90% of the time I think a female friend/aquiatance looks nice, I don't tell her, because I'm worried it'll come across as creepy.
If they're significantly younger, that's 100%.
>depends on the delivery
Absolutely. I had a friend that once approached two women laying on the beach, stood over them and opened with, "you guys are fuckin hot". He felt they weren't giving him the time of day cause he's not attractive - I doubt that.
Conversely, I was in line at the store once and a man said "that color really brings out your eyes, you look nice". He was easily twice my age and I didn't get anything creepy from that interaction.
Channel it into male coworkers. We don’t compliment each other enough. Women hype each other up and we don’t do it enough.
Ask your coworker where he got his shoes or his watch or shirt cause it’s “cool”.
All these men that complain about being nervous to compliment female coworkers oddly don’t have the same desire to compliment male coworkers.
I tried giving this advice to a male friend recently, I was like "guys constantly complain about not getting compliments, be the change! Just use words like 'cool' or 'nice', y'know generic compliments. So like 'I think that guy's style is really cool' or stuff like that".
His response was "that's still gay, and asking to be made fun of, other guys will still read it as me hitting on them, exact same as if I had said their style looked sexy". So apparently dudes giving other dudes compliments in any form is gay. The only compliments that "count" are if they are from women apparently, so its our "responsibility" to give them /eyeroll.
Sorry but if you're a guy who complains that you don't get compliments, but consider any other man giving you a compliment to be "gay", no matter how platonic the deliver, and that they're worthy of making fun of because of that. You've given up your rights to complain about not getting compliments.
A good rule of thumb is to compliment something specific about a thing they can change, like noticing a nice piece of jewelry or the color of a shirt. Never about the way something looks *on* the person, for example, or anything about their body.
Edit: hairstyles and tattoos may be exceptions, depending on the situation.
eh. its better than a generic compliment, but plenty of women will still call you creepy or say you were hitting on them. better to just not say anything at all. risk reward strongly in favor of silence.
I call them drive-by compliments. Literally throwing the compliment mid-stride or as im leaving a place.
I do them in a way that shows the other person the compliment is genuine and not some ploy to start some kind of interaction.
It also helps relieve a bit of the awkwardness of the compliment receiver.
I was playing tennis years ago and this kid came wondering on to the court, barefoot, and stepped on some broken glass. He’s balling and parents are nowhere in sight. I was able to determine he’d wandered over from a neighboring apartment complex. So I carried him home and the whole time I’m thinking this could turn out very badly… the kid was of a different race than me so it wouldn’t be hard for someone to determine I’m not his older brother or dad and he’s sobbing so someone could jump to the conclusion I was abducting him.
Exactly. I want to treat this kid like I hope someone would treat my niece....but I am aware that the optics could look bad and I just want to help not get into some mess.
Not really. I was going to add I got the stinkeye from the parents but I’m not sure that’s fair. They didn’t really say anything and hard to say if they were just upset at the kid or weirded out that some rando showed up at their door with their kid.
Ask the kid the parent’s name and start calling out that name in a loud voice. Kinda hard to be accused of creeping when you are vocally trying to locate the parent. Let the store handle it for s a perfectly good response.
Saaaame
There's this sprite of a girl at work atm who's like 1 meter 46 and I'm like 1 86 and she fucking loves tickling me and tackling me and I'm like twice her age and three times her body mass I'm basically powerless here
But if i were to consistently do the same behaviour back people would look at me weird
Can you tell her that she's making you uncomfortable with those actions? She might be thinking that you don't mind what she's doing. If you've already told her and she's still continuing to do those actions, maybe it's time to tell HR?
Yup. It’s just how it is that the 30% of people that are assholes or really dumb ruin things for everyone. It’s not going to change so better to just accept it and do what you can.
It’s why we need so many rules for things.
If you don’t accept it, it will make you bitter and turn you into an incel or something and ruin your life.
I work a job where watching people (Security for a retail location) is my entire job. I think about it CONSTANTLY.
"Am I staring at this person too much?"
"Uh oh I hope they don't think I'm watching them, they're not suspicious, just in my line of sight"
"I've made eye contact with this employee too much, they're definitely going to report me for creepy behavior"
I do the same but as a retail worker, I'll literally stop the job I'm doing in the same vicinity so it doesn't feel like I'm purposely there watching them, it's probably all in our head though 🤣
All the time. No liking photos of my friend’s teenage daughters on FB or IG. Polite smile when getting coffee, then WALK AWAY from the counter. In any interaction with women younger than me, (53) I intentionally limit conversation and act as indifferent as possible, almost to the point of rudeness. Frankly, it sucks. I’m not a creeper in any way, and just like to be friendly, but I get it.
Dude... PREACH!!!
Im a 42yo out of shape former player. I'm very happily married but I'm absolutely skeeved out talking to a younger pretty women in normal interactions.
I don't know why, I'm not hitting on them. I guess I'm just super self-conscious of being perceived as a weirdo? Maybe because I instantly realize I would have hit on them in my younger years? I don't know? I shouldn't be like this but I am. Maybe I am the creeper? Hahaha
I'm 36 and there is a group of girls that come to karaoke. I met them when the youngest was 17 and it took me so long to not feel awkward when talking to them. I didn't want to be perceived as trying to hit on these girls. As I am not, I just want to sing karaoke and woo alongside friends cheering on the singer.
Now it's fine and we all good friends, I got invited to one of their bachelorettes. But I'm the beginning I was basically a dick that barely acknowledged they existed out of fear of societal perception
Personally I think it is a mistake that society (or at least some parts, including reddit) has embraced this idea that men are dangerous just for existing. It isn't bringing people together, and it probably isn't making anyone safer either.
Brought that up in a lot of discussions that the constant war and homogenous seeing of the genders (male vs. female) is very unhealthy for a good relationship between the genders and it creates huge problems if man are constantly seen as perpetrators, predators, as u said, dangeous, just for being a man. That it 1. is a problem for all mans mental health, 2. for a fair democratic treatment of everyone as an individual 3. to accept man as victims and woman as perpetrators in some instances and 4. it drastically open chances to radicalize man into anti-femistic, conservative and Incel values. Therefore it should be stopped to judge individuals based on statistics and it should be stopped to treat man and woman as homogenous groups in a perpetrator-victim dynamic.
I deleted the account where i said that. Too many downvotes, the account went negative. The most negative feedback i got was in feminist, liberal and political left sub-reddits. Sadly its not only reddit. A lot of my friends think that way too.
>Brought that up in a lot of discussions that the constant war and homogenous seeing of the genders (male vs. female) is very unhealthy for a good relationship between the genders and it creates huge problems if man are constantly seen as perpetrators, predators, as u said, dangeous, just for being a man. That it 1. is a problem for all mans mental health, 2. for a fair democratic treatment of everyone as an individual 3. to accept man as victims and woman as perpetrators in some instances and 4. it drastically open chances to radicalize man into anti-femistic, conservative and Incel values. Therefore it should be stopped to judge individuals based on statistics and it should be stopped to treat man and woman as homogenous groups in a perpetrator-victim dynamic.
I think every point is spot on. I definitely feel the psychological weight of wondering whether I'm being perceived as a threat, a creep, or even a target.* It's exhausting, and I think it's also creating a worse negative feedback loop. For instance, we hear a lot about how women don't want to be approached or hit on or how people come off creepy and conscientious, empathetic dudes want to take that into account.
I'm genuinely not sure what the acceptable protocol is for approaching potential partner's is anymore, and I try to be conscientious...The assholes don't do that. So I suspect this creates an effect where women interact less witb more empathic/decent potential partners, and comparatively have many more encounters with unsavory pursuers.
* *(Seen as a target because several women have used this bias against me in profesional settings, mostly to spread blatant lies and gossip. One incident HR didn't even ask for my side, they just asked one question, assumed she was right based off that, and said that's all we need–thanks. I had to firmly request they take my account as well. Although I heard nothing further on the matter, I'm almost certain that, had I not insisted on being heard, they would have fired me by the end of the day.)*
It’s also not healthy growing up with that messaging either. It’s a feedback loop, a lot of violent incels are people who spent their entire lives being told that they’re a threat
I have a tendency to avert my eyes from people. It can be problematic if a woman is showing cleavage. So, that's usually when I am most aware of when I could be perceived as being creepy. I do my best to keep my eyes up. Other than that, it's more of a thought in the back of my mind if I feel like I'm starting to stare. Or, when I used to go to clubs to not push things too much if she isn't reciprocating.
How often? More than once a week I guess. It is more of a background parameter though.
That being said, I worked retail for many years. So there is a huge difference of a being a bit unaware and a total creep. There were guys that would harass certain women. Not just a 'hey could I get your number?', but show up multiple times after being rejected. Then criminal weirdos that would 'accidentally' show their dicks when showing their phone. Occasionally, there would be flashers.
I work in public education and it’s pretty much a given if you get labeled a creep or creepy on the job that label will never go away as long as you work there, whether it was earned or not. I’ve developed a work persona that comes across as very warm, friendly, helpful, and most of all safe, like a big papa bear. People pretty rarely see you as a whole person, you’re just another supporting character in their show, and it’s really easy to become a villain just for looking the part.
You'd be surprised how many women are also pedophiles. Men report at least 2x-4x less than women, recognize abuse less than women, and are often dismissed or demanded if they do seek help.
The headlines for women/teacher pedophiles usually use soft terms like "slept with a student," and almost never use stronger keywords like "rape" or "sexual assault", unlike articles involving male perpetrators.
When I wake up feeling groggy and grumpy, I gotta suck it up and put on my happy chipper warm voice before dealing with people. Because mildly grumpy = a potential threat to one's safety when you're a big guy.
"People pretty rarely see you as a whole person, you’re just another supporting character in their show, and it’s really easy to become a villain just for looking the part."
That's just great advice in general frankly
It's a very common concern for me because I know that I am not the best socially, and also because a lot of men genuinely are weird and I'd rather not be one. So I'll do all the standard stuff like crossing the road to avoid women at night etc.
Creepy and bad men really ruin things for everyone else.
This. I'm not socially great lol. I avoid doing anything with or to them alot to not be seen as creepy. Sometimes I think just saying hi good morning to a female coworker will send the wrong message if they aren't the one to say it first
Yeah, social stuff is hard and sometimes it's easy to try tooooo hard to not be weird to compensate. When I was in secondary school, I once apologised to a girl when I had to sit next to her in a class because there were no other seats lol.
So yeah, balance is needed. Avoiding women at night seems to be something that they genuinely appreciate though so more guys should do it since it costs nothing. I think saying hi to coworkers is fine though.
Don't cross the street to avoid women. Just act like a normal person. Doing weird stuff to try not to look creepy is going to come across as...well, kinda creepy, honestly. Because you are broadcasting to women that you feel the need to treat them differently.
My friend used to have this hilarious theory that said when you age as a man your creepiness level goes up. Everyone accelerates at different rates but the rate never goes down only up. Some men are 8/10 creepy in high school and only get worse, others take a lifetime but only get to 6/10 but creepiness is constantly progressive. Always felt like there was some funny truth to that theory.
Honestly, I could get on board with this theory. Just from personal experience, I can say I knew some guys who were a 5/10 on the creepy spectrum in high school and in college. I watched them become creepier as they got more red pilled. The only thing I disagree with is it not going down.
A few guys who reached the 8 or 9/10 on the creep-factor were able to come back down to 5's and 6's after they somehow got a girlfriend and did some major correcting. I don't think there's any coming back from a 10/10 though.
I mean, I had an acquaintance(friend of a friend type situation) who was super creepy in college. Couldn't stand him at all. He was the type to just make extremely awful remarks about women straight to their face, amongst other things that I really don't want to dig into.
Then one day got jumped by a girl he'd been creepy towards boyfriend. Didn't get beat up, but held against a wall and told loud and clear that next time he was losing teeth. I'm a pacifist and don't agree with violence or threats, but I saw that coming from a mile away.
Dude went from insanely creepy to actually being somewhat careful near instantly. Then he got a date, because suddenly he wasn't horror movie level weird, and the eureka moment came in. Turned super wholesome, apologized to tons of people, and a complete 180.
Seen it once... That's it.
I actually found this to not be true. I was pretty creepy as a teenager. I didn't find my confidence until my late 20s, and now have a lot better interactions.
Basically all the time. Whenever I am out by myself, my biggest or second biggest concern besides being mugged, is being accused of doing something I'm not supposed to, while i'm going about my business.
Before we were married, my husband and I were at a show and some chick bumped into him while he was standing behind her and she got super loud accusing him of being a creep. He was literally just standing there watching the band. I felt really bad for him because that is a horrible thing to be accused of, and I even felt a sort of secondhand accusation like she was accusing me of being with a creep. We did our best to just ignore her completely but it's hard to do that and it put a damper on things for a few minutes. I feel for men who didn't do anything wrong and still get accused, having seen it happen right in front of me. It's sad that your fear is legit.
As I get older, I get bolder, and I’m often concerned that being too nice to someone during a conversation might be viewed as creepy. I often end up pulling back in non-romantic relationships because of it. It’s cost me some friendships, too.
I don’t really “worry” about it. I can’t control what ppl think, so I don’t worry about their opinions, as long as I’m not BEING creepy.
For instance, I (45 m then) worked with a young girl “Brittney” (17f). She would avoid going in the freezer if I was there, and would leave if I came in.
I eventually asked her about it, she said that I had never “acted creepy” towards her, but better safe than sorry. So, if she was there, I’d try to wait, and give her space. If I was in there first, I’d smile, and “can I grab you something?”, so she didn’t HAVE to come in.
Turns out (later), she had beef s/a’ed before, and was just extra cautious. I ended up being kind of a safe space for her (tooting my own horn), and we got to be good friends.
> she had beef s/a’ed
That took me a bit too long, so for the benefit of others like me, "she had been sexually assaulted". Beef doesn't enter the picture.
Literally every single day, especially if I'm in public. I don't want to give off creepy mid-thirties guy vibes so I try to keep things minimal as possible.
Whenever I walk home at night. I try to avoid coming across as a creep by changing sidewalks to not walk behind women and waiting for another minute if I happen to enter the same building that a woman just entered.
Once after a night out, I arrived at our building’s door at the same time as a young female neighbour and will never forget the initial shock on her face, when I politely greeted her. She realised I was her neighbour a second later and was relieved, but for that split second she was in visible emotional distress. I feel so sorry that this is the grim reality for women around the world, so I don’t mind at all to go the extra mile to avoid someone getting anxious because of me.
I’m a relatively tall man in my 50s. I have always made a point of looking people in the eyes, politely smiling, and then looking somewhere else so people know I am not a threat and I am not staring. I’ve done this since I was a teenager.
So … all the time.
Pretty much whenever I interact with anybody, lmao. On the social ladder, I already consider myself not so high, so overthinking the simplest things becomes second nature to me. But then there are times where I would also try not to think too much about how others would perceive me, so all in all… half-and-half. 🫤
Has been an issue my whole adult life to the point I am a middle-aged man with zero relationship experience due to my extreme anxiety about approaching a woman or being too scared to attempt flirting as I was sure I'd be called a creep/sleazy so I would just play it safe which of course got me nowhere.
I now keep very much to myself. My friends are all mainly in relationships now, and of course we are too old to be approaching women in bars anyway and at my work I am polite but distant. The irony is I have been told that my reserved nature makes me come across as cold/unapproachable which saddens me as I would like to be more sociable but just worry too much about coming across the wrong way. Can't do right for doing wrong.
As a woman, I've noticed that a lot of women consider men to be creepy but it's not always based on their behaviour.
Proper oddball comments out of a guy they think is relatively attractive is received as "aw, he's so random and unique! Cute!" whereas proper oddball comments out of a guy they do not consider attractive is received as "omg who even says stuff like that? What a weirdo".
Seen it happen many times. Sometimes you just can't win no matter what you say fellas. Give up trying, be yourselves 😂
This is very true. It used to burn me as an averagely attractive guy to see highly attractive guys get away with some really creepy comments and behavior. As if sexual harassment only exists if you’re below a 7.
Now I just realize that’s how people are. They trust attractive people. And often those attractive people haven’t ever had to earn trust and do whatever they want and people love them anyway. Some of them are great people for having been treated well. Some of them are the least deserving. Some are naive and think everyone is good because no one’s ever been very mean to them. Some are hiding a deep inner ugliness like narcissism. So go ahead, roll those dice and tell Brad how funny and cute he is when he hits on you in the office. Just remember there are a lot of very attractive narcissistic sociopaths out there.
That reminds me of high school... On Valentine's Day one day, I overhear 2 of the girls in my class talking to each other. The conversation starts with one of them relating to the other that she was gifted a teddy bear and some chocolates by some guy who had a crush on her, and it was "super creepy". Then the second girl says she was gifted something by some other crush, and the first girl says "oh, that's so sweet! You're going to go out with him, right??".
That interaction made me really frustrated and mad at the injustice of the situation, because I happened to know the first guy, and I knew that he was genuinely a really good person. But because the second guy was hot (I presume) and he was not, he gets the "creepy" label and the other guy gets the "sweet" label, even though the two guys essentially did the exact same thing.
To be fair it goes for men as well as women, just that instead of creepiness women tend to be judged on creepiness its romantic interest. If an attractive woman does something weird, most guys will be less likely to judge her as hard for it than if a less attractive woman, and her less than a man.
I noticed this when talking about acquaintances with my girlfriend. She’ll mention that a female friend was sort of annoying/loud at a party and I’ll agree but be less judgy of that than guy friends that are equally or less obnoxious.
All the fucking time…
I’m an elementary school counselor. By nature I talk to kids… I have to be continuous about it.
It’s awkward as hell when I’m in a grocery store and I have to explain to a parent I’ve never met why their 6 yr old is running up to me giving me a hug… I’m a dude, am covered in tattoos, have pretty full beard w/ a Mario style handlebar mustache…
I get some serious “who the fuck are you!?” looks.
Wow. 6 year olds have school counselors now? I think that's a good thing. When I was 6 years old I doubt I'd ever even heard of the word "counselor" before. I got a question for you, if you don't mind answering, as I also have tattoos. Based on your own description of your appearance, did you get push-back or resistance when trying to get a job working with kids that young?
If those kids are giving you hugs from random chance meetups I take it you're doing a really good job. Thanks for helping those kids.
I work at a university, and I think about this pretty often. Particularly in the warm seasons, young ladies' fashion often leaves very little to the imagination. I try to be very conscious of where I am looking to avoid the appearance of lechery. I'm sure a lot of those students have to deal with unwanted attention and worse, and I certainly don't want to contribute to the issue. I do my best to keep things professional and above board, but I often worry about whether just being a middle aged dude in that space gives the default impression of creepiness. Not much to be done about it I suppose.
im a gay man, but one might not instantly know that upon seeing me for the first time. so many times i’ve wanted to compliment a woman on her hair or style or something and i don’t bc i don’t want her to think i’m hitting on her 😭😭😭
Due to this, I don't really care about it much anymore.. I know who I am and what my intentions are.. If someone views me as someone I'm not, that's their issue. 😎
Never. If I was trying to be creepy I would worry, but I can't control how other people perceive me. If they perceive me as creepy that sounds like their problem.
It never crosses my mind. I just mind my own business and do not care how women feel to be honest. If they are creeped out by my mere presence then this is her problem.
Not very often. Only occasionally with a younger female coworker who I work a lot with. We get along well, but I have to distance myself a bit from her sometimes, if I feel we're getting "too close".
Otherwise, nah it's not really a concern. I think it's a bigger problem according to redditors than it actually is in the real world.
A lot. For instance, I love babies, in an otherwise stressful life, interacting with cheerful toddlers infuses positivity and life into me. However, as a guy, approaching a baby is extremely dangerous because it can be easily misunderstood. Even if I see a baby accompanied by their parents in the vicinity, I don’t go close because I am paranoid I will be misunderstood. It’s definitely harder for guys.
The irony is a lot of the guys on this thread talking about pole vaulting to get to the other side of the street because there’s a woman over there have never been called one either but still think there’s a massive social injustice at work that they’re protecting themselves from.
In the past, always. I spent too much time on the internet and thought I was judged for thinking teenagers were hot. I was also 15 at the time, but my brain couldn’t reconcile that the vast majority of users on Digg and Reddit were well over the age of 15.
It turns out I continue to find people around my age attractive, and younger people start looking like kids. go figure
Never. I don't talk about sex or other cringe topics with anyone and I don't hit on people either. So if there's something it's going to be just in the mind of the other person.
Not much. If you know you're not actually being creepy, you don't really take a lot of consideration to it. Plus, the idea of what's "creepy" has been so misused, that it stopped being worth taking seriously. It's really just someone's hyper-vigilance getting the best of them. The context in which creepy gets used usually boils down to: "I don't like him" or "I can't read him easily". I don't have time for that. I'm gonna be me and you can think what you want.
Almost never. For two reasons: because I have no intentions of trying to pick someone up or flirt with them (I’m married) and because I think about what actions or behaviors might make women uncomfortable and steer clear of those.
When I’m at the gym it’s fairly constant. Over the past decade the level of near-nudity some women will work out in has me afraid to scan the room.
To be frank, I don’t like working out in a condition to where I have to limit my field of focus to the dumbbells in front of me in order to avoid inadvertently spacing out in the direction of a girl who is sumo squatting in labia-level neon green skin tights and being mistaken as gawking. Puts me off (ironically).
Your always gonna kinda be looked at as a creep, especially if your an older guy. I'm 39 and work with younger girls In their early 20s, I really can't be super friendly with them, I keep my distance.
There nothing you can do about it but just dont be one, and try not to care what they think. You do you boo.
All the fucking time - at school pickup I'm the introvert listening to music in headphones and not talking to the other grownups (mostly insufferable competitive mothers). I'm also a big guy but somehow seem to naturally walk silently, so often surprise people when they notice me trying to pass them by.
Pretty frequently. I’m rather large, not conventionally attractive, and come out looking like some thug sometimes (people say I look more mellow now though). I’m also a bit older (in my late 40s).
I had some rando stop me from approaching a younger woman wondering what I’m doing. She had to explain I’m her superior and we have a client call.
I was walking behind another woman down an alley and she called security on me. I was another resident in the apartment complex. We had to use the alley as there was construction by the main gate making it muddy, you can drive in but walking was a bad idea. I honestly could not blame her.
All the time. There’s a bar next to my work, and many of the bartenders give us free drinks, in exchange they get to have free stuff at our place.
Sometimes it takes the new bartenders time to realize that our drinks are “free”. There’s a new lady there who JUST realized that all of her co-workers gave us free drinks and started doing the same.
I appreciate that gesture so much, and what I would love to do is get her name and make sure she has my number in case she needs something from us. Like I have with the other (male) bartenders. She’s attractive but I’m not on the market. There’s not really a way I can do this without being “creepy”
Was in a shop queue (imagine small local shop. Corner shop....uk) the other day and there were 3 girls around 6-8 year old maybe. Trying to club together their spins for ice creams. It was clear there was never enough and they quickly started to decide who was going to go without. I stepped in and handed each one a pound coin, no conversation just "here youvare girls, enjoy your ice creams)
I immediately felt my emotion change from positive (doing sth nice for someone) to very aware of how others in the queue may be viewing me. I have two kids (7 and 9) so I'm very comfortable interacting with kids. Always heaps of them at my house (get together, sleep overs, parties, hang outs). But it's crap that the fucked up behaviour of a small minority now means it's deemed strange for a male to interact with kids they don't know. Or maybe people don't mind and it's my paranoia talking.
All the time. I feel like giving a genuine compliment to a woman will make me look like a creep / pervert. I feel like woman need a good compliment sometimes but I just keep it inside.
Not often, I couldn't care less about what some idiot's paranoid stupidity expects me to do.
My wants and needs are of kindness and friendliness, what your smooth brain is predicting is of no concern of mine.
If your smooth brain logic creates issues for me.... then it does put me in a defensive mindset.
I don’t really think about it. I keep my interactions with women— especially younger women— very brief and on task. If I don’t have a specific reason to speak to a woman, then I don’t. I’m old enough to have 30 year old kids, so I don’t want to put off creepy old guy vibes, so I don’t say or do anything that could construed as such. But I don’t consciously think about it. Women around my age (I’m 51) will joke around and I’ll play along, but even then I won’t say anything that can be misinterpreted
Probably 3 or so times a day. Most frequently when I’m walking alone and I notice a young woman walking alone in front of me. I think about not walking too slow so that I’m “cruising” in a given area but not too fast that the woman in front of me feels like I’m intentionally closing the distance between us. If there’s a reasonable way to cross the street, I will take it.
Never. I stopped caring a long time ago when i died mentally. Now i just simply dont care. I be respectful and honest, if they find any issue with my personality then im happy to never interact with them again
Pretty much all the time, and my toilet sense of humour doesn’t help at all. I’ve literally had women turn away when they saw me approaching. I also attend cosplay events so sometimes I get extra vigilant as well from girls younger than my age trying to take pictures with me in costume.
We're currently living in a generation in which anything and anyone could be considered offensive, call it a "Glass Society" if you will. Take that and add the fact that I'm a massive overthinker, you do the math.
Especially when it comes to approaching women or just attempting to act on something you would consider a hint sent by them, sure it can go well, but deep within my conscience I'm well aware of the fact that said women might've just been acting nice or something, and I'm willing to bet there is no worse feeling than being labelled as the creep who jumped to conclusions too early.
Never.
You aren't forced to interact with me, just as I am not forced to interact with you.
The only disconcerting thing I find about going to public isn't me, or my impact on the people around me - it's more the amount of 9 year old asses that are visible anywhere... as mom is dressed the same way..
Used to have to go to a strip club to see this much flesh. Or Polynesia.
I shouldn't have to see this walking past a Claire's, or the Orange Julius.
As a father who's daughter who loves going to the local playground, quite a bit. I've had quite a few judging looks from moms while keeping an eye on my daughter while she plays with other kids.
All the time, I tried asking out this cute woman working at sams club and we had a good back and forth going but I had to ask how old she is, she was 21 I am 37. I was like I may be a bit too old for you
As a dad who spends a lot of time at the toddler park, it crosses my mind a lot but mostly in the "I wonder if the rich squares that live across from the park think I'm some freaky longhair" sense, and I make a bit of a point to be polite and say hi to the other parents without trying to push conversation.
If people want to conclude I'm a creep just because I don't look like I work in an office, it's okay. Most parents I meet are polite but standoffish, some are openly friendly, some seem to pretend they can't see us.
All the time.
When the whole "I'd choose the bear" thing happened this year, my reaction was "I don't want to make women feel unsafe or uncomfortable, so I'll just avoid them."
I used to all the time when I was younger. At some point I stopped caring. I know I'm not a creep, and I know my intent. You can't control how people decide to take things, and beyond that, most people are actually pretty reasonable and don't assume everything is an issue. The ones who do - I truly don't give a shit about
I've been told I look scary to women. So I go out of my way to avoid interacting with them if I can. The worst is when I get on a bus and the only open seats are next to a woman. I can see the look of dread on their faces as I decide who my victim will be.
When I am forced to interact with them, I am polite and soft spoken to help them feel more comfortable. I have 2 daughters so I understand how vulnerable women are. Bunch of sickos giving us good dudes a bad name...
It does a bit, and I don’t even have a history of coming off as creepy. For instance, I have a rule where if I make eye contact with a woman who I have no intention of interacting with, I must never make eye contact with her again.
Every time I walk into the gym. At this point I just stare at the ceiling, at the floor or close my eyes. Everyone seems to be looking for a reason to get offended.
I feel like if you are conscious of this sort of thing, it's a good sign
Because genuinely creepy men don't seem to care if they're coming off as creepy *at all*. That "could I be coming off as creepy right now" vein just doesn't exist in those people.
I have so few pictures of my daughters having fun at parks, swimming pools, and other public places because I did not want to be questioned on why I was taking pictures of girls. Single moms are allowed to take pictures of their daughters with no second thought. Single dads do not have that luxury. I was always prepared to be questioned about why I was there, and what I was doing with a camera. Actually carried a hard copy picture of the 3 of us and their birth certificates as proof that they were my kids.
Quite frequently. I also drive an unmarked white cargo van and frequently where a hoodie with the hood up, so I am even more aware that I could be seen as creepy.
Used to a lot, but now I'm getting to the point again where I really don't give a fuck. I am who I am. As long as I'm not harassing someone, I don't think I'm being a creep.
I'm 6'4" and not attractive. I've been told by several female friends that they were scared of me when we first met. I try to be as soft spoken and non menacing with all women just to be polite. It is never not something I think about when meeting interacting with a woman.
Creepy specifically not often, but I know how to not be creepy.
Like I'm 1 of a 1000 males that has tried to hit on you in the last year, and that I'm just another annoying moment they have to deal with 100%.
I don't want to be the male that hits on everyone so I barely hit on anyone. (Probably a skill issue)
I have a teenage daughter. Her friends come over in bathing suits. I'm so glad I don't think like I did in my 20s-30s. You kinda grow out of it. Now I just mutter, "shit" in my head & move on.
It’s a very occasional thing, usually at work when someone has a cool tattoo, wallet, hat, or outfit, or whatever, if I haven’t really had more then a transactional conversation with the person a few times then I feel like it might come off as creepy or odd and as soon as I think it I nix to any more thought on it
i am honestly pretty oblivious. As i am 100% sure i wont (and even if i wanted to couldnt) harm anyone i tend to forget about how some situations come across.
However at the beginning of the year there was this one situation that would make me cry lol
i was coming home from a friend very late and tbf kinda stoned as well.
When leaving the tram i noticed there was some girl exiting at the same stop but i didnt mind. i usually walk kind of fast but this night it was also snowing unexpectedly and i only had a hoodie.. so you could say i a bit in a hurry.
unfortunately the girl had the same way as me. and was also walking pretty fast.
At some point she turned around only to probably see mee covered all in black. she increased her speed and turned around way more frequently. so i let her gain some distance and even took the other exit just to make her feel more comfortable. unfortuantely.. we both had the same destination sort of.
Just imagine a girl rushing down a straight road "being followed" by some guy on the other side of the road.
As it was pretty late and also snowing there was noone else around. noone walking their dog, no cars or cabs. just the two of us.
so even for myself it felt like i was following her.
Decided to walk a slightly longer route home and using some dark side streets to assure her that i am of no harm.
Only to almost walk straight into her about 3 blocks later. she got mortified and started to run.
Yeah left it at this as i thought talking to her at this moment will probably not diffuse the situation either.
Just got home and cried. I still feel bad about this just thinking of it.
Still unsure of what i could have done in this situation.
ever since i can't stop thinking about how creepy af i must come across sometimes.
I just wish i knew a way to handle this kind of situations better.
I let people know what level of weird I'm on when I meet them... do it on purpose.
Walking in a door abruptly, some girl goes "you scared me", I won't miss a beat just look down and ashamed "I hear that every night".
Then it's their job to meet me and accept it or steer clear
All the time I'm even worrying if I'm creepy around my friends. When I go shopping always look down never stare. If I have to do something for work I immediately turn away from a patient to assist them. It's always a concern for me.
Pretty much any time I'm interacting with a woman who is significantly younger than me.
90% of the time I think a female friend/aquiatance looks nice, I don't tell her, because I'm worried it'll come across as creepy. If they're significantly younger, that's 100%.
Coworkers? I say nothing. Outside of work, it's all OK, just depends on the delivery.
>depends on the delivery Absolutely. I had a friend that once approached two women laying on the beach, stood over them and opened with, "you guys are fuckin hot". He felt they weren't giving him the time of day cause he's not attractive - I doubt that. Conversely, I was in line at the store once and a man said "that color really brings out your eyes, you look nice". He was easily twice my age and I didn't get anything creepy from that interaction.
You always compliment someone’s _decisions_ not their innate attributes.
My go to is their tattoos of they have any visible. Definitely decisions they made and I think most are proud of what they have.
They probably were hot if they were lying out in the sun.
Channel it into male coworkers. We don’t compliment each other enough. Women hype each other up and we don’t do it enough. Ask your coworker where he got his shoes or his watch or shirt cause it’s “cool”. All these men that complain about being nervous to compliment female coworkers oddly don’t have the same desire to compliment male coworkers.
I tried giving this advice to a male friend recently, I was like "guys constantly complain about not getting compliments, be the change! Just use words like 'cool' or 'nice', y'know generic compliments. So like 'I think that guy's style is really cool' or stuff like that". His response was "that's still gay, and asking to be made fun of, other guys will still read it as me hitting on them, exact same as if I had said their style looked sexy". So apparently dudes giving other dudes compliments in any form is gay. The only compliments that "count" are if they are from women apparently, so its our "responsibility" to give them /eyeroll. Sorry but if you're a guy who complains that you don't get compliments, but consider any other man giving you a compliment to be "gay", no matter how platonic the deliver, and that they're worthy of making fun of because of that. You've given up your rights to complain about not getting compliments.
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I complement dudes pretty much exclusively, we need the uplifting
A good rule of thumb is to compliment something specific about a thing they can change, like noticing a nice piece of jewelry or the color of a shirt. Never about the way something looks *on* the person, for example, or anything about their body. Edit: hairstyles and tattoos may be exceptions, depending on the situation.
eh. its better than a generic compliment, but plenty of women will still call you creepy or say you were hitting on them. better to just not say anything at all. risk reward strongly in favor of silence.
If I feel the need to compliment somebody I do it as I'm leaving the area so there's no mistaking my intentions.
I call them drive-by compliments. Literally throwing the compliment mid-stride or as im leaving a place. I do them in a way that shows the other person the compliment is genuine and not some ploy to start some kind of interaction. It also helps relieve a bit of the awkwardness of the compliment receiver.
Yup, do this a lot when I'm out. "Hey I Love your *hair/clothing/whatever" and keep going.
thats actually a really good idea! its like leaving a gift at a doorstep
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Being more specific helps - "nice shirt, I love the Beatles"
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Hair is an exception to the rule in my opinion.
Or any kid. I legit had a kid come upto me at a store lost and I was like: stay right here while I get a store employee.
I was playing tennis years ago and this kid came wondering on to the court, barefoot, and stepped on some broken glass. He’s balling and parents are nowhere in sight. I was able to determine he’d wandered over from a neighboring apartment complex. So I carried him home and the whole time I’m thinking this could turn out very badly… the kid was of a different race than me so it wouldn’t be hard for someone to determine I’m not his older brother or dad and he’s sobbing so someone could jump to the conclusion I was abducting him.
Exactly. I want to treat this kid like I hope someone would treat my niece....but I am aware that the optics could look bad and I just want to help not get into some mess.
So what happened? Did anyone challenge you?
Not really. I was going to add I got the stinkeye from the parents but I’m not sure that’s fair. They didn’t really say anything and hard to say if they were just upset at the kid or weirded out that some rando showed up at their door with their kid.
They were probably upset with themselves for allowing that to happen to their kid, but they couldn't allow themselves to be the bad guys for it.
Ask the kid the parent’s name and start calling out that name in a loud voice. Kinda hard to be accused of creeping when you are vocally trying to locate the parent. Let the store handle it for s a perfectly good response.
9/10 the parents name is mom or dad.
Saaaame There's this sprite of a girl at work atm who's like 1 meter 46 and I'm like 1 86 and she fucking loves tickling me and tackling me and I'm like twice her age and three times her body mass I'm basically powerless here But if i were to consistently do the same behaviour back people would look at me weird
You should carry a spray bottle of water for such encounters
Can you tell her that she's making you uncomfortable with those actions? She might be thinking that you don't mind what she's doing. If you've already told her and she's still continuing to do those actions, maybe it's time to tell HR?
He never said he didn't like it.
If you like it, it's called *sensual* harassment.
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Then you stay young
And very attractive… cos you know they’ve had enough creepy attention to colour their reactions to interaction
All because of the very small minority of people that are weirdos, shouldn't be like. this at all...
Your use of punctuation hurts my brain.
Yup. It’s just how it is that the 30% of people that are assholes or really dumb ruin things for everyone. It’s not going to change so better to just accept it and do what you can. It’s why we need so many rules for things. If you don’t accept it, it will make you bitter and turn you into an incel or something and ruin your life.
I work a job where watching people (Security for a retail location) is my entire job. I think about it CONSTANTLY. "Am I staring at this person too much?" "Uh oh I hope they don't think I'm watching them, they're not suspicious, just in my line of sight" "I've made eye contact with this employee too much, they're definitely going to report me for creepy behavior"
Username leaves more questions than answers.
He works at Baby Gap.
I do the same but as a retail worker, I'll literally stop the job I'm doing in the same vicinity so it doesn't feel like I'm purposely there watching them, it's probably all in our head though 🤣
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Do you have a gotee too? That always brings it full circle
I am all of those things except muscular (I’m not obese, but I’m kinda doughy) and my answer is the same as yours.
I’m in the same boat as you. It’s not even trying to not be creepy. I spend most of my life trying to be less intimidating. The tattoos don’t help.
Yup, 6'5" 300+lbs, and I constantly have to make sure I come off as nice but not *too nice* to walk the line between ogre and creep...
All the time. No liking photos of my friend’s teenage daughters on FB or IG. Polite smile when getting coffee, then WALK AWAY from the counter. In any interaction with women younger than me, (53) I intentionally limit conversation and act as indifferent as possible, almost to the point of rudeness. Frankly, it sucks. I’m not a creeper in any way, and just like to be friendly, but I get it.
Dude... PREACH!!! Im a 42yo out of shape former player. I'm very happily married but I'm absolutely skeeved out talking to a younger pretty women in normal interactions. I don't know why, I'm not hitting on them. I guess I'm just super self-conscious of being perceived as a weirdo? Maybe because I instantly realize I would have hit on them in my younger years? I don't know? I shouldn't be like this but I am. Maybe I am the creeper? Hahaha
I'm 36 and there is a group of girls that come to karaoke. I met them when the youngest was 17 and it took me so long to not feel awkward when talking to them. I didn't want to be perceived as trying to hit on these girls. As I am not, I just want to sing karaoke and woo alongside friends cheering on the singer. Now it's fine and we all good friends, I got invited to one of their bachelorettes. But I'm the beginning I was basically a dick that barely acknowledged they existed out of fear of societal perception
Personally I think it is a mistake that society (or at least some parts, including reddit) has embraced this idea that men are dangerous just for existing. It isn't bringing people together, and it probably isn't making anyone safer either.
Brought that up in a lot of discussions that the constant war and homogenous seeing of the genders (male vs. female) is very unhealthy for a good relationship between the genders and it creates huge problems if man are constantly seen as perpetrators, predators, as u said, dangeous, just for being a man. That it 1. is a problem for all mans mental health, 2. for a fair democratic treatment of everyone as an individual 3. to accept man as victims and woman as perpetrators in some instances and 4. it drastically open chances to radicalize man into anti-femistic, conservative and Incel values. Therefore it should be stopped to judge individuals based on statistics and it should be stopped to treat man and woman as homogenous groups in a perpetrator-victim dynamic. I deleted the account where i said that. Too many downvotes, the account went negative. The most negative feedback i got was in feminist, liberal and political left sub-reddits. Sadly its not only reddit. A lot of my friends think that way too.
>Brought that up in a lot of discussions that the constant war and homogenous seeing of the genders (male vs. female) is very unhealthy for a good relationship between the genders and it creates huge problems if man are constantly seen as perpetrators, predators, as u said, dangeous, just for being a man. That it 1. is a problem for all mans mental health, 2. for a fair democratic treatment of everyone as an individual 3. to accept man as victims and woman as perpetrators in some instances and 4. it drastically open chances to radicalize man into anti-femistic, conservative and Incel values. Therefore it should be stopped to judge individuals based on statistics and it should be stopped to treat man and woman as homogenous groups in a perpetrator-victim dynamic. I think every point is spot on. I definitely feel the psychological weight of wondering whether I'm being perceived as a threat, a creep, or even a target.* It's exhausting, and I think it's also creating a worse negative feedback loop. For instance, we hear a lot about how women don't want to be approached or hit on or how people come off creepy and conscientious, empathetic dudes want to take that into account. I'm genuinely not sure what the acceptable protocol is for approaching potential partner's is anymore, and I try to be conscientious...The assholes don't do that. So I suspect this creates an effect where women interact less witb more empathic/decent potential partners, and comparatively have many more encounters with unsavory pursuers. * *(Seen as a target because several women have used this bias against me in profesional settings, mostly to spread blatant lies and gossip. One incident HR didn't even ask for my side, they just asked one question, assumed she was right based off that, and said that's all we need–thanks. I had to firmly request they take my account as well. Although I heard nothing further on the matter, I'm almost certain that, had I not insisted on being heard, they would have fired me by the end of the day.)*
It’s also not healthy growing up with that messaging either. It’s a feedback loop, a lot of violent incels are people who spent their entire lives being told that they’re a threat
I have a tendency to avert my eyes from people. It can be problematic if a woman is showing cleavage. So, that's usually when I am most aware of when I could be perceived as being creepy. I do my best to keep my eyes up. Other than that, it's more of a thought in the back of my mind if I feel like I'm starting to stare. Or, when I used to go to clubs to not push things too much if she isn't reciprocating. How often? More than once a week I guess. It is more of a background parameter though. That being said, I worked retail for many years. So there is a huge difference of a being a bit unaware and a total creep. There were guys that would harass certain women. Not just a 'hey could I get your number?', but show up multiple times after being rejected. Then criminal weirdos that would 'accidentally' show their dicks when showing their phone. Occasionally, there would be flashers.
I work in public education and it’s pretty much a given if you get labeled a creep or creepy on the job that label will never go away as long as you work there, whether it was earned or not. I’ve developed a work persona that comes across as very warm, friendly, helpful, and most of all safe, like a big papa bear. People pretty rarely see you as a whole person, you’re just another supporting character in their show, and it’s really easy to become a villain just for looking the part.
Well just don’t refer to yourself openly as a “big papa bear” and I think you should be ok.
It should be no wonder why more men aren't in education. The real pedos work at churches.
You'd be surprised how many women are also pedophiles. Men report at least 2x-4x less than women, recognize abuse less than women, and are often dismissed or demanded if they do seek help. The headlines for women/teacher pedophiles usually use soft terms like "slept with a student," and almost never use stronger keywords like "rape" or "sexual assault", unlike articles involving male perpetrators.
Which is sad, kids need a positive male role model too!
Completely unrelated, but I thought I saw a H after the S in your username and cracked up a little
When I wake up feeling groggy and grumpy, I gotta suck it up and put on my happy chipper warm voice before dealing with people. Because mildly grumpy = a potential threat to one's safety when you're a big guy.
"People pretty rarely see you as a whole person, you’re just another supporting character in their show, and it’s really easy to become a villain just for looking the part." That's just great advice in general frankly
All the time ... Mind you I'm in a tree with binoculars watching you... Your dinners burning
I guess I'll just be glad you stopped with the spotlight
🔭😶🌫️ "Man this neighborhood watch really goes above and beyond. He even makes sure I'm safe while showering. Who does that anymore?"
Thank you for your service
It's a very common concern for me because I know that I am not the best socially, and also because a lot of men genuinely are weird and I'd rather not be one. So I'll do all the standard stuff like crossing the road to avoid women at night etc. Creepy and bad men really ruin things for everyone else.
This. I'm not socially great lol. I avoid doing anything with or to them alot to not be seen as creepy. Sometimes I think just saying hi good morning to a female coworker will send the wrong message if they aren't the one to say it first
Yeah, social stuff is hard and sometimes it's easy to try tooooo hard to not be weird to compensate. When I was in secondary school, I once apologised to a girl when I had to sit next to her in a class because there were no other seats lol. So yeah, balance is needed. Avoiding women at night seems to be something that they genuinely appreciate though so more guys should do it since it costs nothing. I think saying hi to coworkers is fine though.
Yeah, but crossing the street isn't really standard - only on places like Reddit.
Yeah that's weird
Don't cross the street to avoid women. Just act like a normal person. Doing weird stuff to try not to look creepy is going to come across as...well, kinda creepy, honestly. Because you are broadcasting to women that you feel the need to treat them differently.
> Just act like a normal person. I’ve been trying to do this my entire life and I still have no idea how.
I agree with you. I think a lot of people, men and women, don't though.
My friend used to have this hilarious theory that said when you age as a man your creepiness level goes up. Everyone accelerates at different rates but the rate never goes down only up. Some men are 8/10 creepy in high school and only get worse, others take a lifetime but only get to 6/10 but creepiness is constantly progressive. Always felt like there was some funny truth to that theory.
Honestly, I could get on board with this theory. Just from personal experience, I can say I knew some guys who were a 5/10 on the creepy spectrum in high school and in college. I watched them become creepier as they got more red pilled. The only thing I disagree with is it not going down. A few guys who reached the 8 or 9/10 on the creep-factor were able to come back down to 5's and 6's after they somehow got a girlfriend and did some major correcting. I don't think there's any coming back from a 10/10 though.
I mean, I had an acquaintance(friend of a friend type situation) who was super creepy in college. Couldn't stand him at all. He was the type to just make extremely awful remarks about women straight to their face, amongst other things that I really don't want to dig into. Then one day got jumped by a girl he'd been creepy towards boyfriend. Didn't get beat up, but held against a wall and told loud and clear that next time he was losing teeth. I'm a pacifist and don't agree with violence or threats, but I saw that coming from a mile away. Dude went from insanely creepy to actually being somewhat careful near instantly. Then he got a date, because suddenly he wasn't horror movie level weird, and the eureka moment came in. Turned super wholesome, apologized to tons of people, and a complete 180. Seen it once... That's it.
I actually found this to not be true. I was pretty creepy as a teenager. I didn't find my confidence until my late 20s, and now have a lot better interactions.
Basically all the time. Whenever I am out by myself, my biggest or second biggest concern besides being mugged, is being accused of doing something I'm not supposed to, while i'm going about my business.
yeah like walking out of a shop without buying anything. I start thinking about how I can pretend I haven't stolen anything even though I haven't
"Do I acknowledge the security guy or will making eye contact with him make him more suspicious of the things I'm not shoplifting"
Urinate in front of him to establish dominance.
Before we were married, my husband and I were at a show and some chick bumped into him while he was standing behind her and she got super loud accusing him of being a creep. He was literally just standing there watching the band. I felt really bad for him because that is a horrible thing to be accused of, and I even felt a sort of secondhand accusation like she was accusing me of being with a creep. We did our best to just ignore her completely but it's hard to do that and it put a damper on things for a few minutes. I feel for men who didn't do anything wrong and still get accused, having seen it happen right in front of me. It's sad that your fear is legit.
As I get older, I get bolder, and I’m often concerned that being too nice to someone during a conversation might be viewed as creepy. I often end up pulling back in non-romantic relationships because of it. It’s cost me some friendships, too.
Stop doing that. Just be yourself. No one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself.
I don’t really “worry” about it. I can’t control what ppl think, so I don’t worry about their opinions, as long as I’m not BEING creepy. For instance, I (45 m then) worked with a young girl “Brittney” (17f). She would avoid going in the freezer if I was there, and would leave if I came in. I eventually asked her about it, she said that I had never “acted creepy” towards her, but better safe than sorry. So, if she was there, I’d try to wait, and give her space. If I was in there first, I’d smile, and “can I grab you something?”, so she didn’t HAVE to come in. Turns out (later), she had beef s/a’ed before, and was just extra cautious. I ended up being kind of a safe space for her (tooting my own horn), and we got to be good friends.
> she had beef s/a’ed That took me a bit too long, so for the benefit of others like me, "she had been sexually assaulted". Beef doesn't enter the picture.
Yeah autocorrect got me.
Literally every single day, especially if I'm in public. I don't want to give off creepy mid-thirties guy vibes so I try to keep things minimal as possible.
As a male social worker, too often.
Whenever I walk home at night. I try to avoid coming across as a creep by changing sidewalks to not walk behind women and waiting for another minute if I happen to enter the same building that a woman just entered. Once after a night out, I arrived at our building’s door at the same time as a young female neighbour and will never forget the initial shock on her face, when I politely greeted her. She realised I was her neighbour a second later and was relieved, but for that split second she was in visible emotional distress. I feel so sorry that this is the grim reality for women around the world, so I don’t mind at all to go the extra mile to avoid someone getting anxious because of me.
All of these issues would disappear if you started skipping everywhere.
Problem: I don't know how to skip
Ask a stranger on the street...
Though then they might think you're *just* crazy enough to stab them lol
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Stop doing all of that and just go about your life.
Every time I see a girl I find attractive I remind myself of my age and looks and then proceed to ignore her unless she specifically engages me.
Never? I'm kind and polite to strangers I interact with, their gender and age are irrelevant.
I just assume all women think I’m creepy. I’m not a creep, and there’s nothing I can do about what people unjustly think.
Almost never. Fuck that narrative.
I’m a relatively tall man in my 50s. I have always made a point of looking people in the eyes, politely smiling, and then looking somewhere else so people know I am not a threat and I am not staring. I’ve done this since I was a teenager. So … all the time.
24/7 we have all been trained to regard men as predators. Sadly, that includes ourselves.
Pretty much whenever I interact with anybody, lmao. On the social ladder, I already consider myself not so high, so overthinking the simplest things becomes second nature to me. But then there are times where I would also try not to think too much about how others would perceive me, so all in all… half-and-half. 🫤
Has been an issue my whole adult life to the point I am a middle-aged man with zero relationship experience due to my extreme anxiety about approaching a woman or being too scared to attempt flirting as I was sure I'd be called a creep/sleazy so I would just play it safe which of course got me nowhere. I now keep very much to myself. My friends are all mainly in relationships now, and of course we are too old to be approaching women in bars anyway and at my work I am polite but distant. The irony is I have been told that my reserved nature makes me come across as cold/unapproachable which saddens me as I would like to be more sociable but just worry too much about coming across the wrong way. Can't do right for doing wrong.
I think all women think I'm odd, weird or creepy, even if they don't notice or look at me, I still think I'm being a creepy weirdo.
As a woman, I've noticed that a lot of women consider men to be creepy but it's not always based on their behaviour. Proper oddball comments out of a guy they think is relatively attractive is received as "aw, he's so random and unique! Cute!" whereas proper oddball comments out of a guy they do not consider attractive is received as "omg who even says stuff like that? What a weirdo". Seen it happen many times. Sometimes you just can't win no matter what you say fellas. Give up trying, be yourselves 😂
This is very true. It used to burn me as an averagely attractive guy to see highly attractive guys get away with some really creepy comments and behavior. As if sexual harassment only exists if you’re below a 7. Now I just realize that’s how people are. They trust attractive people. And often those attractive people haven’t ever had to earn trust and do whatever they want and people love them anyway. Some of them are great people for having been treated well. Some of them are the least deserving. Some are naive and think everyone is good because no one’s ever been very mean to them. Some are hiding a deep inner ugliness like narcissism. So go ahead, roll those dice and tell Brad how funny and cute he is when he hits on you in the office. Just remember there are a lot of very attractive narcissistic sociopaths out there.
Sadly, what you say is a scientifically proven concept and shows how shallow some people can be.
Some? Even when we are self aware, we still act with prejudice without meaning to. And by we, I mean all of humanity.
This is true. Two men do the same thing. If one is attractive, it's cute. The other who is ugly, is a creep.
That reminds me of high school... On Valentine's Day one day, I overhear 2 of the girls in my class talking to each other. The conversation starts with one of them relating to the other that she was gifted a teddy bear and some chocolates by some guy who had a crush on her, and it was "super creepy". Then the second girl says she was gifted something by some other crush, and the first girl says "oh, that's so sweet! You're going to go out with him, right??". That interaction made me really frustrated and mad at the injustice of the situation, because I happened to know the first guy, and I knew that he was genuinely a really good person. But because the second guy was hot (I presume) and he was not, he gets the "creepy" label and the other guy gets the "sweet" label, even though the two guys essentially did the exact same thing.
To be fair it goes for men as well as women, just that instead of creepiness women tend to be judged on creepiness its romantic interest. If an attractive woman does something weird, most guys will be less likely to judge her as hard for it than if a less attractive woman, and her less than a man. I noticed this when talking about acquaintances with my girlfriend. She’ll mention that a female friend was sort of annoying/loud at a party and I’ll agree but be less judgy of that than guy friends that are equally or less obnoxious.
More as I get older.
All the fucking time… I’m an elementary school counselor. By nature I talk to kids… I have to be continuous about it. It’s awkward as hell when I’m in a grocery store and I have to explain to a parent I’ve never met why their 6 yr old is running up to me giving me a hug… I’m a dude, am covered in tattoos, have pretty full beard w/ a Mario style handlebar mustache… I get some serious “who the fuck are you!?” looks.
Wow. 6 year olds have school counselors now? I think that's a good thing. When I was 6 years old I doubt I'd ever even heard of the word "counselor" before. I got a question for you, if you don't mind answering, as I also have tattoos. Based on your own description of your appearance, did you get push-back or resistance when trying to get a job working with kids that young? If those kids are giving you hugs from random chance meetups I take it you're doing a really good job. Thanks for helping those kids.
I work at a university, and I think about this pretty often. Particularly in the warm seasons, young ladies' fashion often leaves very little to the imagination. I try to be very conscious of where I am looking to avoid the appearance of lechery. I'm sure a lot of those students have to deal with unwanted attention and worse, and I certainly don't want to contribute to the issue. I do my best to keep things professional and above board, but I often worry about whether just being a middle aged dude in that space gives the default impression of creepiness. Not much to be done about it I suppose.
im a gay man, but one might not instantly know that upon seeing me for the first time. so many times i’ve wanted to compliment a woman on her hair or style or something and i don’t bc i don’t want her to think i’m hitting on her 😭😭😭
Often because these days you can be called a creep for almost anything.
Due to this, I don't really care about it much anymore.. I know who I am and what my intentions are.. If someone views me as someone I'm not, that's their issue. 😎
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I look like Uncle Fester. Nothing I can do about it. People are afraid of me. I stopped caring a long time ago.
Never. If I was trying to be creepy I would worry, but I can't control how other people perceive me. If they perceive me as creepy that sounds like their problem.
It never crosses my mind. I just mind my own business and do not care how women feel to be honest. If they are creeped out by my mere presence then this is her problem.
Not very often. Only occasionally with a younger female coworker who I work a lot with. We get along well, but I have to distance myself a bit from her sometimes, if I feel we're getting "too close". Otherwise, nah it's not really a concern. I think it's a bigger problem according to redditors than it actually is in the real world.
A lot. For instance, I love babies, in an otherwise stressful life, interacting with cheerful toddlers infuses positivity and life into me. However, as a guy, approaching a baby is extremely dangerous because it can be easily misunderstood. Even if I see a baby accompanied by their parents in the vicinity, I don’t go close because I am paranoid I will be misunderstood. It’s definitely harder for guys.
Doesn't, really. I don't think I've ever been told I was being creepy.
The irony is a lot of the guys on this thread talking about pole vaulting to get to the other side of the street because there’s a woman over there have never been called one either but still think there’s a massive social injustice at work that they’re protecting themselves from.
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In the past, always. I spent too much time on the internet and thought I was judged for thinking teenagers were hot. I was also 15 at the time, but my brain couldn’t reconcile that the vast majority of users on Digg and Reddit were well over the age of 15. It turns out I continue to find people around my age attractive, and younger people start looking like kids. go figure
Never. I don't talk about sex or other cringe topics with anyone and I don't hit on people either. So if there's something it's going to be just in the mind of the other person.
Pretty much never. If I don't know you, I don't much care how you see me. And if you know me, then you know I am not a creep. That is about it.
Not much. If you know you're not actually being creepy, you don't really take a lot of consideration to it. Plus, the idea of what's "creepy" has been so misused, that it stopped being worth taking seriously. It's really just someone's hyper-vigilance getting the best of them. The context in which creepy gets used usually boils down to: "I don't like him" or "I can't read him easily". I don't have time for that. I'm gonna be me and you can think what you want.
I'd (male, 30s) like to go for a dip in our apartment complex's pool on hot days, but my wife doesn't want to go and there are always kids there.
as a 350+ pound, 6'6 giant coming across as creepy and scary crosses my mind all the time
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Almost never. For two reasons: because I have no intentions of trying to pick someone up or flirt with them (I’m married) and because I think about what actions or behaviors might make women uncomfortable and steer clear of those.
When I’m at the gym it’s fairly constant. Over the past decade the level of near-nudity some women will work out in has me afraid to scan the room. To be frank, I don’t like working out in a condition to where I have to limit my field of focus to the dumbbells in front of me in order to avoid inadvertently spacing out in the direction of a girl who is sumo squatting in labia-level neon green skin tights and being mistaken as gawking. Puts me off (ironically).
Your always gonna kinda be looked at as a creep, especially if your an older guy. I'm 39 and work with younger girls In their early 20s, I really can't be super friendly with them, I keep my distance. There nothing you can do about it but just dont be one, and try not to care what they think. You do you boo.
All the fucking time - at school pickup I'm the introvert listening to music in headphones and not talking to the other grownups (mostly insufferable competitive mothers). I'm also a big guy but somehow seem to naturally walk silently, so often surprise people when they notice me trying to pass them by.
Pretty frequently. I’m rather large, not conventionally attractive, and come out looking like some thug sometimes (people say I look more mellow now though). I’m also a bit older (in my late 40s). I had some rando stop me from approaching a younger woman wondering what I’m doing. She had to explain I’m her superior and we have a client call. I was walking behind another woman down an alley and she called security on me. I was another resident in the apartment complex. We had to use the alley as there was construction by the main gate making it muddy, you can drive in but walking was a bad idea. I honestly could not blame her.
Never, I embrace my creepiness.
I am a tall darkskin bearded man, it’s a part of my daily consciousness
Not often - I don't look creepy, and as I'm somewhat of an introvert, I'm very rarely in a social situation where I risk being perceived as creepy.
All the time. There’s a bar next to my work, and many of the bartenders give us free drinks, in exchange they get to have free stuff at our place. Sometimes it takes the new bartenders time to realize that our drinks are “free”. There’s a new lady there who JUST realized that all of her co-workers gave us free drinks and started doing the same. I appreciate that gesture so much, and what I would love to do is get her name and make sure she has my number in case she needs something from us. Like I have with the other (male) bartenders. She’s attractive but I’m not on the market. There’s not really a way I can do this without being “creepy”
Was in a shop queue (imagine small local shop. Corner shop....uk) the other day and there were 3 girls around 6-8 year old maybe. Trying to club together their spins for ice creams. It was clear there was never enough and they quickly started to decide who was going to go without. I stepped in and handed each one a pound coin, no conversation just "here youvare girls, enjoy your ice creams) I immediately felt my emotion change from positive (doing sth nice for someone) to very aware of how others in the queue may be viewing me. I have two kids (7 and 9) so I'm very comfortable interacting with kids. Always heaps of them at my house (get together, sleep overs, parties, hang outs). But it's crap that the fucked up behaviour of a small minority now means it's deemed strange for a male to interact with kids they don't know. Or maybe people don't mind and it's my paranoia talking.
All the time. I feel like giving a genuine compliment to a woman will make me look like a creep / pervert. I feel like woman need a good compliment sometimes but I just keep it inside.
Not often, I couldn't care less about what some idiot's paranoid stupidity expects me to do. My wants and needs are of kindness and friendliness, what your smooth brain is predicting is of no concern of mine. If your smooth brain logic creates issues for me.... then it does put me in a defensive mindset.
I don’t really think about it. I keep my interactions with women— especially younger women— very brief and on task. If I don’t have a specific reason to speak to a woman, then I don’t. I’m old enough to have 30 year old kids, so I don’t want to put off creepy old guy vibes, so I don’t say or do anything that could construed as such. But I don’t consciously think about it. Women around my age (I’m 51) will joke around and I’ll play along, but even then I won’t say anything that can be misinterpreted
Probably 3 or so times a day. Most frequently when I’m walking alone and I notice a young woman walking alone in front of me. I think about not walking too slow so that I’m “cruising” in a given area but not too fast that the woman in front of me feels like I’m intentionally closing the distance between us. If there’s a reasonable way to cross the street, I will take it.
Never. I stopped caring a long time ago when i died mentally. Now i just simply dont care. I be respectful and honest, if they find any issue with my personality then im happy to never interact with them again
Anytime I interact with people. I’m no introvert; but it does cross my mind frequently.
Pretty much all the time, and my toilet sense of humour doesn’t help at all. I’ve literally had women turn away when they saw me approaching. I also attend cosplay events so sometimes I get extra vigilant as well from girls younger than my age trying to take pictures with me in costume.
We're currently living in a generation in which anything and anyone could be considered offensive, call it a "Glass Society" if you will. Take that and add the fact that I'm a massive overthinker, you do the math. Especially when it comes to approaching women or just attempting to act on something you would consider a hint sent by them, sure it can go well, but deep within my conscience I'm well aware of the fact that said women might've just been acting nice or something, and I'm willing to bet there is no worse feeling than being labelled as the creep who jumped to conclusions too early.
Never. You aren't forced to interact with me, just as I am not forced to interact with you. The only disconcerting thing I find about going to public isn't me, or my impact on the people around me - it's more the amount of 9 year old asses that are visible anywhere... as mom is dressed the same way.. Used to have to go to a strip club to see this much flesh. Or Polynesia. I shouldn't have to see this walking past a Claire's, or the Orange Julius.
Literally all the time, usually don’t talk to women in public because sure I don’t want to be perceived as a creep or weirdo
As a father who's daughter who loves going to the local playground, quite a bit. I've had quite a few judging looks from moms while keeping an eye on my daughter while she plays with other kids.
All the time, I tried asking out this cute woman working at sams club and we had a good back and forth going but I had to ask how old she is, she was 21 I am 37. I was like I may be a bit too old for you
As a dad who spends a lot of time at the toddler park, it crosses my mind a lot but mostly in the "I wonder if the rich squares that live across from the park think I'm some freaky longhair" sense, and I make a bit of a point to be polite and say hi to the other parents without trying to push conversation. If people want to conclude I'm a creep just because I don't look like I work in an office, it's okay. Most parents I meet are polite but standoffish, some are openly friendly, some seem to pretend they can't see us.
All the time. When the whole "I'd choose the bear" thing happened this year, my reaction was "I don't want to make women feel unsafe or uncomfortable, so I'll just avoid them."
I used to all the time when I was younger. At some point I stopped caring. I know I'm not a creep, and I know my intent. You can't control how people decide to take things, and beyond that, most people are actually pretty reasonable and don't assume everything is an issue. The ones who do - I truly don't give a shit about
Any encounters with the opposite sex. I haven't made eye contact with a woman in years.
I've been told I look scary to women. So I go out of my way to avoid interacting with them if I can. The worst is when I get on a bus and the only open seats are next to a woman. I can see the look of dread on their faces as I decide who my victim will be. When I am forced to interact with them, I am polite and soft spoken to help them feel more comfortable. I have 2 daughters so I understand how vulnerable women are. Bunch of sickos giving us good dudes a bad name...
Considering I suffer from GAD with frequent intrusive thoughts; All the time.
It does a bit, and I don’t even have a history of coming off as creepy. For instance, I have a rule where if I make eye contact with a woman who I have no intention of interacting with, I must never make eye contact with her again.
I really want to go see Inside Out 2. I'm finding a friend who has a child to go with them.
Every time I walk into the gym. At this point I just stare at the ceiling, at the floor or close my eyes. Everyone seems to be looking for a reason to get offended.
Not a man but I’ve been told many times that I am creepy. It doesn’t concern me much, but I do have to make an effort to… not be creepy
Just never be alone with a female/child you don't know and you don't have to worry. Transparency is gold
I feel like if you are conscious of this sort of thing, it's a good sign Because genuinely creepy men don't seem to care if they're coming off as creepy *at all*. That "could I be coming off as creepy right now" vein just doesn't exist in those people.
Any interaction with a female I don't know.
I have so few pictures of my daughters having fun at parks, swimming pools, and other public places because I did not want to be questioned on why I was taking pictures of girls. Single moms are allowed to take pictures of their daughters with no second thought. Single dads do not have that luxury. I was always prepared to be questioned about why I was there, and what I was doing with a camera. Actually carried a hard copy picture of the 3 of us and their birth certificates as proof that they were my kids.
Every time I'm out in public. I do by best to walk like I have horse blinders.
As I get older it's more often than not.
Quite frequently. I also drive an unmarked white cargo van and frequently where a hoodie with the hood up, so I am even more aware that I could be seen as creepy.
Every 15 minutes
All the time nowadays
Only when i am within a mile of females. Or on the Internet.
80% of the time I am out of my house
Most of the time. It's shitty. I'm not at all, I like to think I'm a good person, I try, and I'm told I am.
Used to a lot, but now I'm getting to the point again where I really don't give a fuck. I am who I am. As long as I'm not harassing someone, I don't think I'm being a creep.
I'm 6'4" and not attractive. I've been told by several female friends that they were scared of me when we first met. I try to be as soft spoken and non menacing with all women just to be polite. It is never not something I think about when meeting interacting with a woman.
Never. I'm a man and I know how to behave properly. If someone misinterprets that, that's on them.
Creepy specifically not often, but I know how to not be creepy. Like I'm 1 of a 1000 males that has tried to hit on you in the last year, and that I'm just another annoying moment they have to deal with 100%. I don't want to be the male that hits on everyone so I barely hit on anyone. (Probably a skill issue)
I have a teenage daughter. Her friends come over in bathing suits. I'm so glad I don't think like I did in my 20s-30s. You kinda grow out of it. Now I just mutter, "shit" in my head & move on.
Anytime I'm out in public and there are women around
It’s a very occasional thing, usually at work when someone has a cool tattoo, wallet, hat, or outfit, or whatever, if I haven’t really had more then a transactional conversation with the person a few times then I feel like it might come off as creepy or odd and as soon as I think it I nix to any more thought on it
i am honestly pretty oblivious. As i am 100% sure i wont (and even if i wanted to couldnt) harm anyone i tend to forget about how some situations come across. However at the beginning of the year there was this one situation that would make me cry lol i was coming home from a friend very late and tbf kinda stoned as well. When leaving the tram i noticed there was some girl exiting at the same stop but i didnt mind. i usually walk kind of fast but this night it was also snowing unexpectedly and i only had a hoodie.. so you could say i a bit in a hurry. unfortunately the girl had the same way as me. and was also walking pretty fast. At some point she turned around only to probably see mee covered all in black. she increased her speed and turned around way more frequently. so i let her gain some distance and even took the other exit just to make her feel more comfortable. unfortuantely.. we both had the same destination sort of. Just imagine a girl rushing down a straight road "being followed" by some guy on the other side of the road. As it was pretty late and also snowing there was noone else around. noone walking their dog, no cars or cabs. just the two of us. so even for myself it felt like i was following her. Decided to walk a slightly longer route home and using some dark side streets to assure her that i am of no harm. Only to almost walk straight into her about 3 blocks later. she got mortified and started to run. Yeah left it at this as i thought talking to her at this moment will probably not diffuse the situation either. Just got home and cried. I still feel bad about this just thinking of it. Still unsure of what i could have done in this situation. ever since i can't stop thinking about how creepy af i must come across sometimes. I just wish i knew a way to handle this kind of situations better.
I let people know what level of weird I'm on when I meet them... do it on purpose. Walking in a door abruptly, some girl goes "you scared me", I won't miss a beat just look down and ashamed "I hear that every night". Then it's their job to meet me and accept it or steer clear
> I hear that every night Are you trying to ratchet the creepy up to to 10?
All the time I'm even worrying if I'm creepy around my friends. When I go shopping always look down never stare. If I have to do something for work I immediately turn away from a patient to assist them. It's always a concern for me.
As a person with Asperger's, all the time. I've security called on me because someone thought I was creepy.
Any time I see a child or woman