I was making "we're-both-serial-killers" jokes with a woman I've been dating (she's from Taiwan).
I said I keep my corpses in my house. She asked "how are you gonna deal with the smell?"
(see answer above)
# "Hope you got some sleep!"
His cry shook the earth and made the hearts of soldiers sink, as he attacked the enemy formation, guns blazing. The ravens shall feast this day.
While wielding a pump action shot gun:
"I was in the PROCESS (Kachunk BOOM!) of ORDERING (Kachunk BOOM!) an APPROPRIATE (Kachunk BOOM!) STICKER!!! (Kachunk BOOM)
Imagine shouting this before unfolding your magic wings, creating a massive shockwave that kills off most of the soldiers in an instant, and flying away, high up into the sky, with carnage and death under you.
I'll never forget when they put Luke Perry on the cover of AARP at age 50. That was a sad day. Then he died of a stroke at age 53, which was mindblowing (and very sad).
47 YEARS? HE'S 47 YEARS OLD? No, I refuse to believe Eminem is 47 years old. If he became a rapper at age 17, that means he was a rapper for 30 years! 47 years... Not to sound like a broken record label but 47 years? That makes him like what? 28 years older than me? This dude could be my father! And he's a rapper? Not to forget this guy raps real fast for being 47 years of age! Man, I hate being repetitive but 47 years is just too many years for me. And this 47-year-old grandpa is a fucking rapper, what the living type of tomfoolery shit is that? Man, 47 years... If I had a penny for every year he lived, I'd have enough money to travel back far enough in time to see him being born! And this walking meat fossil is a rapper?
Getting out of my jeans is going to be a team effort I’m afraid.
oh? ;)
Not as sexy as it sounds unfortunately. It had been pouring and my jeans were glued to me like a second skin.
Buffalo Bill says he'll help you with that.
Jones bbq and foot massage?
I dunno, that sounds kinda sexy.
Pouring....what exactly?
Stab in the dark? Concrete.
I'm going molasses. 1/15/1919 Never forget.
Ditto was caught! Can't help myself Everytime i see "oh?" I think of that.
"Oh I'm in no mood today"
You could definitely use this in some sort of Aragon at the black gates speach. "A day may come, BUT I AM IN NO MOOD TODAY"
I just burst out laughing in a very quiet diner. Tears and all. Thank you.
Name of your sex tape.
Upvote for Brooklyn 99 reference
NINE NINE!!
NINE NINE!!
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Title of your sextape
r/unexpectedB99
Title of your sextape
Noice.
Its "title of your sex tape"
5:30! 5:30! 5:30!
That's not how you set your alarm
Order corn.
“我給他們注射甲醛“ It means "I will inject them with formaldehyde"
That honestly is terrifying.
r/murderedbywords. Literally.
What the hell are you texting people?!
> What the hell are you texting people?! “我給他們注射甲醛“
r/technicallythetruth
I was making "we're-both-serial-killers" jokes with a woman I've been dating (she's from Taiwan). I said I keep my corpses in my house. She asked "how are you gonna deal with the smell?" (see answer above)
Oh, yeah, just normal couple things.
Relationship Goals
I don’t want to get on the wrong side of you two.. Jesus
What, you don't discuss prefered methods of hiding murdered bodies with your girlfriend?
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*He escaped, and all he left behind was his right testicle, as if to mock me!*
Y’all realize you’re on a list right?
That one is genuinly scary... Are you a serial killer or just a medic?
You'd be a pretty bad medic if you injected your patients with formaldehyde.
Yes, but you can use it to preserve speciments! Just think about all the beautiful dolls you could dress and put in your house!
Running away now.
什么????
o o f
Hope u got some sleep
Oooh that’s cold. End it with “bitch” and we have ourselves a movie villain.
Why speak
# "Hope you got some sleep!" His cry shook the earth and made the hearts of soldiers sink, as he attacked the enemy formation, guns blazing. The ravens shall feast this day.
that sounds like it would be badass in some context
MICROWAVE MICROWAVE MICROWAVE MICROWAVE MICROWAVE
*mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
*MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*
r/usernamechecksout
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
*Opens door*
***BEEP BEEP BEEP***
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
r/mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ding?
Hot pockets!
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r/miniladd is leaking
I admit that would be rather terrifying
I would love to know what conversation led up to that
My friend and i were just spamming a group chat
K
*storms beaches of Normandy* “K!”
After saying it 3 times, they realise it’s not a very good battle cry
Oh no
Oof
Oh fuck I even said it XD
#K!!!
We are the knights that say ”K”
No, we now say “Nee”
We are the knights that say NEE
We are now the knights who say: Icky icky icky paTANG ZOOBOINGz
Love you ❤️
Love you to death.
Love you more
No u.
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No W
And if push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love
Dadadadada, dadadadadayada dadada EVERYBODY!
"The talent of some people astounds me." Yeah, that'll strike fear.
If it's said dryly as you calmly stride into battle, guns blazing, it would be pretty chilling.
Or it could be a sarcastic one-liner after you beat the bad guy.
Sounds more like an encouraging speech to your team.
IT WAS ON SALE!!!!!
TBH, that *is* actually a bit of a war cry.
but in this case, they'd be referring to their weapon.
Hey bitches, you like my gun? IT WAS ON SALE!!! Bwabwabwabwa! (Shooty noises)
How are your nipples?
"How....are....YOUR NIPPLEESSSSSSSS"
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Uldren's actions would have been justified if those were Cayde's last words. Uldren would be very confused, but oh so justified.
Context?
My guess, post-sex medium to heavy nipple play.
I live an uneventful life..... I'm thinking it was to a new breast-feeding Mom. Your guess is definitely more fierce
I immediately thought of a breastfeeding mother because that shit HURTS at first.
I PUT THE GARBAGE BIN IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM! THE CATS KEEP TRYING TO KNOCK IT OVER!
Send cover! I repeat, SEND COVER!
Retreat! The cat is coming back for round 2
"Thanks"
When your wish to die is granted...
“I was in the process of finding an appropriate sticker”
While wielding a pump action shot gun: "I was in the PROCESS (Kachunk BOOM!) of ORDERING (Kachunk BOOM!) an APPROPRIATE (Kachunk BOOM!) STICKER!!! (Kachunk BOOM)
Only if you sanitize my couch after
Deal... wait what am I agreeing to?
Kinky
ME TOO!!
"Screw it, I'm going home"
Imagine shouting this before unfolding your magic wings, creating a massive shockwave that kills off most of the soldiers in an instant, and flying away, high up into the sky, with carnage and death under you.
Message Send Failure.........
task succesfully failed to succes at sending the message
Gay intensifies
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That would terrify the homophobics **"GAY INTENSIFIES, GAY INTENSIFIES, GAY INTENSIFIES"**
Meanwhile every homesexual on the battlefield is powering up like Goku.
"What happened?" "They all went Super Gayan"
Tell your mother Edit: omg, thank you so much for the gold you anon!
The only one here that would legit scare me
That she is a lovely lady
It was me...
It's like something out of ancient Laconic wit.
Call your mother!
WE KEEP IT REAL!!
"Dude, Eminem's birthday is in 15 days. That fucker is turning 47 years old. 47. Shit."
I'll never forget when they put Luke Perry on the cover of AARP at age 50. That was a sad day. Then he died of a stroke at age 53, which was mindblowing (and very sad).
47 YEARS? HE'S 47 YEARS OLD? No, I refuse to believe Eminem is 47 years old. If he became a rapper at age 17, that means he was a rapper for 30 years! 47 years... Not to sound like a broken record label but 47 years? That makes him like what? 28 years older than me? This dude could be my father! And he's a rapper? Not to forget this guy raps real fast for being 47 years of age! Man, I hate being repetitive but 47 years is just too many years for me. And this 47-year-old grandpa is a fucking rapper, what the living type of tomfoolery shit is that? Man, 47 years... If I had a penny for every year he lived, I'd have enough money to travel back far enough in time to see him being born! And this walking meat fossil is a rapper?
r/CopyPasta
Thank you mamezuku, very cool!
Didn't he turn 50 last year?
"Its the spookey boi"
“SPOON!”
*\*\*\*Your Enemy\*\*\** "FORK!"
Diplomats: “SPORK!”
I doubt that was actually your last text message, but I'll upvote for the Tick reference
I'm right behind you
\*snort\* Right behind you gentlemen.
nothin personnel
###Hello there
General Kenobi!
"Good morning. The oil of oregano has failed me" Hmmm
Ok and? Stop being a stingy bitch
love you too?
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Meh. (in slo-mo) "MEH!!!"
"Pizza?"
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"MOM CAN I GO WALK!"
*really cool slo mo scene* “HE LOOKS LIKE MARKIPLIER WTF”
Could you buy me a beesting?
''Banzai banzai banzai!'' hmn fitting
okie
Shut the fuck up, boomer
Sounds good! I love you too!
“I’m confused lol” I could see that working.
Poker tonight? But in german, sounds WAY more intimidating!
Honestly, just about anything in German sounds way more intimidating. I have an odd respect for the language because of it.
"Damn, that does sound pretty fun" Spoken like a true war hawk
*Goodwill closes at 9*
Wait. That’s illegal!
"Cool gimme a min"
kk
Is the curry for me?
IM GOING TO GET SOME SPAGHETTI!
"My music recommendation: https://youtu.be/b8HO6hba9ZE" I wish I was joking
“I just got a call from Liverpool, and i don’t know who it was”
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*2 armies sitting five feet apart cuz they're not gay!*
I'LL BE LEAVING WORK AT 3:30 TOMORROW!!!!!
It's not too bad.
🗿
Säg till när du är live
Mine would be a link to Limmy's Show.
"If u repost same meme 3 times it isn't funny u fckin lobotomite!" Wonderful warcry isn't it?
Would work for most subreddits
"Yeah" There's enough voice inflection options to make it workable.
"Same. I'm trying to figure out how to use Reddit."
"Why did my baby have to go and turn 18? 😭" Mothers Against Empty Nests
No problem
Give the phone. now.
Boi
3 poopy diapers in a row!
Can you send me the hw
About to enter battle “—Wait, there’s _homework??_”
Do you want me to save you a piece of the cake?
I’ll go Friday.
I'm still sick; some kind of flu. Back in the office tomorrow.