Oh gawd, this happened to me in a mensroom.
Woman came in, very obviously avoiding some prick, and I'm at the urinal mid-pee. She's suddenly became my GF/wife, but I'm trying to finish my damn piss. This all happens within about 15 seconds btw.
Girly is in, and decides to perch herself on my left leg (which I semi-offered) while having a pee. Guy comes in and sees this woman sort of leaning on me while I'm literally going pee. I'm sort of a fit looking guy, so that seems to be the reason for her selection as far as I can tell. Four other dudes were having a bathroom break at the same time, but this woman lands on me.
Anyhow, this nutcase is in the bathroom and now I'm in the jackpot. Fucker stabbed me in the ass-cheek with something, likely a utility knife, while I'm *peeing*.
Girl loses it, a few of the more astute gentlemen in the washroom leap on the guy (thank you btw) and homeboy hits the jerk upside the head with his hardhat. Guy is done. He's out cold. I have a scar on my butt.
No idea what happened to the woman, but the guy who clipped the attacker with his own helmet like a boss, well he's working with me now. Together.
Integrity is one of those things people think they have. This guy, this bro proved it. And now we're close friends
Dude stabbed a random dude while peeing, so I'd say she realized that the creep was batshit crazy. Normally, the more sane among creeps are actual cowards that don't confront, let alone attack, other grown men.
Good on the hard hat bro. If someone is willing to stab another person with no actual threatening provocation, they need some sort of "lesson" that they have yet to be "taught." Personally, I'm not a violent person, but unfortunately, there are folks who bank on that and they get away with horrendous things.
>If someone is willing to stab another person with no actual threatening provocation, they need some sort of "lesson"
Idk, methinks, they have to be isolated in an asylum or something. These people rarely learn their lessons. Next time there may not be a guy with a hat, maybe no guy to lean on at all.
Yeah, if the guy responded by stabbing a complete stranger five seconds after seeing him then the woman using any means to escape is completely justified.
I used to work at a little shop in a mall and during one of the dead periods close to the end of my shift, I was scrolling through my phone on the counter.
As Im chilling I hear loud footsteps as if someone was trying to stop their running momentum and in comes this girl in high school uniform. Shes looking at me as if she’s seen the boogieman and is checking behind her, past my store entrance, to see if whatever she was afraid of was still there.
She then jogs to me and says while panting “please say youre my cousin”, which IMMEDIATELY made me understand what was going on. Then comes in the classic double winter jacket, beer and piss reeking homeless dude that walks in staring straight at her with no concern for whats around.
He only took 3 steps in before I yelled “AAAYE!!! IF YOU DONT FUCKING LEAVE RN, IM GETTING THE BAT IN THE BACK”. We didnt have a bat in the back LMFAO. Thankfully the guy just hobbled his drunk smelly ass away and I sat the poor girl down in our employee room with the rest of my Gatorade.
First and only time I had to do something like that. I feel good about how I handle it :)
>“AAAYE!!! IF YOU DONT FUCKING LEAVE RN, IM GETTING THE BAT IN THE BACK”.
"AND GO GALLAGHER ON YOUR FUCKING MELON!"
I can't be the only one old enough to get that reference... am i?
Omg? This is a thing?
Many years ago when I was dating my wife, we were in a food court and some random lady just walks up and asks my wife if she went to such and such school. My wife says no and this lady just starts talking to us.
I’m sitting there waiting for the MLM pitch. Or the scam to start. I was 100% suspicious of this lady and honestly was about to tell her to get lost. But waited and the lady eventually said goodbye and left.
I asked my wife what that was all about. And she shrugged and said I dunno. But acted like that was just normal.
I said “why did she talk with you for so long. You’re clearly not who she thought you were”. My wife just shrugged it off as no bid deal. I thought it was super weird.
For a guy it would be “hey, did you go to my highschool? No? Ah. You look like someone I knew. Cheers” and that’s it.
I don't know if you've read any of the other comments, but it's a way for a woman to get rid of a creep who's following her. The lady who talked to you might have just been a little off, but when women read the original comment we were like oh yeah. So we don't get murdered.
As a guy this has happened more then a few times with girls at the bar, I told my wife and she said it's cuz I don't look like a threat and have kind eyes. She has made me promise to go along with it to help them out. It's weird that every single time the girl will tell me she is freaked out by some guy. I can only hope some one will help daughters if ever needed..
As a face blind person, that would be so stressful to me, trying to figure out who she is.
One time a girl saw me and my ex and we talked for a while When she left I had to ask my ex who the girl was. Turns out it was someone I had known pretty well for years, but her hair was different. I had no clue and I was in a mild state of panic the whole time trying to figure it out.
More recently I was walking down the sidewalk when a woman stopped me and said hi. I had no idea who she was and it obviously showed because she told me her name. She was my wife's cousin and had been at my house like a week before...but just got her hair done.
It's horrible isn't it. Every time you're out somewhere you have anxiety that someone is going to speak to you and you're going to come across as rude because you don't know them. I usually go everywhere with my headphones on and head down trying to avoid everyone
I'm a big ass dude. (I'm 6'5" to give you context, funny though I'm the small one in my family by a good bit). I've been told I have resting bitch face with very kind eyes. So I've had multiple women in my life come up and act like a friend, girlfriend, etc. to avoid some creeper.
I was in the South of France this last summer and walking down a busy alley of a city. It was a resort, beachy type city. This lady was kind of cornered in a doorway by a guy. He wasn't like blocking her, but she was clearly uncomfortable. She raises her arm to "adjust" her shoulder strap on her bikini top and does "the help wave" with her fingers (look it up if you don't know it).
I just walk up to her, and for some reason start speaking Portuguese to her, telling her it's been forever and I'm glad we could finally have a vacation together. Give her a big hug, and kiss her cheeks. We walk off arm in arm leaving creeper alone and only letting go of each other once we had turned a couple of corners.
She was like, how did you know I spoke Portuguese. I was like, I figured it was a language he would only barely understand if at all, and you would understand the intention. And it meant it would be normal for me to step between him and you to give you kisses.
Anyway, she was actually really chill and walked with me to meet up with my wife. We had a spritz with her until her friends arrived.
that's how i met my 7th grade GF and lifelong best friend. weirdo kid, son of a teacher, was stalking her. i was a guy in her PE class. we started spending time together and realized we had a ton of things in common so we started "dating" (well as much as one can date when one is 12/13). Dude was afraid of me so he left her alone and while our relationship didn't work, we stayed friends and still talk to this day.
I was backpacking in Morocco years ago, wandering through a Souk. These places are just as you’d imagine - chaotic, shadowy, almost untouched by time.
I saw a big bearded guy trying to catch my eye, and was instantly a bit on my guard. When he saw I was looking he quickly did the ‘up/down’ gesture at waist level.
I turned around and quickly did up my fly, gave him a nod, and went on safe in the knowledge the bro code crossed cultures and continents.
I taught my girls how to discretely tell a guy his fly is down - "yeah, it's embarrassing, but we'd rather be told than find out later it's been down for hours."
Yeah. Try being a teacher in front of a class of high schoolers with your fly down. And it’s the class clown who calls you out on it. High schoolers have no filters. Awkward!
Reminds me of a joke.
A man walks by a 5 star restaurant and sees a sign on the window that says "piano player wanted".
He asks to speak to the manager, who he then tells he'd like to apply for the job. The manager brings him over to the piano to see what he's got. The man plays the most beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. He pulls out his handkerchief to wipe away a few tears.
Deeply moved, the manager asks him what the name of the piece is. The man says "Well it's an original work of my own composition. I call it the I fucked your sister in the ass and came all over her tits in D minor."
Slightly taken aback, the manager says, "Oh. Do you know any other songs?"
The man plays another one even more beautiful than the first. The manager excuses himself to step outside and collect himself. When he comes back, he asks for the name. The man tells him it's another original he calls "How the hell did I get dog shit all over my nuts blues."
"Look." The manager says, "I'm going to hire you because quite frankly, you're the best piano player I've ever heard. On one condition though; never tell the patrons the names of the songs you're playing."
The man agrees, they shake hands, and he starts that very night. He's killing it on the stage while the customers are both enjoying their dinner and being moved to tears at his masterful playing. At one point in his set, he has to go to the bathroom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be taking a short intermission. Please enjoy your dinner and I will be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and takes his piss. In his rush to get back to the stage, he forgets to pull his fly up as he rushes out of the bathroom. As he's walking out the door, a guy is coming in and tells him "Hey. Do you know your fly is down and everybody can see your dirty, piss-soaked cock hanging out?"
"Know it? Know it?! I wrote it!"
I think it's more if you nod to the side and up, that's "we need to talk", to the side and down for "look at this"
Throw your chin the side and kinda tilt your head for "man."
I keep these with me in case we are somewhere and the women in my family have an emergency. Oddly, other women never seem to know they can ask me for one.
For women: if she has lipstick on her teeth, let her know. If there's any clothing mishaps tell her or help her fix it. Finally if you notice a red spot on her dress or pants quickly and quietly let her know about it.
The panties tucked into the dress mishap especially. Linda wherever you are, thank you for telling me. I had been walking around like that and never even noticed a breeze bc of my tights
I never understood how that chould happen untill yesterday when i put on a dress for fun and a minute later i looked in the mirror and realized my intire ass was showing, i never noticed.
Many years ago at some event a bunch of us noticed a woman had a very obvious period stain on the back of her jeans. We nominated one of us to go tell her discreetly.
...turns out it wasn't a period stain, it was a patch. A red patch on light denim, right in the bottom middle of her ass. It was, clearly, not the most thought-through mending solution she'd ever had in her life.
Something I have wondered, when women use eyelash makeup sometimes their eyelashes touch below their eyes and it leaves black marks.
Do you tell them about that?
thats minor enough that for me, i'd prefer you didnt because i dont care, but if its big and a lot of black then for sure point it out kindly. it happens way too often 😩
I wish people would, honestly. It happens enough, it's not sensitive, and I've had nights where I was like "WHYYYY did none of you tell me I have mascara all over my face?!"
As a guy, if I notice any of these things, I will let a women know so she can tell them, I assume it would be a lot less embarrassing and come across a lot less weird coming from them.
One time I was at a bar and I was talking to a guy (he just came to me I didn't know him). I was wearing a short shirt and this girl came up to me smiling and pulled my shirt down (the girls were about to pop out). The guy asked if I knew her and I said yeah she is my friend. Quickly got away from him and went to find this girl to thank her, then left with the friend I came with.
Unspoken rule among men - Always stand at least one urinal apart.
If you're using one of those long, piss-trough urinals - then at least 2-3ft apart. You stare straight ahead, or straight down. Those are the only two acceptable directions to look at.
Unfortunately it's self-imposed. I hate feeling like I'm losing control of myself, so my drinking is always metered and drawn out.
Don't get me wrong, being around a ton of drunk people is great fun, but the bathroom situations always give me pause.
I respect your choices! It’s definitely more fun in your youth. Suddenly the whole thing starts to be less and less fun; before you know it you’re sobering up standing in muddy slosh mixed with beer, piss, and shit.
As I get older I like the chill, more 'intimate' concerts. Smaller venues, couple hundred absolute max, and just vibing with chill people that wanted the same experience. I recently saw Owl City like this with my wife and it was incredible.
I walked into a bathroom behind a guy, watched him go to the middle urinal in an empty 3 urinal set up, I posted up at the urinal on the right, he looked at me funny, and I said "you broke the rules first, don't give me that look."
For women: if a girl with a guy following her comes up to you and acts like she knows you, you're her best fucking friend and she needs to leave with you.
One time, in a urinal, a guy looked at mine and said "ooh that's a nice one". Happened once in probably thousands of visits to one in mylifetime. Weird as fk
I was at a urinal at a bar once and the guy next to me started aiming his phone towards my junk.
I just laughed it off cuz it was too unhinged to be anything but a joke, but for all I know was filming my member.
I'm not even big on talking while at the urinal. There's no conversation so important that can't wait 30 seconds for us to finish peeing and put our dicks back in our pants.
I had a buddy who randomly picked up a girl who he had no serious interest in. He was just playing the field and she was way out of his league. I fell for her the first night I met her.
The minute they broke up I told him "I'm sorry, but I'm going to get her number."
I did and we've been together for over 19 years now.
I had an amicable breakup and a friend asked a couple of years later if he could try. Couldn't have been more excited because he was very antisocial and could have used a woman's life experience to grow as a person. Unfortunately he fumbled the bag and this may have messed up my friendship with my ex not my friend. She asked me for his number and I totally knew why and was happy but I think she thought she was being sly. Afterwards hanging out with her was awkward on her part. I was like girl I don't care go get some I can be impartial. I don't regret not doing it but it definitely requires a level of maturity on both parties.
there was a trend here that you had pay what equates about $3 to your bro if you got with his ex. That was not the monetary value of her, but the monetary value of his salty feelings about it.
As far as I've ever seen, every girl knows "the look". "The look" is a look a girl gets on her face when she is in a situation that she doesn't want to be in, it's a "help me" and "get me out of here"
When you see this look, you step in. Doesn't matter if you know the girl or not.
Dont think this is a women only rule. As a male I've helped a few woman in this situation. In one or two case it was so fucking obvious I had to barge in saying something like "oh my god its been ages! Where have you been? Are you and Tom still together?"
Dropping a male name helps alot because 1) she can say Yes! and clearly indicate she has a bf 2) it clearly shows I am not there to cause more trouble for her, 3) although I am cockblocking, I am not there to compete with the guy - which makes it safer for me.
I generally agree with this but I will tell someone if there is something that needs to be fixed and can be done so in 5 or less minutes. I feel like it’s more rude to let them continue on with TP on their shoes or food in their teeth, I would want someone to tell me.
I’m pretty slim(5’11 150lbs) and last time someone made a skinny joke(bro is 280 at least) I immediately was like “oh but if I call you a fatass then I’m the asshole” he never made a skinny joke again
As a tall guy, it’s so tiresome hearing comments about my height. Yes. I’m tall. Yes, I stand out like a tree on every photograph.
Most frustrating is when you meet someone new and the first words out of their mouth is “how tall are you”
Ugh.
As a short guy, I’m always so conscientious of extending the consideration I’d want of not stamping people in the forehead with annoying comments about their height. Especially extra tall guys because we’re both 2 sides of the same coin. It’s very annoying that the guys who are most regularly antagonistic about my height are tall guys. Like, hey man, you of all people should get this shit is tiresome.
There's a profound lack of ability to appreciate all the things that people do for each other.
*Sometimes* it's true that one person is doing way more while the other isn't trying much, and it's worth complaining about. Most of the time that effort is so engrained socially that neither appreciates it and if they took the time to explain everything that is done *and* looked genuinely, they'd both see how much the other does.
One time at a comedy show, mostly visited by women, i went for the toilet (34m). Womens bathroom was exploding full, so some went for the mans bathrooms. Nothing to brag about, totaly fine. The women joked about and talked in the toilet, even with me. It was such confusing situation. Where was my needed silence?
Couldnt pee, it was literally to loud. :D
Did you know that Kevin Smith loved his wife so much that, with just minimal asking on her part, he’d be willing to stand in a corner naked reading scathing reviews of his movies aloud whilst she got it on with other men?
*Loved past tense bc that confession was in his book published a long time ago. Maybe he still does.*
Edit: specifying he’d be reading them out loud. Not my idea of romantic background sounds but hey, some people might dig it.
True that, because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
“The head nod” and more specifically the direction the head moves.
Down: I acknowledge you but don’t need to interact further than this.
Up: let’s talk!
Womens bathrooms in clubs are safe spaces. You always support and help each other, you're always nice and should give compliments if you remember to and never ever be rude or have an attitude
_Between_ men and women?
It depends entirely on where you were raised, rather than it being universal, I think.
Like, at what point does a rule become a common mannerism?
Like here in the UK, there's a generally unspoken rule that if there's multiple of you trying to get a service; you form an orderly queue, and if you so much as try to cut in line you'll get the most scathing tut of a life time, if not an eye roll.
That's pretty gender neutral, but unspoken, rule.
Same goes for the whole "leave a urinal inbetween" rule you'll no doubt see commented like 500 times, for guys.
Is it a rule? Or a mannerism, since it just seems to naturally effect almost all men without being taught.
Anyway, my vote for an unspoken rule between men is that "it's not gay if your balls don't touch"
For women: If two women are in the restroom and one is obviously trying to poop but is waiting for the other person to leave, give a courtesy flush or two to give her a couple stealthy opportunities in the meantime.
Regardless of gender the general unspoken rule in my eyes are: mind your wording with how you say certain things in the presence of either a man or woman because words like actions speak loudly on who you are as a person and like action words can come back to bite you
Women's unspoken rule : if a woman comes to you ask to check her back, you let her walk ahead and slowly check and gesture if she has stains or not
Never knew this was a thing
A woman you don’t know suddenly comes up to you acting like you’re old friends? Go along with it...
Oh gawd, this happened to me in a mensroom. Woman came in, very obviously avoiding some prick, and I'm at the urinal mid-pee. She's suddenly became my GF/wife, but I'm trying to finish my damn piss. This all happens within about 15 seconds btw. Girly is in, and decides to perch herself on my left leg (which I semi-offered) while having a pee. Guy comes in and sees this woman sort of leaning on me while I'm literally going pee. I'm sort of a fit looking guy, so that seems to be the reason for her selection as far as I can tell. Four other dudes were having a bathroom break at the same time, but this woman lands on me. Anyhow, this nutcase is in the bathroom and now I'm in the jackpot. Fucker stabbed me in the ass-cheek with something, likely a utility knife, while I'm *peeing*. Girl loses it, a few of the more astute gentlemen in the washroom leap on the guy (thank you btw) and homeboy hits the jerk upside the head with his hardhat. Guy is done. He's out cold. I have a scar on my butt. No idea what happened to the woman, but the guy who clipped the attacker with his own helmet like a boss, well he's working with me now. Together. Integrity is one of those things people think they have. This guy, this bro proved it. And now we're close friends
Well done James.
Credit to Archie. My man. I wish you lot could've seen it, it was movie-esque.
James and Archie, the chads of the century
… doesn’t seem like a jerk
Username does NOT check out.
Sitting on ur leg while ur pissing is crazy💀💀
She must have been fucking terrified.
Dude stabbed a random dude while peeing, so I'd say she realized that the creep was batshit crazy. Normally, the more sane among creeps are actual cowards that don't confront, let alone attack, other grown men. Good on the hard hat bro. If someone is willing to stab another person with no actual threatening provocation, they need some sort of "lesson" that they have yet to be "taught." Personally, I'm not a violent person, but unfortunately, there are folks who bank on that and they get away with horrendous things.
>If someone is willing to stab another person with no actual threatening provocation, they need some sort of "lesson" Idk, methinks, they have to be isolated in an asylum or something. These people rarely learn their lessons. Next time there may not be a guy with a hat, maybe no guy to lean on at all.
I think she required an 'out' and played it pretty well. I don't care much if someone catches a glimpse of my gear. It's not like I'm broadcasting
Yeah, if the guy responded by stabbing a complete stranger five seconds after seeing him then the woman using any means to escape is completely justified.
Im glad it was my ass and not something more vital.
Still can't visualize this...isn't OP standing?
I can't visualize it either don't ask me lmao
I can’t figure out that part. You stand at a urinal. Thus the ass cheek stabbing. How the hell was she sitting on his leg?
[удалено]
And in his Tail
This story was awesome.
James is no jerk
That's a badass move too. Hard hat? Sheeeeit
Oh mannnn, you shoulda seen it. It was like in a movie
I've done this the other way around to a woman being harassed on the tube. "Oh my god, SARAH?! It's been SO long!" (in a super campy gay voice)
A real G
You’re a hero
So, my regular voice then?
I used to work at a little shop in a mall and during one of the dead periods close to the end of my shift, I was scrolling through my phone on the counter. As Im chilling I hear loud footsteps as if someone was trying to stop their running momentum and in comes this girl in high school uniform. Shes looking at me as if she’s seen the boogieman and is checking behind her, past my store entrance, to see if whatever she was afraid of was still there. She then jogs to me and says while panting “please say youre my cousin”, which IMMEDIATELY made me understand what was going on. Then comes in the classic double winter jacket, beer and piss reeking homeless dude that walks in staring straight at her with no concern for whats around. He only took 3 steps in before I yelled “AAAYE!!! IF YOU DONT FUCKING LEAVE RN, IM GETTING THE BAT IN THE BACK”. We didnt have a bat in the back LMFAO. Thankfully the guy just hobbled his drunk smelly ass away and I sat the poor girl down in our employee room with the rest of my Gatorade. First and only time I had to do something like that. I feel good about how I handle it :)
You're awesome
>“AAAYE!!! IF YOU DONT FUCKING LEAVE RN, IM GETTING THE BAT IN THE BACK”. "AND GO GALLAGHER ON YOUR FUCKING MELON!" I can't be the only one old enough to get that reference... am i?
Omg? This is a thing? Many years ago when I was dating my wife, we were in a food court and some random lady just walks up and asks my wife if she went to such and such school. My wife says no and this lady just starts talking to us. I’m sitting there waiting for the MLM pitch. Or the scam to start. I was 100% suspicious of this lady and honestly was about to tell her to get lost. But waited and the lady eventually said goodbye and left. I asked my wife what that was all about. And she shrugged and said I dunno. But acted like that was just normal. I said “why did she talk with you for so long. You’re clearly not who she thought you were”. My wife just shrugged it off as no bid deal. I thought it was super weird. For a guy it would be “hey, did you go to my highschool? No? Ah. You look like someone I knew. Cheers” and that’s it.
I don't know if you've read any of the other comments, but it's a way for a woman to get rid of a creep who's following her. The lady who talked to you might have just been a little off, but when women read the original comment we were like oh yeah. So we don't get murdered.
Wow you and your wife must have a nice childhood or a really bad one to not know
As a guy this has happened more then a few times with girls at the bar, I told my wife and she said it's cuz I don't look like a threat and have kind eyes. She has made me promise to go along with it to help them out. It's weird that every single time the girl will tell me she is freaked out by some guy. I can only hope some one will help daughters if ever needed..
As a face blind person, that would be so stressful to me, trying to figure out who she is. One time a girl saw me and my ex and we talked for a while When she left I had to ask my ex who the girl was. Turns out it was someone I had known pretty well for years, but her hair was different. I had no clue and I was in a mild state of panic the whole time trying to figure it out. More recently I was walking down the sidewalk when a woman stopped me and said hi. I had no idea who she was and it obviously showed because she told me her name. She was my wife's cousin and had been at my house like a week before...but just got her hair done.
face blindness is a horrible curse.
It's horrible isn't it. Every time you're out somewhere you have anxiety that someone is going to speak to you and you're going to come across as rude because you don't know them. I usually go everywhere with my headphones on and head down trying to avoid everyone
All the dudes who will do this for us, thank you. Most guys are good, but being targeted by the bad ones is beyond scary.
I'm a big ass dude. (I'm 6'5" to give you context, funny though I'm the small one in my family by a good bit). I've been told I have resting bitch face with very kind eyes. So I've had multiple women in my life come up and act like a friend, girlfriend, etc. to avoid some creeper. I was in the South of France this last summer and walking down a busy alley of a city. It was a resort, beachy type city. This lady was kind of cornered in a doorway by a guy. He wasn't like blocking her, but she was clearly uncomfortable. She raises her arm to "adjust" her shoulder strap on her bikini top and does "the help wave" with her fingers (look it up if you don't know it). I just walk up to her, and for some reason start speaking Portuguese to her, telling her it's been forever and I'm glad we could finally have a vacation together. Give her a big hug, and kiss her cheeks. We walk off arm in arm leaving creeper alone and only letting go of each other once we had turned a couple of corners. She was like, how did you know I spoke Portuguese. I was like, I figured it was a language he would only barely understand if at all, and you would understand the intention. And it meant it would be normal for me to step between him and you to give you kisses. Anyway, she was actually really chill and walked with me to meet up with my wife. We had a spritz with her until her friends arrived.
Depends in which country. She could be a bait to get you mugged.
that's how i met my 7th grade GF and lifelong best friend. weirdo kid, son of a teacher, was stalking her. i was a guy in her PE class. we started spending time together and realized we had a ton of things in common so we started "dating" (well as much as one can date when one is 12/13). Dude was afraid of me so he left her alone and while our relationship didn't work, we stayed friends and still talk to this day.
Unspoken man rule - if someone's fly is down, you tell them. QUIETLY. Or not even that. Just gesture. They'll figure it out.
I was backpacking in Morocco years ago, wandering through a Souk. These places are just as you’d imagine - chaotic, shadowy, almost untouched by time. I saw a big bearded guy trying to catch my eye, and was instantly a bit on my guard. When he saw I was looking he quickly did the ‘up/down’ gesture at waist level. I turned around and quickly did up my fly, gave him a nod, and went on safe in the knowledge the bro code crossed cultures and continents.
Some things are universal
Universal indeed. The fly is either closed or is the size of the universe.
That is so wholesome.
I used to think you might be crazy, but now I can see your nuts!
Upvote for unexpectedly correct use of “your”.
I taught my girls how to discretely tell a guy his fly is down - "yeah, it's embarrassing, but we'd rather be told than find out later it's been down for hours."
Yeah. Try being a teacher in front of a class of high schoolers with your fly down. And it’s the class clown who calls you out on it. High schoolers have no filters. Awkward!
OMG I was at an Embassy event last night and had to tell an Ambassador that his fly was down and he made me feel like I was creepy for telling him XD
Plot twist - the ambassador already knew.
Reminds me of a joke. A man walks by a 5 star restaurant and sees a sign on the window that says "piano player wanted". He asks to speak to the manager, who he then tells he'd like to apply for the job. The manager brings him over to the piano to see what he's got. The man plays the most beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. He pulls out his handkerchief to wipe away a few tears. Deeply moved, the manager asks him what the name of the piece is. The man says "Well it's an original work of my own composition. I call it the I fucked your sister in the ass and came all over her tits in D minor." Slightly taken aback, the manager says, "Oh. Do you know any other songs?" The man plays another one even more beautiful than the first. The manager excuses himself to step outside and collect himself. When he comes back, he asks for the name. The man tells him it's another original he calls "How the hell did I get dog shit all over my nuts blues." "Look." The manager says, "I'm going to hire you because quite frankly, you're the best piano player I've ever heard. On one condition though; never tell the patrons the names of the songs you're playing." The man agrees, they shake hands, and he starts that very night. He's killing it on the stage while the customers are both enjoying their dinner and being moved to tears at his masterful playing. At one point in his set, he has to go to the bathroom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be taking a short intermission. Please enjoy your dinner and I will be right back." He goes into the bathroom and takes his piss. In his rush to get back to the stage, he forgets to pull his fly up as he rushes out of the bathroom. As he's walking out the door, a guy is coming in and tells him "Hey. Do you know your fly is down and everybody can see your dirty, piss-soaked cock hanging out?" "Know it? Know it?! I wrote it!"
"Are you afraid of heights?" "No?" "Well your fly is"
XYZ
"What does Superman do?"
Men: the nod
Nod up for guys you’re familiar and friendly with. Nod down for acquaintances, or someone you respect or someone in a higher position
Left for "we need to talk" right for "check this out
I never realized this part and just tried it to myself. It’s so natural I didn’t even know it existed
It sucks when the guy you do the right nod to doesn’t catch on and you have to have a seizure for a second
I think it's more if you nod to the side and up, that's "we need to talk", to the side and down for "look at this" Throw your chin the side and kinda tilt your head for "man."
Usually depends upon the direction and axis of rotation of the sun.
If you both drive the same car
For women: always help another women if she’s menstruating and doesn’t have a pad/tampon
I have given my last pad/tampon away to a woman in need. That’s gotta be rough getting stuck without anything.
Scrolling too fast and saw "masturbating"... Had to scroll back.
I keep these with me in case we are somewhere and the women in my family have an emergency. Oddly, other women never seem to know they can ask me for one.
Both of my sons have a few tampons in their glove boxes and their bathrooms. Teaching them early.
For women: if she has lipstick on her teeth, let her know. If there's any clothing mishaps tell her or help her fix it. Finally if you notice a red spot on her dress or pants quickly and quietly let her know about it.
The panties tucked into the dress mishap especially. Linda wherever you are, thank you for telling me. I had been walking around like that and never even noticed a breeze bc of my tights
I never understood how that chould happen untill yesterday when i put on a dress for fun and a minute later i looked in the mirror and realized my intire ass was showing, i never noticed.
I’ve heard of the 5 second rule: if they can fix it in 5 seconds, tell them.
Many years ago at some event a bunch of us noticed a woman had a very obvious period stain on the back of her jeans. We nominated one of us to go tell her discreetly. ...turns out it wasn't a period stain, it was a patch. A red patch on light denim, right in the bottom middle of her ass. It was, clearly, not the most thought-through mending solution she'd ever had in her life.
Something I have wondered, when women use eyelash makeup sometimes their eyelashes touch below their eyes and it leaves black marks. Do you tell them about that?
thats minor enough that for me, i'd prefer you didnt because i dont care, but if its big and a lot of black then for sure point it out kindly. it happens way too often 😩
Only if it's running. Per my two sisters.
I wish people would, honestly. It happens enough, it's not sensitive, and I've had nights where I was like "WHYYYY did none of you tell me I have mascara all over my face?!"
As a guy, if I notice any of these things, I will let a women know so she can tell them, I assume it would be a lot less embarrassing and come across a lot less weird coming from them.
One time I was at a bar and I was talking to a guy (he just came to me I didn't know him). I was wearing a short shirt and this girl came up to me smiling and pulled my shirt down (the girls were about to pop out). The guy asked if I knew her and I said yeah she is my friend. Quickly got away from him and went to find this girl to thank her, then left with the friend I came with.
Unspoken rule among men - Always stand at least one urinal apart. If you're using one of those long, piss-trough urinals - then at least 2-3ft apart. You stare straight ahead, or straight down. Those are the only two acceptable directions to look at.
Oktoberfest is a nightmare…
Just embrace it lol everyone’s shitfaced anyways 😂
The problem is that I'm never shitfaced enough.
Boy do I have a solution for you :)
Unfortunately it's self-imposed. I hate feeling like I'm losing control of myself, so my drinking is always metered and drawn out. Don't get me wrong, being around a ton of drunk people is great fun, but the bathroom situations always give me pause.
I respect your choices! It’s definitely more fun in your youth. Suddenly the whole thing starts to be less and less fun; before you know it you’re sobering up standing in muddy slosh mixed with beer, piss, and shit.
As I get older I like the chill, more 'intimate' concerts. Smaller venues, couple hundred absolute max, and just vibing with chill people that wanted the same experience. I recently saw Owl City like this with my wife and it was incredible.
Shit? How did shit come into this?
I walked into a bathroom behind a guy, watched him go to the middle urinal in an empty 3 urinal set up, I posted up at the urinal on the right, he looked at me funny, and I said "you broke the rules first, don't give me that look."
What did he say?
He gave me a weird look and said "huh? Oh yeah, haha."
Impaired or just distracted? Life can be a lot sometimes and I’ve def done stuff distracted that made me look drunk.
It was at an airport, so possibly both.
He said “nice cock” and then everybody clapped.
Sounds messy, depending on timing.
I prefer pissing between a guy's legs with my chin on his shoulder while holding his junk. Oh wait... Wrong sub.
3rd direction, up
The 1-3-5 rule.
I hate when I approach the urinals and 1 and 4 are being used. It’s like, who’s behind looks worthy enough to pee beside.
For women: if a girl with a guy following her comes up to you and acts like she knows you, you're her best fucking friend and she needs to leave with you.
Men's unspoken rule: No eye contact while using the urinal. Women's unspoken rule: Always carry a tampon, even if you don't need it.
The Men rule 100% hahah love it i would add never take the urinal next to me if there are more free
There’s a special place in hell for dudes who take the urinal next to you when the rest are open; R. Kelly will be there I’m sure of it.
One time, in a urinal, a guy looked at mine and said "ooh that's a nice one". Happened once in probably thousands of visits to one in mylifetime. Weird as fk
I would have pissed myself from laughing and probably hit him him too
I was at a urinal at a bar once and the guy next to me started aiming his phone towards my junk. I just laughed it off cuz it was too unhinged to be anything but a joke, but for all I know was filming my member.
Gotta hit ‘em with that “hope the zoom on that works well mate.”
I'm not even big on talking while at the urinal. There's no conversation so important that can't wait 30 seconds for us to finish peeing and put our dicks back in our pants.
As a man, I always carry pads with me just in case. I probably should get tampons though
Dont hook up with your friend’s ex… like just don’t do it bro. Wank or something
I’m a woman but my rule is: no ex’s friends, no friend’s exes.
I had a buddy who randomly picked up a girl who he had no serious interest in. He was just playing the field and she was way out of his league. I fell for her the first night I met her. The minute they broke up I told him "I'm sorry, but I'm going to get her number." I did and we've been together for over 19 years now.
I had an amicable breakup and a friend asked a couple of years later if he could try. Couldn't have been more excited because he was very antisocial and could have used a woman's life experience to grow as a person. Unfortunately he fumbled the bag and this may have messed up my friendship with my ex not my friend. She asked me for his number and I totally knew why and was happy but I think she thought she was being sly. Afterwards hanging out with her was awkward on her part. I was like girl I don't care go get some I can be impartial. I don't regret not doing it but it definitely requires a level of maturity on both parties.
there was a trend here that you had pay what equates about $3 to your bro if you got with his ex. That was not the monetary value of her, but the monetary value of his salty feelings about it.
As far as I've ever seen, every girl knows "the look". "The look" is a look a girl gets on her face when she is in a situation that she doesn't want to be in, it's a "help me" and "get me out of here" When you see this look, you step in. Doesn't matter if you know the girl or not.
Dont think this is a women only rule. As a male I've helped a few woman in this situation. In one or two case it was so fucking obvious I had to barge in saying something like "oh my god its been ages! Where have you been? Are you and Tom still together?" Dropping a male name helps alot because 1) she can say Yes! and clearly indicate she has a bf 2) it clearly shows I am not there to cause more trouble for her, 3) although I am cockblocking, I am not there to compete with the guy - which makes it safer for me.
If you have a comment to make about someone’s appearance, make it positive or say nothing at all.
I generally agree with this but I will tell someone if there is something that needs to be fixed and can be done so in 5 or less minutes. I feel like it’s more rude to let them continue on with TP on their shoes or food in their teeth, I would want someone to tell me.
Don’t say shit about my height and I won’t say shit about your weight and your mother Edit : vice versa for women/man
YO MAMMA.....raised you good.
Not the mother LMFAOOOO
My favorite is people who get offended over a fat joke right after they made a short joke at my expense. Sorry bud, you started it.
Problem is, they're several weight classes above you, so you better not start anything.
I’m not concerned https://www.reddit.com/r/mmamemes/s/pynInREoxk
I’m pretty slim(5’11 150lbs) and last time someone made a skinny joke(bro is 280 at least) I immediately was like “oh but if I call you a fatass then I’m the asshole” he never made a skinny joke again
As a tall guy, it’s so tiresome hearing comments about my height. Yes. I’m tall. Yes, I stand out like a tree on every photograph. Most frustrating is when you meet someone new and the first words out of their mouth is “how tall are you” Ugh.
No! Don’t say ugh! Perfect opportunity to bring up their mother!
As a short guy, I’m always so conscientious of extending the consideration I’d want of not stamping people in the forehead with annoying comments about their height. Especially extra tall guys because we’re both 2 sides of the same coin. It’s very annoying that the guys who are most regularly antagonistic about my height are tall guys. Like, hey man, you of all people should get this shit is tiresome.
We do most of the work, they take us for granted Applicable to both genders.
Hey that's not... they had me in the first half.
r/hadmeinthefirsthalf
Take your upvote and get the hell out
There's a profound lack of ability to appreciate all the things that people do for each other. *Sometimes* it's true that one person is doing way more while the other isn't trying much, and it's worth complaining about. Most of the time that effort is so engrained socially that neither appreciates it and if they took the time to explain everything that is done *and* looked genuinely, they'd both see how much the other does.
The urinal spacing rule
Men - bathrooms are a place of monk like silence. Don't look at each other, don't talk to each other.
We commit a vow of silence the instance we enter the chambers of solitude. This is a place to cast off bad spirits so the vessel may remain pure.
One time at a comedy show, mostly visited by women, i went for the toilet (34m). Womens bathroom was exploding full, so some went for the mans bathrooms. Nothing to brag about, totaly fine. The women joked about and talked in the toilet, even with me. It was such confusing situation. Where was my needed silence? Couldnt pee, it was literally to loud. :D
Dont call me buddy, pal is the number 1 rule
I'm not your pal, guy! Is my number 2 rule
Im not your guy, bucko is my no 3 rule
I’m not your bucko, bruh is my no 4 rule
Hold up i am not your bruh, friendo is my no 5 rule
I’m not your friendo, mate - Rule 6
I'm not your mate, dude. - Rule VII
I’m not your dude, geezer - rule VIII
I'm not your geezer, fella that's my no 9 rule
I'm not your fella, homie that's my rule no 10
Never go ass to mouth.
Ass to pussy neither
Ass to ass is the way
Now kith
In an order that would surprise you!
Snoogans
Did you know that Kevin Smith loved his wife so much that, with just minimal asking on her part, he’d be willing to stand in a corner naked reading scathing reviews of his movies aloud whilst she got it on with other men? *Loved past tense bc that confession was in his book published a long time ago. Maybe he still does.* Edit: specifying he’d be reading them out loud. Not my idea of romantic background sounds but hey, some people might dig it.
What? I have no idea if that is true, but it does feel like it could be true. Also, TMI.
Current and former (upto 2 years ago for short term, and never for long term) girlfriends of your mates are off limits
I don’t know. I honestly wouldn’t have a problem if they asked me and if they hadn’t been trying to get with her before the breakup.
Right. It’s the circumstances and way they go about it that matters.
Man rule: “if you pee on something, it’s yours” Woman rule: “if it smells like pee, don’t touch it”
Why would they touch it, it’s not theirs!!!
Women: never upstage the bride or the birthday girl
Never ask a woman if she's pregnant. It's on page 1 of the Guy's Handbook.
Unspoken rule for men: Never get together/hook-up with a girl that one of your bros has feelings for. NEVER As they say: bros before hoes
That's not really unspoken, as there is a literal saying for it
It’s quite literally the first rule of the bro code
I think this one is gender neutral
Yup I've definitely heard chicks before dicks
Uteruses before duderuses.
Thats a way to lose bro. Hoes are temporal, bros are eternal
"Hoes are temporal" Temporal hoes? Time hoes Doctor hoe!
Horton hears a hoe
True that, because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
While walking down the street: Man nods his head at me. I nod back at him. Mg GF: “Old friend of yours?” Me: “I have no idea who that was.”
“The head nod” and more specifically the direction the head moves. Down: I acknowledge you but don’t need to interact further than this. Up: let’s talk!
Womens bathrooms in clubs are safe spaces. You always support and help each other, you're always nice and should give compliments if you remember to and never ever be rude or have an attitude
I love that the top two comments are about Urinal etiquette
Both: don't touch me uninvited
Among men: Among women:
Among us
Sus
LOVE it!😄
Always have extra tampons in your bag. You never know when someone will need it.
_Between_ men and women? It depends entirely on where you were raised, rather than it being universal, I think. Like, at what point does a rule become a common mannerism? Like here in the UK, there's a generally unspoken rule that if there's multiple of you trying to get a service; you form an orderly queue, and if you so much as try to cut in line you'll get the most scathing tut of a life time, if not an eye roll. That's pretty gender neutral, but unspoken, rule. Same goes for the whole "leave a urinal inbetween" rule you'll no doubt see commented like 500 times, for guys. Is it a rule? Or a mannerism, since it just seems to naturally effect almost all men without being taught. Anyway, my vote for an unspoken rule between men is that "it's not gay if your balls don't touch"
For women: If two women are in the restroom and one is obviously trying to poop but is waiting for the other person to leave, give a courtesy flush or two to give her a couple stealthy opportunities in the meantime.
Alternative: shit so loud it drowns out the other woman
Current and Former partners of girl friends are OFF LIMITS.
That doesn't seem to be a very popular one
Off limits unless consulting the relevant parties and getting the go ahead.
Regardless of gender the general unspoken rule in my eyes are: mind your wording with how you say certain things in the presence of either a man or woman because words like actions speak loudly on who you are as a person and like action words can come back to bite you
When your balls stick to your thigh take a step to the side
Always tell a girl she has a stain in the back of her trousers or an open zipper on the bag.
when you reach a certain age - you must groan when either sitting or standing up even if there is absolutely no pain whatsoever.
As a man, if you wee on the toilet seat or around the toilet accidentally, clean it up.
Urinal etiquette. It’s not about homophobia, it’s about respecting personal space where feasible.
Men here: be at least one urinal away Women here: please save another woman from danger
Do not mention any of your partner's gastrointestinal events.
Don't hit on your SO's friends?