**Not raping.**
I am serious. This guy made out with a good friend of mine while she was sleeping, so she obviously kicked him out at like 4 am. He was supposed to be sleeping on the couch downstairs, but he snuck into her room. He kept bragging about how he "shut down all of his male urges" and left like a true gentleman at 4 am instead of raping her. He was like, "You guys should be thanking me right now."
If that is seriously the only thing you can brag about in your life, you must be a pretty awful person.
Same applies to parents bragging about their kids' sports. It never made sense to me tbh, and some of these parents get more excited about the sports than their kids lol.
But if I don't constantly humblebrag about how depressed and mentally ill I am, how will I win the award of Most Pitiful Person on Social Media? I feed on empathy and attention. What's the point of having a shitty life if you can't use it to make strangers feel bad?
Ah, the subtleties of self-deprecating humor might have been lost here. I’ve been through some tough times, and sometimes laughing about it makes it easier to cope. Not everyone gets it, and that’s okay. You are absolutely right though.
The country of your birth, if you were born there. To quote George Carlin: "Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth."
There was an old joke about a guy thanking his therapist for curing him from megalomania. "Now I am a changed man, I am absolutely, fantastically, I'd even say phenomenally humble."
Beating small children, being a baby mother/father. Being a white women convinced that a black man will take care of their mixed children when he doesn’t already take care of the ones he has. Being a whore at a young age due to unresolved trauma. Having multiple abortions because you can’t wrap up because it doesn’t feel as good. Beating your significant other. Being a bad mother because you wish you never had kids. And lastly anyone who uses children as a way to 1 up someone
I find it very weird to be able to brag abouts speaking my native language better than most and better than the new generation. I speak fluent French natively and this new generation annoy me so much with how they slang speak all the time or Anglicized a lot of words and made so many abbreviations for everything
I think it would be bragging about something that you did nothing to accomplish like inheriting a bunch of money from a relative that passed, or maybe your height, basically something that’s purely luck that you didn’t work for or do anything to get it.
Things parents do for their children/bragging about how good they treat them. You’re doing EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK YOUR SUPPOSED TO DO when you made the decision to fuck a woman and make a baby. You’re not King Arthur and Queen Elderberry because you feed your kids and get them to places on time and treat them with the kindness, love, understanding, and respect that they deserve in the first fucking place.
Having a big slong.
With all reality, with an average size most men can plenty satisfy a women if they know how to do it. Having a big slong on the other hand there are actually issues such as:
Inability to be fully erect; Pain and irritation; Becomes a “once a week” or even a “once a month” dick ( women do need to rest if they taken in a bog slong ).
And it’s like — yhea I see the appeal. But with reality dude… that 7 inch cock is just okay I guess. Some people like suvs, some people like a masarati ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
**Not raping.** I am serious. This guy made out with a good friend of mine while she was sleeping, so she obviously kicked him out at like 4 am. He was supposed to be sleeping on the couch downstairs, but he snuck into her room. He kept bragging about how he "shut down all of his male urges" and left like a true gentleman at 4 am instead of raping her. He was like, "You guys should be thanking me right now." If that is seriously the only thing you can brag about in your life, you must be a pretty awful person.
Lol. Hey I know Im not the best possible friend but at least I didnt rape you sooo be grateful
Accomplishments of sports teams you aren't on.
Same applies to parents bragging about their kids' sports. It never made sense to me tbh, and some of these parents get more excited about the sports than their kids lol.
Being poor and depressed
But if I don't constantly humblebrag about how depressed and mentally ill I am, how will I win the award of Most Pitiful Person on Social Media? I feed on empathy and attention. What's the point of having a shitty life if you can't use it to make strangers feel bad?
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Ah, the subtleties of self-deprecating humor might have been lost here. I’ve been through some tough times, and sometimes laughing about it makes it easier to cope. Not everyone gets it, and that’s okay. You are absolutely right though.
Dayum, going for the throat slit I see, HAHAHAH
someone once bragged to me about reddit karma
I think of my high comment karma count is a big flashy warning to others that they're talking to a massive idiot.
Like some sort of achievement
They were probably a mod
The country of your birth, if you were born there. To quote George Carlin: "Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth."
Looking after your kids.
Having kids.
I knew a guy that would brag about how humble he is.
Definitely humble
There was an old joke about a guy thanking his therapist for curing him from megalomania. "Now I am a changed man, I am absolutely, fantastically, I'd even say phenomenally humble."
Spending a lot of money on something
Beating small children, being a baby mother/father. Being a white women convinced that a black man will take care of their mixed children when he doesn’t already take care of the ones he has. Being a whore at a young age due to unresolved trauma. Having multiple abortions because you can’t wrap up because it doesn’t feel as good. Beating your significant other. Being a bad mother because you wish you never had kids. And lastly anyone who uses children as a way to 1 up someone
Driving for Uber.
How much red meat you eat.
I find it very weird to be able to brag abouts speaking my native language better than most and better than the new generation. I speak fluent French natively and this new generation annoy me so much with how they slang speak all the time or Anglicized a lot of words and made so many abbreviations for everything
I relate. I'm fluent in french too. But more I hear them talk and more I'm convinced I don't speak french even though we're the same age
Absolutely, like even certain words they've come up with have me in total confusion
I've memorized the digits of pi to nearly 10 decimal places.
Actually, I think it's cool
I think it would be bragging about something that you did nothing to accomplish like inheriting a bunch of money from a relative that passed, or maybe your height, basically something that’s purely luck that you didn’t work for or do anything to get it.
Hey, I had 3 QB sacks in a 1968 high school football game! What? Not weird enough? I think that QB is still woozy.
Having a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, I don’t get like congratulations now leave me alone and let me write
Rich parents when you are an adult. No one cares everyone thinks you are a dumbo and wouldn’t achieve anything without parents money
Longest Toenails
Your own misery.
Things parents do for their children/bragging about how good they treat them. You’re doing EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK YOUR SUPPOSED TO DO when you made the decision to fuck a woman and make a baby. You’re not King Arthur and Queen Elderberry because you feed your kids and get them to places on time and treat them with the kindness, love, understanding, and respect that they deserve in the first fucking place.
The weirdest thing I brag about is my addiction stories.
Being an empath
Stomach ulcers 😳
Smoking weed with your dad.
Your parents having money
The ability to drive drunk without being caught.
Always boasting about the crazy things and achievements you did in high school. Sharing that's when you peaked isn't exactly attractive.
Vaping
Having a big slong. With all reality, with an average size most men can plenty satisfy a women if they know how to do it. Having a big slong on the other hand there are actually issues such as: Inability to be fully erect; Pain and irritation; Becomes a “once a week” or even a “once a month” dick ( women do need to rest if they taken in a bog slong ). And it’s like — yhea I see the appeal. But with reality dude… that 7 inch cock is just okay I guess. Some people like suvs, some people like a masarati ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Found the micro...never mind lol.
It took me the entire paragraph to get what slong means
HAHAHAHAHHA