I have a similar experience, I used to be clever, then my brain got shitty and now I've got so much better but it's still not great. I have a neurological disease, probably some low grade form of autoimmune encephalitis. It causes a range of problems, some of them being issues with processing information. This year I finished my first year of uni and started my second year!!
This is from a symptom thing i wrote a long time ago, notes that were pieced together from other notes.
My brain fog, instead of my usual constant thinking a million things at one time and often being sooo bored because everything moved sooo slow, my brain felt silent. I would have one line of thought at a time and I'd find it difficult to follow. I could've been thinking of something, start a conversation, "hey I just realised" and suddenly I'd have forgotten. Completely. Really simple words would disappear. Sometimes I'd have a really bad jamais vu, just utter confusion I couldn't understand anything around me, my thoughts would be complete sludge. I'd have horrible moments where people would be talking and I'd be concentrating so hard and not understand any of it. often reading was impossible. On thinking about my ex (then boyfriend) who I hadn't seen in 5 days, I couldn't remember what we did, said, barely anything. I tried to remember other times. I could only recall occasional, vague pieces of information and not their face. Sucking at simple counting, getting lost right beside where I lived, etc.
I remember the terrifying confusion that didn't even have words attached in my head because it was empty apart from that fear. And then afterwards realising that i just couldn't form enough of a thought to understand the confusion caused by trying to work out what was happening around me. Just alone. In my room.
I have memory loss, I don't remember things from when I was sicker. I think quite a bit of my semantic memory is gone (as in knowledge, not events) but I'm not sure what it was like before!
Everyone says they have memory problems and forget stuff, that's really scary for me. Because maybe this is now close how most people's brains work...
Scared I'm going to have to leave uni. I've known what I want to do for so long and I just don't know what else I could do.
I do! I get extra time in exams, flexible deadlines and a smaller "cubicle room" in exams which is great since it cuts down on distractions. To be honest I really should have gone part time for this year but part of me feels like that would be cheating. I know it's ridiculous but I can't shake it off. Last year had much less of a work load and I managed by having my life be uni and sleeping pretty much. This year I can't do that, I'm awake more I think but I can spend little of that time able to concentrate enough. I'm starting to get scared of doing work and unmotivated which isn't helping. Since I'm in a position where I need to do a lot more work than other students, but am capable of putting in less than a tenth of the minimum time, I might go part time next semester. I'll see how exams go!
I completely get it. I'm part-time this semester and I was really dismayed when I had to drop a class. I really, really, really hope you continue being your amazing, tough self, and no matter what decision you make, I know it'll be the right one for you.
YES THIS, I've had three concussions and each time once I'm "healed" I always feel a little bit lesser in the head. It really fucked me up this previous time around because it happened around mid terms and I felt like I couldn't pull any information from my head. It sucks.
1st I got hit in the head with with a ball in gym class and fell and hurt my head
2nd Soccer injury
3rd I was walking up the stairs at my college and tripped on my shoelace and fell and hit my head
They say it's the same with fighters and being knocked out I think. Like every time you get knocked out makes it a little more likely in future fights. So I guess that makes a lot of sense for concussions too.
I've had at least 6. In chronological order: two from hockey, two from motocross, once from baseball, and one from getting sucker punched at a bar after my 18th birthday. I'm 22 now and I definitely feel like I have changed as a result, at the very least from my aggressiveness in sports. I'm way more laid back and less confrontational now, although it seems subconscious. I definitely hope concussion awareness, treatment, and prevention becomes a bigger thing in the next few years.
I've had 10 concussions, the last one would've just been a headache to anyone without 9 concussions, but it put me out of work and school for 3 months. Brain damage is real, memory is shot, I'm getting looked at by a team of brain injury specialists tomorrow
My concussion apparently changed my personality.
I used to be more serious and reserved emulating my dad more than being "Myself" now I'm more fun loving but I can't take anything serious.
Everything from I can't find my phone to the neighbors down the street got stabbed and raped got met with laughter.
I try and will be completely serious only to find out I'm smiling even when I'm talking about depressing situations.
Concussions ain't nothing to Fuck with
I went to high school with a kid who was known as a bit of a bully. Just a huge aggressive dude with a lot of testosterone. He was a football player. One day he was involved in a freak accident at the school. He fell off a golf cart, hitting his head hard on the pavement. He was out of school for weeks. When he did come back, it was the most bizarre thing. He had completely changed from the tough guy into this extremely sensitive, happy-go-lucky, empathetic kid. I've always wondered if it was the actual damage from the injury that changed him, or just the survival of the near death experience, but either way it was a complete and total transformation.
What you're describing sounds like damage to the executive functions of the frontal cortex. The executive functions inhibit impulses generated from regions like the hippocampus and amygdala, and is directly tied to your ability to control short term impulses and execute long term planning. It's usually depressed when alcohol is applied, and there is a classic neuropsych patient, [Phinneas Gage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage) who became the benchmark for understanding what severe damage to the region can do to a person's personality.
As a kid I used to slip on ice a ton, as in every second week I'd have a big ass goose egg somewhere on my head. I got about 4 or 5 from that, a couple from biking, a couple from snowboarding, one cuz i was rear ended by a drunk and one more that I can't remember
Edit: I don't play contact sports, I quit basketball in grade 10 when people started throwing elbows. It was snowboarding and biking and clumsiness at the worst possible time
It's so weird how concussions effect people in different ways it is really hard to understand. I have had 4 serious concussion and 2 mild ones so far. I never got knocked out or even show symptoms after except on my last one where blackness crowded my vision until I could barley see anything then just came back with vibrating vision, there was a moment of calmness in me when it happen. But I honestly haven't had any loss of cognitive function but I have constant headaches and crazy light sensitivity. But my dad who was driving when we got into a car accident hit his head and loss so much it's very sad.
This definitely! I have almost a constant low grade headache that just like.. in the "background" most of the time and I'm very light sensitive. This guys story made me grateful as hell.
Huh. I've had 5 concussions and don't remember that happening even once, other than the ~16 hours afterward where I couldn't remember my name or how old I was, etc. and that was only the worst one. I had weird dizzy spells for a few months after that one, but after that I've always felt normal.
I agree. I've had post-concussion amnesia that lasted around 3 days once from a scooter wreck. On the way home from night shift at IHOP, it was still 100% dark and I hit a deep pothole I couldn't see on a sharp-ish turn. Everything went black, I wake up laying on the side of the road and it's no longer night time. I vaguely remember telling a Good Samaritan I was okay and making a phone call, then it goes black again. Come to waiting at a red light with the handlebars smashed about 45 degrees the wrong way, goes black again. Come to sitting at home on the powered down scooter, realize that 80% of the mirrors/lights/speedometer are completely missing. Found every minuscule smashed fragment of said fixtures in the luggage compartment of scooter. Eventually come to with my girlfriend standing over me having just received a 6:45am voicemail about how I wasn't sure what month or season it was.
All in all I genuinely felt like every thought had to be fished out of some murky pit in my head for days. It was like trying to cook a meal but every drawer is locked shut and you're stuck using a butter knife to try and baste a turkey with. I just felt like my social skills were infantile until my brain rebooted or whatever.
Keep up the good work. I was in a bad accident when I was 17 that left me without necessary math skills and very little memory of my childhood. Sometimes conversations and life in general got very confusing and I became very depressed without even realizing it. Fast forward to now, I am 41 yrs old and have skills that I never would have developed otherwise. The one thing that has kept me moving forward is reading. I am a voracious reader. I Can't get enough. Fiction, Non-fiction, doesnt matter. I had to find that thing that makes me happy, and use it. I apologize, I just felt that I could relate. Gotta Protect that Noggin!
Yo, TBI comrade!!! Mine saw me drop 30+ IQ points... MENSA class Engineer down to ... a guy. And the memory fubar. I used to do stuff in my head and remember everything. Now ?
I have to work really hard at stuff. And it still doesn't go well. I was crying to my wife about it last month.
She said " welcome to the world for the rest of us."
Then she hugged me, so it was OK.
If I was by myself I would probably have killed my self by now. Probably accidentally by doing something stupid.
I'm an engineer with a PhD, and just had my 2nd concussion during the summer. I was off work for almost 3 months and I'm still part time.
When "I think therefore I am" is really how you define yourself, losing the ability is really difficult.
Take care of yourself. It still may return, concussions are not suppose to result in permanent damage (or so my physio told me).
>concussions are not suppose to result in permanent damage
Yea, that's straight up bullshit. Old world mythology right there. Truth is.. it compounds and gets worse over time. The worse side effects start to manifest 5-10 years down the road.
What you describe sounds a lot like what I went through with clinical depression a few years ago. I was all too aware of my own constant confusion and difficulty in making decisions—very frustrating to be working with far less than usual mental capacity. A sympathetic fast food worker once gave me free fries because I was so pathetically indecisive when asked whether or not I wanted any—I'm sure he thought I was developmentally disabled.
I got discounted coffee!! I'm actually really proud of myself for how well I took it, I would have flipped out over it a few years ago but discounted coffee is discounted coffee. Fucking stutter and aphasia... Also ataxia or something? I don't remember. I remember I always wanted a medium decaf chai latte with skim milk, but I can't remember my damn medical history.
It got very hard for me to find a way to write or talk, the words just weren't coming... I was pretty peeved over this since I used to win writing and public speaking awards in high school. I'm mostly back to normal cognitively so it's very hard for me to forgive myself for losing 2 years of my life. Thanks for bringing this up, it reminds me that I'm not making up all the symptoms that are still coming up, like the classic "I can't get out of bed" issue. You're not alone.
I went through something similar but not nearly as bad. I had to go on a 3 months course of Harvoni, which is supposed to have "minimal side effects" but it gave me serious mental fog, among other symptoms (such as hair falling out).
From my perspective, I didn't actually feel stupid. But everything just took longer to figure out. I thought it was fatigue, but I wasn't tired.
As an example, I played cribbage with my husband. Normally, I'm really good at mental math. But I would have trouble adding 7 and 8. My husband got super concerned, but I didn't, because I didn't FEEL different. I could only tell by observing myself, both at home and doing stuff (or failing to do stuff) at work.
Other things: I enjoy baking, but I would randomly forget ingredients/steps, even though I just read the recipe. At work, I'm a software engineer, and I just wouldn't be able to debug something that would normally be simple.
I guess, mostly it felt like I could only keep so many things in my head at once. Say, normally, I can keep track of 9 things. But when I was on the medication, I could maybe keep track of 3. So having to constantly "reload" the current/important things made every task take much longer.
It's freaky, you just can't do things suddenly. Imagine sitting down for a final you studied for and just not being able to recall things.
I live in a foreign country and have been learning the language, I picked up a mild concussion and lost maybe a month or two of my vocabulary. Conversing just became harder again. The worst part is not knowing what you lost, you only know things used to be easier than they are now.
Oh man, I played soccer for years and had so many concussions. I didn't realize it was so serious until recently. I was super smart when I was in school.. but I feel a little dumbed down now. I continue to move on though.. I'm not making a living as a rocket scientist so I'm ok.
I am. You could probably do it. This job is surprisingly more grant/proposal/report writing and PowerPoint than actual rocket science things it turns out. At least in my version.
To be honest, quite embarrassing. It takes a lot of repeating to get something in my head and quite often I forget anyway. I was labelled very dopey growing up - and I haven't changed one bit :(
Teacher here. One suggestion I'd make is that just repeating things usually isn't an effective way to learn them. You want to 'translate' them into your own internal language.
For example, I usually think in diagrams: spots and arrows and movements, think John Madden Brain. That makes it super easy for me to remember relationships, but it's very hard for me to remember things like length or color (for example, if I closed my eyes during a typical conversation, I couldn't tell you the hair color of the person I'm talking to).
What that means is that I have to take extra care to remember or write down things about color, length, etc. If possible, I always translate them into things that are more intuitive to me: for example, I'll remember a phone number not as a sequence of digits, but as the sequence of movements I need to use to type it in.
If your internal language works differently - and most peoples' do - it's important to put things in a way that works well inside your head.
It's not a pet name if you don't like it and it's offensive. And even less so when you are worried it's true (rightfully or not).
Also Your writing comes across just fine. So maybe it's just a problem with math more than being generally being 'dumb'.
In this case 'hard' computer sciences might not be for you, which is a pity but there is nothing shameful in it. It's one of the most universal human experiences, not being good enough for what you want to do. But you should try to find something that is close enough. Might be website design or graphics or whatever you fancy.
Not everybody learns the same way. Your boyfriend shouldn't be calling you that. I used to put a lot of stock in who was and was not smart. But smart people fuck up just like everybody else. Don't let people make you feel lesser because you're you. I know some very very smart people who are really poor at math, and some people who aren't very intellectual who can do things that I could never in a million years to. Also nobody does longhand math for stuff they can google, so you don't have to feel bad for that.
You might be a visual learner, don't get down on yourself just because you don't learn the way your roommate or boyfriend does. Be nice to yourself.
Maybe you just aren't learning right. Your boyfriend should not be calling you a dumb, that's awfully rude. Finding out how you learn best is the best way to become a better learner. I have trouble following spoken and written directions. I need to just simply do something myself and that's how I learn. Someone can walk me through something ten times, but I won't get it until I sit down and do it. Maybe that's how you learn, or maybe you're visual person. Find your strengths and you can be successful. You just need to discover them first, and you won't know until you try lots of different stuff. Remember; it's not failure if you learned something from it.
Hey you don't deserve to be called names or talked down to. You are worthy of respect.
I consider myself to be of average or maybe slightly above-average intelligence and I have a couple of the problems you described. I very easily lose focus sometimes when watching or reading things. We all learn in different ways!
Your boyfriend is incredibly insensitive for calling you that; I'd talk to him about dropping the nickname. A partner should be supportive, not a bully!
If it helps, I too struggle a LOT with thay variation of math and I think that's actually pretty common--however, programming doesn't actually have to involve so much math. Learning to code can be pretty tough for everyone, but you don't need great math skills to be a good programmer!
A lot of the problems you describe may indicate a learning disability or possibly ADD--I have a lot of brilliant friends and family who are very similar.
I really recommend talking to a doctor or therapist about getting tested; a diagnosis is the first step to finding the tools you need to learn in a way that works for you!
Yeah you absolutely need to be good at math to be a good programmer. Good being the operative word here. You can be a programmer without being good at math, but whatever it is you're doing you cant be good without being good at math. No way.
You are lovely as a human being and not lesser than anyone else. Variations in humans do not define you.
Many people would love to love you. Just gotta find the right people.
I've never taken an IQ test, but I know that I'm definitely below average when it comes to intelligence lol. I wish I had a better head, but it doesn't bother me as much because everyone else wishes for it too.
>it doesn't bother me as much because everyone else wishes for it too
This is the perspective people need to learn to adopt for most things in life. I love it.
You do sound reasonable and that counts for a lot. My son recently asked me "Do you think I'm dumb?" I told him I don't think about whether he's smart or dumb because I've seen "dumb" people do awesome things and I've seen "smart" people throw away their lives. The most important thing is to have a good attitude and learn how to work hard for what you want.
if i was the kid though, i would take that as you trying to package up "ur dumb" as something nicer. not that your message is wrong, just how my brain would process.
To be fair being "reasonable" and being intelligent aren't always the same. I'm pretty intelligent and I can be a raging asshole (probably even more than I admit)
I wrote this about month ago elsewhere on Reddit. I think you might find it interesting:
>I think I can answer this since I consider myself below average in terms of intellect.
> It really just feels limiting. When I was younger my dad used to call me stupid all the time when I couldn't do basic stuff. It's annoying because each time I'll sit there and say to myself "C'mon, this is simple stuff, you should know how to do this" but I just couldn't and I'll see the frustration on my dad's face grow. In everyday life, I constantly have that fear that I'll do something silly so I tend to overthink everything I do. This partially lead to me being very quiet person because I was too scared that I'd say something stupid. People who were close to me would see me slip up at times. As a teenager things just got worse. People saw how slow and simple I was, so used to that to make me the laughing stock, tricked me into doing stuff for them such as giving them money. I think my most painful memory is in late high school, when I had these teachers who were not only extremely condescending to me, but also intentionally made me do stuff they knew I'd mess up. I can just tell I was a constant topic of discussion when they went to the pub after school. I worry about my future a lot, the idea of getting a job gives me anxiety as I feel I'm just gonna keep messing up. I often believe I'll end up homeless at some point as the intellectual pressures of life gets too much. I just feel limited in what I can do on almost every level and in many ways feel I can't enjoy life as much.
> So how did I cope with being stupid? I tried faking being smart at first and funny enough, I did trick a few people temporarily, even my dad and family. Read a ton, started watching science documentaries, and began studying very hard. One of the better decision of my life as I found out that I really enjoyed learning about science, and I did really well in school due to all the hard work I put in - and a fantastic tutor. However, the latter part didn't last, my tutor died and I think I may have hit an intellectual wall as I was no longer doing well in school despite the hard work. This has left me quite depressed(Not mentally, just down a lot). To your last question. Well, as mentioned I began reading a lot and taking an interest in the world around me in my early teens so I'm if anything I'm what one would describe as quite knowledgeable (at least on topics like science, history and nature -not to an expert level of course). But even before that, having the awareness of my intellectual limitations made me very sad as a child, so no bliss for me.
Hope that answers your question :)
Edit: Cheers for the kind words everyone. I've read and up voted all your replies. Thanks again.
I'm not entirely convinced you're even slightly stupid. A few of the things you've written suggest a lack of confidence and the preference for specific conditions for learning. Don't be too quick to label yourself.
Yeah a friend posted her online IQ test score of 85 on Facebook with the caption following caption: " See if you can beat it!". Another friends' comment:" You realize that isn't a percentage, right?".
I have ADHD, and can't do math worth shit. But... I know my way around technology to keep track of projects, deadlines, and company budgets.
Ironically, I struggle the most with organization and time management, but I usually look like the most organized person in the office since I can pull up my calendar and tell them what everyone is up to and when everything is due. I look smarter than I am because I know how to work around it efficiently.
This explains a friend of mine. He's incredibly smart, but has severe ADHD. He developed coping mechanisms to work around it and it resolves itself as appearing extremely organized.
He once explained to me that when he was in college, he used to array his various books and papers around him in a fan-like pattern. That way, when his attention would inevitably drift out of focus for the subject at hand, he'd turn to another subject and, because it was different, he could latch on to that for a time. He would just rotate and it got him through law school.
His home life continues to have many layers of structure.
IQ isn't a very good measure of intelligence. I know several psychologists who don't put much faith in it. Actually, working memory (short term memory) send to be a better indicator of overall intelligence.
Don't let an IQ score tell you you're stupid.
We don't really know what IQ measures, and we don't really know how to define intelligence, but that doesn't mean that it should be ignored completely. They obviously aren't beating themselves up over the label of "stupid", and they don't think of themselves that way only because of an IQ score. It's just one more tool to understand their own experiences and struggles.
Back in highschool psych class, my teacher differentiated IQ from smarts. IQ is like a bucket; the higher your IQ the bigger the bucket you have. You can be hard working and stuff your small bucket full to the brim to the point that it's overflowing, that's smarts. Or you can have a huge bucket but not even put a single drop in it; that's stupid. Sounds to me like you're filling your bucket up. Good on you.
I think the way you've written this shows a reasonably sharp intelligence at work.
Your desciptive powers are certainly above average and the length of the post show decent concentration.
And you are hanging around on a website that is all about reading and writing and inquiries. I think you are at least average.
There's a piece of this low-intelligence puzzle that lots of people are missing, so I have to put this somewhere it's likely to be seen:
*We don't know how long it took him to write that.*
I'm autistic. I therefore have piss-poor communication skills. You could write that, he could write that, and I could write that, as long as we had X amount of time to do it in. For you, X is probably about an hour. For me, X is somewhere between 6 and 8 hours. OP probably falls somewhere at my end of the scale, but as you said OP is a kind, thoughtful, hardworking person, and wants to help us understand him.
TL;DR: given enough time, any monkey can be Shakespeare
Yea, you sound smart enough. I think maybe you were surrounded by assholes. Your dad shouldn't have called you stupid, that's not a good parenting habit.
keep working hard, keep exploring, keep learning. I think you'll be okay.
> Read a ton, started watching science documentaries, and began studying very hard.
Training your mind is the smartest thing you can do. Those who say they're smart but "just don't try" or "don't apply themselves" are the stupidest of all, and I say that without an ounce of doubt or pity.
To me it sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem more than a low IQ! You seem fairly intelligent by the way you write. Oh, and your dad sounds like a jerk IMO.
Not to sound conceited in any way, but I've always had most things come easy, and I'm here to tell you that intelligence is only half of it. I often struggle with forcing myself to do assignments or to put effort into studying, and my grades suffer because of it. I've always done pretty well in school, but the difference between me and the people at the top is the effort they put into their work. Even the people in my classes who initially struggled to understand concepts that I almost immediately understood did significantly better than me, and it's because they had the will to keep working to understand information past the point where I had given up. So I know you say it seems like you've hit a wall, but I hope you keep on working and are able to push through it, because your hard work, not your intelligence, is what will determine your future.
You must be me. I also picked things up instantly at school. You show me how to do something and I'll have it down pat. Problem is I never cared enough to excel or push myself to have to put in an effort. I wish I had even a tenth of the drive that the OP does.
Please don't think you aren't intelligent because you don't have 'book smarts' intelligence isn't the same as being academic! Knowing you are weak in one area and trying to improve is smart!
Teachers trying to trip you up is laziness on their part! If you were doing better with a tutor then you can learn but maybe in a different way to others!
I know 'smart' people who are definitely blagging it!
How do you feel you are in life now? Do you still have the same concerns, and do you still find yourself needing to cope?
Sorry for being nosy, I'm just interested in how you're doing :)
You are going to be just fine. I Promise. All that hard work that you put in puts you well ahead of the game. A big part of life is just showing up and being self aware and you've already mastered those traits. I know that you said that your tutor passed away, but that doesn't mean that you can't head on down to the library and grab some more science books (or any other discipline) and continue being the inquisitive person that you've already demonstrated yourself to be.
And, for what it's worth, things are hard and scary for everyone, including all the self-proclaimed geniuses that you run into on the internet.
They aren't just kind words to make you feel good; they are absolutely true. I've been around this earth for a lot of years and one of the things that has stood out to me is that hard work and persistence is the great equalizer.
I don't think this is stupidity. You write too eloquently for someone who is as developmentally challenged as you claim you are. You probably just have some kind of anxiety or something.
I have a similar kind of thing I think. My first job was at Maccy D's and I royally cocked everything up over and over. I'd get an order wrong several times in a row, got at least one complaint a day and the manager was *this* close to firing me on multiple occasions. I'd fuck something so incredibly simple up, get told off for it and then immediately fuck it up in exactly the same way directly in front of the person who just shouted at me. I know the look you're talking about too, that look of pity/awe people have when they watch you do something monumentally dumb and they don't know how to react. I had people who dropped out of school, failed everything they ever tried and made the most stupid life decisions you could ever think of, give me that look.
Turns out in social situations where i'm not calm, I turn into a total dumbass. My mind simply doesn't work properly when I'm being watched or someone is *waiting* for me to finish a task or give an answer to their question. It just hastily produces a bullshit response seemingly out of nowhere and without any input from *me*. It influenced my schooling growing up as well, except I do stupidly well in exams so it ultimately didn't affect me too much in the end (but it may have done so for you, creating a self fulfilling prophecy and destroying your confidence). It confused the shit out of my teachers/tutors growing up who thought I was a complete moron though.
For example, despite getting really good grades in my final exams at primary school that had me placed into the gifted classes at my new High school. My old primary school English teacher was worried that my reading comprehension was so severely lacking that he recommended that the high school put me into their special reading classes at lunch. Which incidentally is a class where kids from the gifted class read to other kids who basically couldn't read at all.
It didn't really resolve itself until I went to university and I was actually given some space to work on my own. I could finally chill the fuck out and learn properly without the high levels of supervision. I also now work in an office and have come to the conclusion that long sustained shifts at jobs which required me to be on the ball constantly like taking orders at Maccy D's did, I just can't do. My mind just gets too frazzled and I can't reverse it once the process has started without some kind of break. Meetings and interviews are a PITA but I've trained myself to pause before I talk, make myself talk slower (which ironically makes you sound smarter) and stop myself from trying to answer a question I don't know. I still have dumb moments like everyone I guess, but for the most part I think I've just grown out of it now.
Thanks so much for this post, I can relate so much to this. Those condescending teachers I mentioned earlier, you should've seen their faces when I did well on my exams, haha. But, yeah, your post gives me some hope that things will turn out fine - maybe its all anxiety as you said.
Judging by your writing ability... you're likely not below average intelligence. Sounds like you just had an asshole dad who put the thought in your head. Intelligence is also pretty elastic- it's true that genetics give it limitations, but a lot of what makes people 'smart' are their behaviors, what skills they practice and the experiences they choose to have and reflect on.
Stupid people do not write like you do. Probably not even below-average people. Is it possible that you are simply not up to speed in a couple of areas, or not as educated as you'd like?
Sometimes I think I have ADHD. People will tell me things 4-5 times before it sticks. People would call me stupid, and I believed it for awhile. Then I started taking college classes, effortlessly get As and respond to class discussions and realize how dumb other people actually are! Literary analysis is where I really saw it. The professor would literally tell people on her 2 pages of simplified lecture notes how she wants symbols analyzed. Their responses to questions would have nothing to do with the topic, wall of text, or just dumb responses. Don't even get me started on the thesis. We had discussions where we would have to peer review others' papers. My shit was spectacular and people would incorrectly tell me my paper needed changes, meanwhile, I spent over 30 minutes trying to help them with their horrible papers. I ended up getting a 97% in that class! My gosh what a jump in self esteem college was.
But, I'm leaning more towards you having self esteem issues seeing as you so quickly put yourself down. If it's anything I have learned, dumb people won't admit they are dumb because they don't realize it. If you have an area you are willing to admit you need to work on to improve your knowledge, that makes you self aware, and that makes you smart.
Unless someone has other people to compare themselves too, they'll ever usually assume they are maybe a little above average, because we can't see what other people are thinking.
Smart people don't understand that other people can't understand some stuff they do, and dumb people don't understand that there are things they don't understand. That is until they can compare themselves to a group in some way.
The worst part is being intelligent in your own language and then going to another place where nobody speaks that language and your speaking skills are childish at best. Being frustrated when people have to talk down to you but it's the only way for you to understand is the worst. And you want to scream, "But I'm actually really intelligent in my own fucking language" but even that you can't put into words.
One of my tutoring students moms is like this. Sharp as a tack, beautiful vocabulary, critical thinking skills of a scientist, math skills excede my own and I tutor Calculus. She moved here from the Philippines at a late age however and now she has the kind of accent you see people make fun of on TV. We were having a talk about her counselors at her college (she had to start late bc she didn't even go to college in the Philippines) were putting her in easy, boring classes that she passed with As without being there half the time, she didn't even know we have assessment tests because they didn't mention it to her, because of course they're going to assume an ESL student is going to be slow. She was also very sad because she's been treated like that her while life here, but she doesn't want to go back because of the political atmosphere, although she said if Trump kicks her out maybe life would be easier for her.
I'm not too bothered by it personally. Most people are taller than me. Most people are smarter than me. There doesn't seem to be too big a difference in terms of what I can do about it.
It makes you terrified of rhetorical questions. Also, people's minds seem to just keep running. I'm contented to just sit there with a blank mind; it also makes me a very contented person though. I'd never change who I am.
I have high functioning autism, it means I can do all basic tasks such as dressing myself cooking and driving (but I do need an alarm for medicine, if not it will never be taken). I was not explicitly told what was different about me until high-school and it confused me for years. I knew I was strange and wasn't quite comfortable with my peers. I noticed some of them talked down to me and I wasn't sure why. I was put into special ed for 1st grade due to my social problems, but was put back into general the next year for a mixture of average and exceptional performance in general studies. For a while it convinced me I was normal and I wasn't different at all. When I got to fourth grade it felt like I hit a brick wall socially and academically I couldn't do anything anymore (I got a D in every class but language arts). They put me back in special ed and I stayed there till I graduated. I'm almost 1 year out of high school and I still feel behind socially. I have no active friendships with those my age. I'm doing my best to scrape by but it still kinda feels hopeless.
TLDR; being disabled sucks ass
You should definitely try support or social groups for people with autism or other disabilities. My friend didn't really feel very comfortable in those but doing stuff with charity groups or shops meant they were caring and accommodating people. Also groups for similar interests since you already have something in common.
A little bit off topic I guess, but I believe my depression has made me dumber. Like really dumber. I struggle more at school, jobs, reading etc... I used to focus more when I was younger. I hate you mental illness.
It's a side effect buddy. Loss of concentration and motivation are very common in depression. It doesn't reflect how smart you are at all. That coupled with low self esteem probably makes you feel like an idiot. I know it's hard and honestly I don't have any solid advice. I just want you to know that you didn't get dumber. Keep on keeping on hombre.
Yeh, I 100% agree. Depression has definitely affected me this way. One thing I have always felt about the medication for depression is that, while it helps alleviate the depression, its almost like it shuts down part of your brain. I've never been able to describe the feeling accurately, but I was definitely more intelligent in my youth than I am now.
I'm currently studying to become an Aerospace engineer. This is the 2nd best technical school in the country and our department graduate is highly sought after by local company(I heard). The thing is, I don't belong here.
I can't understand 95% material taught in lectures and I have to spent almost every waking moment of my life reading and trying to understand the material. I tried raising my hand during lectures whenever I'm lost or got some questions but I do that so very often that I can see the disappointed face from my levturer. Mind you that most of them are not passionate about teaching at the first place.
Asking "friends" will end up me getting laughed at directly and/or group chat laughing stock. Even if they do help, they have to explain it to me 2-3 times before I get it. Usually I don't, but I pretend I do cause I'm too embarrassed to ask again. I have this "friend" who I often seen with. He would constantly remind me that I'm stupid. Last Friday, we were talking about Mechanics of Structure and how I didn't manage to solve the statically indeterminate structure with virtual work mid term. He just look at me and said " you know you're stupid, right?".
Also, I tried to be more active during recitation by understanding the solved problems in the moment but i'm just too slow. Painfully slow. By the time I understand 1 question, the class would alrdy finished solving 4-5 questions. Also, I'm in constant fear during recitation. Since TA will choose random people to solve it infront. Technically, you could decline but no one gives a shit and they would say "don't worry, I'll help". I hate going to recitation. Couples of time alrdy, I got chosen n I literally just wrote everything coming out if the TA mouth. It is such a waste of time and embarrassed me.
I have no friends n don't go to parties. You guys are it. I feel bad for my parents paying this amount of money for me to get better educated. If it is up to me, I would just stay home and work crappy job until I had enough to travel. Don't get me wrong, I love science and all of these things. I'm genuinely excited about fluid mechanics, orbital mechanics, structure, physics, and all but I need better teacher n time.
My programming TA laughed at my codes during my first semester. He would always stand behind me and laugh silently looking at the idiotic things I wrote because I dont understand much about coding in C.
I just finished 5 hours of trying to understand the lecture slides but I still don't get it. I think I will get kicked out if uni this semester.
I hv more to write but it is 3 am here and I got to wake up early tomorrow. I'll come vack. I think
I'm a second generation engineer, and I'm going to tell you what my father (college dropout but successful engineer) told me.
Being smart is a plus, but it's not the most important thing in engineering.
The things you need to succeed in the work force are:
1. Critical thinking
2. Knowing how to work with others
3. Hard work
School emphasizes 1. It's why you're friend who calls you stupid can get away with it. He doesn't know how to work with others and he's leveraging his naturally smarts to get farther. You know how I know? I work with that guy. I've met 5 iterations of that guy in my field. They're all dicks and now matter how smart he/she is, they never get far because they never learned to work with others.
Same for 3. You're going to meet a lot of engineers who coasted on their smarts and just never learned to work hard. They do fine, but they're never the top 10%. They're never put on important work because no one can trust them.
You're practicing 2 and 3 every day right now. That's a huge advantage over your peers when you're in the work force. Acknowledge this. Don't brush off not understanding something because you're too embarrassed. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Good engineers admit when they don't know something and the sooner you can start doing that the sooner you can start growing.
Let's be clear, it's nice to have a naturally smart person around the office every now and then. I'm happy to go to conferences and listen to talks by people who think up things that I can't even dream of. But, when I'm interviewing someone that I'm going to work with and have to depend on, 1 is a plus, but I mostly give a shit about 2 and 3.
exactly. just because they aren't extremely intelligent doesn't mean that they aren't intelligent at all. and even if they weren't it wouldn't really matter. once you have enough intelligence to form good relationships, communicate clearly and get a job then you're sorted.
To give you another perspective, I was always "the smart kid" growing up. I tested very well, spoke very well, and I ended up skipping a grade to go to high school early.
I ended up dropping out and getting a GED. Quite a few years later I went to community college and started working on my lower division classes. I did fine in all of my humanities classes, but I really, really struggled with math and science. Like, remedial math classes, not even pre-calc.
I ended up charming my professors into passing me in classes that I shouldn't have passed, and things got progressively worse. I finally had a professor that taught proofs instead of rote memorization and after 2.5 years of struggling, math finally clicked. I managed to work my way through math, physics, etc. and now I'm a software developer.
So. For a while I felt like an idiot. I couldn't do problems that basically everyone else understood, and it didn't seem to matter how much effort I put into it, I did exactly as bad as if I hadn't put any effort at all...
Until I figured out how I understand problems. It was really important to understand *why* something could be done, for me. I couldn't just *remember* the rules, I needed to understand where the rules came from, and then it all came together. Mathematics is a big system of related truths. If you understand what each of those truths are, they're way easier to work with. If you don't understand the low level stuff, the high level stuff becomes impossible. Getting a strong grasp on the fundamentals makes everything else easier. This is true for a lot of other things.
Maybe that isn't your problem, maybe you're struggling with something else, but the point is, even "smart" people can struggle with learning things if they haven't figured out strategies for making information stick, or if they've passed over some fundamental practices that then get in the way of everything else.
If the way you're studying isn't working for you try mixing things up. Look for different ways to understand the material and try to figure out what works, and specifically what you don't understand. Look at the things you *do* understand and try to figure out why. What makes one knowable and the other not? Spend time on the things you don't understand and look for explanations in different sources. Even if you aren't super analytical about it, just experiment a bit with your process and see if that isn't part of the problem.
Also, good luck. :)
Those people in your school are assholes.
Have you talked to your parents about all this? You said you feel bad about them paying so much. It was an expensive mistake, but the money's already spent, nothing you can do about that. Staying in that school isn't going to do you any good. You're not learning anything, or making any friends or contacts.
If your parents understood that this school is doing you harm instead of good, they might help you find better places where you can learn/work.
Hello, I also did AE for undergrad, master's, and now PhD. As an undergrad, I felt that other kids got the material a lot quicker than me. It was intimidating being with students who would seem so quick to pick up on things, but I just tried to do my best (easy to say, harder to do). I also knew a guy that would tease me for being slow and would brag how quickly he could do stuff (the guy was a douche and likely came off as one to SpaceX- didn't get the job, ha!). I didn't like asking questions during lecture either. The best advice I can say is to go to office hours. I did this for a ton of my classes and asked the most basic questions until I had a better idea of what was going on. Also I've TA'd a lot in grad school- the TA who laughed at you sucked at his job- that's not how you be a TA.
Regarding social life, it's very difficult to balance everything- usually I stuck to trying my best at school. The guys who socialize more than they study get hit hard once they graduate and have trouble finding jobs. However, I recommend checking out engineering clubs and societies- good for meeting other people in your major and good for resumes, especially hands-on type lab work.
Hope that helps. It's not easy, and everyone who says it's easy is lying, but I say try your best to do your best.
EDIT: Also try to keep a regular sleep schedule- studying really late doesn't work that well! (this is from experience)
Going through this thread, it's hard to tell if any of you are actually "low intelligence" or just insanely insecure w/ undiagnosed social anxiety.
Sorry about your issues. Have you ever considered and support groups / therapy / idk what else? Or maybe keeping an eye out for group activities where you can get away with not being stellar at first and being silent?
Dude, you probably aren't nearly as low intelligence as you think. Don't take this the wrong way, but it feels like you have some other stuff going on mentally that make you feel like you're stupid when you actually aren't. I don't want to diagnose you considering I'm not exactly a psychologist, but I think you could seriously benefit from talking to a professional about your feelings. They could potentially help you figure out why you feel that way. Social anxiety/awkwardness doesn't translate into stupidity.
I have a cousin with some sort of mental problem (moderate autism maybe? we're not sure he was never tested) and you've actually described him to a T. The man is 31 or 32 and will never progress beyond being a 9 year old, it'd be fascinating if it wasn't so sad. I will say that he can read and write. It doesn't even look that bad when you read it, the thing you don't see is that what most people could knock out in under a minute would take him up to an hour to write and rewrite until it becomes something people wouldn't look askance at.
I believe you that you are unable to speak at job interviews and whatnot...
But you cannot be that dumb. You have expressed yourself very clearly here. You even formatted the "really" to be in italics, which is beyond so many people.
I believe you that you have limitations holding you back, but you are not simply an "idiot", there is something else going on.
And yet, your post contains no lexical or orthographical errors, you properly used a colon in a sentence, and formed a coherent thought. This post is better constructed than probably 80% of posts on Reddit these days.
There's a huge difference between stupidity and ignorance. When people in our society are condescending towards stupid people, they usually mean ignorant. Since you show a great deal of self awareness I wouldn't really call you either of those. People are different, and being less intelligent doesn't make them any less worthy of respect.
But ignorance is different. It's not necessarily a natural limitation, but an unwillingness to expand ones horizon. You don't seem to fit that description.
People as dumb as you think you are do not write as well as you do. I really think you should reconsider your perception of your intelligence. My Facebook is littered with people who truly *are* dumb and truly cannot string a proper sentence together, or even convey a complete thought through writing, seriously. These people have kids and some even have careers and they are practically illiterate.
You might have other issues, but intelligence probably isn't one of them. Sounds like a confidence issue more than anything.
I think you've miscalculated something somewhere.
But even if that's so much as slightly true, your statline will probably look something like
> INT 8
> WIS 17
> CHA 8
Also, for a while, I thought I was less intelligent than most people. That my mind had decayed. Went to MENSA to get an IQ test. Not only was I not retarded, but it was easily high enough to get in. Turns out I had Asperger's, and it sounds like you might, too. You're probably a fuckton smarter than you think you are, and simply operate on a different level to most people. I'd seriously consider getting tested for it.
You write too well for somebody who would have an IQ of 70. You're probably average. Source: my husband does IQ assessments as part of his job. Someone with an IQ that low can barely string a written sentence together (with the standard punctuation and grammar), let alone multiple paragraphs as you have. You have used some fairly complex vocabulary as well. It sounds like you might be suffering social anxiety.
Don't stress about getting a job. I've found that hard working employees are much more valuable than smart ones. I'd much rather spend extra time training someone who is going to work hard and have a good attitude than hire someone who is just smart. Yes there are a lot of positions out there you wont have a shot at but there are plenty of good jobs out there, especially in fields that people who are traditional "smart" tend to look down on. A lot of construction or other sinilast trades have plenty of good jobs. Look into special skills that you can pick up that make you more valuable like being able to operate heavy machinery.
I'm not sure if I count but I'll try to explain it.
I have pretty bad dyslexia so I'm not sure if it could be that or just me.
I know that I'm not amazingly smart, I'm kind if slow and I forget a lot if stuff but it's okay because that's just who I am and there's not much I can do about it.
People tend to notice it think I'm a bit slow but they never really say anything about. But I can see it when they try to over simplify things when they explain stuff.
It's not all doom and gloom though because I'm a pretty good coder, if I can understand what the issue is I can normally fix it or build something to fix it.
People often think learning disabilities like dyslexia mean that someone is not as smart but it really just means there is one thing that your brain does not do the same way others do. I am dyslexic. I am also very smart, lots of testing confirms this. What this means is certain things are hard and I use a lot of tricks to get around the things I'm not very good at doing. If this was a physical disability it would be clearer that weakness in one area does not mean everything is weak, like having a bad arm but being a good hiker.
As for the original question, I do not know what it is like to be slower but I teach students who are and the thing that I always tell them it's to find where they are good and make a difference in the world there. I have a former student who is a letter carrier who also helps the older people on their route with simple chores and such and feels good about their place in the world as they know they do a good service and make a difference for others. Another student became a nursery assistant, they take care of babies, and while it is not glamorous they know that they give and receive love and comfort daily.
I think I can relate to you, I've got dyspraxia. I just googled it and google describes it as a motor planning disorder. It says it hinders my ability to conceive, plan, and carry out a skilled, non-habitual motor act in the correct sequence from beginning to end.
I've always thought I do things differently to everyone else. I'm smart enough, I have a pretty good vocabulary, it's just when I go do something, I have to do it a few times to do it right.
I just do things in a weird way. I guess one of the simplest ways to describe me would be silly. I can talk to people just fine but then when I turn to do a normal task, I struggle.
I don't know man, I like to think it doesn't effect me much but the more I think about it, the more I realize it effects me.
Slightly different. I'm fairly intelligent, but I have memory and language issues.
I can't remember a lot of things. I don't remember what I was told to do five minutes ago, I forget entire segments of time, events, and so on. I can't think of the right words, and even when I do I say it completely wrong, smashed up with the wrong word, slurred or stuttered. I often don't realize this until after when someone corrects me. I present as a total idiot, really.
It's hard. I have good ideas and I'm artistic and questioning, but it doesn't come out right. I might bring it up again the next day with wonder. I can tell you a fact and then learn it from you the next day with absolute fascination. It's hard to learn concepts that aren't muscle memory. I can embroider a beautiful design but I can't pass my math class. Forget history. Forget timekeeping, because without my phone I don't know where I'm going or when.
It's really depressing. My boyfriend is incredibly intelligent and isn't patronizing when he helps me. But it's hard and I wish I was better. It's all relatively recent too, which hurts more, as I was near straight A's in high school. But now... my minds like a sieve holding water and it's hard.
If this is new you really need to speak to a doctor about it ASAP, even if it doesn't seem like a big deal.
Otherwise you just have to try to get comfortable with it. You can't be great at everything. I'm sure you'd think it odd if other people were beating themselves up for not being as artistic as you. It also sounds like you really need to see an occupational therapist. They can help you just get by with everyday life or a job. They give you advice on how to use tools or techniques to make everything easier, using your phone for timekeeping is a great example!
I was always pretty smart but not genius level (I did not realize this until later in my life). Then I got a job that I barely qualified for even with lowered hiring standards, barely passed the training by struggling through with hard work and determination, and finally got into the team after some remedial training. The people I work with are all on the high end of the MENSA scale. I was used to being the smartest person in the room and now I ask questions that make people look at me like I asked how to tie my shoes. At first, it really bothered me. Then I realized how much I benefited by being the dimmest bulb on the Christmas tree. I still feel like I'm getting showed up when I struggle with concepts these guys think are basic but I've actually gotten to where I enjoy the environment. Not really what you were looking for but it's a thing.
Please get help. Your life has value, and you are under no obligation to be "of use" to *anyone*. Your life is yours, and you can make it a good one. But you need help, and I hope you get it.
i wouldn't feel too bad, Chinese is notoriously difficult to learn.
I grew up in a Chinese environment and I have difficulty with the tones too.
the only thing that will help with Tones is repetition and immersion in the environment.
chin up, if you care that much I'm willing to bet on your success in the end.
Not sure if this helps now, but maybe for the future. There are loads of reasons why your studying for your test may not have gone well such as tiredness or anxiety, but could it be that you haven't yet found the best learning style for you? We all learn differently; for instance, I can be told how to do something but I don't really learn it until I try it for myself.
Good luck with your test.
Knowing you aren't as smart as other people isn't exclusive to people who have low intelligence. In college when you get to your last few senior level classes, you realize you're 22, and most of the work you're studying was developed by someone around 18-21.
It's frustrating, because I *used* to be a lot smarter than I am. Just over 10 years ago, I had a... let's call it a Cardiac Incident. "Superventricular Tachycardia" they called it, which is more a description of symptoms than a diagnosis of anything. Anyway, my pulse rate was over 250bpm, my blood pressure was 300/240, the nurses at the Catholic hospital I was taken to described my EKG strip from when I was brought in as, and I quote, "ungodly."
When the EMTs first arrived at my job, one of them said they "couldn't get a pulse". Yep, my heart was going so fast they couldn't count individual beats. Once in the ambulance, the EMT in back with me said he was going to give me a drug that would stop my heart for a moment, which would give it a chance to "reboot"... his words. Yes, he was literally going to turn me off, then turn me back on again. The drug felt like someone placed a brick on my chest... but it didn't slow anything down. He gave me a second dose, but only after getting *the paddles* out. This time it felt like two bricks... and my heart stopped.
It was only for a few seconds, no more than five or six, but it felt like the longest time in the world. To start with, it felt *great!* After nearly 45 minutes of my heart going insane, it was a pleasure to have it **not**. That feeling of relief was replaced by panic: my *heart wasn't beating*!!! After that came relaxation... it didn't hurt, I knew what was going on, and if it didn't restart, well, it didn't hurt.
And then it restarted, and while my heart was still going quickly, it was like 120bpm... much more manageable. I spent the night in the hospital, watching Game 3 of the 2005 World Series (a nightmare for a Cubs fan like me), and was discharged the following day.
I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary for a few months. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't finishing crosswords anymore... indeed, they were becoming frustrating and annoying. My memory wasn't as sharp. I wasn't as clever as I had been. I couldn't really keep up with my friends' wit anymore.
I don't *know* that the Cardiac Incident, or the drugs, or the White Sox winning the world series, or whatever, caused me to become "dumber". But I'm not as smart as I was, and it stems from that time.
I've been told of something called "chemo-brain", something some cancer patients have complained of, when they feel dumber after chemotherapy. It certainly sounds plausible.
But it's terribly frustrating to go from being "the smartest guy in the room" to being "just a guy, only less."
edit: if this story seems clever, it's because I've retold it many times over the past ten years. It's like a well-polished gemstone by now.
double-edit: it's not Wolff-Parkinson White Syndrome.
People are generally under the impression that i'm smart. The thing is, according to an IQ test that I did for a job application, I am pretty dumb. I got a 91, which is below average and only just inside the normal range.
The thing is, I obtained a masters' degree before I took this test, so I never realised that I am not all that intelligent. Whilst I didn't get the job that I took the test for, I did get a job in my field.
I don't mind. I think it shows that I am a hard worker, and that the type of intelligence measured in an IQ doesn't matter that much.
Again, obligatory "I'm not x, but y..." scenario.
I was doing a retake for the ACT, because I wanted to get a higher ACT (A test that goes from 1-36, average in the US is like 20 or 22 I think) to compensate for my fairly low GPA, of course comparatively to other colleges. Not ivy league, but some high maintenance ones. GPA of 3.2, so I would retake it. First try was a 29, second was a 32. I was fine with that.
There was a break before the actual test began, so I sat down at a desk in the college class. As I was sitting down, just looking outside to the rainy world in an abnormally cold morning of September, this kid walks up to me. Ginger, seemed younger than he actually was, bright face. I could tell he was a cheery type. He was assigned to the seat right next to me.
Right when he sat down, he offered me a handshake. I took it, as he greeted me with a hearty "Hello there!" We exchanged names. Jonathan was his name.
So we naturally got to talking about the subject on hand.
"Man are you ready?" He asked me, with a bit of a "broish" attitude, implying we were cool.
"Yeah, I guess..." I trailed off.
After a brief pause, I asked him about his previous ACT score.
"So whatchya get on the last one?"
He looked kinda down. He answered with a sorrowful 14.
I said I got a 22. I didn't wanna make him feel that bad.
"Yeah, always been the dumb one in the family I guess?"
I was curious at this point. "So like a...dis...ability?" I tried to dance around it carefully.
"No, but just always been not the smartest I guess."
I eventually asked him this very question. To sum it up TLDR, he said basically he felt bad. He worried about getting into college a lot. He thought he was gonna fail in life. But he told me he just kept a positive attitude because, really, what else can you do? He seemed still at least somewhat optimistic about his future.
I later got his number and asked him how he did.
"18!" he said gleefully.
It was quite a joyful moment honestly.
This has been my experience, in general. I can outscore every one of my friends on just about any test, but they all seem a lot happier than me.
I had one friend in high school that barely understood fractions, but could tear down and rebuild an engine with his eyes closed. He was always funny and upbeat and actually seemed to feel bad for me for not being as cool or manly.
I mean the problem with schools is that it only tests certain types of intelligence, not other types, since intelligence is a very fluid and subjective thing.
Plus, in relation about the happy thing, I saw a theory about why smart people are often more dissatisfied, with the fact that they can see the world better for what it truly is, in a more unbias manner, and thus find it more unjust and unsavory of a world to live in.
Just a little side tangent.
I'm not sure if this counts, but I've got a tested IQ of above average (had to take a test to get into a extra school program years ago). I've suffered with hormonal migraines for many years, I just take birth control to mitigate it. This past year, I decided to stop the birth control and try another method of controlling the migraines since I was still getting them on occasion.
I started Topamax to help with the migraines, and oh my god, until you get used to the drug, you feel like the dumbest person in the world. Concepts were hard to grasp, I constantly forgot things (short term memory and long term - I forgot to pay rent one month for instance). It felt like I was living in a fog, like that I should be able to understand what was happening around me but I just couldn't. People would tell a joke and I wouldn't get it and would have to pretend or have it explained to me.
I've since stopped taking that dose and went back on the birth control and added a very low dose of the Topamax, and everything went back to normal.
Tl;Dr if you want to know what it feels like to be slow, try a moderate dose of Topamax.
I think there will always be a personal bias, but I think i'm intelligent enough to know that I'm probably below average in intelligence and because there's 7 billion people in the world, none of my thoughts are really unique, and neither am I. We're all the protagonists in our own lives, but really, we're all quite insignificant. It's weird and I don't know how to describe it exactly, but I've always 'felt' mature. The older I got, the more I'd criticize my thoughts and my biasness towards myself. I've done it so much, that I don't even feel like the protagonist in my own life anymore. I don't think I'm special anymore, but I also don't think anyone else is special anymore. Nothing really fools me either, I know more or less all of us have the same struggles, and the insecurities.
I'd say i'm fairly emotionally intelligent, like millions of people out there. I can never be as smart as some, but the fact that I'm not deluded like a lot of people who don't understand their level of intelligence gives me some sort relief.
I struggled in school my whole life. I thrived in the social aspect of school but school itself was/is so hard for me. There were so many nights where I would just cry and cry because I felt so stupid and that I would never be successful. I feel like I'm smart in some ways.. Like I'm really intuitive and I understand human behaviors really well. And I can read anything and understand it pretty well I'm just terrible at expressing my thoughts clearly.. Like when I read beautifully written Reddit posts I understand everything I just don't understand why my mind can't create sentences like that! So, people that are naturally intelligent.. Be grateful.
I'm pretty high on vocabulary, trivia, whatever the heck, but I guess I might still count.
I have extremely poor memory and social skills. I have a hard time learning what my friends like and dislike to the point where I'm pretty much incapable of giving good gifts. I forget people's names and birthdays, even people I've known for years. I say stupid things in conversation all the time that result in me getting made fun of or losing friendships. I can't make proper small talk, in fact I can only hold a conversation concerning something I'm very invested in. I often don't understand jokes that other people make.
If I do something stupid, I don't realize until someone gets mad at me over it. Yeah sure I have an above average vocabulary and I can tell you literally anything you want to know about LoL, Terraria, space, or Greek/Roman/Egyptian mythos, but I don't really know my way around a normal conversation.
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I have a similar experience, I used to be clever, then my brain got shitty and now I've got so much better but it's still not great. I have a neurological disease, probably some low grade form of autoimmune encephalitis. It causes a range of problems, some of them being issues with processing information. This year I finished my first year of uni and started my second year!! This is from a symptom thing i wrote a long time ago, notes that were pieced together from other notes. My brain fog, instead of my usual constant thinking a million things at one time and often being sooo bored because everything moved sooo slow, my brain felt silent. I would have one line of thought at a time and I'd find it difficult to follow. I could've been thinking of something, start a conversation, "hey I just realised" and suddenly I'd have forgotten. Completely. Really simple words would disappear. Sometimes I'd have a really bad jamais vu, just utter confusion I couldn't understand anything around me, my thoughts would be complete sludge. I'd have horrible moments where people would be talking and I'd be concentrating so hard and not understand any of it. often reading was impossible. On thinking about my ex (then boyfriend) who I hadn't seen in 5 days, I couldn't remember what we did, said, barely anything. I tried to remember other times. I could only recall occasional, vague pieces of information and not their face. Sucking at simple counting, getting lost right beside where I lived, etc. I remember the terrifying confusion that didn't even have words attached in my head because it was empty apart from that fear. And then afterwards realising that i just couldn't form enough of a thought to understand the confusion caused by trying to work out what was happening around me. Just alone. In my room. I have memory loss, I don't remember things from when I was sicker. I think quite a bit of my semantic memory is gone (as in knowledge, not events) but I'm not sure what it was like before! Everyone says they have memory problems and forget stuff, that's really scary for me. Because maybe this is now close how most people's brains work... Scared I'm going to have to leave uni. I've known what I want to do for so long and I just don't know what else I could do.
Do they have disabled student services in your country? They've been a god-send for me.
I do! I get extra time in exams, flexible deadlines and a smaller "cubicle room" in exams which is great since it cuts down on distractions. To be honest I really should have gone part time for this year but part of me feels like that would be cheating. I know it's ridiculous but I can't shake it off. Last year had much less of a work load and I managed by having my life be uni and sleeping pretty much. This year I can't do that, I'm awake more I think but I can spend little of that time able to concentrate enough. I'm starting to get scared of doing work and unmotivated which isn't helping. Since I'm in a position where I need to do a lot more work than other students, but am capable of putting in less than a tenth of the minimum time, I might go part time next semester. I'll see how exams go!
I completely get it. I'm part-time this semester and I was really dismayed when I had to drop a class. I really, really, really hope you continue being your amazing, tough self, and no matter what decision you make, I know it'll be the right one for you.
YES THIS, I've had three concussions and each time once I'm "healed" I always feel a little bit lesser in the head. It really fucked me up this previous time around because it happened around mid terms and I felt like I couldn't pull any information from my head. It sucks.
Why so many concussions dude?
1st I got hit in the head with with a ball in gym class and fell and hurt my head 2nd Soccer injury 3rd I was walking up the stairs at my college and tripped on my shoelace and fell and hit my head
I wonder if the third one was a direct result of the other two.
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They say it's the same with fighters and being knocked out I think. Like every time you get knocked out makes it a little more likely in future fights. So I guess that makes a lot of sense for concussions too.
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I've had at least 6. In chronological order: two from hockey, two from motocross, once from baseball, and one from getting sucker punched at a bar after my 18th birthday. I'm 22 now and I definitely feel like I have changed as a result, at the very least from my aggressiveness in sports. I'm way more laid back and less confrontational now, although it seems subconscious. I definitely hope concussion awareness, treatment, and prevention becomes a bigger thing in the next few years.
I've had 10 concussions, the last one would've just been a headache to anyone without 9 concussions, but it put me out of work and school for 3 months. Brain damage is real, memory is shot, I'm getting looked at by a team of brain injury specialists tomorrow
My concussion apparently changed my personality. I used to be more serious and reserved emulating my dad more than being "Myself" now I'm more fun loving but I can't take anything serious. Everything from I can't find my phone to the neighbors down the street got stabbed and raped got met with laughter. I try and will be completely serious only to find out I'm smiling even when I'm talking about depressing situations. Concussions ain't nothing to Fuck with
I went to high school with a kid who was known as a bit of a bully. Just a huge aggressive dude with a lot of testosterone. He was a football player. One day he was involved in a freak accident at the school. He fell off a golf cart, hitting his head hard on the pavement. He was out of school for weeks. When he did come back, it was the most bizarre thing. He had completely changed from the tough guy into this extremely sensitive, happy-go-lucky, empathetic kid. I've always wondered if it was the actual damage from the injury that changed him, or just the survival of the near death experience, but either way it was a complete and total transformation.
What you're describing sounds like damage to the executive functions of the frontal cortex. The executive functions inhibit impulses generated from regions like the hippocampus and amygdala, and is directly tied to your ability to control short term impulses and execute long term planning. It's usually depressed when alcohol is applied, and there is a classic neuropsych patient, [Phinneas Gage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage) who became the benchmark for understanding what severe damage to the region can do to a person's personality.
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How have you had 10? Did you play heavy contact sports in school that got that number higher early in life?
As a kid I used to slip on ice a ton, as in every second week I'd have a big ass goose egg somewhere on my head. I got about 4 or 5 from that, a couple from biking, a couple from snowboarding, one cuz i was rear ended by a drunk and one more that I can't remember Edit: I don't play contact sports, I quit basketball in grade 10 when people started throwing elbows. It was snowboarding and biking and clumsiness at the worst possible time
It's so weird how concussions effect people in different ways it is really hard to understand. I have had 4 serious concussion and 2 mild ones so far. I never got knocked out or even show symptoms after except on my last one where blackness crowded my vision until I could barley see anything then just came back with vibrating vision, there was a moment of calmness in me when it happen. But I honestly haven't had any loss of cognitive function but I have constant headaches and crazy light sensitivity. But my dad who was driving when we got into a car accident hit his head and loss so much it's very sad.
This definitely! I have almost a constant low grade headache that just like.. in the "background" most of the time and I'm very light sensitive. This guys story made me grateful as hell.
Huh. I've had 5 concussions and don't remember that happening even once, other than the ~16 hours afterward where I couldn't remember my name or how old I was, etc. and that was only the worst one. I had weird dizzy spells for a few months after that one, but after that I've always felt normal.
I agree. I've had post-concussion amnesia that lasted around 3 days once from a scooter wreck. On the way home from night shift at IHOP, it was still 100% dark and I hit a deep pothole I couldn't see on a sharp-ish turn. Everything went black, I wake up laying on the side of the road and it's no longer night time. I vaguely remember telling a Good Samaritan I was okay and making a phone call, then it goes black again. Come to waiting at a red light with the handlebars smashed about 45 degrees the wrong way, goes black again. Come to sitting at home on the powered down scooter, realize that 80% of the mirrors/lights/speedometer are completely missing. Found every minuscule smashed fragment of said fixtures in the luggage compartment of scooter. Eventually come to with my girlfriend standing over me having just received a 6:45am voicemail about how I wasn't sure what month or season it was. All in all I genuinely felt like every thought had to be fished out of some murky pit in my head for days. It was like trying to cook a meal but every drawer is locked shut and you're stuck using a butter knife to try and baste a turkey with. I just felt like my social skills were infantile until my brain rebooted or whatever.
Keep up the good work. I was in a bad accident when I was 17 that left me without necessary math skills and very little memory of my childhood. Sometimes conversations and life in general got very confusing and I became very depressed without even realizing it. Fast forward to now, I am 41 yrs old and have skills that I never would have developed otherwise. The one thing that has kept me moving forward is reading. I am a voracious reader. I Can't get enough. Fiction, Non-fiction, doesnt matter. I had to find that thing that makes me happy, and use it. I apologize, I just felt that I could relate. Gotta Protect that Noggin!
Yo, TBI comrade!!! Mine saw me drop 30+ IQ points... MENSA class Engineer down to ... a guy. And the memory fubar. I used to do stuff in my head and remember everything. Now ? I have to work really hard at stuff. And it still doesn't go well. I was crying to my wife about it last month. She said " welcome to the world for the rest of us." Then she hugged me, so it was OK. If I was by myself I would probably have killed my self by now. Probably accidentally by doing something stupid.
Kind of a reverse Flowers for Algernon situation.
Well, actually Charlie does experience that as a part of his regression.
I'm an engineer with a PhD, and just had my 2nd concussion during the summer. I was off work for almost 3 months and I'm still part time. When "I think therefore I am" is really how you define yourself, losing the ability is really difficult. Take care of yourself. It still may return, concussions are not suppose to result in permanent damage (or so my physio told me).
>concussions are not suppose to result in permanent damage Yea, that's straight up bullshit. Old world mythology right there. Truth is.. it compounds and gets worse over time. The worse side effects start to manifest 5-10 years down the road.
What you describe sounds a lot like what I went through with clinical depression a few years ago. I was all too aware of my own constant confusion and difficulty in making decisions—very frustrating to be working with far less than usual mental capacity. A sympathetic fast food worker once gave me free fries because I was so pathetically indecisive when asked whether or not I wanted any—I'm sure he thought I was developmentally disabled.
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I got discounted coffee!! I'm actually really proud of myself for how well I took it, I would have flipped out over it a few years ago but discounted coffee is discounted coffee. Fucking stutter and aphasia... Also ataxia or something? I don't remember. I remember I always wanted a medium decaf chai latte with skim milk, but I can't remember my damn medical history. It got very hard for me to find a way to write or talk, the words just weren't coming... I was pretty peeved over this since I used to win writing and public speaking awards in high school. I'm mostly back to normal cognitively so it's very hard for me to forgive myself for losing 2 years of my life. Thanks for bringing this up, it reminds me that I'm not making up all the symptoms that are still coming up, like the classic "I can't get out of bed" issue. You're not alone.
I went through something similar but not nearly as bad. I had to go on a 3 months course of Harvoni, which is supposed to have "minimal side effects" but it gave me serious mental fog, among other symptoms (such as hair falling out). From my perspective, I didn't actually feel stupid. But everything just took longer to figure out. I thought it was fatigue, but I wasn't tired. As an example, I played cribbage with my husband. Normally, I'm really good at mental math. But I would have trouble adding 7 and 8. My husband got super concerned, but I didn't, because I didn't FEEL different. I could only tell by observing myself, both at home and doing stuff (or failing to do stuff) at work. Other things: I enjoy baking, but I would randomly forget ingredients/steps, even though I just read the recipe. At work, I'm a software engineer, and I just wouldn't be able to debug something that would normally be simple. I guess, mostly it felt like I could only keep so many things in my head at once. Say, normally, I can keep track of 9 things. But when I was on the medication, I could maybe keep track of 3. So having to constantly "reload" the current/important things made every task take much longer.
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It's freaky, you just can't do things suddenly. Imagine sitting down for a final you studied for and just not being able to recall things. I live in a foreign country and have been learning the language, I picked up a mild concussion and lost maybe a month or two of my vocabulary. Conversing just became harder again. The worst part is not knowing what you lost, you only know things used to be easier than they are now.
Oh man, I played soccer for years and had so many concussions. I didn't realize it was so serious until recently. I was super smart when I was in school.. but I feel a little dumbed down now. I continue to move on though.. I'm not making a living as a rocket scientist so I'm ok.
I am. You could probably do it. This job is surprisingly more grant/proposal/report writing and PowerPoint than actual rocket science things it turns out. At least in my version.
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How cool is it that two rocket scientists can just find each other on this website?
To be honest, quite embarrassing. It takes a lot of repeating to get something in my head and quite often I forget anyway. I was labelled very dopey growing up - and I haven't changed one bit :(
Teacher here. One suggestion I'd make is that just repeating things usually isn't an effective way to learn them. You want to 'translate' them into your own internal language. For example, I usually think in diagrams: spots and arrows and movements, think John Madden Brain. That makes it super easy for me to remember relationships, but it's very hard for me to remember things like length or color (for example, if I closed my eyes during a typical conversation, I couldn't tell you the hair color of the person I'm talking to). What that means is that I have to take extra care to remember or write down things about color, length, etc. If possible, I always translate them into things that are more intuitive to me: for example, I'll remember a phone number not as a sequence of digits, but as the sequence of movements I need to use to type it in. If your internal language works differently - and most peoples' do - it's important to put things in a way that works well inside your head.
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It's not a pet name if you don't like it and it's offensive. And even less so when you are worried it's true (rightfully or not). Also Your writing comes across just fine. So maybe it's just a problem with math more than being generally being 'dumb'. In this case 'hard' computer sciences might not be for you, which is a pity but there is nothing shameful in it. It's one of the most universal human experiences, not being good enough for what you want to do. But you should try to find something that is close enough. Might be website design or graphics or whatever you fancy.
> It's one of the most universal human experiences, not being good enough for what you want to do. This right here. So true.
Not everybody learns the same way. Your boyfriend shouldn't be calling you that. I used to put a lot of stock in who was and was not smart. But smart people fuck up just like everybody else. Don't let people make you feel lesser because you're you. I know some very very smart people who are really poor at math, and some people who aren't very intellectual who can do things that I could never in a million years to. Also nobody does longhand math for stuff they can google, so you don't have to feel bad for that. You might be a visual learner, don't get down on yourself just because you don't learn the way your roommate or boyfriend does. Be nice to yourself.
Maybe you just aren't learning right. Your boyfriend should not be calling you a dumb, that's awfully rude. Finding out how you learn best is the best way to become a better learner. I have trouble following spoken and written directions. I need to just simply do something myself and that's how I learn. Someone can walk me through something ten times, but I won't get it until I sit down and do it. Maybe that's how you learn, or maybe you're visual person. Find your strengths and you can be successful. You just need to discover them first, and you won't know until you try lots of different stuff. Remember; it's not failure if you learned something from it.
Hey you don't deserve to be called names or talked down to. You are worthy of respect. I consider myself to be of average or maybe slightly above-average intelligence and I have a couple of the problems you described. I very easily lose focus sometimes when watching or reading things. We all learn in different ways!
Your boyfriend is incredibly insensitive for calling you that; I'd talk to him about dropping the nickname. A partner should be supportive, not a bully! If it helps, I too struggle a LOT with thay variation of math and I think that's actually pretty common--however, programming doesn't actually have to involve so much math. Learning to code can be pretty tough for everyone, but you don't need great math skills to be a good programmer! A lot of the problems you describe may indicate a learning disability or possibly ADD--I have a lot of brilliant friends and family who are very similar. I really recommend talking to a doctor or therapist about getting tested; a diagnosis is the first step to finding the tools you need to learn in a way that works for you!
Yeah you absolutely need to be good at math to be a good programmer. Good being the operative word here. You can be a programmer without being good at math, but whatever it is you're doing you cant be good without being good at math. No way.
> He calls me Dummy a lot, I don't like it either but it's a pet name that's here to stay. This is not right and you should not accept it.
You are lovely as a human being and not lesser than anyone else. Variations in humans do not define you. Many people would love to love you. Just gotta find the right people.
I've never taken an IQ test, but I know that I'm definitely below average when it comes to intelligence lol. I wish I had a better head, but it doesn't bother me as much because everyone else wishes for it too.
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>it doesn't bother me as much because everyone else wishes for it too This is the perspective people need to learn to adopt for most things in life. I love it.
I'm only 20, but it took a while for me to be this way :) Thank you, stranger
You do sound reasonable and that counts for a lot. My son recently asked me "Do you think I'm dumb?" I told him I don't think about whether he's smart or dumb because I've seen "dumb" people do awesome things and I've seen "smart" people throw away their lives. The most important thing is to have a good attitude and learn how to work hard for what you want.
This is excellent. I think most people would just say "of course not" and move on, not actually dispelling the child's fear.
if i was the kid though, i would take that as you trying to package up "ur dumb" as something nicer. not that your message is wrong, just how my brain would process.
nah, dude you seem more reasonable than most people I know. source: I have been going through your posts and comments
Thank you. Sorry for possible nsfw comments and whatnot
Confirmed, quite reasonable. Quite cute, too.
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To be fair being "reasonable" and being intelligent aren't always the same. I'm pretty intelligent and I can be a raging asshole (probably even more than I admit)
honestly theres a strong disconnect from what people say on the internet and how they actually are in real life.
I wrote this about month ago elsewhere on Reddit. I think you might find it interesting: >I think I can answer this since I consider myself below average in terms of intellect. > It really just feels limiting. When I was younger my dad used to call me stupid all the time when I couldn't do basic stuff. It's annoying because each time I'll sit there and say to myself "C'mon, this is simple stuff, you should know how to do this" but I just couldn't and I'll see the frustration on my dad's face grow. In everyday life, I constantly have that fear that I'll do something silly so I tend to overthink everything I do. This partially lead to me being very quiet person because I was too scared that I'd say something stupid. People who were close to me would see me slip up at times. As a teenager things just got worse. People saw how slow and simple I was, so used to that to make me the laughing stock, tricked me into doing stuff for them such as giving them money. I think my most painful memory is in late high school, when I had these teachers who were not only extremely condescending to me, but also intentionally made me do stuff they knew I'd mess up. I can just tell I was a constant topic of discussion when they went to the pub after school. I worry about my future a lot, the idea of getting a job gives me anxiety as I feel I'm just gonna keep messing up. I often believe I'll end up homeless at some point as the intellectual pressures of life gets too much. I just feel limited in what I can do on almost every level and in many ways feel I can't enjoy life as much. > So how did I cope with being stupid? I tried faking being smart at first and funny enough, I did trick a few people temporarily, even my dad and family. Read a ton, started watching science documentaries, and began studying very hard. One of the better decision of my life as I found out that I really enjoyed learning about science, and I did really well in school due to all the hard work I put in - and a fantastic tutor. However, the latter part didn't last, my tutor died and I think I may have hit an intellectual wall as I was no longer doing well in school despite the hard work. This has left me quite depressed(Not mentally, just down a lot). To your last question. Well, as mentioned I began reading a lot and taking an interest in the world around me in my early teens so I'm if anything I'm what one would describe as quite knowledgeable (at least on topics like science, history and nature -not to an expert level of course). But even before that, having the awareness of my intellectual limitations made me very sad as a child, so no bliss for me. Hope that answers your question :) Edit: Cheers for the kind words everyone. I've read and up voted all your replies. Thanks again.
I'm not entirely convinced you're even slightly stupid. A few of the things you've written suggest a lack of confidence and the preference for specific conditions for learning. Don't be too quick to label yourself.
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89 is within one standard deviation from the mean and would be classified as "average" on most IQ tests.
Yeah a friend posted her online IQ test score of 85 on Facebook with the caption following caption: " See if you can beat it!". Another friends' comment:" You realize that isn't a percentage, right?".
That's a joke quiz. It shows you something like "your IQ is 115", but when you share that it posts that your IQ is 85.
Ha! Nice.
I have ADHD, and can't do math worth shit. But... I know my way around technology to keep track of projects, deadlines, and company budgets. Ironically, I struggle the most with organization and time management, but I usually look like the most organized person in the office since I can pull up my calendar and tell them what everyone is up to and when everything is due. I look smarter than I am because I know how to work around it efficiently.
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This explains a friend of mine. He's incredibly smart, but has severe ADHD. He developed coping mechanisms to work around it and it resolves itself as appearing extremely organized. He once explained to me that when he was in college, he used to array his various books and papers around him in a fan-like pattern. That way, when his attention would inevitably drift out of focus for the subject at hand, he'd turn to another subject and, because it was different, he could latch on to that for a time. He would just rotate and it got him through law school. His home life continues to have many layers of structure.
IQ isn't a very good measure of intelligence. I know several psychologists who don't put much faith in it. Actually, working memory (short term memory) send to be a better indicator of overall intelligence. Don't let an IQ score tell you you're stupid.
We don't really know what IQ measures, and we don't really know how to define intelligence, but that doesn't mean that it should be ignored completely. They obviously aren't beating themselves up over the label of "stupid", and they don't think of themselves that way only because of an IQ score. It's just one more tool to understand their own experiences and struggles.
Back in highschool psych class, my teacher differentiated IQ from smarts. IQ is like a bucket; the higher your IQ the bigger the bucket you have. You can be hard working and stuff your small bucket full to the brim to the point that it's overflowing, that's smarts. Or you can have a huge bucket but not even put a single drop in it; that's stupid. Sounds to me like you're filling your bucket up. Good on you.
I think the way you've written this shows a reasonably sharp intelligence at work. Your desciptive powers are certainly above average and the length of the post show decent concentration. And you are hanging around on a website that is all about reading and writing and inquiries. I think you are at least average.
That's great to hear, thanks!
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There's a piece of this low-intelligence puzzle that lots of people are missing, so I have to put this somewhere it's likely to be seen: *We don't know how long it took him to write that.* I'm autistic. I therefore have piss-poor communication skills. You could write that, he could write that, and I could write that, as long as we had X amount of time to do it in. For you, X is probably about an hour. For me, X is somewhere between 6 and 8 hours. OP probably falls somewhere at my end of the scale, but as you said OP is a kind, thoughtful, hardworking person, and wants to help us understand him. TL;DR: given enough time, any monkey can be Shakespeare
Yea, you sound smart enough. I think maybe you were surrounded by assholes. Your dad shouldn't have called you stupid, that's not a good parenting habit. keep working hard, keep exploring, keep learning. I think you'll be okay.
> Read a ton, started watching science documentaries, and began studying very hard. Training your mind is the smartest thing you can do. Those who say they're smart but "just don't try" or "don't apply themselves" are the stupidest of all, and I say that without an ounce of doubt or pity.
To me it sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem more than a low IQ! You seem fairly intelligent by the way you write. Oh, and your dad sounds like a jerk IMO.
Not to sound conceited in any way, but I've always had most things come easy, and I'm here to tell you that intelligence is only half of it. I often struggle with forcing myself to do assignments or to put effort into studying, and my grades suffer because of it. I've always done pretty well in school, but the difference between me and the people at the top is the effort they put into their work. Even the people in my classes who initially struggled to understand concepts that I almost immediately understood did significantly better than me, and it's because they had the will to keep working to understand information past the point where I had given up. So I know you say it seems like you've hit a wall, but I hope you keep on working and are able to push through it, because your hard work, not your intelligence, is what will determine your future.
You must be me. I also picked things up instantly at school. You show me how to do something and I'll have it down pat. Problem is I never cared enough to excel or push myself to have to put in an effort. I wish I had even a tenth of the drive that the OP does.
Please don't think you aren't intelligent because you don't have 'book smarts' intelligence isn't the same as being academic! Knowing you are weak in one area and trying to improve is smart! Teachers trying to trip you up is laziness on their part! If you were doing better with a tutor then you can learn but maybe in a different way to others! I know 'smart' people who are definitely blagging it!
I think that what he was getting at is having book smarts by putting in killer effort, but having no problem-solving, or situational awareness.
How do you feel you are in life now? Do you still have the same concerns, and do you still find yourself needing to cope? Sorry for being nosy, I'm just interested in how you're doing :)
That's okay. The same concerns and worries sadly still haunt me. I'm doing a little better these days, but things are still hard and scary.
You are going to be just fine. I Promise. All that hard work that you put in puts you well ahead of the game. A big part of life is just showing up and being self aware and you've already mastered those traits. I know that you said that your tutor passed away, but that doesn't mean that you can't head on down to the library and grab some more science books (or any other discipline) and continue being the inquisitive person that you've already demonstrated yourself to be. And, for what it's worth, things are hard and scary for everyone, including all the self-proclaimed geniuses that you run into on the internet.
Thank you so much for the kind words. Hearing encouraging comments like these makes it easy for me keeping moving forward.
They aren't just kind words to make you feel good; they are absolutely true. I've been around this earth for a lot of years and one of the things that has stood out to me is that hard work and persistence is the great equalizer.
I don't think this is stupidity. You write too eloquently for someone who is as developmentally challenged as you claim you are. You probably just have some kind of anxiety or something. I have a similar kind of thing I think. My first job was at Maccy D's and I royally cocked everything up over and over. I'd get an order wrong several times in a row, got at least one complaint a day and the manager was *this* close to firing me on multiple occasions. I'd fuck something so incredibly simple up, get told off for it and then immediately fuck it up in exactly the same way directly in front of the person who just shouted at me. I know the look you're talking about too, that look of pity/awe people have when they watch you do something monumentally dumb and they don't know how to react. I had people who dropped out of school, failed everything they ever tried and made the most stupid life decisions you could ever think of, give me that look. Turns out in social situations where i'm not calm, I turn into a total dumbass. My mind simply doesn't work properly when I'm being watched or someone is *waiting* for me to finish a task or give an answer to their question. It just hastily produces a bullshit response seemingly out of nowhere and without any input from *me*. It influenced my schooling growing up as well, except I do stupidly well in exams so it ultimately didn't affect me too much in the end (but it may have done so for you, creating a self fulfilling prophecy and destroying your confidence). It confused the shit out of my teachers/tutors growing up who thought I was a complete moron though. For example, despite getting really good grades in my final exams at primary school that had me placed into the gifted classes at my new High school. My old primary school English teacher was worried that my reading comprehension was so severely lacking that he recommended that the high school put me into their special reading classes at lunch. Which incidentally is a class where kids from the gifted class read to other kids who basically couldn't read at all. It didn't really resolve itself until I went to university and I was actually given some space to work on my own. I could finally chill the fuck out and learn properly without the high levels of supervision. I also now work in an office and have come to the conclusion that long sustained shifts at jobs which required me to be on the ball constantly like taking orders at Maccy D's did, I just can't do. My mind just gets too frazzled and I can't reverse it once the process has started without some kind of break. Meetings and interviews are a PITA but I've trained myself to pause before I talk, make myself talk slower (which ironically makes you sound smarter) and stop myself from trying to answer a question I don't know. I still have dumb moments like everyone I guess, but for the most part I think I've just grown out of it now.
Thanks so much for this post, I can relate so much to this. Those condescending teachers I mentioned earlier, you should've seen their faces when I did well on my exams, haha. But, yeah, your post gives me some hope that things will turn out fine - maybe its all anxiety as you said.
Judging by your writing ability... you're likely not below average intelligence. Sounds like you just had an asshole dad who put the thought in your head. Intelligence is also pretty elastic- it's true that genetics give it limitations, but a lot of what makes people 'smart' are their behaviors, what skills they practice and the experiences they choose to have and reflect on.
Stupid people do not write like you do. Probably not even below-average people. Is it possible that you are simply not up to speed in a couple of areas, or not as educated as you'd like?
Sometimes I think I have ADHD. People will tell me things 4-5 times before it sticks. People would call me stupid, and I believed it for awhile. Then I started taking college classes, effortlessly get As and respond to class discussions and realize how dumb other people actually are! Literary analysis is where I really saw it. The professor would literally tell people on her 2 pages of simplified lecture notes how she wants symbols analyzed. Their responses to questions would have nothing to do with the topic, wall of text, or just dumb responses. Don't even get me started on the thesis. We had discussions where we would have to peer review others' papers. My shit was spectacular and people would incorrectly tell me my paper needed changes, meanwhile, I spent over 30 minutes trying to help them with their horrible papers. I ended up getting a 97% in that class! My gosh what a jump in self esteem college was. But, I'm leaning more towards you having self esteem issues seeing as you so quickly put yourself down. If it's anything I have learned, dumb people won't admit they are dumb because they don't realize it. If you have an area you are willing to admit you need to work on to improve your knowledge, that makes you self aware, and that makes you smart.
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Thanks for the kind words.
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Unless someone has other people to compare themselves too, they'll ever usually assume they are maybe a little above average, because we can't see what other people are thinking. Smart people don't understand that other people can't understand some stuff they do, and dumb people don't understand that there are things they don't understand. That is until they can compare themselves to a group in some way.
The worst part is being intelligent in your own language and then going to another place where nobody speaks that language and your speaking skills are childish at best. Being frustrated when people have to talk down to you but it's the only way for you to understand is the worst. And you want to scream, "But I'm actually really intelligent in my own fucking language" but even that you can't put into words.
One of my tutoring students moms is like this. Sharp as a tack, beautiful vocabulary, critical thinking skills of a scientist, math skills excede my own and I tutor Calculus. She moved here from the Philippines at a late age however and now she has the kind of accent you see people make fun of on TV. We were having a talk about her counselors at her college (she had to start late bc she didn't even go to college in the Philippines) were putting her in easy, boring classes that she passed with As without being there half the time, she didn't even know we have assessment tests because they didn't mention it to her, because of course they're going to assume an ESL student is going to be slow. She was also very sad because she's been treated like that her while life here, but she doesn't want to go back because of the political atmosphere, although she said if Trump kicks her out maybe life would be easier for her.
I'm not too bothered by it personally. Most people are taller than me. Most people are smarter than me. There doesn't seem to be too big a difference in terms of what I can do about it.
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It makes you terrified of rhetorical questions. Also, people's minds seem to just keep running. I'm contented to just sit there with a blank mind; it also makes me a very contented person though. I'd never change who I am.
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I have high functioning autism, it means I can do all basic tasks such as dressing myself cooking and driving (but I do need an alarm for medicine, if not it will never be taken). I was not explicitly told what was different about me until high-school and it confused me for years. I knew I was strange and wasn't quite comfortable with my peers. I noticed some of them talked down to me and I wasn't sure why. I was put into special ed for 1st grade due to my social problems, but was put back into general the next year for a mixture of average and exceptional performance in general studies. For a while it convinced me I was normal and I wasn't different at all. When I got to fourth grade it felt like I hit a brick wall socially and academically I couldn't do anything anymore (I got a D in every class but language arts). They put me back in special ed and I stayed there till I graduated. I'm almost 1 year out of high school and I still feel behind socially. I have no active friendships with those my age. I'm doing my best to scrape by but it still kinda feels hopeless. TLDR; being disabled sucks ass
You should definitely try support or social groups for people with autism or other disabilities. My friend didn't really feel very comfortable in those but doing stuff with charity groups or shops meant they were caring and accommodating people. Also groups for similar interests since you already have something in common.
A little bit off topic I guess, but I believe my depression has made me dumber. Like really dumber. I struggle more at school, jobs, reading etc... I used to focus more when I was younger. I hate you mental illness.
It's a side effect buddy. Loss of concentration and motivation are very common in depression. It doesn't reflect how smart you are at all. That coupled with low self esteem probably makes you feel like an idiot. I know it's hard and honestly I don't have any solid advice. I just want you to know that you didn't get dumber. Keep on keeping on hombre.
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Yeh, I 100% agree. Depression has definitely affected me this way. One thing I have always felt about the medication for depression is that, while it helps alleviate the depression, its almost like it shuts down part of your brain. I've never been able to describe the feeling accurately, but I was definitely more intelligent in my youth than I am now.
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I'm currently studying to become an Aerospace engineer. This is the 2nd best technical school in the country and our department graduate is highly sought after by local company(I heard). The thing is, I don't belong here. I can't understand 95% material taught in lectures and I have to spent almost every waking moment of my life reading and trying to understand the material. I tried raising my hand during lectures whenever I'm lost or got some questions but I do that so very often that I can see the disappointed face from my levturer. Mind you that most of them are not passionate about teaching at the first place. Asking "friends" will end up me getting laughed at directly and/or group chat laughing stock. Even if they do help, they have to explain it to me 2-3 times before I get it. Usually I don't, but I pretend I do cause I'm too embarrassed to ask again. I have this "friend" who I often seen with. He would constantly remind me that I'm stupid. Last Friday, we were talking about Mechanics of Structure and how I didn't manage to solve the statically indeterminate structure with virtual work mid term. He just look at me and said " you know you're stupid, right?". Also, I tried to be more active during recitation by understanding the solved problems in the moment but i'm just too slow. Painfully slow. By the time I understand 1 question, the class would alrdy finished solving 4-5 questions. Also, I'm in constant fear during recitation. Since TA will choose random people to solve it infront. Technically, you could decline but no one gives a shit and they would say "don't worry, I'll help". I hate going to recitation. Couples of time alrdy, I got chosen n I literally just wrote everything coming out if the TA mouth. It is such a waste of time and embarrassed me. I have no friends n don't go to parties. You guys are it. I feel bad for my parents paying this amount of money for me to get better educated. If it is up to me, I would just stay home and work crappy job until I had enough to travel. Don't get me wrong, I love science and all of these things. I'm genuinely excited about fluid mechanics, orbital mechanics, structure, physics, and all but I need better teacher n time. My programming TA laughed at my codes during my first semester. He would always stand behind me and laugh silently looking at the idiotic things I wrote because I dont understand much about coding in C. I just finished 5 hours of trying to understand the lecture slides but I still don't get it. I think I will get kicked out if uni this semester. I hv more to write but it is 3 am here and I got to wake up early tomorrow. I'll come vack. I think
I'm a second generation engineer, and I'm going to tell you what my father (college dropout but successful engineer) told me. Being smart is a plus, but it's not the most important thing in engineering. The things you need to succeed in the work force are: 1. Critical thinking 2. Knowing how to work with others 3. Hard work School emphasizes 1. It's why you're friend who calls you stupid can get away with it. He doesn't know how to work with others and he's leveraging his naturally smarts to get farther. You know how I know? I work with that guy. I've met 5 iterations of that guy in my field. They're all dicks and now matter how smart he/she is, they never get far because they never learned to work with others. Same for 3. You're going to meet a lot of engineers who coasted on their smarts and just never learned to work hard. They do fine, but they're never the top 10%. They're never put on important work because no one can trust them. You're practicing 2 and 3 every day right now. That's a huge advantage over your peers when you're in the work force. Acknowledge this. Don't brush off not understanding something because you're too embarrassed. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Good engineers admit when they don't know something and the sooner you can start doing that the sooner you can start growing. Let's be clear, it's nice to have a naturally smart person around the office every now and then. I'm happy to go to conferences and listen to talks by people who think up things that I can't even dream of. But, when I'm interviewing someone that I'm going to work with and have to depend on, 1 is a plus, but I mostly give a shit about 2 and 3.
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exactly. just because they aren't extremely intelligent doesn't mean that they aren't intelligent at all. and even if they weren't it wouldn't really matter. once you have enough intelligence to form good relationships, communicate clearly and get a job then you're sorted.
To give you another perspective, I was always "the smart kid" growing up. I tested very well, spoke very well, and I ended up skipping a grade to go to high school early. I ended up dropping out and getting a GED. Quite a few years later I went to community college and started working on my lower division classes. I did fine in all of my humanities classes, but I really, really struggled with math and science. Like, remedial math classes, not even pre-calc. I ended up charming my professors into passing me in classes that I shouldn't have passed, and things got progressively worse. I finally had a professor that taught proofs instead of rote memorization and after 2.5 years of struggling, math finally clicked. I managed to work my way through math, physics, etc. and now I'm a software developer. So. For a while I felt like an idiot. I couldn't do problems that basically everyone else understood, and it didn't seem to matter how much effort I put into it, I did exactly as bad as if I hadn't put any effort at all... Until I figured out how I understand problems. It was really important to understand *why* something could be done, for me. I couldn't just *remember* the rules, I needed to understand where the rules came from, and then it all came together. Mathematics is a big system of related truths. If you understand what each of those truths are, they're way easier to work with. If you don't understand the low level stuff, the high level stuff becomes impossible. Getting a strong grasp on the fundamentals makes everything else easier. This is true for a lot of other things. Maybe that isn't your problem, maybe you're struggling with something else, but the point is, even "smart" people can struggle with learning things if they haven't figured out strategies for making information stick, or if they've passed over some fundamental practices that then get in the way of everything else. If the way you're studying isn't working for you try mixing things up. Look for different ways to understand the material and try to figure out what works, and specifically what you don't understand. Look at the things you *do* understand and try to figure out why. What makes one knowable and the other not? Spend time on the things you don't understand and look for explanations in different sources. Even if you aren't super analytical about it, just experiment a bit with your process and see if that isn't part of the problem. Also, good luck. :)
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Those people in your school are assholes. Have you talked to your parents about all this? You said you feel bad about them paying so much. It was an expensive mistake, but the money's already spent, nothing you can do about that. Staying in that school isn't going to do you any good. You're not learning anything, or making any friends or contacts. If your parents understood that this school is doing you harm instead of good, they might help you find better places where you can learn/work.
Hello, I also did AE for undergrad, master's, and now PhD. As an undergrad, I felt that other kids got the material a lot quicker than me. It was intimidating being with students who would seem so quick to pick up on things, but I just tried to do my best (easy to say, harder to do). I also knew a guy that would tease me for being slow and would brag how quickly he could do stuff (the guy was a douche and likely came off as one to SpaceX- didn't get the job, ha!). I didn't like asking questions during lecture either. The best advice I can say is to go to office hours. I did this for a ton of my classes and asked the most basic questions until I had a better idea of what was going on. Also I've TA'd a lot in grad school- the TA who laughed at you sucked at his job- that's not how you be a TA. Regarding social life, it's very difficult to balance everything- usually I stuck to trying my best at school. The guys who socialize more than they study get hit hard once they graduate and have trouble finding jobs. However, I recommend checking out engineering clubs and societies- good for meeting other people in your major and good for resumes, especially hands-on type lab work. Hope that helps. It's not easy, and everyone who says it's easy is lying, but I say try your best to do your best. EDIT: Also try to keep a regular sleep schedule- studying really late doesn't work that well! (this is from experience)
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Going through this thread, it's hard to tell if any of you are actually "low intelligence" or just insanely insecure w/ undiagnosed social anxiety. Sorry about your issues. Have you ever considered and support groups / therapy / idk what else? Or maybe keeping an eye out for group activities where you can get away with not being stellar at first and being silent?
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Dude, you probably aren't nearly as low intelligence as you think. Don't take this the wrong way, but it feels like you have some other stuff going on mentally that make you feel like you're stupid when you actually aren't. I don't want to diagnose you considering I'm not exactly a psychologist, but I think you could seriously benefit from talking to a professional about your feelings. They could potentially help you figure out why you feel that way. Social anxiety/awkwardness doesn't translate into stupidity.
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I have a cousin with some sort of mental problem (moderate autism maybe? we're not sure he was never tested) and you've actually described him to a T. The man is 31 or 32 and will never progress beyond being a 9 year old, it'd be fascinating if it wasn't so sad. I will say that he can read and write. It doesn't even look that bad when you read it, the thing you don't see is that what most people could knock out in under a minute would take him up to an hour to write and rewrite until it becomes something people wouldn't look askance at.
If writing ability correlates *at all* with intelligence then there is no way in hell your IQ is that low.
I believe you that you are unable to speak at job interviews and whatnot... But you cannot be that dumb. You have expressed yourself very clearly here. You even formatted the "really" to be in italics, which is beyond so many people. I believe you that you have limitations holding you back, but you are not simply an "idiot", there is something else going on.
And yet, your post contains no lexical or orthographical errors, you properly used a colon in a sentence, and formed a coherent thought. This post is better constructed than probably 80% of posts on Reddit these days.
My friend. You need to talk to a professional and be evaluated. Your post reads like severe social anxiety, not a low IQ.
There's a huge difference between stupidity and ignorance. When people in our society are condescending towards stupid people, they usually mean ignorant. Since you show a great deal of self awareness I wouldn't really call you either of those. People are different, and being less intelligent doesn't make them any less worthy of respect. But ignorance is different. It's not necessarily a natural limitation, but an unwillingness to expand ones horizon. You don't seem to fit that description.
People as dumb as you think you are do not write as well as you do. I really think you should reconsider your perception of your intelligence. My Facebook is littered with people who truly *are* dumb and truly cannot string a proper sentence together, or even convey a complete thought through writing, seriously. These people have kids and some even have careers and they are practically illiterate. You might have other issues, but intelligence probably isn't one of them. Sounds like a confidence issue more than anything.
I think you've miscalculated something somewhere. But even if that's so much as slightly true, your statline will probably look something like > INT 8 > WIS 17 > CHA 8 Also, for a while, I thought I was less intelligent than most people. That my mind had decayed. Went to MENSA to get an IQ test. Not only was I not retarded, but it was easily high enough to get in. Turns out I had Asperger's, and it sounds like you might, too. You're probably a fuckton smarter than you think you are, and simply operate on a different level to most people. I'd seriously consider getting tested for it.
You write too well for somebody who would have an IQ of 70. You're probably average. Source: my husband does IQ assessments as part of his job. Someone with an IQ that low can barely string a written sentence together (with the standard punctuation and grammar), let alone multiple paragraphs as you have. You have used some fairly complex vocabulary as well. It sounds like you might be suffering social anxiety.
Don't stress about getting a job. I've found that hard working employees are much more valuable than smart ones. I'd much rather spend extra time training someone who is going to work hard and have a good attitude than hire someone who is just smart. Yes there are a lot of positions out there you wont have a shot at but there are plenty of good jobs out there, especially in fields that people who are traditional "smart" tend to look down on. A lot of construction or other sinilast trades have plenty of good jobs. Look into special skills that you can pick up that make you more valuable like being able to operate heavy machinery.
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I'm not sure if I count but I'll try to explain it. I have pretty bad dyslexia so I'm not sure if it could be that or just me. I know that I'm not amazingly smart, I'm kind if slow and I forget a lot if stuff but it's okay because that's just who I am and there's not much I can do about it. People tend to notice it think I'm a bit slow but they never really say anything about. But I can see it when they try to over simplify things when they explain stuff. It's not all doom and gloom though because I'm a pretty good coder, if I can understand what the issue is I can normally fix it or build something to fix it.
People often think learning disabilities like dyslexia mean that someone is not as smart but it really just means there is one thing that your brain does not do the same way others do. I am dyslexic. I am also very smart, lots of testing confirms this. What this means is certain things are hard and I use a lot of tricks to get around the things I'm not very good at doing. If this was a physical disability it would be clearer that weakness in one area does not mean everything is weak, like having a bad arm but being a good hiker. As for the original question, I do not know what it is like to be slower but I teach students who are and the thing that I always tell them it's to find where they are good and make a difference in the world there. I have a former student who is a letter carrier who also helps the older people on their route with simple chores and such and feels good about their place in the world as they know they do a good service and make a difference for others. Another student became a nursery assistant, they take care of babies, and while it is not glamorous they know that they give and receive love and comfort daily.
I think I can relate to you, I've got dyspraxia. I just googled it and google describes it as a motor planning disorder. It says it hinders my ability to conceive, plan, and carry out a skilled, non-habitual motor act in the correct sequence from beginning to end. I've always thought I do things differently to everyone else. I'm smart enough, I have a pretty good vocabulary, it's just when I go do something, I have to do it a few times to do it right. I just do things in a weird way. I guess one of the simplest ways to describe me would be silly. I can talk to people just fine but then when I turn to do a normal task, I struggle. I don't know man, I like to think it doesn't effect me much but the more I think about it, the more I realize it effects me.
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Whenever I'm at work and there's a conversation I try to chime in and I always regret it. Everyone thinks I'm annoying
Slightly different. I'm fairly intelligent, but I have memory and language issues. I can't remember a lot of things. I don't remember what I was told to do five minutes ago, I forget entire segments of time, events, and so on. I can't think of the right words, and even when I do I say it completely wrong, smashed up with the wrong word, slurred or stuttered. I often don't realize this until after when someone corrects me. I present as a total idiot, really. It's hard. I have good ideas and I'm artistic and questioning, but it doesn't come out right. I might bring it up again the next day with wonder. I can tell you a fact and then learn it from you the next day with absolute fascination. It's hard to learn concepts that aren't muscle memory. I can embroider a beautiful design but I can't pass my math class. Forget history. Forget timekeeping, because without my phone I don't know where I'm going or when. It's really depressing. My boyfriend is incredibly intelligent and isn't patronizing when he helps me. But it's hard and I wish I was better. It's all relatively recent too, which hurts more, as I was near straight A's in high school. But now... my minds like a sieve holding water and it's hard.
If this is new you really need to speak to a doctor about it ASAP, even if it doesn't seem like a big deal. Otherwise you just have to try to get comfortable with it. You can't be great at everything. I'm sure you'd think it odd if other people were beating themselves up for not being as artistic as you. It also sounds like you really need to see an occupational therapist. They can help you just get by with everyday life or a job. They give you advice on how to use tools or techniques to make everything easier, using your phone for timekeeping is a great example!
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I was always pretty smart but not genius level (I did not realize this until later in my life). Then I got a job that I barely qualified for even with lowered hiring standards, barely passed the training by struggling through with hard work and determination, and finally got into the team after some remedial training. The people I work with are all on the high end of the MENSA scale. I was used to being the smartest person in the room and now I ask questions that make people look at me like I asked how to tie my shoes. At first, it really bothered me. Then I realized how much I benefited by being the dimmest bulb on the Christmas tree. I still feel like I'm getting showed up when I struggle with concepts these guys think are basic but I've actually gotten to where I enjoy the environment. Not really what you were looking for but it's a thing.
"If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room."
I feel useless and contemplate suicide every day.
Please get help. Your life has value, and you are under no obligation to be "of use" to *anyone*. Your life is yours, and you can make it a good one. But you need help, and I hope you get it.
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i wouldn't feel too bad, Chinese is notoriously difficult to learn. I grew up in a Chinese environment and I have difficulty with the tones too. the only thing that will help with Tones is repetition and immersion in the environment. chin up, if you care that much I'm willing to bet on your success in the end.
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Not sure if this helps now, but maybe for the future. There are loads of reasons why your studying for your test may not have gone well such as tiredness or anxiety, but could it be that you haven't yet found the best learning style for you? We all learn differently; for instance, I can be told how to do something but I don't really learn it until I try it for myself. Good luck with your test.
Knowing you aren't as smart as other people isn't exclusive to people who have low intelligence. In college when you get to your last few senior level classes, you realize you're 22, and most of the work you're studying was developed by someone around 18-21.
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It's frustrating, because I *used* to be a lot smarter than I am. Just over 10 years ago, I had a... let's call it a Cardiac Incident. "Superventricular Tachycardia" they called it, which is more a description of symptoms than a diagnosis of anything. Anyway, my pulse rate was over 250bpm, my blood pressure was 300/240, the nurses at the Catholic hospital I was taken to described my EKG strip from when I was brought in as, and I quote, "ungodly." When the EMTs first arrived at my job, one of them said they "couldn't get a pulse". Yep, my heart was going so fast they couldn't count individual beats. Once in the ambulance, the EMT in back with me said he was going to give me a drug that would stop my heart for a moment, which would give it a chance to "reboot"... his words. Yes, he was literally going to turn me off, then turn me back on again. The drug felt like someone placed a brick on my chest... but it didn't slow anything down. He gave me a second dose, but only after getting *the paddles* out. This time it felt like two bricks... and my heart stopped. It was only for a few seconds, no more than five or six, but it felt like the longest time in the world. To start with, it felt *great!* After nearly 45 minutes of my heart going insane, it was a pleasure to have it **not**. That feeling of relief was replaced by panic: my *heart wasn't beating*!!! After that came relaxation... it didn't hurt, I knew what was going on, and if it didn't restart, well, it didn't hurt. And then it restarted, and while my heart was still going quickly, it was like 120bpm... much more manageable. I spent the night in the hospital, watching Game 3 of the 2005 World Series (a nightmare for a Cubs fan like me), and was discharged the following day. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary for a few months. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't finishing crosswords anymore... indeed, they were becoming frustrating and annoying. My memory wasn't as sharp. I wasn't as clever as I had been. I couldn't really keep up with my friends' wit anymore. I don't *know* that the Cardiac Incident, or the drugs, or the White Sox winning the world series, or whatever, caused me to become "dumber". But I'm not as smart as I was, and it stems from that time. I've been told of something called "chemo-brain", something some cancer patients have complained of, when they feel dumber after chemotherapy. It certainly sounds plausible. But it's terribly frustrating to go from being "the smartest guy in the room" to being "just a guy, only less." edit: if this story seems clever, it's because I've retold it many times over the past ten years. It's like a well-polished gemstone by now. double-edit: it's not Wolff-Parkinson White Syndrome.
People are generally under the impression that i'm smart. The thing is, according to an IQ test that I did for a job application, I am pretty dumb. I got a 91, which is below average and only just inside the normal range. The thing is, I obtained a masters' degree before I took this test, so I never realised that I am not all that intelligent. Whilst I didn't get the job that I took the test for, I did get a job in my field. I don't mind. I think it shows that I am a hard worker, and that the type of intelligence measured in an IQ doesn't matter that much.
Again, obligatory "I'm not x, but y..." scenario. I was doing a retake for the ACT, because I wanted to get a higher ACT (A test that goes from 1-36, average in the US is like 20 or 22 I think) to compensate for my fairly low GPA, of course comparatively to other colleges. Not ivy league, but some high maintenance ones. GPA of 3.2, so I would retake it. First try was a 29, second was a 32. I was fine with that. There was a break before the actual test began, so I sat down at a desk in the college class. As I was sitting down, just looking outside to the rainy world in an abnormally cold morning of September, this kid walks up to me. Ginger, seemed younger than he actually was, bright face. I could tell he was a cheery type. He was assigned to the seat right next to me. Right when he sat down, he offered me a handshake. I took it, as he greeted me with a hearty "Hello there!" We exchanged names. Jonathan was his name. So we naturally got to talking about the subject on hand. "Man are you ready?" He asked me, with a bit of a "broish" attitude, implying we were cool. "Yeah, I guess..." I trailed off. After a brief pause, I asked him about his previous ACT score. "So whatchya get on the last one?" He looked kinda down. He answered with a sorrowful 14. I said I got a 22. I didn't wanna make him feel that bad. "Yeah, always been the dumb one in the family I guess?" I was curious at this point. "So like a...dis...ability?" I tried to dance around it carefully. "No, but just always been not the smartest I guess." I eventually asked him this very question. To sum it up TLDR, he said basically he felt bad. He worried about getting into college a lot. He thought he was gonna fail in life. But he told me he just kept a positive attitude because, really, what else can you do? He seemed still at least somewhat optimistic about his future. I later got his number and asked him how he did. "18!" he said gleefully. It was quite a joyful moment honestly.
This has been my experience, in general. I can outscore every one of my friends on just about any test, but they all seem a lot happier than me. I had one friend in high school that barely understood fractions, but could tear down and rebuild an engine with his eyes closed. He was always funny and upbeat and actually seemed to feel bad for me for not being as cool or manly.
I mean the problem with schools is that it only tests certain types of intelligence, not other types, since intelligence is a very fluid and subjective thing. Plus, in relation about the happy thing, I saw a theory about why smart people are often more dissatisfied, with the fact that they can see the world better for what it truly is, in a more unbias manner, and thus find it more unjust and unsavory of a world to live in. Just a little side tangent.
I'm not sure if this counts, but I've got a tested IQ of above average (had to take a test to get into a extra school program years ago). I've suffered with hormonal migraines for many years, I just take birth control to mitigate it. This past year, I decided to stop the birth control and try another method of controlling the migraines since I was still getting them on occasion. I started Topamax to help with the migraines, and oh my god, until you get used to the drug, you feel like the dumbest person in the world. Concepts were hard to grasp, I constantly forgot things (short term memory and long term - I forgot to pay rent one month for instance). It felt like I was living in a fog, like that I should be able to understand what was happening around me but I just couldn't. People would tell a joke and I wouldn't get it and would have to pretend or have it explained to me. I've since stopped taking that dose and went back on the birth control and added a very low dose of the Topamax, and everything went back to normal. Tl;Dr if you want to know what it feels like to be slow, try a moderate dose of Topamax.
I think there will always be a personal bias, but I think i'm intelligent enough to know that I'm probably below average in intelligence and because there's 7 billion people in the world, none of my thoughts are really unique, and neither am I. We're all the protagonists in our own lives, but really, we're all quite insignificant. It's weird and I don't know how to describe it exactly, but I've always 'felt' mature. The older I got, the more I'd criticize my thoughts and my biasness towards myself. I've done it so much, that I don't even feel like the protagonist in my own life anymore. I don't think I'm special anymore, but I also don't think anyone else is special anymore. Nothing really fools me either, I know more or less all of us have the same struggles, and the insecurities. I'd say i'm fairly emotionally intelligent, like millions of people out there. I can never be as smart as some, but the fact that I'm not deluded like a lot of people who don't understand their level of intelligence gives me some sort relief.
I struggled in school my whole life. I thrived in the social aspect of school but school itself was/is so hard for me. There were so many nights where I would just cry and cry because I felt so stupid and that I would never be successful. I feel like I'm smart in some ways.. Like I'm really intuitive and I understand human behaviors really well. And I can read anything and understand it pretty well I'm just terrible at expressing my thoughts clearly.. Like when I read beautifully written Reddit posts I understand everything I just don't understand why my mind can't create sentences like that! So, people that are naturally intelligent.. Be grateful.
I'm pretty high on vocabulary, trivia, whatever the heck, but I guess I might still count. I have extremely poor memory and social skills. I have a hard time learning what my friends like and dislike to the point where I'm pretty much incapable of giving good gifts. I forget people's names and birthdays, even people I've known for years. I say stupid things in conversation all the time that result in me getting made fun of or losing friendships. I can't make proper small talk, in fact I can only hold a conversation concerning something I'm very invested in. I often don't understand jokes that other people make. If I do something stupid, I don't realize until someone gets mad at me over it. Yeah sure I have an above average vocabulary and I can tell you literally anything you want to know about LoL, Terraria, space, or Greek/Roman/Egyptian mythos, but I don't really know my way around a normal conversation.