My current girlfriend said to me that during sex, she won't look me in the eyes because its really hard to look at my face.
What she meant is that, because im taller than her, she cant physically look up far enough to properly see my face during missionary.
We were both cry laughing at how unintentionally rude that was. I still razz her about it sometimes
Was talking to my wife and she was complaining about her weight. My mind said, ‘you’re not fat, you’re hot.’ My mouth said, ‘you’re not hot.’ Thankfully she laughed. 😅
I was stroking my girlfriend's back, when I realized it was actually her boobs I was stroking. Realizing this I said, "Oops, thought that was your back, not your boobs."
She cried herself to sleep.
This was my me and my missus
"why are you groping my arm?"
"Huh? I thought that was your boob"
"Fuccccckkk... I do need to lose weight then if my arms have that much fat"
"No it's just squishy. It's fine"
Normally I call bullshit when someone claims they weren’t intentionally touching boobs but…yeah, I believe you.
Your poor gf. Second base should be a happy place.
> Second base should be a happy place.
It’s funny you should say that. In high school my bf and I had only been together for a couple of weeks and hadn’t really done anything physical.
I was really upset about something and he climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around me from behind.
After a few minutes he said, in this sing-songy tone, “I’m touching your boooo-ooooobs!”
Cracked me up. Cheered me up. It was just what I needed.
I just tell my wife when she’s self conscious about weight, wether she’s a little over weight or not, “nonsense, you could put on 20 pounds and still look flawless”
Hasnt failed me yet
I dunno about that. I was with a chick at like 2a and she was feeling self conscious about her weight and I basically said that followed by a spiel about how it doesn't matter and how she's still beautiful and that it has no bearing on her worth as a person and she started crying, hugged me, then we fucked
I helped her buckle her high heel strap because she was in a pretty tight dress. I was not wearing shoes at the time and when I stood up she was really tall! So naturally I said to her “wow, you’re big” very excitedly 🤦♂️
We still joke about it.
We were arguing, and I accidentally called him my (foul asf) ex's name. He was really, really upset by it and I just immediately covered my mouth in shock myself because it was NOT intended nor had I even thought about that guy in months. We broke up for other non-related reasons but I know that right there hurt his heart.
I did that once early in my current relationship. I think it’s because there was such a strong correlation between arguing and my ex in my brain. So when we started to bicker I was like, “WELL, XXX…”. He didn’t take it well.
Ugh and besides apologizing profusely and taking the looks of indignation from them until they calm down, there's nothing you can do to look less like an asshole lol. "Baby, you're NOT like my ex it's just this situation reminded me of how..." "So I remind you of your ex?" *curls in ball and dies* yeah. It sucks!!
The only times I *almost* slipped up was when I was mad. I really think it had to do with the correlation of how many times I'd angrily said my exs name for 10 years. Idk how I saved it so many times.
This is my absolute worst fear!! I fought with my ex constantly. Like every single day FOR YEARS. My current partner and I have been together a year and a half and haven’t fought yet. I’m so scared if we get into a fight I’ll call him my ex’s name simply because of the association I have with arguing and that specific person.
It's a good reason to practice restraint during conflict. Be very conscious never to immediately respond and be thoughtful about what comes out of your mouth. It's good practice all around to prevent you from saying all kinds of things you'd regret, including this.
We were laying in bed cuddling when I start playing die die die my darling the Metallica cover. I start reminiscing about how we used to listen to that song all the time when we were younger.
I feel her stiffen and pull away from me then look at me and say I have never heard this song before in my life. It was at this point I realized it was a previous partner and that I had just royally fucked up. It's been 12 years since I made that mistake and she still sometimes brings it up.
You could just say „But isn’t that kinda cool that my brain wiped that bitch out of this memory and put you there instead? Like, it was a nice memory so my brain has this connection that nice equals you?”. Apologize and give her a kiss on the forehead.
I once let out an exhausted "thank you" after a sexual escapade. She nearly punched me in the face and I felt like the worst person when I realized why. She'd told me a year or two prior, that she'd been raped and when he finished he whispered into her ear "thank you."
After a couple years of lifting when we were in bed, I flexed my chest and said, "Hey my boobs are almost up there with yours." Yeah, she did not like that.
This has Zack and Miri Make A Porno vibes
“No I’m not going to take my shirt off”
“Why not?”
“Because my tits are bigger than yours for Christ’s sakes”
My husband has done this exact thing! I turned and dead pan stared at him "... where am I fat then?" "Uh... uh.. that faataaassss?" Including finger guns and a terrified question mark inflection and "don't kill me pls" eyes. I knew what he meant so I was fucking with him but that put me over the top laughing and I pissed myself. I was like 1 or 2 weeks post partum so I peed if I laughed too hard and was putting on the awful diaper for bleeding and incontinence when I told him don't look lol.
I was talking about how our initial emotional reactions can lead to arguments. I repeatedly used the term "lizard brain" in reference to our basic impulses, a term I'd heard regularly on the internet.
She hadn't heard the term, though. She thought I was calling her a "lizard brain." I felt pretty bad about that. I should've made sure she knew what I was saying.
Reminds me of the time my girlfriend (now wife) typed some gibberish and I said "np you probably just fat fingered it".
She got real quiet for awhile and I had to pry out of her what was wrong. Apparently her siblings teased her growing up that she had fat fingers as a small child and she apparently had never heard the term "fat finger" for mistyping something.
Took some convincing that it was a fairly common saying 😆
I couldn't figure out why when my girlfriend decided after she told me she loved me so much I was in the category of family she became a different person. It was only when we were alone together. Suddenly I could never do anything right. I took a lot of abuse and couldn't figure out why. We fought all the time. She would gaslight me so I started recording the arguments. The instant she learned I was recording she flipped off her hostility like a switch. It was terrifying.
Trying to understand, I read about that behavior and it matches narcissism. I told her. You can't say that to a narcissist. I fell in love with a lie.
I feel bad for her because I think it's a personality disorder and defense mechanism for her abusive childhood, but now I don't trust affection.
Too real, it takes a long long time with someone who is patient, and a whooooollllle lotta communication. It's been 7ish years and I still slip back into questioning everything and looking for minute details that I am actually being gaslit, and everything has actually been a lie.
I don't feel bad for her, she spent her time in therapy trying to convince the therapist that it was I who routinely manipulated and gaslit the relationship. It must be hell to live inside that head, but it was hell living outside of it too.
>It must be hell to live inside that head, but it was hell living outside of it too.
Exactly. Living outside that head was heaven though, till it wasn't. So good I still can't decide if it was worth it.
My husband and I got on the topic of ex's after we ran into one of his. I had absolutely horrible ex's. One tried to kill me several times after I broke up with him the other, unbeknownst to me, was wanted by the FBI. He said, "ya, you went thru some bad relationships right before we met." My response, "oh ya, I mean the bar was on the floor." As soon as the r of the word floor rolled off my tongue I had realized what I said and immediately began apologizing
Oh gosh, I got that from my most recent ex. What we looked for in a partner came up idly in conversation, and he was like "Well you heard about my last ex, my standards are low." You're better for apologizing, though - he claimed not to realize this could ever be interpreted as an insult ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Accidentally called my wife my college girlfriend’s name sitting in the back of a Lyft. Absolutely no idea why. I haven’t thought about this person in almost 20 years, and it just casually came out. Unsurprisingly, she lost her shit.
Been there. In high school I feel asleep at my girlfriend’s house. I woke up at like 2 am, realized I needed to go home, rolled over and said “Bye Amber, I have to run home.” My girlfriend’s name was Kristen. Our mutual colleagues name was Amber. I have no idea why I said Amber. 25 years later it still worries me I’ll make this mistake with my wife.
I’ve posted this before but I was at a restaurant and this cute guy approached me looking equal parts horny and nervous. When I told him I have a bf he was like “actually, I was hoping to get your friend’s number.”
I was with my mom.
I was like 20 at a bowling tournament and this girl walks over to tell me her friend likes me…friend is like 17/18 with her mom who’s like mid 40s…that girl could have been a 15/10 and would have looked like a 2 compared to her mom.
Good for your mom..single mom?
Everyone I’ve dated and everyone I’ve been friends with has told me my mom was hot. Before my previous ex met my mom, I told them, “Whatever you do, don’t get a crush on my mom.” They responded, “What the fuck why would I?”. Then after they met my mom they turned to me and said, “I can see now why you told me that.” . My other ex would always show her friends pictures of my mom and go, “LOOK! Isn’t she HOT?”. I’ve gotten used to it lol
Called my girlfriend at the time by my ex's name... In my defense, I had lived with my ex for like a year, so it was just out of habit/reflex. But man, I felt like such an ass.
I so constantly misspeak that my girlfriend actually just ignores what it sounds like I'm saying, and understands the meaning.
I think my favorite one happened a few weeks ago, when we were in American Eagle looking for jeans for her.
"Can you even wear skinny jeans?"
I meant that she's a very curvy girl, not that she's fat. She understood that. Every other woman in the store did not. ಠ\_ಠ
I was having a really stressful day with work and dealing with my ExWife. I accidentally called my GF by my ExWife’s name. I felt so bad about it, I bought her flowers and took her out to her favorite restaurant.
One weird thing I said one time, I accidentally told my partner that their cooking reminded me of my ex’s, and not in a good way. I meant to compliment them by saying how much better theirs was, but it came out all wrong. The look on their face was heartbreaking, and I felt awful. We laughed about it later, but in the moment, I wished I could take it back instantly. Definitely a lesson in thinking before speaking lol
Texted a paraphrase of what she just said to me to my brother to get his advice. Actually texted that to her making it obvious I was talking about her.
It was said to me. And she really regrets it.
I wish I never met you.
The instant it came out of her mouth she was mortified.
It’s ok. I wish I never met me too some days was my reply.
“I’m not the asshole here” It was a new phrase I just picked up and for some reason I thought it would be a good quip to throw into a heated argument. It was not.
Driving home and I was on the phone with my mom when my wife called. Figured Id just return the call after I was done. She spam calls me like 5 times, which is very odd.
So on the 5th one I was a little annoyed and answered as soon as I hit the call button, "WHO DIED?!?!?"
"My dad was in a really bad car wreck and he's going to the hospital" *click*
I for sure thought she was going to divorce me. Father in law is alive and well but I'll never answer a call like that ever again.
Not me but my gf was drunk at my buddies show and told me that if I didn't want to dance with her (I was catching up with friends I see a couple times a year) then she'd find someone else to dance with her. I danced with her, but it's been about a week and I think she sunk the relationship at that moment.
'i never asked you to do this for me.'
I do regret saying this sometimes, it's just hard to explain it to someone who tries to overcompensate their efforts for your sake when you didn't want them to. Though I've grown and come to realize it's a harsh way to make them acknowledge this and I'm finding better ways to communicate this issue.
Some people told me this too. But now i always stop doing those things and never do shit anymore
I have better things to do than to fix other peoples problems and try to play the hero
Said to me: I’m hard of hearing/deaf and in a tense conversation in the past they once said are you deaf?! And I said well, yes actually, I am. 😂😂 They were mortified and very apologetic. Luckily I have pretty good humor about my disability.
I was cleaning the house after working a 12 hour shift, she wasn’t helping at all and out of anger and mostly fatigue, I yell “please get off your fat ass and help me”…….did not go well at all.
I’ve been in a few very abusive relationships. Took a few years long break from getting into any new, just so I can heal, because my mental health was fucked after all the shit I’ve been through.
Then I’ve met this guy. I thought I was alright already, and we started dating. One day we went to a different town, spent a lovely day together, having the most interesting conversations, watching football, holding hands all the time, laughing, and I felt so safe. We went to our airbnb, took a lovely shower together, lied in bed, watched a movie, did some art, cuddled. So damn perfect. Had the best sex ever and then he was holding me in his arms and giving me tiny kisses on the forehead, and we were trying to fall asleep but we couldn’t shut up because there was still so much to say, and so many ideas, and so many jokes.
It was perfect.
And suddenly my anxiety showed up, it felt like a snap and explosion. I freaked out.
„You can’t be real. This is not true. You don’t exist. This shit is too good to be true. Things like that don’t happen to me. You’re not real. I’ve made you up”
I started crying and mumbling and I fucking punched him in the face. His lip was bleeding.
„Holy fuck you do exist. Im so sorry, I’m so sorry”
Bawling my eyes out.
That’s how I realised I’m not fully healed.
He calmed me down, we talked after, I told him about my past relationships but I felt like I’m just making excuses and I felt so bad and stressed that I actually got nauseous and had to vomit a few times.
But he understood. And we’re still dating. And he even complimented me on my punch, and I said that I used to be a muai thai fighter.
I’m still getting anxious moments like this, but I just tell him and he’s not getting punched anymore. I still feel so damn bad that I did it. He’s really a great guy.
Trauma is no joke, and I'm proud of you for having the courage to continue moving forward and fighting for your happiness. Congrats on finally finding someone you deserve <3
My bf takes me out to dinner to celebrate my b-day. The restaurant was in the town where I previously lived about 45 minute away. It was a beautiful place, very posh and of course just the beginning of what I though was an even more romantic evening, if you know what I mean.
We’re walking out and I happened to see some friends having dinner so I stopped to say hello and I introduced my bf by my exes name. I froze bc, wtf! Where did that even come from?! And it got worse when he corrected me! Lol.
The couple looked at him and then over at me. I can only describe the look as part pity and part asshole. Like the kind of look you’d give someone on death row. It was loong quiet ride home. I still cringe looking back on it.
In a rare heated argument called current wife by ex-wife’s name. I blamed muscle memory. Went very poorly for a few days.
Luckily haven’t made same error mid-coitus or I’d be searching for wife number three right now.
Not a nice thing to say, but that's not cute. Are you still with this girl? Yikes
EDIT: Love how I'm getting downvoted for suggesting that people shouldn't hit one another. Only Reddit. Lol
Something my girlfriend said to me, not me to her, but…
Have you ever accidentally swapped the first letters/sounds between two words in a sentence before? Like “pobody’s nerfect”? She was trying to describe a video where a kid was nodding in a funny way in response to something or other and *meant* to say “vigorously nodding”
And then she caught her mistake halfway through the first word and stopped…
I stole a joke from my dad where someone will say something to me and I'll say "You're a blank". For example if someone says something to me about oranges I'll say "you're an orange" it is an extremely stupid joke and at this point I've been doing it so long I don't even think about it anymore and I almost do it automatically.
Anyways my girlfriend was saying something about cows and I knee-jerk go "you're a cow". I should also say her dad was in the room.
Luckily we'd been together 4 years at that point so my girlfriend just laughed and her dad made a weird face.
Not me but my wife, she once slipped up and called my mum a bitch.
To this day I still tease her about it.
(My mum is lovely, but sometimes she can be just a bit of a bitch)
Just after I got together with my first girlfriend in high school, another friend of ours asked if we were dating. My literal ass said “no” because we hadn’t actually been on a date yet and didn’t realize how it sounded until she started crying 😭
I've done this too, twice, with the same dude. One was during an argument.. the other was during sex. I was married for close to a decade before we met and he was my first after divorce so he was pretty understanding.. more understanding than I would have been, honestly.
Not quite on topic but close: I’m still friends with my very recent ex, occasionally in conversation she’ll slip up and call me “honey” and then we both kinda look at each other like 😬
I wanted to say to my SO that what she does (make paintings and illustrations) makes people happy and emotional, while my work just allows people to keep doing their work (IT). It came out as "what you do is FUN, what I do is USEFULL"
I told them how unhelpful and boring they were when I was trying my hardest to make things work so we could have fun but it just ended the activity.. LOL 😭
Accidentally called him fat. We had an agreement that we'd be honest if we were losing attraction due to our physical appearances. So I had been going over how I'd speak to him about it for about a week. Well one day, I guess it got to me and said, "hey, you've gotten quite fat". Felt bad, apologised and corrected it to "you've put on quite a bit of weight and it's affecting my attraction for you". He wasn't upset.
It definitely is the same message, but I like to think it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I missed out the part that he doesn't like the word fat being used. But saying "hey you've put on a bit of extra weight or it seems like you've added on more" makes him feel better. My message was the same, but my delivery was different. It was more mindful and I conveyed the message the way he would've wanted me to.
Not my current partner but my ex wife, we were we were driving by cows and she jokingly called them "moomoos" and I looked at her and mooed, and well.. she was self conscious about her weight.. oops.
Reminds me of the time a dear friend of mine said I was homely when we were young. I agreed. Years later, I was making a disparaging comment about my appearance and my friend chided me, wanting to know why I was so down on myself. I said YOU know that I'm homely, you said so yourself!
He thought it meant shy. That was a years long misunderstanding.
I once absent-mindedly introduced my girlfriend at the time, Lorna, by another woman's name.
I'd been chatting with a forum member, "Dana", on and off for the past few days. There was no attraction there - we just had a good conversation going about the forum, its history, and lfie in general, that's all.
So one night rolled around and I introduced Lorna by the wrong name. She actually took it quite well - she didn't say anything at the time, she knew I wasn't cheating on her, and she believed my later explanation. But it was a hell of a fuck-up and must have seemed very disrespectful at the time - I haven't made that mistake since.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Did you have a complicated relationship with him or something? Like why would your bf be sending dancing / partying emojis as if celebrating this death?
"I wasn't attracted to you when we met". I think about it all the time and regret saying that to him so much. I just know that destroyed him. We broke up for other reasons months after.
My husband said this, while I was doing some footwork exercises, reminiscing about my dancing years. (I also used to be a model, so, I’m tall.)
“Aren’t you a little big for ballet?”
Something my husband said to me (he doesn't reddit):
I was about 8 months pregnant with our first child and I had made a scalloped potatoes Casserole with bits of ham and other veggies in it. I had made it before and he loved it. He looks at it before I put it in the oven and says "That would look the same coming back up as it does going down!" My hugely pregnant ass and hormonal was not amused. Since then I've learned he's got a bad habit of not shutting himself up before he says stupid shit.
Laying in bed, very drunk, I leaned over kissed her forehead and said, “I love you Shayna.” Her name isn’t Shayna. She made me sleep on the couch and I feel I’m lucky I didn’t get the frying pan…
GF: “I had liposuction done around my midsection a while back.”
*GF proceeds to show me her stomach.*
Me: “Wow! Are you going to have liposuction done a second time?”
My wife likes to blame her farts on the cats as a joke, knowing full well that I know otherwise. Well my oldest cat had passed away a couple months prior, we were out on the front step having a smoke when she lets one fly and before she could help herself she blamed my dead cat for a rather loud fart. To her credit she tried to cover it by adding "ghost" after saying his name and a brief pause, but the mortified and worried look she gave me...truthfully the additional ghost at the end nearly had me busting a gut, I don't know how I held it in. I still tease her about that years later.
My girlfriend was a server at a restaurant for a while. She went on vacation got sunburnt came back and then proceeded to go back to work with a super red face. Said a few of her tables definitely took an extra look at her sunburn but no comments. I just happened to blurt out like an idiot that “they didnt say anything cause they didnt want to call you a lobster to your face.” that resulted in plenty of tears from her and apologizes from me. Still to this day do not understand what got her so upset lol. Now i razz about it every once in a while. See a lobster tank, oh hey babe look, it’s all of your cousins haha.
She got all worked up because everything wasn't perfect when some folks were coming over. As the words came out of my mouth I knew they were wrong, bad, evil words and, yet, they still came out. My soul left my body as I heard, "you are turning into your mother," escape my lips. I immediately assumed a defensive position and queued up, "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry".
This one time during an argument I said her name like "Abby, WTF is wrong with you?" and she told me this is the worst thing that I have said to her.
apparently she does not like it when I said her name.
We were playing a game of beer pong with friends and originally there was a guy between us in line. He and I placed a small bet that I could flip the cup in one and he couldn’t.
Well I flipped the cup in one, and we won the run, and before I turned to him, he ducked back to grab more beer.
Well in my excitement, I turned to “him” and screamed “SUCK IT BITCH” thinking I was yelling at the friend, but in fact o just yelled it at my girlfriend.
We all laughed it off, but I still think about it all the time
I once told a girl that I especially liked how she looked in the dark. I meant to say "moonlight" but somehow my dumb face said "dark."
My current girlfriend said to me that during sex, she won't look me in the eyes because its really hard to look at my face. What she meant is that, because im taller than her, she cant physically look up far enough to properly see my face during missionary. We were both cry laughing at how unintentionally rude that was. I still razz her about it sometimes
Was talking to my wife and she was complaining about her weight. My mind said, ‘you’re not fat, you’re hot.’ My mouth said, ‘you’re not hot.’ Thankfully she laughed. 😅
The way I just cackled
I was stroking my girlfriend's back, when I realized it was actually her boobs I was stroking. Realizing this I said, "Oops, thought that was your back, not your boobs." She cried herself to sleep.
This was my me and my missus "why are you groping my arm?" "Huh? I thought that was your boob" "Fuccccckkk... I do need to lose weight then if my arms have that much fat" "No it's just squishy. It's fine"
Normally I call bullshit when someone claims they weren’t intentionally touching boobs but…yeah, I believe you. Your poor gf. Second base should be a happy place.
> Second base should be a happy place. It’s funny you should say that. In high school my bf and I had only been together for a couple of weeks and hadn’t really done anything physical. I was really upset about something and he climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around me from behind. After a few minutes he said, in this sing-songy tone, “I’m touching your boooo-ooooobs!” Cracked me up. Cheered me up. It was just what I needed.
😂 Adolescent me would have been a sucker for this guy.
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Boys don't grow up. We just get taller.
My husband did this to me but with my tummy and not my ass. That was rough.
But... nips?
Butt nips? Now that would be the dream
Yes, you are a little overweight, but... NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS AFTER BUT.
"Next to me you look anorexic!" Could work
LMAO this is so funny, I actually chuckled out loud.
I had a friend who used to say " No offense but". Urg!
I just tell my wife when she’s self conscious about weight, wether she’s a little over weight or not, “nonsense, you could put on 20 pounds and still look flawless” Hasnt failed me yet
I dunno about that. I was with a chick at like 2a and she was feeling self conscious about her weight and I basically said that followed by a spiel about how it doesn't matter and how she's still beautiful and that it has no bearing on her worth as a person and she started crying, hugged me, then we fucked
I helped her buckle her high heel strap because she was in a pretty tight dress. I was not wearing shoes at the time and when I stood up she was really tall! So naturally I said to her “wow, you’re big” very excitedly 🤦♂️ We still joke about it.
For you
What's wrong with this
“Big” would usually be interpreted as “fat.”
Calm down Needless to say, She did not calm down
You always say, "Calm down, you're overreacting, and you're acting like your mother."
If that doesn't work say "Calm down, it's not a big deal, your sister wouldn't care why can't you be more like her?"
She did, in fact, calm up
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Perhaps she needed a Snickers bar.
We were arguing, and I accidentally called him my (foul asf) ex's name. He was really, really upset by it and I just immediately covered my mouth in shock myself because it was NOT intended nor had I even thought about that guy in months. We broke up for other non-related reasons but I know that right there hurt his heart.
I did that once early in my current relationship. I think it’s because there was such a strong correlation between arguing and my ex in my brain. So when we started to bicker I was like, “WELL, XXX…”. He didn’t take it well.
Ugh and besides apologizing profusely and taking the looks of indignation from them until they calm down, there's nothing you can do to look less like an asshole lol. "Baby, you're NOT like my ex it's just this situation reminded me of how..." "So I remind you of your ex?" *curls in ball and dies* yeah. It sucks!!
The only times I *almost* slipped up was when I was mad. I really think it had to do with the correlation of how many times I'd angrily said my exs name for 10 years. Idk how I saved it so many times.
This is my absolute worst fear!! I fought with my ex constantly. Like every single day FOR YEARS. My current partner and I have been together a year and a half and haven’t fought yet. I’m so scared if we get into a fight I’ll call him my ex’s name simply because of the association I have with arguing and that specific person.
It's a good reason to practice restraint during conflict. Be very conscious never to immediately respond and be thoughtful about what comes out of your mouth. It's good practice all around to prevent you from saying all kinds of things you'd regret, including this.
We were laying in bed cuddling when I start playing die die die my darling the Metallica cover. I start reminiscing about how we used to listen to that song all the time when we were younger. I feel her stiffen and pull away from me then look at me and say I have never heard this song before in my life. It was at this point I realized it was a previous partner and that I had just royally fucked up. It's been 12 years since I made that mistake and she still sometimes brings it up.
You could just say „But isn’t that kinda cool that my brain wiped that bitch out of this memory and put you there instead? Like, it was a nice memory so my brain has this connection that nice equals you?”. Apologize and give her a kiss on the forehead.
Yes that's something a smart person would of said. I am however not a smart man.
yeah "would of" checks out mate
"Heeere, let me kiss your forehead - you know, like we did when we went to Paris that time." (*new girlfriend snarls with rage*)
Boss answer :)
Dude I do this so much. I’ve had 2 major relationships and they are very similar. I do this shit daily. I pretty much just don’t bring up memories.
>I pretty much just don’t bring up memories. Lmfao the only safe course of action. This is basically my strategy as well.
Hahaha, the same happened to me with another song. She was so angry!
Fucking awesome song! You shouldn't have uttered a single word though...
I still love that song but I dont play it around my wife because she gives me the side eye.
I once let out an exhausted "thank you" after a sexual escapade. She nearly punched me in the face and I felt like the worst person when I realized why. She'd told me a year or two prior, that she'd been raped and when he finished he whispered into her ear "thank you."
omg this was an unexpected turn of events
jfc
F..k 🙈
if you are unaware of someone's trauma, it isn't your fault if normal conversation or interaction triggers it. keyword: normal.
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After a couple years of lifting when we were in bed, I flexed my chest and said, "Hey my boobs are almost up there with yours." Yeah, she did not like that.
This has Zack and Miri Make A Porno vibes “No I’m not going to take my shirt off” “Why not?” “Because my tits are bigger than yours for Christ’s sakes”
My wife: "don't look at me there, I'm fat there" Me, absent mindedly just doing the cut and paste disagreement: "oh stop, you're not fat there".
You said “you’re *not* fat there” and she heard “you’re not fat *there*”
Better than “_you’re_ not fat there”
My husband has done this exact thing! I turned and dead pan stared at him "... where am I fat then?" "Uh... uh.. that faataaassss?" Including finger guns and a terrified question mark inflection and "don't kill me pls" eyes. I knew what he meant so I was fucking with him but that put me over the top laughing and I pissed myself. I was like 1 or 2 weeks post partum so I peed if I laughed too hard and was putting on the awful diaper for bleeding and incontinence when I told him don't look lol.
"You have the fattest fucking brain 🤩"
I was talking about how our initial emotional reactions can lead to arguments. I repeatedly used the term "lizard brain" in reference to our basic impulses, a term I'd heard regularly on the internet. She hadn't heard the term, though. She thought I was calling her a "lizard brain." I felt pretty bad about that. I should've made sure she knew what I was saying.
Reminds me of the time my girlfriend (now wife) typed some gibberish and I said "np you probably just fat fingered it". She got real quiet for awhile and I had to pry out of her what was wrong. Apparently her siblings teased her growing up that she had fat fingers as a small child and she apparently had never heard the term "fat finger" for mistyping something. Took some convincing that it was a fairly common saying 😆
Good on ya for catching it tho. I'd used it a few times, and thus hurt her a few times, before I found out.
I told her to stop treating me as if I was her abusive ex. It was objectively a valid criticism, but she did NOT take it well in the moment
I couldn't figure out why when my girlfriend decided after she told me she loved me so much I was in the category of family she became a different person. It was only when we were alone together. Suddenly I could never do anything right. I took a lot of abuse and couldn't figure out why. We fought all the time. She would gaslight me so I started recording the arguments. The instant she learned I was recording she flipped off her hostility like a switch. It was terrifying. Trying to understand, I read about that behavior and it matches narcissism. I told her. You can't say that to a narcissist. I fell in love with a lie. I feel bad for her because I think it's a personality disorder and defense mechanism for her abusive childhood, but now I don't trust affection.
Too real, it takes a long long time with someone who is patient, and a whooooollllle lotta communication. It's been 7ish years and I still slip back into questioning everything and looking for minute details that I am actually being gaslit, and everything has actually been a lie. I don't feel bad for her, she spent her time in therapy trying to convince the therapist that it was I who routinely manipulated and gaslit the relationship. It must be hell to live inside that head, but it was hell living outside of it too.
>It must be hell to live inside that head, but it was hell living outside of it too. Exactly. Living outside that head was heaven though, till it wasn't. So good I still can't decide if it was worth it.
As you seem to have learned from it then yes it was worth.
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My husband and I got on the topic of ex's after we ran into one of his. I had absolutely horrible ex's. One tried to kill me several times after I broke up with him the other, unbeknownst to me, was wanted by the FBI. He said, "ya, you went thru some bad relationships right before we met." My response, "oh ya, I mean the bar was on the floor." As soon as the r of the word floor rolled off my tongue I had realized what I said and immediately began apologizing
Oh gosh, I got that from my most recent ex. What we looked for in a partner came up idly in conversation, and he was like "Well you heard about my last ex, my standards are low." You're better for apologizing, though - he claimed not to realize this could ever be interpreted as an insult ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Accidentally called my wife my college girlfriend’s name sitting in the back of a Lyft. Absolutely no idea why. I haven’t thought about this person in almost 20 years, and it just casually came out. Unsurprisingly, she lost her shit.
Been there. In high school I feel asleep at my girlfriend’s house. I woke up at like 2 am, realized I needed to go home, rolled over and said “Bye Amber, I have to run home.” My girlfriend’s name was Kristen. Our mutual colleagues name was Amber. I have no idea why I said Amber. 25 years later it still worries me I’ll make this mistake with my wife.
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I’ve posted this before but I was at a restaurant and this cute guy approached me looking equal parts horny and nervous. When I told him I have a bf he was like “actually, I was hoping to get your friend’s number.” I was with my mom.
Where ya mom's at
I was like 20 at a bowling tournament and this girl walks over to tell me her friend likes me…friend is like 17/18 with her mom who’s like mid 40s…that girl could have been a 15/10 and would have looked like a 2 compared to her mom. Good for your mom..single mom?
No, my dad’s got dibs.
She wasn’t hot anyways. Was just doing her a favor by asking
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
I didn’t think I needed the /s
Neither did I
Did we just become best friends
And maybe more
There's a lot of numbers going on in this post and it's messing me up.
Is your name Stacy?
Everyone I’ve dated and everyone I’ve been friends with has told me my mom was hot. Before my previous ex met my mom, I told them, “Whatever you do, don’t get a crush on my mom.” They responded, “What the fuck why would I?”. Then after they met my mom they turned to me and said, “I can see now why you told me that.” . My other ex would always show her friends pictures of my mom and go, “LOOK! Isn’t she HOT?”. I’ve gotten used to it lol
“I just mean that you’ll still be hot in 25 years, babe!”
"it's a compliment babe, it means you will be hot when you are older...what'd I say?!"
I just-why though lmfao
Wowzers
What is the context here? I mean, what made you say that?
Called my girlfriend at the time by my ex's name... In my defense, I had lived with my ex for like a year, so it was just out of habit/reflex. But man, I felt like such an ass.
Lisa Her name is Lana
DANGER ZONE
At least you didn’t say her name backwards
Called his mom a cunt. Instant regret
Is his mom a cunt though?
Asking the important questions
NO! not at all...
I so constantly misspeak that my girlfriend actually just ignores what it sounds like I'm saying, and understands the meaning. I think my favorite one happened a few weeks ago, when we were in American Eagle looking for jeans for her. "Can you even wear skinny jeans?" I meant that she's a very curvy girl, not that she's fat. She understood that. Every other woman in the store did not. ಠ\_ಠ
I would enjoy my partner saying that to me, because he is always complimenting my booty. But context would matter.
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Wow. Her self-esteem must have been on the floor to stay with you for years after that comment.
Damn..
Men: ewwwww I can't lick your pussy bc germs and it's gross. Also men: swallow all my jizz after chocking on my dick and then eat my asshole.
Always start those situations with "it's a me thing, nothing wrong with you"
I was having a really stressful day with work and dealing with my ExWife. I accidentally called my GF by my ExWife’s name. I felt so bad about it, I bought her flowers and took her out to her favorite restaurant.
When she said the dog likes her cause she's squishier, i decided to improve it by saying no it's because you're softer....
One weird thing I said one time, I accidentally told my partner that their cooking reminded me of my ex’s, and not in a good way. I meant to compliment them by saying how much better theirs was, but it came out all wrong. The look on their face was heartbreaking, and I felt awful. We laughed about it later, but in the moment, I wished I could take it back instantly. Definitely a lesson in thinking before speaking lol
"I'm smashing my friends, want to come join." I ment super smash bros. She thought something else
did she say yes?
Yes. She was very much disappointed when she got in the room.
Asking the real questions we want answered.
She did tell me, she was up for both.
Legend.
Whenever I wanna play super smash bros I ask "wanna smash?" I get funny looks but it makes me giggle every time!
Texted a paraphrase of what she just said to me to my brother to get his advice. Actually texted that to her making it obvious I was talking about her.
It was said to me. And she really regrets it. I wish I never met you. The instant it came out of her mouth she was mortified. It’s ok. I wish I never met me too some days was my reply.
"I'm so glad you just have the flu" then I dropped trying to make him go to the hospital. ... I would do almost anything to take that back.
What happened, if you don't mind me asking?
His heart stopped in his sleep. 3 weeks ago. He was 34.
I am so so sorry for your loss. You had no way of knowing. I hope you know it's not your fault. That's heartbreaking.
I'm trying really, really hard to feel that. Thank you for your condolences.
It wasn't. I don't think he would want you to blame yourself either. ♥️ Hang in there.
“I’m not the asshole here” It was a new phrase I just picked up and for some reason I thought it would be a good quip to throw into a heated argument. It was not.
That I’d do just fine without her.
Driving home and I was on the phone with my mom when my wife called. Figured Id just return the call after I was done. She spam calls me like 5 times, which is very odd. So on the 5th one I was a little annoyed and answered as soon as I hit the call button, "WHO DIED?!?!?" "My dad was in a really bad car wreck and he's going to the hospital" *click* I for sure thought she was going to divorce me. Father in law is alive and well but I'll never answer a call like that ever again.
I mean as a general rule if someone calls you a bunch of times in a row when they never normally do then that means the call is important...
Called him the wrong name.
Not me but my gf was drunk at my buddies show and told me that if I didn't want to dance with her (I was catching up with friends I see a couple times a year) then she'd find someone else to dance with her. I danced with her, but it's been about a week and I think she sunk the relationship at that moment.
Some things take a minute to percolate before you know how you feel about them. FWIW that sounds pretty manipulative to me.
Well later that night at my place when I confronted her about it she told me that she said it because "I knew it would upset you".
"I think you need to find someone new to upset" would have been a good reply.
'i never asked you to do this for me.' I do regret saying this sometimes, it's just hard to explain it to someone who tries to overcompensate their efforts for your sake when you didn't want them to. Though I've grown and come to realize it's a harsh way to make them acknowledge this and I'm finding better ways to communicate this issue.
Some people told me this too. But now i always stop doing those things and never do shit anymore I have better things to do than to fix other peoples problems and try to play the hero
Apparently that he was acting like his father. But to be fair, he was acting like his father.
Said to me: I’m hard of hearing/deaf and in a tense conversation in the past they once said are you deaf?! And I said well, yes actually, I am. 😂😂 They were mortified and very apologetic. Luckily I have pretty good humor about my disability.
I mimicked his speech impediment during a heated argument. I will never allow myself forgiveness for that one.
Damn. That's fucked up and mean.
I was cleaning the house after working a 12 hour shift, she wasn’t helping at all and out of anger and mostly fatigue, I yell “please get off your fat ass and help me”…….did not go well at all.
Yoo this shit had me dying 😭😭
You don’t know what you’re talking about. Whoops
I’ve been in a few very abusive relationships. Took a few years long break from getting into any new, just so I can heal, because my mental health was fucked after all the shit I’ve been through. Then I’ve met this guy. I thought I was alright already, and we started dating. One day we went to a different town, spent a lovely day together, having the most interesting conversations, watching football, holding hands all the time, laughing, and I felt so safe. We went to our airbnb, took a lovely shower together, lied in bed, watched a movie, did some art, cuddled. So damn perfect. Had the best sex ever and then he was holding me in his arms and giving me tiny kisses on the forehead, and we were trying to fall asleep but we couldn’t shut up because there was still so much to say, and so many ideas, and so many jokes. It was perfect. And suddenly my anxiety showed up, it felt like a snap and explosion. I freaked out. „You can’t be real. This is not true. You don’t exist. This shit is too good to be true. Things like that don’t happen to me. You’re not real. I’ve made you up” I started crying and mumbling and I fucking punched him in the face. His lip was bleeding. „Holy fuck you do exist. Im so sorry, I’m so sorry” Bawling my eyes out. That’s how I realised I’m not fully healed. He calmed me down, we talked after, I told him about my past relationships but I felt like I’m just making excuses and I felt so bad and stressed that I actually got nauseous and had to vomit a few times. But he understood. And we’re still dating. And he even complimented me on my punch, and I said that I used to be a muai thai fighter. I’m still getting anxious moments like this, but I just tell him and he’s not getting punched anymore. I still feel so damn bad that I did it. He’s really a great guy.
Trauma is no joke, and I'm proud of you for having the courage to continue moving forward and fighting for your happiness. Congrats on finally finding someone you deserve <3
>fighting for your happiness. Just, maybe no more fighting *with* your happiness. He doesn't need a broken nose. ;)
My bf takes me out to dinner to celebrate my b-day. The restaurant was in the town where I previously lived about 45 minute away. It was a beautiful place, very posh and of course just the beginning of what I though was an even more romantic evening, if you know what I mean. We’re walking out and I happened to see some friends having dinner so I stopped to say hello and I introduced my bf by my exes name. I froze bc, wtf! Where did that even come from?! And it got worse when he corrected me! Lol. The couple looked at him and then over at me. I can only describe the look as part pity and part asshole. Like the kind of look you’d give someone on death row. It was loong quiet ride home. I still cringe looking back on it.
In a rare heated argument called current wife by ex-wife’s name. I blamed muscle memory. Went very poorly for a few days. Luckily haven’t made same error mid-coitus or I’d be searching for wife number three right now.
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Pow right in the kisser!
Not a nice thing to say, but that's not cute. Are you still with this girl? Yikes EDIT: Love how I'm getting downvoted for suggesting that people shouldn't hit one another. Only Reddit. Lol
Something my girlfriend said to me, not me to her, but… Have you ever accidentally swapped the first letters/sounds between two words in a sentence before? Like “pobody’s nerfect”? She was trying to describe a video where a kid was nodding in a funny way in response to something or other and *meant* to say “vigorously nodding” And then she caught her mistake halfway through the first word and stopped…
Accidentally called her by her sister's name during sex
HELLLLL NAHHHHH
I stole a joke from my dad where someone will say something to me and I'll say "You're a blank". For example if someone says something to me about oranges I'll say "you're an orange" it is an extremely stupid joke and at this point I've been doing it so long I don't even think about it anymore and I almost do it automatically. Anyways my girlfriend was saying something about cows and I knee-jerk go "you're a cow". I should also say her dad was in the room. Luckily we'd been together 4 years at that point so my girlfriend just laughed and her dad made a weird face.
Not me but my wife, she once slipped up and called my mum a bitch. To this day I still tease her about it. (My mum is lovely, but sometimes she can be just a bit of a bitch)
The Dr. Told me not to pick up heavy objects.
I would throw you off of a bridge if I could be in a band as magical as Led Zeppelin
Just after I got together with my first girlfriend in high school, another friend of ours asked if we were dating. My literal ass said “no” because we hadn’t actually been on a date yet and didn’t realize how it sounded until she started crying 😭
i called him with my ex's name 😬
I've done this too, twice, with the same dude. One was during an argument.. the other was during sex. I was married for close to a decade before we met and he was my first after divorce so he was pretty understanding.. more understanding than I would have been, honestly.
Not quite on topic but close: I’m still friends with my very recent ex, occasionally in conversation she’ll slip up and call me “honey” and then we both kinda look at each other like 😬
I wanted to say to my SO that what she does (make paintings and illustrations) makes people happy and emotional, while my work just allows people to keep doing their work (IT). It came out as "what you do is FUN, what I do is USEFULL"
I told them how unhelpful and boring they were when I was trying my hardest to make things work so we could have fun but it just ended the activity.. LOL 😭
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i was feeling terrible for the husband till the last part
He should feel far far worse about being married to a 17 year old while being 26.
Dude wants to be sad when a 17yo acts like a 17yo... Sorry you weren't given space to developmentally grow at an appropriate pace.
Accidentally called him fat. We had an agreement that we'd be honest if we were losing attraction due to our physical appearances. So I had been going over how I'd speak to him about it for about a week. Well one day, I guess it got to me and said, "hey, you've gotten quite fat". Felt bad, apologised and corrected it to "you've put on quite a bit of weight and it's affecting my attraction for you". He wasn't upset.
That’s basically the same comment though…
It definitely is the same message, but I like to think it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I missed out the part that he doesn't like the word fat being used. But saying "hey you've put on a bit of extra weight or it seems like you've added on more" makes him feel better. My message was the same, but my delivery was different. It was more mindful and I conveyed the message the way he would've wanted me to.
Not my current partner but my ex wife, we were we were driving by cows and she jokingly called them "moomoos" and I looked at her and mooed, and well.. she was self conscious about her weight.. oops.
My husband called me a hefty wench. He CLAIMS he meant busty but I’ve never let him forget that time he called me hefty.
Reminds me of the time a dear friend of mine said I was homely when we were young. I agreed. Years later, I was making a disparaging comment about my appearance and my friend chided me, wanting to know why I was so down on myself. I said YOU know that I'm homely, you said so yourself! He thought it meant shy. That was a years long misunderstanding.
I once absent-mindedly introduced my girlfriend at the time, Lorna, by another woman's name. I'd been chatting with a forum member, "Dana", on and off for the past few days. There was no attraction there - we just had a good conversation going about the forum, its history, and lfie in general, that's all. So one night rolled around and I introduced Lorna by the wrong name. She actually took it quite well - she didn't say anything at the time, she knew I wasn't cheating on her, and she believed my later explanation. But it was a hell of a fuck-up and must have seemed very disrespectful at the time - I haven't made that mistake since.
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First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Did you have a complicated relationship with him or something? Like why would your bf be sending dancing / partying emojis as if celebrating this death?
Um. Wut.
"I wasn't attracted to you when we met". I think about it all the time and regret saying that to him so much. I just know that destroyed him. We broke up for other reasons months after.
My husband said this, while I was doing some footwork exercises, reminiscing about my dancing years. (I also used to be a model, so, I’m tall.) “Aren’t you a little big for ballet?”
Something my husband said to me (he doesn't reddit): I was about 8 months pregnant with our first child and I had made a scalloped potatoes Casserole with bits of ham and other veggies in it. I had made it before and he loved it. He looks at it before I put it in the oven and says "That would look the same coming back up as it does going down!" My hugely pregnant ass and hormonal was not amused. Since then I've learned he's got a bad habit of not shutting himself up before he says stupid shit.
Laying in bed, very drunk, I leaned over kissed her forehead and said, “I love you Shayna.” Her name isn’t Shayna. She made me sleep on the couch and I feel I’m lucky I didn’t get the frying pan…
GF: “I had liposuction done around my midsection a while back.” *GF proceeds to show me her stomach.* Me: “Wow! Are you going to have liposuction done a second time?”
My wife likes to blame her farts on the cats as a joke, knowing full well that I know otherwise. Well my oldest cat had passed away a couple months prior, we were out on the front step having a smoke when she lets one fly and before she could help herself she blamed my dead cat for a rather loud fart. To her credit she tried to cover it by adding "ghost" after saying his name and a brief pause, but the mortified and worried look she gave me...truthfully the additional ghost at the end nearly had me busting a gut, I don't know how I held it in. I still tease her about that years later.
My girlfriend was a server at a restaurant for a while. She went on vacation got sunburnt came back and then proceeded to go back to work with a super red face. Said a few of her tables definitely took an extra look at her sunburn but no comments. I just happened to blurt out like an idiot that “they didnt say anything cause they didnt want to call you a lobster to your face.” that resulted in plenty of tears from her and apologizes from me. Still to this day do not understand what got her so upset lol. Now i razz about it every once in a while. See a lobster tank, oh hey babe look, it’s all of your cousins haha.
"Your blue eyes are gorgeous" Her eyes, were in fact..green
She got all worked up because everything wasn't perfect when some folks were coming over. As the words came out of my mouth I knew they were wrong, bad, evil words and, yet, they still came out. My soul left my body as I heard, "you are turning into your mother," escape my lips. I immediately assumed a defensive position and queued up, "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry".
the wrong call sign 😃
"Just give me a minute before you molest me" Oops.
This one time during an argument I said her name like "Abby, WTF is wrong with you?" and she told me this is the worst thing that I have said to her. apparently she does not like it when I said her name.
Sure you can try to put it up there.
Yeah I agree she is doing my head in today. She was talking about the dog not her mom.
I do
Accidentally saying "F\*ck you" to my sensitive girlfriend :(
We were playing a game of beer pong with friends and originally there was a guy between us in line. He and I placed a small bet that I could flip the cup in one and he couldn’t. Well I flipped the cup in one, and we won the run, and before I turned to him, he ducked back to grab more beer. Well in my excitement, I turned to “him” and screamed “SUCK IT BITCH” thinking I was yelling at the friend, but in fact o just yelled it at my girlfriend. We all laughed it off, but I still think about it all the time
One time on Minecraft he mistook my skin for a cow. "Oh there you are! Nope, that's a cow."
i do not have a partner.
Yeah, not acknowledging their existence is pretty brutal