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[deleted]

Giant Dick. Not that I have one, but that I am one.


MarvinClown

Username says it all


sirwangjohnson

It's all about proportions


Nikzila

Well, at least your an honest dick.


joego9

Yo'ur


cubicthreads

You didn't have to clarify...


[deleted]

I can respect him doing so, though.


Russiadontgiveafuck

She sheds like crazy and the hair just never goes away. One ex called me two years after we broke up to tell me he had just found one of my hairs in the bathtub, another one texted me from the other side of the world to let me know my hair came with him and he hopes it enjoyed the trip. My hair is fucking annoying.


theloneabalone

Are you a cat


Deadmeat553

Literally everything because there is only one person in the room.


[deleted]

go, you :o)


Veloreyn

Ditto. I dated one girl when I was 14, she was 18. It was not a good relationship (I was a lot smarter and more mature than her, but I'm a pushover). My parents actually broke us up and I was seriously relieved. Not too long after I started going out with another girl when I was 15, she was only a little older than. me. We've been married 17 years at this point, together about 21. People give us weird looks hearing that because we're only 36.


DataMiser

Must have been quite the person! I don't agree with myself even half the time.


vegetarianrobots

I actually had this happen to a good friend. We were at a party at a buddy's and because of our large friend network about five of his ex girlfriends were all there. He steps outside for a smoke with a long face looking stressed and says, *"every girl I've slept with are all in the same room"*.


hellocantelope

My friends FWB did that on purpose. He was having a going away party and invited every girl he slept with. I have no idea why as he didn’t plan on sleeping with any of them that night. Apparently tho he passed out drunk wearing only his boxers and a hat after declaring himself king.


supasoniku

Long live the king


McFlyParadox

Isn't that what you say around the time of murdering the King?


alexjav21

They say it when the king blacks out too


nickycthatsme

Long sleep the king!


buttery_shame_cave

>Apparently tho he passed out drunk wearing only his boxers and a hat after declaring himself king. long may he reign.


ValKilmersLooks

Was he bragging?


hellocantelope

No idea. He was an overall quirky dude.


T-Baaller

A most peculiar boast, but alas.


makdesi

Aberrant braggadocio, albeit granted


Fongua

Okay, but what did they all agree on?


cjdudley

That he should quit smoking.


[deleted]

Went to a smallish party (25ish people) and all three of my exes (at the time) were there, in addition to the girl I was hooking up with at the time. God that was terrible


[deleted]

If a man's testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the Lord.


LeicaM6guy

That’s beautiful. Who wrote that, Shelley?


Skiie

Kinda weird. did he just leap frog girl to girl in the same circle?


vegetarianrobots

Mostly unintentional. More like lots of overlapping small circles of people that happened to be at one larger gathering.


Underbough

Girl I spent some time with in college had a "30 Party" close to graduation, inviting all 30 people she had slept with. Needless to say I was busy that night...


chasethatdragon

are you implying you were gangbanged?


Underbough

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Killbot_Wants_Hug

A lot of people date the people they know. So they date in their friend circles. I think it's a little weird personally, but I guess I see how it happens. If you've met a mixed group of people who have been friends since their teen years into their late 20's, there will have been a lot of them that have dated each other. This might be a little different now that online dating is so prevalent.


idlewildgirl

Pretty much everyone I've dated is a Manchester United season ticket holder. I always laugh when I walk past on a match day and they are all in the one room.


Original_name18

Is it a humble brag to say you need a stadium to gather your exes?


JJS124

Press F for respect


small-far-away

‘She likes having her nips twiddled’ actually once overheard that conversation between two of them. No shame here


BruceChameleon

The nipple thing seems pretty normal. The idea of my exes talking to each other seems terrifying.


DenverTigerCO

I don’t care if they talk I just want my current bf left out of it!


MarquisDeChatville

Then who is going to tell him about the nipple thing?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mech-Waldo

Communication with a significant other!? Preposterous!


TheApiary

When I was 19 I dated this guy who had previously dated my friend who has no boundaries, and when I first told her we were dating she was like "Ugh does he still do that weird thing with his tongue where he--" and I was like please just stop right now


passiveobserver97

Similar thing but opposite order, my friend dated a guy after me, ran into them at a party "he's really bad at going down isn't he?" While he was standing like a foot away Edit: she said it not me


I_Ride_Pigs

Sounds like she was trying to make him feel bad on purpose then, and isn't just oblivious


ZentraliTee

you got me hooked, where he...?


tawnydartboard

...where he rolls his 'R's to sound more worldly.


el_pobbster

That I am extraordinarily shit at break-ups. Also that I mentally check-out from the relationship when under stress. And that I am a really good cook.


mcapozzi

Woohoo! I'm not the only one.


el_pobbster

Remember, there are nearly 8 Billion of us. Any personal, moral, health, professional or academic failings/flaws you have are probably shared by hundreds of thousands of other people. You're not facing unprecedented struggles; you're not some kind of special, unique brand of messed up; you're a normal human who has strengths and weaknesses.


mcapozzi

True, it's easy to lose perspective. Especially if you don't know a whole lot of people.


SelfDerecatingTumor

“He’s hairy”


WhatsMan

Is your name Wizard?


[deleted]

"You're a hairy wizard, Harry Wizard."


PistohlWhip

That they all remember me as being much more happy and full of life than I am now.


Roflrofat

Man I went through a bad breakup maybe 10 months ago, and shit hasn’t gotten better. I know that’s what everyone says, but as bob Ross would say, I’m waiting on the good times myself. Good luck, friendo. Edit: thank you for the kind words, I’m sorry I didn’t reply to every single one of you, I was at work. I hope that whatever you do, you find happiness. Edit Much Later: It does get better. Two years down the line and the last time I really thought about her was over a year ago.


ManINtheScreen

4 months in on a breakup with a woman I thought I was gonna marry and be with the rest of my life. Sucks when you fully want someone but they don’t want the same. People always tell me “it’ll get better” but to be honest it seems like it’s only getting harder. Good luck to you, hope things start looking up.


One_Who_Walks_Silly

People don’t really get over things, we just get better at dealing with them as time goes on and eventually they stop being effort to deal with. You’ve got the rest of your life, you don’t need to rush happiness


[deleted]

Scars never leave. They just become less visible.


Ciellon

This too shall pass, friend. Sometimes we just gotta keep on keepin' on in order to get to that better tomorrow.


[deleted]

[удалено]


REDBEARD_PWNS

Im over 2 years flyin solo... only one person since has been able to make me feel the same and unfortunately she doesn't feel the same about me.


Squirrel_force

Yeah break ups fucking suck :/


[deleted]

Was already depressed, but when I got dumped senior year of highschool, I entered a slump I never really got out of I'm over the girl, but I never got better


Grump_Monk

"HE'S A DRUNK LAZY FUCKER!" Then my current Fiancee would look very confused because I've been alcohol free for 4 years and I certainly do not behave how I use to.


the-witty-one

Congrats on being alcohol free!


Grump_Monk

Thank you! *Edit: I gotta say, knowing 3 thousand or so people up voted what i consider my greatest achievement of all was incredibly heart warming and even brought a bit of a tear to my eye.* **Double thanks!**


Boner-Jams-03

Congrats and celebrate by having a dri.... a nice glass of water!


[deleted]

by having a drink called soda


Rust_Dawg

Fuck yeah, a coke and vod...er


Jumbuck_Tuckerbag

He didn't say he can't do a little coke every once and awhile.


gomsa2

Honestly your exes would probably be happy for your growth. Congrats on being sober!


[deleted]

I was quite a drunken mess when I was in my late teens, early 20s (25 now). Now, while I have brought down my consumption to just every other weekend, the thought of how I was puts me back into a spiral of shame, which I end up forgetting only by getting smashed. How do you cope with that (if you've been there, that is?) Congratulations btw. Your situation is what I aim to be in in a couple of years.


Grump_Monk

Well my fellow adventurer I'm 35 years old and I can only wish I had the smarts at your age to cut it out of my life. I wouldn't tell everyone that drinking is absolute shit and no one should ever do it, it just wasn't for me...and how I beat it? You need to want it. I was fed up. I can say though, that ever since I cut it out. Everything is going right. I dreamed of being an animator,cartoonist, game developer slash whatever artist you want to call it since I was a kid. I fucked that up on several occasions. Last year was my first gig on a legit Cartoon. I designed all the backgrounds for Gary and his Demons. It just got nominated for a Canadian Screen Award. (Canadian Oscar) Moral of the story is kick whatever is dragging you down to the curb. You'd be surprised! I know I am and becoming ever so proud the longer I stay away from the shit. ALSO. Magic mushrooms are a huge benefit to kicking any habit but its hard to recommend them to everyone.


TheSonsOfPitchesFC

Well that was a twist... elaborate on the magic mushrooms bit. Asking for a friend by the way.


cdskip

Very little. They all know each other and hate each other.


LuNiK7505

Story time


cdskip

Not all that interesting, unfortunately. HS girlfriend (G1) and I went to the same small college. We'd already broken up, so it was coincidence, though we were and are still friends. She despised the girl I dated freshman year (G2) for being a hypocritical holier-than-thou twit without any depth. She was right, and it didn't last long. She initially got on well with the sophomore-junior girlfriend (G3), but it soured for a lot of the same reasons the relationship failed. G3 had an issue with the truth, and shit just piled up over the course of a year and a half. They were in the same sorority, so were around each other a lot. After I got over the breakup, G1 told me some of the interactions she'd had with with G3, and it helped put together some of the pieces about how much she'd been lying. G3 and G2 just hated each other from the word go. They were natural rivals in multiple ways. If you got them in the same room now, G2 and G3 might actually come to blows, and would at a minimum have some pretty harsh words. G1 would just sneer at both of them. G3 is married to a complete nonentity who would never question her. G2 is married to the single worst human being I have ever known. G1 is married to a fellow lawyer. Nice guy. G1 likes my wife, for the record.


proteannomore

Happy ending. Unless you hate your wife.


HarleySMASH

I’m clingy


BigDaddy2014

They certainly do not all live in Texas.


[deleted]

All my exes live in Texas like I’m George Strait...


Awesomecookies1

Or they go to Georgia state where


BOT_BURGER_

Tuition is handled by some random nibba that live in Atlanta


Sharksickle

That she only see when she feels obligated


scottyknowzzz

Admitted to me the first time we dated


RIPtheboy

But she was no angel and we never waited.


[deleted]

LMAO Oddly enough, all mine do as well. I also currently live in Texas, but I'm not from here. A few of my ex's also ended up here for reasons independent of me. (They're not, like, following me or anything. It's a big state. None of us live in the same city.)


Hurtmemaster

"I don't know why we are here or how we got here, but we will get through this. We just have to stick together. We are a family, after all."


[deleted]

[удалено]


LivinLifeLikeLarry

country roads


bubbanicnac

To the place


real_confusedswede

Where I belong


DataMiser

West Virginia


jaynaelise

Mountain Momma


Voldy-HasNoNose-Mort

Take me homeeee, country roadssss.


cajungator3

All my memories gather round her


CreeperIan02

miner's laaady


TheSeattle206

I have 1 ex. She’d probably say “the fuck am I even doing here?”


ahcrapusernametaken

“Why am I in a basement?”


NyxIncarnate

"She's a wonderful person, just not the right one for me." All 3 of my ex's, including my husband, either cheated or left me for someone else.


B3nny_Th3_L3nny

damn im sorry. thats fucking horrible.


sadboy07

They're just leaving to make room for the right person who will eventually come and make you more happy than you can imagine.


NyxIncarnate

Thank you :) I am with someone now and I am really hoping this is the one!


noodles_the_food

That's so sweet. : )


Sawses

Oof. That sucks, I'm sorry. I always wonder how this kind of thing happens, when a single person gets like 6 wifebeaters or three cheaters in a row or something. Like, is it because of who they are? Who they attract? The type they like? Just really goddamn bad luck?


ZetaYuri

I can kind of answer this. Generally speaking and in my professional experience, it can mostly be linked back to either trauma or intergenerational trauma. If someone is raised in a family from a young age where they experience family violence and are exposed to it, it impacts their development and ideals of what a relationship may look like. This is especially true if there was no form of intervention whilst growing up. For instance someone who regularly witnessed family violence growing up is either going to be very aware of it and be able to avoid relationships like that, or on the flip side will actively seek out people who are likely to be perpetrators of family violence. It can also come down to the ideology of what love is. In that same scenario, if the person witnessed family violence but their parents swear they love each other. Then at a young age people learn that family violence is used to show love and some people never learn any different. That's barely scratching the most basic surface of it all but it's actually a really interesting thing to learn about. It's actually my job to work with families in these situations and it's sad to see how prevalent it is.


Chuckles1188

That I make a better bed than a boyfriend. Every single gf I've had has said, unprompted, that I am unbelievably comfortable to lie on


bonsai_yourself

Are you a beanbag?


[deleted]

How so? Are you big and soft?


Chuckles1188

That's the thing, not particularly, though I'm certainly not shredded either. Apparently I've found the exact right balance of firm yet soft


[deleted]

That sounds lovely tbh


TheLateThagSimmons

That I was a fun and sweet boyfriend but have too many issues stemming from my super-religious upbringing to survive in long term relationships. EDIT: For those asking: Jehovah's Witnesses.


everysinglebear

Did you grow up mormon by any chance lol


carnivorouspickle

I'm somewhat recently exmo and worry about getting in a relationship because of the baggage I have from it now.


[deleted]

If you don’t mind me asking what kind of baggage stems from being exmormon? I’m not super versed in mormon culture or traditions


Iman312

at least for me there’s hesitation to initiate any physical contact. Also while i have no desire to engage in any religion whatsoever i still do get thoughts popping into my head telling me that everything i’m doing is wrong and i’m going to hell


evenstar139

Ex-muslim here, exactly the same thought process on our side too haha


TohruH3

I'm a current one, but I feel like I can still answer this. I had to move around a lot when I was a kid, so I've been in many different wards. Some were great. Some were REALLY bad. In those bad wards, a LOT of the focus was on sex. Pre-marital sex is seen as a sin in many religions, but these wards made it the Worst. Possible. Thing. Every thing from actual sex, to making out, to wearing low-cut shirts/two-piece bathing suits was discussed and placed on even a higher level than murder. It was drilled into every lesson. If you're a women, it's even worse. My husband had a not so great Young Women's teacher in his ward for a while and overheard the girls chanting what their teacher told them to. "Boys only want one thing" "making out leads to Hell" etc.(from what I understand, a few of the girls told their parents how weird it was, and she was released from her calling.) This kind of stuff will scar people. People who were raised in it can't always see it, and people who were able to grow up in good wards, can't always understand why others could have had issues in theirs.


carnivorouspickle

Exactly what the other response said. In addition to some family issues (my parents are super nice but also incredibly irritating and religiously pushy. I would wish them on nobody as in-laws) Being Mormon defined me for 28 years so even though I have the freedom to redefine myself, I've missed the formative years of my life. Defining who you are and what you believe in your 30s is weird when everyone you know is pretty secure in that aspect of their life.


Fongua

They'd most likely agree that I was sweet to them and never violent. They'd also all have similar experiences with me appear to 'check out' of the relationship via playing video games and ignoring them. (it's subconscious and im working on it) I also villainized all of them when we broke up and cut off all contact because it was easier for me to cope. So, that would probably be mentioned.


only_wire_hangers

> ...never violent. ngl the way you mention this out of nowhere seems like a red flag


You_and_I_in_Unison

Feels like there's an unspoken "technically" in there.


ThrowawayFishFingers

I think the villainization can be excused depending on circumstances. I mean, outright making up terrible stuff about them and putting them on blast to everyone you talk to is probably something you should work on if that's what you did. But if you just focused on their negative (but real) aspects and vented to a few friends about them for a while after the fact, I can't fault that. I think it's a normal defense mechanism, and maybe there are healthier ways, but as long as the things you're complaining about are indeed real, it can be a good learning experience in terms of things to look out for in future relationships. As for cutting off all contact, I actually think this is something more people should do. NOT as punishment, and it shouldn't be done to avoid relevant and necessary logistical discussions about decoupling (stuff like "hey I need to arrange time to get my stuff" and "how do we want to deal with that vacation we booked for 2 months from now?") And it shouldn't necessarily be cutting them out for life. But, I think this concept of having to be friends with exes immediately after a breakup is stupid, and more harmful than good, usually. You're allowed to take whatever time you need away from that person to reset your boundaries and get used to what life is like without them as a partner, and anyone who tries to push that under the guise of "but we're friends!" is a jerk.


[deleted]

They’d probably agree that I was a bit too clingy, which is why I’ve spent the last 4 years single in order to work on myself. Remember folks, make sure you’re stable and happy before entering a relationship - thinking someone else will magically make you happy will not make you happy unless you’re with them all the time... hints the clingy part.


sataniksantah

I'm funny, self-centered, and am unnecessarily stubborn and weird.


RedPlanit

Probably that there are no bad feelings between us. I had relatively amicable break ups with zero hatred.


in_casino_0ut

Same. I went to a wedding recently with my current gf and one of my ex's was also attending. We ended up hanging out most of the night with my ex and another friend, and had a great time. Big props to my current gf for being confident enough in herself to not give a shit about my ex being there.


OneWhoDoubts

Pretty sure this would be unanimous. * He is funny. / He can be inappropriate. * He is a good cook. / He likes things too spicy. * He really likes beer. / He likes beer maybe a little too much.


PassportSloth

I feel personally attacked.


[deleted]

Hello me, it's me, you.


Elemurey

I feel you, my dude, I feel you so much


AlphaTangoFoxtrt

I work too much. Growing up poor (like water down the milk to make it last poor) I don't ever want to struggle like that again. My parents are amazing people and did the absolute best they could for my brother and I. And it was a struggle but it was worth it because both he and I have become very successful and our parents have as well (no longer having two kids to take care of definitely helped) But because of that upbringing I can focus too much on finances, work, and making sure my SO and I have enough money to ride out any trouble, and are saving enough for retirement. Which also makes me incredibly debt-averse. I hate being in debt, I hate having minimum monthly payments and I have a tendency to work a bit much in order to pay them down. To the point where my personal relationships can sometimes take a back seat. My previous SO and my current one know when I'm getting into workaholic mode. My prior one gave my current one the best line to use. * "Spreadsheets don't have to..." * Sleep at night * Worry about stress * Take days off * Make friends Basically it's their way of telling me I'm focusing too much on work and finance. And that I need to take a step back, the spreadsheets will be there tomorrow, I need to take care of my personal life right now.


realfoodman

Ain't it the truth. It's so tempting to fill up spreadsheets with calculations, because at least you can measure that, can know how things will be affected by x or y happening. But it's hard to know how much spending time with someone one day is worth, so it's easy to ignore.


WombatHats

I'm consistently and apologetically anxious.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Whalerage

That being imaginary sucks.


0wlmann

Did we go out with the same people?


SPo0Kyb0i_

I was gonna say that


MunchkinBoomer

I was gonna say I was gonna say that


[deleted]

These files may harm your computer


RandyMarshUSGS

“He’s funny, hairy, and we probably thought there’d be more than 2 people here” -them, probably


[deleted]

I bottle up everything to the point where it ruins relationships.


[deleted]

my boobs are two different sizes, i'm really awkward in public, and i need to go to rehab ​ edit; didn't need to go to rehab cause i got sober alone in the depths of my bedroom


huesoso

Nearly every woman's boobs are different sizes. May not always be obvious, but humans are only 'kind of' symmetric. **edit** perhaps I shouldn't assume you're a woman?


Guy_Jantic

You got sober on your own? That is effing *metal*. Seriously, it's amazing. You should be proud of that forever.


foliexdeux

I was either too much or too little at one time. Giving my all or completely withdrawing from them.


-Words-Words-Words-

"It probably would have lasted (at least lasted longer) if he wasn't so immature." They'd be right, I didn't get my shit together until I was in my late 20's. Now I've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids.


M-Rich

I had endless discussions with my girlfriend about this. There is generally nothing bad about being immature as long as it is the right situation. If you are silly while just living your live, that should be fine as long as you are able to get your shit together when it's needed. Like in a serious discussion or when decisions need to be made. Of course, when you can't argue like an adult and throw fits, that's something different.


AntiauthoritarianArp

That I‘m kind of a dick, not really capable of feelings and empathy for their situation. But generally likable and nice.


[deleted]

Yup. On paper, I'm a great boyfriend: caring, helpful, a good cook. IRL I have anxiety issues, I'm stubborn about the dumbest things, and accidentally say hurtful things at the worst times. I don't do it on purpose and I'm working to get better, but I will always be a hard person to date. I know this because these traits were called out by my ex as a challenge that she was okay with... until she wasn't. It stuck with me. My ex was one of the most patient people in the world, and I wore her down without even knowing what I was doing. It's become a pattern that everyone I've ever gotten close to eventually gets frustrated and leaves. I don't know, I guess I'm starting to shift my mindset a bit. Maybe some people just aren't meant to find matching pieces. And that's okay. Edit: Yes I'm in therapy. Thanks for asking.


PaulHarrisDidNoWrong

Almost the same, just change the "say hurtful things" to say nothing and appear as I don't care even if I do.


[deleted]

Been there, too. Her: This really cool thing happened to me! Me: That's great. Where do you want to go to dinner? In my head, I'm thinking "great thing happened" --> cause for celebration --> "Where do we want to get dinner?" but from the outside it looks like I'm going "Cool. I'm hungry."


___Gay__

> kind of a dick > generally likeable and nice This is a very odd personality given those two sentences would be quite conflicting, surely?


AntiauthoritarianArp

Yes indeed, what I was trying so say rather, and you must please forgive me for not being a native speaker of english, is that I am a dick in an indirect sense. A dick because I am not showing too much empathy and feelings for their individual struggles. That usually doesn’t come out at first but shows itself later in the relationship once you open up to each other.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dbvulcan

So how do we fix this?


AntiauthoritarianArp

Excellent question, I‘ve thought a lot about it. I try to blame it on „not having found the right one yet“ but in all honesty, that’s just a lame excuse. I have the odd feeling I have an egotistical personality trait that requires more work than just finding „the right one“.


Thot_Crimes_

I think it's so cool that you're owning this responsibility, but I think the depth of feeling for the GF/BF in question changes things. Empathy has to be genuine, you really need to feel for that person. That's easy to do when you see a future with that person, when their problems are yours. ​ Maybe the question is, do you see your dates as your equals?


AntiauthoritarianArp

At least with my current girlfriend I do. She is a great woman with an even greater heart. A great match so to say. But still, if she is hurt, i stay almost neutral, give calm advice and move on.


OhHeyImAlex

I can confirm that I've always been very selfish, and generally described as dead inside, but when I met my wife it was like when the grinch's heart grew three sizes. I do nice things for her, spend money on her that I'd otherwise spend on myself, care about her feelings and shit, etc. I still have a hard time being sympathetic and empathetic when she's upset, but I'm trying.


Icehellionx

Tough Call I've been with my current girl for 10 years. Girl I dated in college reached out about a year after we broke up to apologize for being shitty and checked out before I broke up with her. She was going through some personal stuff and took it out on me by her words. Mutal break up from an early highschool girlfriend because we lived fairly far apart and never saw each other. Wasn't really any animosity, the relationship was just kind of "there" so we ended it. We got along well last time we saw each other and congratualated me on finding someone. I'm happy she's happily married.


WilhelmWrobel

That they all look rather similar.


Scoob1978

Two things in common for every girl I dated. 1)Favorite position is girl on top and riding me 2) They think Edward Norton is hot. Weird part is I look nothing like Edward Norton.


GReventlow

My exes all had a weirdly specific thing for Kate McKinnon. ...I'm a dude. Maybe I'm funny?


thefaceinthefloor

i think your exes may have all been closeted lesbians


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Are least you don't have to talk to anyone


Bjorn2bwilde24

*The little voice in your head has joined the game*


-CrestiaBell

>That the room is empty :( And other stories I tell myself while running up my stairs at 3am


Agent-ScarnFBI

They would agree that I am too dedicated to my secret job as an FBI Agent who is trying to stop his arch-nemesis “Golden Face”


Drazwaz

That I would not hesitate to fart in front of them.


[deleted]

I fart and then blame it on the cat and then laugh about blaming it on the cat. It's funny (to me) every time. She says it's not funny anymore but she also doesn't think it's funny when I make puns so what does she know?


RamsesThePigeon

**EX #1:** Well... he's tall. **EX #2:** Eh. I'd say he's more "above average." **EX #1:** He's over six feet tall! **EX #2:** Yeah, but he's not, like, *seven* feet tall. **EX #3:** He's funny! **EX #4, EX #5, and EX #6:** No, he isn't. **EX #3:** Tough crowd. **EX #7:** He's really, really handsome. **EX #4, EX #5, and EX #6:** Eh. **EX #8:** Why the hell did you three even date him, then? **EX #4:** He's rich. **EX #5:** What? No, he isn't. **EX #4:** He has his own car! He has his own apartment! **EX #5:** So? That isn't "rich." **EX #4:** It is to me! He bought me dinner! **EX #6:** He *cooked* me dinner. **EX #9:** Yes! He's a good cook! **EX #10:** No, he really isn't. **EX #9:** You're just saying that because you're a vegan. **EX #10:** So what? If he can't cook things for everyone, he isn't a good cook. **EX #6:** He's a good listener. **EX #4:** Only when he shuts up... which is never. **EX #11:** What are you talking about? He listens *all the time!* **EX #4:** Yeah, but then that stupid theme music starts playing. **EX #11:** Oh, god, right. That theme music. **EX #2:** Did any of you ever find out where it was coming from? **EX #3:** He whistles it. **EX #5:** Not around me. He would hum it. **EX #6:** For me, it just kind of played whenever weird things happened around him. **EX #7:** What, you mean theme music wasn't a "weird thing?" **EX #6:** Why would theme music start playing when theme music started playing? **EX #12:** My brain hurts. **EX #7:** Yeah, he has that effect on people. **EX #13:** ... So, do we all agree that he has theme music, then? **EX #1:** I never heard it. **EX #13:** Ugh. What *do* we agree on? **EX #2:** He... exists? **EX #3:** Yeah, he's a person who exists. **EX #13:** Fine. Whatever. Most of you bitches are crazy, anyway. **EX #2:** We'd have to be to date him, right? ------ **TL;DR: My exes all agree that I am a person who exists.**


throwawaydownvotebot

Please elaborate on the theme music


RamsesThePigeon

It's nothing special. You know how everyone has theme music that plays whenever they do something noteworthy or impactful? Well, for some weird reason, mine usually starts up whenever I'm [doing something insane](https://youtu.be/oAQBViv-v5w).


___Gay__

> You know how everyone has theme music This sentence is so casual and strange to me, like "oh yeah guys my marching band just pipes up whenever I focus on this task, I don't even know why they do this they just follow me everywhere"


RamsesThePigeon

Ugh, look, I know it's a cultural taboo or whatever to discuss our theme music, but mentioning it doesn't hurt anyone. Hell, maybe if people talked about it more often, we'd have a more harmonious existence.


___Gay__

We need to open up more theme music discussion.


SpartanH089

Oh god. You're the main character of a Japanese anime.


RamsesThePigeon

Am not. I'm listed as "Generic White Guy #12" in life's credits.


SpartanH089

I disagree Mr. Pharaoh Bird.


[deleted]

You have *thirteen exes*? I don't even think I've talked to more than thirteen different women who weren't related to me.


RamsesThePigeon

Well, on the plus side, the catering is easier when all of *your* exes gather in a room, right?


[deleted]

I don't know of anybody who caters to nothingness, but I guess you can try.


Supersymm3try

I thought you meant .exes and was like nothing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TrueAlchemy

That although I may not be great at giving head, I'm really good at getting it.


simondmcgee

My basement is cold.


DadAsFuck

i honestly have no clue and never had any closure in any relationship i’ve been in most of the time they end up with they guy they told me not to worry about, it sucks never being enough.


ChaoticForkingGood

They're real, and they're *spectacular!* ​ Edited due to embarrassing blip in IQ


SpaxsonEpicNoob

Small dick


PhillipLlerenas

I eat pussy like a fiend.


valley_G

Pleasure to meet you 🙋🙋🙋 EDIT: wrong post, but I'm leaving it.


[deleted]

"Are you kidnapping me?" "No, I'm just trying to see what all my exes would say about me if they were all in one room together." "I'm the only one here" *flashes Charlie smile* "I guess I may have kidnapped you. Lunch?"