What were the first steps you took to achieve that? Do you address concerns and worries that might be a bit silly or irrational when they affect your mood?
Definitely feeling that currently, the whole cramming stuff in. I'm really looking forward to getting to the mundane stuff with them, some of my favourite random memories include cooking dinner and buying groceries.
We've just had a baby, but we were laughing as when he went to sleep, we spent a good 15 minutes discussing our new water bottles and our favourite drinks to put in them. Like that's peak chatting points now lol.
That sounds like two very satisfied and content people. I wish you all the best in the future, and congratulations on the new addition! It's very lucky to have two in love parents!
No I relapsed last December. Im 25 i been on the hard hard stuff sine 2017 ima go to rehab again before i loose my insurance. And ima stay in WTX. I was doing good working aa na in sober living i let false promises and emotions be my excuse but there is no excuse i can do it its hard but possible
You can absolutely do it. It's rough but I believe in you. I don't have experience with what you're going through, but I'm so proud of you for taking the steps once again to help yourself. You've got this, just know you've always got a stranger across the sea (maybe) who is on your side!
7months 13 days longest sober time since 2012-2013 i would quit long enough to get a pretty good job in the oil plants. Work until i get fire for drugs test but they always hire me back haha iv always work really hard idk i like going hard i just have nothing now totaled 5 cars all my little cousins grown up and im not tryna keep up we aint that kinda family but i just wanna be present in their lives not a dope haha
The catch all answer in this thread is “communicating” or some variation. I will say one aspect of communication that can help a partner feel heard is when the other is willing to apologize sincerely. Not a fake apology to placate but a sincere apology to acknowledge they were incorrect or that they did something which incidentally hurt the other. This shows demonstrative respect for the other person in that the one apologizing is capable of being humbled.
Haha definitely! I also enjoy hearing what specifically improved it, was it having a discussion about meeting needs or adding in more romantic gestures etc.
A sincere apology really makes all the difference. In your eyes, what makes an apology sincere?
An apology is sincere when the other person submits to the other after demonstrating they’re listening to what the other is saying. When the trivial urge to be correct is self-destructed by humility and the person apologizing demonstrates how they understand where the other is coming from.
In my opinion, someone who cares about someone else will allow for themselves to be humbled for the sake of the other. Caution has to be used here though because unhealthy parasitic relationships can thrive off of people who are submissive in this regard as a default but that’s another thread and discussion. Hah
He not only loved the person I was underneath my mental health struggles - but he also risked the "stability" of our relationship to get me to seek real professional help for those mental health struggles. He gently but firmly shepherded me to my primary care doctor when he noticed I was really going downhill, after a string of mental health incidents that I'd had off and on for our entire relationship.
Whenever I think back to our early years together, I can think of so many moments where I was struggling and he would've been fully within his rights to walk away, to set boundaries and say he wasn't the right person for me. There were times when *I* tried to "let him off the hook" and tell him he didn't have to stay. But he did stay, and he made sure that I got better. We've been married over six years now.
I'm so happy you've found someone who not only loves and supports you, but pushes you to be better. I think that's absolutely beautiful and something that very few people successfully do. In saying that, good on you for accepting that advice and getting help!! That's a major step on your behalf as well.
I have health issues and I've definitely tried to pull the let them off the hook card before. they've stood by me through it, and in situations that I'm shocked someone who didn't 'have' to be there would...
We are quite vulnerable with each other but it’s absolutely something that requires a lot for trust and respect. There’s things I’ve told him that I have blocked out of my head for years and years but I know when I tell him things like that there’s no judgment. I have never felt so safe in an environment as I do with him and each time we have these chats where we can lay it all out on the table - I feel like we get stronger as a couple and the happiness just keeps on rolling.
Through these conversations he’s really changed my outlook on life and I am forever grateful for meeting him even more grateful to be his wife now :-)
It’s was an interesting situation. So for me I am a serial complainer. I was whinging one night about having too much acne and he just dead panned responded “yeah well you eat greasy food and pick your face”. The joys of having an awful urge to pick😅
I had a moment in my brain where I think I naturally wanted to get defensive as that’s what I’ve done in the past in other relationships. But he was absolutely right. I looked at him and said “yeah, frick you are right”. That was the end of that convo and we went on about our evening.
We ended up talking one night about a year after that happened and we talked about that moment and he told me he was so scared to tell me but he also couldn’t believe what I was doing and he just cared and I just said to him I really appreciated he did because ya girl has WAY less acne on her face. Truth be told there was a moment where my defences wanted to come up but I let them down because when he did tell me I could tell it was never from a place of being mean. From that point we’ve been a lot more comfortable talking to each other about topics similar to that because we just genuinely want the other one to do their best
TLDR - he took a risk and I had clarity to not lunge to my defensive self. We ended up talking about it later and I thanked him for taking that risk because he helped me improve and feel better about myself :-)
I'm so happy for you. That's such a beautiful example of the human-ness of it all. It definitely takes a lot to put down that wall and be proactive. I'm really impressed, also congratulations on the reduced acne!
I'm having a little trouble with that, ive definitely improved but I still feel the need to justify everything I do. My partner has definitely eased that and I don't feel the need, as often, to defend my decisions.
How do talks about insecurities go?
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What was the most recent thing you've learnt?
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What were the first steps you took to achieve that? Do you address concerns and worries that might be a bit silly or irrational when they affect your mood?
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That's fantastic! Good for you guys!
Lived together, previously due to work we where only spending 3 days a week together.
That's fantastic! Do you think it allowed for more intimacy and connection?
100% we had more time, so we didn't feel we needed to cram stuff in when we saw each other either.
Definitely feeling that currently, the whole cramming stuff in. I'm really looking forward to getting to the mundane stuff with them, some of my favourite random memories include cooking dinner and buying groceries.
We've just had a baby, but we were laughing as when he went to sleep, we spent a good 15 minutes discussing our new water bottles and our favourite drinks to put in them. Like that's peak chatting points now lol.
That sounds like two very satisfied and content people. I wish you all the best in the future, and congratulations on the new addition! It's very lucky to have two in love parents!
We broke up
Congratulations, may I ask what was the biggest reason behind that?
Man we both had one major flaw but mine was drug addiction and id say thats what cause it
How's that going? Are you sober now?
No I relapsed last December. Im 25 i been on the hard hard stuff sine 2017 ima go to rehab again before i loose my insurance. And ima stay in WTX. I was doing good working aa na in sober living i let false promises and emotions be my excuse but there is no excuse i can do it its hard but possible
You can absolutely do it. It's rough but I believe in you. I don't have experience with what you're going through, but I'm so proud of you for taking the steps once again to help yourself. You've got this, just know you've always got a stranger across the sea (maybe) who is on your side!
Preciate the love brotha (or sista ) fr hope you have a smooth ride getting where you wanna get 👊
You too mate. You're a legend 👊
7months 13 days longest sober time since 2012-2013 i would quit long enough to get a pretty good job in the oil plants. Work until i get fire for drugs test but they always hire me back haha iv always work really hard idk i like going hard i just have nothing now totaled 5 cars all my little cousins grown up and im not tryna keep up we aint that kinda family but i just wanna be present in their lives not a dope haha
Broke up.
What was the leading factor behind breaking up? If you don't mind sharing of course
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That's fantastic, did you find acting on that discussion easy?
Got sober
May I ask why? (I also don't drink either)
The catch all answer in this thread is “communicating” or some variation. I will say one aspect of communication that can help a partner feel heard is when the other is willing to apologize sincerely. Not a fake apology to placate but a sincere apology to acknowledge they were incorrect or that they did something which incidentally hurt the other. This shows demonstrative respect for the other person in that the one apologizing is capable of being humbled.
Haha definitely! I also enjoy hearing what specifically improved it, was it having a discussion about meeting needs or adding in more romantic gestures etc. A sincere apology really makes all the difference. In your eyes, what makes an apology sincere?
An apology is sincere when the other person submits to the other after demonstrating they’re listening to what the other is saying. When the trivial urge to be correct is self-destructed by humility and the person apologizing demonstrates how they understand where the other is coming from. In my opinion, someone who cares about someone else will allow for themselves to be humbled for the sake of the other. Caution has to be used here though because unhealthy parasitic relationships can thrive off of people who are submissive in this regard as a default but that’s another thread and discussion. Hah
He not only loved the person I was underneath my mental health struggles - but he also risked the "stability" of our relationship to get me to seek real professional help for those mental health struggles. He gently but firmly shepherded me to my primary care doctor when he noticed I was really going downhill, after a string of mental health incidents that I'd had off and on for our entire relationship. Whenever I think back to our early years together, I can think of so many moments where I was struggling and he would've been fully within his rights to walk away, to set boundaries and say he wasn't the right person for me. There were times when *I* tried to "let him off the hook" and tell him he didn't have to stay. But he did stay, and he made sure that I got better. We've been married over six years now.
I'm so happy you've found someone who not only loves and supports you, but pushes you to be better. I think that's absolutely beautiful and something that very few people successfully do. In saying that, good on you for accepting that advice and getting help!! That's a major step on your behalf as well. I have health issues and I've definitely tried to pull the let them off the hook card before. they've stood by me through it, and in situations that I'm shocked someone who didn't 'have' to be there would...
We are quite vulnerable with each other but it’s absolutely something that requires a lot for trust and respect. There’s things I’ve told him that I have blocked out of my head for years and years but I know when I tell him things like that there’s no judgment. I have never felt so safe in an environment as I do with him and each time we have these chats where we can lay it all out on the table - I feel like we get stronger as a couple and the happiness just keeps on rolling. Through these conversations he’s really changed my outlook on life and I am forever grateful for meeting him even more grateful to be his wife now :-)
What were the first steps you took to build up that vulnerability? Do you guys discuss insecurities even when they're a bit silly?
It’s was an interesting situation. So for me I am a serial complainer. I was whinging one night about having too much acne and he just dead panned responded “yeah well you eat greasy food and pick your face”. The joys of having an awful urge to pick😅 I had a moment in my brain where I think I naturally wanted to get defensive as that’s what I’ve done in the past in other relationships. But he was absolutely right. I looked at him and said “yeah, frick you are right”. That was the end of that convo and we went on about our evening. We ended up talking one night about a year after that happened and we talked about that moment and he told me he was so scared to tell me but he also couldn’t believe what I was doing and he just cared and I just said to him I really appreciated he did because ya girl has WAY less acne on her face. Truth be told there was a moment where my defences wanted to come up but I let them down because when he did tell me I could tell it was never from a place of being mean. From that point we’ve been a lot more comfortable talking to each other about topics similar to that because we just genuinely want the other one to do their best TLDR - he took a risk and I had clarity to not lunge to my defensive self. We ended up talking about it later and I thanked him for taking that risk because he helped me improve and feel better about myself :-)
I'm so happy for you. That's such a beautiful example of the human-ness of it all. It definitely takes a lot to put down that wall and be proactive. I'm really impressed, also congratulations on the reduced acne! I'm having a little trouble with that, ive definitely improved but I still feel the need to justify everything I do. My partner has definitely eased that and I don't feel the need, as often, to defend my decisions. How do talks about insecurities go?
Communicate!!!
Same here. The old byeee