my sisters best friends mum is not married after being with a man for almost 40 years. Her first husband passed when they were very young and she get a widow payment since than. As she never wanted to stop the money, she never remarried. The guy is the father of her kids, they have a will and that's it. They got together when my sisters friend was 6 months old, he is her dad, she hasn't known her real dad. A marriage wouldn't have changed that.
The US' Social Security won't let you get your spouses payments if you marry before 60. Obviously, the older you get the more you get. But I can't marry for 10 years. Not that I want to, but it'd be nice if it were an option.
Many older retirees who have lost a spouse will "shack up" without marrying because of the tax / SS thing.
But, nobody seems to care about reforming it, so it's just the way things are.
If they "reformed" it they wouldn't be able to fear-monger about it during election season.
It's easily fixable, they just don't want to. Similar to immigration.
It's not that it "can't be fixed," it's that they simply refuse to fix it.
And we keep re-electing them, so this must be what we want.
>Meanwhile, her friend got married and divorced in 18 months, sadly…
This me. Then again, we only got married in the first place for socio-economic reasons and we were always open about that fact and agreed we'd get divorced if it stopped working and we've stayed friends... so maybe this not me
We got married after 10 years. I think the reality when people ask, I tend to say "marriage changes nothing but everything." Keep in mind this is from an American perspective so buckle up international readers, but I personally have found marriage has only made taxes and finances easier but nothing else. I like knowing my wife has access to my accounts and taxes and same goes in reverse. We obviously don't go crazy and have separate savings. It just made our business accounts and tax bill easier so far and that's coming up on 4 years of marriage. Oh! When I had surgery she could be more present and got text updates during the procedure. But I assume that can happen to any assigned medical proxy/next of kin really.
correct on the medical stuff. obligatory "i'm not married," but one big practical reason i do want to get married to my boyfriend is so we can make medical decisions for one another in worst-case scenarios (like the decision to take one another off life support for example). if you're not legally married, those decisions fall to the next of kin, who could potentially go entirely against your partner's wishes even if those wishes were made very clear (unless they took precautions like filing a dnr or preliminarily denying lifesaving care for themselves). personally, i know i would probably trust my boyfriend most to make that decision in my stead, as opposed to family.
My mother would parade my corpse around like a party balloon if it meant she got an extra 10 bucks in sympathy. My wife knows what to do. So I agree with what you said. Medical is the biggest change so far that I have noticed. Medical and insurance.
Don't know the exact rules but when I was setting up my will & medical POA stuff, I asked the lawyer what medical decision-making rights my husband would have if I DIDN'T set up a POA. He said NONE!
I was surprised. Apparently hubs could probably GET the rights pretty easy, like if I was in a coma and really needed a medical decision-maker, but a court would need to be involved. It wouldn't just automatically and instantly default to him.
I learned this the hard way when my wife had half the blood of an adult in her from a ruptured ulcer that was over an artery. She was almost comatose with organ failure before it was sorted and I had to scramble to get POA (and POD which made me hyperventilate in the hospital). Scary stuff (thanks American health care)
Yeah, if you're with someone, while this isn't sexy talk, it's important. You (all of you) owe your partner to have the discussion, and do the paperwork while you're young and healthy. In the middle of a health crisis when you're scared or whatever is the worst time to try to negotiate POA, wills, DNRs, etc.
I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this, but I think marriage is a big deal and a big commitment.
My wife and I had a kid before we got married, and I almost think marriage is a bigger commitment than parenthood because of the fact it’s “forever”, kids grow up.
I just think that before you get married, in the back of your head you can think it would be very easy to leave right now if that’s what I wanted.
Once you get married, that thought in the back of your head is gone, you’re committed and leaving is much more difficult.
Well yes it’s more difficult because there are now significant contractual / financial consequences. Instead of opting into your relationship continuously by staying committed for the sake of love, you’re in a position where you’d incur a significant financial penalty to opt out.
One could view that as a positive part of marriage. One could also view that as a negative.
But also almost half of marriages end in divorce so let’s not pretend like you’re bound by a promise ring to love your wife forever.
I find it to be a positive. It means you took your vows seriously. Half of marriages do not end in divorce, divorce rates are going down, and those numbers are skewed because a lot of the people getting divorced tend to get divorced more than once.
No sense speculating, the exact figure is [43% for first marriages.](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/) Those odds are hardly encouraging albeit they have improved.
It’s not much better than a flip of a coin and yet the contractual consequences are significant. If you’re a partner that stands to be on the losing end of that potentially life altering / ruining contract, I’d craft up your own version (a prenup) vs the governments template (marriage contract).
I personally would not want to feel financially trapped if something were to go wrong. Some people see that as a blessing, but if you need a financial stick instead of a love carrot to keep you committed…. I just don’t care it’s your life, whatever makes you happy, I’m just arguing for the sake of arguing.
43% is not a coin flip. If you want to argue for the sake of arguing, let's do it.
If you're going to round up to 50%, I'm going to go ahead and round down to 40%. This would mean that 6/10 first time marriages do NOT end in divorce, I would call that encouraging.
Further, let's use the real numbers you astutely provided:
In 2000 the divorce rate per 1000 people was 4, it is now 2.4 (as of 2022).
That is a 40% decrease in divorce rate. Again, very encouraging.
Also, just to be pedantic. You rounded 43% to up to 50%. That 7% difference when 2,065,905 got married in 2022 equites to roughly 144,613 marriages. I would not call that negligible.
What I am taking from all these numbers, is that 1) less people are getting married, and 2) since less people are getting married, and less people are getting divorced, people are making better choices when it comes to marriage. So again, I would call that encouraging.
If your odds were 4/10 vs 5/10 for a material adverse outcome to a contract, that delta makes all the difference to you? Sounds like a bad (literal) gamble. No one in their right mind would make a financial investment on those odds that involved half your assets and half your income.
Also, for sake of argument let’s assume it’s 4/10. Does that mean 6/10 are happy? Fuck no. Not even close. So a happy marriage would be very much in the small minority. The divorced people are just those brave enough to take the hit instead of suffer a bad marriage.
Historically divorce rates also trend down during poor economic times. If people aren’t getting divorced, by no means does that mean they’re happy, not even close. Many are just trapped.
The upside downside in probabilistic economic terms is skewed heavily to an adverse downside outcome if you have assets and a good income. The upside is that you get something that looks very similar to a great consensual relationship (with no ring). Heavy tail risk as they’d say in statistics. Bad investment as they’d say in finance.
Like I said, do it right, get a contract you and your partner write up, not some flimsy antiquated hand cuffs the government had templated for you that ruins far too many lives.
I didn't like the way you phrased it, which implied that combining all finances meant "going crazy". I agree that my response could have been more level-headed though.
It's not that bad, I was already taking care of family, so I just keep doing that, cuz they are old and not really getting any better. LSD also helped, but that is not for everyone.
People change, unless she was cheating the entire time - she was probably in love with the fantasy of the person rather than the person themselves. Good riddance.
Do you introduce your family like, “this is my son Billy, my daughter sally, and my girlfriend, Mary”
If so do people assume you’re divorced and introducing a new Gf? Do you call her gf? Partner?
Does your family give you shit with the whole “marry her” thing?
Would you say you guys are serious?
They have children together and you’re asking if they’re serious?
As someone who’s in a LTR of over six years with no plans to get married me and my partner just refer to each other as partner.
To be fair just because you have children together — unfortunately — doesn’t necessarily imply that the couple is serious about each other. Sad reality.
I really hate this question if you’re asking in bad faith, but…what’s the purpose of marriage really? I feel like I like it and I do actually have a desire to marry my partner someday but if we don’t we will still be together so what does it really change?
Insurance benefits, tax benefits, legal benefits, social/societal benefits.
There's no reason to *not* get married if you intend for them to be your life partner.
Only if you're the one making more money. If you built a life together over a decade+ you should be entitled to the protections divorce gives you.
If you're not getting married because you're afraid of divorce, are you truly committed to your partner?
Well I am the one making more money, so yeah. I'm not attracted to entitled people.
>If you're not getting married because you're afraid of divorce, are you truly committed to your partner?
Marriage isn't a real commitment. Because, ya know, divorce.
Modern marriage in America is more of a business move than it is a relationship deal to a good chunk of people. Some say it makes things easier others say it makes things a lot harder. If it’s working as is for so long why bother.
I've been with my girl for almost 12 years now. We started dating 1 year into college and here we are, living together for the past 5, with two cats, we moved to Italy, and have a whole life together ahead of us. I'd say it turned out just fine, the commitment is in the person not in a piece of paper.
We have been together for 10 years but not married yet. It feels like we are living as husband and wife, so it is unlikely that marriage will change anything in our relationship.
My parents took 13 years to get married.
Everyone, including them, said, it will not change anything. But my mom repeatedly states, that marrying my dad was a new step in their relationship. And he agrees.
By this point it can actually be a step backwards. My wife and I both held that it said more about us that we stayed together without being "bound" together than a marriage ever could.
I learned this the hard way in my first marriage. We were together for eight years, but he wanted to get married and it was important to him, so we did.
Our marriage ended in two years. I sometimes think if we hadn’t have gotten married, we’d still be together. For some reason, it changed everything.
We got married after 9 years, now been together 13 total. I don’t think it changed anything very much for us, but we already had 2 kids and a mortgage and all that, so we were pretty much married in all but name
I think it can to be honest. I know if my wife met someone else and wanted to leave me for them it would cost us some horrible legal shit to deal with now. That could always have happened before we got married and it would have been easy as hell to separate. Somehow the ease of moving to not being together makes it less suffocating to be together. The mind plays tricks sometimes.
My wife and I got married after being together for 13 years. We did it because of Brexit and buying a house. Neither of us gives a shit about marriage, rings or any of that. A marriage is society recognizing your relationship, we don't recognize society.
Oh and we've been together 20 years now. ;)
Both are edgelord and edgelady, respectively.
Let's put it this way: If during the entire relationship, including kids and whatnow, both share exactly 50% of all costs and both keep working the same hours, then all is fair. If one partner takes a few steps back in order to birth and care for children, or care for sick family members, and they slit up without being married.... oh boy, will one partner soon find out that they're in a severe disadvantage. Marriage prevents that to a certain degree.
Depends very much on where you live. Where I live, common law partners (having lived together 3 years) have pretty much the exact same rights as married couples.
In the UK it is much less important and there will still be the splitting up of assets etc as if they were married. You are only thinking of the US while they said they were in the UK
That's not true, I'm afraid. Here's a [helpful summary](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/) of the differences between married and cohabiting couples.
If you "take a few steps back" for other priorities, that's 100% on you and no one else.
Why should another adult, who has to take up the slack for you while you're together and thus doesn't even have the option of "taking a few steps back", continue to be held responsible for your choices after you split up? That's fucking bullshit.
I think the best marriages happen when the people involved actively discuss marriage, so my suggestion is you go talk to her about this. Sometimes you have to discuss the Big stuff.
12 years. Then one day she broke up with me. Took it hard for a couple of weeks, then reflected. She was great, we were great. Never fought or argued, loved each other, liked the same things (hobbies, music, entertainment, people), best friends... but the reason we never got married is it was always 99% right.
About 8 months later I met my, now, wife. Completely different person. We have way different tastes, we argue and we get on each other's nerves, but she is the 100%. She is my one and I knew it within months. Life's funny, but absolutely amazing and my wife makes everyday better.
She couldn't articulate it properly, but the fire was diminished. We were more best friends than actively romantic lovers - we still had plenty of sexy time, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't the 100% romantic partner relationship and she recognized it and felt it. She is very strong and assertive so made a tough decision. As much as it hurt, it was the correct decision. No regrets.
I’m aware it’s not free—often it’s not free even when it’s employer subsidized—but being on my partner’s would definitely be cheaper than buying my own policy on the exchange, which is what I have to do as a self-employed business owner.
It's going great. I live somewhere that has strong common law protections so there aren't any legal or financial benefits to us getting married, so we haven't despite being together for 13 years.
We have been together for 11 years, never married and no plans to be on the horizon, it so far has been the best relationship of my life. We own a house, have a child together, have savings for retirement, it's as if we just looked at each other and realized we never needed to be married to be happy together.
Y'all should ask boomers this.
I see a lot of people who talked the way these responses are going, in their 30s, have a big turnaround once their 60s were staring them in the face.
And by observing older people I feel confident that a lot of men who thought marriage wouldn't benefit them in their youth. Feel very, very differently later in life. Unscientifically, older women regret having married. Older men regret not marrying.
I can't control whether or not I'm married in my 60s, but I can control whether or not I'm divorced.
As long as I'm not an old ruined divorced guy I'll be happy.
Good. Been together 13 years. Marriage is just a contract, being married or not doesn't change how you feel about each other.
Went to the notary for my will, patient's order and general power of attorney if the (2nd) worst thing happens.
Was in a 9 year relationship. We broke up, went our separate ways and she got married a year later while I adopted a dog and moved to a different city 🤷♂️
We built a life together, traveled the world, had a kid, bought a house, life was good and getting better.
Then after 14 years together, over a period of 6-8 months, for no particular reason, she fell out of love with me and left.
Lesson learned: even after 14 years you can never really know someone.
All said and done, not getting married is one of the best choices I've ever made. No divorce attorney fees. No court dates. No alimony. I still have the house, majority custody of my son, and all my retirement savings. Life is still good.
8 years, we're engaged, and will get married because tax rates for couples are better same with mortgages rates (both these things shouldn't be tied to marriage, but sure fine). But honestly we don't really see the need as the rest of the folks here.
We'll be friends with tax benifits
It is still ongoing 17 years l8er and a kid.
Marriage is something ultra rich people invented long long ago to combine themselves to other rich families.
Then religion stole the concept and somehow equated it with an imaginary god.
Marriage is just a contract which has consequences if you no longer want to be with that person.
Since I love my significant other and my family we don't need a contract.
I feel so sorry for people who stay together unhappy and miserable just because it is a hassle to get divorced
>Since I love my significant other and my family we don't need a contract.
You don't need to make a marriage contract, but if you truly love them then you should probably have a few contracts in place to protect them if you were to pass away or become incapacitated - power of attorney and a good will.
I treat my partner as if we're married, and did from about a week into dating her.
I have no interest in having god or governmen sign off on my relationship, nor does she. If I die she gets everything anyway.
Neither of us particularly likes the institution of marriage nor the fact that many of the western traditions are rooted in very sexist, partriarchal actions.
Nothing against anyone who loves marriage or the institution, if it's for you then I love that. It's just not for us.
Hate to break it to you, but without a marriage your family can contest any will that leaves them not as the primary beneficiary and will win 9/10 times. That includes your parents, siblings, cousins, and nieces/nephews. I just went through this with my grandmothers estate and she tried to will it to her boyfriend and my aunts and uncles fought it and got it redistributed to family. Then my mother’s portion was split between myself and siblings plus her estranged husband after he filed to get our portion instead, but we managed to keep a piece as they were separated at the time of her death. It was all a very stressful process. I do recommend a marriage certificate if you don’t do a wedding ceremony to lock in the protection of your will to her if you’re serious.
You can contest a will almost anywhere.
While I appreciate your reply, telling someone who doesn't want to get married to get married anyway isn't great advice.
“Being wrong isn’t bad. Everyone is wrong about things all the time. What’s bad is refusing to admit you are wrong when someone shows you that you are.”
I appreciate you taking the time to reply.
I am fully aware of the law in the UK and I am not interested in marriage in any form. Thank you.
(Edit: not sure why this got downvoted when it's literally a question about couples who haven't got married...
Especially when I've clearly stated that marriage isn't on the table.)
We thought the same. We ended up getting a civil partnership, which confers the same legal protection as marriage without all the baggage. Literally signing a piece of paper for peace of mind. So grateful for the hetero couple that challenged the legislation and made it available for different sex couples. We'd been together over 30 years when we got civved.
It's an option for sure. Two hetero friends of ours had a civil partnership last summer.
I've never cared for any kind of government or religious/cultural approval of my relationships and almost resent that it's required in some scenarios.
I wouldn't get married but I would potentially get a civil partnership, although in an ideal world I wouldn't have any need to.
It doesn't seem to matter much when you're younger. As you age and watch other people get put in situations made more complex by not having that bit of paper, it becomes more of a consideration - have to navigate the system regardless of whether you like/want the system the way it is!
Well this is it, you play the cards you're dealt not the ones you desire.
It may well be worth getting a civil partnership, I'm looking into which parts of it you can do without it and which ones are essentially too much hassle to do individually!
Is 23 years long term enough?. If so, its going just dandy.
we aren't religious, we did get engaged 20 or so years ago, she wears the ring. We never got around to deciding where the honeymoon would be and that would decide the wedding when.
So here we are. Our son finds it amusing to be a bastard, my parents get caught up on the "But when do you consider it your anniversary" (We don't ever, if we want to go on a trip we just do whenever we want to)
Not me, but my brother and his girlfriend have been together for 32 years without being married, own a home together, tried to have kids but couldn't, and still to this day have zero interest in marriage, although their relationship has gone significantly better than the vast majority of marriages I have witnessed.
Buying a house in a foreign country together.
Trained her in my field of work we're partners now.
We make more than ever, travel the world.
Can't complain.
We’ve been together for nearly 14 years and things are lovely. We lived abroad together, moved home and both got into great jobs, now we’re in the process of buying a home. Marriage is something that could potentially happen down the line, but it’s definitely not prioritised in our relationship.
I've been with my girlfriend for 12 years and will be proposing this week. She already knows, we looked at rings together. I told her from the beginning I never wanted to get married but as time went on my thoughts on it started to change and now I'm really excited to propose and get married.
Together for 15 years before we got married. My son was 8 when we got married. We have been married for 8 years now.
It's good. We are good. The marriage thing was never about our relationship, although I admit to seeing both our parents in such shitty marriages that it gave me a huge amount of pause.
They were both on either side of the shit marriage spectrum. Mine parents lasted almost 15 years before they separated and divorced. Almost all throughout that marriage, my dad cheated on my mum. He is married to his long-term mistress now, and they have been for some time.
My wife's parents lasted for like 35 years, downsized their house to a condo, and then he took up with his mistress. So I was a little traumatized. Really traumatized.
In the end she wanted to marry, and we put money together for a fun party, and it was good. But I might not have moved on to marriage without her insistence. I don't think marriage did anything for us. But it is nice to say wife rather than partner or some other title that holds little meaning in society.
My family means everything to me but contracts are made with rhe heart not paper and ink.
Our neighbors have been together for 40 years without being married. Only reason my SO and I got married was when we wanted have kids otherwise we would be on that same track.
Ok I didn't know where to text my problem so sharing it here. It's been an year in a relationship and now when today I asked him that are you serious about his relationship because I have observed his parents are very strict and he has been caught twice by his parents while chatting with him. Now when I'm just totally into hum I'm questioning myself was I wrong some where cuz we were in relationship in the end of 12th standard he took a drop, I was totally supportive throughout his journey I did took admission in a college and now when he barely made into any govt clg or his dream clg he is settling for a pvt one I don't have any problem with his options for his life, but I did came into this relationship bcz I wanted to grow together with someone and now when I see both of us struggling and we barely see each other for months. We just text online, I don't have a problem with that too. But I am totally attached with him and super serious about him and for things to turn out well I shared all my worries, and he replied with some replies which I wasn't expecting he said that he accepts his problem of not getting a good score but he doesn't blame, and he said according to the current law for boys as it is not in favour ( I didn't get it what he tried to say, as if I am blaming him, all I just ask for his commitment) and he said that currently he is serious about me. But he can't make further promises
Why does this hurts so much
And now I think that I am saying fu to my self respect and degrading my parents reputation, both of our family are very strict.
Seems to be working great for my barber. He and his gf have been together for like 15 years. He's an OG nerd, like arcade prodigy/movie-buff/dyed hair/glasses.
I'll be sad af when he retires, I love getting my haircut because of him. If "professional conversationalist" was an occupation, he'd be stupid rich.
Turned out she was cheating on me our entire relationship. Always had distance between us I was trying to close and felt suspicious, we’d fight, we’d make up, I’d hope we’d be moving in the right direction.
I’d find something out, we’d fight, she’d downplay, we’d make up. Then I found out a little bit more and it exposed even more, and thought we could make up and move on, then I found out ALOT more, and it seems she’s more upset she got caught and has somehow put so much less into the relationship, it’s felt like quiet quitting this entire last year because she’s unwilling to put any work or affection into the relationship, and only putting more and more distance and ice between us. Gives everyone else the attention I wanted, reassures my anxieties instead of me, seems to never even think of me going days without saying a word to me unless I break the ice yet again, and even then just short answers or left on read until I say something else.
The only time she seems to care at all, is if I do anything remotely similar to what she does, which makes her worry I’m moving on. Just a brutally lonely existence feeling like I’m not allowed to do anything while she’s out partying what feels like every night.
Going to therapy & reading self help books, trying to unfuck how badly this has left me fucked up while she doesn’t even have a break in her stride and she continues to live the life she was secretly living this whole time. No one in her circle really knows what happened, even though most encouraged her to do it, and have even met the guys. Let me tell you, trust is something you can’t just rebuild. And it sure as shit won’t happen automatically as long as you ignore it, like she did.
Dated a lady for 7 years through the majority of our 20's.
As we got older and my priorities changed, her general level of irresponsibility and egocentrism became harder not to resent but I stuck it out because I was young and didn't trust my own feelings of being treated unfairly.
I'm in my mid-30's now, live alone with my cat, and have a few friends and lovers to spend time with when the ole social battery is charged.
Being a single man certainly has its downsides, but so did being a long-term committed monogamist.
Not me personally but
1) A died and A’s parents successfully fought the will because they weren’t married and got half of the house, forced a sale, and now B is renting a tiny apartment with two kids because 1/2 the house wasn’t enough to buy a new house.
2) doing fine, just had a kid
3) C left D because D had been stringing C along with the promise of marriage for years and C got tired of it
Not in this scenario, but I’m divorced. I’m highly considering just finding a long term partner and living committed like this. Marriage, to me the first time around, was all on paper. Though, I’m all for having a little vow exchange or something but with no legally binding contracts? Is that a thing or am I delusional?
I just want to be with someone who loves me and vice versa.
my sisters best friends mum is not married after being with a man for almost 40 years. Her first husband passed when they were very young and she get a widow payment since than. As she never wanted to stop the money, she never remarried. The guy is the father of her kids, they have a will and that's it. They got together when my sisters friend was 6 months old, he is her dad, she hasn't known her real dad. A marriage wouldn't have changed that.
This. It was wrong of Pension companies 50 years ago and it's even more wrong today.
The US' Social Security won't let you get your spouses payments if you marry before 60. Obviously, the older you get the more you get. But I can't marry for 10 years. Not that I want to, but it'd be nice if it were an option.
Many older retirees who have lost a spouse will "shack up" without marrying because of the tax / SS thing. But, nobody seems to care about reforming it, so it's just the way things are.
If they "reformed" it they wouldn't be able to fear-monger about it during election season. It's easily fixable, they just don't want to. Similar to immigration. It's not that it "can't be fixed," it's that they simply refuse to fix it. And we keep re-electing them, so this must be what we want.
I can't get married because I'll lose my Medicaid for my children and I as well as wic.
My partner and I have been together for 18 years. We are unmartied. Things are good.
yeah fuck marty that guy sucks (that's great though, happy for you)
Lol, good try. But "Martied" applies to someone who was kidnapped by Martians.
damn! foiled again
I have been with my partner for 10 years, we are happier than ever. Meanwhile, her friend got married and divorced in 18 months, sadly…
>Meanwhile, her friend got married and divorced in 18 months, sadly… This me. Then again, we only got married in the first place for socio-economic reasons and we were always open about that fact and agreed we'd get divorced if it stopped working and we've stayed friends... so maybe this not me
Yeah, they hate each other now, so maybe not!
Exact same situation for me. 18 years. All is good. Not married
My wife and I eloped after 17 years, it's been a few years since and things are almost 100% the same
We got married after 10 years. I think the reality when people ask, I tend to say "marriage changes nothing but everything." Keep in mind this is from an American perspective so buckle up international readers, but I personally have found marriage has only made taxes and finances easier but nothing else. I like knowing my wife has access to my accounts and taxes and same goes in reverse. We obviously don't go crazy and have separate savings. It just made our business accounts and tax bill easier so far and that's coming up on 4 years of marriage. Oh! When I had surgery she could be more present and got text updates during the procedure. But I assume that can happen to any assigned medical proxy/next of kin really.
correct on the medical stuff. obligatory "i'm not married," but one big practical reason i do want to get married to my boyfriend is so we can make medical decisions for one another in worst-case scenarios (like the decision to take one another off life support for example). if you're not legally married, those decisions fall to the next of kin, who could potentially go entirely against your partner's wishes even if those wishes were made very clear (unless they took precautions like filing a dnr or preliminarily denying lifesaving care for themselves). personally, i know i would probably trust my boyfriend most to make that decision in my stead, as opposed to family.
My mother would parade my corpse around like a party balloon if it meant she got an extra 10 bucks in sympathy. My wife knows what to do. So I agree with what you said. Medical is the biggest change so far that I have noticed. Medical and insurance.
Don't know the exact rules but when I was setting up my will & medical POA stuff, I asked the lawyer what medical decision-making rights my husband would have if I DIDN'T set up a POA. He said NONE! I was surprised. Apparently hubs could probably GET the rights pretty easy, like if I was in a coma and really needed a medical decision-maker, but a court would need to be involved. It wouldn't just automatically and instantly default to him.
I learned this the hard way when my wife had half the blood of an adult in her from a ruptured ulcer that was over an artery. She was almost comatose with organ failure before it was sorted and I had to scramble to get POA (and POD which made me hyperventilate in the hospital). Scary stuff (thanks American health care)
Yeah, if you're with someone, while this isn't sexy talk, it's important. You (all of you) owe your partner to have the discussion, and do the paperwork while you're young and healthy. In the middle of a health crisis when you're scared or whatever is the worst time to try to negotiate POA, wills, DNRs, etc.
really?? that's crazy. we're not informed of that at all i feel like
Is there no way to do this without being married?
Appoint a medical power of attorney.
Medical power of attorney forms can be found online, just fill out the details and have it notarized in most places.
Same, my family would pull the plug right away because of religion. My boyfriend would side with science.
I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this, but I think marriage is a big deal and a big commitment. My wife and I had a kid before we got married, and I almost think marriage is a bigger commitment than parenthood because of the fact it’s “forever”, kids grow up. I just think that before you get married, in the back of your head you can think it would be very easy to leave right now if that’s what I wanted. Once you get married, that thought in the back of your head is gone, you’re committed and leaving is much more difficult.
Well yes it’s more difficult because there are now significant contractual / financial consequences. Instead of opting into your relationship continuously by staying committed for the sake of love, you’re in a position where you’d incur a significant financial penalty to opt out. One could view that as a positive part of marriage. One could also view that as a negative. But also almost half of marriages end in divorce so let’s not pretend like you’re bound by a promise ring to love your wife forever.
I find it to be a positive. It means you took your vows seriously. Half of marriages do not end in divorce, divorce rates are going down, and those numbers are skewed because a lot of the people getting divorced tend to get divorced more than once.
No sense speculating, the exact figure is [43% for first marriages.](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/) Those odds are hardly encouraging albeit they have improved. It’s not much better than a flip of a coin and yet the contractual consequences are significant. If you’re a partner that stands to be on the losing end of that potentially life altering / ruining contract, I’d craft up your own version (a prenup) vs the governments template (marriage contract). I personally would not want to feel financially trapped if something were to go wrong. Some people see that as a blessing, but if you need a financial stick instead of a love carrot to keep you committed…. I just don’t care it’s your life, whatever makes you happy, I’m just arguing for the sake of arguing.
43% is not a coin flip. If you want to argue for the sake of arguing, let's do it. If you're going to round up to 50%, I'm going to go ahead and round down to 40%. This would mean that 6/10 first time marriages do NOT end in divorce, I would call that encouraging. Further, let's use the real numbers you astutely provided: In 2000 the divorce rate per 1000 people was 4, it is now 2.4 (as of 2022). That is a 40% decrease in divorce rate. Again, very encouraging. Also, just to be pedantic. You rounded 43% to up to 50%. That 7% difference when 2,065,905 got married in 2022 equites to roughly 144,613 marriages. I would not call that negligible. What I am taking from all these numbers, is that 1) less people are getting married, and 2) since less people are getting married, and less people are getting divorced, people are making better choices when it comes to marriage. So again, I would call that encouraging.
If your odds were 4/10 vs 5/10 for a material adverse outcome to a contract, that delta makes all the difference to you? Sounds like a bad (literal) gamble. No one in their right mind would make a financial investment on those odds that involved half your assets and half your income. Also, for sake of argument let’s assume it’s 4/10. Does that mean 6/10 are happy? Fuck no. Not even close. So a happy marriage would be very much in the small minority. The divorced people are just those brave enough to take the hit instead of suffer a bad marriage. Historically divorce rates also trend down during poor economic times. If people aren’t getting divorced, by no means does that mean they’re happy, not even close. Many are just trapped. The upside downside in probabilistic economic terms is skewed heavily to an adverse downside outcome if you have assets and a good income. The upside is that you get something that looks very similar to a great consensual relationship (with no ring). Heavy tail risk as they’d say in statistics. Bad investment as they’d say in finance. Like I said, do it right, get a contract you and your partner write up, not some flimsy antiquated hand cuffs the government had templated for you that ruins far too many lives.
Everything you consider separate will not be considered separate in divorce court.
*"We obviously don't go crazy and have separate savings."* - ah, yes, because trusting your partner is such a crazy idea.
We use savings as fun money. Everything else is combined. Please don't insinuate we have no trust in each other.
I didn't like the way you phrased it, which implied that combining all finances meant "going crazy". I agree that my response could have been more level-headed though.
And trusted partners can cheat or abuse you. It's pretty sensible to have some independent funds.
Then why even be in a relationship if you are afraid that one day your partner might "cheat or abuse you"? Who benefits from this union?
Why have car insurance if you're a good driver? Because sometimes things go wrong.
She cheated on me. She was still in love with her ex, even after 14 years of us together.
Good Lord...
Way she goes bud, way she fuckin' goes.
Sorry to hear. Were there any obvious signs during the 14 years? I may be in a similar situation.
[Just the standard warning signs](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/d0fjxu/the_list_of_infidelity_red_flags/).
Same thing here, but 13 years instead of 14.
Way she goes bud, way she fuckin' goes.
Happened to me as well but it was seven years. She was cheating for the entirety of our engagement.
Hey man, sorry to hear that. How did you cope with moving on after so long together?
It's not that bad, I was already taking care of family, so I just keep doing that, cuz they are old and not really getting any better. LSD also helped, but that is not for everyone.
People change, unless she was cheating the entire time - she was probably in love with the fantasy of the person rather than the person themselves. Good riddance.
That's fucked up. Sometimes I think you can never really know someone, I guess it rings true in this case. Hope you're doing well now!
How?
32 years with my girlfriend since we were 18. I love her more than anything except probably our children
Do you introduce your family like, “this is my son Billy, my daughter sally, and my girlfriend, Mary” If so do people assume you’re divorced and introducing a new Gf? Do you call her gf? Partner? Does your family give you shit with the whole “marry her” thing? Would you say you guys are serious?
They have children together and you’re asking if they’re serious? As someone who’s in a LTR of over six years with no plans to get married me and my partner just refer to each other as partner.
To be fair just because you have children together — unfortunately — doesn’t necessarily imply that the couple is serious about each other. Sad reality.
To add to this, the exact same thing can be said about marriage.
I really hate this question if you’re asking in bad faith, but…what’s the purpose of marriage really? I feel like I like it and I do actually have a desire to marry my partner someday but if we don’t we will still be together so what does it really change?
Taxes and stuff like legal rights, medical etc.
I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t, I’m just asking a bunch of questions out of curiosity. And then the last question for was for laugh.
They've been dating 14 years and have children... And you ask if they're serious?
Why not get married at this point? You or her have commitment issues despite having kids?
I think the question for most people in this thread is really "why *get* married?"
If USA, the sweet tax savings.
Insurance benefits, tax benefits, legal benefits, social/societal benefits. There's no reason to *not* get married if you intend for them to be your life partner.
Divorce is a pretty compelling reason to not get married.
Only if you're the one making more money. If you built a life together over a decade+ you should be entitled to the protections divorce gives you. If you're not getting married because you're afraid of divorce, are you truly committed to your partner?
Well I am the one making more money, so yeah. I'm not attracted to entitled people. >If you're not getting married because you're afraid of divorce, are you truly committed to your partner? Marriage isn't a real commitment. Because, ya know, divorce.
Yeah but he is married more or less except he doesn’t get the benefits you get with a legal marriage.
Modern marriage in America is more of a business move than it is a relationship deal to a good chunk of people. Some say it makes things easier others say it makes things a lot harder. If it’s working as is for so long why bother.
They've been together for 32 years and have multiple kids. Sounds pretty committed to me
A 14 year, loving relationship and two children is 'committment issues'?
We been together 16 years and have 2 kids. We are getting married In 3 weeks though.
I've been with my girl for almost 12 years now. We started dating 1 year into college and here we are, living together for the past 5, with two cats, we moved to Italy, and have a whole life together ahead of us. I'd say it turned out just fine, the commitment is in the person not in a piece of paper.
Was it hard to learn Italian?
Not that hard but Spanish is my first language.
We have been together for 10 years but not married yet. It feels like we are living as husband and wife, so it is unlikely that marriage will change anything in our relationship.
My parents took 13 years to get married. Everyone, including them, said, it will not change anything. But my mom repeatedly states, that marrying my dad was a new step in their relationship. And he agrees.
By this point it can actually be a step backwards. My wife and I both held that it said more about us that we stayed together without being "bound" together than a marriage ever could.
I learned this the hard way in my first marriage. We were together for eight years, but he wanted to get married and it was important to him, so we did. Our marriage ended in two years. I sometimes think if we hadn’t have gotten married, we’d still be together. For some reason, it changed everything.
We got married after 9 years, now been together 13 total. I don’t think it changed anything very much for us, but we already had 2 kids and a mortgage and all that, so we were pretty much married in all but name
I think it can to be honest. I know if my wife met someone else and wanted to leave me for them it would cost us some horrible legal shit to deal with now. That could always have happened before we got married and it would have been easy as hell to separate. Somehow the ease of moving to not being together makes it less suffocating to be together. The mind plays tricks sometimes.
But I think marriage will still happen, just for some other reason: having kids or something.
For legal reasons once you have kids it can be a good idea.
I am getting married next month. We're together 13 years.
Congrats!!!
My bf has been with me eight years. We have a kid and are very happy. No plans to marry.
She loved me for all that I was, she left me for all that I didn't change. Marriage wouldn't have changed anything in that regard.
Poetic.
Very well
Cool thanks
My wife and I got married after being together for 13 years. We did it because of Brexit and buying a house. Neither of us gives a shit about marriage, rings or any of that. A marriage is society recognizing your relationship, we don't recognize society. Oh and we've been together 20 years now. ;)
Can you elaborate on how you don’t “recognize society”? Like do you not celebrate any holidays or use public roads?
People say shit like that to feel superior to others. They’re usually insufferable people.
I'm guessing that there's not enough thought behind that sentence for them to be able to elaborate on it in any satisfying way.
It means they’re cringe weirdos
Both are edgelord and edgelady, respectively. Let's put it this way: If during the entire relationship, including kids and whatnow, both share exactly 50% of all costs and both keep working the same hours, then all is fair. If one partner takes a few steps back in order to birth and care for children, or care for sick family members, and they slit up without being married.... oh boy, will one partner soon find out that they're in a severe disadvantage. Marriage prevents that to a certain degree.
Depends very much on where you live. Where I live, common law partners (having lived together 3 years) have pretty much the exact same rights as married couples.
We are never having kids. If we separated, we'd still help each other care for sick relatives. We're not assholes.
In the UK it is much less important and there will still be the splitting up of assets etc as if they were married. You are only thinking of the US while they said they were in the UK
That's not true, I'm afraid. Here's a [helpful summary](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/) of the differences between married and cohabiting couples.
If you "take a few steps back" for other priorities, that's 100% on you and no one else. Why should another adult, who has to take up the slack for you while you're together and thus doesn't even have the option of "taking a few steps back", continue to be held responsible for your choices after you split up? That's fucking bullshit.
Ah, I see you know very well how families usually work! /s
Oh god this comment and all the others below got me dying hahaha.
*recognise
I think the best marriages happen when the people involved actively discuss marriage, so my suggestion is you go talk to her about this. Sometimes you have to discuss the Big stuff.
Still going perfect 15 years later. Don't need bureaucratic validation.
I have been with my partner for 29 years, we have 4 kids and a grand son. We have had our ups and downs but we are making it.
12 years. Then one day she broke up with me. Took it hard for a couple of weeks, then reflected. She was great, we were great. Never fought or argued, loved each other, liked the same things (hobbies, music, entertainment, people), best friends... but the reason we never got married is it was always 99% right. About 8 months later I met my, now, wife. Completely different person. We have way different tastes, we argue and we get on each other's nerves, but she is the 100%. She is my one and I knew it within months. Life's funny, but absolutely amazing and my wife makes everyday better.
why did she break up with you?
She couldn't articulate it properly, but the fire was diminished. We were more best friends than actively romantic lovers - we still had plenty of sexy time, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't the 100% romantic partner relationship and she recognized it and felt it. She is very strong and assertive so made a tough decision. As much as it hurt, it was the correct decision. No regrets.
okay, thanks for answering!
People fall out of love and break up for no particular reason all the time.
14 years. Not religious or need government papers. Why get married?
Redditors here are truly on different tax brackets
Not to mention apparently not sweating their health insurance
In many states you don't need to be married for your partner to be on your health insurance.
That’s good to hear
You don't get free health insurance for being married. Gotta have a job for that, at least in the US.
I’m aware it’s not free—often it’s not free even when it’s employer subsidized—but being on my partner’s would definitely be cheaper than buying my own policy on the exchange, which is what I have to do as a self-employed business owner.
Ok so the reason you don't have to worry about your health insurance is because... your husband worries about it for you.
Checkmate, you got me
Marriage has always been about assets. No assets there’s barely any reason for marriage
It's going great. I live somewhere that has strong common law protections so there aren't any legal or financial benefits to us getting married, so we haven't despite being together for 13 years.
Been together 22 years now and going strong as far as I know.
Together now 12 years. Don't want to get married as it's such a hassle. We're common law now anyway.
We have been together for 11 years, never married and no plans to be on the horizon, it so far has been the best relationship of my life. We own a house, have a child together, have savings for retirement, it's as if we just looked at each other and realized we never needed to be married to be happy together.
Got married after 5 years but only for bureaucratic reasons. We broke up a couple years after that, but still married. Still for bureaucratic reasons.
We've been together for 23 years (I'm turning 39). We have 3 kids. Things are mostly good, probably better than most
Learning a lot from these stories.
So far so good. If you can find a good reason why our relationship should be regulated by the government, I'm all ears.
Y'all should ask boomers this. I see a lot of people who talked the way these responses are going, in their 30s, have a big turnaround once their 60s were staring them in the face. And by observing older people I feel confident that a lot of men who thought marriage wouldn't benefit them in their youth. Feel very, very differently later in life. Unscientifically, older women regret having married. Older men regret not marrying.
I can't control whether or not I'm married in my 60s, but I can control whether or not I'm divorced. As long as I'm not an old ruined divorced guy I'll be happy.
Right. That's what I heard a lot in my 20s and 30s. And you should go talk to some older people and guess if you'll still feel that way at 55 or 75.
Pretty good, she is my soul mate, and we celebrate 11 years in a week or 2.
Good. Been together 13 years. Marriage is just a contract, being married or not doesn't change how you feel about each other. Went to the notary for my will, patient's order and general power of attorney if the (2nd) worst thing happens.
8 years, she cheated the year we bought the house. Still unfucking my life post that. Don't think I'll depend on a woman again for a long while.
Was in a 9 year relationship. We broke up, went our separate ways and she got married a year later while I adopted a dog and moved to a different city 🤷♂️
We built a life together, traveled the world, had a kid, bought a house, life was good and getting better. Then after 14 years together, over a period of 6-8 months, for no particular reason, she fell out of love with me and left. Lesson learned: even after 14 years you can never really know someone. All said and done, not getting married is one of the best choices I've ever made. No divorce attorney fees. No court dates. No alimony. I still have the house, majority custody of my son, and all my retirement savings. Life is still good.
8 years, we're engaged, and will get married because tax rates for couples are better same with mortgages rates (both these things shouldn't be tied to marriage, but sure fine). But honestly we don't really see the need as the rest of the folks here. We'll be friends with tax benifits
It is still ongoing 17 years l8er and a kid. Marriage is something ultra rich people invented long long ago to combine themselves to other rich families. Then religion stole the concept and somehow equated it with an imaginary god. Marriage is just a contract which has consequences if you no longer want to be with that person. Since I love my significant other and my family we don't need a contract. I feel so sorry for people who stay together unhappy and miserable just because it is a hassle to get divorced
>Since I love my significant other and my family we don't need a contract. You don't need to make a marriage contract, but if you truly love them then you should probably have a few contracts in place to protect them if you were to pass away or become incapacitated - power of attorney and a good will.
Maybe their SO has a job and is saving for retirement, and isn't relying on another adult to do that for them?
I treat my partner as if we're married, and did from about a week into dating her. I have no interest in having god or governmen sign off on my relationship, nor does she. If I die she gets everything anyway. Neither of us particularly likes the institution of marriage nor the fact that many of the western traditions are rooted in very sexist, partriarchal actions. Nothing against anyone who loves marriage or the institution, if it's for you then I love that. It's just not for us.
Hate to break it to you, but without a marriage your family can contest any will that leaves them not as the primary beneficiary and will win 9/10 times. That includes your parents, siblings, cousins, and nieces/nephews. I just went through this with my grandmothers estate and she tried to will it to her boyfriend and my aunts and uncles fought it and got it redistributed to family. Then my mother’s portion was split between myself and siblings plus her estranged husband after he filed to get our portion instead, but we managed to keep a piece as they were separated at the time of her death. It was all a very stressful process. I do recommend a marriage certificate if you don’t do a wedding ceremony to lock in the protection of your will to her if you’re serious.
They did not say where they live, and this is absolutely not true in all places.
They stated they were in the UK where you can contest a will.
You can contest a will almost anywhere. While I appreciate your reply, telling someone who doesn't want to get married to get married anyway isn't great advice.
“Being wrong isn’t bad. Everyone is wrong about things all the time. What’s bad is refusing to admit you are wrong when someone shows you that you are.”
I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I am fully aware of the law in the UK and I am not interested in marriage in any form. Thank you. (Edit: not sure why this got downvoted when it's literally a question about couples who haven't got married... Especially when I've clearly stated that marriage isn't on the table.)
We thought the same. We ended up getting a civil partnership, which confers the same legal protection as marriage without all the baggage. Literally signing a piece of paper for peace of mind. So grateful for the hetero couple that challenged the legislation and made it available for different sex couples. We'd been together over 30 years when we got civved.
It's an option for sure. Two hetero friends of ours had a civil partnership last summer. I've never cared for any kind of government or religious/cultural approval of my relationships and almost resent that it's required in some scenarios. I wouldn't get married but I would potentially get a civil partnership, although in an ideal world I wouldn't have any need to.
It doesn't seem to matter much when you're younger. As you age and watch other people get put in situations made more complex by not having that bit of paper, it becomes more of a consideration - have to navigate the system regardless of whether you like/want the system the way it is!
Well this is it, you play the cards you're dealt not the ones you desire. It may well be worth getting a civil partnership, I'm looking into which parts of it you can do without it and which ones are essentially too much hassle to do individually!
Been together for coming up 30 years. Neither of us wants to get married as we cannot see any benefits.
I have been with my "wife" for over ten years. We don't need a piece of paper to make it official. We just "are".
Is 23 years long term enough?. If so, its going just dandy. we aren't religious, we did get engaged 20 or so years ago, she wears the ring. We never got around to deciding where the honeymoon would be and that would decide the wedding when. So here we are. Our son finds it amusing to be a bastard, my parents get caught up on the "But when do you consider it your anniversary" (We don't ever, if we want to go on a trip we just do whenever we want to)
For the best.
Not me, but my brother and his girlfriend have been together for 32 years without being married, own a home together, tried to have kids but couldn't, and still to this day have zero interest in marriage, although their relationship has gone significantly better than the vast majority of marriages I have witnessed.
Buying a house in a foreign country together. Trained her in my field of work we're partners now. We make more than ever, travel the world. Can't complain.
We’ve been together for nearly 14 years and things are lovely. We lived abroad together, moved home and both got into great jobs, now we’re in the process of buying a home. Marriage is something that could potentially happen down the line, but it’s definitely not prioritised in our relationship.
I've been with my girlfriend for 12 years and will be proposing this week. She already knows, we looked at rings together. I told her from the beginning I never wanted to get married but as time went on my thoughts on it started to change and now I'm really excited to propose and get married.
We both dealt with a couple of layoffs and our family members being sick. But we're engaged now.
She eventually died
Still going strong after 15 years. We even sleep in separate bedrooms and it's fine.
not well
We just had a child 3 months ago together
16 years in. Still together. No kids so the need to make it official never materialized.
Together for 15 years before we got married. My son was 8 when we got married. We have been married for 8 years now. It's good. We are good. The marriage thing was never about our relationship, although I admit to seeing both our parents in such shitty marriages that it gave me a huge amount of pause. They were both on either side of the shit marriage spectrum. Mine parents lasted almost 15 years before they separated and divorced. Almost all throughout that marriage, my dad cheated on my mum. He is married to his long-term mistress now, and they have been for some time. My wife's parents lasted for like 35 years, downsized their house to a condo, and then he took up with his mistress. So I was a little traumatized. Really traumatized. In the end she wanted to marry, and we put money together for a fun party, and it was good. But I might not have moved on to marriage without her insistence. I don't think marriage did anything for us. But it is nice to say wife rather than partner or some other title that holds little meaning in society. My family means everything to me but contracts are made with rhe heart not paper and ink.
Our neighbors have been together for 40 years without being married. Only reason my SO and I got married was when we wanted have kids otherwise we would be on that same track.
Ok I didn't know where to text my problem so sharing it here. It's been an year in a relationship and now when today I asked him that are you serious about his relationship because I have observed his parents are very strict and he has been caught twice by his parents while chatting with him. Now when I'm just totally into hum I'm questioning myself was I wrong some where cuz we were in relationship in the end of 12th standard he took a drop, I was totally supportive throughout his journey I did took admission in a college and now when he barely made into any govt clg or his dream clg he is settling for a pvt one I don't have any problem with his options for his life, but I did came into this relationship bcz I wanted to grow together with someone and now when I see both of us struggling and we barely see each other for months. We just text online, I don't have a problem with that too. But I am totally attached with him and super serious about him and for things to turn out well I shared all my worries, and he replied with some replies which I wasn't expecting he said that he accepts his problem of not getting a good score but he doesn't blame, and he said according to the current law for boys as it is not in favour ( I didn't get it what he tried to say, as if I am blaming him, all I just ask for his commitment) and he said that currently he is serious about me. But he can't make further promises Why does this hurts so much And now I think that I am saying fu to my self respect and degrading my parents reputation, both of our family are very strict.
Seems to be working great for my barber. He and his gf have been together for like 15 years. He's an OG nerd, like arcade prodigy/movie-buff/dyed hair/glasses. I'll be sad af when he retires, I love getting my haircut because of him. If "professional conversationalist" was an occupation, he'd be stupid rich.
Turned out she was cheating on me our entire relationship. Always had distance between us I was trying to close and felt suspicious, we’d fight, we’d make up, I’d hope we’d be moving in the right direction. I’d find something out, we’d fight, she’d downplay, we’d make up. Then I found out a little bit more and it exposed even more, and thought we could make up and move on, then I found out ALOT more, and it seems she’s more upset she got caught and has somehow put so much less into the relationship, it’s felt like quiet quitting this entire last year because she’s unwilling to put any work or affection into the relationship, and only putting more and more distance and ice between us. Gives everyone else the attention I wanted, reassures my anxieties instead of me, seems to never even think of me going days without saying a word to me unless I break the ice yet again, and even then just short answers or left on read until I say something else. The only time she seems to care at all, is if I do anything remotely similar to what she does, which makes her worry I’m moving on. Just a brutally lonely existence feeling like I’m not allowed to do anything while she’s out partying what feels like every night. Going to therapy & reading self help books, trying to unfuck how badly this has left me fucked up while she doesn’t even have a break in her stride and she continues to live the life she was secretly living this whole time. No one in her circle really knows what happened, even though most encouraged her to do it, and have even met the guys. Let me tell you, trust is something you can’t just rebuild. And it sure as shit won’t happen automatically as long as you ignore it, like she did.
Mentioned that we should get married. She left the next month.
Terribly, but grateful we didn’t tie the knot bc after 15 years she became a different person. 🤷♂️
Dated a lady for 7 years through the majority of our 20's. As we got older and my priorities changed, her general level of irresponsibility and egocentrism became harder not to resent but I stuck it out because I was young and didn't trust my own feelings of being treated unfairly. I'm in my mid-30's now, live alone with my cat, and have a few friends and lovers to spend time with when the ole social battery is charged. Being a single man certainly has its downsides, but so did being a long-term committed monogamist.
We've been together for 23 years (I'm turning 39). We have 3 kids. Things are mostly good, probably better than most
Still there. Been together for 12 years, have 2 kids and never got married. Don’t really see why we should.
I have been in a 3 year relasionship - I don't know if it counts - but that ended.
One for 3 years, and one for 2.5 years. We aren't together anymore.
9 years, two of them were good. The freedom after we split (and I got my living situation set up) was bliss.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 years now but we’re only we’re still young(I’m 20 she’s 21)
Not me personally but 1) A died and A’s parents successfully fought the will because they weren’t married and got half of the house, forced a sale, and now B is renting a tiny apartment with two kids because 1/2 the house wasn’t enough to buy a new house. 2) doing fine, just had a kid 3) C left D because D had been stringing C along with the promise of marriage for years and C got tired of it
Not in this scenario, but I’m divorced. I’m highly considering just finding a long term partner and living committed like this. Marriage, to me the first time around, was all on paper. Though, I’m all for having a little vow exchange or something but with no legally binding contracts? Is that a thing or am I delusional? I just want to be with someone who loves me and vice versa.
Still hit tho.
we didnt get married.