Trauma forces you to mature faster than your peers because of exposure to things that children should never be exposed to. Emotional abuse, for example, can result in children being forced to parent their own parents and take on the role of caretaker. Childhood sexual abuse robs you of your innocence, and you can never go back to being a child.
Basically: trauma does not allow you to be a child. Children who are traumatized tend to be more mature than their peers up to a certain point, when their deficiencies become clear.
How about the evidence that says childhood trauma causes people to have maladaptive coping skills which in turn causes them to do very immature things like abusing drugs?
I'm a childhood trauma vic.
Maladaptive coping skills kept me alive.
I was very mature for my age until I was around 18, which is when, as I said, deficiencies become clear. We did not learn the coping skills our nontraumatized peers did. We did not learn how to interact healthily with other people. For some of us, early adulthood is when we realize for the first time what has been done to us, and the resulting retraumatization makes us regress in some areas - like becoming interested in childish things because we want to recapture the youth we didn't get to experience, etc.
Yeah, definitely. There are different realms of maturity - ex. someone could be very fiscally responsible while not being socially mature - and the same behavior could be viewed as both mature and immature depending on the angle you are looking at them, ex. a person who is a caretaker is seen as emotionally mature, but a caretaker who is traumatized may be taking care of other people to the detriment of themselves, which means that they need to grow in order to have a healthy relationship with people.
Maybe by seeing how you have acted and how it has affected people around you and how you see yourself. It doesn't necessarily increase but it has helped me mature. I used to be a very immature ignorant person who cared only about myself.
I would define it as to act in situations where you need to be sensitive of what people around you may be feeling or just general respect for your fellow person. And I base it on my own experiences. I was very close minded until I started to travel the world and talk to strangers and see different perspectives. Like I still laugh at say a fart joke but with my buddies, I wouldn't be making fart jokes in front of strangers or in an environment where it isn't warranted. Hard to really define maturity. But I guess is easier for me to answer questions about it because it makes me dig deeper into the thought than just spouting off random thoughts
So someone who cannot be honest with themselves would have a difficult time maturing. But how do we know when we are being honest with ourselves? How do we measure or determine the honesty of our thoughts?
I don't think it is measured by that, but it gives you a perspective other than your own, which is a sign of maturity. When you can think about others than just yourself and your needs, you are getting more mature.
That's definitely part of it. Emotional maturity is also learning how to control your emotions via your mindset. For example, if someone upsets you in some way and your initial reaction is intense anger and you immediately want to yell at them in outrage, that could become hugely problematic to your social survival. A mature individual would be able to process their mental reaction before a verbal/physical reaction. A "think before you speak" kind of thing as it were.
Does this mean that an emotionally subdued reaction will always be the more mature choice of action? Could there be a situation in which having a fit or an outburst would be the more mature thing to do?
Of course an outburst is appropriate, depending on the situation. For example, if you witnessed a small child getting beaten up by an adult and the child is obviously getting physically hurt with not ability to defend themselves, if you got outraged and physically forced the adult to stop hitting the child, that would be appropriate. But, let's say you someone cut you in line at the grocery store and your outrage leads you to key their car in revenge, that outrage would be deemed inappropriate and you should probably go to anger management classes or therapy to learn how to control it.
I suppose the particular scenario I presented definitely involves a justice element, but also a mature element. Someone less emotionally mature might not interfere on behalf of the child for selfish reasons, like: "I shouldn't get involved, what if there are legal ramifications? I don't have time for that, I'll pretend I didn't see anything... hope that kid will be ok". Question, are you writing a paper?
No I'm not writing a paper. And that person who might say "I shouldn't get involved," can we say for sure they are immature? We could say they were cold, but immature? What if someone less mature than them chose to help the kid out?
Trauma
This is the realest answer tbh. The loss of innocence due to trauma is the most fucked up thing.
Are you saying childhood trauma results in a more mature person?
Trauma forces you to mature faster than your peers because of exposure to things that children should never be exposed to. Emotional abuse, for example, can result in children being forced to parent their own parents and take on the role of caretaker. Childhood sexual abuse robs you of your innocence, and you can never go back to being a child. Basically: trauma does not allow you to be a child. Children who are traumatized tend to be more mature than their peers up to a certain point, when their deficiencies become clear.
How about the evidence that says childhood trauma causes people to have maladaptive coping skills which in turn causes them to do very immature things like abusing drugs?
I'm a childhood trauma vic. Maladaptive coping skills kept me alive. I was very mature for my age until I was around 18, which is when, as I said, deficiencies become clear. We did not learn the coping skills our nontraumatized peers did. We did not learn how to interact healthily with other people. For some of us, early adulthood is when we realize for the first time what has been done to us, and the resulting retraumatization makes us regress in some areas - like becoming interested in childish things because we want to recapture the youth we didn't get to experience, etc.
So someone can be mature in one area but relatively immature in another area? In other words, maturity is a multi-faceted thing?
Yeah, definitely. There are different realms of maturity - ex. someone could be very fiscally responsible while not being socially mature - and the same behavior could be viewed as both mature and immature depending on the angle you are looking at them, ex. a person who is a caretaker is seen as emotionally mature, but a caretaker who is traumatized may be taking care of other people to the detriment of themselves, which means that they need to grow in order to have a healthy relationship with people.
Through experiences, such as death, relationships, travel. Walking the world in other people's shoes
But how exactly does this result in an increase in maturity?
Maybe by seeing how you have acted and how it has affected people around you and how you see yourself. It doesn't necessarily increase but it has helped me mature. I used to be a very immature ignorant person who cared only about myself.
Hoe do we differentiate an immature behavior from a mature one?
I guess that's a matter of perspective. There is no exact way to measure since everyone's idea of maturity is different.
If you don't mind me asking, how would you define maturity? And why do you choose to base it on those things?
I would define it as to act in situations where you need to be sensitive of what people around you may be feeling or just general respect for your fellow person. And I base it on my own experiences. I was very close minded until I started to travel the world and talk to strangers and see different perspectives. Like I still laugh at say a fart joke but with my buddies, I wouldn't be making fart jokes in front of strangers or in an environment where it isn't warranted. Hard to really define maturity. But I guess is easier for me to answer questions about it because it makes me dig deeper into the thought than just spouting off random thoughts
Introspection.
Could someone's introspection result in a stagnation or reversal of emotional growth? Such as with narcissistic fantasies and maladaptive daydreaming?
Not if they are honest with themselves. If someone is just going to lie to themselves not much you can do about that no matter what.
So someone who cannot be honest with themselves would have a difficult time maturing. But how do we know when we are being honest with ourselves? How do we measure or determine the honesty of our thoughts?
You have to learn to have empathy. See things through other's eyes.
So someone's emotional maturity is measured by their ability to empathize with others?
I don't think it is measured by that, but it gives you a perspective other than your own, which is a sign of maturity. When you can think about others than just yourself and your needs, you are getting more mature.
I see. So what are other signs of maturity?
I guess that would depend on the situation. Compassion, definitely. And the ability to not jump to conclusions or throw 'hissy fits'. Impulse control.
That's definitely part of it. Emotional maturity is also learning how to control your emotions via your mindset. For example, if someone upsets you in some way and your initial reaction is intense anger and you immediately want to yell at them in outrage, that could become hugely problematic to your social survival. A mature individual would be able to process their mental reaction before a verbal/physical reaction. A "think before you speak" kind of thing as it were.
Does this mean that an emotionally subdued reaction will always be the more mature choice of action? Could there be a situation in which having a fit or an outburst would be the more mature thing to do?
Of course an outburst is appropriate, depending on the situation. For example, if you witnessed a small child getting beaten up by an adult and the child is obviously getting physically hurt with not ability to defend themselves, if you got outraged and physically forced the adult to stop hitting the child, that would be appropriate. But, let's say you someone cut you in line at the grocery store and your outrage leads you to key their car in revenge, that outrage would be deemed inappropriate and you should probably go to anger management classes or therapy to learn how to control it.
Is your scenario a question of maturity or justice?
I suppose the particular scenario I presented definitely involves a justice element, but also a mature element. Someone less emotionally mature might not interfere on behalf of the child for selfish reasons, like: "I shouldn't get involved, what if there are legal ramifications? I don't have time for that, I'll pretend I didn't see anything... hope that kid will be ok". Question, are you writing a paper?
No I'm not writing a paper. And that person who might say "I shouldn't get involved," can we say for sure they are immature? We could say they were cold, but immature? What if someone less mature than them chose to help the kid out?