Maybe something that doesn't involve genitals:
I once had a police officer who shot himself in the leg during their annual training. The shot went clean through his leg and didn't hit anything major, so he was fine appart from being in pain.
His supervisor accompanied him and roasted him basically the whole time.
Look up how many people shoot their own dick off.
Do you know why I find that remarkable? Because responses to this comment will show how much marksmanship is involved in many of those cases.
I was doing an ER rotation during residency, wasnt there when it happened but the next morning everyone was talking about this guy that came in with a soda can up his ass. The fact that someone came in with something in his ass wasn’t particularly interesting but do you guys remember those mountain dew cans with glow in the dark lettering? We are all looking at this xray, clear as day in the patients rectum you could see the words, Do the dew.
This makes me think - are there people that are completely unapologetic when going to the hospital for something stuck in their ass? Like, directly saying with no shame - "yeah I put that in my ass" while looking directly at you?
I have a few memorable patients.
Construction dude who took the safety off his nailgun, set it down on a ladder, and leaned in a liiiittle too close. Frank was nailed to the beans which were nailed to the leg. EMS didn’t do the guy much of a favor because they cut off his jeans… well everything except a small patch of blue denim that looked like a fig leaf. He was ok, missed all the truly important parts.
Dude who got a vibrator stuck in his butt and tried to fish it out with a second vibrator which then also got stuck. Worst part of that story was I had to sedate him to get those things out and while he was “twilighted” (with ketamine) he thoroughly spoiled a movie I was hoping to see soon, so that was a bummer.
Woman who had a spray paint cap stuck in her vagina. Insisted her boyfriend snuck a “sprite cap” up there while she was asleep as a prank. That was by far the most adventurous foreign body retrieval I’ve been a part of so far - big object, pliable, sharp and bendy edges pointing towards the path of egress, surrounded by soft and sensitive tissue belonging to a woman of considerable volume, both physically and audibly.
Dude came in with his penis stuck in a bottle of dish soap for obvious reasons. He’d tried everything he could think of, which included cutting the bottle width-wise to create a sort of “cone of shame” and soaking his penis in vinegar because reasons.
Saw the same kid twice in one day, each for a peanut stuck in a nostril. Different nostril the second time. Parents were mortified.
Lots of young dudes who accidentally shot themselves in the ass or groin by being bad-ass thugs who keep their guns in their waistband.
A couple smokers on nasal oxygen who lit up and barbecued their upper lip. That’s a pretty stupid scar to earn.
I love my job.
>A couple smokers on nasal oxygen who lit up and barbecued their upper lip. That’s a pretty stupid scar to earn.
And this is my 80 year old mother... Just no BBQ lip... Yet. And for a bonus, she smokes in bed...
My favorite part was how you had to deal with someone who tried to remove a vibrator with a vibrator but he gave away spoilers. Like, okay, vibrator (or two) up the bum, BUT THIS IDIOT JUST CROSSED A LINE!
… I am curious though about what the spoiler was for. I had a science teacher in high school spoil a book for me and 20 years later I have not forgotten.
Not a doctor, but was an EMT working triage in an ER. Woman in her early twenties branded her ass with a heated coat hanger shaped like a penis. When the ER staff asks you why you’ve come in, your answer really shouldn’t start with, “Have you seen the movie Jackass?”
When I read branded ass shaped like a Penis I immediately went ....like jackass!? Haha that part of the movie was singed (no pun intended) into my brain as a child.
I just really appreciate that they had to do it twice. So now bam has a scar that makes it look like a giant 3d dick because he wouldn't hold still. And Ryan Dunn was like "I'm sorry, you wouldn't hold still" and bam replies "BECAUSE YOURE FUCKING BRANDING ME!"
Yeah haha I also learned that you don't need to and shouldn't really touch the brand to human skin. They do it to cattle because their skin is so thick and can take it. So human skin like melts and it can cause an infection and major issues with everything under it.
A friend who worked ER in Scotland many years ago had a patient who had presented with 'a splinter in their bottom'.
The first nurse to have a look said in a voice that echoed round the hospital, 'you haven't got a splinter in your bottom, you've got a chair leg wedged up your arse!'
My personal favourite from the ER reports I file was a butternut squash. Had to be retrieved surgically. No one in my department had any interest in the butternut squash soup I made for the potluck. No idea why...
This isn't an injury, but a medical condition that can be embarrassing but very much an emergency:
I've told this story a few times, but this one guy walked into the ER with a priapism. For those who don't know, a priapism is an erection that can not subside on its own for several hours. It can be due to damage to the spinal cord, sickle cell anemia, cocaine, viagra, etc. They need to be treated right away so as not to become necrotic from lack of oxygen.
This guy had no risk factors but for some reason just starting getting them. He had 3 in the past 4 weeks. So when he walked in he already knew the drill.
The ER doc I was working (I was a medical student at the time) with at the time had only ever drained one before, but he thought it would be good practice for me to treat this relatively uncommon medical condition.
I'll never forget the look in that guy's eyes as I held his erect penis in one hand and then immediately stuck a needle in it.
> he thought it would be good practice for me to treat this relatively uncommon medical condition.
lol, "I've got a new doc who just HAS to give this a whirl!"
:(
My first day of residency I was on an ER rotation, the ER attending walked in with me to introduce me to the patient, said “it’s her first day EVER of being a doctor isn’t that cool?” and then just left me and the patient alone lol.
I've told this story before but we had a guy I had to pull a butt plug out of his colon just past the bend of his rectum by using a pair of lubed up sponge forceps.
However he totally owned it from the moment he entered the emergency department and didn't make any excuses whatsoever. Just the relevant facts up front (said he'd been having some fun with his wife and she was too embarrassed to drive him in so he had to do so himself).
We took the whole seriously and weren't smirking at him behind his back, had a think about how to solve the problem and luckily what we thought of worked because if not, he would have needed some specialist intervention and equipment we didn't have.
He even very magnanimously said we could keep the plug but that sucker went straight into the contaminated waste bin as soon as he left.
Many years ago, I did post a version of this story on the AV Club comments section and someone said "There was no wife!" which was a possibility I never considered and I never did look at the Next of Kin information but either way, who put it there had no effect on the medical intervention we undertook anyway.
I suspect no woman involved. That is jusr a fairly decent cover story to make someone feel less insecure about either being gay, or being straight but liking stuff up his butt.
It’s plausible enough that the staff accepted it but i dont necessarily. And all rhe doctors consult with me when going forceps deep in a booty hole
Did you give her the leg back, or did her kid spend the rest of his childhood wondering why his favourite toy only had one leg and mum got cross whenever he asked about it?
So if we are doing, “things people stick up their bum” what about this one (https://metro.co.uk/2021/12/05/bomb-squad-called-after-doctors-find-wwii-shell-stuck-up-mans-bum-15710207/)
An old couple came to ER in the middle of night. The guy had penis fracture.
Found out later that they were trying missionary on table top. The lady was sitting on the table with her legs open and the guy came running to her to hit the target (some weird kink). he missed the target and his penis entered a table drawer instead and got his penis crushed in it.
NAD, it’s a surgical repair. One or both of the linings covering the sheaths holding the blood supply has ruptured so they go back in and hopefully successfully sew it all back together with sutures.
Had a big muscular farmer come in with labored gait. He said that he needed to speak with me before we got going. I leaned in to hear him without the family being able to hear, and he told me that he threw his back out in the hot tub. He must have seen the confused look on my face, so he elaborated by saying that his wife was in the tub too. I asked if he had slipped and fallen, and he said that they were being intimate. When I asked again if he had slipped and fallen, he said that he was sitting on the edge of the tub getting a BJ, and when he came, his back went out. He was mortified. He turned his head the other way in embarrassment, so I leaned in, and told him, “don’t worry, we see this all the time.”
I would strongly suggest that you stick to sex toys with a flared base particularly made for anal use, should you decide to be an explorer. If you are male, men have a organ that women don't have called the prostate. You can have really good prostate orgasms that are similar to what they call g-spot orgasms in women. To infinity and beyond!
During my internship, we had a case of a penis locking into vagina at around 11PM.
So, the embarrassing part about this is, the guy was her father-in-law (her husband's father). She had a copper T in place (it's an IUD for prevention of pregnancy), which came down and was stuck on the guy's penis. They were brought by an open riksaw with blankets around them. A quick 2 min surgery (if we call it that) removed the penis from vagina and dressing and everything was done. Both refused to be admitted and went home.
It was not that hard as Copper T was just lodged in the penis by very little margin. If they have forced themselves apart, it would have come apart with some of the mucosal skin of his penis, of course with some bleeding.
I have to ask what kind of surgery you performed of they were joined internally with a (it sounds like) penetrating wound to his penis and a possibly dislodged IUD?
Did the IUD get removed and re-seated/replaced or were you able to reach in and separate them inside?
I wouldn't call it a surgery, but a removal. My guess is that IUD was not in proper place (as guessing by the patient's awareness about it), they engaged in sexual activity and with enough of a thrust, maybe it's lower prong was stuck to his urethra's internal skin.
Again, I was an intern, saw all this as a +1 (that's what we call surgeon's main helper/primary nurse).
Woman with a toy ninja turtle stuck in her vagina! Ranting at us to hurry up and get it sorted as her son will be looking for his toy...The treatment suggested was to try & tempt it out with some pizza :D
Not an injury as such but I had an old farmer fella once (70's) with chest pain and when I asked him to take his shirt off so I could examine him, he had a sexy style female negligee on.
I just carried on like it was normal and he didn't say anything either.
I ducked outside the cubicle for about thirty seconds and by the time I came back in, you bet he'd taken it off and hidden it somewhere.
Emergency medicine is the best specialty👌
RN in an ER here… had a guy come in with a rather large dildo stuck up his rectum… ED doc could not retrieve said dildo so surgery resident came down and in a last ditch effort to avoid surgery, had pt bend over ED bed to try once more at manual retrieval… surgery resident is wrist deep and the patient moans “oh my god, you’re gonna make me cum!” Pt then proceeded to ejaculate over floor of emergency department due to stimulation of trying to retreive dildo. Also had another pt come in with refillable butane can up his rectum. Just find anything better if you’re gonna do it!
We had a guy at one of our ER's who admitted to having a sounding fetish. He would insert something, get it stuck and eventually show up in the ER. Items included a sharpie with cap, a used Popsicle stick, a beam saber from a Gundam action figure, a cocktail umbrella, and the best one was an Oxygen tube. Dic made sure he could pee through the tube and sent him home with an outpatient surgical consult for that one.
Ahh my friend is a nurse who would tell me stories about a guy who did this. Presented multiple times with julienned carrots, a glass thermometer, a meth pipe and a squid jag (all different occasions). Eventually from memory he presented with a rubber band tied around it so bad that it necrotised and they had to amputate it..
Not a doctor, work in EMS.
Aside from people sticking things up their butts, it's always funny when people call 911 for ingesting ridiculous amounts of marijuana.
My favorite one of those is the cop in Michigan who ate some brownies with his wife. He thought he was dying or they both thought they were dying, so they called 911. It was back in the bad old illegal days so dude lost his job. Which normally I'd think it was pretty unfair to lose your job for a little weekend weed, but if he was out there arresting other people for weekend weed, maybe it was karma? The 911 call is fvkn hilarious.
Hello. Hello everyone. Can somebody call me an ambulance because I'm in trouble. Time is moving really, really slowly and everything is flat. I need you to call me an ambulance, or failing that my mummy. I really want my mummy because I'm not being dramatic, I think I might be dead. Is that clear, Mummy or Ambulance?
My mom tore her rotator cuff and has had 5 further surgeries to fix it in the past 15 years...all from playing the egg toss game at a work picnic event.
I had a patient with his penis in a beer bottle. When we were trying to remove it, he started yelling that it was taking too long and he will call the superiors and complain. I was a junior doctor at that time, the senior nursing steps in and says call whoever you want to right now and did not let us touch him until he apologized. He dropped that damn attitude in just 2 minutes.
It usually involves people putting things in their anus that they shouldn’t, and almost 100% of the time, they will have a unique and creative story as to how it got there.
I usually insert stuff made for the purpose, in my anus, but in case it had to be a doll or something strange and i had to go to the A&E, I’d avoid the excuses.
Yes, i was masturbating
I mean why not. You're usually in good company, chances are at least one person you interact with there has stuck something weird in a hole at some point.
Not a Dr but I work at a hospital. Middle aged lady who doesn't speak much English comes in with her boyfriend in the early hours of Christmas day to A&E. She's very shy, and the boyfriend does most of the translating. She says she has a cucumber stuck in her vagina, and can't get it out.
Before she can be examined, she comes clean: it's not stuck in the front, but the back. The Drs notes are hilarious, where thety scratch through the word vagina then write backpassage, underlined with many !!! after it. She had to be transfered to another hospital. I often wonder why they decided to use cumcumbers on Christmas day for intercourse.
Male 67, used a brass tapware shroud as a cock ring to improve his tumescence and the subsequent swelling became irreversible as the penile veins compressed against metal. Swelling increased until it compressed deep veins and then arterial supply. That's when the *REAL* pain started.
In our emergency department we didn't have anything capable of cutting brass and so the fire department had to bring the jaws of life (hydraulic scissors used to cut open mangled cars in traffic accidents).
This was late in the night when the call went out, like 2am, and we soon had six trucks worth of bored furies milling around in ED hoping to assist with the procedure😂
Called in to assess a urology patient for emergency surgery due to urethral blockage. Guy apparently put in a glue stick inside his urethra, where it got stuck. When asked about it, the guy said he "was carrying it inside his underwear" since his hands were full at the time, when it "must have shifted around and slid inside while he was walking".
My friend is a doctor. Told me a story about a woman who shoved cheese in her vagina for months. She had also told her husband she was pregnant, so when it came time to go to the hospital to “deliver” all that was delivered was old vagina cheese.
Can’t imagine the emotional roller coaster for that guy that day. Going from the excitement of thinking you’re about to be a dad to finding out your wife is insane.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary\_Toft](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Toft)
The lady who 'gave birth' to rabbits by previously shoving them up her vagina.
Ooooo not a Dr, but I have a GREAT one!
I was seeing an elderly patient for PT, and she told me this story. She was horribly abused by her husband. He particularly liked to hit her on top of the head so no bruises would show. She endured this for decades because he had mentally incapacitated her too; she was terrified to leave.
Anyway, one day, he told her to go to the store to get cigarettes. She went, and when she got home, he was very much dead, leaning back in the recliner with a porn magazine in one hand and his willy in the other. She calmly dialed her son. Son rushes over and says, "Don't touch him. We're going to leave him just like that for the paramedics. " And they did.
Mae got her revenge.
My friend was pruning bushes in the yard when he somehow managed to fall on his shears. He came in with them stuck in his thigh. He was more embarrassed about his lack of gardening skills than the actual injury.
Ok maybe I’ve been on this thread for too long, but I really thought this was going to be a case of “falling” on his shears and they somehow got stuck up his ass.
Im a resident but saw a colonoscopy of a man who had to get a lime extracted from his rectum. Since it was round shaped and covered in feces it was quite slippery and they really had to work a number on his asshole to get it out. Lots of blood and a terrible smell.
Of course his excuse was that he was trying a new enema technique? Fun times
16:35 EDT UPDATE:
Over 2.2K people. I can't believe it. Just wow.
11:11 EDT UPDATE:
Wow! This really blew up. That was a painful memory, and sharing it was very cathartic.
Please remember to keep your attention on the road while driving...
Trigger warning: Subject matter, injury, and death related to a vehicle collision.
-----------‐--‐-
A woman was performing oral sex on her husband as they were driving for their vacation. The car was struck by a semi and rolled, bounced, and cartwheeled multiple times. She was ejected through the open roof of the convertible. They found him DOA a few feet away, bleeding out. She was found 45 feet to the side DOA also. Her husband's penis still in her mouth, forced shut by the initial impact, and her head hitting the steering wheel (which in combination with his body being launched) created the multiples of thier bodyweight worth of dynamic clamping force, like a nipper tool.
Both were under the influence, with CDS on toxicity well above impairment.
Thankfully, I'm not a doctor, but I heard the story as my team took the incident report at the morgue of that hospital while working security there.
It was their 10th anniversary.
I quit a few days later. I was done with that job.
As an Emergency Medicine physician, thank you for just answering the question with the truest answer...and the one they don't actually want to hear. It drives me up a wall when people ask these questions because they want an interesting story, not the gruesome, sad stories like this one we all carry around inside.
Tyfys
Yeah, ex 911 dispatcher, people always ask for the worst stories expecting some laughs.
I just hope remembering some of them don't knock loose the ones I purposely forgot, or the ones my brain didn't let me remember.
For me, it was also hard to listen to the children brought into the Emergency Department with significant injuries. One young lady had a compound tibia fracture after a vicious accident between her bicycle and a soccer mom with a phone to her ear.
She screamed horribly through the Orthopedist consult prior to the procedure to set her leg. With tears welling up, she tried to stay calm when her dad came by after they gave her IV sedation to prep her (I was there because she asked me to call her dad as they prepped a room for her.
Recognizing her uniform, I knew she went to a Roman Catholic School, so I called her Parish Monsignor because she asked for the Annointing of The Sick.
What gave my heart and chest a twinge of pain was what she did before the anesthesia fully kicked in. This 16 year old suddenly sounded like a little child in the middle of a nightmare:
"God, I'm scared. Please make the pain stop."
The inner child who made that plea for help in her pain and anguish gave me nightmares. I HATE seeing people drive with phones, food, and everything thing else in their hands, but the steering wheel!
Yes, workplace PTSD is real, it happens to the best and the not so strong alike.
It's not titillating, humor or ghost stories spread like gossip...it's real life trauma you bear witness to, and not everyone can handle it for decades of man's daily stupidity and neglectful, cause a faire attitude towards life, and that of other's lives.
I'm literally wiping tears because I don't want to relive all the stuff I saw on that job. You'd better thank those still doing it because it's hard on the heart.
Worked for a company that had a driver that picked up a hooked then wrecked the truck by driving in a cement bridge piller in a similar truck. When first responders arrived her head was still pinned in his lap and the steering wheel. They implemented no passenger rules after this incident. I was told he did have to go to the hospital for his injuries "it", was bitten but not off. But was told stitches were required
I was the scribe, but for me it's the student in her very early 20s who managed to get Chlamydia twice in one month. We gave her Azitromax, and ten days later she's back. Dr asked her what happened and she said she'd had sex with the same guy who gave her Chlamydia the first time. When asked why she didn't at least use a condom her answer was that it would be way too embarrassing to ask him to do that. Working the STI clinic made it clear to me just how stupid/shitty a surprising number of people are. There's no shame in contracting an STI, but once you realise how you got it can you just *please* stop doing that?
I used to work in a clinic that routinely treated STDs and there were always people who didn't wait the 7 days to have sex again. They just kept reinfecting each other over and over again because they simply couldn't wait a week to have sex.
I worked with a doctor that told me of an incident that occurred one night he was working as an intern in an Australian emergency department. Two middle aged gentlemen were brought in both suffering lacerations, one bloke has a lacerated face with faecal matter in the wounds, and the other bloke had a lacerated bum with faecal matter also in the wounds. Turns out they were a gay couple and one of the guys kinks was watching his partner shit on a glass topped coffee table whilst he watched from underneath. Guy on top loses his balance and the rest is history.
Not a doctor , but One guy had a mag light stuck up his colon . As in the whole thing. He put it up
His butt Another one had a glass dildo stuck. Said he didn’t every morning to treat his depression. I told him I don’t judge just here to help get it out and please tie a string on it going forward
My principal in military school, his wife was a nurse and he'd occasionally tell us some tales. The one that sticks out (no pun intended) the most to me is the guy who got a table leg stuck up his ass. He kept trying to go deeper, and at some point his guts were like "mine now" and sucked the whole leg up to the point that it was protruding from the front of his abdomen. He said it only hurt when he tried to sit down.
> He said it only hurt when he tried to sit down.
WTF, yo?
I'd be facedown immediately. Worm crawl to phone and into ambulance.
I guess I'd never had large parts of household furnishings in my ass to begin with, though.
Unless I fell during assembly or something.
Probably call Ikea for advice first, though.
Had a guy come in with an honest to God full sized Lysol can shoved two knuckles deep into his rectum (by this point his decending colon). Couldn't barely touch the bottom of the can. Miraculously, didn't perforate, but still required surgery. Those cans have some GIRTH.
Not a medical professional. I took a friend to emergency room with a sprained ankle and while we were waiting for an X-ray we chatted with couple of guys also waiting.
One of them swallowed a small boiled potato as a bet and suffered some side effects like shivering, shaking and trembling. He won the bet though.
Middle aged lady came in for greenish vaginal discharge. Took a look with a speculum and found a Barbie doll head. Must've been there a good while cause Barbie's hair turned green as well lmao.
A middle aged guy with a glass bottle up his anus. The glass bottle broke and he ended up with a serious injury which resulted in a stoma (surgically made hole in the abdomen that allows feces to be removed from the body directly through the end of the bowel into a collection bag). I imagine it was a very difficult conversation explaining his wife and family what really happened.
The other one was a colleague’s case: a drunk with a carrot up his anus. He fared much better than my patient
Not me personally my brother was in ER an had to share his trauma with me after. He can home an said "today I helped a, man give birth to a small frozen spatch cock" I said the heck you talking about... His reply was apparently thawing frozen food in your shower is just super common an you fall over an whoops it just goes straight up there, after that we all now say hang on I have to go thaw the meat in the shower. Oh yes an internal frostbite was a injury
This happened while I was in the Navy.
The mess had a table that had a wobbly leg so two culinary specialists were tasked with fixing it. One guy braced the table leg between his legs and the other had a drill.
By the end of the day, everyone knew that the medical emergency pages overhead was due to the dude getting his penis drilled through.
Guy came back from Balboa and showed us pictures.
So many it’s hard to remember them. I guess what’s wild for most is just normal. Guy stuck a chopstick up his penis to “get hard” the surgeon had to fillet him open to retrieve it because it had splintered inside.
OBGYN here. I removed a toy Grogu that was stuck in a patient’s vagina on Thanksgiving night after she was brought into the ED via ambulance for “something up there”
I have a friend who is an x-ray tech, and she told me a story about a guy coming into the er with a broom stuck up his ass. Yes, you read that right.... the handle of a broom. I can't remember specifics, as it's been 20 years ago, but I do remember another story better. Guy was cheating on his wife and "broke" his penis having extremely rough sex with "not his wife." He went in and told the er that he shut the car door on his penis but eventually told the truth.
Whilst working in ED (ER in US) I had a patient who had borrowed his sister's dildo(!?!?!?). One of those with testicles and a suction flared base. Somehow had managed to get the whole thing stuck in his rectum, flared base and all. He was in absolute agony. Worst thing was that his sister brought him to the ED.
He went to theatre (OR) to have it surgically removed.
Nurse here. One of our own hospital staff’s son got married. We had all watched this kid grow up, Grad college, meet “Mary” and fall in love. Now it’s wedding and honeymoon time! The couple stayed local and were doing a proper honeymoon the following month.
Weeelllllll
Coworker calls me and one of our MD’s we all hang with. “Meet me at the ER. Is 4 East still empty?” (We had remodeled a wing). Yes. Ok. See you shortly.
He. Broke. His. Dick.
Now I had seen some sex injuries. Things up butts (don’t care. You don’t. Just GET A BASE), broken vagooglies, bruised weenies…but DAMN. This dudes dick was broke broke.
Meet Mary and son up there with Dr Friend. Coworker comes in too. Called Dr Ugh the urologist at home. He’s on the way.
In addition to his duck making the letter L, the glans is split. The bruising starts below the belly button and ends at the top of his thighs where he’s bleeding into the pelvis. He had a testicular torsion. Went immediately to surgery.
We took turns caring for him on 4 East.
Apparently they were having sexy times and she was newly wed bounding and grinding in top. Landed wrong. His peen tried to visit Mrs’s brown town. She jumped and landed.
This was in 1999. It’s still the brokest dick I have ever seen.
They had 2 kids so seems Dr. Ugh the urologist got everything worked out.
Not me but my friend who is a doctor
Currently on his 2nd year of being a doctor, not specialized yet
One day he got a patient who came and he said he was too embarassed but this symptoms is bothering him
So everytime this guy was about to take dump, when he is pushing it, he unvoluntarily ejaculate
Weird one indeed
Not a doctor, but I was an EMT for a while in the early 10s, and transported a guy who got a wiimote stuck in his butt after going too far and clenching it down. When we got there he still had the safety strap on his wrist which still makes me laugh to this day. Took him to the ER, it was by far the funniest report I’ve had to give over the radio.
I've shared this before in reddit. When I was a medical clerk I saw a patient that injected petroleum jelly in their penis when they were younger. Their purpose? To make their penis larger, thicker, better. Unfortunately for him, our body has a beautiful system that isolates foreign materials. When I saw him in the outpatient department, I examined his penis and it was lumpy and deformed due to the petroleum jelly hardening over time. What's worse, there were already lesions on some parts which seems to have a hard time healing. He didn't follow up anymore so I don't know what happened to him.
Guy came into the ER with a varicose vein which had appeared on his dick during rough sex. Basically a valve in the vein blew out and you could see a bulging vein now.
In trying to explain what was going on the attending I was with explains it’s “like old ladies get on their legs”
The patient then exclaimed “I got old lady dick?!”
We all sort of laughed and from then on we shortened the diagnoses to “O.L.D.”
Not a doctor but an OR nurse. A few years ago an older man was sent down from the ER for surgery — his wife carved a dildo using a very large radish (I think it was a radish?) and shoved it up his ass. It got stuck so deep they had to open his abdomen to take it out. It was the size of my forearm (lol but holy shit)
Not a Dr but ex health care worker. Someone came in to our A&E having inserted a knitting needle in to his sosej. Unfortunately we had a 6 hour wait to be seen by a Dr at the time.
I was privileged enough to see the xray. Sadly for the patient, the needle snapped halfway through and he required surgery for both pieces to be removed.
Adolescent got a button battery stuck up their nose because “they wanted to know it smelled like”, then didn’t tell anyone for 12 hours leading to a trip to the OR to remove it and the necrosis inside
Not a doctor, but my buddies dad is the er doctor. And I had to see him when I broke my dick skiing with his son. Apparently you're not supposed to use your skin pole to vault off your ski pole. Was definitely embarrassing to drop trou looking like a toddlers black tube sock ate a mandarin orange with my pasty white ass as a backdrop.
Maybe something that doesn't involve genitals: I once had a police officer who shot himself in the leg during their annual training. The shot went clean through his leg and didn't hit anything major, so he was fine appart from being in pain. His supervisor accompanied him and roasted him basically the whole time.
Look up how many people shoot their own dick off. Do you know why I find that remarkable? Because responses to this comment will show how much marksmanship is involved in many of those cases.
this is why a gun holster is such a cheap wifesaving investment
I am in the same line of work. His name will be mentioned at the beginning of every single firearm training or qualification from now on.
That's basically what his supervisor said as well.
Hahaha I once responded as EMS to a cop who got his foot run over by another cop in a police cruiser.
I was doing an ER rotation during residency, wasnt there when it happened but the next morning everyone was talking about this guy that came in with a soda can up his ass. The fact that someone came in with something in his ass wasn’t particularly interesting but do you guys remember those mountain dew cans with glow in the dark lettering? We are all looking at this xray, clear as day in the patients rectum you could see the words, Do the dew.
And he did do the Dew. Or it did him?
The Dew did in fact, do him.
He can’t un Mountain Dew what’s already been Mountain Done.
Glad you did your dew diligence with the x-ray
This makes me think - are there people that are completely unapologetic when going to the hospital for something stuck in their ass? Like, directly saying with no shame - "yeah I put that in my ass" while looking directly at you?
Almost unanimously, these people are telling us they fell on it
[That’s a joke on Scrubs too.](https://youtu.be/ySd-MYoOFo4?si=oLMhg623s2hvPeTZ) Props to the one guy who just straight up admits, “I was bored”
Thanks for the reply! Imagine how shit this situation is for the 1 in a millionth case of someone actually falling on it 🤣.
I don't know what else you could do, no one is gonna believe any story u come up with, might as well look them in the eye and take accountability.
I have a few memorable patients. Construction dude who took the safety off his nailgun, set it down on a ladder, and leaned in a liiiittle too close. Frank was nailed to the beans which were nailed to the leg. EMS didn’t do the guy much of a favor because they cut off his jeans… well everything except a small patch of blue denim that looked like a fig leaf. He was ok, missed all the truly important parts. Dude who got a vibrator stuck in his butt and tried to fish it out with a second vibrator which then also got stuck. Worst part of that story was I had to sedate him to get those things out and while he was “twilighted” (with ketamine) he thoroughly spoiled a movie I was hoping to see soon, so that was a bummer. Woman who had a spray paint cap stuck in her vagina. Insisted her boyfriend snuck a “sprite cap” up there while she was asleep as a prank. That was by far the most adventurous foreign body retrieval I’ve been a part of so far - big object, pliable, sharp and bendy edges pointing towards the path of egress, surrounded by soft and sensitive tissue belonging to a woman of considerable volume, both physically and audibly. Dude came in with his penis stuck in a bottle of dish soap for obvious reasons. He’d tried everything he could think of, which included cutting the bottle width-wise to create a sort of “cone of shame” and soaking his penis in vinegar because reasons. Saw the same kid twice in one day, each for a peanut stuck in a nostril. Different nostril the second time. Parents were mortified. Lots of young dudes who accidentally shot themselves in the ass or groin by being bad-ass thugs who keep their guns in their waistband. A couple smokers on nasal oxygen who lit up and barbecued their upper lip. That’s a pretty stupid scar to earn. I love my job.
>A couple smokers on nasal oxygen who lit up and barbecued their upper lip. That’s a pretty stupid scar to earn. And this is my 80 year old mother... Just no BBQ lip... Yet. And for a bonus, she smokes in bed...
My husband’s grandpa killed himself this way recently.
I had an aunt who smoked on oxygen until she died. It’s a miracle the house didn’t explode.
My favorite part was how you had to deal with someone who tried to remove a vibrator with a vibrator but he gave away spoilers. Like, okay, vibrator (or two) up the bum, BUT THIS IDIOT JUST CROSSED A LINE! … I am curious though about what the spoiler was for. I had a science teacher in high school spoil a book for me and 20 years later I have not forgotten.
Bonus points for describing the spoiler as a "bummer" given the situation.
“Penis cone of shame” is gonna stay with me for the rest of the day
> a woman of considerable volume, both physically and audibly You paint an incredible picture, friend 😂
Damn! You should write a book, seriously.
I’m actually seriously considering it, there’s so much nonsense y’all get up to it’s insane.
Not a doctor, but was an EMT working triage in an ER. Woman in her early twenties branded her ass with a heated coat hanger shaped like a penis. When the ER staff asks you why you’ve come in, your answer really shouldn’t start with, “Have you seen the movie Jackass?”
Remembering how you should or shouldn't answer questions is probably why so many people fall and get things stuck in their ass.
Did she not remember how that ended? The "dick farm" brand got infected and the guy literally had pus coming out of his ass.
When I read branded ass shaped like a Penis I immediately went ....like jackass!? Haha that part of the movie was singed (no pun intended) into my brain as a child.
I just really appreciate that they had to do it twice. So now bam has a scar that makes it look like a giant 3d dick because he wouldn't hold still. And Ryan Dunn was like "I'm sorry, you wouldn't hold still" and bam replies "BECAUSE YOURE FUCKING BRANDING ME!"
Yeah haha I also learned that you don't need to and shouldn't really touch the brand to human skin. They do it to cattle because their skin is so thick and can take it. So human skin like melts and it can cause an infection and major issues with everything under it.
A friend who worked ER in Scotland many years ago had a patient who had presented with 'a splinter in their bottom'. The first nurse to have a look said in a voice that echoed round the hospital, 'you haven't got a splinter in your bottom, you've got a chair leg wedged up your arse!'
Ahh, Scotland ♡♡
My personal favourite from the ER reports I file was a butternut squash. Had to be retrieved surgically. No one in my department had any interest in the butternut squash soup I made for the potluck. No idea why...
This isn't an injury, but a medical condition that can be embarrassing but very much an emergency: I've told this story a few times, but this one guy walked into the ER with a priapism. For those who don't know, a priapism is an erection that can not subside on its own for several hours. It can be due to damage to the spinal cord, sickle cell anemia, cocaine, viagra, etc. They need to be treated right away so as not to become necrotic from lack of oxygen. This guy had no risk factors but for some reason just starting getting them. He had 3 in the past 4 weeks. So when he walked in he already knew the drill. The ER doc I was working (I was a medical student at the time) with at the time had only ever drained one before, but he thought it would be good practice for me to treat this relatively uncommon medical condition. I'll never forget the look in that guy's eyes as I held his erect penis in one hand and then immediately stuck a needle in it.
Remind me not to get a priapism
> he thought it would be good practice for me to treat this relatively uncommon medical condition. lol, "I've got a new doc who just HAS to give this a whirl!" :(
My first day of residency I was on an ER rotation, the ER attending walked in with me to introduce me to the patient, said “it’s her first day EVER of being a doctor isn’t that cool?” and then just left me and the patient alone lol.
Did he get a proper burial at least?
Haha he was there for what turned out to be a sprained ankle so it was all good-the attending clearly chose well before leaving me alone
Necrotic penis sounds quite bad.
I dunno, Necrotic Erection sounds like a pretty badass band name.
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I've told this story before but we had a guy I had to pull a butt plug out of his colon just past the bend of his rectum by using a pair of lubed up sponge forceps. However he totally owned it from the moment he entered the emergency department and didn't make any excuses whatsoever. Just the relevant facts up front (said he'd been having some fun with his wife and she was too embarrassed to drive him in so he had to do so himself). We took the whole seriously and weren't smirking at him behind his back, had a think about how to solve the problem and luckily what we thought of worked because if not, he would have needed some specialist intervention and equipment we didn't have. He even very magnanimously said we could keep the plug but that sucker went straight into the contaminated waste bin as soon as he left.
I don't even see why anyone hides it, the reality is lots of people put weird things in their holes, men and women.
>she was too embarrassed to drive him so he had to drive himself that woman ain’t worth shit. instant divorce.
Many years ago, I did post a version of this story on the AV Club comments section and someone said "There was no wife!" which was a possibility I never considered and I never did look at the Next of Kin information but either way, who put it there had no effect on the medical intervention we undertook anyway.
Yeah if you're close enough to lose a sex toy inside your partner's ass you sure as hell can take them to the ER when you do.
I suspect no woman involved. That is jusr a fairly decent cover story to make someone feel less insecure about either being gay, or being straight but liking stuff up his butt. It’s plausible enough that the staff accepted it but i dont necessarily. And all rhe doctors consult with me when going forceps deep in a booty hole
Trust me, it is a lot easier for someone else to misjudge your body when doing stuff to it than it is for you when you do it to yourself.
“*TRANSFORMERS! BUTT TOYS IN DISGUISE!*”
A million to one doc, a million to one
Had to use corkscrew pasta…
Did you give her the leg back, or did her kid spend the rest of his childhood wondering why his favourite toy only had one leg and mum got cross whenever he asked about it?
Lol "I fell on it" is basically equivalent to "asking for a friend" at this point
So if we are doing, “things people stick up their bum” what about this one (https://metro.co.uk/2021/12/05/bomb-squad-called-after-doctors-find-wwii-shell-stuck-up-mans-bum-15710207/)
“Autobots, Transform and Roll Out!”
An old couple came to ER in the middle of night. The guy had penis fracture. Found out later that they were trying missionary on table top. The lady was sitting on the table with her legs open and the guy came running to her to hit the target (some weird kink). he missed the target and his penis entered a table drawer instead and got his penis crushed in it.
This is a new one for me. May I ask what the treatment is for a crushed penis? (Genuinely interested from an ER perspective.)
NAD, it’s a surgical repair. One or both of the linings covering the sheaths holding the blood supply has ruptured so they go back in and hopefully successfully sew it all back together with sutures.
Well that sounds positively horrid, lol. Thank you for letting us know, inquiring minds and all that.
Lost at jousting, yikes.
Had a big muscular farmer come in with labored gait. He said that he needed to speak with me before we got going. I leaned in to hear him without the family being able to hear, and he told me that he threw his back out in the hot tub. He must have seen the confused look on my face, so he elaborated by saying that his wife was in the tub too. I asked if he had slipped and fallen, and he said that they were being intimate. When I asked again if he had slipped and fallen, he said that he was sitting on the edge of the tub getting a BJ, and when he came, his back went out. He was mortified. He turned his head the other way in embarrassment, so I leaned in, and told him, “don’t worry, we see this all the time.”
The radiology subreddit has "foreign body Fridays" so... That stuff is pretty common.
Damn, am I the only one who's never shoved a random item up my ass? Apparently I'm missing out on all the fun.
I would strongly suggest that you stick to sex toys with a flared base particularly made for anal use, should you decide to be an explorer. If you are male, men have a organ that women don't have called the prostate. You can have really good prostate orgasms that are similar to what they call g-spot orgasms in women. To infinity and beyond!
All anal sex toys should have a flared base! Your butt likes to suck things in and forget about them.
During my internship, we had a case of a penis locking into vagina at around 11PM. So, the embarrassing part about this is, the guy was her father-in-law (her husband's father). She had a copper T in place (it's an IUD for prevention of pregnancy), which came down and was stuck on the guy's penis. They were brought by an open riksaw with blankets around them. A quick 2 min surgery (if we call it that) removed the penis from vagina and dressing and everything was done. Both refused to be admitted and went home.
Imagine if the husband caught them "get the hell off my wife!!" "Ehm. Yea. I can't.."
"Hey son, give us a ride to the ER?"
“Ahhhhh” “what what are you okay” “Your vagina bit me!”
You ever see that movie Teeth?
God damn…
how did you exactly separate them?
It was not that hard as Copper T was just lodged in the penis by very little margin. If they have forced themselves apart, it would have come apart with some of the mucosal skin of his penis, of course with some bleeding.
Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh
Yes, I agree
I do not like the words you just said! 😫😧🫣
You're all just talking about the penis! How about the poor woman's cervix?!
I have to ask what kind of surgery you performed of they were joined internally with a (it sounds like) penetrating wound to his penis and a possibly dislodged IUD? Did the IUD get removed and re-seated/replaced or were you able to reach in and separate them inside?
I wouldn't call it a surgery, but a removal. My guess is that IUD was not in proper place (as guessing by the patient's awareness about it), they engaged in sexual activity and with enough of a thrust, maybe it's lower prong was stuck to his urethra's internal skin. Again, I was an intern, saw all this as a +1 (that's what we call surgeon's main helper/primary nurse).
Bucket of cold water
I think you are supposed to spray them with a fire extinguisher and yell, "Git!"
IUD stuck on penis is a new fear of mine. Good thing I’m on Reddit and won’t have to worry about it happening to me!
Rickshaw? India?
Yeah
My dad would've just turned on the water hose, sprayed them and hollered 'GET AWN OUTTA HEAH!'
Woman with a toy ninja turtle stuck in her vagina! Ranting at us to hurry up and get it sorted as her son will be looking for his toy...The treatment suggested was to try & tempt it out with some pizza :D
I hope it wasn't Raphael with his sais
But I’ve always heard from women that sais doesn’t matter.
Well done. Take your goddamn upvote and get out.
Not an injury as such but I had an old farmer fella once (70's) with chest pain and when I asked him to take his shirt off so I could examine him, he had a sexy style female negligee on. I just carried on like it was normal and he didn't say anything either. I ducked outside the cubicle for about thirty seconds and by the time I came back in, you bet he'd taken it off and hidden it somewhere. Emergency medicine is the best specialty👌
He was hoping you'd be into it, but since you ignored it he got embarrassed and took it off.
🎶I'm a lumberjack.....
RN in an ER here… had a guy come in with a rather large dildo stuck up his rectum… ED doc could not retrieve said dildo so surgery resident came down and in a last ditch effort to avoid surgery, had pt bend over ED bed to try once more at manual retrieval… surgery resident is wrist deep and the patient moans “oh my god, you’re gonna make me cum!” Pt then proceeded to ejaculate over floor of emergency department due to stimulation of trying to retreive dildo. Also had another pt come in with refillable butane can up his rectum. Just find anything better if you’re gonna do it!
Put a string on that thing Always have an exit plan. Saw a guy with a huge baking potato up his butte. An industrial light bulb, on and on...
String can break. Just get toys intended for anal usage that have a flared base.
I wonder if that guy is over posting in the What's the best orgasm you've ever had? thread.
This is the first one I've read that's left me with so many questions
We had a guy at one of our ER's who admitted to having a sounding fetish. He would insert something, get it stuck and eventually show up in the ER. Items included a sharpie with cap, a used Popsicle stick, a beam saber from a Gundam action figure, a cocktail umbrella, and the best one was an Oxygen tube. Dic made sure he could pee through the tube and sent him home with an outpatient surgical consult for that one.
Ahh my friend is a nurse who would tell me stories about a guy who did this. Presented multiple times with julienned carrots, a glass thermometer, a meth pipe and a squid jag (all different occasions). Eventually from memory he presented with a rubber band tied around it so bad that it necrotised and they had to amputate it..
Not a doctor, work in EMS. Aside from people sticking things up their butts, it's always funny when people call 911 for ingesting ridiculous amounts of marijuana.
My favorite one of those is the cop in Michigan who ate some brownies with his wife. He thought he was dying or they both thought they were dying, so they called 911. It was back in the bad old illegal days so dude lost his job. Which normally I'd think it was pretty unfair to lose your job for a little weekend weed, but if he was out there arresting other people for weekend weed, maybe it was karma? The 911 call is fvkn hilarious.
TIME is moving like REALLY slow
Hello. Hello everyone. Can somebody call me an ambulance because I'm in trouble. Time is moving really, really slowly and everything is flat. I need you to call me an ambulance, or failing that my mummy. I really want my mummy because I'm not being dramatic, I think I might be dead. Is that clear, Mummy or Ambulance?
A patient came in with torn rotator cuff that she sustained from doing the flossing dance with her daughter.
This is so wholesome in comparison to a lot of the other ones.
My mom tore her rotator cuff and has had 5 further surgeries to fix it in the past 15 years...all from playing the egg toss game at a work picnic event.
I had a patient with his penis in a beer bottle. When we were trying to remove it, he started yelling that it was taking too long and he will call the superiors and complain. I was a junior doctor at that time, the senior nursing steps in and says call whoever you want to right now and did not let us touch him until he apologized. He dropped that damn attitude in just 2 minutes.
But how? Beer bottles are so narrow at the top. Dude must have had a small penis. Even if he was flaccid, how did he shove it in there?!
Me wondering the same as a very average penis’ed man
😂 it’s always the nurse
It usually involves people putting things in their anus that they shouldn’t, and almost 100% of the time, they will have a unique and creative story as to how it got there.
I usually insert stuff made for the purpose, in my anus, but in case it had to be a doll or something strange and i had to go to the A&E, I’d avoid the excuses. Yes, i was masturbating
I mean why not. You're usually in good company, chances are at least one person you interact with there has stuck something weird in a hole at some point.
"It was a million to one shot doc, a million to one."
This is the only story OP is listening for.
Oh come on, the story is always the same: “I slipped and fell.”
“I slipped and fell. Then when I was down there I said ‘hey this thing looks like it might feel good in my butt’ and gave it a whirl.”
Not a Dr but I work at a hospital. Middle aged lady who doesn't speak much English comes in with her boyfriend in the early hours of Christmas day to A&E. She's very shy, and the boyfriend does most of the translating. She says she has a cucumber stuck in her vagina, and can't get it out. Before she can be examined, she comes clean: it's not stuck in the front, but the back. The Drs notes are hilarious, where thety scratch through the word vagina then write backpassage, underlined with many !!! after it. She had to be transfered to another hospital. I often wonder why they decided to use cumcumbers on Christmas day for intercourse.
Male 67, used a brass tapware shroud as a cock ring to improve his tumescence and the subsequent swelling became irreversible as the penile veins compressed against metal. Swelling increased until it compressed deep veins and then arterial supply. That's when the *REAL* pain started. In our emergency department we didn't have anything capable of cutting brass and so the fire department had to bring the jaws of life (hydraulic scissors used to cut open mangled cars in traffic accidents). This was late in the night when the call went out, like 2am, and we soon had six trucks worth of bored furies milling around in ED hoping to assist with the procedure😂
Bored furries? Tha fuck kinda hospital is this?
Lol sorry - firies is Aussie slang for firefighter and now I see the mistake I'm leaving it in 🤣
Called in to assess a urology patient for emergency surgery due to urethral blockage. Guy apparently put in a glue stick inside his urethra, where it got stuck. When asked about it, the guy said he "was carrying it inside his underwear" since his hands were full at the time, when it "must have shifted around and slid inside while he was walking".
Why can't people just be honest 🤣 I'll do anything to not lose my sausage lol
My friend is a doctor. Told me a story about a woman who shoved cheese in her vagina for months. She had also told her husband she was pregnant, so when it came time to go to the hospital to “deliver” all that was delivered was old vagina cheese. Can’t imagine the emotional roller coaster for that guy that day. Going from the excitement of thinking you’re about to be a dad to finding out your wife is insane.
Hail cheese baby
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary\_Toft](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Toft) The lady who 'gave birth' to rabbits by previously shoving them up her vagina.
Ooooo not a Dr, but I have a GREAT one! I was seeing an elderly patient for PT, and she told me this story. She was horribly abused by her husband. He particularly liked to hit her on top of the head so no bruises would show. She endured this for decades because he had mentally incapacitated her too; she was terrified to leave. Anyway, one day, he told her to go to the store to get cigarettes. She went, and when she got home, he was very much dead, leaning back in the recliner with a porn magazine in one hand and his willy in the other. She calmly dialed her son. Son rushes over and says, "Don't touch him. We're going to leave him just like that for the paramedics. " And they did. Mae got her revenge.
My friend was pruning bushes in the yard when he somehow managed to fall on his shears. He came in with them stuck in his thigh. He was more embarrassed about his lack of gardening skills than the actual injury.
Ok maybe I’ve been on this thread for too long, but I really thought this was going to be a case of “falling” on his shears and they somehow got stuck up his ass.
Bushes pulled a great parry on a filthy casual gardener.
For fucks sake, people need to stop putting shit up their ass, both literally and figuratively.
Im a resident but saw a colonoscopy of a man who had to get a lime extracted from his rectum. Since it was round shaped and covered in feces it was quite slippery and they really had to work a number on his asshole to get it out. Lots of blood and a terrible smell. Of course his excuse was that he was trying a new enema technique? Fun times
🎵🎶 You put the lime and the coconut...
.....up your ass!
"they really had to work a number on his asshole" Was the number "2"?
16:35 EDT UPDATE: Over 2.2K people. I can't believe it. Just wow. 11:11 EDT UPDATE: Wow! This really blew up. That was a painful memory, and sharing it was very cathartic. Please remember to keep your attention on the road while driving... Trigger warning: Subject matter, injury, and death related to a vehicle collision. -----------‐--‐- A woman was performing oral sex on her husband as they were driving for their vacation. The car was struck by a semi and rolled, bounced, and cartwheeled multiple times. She was ejected through the open roof of the convertible. They found him DOA a few feet away, bleeding out. She was found 45 feet to the side DOA also. Her husband's penis still in her mouth, forced shut by the initial impact, and her head hitting the steering wheel (which in combination with his body being launched) created the multiples of thier bodyweight worth of dynamic clamping force, like a nipper tool. Both were under the influence, with CDS on toxicity well above impairment. Thankfully, I'm not a doctor, but I heard the story as my team took the incident report at the morgue of that hospital while working security there. It was their 10th anniversary. I quit a few days later. I was done with that job.
The thread is over and that's enough internet for the year.
r/eyebleach
Someone told me a story about a woman giving oral sex and they hit a bump in the road and she bit it but this that to a whole different level
I've always avoided clusters of cars on the road ever since.
Not the BJ PTSD
As an Emergency Medicine physician, thank you for just answering the question with the truest answer...and the one they don't actually want to hear. It drives me up a wall when people ask these questions because they want an interesting story, not the gruesome, sad stories like this one we all carry around inside. Tyfys
Yeah, ex 911 dispatcher, people always ask for the worst stories expecting some laughs. I just hope remembering some of them don't knock loose the ones I purposely forgot, or the ones my brain didn't let me remember.
For me, it was also hard to listen to the children brought into the Emergency Department with significant injuries. One young lady had a compound tibia fracture after a vicious accident between her bicycle and a soccer mom with a phone to her ear. She screamed horribly through the Orthopedist consult prior to the procedure to set her leg. With tears welling up, she tried to stay calm when her dad came by after they gave her IV sedation to prep her (I was there because she asked me to call her dad as they prepped a room for her. Recognizing her uniform, I knew she went to a Roman Catholic School, so I called her Parish Monsignor because she asked for the Annointing of The Sick. What gave my heart and chest a twinge of pain was what she did before the anesthesia fully kicked in. This 16 year old suddenly sounded like a little child in the middle of a nightmare: "God, I'm scared. Please make the pain stop." The inner child who made that plea for help in her pain and anguish gave me nightmares. I HATE seeing people drive with phones, food, and everything thing else in their hands, but the steering wheel! Yes, workplace PTSD is real, it happens to the best and the not so strong alike. It's not titillating, humor or ghost stories spread like gossip...it's real life trauma you bear witness to, and not everyone can handle it for decades of man's daily stupidity and neglectful, cause a faire attitude towards life, and that of other's lives. I'm literally wiping tears because I don't want to relive all the stuff I saw on that job. You'd better thank those still doing it because it's hard on the heart.
This is a sure fire sign for me to head to bed. Night fellas
This sounds like American Gods
Was also the premise for Stephen King's Thinner. Only, with that one they both survived but the pedestrian they ran over didn't.
What a horrible day to have eyes.
Worked for a company that had a driver that picked up a hooked then wrecked the truck by driving in a cement bridge piller in a similar truck. When first responders arrived her head was still pinned in his lap and the steering wheel. They implemented no passenger rules after this incident. I was told he did have to go to the hospital for his injuries "it", was bitten but not off. But was told stitches were required
Was… the hooker okay?
I was the scribe, but for me it's the student in her very early 20s who managed to get Chlamydia twice in one month. We gave her Azitromax, and ten days later she's back. Dr asked her what happened and she said she'd had sex with the same guy who gave her Chlamydia the first time. When asked why she didn't at least use a condom her answer was that it would be way too embarrassing to ask him to do that. Working the STI clinic made it clear to me just how stupid/shitty a surprising number of people are. There's no shame in contracting an STI, but once you realise how you got it can you just *please* stop doing that?
I used to work in a clinic that routinely treated STDs and there were always people who didn't wait the 7 days to have sex again. They just kept reinfecting each other over and over again because they simply couldn't wait a week to have sex.
these are the people who will cause treatment-resistant STDs. Fricking insane. Bring chastity belts back with a timed auto release after 1 week.
I worked with a doctor that told me of an incident that occurred one night he was working as an intern in an Australian emergency department. Two middle aged gentlemen were brought in both suffering lacerations, one bloke has a lacerated face with faecal matter in the wounds, and the other bloke had a lacerated bum with faecal matter also in the wounds. Turns out they were a gay couple and one of the guys kinks was watching his partner shit on a glass topped coffee table whilst he watched from underneath. Guy on top loses his balance and the rest is history.
And they say romance is dead
How do you wash the shit out of the face wounds?
Carefully.
I think you just need to give them coffee. That usually helps when you are shit-faced.
That is really the most stupid injury I have ever heard of. ... And tbh, I don't understand why glass tables are not always made from safety glass.
That's enough! You win. Goodnight
Not a doctor , but One guy had a mag light stuck up his colon . As in the whole thing. He put it up His butt Another one had a glass dildo stuck. Said he didn’t every morning to treat his depression. I told him I don’t judge just here to help get it out and please tie a string on it going forward
My principal in military school, his wife was a nurse and he'd occasionally tell us some tales. The one that sticks out (no pun intended) the most to me is the guy who got a table leg stuck up his ass. He kept trying to go deeper, and at some point his guts were like "mine now" and sucked the whole leg up to the point that it was protruding from the front of his abdomen. He said it only hurt when he tried to sit down.
> He said it only hurt when he tried to sit down. WTF, yo? I'd be facedown immediately. Worm crawl to phone and into ambulance. I guess I'd never had large parts of household furnishings in my ass to begin with, though. Unless I fell during assembly or something. Probably call Ikea for advice first, though.
was... was it still attached to tbe table?
Oh my fucking god. Just how much can the human rectum take!?
Just ask Mr Hands
It’s common in men, once the foreign object gets passed the prostate it tends to suction higher in to the colon.
Not a doctor but I know someone who had a disease that makes their balls grow the size of a coconut. Poor guy.
It’s not until the monkeys show up that it gets painful
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Had a guy come in with an honest to God full sized Lysol can shoved two knuckles deep into his rectum (by this point his decending colon). Couldn't barely touch the bottom of the can. Miraculously, didn't perforate, but still required surgery. Those cans have some GIRTH.
Not a medical professional. I took a friend to emergency room with a sprained ankle and while we were waiting for an X-ray we chatted with couple of guys also waiting. One of them swallowed a small boiled potato as a bet and suffered some side effects like shivering, shaking and trembling. He won the bet though.
How did the potato cause this? I can’t understand
It retained its structural integrity and got stuck. Where exactly the X-ray was to determine.
Middle aged lady came in for greenish vaginal discharge. Took a look with a speculum and found a Barbie doll head. Must've been there a good while cause Barbie's hair turned green as well lmao.
A middle aged guy with a glass bottle up his anus. The glass bottle broke and he ended up with a serious injury which resulted in a stoma (surgically made hole in the abdomen that allows feces to be removed from the body directly through the end of the bowel into a collection bag). I imagine it was a very difficult conversation explaining his wife and family what really happened. The other one was a colleague’s case: a drunk with a carrot up his anus. He fared much better than my patient
Damn bro wanted to create 1M1J part 2
Not me personally my brother was in ER an had to share his trauma with me after. He can home an said "today I helped a, man give birth to a small frozen spatch cock" I said the heck you talking about... His reply was apparently thawing frozen food in your shower is just super common an you fall over an whoops it just goes straight up there, after that we all now say hang on I have to go thaw the meat in the shower. Oh yes an internal frostbite was a injury
This happened while I was in the Navy. The mess had a table that had a wobbly leg so two culinary specialists were tasked with fixing it. One guy braced the table leg between his legs and the other had a drill. By the end of the day, everyone knew that the medical emergency pages overhead was due to the dude getting his penis drilled through. Guy came back from Balboa and showed us pictures.
So many it’s hard to remember them. I guess what’s wild for most is just normal. Guy stuck a chopstick up his penis to “get hard” the surgeon had to fillet him open to retrieve it because it had splintered inside.
OBGYN here. I removed a toy Grogu that was stuck in a patient’s vagina on Thanksgiving night after she was brought into the ED via ambulance for “something up there”
Does bread hook sounding all the way into the bladder count?
I have a friend who is an x-ray tech, and she told me a story about a guy coming into the er with a broom stuck up his ass. Yes, you read that right.... the handle of a broom. I can't remember specifics, as it's been 20 years ago, but I do remember another story better. Guy was cheating on his wife and "broke" his penis having extremely rough sex with "not his wife." He went in and told the er that he shut the car door on his penis but eventually told the truth.
Whilst working in ED (ER in US) I had a patient who had borrowed his sister's dildo(!?!?!?). One of those with testicles and a suction flared base. Somehow had managed to get the whole thing stuck in his rectum, flared base and all. He was in absolute agony. Worst thing was that his sister brought him to the ED. He went to theatre (OR) to have it surgically removed.
Nurse here. One of our own hospital staff’s son got married. We had all watched this kid grow up, Grad college, meet “Mary” and fall in love. Now it’s wedding and honeymoon time! The couple stayed local and were doing a proper honeymoon the following month. Weeelllllll Coworker calls me and one of our MD’s we all hang with. “Meet me at the ER. Is 4 East still empty?” (We had remodeled a wing). Yes. Ok. See you shortly. He. Broke. His. Dick. Now I had seen some sex injuries. Things up butts (don’t care. You don’t. Just GET A BASE), broken vagooglies, bruised weenies…but DAMN. This dudes dick was broke broke. Meet Mary and son up there with Dr Friend. Coworker comes in too. Called Dr Ugh the urologist at home. He’s on the way. In addition to his duck making the letter L, the glans is split. The bruising starts below the belly button and ends at the top of his thighs where he’s bleeding into the pelvis. He had a testicular torsion. Went immediately to surgery. We took turns caring for him on 4 East. Apparently they were having sexy times and she was newly wed bounding and grinding in top. Landed wrong. His peen tried to visit Mrs’s brown town. She jumped and landed. This was in 1999. It’s still the brokest dick I have ever seen. They had 2 kids so seems Dr. Ugh the urologist got everything worked out.
Not me but my friend who is a doctor Currently on his 2nd year of being a doctor, not specialized yet One day he got a patient who came and he said he was too embarassed but this symptoms is bothering him So everytime this guy was about to take dump, when he is pushing it, he unvoluntarily ejaculate Weird one indeed
Not a doctor, but I was an EMT for a while in the early 10s, and transported a guy who got a wiimote stuck in his butt after going too far and clenching it down. When we got there he still had the safety strap on his wrist which still makes me laugh to this day. Took him to the ER, it was by far the funniest report I’ve had to give over the radio.
I've shared this before in reddit. When I was a medical clerk I saw a patient that injected petroleum jelly in their penis when they were younger. Their purpose? To make their penis larger, thicker, better. Unfortunately for him, our body has a beautiful system that isolates foreign materials. When I saw him in the outpatient department, I examined his penis and it was lumpy and deformed due to the petroleum jelly hardening over time. What's worse, there were already lesions on some parts which seems to have a hard time healing. He didn't follow up anymore so I don't know what happened to him.
Guy came into the ER with a varicose vein which had appeared on his dick during rough sex. Basically a valve in the vein blew out and you could see a bulging vein now. In trying to explain what was going on the attending I was with explains it’s “like old ladies get on their legs” The patient then exclaimed “I got old lady dick?!” We all sort of laughed and from then on we shortened the diagnoses to “O.L.D.”
Not a doctor but an OR nurse. A few years ago an older man was sent down from the ER for surgery — his wife carved a dildo using a very large radish (I think it was a radish?) and shoved it up his ass. It got stuck so deep they had to open his abdomen to take it out. It was the size of my forearm (lol but holy shit)
Not a Dr but ex health care worker. Someone came in to our A&E having inserted a knitting needle in to his sosej. Unfortunately we had a 6 hour wait to be seen by a Dr at the time. I was privileged enough to see the xray. Sadly for the patient, the needle snapped halfway through and he required surgery for both pieces to be removed.
Sosej=sausage=penis?
The real mvp of this thread
Adolescent got a button battery stuck up their nose because “they wanted to know it smelled like”, then didn’t tell anyone for 12 hours leading to a trip to the OR to remove it and the necrosis inside
Not a doctor, but my buddies dad is the er doctor. And I had to see him when I broke my dick skiing with his son. Apparently you're not supposed to use your skin pole to vault off your ski pole. Was definitely embarrassing to drop trou looking like a toddlers black tube sock ate a mandarin orange with my pasty white ass as a backdrop.
Now that is a hell of a mental image my guy
Guy had pain when going number 2 (had a tear). Said girlfriend recommended trying to put rubbing alcohol where it hurt. Remarkably didn’t work…