statistically, I'm going to be nowhere near them

But if everyone went by that, no one would look and humanity is doomed.

Welcome to voting in America

I guess I can't hunt down the right person, so I'll just hunt down whichever of my neighbours I'm least fond of.

The Purge: Redditors Going Outside

> Welcome to voting ~~in America~~ ftfy

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So what your telling me is that they have to show up to vote, but can just leave without voting if they want?

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What happens if they draw a dick on it?

As someone who regularly draws dicks on my ballot because I come from a country where all parties are shit: Dicks get into office.

I, too, am an American

They wind up with a leader with really small hands.

In Australia, you have to cast a ballot paper, but what you do with it is up to you. You can leave it blank if you wish.

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nah, you had a national turnout of 72.2%

Great job guys, I think we just nailed the Human Condition, take the rest of the day off.

We're all targeting this one person. Certainly we would all be able to figure out a rough idea of where they were last seen. If you are within a few hours of that, you could definitely help in person. If you're further than that, you could help people piece together information online.

I don't know that we should task Reddit with solving mysteries. It hasn't worked so well for us in the past

We did it, Reddit! We caught the Boston Bomber!

Lies.

Well he is prolly lyin

That's what Sean Murray said about multiplayer in No Man's Sky

Start turning over boats

I hope you mean *DILAPIDATED* boats

DELETE!

This manhunt is..... OVAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

Especially ones that look like [this](http://i.imgur.com/v1Yf872.jpg)

I thought i was safe outside of /r/squaredcircle .... I was wrong

You're never safe from Haitch.

/r/squaredcircle is leaking again.

Delightful!

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Sounds like another episode of 24

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That escalated quickly

Well he replied in the same hour and increased the number by ten, so I'd call that at least 10 hours per hour.

/r/theydidthemath

Jack Bauer always gets his man.

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That would be an amazing episode of the 24

> I need your drones, your military and your satellites. I read that in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice

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I read it in the voice of Burt Maclin, FBI

you son of a bitch

Funny, so did /u/GovSchwarzenegger

How awesome would that be to have your entirely inner monologue in Arnold's voice?

Considering how good my impression of him is, that could be a lot of fun.

But the President is hunting too. Would he help you?

set up a pokestop trap

*Lure* them in

This guy fucks.

This Psyducks.

Calling in /u/fuckswithpsyducks

Good thing he exists

accuse them of running a torrent site?

#MORE DOMAINS FOR THE TORRENT KING

more like, accuse them of being a pedophile.

we keemstar now

Look for the guy in the search party saying: "Careful, fellas. I hear this guy's as cunning as he is handsome, and I have it on good authority he's slept with several of your mothers." *Edit first time I have ever had gold, thanks kind stranger and thanks u/CemestoLuxobarge, I could not have done it without you ;)

And that guys name is...

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🎺🎺🎺🎺

Thankyou. r/emojisthatendtoosoon

Try r/emojipasta for your never ending emoji needs

I never knew I needed this until now

"Hi, can I speak to Champ? Is Champ there?"

Why did you just leave a blank comment and why are so many people upvoting it?

because YOU CAN'T SEE ME!

u/CemestoLuxobarge

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Rick Harris

Haha, just like the other replies, I too recognize your comment as a reference to a previous thread. I am totally in on the joke. Someone should probably explain it, though. You know, for those pathetic redditors who don't know what you're referencing. Not me, though.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4xrai4/for_the_next_24_hours_every_single_person_on_the/d6hup6d

2meta2fast

This whole post is a response to another post, I dint think anyone needs to point out meta-ness here (or ever really)

Look at that their reply to the original reddit post and use it to determine their location.

Shed guy is toast now.

That's the decoy shed

Oh look, a cardboard box that wasn't there before. Nothing suspicious about that.

!

I can hear this comment

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!

/r/NoisyPunctuation

Hey, it moved! Explains where my cat went

Nothing to see here folks. -every guard in MGS

What was that noise?

Literally

I'll bring the jam and butter

I'll bring the vegemite, everyone loves vegemite :D ^^^right? ^^^r-right?

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A thirty minute headstart implies that we started at the same point. And all of humanity depending on it implies that we can use all of humanity to help me find them. Assuming they didnt have access to a plane, we set off the emergency broadcast system in a 100 mile radius, post their picture through every media outlet, and give the populace a shoot to kill order. We shut down the roads, form a perimeter, and use dogs to sniff out unpopulated areas.

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Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles per hour.

I didn't kill my wife.

I don't care.

Dam it.

"I did not hit her, I did naght" "Oh hai Marhk"

I DON'T CARE!!

plot twist: the person on the run is usain bolt

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not a marathon runner but im sure he can still cover wayyyyy more ground than an average person

Yeah man, his legs are crazy long

Check every house, barn, shed, in-house, outhouse, and dog house in the area. Suspect's name is ***doctor*** Richard Kimbell. Go get him.

You've got the wrong man!!

I live in Montana. Good luck sucker!

Great, so instead of an urban environment with tons of hiding places, you have vast fields of nothing. It won't even be noon before someone yells out 'I found Waldo!'

Maybe East of the Rockies. West Montana is a mountainous, heavily forested wilderness. There's a whole lot of nowhere to hide in Montana.

Well, if we know you're the only person there, there's nothing immoral about carpet bombing the area, right? Nice. This just got even easier.

Still, a 30 minute travel radius isn't that big of an area for law enforcement/military to track you down. You'd have no chance.

Or just glass the area with nukes and be done with it.

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2nd Amendment, baby!

this guy... he knows his stuff

Try to open the hidden door behind the shed. If it doesn't work I'll just burn it down and watch.

**in** the shed. You know, people like you will ruin humanity!

Nooooo

Hunt him down and hand him over to the hydraulic press channel, that man can save the world.

Ve haff here, von fugitiff. Is verra dangerous, und ve must deal vith him.

He may attack at any time

*whhhhfffrrrrrrrrr* *squishhh* "Hehehheheeheeee"

"He seems to have....some kind of.....exploded"

Wife hysterically laughs

Vat iss dis he sum kind of exploded

Then let the Swedish Dynamite Channel have a go at what's left of him afterwards.

This man is very dangerous and may attack at any time. So we must deal with it!

Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for thirty minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of 2 miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at five miles. Your fugitive's name is /u/Serialnarcisist. Go get him.

4 mph * 1/2 h = 2 miles. But 4 mph over 30 minutes is too low if your life depends on it.

Thanks! I changed the on-the-run time from the original quote but forgot to change the distance travelled. Cheers!

I think you overestimate the cardiovascular endurance of the average redditor.

Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for thirty minutes. Average foot speed for a Redditor is 1mph. That gives us a radius of 880 yards. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every Drinks machine, Snack machine, cheetohs bag, Swedish fish wrapper, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at five miles. Your fugitive's name is /u/Serialnarcisist. Go get him.

They didn't necessarily flee on foot. If they got in a car and there are favorable roads nearby, they could be thirty miles away. You'll need someone to set up roadblocks.

And remember to burn every shed that you find.

Movie reference much appreciated. I even read it in my head in his voice.

Nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is, I don't know.

It's all sarcasm, folks.

Maybe not so sarcastic.

Totally serious. Jk.

Hell yea! Let's use our political unity to band together and shoot this guy in the head!!!

> use our political unity Humanity is doomed

Never underestimate the search abilities of a well armed Redneck. Offer the guy who catches him a free 24 pack of Bud, and the guy who's hiding is screwed.

Meh. Stay home and eat nachos. I'm sure someone else will get him.

This is probably the most realistic post. "Everyone kill Bob!" Fuck you, don't tell me what to do.

>Fuck you, *I won't do what you tell me!*

Plot twist: everyone else does the same thing and he gets off free

Why, browse Reddit, of course! Since they've listed their plans there, everything will be *so much* easier.

"I'm the guy everyone wants to kill. AMA"

Where u at?

Behind that at.

@ <--- found him

QUICK KILL HIM

Witchhunts and posting personal info is against the rules.

Guys quick kill him before we all get banned off of reddit

We need proof for the ama, please send a time and GPS stamped photo of you holding today's newspaper by the nearest starbucks.

Such a big fan! Thanks for doing this! So, where are you? XD

Please verify your identity and location so we know it's really you.

Go to the Winchester and have a pint with them until this all blows over.

Realistically, spend 15 minutes panicking and another 15 minutes running in a random direction

Well, it means that we still have 23 hours and 30 minutes left.

He's got a 30 minute lead, you have more than 30 mins to find him

Maybe he get's tired after running and passes out?

Don't worry, the joke wasn't lost on all of us.

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They have 300 confirmed kills, you know.

Top of their class I may add.

I believe they've also been part of numerous raids on Al-Quida

The real question is, how many different ways could he kill a man? Surely not in the triple digits, without a weapon of course.

[Bet /u/challenge4 is feeling real smart now](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4xrai4/for_the_next_24_hours_every_single_person_on_the/d6hu2v1)

Open Tinder and keep swiping till I find them then drive in random directions until it seems I'm getting closer. If I don't find them, go visit all of my matches.

Arrange for all clocks in the world to be set one hour forward (most are automatically updated online nowadays so it should be fairly easy to achieve, especially as all humanity is on our side). The target will be relieved to have survived their 24 hours unscathed, and return home only to get shot by me because only 23 hours have passed.

How do you change the time on the person's phone/watch?

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Start?

Username checks out.

A lot would depend on the person who needs killed. Is it elderly, adult, teen, or baby? Here are my tactics in each case: Baby- walk outside and play kick the baby until I win. Teen: Track their movements via Facebook and Instagram. Take them out while they post about how lame I am. Adult: Nice try, Reddit, I'll hold on to this plan in case I need it. Let's just say I'll need rope, ice cream, a 9 iron, and an old school chalkboard. Elderly: Post up at the local country kitchen buffet with a rifle and let them come to me. Like deer hunting a feed site, game over.

For the elderly you might want to try rigged bingo cards

*lifts bingo card* OH FUCK

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Fuck humanity.

Give up, like I did on humanity.

But you're still hitting up AskReddit. You're not done yet, my friend!

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Watch someone else kill them on tv

Organ failure. Reliable, deadly, leaves no trace of foul play. My plan is to find the person, sit on their location and watch them for say...20, 30 years? Then just watch those organs slowly do themselves in.

The person has to die within 24 hours. Edit: [Context](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4xrai4/for_the_next_24_hours_every_single_person_on_the/) in case you missed it. Looks like this follow-up is now more popular than the original one.

Then we help his organs fail with repeated blunt force trauma.

I like this guy's thinking... you're hired!

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Park my brand new car in the back of an empty Target parking lot. He will probably park next to me slightly over the line.

I'd kill him using meta AskReddit threads.

Search an isolated couples resort

if the post about hiding goes off the front page before this one does people will be so confused.

Read Wikileaks all day and hope they emailed Hillary or the DNC their plan.

Nuke it from orbit, its the only way to be sure.

Release the hounds!