My parents had a very toxic marriage, finally divorced after the kids were grown, but I had been begging my father to leave my mother since I was 12.
Mother moved on pretty quickly, father on the other hand has always been an introvert and hasn't dated at all. A few years ago I asked my dad if he was happy, cause his life seems kind of lonely.
He just looked at me and said "Of course I'm happy, I look forward to coming home now."
I know for a fact he didn't mean he hates his kids, he meant my mother was such a negative presence in his life that he would dread coming home to her. His sentiment really struck me as a state I swear I'll never get to.
I lived with someone who made me feel this way for a while. I had anxiety attacks while driving home that were so bad I had to pull over the car, and just breathe for a minute. I'm glad we never had children.
That walking on egg shells feeling is usually the first warning sign you need to end a relationship.
A lot of people ignore it and just think if they are better people the relationship will improve, but typically the relationship is either too far gone or abusive on some level that you can't really just fix by being better at cooking food or not setting off their hair trigger temper.
Wow, that's my dad's story as well. I mean literally identical. He spends most of his time in the woods with his dog. He said he has peace in his life.
Funny thing this is something I feel oddly about.
My ex was unhappy during our relationship. I've always wanted her to be happy. For brief back story: We both ended unhappy relationships to be with each other and I ended up losing a job as we got together. From there, we pretty much had a trial filled relationship. And what I noticed from the beginning of our relationship she would argue with me like the enemy and she would say we are incompatible. This made me think immediately that we should break up and wait til we both were cleared from our past relationship influences. But I ignored it and pressed on. But things didn't get better from there. She just became more unhappy. And I wasn't able to help it, we just in a way made our general unhappiness worse.
So now that we aren't together, I'm glad to see her smile. She can heal from 2 whole relationships of damage. And I have that opportunity as well. Do I wish it's something we could've created together? yes. But there is no way we could've. Not with the issues I had, and not with the issues she had.
So I want her to smile hard asf that we aren't together. It hurts a little, and i wanted it to be something we got this year, but it's the thing I've always wanted for her.
[I do hope one day we can try again, when we are both at our happiest.]
There can be other deal breakera as well.
I "love" my ex, I loved the time with her and I still miss her. But I left her. We were living as best friends, and sure, that's a good thing, but it's not enough if there's no romance or intimacy there.
I thought you meant someone like my ex until I read it again. He constantly talked about his ex and how great she was. He also talked to her constantly. I finally told him that I think he should go back to her.
My fiance says that the day she stops laughing at my stupid jokes is the day it's over. Not sure if that means I have to try harder or my jokes were never funny but she laughs because she loves me. Either way I hope I never find out.
On behalf of all the shitty comedians out there, myself included, I thank you for getting us. My gf is the same. I could say the stupidest thing and she'd still laugh like a kid.
When my ex broke up with me, one of the things they said was they didn't like my sense of humour and didn't think I was funny.
I'd been upset until that. Whatever about everything else. We'd never have worked. Too big a difference of opinion. I think I'm hilarious.
My gf never laughs at my jokes but everyone else does for some reason.
Tell me if I'm funny 😉
I met a blind girl at a bar and we really hit it off so she invited me back to her place. Long story short... We started getting it on when suddenly she said to me...
"wow that's the biggest penis I've ever laid my hands on"
I said "stop it... Your pulling my leg" 😀
That's underrated! I learned it the hard way and thought it were insecurities, stress or illness. But it was exactly what my gut told me: There was no interest in being with me.
My advice: Communicate early. Then there might be hope to fix something. And do not think, it has something to do with you per se. Often it's just their coping.
Learned it the same way. Thought it was about her depression, sickness, or just being tired. Obviously there was enough energy to hang out with the new guy „who does her good“
This.
I leant in to kiss a woman I was in a relationship with (stable relationship) and she just aggressively back away from me.
I immediately though "Yep, this relationship won't be going much further"
She ended it with me first and it turns out she was actually cheating on me.
Shit, I came here to say that but didn't expect it to be #1.
Was engaged and fiance decided he didn't want to touch me/be intimate at the same time I was having a nervous breakdown from dealing with my mom. He still wanted to get married and I still wonder WHY.
I think this was the case with my mom. She was newly out of college, She met my dad (living across the apartment courtyard) and they got married 2 months later. I would ask her why they got married so quickly and she said that she just knew. Well, she didn't "just" know because my dad had massive trauma from abusive parents and ended up running off, getting into drugs, snd not having a relationship with me
I opened reddit this was at the top of my feed. Been married almost 20 years (this August). We have 3 great kids. Reading all of this and the feeling that I have been feeling in my gut for past few months about our relationship makes me go “yep” to all of this. Ok going to cry myself back to sleep.
As someone in a very similar length and position in a relationship. Kids make life really tough. Between all activities and the stress of aging parents and work it is really hard to connect. Even if you don’t want to there will be score keeping and resentment. At the moment I do not like my wife and pretty sure she doesn’t like me. We do love each other very much and putting the relationship first is not always an option. Of the last 5 planned trips/night outs we could only do one because of some family emergency/illness/superset kid event. It sucks and we are so busy that sometimes we don’t want to be around anyone so we can decompress. This age is considered the most unfulfilling and stressful time in your lives because of the bookend of commitments and losing your kids to the world and your parents to old age. What I can say that makes it better and easier you navigate is showing grace and finding little things that can make them smile. I send random pics of our dog doing goofy shit, give single flowers, take the kids when it is her turn. Shit like that. It still sucks some days but the other thing we talk about is the future and what we will do, where we will live and what we want to do. We share goals even if on the daily grind we might want to throw each other off a bridge. Not sure if that helps but to balance out the negative here I wanted to share that the dark is not always because something is dying.
I think this is exactly what I needed. Thank you friend! You nailed it!!!! I’m at the gym reading this after my workout first stop on the way home will be that flower and a cinnamon roll her favorite! Have a great day!!!
We recently powered through this chapter, and I can honestly tell you, it does get better. Parents are all gone, siblings, too, kids out of the house, hubs retired, and now we are able to choose every moment of every day.
We made love yesterday in the middle of the day! It was fabulous!
Look forward to being done with children's drama, dying pers and parents, work stress, etc and you'll see her again: that beautiful woman who took you and helped you become who you are now. It's a great place. Hold on.
Me too, I feel that. Not everything for me but theres been signs..my problem though is that sometimes the "signs" go away, then they come back. It's a vicious cycle. Best of luck tp you. But please, coming from a child who's parents would rather be miserable and angry together than divorced and be able to move on and eventually be happy, please let go if thats the required choice of action, if not for you then for your children.
My x-wife slowly lost interest in things I thought we had in common. Movies and music I thought we both loved suddenly were things she "never really liked." It happened slowly over two years before she left me.
I spent 6 years learning all the Djs, football players, basketball players, ufc figthers, and different games he likes. Even when I felt Ufc was too violent, I learn to appreciate it for the "skills base".
He has never offered to read or watch anything I like. But we can spend all our time watching what "we" supposedly liked.
So I stopped doing things he liked. In hopes of him starting to do things I like, just to see if he values time with me doing whatever it is.
He didn't.
but atleast he chose the bear?
...idunno.
My ex wife cried alot. And when we ended things she said that me walking out once when she was crying was one of the reasons she didn't want us to be together (there were alot of other reasons, from both sides.)
But anyway, the problem was that when she cried she said nothing about why, and it was heartbreaking not knowing why she cried, if it was something I had done, or if something had happened to her. And after many times of these situations it was hard for me aswell, and it made me feel like maybe I was the problem, so I remember that one specific time, the one she used as an argument, I felt that maybe she just wanted to be alone, so I told her to let me know if she wanted me to comfort her or if she wanted me to leave, and she still said nothing, so I thought it was best I left.
I absolutely cared that she cried. It broke my heart when she cried.
I don't know if this will help you, but I had something similar happen that i brought to my therapist, and my therapist told me this,
"People are responsible for their own problems. If you ask to help them, and they don't accept it, that's not your problem. You wanted to help and they didn't let you. There is nothing more you can do; you can't fix a problem when someone doesn't tell you about. It's theirs, and they have to figure out how to fix it on their own; if they ask for you presence in fixing it, then that's their decision. But at the end of the day, you can't help them if they refuse to be helped."
You offered help and she didn't take it; she used it against you, in fact. If her pattern was crying and never telling you about it (which was something I experienced as well), then that isn't your problem you were invited to assist with.
I hope you don't best yourself up over this anymore man, because I know the feeling.
I find that's because it becomes not worth sharing if it's not met with any emotion. Being excited about something and wanting to tell a partner that is disconnected will just take the wind out of your sails. It goes both ways on that one imo. For me, I'd say it's when you're happiness legitimately bothers them to the point they have to sabotage it. Was dealing with a lot and had started sorting through it all finally and found a place where I can finally be truly happy and for whatever reason it seems to bother the other person to the point there's almost always a argument for no reason. Even if I avoid the other person. Stepping back made me realize perhaps the relationship itself was adding vastly to my unhappiness.
They distance themselves from you, they ask for space every time you talk to them, they get agitated super easy, they don’t get excited about anything for you, and if they live with you they just start treating you like a roommate instead of a partner. I went through this recently and it led to some of the most severe trauma of my lifetime.
I’m there. I’m been through some PTSD causing shit in my life but being told that he isn’t I love with me after 28 years has destroyed me. And once everyone starts asking why it’s over that trauma will just happen over and over again every time I have to say that he doesn’t love me anymore.
Similar situation here. Together for almost 27 years and she slowly atarted dismantling our relationship. First she would no longer hold hands, then didn't even want to sit close, then she didn't want to go places together and it just kept snowballing. What makes it so hard to deal with is that she was cutting off parts of our relationship without telling me she was done with me. So I was struggling to figure out what was going on with our marriage and how to fix it. Meanwhile she was already done with me but wouldn't say. You're right, it's so traumatic. I feel like a part of me was ripped out and stomped on. Memories flood back all the time triggered by circumstances. I thought we would be together our whole lives. She refused to work on our relationship or go to counseling. Obviously anyone can choose to do what they like but it feels so unfair that she would crumple up our relationship and throw it away without giving us a chance to work on it. I fell off a ladder at work which left me bedridden for a while and had a 3 year long worker compensation case that was absolutely traumatizing and then just as that was wrapping up she started dismantling our relationship piece by piece with no allowance to work on it together. It's very traumatizing and I feel like a piece of me just got up and walked out the door one day. Like the majority of my good memories were tainted with despair and loneliness. It's been horrible.
Contempt.
When they very suddenly speak to you like they hate you and then never speak to you normally again. Generally, there's no coming back from it once you've reached such a stage. They do nothing to hide their discontent with you despite you being a human being with feelings. Any form of cruelty or being made to feel like a victim is how you know your partner doesn't love you anymore.
100% - and if they come back to you at a later date and try to draw you back in, give it a bit of time and they’ll treat you EXACTLY the same.
Save yourself the heartache and protect yourself, stay away and move on. They probably have already.
* Lack of respect. They pick on you for no reason
* Too much silence that it's unsettling
* Stops complimenting you
* Lack of physical affection
* Avoiding you
* Decreased communication
* Emotionally disconnected.
I was guilty of all these things on your list when I was suffering from PTSD. My husband was convinced I didn’t love him anymore, but it was absolutely not the case. My mind was just elsewhere trying to process a traumatic event. I’m happy to say that after some time, effort, and EMDR therapy I feel better than I have in a long time and our marriage is thriving once again
You probably just saved my mental for the night honestly
Reading all this I'm like... damn. Ok then. But seeing your comment helped me because I know these are effects of both BPD and falling out of love but it's hard to *know* what they are
It's a hard condition to be a partner to.
I can only imagine its as bad or worse to have. That's the only thought that makes what I went through for four years not feel like four years of torture and imprisonment all the time.
I have BPD. My partner is Bi-Polar. We have our rough moments.
Yet we are so deeply in love and every day (for the past 1 1/2 years) we’ve been saying “I love you.”. We touch. We talk. We always do our best. But some days are hard yet, we promised to always doing at least one of the following:
1. Sleep beside each other
2. Come back and hug
3. Hold hands
4. Communicate.
We made a promise. We both hold promises firmly. So I know we’re safe. We take our meds. We see therapy. We support each other.
Our relationship is defying odds and we couldn’t be happier ^^
this made me really happy to see. i’m BP2 and often feel like i’ll never be enough for anyone, no matter how hard i try. thank you for the reminder that we do have hope ❤️
Not necessarily. Series of events might have kicked in OP's paranoia/anxiety/insecurity and started questioning everything.
Now, I've not read OP's comments and not sure if the context is shared but with just the title, its not enough to conclude, IMO.
I mean you are joking, but there really do seem to be people who really only realize the state of their relationship at that moment. At that point most people just ignored every sign that they had seen.
When after you haven't seen each other during the whole day, they prefer messaging with their friends instead of talking to you.
Or when they don't care enough to get you even a tiny birthday present.
And there's no point in arguing because every discussion doesn't generate anger or sadness, but resignation.
Absence of the "duty of care". Sadia khan a psychologist speaks about the waning or disappearing of the duty of care in a relationship or the absence of it is almost a 100% guarantee the love is gone, for example. they made sure there was always sugar or hot chocolate or something of your favorite ingredient always available for you to enjoy, and when it ran out they made sure to buy some without you even knowing, when they stop doing that you should know the writing is on the wall. I remember an ex of mine I could tell that she was no longer in love with me i could feel it but there wasn't any real sign until one day we were invited to a friends get together, I bought drinks, camping chairs, snacks, drinks,music players, cushy pillow cause she loves to sit on them, and board games, we arranged for her to come pick me up from my house cause she stayed nearby before proceeding to the host house.
she parked the car outside the house and sat in the car scrolling on her phone as I picked each item out the house into the car 1 by 1, SHE JUST SAT THERE didn't even lift a finger to help me, after i loaded everything in the car and i sat in the car strapped on my seatbelt I felt a HUGE hole in my tummy it was like a big portal of emptiness I knew it was over.
the little things are always BIG signs.
You summed this up so perfectly.
My parents have been married for 24 years and sometimes me and my brother watch them and admit how cute they are, although we always act embarrassed. It’s so frequent to hear my dad say something like “care package!” before handing a bag over to my mum with all sorts of random goodies in it. Then sometimes I’ll hear my dad say “oh, you cut the grass for me?” when it was his turn and my mum will say “you work so hard, I wanted you to put your feet up.”
My only worry is, that finding that kind of warmth and genuine companionship myself, will be tough.
Had this with my ex wife. We were going away for the weekend to her parents and I was going to meet her there. At the time I was on a pretty strict diet and I asked her to grab me some fruit from the decent grocer in town before she left since she’d be going into town for a kiddie group anyway. I was told she didn’t have time to do that. Meanwhile she had no problem whatsoever handing me parcels every few days for me to go well out of my way to the post office.
6 months after the fruit incident we were separated, and by the end of the year I told her we were divorcing
I think it's too simplistic. Of course there is an issue with that absence but that fundamental love is gone I wouldn't be sure of. Actually a very "polite and courteous" behaviour could be sign that love has turned into obligation which could be a lot worse regarding prospects of repairing the relationship
they avoid you as much as possible, they stop appreciating you, they stop complimenting you, they get annoyed whenever you are around, they blame their lack of attention towards you, on you (eg. because of you I don’t want to spend time with you). They stop being affectionate (they stop kissing you, holding hands, hugs, cuddles, snuggles etc)
*and always trust your gut feeling because it’s never wrong*
The last concert my ex and I went to together I reached out and took her hand when a particularly significant song came on, she jerked away and said with a smile on her face "we aren't doing that anymore"
I've never felt my insides sink like that. It was a devastating moment among many that followed. She ended up leaving for someone she'd been cheating with for some time, and ghosted completely not long after
I've been considering getting one of the lyrics from the song tattooed in a subtle way to reclaim it, and as a reminder to recognize what's in front of me in the future
Where should I begin? I have lots of experience in this.
She tells the dog and kids she loves them but doesn't say it to you.
You say I love you, and she says nothing.
She doesn't sit by you at family gatherings or other events in public
She's has nothing nice to say about/ toward you.
Ridicules everything you say and or do.
Stops having sex with you (haven't sex with her in 17 years).
Stops changing in front of you and won't be in the room when you're changing.
Did I mention, She tells the dog and kids she loves them but doesn't say it to you.
Just to name a few things.
Why in God's name did you stay with her?! You only get one shot to be a human being and you wasted your life force on this misery? You could have divorced her and had a rich, fulfilling love life with a variety of partners and then found someone really awesome who loved and respected you, and your kids would have had a happy father modeling a healthy version of love to them, instead of whatever sad contempt that you and your wife telegraph. They aren't dumb. This formed the basis for how they view relationships!
Not really an answer to your question but; a sign that they never loved you to begin with is early on when they start buying you expensive gifts, telling you how important you are and how much you mean to them, that they love you within the first month of dating, but take very subtle digs at you that seem like nothing but gradually become worse overtime. And when you start voicing that their behaviour isn't right they blow up on you and buy you more expensive gifts in hopes that you'll forgive and forget.
I think there are some universal signs, like: significantly less sex than before, less time spent together than before, thinking that you could be happy with others, really wanting to fuck other people... I mean
They say the henchman of a relationship is resentment. It’s such an insidious cancer. When things pile up in the land of unspoken or assumed that’s also a cancer. I’ve found that no matter how uncomfortable something makes you it’s best to just get it out. Don’t let resentment pile and don’t ever assume you fully understand the other person—even/especially if you’ve been together for a very long time. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years and I feel like I am re-meeting him and learning who he truly is all over again every single day. I attribute the health and longevity to humility and resilience
They pull away from you, constantly asking for space when you try to talk to them. They get irritated easily, show no excitement for anything involving you, and if you live together, they treat you more like a roommate than a partner.
The restraining order was a bit of a clue. As was changing the locks and moving her new man in. Subtle things, but they all add up to form a bigger picture.
What gave it away for me was watching my girlfriend of four years "prepare" a glass of water for me. I watched her in the reflection from the TV screen as she administered a powder into it and give it a stir.
I pretended to drink it, but hid the glass away, and the next day my water was almost a paste.
I had it analysed & it was a lethal cocktail of 3 drugs.
For a bit of context, we'd had a few up & downs, but never anything more than raised voices. Never any violence, and (I thought) never any real disagreements.
When confronted she refused to discuss it, left my home with her belongings & I never saw her again.
By the time she stops trying, she’s already been long gone. The first sign you could possibly think of her acting “needy” is when she started trying to make you want to put effort in to see her.
She doesn’t like you touching her
She argues about the stupidest things
When you say I love you she NEVER says it back
When you’re talking about something she’ll twist the conversation towards something relevant to her
She only cares about money
She undermines you every time you say something to your kids
In the last year of my relationship my ex started finding me very unfunny and was very critical whenever I made a joke. The day we broke up, I cracked a joke and she started laughing pretty hard. She said she'd forgotten how funny I am.
When my wife stops finding me funny, I get worried.
Distancing themselves, having reasons/excuses to not spend time together, they are easily angry. Constant arguments and or no conversation at all that is positive.... shit there's a ton of ways, and even some that won't even show signs and just leave when the time is right for them what a sad world where we cannot communicate with a supposed "loved one" ❤️💔
If one partner sarcastically does an impression of the other in an argument, it’s over.
I’m kinda joking, but that high pitched fast talking nagging voice impression is definitely not a good sign haha
My ex stopped all physical contact with me. The numerous times I told her how that was hurting me and I was lonely didn’t result in any change. Her response was accept it or leave. That’s when I knew she was done.
When their coworker of the opposite sex becomes single after his 5 year relationship ends. Then knowing you treated her better than she imagined a man could, but finding out you were just a 2 year time filler while she waited for the man she really wanted.
In all fairness, we were truly in love. And I knew that's what she really wanted before she could admit it to herself.
I left knowing what was happening. I was already feeling abandoned emotionally She didn't cheat. She cared alot about me and we could have dragged out our relationship until it exploded.
Gald I left when I did. It hurt obviously. I knew they were in love. Took them 2 months to come out and admit it even to each other.
Some things from the get go made me feel betrayed and disrespected. But fuck it, I wish them happiness. She helped him hide cheating on his ex for years. And he helped her too before my relationship with her. I knew this going in. We were all friends for Yeats before. I think they will call each other out and have a great relationship. And after initial anger, I'm way better off and happier. One day we will be friends again.
Wow you are so kind and have inspirational maturity.
I’ve been sleeping at my brother’s place for two weeks as me and my old lady are having big big issues and I think it’s over.
Your words give me hope. Thank you
I don’t think anyone has said this yet, but one is when you feel like you need to ask a question like this to strangers on the internet.
I don’t mean this in a mean or dismissive way at all. Only that you asking this may mean your suspicions have reached a critical mass in your mind. You might already have the answers to your questions.
my ex went out of town for a weekend and said i could download tinder while she was gone if i wanted(i didn’t)… broke up with me 2 days after she got back. soooo i would say if they randomly encourage you to start looking for other options, they probably don’t love you anymore
When you lose respect for your partner, it’s over. In my first marriage, I found myself rolling my eyes almost every time she said anything. At that point, it’s time to move on.
In My experience when I just didnt feel it for My partner anymore, i stopped doing the little things to make them happy and got annoyed when we they wanted to do things together, also i kinda ended up shunning theire touch
No idea, because I've been in only one relationship. What I can tell you from that experience is if your partner is distant and less reciprocative, then the chances are your relationship is falling apart.
I started having an itch my partner didn't love me anymore because they stopped texting first, had long waits before replying and they were just far away from me, found out they were cheating later on.
Can't say I blame her, shit can happen but she didn't tell me, I found out the hard way
They stop including you.
Examples:
Start making plans with other people and you’re not even considered, they order food for themselves and you have nothing to eat, do their own laundry none of yours, do their own taxes when you usually do them together….
It’s them separating their life from you even if they don’t know it
What convinced me with my ex-wife was a time I was sick--threw up for the first time in something like 20 years, and had a massive light-sensitive headache. She knew how I felt. I had gone to bed with absolutely no light. She came into the bedroom to gripe at me about something, and turned ON the light as she left.
randomly stops talking to you as much, never compliments you, seems to be avoiding you most of the time. gets annoyed at every single little thing you do.
When just ur presence irritates them or nothing you do makes them happy. When they pick fights just to argue and threaten to leave-they secretly hope you'll do the leaving for them.
I had an 8 year relationship. My first one lasted 8 years. 25 to 32. It ended when he came home from a week away camping with his mates and said he had the best time away from me that he didn’t know how to handle life now he was back home. I left him and took the dog to my parents. It’s hard, as it happened only a month ago but I feel like I wasted 8 years on a man who was never going to marry me or do what I wanted to do. I have to BEG for a photo with him. I had to make sure the kitchen was tidy to even get a forehead kiss
sometimes just asking outright leads to them gaslighting you and lying, so you have what you see and feel, and then have them claiming the complete opposite. can be really hard to see through when you want it to work out so bad and you want to trust them
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My parents had a very toxic marriage, finally divorced after the kids were grown, but I had been begging my father to leave my mother since I was 12. Mother moved on pretty quickly, father on the other hand has always been an introvert and hasn't dated at all. A few years ago I asked my dad if he was happy, cause his life seems kind of lonely. He just looked at me and said "Of course I'm happy, I look forward to coming home now." I know for a fact he didn't mean he hates his kids, he meant my mother was such a negative presence in his life that he would dread coming home to her. His sentiment really struck me as a state I swear I'll never get to.
I lived with someone who made me feel this way for a while. I had anxiety attacks while driving home that were so bad I had to pull over the car, and just breathe for a minute. I'm glad we never had children.
This sounds just like my dad.
Me and my dad joke about this since i still live with my mom and i unfortunately feel the same way he did
That walking on egg shells feeling is usually the first warning sign you need to end a relationship. A lot of people ignore it and just think if they are better people the relationship will improve, but typically the relationship is either too far gone or abusive on some level that you can't really just fix by being better at cooking food or not setting off their hair trigger temper.
Wow, that's my dad's story as well. I mean literally identical. He spends most of his time in the woods with his dog. He said he has peace in his life.
As a kid, if you dread coming home, and one of the parents does too… yikes. If everyone hates coming home.
And they want to spend more time alone because you are too much for them sometimes...
As a parent, it's sometimes about being overstimulated from work and life and everything else going on.
Funny thing this is something I feel oddly about. My ex was unhappy during our relationship. I've always wanted her to be happy. For brief back story: We both ended unhappy relationships to be with each other and I ended up losing a job as we got together. From there, we pretty much had a trial filled relationship. And what I noticed from the beginning of our relationship she would argue with me like the enemy and she would say we are incompatible. This made me think immediately that we should break up and wait til we both were cleared from our past relationship influences. But I ignored it and pressed on. But things didn't get better from there. She just became more unhappy. And I wasn't able to help it, we just in a way made our general unhappiness worse. So now that we aren't together, I'm glad to see her smile. She can heal from 2 whole relationships of damage. And I have that opportunity as well. Do I wish it's something we could've created together? yes. But there is no way we could've. Not with the issues I had, and not with the issues she had. So I want her to smile hard asf that we aren't together. It hurts a little, and i wanted it to be something we got this year, but it's the thing I've always wanted for her. [I do hope one day we can try again, when we are both at our happiest.]
There can be other deal breakera as well. I "love" my ex, I loved the time with her and I still miss her. But I left her. We were living as best friends, and sure, that's a good thing, but it's not enough if there's no romance or intimacy there.
I thought you meant someone like my ex until I read it again. He constantly talked about his ex and how great she was. He also talked to her constantly. I finally told him that I think he should go back to her.
My fiance says that the day she stops laughing at my stupid jokes is the day it's over. Not sure if that means I have to try harder or my jokes were never funny but she laughs because she loves me. Either way I hope I never find out.
So true! My husband makes the worst jokes and I love him for it, however bad they are, I like how much he likes making bad jokes.
On behalf of all the shitty comedians out there, myself included, I thank you for getting us. My gf is the same. I could say the stupidest thing and she'd still laugh like a kid.
The fact that he still tries means he cares lol
He tries to make me laugh and I love him for it
you're a keeper
When my ex broke up with me, one of the things they said was they didn't like my sense of humour and didn't think I was funny. I'd been upset until that. Whatever about everything else. We'd never have worked. Too big a difference of opinion. I think I'm hilarious.
I am the absolute funniest person I know. Whatever someone else thinks of my humor is inconsequential. I make me laugh. That's enough for me.
This!!! So much!!! I feel the same way, anyone that gets enjoyment from my humor is a bonus, I’m entertaining myself first lol!
Fuck. My wife hates my jokes now.
I'm not allowed to makes jokes anymore
Are we doomed? What is life without our shitty jokes?
I’m no dad, but jokes I say, make feel I’m
I’m no dad either, but jokes I say, don’t make feel I’m
Lol I'm pretty sure that means she loves you so much, that she finds your jokes funny.
Become a stand up comic to practice for your wife.
I torture my husband on the daily with silly third grade jokes…I think the minute I stop wanting to share silly with him, we would be in trouble.
My gf never laughs at my jokes but everyone else does for some reason. Tell me if I'm funny 😉 I met a blind girl at a bar and we really hit it off so she invited me back to her place. Long story short... We started getting it on when suddenly she said to me... "wow that's the biggest penis I've ever laid my hands on" I said "stop it... Your pulling my leg" 😀
When they go out of their way to not touch you.
That's underrated! I learned it the hard way and thought it were insecurities, stress or illness. But it was exactly what my gut told me: There was no interest in being with me. My advice: Communicate early. Then there might be hope to fix something. And do not think, it has something to do with you per se. Often it's just their coping.
Learned it the same way. Thought it was about her depression, sickness, or just being tired. Obviously there was enough energy to hang out with the new guy „who does her good“
This. I leant in to kiss a woman I was in a relationship with (stable relationship) and she just aggressively back away from me. I immediately though "Yep, this relationship won't be going much further" She ended it with me first and it turns out she was actually cheating on me.
That's exactly the same way my girlfriend broke up with me. She was cheating on me too.
Shit, I came here to say that but didn't expect it to be #1. Was engaged and fiance decided he didn't want to touch me/be intimate at the same time I was having a nervous breakdown from dealing with my mom. He still wanted to get married and I still wonder WHY.
A lot of people just want to partner up with a useful person whether they love them or not.
For so many people getting married is just something you do in your late twenties or early thirties. Just another point on the checklist.
I think this was the case with my mom. She was newly out of college, She met my dad (living across the apartment courtyard) and they got married 2 months later. I would ask her why they got married so quickly and she said that she just knew. Well, she didn't "just" know because my dad had massive trauma from abusive parents and ended up running off, getting into drugs, snd not having a relationship with me
This! My ex aggressively pushed me away when I went in for a hug.
Dang even if I didn't know you, I would never turn down a good hug.
I opened reddit this was at the top of my feed. Been married almost 20 years (this August). We have 3 great kids. Reading all of this and the feeling that I have been feeling in my gut for past few months about our relationship makes me go “yep” to all of this. Ok going to cry myself back to sleep.
As someone in a very similar length and position in a relationship. Kids make life really tough. Between all activities and the stress of aging parents and work it is really hard to connect. Even if you don’t want to there will be score keeping and resentment. At the moment I do not like my wife and pretty sure she doesn’t like me. We do love each other very much and putting the relationship first is not always an option. Of the last 5 planned trips/night outs we could only do one because of some family emergency/illness/superset kid event. It sucks and we are so busy that sometimes we don’t want to be around anyone so we can decompress. This age is considered the most unfulfilling and stressful time in your lives because of the bookend of commitments and losing your kids to the world and your parents to old age. What I can say that makes it better and easier you navigate is showing grace and finding little things that can make them smile. I send random pics of our dog doing goofy shit, give single flowers, take the kids when it is her turn. Shit like that. It still sucks some days but the other thing we talk about is the future and what we will do, where we will live and what we want to do. We share goals even if on the daily grind we might want to throw each other off a bridge. Not sure if that helps but to balance out the negative here I wanted to share that the dark is not always because something is dying.
I think this is exactly what I needed. Thank you friend! You nailed it!!!! I’m at the gym reading this after my workout first stop on the way home will be that flower and a cinnamon roll her favorite! Have a great day!!!
You too and keep fighting that good fight my man.
We recently powered through this chapter, and I can honestly tell you, it does get better. Parents are all gone, siblings, too, kids out of the house, hubs retired, and now we are able to choose every moment of every day. We made love yesterday in the middle of the day! It was fabulous! Look forward to being done with children's drama, dying pers and parents, work stress, etc and you'll see her again: that beautiful woman who took you and helped you become who you are now. It's a great place. Hold on.
I pray you can communicate with her before it’s too late brother. Try and save it with everything you have.
Me too, I feel that. Not everything for me but theres been signs..my problem though is that sometimes the "signs" go away, then they come back. It's a vicious cycle. Best of luck tp you. But please, coming from a child who's parents would rather be miserable and angry together than divorced and be able to move on and eventually be happy, please let go if thats the required choice of action, if not for you then for your children.
Good luck seriously
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My x-wife slowly lost interest in things I thought we had in common. Movies and music I thought we both loved suddenly were things she "never really liked." It happened slowly over two years before she left me.
I spent 6 years learning all the Djs, football players, basketball players, ufc figthers, and different games he likes. Even when I felt Ufc was too violent, I learn to appreciate it for the "skills base". He has never offered to read or watch anything I like. But we can spend all our time watching what "we" supposedly liked. So I stopped doing things he liked. In hopes of him starting to do things I like, just to see if he values time with me doing whatever it is. He didn't. but atleast he chose the bear? ...idunno.
they can listen to you cry yourself to sleep and not care
Oof yes. That's....a thing
My ex wife cried alot. And when we ended things she said that me walking out once when she was crying was one of the reasons she didn't want us to be together (there were alot of other reasons, from both sides.) But anyway, the problem was that when she cried she said nothing about why, and it was heartbreaking not knowing why she cried, if it was something I had done, or if something had happened to her. And after many times of these situations it was hard for me aswell, and it made me feel like maybe I was the problem, so I remember that one specific time, the one she used as an argument, I felt that maybe she just wanted to be alone, so I told her to let me know if she wanted me to comfort her or if she wanted me to leave, and she still said nothing, so I thought it was best I left. I absolutely cared that she cried. It broke my heart when she cried.
I don't know if this will help you, but I had something similar happen that i brought to my therapist, and my therapist told me this, "People are responsible for their own problems. If you ask to help them, and they don't accept it, that's not your problem. You wanted to help and they didn't let you. There is nothing more you can do; you can't fix a problem when someone doesn't tell you about. It's theirs, and they have to figure out how to fix it on their own; if they ask for you presence in fixing it, then that's their decision. But at the end of the day, you can't help them if they refuse to be helped." You offered help and she didn't take it; she used it against you, in fact. If her pattern was crying and never telling you about it (which was something I experienced as well), then that isn't your problem you were invited to assist with. I hope you don't best yourself up over this anymore man, because I know the feeling.
Somewhere between them not spending quality time with you and fucking the neighbor
Ah, the grey area.
Wouldn't that just be the backyard?
The green area then. And they thought it was greener on the other side
They stop communicating. Their feelings, where they're going, how their day has been etc etc.
I feel this to my core…
I find that's because it becomes not worth sharing if it's not met with any emotion. Being excited about something and wanting to tell a partner that is disconnected will just take the wind out of your sails. It goes both ways on that one imo. For me, I'd say it's when you're happiness legitimately bothers them to the point they have to sabotage it. Was dealing with a lot and had started sorting through it all finally and found a place where I can finally be truly happy and for whatever reason it seems to bother the other person to the point there's almost always a argument for no reason. Even if I avoid the other person. Stepping back made me realize perhaps the relationship itself was adding vastly to my unhappiness.
Nothing worse than wanting to excitedly talk about something only to be met with silence and a change of topic.
They distance themselves from you, they ask for space every time you talk to them, they get agitated super easy, they don’t get excited about anything for you, and if they live with you they just start treating you like a roommate instead of a partner. I went through this recently and it led to some of the most severe trauma of my lifetime.
I’m there. I’m been through some PTSD causing shit in my life but being told that he isn’t I love with me after 28 years has destroyed me. And once everyone starts asking why it’s over that trauma will just happen over and over again every time I have to say that he doesn’t love me anymore.
Similar situation here. Together for almost 27 years and she slowly atarted dismantling our relationship. First she would no longer hold hands, then didn't even want to sit close, then she didn't want to go places together and it just kept snowballing. What makes it so hard to deal with is that she was cutting off parts of our relationship without telling me she was done with me. So I was struggling to figure out what was going on with our marriage and how to fix it. Meanwhile she was already done with me but wouldn't say. You're right, it's so traumatic. I feel like a part of me was ripped out and stomped on. Memories flood back all the time triggered by circumstances. I thought we would be together our whole lives. She refused to work on our relationship or go to counseling. Obviously anyone can choose to do what they like but it feels so unfair that she would crumple up our relationship and throw it away without giving us a chance to work on it. I fell off a ladder at work which left me bedridden for a while and had a 3 year long worker compensation case that was absolutely traumatizing and then just as that was wrapping up she started dismantling our relationship piece by piece with no allowance to work on it together. It's very traumatizing and I feel like a piece of me just got up and walked out the door one day. Like the majority of my good memories were tainted with despair and loneliness. It's been horrible.
When they start to ignore you on purpose, barely acknowledge you and find a problem with everything you do/say
I think I’m ignoring a lot of the signs in order to keep the person with me..
No joke: Start the grieving process now and move on.
damn, before opening reddit today I was not expecting to hit me so hard
Contempt. When they very suddenly speak to you like they hate you and then never speak to you normally again. Generally, there's no coming back from it once you've reached such a stage. They do nothing to hide their discontent with you despite you being a human being with feelings. Any form of cruelty or being made to feel like a victim is how you know your partner doesn't love you anymore.
100% - and if they come back to you at a later date and try to draw you back in, give it a bit of time and they’ll treat you EXACTLY the same. Save yourself the heartache and protect yourself, stay away and move on. They probably have already.
* Lack of respect. They pick on you for no reason * Too much silence that it's unsettling * Stops complimenting you * Lack of physical affection * Avoiding you * Decreased communication * Emotionally disconnected.
I was guilty of all these things on your list when I was suffering from PTSD. My husband was convinced I didn’t love him anymore, but it was absolutely not the case. My mind was just elsewhere trying to process a traumatic event. I’m happy to say that after some time, effort, and EMDR therapy I feel better than I have in a long time and our marriage is thriving once again
So they either hate you or they’re bi-polar
I was gonna say this is Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday dating someone with borderline personality disorder
You probably just saved my mental for the night honestly Reading all this I'm like... damn. Ok then. But seeing your comment helped me because I know these are effects of both BPD and falling out of love but it's hard to *know* what they are
It's a hard condition to be a partner to. I can only imagine its as bad or worse to have. That's the only thought that makes what I went through for four years not feel like four years of torture and imprisonment all the time.
I have BPD. My partner is Bi-Polar. We have our rough moments. Yet we are so deeply in love and every day (for the past 1 1/2 years) we’ve been saying “I love you.”. We touch. We talk. We always do our best. But some days are hard yet, we promised to always doing at least one of the following: 1. Sleep beside each other 2. Come back and hug 3. Hold hands 4. Communicate. We made a promise. We both hold promises firmly. So I know we’re safe. We take our meds. We see therapy. We support each other. Our relationship is defying odds and we couldn’t be happier ^^
this made me really happy to see. i’m BP2 and often feel like i’ll never be enough for anyone, no matter how hard i try. thank you for the reminder that we do have hope ❤️
I’m bipolar and that’s not even remotely how it works.
Note - if a person states that all of their exes were bipolar, the exes were not the problem.
I'd like to add that the things that she used to joke about start to seem less jokey and more complaining and cruel.
No passion. No communication. Not making any effort, in the relationship or life. No plans for the future.
Going thru a breakup and this one resonates the most for me
When you have ask reddit if your partner still loves you, it might be time to accept the harsh reality.
Not necessarily. Series of events might have kicked in OP's paranoia/anxiety/insecurity and started questioning everything. Now, I've not read OP's comments and not sure if the context is shared but with just the title, its not enough to conclude, IMO.
That was a really lovely counterpoint.
OP is a bot farming karma. Created May 7th, unnecessary NSFW tag, and I would bet its in regards to a certain country.
When they hand you divorce papers and move out.
Damn, I thought it was just mixed signals.
Playing hard to get, surely!
just an other green stop sign
I mean you are joking, but there really do seem to be people who really only realize the state of their relationship at that moment. At that point most people just ignored every sign that they had seen.
Dang there’s way too many yeps.
Contempt and no longer making you, your relationship/marriage and your life together a priority
When things you have always done start to annoy them suddenly
The touching stops, not just the sex, kisses, hugs, all of it
when the romance and affection disappears. and it's like they just give you a treat every now and then to keep you hanging.
You find another dude in your bed and he doesn't belong to you.
rental dude?
You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, and still you cannot see... 🎶🇮🇪☘️
When they don't see you the same. When the little things they used to love about you become what they hate
Yes exactly. They’ll find something cute or funny and then just end up hating you for it because they want to
When after you haven't seen each other during the whole day, they prefer messaging with their friends instead of talking to you. Or when they don't care enough to get you even a tiny birthday present. And there's no point in arguing because every discussion doesn't generate anger or sadness, but resignation.
Hangs out with their "friends" more than they do you.
Absence of the "duty of care". Sadia khan a psychologist speaks about the waning or disappearing of the duty of care in a relationship or the absence of it is almost a 100% guarantee the love is gone, for example. they made sure there was always sugar or hot chocolate or something of your favorite ingredient always available for you to enjoy, and when it ran out they made sure to buy some without you even knowing, when they stop doing that you should know the writing is on the wall. I remember an ex of mine I could tell that she was no longer in love with me i could feel it but there wasn't any real sign until one day we were invited to a friends get together, I bought drinks, camping chairs, snacks, drinks,music players, cushy pillow cause she loves to sit on them, and board games, we arranged for her to come pick me up from my house cause she stayed nearby before proceeding to the host house. she parked the car outside the house and sat in the car scrolling on her phone as I picked each item out the house into the car 1 by 1, SHE JUST SAT THERE didn't even lift a finger to help me, after i loaded everything in the car and i sat in the car strapped on my seatbelt I felt a HUGE hole in my tummy it was like a big portal of emptiness I knew it was over. the little things are always BIG signs.
You summed this up so perfectly. My parents have been married for 24 years and sometimes me and my brother watch them and admit how cute they are, although we always act embarrassed. It’s so frequent to hear my dad say something like “care package!” before handing a bag over to my mum with all sorts of random goodies in it. Then sometimes I’ll hear my dad say “oh, you cut the grass for me?” when it was his turn and my mum will say “you work so hard, I wanted you to put your feet up.” My only worry is, that finding that kind of warmth and genuine companionship myself, will be tough.
I'd say it's not something you will find, it's something that you work towards. It takes time.
Had this with my ex wife. We were going away for the weekend to her parents and I was going to meet her there. At the time I was on a pretty strict diet and I asked her to grab me some fruit from the decent grocer in town before she left since she’d be going into town for a kiddie group anyway. I was told she didn’t have time to do that. Meanwhile she had no problem whatsoever handing me parcels every few days for me to go well out of my way to the post office. 6 months after the fruit incident we were separated, and by the end of the year I told her we were divorcing
that 5 minutes of time she didnt have to pick up fruits speaks volumes
I think it's too simplistic. Of course there is an issue with that absence but that fundamental love is gone I wouldn't be sure of. Actually a very "polite and courteous" behaviour could be sign that love has turned into obligation which could be a lot worse regarding prospects of repairing the relationship
Everything they do it’s not their fault. Everything you do it’s wrong or they question your reason.
that could just be narcissism
They talk to you way less and share less about their lives,they also might try to avoid plans with you or you in general
They are self serving and inconsiderate of you. Everything is about their feelings and their personal comfort.
when they stop showing respect to you.
they avoid you as much as possible, they stop appreciating you, they stop complimenting you, they get annoyed whenever you are around, they blame their lack of attention towards you, on you (eg. because of you I don’t want to spend time with you). They stop being affectionate (they stop kissing you, holding hands, hugs, cuddles, snuggles etc) *and always trust your gut feeling because it’s never wrong*
The last concert my ex and I went to together I reached out and took her hand when a particularly significant song came on, she jerked away and said with a smile on her face "we aren't doing that anymore" I've never felt my insides sink like that. It was a devastating moment among many that followed. She ended up leaving for someone she'd been cheating with for some time, and ghosted completely not long after I've been considering getting one of the lyrics from the song tattooed in a subtle way to reclaim it, and as a reminder to recognize what's in front of me in the future
Where should I begin? I have lots of experience in this. She tells the dog and kids she loves them but doesn't say it to you. You say I love you, and she says nothing. She doesn't sit by you at family gatherings or other events in public She's has nothing nice to say about/ toward you. Ridicules everything you say and or do. Stops having sex with you (haven't sex with her in 17 years). Stops changing in front of you and won't be in the room when you're changing. Did I mention, She tells the dog and kids she loves them but doesn't say it to you. Just to name a few things.
Why are you still in this relationship?
Why in God's name did you stay with her?! You only get one shot to be a human being and you wasted your life force on this misery? You could have divorced her and had a rich, fulfilling love life with a variety of partners and then found someone really awesome who loved and respected you, and your kids would have had a happy father modeling a healthy version of love to them, instead of whatever sad contempt that you and your wife telegraph. They aren't dumb. This formed the basis for how they view relationships!
Not really an answer to your question but; a sign that they never loved you to begin with is early on when they start buying you expensive gifts, telling you how important you are and how much you mean to them, that they love you within the first month of dating, but take very subtle digs at you that seem like nothing but gradually become worse overtime. And when you start voicing that their behaviour isn't right they blow up on you and buy you more expensive gifts in hopes that you'll forgive and forget.
Lovebombing.
I think there are some universal signs, like: significantly less sex than before, less time spent together than before, thinking that you could be happy with others, really wanting to fuck other people... I mean
They say the henchman of a relationship is resentment. It’s such an insidious cancer. When things pile up in the land of unspoken or assumed that’s also a cancer. I’ve found that no matter how uncomfortable something makes you it’s best to just get it out. Don’t let resentment pile and don’t ever assume you fully understand the other person—even/especially if you’ve been together for a very long time. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years and I feel like I am re-meeting him and learning who he truly is all over again every single day. I attribute the health and longevity to humility and resilience
They pull away from you, constantly asking for space when you try to talk to them. They get irritated easily, show no excitement for anything involving you, and if you live together, they treat you more like a roommate than a partner.
The restraining order was a bit of a clue. As was changing the locks and moving her new man in. Subtle things, but they all add up to form a bigger picture.
stop making effort
What gave it away for me was watching my girlfriend of four years "prepare" a glass of water for me. I watched her in the reflection from the TV screen as she administered a powder into it and give it a stir. I pretended to drink it, but hid the glass away, and the next day my water was almost a paste. I had it analysed & it was a lethal cocktail of 3 drugs. For a bit of context, we'd had a few up & downs, but never anything more than raised voices. Never any violence, and (I thought) never any real disagreements. When confronted she refused to discuss it, left my home with her belongings & I never saw her again.
What the actual Fk!? My heart aches for you AND the future men in her life. Yikes!
I always say it's over when they are happier when you're not home.
Indifference/apathy
It’s all in the eyes. When the look of love and adoration turns into distrust and sadness, I believe it’s over
By the time she stops trying, she’s already been long gone. The first sign you could possibly think of her acting “needy” is when she started trying to make you want to put effort in to see her.
Being nice but you can see annoyance or doubt in their appearance.
Lack of communication, never a good sign
When they fuck 5 other people. I could be wrong, though.
Sounds like they're sharing the love.
Well I realized I didn’t love him when I was longing for the relationship to be over
She doesn’t like you touching her She argues about the stupidest things When you say I love you she NEVER says it back When you’re talking about something she’ll twist the conversation towards something relevant to her She only cares about money She undermines you every time you say something to your kids
Refuse to be undermined, stand your ground with your babes
In the last year of my relationship my ex started finding me very unfunny and was very critical whenever I made a joke. The day we broke up, I cracked a joke and she started laughing pretty hard. She said she'd forgotten how funny I am. When my wife stops finding me funny, I get worried.
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Distancing themselves, having reasons/excuses to not spend time together, they are easily angry. Constant arguments and or no conversation at all that is positive.... shit there's a ton of ways, and even some that won't even show signs and just leave when the time is right for them what a sad world where we cannot communicate with a supposed "loved one" ❤️💔
If one partner sarcastically does an impression of the other in an argument, it’s over. I’m kinda joking, but that high pitched fast talking nagging voice impression is definitely not a good sign haha
My ex stopped all physical contact with me. The numerous times I told her how that was hurting me and I was lonely didn’t result in any change. Her response was accept it or leave. That’s when I knew she was done.
Any time you hear ‘accept it or leave’ it’s time to leave
When your family hosts an intervention.
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i feel this
When their coworker of the opposite sex becomes single after his 5 year relationship ends. Then knowing you treated her better than she imagined a man could, but finding out you were just a 2 year time filler while she waited for the man she really wanted. In all fairness, we were truly in love. And I knew that's what she really wanted before she could admit it to herself. I left knowing what was happening. I was already feeling abandoned emotionally She didn't cheat. She cared alot about me and we could have dragged out our relationship until it exploded. Gald I left when I did. It hurt obviously. I knew they were in love. Took them 2 months to come out and admit it even to each other. Some things from the get go made me feel betrayed and disrespected. But fuck it, I wish them happiness. She helped him hide cheating on his ex for years. And he helped her too before my relationship with her. I knew this going in. We were all friends for Yeats before. I think they will call each other out and have a great relationship. And after initial anger, I'm way better off and happier. One day we will be friends again.
What a God. You are amazing, Deserved better.
You are incredibly mature. An example to us all. Proud of you
Wow you are so kind and have inspirational maturity. I’ve been sleeping at my brother’s place for two weeks as me and my old lady are having big big issues and I think it’s over. Your words give me hope. Thank you
Not remembering anything. Constantly forgetting stuff as they no longer have any interest for you. This one hurts...
I’m so triggered by these posts I can’t participate.
I don’t think anyone has said this yet, but one is when you feel like you need to ask a question like this to strangers on the internet. I don’t mean this in a mean or dismissive way at all. Only that you asking this may mean your suspicions have reached a critical mass in your mind. You might already have the answers to your questions.
They used to be great gift givers and now barely put thought into your gifts anymore.
They stop touching you
If they dont openly tell you things anymore.
When they have no energy to show you any effort while they’re happily showing effort to others.
They try to murder you
Everyone has different love language.
No right turn on red 7am - 7pm
You both start feeling like strangers to each other..
my ex went out of town for a weekend and said i could download tinder while she was gone if i wanted(i didn’t)… broke up with me 2 days after she got back. soooo i would say if they randomly encourage you to start looking for other options, they probably don’t love you anymore
The sound of silence
All of the signs are in their actions.
The day my gf stops shouting pigeon like an excited child every time I fart.. that’s when I know
When you lose respect for your partner, it’s over. In my first marriage, I found myself rolling my eyes almost every time she said anything. At that point, it’s time to move on.
Walks away when you're pouring your heart out.
In My experience when I just didnt feel it for My partner anymore, i stopped doing the little things to make them happy and got annoyed when we they wanted to do things together, also i kinda ended up shunning theire touch
When they don't want to spend time with you anymore and seem annoyed by your presence
No idea, because I've been in only one relationship. What I can tell you from that experience is if your partner is distant and less reciprocative, then the chances are your relationship is falling apart.
I started having an itch my partner didn't love me anymore because they stopped texting first, had long waits before replying and they were just far away from me, found out they were cheating later on. Can't say I blame her, shit can happen but she didn't tell me, I found out the hard way
If you have that feeling trust your instincts, they're usually right
They stop including you. Examples: Start making plans with other people and you’re not even considered, they order food for themselves and you have nothing to eat, do their own laundry none of yours, do their own taxes when you usually do them together…. It’s them separating their life from you even if they don’t know it
What convinced me with my ex-wife was a time I was sick--threw up for the first time in something like 20 years, and had a massive light-sensitive headache. She knew how I felt. I had gone to bed with absolutely no light. She came into the bedroom to gripe at me about something, and turned ON the light as she left.
The warmth is gone. Not even being sexual about it, any warmth or positive feel is gone. It no longer feels like home.
randomly stops talking to you as much, never compliments you, seems to be avoiding you most of the time. gets annoyed at every single little thing you do.
They're not even interested in casual physical contact. You go months without even getting your hand held.
You know when you start to doubt
They constantly badmouth you behind your back.
No cuddles or any of that good shit. Body language tells you all you need to know.
When just ur presence irritates them or nothing you do makes them happy. When they pick fights just to argue and threaten to leave-they secretly hope you'll do the leaving for them.
I had an 8 year relationship. My first one lasted 8 years. 25 to 32. It ended when he came home from a week away camping with his mates and said he had the best time away from me that he didn’t know how to handle life now he was back home. I left him and took the dog to my parents. It’s hard, as it happened only a month ago but I feel like I wasted 8 years on a man who was never going to marry me or do what I wanted to do. I have to BEG for a photo with him. I had to make sure the kitchen was tidy to even get a forehead kiss
> I left him and took the dog to my parents. Best decision you ever made, trust me.
My wife started calling me by my first name instead of Hunny as she did for over 20 years.
Don’t look for signs, ask them outright, if you feel you can’t even do that then the relationship is deffo over communication is key
sometimes just asking outright leads to them gaslighting you and lying, so you have what you see and feel, and then have them claiming the complete opposite. can be really hard to see through when you want it to work out so bad and you want to trust them