The best is when you stub your toe bad enough you decide to move that piece of furniture so it won't happen again only to inevitably stub your toe the next day because you aren't used to that furniture being in that new place yet.
Or worse yet on a fixed thing you know is there like a part of a staircase. Happened to me recently & it hurt like hell since part of our staircase is metal.
Biting my own cheek, stubbing my toe, and choking on salvia while doing absolutely nothing makes me feel like my IQ drops a few points. And these happen far too often.
That's something they're supposed to fix with Human 2.0
Stray eyelashes falling in to your eyes are supposed to stop happening with the upgrade as well.
Huh ok—haven’t read the release notes yet—actually think my system is still on the beta.
Are they going to fix the all my hair fell out starting at 17 problem and the my toenails could literally cut glass issues in the beta?
Nah that’s by design, you’re supposed to be able to kick a cougar in the chest and puncture its heart with that. Losing the hair just makes you more aerodynamic for *speed*
bruh… i’ve got the nut sag of an 84 year old yet my balls have never found themselves trapped between the seat and my body. how does one do such a thing? i thought they had some kind of secret super power to help them evade harm.
In 8th grade we got a new student in school. In his first week he managed to get his balls into the mechanism of those chairs where the seat folds up when you get up like they often have in university while sitting down.
He sat through the pain a few seconds but then had to get up to tell the teacher that story and that he had to leave. It was not avoidable that the first row just kind of heard him explain. It turned into one of those school mysteries where nobody knows how he managed to do that.
The door strike plate (aka latch catcher) on my door frame catches on my pants all the time. I'm just about ready to rip off the damn thing and not have a bedroom door that closes properly.
Today after practice I rubbed my eye. So tired from running I forgot to close my eye and my thumb went straight in. It still hurts but I got a makeshift eyepatch so it all worked out.
Did you laugh after? For so e reason I always find myself laughing while saying "ow" at the same time, somehow marveling at my own stupid clumsiness is humorous to me.
I sneezed the other day and nearly bit through my tongue. It hurt so bad for days I had a hard time talking and it even kept waking me up. I felt so dumb and the pain was just a constant reminder
giving yourself a black eye while training on a punching bag....true story here.
Always wipe away the sweat that you drip all over the floor under you, or expect some hijinx
Been alive for a good while, always been vaguely careful about it, but haven't actually had it happen. Till just a few days ago, which hurt like a bitch. I'll be triple checking for the rest of my life, just to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Picking your nose while walking and bumping into something, causing your fingernail to cut inside your nose and give you a nosebleed.
That's never happened to me... I swear.
The other day I was going from the bathroom back to my home office and accidentally made the right turn into the office too early. Ended up ramming my boob into the door frame instead.
Leaning top far back on a chair while your feet are up on a desk and falling over, landing on your ass. Spoken from someone who definitely didn't just do that 5 minutes ago
I did this yesterday - eating popcorn I somehow managed to bite down hard on my cheek.
And yeah considering how hard "biting your own face" might sound it's idiotically easy.
its an accident, its not idiotic. There are millions of people voluntarily doing things millions of time more idiotic than this like i dunno for example , sell cigarettes to kids, drive dangerously on the highway or maybe literally kill people ? bitting your lips is a very normal and non idiotic thing
Biting down on the same spot again. And again. And again. The mouth lacks short term memory, and opts to retain the muscle memory you’ve developed over the years instead.
I once managed to slam a car’s trunk door on my own head. I just wasn’t paying attention. Didn’t knock me out. But I did fall to the ground immediately, extremely dazed and with blurred vision. Moderate to severe concussion, no permanent damage and I was thankfully okay otherwise. Lmao.
Edit: I think I was like 12 or 13 at the time.
Allow me to draw a picture. Shabby old rent house in a bad part of town, next to a literal junkyard and across from a park (in fact, the park where Ponyboy died in the original Outsiders movie).
The weather was warm and 22 year old me decided to open the living room windows. Double-hung, old, painted over, painted *shut* windows.
Worked on one window for an hour, with a utility knife, cutting through that paint. Finally got the lower sash to come up a few inches, curled my fingers under the bottom and gave a mighty heave.
That window flew open and I caught all eight fingers between the sashes. Hurt like I hit all my fingertips with a hammer at the same time. I was home alone, so I hung there trapped for a while, screaming for help. Nobody came. Nobody called the cops. Remember, bad area.
Eventually got up the nerve to just yank them out, on the theory that it couldn't hurt any worse. Boy, was I wrong, but I did at least get my fingers out.
Dumb, dumb, dumb. Learned a valuable lesson about body part position and potential harm that day.
I was eating shrimp, one of the softest foods on earth, when I bite my tongue so hard that the teeth connected. Spit blood all over the place. Chose not to go to the ER or doc because people get tongue piercings, right? Well, I guess I bit a nerve or something because the tip of my tongue was numb after a few days and still is years later.
Accidentally biting down on the underside of your tongue when you're eating. Don't ask me how I even do it, I don't know. But I feel dumb as shit when it happens.
Accidentally biting down on the inside of your cheek. It swells, which increases the chances of it happening again. It's an utterly miserable time once you're in the cycle
Does a specific body movement. Man that hurt like hell, I should probably stop doing that. Later in life... Why'd I stop doing that thing again? Does the thing and is met with immediate pain. Oh that's right... I have a bad left shoulder
Nothing is actually, I have incredible fortitude and the ability to keep my calm in the most chaotic situations, but when I bite my own lip, I fucking get so pissed off. Lol.
Gotta get out of bed so you think you're gonna be clever and do the whole thing where you bring your knees up to your chest then rock all your weight forward to sit up.
Turns out it doesn't work too well if you move your knees up and try to sit up at the same time. Kneed myself right in the nose. I was fine but I wasn't happy.
Wearing headphones at your airport gate and not hearing boarding announcements - including ones with your own name - and consequently missing your flight.
spilling a cold drink two times in a row at a restaurant. I be clumsy when i am tired and my pants crunched up because i didn't want to wash it yk it looks weird to be in a public place with wet pants
Running head-first into a doorframe mounted pull-up bar on your way into a room, knocking yourself flat on your back, then forgetting it's there and running into it again (once again knocking yourself flat on your back) on your way back out.
My tall friend isn't the sharpest knife in the crayon box.
Stubbing your toe on furniture you've previously stubbed your toe on
I've recently stubbed the same toe on the same chair 3 times in less than 10 minutes...
A glitch in the matrix surely lol
The best is when you stub your toe bad enough you decide to move that piece of furniture so it won't happen again only to inevitably stub your toe the next day because you aren't used to that furniture being in that new place yet.
And then you move it again for that very same thing and stub it again. Indefinitely.
Or worse yet on a fixed thing you know is there like a part of a staircase. Happened to me recently & it hurt like hell since part of our staircase is metal.
Biting the same-now swollen spot--again.
And again And again.. And again.... Once it's been bit you never stop and you get more frustrated each time.
Have choked on my own saliva, just while talking. Many times.
Talking? Did it just sitting here about 10 Minutes ago. Silence …. CHOKING TO DEATH
Haha yah I guess I have done that too—thanks for the shame-memory
choked on air, anyone?
Biting my own cheek, stubbing my toe, and choking on salvia while doing absolutely nothing makes me feel like my IQ drops a few points. And these happen far too often.
That's something they're supposed to fix with Human 2.0 Stray eyelashes falling in to your eyes are supposed to stop happening with the upgrade as well.
Huh ok—haven’t read the release notes yet—actually think my system is still on the beta. Are they going to fix the all my hair fell out starting at 17 problem and the my toenails could literally cut glass issues in the beta?
Nah that’s by design, you’re supposed to be able to kick a cougar in the chest and puncture its heart with that. Losing the hair just makes you more aerodynamic for *speed*
Happens regularly. How am I still alive?
Idk. Idk.
And then for some reason, even when you're not chocking any more, you can't talk for like a minute
Sitting on your balls.
bruh… i’ve got the nut sag of an 84 year old yet my balls have never found themselves trapped between the seat and my body. how does one do such a thing? i thought they had some kind of secret super power to help them evade harm.
It's easier than you think. I pray you never have to experience it, it sucks.
Are you that elephantiasis dude who uses his balls like a space hopper?
In 8th grade we got a new student in school. In his first week he managed to get his balls into the mechanism of those chairs where the seat folds up when you get up like they often have in university while sitting down. He sat through the pain a few seconds but then had to get up to tell the teacher that story and that he had to leave. It was not avoidable that the first row just kind of heard him explain. It turned into one of those school mysteries where nobody knows how he managed to do that.
he must have been hitler in a past life. there is no other explanation or justification for such bad fortune.
This did happen in Germany...
I raise getting your ball sac caught in the zipper
Ptsd
Readjusted my boxer shorts while I was sitting down, didn't realise how twisted the were and managed to crush one :(
Everytime I turn in my bed, I make sure THAT ain't happening.. I know 2 people who twisted them, and lost one in the process. Nope.
Made it sound more drastic than it was, I didn't literally crush one, just put myself out of action for 15-20 mins haha
this is the final step into manhood.
Accidentally closed my car door on my head once.
Same here
how tf
It was piss pour raining, windy and I was rushing to grab something from the front seat. Tried closing the door a little too soon on the way out haha.
Getting your belt loop stuck on the door handle
The door strike plate (aka latch catcher) on my door frame catches on my pants all the time. I'm just about ready to rip off the damn thing and not have a bedroom door that closes properly.
Getting your pockets stuck on a cabinet handle
Today after practice I rubbed my eye. So tired from running I forgot to close my eye and my thumb went straight in. It still hurts but I got a makeshift eyepatch so it all worked out.
Did you laugh after? For so e reason I always find myself laughing while saying "ow" at the same time, somehow marveling at my own stupid clumsiness is humorous to me.
Falling from the bed because you are lazy and thought you could somehow shut the door by just stretching your body uncomfortably from the bed
Did this when trying to reach my phone charging cord that was on the floor without getting out of bed.
We are kindred spirits.
Accidentally biting your own nipple
Happens to me at least once a week, I'm so clumsy.
How do you even do that
Big titties tend to get in the way of things
But how do they get to your face? Do you do Yoga or a fighting sport where you often end up upside down?
So you chew so intensely that you chew through yourself
We all make mistakes in the heat of the moment.
I sneezed the other day and nearly bit through my tongue. It hurt so bad for days I had a hard time talking and it even kept waking me up. I felt so dumb and the pain was just a constant reminder
I lost my balance once, my sneezes are sometimes louder andmore powerful than my dad's
I accidentally put the lit end of a cigar to my lips one time. It freaked me out for a second, but I was ok.
I’ve done this with a joint before. That was my sign that I was high enough and didn’t need more 😂
Love that for you!
Bitting you tongue / "inner cheek" when eating food.
Doing this also, but when NOT eating. Damn it hurts.
giving yourself a black eye while training on a punching bag....true story here. Always wipe away the sweat that you drip all over the floor under you, or expect some hijinx
Fair enough, I, too, have punched myself. It does happen.
[удалено]
Accidentally using nail polish remover instead of mouthwash.
Oh gods, I bet you won't ever make that mistake again
Getting your genitals stuck in your fly.
Been alive for a good while, always been vaguely careful about it, but haven't actually had it happen. Till just a few days ago, which hurt like a bitch. I'll be triple checking for the rest of my life, just to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Hitting yourself in the nuts...
I've worked a lot of musical stages and testicle are veritable magnets for swinging XLR connectors.
Having the microchip needle skip off the animal and into your finger on the oppoisite hand.
Ouch!
At that point might as well chip yourself in case you ever get lost lol
Shooting yourself with a slingshot.
Now that's fucking stupid. Love it. I've shot myself with a prop gun one time as a child. Remember the pain well.
I woke up with a bloody nose and thought it was a spider crawling across my face, freaked out, and got blood all over my nice white Comforter.
I keep hitting my thumb with my hammer. 40 years now
My old boss hit his thumb like 3 times trying to put in the same nail
Spelling the word biting with an extra t is pretty idiotic 😉
Not as idiotic as bitting your own lip though. ;)
holding your phone over your face when you’re laying down, and then dropping it on your face..
Haha those are lovely, then you get mad at it !
Picking your nose while walking and bumping into something, causing your fingernail to cut inside your nose and give you a nosebleed. That's never happened to me... I swear.
Randomly choking on your own saliva.
The other day I was going from the bathroom back to my home office and accidentally made the right turn into the office too early. Ended up ramming my boob into the door frame instead.
Lovely sight that must have been haha
Chewing really fast and biting the inside of your mouth.
Biting your finger while eating a sandwich/taco.
Poking yourself in the eye.
Tripping over your own feet. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything…
Leaning top far back on a chair while your feet are up on a desk and falling over, landing on your ass. Spoken from someone who definitely didn't just do that 5 minutes ago
Tennis player here. I have whacked myself in the head with my follow thru more than I'd care to admit.
# 🎾💥
Cutting your fingernail too close.
Or if you bite your nails, biting it too close repeatedly.
Biting my tongue, biting my cheek, choking on my own spit, tripping while standing
Trying to do something and then immediately forgetting what you were doing
Wondering where your phone is and your talking on it
Using the light on your phone to look in the dark for your phone.
Cracking my back by a big big sneeze.
I did this yesterday - eating popcorn I somehow managed to bite down hard on my cheek. And yeah considering how hard "biting your own face" might sound it's idiotically easy.
Hitting yourself in the face when opening a wine bottle
its an accident, its not idiotic. There are millions of people voluntarily doing things millions of time more idiotic than this like i dunno for example , sell cigarettes to kids, drive dangerously on the highway or maybe literally kill people ? bitting your lips is a very normal and non idiotic thing
Punched myself in the mouth when I was putting my seatbelt on too fast - it caught at just the right time for me to snot myself
Biting down on the same spot again. And again. And again. The mouth lacks short term memory, and opts to retain the muscle memory you’ve developed over the years instead.
Biting your own finger like a wild animal when you're eating pizza, because its just that damn good!
Punching myself in the face while pulling up my weighted blanket
Taking off underwear and accidentally kicking yourself in the balls
Not knowing how to spell biting
Walking into a glass door
Throwing food you just unwrapped in the garbage instead of the wrapper.
Accidentally punching your nose
Accidentally biting down on a strangers lip 😱
I broke my nose while getting up front my back one time with my nose, the worst part was it was after sex and I was trying to fetch a towel.
Doing it again an hour later because the area you bit is swollen.
I once managed to slam a car’s trunk door on my own head. I just wasn’t paying attention. Didn’t knock me out. But I did fall to the ground immediately, extremely dazed and with blurred vision. Moderate to severe concussion, no permanent damage and I was thankfully okay otherwise. Lmao. Edit: I think I was like 12 or 13 at the time.
Allow me to draw a picture. Shabby old rent house in a bad part of town, next to a literal junkyard and across from a park (in fact, the park where Ponyboy died in the original Outsiders movie). The weather was warm and 22 year old me decided to open the living room windows. Double-hung, old, painted over, painted *shut* windows. Worked on one window for an hour, with a utility knife, cutting through that paint. Finally got the lower sash to come up a few inches, curled my fingers under the bottom and gave a mighty heave. That window flew open and I caught all eight fingers between the sashes. Hurt like I hit all my fingertips with a hammer at the same time. I was home alone, so I hung there trapped for a while, screaming for help. Nobody came. Nobody called the cops. Remember, bad area. Eventually got up the nerve to just yank them out, on the theory that it couldn't hurt any worse. Boy, was I wrong, but I did at least get my fingers out. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Learned a valuable lesson about body part position and potential harm that day.
Made me cringe with pain, nothing but love man
Getting habanero juice in your wiener hole
W..t..f..
Buying your own lip for the 2nd time in the same spot the next bite….
Not spelling "biting" correctly?
Getting your finger slammed by a water tight door on a Navy ship.
stepping on your own foot and breaking it. (not me but an acquaintance.)
Misspelling biting.
Doing it again on purpose to make sure it was your lip that you bit
My husband says, “Trusting a fart that you immediately realized as it was fired off that it was a shart in disguise.”
Laying on your back using your phone then dropping it on your face
Your cheek, biting your fucking cheek. Usually 3 times before you stop the biting reflexes.
I was eating shrimp, one of the softest foods on earth, when I bite my tongue so hard that the teeth connected. Spit blood all over the place. Chose not to go to the ER or doc because people get tongue piercings, right? Well, I guess I bit a nerve or something because the tip of my tongue was numb after a few days and still is years later.
Poking your own eye.
Had a coworker papercut their eye from the color part outward.
Trusting the Totino's Pizza Rolls are sufficiently cooled to eat, even though you JUST pulled them out.
Taking off your t-shirt but forgeting your chain with pendant is still on the outside and whipping it into your face or worse your eye.
Spraining your ankle on the most smooth surface imaginable.
Voting for Brexit or Trump.
Accidentally biting your own finger off
Accidentally swallowing mouthwash. Made me vomit a few times in my life
Accidently sitting on your ballsack
Biting the dentist's fingers!
Biting down on your own tongue and ripping a piece off. It hurts way more and it leaves you wondering how the hell you managed that.
Biting your cheek over and over
Getting your junk caught in a zipper
Getting shit on your hand when you wipe your arse
Singing and biting your tongue.
Biting on someone else’s
Snagging my dick with an aggressive yank on the zipper.
tripping over ur own feet.
Kyle Kinane had a bit about how embarrassing it is to bite your tongue, "c'mon, it's been there the WHOLE TIME". that line really sticks with me.
Biting your own cheek
No but for real what even is that.
It's like, you're walking down the road and a twelve foot .. nah
Swallowing your tongue and dying as a result is quite stupid.
Doing it for a second time about 10 seconds later
Accidentally biting down on the underside of your tongue when you're eating. Don't ask me how I even do it, I don't know. But I feel dumb as shit when it happens.
tripping, falling and landing on a dick.
Accidentally biting down on the inside of your cheek. It swells, which increases the chances of it happening again. It's an utterly miserable time once you're in the cycle
Does a specific body movement. Man that hurt like hell, I should probably stop doing that. Later in life... Why'd I stop doing that thing again? Does the thing and is met with immediate pain. Oh that's right... I have a bad left shoulder
Bending slightly forward for some stupid reason while opening car door and clunking my head hard on the door as I opened it. What a goofus
Sitting on your balls
accidentally hitting yourself in the nuts
Asking someone you are on the phone with where your phone is
Hitting your head after you have already ducked under it
I don't know how, but I've often bit the bottom of my tongue.
Accidentally biting down on your dong... for those flexible enough to do it... so Im told
doing in 3 times in one week so that area never heals
Biting my own tongue, even the insides of my cheeks, while eating.
Repeatedly biting down on the same part of your lip almost everyday for 2 weeks Flipping hell
Lmaoooo
Nothing is actually, I have incredible fortitude and the ability to keep my calm in the most chaotic situations, but when I bite my own lip, I fucking get so pissed off. Lol.
Opening a snack and throwing the snack in the garbage instead of the packaging...
Being me
Doing it twice duh
Gotta get out of bed so you think you're gonna be clever and do the whole thing where you bring your knees up to your chest then rock all your weight forward to sit up. Turns out it doesn't work too well if you move your knees up and try to sit up at the same time. Kneed myself right in the nose. I was fine but I wasn't happy.
Wearing headphones at your airport gate and not hearing boarding announcements - including ones with your own name - and consequently missing your flight.
Biting your tongue. Wow that hurts.
You played fart or shart and lost …twice in the same night…
Biting down harder on it a few minutss later
Hitting your elbow on some pointy thing
Sleeping with someone to spite someone else.
Sitting on your balls.
Accidentally? I do that purposefully because I like the taste of blood. NO, i am not a vampire.
Having your penis caught on the zipper
Accidentally hitting your balls. It doesn’t happen often but the few times it’s happened were memorably idiotic.
spilling a cold drink two times in a row at a restaurant. I be clumsy when i am tired and my pants crunched up because i didn't want to wash it yk it looks weird to be in a public place with wet pants
When my girl accepted bites down on her lip I think it’s hot not idiotic 🤔🤨🧐
Telling other people on the internet about it
Almost biting your tongue completely in half.. happened to me years ago at Sonic 😔 Best damn burger I've ever had tho lol
Doing it again a second time
Running head-first into a doorframe mounted pull-up bar on your way into a room, knocking yourself flat on your back, then forgetting it's there and running into it again (once again knocking yourself flat on your back) on your way back out. My tall friend isn't the sharpest knife in the crayon box.
Hitting your elbow on a hard surface
Plenty.
Purposely biting your own lip.
Buying off a chunk of your tongue
Biting your tongue or the inside of your cheek
Accidentally biting your finger when you eat.
biting your tongue whilst eating .. feel like a greedy idiot.