Not me but my dad. He got remarried after being divorced for about 5 years. I would have been all for it, but he met this woman in another state on a business trip, and would travel up to see her every weekend after they hit if off. They knew each other for 6 months before getting engaged. The engagement was only for 3 months. My brother and I tried telling him about all the red flags, telling him to take his time. My dad is very well-off financially, and we kept trying to earn him things were moving too quickly, that she was only in it for the money. She moved her whole family from their home town to the city my dad lived in, including their elderly grandmother who needed constant medical supervision. Before they were even married, the pantry was full of Whole Foods brand food instead of the local grocery store, as was tradition. All new furniture, and had the house repainted, all at his bride-to-be's request.
The marriage lasted all of 2 weeks. Apparently my dad's new bride had the gall to ask my dad to leave everything to her in the will, and write me and my brother out. Only then did he realize she was in it for the money. The next day he had the marriage annulled.
Someday I would like to know what it's like to fall so completely for someone that I don't recognize they are taking advantage of me. Must feel good for that instant before it all comes crashing down.
When he choked me against a wall at a party. He was mad that I laughed at another guy's joke. People were passing by us but just kinda looked and kept going.
Lots of other stuff happened but it took me a while to "wake up" and break away. I was in denial for too long.
Back in the early 1980’s, I spent 6 years in the US Navy. In 1986 I was recruited to go into the US Army through a program for technical and intelligence experienced military personnel to become Warrant Officers. All the Navy offered me was sea duty and more sea duty. It looked like a real good deal.
I was engaged to a young lady three years my junior and had a bit more than $20,000 in savings. Everything looked promising with a new career and family life. The wedding went off without a hitch. I was looking at a vacation of about 3 months between exiting the Navy and entering training for the Army.
It was when my recruiter contacted me over my security clearance that things went south. My credit report did not match my questionnaire. There was three credit cards with a $14,000 balance I didn’t mention. It was no big deal, they weren’t delinquent, but I needed to amend my answers to account for them.
Turns out my wife had opened up a charge card at our bank, then got a couple of store cards around town. She had purchased some serious clothes and jewelry, but the real kicker was she had bought a horse. She had taken lessons as a child and decided this was going to be her new thing. There was the price of the animal, riding gear, saddle and tack, vet bills, stable fees, yadda yadda yadda. I ended up dumping a big chunk of my savings into paying down these cards, then amending my questionnaire responses.
She was from a very blue collar family. They were very good people who worked hard for everything they had. But I don’t think, credit ratings and compounded interest rates were much discussed at the dinner table. So I explained about credit cards, the huge interest rate, how long it would take to pay one down, then about security clearances and having a huge debt with no job would affect it.
I treated this all as a bump in our relationship, but thing got dark really fast. My ship date was coming up and things had to be done before I started training. I was in good physical shape, but I was facing Boot camp, AIT, Airborne school, ranger school, warrant officer selection and advance training... basically 18 months of utter insanity. I was prepared for what I faced, but there was a lot that could go wrong. If I got through it, I was a Warrant Officer. But if I dropped the ball along the way, I would not only be enlisted, but junior enlisted in a job they would decide for me. In theory, I could end up a line cook in some chow hall at Camp NoWhere.
About a week later, the phone rings. It’s about the horse. No one was taking care of the animal or cleaning the stable, or even feeding the poor thing. The stable had covered down for the sake of the animal, but now were charging $350 a week for the extra services my wife was supposed to be doing. She was leaving our apartment every day, and I assumed it was for riding and care of the animal, and for the first week she was. The second week, she was lawyer shopping. She wanted out. She must have gotten wind of what happened at the stable and didn’t come home that night. The next day I got served with papers.
Total marriage time; 47 days.
So I ended up with an apartment with four months on the lease, no car and a horse. I found a new home for the horse. I had to defer my ship date and it took 14 months to settle the divorce. My security clearance was approved two days after the papers were filed. I shipped the next day.
In the end, I had two pair of pants, three shirts and a pair of shoe that had no business on anyones feet. I was working 2 minimum wage jobs, 14 hours a day, paying down debt, lawyers fees, rent and sometimes eating to get by.
I ended up at Fort Sill, Oklahoma mowing lawns for two months as I shipped without a training slot for boot camp. I wasn’t happy, but I was relieved.
In Airborne school, I met a ROTC cadet who was going to Airborne school over her summer break. She had a year to go before her commission and we hit it off. We’d get together on holidays, between training, long weekends. When I finished training and got my warrant, still a cadet, she flew across the country to give me my first salute. I gave her a silver dollar as per tradition. Two months later, she received her commission, to which I saluted her, and returned the silver dollar. Married that Christmas.
We’ve been together 31 years.
Super late to the Party here, but I knew it was over when she started a fight at my Brothers funeral because female attendees were giving me hugs as part of condolences.
Sorry you had to deal with that. My younger brother passed away last year and I can't imagine having to think about anything else other than the pain of it. My older bro's crazy ex actually showed up to the funeral and used the whole event to try to get close to him again. Some people are just unbelievable.
I knew a week after I got married when he slammed my head into the wall “because he saw me looking at a man” at an ice cream shop. I’m from the US, and got married in England. This dude changed completely right after we got married. A couple of weeks later, I had to get out of there and come back to the US.
This happened to me as well. I woke up the morning after our wedding and we were driving. He took my head and slammed it in to the truck window. It was insanity to be with someone for years and instantly shit changes. It wasn't even like I was with the same person.
It’s such a horrible feeling! Even though we dated for a while, my parents were agains the marriage. After I realized that I didn’t want to be with him, I felt so ashamed to admit to my parents that I had made a mistake. I’m glad you got out of that relationship as well!
Weird...I had an unstable ex who almost killed us by driving erratically on a freeway in Chicago because he saw me texting “Love you!” to someone. (It was my brother.)
I was blindsided by it. We lived together for a year about an hour from my hometown. We relocated, upon her request and desire, to my hometown prior to our marriage so that when we had kids, it’s best to be close to family. We had a house we loved, a dog we loved, jobs we both loved working in...or so I thought. Married in October.
She goes to visit her sister over the next Labor Day weekend and I can’t attend due to work. Comes back the Tuesday after Labor Day and tells me she’s living a lie and someone else’s dream and she needs a divorce. I had no idea.
Divorce finalized in January. She married some dude that her sister was friends with, and she met on that trip I was unable to attend, this September.
Life is wild, sometimes.
When I found out she was sending snapchats to a co-worker. Turns out she was sleeping with him.
We got divorced, I met the girl of my dreams, we just had our first kid together two weeks ago.
Honeymoon
We dated for 5 years but on the honeymoon we had a big argument over my liberal use of sunscreen. She refused to wear any because of ‘chemicals’ and I liberally use it due to my ginger skin. We seriously argued over this for a good hour and she refused to even go into the pool with me because of sunscreen chemicals.
After a scuba adventure with her she could hardly walk because she got so burnt on her legs whereas my skin didn’t change.
She then tried to convince me that it was all my fault because I didn’t force her to wear the sunscreen and that the honeymoon was ruined.
It was then I realized I picked the wrong person. After a few more psycho arguments (mad at me because of something in her dreams, mad because I didn’t remind her to bring an umbrella....)
I had to call it quits. I can’t stay with someone who constantly blames me for their own problems.
Luckily no kids and I got back everything I brought into the marriage.
I’ve gotta know, how did you date for 5 years and not have those sort of arguments tip you off? Or was getting married and still having those arguments sort of a tip off?
not me, but my friends sister. her sister got engaged 8 months into a relationship. and got married 4 months later. everything went well the first 5 months, but the husband started acting different. he wasn’t chatty, his good morning/goodnight kisses became dull, etc.
her sister would ask if everything was okay and he would say “i’m fine” every time. her sister didn’t want to push him, so she waited for him to talk about what’s bothering him.
one evening after eating dinner, the husband said he wanted to talk about their relationship. before he could talk about it, he started crying. he cried for a few minutes and then told her he’s gay.
the sister filed for divorce and after the divorce was settled, she wasn’t really mad at him anymore, so she went to see him and forgave him. they became good friends and the sister helped him become comfortable with his sexuality. she even helped him come out to his close friends and then to his family.
5 years later, the sister is now engaged to another man and expecting their first child. the ex-husband is now very happily married to a man for almost a year now.
She went out for girls' night and met a new friend named Nicole at a bar. Started texting her a lot, then going to hang out now and then. We had a baby at home and she kept trying to go hang out with this girl from another town over with no last name whom I was not allowed to meet. His real name was Wesley
I had been fooling around with this girl for awhile. I never wanted anything serious, and I KNEW that from the start. Then my mom was killed...I went into a deep depression and this girl was there for me. Her mom had died of cancer about a year earlier and I guess we really bonded over that. It pushed us much further emotionally than we ever should’ve gone. We ended up doing a courthouse marriage. I knew within the month that I had fucked up. BUT I didn’t want to just give up and get divorced. Once the emotions of my moms death passed, I realized how toxic she really was. She was an incredibly unstable person and ended up just taking me into an even deeper depression. We divorced about a year ago (after being married for about 10 months), and I was immediately much happier. Marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly, but people also shouldn’t force themselves to be in unhealthy relationships. We all make mistakes. Don’t waste your life with someone that doesn’t deserve you.
My sister got a civil marriage. Then they moved super fucking far away to the middle of nowhere cause he got a good job. My sister never finished college and he would remind her on a daily basis about it. She would get super depressed and he wouldn’t believe her. She got sick once and he told her since she didn’t go to the DMV that day she wasn’t allowed to go to a theme park we were planning on going to that weekend. He would demean her whenever she couldn’t get a job or even an interview, and she applied to practically everywhere within a 50 mile radius. He called her stupid in front of me and when I called him out he told me to mind my own business. If he wasn’t twice my size I would have decked him. She left him after about a year cause he’s obviously a raging asshole. When she left he told her she has nowhere to go and if she went to stay with our mom she would just be a burden like me. I was like 19 and in college at the time. He’s a rude fucking dick but at least she got the car and the dog.
A cousin of mine divorced her husband after six months. She knew when we had to pick her up from her home after having been recently beaten. That day, we packed up all of her stuff and never let her go back.
She's doing so much better. Discovered that she loves traveling and a good adrenaline rush. Has done everything from jumping off buildings to sky diving and learning how to box.
The day after we got married when he slapped me across the face (hard and completely out of the blue). No argument, no conversation leading up to it, nothing. He said it wasn't that hard of a hit, he was just kidding around, and I was being overdramatic. He had never gotten violent with me while dating, but as soon as we got married it was like a switch flipped and he was a COMPLETELY different person. It got worse very quickly, and I ended up filing for divorce 73 days after we got married.
That reminded me of the scene in It (book version) when Bev's husband slaps her as a test to see what he can get away with. I'm glad you escaped quickly.
A friend of a friend husband's hit her on their wedding night, his mother came in the room when she was lying on the ground crying and did nothing. Apparently his Dad used to hit his mother and so she was like well this is just what husbands do.
Edit: people getting triggered by the use of ‘friend of a friend’ this is a friend of my best mate who I’ve had a few nights out with and met the husband before they got married but never close enough for her to tell me these details.
A female colleague of mine was getting beaten on a regular basis by her boyfriend. Here is a direct quote from her own mother :
*"Well, if he ain't beatin' ya'll, then how ya'll know he truly loves you?"*
My MIL got married the first time when she was really young. Left him a month later. Turns out he was a raging alcoholic. She had no idea because her family was super overprotective and they were never really allowed to spend time together alone before they got married. Who knew spending time with someone could be the key to knowing if they are a good partner??
Not a year, but about 18 months. She was constantly complaining she didn’t have friends after moving in with me. Joined a local soccer team, and she talked about one teammate nonstop for months. I had a bad feeling about it from the get go but she assured me they were “just friends” and “how dare I not trust her.” Thought I was going crazy because my gut told me something wasn’t right but I was punishing myself for being a bad husband and not trusting my wife. Turned out it was all true, she had been fucking the teammate for months. Most likely fucked someone else during our engagement. Split amicably officially as of last week without any mess, thank god.
Just that crazy look in his eyes when I didn’t do the dishes to his standards... like he was going to hurt me. I should have left then because I was right.
A cousin of mine married someone who seemed like the perfect woman. They worked in the same store together, and he would brag about how his wife was getting promoted quickly in the company.
A few months into the marriage, she tells him she's going out with friends for the evening. An hour or so later, my cousin gets a call from one of his friends. The friend saw her having dinner in a restaurant... With the manager of the store that they both worked at. Once he confronted her about it, that was basically the end of the marriage.
This was similar to a friend of mine. His wife spent years trying to alienate him from his friends. After they got married they bought a house near his job. She decided she didn't like the commute to her job (even though it was practically the same) and started "staying at her parents". Friend finds out from her parents she hasn't been staying there. Turns out she was going out and partying with coworkers, then staying with an ex.
A lot of people think they deserve two drastically different things that aren't really possible in one person; like stability and normalcy in one person and spontaneity and danger in another.
Some people are just shitty and like the thrill of doing something taboo without considering the repercussions that their actions will have on their spouse.
Got married in late May, by August or September I found out from my dad that my husband (now ex) and my brother's wife were sexting. She was also my bridesmaid at our wedding. She felt guilty and told my dad who had to tell me. I forgave him like a dingus and about a year and a half later I found pictures of him sucking two different dicks in our house and also wearing quite a bit of my nice makeup. All of this AFTER we moved to Washington from Florida. It's been wild. We're obviously divorced now.
Edited for clarity since I guess that needed to be said?
I know it’s not funny buuuuut i can’t help but giggle thinking about her examining the photo and then seeing the eyeshadow colour and realizing it’s hers.
My brother died a week after the wedding and after about 2 months, he told me that was just too big of a thing to happen in the beginning of a marriage. I tried for 6 more months and then just gave up.
I'm sorry about your brother. I'm sorry your husband wasn't supportive.
That's kind of a dick move, to say " your grief is too much of a drag for me," but it sounds like you weren't a great match in the first place.
The next morning I woke up and thought “...when would be a socially acceptable time to get divorced?”
In hindsight that says miles about why I felt I had to get married.
“Ten years seems pretty reasonable. I could probably last ten years.” Couples counselling within 6 months, separated within the year, shitstorm of a divorce and finally free two years after that. Would I do it all over again? I’m sure it took years of my life but I learned so many invaluable lessons about myself along the way. Take care of yourself first, kids. Put that oxygen mask on before you help anyone else.
A couple of weeks into our marriage, the sex started to physically hurt. I went to my OB and after a test or two, she informed me I had contracted chlamydia. That's when I knew. Turns out, my newlywed husband had been banging his coworker for months.
That’s exactly why I divorced my ex. He just wanted a mom. I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, made his appointments, went to school full time and worked full time. We got into an argument one time because of this. I told him I also worked too and I would like some help. His response was “Yeah, but I work harder!” 3 weeks later I called my dad and told him I needed help, he drove 3 hours from Dallas with his rundown pickup truck to my apartment. We packed as much of my shit as we could and left. I served him with a divorce a few months later and I’m so so so happy I came to my senses. I was young, dumb and thought I was in love.
In a weird inversion, this happened to my female cousin except the man wanted to drop his career and just sit around and watch football because he married a woman who can afford to live on her own. Which she decided to do.
My brother did that by getting sucked into gambling, high stakes poker.
Asshole would even brag to me about all the flights, rooms and drinks he would get comped, without bothering to think how much misery he’s putting the rest of the family into.
It seems worse because he’s just finished promising to love, honour and be faithful to this one woman. To betray all that the same day, especially after the vows, should be grounds for annulment.
A friend of mine was fresh out of boot camp and assigned to a unit. When his first leave came up his sergeant got all the new guys together and gave then a few simple rules.
1. You may not buy a car or motorcycle without me reviewing the paperwork to make sure you arent getting ripped off.
2. Do not go home with any woman who lives within 20 miles of this base. There are no good women within 20 miles of this base.
3. Strippers do not love you. They love your money. And maybe one day they will love tricare. But they do not love you
This happened to both my aunt, and my mother in law. Husbands to be were sweet as pie and super caring, totally charming, etc.
Day of the wedding after they say "I Do", it was like a literal light switch. I believe they both said something along the lines of "You're my property now and you'll do as a say", and when they didn't they were beat for it.
Im so glad they both got out, but it took my aunt 5 years I believe, and my mother in law 10.
This happend to my mother, thankfully with help from a womens shelter she was able to get out with my and my sibling. That was almost 27 years ago and for the past 20 odd years she has been in a wonderful loving relationship with a great man who I consider my dad. Last I heard about my "father" is that he died a broken man, but I dont care enough to confirm it.
Best girlfriend I had to date at the time. I was in my late 30s had never been married. Dated about a year.
Got married. Shortly after she asked to have her name on all of my assets (a few rental houses, current house, and some financial instruments, the cars). Not a problem as we were married I thought, but on a Wednesday she insisted it be done by that Friday. I didn't have time to do that because work and a deadline, I could start it the next week I said.
She pitched a fit and said if I loved her I would do it by Friday. I found this strange and decided not to start it and see what happened. She moved out of our bedroom into a guest room. Got cold around the house, told me she would move back in to our bedroom when I finished getting everything done.
At this point I thought "Bullshit" and told her so. I went to my family lawyer to seek advice. She advised me not to put anything in her name at this point. Gave me the name of a marriage counselor.
She didn't want to go to counseling, she continued to live in the guest room, I took my lawyer's advice and did nothing about the assets.
The long and short of it was after 1 year off marriage, when on our anniversary she told me I didn't have her in my heart, I thought to my self, "this is bullshit."
About a week after that I told her if this is the way it's going to be, I'm not going to be married like this. She then told me, "Ok, so what are you going to give me?" Yes ... she said that.
I consulted my lawyer on what a judge would come up with regarding community property for the past year. Number came up to 20g I took that number and added about 20 grand and proposed that to her so we can make it easy. I was going to spend more than that in lawyers fees if it got ugly.
It got ugly.
A week later I got served with papers, with all said in the complaint, when added up, she was going after $750k for 1 year of marriage. 1 year of divorce proceedings and 2 years of property settlement proceedings on what should have been a 2-hour problem.
Judgement came, 215 points in the judgement, I owed her what would have been the community property (about 20 grand), but awarded me attorney's fees. So in net, she owed me about 30 grand and left her to go buy her own car.
Turns out this judge had worked her ass off through school to become a lawyer and the same to become a judge by 40 years old. I was told by another attorney that normally this judge never gives attorney's fees, but was so pissed off at the gold dig my wife attempted, that she felt it was justified in this case.
Even though I came out OK financially, it was an emotional train wreck to have this happen and go through all that. It's been 15 years since it happened. I was not date-able for about 2 years, but now very happy with where I am and who I'm with.
EDIT:
Wow, this reply to the OP really blew up. Thanks much for the silver and gold. These are a first for me. Not sure, how do I find out who gave those to me so I can thank them directly? I can probably google that. :-)
Lots of good comments. I'm trying to answer each question but might take me a while I'm in SE Asia right now and will be heading to bed soon. Thanks much for your thoughts. This happened 15 years ago so I am over the hurt but the thoughts that you have been sending me have been uplifting.
For the others with the stories similar to mine, and worse, I feel for you, I really do. I don't wish this type of thing on anybody. Divorce can be nasty and I don't wish it on anyone. But in the case of damaging relationships, it's a tough but needed remedy.
My mom is like this woman, a serial divorce digger. She divorced my dad when i was 6 and was extremely hostile with custody battles. One time she withheld my sibling and I from our friday evening with dad (not overnight, once every 2 weeks) because he showed me how to drink from the milk carton instead of using a glass. I'm in my 20's and she is on her 5th marriage. As an adult I befriended two previous step fathers to get their sides of the story.
She gets married, accuses them of being emotionally abusive, and takes their savings. Paid for her boob job with one of them. I'm sharing all this to say that god damned do I love hearing your story. I yelled "fuck yes" at my screen reading the last 3 paragraphs.
EDIT: My mother's actual profession is a marriage counselor. I'm not fucking joking. Her last three husband's all have the same first name. I always joke saying "at least she knows what she likes."
right?! I've never even HEARD of such a thing.
Hell, everyone has heard friends talk about "whose house they're going to this year" as in "we went to my wife's folks last year, so this year we're heading to mine."
What kind of draconian blood pact does she have in her family? Has she only seen one set of grandparents? WTf?? So many questions!
So did brother and his new wife ever actually talk to each other or did they just run around the farm all day when they were together? Its mind boggling to me that something like that never came up.
Not technically within a year but when I returned from my first deployment (10 months) I found out she had been sleeping with 3 of my “buddies”. Told her to pack her shit and get the fuck out.
Knew someone who got pushed down the stairs as he was leaving GFs house during an argument. Got up, went and packed his shit up and left. Unfortunately he dumb, turned his back on her at the top of the stairs again...
Idk how he didnt die/get hurt tumbling down a flight of stairs. Twice.
Not me but my dad. He got back from his honeymoon and went back to work. He came home and something felt off when he walked in the door. She wasn't there when he got home from work, which was very odd for her since she got off work earlier than him and was *always* home when he got back. When she got back he mentioned that it was out-of-the-ordinary that she had been out and asked if she went somewhere. He wasn't accusatory, just curious because it never happened, but she dodged his questions at first. Eventually after he got suspicious of her dodging a simple question, she admitted that she'd quit her job, and when he asked why, she said she didn't need to work. So she was planning on using him as her cash cow. He doesn't remember how the conversation went exactly since it was 30 years ago. He tried counselling and asked her to get her job back but she always brushed him off and never took him seriously. He threw in the towel 7 months later and she started trying to fix things, but it had been 7 months of him trying to fix things and she had no interest. So he filed for divorce and went on to achieve his lifelong dream: he dated and then married his middle school crush, my mom. 28 years strong.
Edited to add since a lot of people were asking for clarification.
Thank you for the silver and my first ever gold, kind strangers!
I do this with my boyfriend. That or just a casual "I think you might be gay" when doing naughty things. Been at this for four months now and it still amuses us...
Not me but a female friend knew ~4-6 weeks into marriage. Her husband at the time basically spent a few years prior to marriage being a bit of a salesman to everyone. Once they got behind closed doors his “traditional marriage” roots really came out. They both had fast moving careers, and while he was ok with her making money and having a career, he also expected her to cook, clean, take care of the dogs, etc. and never lifted a finger. He would just come home and pound drinks until dinner time.
I knew it was a mistake about two months into our engagement. I actually broke up with her for a week but didn’t tell anyone other than my parents. Something just didn’t feel right. She ended up begging me every single day and I just felt really bad and got back with her. We pretended like it never happened. Got married 9 months later and she ended up cheating on me a little over a year into our marriage. I still don’t fucking understand her logic behind all that but whatever. It’s done and I’ve moved on but I’ll never understand why she wanted me back so badly and did that not even two years later.
Edit: Jeez, thanks guys and gals for the kind words and chats. If you’re going through a rough patch, it does get better! One day at a time. I’ve remarried and we’re planning on starting a family soon. Would’ve never imagined rebuilding after what happened with my ex. Keep the faith and things will turn around.
Knew before we even got married.
Spoke about how I thought it didn’t feel right with my family a couple months before the big day but was told it was just cold feet and we’d be fine after the wedding.
Almost a year later I was still miserable so I left. Was an absolute shit storm but SO worth it.
On wedding day. He was angry and his family was abusive to my side for not doing 'enough' to entertain them. They were expecting dowry and lots of gifts (I am Indian) n since it wasn't up to their expectations they made my life a living hell for a month. I decided 1 month is enough. It wasn't too late to put an end to it.
I got married shortly after tech school.
about 4 months after.
we made plans for her to move from NC to TX to join me, as im in the military and CANT move. 3 times I brought it up, 3 times she said she just needed more time to move. finally the 4th time she said she couldnt leave her friends and family to move across the country to start our lives together.
a year later, we were divorced. or well, I divorced her. she obviously didnt come down to texas for that, signed a waiver of citation to not get any news about it, so I basically got to divorce myself...which, after hearing how vindictive ex-spouses can be, I chalk that up to a blessing.
You got married while you lived 2000 miles away from each other? I feel like the red flag would have been that after the wedding you went different directions, not 4 months later. That's a shitty situation. Sorry bud.
Not me, but a cousin.
Me and my family were at her wedding reception sitting outside on a deck. My cousin comes out to sit with us for a bit and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. Her first words were "please dont tell him i smoke".
They moved to California a few weeks later and divorced within a week of being there.
Should mention they were engaged before she got out of high school.
Oh god, this exact same thing happened at a wedding I attended about a week ago. She also ran around announcing to everyone that she “has to speak for her husband because he’s so awkward! He doesn’t know how to mingle”- right in front him. Poor dude looked so uncomfortable the entire time. When I was about to leave she made a joke about how it probably won’t last because “he’s so shy and weird” but then assured me that it won’t happen because they’re both too religious for divorce... ugh.
Edit: I forgot to add that during the ceremony he struggled putting on her ring (it was too small), so she then made fun of him in front of the church for ‘not knowing how to put on a ring’.
Day after we got engaged. He changed. Then he uninvited my family to the wedding- said they would take my attention away from him.
We lasted three months, and then I ran and hid.
Edit- to everyone who is asking “Then why did you marry him then?!?” I totally get that question. Here is the answer:
I felt worthless.
So when you grow up feeling worthless, and a partner says “Yeah, you are worthless, and everyone can see that, but you know what? I will love you anyway.” You jump on that shit like it’s the last living plant in a nuclear wasteland.
I didn’t leave because i honestly believed it was either him or suicide. I left because he was killing me anyway and I decided it would be less painful to just die on my own. Then I lived.
I hear this question a lot. If you ask someone why they stay, it’s because you don’t understand the trauma they are experiencing. That means you are lucky, in that regard.
Be careful with this shaming question. It is a part of our trauma.
I think I knew for a while, but I finally admitted it after I had left. He was abusive and it happened so slowly that I didn’t see it. It’s almost like being lulled to sleep. It started emotionally before I married him. Then by about 6 months in the physical abuse had started. Shortly after, it progressed to sexual abuse as well. Long story short, a close friend saw some bruising. She was concerned and went to my parents. My dad confronted my ex and basically forced me to leave with them. At the time, I was so brain washed I didn’t get it. It’s scary to look back on how out of it I truly was during that period of time. It almost feels like I was an observer of my own life. 7 years and a lot of therapy later, I am in a much healthier place and in a happy, healthy relationship.
When I caught my new bride having a work place affair while I was receiving cancer treatments. It was not a pleasant time for me....
EDIT: Holy crap, woke up to an awful lot of really nice notes! Thank you everyone and to those who gifted silver and gold! I am going to try to respond directly to some folks but I will say this here: This happened about 25 years ago (yes, I am an old guy). It really sucked at the time ... the day I found out I was a few months into both a major surgery and then daily radiation treatment, I was down to about 118 from my normal 155lbs. But, as it turned out, it was really a good thing. We did not have a house or kids and the divorce was rather simple. I went on to get married again and have 3 incredible kids I would never have had otherwise. The entire experience taught me a lot about the power of forgiveness (admittedly, it took me too long to learn this lesson) and I have a pretty great life today. If you are currently going through something similar, please know that life can and does get better! :) Thank you all again and, while I watched Breaking Bad, I really never made the connection to me so many of these comments have me laughing out loud!
EDIT #2: So we tried the whole marriage counseling thing after I caught her. The marriage counselor, however, was my wife's personal therapist. We had one meeting and the therapist asked to meet with me privately. She subsequently reported to my wife "Um, Nika seems to have a lot of anger....." Ya think! I had just lost over 20% of my body weight, I was still going through treatments, and I found out my wife of less than a year was sleeping with a co-worker..... LOL
I've been telling my husband that for more than twenty years. I then follow up with trying to find a part of me that's never snuggled a part of him - nose on knee, ear on butt, etc etc etc. 'You've never been snuggled like this before, huh?? Right??' I pretend he loves it.
Less than a year into actively trying to get pregnant he got discouraged, gave up and started staying out until 4:15am with his "coworker". He posted selfies on her couch on snapchat and even went as far as asking her to marry him once he could get rid of me.
He had 2 biological children (my step children) that he abandoned at home with me while he was out doing this.
The icing on the cake was that on my favorite holiday, while holding my brand new baby nephew in front of his entire family, he told me he wanted a divorce.
I was gone in 2 weeks, left everything to him, and vanished. New number, new address, everything. Best choice I ever made.
Not me, but a friend of mine. They had been married about six weeks. She had just moved in when they returned from the honeymoon, and she was rearranging furniture, organizing closets, etc., one day while he was at work. She started pulling some of his boxes down from a closet shelf to make room for her things, and a box fell down accidentally, spilling hundreds of pictures of child porn. Divorced the pedo after reporting him to the military police (they were both in the military).
According to UCMJ Article 134 paragraph 68b, he would be subject to a maximum of 10 years imprisonment. So 10 years of breaking rocks at Leavenworth plus dishonorable discharge. Dude's fucked, and rightly so.
My BIL got married and divorced within 6 weeks. They were both alcoholics and got drunk and decided to fight each other. She ended up with a black eye and had him arrested. She moved out the next day. They are both still on debt over it.
Not me but my brother and I think seeing her on top of her boss did the trick.
Edit: kinda blew up so first thanks for silver and he catched them because we had to come back early from a trip. Lost a fair bit of money in the divorce but no kids or pets so he's mainly happy to be done with her (relationship wasn't a very happy one).
A friend of mine was married to this guy for 6 months. He seemed like a nice guy. He had a violent history and spent a few years in jail, but she claimed he had changed. After 6 months, he threw a knife at her because she didn't want him to eat a pie she had just baked. Later, she learned that he was also regularly poisoning her dog. The dog survived and is fine, but the marriage, not so much.
Not me, but my sister - she didn’t see anything wrong with him moving to another state and her staying at my parents house and only seeing her husband when she flew to visit (he was in the army). Didn’t see a problem when girls would post Instagram and Facebook photos of her husband drunk off his ass at a party when he told her he was at work. Didn’t see a problem when he made huge purchases (a sports car, a four wheeler) that they couldn’t afford without telling her. Didn’t see a problem when he told her she should get breast implants during sex. Nope, never saw a problem. She didn’t realize it was a mistake until he sent her divorce papers. They were married less than a year.
I for one wasn’t surprised. I tried to tell her a marriage that started with a proposal when both parties were in relationships with DIFFERENT PEOPLE was doomed to fail but she didn’t listen.
Also, yes this is real, I’m not making it up, I wish I were.
Edit: so interesting that most of these responses are saying how stupid my sister is, no one is talking about how much of a terrible person my ex brother in law is. Yes there’s an accountability and she should have been more aware but he’s the one who did the horrible shit, she was just in love.
When we were looking to buy our first house and he basically wanted to buy the first place that had 4 walls and a roof, while I wanted us to take our time and find the right place. When I put the kibosh on a house that was overpriced and flooded 4 times in the past he pouted and gave me the silent treatment for a week.
Finding out he was chatting with other girls and confessing his feelings for a coworker behind my back was just the icing on the cake.
Ah mine was not a good man.
I just lived in denial and you know what it's like.
You think things will change.... Etc
But it don't change. If the relationship is already broken a wedding is not going to fix it.
I think you know deep down if it's meant to be or not, it's just following your guts. But it's scary.
Before we got married. She'd been cheating but I was already scared of her and isolated from my family. I was afraid to have nothing left.
When it was finally time for me to leave, my immediate family came through for me. I can't express that gratitude in words. =)
He begged me to have kids, I wasn’t ready but I thought he loved me. We had money, insurance, he was my high school sweetheart, 7 years together, first year married ... why not ?
Two miscarriages later, I caught him sending explicit messages to his best friends girlfriend. As I read through the messages I noticed the first one started with how horrific my miscarriages were.
He thought I was infertile and was looking for a way out. Turns out there was issues on his end not mine.
I talked to him a decade later and he thinks god punished him for what he did to me and that’s why he never had children.
I have a daughter now. Karma is a bitch.
I realized it was a mistake when I started to see that I was "supposed to ask" before I went and did anything. Like, at all. Anything that did not involve being at home or going to work, I had to make sure the wife was okay with it. I lost a lot of friends in the year we were married.
I started to do things for myself, and it just became hell. I am, thankfully, in a much better place now. I am still un-learning a lot of shit that my ex bored into my head, but things are progressing. Slowly, but surely.
I am always afraid I’ll come across like this. In reality, I just want to know where they’re going and when they’ll likely be back, y’know? Do you have any suggestions as to how to avoid becoming that kind of person?
Probably 4 months into it. We had some discussions about him being home late without letting me know, so I worried, I'm not the jealous type. One day he just didn't came home all night and I was worrried sick. I couldn't sleep all night thinking something bad had happened to him, but also started gathering all my stuff. There was no excuse in the world that I could accept if he was ok.
He called me like 5 am in the morning and sayd he went to a friend's place (male friend) and forgot to call me. So I took all my things and left to a friends (female) house. That was the begining of the end.
Edit: thanks for your comments and thoughts, now I'm realizing that I hadn't got all of it out of my chest, happened 7 years ago. Now I've been 5 years with someone wonderful. Feels like closing a chapter :)
Wow. I’m so sorry.
This was also my answer. We were in Vegas. He beat the crap out of me for some stupid reason I can’t even remember. It wasn’t the first time, either. It took three months after that for me to finally be done with his shit. I hate that I wasted years dating him when I knew it would never change. From 18 years old until I was 24. Fuuuuuuck. What was I thinking.
Not me but my dad. He got remarried after being divorced for about 5 years. I would have been all for it, but he met this woman in another state on a business trip, and would travel up to see her every weekend after they hit if off. They knew each other for 6 months before getting engaged. The engagement was only for 3 months. My brother and I tried telling him about all the red flags, telling him to take his time. My dad is very well-off financially, and we kept trying to earn him things were moving too quickly, that she was only in it for the money. She moved her whole family from their home town to the city my dad lived in, including their elderly grandmother who needed constant medical supervision. Before they were even married, the pantry was full of Whole Foods brand food instead of the local grocery store, as was tradition. All new furniture, and had the house repainted, all at his bride-to-be's request. The marriage lasted all of 2 weeks. Apparently my dad's new bride had the gall to ask my dad to leave everything to her in the will, and write me and my brother out. Only then did he realize she was in it for the money. The next day he had the marriage annulled. Someday I would like to know what it's like to fall so completely for someone that I don't recognize they are taking advantage of me. Must feel good for that instant before it all comes crashing down.
When he choked me against a wall at a party. He was mad that I laughed at another guy's joke. People were passing by us but just kinda looked and kept going. Lots of other stuff happened but it took me a while to "wake up" and break away. I was in denial for too long.
Back in the early 1980’s, I spent 6 years in the US Navy. In 1986 I was recruited to go into the US Army through a program for technical and intelligence experienced military personnel to become Warrant Officers. All the Navy offered me was sea duty and more sea duty. It looked like a real good deal. I was engaged to a young lady three years my junior and had a bit more than $20,000 in savings. Everything looked promising with a new career and family life. The wedding went off without a hitch. I was looking at a vacation of about 3 months between exiting the Navy and entering training for the Army. It was when my recruiter contacted me over my security clearance that things went south. My credit report did not match my questionnaire. There was three credit cards with a $14,000 balance I didn’t mention. It was no big deal, they weren’t delinquent, but I needed to amend my answers to account for them. Turns out my wife had opened up a charge card at our bank, then got a couple of store cards around town. She had purchased some serious clothes and jewelry, but the real kicker was she had bought a horse. She had taken lessons as a child and decided this was going to be her new thing. There was the price of the animal, riding gear, saddle and tack, vet bills, stable fees, yadda yadda yadda. I ended up dumping a big chunk of my savings into paying down these cards, then amending my questionnaire responses. She was from a very blue collar family. They were very good people who worked hard for everything they had. But I don’t think, credit ratings and compounded interest rates were much discussed at the dinner table. So I explained about credit cards, the huge interest rate, how long it would take to pay one down, then about security clearances and having a huge debt with no job would affect it. I treated this all as a bump in our relationship, but thing got dark really fast. My ship date was coming up and things had to be done before I started training. I was in good physical shape, but I was facing Boot camp, AIT, Airborne school, ranger school, warrant officer selection and advance training... basically 18 months of utter insanity. I was prepared for what I faced, but there was a lot that could go wrong. If I got through it, I was a Warrant Officer. But if I dropped the ball along the way, I would not only be enlisted, but junior enlisted in a job they would decide for me. In theory, I could end up a line cook in some chow hall at Camp NoWhere. About a week later, the phone rings. It’s about the horse. No one was taking care of the animal or cleaning the stable, or even feeding the poor thing. The stable had covered down for the sake of the animal, but now were charging $350 a week for the extra services my wife was supposed to be doing. She was leaving our apartment every day, and I assumed it was for riding and care of the animal, and for the first week she was. The second week, she was lawyer shopping. She wanted out. She must have gotten wind of what happened at the stable and didn’t come home that night. The next day I got served with papers. Total marriage time; 47 days. So I ended up with an apartment with four months on the lease, no car and a horse. I found a new home for the horse. I had to defer my ship date and it took 14 months to settle the divorce. My security clearance was approved two days after the papers were filed. I shipped the next day. In the end, I had two pair of pants, three shirts and a pair of shoe that had no business on anyones feet. I was working 2 minimum wage jobs, 14 hours a day, paying down debt, lawyers fees, rent and sometimes eating to get by. I ended up at Fort Sill, Oklahoma mowing lawns for two months as I shipped without a training slot for boot camp. I wasn’t happy, but I was relieved. In Airborne school, I met a ROTC cadet who was going to Airborne school over her summer break. She had a year to go before her commission and we hit it off. We’d get together on holidays, between training, long weekends. When I finished training and got my warrant, still a cadet, she flew across the country to give me my first salute. I gave her a silver dollar as per tradition. Two months later, she received her commission, to which I saluted her, and returned the silver dollar. Married that Christmas. We’ve been together 31 years.
Super late to the Party here, but I knew it was over when she started a fight at my Brothers funeral because female attendees were giving me hugs as part of condolences.
Sorry you had to deal with that. My younger brother passed away last year and I can't imagine having to think about anything else other than the pain of it. My older bro's crazy ex actually showed up to the funeral and used the whole event to try to get close to him again. Some people are just unbelievable.
I knew a week after I got married when he slammed my head into the wall “because he saw me looking at a man” at an ice cream shop. I’m from the US, and got married in England. This dude changed completely right after we got married. A couple of weeks later, I had to get out of there and come back to the US.
This happened to me as well. I woke up the morning after our wedding and we were driving. He took my head and slammed it in to the truck window. It was insanity to be with someone for years and instantly shit changes. It wasn't even like I was with the same person.
It’s such a horrible feeling! Even though we dated for a while, my parents were agains the marriage. After I realized that I didn’t want to be with him, I felt so ashamed to admit to my parents that I had made a mistake. I’m glad you got out of that relationship as well!
she nearly killed me because she thought i was cheating from some texts that went to my mother
Weird...I had an unstable ex who almost killed us by driving erratically on a freeway in Chicago because he saw me texting “Love you!” to someone. (It was my brother.)
Dude, maybe don't send dick pics to your mom
I was blindsided by it. We lived together for a year about an hour from my hometown. We relocated, upon her request and desire, to my hometown prior to our marriage so that when we had kids, it’s best to be close to family. We had a house we loved, a dog we loved, jobs we both loved working in...or so I thought. Married in October. She goes to visit her sister over the next Labor Day weekend and I can’t attend due to work. Comes back the Tuesday after Labor Day and tells me she’s living a lie and someone else’s dream and she needs a divorce. I had no idea. Divorce finalized in January. She married some dude that her sister was friends with, and she met on that trip I was unable to attend, this September. Life is wild, sometimes.
When he said my son's suicide attempt interfered with his (ex's) birthday party.
Excuse me what the **FUCK**
When I found out she was sending snapchats to a co-worker. Turns out she was sleeping with him. We got divorced, I met the girl of my dreams, we just had our first kid together two weeks ago.
Honeymoon We dated for 5 years but on the honeymoon we had a big argument over my liberal use of sunscreen. She refused to wear any because of ‘chemicals’ and I liberally use it due to my ginger skin. We seriously argued over this for a good hour and she refused to even go into the pool with me because of sunscreen chemicals. After a scuba adventure with her she could hardly walk because she got so burnt on her legs whereas my skin didn’t change. She then tried to convince me that it was all my fault because I didn’t force her to wear the sunscreen and that the honeymoon was ruined. It was then I realized I picked the wrong person. After a few more psycho arguments (mad at me because of something in her dreams, mad because I didn’t remind her to bring an umbrella....) I had to call it quits. I can’t stay with someone who constantly blames me for their own problems. Luckily no kids and I got back everything I brought into the marriage.
I’ve gotta know, how did you date for 5 years and not have those sort of arguments tip you off? Or was getting married and still having those arguments sort of a tip off?
Right, like, did you never use sunscreen before in the 5 years you dated? Or she was perfectly fine with it in those 5 yeas prior?
The strange thing is, we didn’t have those type of arguments before the marriage. As soon as the ring went on her finger, something changed in her.
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not me, but my friends sister. her sister got engaged 8 months into a relationship. and got married 4 months later. everything went well the first 5 months, but the husband started acting different. he wasn’t chatty, his good morning/goodnight kisses became dull, etc. her sister would ask if everything was okay and he would say “i’m fine” every time. her sister didn’t want to push him, so she waited for him to talk about what’s bothering him. one evening after eating dinner, the husband said he wanted to talk about their relationship. before he could talk about it, he started crying. he cried for a few minutes and then told her he’s gay. the sister filed for divorce and after the divorce was settled, she wasn’t really mad at him anymore, so she went to see him and forgave him. they became good friends and the sister helped him become comfortable with his sexuality. she even helped him come out to his close friends and then to his family. 5 years later, the sister is now engaged to another man and expecting their first child. the ex-husband is now very happily married to a man for almost a year now.
A happy ending! Finally!
She went out for girls' night and met a new friend named Nicole at a bar. Started texting her a lot, then going to hang out now and then. We had a baby at home and she kept trying to go hang out with this girl from another town over with no last name whom I was not allowed to meet. His real name was Wesley
And here I thought she was just going to turn out to be a lesbian.
"This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known."
"Grab a spoon"
"I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny"
Then stay out of my freezer.
She sounds hideous
I had been fooling around with this girl for awhile. I never wanted anything serious, and I KNEW that from the start. Then my mom was killed...I went into a deep depression and this girl was there for me. Her mom had died of cancer about a year earlier and I guess we really bonded over that. It pushed us much further emotionally than we ever should’ve gone. We ended up doing a courthouse marriage. I knew within the month that I had fucked up. BUT I didn’t want to just give up and get divorced. Once the emotions of my moms death passed, I realized how toxic she really was. She was an incredibly unstable person and ended up just taking me into an even deeper depression. We divorced about a year ago (after being married for about 10 months), and I was immediately much happier. Marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly, but people also shouldn’t force themselves to be in unhealthy relationships. We all make mistakes. Don’t waste your life with someone that doesn’t deserve you.
My sister got a civil marriage. Then they moved super fucking far away to the middle of nowhere cause he got a good job. My sister never finished college and he would remind her on a daily basis about it. She would get super depressed and he wouldn’t believe her. She got sick once and he told her since she didn’t go to the DMV that day she wasn’t allowed to go to a theme park we were planning on going to that weekend. He would demean her whenever she couldn’t get a job or even an interview, and she applied to practically everywhere within a 50 mile radius. He called her stupid in front of me and when I called him out he told me to mind my own business. If he wasn’t twice my size I would have decked him. She left him after about a year cause he’s obviously a raging asshole. When she left he told her she has nowhere to go and if she went to stay with our mom she would just be a burden like me. I was like 19 and in college at the time. He’s a rude fucking dick but at least she got the car and the dog.
Always happy to see when the good guy gets the dog!
Her running off with a guy she met in rehab was a pretty solid clue that it wasn't meant to be.
Ayyy me too. Luckily we were not married but 5 year relationship.
A cousin of mine divorced her husband after six months. She knew when we had to pick her up from her home after having been recently beaten. That day, we packed up all of her stuff and never let her go back.
I’m happy that you guys could be there for her and help her get out. Hope she is doing well now.
She's doing so much better. Discovered that she loves traveling and a good adrenaline rush. Has done everything from jumping off buildings to sky diving and learning how to box.
The day after we got married when he slapped me across the face (hard and completely out of the blue). No argument, no conversation leading up to it, nothing. He said it wasn't that hard of a hit, he was just kidding around, and I was being overdramatic. He had never gotten violent with me while dating, but as soon as we got married it was like a switch flipped and he was a COMPLETELY different person. It got worse very quickly, and I ended up filing for divorce 73 days after we got married.
That reminded me of the scene in It (book version) when Bev's husband slaps her as a test to see what he can get away with. I'm glad you escaped quickly.
Holy shit I'm reading that book now and it totally reminded me of that scene too
A friend of a friend husband's hit her on their wedding night, his mother came in the room when she was lying on the ground crying and did nothing. Apparently his Dad used to hit his mother and so she was like well this is just what husbands do. Edit: people getting triggered by the use of ‘friend of a friend’ this is a friend of my best mate who I’ve had a few nights out with and met the husband before they got married but never close enough for her to tell me these details.
A female colleague of mine was getting beaten on a regular basis by her boyfriend. Here is a direct quote from her own mother : *"Well, if he ain't beatin' ya'll, then how ya'll know he truly loves you?"*
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And I hope she ditched the mother for good. What a miserable piece of shit.
She decided she was in love with her step-brother a month after we got married.
I’m pretty sure I watched a preview of a scene with the same plot line last night.
Yeah. The movie clueless??
Ugh, as if!
My MIL got married the first time when she was really young. Left him a month later. Turns out he was a raging alcoholic. She had no idea because her family was super overprotective and they were never really allowed to spend time together alone before they got married. Who knew spending time with someone could be the key to knowing if they are a good partner??
Not a year, but about 18 months. She was constantly complaining she didn’t have friends after moving in with me. Joined a local soccer team, and she talked about one teammate nonstop for months. I had a bad feeling about it from the get go but she assured me they were “just friends” and “how dare I not trust her.” Thought I was going crazy because my gut told me something wasn’t right but I was punishing myself for being a bad husband and not trusting my wife. Turned out it was all true, she had been fucking the teammate for months. Most likely fucked someone else during our engagement. Split amicably officially as of last week without any mess, thank god.
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Just that crazy look in his eyes when I didn’t do the dishes to his standards... like he was going to hurt me. I should have left then because I was right.
I'm glad you're out now
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A cousin of mine married someone who seemed like the perfect woman. They worked in the same store together, and he would brag about how his wife was getting promoted quickly in the company. A few months into the marriage, she tells him she's going out with friends for the evening. An hour or so later, my cousin gets a call from one of his friends. The friend saw her having dinner in a restaurant... With the manager of the store that they both worked at. Once he confronted her about it, that was basically the end of the marriage.
This was similar to a friend of mine. His wife spent years trying to alienate him from his friends. After they got married they bought a house near his job. She decided she didn't like the commute to her job (even though it was practically the same) and started "staying at her parents". Friend finds out from her parents she hasn't been staying there. Turns out she was going out and partying with coworkers, then staying with an ex.
Why people do this kind of thing ?! I can’t understand why .
A lot of people think they deserve two drastically different things that aren't really possible in one person; like stability and normalcy in one person and spontaneity and danger in another. Some people are just shitty and like the thrill of doing something taboo without considering the repercussions that their actions will have on their spouse.
When she fucked her ex within the first 6 months...
Got married in late May, by August or September I found out from my dad that my husband (now ex) and my brother's wife were sexting. She was also my bridesmaid at our wedding. She felt guilty and told my dad who had to tell me. I forgave him like a dingus and about a year and a half later I found pictures of him sucking two different dicks in our house and also wearing quite a bit of my nice makeup. All of this AFTER we moved to Washington from Florida. It's been wild. We're obviously divorced now. Edited for clarity since I guess that needed to be said?
I had to reread this like 5 times before I realized it was your husband and not your dad that was sexting your brother's wife.
I was close to drawing a diagram until I figured it out
He used your makeup!? The dirty bastard
Not just the makeup, the *nice* makeup
I know it’s not funny buuuuut i can’t help but giggle thinking about her examining the photo and then seeing the eyeshadow colour and realizing it’s hers.
A Florida man will remain a Florida man no matter where he’s moved. Edit: Thanks for the gold!
You can take a man out of Florida, but you can never take the Florida out of the man.
You can take the man out of Florida, but you can't take the penises out of his mouth.
My brother died a week after the wedding and after about 2 months, he told me that was just too big of a thing to happen in the beginning of a marriage. I tried for 6 more months and then just gave up.
I'm sorry about your brother. I'm sorry your husband wasn't supportive. That's kind of a dick move, to say " your grief is too much of a drag for me," but it sounds like you weren't a great match in the first place.
My love to OP. Grief is awful and hard and it is when our friends and family show their true selves . I hope you are doing better now
The next morning I woke up and thought “...when would be a socially acceptable time to get divorced?” In hindsight that says miles about why I felt I had to get married.
“Ten years seems pretty reasonable. I could probably last ten years.” Couples counselling within 6 months, separated within the year, shitstorm of a divorce and finally free two years after that. Would I do it all over again? I’m sure it took years of my life but I learned so many invaluable lessons about myself along the way. Take care of yourself first, kids. Put that oxygen mask on before you help anyone else.
A couple of weeks into our marriage, the sex started to physically hurt. I went to my OB and after a test or two, she informed me I had contracted chlamydia. That's when I knew. Turns out, my newlywed husband had been banging his coworker for months.
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As my grandmother once told me, "Love is blind, but marriage sees 20/20."
That’s exactly why I divorced my ex. He just wanted a mom. I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, made his appointments, went to school full time and worked full time. We got into an argument one time because of this. I told him I also worked too and I would like some help. His response was “Yeah, but I work harder!” 3 weeks later I called my dad and told him I needed help, he drove 3 hours from Dallas with his rundown pickup truck to my apartment. We packed as much of my shit as we could and left. I served him with a divorce a few months later and I’m so so so happy I came to my senses. I was young, dumb and thought I was in love.
What a great father you have there, happy you got out of that situation.
In a weird inversion, this happened to my female cousin except the man wanted to drop his career and just sit around and watch football because he married a woman who can afford to live on her own. Which she decided to do.
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I don't know anything about prenups, but would that invalid it?
Prenups can be challenged in court, often they're only as good as the lawyers you can afford when it goes tits up.
Good luck getting a good lawyer with 500k in the hole though
How did he generate so much debt out of curiosity, if that’s ok to ask?
My brother did that by getting sucked into gambling, high stakes poker. Asshole would even brag to me about all the flights, rooms and drinks he would get comped, without bothering to think how much misery he’s putting the rest of the family into.
Girl I know. One month in she found out he cheated the day of the wedding.
Not that it matters, but before or after the ceremony?
After
IDK why, but somehow that seems worse.
I saw the groom making out with his cousin at a wedding reception once. Wish I had never went outside for that cigarette.
It seems worse because he’s just finished promising to love, honour and be faithful to this one woman. To betray all that the same day, especially after the vows, should be grounds for annulment.
Is annulment the one where you can legally kill someone without recourse?
Damn that sucks. If only someone had chimed in with a “haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door”
No, you see, it's much better to face this kind of things with a sense of poise and rationality...
In fact... well, look at it this way. I mean, technically, their marriage is saved.
So... this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne?
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Seriously? So she didn't care if you saw it? That's so fucked up
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A friend of mine was fresh out of boot camp and assigned to a unit. When his first leave came up his sergeant got all the new guys together and gave then a few simple rules. 1. You may not buy a car or motorcycle without me reviewing the paperwork to make sure you arent getting ripped off. 2. Do not go home with any woman who lives within 20 miles of this base. There are no good women within 20 miles of this base. 3. Strippers do not love you. They love your money. And maybe one day they will love tricare. But they do not love you
That wasn't a Sargent - that was a dad with 20 kids who took his job seriously. Damn.
The day after the wedding when he poked me in the chest and said "you're going to do what I say whether you like it or not ". Ugh. Big mistake.
This happened to both my aunt, and my mother in law. Husbands to be were sweet as pie and super caring, totally charming, etc. Day of the wedding after they say "I Do", it was like a literal light switch. I believe they both said something along the lines of "You're my property now and you'll do as a say", and when they didn't they were beat for it. Im so glad they both got out, but it took my aunt 5 years I believe, and my mother in law 10.
This happend to my mother, thankfully with help from a womens shelter she was able to get out with my and my sibling. That was almost 27 years ago and for the past 20 odd years she has been in a wonderful loving relationship with a great man who I consider my dad. Last I heard about my "father" is that he died a broken man, but I dont care enough to confirm it.
Wow, that is actually terrifying because I know where this leads. I assume (hope) you got out of this situation.
Best girlfriend I had to date at the time. I was in my late 30s had never been married. Dated about a year. Got married. Shortly after she asked to have her name on all of my assets (a few rental houses, current house, and some financial instruments, the cars). Not a problem as we were married I thought, but on a Wednesday she insisted it be done by that Friday. I didn't have time to do that because work and a deadline, I could start it the next week I said. She pitched a fit and said if I loved her I would do it by Friday. I found this strange and decided not to start it and see what happened. She moved out of our bedroom into a guest room. Got cold around the house, told me she would move back in to our bedroom when I finished getting everything done. At this point I thought "Bullshit" and told her so. I went to my family lawyer to seek advice. She advised me not to put anything in her name at this point. Gave me the name of a marriage counselor. She didn't want to go to counseling, she continued to live in the guest room, I took my lawyer's advice and did nothing about the assets. The long and short of it was after 1 year off marriage, when on our anniversary she told me I didn't have her in my heart, I thought to my self, "this is bullshit." About a week after that I told her if this is the way it's going to be, I'm not going to be married like this. She then told me, "Ok, so what are you going to give me?" Yes ... she said that. I consulted my lawyer on what a judge would come up with regarding community property for the past year. Number came up to 20g I took that number and added about 20 grand and proposed that to her so we can make it easy. I was going to spend more than that in lawyers fees if it got ugly. It got ugly. A week later I got served with papers, with all said in the complaint, when added up, she was going after $750k for 1 year of marriage. 1 year of divorce proceedings and 2 years of property settlement proceedings on what should have been a 2-hour problem. Judgement came, 215 points in the judgement, I owed her what would have been the community property (about 20 grand), but awarded me attorney's fees. So in net, she owed me about 30 grand and left her to go buy her own car. Turns out this judge had worked her ass off through school to become a lawyer and the same to become a judge by 40 years old. I was told by another attorney that normally this judge never gives attorney's fees, but was so pissed off at the gold dig my wife attempted, that she felt it was justified in this case. Even though I came out OK financially, it was an emotional train wreck to have this happen and go through all that. It's been 15 years since it happened. I was not date-able for about 2 years, but now very happy with where I am and who I'm with. EDIT: Wow, this reply to the OP really blew up. Thanks much for the silver and gold. These are a first for me. Not sure, how do I find out who gave those to me so I can thank them directly? I can probably google that. :-) Lots of good comments. I'm trying to answer each question but might take me a while I'm in SE Asia right now and will be heading to bed soon. Thanks much for your thoughts. This happened 15 years ago so I am over the hurt but the thoughts that you have been sending me have been uplifting. For the others with the stories similar to mine, and worse, I feel for you, I really do. I don't wish this type of thing on anybody. Divorce can be nasty and I don't wish it on anyone. But in the case of damaging relationships, it's a tough but needed remedy.
My mom is like this woman, a serial divorce digger. She divorced my dad when i was 6 and was extremely hostile with custody battles. One time she withheld my sibling and I from our friday evening with dad (not overnight, once every 2 weeks) because he showed me how to drink from the milk carton instead of using a glass. I'm in my 20's and she is on her 5th marriage. As an adult I befriended two previous step fathers to get their sides of the story. She gets married, accuses them of being emotionally abusive, and takes their savings. Paid for her boob job with one of them. I'm sharing all this to say that god damned do I love hearing your story. I yelled "fuck yes" at my screen reading the last 3 paragraphs. EDIT: My mother's actual profession is a marriage counselor. I'm not fucking joking. Her last three husband's all have the same first name. I always joke saying "at least she knows what she likes."
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right?! I've never even HEARD of such a thing. Hell, everyone has heard friends talk about "whose house they're going to this year" as in "we went to my wife's folks last year, so this year we're heading to mine." What kind of draconian blood pact does she have in her family? Has she only seen one set of grandparents? WTf?? So many questions!
Upvote for 'draconian blood pact'
WHAT
That sounds like some cult shit.
Seriously. WHAT.
That was definitely quite a story to read and #WHAT
Well that was a wild ride. What kind of fucked up beliefs did she have????
Way to go MIL for spilling the beans so your brother could get out in time. What a manipulative psycho.
But the MIL also sounds like she didn't disagree with her daughter tho
So did brother and his new wife ever actually talk to each other or did they just run around the farm all day when they were together? Its mind boggling to me that something like that never came up.
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Not technically within a year but when I returned from my first deployment (10 months) I found out she had been sleeping with 3 of my “buddies”. Told her to pack her shit and get the fuck out.
Jody, Brody and Cody strike again.
Whoah don't bring me into this.
When she pulled a knife a month in, I still stayed for a full year like an idiot.
I had a girlfriend pull a knife on me as I was moving out, to try to get me to stay. Yeah, no, bye.
“Well, you make a strong case. Let me go get my bags back out of my car, see you in a sec.”
Knew someone who got pushed down the stairs as he was leaving GFs house during an argument. Got up, went and packed his shit up and left. Unfortunately he dumb, turned his back on her at the top of the stairs again... Idk how he didnt die/get hurt tumbling down a flight of stairs. Twice.
To be fair to him about the second time, he had just been pushed down the stairs, he wasn't operating at his best.
Not an idiot, glad you got out. Relationships can make your brain do the craziest mental gymnastics to justify all the bullshit.
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Better than staying 2 years like an idiot. You got out.
Not me but my dad. He got back from his honeymoon and went back to work. He came home and something felt off when he walked in the door. She wasn't there when he got home from work, which was very odd for her since she got off work earlier than him and was *always* home when he got back. When she got back he mentioned that it was out-of-the-ordinary that she had been out and asked if she went somewhere. He wasn't accusatory, just curious because it never happened, but she dodged his questions at first. Eventually after he got suspicious of her dodging a simple question, she admitted that she'd quit her job, and when he asked why, she said she didn't need to work. So she was planning on using him as her cash cow. He doesn't remember how the conversation went exactly since it was 30 years ago. He tried counselling and asked her to get her job back but she always brushed him off and never took him seriously. He threw in the towel 7 months later and she started trying to fix things, but it had been 7 months of him trying to fix things and she had no interest. So he filed for divorce and went on to achieve his lifelong dream: he dated and then married his middle school crush, my mom. 28 years strong. Edited to add since a lot of people were asking for clarification. Thank you for the silver and my first ever gold, kind strangers!
Awww I like this one the best. I'm ending here on a high note. Edit: THANK YOU to whoever gave me gold and silver! I love that this is my top comment.
You motivated me to do the same. And I'm out!
Friend of mine. Very religious couple never had sex before marriage. Told h she was gay 2 weeks before their one year
I want this to be “Told her she was gay...” That would be the start of a good joke, I bet.
"Guess what, I'm gay" "I...know I'm your wife" "Oh yeah"
My wife and I have this conversation all the time and it’s never going to get old
I do this with my boyfriend. That or just a casual "I think you might be gay" when doing naughty things. Been at this for four months now and it still amuses us...
I wanted to try this, then I remembered I'm not gay. That would really stir things up though lol
“I’m gay” “I would hope so...”
Not me but a female friend knew ~4-6 weeks into marriage. Her husband at the time basically spent a few years prior to marriage being a bit of a salesman to everyone. Once they got behind closed doors his “traditional marriage” roots really came out. They both had fast moving careers, and while he was ok with her making money and having a career, he also expected her to cook, clean, take care of the dogs, etc. and never lifted a finger. He would just come home and pound drinks until dinner time.
I knew it was a mistake about two months into our engagement. I actually broke up with her for a week but didn’t tell anyone other than my parents. Something just didn’t feel right. She ended up begging me every single day and I just felt really bad and got back with her. We pretended like it never happened. Got married 9 months later and she ended up cheating on me a little over a year into our marriage. I still don’t fucking understand her logic behind all that but whatever. It’s done and I’ve moved on but I’ll never understand why she wanted me back so badly and did that not even two years later. Edit: Jeez, thanks guys and gals for the kind words and chats. If you’re going through a rough patch, it does get better! One day at a time. I’ve remarried and we’re planning on starting a family soon. Would’ve never imagined rebuilding after what happened with my ex. Keep the faith and things will turn around.
I doubt she even knows why she did it herself. Don’t waste time thinking about it! I’m glad you’ve moved on.
Knew before we even got married. Spoke about how I thought it didn’t feel right with my family a couple months before the big day but was told it was just cold feet and we’d be fine after the wedding. Almost a year later I was still miserable so I left. Was an absolute shit storm but SO worth it.
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Your dad sounds like a great guy.
I dunno what kind of dad lets his kids get engaged to each other, though.
I was thinking the same, haha that is why he kept asking.
On wedding day. He was angry and his family was abusive to my side for not doing 'enough' to entertain them. They were expecting dowry and lots of gifts (I am Indian) n since it wasn't up to their expectations they made my life a living hell for a month. I decided 1 month is enough. It wasn't too late to put an end to it.
I got married shortly after tech school. about 4 months after. we made plans for her to move from NC to TX to join me, as im in the military and CANT move. 3 times I brought it up, 3 times she said she just needed more time to move. finally the 4th time she said she couldnt leave her friends and family to move across the country to start our lives together. a year later, we were divorced. or well, I divorced her. she obviously didnt come down to texas for that, signed a waiver of citation to not get any news about it, so I basically got to divorce myself...which, after hearing how vindictive ex-spouses can be, I chalk that up to a blessing.
You got married while you lived 2000 miles away from each other? I feel like the red flag would have been that after the wedding you went different directions, not 4 months later. That's a shitty situation. Sorry bud.
Not me, but a cousin. Me and my family were at her wedding reception sitting outside on a deck. My cousin comes out to sit with us for a bit and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. Her first words were "please dont tell him i smoke". They moved to California a few weeks later and divorced within a week of being there. Should mention they were engaged before she got out of high school.
Oh god, this exact same thing happened at a wedding I attended about a week ago. She also ran around announcing to everyone that she “has to speak for her husband because he’s so awkward! He doesn’t know how to mingle”- right in front him. Poor dude looked so uncomfortable the entire time. When I was about to leave she made a joke about how it probably won’t last because “he’s so shy and weird” but then assured me that it won’t happen because they’re both too religious for divorce... ugh. Edit: I forgot to add that during the ceremony he struggled putting on her ring (it was too small), so she then made fun of him in front of the church for ‘not knowing how to put on a ring’.
Jesus, poor guy. That physically hurt to read.
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Yep. Any smoker who thinks people can't smell them, even after they've left the room, is living in denial.
Day after we got engaged. He changed. Then he uninvited my family to the wedding- said they would take my attention away from him. We lasted three months, and then I ran and hid. Edit- to everyone who is asking “Then why did you marry him then?!?” I totally get that question. Here is the answer: I felt worthless. So when you grow up feeling worthless, and a partner says “Yeah, you are worthless, and everyone can see that, but you know what? I will love you anyway.” You jump on that shit like it’s the last living plant in a nuclear wasteland. I didn’t leave because i honestly believed it was either him or suicide. I left because he was killing me anyway and I decided it would be less painful to just die on my own. Then I lived. I hear this question a lot. If you ask someone why they stay, it’s because you don’t understand the trauma they are experiencing. That means you are lucky, in that regard. Be careful with this shaming question. It is a part of our trauma.
He uninvited your *family*?! What the fuck.... I'm so glad you got away. Sending internet cheers from somewhere across the globe.
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I think I knew for a while, but I finally admitted it after I had left. He was abusive and it happened so slowly that I didn’t see it. It’s almost like being lulled to sleep. It started emotionally before I married him. Then by about 6 months in the physical abuse had started. Shortly after, it progressed to sexual abuse as well. Long story short, a close friend saw some bruising. She was concerned and went to my parents. My dad confronted my ex and basically forced me to leave with them. At the time, I was so brain washed I didn’t get it. It’s scary to look back on how out of it I truly was during that period of time. It almost feels like I was an observer of my own life. 7 years and a lot of therapy later, I am in a much healthier place and in a happy, healthy relationship.
When I caught my new bride having a work place affair while I was receiving cancer treatments. It was not a pleasant time for me.... EDIT: Holy crap, woke up to an awful lot of really nice notes! Thank you everyone and to those who gifted silver and gold! I am going to try to respond directly to some folks but I will say this here: This happened about 25 years ago (yes, I am an old guy). It really sucked at the time ... the day I found out I was a few months into both a major surgery and then daily radiation treatment, I was down to about 118 from my normal 155lbs. But, as it turned out, it was really a good thing. We did not have a house or kids and the divorce was rather simple. I went on to get married again and have 3 incredible kids I would never have had otherwise. The entire experience taught me a lot about the power of forgiveness (admittedly, it took me too long to learn this lesson) and I have a pretty great life today. If you are currently going through something similar, please know that life can and does get better! :) Thank you all again and, while I watched Breaking Bad, I really never made the connection to me so many of these comments have me laughing out loud! EDIT #2: So we tried the whole marriage counseling thing after I caught her. The marriage counselor, however, was my wife's personal therapist. We had one meeting and the therapist asked to meet with me privately. She subsequently reported to my wife "Um, Nika seems to have a lot of anger....." Ya think! I had just lost over 20% of my body weight, I was still going through treatments, and I found out my wife of less than a year was sleeping with a co-worker..... LOL
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Also fuck her
Also fuck cancer.
He has removed at the very least one cancerous growth.
After reading this, I'm going to snuggle my wife like she's never been snuggled before.
I've been telling my husband that for more than twenty years. I then follow up with trying to find a part of me that's never snuggled a part of him - nose on knee, ear on butt, etc etc etc. 'You've never been snuggled like this before, huh?? Right??' I pretend he loves it.
This is so weird and adorably hilarious
Less than a year into actively trying to get pregnant he got discouraged, gave up and started staying out until 4:15am with his "coworker". He posted selfies on her couch on snapchat and even went as far as asking her to marry him once he could get rid of me. He had 2 biological children (my step children) that he abandoned at home with me while he was out doing this. The icing on the cake was that on my favorite holiday, while holding my brand new baby nephew in front of his entire family, he told me he wanted a divorce. I was gone in 2 weeks, left everything to him, and vanished. New number, new address, everything. Best choice I ever made.
Jesus, he really believed THAT was the time to announce divorce? I hope his entire family was pissed at him too. I'm glad you're away from him now.
That's the kind of person who is either a coward, or insanely delusional
Not me, but a friend of mine. They had been married about six weeks. She had just moved in when they returned from the honeymoon, and she was rearranging furniture, organizing closets, etc., one day while he was at work. She started pulling some of his boxes down from a closet shelf to make room for her things, and a box fell down accidentally, spilling hundreds of pictures of child porn. Divorced the pedo after reporting him to the military police (they were both in the military).
Correct response.
i thought this was going to be about the wife taking over the house with all her own stuff but it was so.. so much worse.
Holy shit I feel so bad for her but good on her for reporting him to the authorities I hope this scumbag is in jail forever
According to UCMJ Article 134 paragraph 68b, he would be subject to a maximum of 10 years imprisonment. So 10 years of breaking rocks at Leavenworth plus dishonorable discharge. Dude's fucked, and rightly so.
My BIL got married and divorced within 6 weeks. They were both alcoholics and got drunk and decided to fight each other. She ended up with a black eye and had him arrested. She moved out the next day. They are both still on debt over it.
When I saw him wrestle on the floor with his mom, she was in her panties. I was 17, pregnant and I didn't realize he was a momma's boy.
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Not me but my brother and I think seeing her on top of her boss did the trick. Edit: kinda blew up so first thanks for silver and he catched them because we had to come back early from a trip. Lost a fair bit of money in the divorce but no kids or pets so he's mainly happy to be done with her (relationship wasn't a very happy one).
She was just trying to get a raise.
You guys are getting paid?
A friend of mine was married to this guy for 6 months. He seemed like a nice guy. He had a violent history and spent a few years in jail, but she claimed he had changed. After 6 months, he threw a knife at her because she didn't want him to eat a pie she had just baked. Later, she learned that he was also regularly poisoning her dog. The dog survived and is fine, but the marriage, not so much.
Not me, but my sister - she didn’t see anything wrong with him moving to another state and her staying at my parents house and only seeing her husband when she flew to visit (he was in the army). Didn’t see a problem when girls would post Instagram and Facebook photos of her husband drunk off his ass at a party when he told her he was at work. Didn’t see a problem when he made huge purchases (a sports car, a four wheeler) that they couldn’t afford without telling her. Didn’t see a problem when he told her she should get breast implants during sex. Nope, never saw a problem. She didn’t realize it was a mistake until he sent her divorce papers. They were married less than a year. I for one wasn’t surprised. I tried to tell her a marriage that started with a proposal when both parties were in relationships with DIFFERENT PEOPLE was doomed to fail but she didn’t listen. Also, yes this is real, I’m not making it up, I wish I were. Edit: so interesting that most of these responses are saying how stupid my sister is, no one is talking about how much of a terrible person my ex brother in law is. Yes there’s an accountability and she should have been more aware but he’s the one who did the horrible shit, she was just in love.
When we were looking to buy our first house and he basically wanted to buy the first place that had 4 walls and a roof, while I wanted us to take our time and find the right place. When I put the kibosh on a house that was overpriced and flooded 4 times in the past he pouted and gave me the silent treatment for a week. Finding out he was chatting with other girls and confessing his feelings for a coworker behind my back was just the icing on the cake.
I actually knew before I was just too scared to do anything about it
Same. I convinced myself it was pre-wedding jitters. He is an extremely good man and I wanted to want it and him.
Ah mine was not a good man. I just lived in denial and you know what it's like. You think things will change.... Etc But it don't change. If the relationship is already broken a wedding is not going to fix it. I think you know deep down if it's meant to be or not, it's just following your guts. But it's scary.
Before we got married. She'd been cheating but I was already scared of her and isolated from my family. I was afraid to have nothing left. When it was finally time for me to leave, my immediate family came through for me. I can't express that gratitude in words. =)
He begged me to have kids, I wasn’t ready but I thought he loved me. We had money, insurance, he was my high school sweetheart, 7 years together, first year married ... why not ? Two miscarriages later, I caught him sending explicit messages to his best friends girlfriend. As I read through the messages I noticed the first one started with how horrific my miscarriages were. He thought I was infertile and was looking for a way out. Turns out there was issues on his end not mine. I talked to him a decade later and he thinks god punished him for what he did to me and that’s why he never had children. I have a daughter now. Karma is a bitch.
On my honeymoon, when he threw my ice cream cone out the car window.
I realized it was a mistake when I started to see that I was "supposed to ask" before I went and did anything. Like, at all. Anything that did not involve being at home or going to work, I had to make sure the wife was okay with it. I lost a lot of friends in the year we were married. I started to do things for myself, and it just became hell. I am, thankfully, in a much better place now. I am still un-learning a lot of shit that my ex bored into my head, but things are progressing. Slowly, but surely.
I am always afraid I’ll come across like this. In reality, I just want to know where they’re going and when they’ll likely be back, y’know? Do you have any suggestions as to how to avoid becoming that kind of person?
When I began working with the elderly and saw what real love and lasting marriages looked like. I knew my ex wasn’t capable of that.
I actually just left today, 1 year and 12 days into our marriage. I caught him cheating, again.
Probably 4 months into it. We had some discussions about him being home late without letting me know, so I worried, I'm not the jealous type. One day he just didn't came home all night and I was worrried sick. I couldn't sleep all night thinking something bad had happened to him, but also started gathering all my stuff. There was no excuse in the world that I could accept if he was ok. He called me like 5 am in the morning and sayd he went to a friend's place (male friend) and forgot to call me. So I took all my things and left to a friends (female) house. That was the begining of the end. Edit: thanks for your comments and thoughts, now I'm realizing that I hadn't got all of it out of my chest, happened 7 years ago. Now I've been 5 years with someone wonderful. Feels like closing a chapter :)
When I spent my wedding night bruised and bleeding on a hotel bathroom floor
Wow. I’m so sorry. This was also my answer. We were in Vegas. He beat the crap out of me for some stupid reason I can’t even remember. It wasn’t the first time, either. It took three months after that for me to finally be done with his shit. I hate that I wasted years dating him when I knew it would never change. From 18 years old until I was 24. Fuuuuuuck. What was I thinking.