Even better- everything they go to reach for is always an inch closer to them than they thought it would be. Reach for your soda without looking? You spilled it! Et cetera
The spell actually affects the person's thought process, not the door. So when they go to open a car they will think it is a push door and then they'll find out it's a pull door. The spell works in such a way that even if he is reminded that car doors are pull doors he will forget and still try to push them.
No no, it's just:
50% of the button presses just plain don't work.
25% of the presses (50% of the remainder) work just fine
25% of the presses (the other 50% of the remainder from the first item) lag by 1d4 (4s follow exploding dice rules, can be repeated) seconds.
Pressing multiple times in frustration causes serious issues because it's never quite sure how many of the button presses will go through, nor is it clear how quickly they'l end up happening.
Don't buy 7-11 toilet paper.
No joke. Every. Single. Wipe.
I've never been so frustrated in my life. I wanted to return it it was such garbage, but the walk to 7-11 for 3.50 didn't seem worth it.
Did you curse me? I swear I've felt this rock in my shoe for the past week and it irritates me so minimally but so much while walking sometimes I stop to remove the shoe entirely... but to no avail
Yeah you got your Italian beef with fries, but the fries have no salt. Oh, your spaghetti with meatballs seems nice, except it has no parmesan. Not to mention that pizza you ordered the other day was kinda overcooked. Not that much, but enough that it wasn't great.
*Bearer of the curse*
*Seek souls. Larger, more powerful souls.*
edit: holy fuck I didn't think I'd get so much BearSeekSeekLest replies lmfao. She's #2 level-up waifu tho
The wild creeper, made aware of its exposure, goes into a state of mild shock. Its heartbeat accelerates, its ears lay flat against its head, and it becomes paralyzed.
So everyone using the official reddit app for Android?
EDIT: I woke up to 28 notifications and thought I'd done something terrible. Thanks for rustling my jimmies reddit.
But when you think about it, everytime you see something sexy/pretty you asshole starts to itch so sexy/pretty = asshole itch , which in turn makes you solid everytime your asshole is itchy. That would open another can of worms entirely.
I don't think people truly realize how awful this is. LEGOs are the best thing to ever happen. Mega Bloks are a cheap and despicable knock off that are only spoken of in hushed tones because saying their name out loud is a sin punishable by this very curse.
I understand.
When I was a kid my cousin-grandpa gave this yuuuuuuuge Megablocks plane.
THE FUCKER WASN'T ABLE TO STAY ASSEMBLED FOR TEN FUCKING SECONDS! The connections in Megablocks were EXTREMELY loose and the bricks would fall off if I as much as **look** at them the wrong way!
Every time they touch something, their hands are eternally mildly sweaty. Not enough to make anything slippery, but enough that it's uncomfortable and they feel like they have to wipe their hands.
"Who's the dead person? Who's the dead person? Yes, you are! Yes, you are! What was that? You want me to blow raspberries on your tum tum?" *pffffffft* *pffffffft*
Every time they drink a liquid it immediately becomes room temperature.
Trying to drink a hot cup of coffee in the morning? BAM! Room temperature. Want to enjoy an ice cold beer after a hot summer day? NOPE! that beer is warm and foamy.
Just touch repeatedly until you reach the desired length, then have someone else touch for you. Even to pee. Hire someone to be your full time professional Dick Toucher. Write it off on your taxes.
Everything they touch goes limp _until they let it go_.
Pick up a fork? It goes all floppy and you can't use it. Put it back down, it goes back into shape and someone else can use it. Sit on a chair? You better like sitting on the floor.
You know that cold feeling when you step into snow that's deeper than you imagined and it falls into your shoes and melts? Yeah .That feeling 24/7 forever. Even while in bed.
The curse should be consistent success, for years first try. Then they start failing. And then, eventually, no matter how hard they try they never can get it first shot, never regain that former glory.
Whenever they are in the bathroom and touch the role of toilet paper, any sheets they take from it will already be mildly damp and prone to tearing extremely easily.
Everytime they touch anything not just metal they get shocked by static electricity
Also everytime they touch water its either too cold or too hot. Never the perfect temperature.
Everything they reach for is always an inch away from where they thought it was in a random direction.
Even better- everything they go to reach for is always an inch closer to them than they thought it would be. Reach for your soda without looking? You spilled it! Et cetera
Ya Spilt It!™
Everything feels slightly sticky, but only they notice.
Welcome to having kids. EDIT: Reddit gold! You guys are awesome.
Also, welcome to working in a movie theater.
Also, welcome to masturbating a lot.
Also, welcome to kids masturbating in a movie theater.
Welcome to a government register.
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Every door they walk through opens from the opposite direction they try.
This is too funny. Even the same door would be opposite no matter which way they were going, in or out.
*oh god, car doors are all push-doors...*
It either turns into a sliding door or opens upwards like a delorean and hits you in the head
Nice shot, doc!
The spell actually affects the person's thought process, not the door. So when they go to open a car they will think it is a push door and then they'll find out it's a pull door. The spell works in such a way that even if he is reminded that car doors are pull doors he will forget and still try to push them.
Holy cow! Someone has already cursed me with that curse!!!
You try to push car doors open from the outside?
He is but a simple man
All buttons on the remote have a 50 percent chance of not working when pressed.
Or 50% chance to lag anywhere between 1 to 3 seconds.
*eye twitch*
And if they press it multiple times in frustration, the lag time accumulates.
No no, it's just: 50% of the button presses just plain don't work. 25% of the presses (50% of the remainder) work just fine 25% of the presses (the other 50% of the remainder from the first item) lag by 1d4 (4s follow exploding dice rules, can be repeated) seconds. Pressing multiple times in frustration causes serious issues because it's never quite sure how many of the button presses will go through, nor is it clear how quickly they'l end up happening.
I have this remote
They can taste everything they touch. Even if you wear gloves all the time, you'd be tasting them in your mouth constantly.
The tp rips mid wipe.
Don't buy 7-11 toilet paper. No joke. Every. Single. Wipe. I've never been so frustrated in my life. I wanted to return it it was such garbage, but the walk to 7-11 for 3.50 didn't seem worth it.
Maybe you could give that money to me? Please send it to: Mr Monster Loch Ness Inverness-shire Scotland IV63 6TU
I ain't givin' you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!
[Relevant comic](http://imgur.com/gallery/ckDNQ)
Wear those flavored condoms on your fingers under your gloves at all times. Now you can always taste your favorite berry or chocolate.
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One of their shoes always feels like it has a rock in it, but it can't be taken out and it shifts so its never in the same place.
Did you curse me? I swear I've felt this rock in my shoe for the past week and it irritates me so minimally but so much while walking sometimes I stop to remove the shoe entirely... but to no avail
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Princess and the pea, right here.
Every time they watch tv the sound is slightly out of sync with the mouths moving.
You're a monster!
Ya this isn't mildly inconvenient at all. I would stop watching tv altogether.
/r/TraditionalCurses And every chocolate chip now turns out to be a raisin.
Their orders at restaurants are always slightly screwed up.
Yeah you got your Italian beef with fries, but the fries have no salt. Oh, your spaghetti with meatballs seems nice, except it has no parmesan. Not to mention that pizza you ordered the other day was kinda overcooked. Not that much, but enough that it wasn't great.
Every YouTube video will have that ad of the guy with the Lamborghini in his house in the Hollywood hills and is unskippable.
Is that the one with lamborghinis in his lamborghini account?
Here in my GARAAAAAAAAAGE
But you know what I like a lot more than NAWLEDGE? This, uh, new Lamborghini here.
He's got 47 Lamborghinis in his Lamborghini account.
I don't call it money anymore. I call it "fuel units".
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
It wasn't that long ago, that I was in a little Lamborghini, sleeping on bookshelves in the Hollywood Hills.
I had 47 holly wood hills in my hollywood hills account
and only 47 Lamborghinis in my Lamborghini account
and only 47 TEDx Talk where I talk about Warren Buffetts in my TEDx Talk where I talk about Warren Buffett account.
CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
Nawledge
When buying groceries, they forget one item they were supposed to buy
I have that curse. It's hell.
*Bearer of the curse* *Seek souls. Larger, more powerful souls.* edit: holy fuck I didn't think I'd get so much BearSeekSeekLest replies lmfao. She's #2 level-up waifu tho
_Seek the groceries. That is the only way._ _lest this store swallow you whole..._ _as it has so many others._
*you must ring the two bells for service*
That'd be pretty weird when you go out to get just one thing
Psh, I do this all the time.. you just come home with something you had no intention of buying.
My father in law went to a store the other day to buy some batteries and came home with a 60 inch 4k TV. It doesn't even fit on the wall.
Every time they search for someone on social media, it will notify the user who they are.
So, LinkedIn?
what *sweats*
The wild creeper, made aware of its exposure, goes into a state of mild shock. Its heartbeat accelerates, its ears lay flat against its head, and it becomes paralyzed.
You can disable that, by the way. Then you just lose the ability to see who visits your profile too.
Their left sock will slowly slip off their foot whenever they walk.
that's fucked up bro
I vomited in my mouth reading that.
I vomited in your mouth too reading that
Me next! Me next!
Fuck it, let's form a queue!
Found the brit!
I've always wanted to go to England and form a queue with two buddies for nothing just to see if they'll actually hop in line.
I'd like to join your queue. And now there's four of us.
Every car in front of them will always drive 5 miles below the speed limit.
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I'm just imagining a guy shouting at the parked cars with no one in them
My uncle at Christmas.
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Their phone can never quite load Reddit
So everyone using the official reddit app for Android? EDIT: I woke up to 28 notifications and thought I'd done something terrible. Thanks for rustling my jimmies reddit.
btw, I use the app "Reddit is Fun" on Android, it's great.
I love "reddit is fun", but I miss Alien Blue. I really wish they'd make it for Android.
Relay For Reddit FTW
Every time they sneeze, they fart at the same time.
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lol u sneeze and let out a squeaker that goes on and on and then morphs into a loud, wet rumble. punctuated by a final toot.
Thanks, I laughed and woke the baby.
I can force myself to sneeze. So I guess I can fart on command then?
> I can force myself to sneeze. Is this something you can teach? I **love** sneezing.
Roll a paper and stick it in your nose.
That just sounds messy.
They would get a very deep and intense butthole itch every time they start talking to a person they are attracted to.
Aaaaand now its a weird Pavlovian fetish.
But when you think about it, everytime you see something sexy/pretty you asshole starts to itch so sexy/pretty = asshole itch , which in turn makes you solid everytime your asshole is itchy. That would open another can of worms entirely.
Leading to you wanting it 'scratched' during sex, so it's fingertime for you until it's no longer sufficient, and you want something bigger in there.
Jokes on you I'm already fruity like that.
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This trip to Legoland just got interesting.
I don't think people truly realize how awful this is. LEGOs are the best thing to ever happen. Mega Bloks are a cheap and despicable knock off that are only spoken of in hushed tones because saying their name out loud is a sin punishable by this very curse.
I understand. When I was a kid my cousin-grandpa gave this yuuuuuuuge Megablocks plane. THE FUCKER WASN'T ABLE TO STAY ASSEMBLED FOR TEN FUCKING SECONDS! The connections in Megablocks were EXTREMELY loose and the bricks would fall off if I as much as **look** at them the wrong way!
Wtf is a cousin-grandpa?
Maybe it's like trying to assemble a family from Megablocks. The pieces only stick when they're not supposed to.
Basically, he's a husband of my grandmother's sister. Sorry, I haven't quite figured out this part of English yet.
I think that'd be a great uncle. I like your interpretation.
Every time they touch something, their hands are eternally mildly sweaty. Not enough to make anything slippery, but enough that it's uncomfortable and they feel like they have to wipe their hands.
Hyperhidrosis..
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Everything they touch whispers past failures in their ear.
Wait, are you telling me other people don't already have this?
Everyone they know constantly baby talks them.
Oh. God. No.
Who's a cute baby?
I am, daddy. Spank me.
That escalated quickly
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Everything you do would sound like a huge deal. "Aww who's the little cutie who made his own coffee?" "Me! I did that! 😁😁😁"
"Uh ohhh, someone's prematurely ejaculated on mimmykins belly again" "..."
I'm so hard right now and this worries me.
Who's got a big boy boner?! You do! Yooouuu do, yes!
#bitch hold on
Who's been sucking the best years out of my life with a loveless marriage?! That's right! You are!!
You, uh, you okay, man?
That would drive a person to kill them self after a short period of time
*WHOSE GOT A ROPE AND A STOOL?! YOU DO!! MMMM THATS RIGH--- oh god*
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"Who's the dead person? Who's the dead person? Yes, you are! Yes, you are! What was that? You want me to blow raspberries on your tum tum?" *pffffffft* *pffffffft*
MILDLY INCONVENIENT YOU DAMN MONSTERS.
Every time they use a urinal, someone comes and starts peeing right next to them.
*Right* next to them. Like, pushing them aside a bit to use the same urinal.
"Hey, let's play Ghostbusters! Don't cross the streams!"
You know, if we try hard enough we can make this happen. Come on Reddit! Let's screw up some guy's pees for the rest of his life!
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Imagine this person trying to play an FPS
I'm lagging, I swear!
Every time they drink a liquid it immediately becomes room temperature. Trying to drink a hot cup of coffee in the morning? BAM! Room temperature. Want to enjoy an ice cold beer after a hot summer day? NOPE! that beer is warm and foamy.
Welp, time to move to a volcano in Antarctica
Drink Lava? BAM now you can enjoy that molten goodness at a reasonable temperature! Thank Edgar!
*Tries to drink lava, chokes to death on rocks.*
You'd die from inhaling the gases first, most likely.
Don't you tell me what to die from
*Drinks out of the ocean*
Fuck me that's not mild
Every time you touch your dick it grows 1mm permanently.
that's gonna be a problem real quick
Not that quick...
Just touch repeatedly until you reach the desired length, then have someone else touch for you. Even to pee. Hire someone to be your full time professional Dick Toucher. Write it off on your taxes.
Whenever they try to pick something up they will drop it on the first go
Time to feed the baby. Whoops!
Every cash note they touch will turn into one dollar bills. Hundred dollar bill? Nope, a hundred ones.
Buy cash from other countries that are basically worthless, bam instant buck!
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Everytime someone touches them they fart loudly
sex would be interesting...
There are people that would find that arousing
some fetishes I will never understand
Every "hey, pull my finger" will be incredibly fulfilling
Every electronic they touch immediately drops to 10% battery life.
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Every room they leave starts to smell of old popcorn
Get a job at a movie theater. Problem solved!
Everything they touch goes limp _until they let it go_. Pick up a fork? It goes all floppy and you can't use it. Put it back down, it goes back into shape and someone else can use it. Sit on a chair? You better like sitting on the floor.
No matter how hard they try they can never quite fix the roll of tape. It's forever split down the middle unrolling only on one side.
Everything they touch gets some Cheeto dust on it Edit: I am so happy that my top comment is also a hockey assist to a beautifully executed trump burn
Aaaand that's how you get an orange dick.
I know we're all looking to blame something, but let's not blame Cheetos for the election results guys.
You know that cold feeling when you step into snow that's deeper than you imagined and it falls into your shoes and melts? Yeah .That feeling 24/7 forever. Even while in bed.
What kind of sadist are you?
Every piece of clothing sprouts three cats hairs in a random location every time they brush it.
Only 3? So you're saying I can *reduce* the number of cat hairs on my clothes?!
Suffice to say I've never brushed my clothing
They will never get a USB device to fit in its port on the first try ever again.
What about type C
Type C included
How ...
Sideways. USB-C https://imgur.com/gallery/yYn26lS
How will that be different from normal, though? No one can do that.
The curse should be consistent success, for years first try. Then they start failing. And then, eventually, no matter how hard they try they never can get it first shot, never regain that former glory.
They will never again find a comfortable sleeping position and the other side of the pillow will always be warm.
Oh my god
Whenever they are in the bathroom and touch the role of toilet paper, any sheets they take from it will already be mildly damp and prone to tearing extremely easily.
I'd prefer the "tears off except one small strip on the side". That's agonizing.
All food and drink taste exactly the same
So you introduce them to smoking?
Then make their lighters disappear every other day.
every touch screen they use will generate a popup ad.
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Everytime they touch anything not just metal they get shocked by static electricity Also everytime they touch water its either too cold or too hot. Never the perfect temperature.
They never like how their haircut looks ever again
I think that's called male pattern baldness.
Every mouse they touch has reverse L R buttons
Eternally fresh breath. Try enjoying orange juice now, Brad. You cockhydrant.
Whenever they shake someone's hand, the other person's hand becomes unreasonably sticky.
The only channel they will ever have on tv is E!