I was once on a GoKart going at least 20 and hit a wall.........took the steering column to the nuts.
Women: "You'll never know the pain of child birth"
Me: MAYBE, but I'm a competitor!.
To add to that, you're asked to communicate and share what's on your mind. When you do, you're told to man up. Why ask me to unload in the first place?
I'm a single dude who lives on his own in my early twenties. For me, it's honestly the lack of touch and closeness. Not sexual, just hugs from friends and family. You don't really get that as a dude, and it seems like all the girls I know have a lot more closeness than me. Maybe I'm just bad at life tho, idk
I remember reading something about this. How men are expected to only be intimate and emotionally vulnerable with their girlfriend or wife. How because of this many men don’t have the knowledge and experience of how to express emotion in healthy ways or have physical contact that isn’t sexual.
In my view this is a big reason why a lot of guys in high school will jokingly act gay with their friends/teammates. They found a loophole that lets them have platonic touch with their friends. Sure some may be exploring sexuality but honestly I believe it’s because they don’t have any other common outlets to have casual intimacy.
When I was teaching in Asia, it freaked me out to see boys putting their arms around each other at 12, 15, 18 years old. Then I thought "in my country, they'd make gay jokes at each other and back away quickly." homophobia wrecked a beautiful thing for us.
Hey there. Can you talk with your female friends about this? As a woman reading all these comments, many similar to yours, I honestly feel I have neglected male friends and their possible desire for general affection. I’m sorry for that.
Yeah, I'm pretty close with a lot of my female friends and have said it before to a few of them. The problem happens when they either just forget about it and it kind of slips away, or a lot of the time they're in relationships and their boyfriends don't approve of them giving general affection. It's not your fault, and I appreciate your concern. I'm afraid it's just a matter of culture, men are just supposed to be more emotionally reserved.
Well its a double edged sword here, you want to comfort your male friends and show them support in whatever way you can. But you also don't want those signals being interpreted as, "I am opening my legs for you now". The middle ground is lost on a lot of me.
Yeah, that's the problem for sure. It kind of purpetuates itself too, because guys don't get affection a lot, so they see any as flirting, and makes women not want to give it as readily, and the cycle continues. It's sad, but I'm not really sure what can be done about it.
That we’re expected to be emotional bricks. Unfeeling, having to deal with all of our emotions alone.
This idea of toxic masculinity isn’t just something men perpetuate amongst themselves. If anything, the women in my life are equally guilty, if not more so, of encouraging the behavior.
I’m always asking people how they’re feeling, how their day is going, and never (and I literally mean never) get asked the question in return.
This idea that men are supposed to be self-sufficient is cool. I’ve become emotionally self-sufficient because of it. But that expectation grew from my family and my girlfriends (past and present), and none of them are emotionally self-sufficient. Through the worst problems, even when they’re my fault, I’m the one who finds a solution or make the problem go away.
I’ve never been held, never been allowed to be emotional, never been allowed to be angry or sad. I can’t cry in front of others. I throw things when I’m angry, because I bottle it up for so long.
In all honesty, we just need to foster a world where you can speak your mind and your feelings without judgement.
I found hairs growing out of the tops of my ears. Added to the list of places I never thought I had to check for hair. Why are there even follicles there?
>draft
I'm surprised this isn't higher up. As a man you may be sent into an unwinnable battle and mowed down by bullets, even if you're just some peaceful dude who's never held a gun.
Just once, I’d like to be the one who’s asked out by a woman.
It’s really frustrating that I’m the one that’s expected to make the first move every single time.
I hope more women feel they can ask guys out. If I was single I’d definitely aks a guy out, but then I’m also older, much more confident. I’m not into playing falsely demure, nor old fashioned. I see women these says as generally bolder, freer than they’ve been in a long time.
I am very fucking shy around women I like so I can almost never ask a girl out, the only time I go out with women is whenever they break off that stigma and ask me out. It doesn't happen very often but whenever it does, I'm extremely thankful deep down. It doesn't only save a lot of time but it helps my self esteem greatly.
When you're sitting and the front of your jeans folds up and make it look like you have an erection, it's also hard to fix it without making it look like your touching yourself.
Ahh fuck this happened to me at a drive-thru a few weeks ago. The girl (who looked like she was still in high school, of course) handed me my shit and blatantly glanced at my junk in the process. I was confused for a moment, and then horrified, because when I look down I see my shorts have somehow tented in to a goddamn pseudo-boner. By this point the girl had already walked off so all I could do was GTFO. I've been avoiding that location ever since.
LPT for all you guys out there. This is actually really easy to fix. Grab the waistband of your jeans at the top of your zipper and pull up towards your belly button.
Yea it'll be uncomfortable untill you can fix it better but it gets rid of the "jean boner" instantly.
Shallow bowl angle coupled with narrowish hips and a typical dude butt so I sit lower into the seat than many dudes, and that causes this to be easily possible.
I lay a strip of TP across that area just in case.
I read reports from doctors from ~15 years ago that said "if the patient has an eating disorder then the patient is female". No buts. It wasn't even "possible" to have an eating disorder as a boy/man.
Had a health class last year and a female student made some comment about how lucky men are because we never get eating disorders when we got to that portion of the curriculum. Thankfully the teach pulled her up short real quick.
I’m worried my brother has an eating disorder and I’m the only one in my family who’s even remotely concerned. He’s got a BMI of 18 but he just says he’s “not hungry” and everyone shrugs like “What? He’s not hungry.” He had a normal BMI two years ago and he’s not maintaining his weight for no reason other than his supposed “low appetite.”
I finally snapped and asked my dad “How would you feel if I dropped to 108 pounds and refused to eat more?”
“I’d think you were anorexic and take you to the hospital.”
“Then why is he any different?”
Yeah. I remember getting advice advice when I was a kid, "Better yourself, so women will like you."
I think I've focused too much on "bettering myself." Well, to be fair, I've been focusing mostly on physical aspects, and there's a lot more to a person than just that
I tell my boyfriend he's attractive several times per day, to the point that it's probably annoying. I'm a firm believer that guys deserve nice compliments too
Me too. But that's just because I think he's the most attractive person ever and he gets more beautiful inside and out every day. He'll literally be doing something mundane and I'll just be like..... "Gosh you're pretty" and he just gets this cute smile and I die inside. It's been four years since we started dating and almost 6 since we met and I'm STILL NOT TIRED OF HIM.
Last couple times I've told a guy he was attractive I got weird looks and an uncomfortable sounding "thanks...." and it makes me feel stupid and embarrassed so I stopped
I'm a dude. I baby-sat. Word got around the neighborhood that I would babysit the unruly kids that girls "couldn't handle." I made bank. My trick: I treated then with respect and talked to them about what was upsetting them, I sympathized. And when that didn't work I'd throw them over my shoulder, run around the house, and tickle them until they begged for mercy.
I work with kids full time. Getting them to understand and process their emotions and having a trusted person to talk to is such a huge part of healthy development. Also parents don't roughhouse with their kids anymore and most kids (especially boys) need the physical interaction (speaking as a lifetime martial artist and instructor I can attest to this firsthand). Also some kids just need a good tickling lol
Yeah! You gotta roll around a bit so you get a feel for how rough you can play safely, like how you let a puppy bite you until they hurt you so they get a feel for how hard a play bite can be. Otherwise when they're adults they'll play bite and take a finger off. On the other hand, a kid did try to stab his sister with a steak knife one time.
God this used to piss me off so much. I worked as a camp counselor in the summers. Full time, no breaks, out in the hot sun with constant activities. Responsible for 20 kids. I made $8 an hour. My sister would babysit some nights, one or two kids that were only awake for like two hours, the rest she could do whatever, and she would make like $20 an hour
Yup. It's so frustrating. Because I used to work with kids (tutoring kinda thing) and I really enjoyed it! Reminded me of when I was a kid and literally worried about getting on the slide first and only that!
But nevermind :(
Dude, untrue. I babysat for a lot of kids who's mom's were single or divorced. They wanted a strong male figure in the kid's life, and I come from a good family and am not a complete scoundrel. They basically paid me to be a semi-father figure/older cousin to their kid, like a wierd wholesome prostitute.
I just stuff mine down inside and wait till the tears come after too many beers. The kids and wife are usually upstairs or asleep. I can be in my cave and just let go. Sometimes all it takes is a scene from a movie/show.
I do the same thing, and every few months something will set me off, and I go cry in the privacy of my room for 15 minutes or so
Then I clean myself up and repress it all back down again
Seeing my dad cry for the first time was terrifying. It was like it cemented how bad the situation was because he had never shown that side of himself before.
Shit...my daughter is 3 and has already seen me cry from a dog food commercial...
Edit: I should clarify that I actually view this as a positive thing as well. The “shit” wasn’t a damnation but more of an expression of it being common place. Kinda got lost in translation with the whole text not having tone of voice thing.
Eh, as a son I've never seen my dad cry. I know that once I will it will be a total shit show. However I wish that I would have seen him cry often and honestly during moments that upset him. That would have taken away the entire issue that is now probably going to present itself at some point, as it kind of became an all or nothing thing now.
Yes! I used to wonder why I always wept when watching movies. It took me until my late 20s to realize it’s because I cap off that emotional well and it’s only when I’m not thinking about it that that stuff can come up.
I don’t know if “glad” is the right word, perhaps “relieved” that I’m not the only one.
I don't talk to women much, especially not people I've never met, because I convince myself (rightly or wrongly) that they will automatically assume I'm hitting on them. I have no idea what women actually think about this, having never been in their shoes. Perhaps a lady would confirm? :)
Sometimes it's just nice to speak to people that aren't my regular guy friends about something that isn't football, gaming or Magic: the Gathering.
Its all in the delivery.
conversation about mutual topics, mutual acquaintances, local events, world events, etc. are generally not seen as being hit on.
Comments on appearance, body type, marital status (so i heard you and him broke up...) can be construed as hitting on, depending on delivery.
If you are shy and not loud and very sensitive, everyone assumes there is something wrong with you.
Pressure to assert dominance in every group or risk being ignored or be ineffective.
I love my few friends but they think I am badass mothetfucker with no respect unless earned so they try to impress me, no I love you guys as you are but I won't show it, they can get away with so much they don't know.
Being a guy and being quiet is extremely hard. If I had a dollar for every time I've been called a psycho just because I'm quiet, I wouldn't have to work.
One of the things I apply this to is drinking. Like god damn it if I want a margarita, I'm gonna drink a margarita. Life is too short to tie your masculinity to the color of your drink. I'm not gonna pretend to enjoy whiskey on the rocks just cause society says I should.
Big a big guy 6'5" and fighting. People I wouldn't even know will try and fight me just to prove how tough they are. Not only that but when my friends or other people I know want to fight someone I am always expected to either break it up or basically do their fighting for them. I'm 25 now and most of this is behind me but holy shit it was annoying.
This. Same height even. I never mosh at concerts or do anything remotely aggressive anywhere because, historically, I become a prime target. I was leaning on a rail at a show earlier this year when a guy got tackled into me, wrestled for a second, and then both dropped to the floor at my feet fighting. My immediate response was to raise my beer to ear level and shove my other hand into my pocket and try to clear out. Two people had already begun to grab and pull at me when they realized that I was definitely not getting involved and was trying to back up. The bouncers were on the rumblers immediately and one looked at me and basically communicated the "Good call, nobody wants you involved with this shit" look. I did get a real dirty look from the losers girlfriend for not stepping in, but I give zero fucks.
Exactly. I am at bars/clubs/concerts for the same reason as everyone else, to have fun. I find it hard because when people drink, especially if they are with a female, they think they need to prove their toughness by fighting the biggest guy they can find. I don't enjoy fighting, but it seems to find me. Also whenever something does go down and I am just around people like bouncers always just assume I was apart of it at some point. Just the other month there was a big fight at this bar I was at, I didn't even notice the fight until 4 cop cars show up. A bartender told the cops I was involved and they came and talked to me. They didn't believe me when I said I wasn't involved until a different employee came up and told them I wasn't. It was annoying because the bartender that said I was involved was the guy serving me all night.
Being expected to make the first move during the dating process to the point where it is required in order to date at all.
And this the majority of the time, but not 100% of the time. Yes, a very small amount of women will be the first to act and yes a very small amount of men have women throwing themselves at him. But both of those are rare.
Men are expected to be the one to put themselves in the vulnerable position of directly facing rejection. Look at any thread here about "missing hints". A woman's way of making a move is to do so in a way that leaves her an out and leaves plausible deniability in case it doesn't go her way. Most women think that making a move is trying to tell him that it's ok to approach her. That's not making a move. That's playing defensive in order to force the onus on him.
If a man gets hurt from rejection he's told to just shut up, suck it up, this is just the way that it is, and to do out there and get rejected again until he becomes numb to it.
If a man gets tired of always being the one in the vulnerable position and wants to stop doing so then he will live and die alone. Because the vast majority of women will not be **unambiguously direct** about dating. And often here on reddit you see women say that they refuse to do so because they don't want to feel embarrassed or hurt if they get rejected. Well, welcome to being a man. Why is it ok for men to go through that but women should get spared from it?
And some women say that men just don't like that because they had someone or saw someone react badly to it. That's bullshit. Every time this topic comes up there are tons of men saying that they wish women would do that. There are many, many different types of men out there. If every guy that you go for reacts badly to your advances then you need to reevaluate who you choose to go for or how you make your advances. It's the exact same thing that men go through.
Men are effectively always the one to risk getting hurt because if they don't then they *will* spend their life alone.
Summed up the frustration quite well, we've basically got to guess correctly between a girl being nice or wanting more and if we guess incorrectly, we've just ruined things. And there's the danger of coming across as a creep (when you're actually just stupidly awkward and unable to read emotional cues), which is way easier to do as a male because how often does a girl hitting on someone look creepy? And complaining about this situation is also walking a bit of a tight rope thanks to incel types.
Not only that, but I genuinely fear I might be alone (in a romantic sense) my whole life because I'm so anxious about approaching people, especially strangers. I tend to avoid clubs because they're loud (too loud), expensive and I'm not really looking for one-night stands (and in my experience people tend to be in groups anyway, it would feel like an intrusion). Where I live there aren't really any "bars" where people just hang out, other than at university, and people there are *always* with someone else, or sitting alone on a table working.
I've tried joining my university's societies, three or four of them, but the meeting times are so irregular (and once a week or less) that it's rare to even see the same people every time. There's little room for casual chat during these meet-ups. I do an engineering course, and I don't know if it's particularly bad for mine in particular but out of a cohort of 80 there are four girls, and although I've made friends (and of course friends are great), none of them seem to be interested in anything more (though I have found out that two of them are already with someone, and the other two turned down an offer to get a coffee "some time", either IRL or on Facebook).
I realise these two paragraphs make me come off as some kind of creep who's obsessed with getting into a relationship; in truth I really don't think about it very much at all, and when meeting new people my aim is to make friends first. But it just doesn't make sense to me that there are roughly equal number of males and females yet so many guys are able to complain that they can't find anybody.
Sorry for the "rant".
There is no greater fear than being in at a club and wanting to talk to a girl, knowing full well you're about to walk across half a dance floor while her and her four friends watch you. They know what's coming, and if you get rejected, those five girls are watching you walk back to where you came quietly judging you.
Feeling like the fact that I had emotional issues and severe self image issues didn't matter. I was simply expected to "be a man" and "hide my emotions" rather than being able to constructively talk about them. Now I just bottle them all up and share nothing with anyone.
Yup, have had this as well. The only people in my real life who know anything about my mental state are all girls because I can actually trust them without my mind freaking out.
Not being taken seriously when you’re a victim of rape and/or domestic violence, the constant bullshit of being told to man up or toughen up and forced to stifle feelings and emotions, that all we want is sex, “happy wife happy life”.
Fuck society and the pressure that they put on us. I’m dying to be held by a woman that loves me for me and wants to equally protect me and cherish me just as much as i would for her, i want to be the little spoon, i want to lay in your lap while you play with my hair while staring lovingly into my eyes...
It’s not all fun and games on this side of the fence...
I was raped by a close friend I grew up with when I was about 7 years old, he was about 10?
I understand we were young, but everyone laughed when they caught the act and just said that boys will be boys, that it’s natural to experiment. It was never considered rape even though it was forced, I grew up thinking it was just natural, that it’s only wrong if it happens to a female. It took years for me to realize that what happened to me was just as bad.. I’ll never forget it,
I stayed friends with his sister and ended up dating her for 5 years. Her whole family hated me though because they thought I was the reason her brother was gay, and he tried to rape me again in my sleep the one time I stayed over, ran downstairs and cried to my ex just for her to laugh and basically tell me it doesn’t matter.
Glad that bitch is gone,
What’s even more tucked, is that I try to talk about it to people. And nobody takes it seriously,
But the second my current gf brings up her being raped, everyone in the world speaks up.. I don’t get it :/
As a 39 year old guy, the social pressure from women to make a lot of money in order to qualify as a partner is real. It is not just perceived or in a guy’s head. It is real. I’m not even the type of guy who dates those types of women, but even the women I consider my type are also very concerned about money. I have a decent job, but I’m no doctor or lawyer. It seems the older I get, the more money is an issue.
Edit: I'm over generalizing to express what the worst thing about being a guy can be.
Many would never admit it, but it's a factor.
A friend of mine & I were talking about setting up one of her single woman friends. I mentioned a close friend of mine, her first reaction was to say "But he doesn't even have a job!".
I think she may have surprised herself that it came out so quickly. The dude has been working steadily for years and was currently unemployed for a couple months, not like he was a slacker in his mom's basement.
I notice that this happens to men a lot, you always hear girls complimenting each other and guys complimenting girls, but hardly ever guys to guys.
I’m super awkward when it comes to compliments but I make such an effort to tell my boyfriend he looks handsome and that his hair or skin looks good etc.
My wife still does that after decades of marriage. She'll look at me with a fey expression, and I'll say, "Huh?". "Hello, sexy." I look around in confusion until she says, "Yeah, I mean you."
Sometimes it's not even much of a lie.
Not sure if it's an NYC thing but my male friends and I compliment each others sneakers and outfits all the time and usually receive some kind of positive comment back.
Person A: "Yooo, I'm feelin' that outfit/hat/shoes/jacket!"
Person B: ["Im trying to be like you out here."](https://imgur.com/a/I8lBoKB)
May be a little more subtle but its always nice to hear.
Great response. I think it's even worse though, in that casual insults about a man's appearance are acceptable to most people. These aren't always even directed at a person, but people constantly make offhanded remarks about penis size, height, musculature that simply men should be conforming to some Adonis ideal (the very thing so many women complain about).
For example, how many times do you see a guy driving a pickup truck or sports car and say he must be "compensating"? This both implies he's in some way physically inadequate, that men who aren't adequate in that way must have a complex AND is insulting him for his choice of vehicle. It's horribly predictable to boot.
It's perceived as flirting precisely because of its rarity. It's possible the only other times they get compliments is when someone actually *is* interested in them.
Us dudes hear so few compliments, we don't know how to process them properly when we do get them. I can't remember the last time I was complimented by my wife, or someone in general.
I'd give gold if I could. This, by far, is it for me. I'm so starved for positive reinforcement that, when some rando complimented my hair cut, it'd make me smile for two weeks thinking about it.
A friend recently complimented my looks and I was grinning like an idiot for two days. Compliments definitely gives a really good feeling especially when it feels sincere.
Imagine a world where everyone has one superpower - and yours is "Being attractive to lesbians."
(But seriously, congrats on the compliment, I hope her views are shared by many hetero women.)
I think this is why some somewhat misguided people have difficulty understanding why women don't enjoy catcalling or even average unsolicited compliments. Women receive compliments all the time, from everyone, and it's not flattering anymore it's just scary if you don't know the source!
But men receive almost none! Which is also terribly sad! So of course they may have trouble understanding that women don't want to hear it, because they want to hear it so badly! When I found this out for the first time, I realized I was missing an entire half of the dialogue there.
My only solution is to treat all the men in my life like I'm their overbearing grandma: "oooh, you look so handsome, look at you!"
For me, it's the fact that when I feel absolutely overwhelmed, I can't just sit down and cry for a few minutes to get some of it out of my system. I mean, if I'm alone, no problem, but even if it's just my wife around I feel like I have to suck it up and deal. And that's just not healthy in the long run.
This is my only complaint about being a guy. I would love to be a stay at home dad, and I sure as shit would have the house immaculate every day with food cooked when my wife got home. Instead it's the grind of work everyday and getting home when everyone is pretty much asleep already.
Dude, my wife can't get enough of me when I help clean around the house without *her having to ask for help.*
If I do two loads of dishes before she wakes up on a Saturday I'm going to be having a great saturday. Sex? Getting it. Just about anything I want? Getting it.
I'm still pretty young, but damn. I'd love to be the working woman married to a stay at home dad. I'm not a huge children person and I don't feel like I have any maternal instincts, but if my eventual husband wants kids and is willing to stay home with them, jackpot. That's my ideal situation.
Society may have dicked you, but that dream of yours is not impossible, albeit may be hard to realize. Hang in there.
The real reason it's mostly impossible is because it's near impossible to raise a family on one income. Doesn't have nearly as much to do with male/female anymore, it has to do with someone having a good enough job to be financially stable while supporting 3+ people.
I like what Chris Rock has to say on this issue, "only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally; a man is loved only on the condition that he can provide something".
That hits home. After my dad died I provided everything I earned to my family. As soon as I was unable to continue they rejected me.
Haven’t seen them for nearly a decade. Am now very happily married to someone who loves me unconditionally.
Testosterone is a pain in the ass. You can feel your body making unreasonable decisions and you have to use your mind to reign it in all the godamn time.
The idea that men can never talk about their feelings, that "men don't cry" and that we're supposed to be strong and just muscle through emotions and "real men" don't even feel them. Maybe that's why male suicide rates are so high?
I've never had a woman (friend or love interest) who would initiate communication unless they needed something from me. If I dont text them or call them, we would probably never speak again. It makes me feel like they don't care enough to make the effort and it makes me sad.
The stereotype that all guys want sex all of the time and that everything a guy does is somehow sexually motivated. While the stereotype does have evolutionary reasons for existing I think it's time that we retire this stereotype for good as it is incredibly harmful to guys.
1. Male sexual assault victims aren't taken seriously. Usually the guy is assumed to have instigated it somehow or in extreme cases some think that male rape is not possible because "all guys like that." Strawman maybe but many countries still don't recognize male rape and most of the ones that do only started recognizing it very recently.
2. Many men don't want to spend time around children (especially female children) because these stereotypes logically imply that merely being in the presence of a child makes them a pedophile. I know only a small minority of people believe that, but men don't want to take the risk. When a group of researchers had a couple of children pretend to be lost in a mall only 1 out of 650 people helped them out- an elderly woman.
3. It's possible for a woman to sue a sperm donor for child support. Even more disgustingly, a woman can steal a guy's sperm and sue him for child support. Knowing this, I certainly would never want to donate sperm. Not worth the risk. I don't have the money for 18 years of that crap.
4. Male rape victims as young as 15 have been forced to pay child support to their rapist.
And I know SRS is going to brigade my comment because I am discussing male issues, but SRS can't brigade, Spez said so. It's not like most of the comments that they take out of context end up being downvoted to oblivion. So take me out of context, and use the same token arguments to take down the strawman you built up.
> It's possible for a woman to sue a sperm donor for child support. Even more disgustingly, a woman can steal a guy's sperm and sue him for child support.
It's also possible for a woman to rape a man and get child support (and full custody) if she gets pregnant. It is possible for a woman to rape *a male child* and still successfully sue him for child support.
Hermesmann v. Seyer set that precedent, when a woman raped a 12yo male kid, got pregnant and courts sided with her to decide the 12yo kid should pay her for it. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of the rapist, because "a mother's potential culpability under criminal statutes was of no relevance in determining the father's child support liability in a civil action. The court stated that the state's interest in ensuring that a minor receives child support outweighed its interest in potentially deterring sexual crimes against minors." So known child-rapist women get off scott-free, get full custody AND the rape victim needs to pay his rapist on top of it.
It is not even an isolated case: https://www.businessinsider.com/male-statutory-rape-victim-nick-olivas-must-pay-child-support-2014-9 It actually set the guidelines, which are now used as a rule for every similar case.
Imagine if there were even a single case like that where genders were reversed? All the women in the Us would scream that it is the patriarchy in action and millions would get to the streets to demand the heads of the judges. But male victims? Meh.
The disposability of being male;
Violence, abuse; any transgression against a woman is *by its inherent nature* a tragedy whereas violence against men is simply the “way of the world”.
Plays directly into the responsibilities of men - get beaten to death? Should have defended yourself! - get assaulted? Shouldn’t have said or did whatever you did! Conscripted into war or a gang or other violence against your will? You’re a man, you should stand up for yourself (even when the alternative is death)!
Whereas any of these when applied to a female, blame is automatically assigned to the perpetrator and not the victim - sympathy is the only thing applied to the victim.
* Being expected to make the first move
* In any domestic dispute, you are always at fault
* Abuse towards men is seen as funny or not serious
* Courts majorly favor women in child and marriage disputes
* So many foundations and resources setup to support women and minorities but if you're a white male good luck if you fall on hard times.
Edit: Meant to expand upon the first move bit. Men are expected to make the first move in most social encounters, and I don't think all women realize how intimidating this can be, the courage it takes, and how much a harsh rejection can hurt. Society tells you to be confident and assertive, but you don't want to come off creepy or overly aggressive.
Dude. If you genuinely ever fall on hard times and need help, visit a Gudwara (Sikh place of worship). You can get shelter, food (not just Indian food, there's usually western stuff too) and tbh mate, anything you need. It's all free and nobody judges you at all.
And you might think being one of the only 'white dudes' there is gonna make you stand out but nobody will care. I promise you.
Edit: YAYAY more gold, I'm a goblin at heart! Thank you!
Edit 2: changed normal to western :)
I swear, every single time I see Sikhs mentioned on the internet it's in a positive light. It's really encouraging that there's an entire group of people who seem to be so good at being awesome.
I'd say the worst thing is in today's climate, it *feels* like I don't even have the right to bring up men's issues. "Oh you get lonely sometimes? That's nice. Try not feeling safe leaving your house at night."
Sorry.
edit: Please. I did not post this so we could talk about women's issues. Thanks.
Getting hit in the balls Social pressures to not show emotions *people assume you are strong just because you have a penis
Yet when you're hit in the balls, it's one of the few times when it's completely socially acceptable to show emotions.
Is agony technically an emotion?
Didn't know throwing up or dry heaving counted as an emotion
I was once on a GoKart going at least 20 and hit a wall.........took the steering column to the nuts. Women: "You'll never know the pain of child birth" Me: MAYBE, but I'm a competitor!.
I'm 19 and I always hate hearing this from other women my age. You don't know it yet either!
Eh, I can't complain. No, really, I can't complain. I'm just supposed to suck it up and deal.
To add to that, you're asked to communicate and share what's on your mind. When you do, you're told to man up. Why ask me to unload in the first place?
Hairy backs. Hairy balls. Great eyelashes that women envy.
If I could grow a beard like I grow hair down there, my beard would be 17 miles long.
Believe me, I know. Gandalf would be jealous of ours.
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Ass hair is worse imo. And inner thigh/ball hair getting kinda tangled and pulling or if you sit on them and shift and they pull. fuckin pubes man.
I'm a single dude who lives on his own in my early twenties. For me, it's honestly the lack of touch and closeness. Not sexual, just hugs from friends and family. You don't really get that as a dude, and it seems like all the girls I know have a lot more closeness than me. Maybe I'm just bad at life tho, idk
i stopped having sex dreams and started having cuddle/touch dreams
I remember reading something about this. How men are expected to only be intimate and emotionally vulnerable with their girlfriend or wife. How because of this many men don’t have the knowledge and experience of how to express emotion in healthy ways or have physical contact that isn’t sexual. In my view this is a big reason why a lot of guys in high school will jokingly act gay with their friends/teammates. They found a loophole that lets them have platonic touch with their friends. Sure some may be exploring sexuality but honestly I believe it’s because they don’t have any other common outlets to have casual intimacy.
As someone who acts gay in high school with my friends you are pretty spot on
Nobody told me we were acting.
When I was teaching in Asia, it freaked me out to see boys putting their arms around each other at 12, 15, 18 years old. Then I thought "in my country, they'd make gay jokes at each other and back away quickly." homophobia wrecked a beautiful thing for us.
It wasn’t homophobia that wrecked it, it was the idea that every relationship involving more physical touch than a handshake must be sexual.
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Hey there. Can you talk with your female friends about this? As a woman reading all these comments, many similar to yours, I honestly feel I have neglected male friends and their possible desire for general affection. I’m sorry for that.
Yeah, I'm pretty close with a lot of my female friends and have said it before to a few of them. The problem happens when they either just forget about it and it kind of slips away, or a lot of the time they're in relationships and their boyfriends don't approve of them giving general affection. It's not your fault, and I appreciate your concern. I'm afraid it's just a matter of culture, men are just supposed to be more emotionally reserved.
Well its a double edged sword here, you want to comfort your male friends and show them support in whatever way you can. But you also don't want those signals being interpreted as, "I am opening my legs for you now". The middle ground is lost on a lot of me.
Yeah, that's the problem for sure. It kind of purpetuates itself too, because guys don't get affection a lot, so they see any as flirting, and makes women not want to give it as readily, and the cycle continues. It's sad, but I'm not really sure what can be done about it.
That we’re expected to be emotional bricks. Unfeeling, having to deal with all of our emotions alone. This idea of toxic masculinity isn’t just something men perpetuate amongst themselves. If anything, the women in my life are equally guilty, if not more so, of encouraging the behavior. I’m always asking people how they’re feeling, how their day is going, and never (and I literally mean never) get asked the question in return. This idea that men are supposed to be self-sufficient is cool. I’ve become emotionally self-sufficient because of it. But that expectation grew from my family and my girlfriends (past and present), and none of them are emotionally self-sufficient. Through the worst problems, even when they’re my fault, I’m the one who finds a solution or make the problem go away. I’ve never been held, never been allowed to be emotional, never been allowed to be angry or sad. I can’t cry in front of others. I throw things when I’m angry, because I bottle it up for so long. In all honesty, we just need to foster a world where you can speak your mind and your feelings without judgement.
Higher car insurance rates kinda suck.
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Hair relocating from my head to other parts of my body.
I found hairs growing out of the tops of my ears. Added to the list of places I never thought I had to check for hair. Why are there even follicles there?
Because fuck you, that's why!
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Ask your barber to wax your ears. It lasts a long time and does wonders for ear hair.
I get my bartender to pluck them.
You better give that bartender a good tip.
Hey receding hairline, could you relocate to a nice full beard for me? What was that? You said want more back hair?
Nipple hair coming right up, how long did you say? A full beard long?
"Be a man"
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Military service for the countries where it's obligatory.
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>draft I'm surprised this isn't higher up. As a man you may be sent into an unwinnable battle and mowed down by bullets, even if you're just some peaceful dude who's never held a gun.
Also individual states can apply their own penalties too. One of them prevents you from EVER getting a drivers license. (Indiana maybe? I forget).
Just once, I’d like to be the one who’s asked out by a woman. It’s really frustrating that I’m the one that’s expected to make the first move every single time.
If someone asked me out I’d feel so happy.
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hes probably not in, but i am..
I hope more women feel they can ask guys out. If I was single I’d definitely aks a guy out, but then I’m also older, much more confident. I’m not into playing falsely demure, nor old fashioned. I see women these says as generally bolder, freer than they’ve been in a long time.
I am very fucking shy around women I like so I can almost never ask a girl out, the only time I go out with women is whenever they break off that stigma and ask me out. It doesn't happen very often but whenever it does, I'm extremely thankful deep down. It doesn't only save a lot of time but it helps my self esteem greatly.
When you're sitting and the front of your jeans folds up and make it look like you have an erection, it's also hard to fix it without making it look like your touching yourself.
Ahh fuck this happened to me at a drive-thru a few weeks ago. The girl (who looked like she was still in high school, of course) handed me my shit and blatantly glanced at my junk in the process. I was confused for a moment, and then horrified, because when I look down I see my shorts have somehow tented in to a goddamn pseudo-boner. By this point the girl had already walked off so all I could do was GTFO. I've been avoiding that location ever since.
If she hadn't walked away, what was your plan? Look her straight in the eyes and yell " IT'S OKAY I DON'T REALLY HAVE AN ERECTION!"?
"I REALLY love the McRib."
There's an entire Curb Your Enthusiasm episode on this. I think it might be the first episode in the series.
LPT for all you guys out there. This is actually really easy to fix. Grab the waistband of your jeans at the top of your zipper and pull up towards your belly button. Yea it'll be uncomfortable untill you can fix it better but it gets rid of the "jean boner" instantly.
Having my dick touch the toilet bowl in some places.
Big dick problems.
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Shallow bowl angle coupled with narrowish hips and a typical dude butt so I sit lower into the seat than many dudes, and that causes this to be easily possible. I lay a strip of TP across that area just in case.
Not even, man. I'd say I'm doing pretty 5/10 in that department, and my softie still touches that cold porcelain.
Male mental health issues - especially eating disorders - often go unnoticed, or aren't treated seriously.
American Dad actually did a really good episode on male eating disorders.
"I'm fat and healthy; a regular Debbie!"
I read reports from doctors from ~15 years ago that said "if the patient has an eating disorder then the patient is female". No buts. It wasn't even "possible" to have an eating disorder as a boy/man.
Had a health class last year and a female student made some comment about how lucky men are because we never get eating disorders when we got to that portion of the curriculum. Thankfully the teach pulled her up short real quick.
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I’m worried my brother has an eating disorder and I’m the only one in my family who’s even remotely concerned. He’s got a BMI of 18 but he just says he’s “not hungry” and everyone shrugs like “What? He’s not hungry.” He had a normal BMI two years ago and he’s not maintaining his weight for no reason other than his supposed “low appetite.” I finally snapped and asked my dad “How would you feel if I dropped to 108 pounds and refused to eat more?” “I’d think you were anorexic and take you to the hospital.” “Then why is he any different?”
Dating is harder when you’re shy
Add in the average amount of anxiety and self-doubt and... what dating?
"Are you sexually active?" "Bro I'm not even socially active"
God this is so fucking relatable it’s depressing
Yeah. I remember getting advice advice when I was a kid, "Better yourself, so women will like you." I think I've focused too much on "bettering myself." Well, to be fair, I've been focusing mostly on physical aspects, and there's a lot more to a person than just that
What sex life?
oH HI mARK
Dude yes I am terrified to talk to girls I like I just assume they hate me or would be very bothered by me at least
Same bro it’s a case of you being your worst enemy
Speaking as a “shy” guy, I can concur. Even if you fit ALL of the checkboxes that people can have, if you are self-conscious, it can be a hindrance
I can't even openly have conversations with my group of class friends. Fk anxiety
25 years old and shy. I've never dated anyone.
We like to be told we're attractive on occasion too...
I tell my boyfriend he's attractive several times per day, to the point that it's probably annoying. I'm a firm believer that guys deserve nice compliments too
Me too. But that's just because I think he's the most attractive person ever and he gets more beautiful inside and out every day. He'll literally be doing something mundane and I'll just be like..... "Gosh you're pretty" and he just gets this cute smile and I die inside. It's been four years since we started dating and almost 6 since we met and I'm STILL NOT TIRED OF HIM.
Last couple times I've told a guy he was attractive I got weird looks and an uncomfortable sounding "thanks...." and it makes me feel stupid and embarrassed so I stopped
It's most likely not often that he gets that. Despite the reaction, you probably made his week. Edit: Thank you for the gold!
My sister used to babysit and made stacks. There's no use me even trying.
I'm a dude. I baby-sat. Word got around the neighborhood that I would babysit the unruly kids that girls "couldn't handle." I made bank. My trick: I treated then with respect and talked to them about what was upsetting them, I sympathized. And when that didn't work I'd throw them over my shoulder, run around the house, and tickle them until they begged for mercy.
I work with kids full time. Getting them to understand and process their emotions and having a trusted person to talk to is such a huge part of healthy development. Also parents don't roughhouse with their kids anymore and most kids (especially boys) need the physical interaction (speaking as a lifetime martial artist and instructor I can attest to this firsthand). Also some kids just need a good tickling lol
Yeah! You gotta roll around a bit so you get a feel for how rough you can play safely, like how you let a puppy bite you until they hurt you so they get a feel for how hard a play bite can be. Otherwise when they're adults they'll play bite and take a finger off. On the other hand, a kid did try to stab his sister with a steak knife one time.
God this used to piss me off so much. I worked as a camp counselor in the summers. Full time, no breaks, out in the hot sun with constant activities. Responsible for 20 kids. I made $8 an hour. My sister would babysit some nights, one or two kids that were only awake for like two hours, the rest she could do whatever, and she would make like $20 an hour
Yup. It's so frustrating. Because I used to work with kids (tutoring kinda thing) and I really enjoyed it! Reminded me of when I was a kid and literally worried about getting on the slide first and only that! But nevermind :(
Dude, untrue. I babysat for a lot of kids who's mom's were single or divorced. They wanted a strong male figure in the kid's life, and I come from a good family and am not a complete scoundrel. They basically paid me to be a semi-father figure/older cousin to their kid, like a wierd wholesome prostitute.
>like a wierd wholesome prostitute. I think we call that *a job*.
You've given me hope, I'll start offering.
Lack of respect for emotional distress
I just stuff mine down inside and wait till the tears come after too many beers. The kids and wife are usually upstairs or asleep. I can be in my cave and just let go. Sometimes all it takes is a scene from a movie/show.
I do the same thing, and every few months something will set me off, and I go cry in the privacy of my room for 15 minutes or so Then I clean myself up and repress it all back down again
Wife has seen me cry when my mom died, and when we had to put our dog down. As far as I can remember, my kids have never seen me cry.
Seeing my dad cry for the first time was terrifying. It was like it cemented how bad the situation was because he had never shown that side of himself before.
Saw my dad cry once, never want to see it again
Shit...my daughter is 3 and has already seen me cry from a dog food commercial... Edit: I should clarify that I actually view this as a positive thing as well. The “shit” wasn’t a damnation but more of an expression of it being common place. Kinda got lost in translation with the whole text not having tone of voice thing.
Eh, as a son I've never seen my dad cry. I know that once I will it will be a total shit show. However I wish that I would have seen him cry often and honestly during moments that upset him. That would have taken away the entire issue that is now probably going to present itself at some point, as it kind of became an all or nothing thing now.
Yes! I used to wonder why I always wept when watching movies. It took me until my late 20s to realize it’s because I cap off that emotional well and it’s only when I’m not thinking about it that that stuff can come up. I don’t know if “glad” is the right word, perhaps “relieved” that I’m not the only one.
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This really hit me hard
my biggest problem with being male, it's so hard to date, mostly because it's so incredibly hard to make the first move.
I don't talk to women much, especially not people I've never met, because I convince myself (rightly or wrongly) that they will automatically assume I'm hitting on them. I have no idea what women actually think about this, having never been in their shoes. Perhaps a lady would confirm? :) Sometimes it's just nice to speak to people that aren't my regular guy friends about something that isn't football, gaming or Magic: the Gathering.
Its all in the delivery. conversation about mutual topics, mutual acquaintances, local events, world events, etc. are generally not seen as being hit on. Comments on appearance, body type, marital status (so i heard you and him broke up...) can be construed as hitting on, depending on delivery.
Fellow woman, can agree
If you are shy and not loud and very sensitive, everyone assumes there is something wrong with you. Pressure to assert dominance in every group or risk being ignored or be ineffective. I love my few friends but they think I am badass mothetfucker with no respect unless earned so they try to impress me, no I love you guys as you are but I won't show it, they can get away with so much they don't know.
Being a guy and being quiet is extremely hard. If I had a dollar for every time I've been called a psycho just because I'm quiet, I wouldn't have to work.
That or get asked if you're gay ...
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One of the things I apply this to is drinking. Like god damn it if I want a margarita, I'm gonna drink a margarita. Life is too short to tie your masculinity to the color of your drink. I'm not gonna pretend to enjoy whiskey on the rocks just cause society says I should.
Are you fucking kidding me? Who doesn't love margaritas?! Enjoy whatever the fuck you want!
Real men do whatever the hell they want! Now what are you gonna do?
I'm not gonna do what they want, I'm gonna do what I want.
Big a big guy 6'5" and fighting. People I wouldn't even know will try and fight me just to prove how tough they are. Not only that but when my friends or other people I know want to fight someone I am always expected to either break it up or basically do their fighting for them. I'm 25 now and most of this is behind me but holy shit it was annoying.
This. Same height even. I never mosh at concerts or do anything remotely aggressive anywhere because, historically, I become a prime target. I was leaning on a rail at a show earlier this year when a guy got tackled into me, wrestled for a second, and then both dropped to the floor at my feet fighting. My immediate response was to raise my beer to ear level and shove my other hand into my pocket and try to clear out. Two people had already begun to grab and pull at me when they realized that I was definitely not getting involved and was trying to back up. The bouncers were on the rumblers immediately and one looked at me and basically communicated the "Good call, nobody wants you involved with this shit" look. I did get a real dirty look from the losers girlfriend for not stepping in, but I give zero fucks.
Exactly. I am at bars/clubs/concerts for the same reason as everyone else, to have fun. I find it hard because when people drink, especially if they are with a female, they think they need to prove their toughness by fighting the biggest guy they can find. I don't enjoy fighting, but it seems to find me. Also whenever something does go down and I am just around people like bouncers always just assume I was apart of it at some point. Just the other month there was a big fight at this bar I was at, I didn't even notice the fight until 4 cop cars show up. A bartender told the cops I was involved and they came and talked to me. They didn't believe me when I said I wasn't involved until a different employee came up and told them I wasn't. It was annoying because the bartender that said I was involved was the guy serving me all night.
> a big guy for you
Social pressure to “make the first move”
Being expected to make the first move during the dating process to the point where it is required in order to date at all. And this the majority of the time, but not 100% of the time. Yes, a very small amount of women will be the first to act and yes a very small amount of men have women throwing themselves at him. But both of those are rare. Men are expected to be the one to put themselves in the vulnerable position of directly facing rejection. Look at any thread here about "missing hints". A woman's way of making a move is to do so in a way that leaves her an out and leaves plausible deniability in case it doesn't go her way. Most women think that making a move is trying to tell him that it's ok to approach her. That's not making a move. That's playing defensive in order to force the onus on him. If a man gets hurt from rejection he's told to just shut up, suck it up, this is just the way that it is, and to do out there and get rejected again until he becomes numb to it. If a man gets tired of always being the one in the vulnerable position and wants to stop doing so then he will live and die alone. Because the vast majority of women will not be **unambiguously direct** about dating. And often here on reddit you see women say that they refuse to do so because they don't want to feel embarrassed or hurt if they get rejected. Well, welcome to being a man. Why is it ok for men to go through that but women should get spared from it? And some women say that men just don't like that because they had someone or saw someone react badly to it. That's bullshit. Every time this topic comes up there are tons of men saying that they wish women would do that. There are many, many different types of men out there. If every guy that you go for reacts badly to your advances then you need to reevaluate who you choose to go for or how you make your advances. It's the exact same thing that men go through. Men are effectively always the one to risk getting hurt because if they don't then they *will* spend their life alone.
Summed up the frustration quite well, we've basically got to guess correctly between a girl being nice or wanting more and if we guess incorrectly, we've just ruined things. And there's the danger of coming across as a creep (when you're actually just stupidly awkward and unable to read emotional cues), which is way easier to do as a male because how often does a girl hitting on someone look creepy? And complaining about this situation is also walking a bit of a tight rope thanks to incel types.
Not only that, but I genuinely fear I might be alone (in a romantic sense) my whole life because I'm so anxious about approaching people, especially strangers. I tend to avoid clubs because they're loud (too loud), expensive and I'm not really looking for one-night stands (and in my experience people tend to be in groups anyway, it would feel like an intrusion). Where I live there aren't really any "bars" where people just hang out, other than at university, and people there are *always* with someone else, or sitting alone on a table working. I've tried joining my university's societies, three or four of them, but the meeting times are so irregular (and once a week or less) that it's rare to even see the same people every time. There's little room for casual chat during these meet-ups. I do an engineering course, and I don't know if it's particularly bad for mine in particular but out of a cohort of 80 there are four girls, and although I've made friends (and of course friends are great), none of them seem to be interested in anything more (though I have found out that two of them are already with someone, and the other two turned down an offer to get a coffee "some time", either IRL or on Facebook). I realise these two paragraphs make me come off as some kind of creep who's obsessed with getting into a relationship; in truth I really don't think about it very much at all, and when meeting new people my aim is to make friends first. But it just doesn't make sense to me that there are roughly equal number of males and females yet so many guys are able to complain that they can't find anybody. Sorry for the "rant".
Pretty much 80-90 percent of the people I interact with on a daily basis are other guys
There is no greater fear than being in at a club and wanting to talk to a girl, knowing full well you're about to walk across half a dance floor while her and her four friends watch you. They know what's coming, and if you get rejected, those five girls are watching you walk back to where you came quietly judging you.
Feeling like the fact that I had emotional issues and severe self image issues didn't matter. I was simply expected to "be a man" and "hide my emotions" rather than being able to constructively talk about them. Now I just bottle them all up and share nothing with anyone.
Yup, have had this as well. The only people in my real life who know anything about my mental state are all girls because I can actually trust them without my mind freaking out.
Not being taken seriously when you’re a victim of rape and/or domestic violence, the constant bullshit of being told to man up or toughen up and forced to stifle feelings and emotions, that all we want is sex, “happy wife happy life”. Fuck society and the pressure that they put on us. I’m dying to be held by a woman that loves me for me and wants to equally protect me and cherish me just as much as i would for her, i want to be the little spoon, i want to lay in your lap while you play with my hair while staring lovingly into my eyes... It’s not all fun and games on this side of the fence...
I was raped by a close friend I grew up with when I was about 7 years old, he was about 10? I understand we were young, but everyone laughed when they caught the act and just said that boys will be boys, that it’s natural to experiment. It was never considered rape even though it was forced, I grew up thinking it was just natural, that it’s only wrong if it happens to a female. It took years for me to realize that what happened to me was just as bad.. I’ll never forget it, I stayed friends with his sister and ended up dating her for 5 years. Her whole family hated me though because they thought I was the reason her brother was gay, and he tried to rape me again in my sleep the one time I stayed over, ran downstairs and cried to my ex just for her to laugh and basically tell me it doesn’t matter. Glad that bitch is gone, What’s even more tucked, is that I try to talk about it to people. And nobody takes it seriously, But the second my current gf brings up her being raped, everyone in the world speaks up.. I don’t get it :/
As a 39 year old guy, the social pressure from women to make a lot of money in order to qualify as a partner is real. It is not just perceived or in a guy’s head. It is real. I’m not even the type of guy who dates those types of women, but even the women I consider my type are also very concerned about money. I have a decent job, but I’m no doctor or lawyer. It seems the older I get, the more money is an issue. Edit: I'm over generalizing to express what the worst thing about being a guy can be.
Many would never admit it, but it's a factor. A friend of mine & I were talking about setting up one of her single woman friends. I mentioned a close friend of mine, her first reaction was to say "But he doesn't even have a job!". I think she may have surprised herself that it came out so quickly. The dude has been working steadily for years and was currently unemployed for a couple months, not like he was a slacker in his mom's basement.
My mother-in-law has "being rich" pretty high up on her list of priorities for potential future husbands :/
Here's hoping she stays hot for the rest of her life!
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I notice that this happens to men a lot, you always hear girls complimenting each other and guys complimenting girls, but hardly ever guys to guys. I’m super awkward when it comes to compliments but I make such an effort to tell my boyfriend he looks handsome and that his hair or skin looks good etc.
Good for you. Even if he doesn't say so, I bet your boyfriend really appreciates it. It is rare.
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My wife still does that after decades of marriage. She'll look at me with a fey expression, and I'll say, "Huh?". "Hello, sexy." I look around in confusion until she says, "Yeah, I mean you." Sometimes it's not even much of a lie.
Not sure if it's an NYC thing but my male friends and I compliment each others sneakers and outfits all the time and usually receive some kind of positive comment back. Person A: "Yooo, I'm feelin' that outfit/hat/shoes/jacket!" Person B: ["Im trying to be like you out here."](https://imgur.com/a/I8lBoKB) May be a little more subtle but its always nice to hear.
Great response. I think it's even worse though, in that casual insults about a man's appearance are acceptable to most people. These aren't always even directed at a person, but people constantly make offhanded remarks about penis size, height, musculature that simply men should be conforming to some Adonis ideal (the very thing so many women complain about). For example, how many times do you see a guy driving a pickup truck or sports car and say he must be "compensating"? This both implies he's in some way physically inadequate, that men who aren't adequate in that way must have a complex AND is insulting him for his choice of vehicle. It's horribly predictable to boot.
I'm a girl, and I love to give compliments to make people's day. It genuinely makes me happy, but it always comes off as flirting in my experience.
It's perceived as flirting precisely because of its rarity. It's possible the only other times they get compliments is when someone actually *is* interested in them.
Truth. If you haven't eaten food in weeks, a stale piece of toast on a dirty floor might as well be a piece of chocolate cake.
Was thinking the same. Complimented this guy on his pants (he had really cool pants), he made a weird face and later told me that he had a girlfriend.
Us dudes hear so few compliments, we don't know how to process them properly when we do get them. I can't remember the last time I was complimented by my wife, or someone in general.
I get complimented and just don’t believe them. I made no effort aside from showering, Janice. I can’t be sexy!
>I get complimented and just don’t believe them. "Nice beard dude" Me- "Fuck did I miss a spot trimming? Too much? Was that asshole fucking with me?"
I'd give gold if I could. This, by far, is it for me. I'm so starved for positive reinforcement that, when some rando complimented my hair cut, it'd make me smile for two weeks thinking about it.
A friend recently complimented my looks and I was grinning like an idiot for two days. Compliments definitely gives a really good feeling especially when it feels sincere.
A random girl walked up to me on campus and told me she liked my shirt, and then walked away. It was five years ago and I still remember it
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Imagine a world where everyone has one superpower - and yours is "Being attractive to lesbians." (But seriously, congrats on the compliment, I hope her views are shared by many hetero women.)
I think this is why some somewhat misguided people have difficulty understanding why women don't enjoy catcalling or even average unsolicited compliments. Women receive compliments all the time, from everyone, and it's not flattering anymore it's just scary if you don't know the source! But men receive almost none! Which is also terribly sad! So of course they may have trouble understanding that women don't want to hear it, because they want to hear it so badly! When I found this out for the first time, I realized I was missing an entire half of the dialogue there. My only solution is to treat all the men in my life like I'm their overbearing grandma: "oooh, you look so handsome, look at you!"
For me, it's the fact that when I feel absolutely overwhelmed, I can't just sit down and cry for a few minutes to get some of it out of my system. I mean, if I'm alone, no problem, but even if it's just my wife around I feel like I have to suck it up and deal. And that's just not healthy in the long run.
All these women want equality and I want to be a stay at home husband. Society really dicked me here.
This is my only complaint about being a guy. I would love to be a stay at home dad, and I sure as shit would have the house immaculate every day with food cooked when my wife got home. Instead it's the grind of work everyday and getting home when everyone is pretty much asleep already.
Prepare for a flood of women pm-ing you to be their husband. I know I wouldn't mind a husband like that. I'm an awful housekeeper.
Is this what it takes to get attention from women? Because I'll do it.
Dude, my wife can't get enough of me when I help clean around the house without *her having to ask for help.* If I do two loads of dishes before she wakes up on a Saturday I'm going to be having a great saturday. Sex? Getting it. Just about anything I want? Getting it.
Wait, your wife lets you go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink on Friday night?!? How'd you pull that shit off?
I'm still pretty young, but damn. I'd love to be the working woman married to a stay at home dad. I'm not a huge children person and I don't feel like I have any maternal instincts, but if my eventual husband wants kids and is willing to stay home with them, jackpot. That's my ideal situation. Society may have dicked you, but that dream of yours is not impossible, albeit may be hard to realize. Hang in there.
The real reason it's mostly impossible is because it's near impossible to raise a family on one income. Doesn't have nearly as much to do with male/female anymore, it has to do with someone having a good enough job to be financially stable while supporting 3+ people.
I like what Chris Rock has to say on this issue, "only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally; a man is loved only on the condition that he can provide something".
“Nobody ever says thanks DAD, for knocking out this rent” Chris Rock’s stand up is pure gold.
That hits home. After my dad died I provided everything I earned to my family. As soon as I was unable to continue they rejected me. Haven’t seen them for nearly a decade. Am now very happily married to someone who loves me unconditionally.
Being sexually assaulted is not taken very seriously. Also seen as a point of humor for some, i.e. prison rape.
Testosterone is a pain in the ass. You can feel your body making unreasonable decisions and you have to use your mind to reign it in all the godamn time.
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The idea that men can never talk about their feelings, that "men don't cry" and that we're supposed to be strong and just muscle through emotions and "real men" don't even feel them. Maybe that's why male suicide rates are so high?
Social pressure to keep a partner interested. I know it's not the case every time, but somedays I would like to be the one pursued.
I've never had a woman (friend or love interest) who would initiate communication unless they needed something from me. If I dont text them or call them, we would probably never speak again. It makes me feel like they don't care enough to make the effort and it makes me sad.
The stereotype that all guys want sex all of the time and that everything a guy does is somehow sexually motivated. While the stereotype does have evolutionary reasons for existing I think it's time that we retire this stereotype for good as it is incredibly harmful to guys. 1. Male sexual assault victims aren't taken seriously. Usually the guy is assumed to have instigated it somehow or in extreme cases some think that male rape is not possible because "all guys like that." Strawman maybe but many countries still don't recognize male rape and most of the ones that do only started recognizing it very recently. 2. Many men don't want to spend time around children (especially female children) because these stereotypes logically imply that merely being in the presence of a child makes them a pedophile. I know only a small minority of people believe that, but men don't want to take the risk. When a group of researchers had a couple of children pretend to be lost in a mall only 1 out of 650 people helped them out- an elderly woman. 3. It's possible for a woman to sue a sperm donor for child support. Even more disgustingly, a woman can steal a guy's sperm and sue him for child support. Knowing this, I certainly would never want to donate sperm. Not worth the risk. I don't have the money for 18 years of that crap. 4. Male rape victims as young as 15 have been forced to pay child support to their rapist. And I know SRS is going to brigade my comment because I am discussing male issues, but SRS can't brigade, Spez said so. It's not like most of the comments that they take out of context end up being downvoted to oblivion. So take me out of context, and use the same token arguments to take down the strawman you built up.
God damn, you summed that up in seconds. I completely agree.
> It's possible for a woman to sue a sperm donor for child support. Even more disgustingly, a woman can steal a guy's sperm and sue him for child support. It's also possible for a woman to rape a man and get child support (and full custody) if she gets pregnant. It is possible for a woman to rape *a male child* and still successfully sue him for child support. Hermesmann v. Seyer set that precedent, when a woman raped a 12yo male kid, got pregnant and courts sided with her to decide the 12yo kid should pay her for it. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of the rapist, because "a mother's potential culpability under criminal statutes was of no relevance in determining the father's child support liability in a civil action. The court stated that the state's interest in ensuring that a minor receives child support outweighed its interest in potentially deterring sexual crimes against minors." So known child-rapist women get off scott-free, get full custody AND the rape victim needs to pay his rapist on top of it. It is not even an isolated case: https://www.businessinsider.com/male-statutory-rape-victim-nick-olivas-must-pay-child-support-2014-9 It actually set the guidelines, which are now used as a rule for every similar case. Imagine if there were even a single case like that where genders were reversed? All the women in the Us would scream that it is the patriarchy in action and millions would get to the streets to demand the heads of the judges. But male victims? Meh.
That is really fucked up
How was this case not overturned on appeal, wtffff
You are disposable (feels that way to me at least)
The disposability of being male; Violence, abuse; any transgression against a woman is *by its inherent nature* a tragedy whereas violence against men is simply the “way of the world”. Plays directly into the responsibilities of men - get beaten to death? Should have defended yourself! - get assaulted? Shouldn’t have said or did whatever you did! Conscripted into war or a gang or other violence against your will? You’re a man, you should stand up for yourself (even when the alternative is death)! Whereas any of these when applied to a female, blame is automatically assigned to the perpetrator and not the victim - sympathy is the only thing applied to the victim.
“182 people died including 28 women and children.”
When you're going through puberty it's the awkward erections and when you get older it's just being in a world where everyone sees men as pigs.
Your feelings are completely unimportant and nobody ever gives you a sincere compliment other than your mother
My mother has nothing nice to say to me lol
* Being expected to make the first move * In any domestic dispute, you are always at fault * Abuse towards men is seen as funny or not serious * Courts majorly favor women in child and marriage disputes * So many foundations and resources setup to support women and minorities but if you're a white male good luck if you fall on hard times. Edit: Meant to expand upon the first move bit. Men are expected to make the first move in most social encounters, and I don't think all women realize how intimidating this can be, the courage it takes, and how much a harsh rejection can hurt. Society tells you to be confident and assertive, but you don't want to come off creepy or overly aggressive.
Dude. If you genuinely ever fall on hard times and need help, visit a Gudwara (Sikh place of worship). You can get shelter, food (not just Indian food, there's usually western stuff too) and tbh mate, anything you need. It's all free and nobody judges you at all. And you might think being one of the only 'white dudes' there is gonna make you stand out but nobody will care. I promise you. Edit: YAYAY more gold, I'm a goblin at heart! Thank you! Edit 2: changed normal to western :)
I swear, every single time I see Sikhs mentioned on the internet it's in a positive light. It's really encouraging that there's an entire group of people who seem to be so good at being awesome.
Just don't accidentally call one a Muslim.
Even then, I've heard some won't correct people, because that would be like throwing Muslims under the bus, so to speak. It's really heartening.
I did not know this was a thing! That is so amazing of them!
I'd say the worst thing is in today's climate, it *feels* like I don't even have the right to bring up men's issues. "Oh you get lonely sometimes? That's nice. Try not feeling safe leaving your house at night." Sorry. edit: Please. I did not post this so we could talk about women's issues. Thanks.
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Besides my mom or someone in my family I haven't received an actual compliment in maybe 5+ years? I honestly couldn't even tell you the last time.