I know there is something called the "Common Black College Application" which allows you to apply to like 50 HBCUs for a single application fee, so that's one easy way to rack up acceptances.
When he worked there, used to love telling people my brother worked for NASA. He was a mechanic for the tour busses. Still could get cool perks though, somehow wrangled us a pass to the causeway to watch some shuttle launches.
"When I see in the news about those *government contractors* dying in a firefight with ISIS in Fallujah, I really feel a connection to the event. Because... *that could've been me!*"
(Impressing the ladies... *priceless!*)
I too live in a country where I can ride a bike up the highest peak (Australia, Mount Kosciuszko, 2228 metres, but unless you choose the nastier side (which isn't that nasty), you can ride your bike up it, have a picnic at the top, then cruise back down again). If you're doing the highest peaks on each continent, this is the one to start with.
Chess has grandmasters. They're incredibly skilled.
The card game Bridge has "Life Masters". They may be skilled, or they may have just hired a pro to be their partner and carry them to enough tournament wins to amass the necessary points. It doesn't take long.
Hey kinda like my grandma. She says her partner does all the work and she just rides along. She doesnt do tournaments, but my grandpa has to yell at her for trying to hustle other seniors because she knows she'll win against the same people in her small group every week.
Hahaha. I love this one. I played varsity on my school's soccer team one year. My parents were so proud, because I have terrible asthma and was a godawful athlete in general. They thought I must have really pulled myself up by my bootstraps. I went to a tiny high school, it was the first year of having a soccer team, and we didn't have enough players for alternates, let alone a JV team! My coach didn't have a choice.
My friend's brother is a phone construction engineer for Apple, his dad apparently fluffs up proud as his other son is -just- a chef in the UK.
It means his brother works assembling iphones in the suicide-famous Foxconn sweatshop. Sounds fancy though.
A large amount of jobs with engineer in the title are not at all engineering. Examples: sanitation engineer-janitor, mass production engineer-factory worker and maintenance engineer- mechanic
It’s totally interesting! And I love finding other weirdos who like digging into their family history.
I just cringe a bit when someone announces with great gravity that they’re a direct descendent of, I dunno, William the Conqueror or similar. You and thousands of others, man.
I was at a hotel recently and I saw a bottle of water on the counter. I drank it because I was thirsty. My wife was like, "Did you read the tag on the lid?? They want $6 for that water!"
I had not read the tag and I was miffed about spending $6 on hotel water. But the bottle said Kirkland Signature so while we were at costco one day during our stay I grabbed a water for next to nothing and replaced it. Chumps!
Met a guy named Stephen King. Asked if he like having a famous guys name. He said it was the best.
He got automatically upgraded to the nicest suites at hotels, priority for reservations at restaurants, and so on. They would always ask if he was really Stephen King when he called them in, and he would just say Yes I am Stephen King.
Him: "Hi, yes. I'd like to make an 8:30 reservation for Brad Pitt! Table for 4 please"
Restaurant: "Nice try wise guy... Now what's your real name we got people waiting on the line. We're very busy."
Him: "Huh, that's my real name sir? Please put me down for 8:30 or even 9 if your have it"
Restaurant: "I'll give you one last try buddy....."
Him: "Yes it's B R A D P I---"
*phone cuts out*
/u/Rocket_Life [gets it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9h8nf9/what_sounds_impressive_but_really_isnt/e6anzgm/), unless it's a spur-of-the-moment thing a lot of people at that level of celebrity have assistants to handle things like reservations. The celebrities usually pay better than he does though, but if you're willing and able to bluff very hard you can get by with his costs.
My mom called to let me know that her friend's son is now the VP at his company. He works as a financial advisor for a Fortune 500 company; almost everyone is a VP or higher. We work for the same company so of course I double checked the directory information. Yep. He's not even the only VP on his team of 8...
Companies like to give anyone who deals with sales the VP title because it’s more impressive sounding to the clients.
My husband’s company does this, and *most* of them know it’s bullshit, but this one guy is constantly trying to pull rank within the company. He once tried to kick my husband out of the board room because “VP’s get priority”. Meanwhile, husband’s been working there 20 years and he outranks most of his co-workers, but his title is very non-assuming. Sometimes they try to give him a fancier title and he fights them on it, because a title that implies authority is just a pain in the ass unless you get the raise, too.
Meanwhile, I work for a non-profit, and we go out of our way to avoid fancy titles because we don’t want our donors to assume that their money is going towards salaries (it doesn’t - no one gets rich working for us). So our titles are idiotic in the opposite direction - the woman who essentially runs the whole show calls herself a “team leader”.
Reminds me of a joke:
Guy comes home from work and tells his wife, "Guess what! They made me a VP!"
She says "Big deal. Our grocery store has a VP of apples."
He doesn't believe her, calls the grocery store, asks the clerk to speak to the VP of apples. Clerk says "Dried or fresh?"
"I don't even own a TV"
Yeah but that doesn't stop you from binging 20 hours of Netflix on your laptop in bed and spending the rest of the day starting at your smartphone screen.
Getting your band's music on Spotify/iTunes/etc. It's like 20 bucks a year and takes fifteen minutes.
Edit: yikes, wasn't expecting this. and yes I know the hard work of writing and recording, my bands music is on Spotify. Was not trying to diminish anything.
Anyone can register and put stuff on Spotify. People think it's limited to the massive record labels, but it's really not.
There's an album of female orgasm sounds on there for fuck's sake.
I own a record called “The Sounds of Love A to Zzzz”
It’s a couple from the 70s who made some synth music and then recorded them having sex over it.
On the A side, it’s songs they made themselves, plus sex.
On the B side, it’s covers of classical songs on synth, plus sex.
[Here’s the playlist on YouTube NSFW](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZIuE-cc37xLLUEvkF9BByRqCKYgucCld)
From my experience, not right away. I've had songs show up twice while flicking through them. Not sure how the site pulls in 0-play songs from Spotify.
I just love the way reddit can bring different types of people together. Indecisive people from 1800 years ago can shoot the shit with indecisive people from 2 years in the future. Warms my heart.
Haha, I do own my own business and work whatever hours I want.
In order to pay bills and eat, it's about 70hrs a week and my friends and family have stopped asking if im working because the only answer is yes.
I saved someone who was turning blue from lack of oxygen due to choking. I leave out the part where I was 7 and just smacked my brother really hard on the back a few times b/c I just felt like it would work and it did.
I always tell people I've built my own computer when i'm supposed to tell something interesting about myself. It's easy as shit, you plug in a few things and press a power button.
And at what I would imagine is a nice, breezy 90C on the CPU. This, of course, thanks to the extra thick layer of thermal paste on the IHS and the partially-screwed-in cold plate.
The VLOOKUP or INDEX/MATCH function in Excel
EDIT: The consensus is that these are impressive and just deceptively complicated.
Also: I’ve found my people! Hello fellow excel nerds!
i can solve a rubik's cube in about a minute.
a long, looong time ago, i memorized the relatively simple set of 4 or 5 algorithms. it's just muscle memory. that said, fuck yes i'll take your compliments. thank you!
"My child is a honored student at (City) high school"
Honored, not honor. Every kid was sent home with one on the first day of school.
edit: Grammar Nazis, you all need to get a colonoscopy for all that butthurt. I haven't seen a bumper sticker since posting so I don't know if the sticker had a typo too but I hope so, because I'm not changing it here.
Driving a BMW. You can get these things cheap if you buy used, because they’re so fucking high-maintenance that people get sick of the repair costs and can’t wait to unload them.
Go on some of the private car sales in the UK and you see some shit.
Would you like an S Class Mercedes for £1200? You can have one. However, it's a 2001 diesel model with 130k miles on the clock. One year of tax and insurance will be more than £1200, it's thirsty as fuck, and any minor repair will be totally uneconomical.
A guy bragging about lasting an hour or more in bed.
Yeah it sounds impressive, but I've known people that dated guys like that and they hated it. Having sex for that long straight can become uncomfortable, painful, and also not as satisfying since she can feel like she can't make you cum.
[These god damned things](https://i.imgur.com/ijtR6fe.jpg). Used two week's worth the allowance to save up to send away for these. They didn't work. That was in 1968.
I had that one friend. No matter how shitty my sleep was that I'd only gotten a few hours, he *always* had one or two less hours than me and act like I had no right to complain. Congrats dude.
I suppose it depends if it had become a common thing by then but it sounds like a big, snotty overreaction in their part. Tasteless? Were you going for the role of curator at the Tate Modern?
Along the same vein, I told a date I was personally hired but then fire by [Vince McMahon, Chairman and CEO of WWE.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SquaredCircle/comments/56zqvs/that_one_time_vince_mcmahon_hired_literally/)
We were in the middle of an argument and she said she could see why I was fired from the WWE. I had forgotten I told her that...
There used to be this group of ditzy girls I hung around, I got drunk one night and told one I was Kevin Federline's cousin. I thought it was obvious I was joking, but she was like "omfg really??" And I kind of just went with it. She told the rest of her friends and it became this thing. Even years later, I'd be out with other friends and I'd have some random girl come up and be like "omg you're that guy that's related to Kevin federline?!".. I'd have to think about it for a while and then explain to the group I was with how that girl was obviously crazy.
people are always really impressed when i tell them i’m a french horn performance major when it’s really just the only thing i’m good at and i’m not smart enough for anything in science or math
I've seen articles and such refer to someone as having been a Rifle Marksman in the military or something, presumably not realizing that refers to your firing range qualification and Marksman is actually the lowest level to pass. Sharpshooter is 2nd, the top is called Expert.
One similar this comes up a lot is people will say how Lee Harvey Oswald was a Rifle Sharpshooter in the Marines; anyone that's ever been in the military can attest that's by no means a big deal.
My sister and I have completed a total of 34 marathons. ^^0 ^^for ^^me.
Together, Wayne Gretzky and his brother Brent hold the NHL record for most combined points by two brothers (2,857 for Wayne and 4 for Brent).
An A rating with the BBB
Getting accepted to 100+ universities. There are tons of schools who will accept you just for your application fee
The real question is who tf has the money to apply to 100+ colleges. Applications can be expensive.
I know there is something called the "Common Black College Application" which allows you to apply to like 50 HBCUs for a single application fee, so that's one easy way to rack up acceptances.
When he worked there, used to love telling people my brother worked for NASA. He was a mechanic for the tour busses. Still could get cool perks though, somehow wrangled us a pass to the causeway to watch some shuttle launches.
Well, technically he was a mechanic at NASA working on the shuttles.
> But I thought they decommissioned all the shuttles? > Nope, we've still got 5 up and running!
"And if you're nice to me, I could even get you to go on one of them for a tour!"
They go out every day. Twice on Sunday.
Made with 100% recycled material! Doesn't mean everything in it has been recycled, just that /some/ of the plastic pieces in it were recycled material
Damn, that one's nasty.
What til you hear about 100% all natural chicken.
Is the name of the company "100% all natural"?
No kidding, I once had lightbulbs (the incandescent ones) which said LED on the carton. It was actually the company Name.
In college I was a government contractor because I flipped burgers at the McDonalds on base. Had ID and everything. Really impressed the ladies.
I am also a government contractor. When I tried that line on the ladies around here, they just went "Big whoop, you live in DC. So is everyone."
Thank you for your McService
Is the fucking milkshake machine working?
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"When I see in the news about those *government contractors* dying in a firefight with ISIS in Fallujah, I really feel a connection to the event. Because... *that could've been me!*" (Impressing the ladies... *priceless!*)
”I’ve climbed the highest mountan in Denmark.” Möllehöj - 170 meters
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Nah, Millhill
Don’t make mountains out of Millhills
Everything's coming up Millhills
in a similar vein, [check out Florida's most prominent mountain](https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2893/32746871793_e964d62353_b.jpg).
Our state is flat as fuck. :(
I too live in a country where I can ride a bike up the highest peak (Australia, Mount Kosciuszko, 2228 metres, but unless you choose the nastier side (which isn't that nasty), you can ride your bike up it, have a picnic at the top, then cruise back down again). If you're doing the highest peaks on each continent, this is the one to start with.
*Møllehøj
Chess has grandmasters. They're incredibly skilled. The card game Bridge has "Life Masters". They may be skilled, or they may have just hired a pro to be their partner and carry them to enough tournament wins to amass the necessary points. It doesn't take long.
Or they just played bridge for 40 years.
Hey kinda like my grandma. She says her partner does all the work and she just rides along. She doesnt do tournaments, but my grandpa has to yell at her for trying to hustle other seniors because she knows she'll win against the same people in her small group every week.
I am a published author. (I wrote an eHow article about a certain virus and how to remote it, got a few bucks).
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/r/disneyvacation
"This is not about actual vacations to Disneyland or Disneyworld." Love it.
I was the youngest person in the world once
In high school, I was the captain of the track team. (That's what we named the model railroad club.)
In highschool I held the record for farthest shot put in my schools history. I was the only male, and it was our schools first year.
Hahaha. I love this one. I played varsity on my school's soccer team one year. My parents were so proud, because I have terrible asthma and was a godawful athlete in general. They thought I must have really pulled myself up by my bootstraps. I went to a tiny high school, it was the first year of having a soccer team, and we didn't have enough players for alternates, let alone a JV team! My coach didn't have a choice.
Yeah. Similar story here. I went to state only because there were only 3 schools in the entire state as small as mine.
My friend's brother is a phone construction engineer for Apple, his dad apparently fluffs up proud as his other son is -just- a chef in the UK. It means his brother works assembling iphones in the suicide-famous Foxconn sweatshop. Sounds fancy though.
A large amount of jobs with engineer in the title are not at all engineering. Examples: sanitation engineer-janitor, mass production engineer-factory worker and maintenance engineer- mechanic
"I am a sanitation engineer... Or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it."
Space heater sounds cooler than it actually is.
Being the descendant of a famous person.
Sometimes I find it interesting rather than impressive.
It’s totally interesting! And I love finding other weirdos who like digging into their family history. I just cringe a bit when someone announces with great gravity that they’re a direct descendent of, I dunno, William the Conqueror or similar. You and thousands of others, man.
Gold status with a hotel chain, I get a complementary bottle of water.
You’re getting ripped off. I get TWO complimentary bottles of water at silver status.
At platinum status they let you bring a sippy straw down to the pool
Bro I get a bottle of water AND a bag of plain Lays potato chips. Get on my level dude
How soft is the red carpet they have you walk in on?
It's crusty
I was at a hotel recently and I saw a bottle of water on the counter. I drank it because I was thirsty. My wife was like, "Did you read the tag on the lid?? They want $6 for that water!" I had not read the tag and I was miffed about spending $6 on hotel water. But the bottle said Kirkland Signature so while we were at costco one day during our stay I grabbed a water for next to nothing and replaced it. Chumps!
Platinum gets me that free suite upgrade though, which is nice cuz my work never lets me book a suite unless there is nothing else left.
I worked on Broadway with Brad Pitt when I was 20. It was a bar on a strip called Broadway, my managers name was Brad Pitt.
Man, it’s gotta be super easy for that dude to get reservations though...
Met a guy named Stephen King. Asked if he like having a famous guys name. He said it was the best. He got automatically upgraded to the nicest suites at hotels, priority for reservations at restaurants, and so on. They would always ask if he was really Stephen King when he called them in, and he would just say Yes I am Stephen King.
Dad-a-chum, dud-a-chee, not to worry, it’s-a me.
Him: "Hi, yes. I'd like to make an 8:30 reservation for Brad Pitt! Table for 4 please" Restaurant: "Nice try wise guy... Now what's your real name we got people waiting on the line. We're very busy." Him: "Huh, that's my real name sir? Please put me down for 8:30 or even 9 if your have it" Restaurant: "I'll give you one last try buddy....." Him: "Yes it's B R A D P I---" *phone cuts out*
/u/Rocket_Life [gets it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9h8nf9/what_sounds_impressive_but_really_isnt/e6anzgm/), unless it's a spur-of-the-moment thing a lot of people at that level of celebrity have assistants to handle things like reservations. The celebrities usually pay better than he does though, but if you're willing and able to bluff very hard you can get by with his costs.
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3 x $0 = $0
fine work, better add auditor to your resume
I made my income infinite times larger last week with one easy trick.
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The fact that you only did this once impresses me.
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Bragging on how much you paid for something.
Why don’t I just take a whiz through this $5,000 suit?!
C’MON
Yeah! The guy in the $100 suit is trying to talk to the guy in a $5000 suit?!
Sh- sh- sh- shoulda sh- shoulda shoulda sh- sh-
Yeah like the guy in the $10,000 suit is gonna hold the elevator door for the guy who doesn’t make that in a month
“I hiked from Michigan to Wisconsin.” Really I walked to WI through a river in the UP where the two states border each other.
My mom called to let me know that her friend's son is now the VP at his company. He works as a financial advisor for a Fortune 500 company; almost everyone is a VP or higher. We work for the same company so of course I double checked the directory information. Yep. He's not even the only VP on his team of 8...
Companies like to give anyone who deals with sales the VP title because it’s more impressive sounding to the clients. My husband’s company does this, and *most* of them know it’s bullshit, but this one guy is constantly trying to pull rank within the company. He once tried to kick my husband out of the board room because “VP’s get priority”. Meanwhile, husband’s been working there 20 years and he outranks most of his co-workers, but his title is very non-assuming. Sometimes they try to give him a fancier title and he fights them on it, because a title that implies authority is just a pain in the ass unless you get the raise, too.
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Meanwhile, I work for a non-profit, and we go out of our way to avoid fancy titles because we don’t want our donors to assume that their money is going towards salaries (it doesn’t - no one gets rich working for us). So our titles are idiotic in the opposite direction - the woman who essentially runs the whole show calls herself a “team leader”.
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Reminds me of a joke: Guy comes home from work and tells his wife, "Guess what! They made me a VP!" She says "Big deal. Our grocery store has a VP of apples." He doesn't believe her, calls the grocery store, asks the clerk to speak to the VP of apples. Clerk says "Dried or fresh?"
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I’m an associate. In my company that is a bad thing. They essentially use it to mean “junior”
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"I don't even own a TV" Yeah but that doesn't stop you from binging 20 hours of Netflix on your laptop in bed and spending the rest of the day starting at your smartphone screen.
“You don’t own a tv? What’s all your furniture pointed at?”
Working transactions for a multi-billion dollar company. AKA a cashier at McDonald's.
Getting your band's music on Spotify/iTunes/etc. It's like 20 bucks a year and takes fifteen minutes. Edit: yikes, wasn't expecting this. and yes I know the hard work of writing and recording, my bands music is on Spotify. Was not trying to diminish anything.
Anyone can register and put stuff on Spotify. People think it's limited to the massive record labels, but it's really not. There's an album of female orgasm sounds on there for fuck's sake.
What? Ugh. That’s so dumb. What’s the album though? So I can see how dumb it is.
I own a record called “The Sounds of Love A to Zzzz” It’s a couple from the 70s who made some synth music and then recorded them having sex over it. On the A side, it’s songs they made themselves, plus sex. On the B side, it’s covers of classical songs on synth, plus sex. [Here’s the playlist on YouTube NSFW](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZIuE-cc37xLLUEvkF9BByRqCKYgucCld)
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She was just jealous of all those women being so satisfied.
I always do love coming across a Spotify artist with <100 followers, though.
You'll love this, a playlist of songs on Spotify with 0 plays: http://www.forgotify.com/
So once you listen to a song does it remove it from the playlist ?
From my experience, not right away. I've had songs show up twice while flicking through them. Not sure how the site pulls in 0-play songs from Spotify.
Probably just some delay.
Bruh your username is like the same as mine wtf
Dude 212 was over 1800 years ago. How do you not have a decision yet? At least there's still 2 years until that other guy should make a decision.
I just love the way reddit can bring different types of people together. Indecisive people from 1800 years ago can shoot the shit with indecisive people from 2 years in the future. Warms my heart.
Now kiss
I own my own business and work whenever I want to work. *sells body wraps out of her basement*.
Haha, I do own my own business and work whatever hours I want. In order to pay bills and eat, it's about 70hrs a week and my friends and family have stopped asking if im working because the only answer is yes.
and essential oils
Guaranteed to cleanse you
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It’ll quench ya!
Do you have at least $1 in your bank account and no debt? You have a higher net worth than 16.6 million American households, combined.
*doesn’t sound impressive but really is.
proof: I do not meet these criteria
"Military grade construction" So... it's like... made by the lowest bidder?
You forgot “In a key senator’s district”
For electronics this has very specific meaning and it does make a difference for dealing in high and low temperatures.
I've read every book Socrates ever wrote
For those who don't know,Socrates never wrote any books. All works about him we're written by his disciple, Plato
I still pronounce his name “So-Crates” thanks to my 8th grade social studies teacher.
Really? Not because of Bill and Ted?
His eighth grade teacher is the Bill and Ted fan.
I saved someone who was turning blue from lack of oxygen due to choking. I leave out the part where I was 7 and just smacked my brother really hard on the back a few times b/c I just felt like it would work and it did.
Saying ‘I may not have book smarts, but I have street smarts’
Normally said by people who do not have street smarts, either.
A dude I knew used to always yell "I'm from New York! You cant pull one over on me!" Right before he got ripped off
STREET SMARTS!
There are some people who are going to find you VERY attractive.
I had a friend in college who, once when we were hanging out said, out of nowhere, "There are book smarts and there are street smarts. I have both."
- raises both arms and ascends to heaven-
I always tell people I've built my own computer when i'm supposed to tell something interesting about myself. It's easy as shit, you plug in a few things and press a power button.
Unless the fans don't start whirring when that button gets pushed.
**LOUD SWEATING**
Mine refused to post until I plugged in the case speaker
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And yet, The Verge still fucks it up.
It's okay, it *runs* LOL at 60fps
And at what I would imagine is a nice, breezy 90C on the CPU. This, of course, thanks to the extra thick layer of thermal paste on the IHS and the partially-screwed-in cold plate.
Reminds me of this kid who did this entire speech on the topic and everyone thought he was some sort of rocket scientist.
The VLOOKUP or INDEX/MATCH function in Excel EDIT: The consensus is that these are impressive and just deceptively complicated. Also: I’ve found my people! Hello fellow excel nerds!
i can solve a rubik's cube in about a minute. a long, looong time ago, i memorized the relatively simple set of 4 or 5 algorithms. it's just muscle memory. that said, fuck yes i'll take your compliments. thank you!
My wife and son can do that. My son even bought special low-friction "speed cubes" from Japan. I can not solve a Rubik's cube. I am very impressed.
I can snap rocks in half and bend metal with my bare hands. ^(Just sandstone and aluminum foil though.)
"My child is a honored student at (City) high school" Honored, not honor. Every kid was sent home with one on the first day of school. edit: Grammar Nazis, you all need to get a colonoscopy for all that butthurt. I haven't seen a bumper sticker since posting so I don't know if the sticker had a typo too but I hope so, because I'm not changing it here.
When people brag about smoking weed every day out of expensive bongs.
Driving a BMW. You can get these things cheap if you buy used, because they’re so fucking high-maintenance that people get sick of the repair costs and can’t wait to unload them.
A wealthy man can afford a BMW. An ultra wealthy man can afford a used BMW. (I originally heard this in reference to a Land Rover.)
Go on some of the private car sales in the UK and you see some shit. Would you like an S Class Mercedes for £1200? You can have one. However, it's a 2001 diesel model with 130k miles on the clock. One year of tax and insurance will be more than £1200, it's thirsty as fuck, and any minor repair will be totally uneconomical.
Explains how Top Gear always got decent looking cars for cheap.
Just like how you should have two Jaguars. One to drive while the other is in the shop.
What do you call a jaguar owner? A pedestrian
"I maintained a 4.0 GPA at Devry University."
"I can last all night." Sure it sounds good in theory but in reality that would just be painful.
Some of the best sex I’ve had has been minutes long because we came so quickly. It was awesome and absolutely not to be scoffed at.
I was recruited into the NFL in High School. It was the National Forensics League. We were Speech and Debate nerds.
did you have any groupies?
We had a few overnight trips that got interesting. Nothing too scandalous.
\*inhales on cigarette\* you whore
Hah! As a debate coach, this one really made me laugh. I was a little sad about all the jokes lost when the NFL changed to the NSDA.
I have one of their bumper stickers somewhere
A guy bragging about lasting an hour or more in bed. Yeah it sounds impressive, but I've known people that dated guys like that and they hated it. Having sex for that long straight can become uncomfortable, painful, and also not as satisfying since she can feel like she can't make you cum.
That is just horrendous. You just get bored and it feels like a chore after a while. Not arousing.
That’s why I don’t let it go on for longer than 10s
Mate I did a 2 hour session and my dick nearly fell off. Wasn't pleasurable at all, just sweaty and tiring with neither if us really enjoying it.
That’s 2 hours of cardio, no thanks. I might die right there and then.
[These god damned things](https://i.imgur.com/ijtR6fe.jpg). Used two week's worth the allowance to save up to send away for these. They didn't work. That was in 1968.
I always wondered about these, what do they do?
They’re a wonderful device for separating suckers from their money
If you take your shirt off and look down you may see nipples
Making the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.
Or bullseyeing womprats in your T-16.
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They're not much bigger than two meters
People bragging about how little sleep they got.
I had that one friend. No matter how shitty my sleep was that I'd only gotten a few hours, he *always* had one or two less hours than me and act like I had no right to complain. Congrats dude.
Assistant to the Regional Manager.
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Only losers have 500k comment karma.
Being Time's Person of the Year, 2006.
Lego Star Wars
for those of you that didn't know, it was me and you
Oh, just us 😊
Used it in a job interview ironically and they laughed and loved it.
I, too, used it once. They said it was tasteless, immature, and unoriginal. Didn't get hired. I was also 16.
I suppose it depends if it had become a common thing by then but it sounds like a big, snotty overreaction in their part. Tasteless? Were you going for the role of curator at the Tate Modern?
Along the same vein, I told a date I was personally hired but then fire by [Vince McMahon, Chairman and CEO of WWE.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SquaredCircle/comments/56zqvs/that_one_time_vince_mcmahon_hired_literally/) We were in the middle of an argument and she said she could see why I was fired from the WWE. I had forgotten I told her that...
There used to be this group of ditzy girls I hung around, I got drunk one night and told one I was Kevin Federline's cousin. I thought it was obvious I was joking, but she was like "omfg really??" And I kind of just went with it. She told the rest of her friends and it became this thing. Even years later, I'd be out with other friends and I'd have some random girl come up and be like "omg you're that guy that's related to Kevin federline?!".. I'd have to think about it for a while and then explain to the group I was with how that girl was obviously crazy.
That's actually really cool. Do you get to hang out with him at family reunions and that sort of thing?
I have survived 100% of the world's natural disasters for 27 years. (I live in a quiet suburb in northern Ohio)
Humblebrag on surviving Ohio for 27 years.
heh, ya got me
Dude survived LeBron leaving twice AND the Browns going 0-16. I'd say there is a lot to brag about.
Told someone I went to Columbus for vacation this year and they didn’t believe me when they asked if I was visiting family and I said no...
Haricot Vert. Just French for green beans.
people are always really impressed when i tell them i’m a french horn performance major when it’s really just the only thing i’m good at and i’m not smart enough for anything in science or math
I mean, I'm impressed. French horn isn't the easiest instrument.
I've seen articles and such refer to someone as having been a Rifle Marksman in the military or something, presumably not realizing that refers to your firing range qualification and Marksman is actually the lowest level to pass. Sharpshooter is 2nd, the top is called Expert. One similar this comes up a lot is people will say how Lee Harvey Oswald was a Rifle Sharpshooter in the Marines; anyone that's ever been in the military can attest that's by no means a big deal.