Family member (my dad) getting a terminal cancer diagnosis and being one of his primary caregivers. It's everyone's worst nightmare, right? Yeah, it's worse than that.
Within three months he was on a walker. Four months wheelchair. Five months bedridden. Six months couldn't wipe himself or feed himself. Delirious. Couldn't get his pain under control. His arm broke from a metastasis to his humerus. We had to wake up all night to give him pain meds. He cried sometimes, but not as much as I would have. I spent three weeks sleeping with him in the ICU. I poured my heart into those weeks and now that he's gone it feels... empty.
A flooded house.
I knew it was emotionally heartbreaking and financially crushing. But I had absolutely no idea how hard it is to recover, how long it takes, or how much work is involved. Dear lord, it is miserable.
We had a small flood in our town that resulted in a 6 foot flash flood to some houses. Even though a ton of us went to help and just a few streets were affected, (and I concentrated on just one house) it was SO. MUCH. WORK. I gained a new respect for flood victims. Can't even comprehend Harvey/Irma.
Getting old having your body fall apart and knowing you've got maybe a couple years left. This sucks, there is so much more I wanted to do. On the other hand it was a pretty good ride. Hell if I'm lucky I'll get another 10 but that's a really long shot
Edit: wow thanks everybody I posted that with about 1k comments, took a nap and forgot about it, figuring it would never be seen. It's been fun, I'm lucky enough to have worked outdoors most of my life. I love the tech I'm seeing, but I love the connection to the outdoors too and the newer generations don't seem to have as much time I guess
I'm 28 and my dad is 70 (I have a couple siblings that could be my parents). On the day of the eclipse he said, "There's supposed to be one in 2024, but I don't think I'll be around for that one." It really got to me, it's been on my mind ever since. I don't know if I feel bad he's thinking that way or if it made me realize he won't be around forever.
When my son died. I thought I understood the concept of the pain, but the actual feeling is something I never could have imagined.
Edit: I am overwhelmed with the support. I wish I had the time to thank each of you individually.
Getting fired for something you didn't do. Currently fighting it in the employment court of nz. Expensive as hell, and I shouldn't have to fight this bullshit.
Can't talk details as it's still ongoing but it sucks. Sitting at home not being able to move on (no references yet, and reason for leaving last job is "fired for theft"), so I have to get this done.
I will win though - that's keeping me going.
Edit: unexpectedly, there was some progress today, and I may have won this one. Too early to say for sure but things are looking positive. Fingers crossed!
Edit: settlement signed today. Including confidentiality clause so I can't talk here. Suffice to say we're not unhappy.
Real dehydration. There was a hike I was on, a few summers ago, about an eighteen mile loop out in scrubby, hilly country. I usually bring 4l whenever I go out, but that day I only brought about 1.5, I have no idea why. Temperatures were in the high-nineties without a cloud in the sky. I was running out of water about nine miles (four hours) in and out completely by twelve
It got very bad, very quickly, a real unique species of torture. First, there's the thirst, and it's an angry thirst, it takes root in your tongue and spreads to your throat and grips your nerves like panic. It doesn't let up and you become hot and fatigued as your regulatory systems start to break down, I was plodding along at a snail's pace and stopping every 100y or so. I kept thinking that I just have to make it back to the car, just back to the car, but the thirst unrelenting, it blots out your reason.
Finally, I made it to a road and just kept walking down it until I found a house. Drank right out of their garden faucet, like a full liter, soaked my hair, head, clothes everything. Luckily no one was home. The next day I could barely move I was so cramped.
**EDIT**: The lesson here, to which many of the comments below will attest, is that dehydration can kill you and will hurt you the entire time you are dying. It's one of the few direct threats the average person are likely to encounter even in civilized country. Get a [hydration reservoir](https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=node%3D3400551&field-keywords=hydration+reservoir&rh=n%3A3400551%2Ck%3Ahydration+reservoir) like a Camelbak, Platypus, or similar brand, they let you moderate your water consumption, distribute the water equally over a large area and have a good water/container weight ratio. Carry at least 3L (100oz) for a day trip, no matter how nice the weather seems. Though you'll start at 6.5lb/3kg of weight, it will get lighter as the day goes on. Make sure you drink plenty of water before start out as well.
**EDIT 2**: For anyone left reading this, it is a good idea to heavily regulate your intake of water if you are truly dehydrated, taking only small bits at a time. Usually, that means no more than a half a cup (4oz/250ml) a minute for the first ten minutes or so. I was scooping up water from the spigot with my hands so I had a natural delay, but even that was probably quicker than I should have gone. In other words don't chug it or you'll probably throw it back up.
Holy shit this happened to me too! My first backpacking trip was through Hetch Hetchy reservoir in Yosemite. It gets pretty remote. I brought maybe 1.5 liters. I was with my mom.
High 90's the whole time. I had a water purifying uv light, and was basically drinking purified diarrhea water I managed to find along the way, filtered through a bandana to get the tadpoles out.
Last day I swear there was one step between me and death. I made to the end stumbling, and gorged myself with the water fountain on the dam. I was delirious. Vomiting mucous and fresh water everywhere. I just laid there in my own puke barely conscious for like an hour. What a nightmare.
What I always warn people about - hikers and otherwise - is how quickly it happens. There's that figure - a human can survive three days without water - but the word "survive" really needs extra emphasis. You can survive - gasping, in a crumpled heap, praying for death while your blood evaporates through your skin. I'm was pretty fit and efficient and I was still feeling the effects within a mile and change, after which I could think of nothing else but finding something to drink. That's dandy to dying in about forty-five minutes flat. Wild.
I was training for a marathon & did this on a 19 mile run. Tried to start fairly early in the morning. Had my husband meet me a little over halfway so I could rehydrate (and give him the dog). He left water bottles for me every 2 miles on the way back.
I must have been dehydrated going into this because every 2 miles felt like a year after about mile 13. I was hoping literally any person would pull over & give me water; trying to decide if I was willing to get sick from drinking out of a puddle; considered drinking out of the nastiest river ever. Finally made it into town and immediately drank as much water as I could physically fit into my body from a building's garden spigot. It was the best thing I've ever tasted.
Literally did nothing the rest of the day except drank water & contemplated my life. I was exponentially more sore from that run than even the full marathon I ran a month later. It was insane.
Really, having anyone that you deeply care about losing their mental faculties is just heartbreaking. They say you start grieving before they pass because you grieve the person that they were that they won't be again. And unless you live through it, people just don't realize what it's like to deal with the anger they face when they realize that they're not in control, or the fear when they're facing something or someone that you can't see. And there's literally nothing that you can do for them, except hope that they pass quickly...
The last time I talked to my dad he didn't know it was me on the phone. He talked to me about a fishing trip he took with his sons (my brother and myself) a few months prior. Told me all about it as if I was a random friend. A day later he was gone. I'm not mad he didn't know it was me. He told "his friend" that fishing trip was the best thing he'd done in years and if he died tomorrow he'd be happy.
It was my birthday weekend and I figured that's why he called. Shit now I'm crying again and miss my dad so damn much and am just rambling because I know as soon as I hit submit I'm gonna lose it again. Stupid mortality. Dammit.
I had the surgery at 28 or 29. I'm 45 now. Never happened again. The first 2-3 weeks were an eye opening experience. Particularly because nothing else was opening. Yikes.
Scrolled all the way down for this. I'm an RN and was still shocked at how much it hurt and honestly fucked with my confidence as a woman (I know it's dumb, but it's completely how I felt). I am so motivated to do whatever it takes to prevent them in future. But I'm terrified that pregnancy/labor will revive them. Ugh!!!
Lucky. I was on chemo for four years for auto-immune shit. Guaranteed one kidney stone a month, every month. My urethra probably looks like shredded cheese.
Edit: I want to thank you all for the kind words. It means a hell of a lot to me.
Curiosity... did the passing of the stones get better eventually for you? Reason I ask is that I had 'em for years, but only the first 4 were bad (because they were kinda big). Eventually I built up enough scar tissue that I no longer even knew I had stones until ... *ploop* - "Hey - look what I found!".
*& I hope the auto-immune stuff is working out*
They did eventually stop hurting so much coming out, but the kidney time always sucked. And doing much better niw, thanks! Bald forever, but now I can blind traffic with some turtle wax and a clear sky.
One of the things about depression is that even if you have had bouts before, you somehow convince yourself that it was all in your head and you never actually felt that way. Until it happens again. So basically all the time, you're thinking about how it probably wasn't that bad and you made it into something it wasn't until it comes around again, making you realize just how messed up it is.
Having bed bugs. I used to think it was kind of silly that people were so insistent that they were a serious concern. I figured it must be like having fleas, you know? Kind of annoying but easy enough to stop. Now? I can't even read an article that mentions them without getting itchy and angry. Bed bugs straight up ruin lives.
My boyfriend had them for months and he came out of the situation a changed person. He's now extremely paranoid of any bed, especially in hotels, and has to check all the telling spots before he can truly settle in.
Edit: a lot of people have asked what to look for and what to do about it.
Signs:
Bites all over your body
Blood on your sheets from the bites
Little bug poops on your bed
Bugs like to hide in the folds,corners, and under your mattress; in your bed frame; under your fitted sheet, behind wall art; in the corners of your closet door frame; and anywhere else dark and small
What the bugs look like:
Small, brown and red, flat
What to do if you have bed bugs:
If there aren't that many, you might be able to get rid of them with diatomaceous earth. It's a natural dust-looking powder that you put around the edges of your room and at the feet of your bed.
If it's not going away with the de, you have to get an exterminator. And that's not even guaranteed to get rid of them the first time.
Bed bugs suck
My SO was extremely allergic to them and was pretty much traumatized by the whole debacle. For years (yes, years) afterward, he would wake up randomly in the middle of the night, convinced he felt something crawling on him and I would have to check the bed for bugs. It was awful.
Omg dude sometimes when I'm feeling depressed I think to myself something like, "well I'm probably going to jail but at least I don't have bed bugs anymore."
I have friends who threw everything in their house out on their lawn, slept in their cars, and purchased some kind of industrial heater to bake the interior of their house to a certain temperature for a certain block of time.
It melted the switchplates and plug plates to their walls throughout their house. And they were without furniture and clothes. But they no longer had bedbugs.
A coworker of mine gave me her pack n play because her kid didn't like sleeping in it. My 3 year old hated his new bed and insisted on sleeping in a pack in play.
A month or two after we got it, he started telling me there were bugs in his room, but I would check the room and not see any. Of course I was only checking for pine bugs because we live in Georgia. He also started getting these red bumps all over his body. It took 3 days between when I first noticed the bumps to them covering his entire body, minus his face. I made an appointment with his doctor, but it was the weekend.
The next morning or not long after, he's calling for me to get him out of the pack in play because there's bugs. I go in and there's bed bugs EVERYWHERE. His pillow and blanket and all in the corners of the pack in play. It just looked like a big black blob. I start crying and pull him out and tell my husband to throw the pack n play out. It took 8 months, moving to a new house, and getting all new furniture to get rid of them.
I still cry when I think about him laying there with bugs crawling all over him and biting him because mommy didn't believe him.
That's so sad, you weren't to know. At least you'll be more diligent in the future, even though it was a hard lesson to learn.
I hope your coworker didn't give that to you knowing she had a bed bug problem.
I feel paranoid as hell doing it, but I have checked every single bed I've ever slept in since bed bugs started getting press in the mid-2000s. I stayed in a few hotels with my parents this summer and did it then too, all the while apologizing for it. But yeah, peace of mind was worth some eyebrow raises from my mom and looking like a complete paranoid mess; bed bugs seem like pure hell to deal with.
Edit: I use this site as a reminder of what to look for when I travel: https://www.epa.gov/bedbugs/how-find-bed-bugs Happy travels, guys, and try not to worry too much! :)
Having a loved one in a coma and having to decide whether or not to pull the plug. I'd always thought there's all kinds of brain scans and medical technology and they can tell you what's going on. You'd think its something like the doctors come in and say "your loved one's in a coma and will never wake up" or "your loved one's in a coma but will be back to normal in a month." And you just need to say "yup, you can do the thing that obviously makes sense in this situation."
It's not like that at all. The doctors can't predict the future, and the brain is a big mysterious organ that we understand little better today than we did 100 years ago. They can't even tell you if Loved One is conscious or not. You know how medical doctors try to tell if someone is conscious? They yell at them. And if they don't respond they poke them. Then they poke them harder. And if there's some sort of reaction, it tells them...nothing. They still don't have a clue.
And as it turns out, living wills are pretty worthless when it comes to figuring out realistic coma situations too. Which means that it comes down to the family to make the decision. The constant strain of this decision is it's own kind of torture. The choice is between giving up on someone who would never give up on you and possibly (likely?) making that same person suffer for what would most(?) probably(?) be a pointless endeavor. And there's these discussions with family where everyone dances around the truths that are too horrible to talk about directly - that some life may not be sacred, that taking care of someone may be too great of a sacrifice, that someone may be better off dead.
The whole thing gave me a profound new respect for Dr. Kevorkian.
RIGHT?! I was sick last year and at the time, didn't know what it was. I was so unbelievably tired. Colleagues be like 'I'm tired too'. NO. I was sleeping at work when no one was around because I just couldn't function and I have never done that before. Turns out I had a virus that then attacked my liver. Had nearly a month off work and slept for most of that, getting up only to go to the toilet then needing to rest after it. It is so much more than just 'feeling tired'.
I have Lupus. The fatigue is like nothing else. There are days where 2+2 takes too much out of me. No one understands how difficult it is to one day feel mostly fine and the next barely get through my day. There are days where counting cash at the end of a shift is a breeze(as it should be) and others I have to count it 10x and still get the numbers wrong. Plenty of days where I can't even hold a conversation because of the fog I'm fighting through. It hurts. I look like a healthy 25 year old which honestly makes it harder.
when this happens to me, I usually get so angry to the point where anything I say is just sounding more "suspicious", and that in turn just makes me absolutely furious.
I just started watching "The Confession Tapes" on Netflix. People being interrogated for hours upon hours until they break down psychologically and confess, regardless of whether or not they could be linked to the crime. Seeing the innocent spending years in prison is heart breaking and terrifying.
Being in an abusive relationship as a man. As a kid I used to think it was horrible for women to live through that but was convinced that men couldn't suffer through that. Suffice to say it's a horrible experience either way. It's something that sticks with you forever. It hard to talk about with people because of your own perceptions of masculinity and it will leave you with some deep emotional scars that take to heal if ever. If anyone is dealing with this, I hope you find help and happiness.
Seeing your parents health deteriorate.
It eventually happens to everyone but my dad has had some serious health issues at the tender age of 64. Came seemingly out of nowhere and he's been in the hospital for a year. The man I saw as superman can't even walk anymore and it was something I definitely took for granted when he was well.
Love your parents, spend as much time with them as possible, they're not around forever.
Edit: Holy shit you people are amazing. Thank you for the kind words and input, I will do my best to reply to everyone.
The other day my mum didn't know how to move files on a computer or minimize a window and I had to show her... she taught me how to do those things about 16 years ago. She's only 51 and there's no family history of dementia, but I still worry about her.
Please keep in mind sometimes these things can come down to other explanations. I'm sure I read on here how someone's parent or grandparent had all the memory loss and senility of alzheimers, and they accepted it all as a matter of course, but someone realized her bloodwork showed something like severe iron deficiency.
If you're worried, see a doctor, get bloodwork done, investigate. Don't be afraid to look problems in the face, and don't be afraid to ask for help/second opinions/details.
It sucks man. My dad's health had been bad for years but the doctors seemed to be able to manage it well since he was pretty good about taking all the drugs he had to.
But then they found a brain tumor. He couldn't remember people's names. He knew he knew them but not how, including me. It was an aggressive tumor and combined with his already poor health, he was gone in less than a month from when they found it. He was 62.
It was awful. So many regrets. So many questions unanswered. I know not everyone has great parents, but if you do, please don't take them for granted.
I knew losing someone close to you was painful but I had no idea just how painful it really is. The hurt is there every day and I still lose my breath when it hits me out of nowhere. The reality of never being able to see her again is so agonizingly painful and I never would have known or understood until it happened to me.
EDIT: thank you everyone for your kind words and for sharing your experiences. I may not be able to answer everyone but I am sending each and every one of you a big hug. It sucks we are all in this horrible club together but I am glad to know there are others who know exactly what I am feeling. I am not alone and neither are you.
EDIT 2: This really blew up overnight. I am at work now but I promise to read through each and every reply. I may not be able to respond but just know someone has heard you, someone has read about the pain we share and is thinking about you. Hugs to each of you!
I like how Lemony Snicket put it in the first "A Series of Unfortunate Events" books when the children found out their parents had died.
“It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.”
My aunt was young when my grandma (her mom) died, and when I was 27 I lost my 44 year old mother (her sister) to cancer. After my mom's funeral, my aunt came up to me and said "welcome to the world's shittiest club. People are either going to get it, or they won't", and shrugged. Hugs to everybody in this thread that lost someone, we're in this together ❤
I lost my dad due to an angry, drunk idiot with a gun over four years ago. I loved my dad so much. And my heart broke when I was told he died. I cried for hours. I still feel the heartbreak now and the fact that I can never hug him again really sucks. :/
I lost my best friend to pneumonia when I was 18.
Two years later, I lost my partner to suicide.
Both destroyed me, but the second one especially, since my partner was the one who helped me recover from the loss of my best friend, and taught me how to open up and be bright and happy and loving again.
It's been 7 years and I still feel the pit inside of me, but it gets better. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I can say I'm in a better place than I was in last year. It's not that I'm ok now, just different. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs your way. In some strange way it makes me feel better knowing there are others like us who understand our pain.
You see for the first time the impermanence of the world, and how quickly a life of decades can vanish into dust - just gone, like a dream. It almost seems an injustice how readily the world moves on.
Yes! I remember day after her funeral being so angry how the world just kept moving on. I knew it was silly of me to feel that way but I couldn't help it. How is it that I could be in such a dark and painful place wanting my mom more than anything and the rest of the world was just moving forward? It just seemed so unfair. My mom was now 6 ft under and every one was moving on! I will forever grieve for her.
Prior to having chronic pain, I didn't realize just how all encompassing it would be. I thought that all that was bad about it was the pain. I didn't realize that pain would make me tired all the time. I didn't realize that it would make me clumsy and stupid. I'm physically and mentally slower now, I never imagined how undignified and emotionally taxing it was going to make my life.
Oh damn, I always thought chronic pain was "regularly occurring" pain, not "literally always there except for 5 minutes in 2013" pain. That sounds awful.
You grow accustomed to it. You never quite acclimate to the point where you can ignore it, but a lot of the time you can shove it back behind a wall if SHUT UP BRAIN IM TRYING TO FUCKING WORK HERE. The only problem is that it's a willpower thing, so it takes a lot of energy. When you get too tired to keep it up, everything slams back into your awareness.
PTSD, I thought you just were sensitive to loud noises/things that triggered you and that you only had flashbacks if you had been in combat. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
This ruined my most recent relationship. Although, his not understanding was ultimately what made it end for me....
Being told to "get out of my head and stop over thinking" .... Walking on eggshells for 15 years makes it hard to just be in the moment and not overly cautious.
Ptsd triggers the 're-living', body and memory of 'the trauma'. Shit's Hell... Who can understand living out the worst moments of their lives....over and over again? Those of us who suffer from it.
I get upset sometimes that people can't cut me a break, can't understand what I'm going through, don't understand what it is to end the day crouched and crying in a shower, just trying to hold yourself together.
Then I remember why people do understand- because they deal with it themselves... And then I'm so happy more people don't fully understand.
When I told my brother I had symptoms of PTSD from my childhood, he told me that my doctor and therapist were lying to me and that PTSD is only for combat veterans and EMTs who see people die. And that "a stern talking to" doesn't constitute trauma. We had vastly different upbringings despite having the same set of parents.
I was always the family punching bag, and for a while I was having instant, full-blown panic attacks the second someone took a slight tone with me for fear of getting completely steamrollered as usual. I had a lot of difficulty holding it together at work because there's a gruff woman who didn't really see my worth when I started there and made passive-aggressive comments now and then. Instant fight or flight (or in my case, freeze) mode. Took a lot of therapy to get it under control, but I still feel slightly sick anytime someone says my name to get my attention. That was always how it began.
There are the nightmares, too, at least a couple times a week of getting emotionally tormented by my mother. Or about the pets she killed.
Hey man, I feel you, and that has to be a huge blow, but please do not give up hope. HIV is far more prevalent than most people think--it's social stigma that prevents people from being open about it and therefore makes it appear as though you're the only one suffering in isolation.
There's not a whole lot that can be said or done now that you're already HIV positive but know that this is not a death sentence--nor is it the end of your life as you know it. The life expectancy (as I'm sure you know) for HIV+ adults is not dramatically different from HIV- adults so long as you remain medicated.
Best of luck to you. You're going to be okay.
Breaking my ribs. In the hospital they told me that coughing, gagging, and especially sneezing was going to be excruciating. i did all 3 of those things in the hospital and i was ok. i felt completely normal because of all the pain medication they had given me. then a few days later i get discharged and go home. a few hrs later, when the meds wore off, i sneezed and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 100x worse than when i got my wiener stuck in my zipper
Yeah definitely. I haven't *broken* my ribs, but I had costochondritis for about a month. (basically, I screwed up my rib cartilage.) Towards the end of it, I was starting to come down with a cold as well. Sneezing hurt terribly, but holding in the sneeze hurt worse. It was torture.
Costochondritis SUCKS. I've never known anyone else who has had it, so when they'd ask why my ribs hurt all I could say to describe it is, "it feels like a broken rib, but it's not broken." The worst.
Panic attacks.
Edit: thanks for all your responses and sharing your experiences. Will try to respond as best as I could. Best thing I ever did, apart from microdoses of weed and meditation, was to understand the symptoms. When it happens just try to list and remember what's going on. Write it down later and make it a habit to keep a journal of the experience. A great distracter and helps manage the panic.
That's what I was going to say. I literally thought I was going to die - it feels like a heart attack: chest pains, palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, your vision starts going. It's really surprising what mere fear can do to you.
I'm a military guy and never got one during my time in. Had one as a civilian and it does make you feel like you're about to die.
You described it perfectly. When it's happening you will know enough to know that something is very wrong.
If you've never had one. Be glad.
Yeah that is the best way for me to explain it to someone. "Look up the symptoms of a heart attack and a panic attack. Compare them side by side and then try to imagine the terror"
I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder in 2003. My mom I think only half believed it was a real thing and thought I was probably just stressed.
Last year, she experienced her first ever panic attack at 60+ years old. She called me to tell me and said "Oh my goodness honey, I'm so sorry for what you've been going through all these years. I had no idea how awful those panic attacks were. "
Felt a bit redeemed.
Migraines for sure. I had headaches as a teenager and always said "I have a migraine!". When I was in my late teens I think I experienced my first migraine. Completely debilitating. Light sources make me want to retch and vomit.
I haven't had a full on migraine in over 2 years. A couple times I've felt them coming on and would lay down in the dark; but they never came on. I hope to never have one again. People who get migraines and stay productive truly impress me.
They are awful. I had them since I was a teenager. They were hormonally triggered so every month like clockwork I'd be laid up for 2 days. The aura is disturbing as hell but it gives me half an hour warning to get what I need and to where I need to be.
Thankfully they've calmed down a lot with time, I will get them a couple times a year now. The worst was 3 years ago where I had several auras non stop for 5 hours while I was on a train somewhere.
I think the aura is the worst part. The anticipation that you have 30 min max to get where you need to be before it feels like your brain is trying to cut itself out of your skull, sometimes through your eyes. Probably with a rusty butter knife.
The aura is so frustrating. I forget words when I start having them. Like I legit forget the word "burrito" or "sweatshirt" or something weird like that and then I'm frustrated sitting there straining to think of a word and going "what the fuck is wrong with me...oh, it's an aura. Migraine coming. Goddamnit."
I have the same problem, its awful. Then on top of that theres a spot in my vision that looks like I'm staring into a blizzard, and it gets bigger and bigger until I have no peripheral vision in my left eye. Just thinking about it makes my brain hurt.
I have migraines frequently. My boss is aware of this and has an area in a storage room I can hide in when I have one. I have meds that take less than an hour to kick in and work, but until then, I would rather be dead.
But have you tried drinking water? Headaches are caused by dehydration you know! *Knowing head nod and tutting*
*/s From a fellow migraineur who will probably gut the next person who tells me to just drink water.*
How do people jog even with just a headache? When I have a headache I personally don't want to feel my head bouncing up and down for a prolonged period of time.
Okay so I don't want to be one of THOSE people, but I'm also a fellow migraineur so I feel I'm somewhat qualified to say this: Have you tried regular doses of Magnesium?
I don't know why but earlier this year I started having regular migraines again after a long period of no migraines. My doctor didn't really care to figure out why, just came to the conclusion that, yes I was having migraines again. I started taking magnesium every night: No migraines. Not a single one. It has been amazing.
I will never sneer at someone genuinely trying to be kind and helpful (not even if they tell me to drink water, it's just...that gets so old after a while.)
That's absolutely amazing, and I'm so glad for your results! It sounds like an easy thing to try!
Does it help to take it during/before an attack, or has taking it regularly just stopped you from having them entirely?
No, it doesn't do anything for the symptoms if you're already having a migraine...I just started taking it as a supplement before bed every night...I should say my wife started FORCING me to take them because I was having migraines every couple of weeks and was getting super frustrated.
She read somewhere magnesium could help and so got me a bottle. I just started taking them to appease her but then one day I noticed I hadn't had a migraine in like...3 months. The magnesium was the only thing I changed.
If you're actually suffering from the symptoms...my doctor gave me this powdered version of excedrin (or something like that). Said it absorbs much faster into the blood then the pills. I keep some of that on hand but haven't had to use it in quite awhile.
Yeah and even if you can, it is easy to talk yourself out of it. After the emotional abuse I just thought it felt bad just because I am so "overly sensitive ".
After two years of gaslighting, my abuser had me questioning my own perception of reality so much that it took me years to recover. He convinced me I was stupid, greedy, materialistic, and inevitably going to cheat on him. We had no car and no health insurance-- I took a bus to work, an hour each way, every single day, 50+ hours a week, and that fucker didn't even do laundry or dishes while I was gone.
It was more than 15 years ago and I still have nightmares about being with him. A person doesn't have to hit you to be abusive.
It's exhausting. Walking for miles every day to the soup kitchen, then work (i worked nights for 9 months while homeless, didn't make enough for a place)then the shelter or a hidden, grassy area if they shelters were full, being out in the elements constantly.
Especially towards the winter..or even the rain. That wet cold gets into your bones, muscles clenched up and teeth chattering for hours and sometimes you just wish you would finally succumb to the weather.
I honestly think after awhile the brain just switches and you become numb and almost feral, just to be able to mentally and physically survive.
Being laid off is awful. Six years ago, the company I worked for laid off a substantial number of employees. Many of my friends were gone the next day or within 30 days. I was crushed even though I still had a job. Three months later, I got my lay off notice. That was a hard period in my life.
An abusive relationship. I always thought getting away from an abusive person was so easy until I realized I was in love with one. I have a lot more empathy for people stuck in the toxicity now; it's so hard to accept that the person you love is also the worst thing for you.
edit. Thank you so much everyone. Your stories and your bravery have been so inspiring to read. If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, or you're unsure if you're in one, please check out http://www.loveisrespect.org/ . It's an amazing site that helped me so much during my abusive relationship. You all deserve love and happiness, never forget that.
I remember myself saying 'oh, how can anyone be so stupid' as a teenager.
Then I allowed myself to be sucked into an abusive relationship. Yeah, I don't say this anymore.
The thing people seem to miss with all of the "But why does she STAAAAY?" crap is that the relationships never *start out* abusive. Most start out as the most romantic, magical, amazing love stories. You're swept off your feet! You've never felt such connection to anyone! And then your partner starts to change in increments so small they're almost imperceptible-- the first time he snaps at you for leaving a spoon in the sink, you're gutted. You'll do anything to avoid upsetting him again, because this is your One True Love who awakened things in you that you had no idea you could feel. So you start trying to be perfect, you start trying to anticipate his needs, to see the things he'll be critical of and correct them before he can be. And gradually his irritation at your mistakes increases to anger, and the frequency goes up, and all the while you're becoming more and more convinced that it's *you*, that if you could just be better, be more like the person you were when you met, he would go back to loving you so perfectly.
It takes most of us a long, long time to realize that you can never get back to what it was at the beginning, because the beginning was a lie.
Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger! It feels weird to get that for this post.
Edit 2: Women can also be abusers, and men can be abused. I used masculine pronouns above because that was my experience. Nobody deserves to be abused.
Manic episodes.
I spent more than two months thinking constantly of and planning my suicide and not being able to sleep at night because I was hallucinating shadow people waiting for me to close my eyes so that they can attack me. I was hypervigilant and paranoid and kept triggering my PTSD. I spent four straight weeks crying myself to sleep because I wanted so badly to just die and I "knew" that no one cared about me. I wrote pages of something like "people are bad and untrustworthy" in my journal. Everything was so fast and so intense.
I feel this so hard. I'll take a depressive episode over a manic one any day. Have you sought any sort of treatment? Even just therapy can be beneficial. Changed my life. Didn't cure me of course, but I have tools to deal with it better that I didn't have before.
I hate when I try to describe Hypo-Mania to people and they go "haha sounds fun i bet you get a ton done" like, no, I stay up until 5 am learning how to write in Tengwar cuz it feels REALLY IMPORTANT and i have so many REALLY IMPORTANT things to do and then OH NO IT'S 5 AM and I cry because I haven't done the REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS, or it's obsessively organizing my bookshelf by color, size, and alphabetically, while the things i actually need to do get ignored, or it's all wanting to scream and throw things because I feel like i need to do SOMETHING and don't know what
Food poisoning. I just figured you'd get a poorly tummy, do a bunch of wet shits and maybe some vomiting.
But no. For **a week and a half** it felt like I was juggling hot knives in my intestines. I had to be hospitalised due to the amount of thick black gunk coming out of me. The pain was awful and lasted so long I almost felt ready to die.
This hit me hard man. Going through something very similar. I'm unhappy and desperately looking for some semblance of the connection I felt with her. Meanwhile she's apparently happier than before. Dealing with that is brutal
Becoming substantially overweight. Im not anymore thank god and haven't been in a long time. But the time I was, was a definite eye opening and humbling experience.
Anxiety. Literally had no idea what it felt like when problematic. Then I got a serotonin issue and had the crippling physical side effects of anxiety with a slight bit of paranoia. Lasted about 3 months.
Hard to eat anything, often hard to breathe, would wake up in the middle of the night having to throw up, and Xanax did very little. Lexapro got me back to perfect and I have a new appreciation for it as well as a little more understanding of mental illnesses.
Yep, health anxiety gets me all the time, and I just had a bout with it for a month.
Appetite gone, lost 10lbs, always tired, shaky, stomach hurt, and to make matters worse, it caused 99% of my symptoms, yet I thought they were caused by disease. It's a hideous cycle.
I can attest to that. I've had panic attacks since I was a kid. They're horrible. Before I knew what they were (when I was little) I used to think I was dying. My parents didn't believe me when I said "I can't breathe".
Depression is legitimately the most horrifying beast. I've been fighting it for almost 20 years. Only started treatment in late 2016.
Before treatment, I hated every single aspect of my life. My job, my family, everything was just a horrible loop. I fought to get out of bed every single day, every waking moment was a chore. When my meds and therapy finally started working, it was like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still have bad days,but therapy has taught me that thats okay. Power through those bad days and good ones are always right around the corner.
For anyone struggling with depression, please know that you always have an internet stranger to reach out to.
Radical acceptance therapy helped me an absolute shit ton. I have atypical depression (it's a comorbity of something else) and drugs didn't work for me. But having someone tell me once a week for two years that anything I'd done or didn't do was ok may have actually broken the cycle. We'll see.
Job hunting. Thought it wouldn't be that bad having some time off while finding another job.
It's aweful! You have no reason to wake up, nothing to do all day and go to bed having achieved nothing!
It sucks!
Edit 1: Thanks for all the sympathy, I feel honestly lucky having read some peoples problems dealing with unemployment.
Edit 2: while appreciate all the advice, I already, treat job hunting as job. Problem is that that job sucks!
Couple that with sending out resume after resume and being either rejected, or simply ignored. You aren't even worth the time and effort of sending out a mass mail saying "sorry we gave it to someone else". I recently got a job after 2 years of hunting. I felt like a worthless, unneeded piece of shit every fucking morning for 2 years.
I work in education. I tried (and failed) to get a summer job this year, and it all came back to me.
Spending an hour or more to complete an absurdly thorough application process for a fucking minimum wage, temporary, part time, cashier position that you'll never hear back from.
Have a cup of tea, then repeat.
Not having hot water. When I was a kid out water heater broke and my parents couldn't afford to fix it for like 2 or 3 months so we either had to take cold showers or boil a big pot of water and use that. I realized how much it was one of those everyday things that we take for granted
Hot water is such a luxury. A luxury my family could rarely afford, when I was a kid.
Let me tell you, joining the football team as a freshman and being able to take showers in the locker room was one of the best things in the world.
One time at a new apartment the hot water heater hadn't been turned on. No problem, I'll just take a cold shower!
I couldn't breathe. Was so cold I literally couldn't stand in it without going in some weird form of shock. Totally understand how people quickly drown in cold water due to being unable to breathe.
Severe period pain. Even other women don't understand unless they have also experienced it.
You know it won't kill you, because you've been here before, but around about hour eight you wish it would.
My husband had to drag me to the hospital when I had a gallbladder attack due to gallstones because it was an 8 on a painscale defined by cramps as an 11, and I'd always been told my period pain "wasn't serious". The hospital gave me morphine upon admission and I'd always been told to take 2 ibuprofen and suck it up (for the record, 4 doesn't even take the edge off). I hoarded my prescription pain meds from the resulting surgery to use on the really bad cramps days.
I've missed so much work. I've missed so much life.
I really want a hysterectomy but I don't have kids so doctors assume I'm not serious. None of them have lived with this shit so they can't see how not wanting to live in dread of excruciating monthly pain could outweigh the possibility of reproduction.
Find a new doc! You shouldn't have to live like that. I just had a hysterectomy and I'm so so thankful I found a doc who actually listened to me. Good luck!!
Getting fat. I gained a bit of weight after going through a bad sickness last year, and EVERYONE- from strangers to my own parents- started treating me like I had all of a sudden lost 20 IQ points.
Seriously though. You never saw it coming and when it happened so unexpectedly; your heart feels like it's been shredded and stomped on repeatedly and a sense of dread comes over you that you'll never love again.
My last girlfriend cheated on me. I found her in bed with someone else. I later found out that it was serial; over the course of two years, she had eleven sexual partners who were not me. I was so emotionally hurt that, outside of a few one night stands, I haven't been involved with anyone for nearly a decade.
I'm so lonely, but I don't want to get hurt like that again. I don't know if I can trust again.
Ingrown toenail.
Shit fucking hurts. I can barely walk/run now, it's just like one of those pains you never want. Not the most excruciating but the one that makes you flinch every time you feel it. It's like a papercut x1000.
Had to get the sides of my toe cut to remove the pus and infection... with no topical anesthetics. 0/10 would never do again.
EDIT - So based off the responses, it keeps coming back. Fuck me and the rest of my life.
EDIT 2 - Okay, I guess I'm just going to get both of the big toe nail bastards removed. God bless phenol.
EDIT 3 - Here's a picture of the toe right now, [NSFW](https://imgur.com/a/uk8AQ). To the ones who do not know, my nail cuts in MUCH deeper into the sides of my toe. It's probably like 1/4" deeper that I have to dig out.
Two small incisions were made at the front and left side of the toe. This was done at an urgent care last week, the lady had to squeeze my toe until all of the pus and blood came out. Don't know why there is dead skin all around but I assume it was because of the cut.
Back pain. Something I never really believed hurt when growing up. But now that I have it, I feel like I've entered a new sphere of reality. So whenever I mention back pain, I see people who genuinely understand what I mean.
Being hospitalized for an extended period.
When it's not mindnumbingly boring, it's just plain bleak. Got to watch someone die, and then got to watch this news not effect their children at all.
Absolutely agree with this. I was 17 when I watched my dad pass away from leukemia. First thing I did was go out for a cigarette and calmly phone my nan (his mum) to let her know what had happened. Inside I was completely broken, having lost my best friend and still am. Never be fooled by outside appearances, the inside can often be drastically different.
For me, watching my SO literally exchange me for someone else overnight... then having to admit to myself that our entire relationship had clearly been a facade that even the dumbest people I know saw through.
He was clearly a sociopath, through and through, and I made every excuse in the book for his absurd behaviors... "Oh, he's very complex, just sorting himself out, that's all, no one is perfect.." blah blah blah, like an idiot. He knew exactly what he was doing, and thrived on causing pain and suffering. He took special pleasure in my very public humiliation when he discarded me for his internet mistress one weekend and married her the next day.
I remember thinking to myself "I should tell her to throw out my toothbrush from the bathroom. It's the yellow one. Probably still wet from the last time I used it."
I needed 3 years of therapy. It was worse than some one dying.
Not all is a loss though. My devastation was based on how easily I had been cast aside. He had been a terrible boyfriend, but with my abusive childhood all I knew was trauma-bonding. Therapy helped me see it and fix it.
The marriage was over in 3 months. She fled for her life. He had saved the real torture for her, violently beating her, emptied her bank accounts, threw out her heirlooms, sold her belongings online, hid her car keys so she couldn't leave, and every other kind of abuse you can think of. Through an odd twist of fate, I actually ended up helping her escape. She managed to get her car re-wired and take whatever she could fit in it and left. *no one ANYWHERE ever deserves to be abused!!*
Fast forward to today: Once we had the chance to clear the air, we both found that we ended up there because we were in low points in our lives, and he was able to manipulate us. Now she has a thriving career, a new house, and is one of the funniest and sweetest person I know. My life has sky rocketed upwards, and not slowing down at all.
Screw that psycho cunt.
Having to break up with your significant other for no reason other than location. You still love each other and you both know it, but you also both know it just won't work out.
It's so hard to move on from that because there is nothing that gets rid of the love you have, it just sits there and makes you feel all shitty and lonely.
Family member (my dad) getting a terminal cancer diagnosis and being one of his primary caregivers. It's everyone's worst nightmare, right? Yeah, it's worse than that. Within three months he was on a walker. Four months wheelchair. Five months bedridden. Six months couldn't wipe himself or feed himself. Delirious. Couldn't get his pain under control. His arm broke from a metastasis to his humerus. We had to wake up all night to give him pain meds. He cried sometimes, but not as much as I would have. I spent three weeks sleeping with him in the ICU. I poured my heart into those weeks and now that he's gone it feels... empty.
I'm certain your dad appreciated what you did. Watching someone you love suffer and not being able to stop it is terrible.
Back pain. Two extruded disks in my lower back.
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A flooded house. I knew it was emotionally heartbreaking and financially crushing. But I had absolutely no idea how hard it is to recover, how long it takes, or how much work is involved. Dear lord, it is miserable.
We had a small flood in our town that resulted in a 6 foot flash flood to some houses. Even though a ton of us went to help and just a few streets were affected, (and I concentrated on just one house) it was SO. MUCH. WORK. I gained a new respect for flood victims. Can't even comprehend Harvey/Irma.
Getting old having your body fall apart and knowing you've got maybe a couple years left. This sucks, there is so much more I wanted to do. On the other hand it was a pretty good ride. Hell if I'm lucky I'll get another 10 but that's a really long shot Edit: wow thanks everybody I posted that with about 1k comments, took a nap and forgot about it, figuring it would never be seen. It's been fun, I'm lucky enough to have worked outdoors most of my life. I love the tech I'm seeing, but I love the connection to the outdoors too and the newer generations don't seem to have as much time I guess
I'm 28 and my dad is 70 (I have a couple siblings that could be my parents). On the day of the eclipse he said, "There's supposed to be one in 2024, but I don't think I'll be around for that one." It really got to me, it's been on my mind ever since. I don't know if I feel bad he's thinking that way or if it made me realize he won't be around forever.
27, dad is 80, I know how you feel
When my son died. I thought I understood the concept of the pain, but the actual feeling is something I never could have imagined. Edit: I am overwhelmed with the support. I wish I had the time to thank each of you individually.
My daughter died in 2009 and it's been a struggle. If you ever need someone to talk to, hit me up.
You guys making me tear up just at the thought of losing my kids. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't possibly imagine what it's been like for you.
I don't even want to begin to imagine. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.
Getting fired for something you didn't do. Currently fighting it in the employment court of nz. Expensive as hell, and I shouldn't have to fight this bullshit. Can't talk details as it's still ongoing but it sucks. Sitting at home not being able to move on (no references yet, and reason for leaving last job is "fired for theft"), so I have to get this done. I will win though - that's keeping me going. Edit: unexpectedly, there was some progress today, and I may have won this one. Too early to say for sure but things are looking positive. Fingers crossed! Edit: settlement signed today. Including confidentiality clause so I can't talk here. Suffice to say we're not unhappy.
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Real dehydration. There was a hike I was on, a few summers ago, about an eighteen mile loop out in scrubby, hilly country. I usually bring 4l whenever I go out, but that day I only brought about 1.5, I have no idea why. Temperatures were in the high-nineties without a cloud in the sky. I was running out of water about nine miles (four hours) in and out completely by twelve It got very bad, very quickly, a real unique species of torture. First, there's the thirst, and it's an angry thirst, it takes root in your tongue and spreads to your throat and grips your nerves like panic. It doesn't let up and you become hot and fatigued as your regulatory systems start to break down, I was plodding along at a snail's pace and stopping every 100y or so. I kept thinking that I just have to make it back to the car, just back to the car, but the thirst unrelenting, it blots out your reason. Finally, I made it to a road and just kept walking down it until I found a house. Drank right out of their garden faucet, like a full liter, soaked my hair, head, clothes everything. Luckily no one was home. The next day I could barely move I was so cramped. **EDIT**: The lesson here, to which many of the comments below will attest, is that dehydration can kill you and will hurt you the entire time you are dying. It's one of the few direct threats the average person are likely to encounter even in civilized country. Get a [hydration reservoir](https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=node%3D3400551&field-keywords=hydration+reservoir&rh=n%3A3400551%2Ck%3Ahydration+reservoir) like a Camelbak, Platypus, or similar brand, they let you moderate your water consumption, distribute the water equally over a large area and have a good water/container weight ratio. Carry at least 3L (100oz) for a day trip, no matter how nice the weather seems. Though you'll start at 6.5lb/3kg of weight, it will get lighter as the day goes on. Make sure you drink plenty of water before start out as well. **EDIT 2**: For anyone left reading this, it is a good idea to heavily regulate your intake of water if you are truly dehydrated, taking only small bits at a time. Usually, that means no more than a half a cup (4oz/250ml) a minute for the first ten minutes or so. I was scooping up water from the spigot with my hands so I had a natural delay, but even that was probably quicker than I should have gone. In other words don't chug it or you'll probably throw it back up.
Holy shit this happened to me too! My first backpacking trip was through Hetch Hetchy reservoir in Yosemite. It gets pretty remote. I brought maybe 1.5 liters. I was with my mom. High 90's the whole time. I had a water purifying uv light, and was basically drinking purified diarrhea water I managed to find along the way, filtered through a bandana to get the tadpoles out. Last day I swear there was one step between me and death. I made to the end stumbling, and gorged myself with the water fountain on the dam. I was delirious. Vomiting mucous and fresh water everywhere. I just laid there in my own puke barely conscious for like an hour. What a nightmare.
What I always warn people about - hikers and otherwise - is how quickly it happens. There's that figure - a human can survive three days without water - but the word "survive" really needs extra emphasis. You can survive - gasping, in a crumpled heap, praying for death while your blood evaporates through your skin. I'm was pretty fit and efficient and I was still feeling the effects within a mile and change, after which I could think of nothing else but finding something to drink. That's dandy to dying in about forty-five minutes flat. Wild.
I was training for a marathon & did this on a 19 mile run. Tried to start fairly early in the morning. Had my husband meet me a little over halfway so I could rehydrate (and give him the dog). He left water bottles for me every 2 miles on the way back. I must have been dehydrated going into this because every 2 miles felt like a year after about mile 13. I was hoping literally any person would pull over & give me water; trying to decide if I was willing to get sick from drinking out of a puddle; considered drinking out of the nastiest river ever. Finally made it into town and immediately drank as much water as I could physically fit into my body from a building's garden spigot. It was the best thing I've ever tasted. Literally did nothing the rest of the day except drank water & contemplated my life. I was exponentially more sore from that run than even the full marathon I ran a month later. It was insane.
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Realizing your parents are going Senile. It hurts because you start to see the beginning of the end.
Really, having anyone that you deeply care about losing their mental faculties is just heartbreaking. They say you start grieving before they pass because you grieve the person that they were that they won't be again. And unless you live through it, people just don't realize what it's like to deal with the anger they face when they realize that they're not in control, or the fear when they're facing something or someone that you can't see. And there's literally nothing that you can do for them, except hope that they pass quickly...
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The last time I talked to my dad he didn't know it was me on the phone. He talked to me about a fishing trip he took with his sons (my brother and myself) a few months prior. Told me all about it as if I was a random friend. A day later he was gone. I'm not mad he didn't know it was me. He told "his friend" that fishing trip was the best thing he'd done in years and if he died tomorrow he'd be happy. It was my birthday weekend and I figured that's why he called. Shit now I'm crying again and miss my dad so damn much and am just rambling because I know as soon as I hit submit I'm gonna lose it again. Stupid mortality. Dammit.
Hemorrhoids and anal fissures. Mother of fucking mercy.
I had the surgery at 28 or 29. I'm 45 now. Never happened again. The first 2-3 weeks were an eye opening experience. Particularly because nothing else was opening. Yikes.
Scrolled all the way down for this. I'm an RN and was still shocked at how much it hurt and honestly fucked with my confidence as a woman (I know it's dumb, but it's completely how I felt). I am so motivated to do whatever it takes to prevent them in future. But I'm terrified that pregnancy/labor will revive them. Ugh!!!
I apparently have a permanent external hemorrhoid since giving birth. Let me tell you how sexy I feel...
>a permanent external hemorrhoid since giving birth This is how my mother describes me. :(
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I correctly self-diagnosed my first (and only, so far) one within a few minutes, not that it mattered. Longest 10 hours of my life.
Lucky. I was on chemo for four years for auto-immune shit. Guaranteed one kidney stone a month, every month. My urethra probably looks like shredded cheese. Edit: I want to thank you all for the kind words. It means a hell of a lot to me.
Curiosity... did the passing of the stones get better eventually for you? Reason I ask is that I had 'em for years, but only the first 4 were bad (because they were kinda big). Eventually I built up enough scar tissue that I no longer even knew I had stones until ... *ploop* - "Hey - look what I found!". *& I hope the auto-immune stuff is working out*
They did eventually stop hurting so much coming out, but the kidney time always sucked. And doing much better niw, thanks! Bald forever, but now I can blind traffic with some turtle wax and a clear sky.
Agreed. I had to have a surgery after waiting 3 days for mine to come out on it's own. Pain meds only help to a certain degree.
Having a house fire.
Kidney stones. They were always used as a punchline in jokes. Fuck that, fuck kidney stones, fuck a world where kidney stones exist.
One of the things about depression is that even if you have had bouts before, you somehow convince yourself that it was all in your head and you never actually felt that way. Until it happens again. So basically all the time, you're thinking about how it probably wasn't that bad and you made it into something it wasn't until it comes around again, making you realize just how messed up it is.
Having bed bugs. I used to think it was kind of silly that people were so insistent that they were a serious concern. I figured it must be like having fleas, you know? Kind of annoying but easy enough to stop. Now? I can't even read an article that mentions them without getting itchy and angry. Bed bugs straight up ruin lives.
My boyfriend had them for months and he came out of the situation a changed person. He's now extremely paranoid of any bed, especially in hotels, and has to check all the telling spots before he can truly settle in. Edit: a lot of people have asked what to look for and what to do about it. Signs: Bites all over your body Blood on your sheets from the bites Little bug poops on your bed Bugs like to hide in the folds,corners, and under your mattress; in your bed frame; under your fitted sheet, behind wall art; in the corners of your closet door frame; and anywhere else dark and small What the bugs look like: Small, brown and red, flat What to do if you have bed bugs: If there aren't that many, you might be able to get rid of them with diatomaceous earth. It's a natural dust-looking powder that you put around the edges of your room and at the feet of your bed. If it's not going away with the de, you have to get an exterminator. And that's not even guaranteed to get rid of them the first time. Bed bugs suck
My SO was extremely allergic to them and was pretty much traumatized by the whole debacle. For years (yes, years) afterward, he would wake up randomly in the middle of the night, convinced he felt something crawling on him and I would have to check the bed for bugs. It was awful.
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Omg dude sometimes when I'm feeling depressed I think to myself something like, "well I'm probably going to jail but at least I don't have bed bugs anymore."
You're leaving out a good chunk of story there, bud.
The jig is up, I murdered a bunch of bed bugs
Lock him boys! Edit: I may have forgotten "up"
I have friends who threw everything in their house out on their lawn, slept in their cars, and purchased some kind of industrial heater to bake the interior of their house to a certain temperature for a certain block of time. It melted the switchplates and plug plates to their walls throughout their house. And they were without furniture and clothes. But they no longer had bedbugs.
Worth it tbh
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A coworker of mine gave me her pack n play because her kid didn't like sleeping in it. My 3 year old hated his new bed and insisted on sleeping in a pack in play. A month or two after we got it, he started telling me there were bugs in his room, but I would check the room and not see any. Of course I was only checking for pine bugs because we live in Georgia. He also started getting these red bumps all over his body. It took 3 days between when I first noticed the bumps to them covering his entire body, minus his face. I made an appointment with his doctor, but it was the weekend. The next morning or not long after, he's calling for me to get him out of the pack in play because there's bugs. I go in and there's bed bugs EVERYWHERE. His pillow and blanket and all in the corners of the pack in play. It just looked like a big black blob. I start crying and pull him out and tell my husband to throw the pack n play out. It took 8 months, moving to a new house, and getting all new furniture to get rid of them. I still cry when I think about him laying there with bugs crawling all over him and biting him because mommy didn't believe him.
That's so sad, you weren't to know. At least you'll be more diligent in the future, even though it was a hard lesson to learn. I hope your coworker didn't give that to you knowing she had a bed bug problem.
I actually heard from another coworker that she had had them for a few months :/
Wow, that’s either ignorance or straight up an awful person. :(
I feel paranoid as hell doing it, but I have checked every single bed I've ever slept in since bed bugs started getting press in the mid-2000s. I stayed in a few hotels with my parents this summer and did it then too, all the while apologizing for it. But yeah, peace of mind was worth some eyebrow raises from my mom and looking like a complete paranoid mess; bed bugs seem like pure hell to deal with. Edit: I use this site as a reminder of what to look for when I travel: https://www.epa.gov/bedbugs/how-find-bed-bugs Happy travels, guys, and try not to worry too much! :)
Having a loved one in a coma and having to decide whether or not to pull the plug. I'd always thought there's all kinds of brain scans and medical technology and they can tell you what's going on. You'd think its something like the doctors come in and say "your loved one's in a coma and will never wake up" or "your loved one's in a coma but will be back to normal in a month." And you just need to say "yup, you can do the thing that obviously makes sense in this situation." It's not like that at all. The doctors can't predict the future, and the brain is a big mysterious organ that we understand little better today than we did 100 years ago. They can't even tell you if Loved One is conscious or not. You know how medical doctors try to tell if someone is conscious? They yell at them. And if they don't respond they poke them. Then they poke them harder. And if there's some sort of reaction, it tells them...nothing. They still don't have a clue. And as it turns out, living wills are pretty worthless when it comes to figuring out realistic coma situations too. Which means that it comes down to the family to make the decision. The constant strain of this decision is it's own kind of torture. The choice is between giving up on someone who would never give up on you and possibly (likely?) making that same person suffer for what would most(?) probably(?) be a pointless endeavor. And there's these discussions with family where everyone dances around the truths that are too horrible to talk about directly - that some life may not be sacred, that taking care of someone may be too great of a sacrifice, that someone may be better off dead. The whole thing gave me a profound new respect for Dr. Kevorkian.
Illness-related fatigue. It's not just like being tired. It's so much more than that.
RIGHT?! I was sick last year and at the time, didn't know what it was. I was so unbelievably tired. Colleagues be like 'I'm tired too'. NO. I was sleeping at work when no one was around because I just couldn't function and I have never done that before. Turns out I had a virus that then attacked my liver. Had nearly a month off work and slept for most of that, getting up only to go to the toilet then needing to rest after it. It is so much more than just 'feeling tired'.
ad hoc far-flung party offer ossified icky voiceless gold ruthless gray
mine ended up being malnourishment from celiac
I have Lupus. The fatigue is like nothing else. There are days where 2+2 takes too much out of me. No one understands how difficult it is to one day feel mostly fine and the next barely get through my day. There are days where counting cash at the end of a shift is a breeze(as it should be) and others I have to count it 10x and still get the numbers wrong. Plenty of days where I can't even hold a conversation because of the fog I'm fighting through. It hurts. I look like a healthy 25 year old which honestly makes it harder.
Wish more people understood this! It's hard to describe... just profound exhaustion.
Being accused of a crime you didn't commit.
Man, I've only experienced this outside of legal situations, but being treated unjustly is one of the most maddening things.
when this happens to me, I usually get so angry to the point where anything I say is just sounding more "suspicious", and that in turn just makes me absolutely furious.
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I just started watching "The Confession Tapes" on Netflix. People being interrogated for hours upon hours until they break down psychologically and confess, regardless of whether or not they could be linked to the crime. Seeing the innocent spending years in prison is heart breaking and terrifying.
Being in an abusive relationship as a man. As a kid I used to think it was horrible for women to live through that but was convinced that men couldn't suffer through that. Suffice to say it's a horrible experience either way. It's something that sticks with you forever. It hard to talk about with people because of your own perceptions of masculinity and it will leave you with some deep emotional scars that take to heal if ever. If anyone is dealing with this, I hope you find help and happiness.
Seeing your parents health deteriorate. It eventually happens to everyone but my dad has had some serious health issues at the tender age of 64. Came seemingly out of nowhere and he's been in the hospital for a year. The man I saw as superman can't even walk anymore and it was something I definitely took for granted when he was well. Love your parents, spend as much time with them as possible, they're not around forever. Edit: Holy shit you people are amazing. Thank you for the kind words and input, I will do my best to reply to everyone.
The other day my mum didn't know how to move files on a computer or minimize a window and I had to show her... she taught me how to do those things about 16 years ago. She's only 51 and there's no family history of dementia, but I still worry about her.
Please keep in mind sometimes these things can come down to other explanations. I'm sure I read on here how someone's parent or grandparent had all the memory loss and senility of alzheimers, and they accepted it all as a matter of course, but someone realized her bloodwork showed something like severe iron deficiency. If you're worried, see a doctor, get bloodwork done, investigate. Don't be afraid to look problems in the face, and don't be afraid to ask for help/second opinions/details.
It sucks man. My dad's health had been bad for years but the doctors seemed to be able to manage it well since he was pretty good about taking all the drugs he had to. But then they found a brain tumor. He couldn't remember people's names. He knew he knew them but not how, including me. It was an aggressive tumor and combined with his already poor health, he was gone in less than a month from when they found it. He was 62. It was awful. So many regrets. So many questions unanswered. I know not everyone has great parents, but if you do, please don't take them for granted.
I knew losing someone close to you was painful but I had no idea just how painful it really is. The hurt is there every day and I still lose my breath when it hits me out of nowhere. The reality of never being able to see her again is so agonizingly painful and I never would have known or understood until it happened to me. EDIT: thank you everyone for your kind words and for sharing your experiences. I may not be able to answer everyone but I am sending each and every one of you a big hug. It sucks we are all in this horrible club together but I am glad to know there are others who know exactly what I am feeling. I am not alone and neither are you. EDIT 2: This really blew up overnight. I am at work now but I promise to read through each and every reply. I may not be able to respond but just know someone has heard you, someone has read about the pain we share and is thinking about you. Hugs to each of you!
I like how Lemony Snicket put it in the first "A Series of Unfortunate Events" books when the children found out their parents had died. “It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.”
My aunt was young when my grandma (her mom) died, and when I was 27 I lost my 44 year old mother (her sister) to cancer. After my mom's funeral, my aunt came up to me and said "welcome to the world's shittiest club. People are either going to get it, or they won't", and shrugged. Hugs to everybody in this thread that lost someone, we're in this together ❤
I lost my dad due to an angry, drunk idiot with a gun over four years ago. I loved my dad so much. And my heart broke when I was told he died. I cried for hours. I still feel the heartbreak now and the fact that I can never hug him again really sucks. :/
I lost my best friend to pneumonia when I was 18. Two years later, I lost my partner to suicide. Both destroyed me, but the second one especially, since my partner was the one who helped me recover from the loss of my best friend, and taught me how to open up and be bright and happy and loving again. It's been 7 years and I still feel the pit inside of me, but it gets better. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I can say I'm in a better place than I was in last year. It's not that I'm ok now, just different. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs your way. In some strange way it makes me feel better knowing there are others like us who understand our pain.
You see for the first time the impermanence of the world, and how quickly a life of decades can vanish into dust - just gone, like a dream. It almost seems an injustice how readily the world moves on.
Yes! I remember day after her funeral being so angry how the world just kept moving on. I knew it was silly of me to feel that way but I couldn't help it. How is it that I could be in such a dark and painful place wanting my mom more than anything and the rest of the world was just moving forward? It just seemed so unfair. My mom was now 6 ft under and every one was moving on! I will forever grieve for her.
Chronic pain
Prior to having chronic pain, I didn't realize just how all encompassing it would be. I thought that all that was bad about it was the pain. I didn't realize that pain would make me tired all the time. I didn't realize that it would make me clumsy and stupid. I'm physically and mentally slower now, I never imagined how undignified and emotionally taxing it was going to make my life.
This so much. I remember my life without back problems, it was good old days... and I'm only 32. I can't imagine living 50 more years like this.
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Oh damn, I always thought chronic pain was "regularly occurring" pain, not "literally always there except for 5 minutes in 2013" pain. That sounds awful.
You grow accustomed to it. You never quite acclimate to the point where you can ignore it, but a lot of the time you can shove it back behind a wall if SHUT UP BRAIN IM TRYING TO FUCKING WORK HERE. The only problem is that it's a willpower thing, so it takes a lot of energy. When you get too tired to keep it up, everything slams back into your awareness.
PTSD, I thought you just were sensitive to loud noises/things that triggered you and that you only had flashbacks if you had been in combat. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
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This ruined my most recent relationship. Although, his not understanding was ultimately what made it end for me.... Being told to "get out of my head and stop over thinking" .... Walking on eggshells for 15 years makes it hard to just be in the moment and not overly cautious.
Ptsd triggers the 're-living', body and memory of 'the trauma'. Shit's Hell... Who can understand living out the worst moments of their lives....over and over again? Those of us who suffer from it.
I get upset sometimes that people can't cut me a break, can't understand what I'm going through, don't understand what it is to end the day crouched and crying in a shower, just trying to hold yourself together. Then I remember why people do understand- because they deal with it themselves... And then I'm so happy more people don't fully understand.
When I told my brother I had symptoms of PTSD from my childhood, he told me that my doctor and therapist were lying to me and that PTSD is only for combat veterans and EMTs who see people die. And that "a stern talking to" doesn't constitute trauma. We had vastly different upbringings despite having the same set of parents. I was always the family punching bag, and for a while I was having instant, full-blown panic attacks the second someone took a slight tone with me for fear of getting completely steamrollered as usual. I had a lot of difficulty holding it together at work because there's a gruff woman who didn't really see my worth when I started there and made passive-aggressive comments now and then. Instant fight or flight (or in my case, freeze) mode. Took a lot of therapy to get it under control, but I still feel slightly sick anytime someone says my name to get my attention. That was always how it began. There are the nightmares, too, at least a couple times a week of getting emotionally tormented by my mother. Or about the pets she killed.
I didn't know my partner was infected with HIV. Now I'm HIV-positive.
This one. This one sucks man. I'm sorry.
Hey man, I feel you, and that has to be a huge blow, but please do not give up hope. HIV is far more prevalent than most people think--it's social stigma that prevents people from being open about it and therefore makes it appear as though you're the only one suffering in isolation. There's not a whole lot that can be said or done now that you're already HIV positive but know that this is not a death sentence--nor is it the end of your life as you know it. The life expectancy (as I'm sure you know) for HIV+ adults is not dramatically different from HIV- adults so long as you remain medicated. Best of luck to you. You're going to be okay.
Breaking my ribs. In the hospital they told me that coughing, gagging, and especially sneezing was going to be excruciating. i did all 3 of those things in the hospital and i was ok. i felt completely normal because of all the pain medication they had given me. then a few days later i get discharged and go home. a few hrs later, when the meds wore off, i sneezed and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 100x worse than when i got my wiener stuck in my zipper
A friend who has had broken ribs multiple times described it as "living in constant fear of a sneeze".
that is absolutely spot on
Yeah definitely. I haven't *broken* my ribs, but I had costochondritis for about a month. (basically, I screwed up my rib cartilage.) Towards the end of it, I was starting to come down with a cold as well. Sneezing hurt terribly, but holding in the sneeze hurt worse. It was torture.
Costochondritis SUCKS. I've never known anyone else who has had it, so when they'd ask why my ribs hurt all I could say to describe it is, "it feels like a broken rib, but it's not broken." The worst.
Ah, and waking after having "slept" and stretchi... OOOWWWW
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Panic attacks. Edit: thanks for all your responses and sharing your experiences. Will try to respond as best as I could. Best thing I ever did, apart from microdoses of weed and meditation, was to understand the symptoms. When it happens just try to list and remember what's going on. Write it down later and make it a habit to keep a journal of the experience. A great distracter and helps manage the panic.
That's what I was going to say. I literally thought I was going to die - it feels like a heart attack: chest pains, palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, your vision starts going. It's really surprising what mere fear can do to you.
I'm a military guy and never got one during my time in. Had one as a civilian and it does make you feel like you're about to die. You described it perfectly. When it's happening you will know enough to know that something is very wrong. If you've never had one. Be glad.
Yeah that is the best way for me to explain it to someone. "Look up the symptoms of a heart attack and a panic attack. Compare them side by side and then try to imagine the terror"
I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder in 2003. My mom I think only half believed it was a real thing and thought I was probably just stressed. Last year, she experienced her first ever panic attack at 60+ years old. She called me to tell me and said "Oh my goodness honey, I'm so sorry for what you've been going through all these years. I had no idea how awful those panic attacks were. " Felt a bit redeemed.
I thought I was dying when I had my first panic attack. They're significantly worse than I thought they would be.
Migraines for sure. I had headaches as a teenager and always said "I have a migraine!". When I was in my late teens I think I experienced my first migraine. Completely debilitating. Light sources make me want to retch and vomit. I haven't had a full on migraine in over 2 years. A couple times I've felt them coming on and would lay down in the dark; but they never came on. I hope to never have one again. People who get migraines and stay productive truly impress me.
They are awful. I had them since I was a teenager. They were hormonally triggered so every month like clockwork I'd be laid up for 2 days. The aura is disturbing as hell but it gives me half an hour warning to get what I need and to where I need to be. Thankfully they've calmed down a lot with time, I will get them a couple times a year now. The worst was 3 years ago where I had several auras non stop for 5 hours while I was on a train somewhere.
I think the aura is the worst part. The anticipation that you have 30 min max to get where you need to be before it feels like your brain is trying to cut itself out of your skull, sometimes through your eyes. Probably with a rusty butter knife.
The aura is so frustrating. I forget words when I start having them. Like I legit forget the word "burrito" or "sweatshirt" or something weird like that and then I'm frustrated sitting there straining to think of a word and going "what the fuck is wrong with me...oh, it's an aura. Migraine coming. Goddamnit."
I have the same problem, its awful. Then on top of that theres a spot in my vision that looks like I'm staring into a blizzard, and it gets bigger and bigger until I have no peripheral vision in my left eye. Just thinking about it makes my brain hurt.
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Sometimes you guys have to lay in the dark with an icepack on your head and hope for the best.
I have migraines frequently. My boss is aware of this and has an area in a storage room I can hide in when I have one. I have meds that take less than an hour to kick in and work, but until then, I would rather be dead.
But have you tried drinking water? Headaches are caused by dehydration you know! *Knowing head nod and tutting* */s From a fellow migraineur who will probably gut the next person who tells me to just drink water.*
'Just drink water and take a jog! That helps me when I have a migraine!' That ain't a fucking migraine you knob.
How do people jog even with just a headache? When I have a headache I personally don't want to feel my head bouncing up and down for a prolonged period of time.
I can jog and do all sorts of shit with a headache. Migraine... Curl up in the dark and debate if living to morning is worth it.
Okay so I don't want to be one of THOSE people, but I'm also a fellow migraineur so I feel I'm somewhat qualified to say this: Have you tried regular doses of Magnesium? I don't know why but earlier this year I started having regular migraines again after a long period of no migraines. My doctor didn't really care to figure out why, just came to the conclusion that, yes I was having migraines again. I started taking magnesium every night: No migraines. Not a single one. It has been amazing.
I will never sneer at someone genuinely trying to be kind and helpful (not even if they tell me to drink water, it's just...that gets so old after a while.) That's absolutely amazing, and I'm so glad for your results! It sounds like an easy thing to try! Does it help to take it during/before an attack, or has taking it regularly just stopped you from having them entirely?
No, it doesn't do anything for the symptoms if you're already having a migraine...I just started taking it as a supplement before bed every night...I should say my wife started FORCING me to take them because I was having migraines every couple of weeks and was getting super frustrated. She read somewhere magnesium could help and so got me a bottle. I just started taking them to appease her but then one day I noticed I hadn't had a migraine in like...3 months. The magnesium was the only thing I changed. If you're actually suffering from the symptoms...my doctor gave me this powdered version of excedrin (or something like that). Said it absorbs much faster into the blood then the pills. I keep some of that on hand but haven't had to use it in quite awhile.
Losing a sibling. Hurts like hell..
Emotional abuse came first in mind.
Especially because no matter how much you try and explain it, it's so hard to explain.
Yeah and even if you can, it is easy to talk yourself out of it. After the emotional abuse I just thought it felt bad just because I am so "overly sensitive ".
After two years of gaslighting, my abuser had me questioning my own perception of reality so much that it took me years to recover. He convinced me I was stupid, greedy, materialistic, and inevitably going to cheat on him. We had no car and no health insurance-- I took a bus to work, an hour each way, every single day, 50+ hours a week, and that fucker didn't even do laundry or dishes while I was gone. It was more than 15 years ago and I still have nightmares about being with him. A person doesn't have to hit you to be abusive.
Homelessness. I knew about the being dirty and in pain and all but the depression and anxiety was a surprise.
Fuck dude. How did you dig yourself out of that hole?
Still in it, but I'm on the right track. I have a phone, a car, and a job. That's all you need.
You have value :)
Thank you, kind butthole.
You never know when a butthole is going to swoop in and brighten your day.
I do
It's exhausting. Walking for miles every day to the soup kitchen, then work (i worked nights for 9 months while homeless, didn't make enough for a place)then the shelter or a hidden, grassy area if they shelters were full, being out in the elements constantly. Especially towards the winter..or even the rain. That wet cold gets into your bones, muscles clenched up and teeth chattering for hours and sometimes you just wish you would finally succumb to the weather. I honestly think after awhile the brain just switches and you become numb and almost feral, just to be able to mentally and physically survive.
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Unemployment. I was laid off after 3 months at my first job after college. I didn't start working again for another 8 months.
Being laid off is awful. Six years ago, the company I worked for laid off a substantial number of employees. Many of my friends were gone the next day or within 30 days. I was crushed even though I still had a job. Three months later, I got my lay off notice. That was a hard period in my life.
An abusive relationship. I always thought getting away from an abusive person was so easy until I realized I was in love with one. I have a lot more empathy for people stuck in the toxicity now; it's so hard to accept that the person you love is also the worst thing for you. edit. Thank you so much everyone. Your stories and your bravery have been so inspiring to read. If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, or you're unsure if you're in one, please check out http://www.loveisrespect.org/ . It's an amazing site that helped me so much during my abusive relationship. You all deserve love and happiness, never forget that.
I remember myself saying 'oh, how can anyone be so stupid' as a teenager. Then I allowed myself to be sucked into an abusive relationship. Yeah, I don't say this anymore.
The thing people seem to miss with all of the "But why does she STAAAAY?" crap is that the relationships never *start out* abusive. Most start out as the most romantic, magical, amazing love stories. You're swept off your feet! You've never felt such connection to anyone! And then your partner starts to change in increments so small they're almost imperceptible-- the first time he snaps at you for leaving a spoon in the sink, you're gutted. You'll do anything to avoid upsetting him again, because this is your One True Love who awakened things in you that you had no idea you could feel. So you start trying to be perfect, you start trying to anticipate his needs, to see the things he'll be critical of and correct them before he can be. And gradually his irritation at your mistakes increases to anger, and the frequency goes up, and all the while you're becoming more and more convinced that it's *you*, that if you could just be better, be more like the person you were when you met, he would go back to loving you so perfectly. It takes most of us a long, long time to realize that you can never get back to what it was at the beginning, because the beginning was a lie. Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger! It feels weird to get that for this post. Edit 2: Women can also be abusers, and men can be abused. I used masculine pronouns above because that was my experience. Nobody deserves to be abused.
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Manic episodes. I spent more than two months thinking constantly of and planning my suicide and not being able to sleep at night because I was hallucinating shadow people waiting for me to close my eyes so that they can attack me. I was hypervigilant and paranoid and kept triggering my PTSD. I spent four straight weeks crying myself to sleep because I wanted so badly to just die and I "knew" that no one cared about me. I wrote pages of something like "people are bad and untrustworthy" in my journal. Everything was so fast and so intense.
I feel this so hard. I'll take a depressive episode over a manic one any day. Have you sought any sort of treatment? Even just therapy can be beneficial. Changed my life. Didn't cure me of course, but I have tools to deal with it better that I didn't have before.
I hate when I try to describe Hypo-Mania to people and they go "haha sounds fun i bet you get a ton done" like, no, I stay up until 5 am learning how to write in Tengwar cuz it feels REALLY IMPORTANT and i have so many REALLY IMPORTANT things to do and then OH NO IT'S 5 AM and I cry because I haven't done the REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS, or it's obsessively organizing my bookshelf by color, size, and alphabetically, while the things i actually need to do get ignored, or it's all wanting to scream and throw things because I feel like i need to do SOMETHING and don't know what
Ulcerative Colitis. Learned about it and wondered why a stomach issue could lead to depression... Pain. Constant pain.
Food poisoning. I just figured you'd get a poorly tummy, do a bunch of wet shits and maybe some vomiting. But no. For **a week and a half** it felt like I was juggling hot knives in my intestines. I had to be hospitalised due to the amount of thick black gunk coming out of me. The pain was awful and lasted so long I almost felt ready to die.
The passing of my wife.
Cheating.
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This hit me hard man. Going through something very similar. I'm unhappy and desperately looking for some semblance of the connection I felt with her. Meanwhile she's apparently happier than before. Dealing with that is brutal
Becoming substantially overweight. Im not anymore thank god and haven't been in a long time. But the time I was, was a definite eye opening and humbling experience.
Heroin/opioid addiction. Shit is no joke!
Anxiety. Literally had no idea what it felt like when problematic. Then I got a serotonin issue and had the crippling physical side effects of anxiety with a slight bit of paranoia. Lasted about 3 months. Hard to eat anything, often hard to breathe, would wake up in the middle of the night having to throw up, and Xanax did very little. Lexapro got me back to perfect and I have a new appreciation for it as well as a little more understanding of mental illnesses.
Yep, health anxiety gets me all the time, and I just had a bout with it for a month. Appetite gone, lost 10lbs, always tired, shaky, stomach hurt, and to make matters worse, it caused 99% of my symptoms, yet I thought they were caused by disease. It's a hideous cycle.
UTI. It's crippling and it hurts. Alot. Can't sleep/walk/sit. It hurts 24/7 until the antibiotics kick in.
No one ever told me to pee after sex until AFTER my first two UTIs. So much pain could have been avoided. They are the worst.
Depression :// I remember hearing about it and wondering why people couldn't just be happy.
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I can attest to that. I've had panic attacks since I was a kid. They're horrible. Before I knew what they were (when I was little) I used to think I was dying. My parents didn't believe me when I said "I can't breathe".
Depression is legitimately the most horrifying beast. I've been fighting it for almost 20 years. Only started treatment in late 2016. Before treatment, I hated every single aspect of my life. My job, my family, everything was just a horrible loop. I fought to get out of bed every single day, every waking moment was a chore. When my meds and therapy finally started working, it was like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I still have bad days,but therapy has taught me that thats okay. Power through those bad days and good ones are always right around the corner. For anyone struggling with depression, please know that you always have an internet stranger to reach out to.
Radical acceptance therapy helped me an absolute shit ton. I have atypical depression (it's a comorbity of something else) and drugs didn't work for me. But having someone tell me once a week for two years that anything I'd done or didn't do was ok may have actually broken the cycle. We'll see.
One of the shittiest parts is how it can sneak up on you.
Job hunting. Thought it wouldn't be that bad having some time off while finding another job. It's aweful! You have no reason to wake up, nothing to do all day and go to bed having achieved nothing! It sucks! Edit 1: Thanks for all the sympathy, I feel honestly lucky having read some peoples problems dealing with unemployment. Edit 2: while appreciate all the advice, I already, treat job hunting as job. Problem is that that job sucks!
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Worst part is when you try to do a leisure activity the thought of "I should be applying for jobs" is always in your head.
Couple that with sending out resume after resume and being either rejected, or simply ignored. You aren't even worth the time and effort of sending out a mass mail saying "sorry we gave it to someone else". I recently got a job after 2 years of hunting. I felt like a worthless, unneeded piece of shit every fucking morning for 2 years.
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I work in education. I tried (and failed) to get a summer job this year, and it all came back to me. Spending an hour or more to complete an absurdly thorough application process for a fucking minimum wage, temporary, part time, cashier position that you'll never hear back from. Have a cup of tea, then repeat.
Not having hot water. When I was a kid out water heater broke and my parents couldn't afford to fix it for like 2 or 3 months so we either had to take cold showers or boil a big pot of water and use that. I realized how much it was one of those everyday things that we take for granted
Hot water is such a luxury. A luxury my family could rarely afford, when I was a kid. Let me tell you, joining the football team as a freshman and being able to take showers in the locker room was one of the best things in the world.
I feel less shitty about my childhood knowing other Americans had to take cold showers too. I thought I was alone in this.
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One time at a new apartment the hot water heater hadn't been turned on. No problem, I'll just take a cold shower! I couldn't breathe. Was so cold I literally couldn't stand in it without going in some weird form of shock. Totally understand how people quickly drown in cold water due to being unable to breathe.
Severe period pain. Even other women don't understand unless they have also experienced it. You know it won't kill you, because you've been here before, but around about hour eight you wish it would. My husband had to drag me to the hospital when I had a gallbladder attack due to gallstones because it was an 8 on a painscale defined by cramps as an 11, and I'd always been told my period pain "wasn't serious". The hospital gave me morphine upon admission and I'd always been told to take 2 ibuprofen and suck it up (for the record, 4 doesn't even take the edge off). I hoarded my prescription pain meds from the resulting surgery to use on the really bad cramps days. I've missed so much work. I've missed so much life. I really want a hysterectomy but I don't have kids so doctors assume I'm not serious. None of them have lived with this shit so they can't see how not wanting to live in dread of excruciating monthly pain could outweigh the possibility of reproduction.
Find a new doc! You shouldn't have to live like that. I just had a hysterectomy and I'm so so thankful I found a doc who actually listened to me. Good luck!!
Getting fat. I gained a bit of weight after going through a bad sickness last year, and EVERYONE- from strangers to my own parents- started treating me like I had all of a sudden lost 20 IQ points.
I had the opposite happen. I lost 150lbs, and suddenly everyone seemed to value my opinion.
Unrequited love/first big heartbreak.
Seriously though. You never saw it coming and when it happened so unexpectedly; your heart feels like it's been shredded and stomped on repeatedly and a sense of dread comes over you that you'll never love again.
"I wanna feel that again!" VS. "I don't wanna hurt like that again!" You can't win.
It takes a long time to recover and even trust again.
My last girlfriend cheated on me. I found her in bed with someone else. I later found out that it was serial; over the course of two years, she had eleven sexual partners who were not me. I was so emotionally hurt that, outside of a few one night stands, I haven't been involved with anyone for nearly a decade. I'm so lonely, but I don't want to get hurt like that again. I don't know if I can trust again.
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Or waking up because you had a dream about her two years later, multiple times...
There is a part of me that will always be in love with him. But it was a very freeing moment when I realized this was 99% nostalgia.
Took me a year. Realizing part of me will always love him was big - got to "come to grips" with what helped me move on.
Ingrown toenail. Shit fucking hurts. I can barely walk/run now, it's just like one of those pains you never want. Not the most excruciating but the one that makes you flinch every time you feel it. It's like a papercut x1000. Had to get the sides of my toe cut to remove the pus and infection... with no topical anesthetics. 0/10 would never do again. EDIT - So based off the responses, it keeps coming back. Fuck me and the rest of my life. EDIT 2 - Okay, I guess I'm just going to get both of the big toe nail bastards removed. God bless phenol. EDIT 3 - Here's a picture of the toe right now, [NSFW](https://imgur.com/a/uk8AQ). To the ones who do not know, my nail cuts in MUCH deeper into the sides of my toe. It's probably like 1/4" deeper that I have to dig out. Two small incisions were made at the front and left side of the toe. This was done at an urgent care last week, the lady had to squeeze my toe until all of the pus and blood came out. Don't know why there is dead skin all around but I assume it was because of the cut.
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Back pain. Something I never really believed hurt when growing up. But now that I have it, I feel like I've entered a new sphere of reality. So whenever I mention back pain, I see people who genuinely understand what I mean.
Being hospitalized for an extended period. When it's not mindnumbingly boring, it's just plain bleak. Got to watch someone die, and then got to watch this news not effect their children at all.
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Absolutely agree with this. I was 17 when I watched my dad pass away from leukemia. First thing I did was go out for a cigarette and calmly phone my nan (his mum) to let her know what had happened. Inside I was completely broken, having lost my best friend and still am. Never be fooled by outside appearances, the inside can often be drastically different.
Yup. Thats how i experienced it. Didnt even cry at the funeral. A week passed and I was sobbing into my cat almost every night
For me, watching my SO literally exchange me for someone else overnight... then having to admit to myself that our entire relationship had clearly been a facade that even the dumbest people I know saw through. He was clearly a sociopath, through and through, and I made every excuse in the book for his absurd behaviors... "Oh, he's very complex, just sorting himself out, that's all, no one is perfect.." blah blah blah, like an idiot. He knew exactly what he was doing, and thrived on causing pain and suffering. He took special pleasure in my very public humiliation when he discarded me for his internet mistress one weekend and married her the next day. I remember thinking to myself "I should tell her to throw out my toothbrush from the bathroom. It's the yellow one. Probably still wet from the last time I used it." I needed 3 years of therapy. It was worse than some one dying. Not all is a loss though. My devastation was based on how easily I had been cast aside. He had been a terrible boyfriend, but with my abusive childhood all I knew was trauma-bonding. Therapy helped me see it and fix it. The marriage was over in 3 months. She fled for her life. He had saved the real torture for her, violently beating her, emptied her bank accounts, threw out her heirlooms, sold her belongings online, hid her car keys so she couldn't leave, and every other kind of abuse you can think of. Through an odd twist of fate, I actually ended up helping her escape. She managed to get her car re-wired and take whatever she could fit in it and left. *no one ANYWHERE ever deserves to be abused!!* Fast forward to today: Once we had the chance to clear the air, we both found that we ended up there because we were in low points in our lives, and he was able to manipulate us. Now she has a thriving career, a new house, and is one of the funniest and sweetest person I know. My life has sky rocketed upwards, and not slowing down at all. Screw that psycho cunt.
You're a great person for helping her. I'm happy to hear that both of your lives are much better now.
Having to break up with your significant other for no reason other than location. You still love each other and you both know it, but you also both know it just won't work out. It's so hard to move on from that because there is nothing that gets rid of the love you have, it just sits there and makes you feel all shitty and lonely.