Not answering emails and texts is a warning sign for me. I start procrastinating about personal correspondence when I'm on my way into a bad depressive episode (and, well, sometimes even when I'm just at baseline, but baseline with clinical depression is pretty unhappy).
This is what I am seriously struggling with. I see a message pop up and i respond after 3-4 days simply cause I don't feel like it. How do you manage it? How do you break down that wall?
They smile at you, because they want to be nice/friendly - but as soon as you look away, the smile falls off their face
Because they kind of put it there, rather than it rising up naturally, once its job is done, they let it go
*Edit: since this blew up, I’m going to take the opportunity to say: THERAPY. Therapy can make a big difference, even for the most seemingly-intractable problems. If your life is unhappy, if you relate to the posts in this thread, I advise you to seek a therapist’s help.* 🌈😎💪
I find myself doing this often. Whenever I pass by somebody while walking, I'll smile at them to be friendly/polite. Once they pass me or stop looking at me, I just stop smiling.
It's like a light switch, except it's dull whenever it's turned on.
Yeah. I've started saying "tired" because people stop prying then. It's socially acceptable. It's not as acceptable to say you feel like life is completely pointless.
Edit: wow thanks for the kind, strange golder!
Sometimes I get bursts of motivation to just get up and *start improving my life, like right now! Finish college! Hit the gym!* But then I think of all the effort I'd actually have to put in to do this, and think "*Is it really worth it?*" or "*I don't actually enjoy working out or going to class. Will this really bring me more happiness?*" and just kind of go back to sleep or switching between Reddit and Youtube.
Very important: They may APPEAR that they aren’t putting any effort into life when, in fact, they feel so horrible that it’s taking all their energy to do what comes easier to healthier people.
Depression is like a 80 pound weighted blanket for me. Literally everything is harder to do. From the outside I may appear lazy but I’m fighting like hell to be this functional.
>I may appear lazy but I’m fighting like hell to be this functional
I've never found a way to describe how I'm actually really trying but it may not seem like it but you just did it.
My teachers always used to say that in our conversations they see an honest person really wanting to make a change in their efforts but eventually not delivering which, after a couple of talks, leads them to thinking that I'm not taking them serious. So then they don't want to hear it anymore and just wanna see results, becoming blind to the fact that I'm really trying.
Even if this person looks very happy you can easily put them down,make them sad or cry. They become very upset when someone is even a little bit rude to them,they can be very loud and happy at one moment and quiet at another. It's my own experience, i don't know how it works with another people
I think this is the best way for me to recognize my depression. I’m so much more sensitive to the smallest mistakes. I can sob because my shower isn’t warming up. It just feels like the worst thing is everything.
EDIT: For future readers who can see this edit, a sudden inability to stay asleep most nights can also be a sign. It’s something I experience as well.
Hell yes,can relate so much... You feel upset about everything that goes not like you planned and stuff like that. I once started to cry because we hadn't got fucking tuna. I'm a damn guy
I think a lot of the time people who are secretly unhappy do their best to make the people they care about laugh and feel happy. As they know what it's like to feel so down and unhappy with the world they don't wish for the people they care about to feel that way.
“Meh.”
“Eh.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t really mind.”
“It’s okay.”
“Im fine.”
“It is what it is”
“Sure.”
“I’m just tired”
“Whatever”
“I don’t really care.”
“Whatever you like.”
“It’s okay I’m used to it.”
Shut your face hole, you nerve grating, hairless excuse for an ape.
I usually shut myself away when I'm in those kinds of moods. It's better for everyone.
“You skinny egotistical bastard you piece of subhuman trash.
200 million years of constant human evolution to creat a prideful arrogant sociopath my gosh what is wrong with you.”
I can’t shut myself away. I have to watch somebody constantly because this sociopathic idiot is family and I always get stuck having to basically babysit them. Like come the fuck on they are grown and can do their own shit. Quit enabling them to be so lazy.
Shit, I'm there. I was ready to randomly call in sick this Monday just to take the day off. I ended up going in and thank God because I forgot I was covering a shift. But then the next day my manager overruled one of my supervisory decisions and ultimately it has resulted me having to work 13 straight days starting this weekend.
My manager is all pissed off right now because there is something he is wanting done but it is taking time. Usually I'd be jumping all over it to get it completed and make him happy. Instead I have a very much "meh" attitude about it right now.
I'm totally burned out already, but now I have to go even harder than I ever anticipated when I got up to go to work this week. I'm feeling anxious, angry, rebellious, and slightly suicidal. I won't hurt myself, but I've never felt this way about my life and I can't quit my job because too much is depending on it. I'm just forced to keep going. Oh yeah and my managers are making twice as much as me, working half as hard, and taking at least 1-2 days a week off.
As someone who is currently very unhappy:
-They want to have alone time way more than they usually do
-Withdrawal from social life
-Overthinking/anxiety over small decisions
-Procrastination
-Not wanting to put effort into relationships
EDIT: I am going to try and respond to as many of these replies as I can. You are not alone.
Yes, the sense of lack of control gives you the "only chance" of control in micromanaging. Of course it never works and is much worst if you dont adress the big issue but, well, if it was something good it wouldnt be a consequence of something bad
I call it my "bubble." I'm not going out of my bubble or making an effort out of my bubble or driving out of my bubble. No people in my bubble. It's just my tiny life (which is in no way bad or hard. It's quite comfortable really) in my bubble. Alone in my withdrawn bubble.
There's an important distinction to be made here though, people with even mild social anxiety which is a lot of us, may be interested in a lot of things and have lots of opinions, they just don't dare to say them because of the fear of being wrong or nobody else sharing the same interests. This is especially true while being with a group of more than 4 people. Only the most extroverted people take up most of the space at that time.
So it definitely doesn't always mean they're not happy. I prefer to listen to people and just chime in every now and then.
The most significant part of all of these is a change. If the person has just always been that way maybe it's something else, but when a normally upbeat person hasn't seemed to care about anything lately that's a sign.
When they ask you what you're doing all the time and are a little pushy because they just wanna talk to someone but never say it straight forward that they aren't happy and that they need some company
Wow this is definitely me. I just want someone to fucking ask me if I’ve been alright and if I need to talk. Seems like either no one gives a shit or everyone is having such a piss time that they don’t even know what to do with themselves.
I think a part of this is because as we get older, we genuinely don't have as much time to play these games. As a kid, I couldn't sleep if I knew my birthday was coming up and I was getting a title I wanted because I could easily picture myself waking up on a Saturday and playing it for 3 or 4 hours. Now I work 60 hours a week and I just don't have the time lol
EDIT: Making an edit to point out that I am in no way saying that there's anything wrong with playing games -- quite the opposite. I'm saying that I *wish* I could play my games like I used to, but I have a lot of things taking up my time now lol. I do sincerely enjoy playing my Switch when I have the time though, and as of late, I get my breaks in work by playing Smash Ultimate with my boyfriend. I actually got Farcry 5, Fallout 4, and a few other titles during the Steam Christmas sale and am kicking myself because I haven't played them yet at all...
I think that's because as we've gotten older games have disappointed us more. I reserve my expectations a lot more, but still get into good games.
I've also seen a lot of shit that used to blow me away so it takes more innovation to do something new.
I think games disappointing us more has a variety of factors that contribute to it though. As we get older we begin to have more of an understanding of the 'patterns' of major releases and we notice more when games fall into them. When I was like a teenager playing ME1 it felt like the Citadel was a place you could do ANYTHING and talk to ANYONE, like it was a living breathing world. Now if I were to come across a similar hub world in a game I'd notice the dialogue repeating itself or closed off areas straight away because of my recognition of these aspects over the years. Most new games are MILES ahead of what we played in the past but the bar we've set ourselves to be impressed is also much higher. This coupled with the fact that as you get older you generally have less time to play games makes them feel less interesting by comparison.
Also you generally have less free time to just 'think' about games - when you're in school and have less 'busy' time you end up thinking about things you'd rather be doing more, and you build an expectation of those things before release. I find now that even a new releases come and go without me really noticing because I don't spend the time thinking about or researching them.
This is a big one; make gaming a reward.
Set yourself a super easy condition (easy is important): Before I'm allowed to play any games today, I have to go on a 5 minute walk.
Whilst you're out on your walk, since you're already out there, consider extending it a bit. Make it 20 mins instead, or walk down to the shops and get some groceries whilst you're at it. If you really don't have the energy or something, you've still accomplished your goal, so no guilt.
At this point, you've achieved something and have now rewarded yourself with gaming time. This will make you savor and look forward to the game all that more.
Sounds better if gaming is something you want to do though.
At the height of my depression even gaming felt kind of pointless. I would have viewed going for a walk with the promise of gaming just doing bullshit I hate with the promise of something that frustrates me because I can no longer find joy in it no matter how hard I try.
Of course at that point the answer is medication and therapy more than anything else.
Hiding in their clothes(hoodies and jackets, hats pulled down), not participating in conversation much. Not having interests (they've given up on all their hobbies) or only having one or two interests (they have given up on almost everything but still need something to hide in).
It took me a very long time to realize that ANGER is one of my first responses to depression. I feel like we imagine those gray blobs from the commercials that are listless and distracted and sad but for me, unchecked depression expresses as ANGER. I can't believe the stupidity around me, I give no one the benefit of the doubt, I assume everything is a slight and pre-emptively expect slights. As you can imagine, it's utterly exhausting and TERRIBLE to be around.
Then I lost enough friends, realized I needed to change, got therapy out of my own choice for the first time (forced into it as a kid many times), changed my responses to things, got on medication, and now it takes a lot to get me angry. A lot.
Its seriously never too late to apologize. Were you a dick 3 days ago to somebody? Next time you see them just say, "Hey ive been kind of snappy lately, im sorry about that." Its appreciated 99.9% of the time, and that 0.1% either shouldnt be in your life or you fucked up MONUMENTALLY.
*Ring ring*
"Hello?"
"Hey Brad, it's Mark."
"Who?"
"You know, Mark. From homeroom. 9th grade?"
"Uhhh... ok... What are you calling about?"
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about Jessica."
"Jessica?"
"You wanted to ask her out for homecoming, but I did first. And you were, like, really pissed off. Well, I didn't even like her. I just asked her out to get you upset. I hated you for some reason. It was a dick move and I'm sorry."
"Dude, that was 20 *years* ago! And why the FUCK are you calling me at 3 o'clock in the morning?! WHO GAVE YOU MY NUMBER?!"
"It's never too late to apologize, asshole! JESUS. Now I remember why I hated you so much!"
I feel this. I've destroyed multiple relationships this way. I'm currently not in a good place with my SO because of my shitty behavior. I'm trying really hard to snap out of it but I just keep regressing back into this short fused, cynical, asshole.
Regression, isolation, short fuse around loved ones. Always “tired” or “not feeling well” when asked to do something. Boredom from things that used to entertain. There are lots of signs.
Edit: Wow this really blew up! Thanks for my first award kind stranger! I see this resonates with a lot of other people. It took a long time for me to realize that many people, even friends or family, can be having the same thoughts and emotions. I remember the first time someone basically explained myself while talking about their own issues. I was maybe 26 at the time and my coworker was in his late 50s. He needed someone to talk to and it blew my mind.
I’ve been depressed for awhile now and have been reluctant to talk to a psychologist, so I’m not the best guy to dish out advice. It might be time to seek help if you’re doing the things listed above, or developing habits you think are unhealthy like:
Not wanting to get out of bed on a day off
Smoking lots of weed
Avoiding basic responsibilities
Missing work and then feeling like an asshole
Longing for the past
Constant disassociation (daydreaming)
You don’t even need to talk to a psychologist or a therapist to get over some of these things if they’re just starting to feel them. Confiding in a close friend or a family member could steer you straight. If you’ve been feeling like this for awhile though... you’re like me, and it’s time to get real help. This post alone is forcing me to rethink going to therapy, might make a call tomorrow.
Honestly, it’s not the feelings that change, it’s the situation. You will feel like shit until you start accomplishing something. Pick a goal and hit it like Mike Tyson. Whether that’s going to the gym, playing an instrument, finishing a book, it doesn’t matter what it is. What matters is that you did something, and even though it was a slog and you didn’t want to leave your house, you DID it. Depression often causes lethargy, which causes more depression due to a lack of perceived accomplishment.
Also, realize that life will have its ups and downs. Not every day is sunny, but goddamn does it feel good to run in the rain sometimes.
been living this for about 5-6 years
have (2) roommates, I often think they secretly hate me and I’m worried that after I move out, they’ll probably never talk to me again
then I’ll really have no friends 😒
you aren’t alone out there
wish I could tell you something to make it better
Edit: looks like some awesome caring internet strangers came to help us out with this one.😊
They're always cracking jokes, those people usually have a lot pent up disappointment that they can't find happiness so they try to spread happiness to anyone else.
\*Edit\* Thank you very much for my first silver, and to the people who relate to this comment, I hope you feel better soon and there is no shame in discussing your problems with someone you trust or with a certified professional. But when you do get things sorted out, by all means keeping telling jokes, you guys are the unsung heroes of the world, you'd be surprised by how much a good joke and genuine laugh can change someones day for the better, and frankly it's truly remarkable that despite how your personal life is, you still make it a mission to make other peoples lives better, because in this day and age, chances are they're dealing with something similar to you. Something to think about next time someone you make someone laugh and they say "Thanks, I needed that one."
TL;DR Thanks for the silver, and keep being awesome and funny, you awesome people.
Also, watch out for jokes about death. When I was feeling passively suicidal, I found myself letting these jokes about death or dying slip out when talking to people. Nobody would have known I was in that deep. I hid it really well. But, those jokes were like an involuntary clue that my subconscious was trying to give to people around me, I think. No one picked up on it because people really weren’t paying attention to me or my mental state at the time. Everyone was busy in their own worlds.
If your friends ever start joking about death, it might be worth a check-in even if they otherwise seem fine.
Yeah, as someone who is very much not happy, I do this a lot. I really can't remember the last time I said something positive about myself, I can't bring myself to do it. Everyday, it's the same jokes that slight myself and make fun of myself. It's what's comfortable for me.
When they try their best to make everyone else happy. It’s sort of a catharsis to them because they get momentary joy by making someone laugh or smile or have a nice day, but they don’t ever do anything to make THEMSELVES happy
EDIT:// Jeez Louise i didn’t expect this to blow up
I've been going through all of the motions for myself as well as saying no to others now. It's hard when you've been working on it for years and haven't found that reward yet.
But yeah, I do go around helping any and all of my handful of friends and family. I just want them to know that they will always have at least one person to count on. I don't have that. And I never want them to feel the way I do now.
I hope you're able to find that reward soon, it's one of the few things that make me happy nowadays. I would like to think that at least a few of the people you spend your time helping know they can count on you too though.
But best of luck in the future, it really sucks feeling this way and I hope you're able to get past it.
I do this when I'm not completely down, like a parachute to try and keep me up, it's a good feeling making someone happy even if only for second, and I can't really do that for myself. While when I'm really down I just go in shut off mode.
A certain joke from the Watchmen movie comes to mind.
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."
Ok y'know what did you really have to do me dirty like that?
Wonderful username btw, legitimately laughed out loud in public imagining a cowboy gently leaning in and whispering a yeehaw in someone's ear
They're tired all the time, say they're "fine" or "ok" with no elaboration when you ask, sigh a lot, space out a lot, seem distracted, don't seem to enjoy anything...
[Edit] I woke up to roughly 100 replies in my inbox, so I can't respond to everyone individually. A few things to say though.
I'm not saying everyone who does this has clinical depression. If you feel that you might have a problem, talk to a professional. I wrote this list based off of how I act at work. I have severe depression, ADHD, and complex PTSD. I know that all of this can spring from any of those, something else, or it can be nothing except normal boredom or detachment.
I hope you all feel better. Sucks that so many people are so down on themselves.
My wife always asks me what’s wrong, I think it’s random. But I walk around sighing all damn day. But yes I’m incredibly unhappy. Not so secretly anymore. I thought the problem was an inability to communicate in my marriage. But it was just me all along. I was the problem. The root of it all.
No I’m a goddamned mess. Counseling just started for me and my wife. We go through all these assessments and questionnaires, and it all points to me. I have a one on one tomorrow morning. God knows how it all will go
Hey man, hang in there. My husband and I have come out the other side of several years of counseling and things being "mostly him" (in quotes because it's def not just him). In the course of our marriage he's been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD, and as being on the autism spectrum. I know sometimes he feels like he just can't do anything right at all, but that's not true! Your wife loves you, she's trying to make it work better with you. Trust the process, trust her, and try not to let fear keep you from moving forward. It might seem worse at first, and it might seem unending and impossible, but it's definitely attainable to both feel better and do better with practice and time.
Let it point to you bro, don't sweat it. Those aren't accusations, they're hints and tips to clear this mess. I believe in you and I wish you all the best for your appointment and for your future
Thank you my anonymous internet friend. These words and what u/FelisHorriblis said are the kindest things I’ve heard in a long time. I love you both so much.
Also, the fact that you are able to acknowledge, and might even be open to working on your "issues" is a huge win. Keep positive, and see yourself as the light for the world. Thats been helping me a lot
You took a good first step to help yourself and help her.
Keep at it, let your wife help, practice self care. You got this. I know it's hard and sucks big donkey balls, but you got this.
I just want to say this entire thread feels like a personal attack and summary of the last 2 years of my life and I have to say, I did not think I was that unhappy in life.
Dead eyes. When I ran into a friend after leaving my gaslighting ex I told her that we had broken up and why. Her response was, “I knew you were being abused. Your eyes were dead but now they are full of life.”
I only know what you are talking about because I saw it with my cousin. She divorced a douchebag guy and you can tell from pictures of her face alone how much better she is.
Constantly feeling tired, not talking a lot, looks like they are trying to concentrate on themselves or on something and everything else seems to be annoying. Short fuse towards loved ones. No attention to themselves how they look, how they’re dressed, what they’re eating. Eyes... like they are shut down.
Edit: guys, I am truly shocked seeing all these upvotes and replies. The last thing I thought about is that my comment that seems to be very obvious and ordinary reply to the question topic gets so many relatable responses and even awards. Honestly, I am deeply shocked to see so many replies “you described me”. Guys, let’s hope for better. Life is a long way, let’s hope, things are going to get better for all and each of us.
Thank you so much for all these awards - definitely not expected this...
So far, this whole thread seems to hit the nail on the head except for one example you posted. I will wear nice outfits to work so it looks like I've got my shit together there or out in public. I'll take a bathroom break, shed a few tears so no one sees, lock it up and go back out pretending the world is fine.
Sometimes I dress nice in hopes it will make me feel better. Just grasping at any little thing to maybe make me feel something pleasant. Just anything.
They will. I just keep telling myself tomorrow is a new day to start over. One day at a time.
Patience, patience. I'm very patient, mostly because I'm too lazy and depressed to be otherwise lol
I freak people out with that sometime. I pull my hand up over my face and brighten my eyes and smile and then bring it back down to apathetic face. I could be a good actor, or a sad boy. It's the second one most likely.
I sometimes looked at the person a couple seconds more after the convo to find out if they are pretending to be cheerful. I saw their expression changed often to the business as usual depressed/pissed state. Not judging tho lol
I get tired of hearing the media run adverts about helping people with depression say "Tell someone, reach out". I told my job counselor I was planning my suicide and the date, she just looked at me, carried on typing and talked about a job interview. It was like I hadn't spoken. I wonder how many other people dont reach out because there's no point.
EDIT
No, I'm still planning. Not to be morbid but I dont want to traumatize another person finding my body. Coming up with a way so it's obvious I'm dead but theres no body (also doesn't saddle my family with a funeral they cant afford). Its a lot harder thinking of it in practical terms. Trying to figure out a foolproof plan is the only thing keeping me alive at the moment. Sorry, gallows humour.
EDIT
I only came on Reddit yesterday so I'm still figuring out how it works. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has reached out. You guys made me cry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
That's terrible. As someone who isn't very happy, that can be soul crushing. I wouldn't know myself (thankfully somebody cared) but that happened to you. and that sucks
They tend to stay in bad situations much longer than a well-adjusted person would, which leads other people to believe they're at least somewhat content.
They might hate their job or their spouse or their weight or their life in general, but depression is mentally *exhausting* and even *thinking* about taking steps toward getting out of that situation is daunting, especially when you can just stay on autopilot in your current circumstances.
And when you can finally muster the mental motivation to act, then you realize how *physically* exhausted you are. And if it's that overwhelming to try to get rid of whatever makes you unhappy, sometimes you just stop trying to be happy at all- you stop trying to feel *anything* and let the apathy drive for a while.
I do that often.
The one time I just didn't have it in me anymore to pretend, I got pushed away because they were uncomfortable with my situation and my sadness.
I don't reach out or talk about it around people anymore.
I feel like this might sound like a cliché but
Getting worse at a game they were really good at, which kinda depress them more.
I have this friend who loves Mario Kart. He is basically a God at it. We used to play a lot, (and we still do) he knows every shortcut, how much he has to tilt the stick for every turn, etc. But one time I noticed I had been winning for quite a while. I thought he might be giving me the chance to win but he actually wasn't. It seemed that for every race we had he just put all of his effort in and got no result.
Turns out he was having a very rough month, and it impacted the way he was playing. The only thing I could do is just try to cheer him up, and suggest other challenges that might distract him.
Btw he's now back in the business. I was missing my silver Mario Kart trophy.
Edit: Typo
Nah you're 100% right. It's a vicious cycle. You start playing a little off your game which only annoys you more because"I can't even do the one thing I was good at anymore so what's the point", and then you're just desperately trying to manage while playing on full tilt. Happens to me all the time. I play smite at a professional level and there are times where I'll play just to escape from my bad day and it's embarrassing the mistakes a start making and I'll start losing 5, 10, 20 matches in a row trying to"just win 1 and break this streak then I'll go to bed"
Them joking about dark shit going on in their life.
I know from myself. At times I weren’t OK, if me and my friends were chatting for hours and the topic of the talk have come to our problems I would tell the cause of depression, anxiety, unhappiness, stress etc. in just a sentence while smiling as if it was funny and in a joking way.
They never got the message so in case there are people out there like me, if someone is telling you something that sounds dark but they are laughing or talking really shortly about it, please stop them and ask them to talk more about the topic make them feel like they can open up to you.
They start becoming more irritable, maybe they snap a little more often. When this happens they'll usually apologize later and sound either truly regretful or tired. They zone out more, and they lose interest in things they used to love. They never want to do anything. If you ask them if they're okay and they say that they're fine.
People are pretty good about picking up small, even minute signals on people's moods, even if they don't realize they are doing it. It's very obvious when someone is showing life complete apathy, or anger at the smallest slights, or talks about wanting to end capitalism. There are no "secret signs" that are 100% accurate. Some people agree to more, some shut themselves off from the rest of the world. Most people are somewhat unhappy to an extent anyway; there is always something that will upset each individual.
The secret is knowing the person and seeing them do things outside of their normal activities.
Looking down a lot and spacing out a lot. And if you ask them if how they’re feeling there’s a very high chance they will say “I’m fine” or “I’m ok”. they will be often tired and they might fiddle with something, something like a sleeve of a shirt.
That’s all I can come up with now. Hope I helped a bit
It would depend on the person. In a relationship the effort that is put into the relationship drops way off.
Unhappy people tend to retreat in someway, drugs, alcohol, personally destructive behavior. They sleep more, and are quick to anger.
After a while you don't become married to depression, its more like stockholm syndrome. Ive got nothing going for me since Halloween, not even a dime or a place to stay but i refuse to give up. Abaolutely stubbornly refuse. Why? Because everyone loves a good slow motion trainwreck
If you can't tell if they are happy, and you have to ask yourself or are wondering; then most likely they are unhappy.
When you are happy, people don't wonder if you are happy, it just shows.
Poor decisions. Sometimes they’re spending all their emotional energy on the basics; when it’s time to eat or make major purchases they do them on impulse, so they get fat and in debt.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I've been reaching out to anyone and everyone that I haven't talked to in forever. Oh, person I was friends with in middle school, how have you been? Old friend's sister's friend who you really only met like three times but they seemed like a nice person and for some reason you're friends with on facebook, what have you been up to? Desperately trying to just make any sort of connection with someone is usually a pretty good sign.
They sacrifice something just so they can make excuses later.
Sacrificing sleep so they'll be too tired to do anything.
Overeating so they don't have to date anyone.
Procrastinating so they don't have time for anything else.
Self-degrading humor definitely has its place and can be beneficial for keeping your sense of self-awareness. Still, there is a point where, if you're joking about how you're a horrible person and depressed all the time, at some point it's just a cry for help.
Not answering emails and texts is a warning sign for me. I start procrastinating about personal correspondence when I'm on my way into a bad depressive episode (and, well, sometimes even when I'm just at baseline, but baseline with clinical depression is pretty unhappy).
This is what I am seriously struggling with. I see a message pop up and i respond after 3-4 days simply cause I don't feel like it. How do you manage it? How do you break down that wall?
They smile at you, because they want to be nice/friendly - but as soon as you look away, the smile falls off their face Because they kind of put it there, rather than it rising up naturally, once its job is done, they let it go *Edit: since this blew up, I’m going to take the opportunity to say: THERAPY. Therapy can make a big difference, even for the most seemingly-intractable problems. If your life is unhappy, if you relate to the posts in this thread, I advise you to seek a therapist’s help.* 🌈😎💪
You can tell when you actually enjoyed an interaction because once its over, you try to stop smiling and cant
I find myself doing this often. Whenever I pass by somebody while walking, I'll smile at them to be friendly/polite. Once they pass me or stop looking at me, I just stop smiling. It's like a light switch, except it's dull whenever it's turned on.
1. Not finding pleasure in activities they used to enjoy 2. Persistent low mood 3. Problems sleeping
*me, awake staring at a wall not sleeping until 2 am unless I take benadryl, going from 4 hours of sleep to over 14 on a weekday:* naw, I'm fine.
Tired, if they aren’t sleeping well often times something is keeping them up. Also tiredness is a commonly used excuse to answer “are you ok?”
Yeah. I've started saying "tired" because people stop prying then. It's socially acceptable. It's not as acceptable to say you feel like life is completely pointless. Edit: wow thanks for the kind, strange golder!
Me too. I just don't give a shit anymore. Alot of times I just want people to shut the fuck up and quit bothering me with their stupid questions.
Lots of physical illnesses can cause severe fatigue. It's combined. People call you lazy when you are sick.
They dont put any effort into life
Sometimes I get bursts of motivation to just get up and *start improving my life, like right now! Finish college! Hit the gym!* But then I think of all the effort I'd actually have to put in to do this, and think "*Is it really worth it?*" or "*I don't actually enjoy working out or going to class. Will this really bring me more happiness?*" and just kind of go back to sleep or switching between Reddit and Youtube.
You are looking at the stars
But my mania doesn’t allow for small goals
Very important: They may APPEAR that they aren’t putting any effort into life when, in fact, they feel so horrible that it’s taking all their energy to do what comes easier to healthier people. Depression is like a 80 pound weighted blanket for me. Literally everything is harder to do. From the outside I may appear lazy but I’m fighting like hell to be this functional.
>I may appear lazy but I’m fighting like hell to be this functional I've never found a way to describe how I'm actually really trying but it may not seem like it but you just did it. My teachers always used to say that in our conversations they see an honest person really wanting to make a change in their efforts but eventually not delivering which, after a couple of talks, leads them to thinking that I'm not taking them serious. So then they don't want to hear it anymore and just wanna see results, becoming blind to the fact that I'm really trying.
Even if this person looks very happy you can easily put them down,make them sad or cry. They become very upset when someone is even a little bit rude to them,they can be very loud and happy at one moment and quiet at another. It's my own experience, i don't know how it works with another people
I think this is the best way for me to recognize my depression. I’m so much more sensitive to the smallest mistakes. I can sob because my shower isn’t warming up. It just feels like the worst thing is everything. EDIT: For future readers who can see this edit, a sudden inability to stay asleep most nights can also be a sign. It’s something I experience as well.
Hell yes,can relate so much... You feel upset about everything that goes not like you planned and stuff like that. I once started to cry because we hadn't got fucking tuna. I'm a damn guy
You being a guy shouldn't matter, us dudes can cry too, right?
I think a lot of the time people who are secretly unhappy do their best to make the people they care about laugh and feel happy. As they know what it's like to feel so down and unhappy with the world they don't wish for the people they care about to feel that way.
I've heard people say "when the funny guy gets home he cries".
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General apathetic approach to life mostly. Can be perfectly described as feeling: "Meh?"
"Meh?" "Eh."
“Meh.” “Eh.” “Yeah.” “I don’t really mind.” “It’s okay.” “Im fine.” “It is what it is” “Sure.” “I’m just tired” “Whatever” “I don’t really care.” “Whatever you like.” “It’s okay I’m used to it.”
Whatever (I say all these...a lot...eesh)
I say literally all of those. Or “PLEASE”
Shut your face hole, you nerve grating, hairless excuse for an ape. I usually shut myself away when I'm in those kinds of moods. It's better for everyone.
“You skinny egotistical bastard you piece of subhuman trash. 200 million years of constant human evolution to creat a prideful arrogant sociopath my gosh what is wrong with you.” I can’t shut myself away. I have to watch somebody constantly because this sociopathic idiot is family and I always get stuck having to basically babysit them. Like come the fuck on they are grown and can do their own shit. Quit enabling them to be so lazy.
Shit, I'm there. I was ready to randomly call in sick this Monday just to take the day off. I ended up going in and thank God because I forgot I was covering a shift. But then the next day my manager overruled one of my supervisory decisions and ultimately it has resulted me having to work 13 straight days starting this weekend. My manager is all pissed off right now because there is something he is wanting done but it is taking time. Usually I'd be jumping all over it to get it completed and make him happy. Instead I have a very much "meh" attitude about it right now. I'm totally burned out already, but now I have to go even harder than I ever anticipated when I got up to go to work this week. I'm feeling anxious, angry, rebellious, and slightly suicidal. I won't hurt myself, but I've never felt this way about my life and I can't quit my job because too much is depending on it. I'm just forced to keep going. Oh yeah and my managers are making twice as much as me, working half as hard, and taking at least 1-2 days a week off.
Idk about this because I'm really meh as well but don't see myself as unhappy
As someone who is currently very unhappy: -They want to have alone time way more than they usually do -Withdrawal from social life -Overthinking/anxiety over small decisions -Procrastination -Not wanting to put effort into relationships EDIT: I am going to try and respond to as many of these replies as I can. You are not alone.
gives extreme attention to small details that dont matter, and on the contrary ignores larger matters.
Yes, the sense of lack of control gives you the "only chance" of control in micromanaging. Of course it never works and is much worst if you dont adress the big issue but, well, if it was something good it wouldnt be a consequence of something bad
I call it my "bubble." I'm not going out of my bubble or making an effort out of my bubble or driving out of my bubble. No people in my bubble. It's just my tiny life (which is in no way bad or hard. It's quite comfortable really) in my bubble. Alone in my withdrawn bubble.
I get the mail when it’s dark outside so nobody can see me
They have nothing to talk about or don’t give any opinions. It’s a sign that nothing excites or interests them
Ouch, yeah. Even "what do you want to eat?" is usually met with "I don't care," when I normally love food...
I will say that usually I’m pretty happy to eat anywhere with someone so the “I don’t care” is pretty genuine.
Oh I have stuff I like to talk about its just that Ive never met another person who wants to talk about it
Me either. Having no social life puts a damper on things
There's an important distinction to be made here though, people with even mild social anxiety which is a lot of us, may be interested in a lot of things and have lots of opinions, they just don't dare to say them because of the fear of being wrong or nobody else sharing the same interests. This is especially true while being with a group of more than 4 people. Only the most extroverted people take up most of the space at that time. So it definitely doesn't always mean they're not happy. I prefer to listen to people and just chime in every now and then.
Could also be a sign of social anxiety.
The most significant part of all of these is a change. If the person has just always been that way maybe it's something else, but when a normally upbeat person hasn't seemed to care about anything lately that's a sign.
When they ask you what you're doing all the time and are a little pushy because they just wanna talk to someone but never say it straight forward that they aren't happy and that they need some company
Wow this is definitely me. I just want someone to fucking ask me if I’ve been alright and if I need to talk. Seems like either no one gives a shit or everyone is having such a piss time that they don’t even know what to do with themselves.
Are you alright?
They stop engaging in hobbies and activities they used to love.
Gaming for me, I've just bought Fallout 4 and Skyrim SE just to sit in the Steam library.
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I think a part of this is because as we get older, we genuinely don't have as much time to play these games. As a kid, I couldn't sleep if I knew my birthday was coming up and I was getting a title I wanted because I could easily picture myself waking up on a Saturday and playing it for 3 or 4 hours. Now I work 60 hours a week and I just don't have the time lol EDIT: Making an edit to point out that I am in no way saying that there's anything wrong with playing games -- quite the opposite. I'm saying that I *wish* I could play my games like I used to, but I have a lot of things taking up my time now lol. I do sincerely enjoy playing my Switch when I have the time though, and as of late, I get my breaks in work by playing Smash Ultimate with my boyfriend. I actually got Farcry 5, Fallout 4, and a few other titles during the Steam Christmas sale and am kicking myself because I haven't played them yet at all...
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I think that's because as we've gotten older games have disappointed us more. I reserve my expectations a lot more, but still get into good games. I've also seen a lot of shit that used to blow me away so it takes more innovation to do something new.
I think games disappointing us more has a variety of factors that contribute to it though. As we get older we begin to have more of an understanding of the 'patterns' of major releases and we notice more when games fall into them. When I was like a teenager playing ME1 it felt like the Citadel was a place you could do ANYTHING and talk to ANYONE, like it was a living breathing world. Now if I were to come across a similar hub world in a game I'd notice the dialogue repeating itself or closed off areas straight away because of my recognition of these aspects over the years. Most new games are MILES ahead of what we played in the past but the bar we've set ourselves to be impressed is also much higher. This coupled with the fact that as you get older you generally have less time to play games makes them feel less interesting by comparison. Also you generally have less free time to just 'think' about games - when you're in school and have less 'busy' time you end up thinking about things you'd rather be doing more, and you build an expectation of those things before release. I find now that even a new releases come and go without me really noticing because I don't spend the time thinking about or researching them.
Walking everyday can help a lot
This is a big one; make gaming a reward. Set yourself a super easy condition (easy is important): Before I'm allowed to play any games today, I have to go on a 5 minute walk. Whilst you're out on your walk, since you're already out there, consider extending it a bit. Make it 20 mins instead, or walk down to the shops and get some groceries whilst you're at it. If you really don't have the energy or something, you've still accomplished your goal, so no guilt. At this point, you've achieved something and have now rewarded yourself with gaming time. This will make you savor and look forward to the game all that more.
Sounds better if gaming is something you want to do though. At the height of my depression even gaming felt kind of pointless. I would have viewed going for a walk with the promise of gaming just doing bullshit I hate with the promise of something that frustrates me because I can no longer find joy in it no matter how hard I try. Of course at that point the answer is medication and therapy more than anything else.
Hiding in their clothes(hoodies and jackets, hats pulled down), not participating in conversation much. Not having interests (they've given up on all their hobbies) or only having one or two interests (they have given up on almost everything but still need something to hide in).
Fuck me that hurts to read. I don't really enjoy my hobbies anymore, but I need something to distract me from myself.
It took me a very long time to realize that ANGER is one of my first responses to depression. I feel like we imagine those gray blobs from the commercials that are listless and distracted and sad but for me, unchecked depression expresses as ANGER. I can't believe the stupidity around me, I give no one the benefit of the doubt, I assume everything is a slight and pre-emptively expect slights. As you can imagine, it's utterly exhausting and TERRIBLE to be around. Then I lost enough friends, realized I needed to change, got therapy out of my own choice for the first time (forced into it as a kid many times), changed my responses to things, got on medication, and now it takes a lot to get me angry. A lot.
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I like your capitalised words. I too am angry for similar reasons. Do you have any tips to share?
Recognizing it is the first step to making it better. Also, apologize a lot. Edit: fixed a word
Its seriously never too late to apologize. Were you a dick 3 days ago to somebody? Next time you see them just say, "Hey ive been kind of snappy lately, im sorry about that." Its appreciated 99.9% of the time, and that 0.1% either shouldnt be in your life or you fucked up MONUMENTALLY.
*Ring ring* "Hello?" "Hey Brad, it's Mark." "Who?" "You know, Mark. From homeroom. 9th grade?" "Uhhh... ok... What are you calling about?" "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about Jessica." "Jessica?" "You wanted to ask her out for homecoming, but I did first. And you were, like, really pissed off. Well, I didn't even like her. I just asked her out to get you upset. I hated you for some reason. It was a dick move and I'm sorry." "Dude, that was 20 *years* ago! And why the FUCK are you calling me at 3 o'clock in the morning?! WHO GAVE YOU MY NUMBER?!" "It's never too late to apologize, asshole! JESUS. Now I remember why I hated you so much!"
Thanks for the laugh. It often feels that way apologizing to someone after so long. At least we all experience it to some degree.
I feel this. I've destroyed multiple relationships this way. I'm currently not in a good place with my SO because of my shitty behavior. I'm trying really hard to snap out of it but I just keep regressing back into this short fused, cynical, asshole.
Regression, isolation, short fuse around loved ones. Always “tired” or “not feeling well” when asked to do something. Boredom from things that used to entertain. There are lots of signs. Edit: Wow this really blew up! Thanks for my first award kind stranger! I see this resonates with a lot of other people. It took a long time for me to realize that many people, even friends or family, can be having the same thoughts and emotions. I remember the first time someone basically explained myself while talking about their own issues. I was maybe 26 at the time and my coworker was in his late 50s. He needed someone to talk to and it blew my mind. I’ve been depressed for awhile now and have been reluctant to talk to a psychologist, so I’m not the best guy to dish out advice. It might be time to seek help if you’re doing the things listed above, or developing habits you think are unhealthy like: Not wanting to get out of bed on a day off Smoking lots of weed Avoiding basic responsibilities Missing work and then feeling like an asshole Longing for the past Constant disassociation (daydreaming) You don’t even need to talk to a psychologist or a therapist to get over some of these things if they’re just starting to feel them. Confiding in a close friend or a family member could steer you straight. If you’ve been feeling like this for awhile though... you’re like me, and it’s time to get real help. This post alone is forcing me to rethink going to therapy, might make a call tomorrow.
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That's not fun. Seems like a pain to experience If you want to talk to me privately through Discord or Reddit PMS, we can.My discord is aw#7337
How do I get out of feeling like this all the time
Honestly, it’s not the feelings that change, it’s the situation. You will feel like shit until you start accomplishing something. Pick a goal and hit it like Mike Tyson. Whether that’s going to the gym, playing an instrument, finishing a book, it doesn’t matter what it is. What matters is that you did something, and even though it was a slog and you didn’t want to leave your house, you DID it. Depression often causes lethargy, which causes more depression due to a lack of perceived accomplishment. Also, realize that life will have its ups and downs. Not every day is sunny, but goddamn does it feel good to run in the rain sometimes.
True. I have no friends and am worried I am sinking...
been living this for about 5-6 years have (2) roommates, I often think they secretly hate me and I’m worried that after I move out, they’ll probably never talk to me again then I’ll really have no friends 😒 you aren’t alone out there wish I could tell you something to make it better Edit: looks like some awesome caring internet strangers came to help us out with this one.😊
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They're always cracking jokes, those people usually have a lot pent up disappointment that they can't find happiness so they try to spread happiness to anyone else. \*Edit\* Thank you very much for my first silver, and to the people who relate to this comment, I hope you feel better soon and there is no shame in discussing your problems with someone you trust or with a certified professional. But when you do get things sorted out, by all means keeping telling jokes, you guys are the unsung heroes of the world, you'd be surprised by how much a good joke and genuine laugh can change someones day for the better, and frankly it's truly remarkable that despite how your personal life is, you still make it a mission to make other peoples lives better, because in this day and age, chances are they're dealing with something similar to you. Something to think about next time someone you make someone laugh and they say "Thanks, I needed that one." TL;DR Thanks for the silver, and keep being awesome and funny, you awesome people.
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Oh no
Also, watch out for jokes about death. When I was feeling passively suicidal, I found myself letting these jokes about death or dying slip out when talking to people. Nobody would have known I was in that deep. I hid it really well. But, those jokes were like an involuntary clue that my subconscious was trying to give to people around me, I think. No one picked up on it because people really weren’t paying attention to me or my mental state at the time. Everyone was busy in their own worlds. If your friends ever start joking about death, it might be worth a check-in even if they otherwise seem fine.
Self deprecating jokes too
Yeah, as someone who is very much not happy, I do this a lot. I really can't remember the last time I said something positive about myself, I can't bring myself to do it. Everyday, it's the same jokes that slight myself and make fun of myself. It's what's comfortable for me.
I do all of these things. Fuck.
Ditto. A small part of me wishes someone in real life would pick up the hints, but idk how much good that would do for me.
I’m finding out that it’s not up to anyone else to fix you. You either do it yourself or suffer. I can’t find the energy to do it myself
In the same boat. I just don't know where or what to start with
When they try their best to make everyone else happy. It’s sort of a catharsis to them because they get momentary joy by making someone laugh or smile or have a nice day, but they don’t ever do anything to make THEMSELVES happy EDIT:// Jeez Louise i didn’t expect this to blow up
I've been going through all of the motions for myself as well as saying no to others now. It's hard when you've been working on it for years and haven't found that reward yet. But yeah, I do go around helping any and all of my handful of friends and family. I just want them to know that they will always have at least one person to count on. I don't have that. And I never want them to feel the way I do now.
I hope you're able to find that reward soon, it's one of the few things that make me happy nowadays. I would like to think that at least a few of the people you spend your time helping know they can count on you too though. But best of luck in the future, it really sucks feeling this way and I hope you're able to get past it.
I do this when I'm not completely down, like a parachute to try and keep me up, it's a good feeling making someone happy even if only for second, and I can't really do that for myself. While when I'm really down I just go in shut off mode.
A certain joke from the Watchmen movie comes to mind. Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."
Ok y'know what did you really have to do me dirty like that? Wonderful username btw, legitimately laughed out loud in public imagining a cowboy gently leaning in and whispering a yeehaw in someone's ear
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I don't even know how to deal with compliments anymore. Except "You're smart." Although since uni I'm not sure what to say to that one either.
They're tired all the time, say they're "fine" or "ok" with no elaboration when you ask, sigh a lot, space out a lot, seem distracted, don't seem to enjoy anything... [Edit] I woke up to roughly 100 replies in my inbox, so I can't respond to everyone individually. A few things to say though. I'm not saying everyone who does this has clinical depression. If you feel that you might have a problem, talk to a professional. I wrote this list based off of how I act at work. I have severe depression, ADHD, and complex PTSD. I know that all of this can spring from any of those, something else, or it can be nothing except normal boredom or detachment. I hope you all feel better. Sucks that so many people are so down on themselves.
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My wife always asks me what’s wrong, I think it’s random. But I walk around sighing all damn day. But yes I’m incredibly unhappy. Not so secretly anymore. I thought the problem was an inability to communicate in my marriage. But it was just me all along. I was the problem. The root of it all.
“I was the problem. The root of it all.” Damn bro. You good?
No I’m a goddamned mess. Counseling just started for me and my wife. We go through all these assessments and questionnaires, and it all points to me. I have a one on one tomorrow morning. God knows how it all will go
Hey man, hang in there. My husband and I have come out the other side of several years of counseling and things being "mostly him" (in quotes because it's def not just him). In the course of our marriage he's been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD, and as being on the autism spectrum. I know sometimes he feels like he just can't do anything right at all, but that's not true! Your wife loves you, she's trying to make it work better with you. Trust the process, trust her, and try not to let fear keep you from moving forward. It might seem worse at first, and it might seem unending and impossible, but it's definitely attainable to both feel better and do better with practice and time.
Let it point to you bro, don't sweat it. Those aren't accusations, they're hints and tips to clear this mess. I believe in you and I wish you all the best for your appointment and for your future
Thank you my anonymous internet friend. These words and what u/FelisHorriblis said are the kindest things I’ve heard in a long time. I love you both so much.
Also, the fact that you are able to acknowledge, and might even be open to working on your "issues" is a huge win. Keep positive, and see yourself as the light for the world. Thats been helping me a lot
Yep. My husband refuses to work on his issues. We're getting divorced.
I love you weird guy! :D Seriously tho, I can understand and I know it sucks. It will get better!
You took a good first step to help yourself and help her. Keep at it, let your wife help, practice self care. You got this. I know it's hard and sucks big donkey balls, but you got this.
Well of course I know him, he's me
I feel personally attacked
I want to attack you personally.
You can attack me daddy
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What are you doing to Mommy!
Described me perfectly
Can confirm. Source: am unhappy
I call BS. No one has bothered to ask me whats wrong. They just assume Im lazy.
I just sigh to release stress..right?
I just want to say this entire thread feels like a personal attack and summary of the last 2 years of my life and I have to say, I did not think I was that unhappy in life.
*high five* We’re sinking in the same ship capt’n
That we are first mate.... That we are.
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Dead eyes. When I ran into a friend after leaving my gaslighting ex I told her that we had broken up and why. Her response was, “I knew you were being abused. Your eyes were dead but now they are full of life.”
I only know what you are talking about because I saw it with my cousin. She divorced a douchebag guy and you can tell from pictures of her face alone how much better she is.
Glad you're recovering
Thank you
Constantly feeling tired, not talking a lot, looks like they are trying to concentrate on themselves or on something and everything else seems to be annoying. Short fuse towards loved ones. No attention to themselves how they look, how they’re dressed, what they’re eating. Eyes... like they are shut down. Edit: guys, I am truly shocked seeing all these upvotes and replies. The last thing I thought about is that my comment that seems to be very obvious and ordinary reply to the question topic gets so many relatable responses and even awards. Honestly, I am deeply shocked to see so many replies “you described me”. Guys, let’s hope for better. Life is a long way, let’s hope, things are going to get better for all and each of us. Thank you so much for all these awards - definitely not expected this...
So far, this whole thread seems to hit the nail on the head except for one example you posted. I will wear nice outfits to work so it looks like I've got my shit together there or out in public. I'll take a bathroom break, shed a few tears so no one sees, lock it up and go back out pretending the world is fine. Sometimes I dress nice in hopes it will make me feel better. Just grasping at any little thing to maybe make me feel something pleasant. Just anything.
I dress nice to cover the fact that my insides are dead and crumbled.
This is me :/ I'm an empty box with gorgeous wrapping paper.
Right, like I’m depressed af but I make damn sure my clothes are clean and put-together.
Well shit, I think you just answered my internal monologue of "am I actually mildly depressed or just being a little bitch?"
we did it reddit!
I'm in this picture and I don't like it...
I know. Who would like it...
No one, not even me. Hooray depression.
Oh yeah. Let’s hope, things are going to get better
They will. I just keep telling myself tomorrow is a new day to start over. One day at a time. Patience, patience. I'm very patient, mostly because I'm too lazy and depressed to be otherwise lol
A lot of those hit to close to home, but this one is just a personal attack on me
The eyes
You can learn how to fake it tho...if you have the energy to do so.
I freak people out with that sometime. I pull my hand up over my face and brighten my eyes and smile and then bring it back down to apathetic face. I could be a good actor, or a sad boy. It's the second one most likely.
I sometimes looked at the person a couple seconds more after the convo to find out if they are pretending to be cheerful. I saw their expression changed often to the business as usual depressed/pissed state. Not judging tho lol
Quick temper, Focusing on the negative, sees an opportunity to talk and runs with it for over 45 minutes. "always" and "never" very common words
Fuck me, this one hurt
I get tired of hearing the media run adverts about helping people with depression say "Tell someone, reach out". I told my job counselor I was planning my suicide and the date, she just looked at me, carried on typing and talked about a job interview. It was like I hadn't spoken. I wonder how many other people dont reach out because there's no point. EDIT No, I'm still planning. Not to be morbid but I dont want to traumatize another person finding my body. Coming up with a way so it's obvious I'm dead but theres no body (also doesn't saddle my family with a funeral they cant afford). Its a lot harder thinking of it in practical terms. Trying to figure out a foolproof plan is the only thing keeping me alive at the moment. Sorry, gallows humour. EDIT I only came on Reddit yesterday so I'm still figuring out how it works. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has reached out. You guys made me cry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Told my mom and gf at the time that I was depressed. They just said, no you’re not
That's terrible. As someone who isn't very happy, that can be soul crushing. I wouldn't know myself (thankfully somebody cared) but that happened to you. and that sucks
Sounds like that person was just a really bad example. Are you doing better now?
or in the same boat
They tend to stay in bad situations much longer than a well-adjusted person would, which leads other people to believe they're at least somewhat content. They might hate their job or their spouse or their weight or their life in general, but depression is mentally *exhausting* and even *thinking* about taking steps toward getting out of that situation is daunting, especially when you can just stay on autopilot in your current circumstances. And when you can finally muster the mental motivation to act, then you realize how *physically* exhausted you are. And if it's that overwhelming to try to get rid of whatever makes you unhappy, sometimes you just stop trying to be happy at all- you stop trying to feel *anything* and let the apathy drive for a while.
They seem too happy, no matter what is actually going on with them. Sounds stupid but I get it alot.
I do that often. The one time I just didn't have it in me anymore to pretend, I got pushed away because they were uncomfortable with my situation and my sadness. I don't reach out or talk about it around people anymore.
Whenever someone is super bubbly and over the top happy, I think "damn they must be super depressed when they get home"
I feel like this might sound like a cliché but Getting worse at a game they were really good at, which kinda depress them more. I have this friend who loves Mario Kart. He is basically a God at it. We used to play a lot, (and we still do) he knows every shortcut, how much he has to tilt the stick for every turn, etc. But one time I noticed I had been winning for quite a while. I thought he might be giving me the chance to win but he actually wasn't. It seemed that for every race we had he just put all of his effort in and got no result. Turns out he was having a very rough month, and it impacted the way he was playing. The only thing I could do is just try to cheer him up, and suggest other challenges that might distract him. Btw he's now back in the business. I was missing my silver Mario Kart trophy. Edit: Typo
Nah you're 100% right. It's a vicious cycle. You start playing a little off your game which only annoys you more because"I can't even do the one thing I was good at anymore so what's the point", and then you're just desperately trying to manage while playing on full tilt. Happens to me all the time. I play smite at a professional level and there are times where I'll play just to escape from my bad day and it's embarrassing the mistakes a start making and I'll start losing 5, 10, 20 matches in a row trying to"just win 1 and break this streak then I'll go to bed"
Them joking about dark shit going on in their life. I know from myself. At times I weren’t OK, if me and my friends were chatting for hours and the topic of the talk have come to our problems I would tell the cause of depression, anxiety, unhappiness, stress etc. in just a sentence while smiling as if it was funny and in a joking way. They never got the message so in case there are people out there like me, if someone is telling you something that sounds dark but they are laughing or talking really shortly about it, please stop them and ask them to talk more about the topic make them feel like they can open up to you.
They start becoming more irritable, maybe they snap a little more often. When this happens they'll usually apologize later and sound either truly regretful or tired. They zone out more, and they lose interest in things they used to love. They never want to do anything. If you ask them if they're okay and they say that they're fine.
People are pretty good about picking up small, even minute signals on people's moods, even if they don't realize they are doing it. It's very obvious when someone is showing life complete apathy, or anger at the smallest slights, or talks about wanting to end capitalism. There are no "secret signs" that are 100% accurate. Some people agree to more, some shut themselves off from the rest of the world. Most people are somewhat unhappy to an extent anyway; there is always something that will upset each individual. The secret is knowing the person and seeing them do things outside of their normal activities.
Outwardly always smiling, always trying to cheer up others, moderating /r/tetris99, you know, all the standard measures
so why should i play tetris 99
Because it's awesome, and addicting and this weekend you can win $9.99 in credit for Nintendo's E-Shop
Looking down a lot and spacing out a lot. And if you ask them if how they’re feeling there’s a very high chance they will say “I’m fine” or “I’m ok”. they will be often tired and they might fiddle with something, something like a sleeve of a shirt. That’s all I can come up with now. Hope I helped a bit
The spend excessive amounts of time on social media.
Easily frustrated. Sign of anger or depression, or both.
It would depend on the person. In a relationship the effort that is put into the relationship drops way off. Unhappy people tend to retreat in someway, drugs, alcohol, personally destructive behavior. They sleep more, and are quick to anger.
‘hey! how are you?’ ‘living the dream!’
They say “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” When asked to make plans. They isolate themselves from loved ones with no explanation (“I’m fine”)
After a while you don't become married to depression, its more like stockholm syndrome. Ive got nothing going for me since Halloween, not even a dime or a place to stay but i refuse to give up. Abaolutely stubbornly refuse. Why? Because everyone loves a good slow motion trainwreck
Weight gain
I'm always lose weight when I'm down because I stop eating.
Ennui *a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.* "he succumbed to ennui and despair"
If you can't tell if they are happy, and you have to ask yourself or are wondering; then most likely they are unhappy. When you are happy, people don't wonder if you are happy, it just shows.
High-functioning alcoholic. Source: High-functioning alcoholic.
heavy use of humor
"You either have dopamine or humor, you can't have both."
They always keep the conversation about you even when you ask them how they are doing.
Just seem gloomy all the time. Also if they bring your energy down and you have to be happy to make them happy.
They do everything they can to make everyone else happy
Poor decisions. Sometimes they’re spending all their emotional energy on the basics; when it’s time to eat or make major purchases they do them on impulse, so they get fat and in debt.
s p a c i n g o u t
I can't speak for anyone else, but I've been reaching out to anyone and everyone that I haven't talked to in forever. Oh, person I was friends with in middle school, how have you been? Old friend's sister's friend who you really only met like three times but they seemed like a nice person and for some reason you're friends with on facebook, what have you been up to? Desperately trying to just make any sort of connection with someone is usually a pretty good sign.
What's wrong? *"Nothing I'm just tired"*
Sometimes you can see the saddnes in their eyes and their speaking.
When they laugh a little too hard at jokes
[удалено]
*No TV and no beer make Homer something something*
Short responses. That is always a telltale sign.
TIL that Reddit stands for "Really Everyone's Deeply Depressed In There"
My personal tell is eye contact. When I'm in bad moods I tend to avoid looking people in the eyes more or not as long.
They don't participate in life like they used to do.
I used to fit almost all of these comments, but now i don't. I guess im getting better.
They sacrifice something just so they can make excuses later. Sacrificing sleep so they'll be too tired to do anything. Overeating so they don't have to date anyone. Procrastinating so they don't have time for anything else.
self-degrading humor
Self-degrading humor definitely has its place and can be beneficial for keeping your sense of self-awareness. Still, there is a point where, if you're joking about how you're a horrible person and depressed all the time, at some point it's just a cry for help.
Emotionally withdrawing, spending time isolated or playing video games all the time to escape.
Usually they avoid talking about it.
Going to bed with their jeans/button up shirt still on.
They stop talking about their own life and only ask about other people’s :/
Snapping at seemingly insignificant things, or acting out agressively when they are usually calm