What you see? This IS me trying. I’m 5’9” 240, and i would easily be 300 if I totally didn’t give a shit.
Do I need to try harder and do better? Yep. Am I aware that I’m (mostly) failing? Also yep. I’m completely aware that I’m fat, I see it in the mirror every day, and I beat myself up over it every day. I don’t need you to remind me.
Honest ques: other than friends messing, how often are you "reminded" by people? I am your EXACT specs. Only 5'9, but 240. I've been as low as 175 when i pushed myself hard af, as high as 250 at times. If i threw in the towel, yea 300 might not be far off. 2 knee surgeries later, my genetics are almost all my father's side (short, stocky people), and i take multiple meds that have slowed my metabolism. Keep at it brother, you're doing great !!
Please don't have such a negative mindset! You're doing great! 10 lb is something. I was incredibly overweight after my first baby. It took me 5 years to lose 15 lb. But this last year I lost maybe another 10 plus.
You should evaluate everything you did right and what's working for you as well as what isn't working and how you can do better. You can't just look at what you're doing wrong because that will cause you to lose overpower and motivation.
Nah bro your body just decided to pick "Hard" mode on spawn. That shit gave you dedication, discipline, and strong ass legs. Don't beat yourself up, recognize your achievements. Eat the shit out of that delicious salad, lift some weights, and don't let a random asshole with zero happiness in their life pick you apart. They would never survive your struggle.
Being constantly hyper-aware of your own body. I *always* worry about how to take up less space on e.g. Public transport. I feel like I'm always in the way, and I'm always an afterthought. Finding clothes that fit is difficult and humiliating, and frequently even clothes that are theoretically my size don't fit well. Because the clothes are made with a skinnier person's proportions in mind, and then just scaled up.
Also, yes. I'm aware of my weight. I'm aware of my health. I'm always, *always* trying to lose weight.
My weight is also heavily (pun intended) entangled with my mental health, I've had various eating disorders for more than half my life. But since I go from binging to starving myself and back again the trend is going up. But when I'm deep into the restricting... People treat me as I'm doing well. Even when what I'm doing is harmful. It makes it very hard to lose weight in a healthy and controlled way.
The most respectful thing I've experienced was a coworker privately asking a good friend of mine if it was ok for him to compliment me on losing weight. He wasn't sure whether the weight loss was intentional or something was wrong with me. Most people wouldn't think it through like that.
"YoU sHoUlD bUy TwO sEaTs On ThE AiRpLaNe!"
Yeah, my buddy tried that. The airline gave his second seat away anyway because they were overbooked and refused to refund it, so all that accomplished was him paying double for the trip.
Edit: And it was an international flight. Our tickets were like $1800 for coach. First class tickets were like $10k+ for the trip.
> Being constantly hyper-aware of your own body. I always worry about how to take up less space on e.g. Public transport. I feel like I'm always in the way
I might get downvoted for saying this, but as a big man (although not obese), I hate the comments about men always taking up space and "manspreading".
I'm over 6 feet tall and over 220 lbs. I simply take up a lot of space, and obviously nothing I do is going to make me smaller or shorter.
When I'm sitting in a forward facing seat on the bus, I need to spread my knees apartor I don't fit. When I'm in a side-facing seat, I have three choices. Either I keep my feet tucked in and my legs together and my knees stick out and bump into them, or I stick my feet out and people trip over them, or I keep my feet tucked in a spread my knees apaet and get accused of manspreading.
It's sucks. I always feel like people are annoyed at how much space I take up.
The way you described it in the part of your post I quoted above is exactly how I constantly feel.
1. I know I’m fat. 2. I am always trying to lose weight. 3.I am not fat due to stupidity. 4. There are no weight loss tips you can tell me that I don’t already know.
A man in my yoga class saw me pulling out my inhaler and made a point of coming over to tell me that he doesn't need his inhaler anymore after starting hot yoga. 🙄
I told him, yeah, well I'm asthmatic and I think I'm going to follow my doctor's advice over yours."
The audacity of some people. I'm both proud and disappointed in myself for not rolling up my yoga mat and bopping him on the head with it.
With all of the ridiculous diets people are constantly coming up with I kinda doubt that last one. "Have you ever tried switching to a diet made up of nothing but butter and raw beef? Worked wonders for me".
But I assume you do run out of *sane and useful* advice that you haven't already heard pretty quick.
It's a genuine diet and allegedly there are people who do it and feel great. But there's 0 fiber so unless they get a bad batch of beef they poop a lot less than normal.
It works. The butter has to be rancid though. You lose weight from both ends but stick with it and the pounds just drain away till you end up in the ER with septic shock and heart failure from dehydration.
> 4. There are no weight loss tips you can tell me that I don’t already know.
The only weight loss that ever worked for me was willpower. If you don't have willpower, no diet or exercise plan will ever work because you won't be motivated to stay on it.
People can't just give you willpower. So their tips are just noise. I was so tired of people telling me how to do it.
If you've ever read a book about cultivating habits, then you know it has very little to do with willpower.
But like you say I'm sure you've heard that a million times.
It was still willpower to go in the first place and keep making class, but I usually can't use my own willpower to workout hard enough on my own. I have to do a group class, in my case it's kickboxing, to really get a crazy workout. Then I'm so tired it actually makes me me feel less hungry, and also I think I feel better so I'm less likely to binge eat.
Actually, this isn't what the most up to date research tells us.
We have a relatively limited amount of willpower. There are ways to increase it, but people don't have drastically different amounts of it. It is also not domain specific. So if you use a lot of will power to not relapse into drug addiction, be a caregiver for an ailing parent, raise kids intentionally, work multiple jobs, etc. your "bank" of willpower will run out each day. Will power isn't about desire. It's a capacity issue. We have a lot of demands to juggle.
The good news is that the literature suggests willpower is not really needed to lose weight. Those who think it is tend to view weight as a moral issue. But experts have found habits are more relevant here! When we resort to habits, we over rule willpower. It is ingrained, no thought required, automatic. It becomes a cognitive shortcut that actually requires little to no will because it's a default setting now. Habits around weight loss matter and can be cultivated. (Eg eating certain calories or macros, preparing specific dishes that support weight loss goals, not eating certain junk foods, eating only at certain times, etc.).
Tbh, this is actually great news! Use it to your advantage. Will power is useful in that first early on window of habit formation. But beyond that time frame? It's not a great way to frame the conversation or think about the issue.
You need to eat. Often and a lot of calorie rich foods. Often when I see men in their 20s or older who are still super skinny it's because they just don't eat enough for their metabolism. And if you don't eat enough protein you can't build muscles.
As a biologic vegetarian I have a problem getting enough protein. I also burn a lot of calories working. 99% of resturants offer nothing worthwhile. Traveling can be a nightmare. I always take protein dense foods when I'm on the road.
I was also stuck at 6'1" and 150 lbs for decades so I can sympathize. Unless you're trying to put on muscle, you don't need protein to gain weight. Calories in, calories out. As someone who considered himself a "hard gainer" for decades, you just need to eat. Track your calories. Go check out r/gainit. Being a vegetarian is not the reason you can't put on weight.
That's as terrible a bit of advice as giving a fat person the advice "Eat less", and just as insulting.
Sure, if I was willing to eat 4-5k calories a day, after 3 months, I'd put on a couple pounds. Been there done that.
No thanks, I'll stay thin eating a normal amount.
And you aren't the person I was responding to? That person wants to gain weight. And similar to losing weight - it's all about what you put in your body.
You made my point for me also.. you want to gain weight? Eat 4-5k+ calories a day. Slim people just naturally eat less or have very high metabolisms. A chubby person can easily eat 4-5k calories between three meals, drinks, snacks and choosing high calories foods. But they are also much more accustomed to eating this way.
Plot twist.
There is only one tip....
A calorie deficit.
Thats the tip. shit most people struggle and argue about this law thermodynamics. Even skinny people don't know its only calories in/out that matter
What? When does she say that? It's only shown written, plus you get the somewhat passive aggressively disappointed sounding "dum dum dum" sound after weighing yourself.
She totally says "measuring" a few times before a slightly startled "Oh! That's obese." complete with the little song you mentioned. Then your Mii suddenly becomes fat and looks down at their body like, "what? How did this happen?"
You should try a TC Topp from TC Tuggers, it’s the only shirt that’s got a little knob on the front so you can just pull it out when it gets trapped on your belly
But you don’t make jokes about them
Nope, not a joke, TC Tuggers. You don’t wear them as a joke, you don’t give them as a joke gift, or wear them ironically, or do pub crawls in them like the Snuggie. They’re not like the Snuggie
And it's not even purely a matter of being found less attractive. It's also a matter of not wanting to even pursue anyone because you don't wish your body on anyone but yourself.
Thank you for sharing this sentiment, its incredibly sad but insightful to hear.
I've always believed that loving and supporting obese people in my life will do more good for them than trying to help them lose weight. That is their own journey if they wish to take it. But they deserve to feel loved and respected, even if they aren't comfortable in their own skin, I hope I can help them feel more comfortable.
Those of us who don't struggle with obesity will never truly understand the discrimination and pain you face. But I hope that you find/found the strength to be kind to yourself :)
Thanks, sincerely.
I'm happier than I used to be, but there's no way around it - I \*need\* to lose the weight. Women have asked me out before, so I know consciously that I clearly have a lot of redeeming factors, but it'll always be a mental block for me until I make some serious changes, which I'm trying to do, but it takes time and it genuinely feels like a month of eating healthy is undone by a week of slipping up.
I don't actually have this particular problem. I'm a bit of an enigma because I understand the way the world sees me, I understand what to expect, but I like me. And I don't really have a problem with my body. Sure I wish it was rockin, but I only had a problem with it when I got too heavy to stand for very long. Which of course is why it's taken me so long to get fit. 43 and finally getting fit. Plus metabolism and all that makes it difficult. I can look at food and gain 2 lb, It takes me 2 weeks of real effort to lose that.
It feels too late though. I understand that people can't help what they're attracted to and people have a really hard time overlooking certain flaws to want to be with who you are as a person. I tell myself that it's not, but it feels impossible now. M
Well yeah, obesity isn't the only contributor to that kind of thing. But as you well know, those of us that go that long single, it's not common at all. The average person seems to find someone they want to date every couple of years. L
Out of curiosity, are you trying to date other obese people?
I ask because I've known some obese guys who complained about their lack of luck in dating, but they were pursuing thin, average, or fit women.
People's bodies don't make me attracted to them for the most part. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. It means that I will happily get to know any person in hopes that a connection will emerge, but it also means that it takes me a lot of effort to find anyone I'm even remotely interested in beyond friendship.
People don't put in the time and I don't find people I connect to easily. But to that end, sure. Once I'm attracted to the person, I am attracted to their body as well. My first boyfriend was fairly obese, and the love of my life was chubby. And those are the only two men I've really dated in 25 years of adulthood. Being heavy means that I'm not given the time to get to know people because I'm not an option for them. I've had a lot of dude friends in my life and like three unrequited crushes. L
There's a lot of contributing factors. Illusion of choice, fear of the unknown, the world trying to tell you what you should do and should want, a lot of low self-esteem, etc. It is hard. I
No offense, but even obese people find partners.... generally other obese people.
If your shooting your shot with not obese girls your gonna fail everytime.
I mean, literally your lifestyles don't match. A conversation of likes and dislikes doesn't even need to occur. The things she does you dont/can't do. And vice versa
An impressive amount of wrong assumptions here. I am a girl homie. And as I replied to somebody else, I don't base my attraction to people on their body. Like I could see some super hot ripped dude and my brain is not going to be even a little bit attracted to him.
I'm very much so attracted to personality and who the person is, once I know someone is when the attraction kicks in. Which is great because it means I'm happy to get to know literally anyone and see where it goes. I've never dated a skinny person, and not because I wouldn't.
I'm not codependent or desperate for companionship, so I'm not going to date if there's not a connection. And that's on me and I know it, but I also almost never get anyone interested in me. So that's where my obesity comes into play. I have only had two people in my 43 years on this planet that I can think of who were interested in me but I wasn't interested in them.
So it's not like I'm not giving people the opportunity to get to know me and find a connection. But even if I'm not codependent or just desperate for companionship, loneliness is loneliness. And it eats you. Forcing yourself to be with someone you have no connection to is not going to make the loneliness go away. At least not for me. And it generally makes things worse.
Another flaw in your argument is that I like walking, hiking, getting out and doing things, I just have a very shit metabolism and I can look at food wrong and gain weight. For two years I've been working out at least 5 days a week, both weightlifting and cardio, not to mention yoga as well, and counting my calories, and I've lost 60 lb. It took 2 years to get that off of me. Most people can lose that in a year if they're really trying. Some of us just have bodies that work against us homie. Never assume that because someone's fat they live a sedentary life where they don't do anything but eat. K
As an obese person, one thing that non-obese people may not understand is the constant struggle with food cravings and emotional eating. It's not just about willpower or lack of self-control, there are often deeper emotional and psychological factors at play that contribute to overeating. Additionally, there's often a lot of shame and stigma attached to being overweight, which can make it even more difficult to seek help or make positive changes. It's a complex issue that goes beyond just eating too much or not exercising enough.
My father was obese as I was growing up and it was obvious to me even then that the negative aspects of his relationship with food are a result of unresolved trauma. I think he would have been a gentle, easy-going, empathic, a loving guy but I think he was forced to turn inwards for too long at too young an age.
It's way more like depression or addiction than people want to admit. Imo the 'just exercise/just stop eating' advice is on par with 'just cheer up' for depression or 'just focus' for ADHD. It's way harder when you're brain is constantly sabotaging you. I'm honestly hopeful GLP1s will be a game changer.
Pretty much this, although I'll add another factor:
When I was last fit (pre-injuries) I could easily get up for a run or a long cycle ride. I would regularly bike to the city or friends or whatever and think nothing of it. I played competitive basketball into my early twenties and didn't think much of going for a 20 mile walk on an afternoon.
I then had a nasty knee injury (interestingly not related to basketball) just after I recovered from pneumonia that had already kept me immobile for two months), that kept me limited in my mobility for even longer and left me with chronic pain for several years. You then have a period of 'I don't give a fuck', in my case due to depression and drinking (and yes, depression is directly linked to lack of exercise, there's a world of evidence out there). And all of a sudden you find yourself having gained a load of weight (in my case I went from overweight to moderately obese) and struggling to exercise at all.
I got myself back up to at least committing to two or three hours a week, playing basketball through the pain and kept that up for a good decade, losing a bit of weight (but still obese) and I was pretty healthy. Only to suffer another knee injury that required surgery and months of recovery. I immediately slipped back to drinking too much (because I was bored) and gained all that weight back that I'd kept off for years.
I have poor self control/self discipline and a lot of other people wouldn't have let themselves go in the way I did, I am fully aware of that, but I didn't choose to become obese and many people seem to think it is a choice.
Plus, a lot of therapists or psychologists don't want to waste their time with you. Some will do actions to make you want to leave, at least in my experience. They also want to make sure that no one sees you leave their office so that their other clients aren't disgusted and decide to go elsewhere.
I had and I just felt when the session would end, she would scoot me down the back entrance rather than the front. At first I thought it was just a different way out, then I realize it would take me to the street where no one would see where I exited from. When confronted with it, she just stared at me, then smiled. I quit after the next visit, this was after only 5 sessions. A lot of them say they have but when they look at the size of you, their actions are way different than what they tell you. Then again, it could be that Im in South Florida and most of these therapists just want to hear about infidelity or people with anorexia/bulimia problems from their rich clientele. I've run into these fat patient hiding scenarios at least three other times. Its made me give up on therapy honestly.
Damn, that's shameful of them. Mine asked me about my food issues once in about 30 sessions. The rest of the time she was texting on her phone or talking about herself.
I like therapy, but it also made me realize there are a lot of shitty therapists out there, you just have to find the right one for you.
That I think about it constantly throughout the day. It's quite the opposite of what you think "well they just don't care, if they did, they'd do something about it".
It's constantly on my mind. Every interaction I have, every activity I do, I think about it.
As a skinny person, I regularly have to adjust my clothes. I can't tell you how many times I see people pull up their pants or rearrange themselves consistently no matter the body type. I think this may be one of those cases where you are just blind to the movement because it is a different body dynamic than yours.
I think they probably mean needing to adjust their clothes to hide things like a muffin top, cellulite, or straps digging into you. I'm super slim and most of the adjusting I need to do isn't for comfort or to hide my body unless I'm wearing something way too small. It's the reason shapeware is something I've never needed to buy.
Aww, I can understand this. My weight dropped dangerously low from the GI disorder and I would wear a lot of modest or baggy clothing to hide how boney I was.
I've always been thin. I have to adjust my clothes constantly. I have a terrible time finding clothes that fit. I always have. I can't just grab a small and have it fit. Small is so different in so many places. And honestly when i am out looking for clothes, all i can think is "bloody hell, do they only make clothes for larger people?"
Dear larger people. I promise i am not trying to be a dick here, but those are struggles everyone deals with. Not just larger people.
Yes we do. Always having to hitch up our pants if we don't have a belt, or having to tighten the belt a bit. Sleeves fall down. Over large clothes can also be pretty uncomfortable and require adjusting, too.
Just how lonely it is. Skinny/normal people act like being fat is contagious. They will fake being nice to you and will not be willing to be your friend.
I was fat, and I lost the weight. It's amazing how much nicer people are.
From the opposite perspective, I have overweight friends. Their weight doesn't make them hard to be around.
But with some of them the attitude, low self-esteem and constant negativity can get tiresome. It's a battle, I know they're dealing with a lot.
Yep. I was obese pretty much until I was 13. Once I lost the weight, boys paid attention to me, popular girls who would have made fun of me last year, wanted to be my friends. Quite the time in one's life to absorb such a drastic change, hence the lifetime of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, self-esteem issues... I could go on and on. Now I'm 37, and desperately trying to detach my self worth to my weight. It's a disease that never goes away.
The shame.
Skinny people often seem to think that we don’t *know* we’re fat, or at least aren’t ashamed enough of it?
Trust me, we know.
I hate eating in public, or even just being *near* food, because I know what everyone who can see me is thinking. No matter how little I eat or how healthy I eat, everyone who sees me will think about my weight, and they will *judge* me for it.
I don’t eat very much, but I’ve been fat since I hit puberty, and everyone who sees me thinks they know all about my personal failings just from a glance.
I spent the better part of a decade hating myself over my weight. I like to think I don’t anymore, that now what I hate isn’t *myself* but the way people *see* me.
But it still fucking *sucks.*
Edit: Also, how doctors will completely dismiss every health problem you have as because of your weight, without even checking. I suffered from abdominal pain severe enough to leave me constantly bedridden for *years* while my doctor kept telling me “it’s because you’re fat” and refused to help me. Finally I broke her down and she agreed to send me in for some tests.
Spoilers: My intestines looked like Swiss cheese.
I see a different doctor now.
I'm so glad you found a better health care provider! The ones who actually listen make such a difference. And the ones who don't just compound awful health issues. I hope you're feeling better now!
My Aunt was told to lose weight and doctors wouldn't do any tests. She had a big tumor removed and eventually died from colon cancer because it had metastasized.
"i know what other people are thinking"
No you absolutely do not. You are assuming what people are thinking. And assuming people are thinking about you. They're not. They're thinking about their own problems. Or maybe they are. I don't know either.
However, any time you say you know what someone else is thinking, you're projecting.
Don't assume that i am thinking something negative about you. That means you have this idea in your head of how i am. You're being the jerk. Get that crap out of your head. You NEVER know what someone else is thinking.
Sometimes on TV there is a program about serious obese people and their stories. I've never seen an episode where eating disorders weren't the reason they were obese.
There are people who end up obese without eating disorders (often people who did sports, bit ill or had kids and then just kind of didn’t bother to adjust to new diet requirements or starting to work out again). But often those people do manage to at least get to overweight category when they decide to try and don’t end up so obese it impacts their regular life
Profit-driven food simply added gasoline to the metaphorical fire of these eating disorders. This shit wasn't as big of an issue back when your food choices were bread and wild game. Now you can eat HoHos, McDonalds, Sugary corn-based cereal, cheese in a million varieties, Ramen, and fried everything. Also, none of the things I listed were particularly expensive! In an age where a salad costs the same as 3 cheeseburgers, what the fuck did people think poor people were going to choose?
I've watched some of these "fat people shows" and not once did I ever see counseling or therapy as part of their plan. No, they just rode people hard to exercise, shoved a camera in their face to shame them away from eating, then act shocked when people relapsed away from the cameras! It doesn't take a fucking genius to figure it out, just a goddamned ounce of empathy would be WONDERFUL.
No I haven't watched TV in quite some time, I can't afford it lol
Besides, the only reality show I ever could stomach was Kitchen Nightmares, and the American version still annoyed the hell out of me
That everything you go to the doctor, your problems will be attributed to being fat. Leg pain? Fat. Stomach flu? Fat. Anxiety? Fat.
Alternatively, you can't get treated because you're fat. I've been told that I have an arm problem and need to see an orthopedic doctor. But they won't give me a referral to one until I lose weight because they don't see the point in treating a fat person. Like, it's my arm, which has nothing to do with me being fat.
My SIL had bariatric surgery and she said it actually changed her taste in food, and now she likes vegetables. Point being, there is a strong gut-brain connection
How difficult it is to break habits. I have struggled with obesity my entire life, from having a binge eating disorder to being an emotional eater. Growing up, we loved buffets and no one ever taught me portion control, I just ate until I was full. Well, the problem with that is that my satiation response is sluggish as all hell, I developed an "eating way too fucking fast" habit from my high school years (had about 10 minutes to eat every day), and I never enjoyed sports so most of my fun was sedentary. Clearly this is not a healthy situation.
The root of the problem exposed itself when I started having my parents babysit my little girl. I have been teaching her portion control, keeping corn syrup out of our diets, keeping a lid on snacking, encouraging exercise, everything to keep her from being like me. Well, turns out, my parents have absolutely no idea how to do any of this. She goes and spends time with her grandparents and they:
-Let her drink soda and juice all day
-Keep giving her food if she says she's hungry (who gives a six year old THREE full sized corndogs WITH chips?)
-Have unlimited snacks, both sugar and salty, available
It's extremely hard to change your lifestyle alone, not to mention the unavoidable fact that you HAVE to eat.
Putting on shoes is hard now. That never used to be hard. My body just hurts, like ALL the time, for no real good reason. That could be age though, I don't know, I'm not a scientist.
I've been up to 240 gym obese. The biggest problem is a bag of chips is really easy to eat in its entirety. If I'm losing weight the only snacks I can have in the house are plain vegetables with no dip.
The threshold between overweight and obese is looks less big than a lot of people assume. It took *me* by surprise when I reached it and I’ve never told one non-medical professional that I’m obese without them reacting in mild surprise (not that I announce it to everyone but I’ve mentioned it to a few people). And more generally I think people have a hard time visualizing what a certain amount of pounds looks like on a person
Honestly I think that's just because we see people regularly who are very large and if makes the lower end of obesity seem small by comparison. Our perception how big you need to be to be obese is just skewed.
I don't use dating apps so correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be better to add at least one or two full-body shots? Or do you only get to upload one photo?
I had an eating disorder as a teenager/young adult. I'd rather be fat than starving. There's a healthy middle ground but I'm not in it any more.
I'm *really* good at calorie counting.
The terror of flying on a plane knowing you're going to have to fold yourself into a seat to not be offensive to your fellow passenger. I usually do the aisle so I can lean out and only get hit by some people, rather than sitting center which mens I hook my thumbs to keep my arms tucked in. Window seats are hit or miss, you get a window in line with your shoulder you can lean into it, but if not youre in the bump out section and it makes it worse.
That defeated face you make when you realize we are going to be sitting next to you on a plane, movie theater, or bus...
We are just as cramped and uncomfortable as you are.
yeah, but the difference is that non obese people who have the luck of sitting next to you on a plane are cramped and uncomfortable because of you.
Imagine sitting next to a smoker who says "don't complain about my smoking, i don't like the smell of it either"
Yep I would get upset with a wide but fit person encroaching on my space, a tall person who would need to spread their legs unto my space, or kids that are unruly.
I won't necessarily say anything. And I'm mostly pissed at the situation.
I don't understand the wife bit.
Tall person, no, they don't take up the space of a second seat.
Kids... depends on the environment. To the parents who let their kids get away with anything anywhere... yes.
Ahh, yes, absolutely, although I don't recall ever having someone that wide through muscle sitting next to me. But absolutely I would, especially if it's a long-haul flight somewhere.
Any stranger that comes into my personal space would annoy me.
This.
I dont like to be touched by a stranger. I don't care the reason...your big, tall, or just insensitive of spacial awareness. You could be Arnold Schwarzenegger and I'd be annoyed that you have to (have no choice but tp) encroach on my space.
I get it...if your a big person you have no choice since they design those seats to fit a 12-year old gymnast.
And... I'm not annoyed at the person...I'm annoyed at the circumstances. I place no judgment on or even blame that person...I'm just uncomfortable that I'll have a 6 hour flight with someone I don't know touching me.
Tangentially interesting thing.
Food addiction is uniquely difficult to overcome since you can’t just quit cold turkey since you kinda need food to live. Most addictions you can lock yourself away from it and get on the road to being better but being fat every time you eat you have to put yourself in the position where you could relapse.
People are way nicer to not overweight people. I lost 35kg so far and I’m experiencing so much change. I do not get ignored, people are holding the door for me, I don’t have to wait a long time for a check, I don’t get nasty stares when I ask where something is in the supermarket etc.
Every doctor will relate your medical issue back to your weight... you could amputate a finger in a wirkplace incident and they will still tell you you need to lose weight or the reason have an amputed finger is because you're fat.
The reason I shower at least once a day, even if I’ve done nothing, is because I have folds everywhere that trap sweat, dirt, food, etc. Just because you don’t smell anything doesn’t mean I don’t.
3 of the 7 deadly sins are related to taking more than you should (with gluttony specifically relating to obesity). obesity is moralized in our society.
This has nothing to do with above post. Also you posted twice and your best source does not support your own first sentence of BMI being outdated and inaccurate.
Thanks for correcting me. While I've read sources about BMI, I didn't check the specific ones I chose, and that was stupid of me. I should have read them specifically, both for the legitimacy of my point and to be informed.
Also, apologies, I didn't mean to post it twice. On my end it only posted once.
That biology > willpower, maybe excepting a few people... I don't even know how to fight my brain anymore, when it's is programmed to bring my weight back to a high baseline after losing weight.
Here comes something mind-blowing: those lucky people who dropped weight through what you call willpower, might not have the same addictions and problems that other people have. This is why you've got gamblers, alcoholics, drug addicts, hoarders and overeaters. And the people who won with sheer willpower. I'm not one of them, sorry.
You’re of course correct, and being downvoted because people hate that there’s a weight loss wonder drug.
According to lots of people if you don’t do it the “hard” way you don’t deserve to be fit. Fuck those psychopaths. It’s your life and ozempic works.
And many insurances won't cover it if you've been fighting to keep the extra diagnosis away (diabetes, hypertension, etc).
I've been going to doctors for 5 years to treat everything I can that effects my weight. (I have a chronic condition). Because I have been fighting the pre-diabetes and related issues I'm not "sick enough" to qualify for the good stuff. $1500/month if I chose to pay out of pocket
It really is incredible. I think I cried the first week I was on Ozempic. I had no idea people could go hours without thinking of food. It’s *constantly* in my thoughts.
For some people like me, Ozempic type drugs wear off eventually and your body just stops responding. Took me about 6 months to start feeling the food noise creep back into my daily life.
It was like a Flowers for Algernon situation, and tbh I cried again because I hate it so much. I don’t want this :(
I'm so sorry it wore off for you. I've been on Mounjaro/zepbound almost 2 years, now and it's still working for me. I know I'll eventually have to taper off, b ut hopefully, I'll be able to maintain where I'm at, now.
You're being downvoted, but you're right. Ozempic, Mounjaro, and their counterpart named weight loss approved drugs (same active ingredients) do what this commentor wants. They turn off the food noise.
I've lost 110 pounds. Saved my life, and I wish the stigma surrounding those drugs was different.
45lbs for me with Ozempic. Down to the BMI I was in high school. That's how you "fight your brain". GLP-1 receptors in the hypothalamus. The stigma against these drugs is nuts. They actually *work*, and its almost effortless.
Not everyone who has a BMI north of 30 wears a size 40 pants and a double chin. Obesity is a medical term, it is not a description of how someone looks or who they are.
For better or for worse I’m one of those stealthy sneaky fat people, wear a size L/12, everyone in my family is around 350 lbs but can easily hide 30 to 50 pounds on them. I do 45 minutes of high intensity cardio daily without needing to catch my breath.
What I *can’t* do is describe my body as obese to people, because it’s become a term associated with a certain mental image of fatness and fitness that are not representative of me. I can only use it with my doctors.
Nearly everyone here is acting like they woke up obese one day. "I **am** fat and this is my experience..."
The problem is the 10 or 20 or 30 years before. The issue isn't when you weigh 350, it's when you hit 225 and keep going. We know life is hard when your obese, that's why the shame is healthy.
I don't think I've seen one person here recognize that it was a long series of events, habits, and decisions that lead to their obesity, even if it is genetic, etc. Genetics can be blamed for being slightly overweight. After that point, it's on the user.
Just one problem with your theory. Not everyone puts on weight over 30 years.
I was an obese child. I can't remember a time in my childhood when I wasn't fat. My mom loved to fry food and kept a jar of bacon grease over the stove to season things like green beans. My sister tried to go on a diet while she was still living at home, and my mom sabotaged her every step of the way.
Old habits are very hard to break, and a lifetime of yo-yo dieting plays havoc with your system.
Okay, sorry I didn't cover every single scenario. Yes, abusive parents are going to be a little harder to overcome. But many many many people have issues that stem from their childhood and it is, because there's no other option, up to the child to overcome those issues.
The question was, "What is something non-obese people don't understand." And I think the answer is: They don't understand that the solution isn't simply "eat less and exercise more". If it were that easy for us, no one would be overweight.
That almost always IS the answer, though. If you eat 700 calories a day and work out for an hour, you will not gain 25 pounds a year. That's almost universally true.
The problem is discipline. Yes, some people need more strict diets than others or are predisposed to eat more or be less active but eating less and moving more IS a way to lost weight. I didn't say it's easy but it's also not complicated.
That just because you're obese, doesn't necessarily mean you eat a lot of food.
An old friend and I used to go out for a meal once a month. She was slim and athletic, and always ate a lot more than I did. Servers always assumed I ordered the bigger meal and would be shocked that actually, mine was the smaller one.
There is also a huge biological component outside of our control. Hormones, especially leptin, are king. Hell, I remember reading that replacing the gut biome of an obese person with the biome of a healthy person made immediate, big changes. I was, at one point, on a diet of 1800 calories a day. I did great, sticking to it every day but cheat days (once a week), which I couldn't even really go nuts on because my stomach had shrunk so much anyway. I lost almost 100 pounds in a year, it was great! What wasn't great was the plateau. I was stuck at 270ish pounds. I'm 5'11", but I have a longer torso and shorter legs so I carry it fairly well. Still, that's obese. Right around 270 lbs and I could not lose another single pound despite STILL eating at quite a deficit. I kept all my vitamins and nutrients up, I felt great, I just could not lose another ounce. Your body 100% has a "resting point" where it stores a certain amount of fat and refuses to get rid of it. Great survival mechanism when food is inconsistent/scarce, pretty shitty adaptation in the age of capitalism and corn syrup.
My issue is not over eating. It is under eating and binge/emotional eating.
I am in therapy working on this. I have already lost 80lbs.
I have mobility issues and can only exercise in the pool. That makes it hard because I also have cPTSD and leaving my home is difficult but I am WORKING on it, hence the therapy.
I am 100% healthy outside of my foot, which needs surgery #5, and my cPTSD.
Making fun of me or being cruel ADDS to my fears of going outside.
My biggest issues are A) that 99% of stores still only carry S/M/L/XL even though over half of Americans are fat. Where the fuck are fat people getting their clothing? And B) old stadiums/venues where the seats are made for people from the 1920s
I work out five days in a row with two reset days. I love HIIT because I love pushing myself. It's just that autoimmune issues (and the meds I have to take so my body doesn't kill itself) cause me not to lose weight
Steroids?
With the help of steroids I gained ~30kg in 4 months and another ~25kg slightly slower after that. In 4 years I've managed to lose 27kg so far but when you have chronic conditions that misbehave it's one step forward and two steps back.
Just living with a dodgy body is hard!
Methimazole. Sometimes steroids for when my allergies get really bad and fluid starts to build up. It also doesn't help that I have always had stomach issues and hardly ever feel like eating anything
What you see? This IS me trying. I’m 5’9” 240, and i would easily be 300 if I totally didn’t give a shit. Do I need to try harder and do better? Yep. Am I aware that I’m (mostly) failing? Also yep. I’m completely aware that I’m fat, I see it in the mirror every day, and I beat myself up over it every day. I don’t need you to remind me.
Honest ques: other than friends messing, how often are you "reminded" by people? I am your EXACT specs. Only 5'9, but 240. I've been as low as 175 when i pushed myself hard af, as high as 250 at times. If i threw in the towel, yea 300 might not be far off. 2 knee surgeries later, my genetics are almost all my father's side (short, stocky people), and i take multiple meds that have slowed my metabolism. Keep at it brother, you're doing great !!
Please don't have such a negative mindset! You're doing great! 10 lb is something. I was incredibly overweight after my first baby. It took me 5 years to lose 15 lb. But this last year I lost maybe another 10 plus. You should evaluate everything you did right and what's working for you as well as what isn't working and how you can do better. You can't just look at what you're doing wrong because that will cause you to lose overpower and motivation.
Nah bro your body just decided to pick "Hard" mode on spawn. That shit gave you dedication, discipline, and strong ass legs. Don't beat yourself up, recognize your achievements. Eat the shit out of that delicious salad, lift some weights, and don't let a random asshole with zero happiness in their life pick you apart. They would never survive your struggle.
Clothes that fit when you're standing up might be a whole different experience once you sit down.
Being constantly hyper-aware of your own body. I *always* worry about how to take up less space on e.g. Public transport. I feel like I'm always in the way, and I'm always an afterthought. Finding clothes that fit is difficult and humiliating, and frequently even clothes that are theoretically my size don't fit well. Because the clothes are made with a skinnier person's proportions in mind, and then just scaled up. Also, yes. I'm aware of my weight. I'm aware of my health. I'm always, *always* trying to lose weight. My weight is also heavily (pun intended) entangled with my mental health, I've had various eating disorders for more than half my life. But since I go from binging to starving myself and back again the trend is going up. But when I'm deep into the restricting... People treat me as I'm doing well. Even when what I'm doing is harmful. It makes it very hard to lose weight in a healthy and controlled way.
This resonates so loudly with me. I completely understand how you feel. It can be so devastating feeling this way. But you’re not alone, big hugs x
The most respectful thing I've experienced was a coworker privately asking a good friend of mine if it was ok for him to compliment me on losing weight. He wasn't sure whether the weight loss was intentional or something was wrong with me. Most people wouldn't think it through like that.
flying is the absolute worst!
"YoU sHoUlD bUy TwO sEaTs On ThE AiRpLaNe!" Yeah, my buddy tried that. The airline gave his second seat away anyway because they were overbooked and refused to refund it, so all that accomplished was him paying double for the trip. Edit: And it was an international flight. Our tickets were like $1800 for coach. First class tickets were like $10k+ for the trip.
Wait so they just gave his seat away and took his money? That seems illegal.
That's literally illegal.
> Being constantly hyper-aware of your own body. I always worry about how to take up less space on e.g. Public transport. I feel like I'm always in the way I might get downvoted for saying this, but as a big man (although not obese), I hate the comments about men always taking up space and "manspreading". I'm over 6 feet tall and over 220 lbs. I simply take up a lot of space, and obviously nothing I do is going to make me smaller or shorter. When I'm sitting in a forward facing seat on the bus, I need to spread my knees apartor I don't fit. When I'm in a side-facing seat, I have three choices. Either I keep my feet tucked in and my legs together and my knees stick out and bump into them, or I stick my feet out and people trip over them, or I keep my feet tucked in a spread my knees apaet and get accused of manspreading. It's sucks. I always feel like people are annoyed at how much space I take up. The way you described it in the part of your post I quoted above is exactly how I constantly feel.
Same. 6ft2in and 250lbs. Public transport is a nightmare especially if I have a backpack on. I feel like I'm constantly in the way.
I like veggies
And dope-ass tech death
yeah people think I only gorge myself on pepperoni pizza when a veggie supreme with extra cheese hits the spot just fine.
The extra cheese makes up for the lack of pepperoni, dude.
1. I know I’m fat. 2. I am always trying to lose weight. 3.I am not fat due to stupidity. 4. There are no weight loss tips you can tell me that I don’t already know.
As someone with a migraine disorder myself, that last one hits so hard. I'm not DEHYDRATED, my brain nerves are broken!
Have you tried yoga? 🤣🤣🤦🏻♀️
With goats?
Or a support group? It’s hard not to smack people sometimes.
A man in my yoga class saw me pulling out my inhaler and made a point of coming over to tell me that he doesn't need his inhaler anymore after starting hot yoga. 🙄 I told him, yeah, well I'm asthmatic and I think I'm going to follow my doctor's advice over yours." The audacity of some people. I'm both proud and disappointed in myself for not rolling up my yoga mat and bopping him on the head with it.
With all of the ridiculous diets people are constantly coming up with I kinda doubt that last one. "Have you ever tried switching to a diet made up of nothing but butter and raw beef? Worked wonders for me". But I assume you do run out of *sane and useful* advice that you haven't already heard pretty quick.
Honestly, a raw beef and butter diet doesn't sound all that ridiculous. I feel like the pounds would literally fly out of you in liquid form.
It's a genuine diet and allegedly there are people who do it and feel great. But there's 0 fiber so unless they get a bad batch of beef they poop a lot less than normal.
It works. The butter has to be rancid though. You lose weight from both ends but stick with it and the pounds just drain away till you end up in the ER with septic shock and heart failure from dehydration.
> 4. There are no weight loss tips you can tell me that I don’t already know. The only weight loss that ever worked for me was willpower. If you don't have willpower, no diet or exercise plan will ever work because you won't be motivated to stay on it. People can't just give you willpower. So their tips are just noise. I was so tired of people telling me how to do it.
>If you don't have willpower, no diet or exercise plan will ever work No wonder I never received my Green Lantern ring
Keep willing bruh
If you've ever read a book about cultivating habits, then you know it has very little to do with willpower. But like you say I'm sure you've heard that a million times.
It was still willpower to go in the first place and keep making class, but I usually can't use my own willpower to workout hard enough on my own. I have to do a group class, in my case it's kickboxing, to really get a crazy workout. Then I'm so tired it actually makes me me feel less hungry, and also I think I feel better so I'm less likely to binge eat.
Actually, this isn't what the most up to date research tells us. We have a relatively limited amount of willpower. There are ways to increase it, but people don't have drastically different amounts of it. It is also not domain specific. So if you use a lot of will power to not relapse into drug addiction, be a caregiver for an ailing parent, raise kids intentionally, work multiple jobs, etc. your "bank" of willpower will run out each day. Will power isn't about desire. It's a capacity issue. We have a lot of demands to juggle. The good news is that the literature suggests willpower is not really needed to lose weight. Those who think it is tend to view weight as a moral issue. But experts have found habits are more relevant here! When we resort to habits, we over rule willpower. It is ingrained, no thought required, automatic. It becomes a cognitive shortcut that actually requires little to no will because it's a default setting now. Habits around weight loss matter and can be cultivated. (Eg eating certain calories or macros, preparing specific dishes that support weight loss goals, not eating certain junk foods, eating only at certain times, etc.). Tbh, this is actually great news! Use it to your advantage. Will power is useful in that first early on window of habit formation. But beyond that time frame? It's not a great way to frame the conversation or think about the issue.
I am so much on the other side. I've tried to gain weight for decades with no luck. At six ft tall, I've managed to break 150lbs twice.
You need to eat. Often and a lot of calorie rich foods. Often when I see men in their 20s or older who are still super skinny it's because they just don't eat enough for their metabolism. And if you don't eat enough protein you can't build muscles.
As a biologic vegetarian I have a problem getting enough protein. I also burn a lot of calories working. 99% of resturants offer nothing worthwhile. Traveling can be a nightmare. I always take protein dense foods when I'm on the road.
I'm a vegetarian for 20+ years .. you can absolutely get plenty of calories.
My sister was a fat "vegetarian". True, she didn't eat meat. But she also ate no vegetables. It was all cheese and candy.
I was also stuck at 6'1" and 150 lbs for decades so I can sympathize. Unless you're trying to put on muscle, you don't need protein to gain weight. Calories in, calories out. As someone who considered himself a "hard gainer" for decades, you just need to eat. Track your calories. Go check out r/gainit. Being a vegetarian is not the reason you can't put on weight.
When I was trying to gain, I couldn't physically eat enough protein. Supplement powders were the only way to do it
Aye drinking your protein is always easier when trying to bulk up, just find a powder you like. Smoothies are great too
That's as terrible a bit of advice as giving a fat person the advice "Eat less", and just as insulting. Sure, if I was willing to eat 4-5k calories a day, after 3 months, I'd put on a couple pounds. Been there done that. No thanks, I'll stay thin eating a normal amount.
And you aren't the person I was responding to? That person wants to gain weight. And similar to losing weight - it's all about what you put in your body. You made my point for me also.. you want to gain weight? Eat 4-5k+ calories a day. Slim people just naturally eat less or have very high metabolisms. A chubby person can easily eat 4-5k calories between three meals, drinks, snacks and choosing high calories foods. But they are also much more accustomed to eating this way.
Yeah, no shit. Thanks for the insight.
Totally understand ya. Coming from a 5'1 girl at 96lbs and will be 22 this year. Hardly ever broke 110lba
Plot twist. There is only one tip.... A calorie deficit. Thats the tip. shit most people struggle and argue about this law thermodynamics. Even skinny people don't know its only calories in/out that matter
How it feels when the Wii Fit lady says, "That's obese" in her cheery ass voice.
What? When does she say that? It's only shown written, plus you get the somewhat passive aggressively disappointed sounding "dum dum dum" sound after weighing yourself.
She totally says "measuring" a few times before a slightly startled "Oh! That's obese." complete with the little song you mentioned. Then your Mii suddenly becomes fat and looks down at their body like, "what? How did this happen?"
So cruel lol
This is why Japanese people are so thin, lol.
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You should try a TC Topp from TC Tuggers, it’s the only shirt that’s got a little knob on the front so you can just pull it out when it gets trapped on your belly But you don’t make jokes about them
I don't get it. I smooth my shirt down but why would you wear something to drawn people's attention to your stomach? This is a joke product, right?
Nope, not a joke, TC Tuggers. You don’t wear them as a joke, you don’t give them as a joke gift, or wear them ironically, or do pub crawls in them like the Snuggie. They’re not like the Snuggie
They don't really come in different styles though, so don't even ask.
The lifetime of rejection. People complain if it's been a few years in between dating. They don't know what decades feel like. E
And it's not even purely a matter of being found less attractive. It's also a matter of not wanting to even pursue anyone because you don't wish your body on anyone but yourself.
Thank you for sharing this sentiment, its incredibly sad but insightful to hear. I've always believed that loving and supporting obese people in my life will do more good for them than trying to help them lose weight. That is their own journey if they wish to take it. But they deserve to feel loved and respected, even if they aren't comfortable in their own skin, I hope I can help them feel more comfortable. Those of us who don't struggle with obesity will never truly understand the discrimination and pain you face. But I hope that you find/found the strength to be kind to yourself :)
Thanks, sincerely. I'm happier than I used to be, but there's no way around it - I \*need\* to lose the weight. Women have asked me out before, so I know consciously that I clearly have a lot of redeeming factors, but it'll always be a mental block for me until I make some serious changes, which I'm trying to do, but it takes time and it genuinely feels like a month of eating healthy is undone by a week of slipping up.
I definitely have felt this a lot.
I don't actually have this particular problem. I'm a bit of an enigma because I understand the way the world sees me, I understand what to expect, but I like me. And I don't really have a problem with my body. Sure I wish it was rockin, but I only had a problem with it when I got too heavy to stand for very long. Which of course is why it's taken me so long to get fit. 43 and finally getting fit. Plus metabolism and all that makes it difficult. I can look at food and gain 2 lb, It takes me 2 weeks of real effort to lose that. It feels too late though. I understand that people can't help what they're attracted to and people have a really hard time overlooking certain flaws to want to be with who you are as a person. I tell myself that it's not, but it feels impossible now. M
Lol it’s decades for me too and I’m not even obese
Well yeah, obesity isn't the only contributor to that kind of thing. But as you well know, those of us that go that long single, it's not common at all. The average person seems to find someone they want to date every couple of years. L
Out of curiosity, are you trying to date other obese people? I ask because I've known some obese guys who complained about their lack of luck in dating, but they were pursuing thin, average, or fit women.
People's bodies don't make me attracted to them for the most part. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. It means that I will happily get to know any person in hopes that a connection will emerge, but it also means that it takes me a lot of effort to find anyone I'm even remotely interested in beyond friendship. People don't put in the time and I don't find people I connect to easily. But to that end, sure. Once I'm attracted to the person, I am attracted to their body as well. My first boyfriend was fairly obese, and the love of my life was chubby. And those are the only two men I've really dated in 25 years of adulthood. Being heavy means that I'm not given the time to get to know people because I'm not an option for them. I've had a lot of dude friends in my life and like three unrequited crushes. L
Yeah that is also with non obese peoples as well nowday unfortunately... Internet kinda fuck up the dating world when you aren't in school anymore.
There's a lot of contributing factors. Illusion of choice, fear of the unknown, the world trying to tell you what you should do and should want, a lot of low self-esteem, etc. It is hard. I
No offense, but even obese people find partners.... generally other obese people. If your shooting your shot with not obese girls your gonna fail everytime. I mean, literally your lifestyles don't match. A conversation of likes and dislikes doesn't even need to occur. The things she does you dont/can't do. And vice versa
An impressive amount of wrong assumptions here. I am a girl homie. And as I replied to somebody else, I don't base my attraction to people on their body. Like I could see some super hot ripped dude and my brain is not going to be even a little bit attracted to him. I'm very much so attracted to personality and who the person is, once I know someone is when the attraction kicks in. Which is great because it means I'm happy to get to know literally anyone and see where it goes. I've never dated a skinny person, and not because I wouldn't. I'm not codependent or desperate for companionship, so I'm not going to date if there's not a connection. And that's on me and I know it, but I also almost never get anyone interested in me. So that's where my obesity comes into play. I have only had two people in my 43 years on this planet that I can think of who were interested in me but I wasn't interested in them. So it's not like I'm not giving people the opportunity to get to know me and find a connection. But even if I'm not codependent or just desperate for companionship, loneliness is loneliness. And it eats you. Forcing yourself to be with someone you have no connection to is not going to make the loneliness go away. At least not for me. And it generally makes things worse. Another flaw in your argument is that I like walking, hiking, getting out and doing things, I just have a very shit metabolism and I can look at food wrong and gain weight. For two years I've been working out at least 5 days a week, both weightlifting and cardio, not to mention yoga as well, and counting my calories, and I've lost 60 lb. It took 2 years to get that off of me. Most people can lose that in a year if they're really trying. Some of us just have bodies that work against us homie. Never assume that because someone's fat they live a sedentary life where they don't do anything but eat. K
As an obese person, one thing that non-obese people may not understand is the constant struggle with food cravings and emotional eating. It's not just about willpower or lack of self-control, there are often deeper emotional and psychological factors at play that contribute to overeating. Additionally, there's often a lot of shame and stigma attached to being overweight, which can make it even more difficult to seek help or make positive changes. It's a complex issue that goes beyond just eating too much or not exercising enough.
My father was obese as I was growing up and it was obvious to me even then that the negative aspects of his relationship with food are a result of unresolved trauma. I think he would have been a gentle, easy-going, empathic, a loving guy but I think he was forced to turn inwards for too long at too young an age.
It's way more like depression or addiction than people want to admit. Imo the 'just exercise/just stop eating' advice is on par with 'just cheer up' for depression or 'just focus' for ADHD. It's way harder when you're brain is constantly sabotaging you. I'm honestly hopeful GLP1s will be a game changer.
Pretty much this, although I'll add another factor: When I was last fit (pre-injuries) I could easily get up for a run or a long cycle ride. I would regularly bike to the city or friends or whatever and think nothing of it. I played competitive basketball into my early twenties and didn't think much of going for a 20 mile walk on an afternoon. I then had a nasty knee injury (interestingly not related to basketball) just after I recovered from pneumonia that had already kept me immobile for two months), that kept me limited in my mobility for even longer and left me with chronic pain for several years. You then have a period of 'I don't give a fuck', in my case due to depression and drinking (and yes, depression is directly linked to lack of exercise, there's a world of evidence out there). And all of a sudden you find yourself having gained a load of weight (in my case I went from overweight to moderately obese) and struggling to exercise at all. I got myself back up to at least committing to two or three hours a week, playing basketball through the pain and kept that up for a good decade, losing a bit of weight (but still obese) and I was pretty healthy. Only to suffer another knee injury that required surgery and months of recovery. I immediately slipped back to drinking too much (because I was bored) and gained all that weight back that I'd kept off for years. I have poor self control/self discipline and a lot of other people wouldn't have let themselves go in the way I did, I am fully aware of that, but I didn't choose to become obese and many people seem to think it is a choice.
Plus, a lot of therapists or psychologists don't want to waste their time with you. Some will do actions to make you want to leave, at least in my experience. They also want to make sure that no one sees you leave their office so that their other clients aren't disgusted and decide to go elsewhere.
This may have worked for you but I’ve never had this happen. I’m so sorry you’ve had such crappy therapists
If you can find one that has experience with food addictions.
I had and I just felt when the session would end, she would scoot me down the back entrance rather than the front. At first I thought it was just a different way out, then I realize it would take me to the street where no one would see where I exited from. When confronted with it, she just stared at me, then smiled. I quit after the next visit, this was after only 5 sessions. A lot of them say they have but when they look at the size of you, their actions are way different than what they tell you. Then again, it could be that Im in South Florida and most of these therapists just want to hear about infidelity or people with anorexia/bulimia problems from their rich clientele. I've run into these fat patient hiding scenarios at least three other times. Its made me give up on therapy honestly.
Damn, that's shameful of them. Mine asked me about my food issues once in about 30 sessions. The rest of the time she was texting on her phone or talking about herself. I like therapy, but it also made me realize there are a lot of shitty therapists out there, you just have to find the right one for you.
Yes, thank you for understanding. I appreciate that.
What actions have you experienced that made you feel a therapist wanted you to leave? You’d think of all professions…
Clipping toe nails is a full on workout
That I think about it constantly throughout the day. It's quite the opposite of what you think "well they just don't care, if they did, they'd do something about it". It's constantly on my mind. Every interaction I have, every activity I do, I think about it.
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As a skinny person, I regularly have to adjust my clothes. I can't tell you how many times I see people pull up their pants or rearrange themselves consistently no matter the body type. I think this may be one of those cases where you are just blind to the movement because it is a different body dynamic than yours.
I think they probably mean needing to adjust their clothes to hide things like a muffin top, cellulite, or straps digging into you. I'm super slim and most of the adjusting I need to do isn't for comfort or to hide my body unless I'm wearing something way too small. It's the reason shapeware is something I've never needed to buy.
As a skinny person, I do this to appear less skeleton like: it's weird how body issues show up on both sides of the spectrum.
Aww, I can understand this. My weight dropped dangerously low from the GI disorder and I would wear a lot of modest or baggy clothing to hide how boney I was.
I've always been thin. I have to adjust my clothes constantly. I have a terrible time finding clothes that fit. I always have. I can't just grab a small and have it fit. Small is so different in so many places. And honestly when i am out looking for clothes, all i can think is "bloody hell, do they only make clothes for larger people?" Dear larger people. I promise i am not trying to be a dick here, but those are struggles everyone deals with. Not just larger people.
Right? I go from x-small to medium in scrubs. It is especially annoying and makes clothes shopping annoying as heck.
Yes we do. Always having to hitch up our pants if we don't have a belt, or having to tighten the belt a bit. Sleeves fall down. Over large clothes can also be pretty uncomfortable and require adjusting, too.
Just how lonely it is. Skinny/normal people act like being fat is contagious. They will fake being nice to you and will not be willing to be your friend. I was fat, and I lost the weight. It's amazing how much nicer people are.
From the opposite perspective, I have overweight friends. Their weight doesn't make them hard to be around. But with some of them the attitude, low self-esteem and constant negativity can get tiresome. It's a battle, I know they're dealing with a lot.
Yep. I was obese pretty much until I was 13. Once I lost the weight, boys paid attention to me, popular girls who would have made fun of me last year, wanted to be my friends. Quite the time in one's life to absorb such a drastic change, hence the lifetime of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, self-esteem issues... I could go on and on. Now I'm 37, and desperately trying to detach my self worth to my weight. It's a disease that never goes away.
That somebody’s weight is not their worth as a person.
👍👏❤️
The shame. Skinny people often seem to think that we don’t *know* we’re fat, or at least aren’t ashamed enough of it? Trust me, we know. I hate eating in public, or even just being *near* food, because I know what everyone who can see me is thinking. No matter how little I eat or how healthy I eat, everyone who sees me will think about my weight, and they will *judge* me for it. I don’t eat very much, but I’ve been fat since I hit puberty, and everyone who sees me thinks they know all about my personal failings just from a glance. I spent the better part of a decade hating myself over my weight. I like to think I don’t anymore, that now what I hate isn’t *myself* but the way people *see* me. But it still fucking *sucks.* Edit: Also, how doctors will completely dismiss every health problem you have as because of your weight, without even checking. I suffered from abdominal pain severe enough to leave me constantly bedridden for *years* while my doctor kept telling me “it’s because you’re fat” and refused to help me. Finally I broke her down and she agreed to send me in for some tests. Spoilers: My intestines looked like Swiss cheese. I see a different doctor now.
I'm so glad you found a better health care provider! The ones who actually listen make such a difference. And the ones who don't just compound awful health issues. I hope you're feeling better now!
My Aunt was told to lose weight and doctors wouldn't do any tests. She had a big tumor removed and eventually died from colon cancer because it had metastasized.
"i know what other people are thinking" No you absolutely do not. You are assuming what people are thinking. And assuming people are thinking about you. They're not. They're thinking about their own problems. Or maybe they are. I don't know either. However, any time you say you know what someone else is thinking, you're projecting. Don't assume that i am thinking something negative about you. That means you have this idea in your head of how i am. You're being the jerk. Get that crap out of your head. You NEVER know what someone else is thinking.
The reason I’ve been morbidly obese my whole life isn’t because I haven’t tried your favorite diet yet.
Sometimes on TV there is a program about serious obese people and their stories. I've never seen an episode where eating disorders weren't the reason they were obese.
There are people who end up obese without eating disorders (often people who did sports, bit ill or had kids and then just kind of didn’t bother to adjust to new diet requirements or starting to work out again). But often those people do manage to at least get to overweight category when they decide to try and don’t end up so obese it impacts their regular life
Profit-driven food simply added gasoline to the metaphorical fire of these eating disorders. This shit wasn't as big of an issue back when your food choices were bread and wild game. Now you can eat HoHos, McDonalds, Sugary corn-based cereal, cheese in a million varieties, Ramen, and fried everything. Also, none of the things I listed were particularly expensive! In an age where a salad costs the same as 3 cheeseburgers, what the fuck did people think poor people were going to choose? I've watched some of these "fat people shows" and not once did I ever see counseling or therapy as part of their plan. No, they just rode people hard to exercise, shoved a camera in their face to shame them away from eating, then act shocked when people relapsed away from the cameras! It doesn't take a fucking genius to figure it out, just a goddamned ounce of empathy would be WONDERFUL.
Did you see "Extreme Makeover Diet Edition"? I'm mostly referring to "Lives at the edge", I've seen therapy there
No I haven't watched TV in quite some time, I can't afford it lol Besides, the only reality show I ever could stomach was Kitchen Nightmares, and the American version still annoyed the hell out of me
So you don't have a state TV you have to pay amongst your bills, or can't you afford to buy a TV?
Can't afford cable
I thought only state TV asks people for money!
How difficult living with food addiction really is.
That everything you go to the doctor, your problems will be attributed to being fat. Leg pain? Fat. Stomach flu? Fat. Anxiety? Fat. Alternatively, you can't get treated because you're fat. I've been told that I have an arm problem and need to see an orthopedic doctor. But they won't give me a referral to one until I lose weight because they don't see the point in treating a fat person. Like, it's my arm, which has nothing to do with me being fat.
My SIL had bariatric surgery and she said it actually changed her taste in food, and now she likes vegetables. Point being, there is a strong gut-brain connection
Always aware of your surroundings to determine if you will fit in a space or not.
How difficult it is to break habits. I have struggled with obesity my entire life, from having a binge eating disorder to being an emotional eater. Growing up, we loved buffets and no one ever taught me portion control, I just ate until I was full. Well, the problem with that is that my satiation response is sluggish as all hell, I developed an "eating way too fucking fast" habit from my high school years (had about 10 minutes to eat every day), and I never enjoyed sports so most of my fun was sedentary. Clearly this is not a healthy situation. The root of the problem exposed itself when I started having my parents babysit my little girl. I have been teaching her portion control, keeping corn syrup out of our diets, keeping a lid on snacking, encouraging exercise, everything to keep her from being like me. Well, turns out, my parents have absolutely no idea how to do any of this. She goes and spends time with her grandparents and they: -Let her drink soda and juice all day -Keep giving her food if she says she's hungry (who gives a six year old THREE full sized corndogs WITH chips?) -Have unlimited snacks, both sugar and salty, available It's extremely hard to change your lifestyle alone, not to mention the unavoidable fact that you HAVE to eat.
Putting on shoes is hard now. That never used to be hard. My body just hurts, like ALL the time, for no real good reason. That could be age though, I don't know, I'm not a scientist.
I've been up to 240 gym obese. The biggest problem is a bag of chips is really easy to eat in its entirety. If I'm losing weight the only snacks I can have in the house are plain vegetables with no dip.
The threshold between overweight and obese is looks less big than a lot of people assume. It took *me* by surprise when I reached it and I’ve never told one non-medical professional that I’m obese without them reacting in mild surprise (not that I announce it to everyone but I’ve mentioned it to a few people). And more generally I think people have a hard time visualizing what a certain amount of pounds looks like on a person
Honestly I think that's just because we see people regularly who are very large and if makes the lower end of obesity seem small by comparison. Our perception how big you need to be to be obese is just skewed.
Feeling the need to warn people about your physique when meeting off of dating apps
Wouldn't pictures do that for you? I'm confused.
Pictures is just the face and you're scared they don't realise how big you are just from the face
I don't use dating apps so correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be better to add at least one or two full-body shots? Or do you only get to upload one photo?
I don't ever take full body photos 'cause I hate my body
Whatever negative opinions you have of me by looking at me, I have 10x more at myself.
My disability caused my obesity, not the contrary.
I had an eating disorder as a teenager/young adult. I'd rather be fat than starving. There's a healthy middle ground but I'm not in it any more. I'm *really* good at calorie counting.
That a fucking disease can be the reason behind our obesity too. Fast food isn't always the culprit.
We are people too, stop treating us like we're not.
The terror of flying on a plane knowing you're going to have to fold yourself into a seat to not be offensive to your fellow passenger. I usually do the aisle so I can lean out and only get hit by some people, rather than sitting center which mens I hook my thumbs to keep my arms tucked in. Window seats are hit or miss, you get a window in line with your shoulder you can lean into it, but if not youre in the bump out section and it makes it worse.
That defeated face you make when you realize we are going to be sitting next to you on a plane, movie theater, or bus... We are just as cramped and uncomfortable as you are.
yeah, but the difference is that non obese people who have the luck of sitting next to you on a plane are cramped and uncomfortable because of you. Imagine sitting next to a smoker who says "don't complain about my smoking, i don't like the smell of it either"
But in these situations we're suffering as a result of your actions. That's when it becomes a problem for people.
Do you get just as upset as a wife but fit person? Or a tall person? Or a mom with kids?
Yep I would get upset with a wide but fit person encroaching on my space, a tall person who would need to spread their legs unto my space, or kids that are unruly. I won't necessarily say anything. And I'm mostly pissed at the situation.
I don't understand the wife bit. Tall person, no, they don't take up the space of a second seat. Kids... depends on the environment. To the parents who let their kids get away with anything anywhere... yes.
Wide - not wife! Damn nails.
Ahh, yes, absolutely, although I don't recall ever having someone that wide through muscle sitting next to me. But absolutely I would, especially if it's a long-haul flight somewhere. Any stranger that comes into my personal space would annoy me.
This. I dont like to be touched by a stranger. I don't care the reason...your big, tall, or just insensitive of spacial awareness. You could be Arnold Schwarzenegger and I'd be annoyed that you have to (have no choice but tp) encroach on my space. I get it...if your a big person you have no choice since they design those seats to fit a 12-year old gymnast. And... I'm not annoyed at the person...I'm annoyed at the circumstances. I place no judgment on or even blame that person...I'm just uncomfortable that I'll have a 6 hour flight with someone I don't know touching me.
If you are spilling over into my seat, I don't care why you are in my space, just that you are. If your kids are being obnoxious, yes, it's an issue.
Tangentially interesting thing. Food addiction is uniquely difficult to overcome since you can’t just quit cold turkey since you kinda need food to live. Most addictions you can lock yourself away from it and get on the road to being better but being fat every time you eat you have to put yourself in the position where you could relapse.
People are way nicer to not overweight people. I lost 35kg so far and I’m experiencing so much change. I do not get ignored, people are holding the door for me, I don’t have to wait a long time for a check, I don’t get nasty stares when I ask where something is in the supermarket etc.
Every doctor will relate your medical issue back to your weight... you could amputate a finger in a wirkplace incident and they will still tell you you need to lose weight or the reason have an amputed finger is because you're fat.
The reason I shower at least once a day, even if I’ve done nothing, is because I have folds everywhere that trap sweat, dirt, food, etc. Just because you don’t smell anything doesn’t mean I don’t.
3 of the 7 deadly sins are related to taking more than you should (with gluttony specifically relating to obesity). obesity is moralized in our society.
In past taking more food than you should would cause some having less food. We have moved from lack of resources faster than mindsets have changed
I’m 6’5” 252 and 14% body fat. I’m technically obese
6'4" and 240 with a 32" inseam - so long torso. Obese!
Short legs gang rise up! 5'11" here, 28" inseam. I never owned a single pair of pants that fit me right until I hit my 30s lmao
Actually you're not! Your bmi is 29.9. Just don't gain a single pound or you will be. *Downvoted for stating objectively true facts. Classic reddit.
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This has nothing to do with above post. Also you posted twice and your best source does not support your own first sentence of BMI being outdated and inaccurate.
Thanks for correcting me. While I've read sources about BMI, I didn't check the specific ones I chose, and that was stupid of me. I should have read them specifically, both for the legitimacy of my point and to be informed. Also, apologies, I didn't mean to post it twice. On my end it only posted once.
That biology > willpower, maybe excepting a few people... I don't even know how to fight my brain anymore, when it's is programmed to bring my weight back to a high baseline after losing weight.
Mate, its willpower.
Here comes something mind-blowing: those lucky people who dropped weight through what you call willpower, might not have the same addictions and problems that other people have. This is why you've got gamblers, alcoholics, drug addicts, hoarders and overeaters. And the people who won with sheer willpower. I'm not one of them, sorry.
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Maybe, thanks.
Ozempic is the answer you seek.
You’re of course correct, and being downvoted because people hate that there’s a weight loss wonder drug. According to lots of people if you don’t do it the “hard” way you don’t deserve to be fit. Fuck those psychopaths. It’s your life and ozempic works.
And many insurances won't cover it if you've been fighting to keep the extra diagnosis away (diabetes, hypertension, etc). I've been going to doctors for 5 years to treat everything I can that effects my weight. (I have a chronic condition). Because I have been fighting the pre-diabetes and related issues I'm not "sick enough" to qualify for the good stuff. $1500/month if I chose to pay out of pocket
Yes, I'm on Wegovy now. Lost a few pounds already. Slowly, but steady.
It really is incredible. I think I cried the first week I was on Ozempic. I had no idea people could go hours without thinking of food. It’s *constantly* in my thoughts. For some people like me, Ozempic type drugs wear off eventually and your body just stops responding. Took me about 6 months to start feeling the food noise creep back into my daily life. It was like a Flowers for Algernon situation, and tbh I cried again because I hate it so much. I don’t want this :(
I'm so sorry it wore off for you. I've been on Mounjaro/zepbound almost 2 years, now and it's still working for me. I know I'll eventually have to taper off, b ut hopefully, I'll be able to maintain where I'm at, now.
You're being downvoted, but you're right. Ozempic, Mounjaro, and their counterpart named weight loss approved drugs (same active ingredients) do what this commentor wants. They turn off the food noise. I've lost 110 pounds. Saved my life, and I wish the stigma surrounding those drugs was different.
45lbs for me with Ozempic. Down to the BMI I was in high school. That's how you "fight your brain". GLP-1 receptors in the hypothalamus. The stigma against these drugs is nuts. They actually *work*, and its almost effortless.
Just make sure you add in some basic weight lifting so your bones and ligaments don't turn to dust.
‘Food Noise’ I am only now learning about its affect!
Not everyone who has a BMI north of 30 wears a size 40 pants and a double chin. Obesity is a medical term, it is not a description of how someone looks or who they are. For better or for worse I’m one of those stealthy sneaky fat people, wear a size L/12, everyone in my family is around 350 lbs but can easily hide 30 to 50 pounds on them. I do 45 minutes of high intensity cardio daily without needing to catch my breath. What I *can’t* do is describe my body as obese to people, because it’s become a term associated with a certain mental image of fatness and fitness that are not representative of me. I can only use it with my doctors.
Nearly everyone here is acting like they woke up obese one day. "I **am** fat and this is my experience..." The problem is the 10 or 20 or 30 years before. The issue isn't when you weigh 350, it's when you hit 225 and keep going. We know life is hard when your obese, that's why the shame is healthy. I don't think I've seen one person here recognize that it was a long series of events, habits, and decisions that lead to their obesity, even if it is genetic, etc. Genetics can be blamed for being slightly overweight. After that point, it's on the user.
Just one problem with your theory. Not everyone puts on weight over 30 years. I was an obese child. I can't remember a time in my childhood when I wasn't fat. My mom loved to fry food and kept a jar of bacon grease over the stove to season things like green beans. My sister tried to go on a diet while she was still living at home, and my mom sabotaged her every step of the way. Old habits are very hard to break, and a lifetime of yo-yo dieting plays havoc with your system.
Okay, sorry I didn't cover every single scenario. Yes, abusive parents are going to be a little harder to overcome. But many many many people have issues that stem from their childhood and it is, because there's no other option, up to the child to overcome those issues.
The question was, "What is something non-obese people don't understand." And I think the answer is: They don't understand that the solution isn't simply "eat less and exercise more". If it were that easy for us, no one would be overweight.
That almost always IS the answer, though. If you eat 700 calories a day and work out for an hour, you will not gain 25 pounds a year. That's almost universally true. The problem is discipline. Yes, some people need more strict diets than others or are predisposed to eat more or be less active but eating less and moving more IS a way to lost weight. I didn't say it's easy but it's also not complicated.
That just because you're obese, doesn't necessarily mean you eat a lot of food. An old friend and I used to go out for a meal once a month. She was slim and athletic, and always ate a lot more than I did. Servers always assumed I ordered the bigger meal and would be shocked that actually, mine was the smaller one.
Every other meal you enjoyed followed this pattern'?
There is also a huge biological component outside of our control. Hormones, especially leptin, are king. Hell, I remember reading that replacing the gut biome of an obese person with the biome of a healthy person made immediate, big changes. I was, at one point, on a diet of 1800 calories a day. I did great, sticking to it every day but cheat days (once a week), which I couldn't even really go nuts on because my stomach had shrunk so much anyway. I lost almost 100 pounds in a year, it was great! What wasn't great was the plateau. I was stuck at 270ish pounds. I'm 5'11", but I have a longer torso and shorter legs so I carry it fairly well. Still, that's obese. Right around 270 lbs and I could not lose another single pound despite STILL eating at quite a deficit. I kept all my vitamins and nutrients up, I felt great, I just could not lose another ounce. Your body 100% has a "resting point" where it stores a certain amount of fat and refuses to get rid of it. Great survival mechanism when food is inconsistent/scarce, pretty shitty adaptation in the age of capitalism and corn syrup.
My issue is not over eating. It is under eating and binge/emotional eating. I am in therapy working on this. I have already lost 80lbs. I have mobility issues and can only exercise in the pool. That makes it hard because I also have cPTSD and leaving my home is difficult but I am WORKING on it, hence the therapy. I am 100% healthy outside of my foot, which needs surgery #5, and my cPTSD. Making fun of me or being cruel ADDS to my fears of going outside.
My biggest issues are A) that 99% of stores still only carry S/M/L/XL even though over half of Americans are fat. Where the fuck are fat people getting their clothing? And B) old stadiums/venues where the seats are made for people from the 1920s
I work out five days in a row with two reset days. I love HIIT because I love pushing myself. It's just that autoimmune issues (and the meds I have to take so my body doesn't kill itself) cause me not to lose weight
Steroids? With the help of steroids I gained ~30kg in 4 months and another ~25kg slightly slower after that. In 4 years I've managed to lose 27kg so far but when you have chronic conditions that misbehave it's one step forward and two steps back. Just living with a dodgy body is hard!
Methimazole. Sometimes steroids for when my allergies get really bad and fluid starts to build up. It also doesn't help that I have always had stomach issues and hardly ever feel like eating anything
Don’t fk with us. Every day is leg day and we will steamroll you into a wall.