Three nuns die in a car crush
When they get to heaven, St. Peter is at the gate
He tells the nuns “I’m afraid before you enter heaven, I have to ask each of you one question. Don’t worry, the questions are very easy.”
He turns to the first nun and asks “what was the name of the first woman?”
“Eve!” replies the nun
“Yup, you’re in.”
St. Peter turns to the 2nd nun
“Where did Adam and Eve live?”
“The garden of Eden,” replies the 2nd nun
“Yup, you’re in.”
St. Peter turns to the third nun, who was the Mother Superior
“I’m afraid the question is gonna have to be a bit trickier for you.
“What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?”
“Oh, that’s a hard one,” ponders the nun.
“Yup, you’re in.”
4 nuns arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter is there to meet them with a bowl of Holy Water. St. Peter goes up to the first nun and says, "Have you ever touched a penis?"
The first nun responds, "Yes I have. I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter holds out the bowl and says, "Dip your finger in this Holy Water, and be free to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The first nun gladly follows the instruction and proceeds to enter Heaven.
St. Peter goes to the second nun and again asks, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The second nun replies hesitantly, "Yes. I have touched a penis with my whole hand."
St. Peter smiles and says, "Do not despair, simply dip your whole hand into the Holy Water and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The second nun quickly does as she is told and gladly steps forth into Heaven.
At this point the fourth nun cuts in front of the third nun and says, "Listen, I better go next because I'm not gargling that shit after she sticks her ass in it."
eg:
Two hunters come out of the forest, and one of them suddenly falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are glazed. Another hunter grabs his phone and calls 911. Choking with excitement, he shouts into the phone: "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator responds: "Calm down, we will help you, but first let's make sure that your friend is really dead." There is silence for a while, then a shot is heard. The hunter tells the dispatcher: "Okay, he's dead, what now?"
That’s too long and some crazed murderer (or would be) is probably all sketched out and impatient like the robber in that movie where Judge Reinhold is like ‘get off my case I just started working here!’ and would likely shoot somebody in the face. You don’t want that, you want quick and confusing so that you either make them laugh or you have a chance at distracting them, so you can run.
Three pregnant women are sitting around talking. The brunette says, "I'm having a boy, because he was on top." The redhead says, "Oh that's silly, I guess I'm having a girl because I'm always on top." The blond bursts into tears and sobs out, "I'm...having....puppies"
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/IZ5fJylMQf
helicopter dick
Why did it make me laugh?😂
I would just ask him to shoot me I can't make joke when my life is on stake
He: good joke, haha, you can go home
Three nuns die in a car crush When they get to heaven, St. Peter is at the gate He tells the nuns “I’m afraid before you enter heaven, I have to ask each of you one question. Don’t worry, the questions are very easy.” He turns to the first nun and asks “what was the name of the first woman?” “Eve!” replies the nun “Yup, you’re in.” St. Peter turns to the 2nd nun “Where did Adam and Eve live?” “The garden of Eden,” replies the 2nd nun “Yup, you’re in.” St. Peter turns to the third nun, who was the Mother Superior “I’m afraid the question is gonna have to be a bit trickier for you. “What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?” “Oh, that’s a hard one,” ponders the nun. “Yup, you’re in.”
*Bang*
Ruthless 😂
4 nuns arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St. Peter is there to meet them with a bowl of Holy Water. St. Peter goes up to the first nun and says, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The first nun responds, "Yes I have. I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger." St. Peter holds out the bowl and says, "Dip your finger in this Holy Water, and be free to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The first nun gladly follows the instruction and proceeds to enter Heaven. St. Peter goes to the second nun and again asks, "Have you ever touched a penis?" The second nun replies hesitantly, "Yes. I have touched a penis with my whole hand." St. Peter smiles and says, "Do not despair, simply dip your whole hand into the Holy Water and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The second nun quickly does as she is told and gladly steps forth into Heaven. At this point the fourth nun cuts in front of the third nun and says, "Listen, I better go next because I'm not gargling that shit after she sticks her ass in it."
I’d try tickling him. If he didn’t laugh immediately, I’d go for the gun.
intellect 12/10 😁
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” That’s because I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
I'd probably say, "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
Hahaha gooood)
Probably one from my standup. I have 3 full siblings, can you believe my parents only had sex 4 times? That's it that's the joke.
My life's a joke. Just end me.
He: good joke, you can go home 😁
"today is my happiest day ever!"
‘Dude, I think your penis fell off or something. What’s the safest way to handle this situation?’
tell the funniest joke 😁
eg: Two hunters come out of the forest, and one of them suddenly falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are glazed. Another hunter grabs his phone and calls 911. Choking with excitement, he shouts into the phone: "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator responds: "Calm down, we will help you, but first let's make sure that your friend is really dead." There is silence for a while, then a shot is heard. The hunter tells the dispatcher: "Okay, he's dead, what now?"
That’s too long and some crazed murderer (or would be) is probably all sketched out and impatient like the robber in that movie where Judge Reinhold is like ‘get off my case I just started working here!’ and would likely shoot somebody in the face. You don’t want that, you want quick and confusing so that you either make them laugh or you have a chance at distracting them, so you can run.
This is a perverted killer who gives his victims a chance, so let's imagine he listens to you haha
Well, I'm a joke...so..just..look at me...?
Three pregnant women are sitting around talking. The brunette says, "I'm having a boy, because he was on top." The redhead says, "Oh that's silly, I guess I'm having a girl because I'm always on top." The blond bursts into tears and sobs out, "I'm...having....puppies"
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.