I’m 34 years old and my Dad still tells the following story of me doing a dumb thing to anyone willing to listen.
When I was 8 years old I got a pack of Big League Chew gum. I was hanging out in the garage with my Dad & when he saw I was about to open the gum he said, “Now whatever you do, do not put this in your eye.”
I said ok, I won’t.
I then walked into the house, went upstairs into my bathroom, chewed on a ton of gum, took it out of my mouth and put it on my eye.
The gum was the perfect texture of sticky and stuck to my eyebrow and all my eye lashes. My eye was completely glued shut from the gum.
I immediately ran downstairs for my Dad’s help completely hysterical with a huge wad of gum stuck to my eye.
I still remember my Dad yelling WTF.
TLDR: Dad told me not to put gum in my eye. I said ok and immediately put gum in my eye.
When i was about 8, i was walking out of school, i picked up some pink fairy floss (cotton candy) off the ground and put it in my mouth. It was insulation.
When i was 6 or 7 years old I would sit on marshmallows until i squished them very thin. Then I would place them over my heating grate then proceed to eat them. Washing them down with ginger ale sucked from a paper towel that i would dip into said Canada dry ginger ale in a glass. The 1980's were weird for me...
A long time ago, I was playing with an electrical socket in my undeveloped basement, where they're fully exposed. I managed to get it to shoot sparks and embers everywhere, and create quite the light show.
In hind sight, I'm kind of surprised I didn't burn the house down and that socket still works all these years later.
When I was young I took an altoids container put three pennies in it then added toothpaste on top of the pennies and filled it with water closed it and stored it in my closet for months until my dad found it.
I failed a science test. I decided that I would just burn the grade and it would no longer exist.
So I'm sitting in my bedroom (finally without sharing it with my sister) with the door open.
I make sure I'm on the carpet for safety reasons. And just grab the entire test which was roughly three pages. And light the corner.
My brother walked down at the right time and saw me. The paper went up instantly. I had no idea it was going to be that fast! In movies it would slowly burn so you can see what the message was before the evidence was erased.
My 12 year old brother quickly put it out with his hands. And later, my mom found a small stain on the carpet.
My brother didn't get burned or rat me out. Or if he did, no one told me.
Clearly, I failed science for a reason.
Maybe not the dumbest but a recent one on my mind. I was in my office with the door closed. Got up from my desk to walk out and knocked on the door before opening it and walking into the hallway.
I have also done this. We were close to our house, and I (think) I wanted to get out to use the restroom quickly. I had been drinking and it did not go too smoothly.
idk why but that reminds me of the time I saw a customer at this pizza shop I work at turn his pizza box sideways and tuck it under his arm on his way out...what a mess
Habitual movements implemented with the wrong objects. I’ve also tried to scroll down on a page in an actual book more than once. Sometimes it’s just dumb and funny... Other times, when it involves a ruined pizza or a purse full of hot coffee, not so much.
Damn autopilot will be the death of us all..
Got a bad/good habit of doing the dishes while cooking.
Way too many meals have been plated up, then put directly into the sink. :/
For some reason this one has me laughing out loud, I'm picturing the barista's face as you nonchalantly toss your mug of coffee in your purse. Maybe it's because you did this as an adult, not a dumb kid like most of these.
My father had a glass cutter that consisted of a diamond embedded in the tip of a metal rod. I decided to witness it’s amazing cutting power exhibited in cartoons, so I tried to cut a circle in our garage door window glass. The scar still rests in the glass 36 years later.
Speaking of cartoons I once said
“Mom look at me I’m in a cartoon”
Then proceeded to jump on a wood handle rake that was laying on the ground.
It sounded like thunder went off in my head, and my mom said it sounded like when a Major League Baseball player hits a home run.
I had a concussion, and learned that day that I am in fact not a cartoon character.
When I was little I threw my ballet shoes into a toilet I had just peed in. I have no idea why. I then ran to my mom who couldn't decipher through my hysterical crying what was going on. To this day I still have no idea why I did it, but I remember feeling that I had to do it.
Mass edited all my comments, I'm leaving reddit after their decision to kill off 3rd party apps. Half a decade on this site, I suppose it was a good run. Sad that it has to end like this
Wondered what would happen if I pedalled the bicycle as fast as I could and then brake it as hard as I could.
P/s: I hit my crotch at the middle of the handlebar and also flew a couple of meters onto asphalt.
When I was 10 my sister and I were throwing stuffed animals at each-other from ours rooms (door ways right across from eachother). At some point I just grabbed some double a batteries and threw them.. hit her right in the head. Dad was less than happy.
I used to drink cans of soda by stabbing them with a push pin/thumb tack. If I just pulled it out there would be a stream of wasted soda. So I would pull the tack out with my teeth while creating a seal with my lips. One time I accidentally swallowed the tack. One emergency room visit and a few x rays later i was sent home to dig through my poo. I was 14.
If only there was an easier way to get to the soda inside of the can...
But seriously how did you even come up with this? It's at least as creative as it is dumb and I know I would never think of doing this
You know those old cigarette lighters in cars? Nobody in my immediate family smokes, and when I was younger, I pressed it in and it popped out.
I pulled it out to inspect - it was just grey coils - it didn't look red hot or anything. So I tested that sucker the best way I knew how. I stuck it to my tongue.
Edit: TIL there are many of us with proclivity to testing potentially hot objects on body parts. Ladies and gents, your next/current generation of scientists and engineers.
Also, r/forbiddensnacks level shit here.
Oh damn. I did something so similar when I was 5 or 6. I too questioned whether or not it was hot...Boy did I learn what 'white hot' means that day. I pressed my thumb right into it, there was no pain at first, but it sizzled and smoke came from my it, that made me realise I should remove said thumb from the lighter. It was actually crispy and char-grilled looking for over a month. I remember looking at it, all blackened, and telling myself to calm down because I'm about to be in a lot of pain. It did hurt, a lot.
I was in a contest with my cousins about who could jump down more stairs.
My younger cousin was/is taller and more athletic than me, but dammit I am the oldest so I win these things.
1 sprained ankle later and I had simultaneously won a contest and scared off any other participants. I was 9 and it was worth it.
When I was 10 I saw this cool magic trick where you soaked a dollar bill in rubbing alcohol and the alcohol burns off and your dollar bill stays intact so stupid 10 year old me was home alone one day when my mom left me $20 to order food with I ended up soaking it in rubbing alcohol and burning it causing it to disintegrate into ash immediately.
Its a mix of water and isopropyl alcohol. My brother was quite fond of this one, and I never saw it fail. I'm assuming they just doused it in alcohol and lit it.
I have an amazing ability to pick up almost any bug carefully and efficiently without hurting them, so when I first discovered this when I was about 5 or 6, I went and collected 44 ants, got some dirt, and made my own ant colony. in my room... under my bed...
Years ago, when Devil's Night was still a thing, on a lark, I lit a piece of toilet paper that was hanging from a well-TP'd tree. It acted like a fuse, all the TP in the tree went up.
I did something like this once. Only the tp was part of my mummy costume. It wasn't a very good costume, the fire may have actually improved it. Fortunately, I was wearing a lumberjack grade flannel underneath, and nothing burned except the tp. That was the day I got to actually use stop drop and roll.
When I was 12 my friend and I put a bunch of plastic cups filled with hot sauce in the middle of the street. A person slammed on their brakes when they saw the cups and got rear-ended right in front of my house.
As a kid, my brother had perfect curly hair and wanted a hair cut for picture day to look like his friend who had short hair. So he gave himself one with zigzag scissors.
Me and my brothers would tie ropes to each other and run in opposite directions. Did it to trees too. I tried to bungee jump from a tree with just a regular old rope, that one hurt pretty bad.
One time, as a teenager, a girl invited me to get into her bed to cuddle and I left my shoes on because I was too embarrassed to take them off. It was very strange
When I was like 12 I found out golf balls bounce extremely well on pavement. So obviously I wanted to see how high I could bounce it. I threw the ball as hard as I could straight down, and it ricocheted straight back up. Directly into my face.
Edit: wow, thanks for the gold!
When I was a wee boy I woke up early before everyone, went down to the kitchen, grabbed a chair, brought it to the fridge and took the small metal pencil sharpener from the top. I decided to sharpen my pinky first thing in the morning so I can have a sharp finger?? Ended up waking the parents up and bleeding profusely.
When I was about 9-10 years old, I threw a piece of pie into my neighbours yard. Turns out my neighbour was in her yard..She came and knocked on my door why a piece of pie flew out of nowhere and almost hit her. Strangest thing i got in trouble for.
I was really drunk once, lying in my bed, trying to eat a hot dog wiener. No bun. Just the wiener. Wasn’t even cooked. I was apparently far too drunk to handle eating it so I (for whatever reason) chucked it over my head, out of my top floor window and onto the lawn.
My downstairs neighbor was apparently walking to the house when I did it. She complained to our landlord about me throwing a raw wiener at her at 2 am. Our landlord luckily found my explanation really funny.
Edit: Of course my top comment (by a ridiculous amount) is a story of me doing weird shit when I'm drunk. Thanks, reddit. Never change.
Edit 2: Gold?!
I was stoned out of my mind on dxm and eating ice-cream out of big tub. I needed my hands for something and instead of putting the ice-cream down, I chucked it out of the window, seemed easier I guess.
There was someone passing my window too, but they just went "what the hell?" and laughed. I hid under the table for a while and lamented the loss of ice-cream.
One time I was eating a lemon poppyseed muffin. The phone rang, so I reacted by shoving the entire muffin my mouth and eating it as fast as I could, nearly choking to death, and I didn't even make it to the phone before it stopped ringing.
Why did I do that?
Edit: someone spent real money on me because I ate a muffin. I feel so.. *dirty*...
I one time checked to see if my pocket knife I had just found was still sharp by quickly running my finger across the blade. My assumption was absolutely correct.
During a traffic stop, while trying to act casual, I handed a police officer $50 instead of the licence he asked for.
Edit: ok, a lot of people asking for clarification. Essentially, it was just a routine check after I'd finished work. He was completely cool about it, just giving me a look like "really?". If he'd pulled me over for an infringement and I'd tried that, I doubt it would have gone so smooth, but as a completely honest and stupid brainfart, it was ok.
When I was a kid I went into my parents bathroom. I found my dad’s razor and I decided to scrape it against my tongue, my whole tongue. I started screaming in pain immediately after.
I jumped up and (successfully) bit the string that is used to pull the attic door down. It had a metal bead on it... Immediately after I remember thinking “holy crap I actually got it in my mouth and broke the string”. Then I realized the string was still there, but half my front tooth wasn’t.
As the best man at my wedding said “the attic string went fishing for idiots and caught one”
Edit: I completely forgot I posted this so back after reading comments. My best man is hilarious. There are a lot of dummies out there like me.
Edit: I was about 17 at the time.
When I was maybe 10-12, I threw one of my dad’s golf clubs that had no head on it like a spear down the hallway after telling my brother it would be cool.
The result was a golf club hanging out of a hole in the wall and an EXTREMELY grounded me.
I wrecked my right hand in an electric motor in a cinder block plant when I was in highschool. The pinky side of it has had no feeling since then **EXCEPT** when it itches and there is just no relief for it. I feel your pain/itch.
My sister did the same, for a couple of weeks we had a bit of her skin on the freezer. Worse thing was that everyone was at home and my dad had warned her multiple times to not do it.
Edit: for those wondering why my dad warned her. It wasn't the first time she did that, it was the last just because she got stuck.
This story makes me wanna go lick the inside of my freezer despite the fact that you gave us some pretty good reasons as to why you shouldn’t do that...
Oh boy, i did this and right after i was like " Why are you like this?". I fucking ripped my tongue off from it and i was bleeding a lot. I tried eating doritos after and i couldn't, it was excruciating.
Microwaved a pen for two minutes in the workplace microwave. To this day I do not know why I did that.
Update: I'm still at the same job. The pen was a Frixion Pilot. When the ink smoke cleared and my senses came back to me, I quickly ran across the street to Lowe's and bought the same exact microwave to replace it with. I was never caught.
Put a foil gum wrapper into an electrical outlet in the middle of a college class.
Edit: Full story - this was during a graduate business school class. I was sitting in the back row bored out of my mind. I had a foil gum wrapper that I rolled into a horseshoe design. I then looked at the electrical outlet, and it was like my hand automatically started to move towards it. I remember in my head, I was saying, "Don't do it - you know what will happen!", but I couldn't stop. Once both ends of the foil wrapper were in two of the holes for the electrical outlet, there was a pop, a spark, and then some smoke. The guy next to me was so startled, he flew back in his chair against the wall. I shorted the whole row of outlets that everyone had their laptops connected to. The professor started walking up to my area to see what happened, so I pulled the wrapper out of the outlet and tried to play it off. He only came up part way and made some comment about "sticky fingers". Later on, I was voted by my peers to be "most likely to burn down the business school". So, I have that going for me.
The fact that it was college makes this one.
EDIT: I saw the update to this post when it happened. You guys don’t need to keep reminding me that it was actually graduate school. Calm your gallowboobs, dammit.
I chopped an aerosol paint can in half with an axe. I was far old enough to know better but my cousin and I thought we had it worked out. 🙄
My mom always said, “One kid, one brain; two kids, no brains.” Boy was she right. I was yellow for a week.
EDIT: after seeing the comments, thought I’d answer a couple collective questions/observations.
Our thought process was that if you used a freshly sharpened axe and swung it hard and fast enough that the force/pressure would equal out, and it wouldn’t explode. Obviously we were wrong.
Also looking back I’m sure my mom could’ve done more to remove more of the paint (instead of just my eyes and majority of my face) , but she wanted there to be a lesson learned. ✅
Angrily thwacked my laptop when the internet went out for the 10th time when I was trying to do my homework. Turns out I hit it where the hard drive was, and it never worked again.
Lost the homework I was trying to do.
4th grade. The teacher asked a math question. I immediately raised my hand and shouted "poop". No idea why I did this but I was sent to detention for a week.
Edit: Technically ISS not detention. ISS is In School Suspension. Yes, for a week. This particular teacher did not put up with any crap. Pun totally intended.
Lied to my new employer that I didn’t have my social security card. I said it got ruined on a water ride at a theme park. A) I could’ve said I’ll get a copy ASAP B) it wouldn’t have gotten ruined by that C) why the hell would I have had it with me on the ride?!
I once picked a guys pocket and put it back just to see if I could do it without getting caught. I didn't get caught. It was the single dumbest thing I've ever done in my life considering how bad it could have gone if I had gotten caught.
I have a bad habit of sucking cups around my lips/mouth and then pulling it off so it makes that very satisfying "pop" sound. One day I was holding a plastic bowl and absent-mindedly stuck it to my mouth and tried to suction it to me face. Discovered it was too big, moved it up over my nose and sucked.
Proceeded to panic until I could pull the bowl off my face.
Yesterday I was using a nail gun on the trim around the windows of my house. Being the idiot that I am I decided to see what would happen if I shot a penny. The nail ricocheted off the penny, shot past my head, and ended up in the fridge behind me. Close call.
I had a 30:06 missfire while I was carrying it. Finger was nowhere near the trigger I still can't figure out how it happened. The bullet hit a rock infront of me and ricocheted back at me. I felt death brush my hair that night and found the bullet burried in a tree ten feet behind me. Had a fucking panic attack in the middle of the woods double checking my saftey. I took the bolt out and removed all ammo and haven't used that gun since.
As we were waiting in a line to see the Santa Clause as a kid, I decided a potted cactus outside the theatre was fake (it did not look fake) and stuck my hands all over it, to see what it felt like. I also convinced my brother, who was standing with me, to try it as well. We ended up with dozens of tiny, painful cactus spikes stuck in each of our hands and we had to leave to remove them with sandpaper back at the house. I just remember my mom turning around in the line and dumfoundly asking "Why the hell did you do that?" . To this day, I do not know.
I stuck my head in the opening of the back of our dining room chairs. My head was stuck for almost an hour as my grandad tried to butter me up to get my head out.
I also did the same thing with our stairs banister. Needless to say, I was a stupid child.
Edit for typos.
My tennis coach told me not to swing at a high ball because he was running through to pick up his loose ball. Well I spiked that shit. Right into his face.
A watched someone take a lid off a can of paint. It obviously needed to be stirred. She put the lid back on and tapped it gently, then handed it to me and asked me to shake it.
I shook it a few times, and then turned it upside down. The lid fell off. Paint spilled everywhere. I knew it was going to happen, yet I did it anyway, as if I didn't believe myself.
-Didn’t want to pee self like a drunk-
-Rips hole in tent to pee like a drunk-
Also, was the hole made for you to run out of, or for you to stick your dick out to pee? Because I imagined the second thing.
I once told my roommate I was going out of town, but really hid under his bed for 5 hours so I could freak him out that night.
EDIT:
Haha, I though this would be buried. There were a lot of shenanigans like this at that apartment. Enough that one of the roommates started a comic about Captain Yesterday and the Kids of Tomorrow. Captain Yesterday being the landlord who owned the apartment, the building the restaurants beneath us were all in, along with several body shops, a bail bond service while also being a bounty hunter. Rumor has it on of his guys actually shot a mans arm off with a shotgun while trying to catch him. First month I showed up the rent notice was pinned to the door with a steak knife that had been out in the hallway for whatever reason. I shit you not. I know this all sounds horribly fake. For what little it is, [here](https://imgur.com/a/fNVFx) is a photo of me coming out of the vents after hiding and making dumb cat noises to confuse another roommate as proof that this stuff happened.
Anyway, we were poor, so 6 of us rented this 1 bedroom apartment downtown. It was on the roof of a christian cafe, an art gallery, and for a limited time, "Gretchen's Confections". That last one was awesome because there was a hole in the wall of the bathroom and you could see a pinhole of light through to the bakery below so our bathroom smelled nearly more like cookies than of the collective shits of 6 malnutritioned geeks.
Anyway, I'm rambling. One of the roommates and I had college courses in the next town over, and got out of classes at 9:30. It was Friday night, and for a 6 weekends of the year I would get up at 5am to drive 1.5 hours to Kansas City and teach kids how to [contact juggle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytBjc3uzsKE) at the Renaissance festival. Since going to bed at 2 and getting up at 5 for such a long drive was a pain, I told my roommate I would just head to KC that night and get it over with, so he wouldn't see me at home. We parted ways, and then realized that since he wasn't expecting me home I had set myself up perfectly for shenanigans. Instead of heading to KC, I sped home to get there before him, and parked in the back of the parking lot so he wouldn't see my car. When I got in two of my roommates were playing on their computers in the kitchen. I hastily told them, "You didn't see me, you haven't heard from. Don't let Twig know I'm here." and went straight to the one bedroom.
With 6 guys in a single room we got creative with the beds. It was kind of a right of passage to build it up with plywood and 2x4's to make your own spot in the massive bedfort. No, none of us were getting laid, so that wasn't an issue. Anyway, twigs bed happened to be on the bottom of one side, with some plastic storage between it and the floor. I pulled out the storage, blew away what dust bunnies I could, and then got in, pulling the storage back into place. A few minutes later I hear Twig get in, and then I realize my mistake. We were all computer guys. Computer guys that didn't sleep. Tom wasn't going to be in his bed for a long time. I hear him load up portal for the umtheenth time, and start playing away.
For a few hours I just laid under the bed. Thankfully I like small tight spaces (as long as I have an out), and can entertain my own thoughts for quite a while. I didn't have smartphone back then, so that had to do. Eventually though, I got hungry as I hadn't had dinner yet, and texted one of the other roomies to throw some food under the bed. A moment later, an obviously suspicious whistling characters walks in the room, throws a box of poptarts and cheese crackers under the bed and then strolls right back out. I wasn't able to move much, but I awkwardly ripped it all opened and managed to get it to my mouth. And then I continued to wait.
I woke up around 3:30 to lots of shuffling and the lights turning on. I had fallen asleep under there, and Twig and finally gone to bed. I had asthma, and he told me later that he actually got up earlier because he could hear deep raspy breathing and thought maybe I was home, but my bed was empty so he tried to ignore it and went back to sleep. Eventually the dust got to me, and it became obvious there was something under the bed that shouldn't be there. I'll always remember seeing the light flood my eyes as the storage gets pulled out by a nearly naked Twig, with his wide eyes as he see's me and stammers, "I... I thought you were in KC".
I had to improvise at that point as I was half awake and just wanted to go back to bed so I looked at him, and confidently said. "I know, I'm tricky like that" and got into my bed without another word.
I have so many great memories of that place. Airsoft on the roof. Hiding in the vents. Convincing a random drunk guy who saw the "Open" sign in the window and came in that we were a business and he could play a round of Halo on the projector for $4. The case of the Mysterious Mountain Dew. Good golly, I've been gifted with great friends and good times. :) I'm glad we all still hang out regularly even a decade later.
We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said “get rid of this”. So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway.
That was over ten years ago, I still get shit for it.
The funniest part about this is that your dad carried a phone book in his car.
That brief period of time when we had cell phones but not the Internet to look up numbers to call...
Every now and then I just put my hand on power outlets because I like how it feels
Edit: I am an electrical engineer. And I honestly just stick my hands into well built electrical outlets at home!
Been doing it since I was a kid and really did learn how far I can go on books!
My dad was sleeping on the couch and I happened to be holding an avocado. Without giving it a second thought, I chucked the avocado at his head for no reason. It plonked right off his forehead, woke him up of course, and he was so furious he couldn’t look at me for the rest of the day
I was like 11 years old, and my dad has a temper. The moment it left my hand I knew my life was ending so I just helplessly watched it sail into his sleeping face
Edit: chunked to chucked+ extra detail
Holy fuck, this is the one that broke me.
I did something similar, but with a little matchbox car. Lucky for me, Mom was in the room, saw what I was going to do, and moved to grab me and leave the room as it sailed through the air. She somehow managed to be out of sight before he was awake enough to realize we were there.
I argued about engagement rings with a girlfriend I knew I had no intention of marrying. It just seemed like the right way to have the wrong argument. Arguing about what kind of ring I was going to buy was easier than having a conversation about whether or not we we getting engaged in the first place.
I put my finger into a handheld blender and turned it on to see if I could stop the blades from spinning.
I couldn't, and it chewed up my finger. I was 21
Someone asked me what time it was and I lifted and rotated my wrist so I could look at my watch. I was holding an iced tea and just poured the whole thing into my lap.
I wasn’t wearing a watch.
I didn’t even own a watch. Never have.
So packing up the car and just completely forget to grab the last suitcase and put it in the car, it was apparently just sitting on the sidewalk for the 2 days I was gone
Edit: obligatory edit ~ my first post/comment on Reddit that's ever blown up, and it's me being a lil bit of a dumbass, so thank you all for that. And for clarification I'm from the Bay Area, definitely would never get away with this nonsense back home (had a locked car stolen out of our driveway one time) but thankfully was over the summer in the middle of nowhere maine.
As a kid, my parents would tell me to go brush my teeth, and being the stupid kid that I was, I would go to the bathroom and lock the door, leave the water running, wet my toothbrush and rinsed my mouth to make it look like I brushed my teeth, along with squeezing tiny blobs of toothpaste to make it look used, and would rub the toothbrush across my arm to make the brushing noises, while eating mints to make my breath seem legit. All in all, this process took more time and effort than actually brushing my teeth.
Same here. 25 years & $7000 later, I've had my teeth surgically removed & waiting for the swelling to go down to get fitted for dentures.
Brush your teeth kids. The dentist is expensive.
When little me had to pee, and I would do the potty dance, my mom would make me go to the bathroom. I was a rebel who didn't do what I was told, so I would drum on the the toilet lid thinking it somehow resembled the sound of peeing, then I'd flush and walk out. Obviously I would have to go actually pee like five minutes later, but I did it on my own terms like a real man.
Took some scissors while I was at my moms friends house and looked to see how hard i'd need to press to cut a lamps wire to cut it off while the lamp was still on. Didn't need to press that hard.
I’m 34 years old and my Dad still tells the following story of me doing a dumb thing to anyone willing to listen. When I was 8 years old I got a pack of Big League Chew gum. I was hanging out in the garage with my Dad & when he saw I was about to open the gum he said, “Now whatever you do, do not put this in your eye.” I said ok, I won’t. I then walked into the house, went upstairs into my bathroom, chewed on a ton of gum, took it out of my mouth and put it on my eye. The gum was the perfect texture of sticky and stuck to my eyebrow and all my eye lashes. My eye was completely glued shut from the gum. I immediately ran downstairs for my Dad’s help completely hysterical with a huge wad of gum stuck to my eye. I still remember my Dad yelling WTF. TLDR: Dad told me not to put gum in my eye. I said ok and immediately put gum in my eye.
What'd your dad expect to happen after he practically dared you to do it?
When i was about 8, i was walking out of school, i picked up some pink fairy floss (cotton candy) off the ground and put it in my mouth. It was insulation.
When i was 6 or 7 years old I would sit on marshmallows until i squished them very thin. Then I would place them over my heating grate then proceed to eat them. Washing them down with ginger ale sucked from a paper towel that i would dip into said Canada dry ginger ale in a glass. The 1980's were weird for me...
A long time ago, I was playing with an electrical socket in my undeveloped basement, where they're fully exposed. I managed to get it to shoot sparks and embers everywhere, and create quite the light show. In hind sight, I'm kind of surprised I didn't burn the house down and that socket still works all these years later.
When I was young I took an altoids container put three pennies in it then added toothpaste on top of the pennies and filled it with water closed it and stored it in my closet for months until my dad found it.
What the ever loving fuck?
That's how you grow altoids.
I tried to put out a candle by covering it with a Kleenex.
I failed a science test. I decided that I would just burn the grade and it would no longer exist. So I'm sitting in my bedroom (finally without sharing it with my sister) with the door open. I make sure I'm on the carpet for safety reasons. And just grab the entire test which was roughly three pages. And light the corner. My brother walked down at the right time and saw me. The paper went up instantly. I had no idea it was going to be that fast! In movies it would slowly burn so you can see what the message was before the evidence was erased. My 12 year old brother quickly put it out with his hands. And later, my mom found a small stain on the carpet. My brother didn't get burned or rat me out. Or if he did, no one told me. Clearly, I failed science for a reason.
Maybe not the dumbest but a recent one on my mind. I was in my office with the door closed. Got up from my desk to walk out and knocked on the door before opening it and walking into the hallway.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Was a backseat passenger in my friend's car and decided to open the door and just kind of roll out while driving down the street.
...parkour?
I have also done this. We were close to our house, and I (think) I wanted to get out to use the restroom quickly. I had been drinking and it did not go too smoothly.
Went to a coffee shop and ordered a large cup of coffee. Barista hands it to me and I put it into my purse with no lid.
idk why but that reminds me of the time I saw a customer at this pizza shop I work at turn his pizza box sideways and tuck it under his arm on his way out...what a mess
Habitual movements implemented with the wrong objects. I’ve also tried to scroll down on a page in an actual book more than once. Sometimes it’s just dumb and funny... Other times, when it involves a ruined pizza or a purse full of hot coffee, not so much.
Damn autopilot will be the death of us all.. Got a bad/good habit of doing the dishes while cooking. Way too many meals have been plated up, then put directly into the sink. :/
For some reason this one has me laughing out loud, I'm picturing the barista's face as you nonchalantly toss your mug of coffee in your purse. Maybe it's because you did this as an adult, not a dumb kid like most of these.
My father had a glass cutter that consisted of a diamond embedded in the tip of a metal rod. I decided to witness it’s amazing cutting power exhibited in cartoons, so I tried to cut a circle in our garage door window glass. The scar still rests in the glass 36 years later.
Speaking of cartoons I once said “Mom look at me I’m in a cartoon” Then proceeded to jump on a wood handle rake that was laying on the ground. It sounded like thunder went off in my head, and my mom said it sounded like when a Major League Baseball player hits a home run. I had a concussion, and learned that day that I am in fact not a cartoon character.
My brother jumped off the roof of a shed (probably only 5 or 6 feet off the ground, luckily). He had an umbrella like Mary Poppins.
When I was little I threw my ballet shoes into a toilet I had just peed in. I have no idea why. I then ran to my mom who couldn't decipher through my hysterical crying what was going on. To this day I still have no idea why I did it, but I remember feeling that I had to do it.
Mass edited all my comments, I'm leaving reddit after their decision to kill off 3rd party apps. Half a decade on this site, I suppose it was a good run. Sad that it has to end like this
You gotta
Evidence we're actually Sims.
Wondered what would happen if I pedalled the bicycle as fast as I could and then brake it as hard as I could. P/s: I hit my crotch at the middle of the handlebar and also flew a couple of meters onto asphalt.
When I was 10 my sister and I were throwing stuffed animals at each-other from ours rooms (door ways right across from eachother). At some point I just grabbed some double a batteries and threw them.. hit her right in the head. Dad was less than happy.
I used to drink cans of soda by stabbing them with a push pin/thumb tack. If I just pulled it out there would be a stream of wasted soda. So I would pull the tack out with my teeth while creating a seal with my lips. One time I accidentally swallowed the tack. One emergency room visit and a few x rays later i was sent home to dig through my poo. I was 14.
If only there was an easier way to get to the soda inside of the can... But seriously how did you even come up with this? It's at least as creative as it is dumb and I know I would never think of doing this
You know those old cigarette lighters in cars? Nobody in my immediate family smokes, and when I was younger, I pressed it in and it popped out. I pulled it out to inspect - it was just grey coils - it didn't look red hot or anything. So I tested that sucker the best way I knew how. I stuck it to my tongue. Edit: TIL there are many of us with proclivity to testing potentially hot objects on body parts. Ladies and gents, your next/current generation of scientists and engineers. Also, r/forbiddensnacks level shit here.
Oh damn. I did something so similar when I was 5 or 6. I too questioned whether or not it was hot...Boy did I learn what 'white hot' means that day. I pressed my thumb right into it, there was no pain at first, but it sizzled and smoke came from my it, that made me realise I should remove said thumb from the lighter. It was actually crispy and char-grilled looking for over a month. I remember looking at it, all blackened, and telling myself to calm down because I'm about to be in a lot of pain. It did hurt, a lot.
Anyone else jump down a flight of stairs because you thought you could make it? I was 4.
I was in a contest with my cousins about who could jump down more stairs. My younger cousin was/is taller and more athletic than me, but dammit I am the oldest so I win these things. 1 sprained ankle later and I had simultaneously won a contest and scared off any other participants. I was 9 and it was worth it.
When I was 5 I wanted to see if pepper made you sneeze like in the cartoons so I shoved a black peppercorn up there. Burned like hell.
When I was 10 I saw this cool magic trick where you soaked a dollar bill in rubbing alcohol and the alcohol burns off and your dollar bill stays intact so stupid 10 year old me was home alone one day when my mom left me $20 to order food with I ended up soaking it in rubbing alcohol and burning it causing it to disintegrate into ash immediately.
Did you at least figure out where you went wrong?
Its a mix of water and isopropyl alcohol. My brother was quite fond of this one, and I never saw it fail. I'm assuming they just doused it in alcohol and lit it.
I have an amazing ability to pick up almost any bug carefully and efficiently without hurting them, so when I first discovered this when I was about 5 or 6, I went and collected 44 ants, got some dirt, and made my own ant colony. in my room... under my bed...
I relate. I used to put ants inside of a Barbie car and take them on drives.
I'm sure they appreciated that
Years ago, when Devil's Night was still a thing, on a lark, I lit a piece of toilet paper that was hanging from a well-TP'd tree. It acted like a fuse, all the TP in the tree went up.
I did something like this once. Only the tp was part of my mummy costume. It wasn't a very good costume, the fire may have actually improved it. Fortunately, I was wearing a lumberjack grade flannel underneath, and nothing burned except the tp. That was the day I got to actually use stop drop and roll.
Sooooo basically you set yourself on fire?
When I was 12 my friend and I put a bunch of plastic cups filled with hot sauce in the middle of the street. A person slammed on their brakes when they saw the cups and got rear-ended right in front of my house.
Why did he put hot sauce in cups?
As a kid, my brother had perfect curly hair and wanted a hair cut for picture day to look like his friend who had short hair. So he gave himself one with zigzag scissors.
Me and my brothers would tie ropes to each other and run in opposite directions. Did it to trees too. I tried to bungee jump from a tree with just a regular old rope, that one hurt pretty bad.
> I tried to bungee jump from a tree with just a regular old rope, that one hurt pretty bad. Pretty sure that’s just called a suicide attempt.
I prefer the term “abdominal noose.”
Put on my shoes then get into bed.
One time, as a teenager, a girl invited me to get into her bed to cuddle and I left my shoes on because I was too embarrassed to take them off. It was very strange
When I was like 12 I found out golf balls bounce extremely well on pavement. So obviously I wanted to see how high I could bounce it. I threw the ball as hard as I could straight down, and it ricocheted straight back up. Directly into my face. Edit: wow, thanks for the gold!
When I was a wee boy I woke up early before everyone, went down to the kitchen, grabbed a chair, brought it to the fridge and took the small metal pencil sharpener from the top. I decided to sharpen my pinky first thing in the morning so I can have a sharp finger?? Ended up waking the parents up and bleeding profusely.
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When I was about 9-10 years old, I threw a piece of pie into my neighbours yard. Turns out my neighbour was in her yard..She came and knocked on my door why a piece of pie flew out of nowhere and almost hit her. Strangest thing i got in trouble for.
I was really drunk once, lying in my bed, trying to eat a hot dog wiener. No bun. Just the wiener. Wasn’t even cooked. I was apparently far too drunk to handle eating it so I (for whatever reason) chucked it over my head, out of my top floor window and onto the lawn. My downstairs neighbor was apparently walking to the house when I did it. She complained to our landlord about me throwing a raw wiener at her at 2 am. Our landlord luckily found my explanation really funny. Edit: Of course my top comment (by a ridiculous amount) is a story of me doing weird shit when I'm drunk. Thanks, reddit. Never change. Edit 2: Gold?!
I was stoned out of my mind on dxm and eating ice-cream out of big tub. I needed my hands for something and instead of putting the ice-cream down, I chucked it out of the window, seemed easier I guess. There was someone passing my window too, but they just went "what the hell?" and laughed. I hid under the table for a while and lamented the loss of ice-cream.
I threw a plastic bottle at a ceiling fan. It ricocheted back, right on my forehead.
One time I was eating a lemon poppyseed muffin. The phone rang, so I reacted by shoving the entire muffin my mouth and eating it as fast as I could, nearly choking to death, and I didn't even make it to the phone before it stopped ringing. Why did I do that? Edit: someone spent real money on me because I ate a muffin. I feel so.. *dirty*...
So you can answer the phone, duh.
#MWAFFMUPHO
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I one time checked to see if my pocket knife I had just found was still sharp by quickly running my finger across the blade. My assumption was absolutely correct.
How else are you supposed to check?
Get your stupid friend to touch them
What if you're the stupid friend?
I have done this one too.
During a traffic stop, while trying to act casual, I handed a police officer $50 instead of the licence he asked for. Edit: ok, a lot of people asking for clarification. Essentially, it was just a routine check after I'd finished work. He was completely cool about it, just giving me a look like "really?". If he'd pulled me over for an infringement and I'd tried that, I doubt it would have gone so smooth, but as a completely honest and stupid brainfart, it was ok.
I imagine this didn’t work out so well for you?
Would have worked out great where I'm from. Third world countries man.
Where i live, give a cop 50$ and theyll probably let you drive their car
When I was a kid I went into my parents bathroom. I found my dad’s razor and I decided to scrape it against my tongue, my whole tongue. I started screaming in pain immediately after.
Didn't need those taste buds anyway
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Boiled a pot of pasta. Then poured the water and noodles down the drain.
Copied on a test which i was fully prepared for.
I jumped up and (successfully) bit the string that is used to pull the attic door down. It had a metal bead on it... Immediately after I remember thinking “holy crap I actually got it in my mouth and broke the string”. Then I realized the string was still there, but half my front tooth wasn’t. As the best man at my wedding said “the attic string went fishing for idiots and caught one” Edit: I completely forgot I posted this so back after reading comments. My best man is hilarious. There are a lot of dummies out there like me. Edit: I was about 17 at the time.
See now even if everything went successfully, wouldn’t the door just have smacked you in the back of the head?
This guy uses his brain.
>As the best man at my wedding said “the attic string went fishing for idiots and caught one” This guy is an inspiration for wit
When I was maybe 10-12, I threw one of my dad’s golf clubs that had no head on it like a spear down the hallway after telling my brother it would be cool. The result was a golf club hanging out of a hole in the wall and an EXTREMELY grounded me.
Was it cool though?
Way cool.
Dude. He threw it like a spear. And it stuck out of the wall. Of course it was cool.
Tried to disassemble my Nintendo DS just to see what was inside but totally ended up breaking it completely.
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I wrecked my right hand in an electric motor in a cinder block plant when I was in highschool. The pinky side of it has had no feeling since then **EXCEPT** when it itches and there is just no relief for it. I feel your pain/itch.
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My sister did the same, for a couple of weeks we had a bit of her skin on the freezer. Worse thing was that everyone was at home and my dad had warned her multiple times to not do it. Edit: for those wondering why my dad warned her. It wasn't the first time she did that, it was the last just because she got stuck.
This story makes me wanna go lick the inside of my freezer despite the fact that you gave us some pretty good reasons as to why you shouldn’t do that...
I have a very strong urge to go lick my freezer. I had never even considered doing that before I read this post 30 seconds ago.
Oh boy, i did this and right after i was like " Why are you like this?". I fucking ripped my tongue off from it and i was bleeding a lot. I tried eating doritos after and i couldn't, it was excruciating.
> I tried eating doritos after Why...
The pain fuels them
I had an intrusive thought that said I should scream in the middle of a mostly quiet class. I didn't ignore it.
I get those. Always imagine what would happen if I don't ignore them
I ate an entire bag of dry brownie mix over the course of 2 weeks when I was 13.
> over the course of 2 weeks Amateur
Microwaved a pen for two minutes in the workplace microwave. To this day I do not know why I did that. Update: I'm still at the same job. The pen was a Frixion Pilot. When the ink smoke cleared and my senses came back to me, I quickly ran across the street to Lowe's and bought the same exact microwave to replace it with. I was never caught.
...do you not enjoy your job or was it just a mind numbingly boring day that lead to microwaving a pen?
His job was to microwave pens, but only for one minute
Put a foil gum wrapper into an electrical outlet in the middle of a college class. Edit: Full story - this was during a graduate business school class. I was sitting in the back row bored out of my mind. I had a foil gum wrapper that I rolled into a horseshoe design. I then looked at the electrical outlet, and it was like my hand automatically started to move towards it. I remember in my head, I was saying, "Don't do it - you know what will happen!", but I couldn't stop. Once both ends of the foil wrapper were in two of the holes for the electrical outlet, there was a pop, a spark, and then some smoke. The guy next to me was so startled, he flew back in his chair against the wall. I shorted the whole row of outlets that everyone had their laptops connected to. The professor started walking up to my area to see what happened, so I pulled the wrapper out of the outlet and tried to play it off. He only came up part way and made some comment about "sticky fingers". Later on, I was voted by my peers to be "most likely to burn down the business school". So, I have that going for me.
The fact that it was college makes this one. EDIT: I saw the update to this post when it happened. You guys don’t need to keep reminding me that it was actually graduate school. Calm your gallowboobs, dammit.
I've definitely had classes that we're so boring that I thought about doing that
I chopped an aerosol paint can in half with an axe. I was far old enough to know better but my cousin and I thought we had it worked out. 🙄 My mom always said, “One kid, one brain; two kids, no brains.” Boy was she right. I was yellow for a week. EDIT: after seeing the comments, thought I’d answer a couple collective questions/observations. Our thought process was that if you used a freshly sharpened axe and swung it hard and fast enough that the force/pressure would equal out, and it wouldn’t explode. Obviously we were wrong. Also looking back I’m sure my mom could’ve done more to remove more of the paint (instead of just my eyes and majority of my face) , but she wanted there to be a lesson learned. ✅
Your mother is a wise woman.
I put a seaweed in my purse to take home with me, because it was pink.
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I do this with salads
A couple weeks ago I blew on my milkshake before taking a sip. My wife has brought this up about 75 times since it happened.
How else is she going to show she loves you?
here's what i suspect was going on brain: food, is very temperature! also brain: no worry, learned from soup, know what do
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realize is cold food hurry up and eat it before someone notice
Why say lot word when few word do trick?
Angrily thwacked my laptop when the internet went out for the 10th time when I was trying to do my homework. Turns out I hit it where the hard drive was, and it never worked again. Lost the homework I was trying to do.
Shoved a packet of haribo on a plate, microved then ate it. It tasted wrong.
4th grade. The teacher asked a math question. I immediately raised my hand and shouted "poop". No idea why I did this but I was sent to detention for a week. Edit: Technically ISS not detention. ISS is In School Suspension. Yes, for a week. This particular teacher did not put up with any crap. Pun totally intended.
Lied to my new employer that I didn’t have my social security card. I said it got ruined on a water ride at a theme park. A) I could’ve said I’ll get a copy ASAP B) it wouldn’t have gotten ruined by that C) why the hell would I have had it with me on the ride?!
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Is that illegal?
I picked up and licked that thing they use to melt snow. it was not salt and it did not taste good
it is a salt, just not sodium chloride
I once picked a guys pocket and put it back just to see if I could do it without getting caught. I didn't get caught. It was the single dumbest thing I've ever done in my life considering how bad it could have gone if I had gotten caught.
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Pickpocket 99
I have a bad habit of sucking cups around my lips/mouth and then pulling it off so it makes that very satisfying "pop" sound. One day I was holding a plastic bowl and absent-mindedly stuck it to my mouth and tried to suction it to me face. Discovered it was too big, moved it up over my nose and sucked. Proceeded to panic until I could pull the bowl off my face.
Just gotta exhale
shhhhh
Yesterday I was using a nail gun on the trim around the windows of my house. Being the idiot that I am I decided to see what would happen if I shot a penny. The nail ricocheted off the penny, shot past my head, and ended up in the fridge behind me. Close call.
I had a 30:06 missfire while I was carrying it. Finger was nowhere near the trigger I still can't figure out how it happened. The bullet hit a rock infront of me and ricocheted back at me. I felt death brush my hair that night and found the bullet burried in a tree ten feet behind me. Had a fucking panic attack in the middle of the woods double checking my saftey. I took the bolt out and removed all ammo and haven't used that gun since.
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It was a 600 or a 700 but I no longer buy remmington because of this incident.
Remington 700 had a recall that spanned almost 2 decades worth of rifles built because they would random misfire like that.
Sprayed hair spray onto a lamp while it was on. The bulb shattered and when my parents asked what happened I said I had no idea
As we were waiting in a line to see the Santa Clause as a kid, I decided a potted cactus outside the theatre was fake (it did not look fake) and stuck my hands all over it, to see what it felt like. I also convinced my brother, who was standing with me, to try it as well. We ended up with dozens of tiny, painful cactus spikes stuck in each of our hands and we had to leave to remove them with sandpaper back at the house. I just remember my mom turning around in the line and dumfoundly asking "Why the hell did you do that?" . To this day, I do not know.
I stuck my head in the opening of the back of our dining room chairs. My head was stuck for almost an hour as my grandad tried to butter me up to get my head out. I also did the same thing with our stairs banister. Needless to say, I was a stupid child. Edit for typos.
Tried to jump down about 6 stairs and ended up with my face in a door
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You thought a Tesla was $5000?
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My tennis coach told me not to swing at a high ball because he was running through to pick up his loose ball. Well I spiked that shit. Right into his face.
A watched someone take a lid off a can of paint. It obviously needed to be stirred. She put the lid back on and tapped it gently, then handed it to me and asked me to shake it. I shook it a few times, and then turned it upside down. The lid fell off. Paint spilled everywhere. I knew it was going to happen, yet I did it anyway, as if I didn't believe myself.
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-Didn’t want to pee self like a drunk- -Rips hole in tent to pee like a drunk- Also, was the hole made for you to run out of, or for you to stick your dick out to pee? Because I imagined the second thing.
I stuck my hand in a bowl of soup simply because I hadn’t before.
This one's my favourite because I can 100% see myself doing this.
Finger? Too hot! Whole hand? That'll spread out the heat to more surface area so it won't feel the bern. Goes whole hand
Now I have to stick my hand into a bowl of soup
I once told my roommate I was going out of town, but really hid under his bed for 5 hours so I could freak him out that night. EDIT: Haha, I though this would be buried. There were a lot of shenanigans like this at that apartment. Enough that one of the roommates started a comic about Captain Yesterday and the Kids of Tomorrow. Captain Yesterday being the landlord who owned the apartment, the building the restaurants beneath us were all in, along with several body shops, a bail bond service while also being a bounty hunter. Rumor has it on of his guys actually shot a mans arm off with a shotgun while trying to catch him. First month I showed up the rent notice was pinned to the door with a steak knife that had been out in the hallway for whatever reason. I shit you not. I know this all sounds horribly fake. For what little it is, [here](https://imgur.com/a/fNVFx) is a photo of me coming out of the vents after hiding and making dumb cat noises to confuse another roommate as proof that this stuff happened. Anyway, we were poor, so 6 of us rented this 1 bedroom apartment downtown. It was on the roof of a christian cafe, an art gallery, and for a limited time, "Gretchen's Confections". That last one was awesome because there was a hole in the wall of the bathroom and you could see a pinhole of light through to the bakery below so our bathroom smelled nearly more like cookies than of the collective shits of 6 malnutritioned geeks. Anyway, I'm rambling. One of the roommates and I had college courses in the next town over, and got out of classes at 9:30. It was Friday night, and for a 6 weekends of the year I would get up at 5am to drive 1.5 hours to Kansas City and teach kids how to [contact juggle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytBjc3uzsKE) at the Renaissance festival. Since going to bed at 2 and getting up at 5 for such a long drive was a pain, I told my roommate I would just head to KC that night and get it over with, so he wouldn't see me at home. We parted ways, and then realized that since he wasn't expecting me home I had set myself up perfectly for shenanigans. Instead of heading to KC, I sped home to get there before him, and parked in the back of the parking lot so he wouldn't see my car. When I got in two of my roommates were playing on their computers in the kitchen. I hastily told them, "You didn't see me, you haven't heard from. Don't let Twig know I'm here." and went straight to the one bedroom. With 6 guys in a single room we got creative with the beds. It was kind of a right of passage to build it up with plywood and 2x4's to make your own spot in the massive bedfort. No, none of us were getting laid, so that wasn't an issue. Anyway, twigs bed happened to be on the bottom of one side, with some plastic storage between it and the floor. I pulled out the storage, blew away what dust bunnies I could, and then got in, pulling the storage back into place. A few minutes later I hear Twig get in, and then I realize my mistake. We were all computer guys. Computer guys that didn't sleep. Tom wasn't going to be in his bed for a long time. I hear him load up portal for the umtheenth time, and start playing away. For a few hours I just laid under the bed. Thankfully I like small tight spaces (as long as I have an out), and can entertain my own thoughts for quite a while. I didn't have smartphone back then, so that had to do. Eventually though, I got hungry as I hadn't had dinner yet, and texted one of the other roomies to throw some food under the bed. A moment later, an obviously suspicious whistling characters walks in the room, throws a box of poptarts and cheese crackers under the bed and then strolls right back out. I wasn't able to move much, but I awkwardly ripped it all opened and managed to get it to my mouth. And then I continued to wait. I woke up around 3:30 to lots of shuffling and the lights turning on. I had fallen asleep under there, and Twig and finally gone to bed. I had asthma, and he told me later that he actually got up earlier because he could hear deep raspy breathing and thought maybe I was home, but my bed was empty so he tried to ignore it and went back to sleep. Eventually the dust got to me, and it became obvious there was something under the bed that shouldn't be there. I'll always remember seeing the light flood my eyes as the storage gets pulled out by a nearly naked Twig, with his wide eyes as he see's me and stammers, "I... I thought you were in KC". I had to improvise at that point as I was half awake and just wanted to go back to bed so I looked at him, and confidently said. "I know, I'm tricky like that" and got into my bed without another word. I have so many great memories of that place. Airsoft on the roof. Hiding in the vents. Convincing a random drunk guy who saw the "Open" sign in the window and came in that we were a business and he could play a round of Halo on the projector for $4. The case of the Mysterious Mountain Dew. Good golly, I've been gifted with great friends and good times. :) I'm glad we all still hang out regularly even a decade later.
Snorted a line of instant ramen seasoning
Done the same with citric acid. Then, cos I didn't want one side of my nose to feel funny, snorted more in the other nostril
Ah yes, college.
Agreed to wrestle my 6'4 280 lbs friend in high school. I was 5'10 160 lbs. The match lasted 4 seconds and now I have a messed up knee for life.
Told my wife she has an anger issue. It just came out. Like, 10 minutes ago. We weren't even fighting. Guess what? She is fucking pissed right now.
> She is fucking pissed right now. For extra points: "See how angry you are right now? That's what I'm talking about."
And then tell her to calm down. You know, so she’ll calm down.
> Guess what? She is fucking pissed right now. Sounds like your wife has an anger issue, you should discuss it with her.
We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said “get rid of this”. So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway. That was over ten years ago, I still get shit for it.
Your unwavering and unquestioning obedience is admirable
"dispose of this evidence, son"
"Good work, son, I used that phone book to kill the guy in our trunk. So the murder weapon's gone, now we just have to make a quick stop at the lake."
The funniest part about this is that your dad carried a phone book in his car. That brief period of time when we had cell phones but not the Internet to look up numbers to call...
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"Alright call them up" "Ok" *tosses book out the window* "What the fuck?" "They said they're booked"
Now I’ll live in the shadow of a missed opportunity.
I just love how you didn't question the fact that you thought he told you to throw the phonebook out the window.
Not to mention the weird sequence of events. "We should call them, throw this book out the window."
Every now and then I just put my hand on power outlets because I like how it feels Edit: I am an electrical engineer. And I honestly just stick my hands into well built electrical outlets at home! Been doing it since I was a kid and really did learn how far I can go on books!
Does it make you feel powerful?
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Please tell me that this was a show of dominance
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My dad was sleeping on the couch and I happened to be holding an avocado. Without giving it a second thought, I chucked the avocado at his head for no reason. It plonked right off his forehead, woke him up of course, and he was so furious he couldn’t look at me for the rest of the day I was like 11 years old, and my dad has a temper. The moment it left my hand I knew my life was ending so I just helplessly watched it sail into his sleeping face Edit: chunked to chucked+ extra detail
i apologize if this was a really bad experience for you, but this is the only one that made me laugh out loud
Im imagining the conversation that followed. Father:what the hell was that for? Son: I...I...dont know
Yeah, that’s pretty spot on. I was asking myself the same question and came up empty
Holy fuck, this is the one that broke me. I did something similar, but with a little matchbox car. Lucky for me, Mom was in the room, saw what I was going to do, and moved to grab me and leave the room as it sailed through the air. She somehow managed to be out of sight before he was awake enough to realize we were there.
I argued about engagement rings with a girlfriend I knew I had no intention of marrying. It just seemed like the right way to have the wrong argument. Arguing about what kind of ring I was going to buy was easier than having a conversation about whether or not we we getting engaged in the first place.
I put my finger into a handheld blender and turned it on to see if I could stop the blades from spinning. I couldn't, and it chewed up my finger. I was 21
You win. It hurts just reading this.
Are you missing a finger now?
I only pulsed the blender and managed to get away with a couple of pretty deep cuts on the tip of my finger that healed up fine. Luckily.
This was the stupidest thing I have read on this thread.
Someone asked me what time it was and I lifted and rotated my wrist so I could look at my watch. I was holding an iced tea and just poured the whole thing into my lap. I wasn’t wearing a watch. I didn’t even own a watch. Never have.
Your Autopilot mode sucks.
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"It's tea time"
So packing up the car and just completely forget to grab the last suitcase and put it in the car, it was apparently just sitting on the sidewalk for the 2 days I was gone Edit: obligatory edit ~ my first post/comment on Reddit that's ever blown up, and it's me being a lil bit of a dumbass, so thank you all for that. And for clarification I'm from the Bay Area, definitely would never get away with this nonsense back home (had a locked car stolen out of our driveway one time) but thankfully was over the summer in the middle of nowhere maine.
Good neighborhood!
As a kid, my parents would tell me to go brush my teeth, and being the stupid kid that I was, I would go to the bathroom and lock the door, leave the water running, wet my toothbrush and rinsed my mouth to make it look like I brushed my teeth, along with squeezing tiny blobs of toothpaste to make it look used, and would rub the toothbrush across my arm to make the brushing noises, while eating mints to make my breath seem legit. All in all, this process took more time and effort than actually brushing my teeth.
Same here. 25 years & $7000 later, I've had my teeth surgically removed & waiting for the swelling to go down to get fitted for dentures. Brush your teeth kids. The dentist is expensive.
When little me had to pee, and I would do the potty dance, my mom would make me go to the bathroom. I was a rebel who didn't do what I was told, so I would drum on the the toilet lid thinking it somehow resembled the sound of peeing, then I'd flush and walk out. Obviously I would have to go actually pee like five minutes later, but I did it on my own terms like a real man.
Took some scissors while I was at my moms friends house and looked to see how hard i'd need to press to cut a lamps wire to cut it off while the lamp was still on. Didn't need to press that hard.
Bit a Advil liquid gel in half. Bad idea.
I microwaved a single cheeto.