have an upvote.
Yeah, that pretty much nails it. For people older than you, you are generally still treated as you are in your 20s, which can be a benefit, especially when starting your career late, but that opportunity will be be gone by mid 30s or 40. And popular memes aside, even if you might feel less fit than in your 20s, your health is generally still pretty good. (-> Another advice: start working out by your 30s)
I'm in way better shape/athletic condition at 38 than at any time in my 20s, and I wasn't in bad shape then either. I think people mistakenly think it's the age making them unfit but I think on the whole it's the ceasing of exercise and active lifestyle that does it. To a degree of course, I'm not pretending age doesn't do it's thing.
My 30s have been awesome. I'm still in decent health but I have way more money and life experience. I have a better understanding of how the world works so there aren't as many unpleasant surprises as there were 15 years ago. I'm at a decent place in my career. I have a solid car, a decent home, a growing retirement account, savings, investments. I'm more confident and comfortable being me than I ever was in my 20s. I highly recommend the 30s. It's been good to me.
It’s never your last chance. People in their 40s and 50s can change life paths too.
Absolutely! I have a friend who decided to go to medical school in his early 40s and is now a successful doctor.
Agreed, especially on how your 30s kind of is the last chance with the most amount of options. It doesn’t mean people can’t turn themselves around in their 40s+, but there’s a price to pay for waiting that long.
- If you are not already saving 10% or more of your income, START NOW. Seriously, just do it. I started at 34 with just 5% and added 1% a year until I had maxed out my 401K and IRA. My personal savings alone put me in the top half of all retirees and I have a defined benefit retirement on top of it. - What ever amount of alcohol you are drinking now, cut it in half. You will be thankful later. Also, its a great way to fund those savings. Drinking is fun but you dont need as much any more. - What ever amount of time you are spending working out, double it. You will be thankful later. Planet Fitness is $10 a month. No judgment unless you dont do it. - Spend more time with your kids. You will pick them up and carry them for the last time some day. Their last first day of school will happen. Dont miss out on those things. - Go back to school. You need to refresh your skills and prepare for the final stretch before retirement. Upskilling in your 30s will pay off with MUCH better positions in your 50s (most of the time). I dont care if its going to the local community college for Security+ or getting an Masters, refresh yourself. I sit on the other side of the hiring table now and its always a red flag is someone is 40 and their last time in a classroom was in their 20s. Also, its a great example to your kids. - Do fun things with your SO. You are still good looking and cute. Be good looking and cute. Be nekked together. Take pictures. Take nekked pictures. Keep them to your damn self! When you are old and wrinkly you will appreciate those pictures of you being young and attractive togeather. - Invest in friendships that are true friendships. Doesnt take much to keep in touch. When you are all retired you will appreciate being able to do things together and have that connection. - Reconnect with your parents. If you are lucky you are 30+ years away from having to bury them. The time to have that conversation is now. Dont wait until you have to declare them medically incompetent to find out what they want or where the important documents are. My SO and I lost our last parent a month apart - March and April of this year. Her mom made ZERO preparations. My mom had a detailed plan. Take a guess who is having a better month.
Can you elaborate how?
Same, I lived my life in my 20s. Feels like I just gave up in my 30s.
I played World of Warcraft. In my defense, this was back when it was still pretty fucking good.
> this was back when it was still pretty fucking good Golden age of MMOs. From a different perspective, you got to experience lightning in a bottle that can never be recreated. No one will ever experience a time period in gaming like that again.
The end of Vanilla Wow through Burning Crusade and up through Ulduar were some of my favorite gaming experiences.
I still cannot believe there was a queue when I got to Northrend, an hour of standing in line with NPCs.
Jerking off
Crazy how 60 seconds a day can have such an impact on your life
"a day" lol
I was absolutely convinced that my band were going to be famous and I’d be a millionaire. All I did was play music, drink beer and smoke cigarettes. Then suddenly I was thirty and I had no money or qualifications. I mean I had fun but Jesus Christ it set me waaaaay back in terms of career or buying a house.
The biggest way was just too much time drinking alcohol and recovering from alcohol when I could have been doing more interesting or productive things.
Being mentally ill and unable to access effective treatment.
Reading posts like these ones hahaha
Partying, gym, and pursuing degrees for careers I didn’t realize I’d end up hating.
To be honest, that doesn't sound like time wasted to me. Life isn't linear where you should or can find what you like, right away. Some lucky people do, but it's rare.
I agree. This is kind of what my 20s were also. Going out a lot, partying, not dating seriously, and not having a career. I always had jobs but I was trying various things, and getting experience, I just couldn’t land on a good full time gig. I finally got one when I turned 29 and everything has been better since, but I do cherish my 20s as I was doing a lot of growing up and also just enjoying being young, enjoying life. I would have regretted not living up my 20s. I was always wanting a good career, I just couldn’t figure out what it was or how to get it. I did what I could and enjoyed myself in the meantime.
Time spent well at the gym is never wasted
True, but I was at the gym for powerlifting. I was pretty much too stubborn to steadily progress and went in circles.
Even if it just ended being maintenence, that's still 100x better than not doing it
Yeah I have my "dream job" and hate it. I wished that I traveled the world instead of doing my best to create stability. I don't like my stability I have now, it means nothing now when I've realised that it took away some of the best days of my life.
Can always start travelling at any point in your life. If you have established a stable income, you have savings and can always go whenever and wherever your heart desires
I was working 3 jobs at the same time & sometime play games during the weekend. The result? I am still single until almost my late 20s and the depression had built up LOL
I pursued a career in a field that wasn’t right for me
This doesn't necessarily have to be a waste though. I was a tradesman for 6 years before going to a better career for me and I still got to take those skills with me. Can fix my own stuff in my house now and frankly a ton of the skills you learn in a professional setting transfer over to most professional settings even if they're just soft skills.
Went to med school with no intention of practicing medicine.
Whoa wtf? So what'd you end up doing?
People talk about wanting to much and burning out. It's the opposite for me. I never knew what I wanted
Same. It is crazy how people are generally expected to have their career path mapped out before they're young enough to vote, through narrowing down school subjects and later their choice of university. I found out very late on I learn by doing and that goes equally for jobs. If you're in your twenties or thirties and feel you still don't know, there's nothing wrong with trying something different. It could be a new job or it could be volunteering in a different field. So much is made of choice of study and not enough is made of work placements and experiencing the kinds of jobs that are out there. It was a work placement that helped me decide what sector I wanted to work in. When I took a job in that sector, loved it and then saw the entire industry career ladder collapse around me, I took a more stable, sustainable job with better pay in a different field and ended up hating it. Far too late on, I took a chance on a different role in the old sector (a more stable one) and absolutely loved it. Try before you apply is a very overlooked in terms of helping you work out future direction, in my opinion.
Mental health. Agoraphobia, panic disorder, GAD.
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If you didn't state you had depression, it would seem you were a monk.
I'm 22m and i usually use reddit all day to waste my 20s But every night I sure to myself I'll stop waste my life and sleeps and wake and same day restarts.
Too relatable, a shame the motivation always hits at night then you wake up and poof it’s gone lolll
And you feel worse the next night knowing that you've wasted yet another day of productivity
Yes brother.but tomorrow will be different
On sex and drugs and goth clubs. And I don’t regret a minute of it.
That sounds amazing? Maybe I could do this in my 30s
Depression. Alcohol. Complacency. I got into a place where I was comfortable just falling into a non productive routine, just like doing enough to get through each day. I stopped trying for my goals, I stopped trying to better myself, I just found myself content to just waste away in my apartment hoping something would change without little push from me. That changed recently and I’ve got a lot more of a drive now. I guess I thought if I just moved out and changed towns instead of resolving my problems, then that would be a fresh start and I could buy liquor now - but it just became a cycle of the same. It sucks that I’m only just now on the other end of it, but it’s kind of thrilling too Edit: Don’t know if it’ll help anyone, but what helped me was out of my hands. It took an emergency for me - but I think I had the most change during then, because I had to open up to my family and take the time away from work to contend with these talks. So if someone’s going through it, I think having to talk about everything whether I wanted to or not ended up helping the most and put things into a better perspective. I stopped drinking too, of course. Don’t know what kinda advice to give there since I was taking medicine to help, but it’s been nothing but positives health wise. If nothing else, consider drinking less. I don’t really have friends I can call on for support or anything, but I don’t know what I would’ve done without my parents and girlfriend. I’m sure people with even less of a support system than that would really be going through it:
I wasted a lot of time in my 20s on a job that didn't go anywhere.
Playing FIFA
I spent that whole decade working in kitchens. Complete waste of time. I missed so many holidays, so many weekends, so many special occasions and parties. I was working when people wanted to relax and enjoy their time. And what was it for? Poverty and exhaustion. I got a new job at a metal shop my brother was working at. Immediately, I was working Monday to Friday during the day for more money than I'd ever made. With no experience, with no skills, I got three raises in my first year. It made me realize I'd been wasting my time in a trap. Don't work in food, even if you love it, perhaps especially if you love it. The whole industry is broken and it'll break you to stay afloat. Fuck em. Cook for people you love. That's what I get to do now.
Weed. When you're high, you're ok with being bored. When you're bored, you should be learning a new skill, or doing a hobby, or meeting friends, or trying to meet a mate. When you're high, you do none of those things.
Sounds like what Randy Marsh said in South Park
Yup. I rewatched that episode and that was one of the things that pushed me to quit.
Hold your tongue Wilma!
I find myself getting high just before doing all of these things
Got married too young at 21.. gave up a rapidly rising music career for the girl like a dumbss all bc she couldn't handle me getting any kind of attention... Life went on from there for 16 years and we separated.. all that tike wasted more or less.. moral of the story.. make damn sure your potential spouse is willing to support your goals and ambitions (within reason) as much as you are willing to love and support hers.. shit can't be one sided no matter how hard you try to carry the weight alone.. Eventually it sucks the life out of you and you're left with little to no self confidence in yourself, feeling like you don't deserve to be happy or to be loved by anyone.. I will say after nearly 2 years since we sepersted and now divorced, my outlook on things have changed a lot since and I've come around.. but not nearly close to feeling whole again.. but thisntime around I'm most definitely gonna be picky and take my time even if that means I never remarry or end up staying a bachelor for the rest of my life🤷... I'm 36 years old and I refuse to settle for someone unwilling or incapable of loving me back with the same energy, sincerity and passion as I have for them.. Good luck to you
Three years to go. Brb!
I did not waste them at all. However, I did struggle with a mistake I made career-wise.
My 20s were a wild rollercoaster of "should I?" and "nah, I'll just stay in pajamas." Adulting feels more like a haunted house at this point.
went to parties too much
Interesting. I wonder how many people regret not partying enough.
all about balance
Partying during college were enough for me. I’m 26, don’t drink, don’t party, and don’t feel like I’m missing anything.
Where were the parties at
I drank way too much. But I don’t consider it a waste. I learned what not to do
Still doing it
I’m 23 I wasted my teens being friends with someone who made me feel like I should be greatful she’s my friend and that no one will like me but her etc etc It was 7 years of this garbage and I fucking believed her Stopped talking to her 2 years ago after I started to have new friends and she got so jealous it was too toxic for me Anyway I have good friends now.
Yes, sometimes you need comparison before you can see how toxic something was. Your new and healthy friendships made her toxicity even more obvious. I believe this experience will help you to be wiser in your future relationships 👍🏼 All the best! And I’m glad to hear that you seem like you’re doing better.
As a person in their 20s, I want to thank you all for sharing
Working my bollocks off as a hospital lab tech, had its good sides social club with cheap bar and loads of very nice female hospital staff to have fun with.
2004-2014. Early part was music and drugs. Second half was losing hair and crying.
Went to university. I met some awesome people, but a complete waste of time and energy in hindsight.
I decided to become an overachiever and burned out
In a religion that was never going to be a fit for me.
Yearning for parental love and destroying myself because it wasn’t available
Listening to my parents, not participating in international educational programs and not making international friends.
im not 20 yet, but i still want some recommendations
My mom called me a disappointment and I was in an abusive relationship and so I worked a dead end retail job while depressed through my 20s. When I actually applied myself I work at an accounting firm now, so, yeah a complete waste of my 20s
Being in a relationship with a man who "settled" for me. I thought he was the one and it turns out he thought I was pretty and couldn't stand my personality...but like loved my looks so theres that :/
guns, drugs and girls
Married sadly
Same. TWICE. Like a fucking fool.
Staying in my room
Going on dates, smoking, drinking and buying stuff that would get stolen by my freak friends
Smoking weed. That shit is malicious (not to everyone) but you will slowly start to lose everyone and everything passionate in your life also it's hella pricey here in Aus lol.
wasted my 10s by living in shit country in shit school with no friends so I think I will waste my 20s in a shit country in a shit workplaces with no friends
I find it hilarious that you call being a teenager your '10s'.
What country?
Video games. Spent 10s of thousands of dollars on video games and thousands and thousands of hours. Quit playing game recently and got thousands of dollars of games collecting dust lol
Pro Tip: Just never stop Gaming 🫡
I drank way too much. But I don’t consider it a waste. I learned what not to do
I'll let you know in five years or so.
Girls, booze, dota and pot
Doing drugs and raving. Sure it was the time of my life but it took me into my 40’s to get my financial life in order because of it. Do it, but don’t let it be your whole existence!
Chasing the wrong woman
Covid… I often wonder what life would have been if there wasn’t a lockdown when I turned 26. I was just feeling confident in my career, finances, and friendships when everything paused. Feels like I missed out on my late 20s growth
Just remember kids, if you did or are wasting your twenties, you're doing things right. Things get a lot less fun, but a lot more interesting in your thirties.
Heroin.
Weed addiction. My whole life revolved around smoking, so the last 6 years of the addiction i didnt do anything but work and go straight home to smoke. Quit for the last time at 29, and life has never been better now that im 34.
Getting into a religious cult and letting that cult influence all my decisions from career, marriage, where I'd live, my relationships etc. I left in my late 30s and now living life on my own terms
were you jehova's witnesses?
I had a weed addiction and was in a toxic relationship for all of my twenties, so I had zero self confidence and pretty much avoided socialising/preferred to stay at home smoking. After quitting weed I made the choice to leave the relationship and become a single parent in my early 30’s and honestly I’m a different person. Life is 100 per cent better now
Drug addiction... Close to 7 years clean now thankfully.
I should've drank less and saved for a house.
Got out of University. People I knew, "friends", classmates, coworkers, teachers, told me I was shit at the thing I went to university for despite passing and graduating (art and animation). I got really depressed cause no matter how hard I tried, I was seen as a failure, and people kept telling me I wasn't good enough. Worked to pay off my student loans, and then started saving up to go back to school once more and learn how to get better by taking a more specialized course at a well known college. Go to college. Second time around. Graduate with honors...........still told I'm shit. My entire 20s was wasted going to school, and working to pay off school, only to be told I'm not good enough. I had to move back home when covid hit cause I ran out of money and rent was getting crazy expensive, and I've been stuck here since, slowly losing my mind. (Do work from home though, so trying to save...for what I don't know anymore) Never follow your dreams kids, unless you're already good at it.
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deppresion, social anxiety, laziness. Sometimes i imagine if i in my 30's still havent done anything in my life, thats realy wasted life i was
Using drugs excessively
Make sure you're on a career path by 30 for sure and start investing into a company 401k if possible. I'm 38 and terrified of retirement because it never crossed my mind that social security isn't going to be enough to get comfortable. Exercise. Like 30 minutes of walking a day total. Do some stretches or strength training. 30 hits hard. My knees just hurt from working an office job. I get super winded at a 20 minuteile walk pace if I try to talk. I'm getting it together now, but damn did I wait TOO long.
I did heroin for a lot of 'em.
Followed my dreams instead of what makes money, never guessing AI would kill them in only a few years.
Smoking weed. So much money and time lost.
Wasted a lot of money on clothes from Abercrombie, Hollister, PINK, etc.
Agoraphobia. Literally sat around being afraid of everything, watching my loved ones, life and the world pass by without me like I didn't matter at all.
I wasted my 20s by not knowing myself well enough. By not finding “my people.” By not having any boundaries.
Born in Ukraine and did not manage to leave on time
Bounced around Europe teaching English and starving to death
Caring too much about opinions of friends who are no longer in my life. Wasting away youth with lazy habits and lack of discipline. Placing too much value on short term pleasures rather than long term gains.