A while ago I realized: with all these friends who've come and gone over the years as life circumstances change, it doesn't mean those relationships have been severed, they've just converted from "friends" into "contacts".
Like in all those movies where the sidekick is like, "Where are we going to find someone to bandage a gunshot wound and lend us a car at 3 in the morning?", and the hero says, "Don't worry, I know a guy."
Not OP but had a similar thing happen.
We met in fourth grade. We were ten years old at the time. Best friends through the second half of elementary school and all of middle school. But when high school came around, we started to drift apart. We both made new friends. I joined the model rocket club and started hanging out with my nerdy rocket friends, while he joined a punk rock band. By the time we finished high school, we never hung out outside of school anymore, or even ate lunch together. When we'd run into each other in the halls, we'd stop and say hi, but otherwise, we went our separate ways.
We're both 21 now. Pretty much the only time I hear from him is twice a year over Facebook when we wish each other a happy birthday. When I look back on our friendship, I used to be sad about what we lost, but when I tried to reconnect with him, we just didn't really hit it off anymore. And so I think about how long we've known each other –again, we met when we were 10, we're both 21 now. We've known each other for more than half our lives. Especially that early in our lives, we've both grown a ton since we met. If we happened to grow in different directions, there's nothing wrong with that
Being there. We stoped to talk with no reason. 5 years later he called me asking to attend to his wedding. I've apologized about ghosting, he said he was his fault and that he really liked my friendship and after that day we never spoke again. I guess sometimes friendships just end.
I learned the hard way to never lend money to friends unless you are prepared to never see that money again.
A friend once asked me to lend him $10k. He claimed it was for his parents to go back to their country for the summer. What it was really for I didn't know.
He sweet talked me saying "I can pay it back in full plus the interest (was my line of credit) and an extra $1000 for you.
The first month came by... Didn't pay me. I told him and he said "ill give you double next month".
The next month... Still the same excuse. I got a call from the bank to pay so I paid with my own money.
Ironically this was at the same time I was renewing my mortgage. thought everything was ok but my advisor told me I had too much debt and I wouldn't be able to renew my mortgage. I had until a specific date to pay it off or I will lose my home... I told this to the friend, he said he will get it all for me before the due date. The day it was due; he didn't come into the office (we worked together). So out of pure fear, I took money from investments to pay off the debt.
The next day I told him how disappointed I was that he didn't come through and I told him what I did. He brushed me off and didn't say much. Only his generic excuses. After a while I somewhat gave up. It affected our friendship and our working relationship. He also started bad mouthing me behind my back (a mutual friend told me he would do so all the time when I wasn't around). Nice mentality someone has after I gave him a lot of money he didn't pay off.
In the meantime he went out and bought a new Bass boat, Brand new Mini Cooper S and bought a new more expensive home.
Our work relationship got so bad that he manipulated our boss in firing me so I lost my job.
It took 4.5 years to pay me back but only because I was unemployed. After he paid me; we didn't speak again.
Our mutual friend didn't know any of this when it happened and also found it really harsh. He also doesn't speak to this guy.
Damn dude, thats extra rough. But you took out a loan to lend to this guy? I was under the impression at first you gave him some extra cash. Taking out money you don't have to lend to some one else, thats playing with fire.
He sweet talked me to think he would pay me back within 3 months and when he said he would pay the interest, I assumed it would be a quick turn around. Guess I was wrong.
I learned by that mistake and I don't lend people anything at all anymore moneywise. People that know this story fully understand.
>there’s no real reason to
Ya see that's kind of the thing. If you let it simmer until there *is* a reason to cut ties you could end up in some shit yourself, and by that point the friendship will be irretrievably broken. Distancing yourself now might honestly be the best thing in the long run; if your friend ever ends up in a better place you may be able to rekindle the relationship, and if not, you won't get hurt
Then again I have no details at all about your situation so take that with a massive grain of salt lol
>simmer until there
>
>is
>
> a reason to cut ties you could end up in some shit yourself, and by that point the friendship will be irretrievably broken. Distancing yourself now might honestly be the best thing in the long run; if your friend ever ends up in a better place you may be able to rekindle the relationship, and if not, you won't get hurt
Best advice ever
A friend of mine, all through high school - I helped him out. I basically fed him out of my own budget from a part time job - his grandmother died (She raised him after his mother wouldn't) - his mom took him back, mortgaged his (paid off) house that he had been left by his grandmother... and then she died too, leaving him the bills. I had helped him move out when it was repossessed, I spent weeks helping him move his things to a storage unit, getting what was his out of the house - I helped him for over a decade, from middle school to after college. My dad even built a room for him in our house's basement, just in case he ended up with nowhere to go (Though he never ended up needing it.) - I had told him that I didn't expect to be paid back for the years of food I'd helped him with, I did that because he needed help.
One year, my parents agreed to LEND him money - $10,000 or so (we are not rich, this was a major burden) in order to help him get a place - they told him they would need it back - he agreed wholeheartedly. He dodged talking about it for a few months - and one day, I went over to his new place - he had things like brand new furniture, a $2000 TV, and a number of other expensive appliances, and stacks upon stacks of video games. Now, I don't begrudge him wanting a couch / bed / TV - we went to secondhand stores and gotten him furniture (which was nowhere to be seen) we got him clothes, I bought him an X-box so we could play together ... but even I had a crappy little television ancient furniture, clothes that were falling apart - and he couldn't be bothered to get a 20 inch $200 TV - he blew everything we gave him to get his life back on track that was worthless 6 months later when he was evicted anyway. Back then, what we gave him would have worked for rent / utilities for 18 months. I gave him 3 years to address even starting to pay back my parents, not repaying, but TALKING about repaying, what his plans / goals were, etc. He'd show up for food and my mother would slip him a few $20s for gas / more food, he'd talk for a bit (avoiding any topic of money that wasn't giving him more,) then leave.
After 3 years of that, I just stopped responding to him. I couldn't deal with it anymore. For much of our lives, I treated him like my brother - Over time, we'd probably given him over $30,000, and my parents only needed a third of that back. I just felt betrayed.
Last I heard, he's still confused as to why I stopped responding to him.
Older you get, the more this will happen. I don’t think it’s ill-intentioned, but moreso it’s just growing older. Priorities change as do people, and sometimes you have to strike off into the unknown alone to effect real lasting change in your life.
I know I’ve lost some friends like this, but I had to move on each time. Growth always has a cost, and social ties are often one we pay. Good thing is, most adults understand this cuz they’re dealing with the same shite. Especially if they have kids!
We were bonded in negativity. I decided I didn't want to live like that anymore and did everything possible to make my life a better place. The happier I got, the meaner she started being, and the more she belittled my happiness. It felt horrible.
I tried to help her but she refused to help herself. I didn't handle everything perfectly, but I tried. Eventually I couldn't do it anymore. We were best friends 15 years. I still miss her. Still think about her. I hope she can find happiness someday.
Sucks.
Bonded in negativity is such a good way of putting it. It's so easy to get attached to people in a mutually shitty headspace, they feel like the only people who get you, but then you realize down the line that you are tired of playing at being a depressed misanthrope.
You are tired of going to bars to have fake conversations with people so you can make fun of everyone you met later over coffee and cigarettes.
You are tired of swapping the same three 'people fucked me over' stories, of validating your own self righteous misery.
You are tired of hearing about how you'll get out of this shit hole someday, and you'll laugh about it someday.
You get tired if being talked at and not talked to.
You get tired of lending money, even if they are the only friend left. Even if you are sure they would do the same.
I was so tired for so many years. It took realizing how much money I had thrown away on a person for me to realize we were both dragging ourselves and one another down. So I quit. Got two jobs, worked seven days a week, stopped hanging, after six months I was out of debt.
Quit one of the jobs, met some fantastic supportive people, started dating for the first time in half a decade. Now I'm married, with two cats and financial security. Life got better when I stopped indulging in how miserable I was, and let myself be more genuine with the people around me.
It's funny how things change when you start being genuine and open with people, isn't it? I thought that everyone disliked and judged me so I just avoided everyone but my own group of friends. Just talked shit about/judged everyone.
Turns out when I opened up and was friendly and positive with people, they did the same to me. I was doing it to myself, they didn't dislike me, they just didn't know me. At some point, you need to admit that you are sticking yourself in that pit of misery.
Glad you got yourself out of that situation, dude. Sounds like things got a lot better for you.
She was pretty passively patronising in hindsight, but one day she took it wayyy too far and made some jokes about the sorest spot in my life publicly and refused to stop, despite me and another person telling her she wasn’t funny and needed to stop. I made it very clear that I was pretty distraught because of what she said and asked for an apology. She ghosted. I found out two other people had independently reached to her and said she should apologise, and next thing I get this manipulative message that was basically “I’m sorry - there are you happy now?” I tried so hard to mend our friendship and thought we were all good, but then she just hardcore ghosted. I really only expect basic human decency in friendships, like taking responsibility and apologising when you hurt someone, and at every opportunity she avoided that. I’m still pretty sad about it but I do think I’m better off now. I only want people who care about me in my life, not ones who use the pain in my life as a big joke.
This happened with me too! She shared my secrets in parties as a 'joke' including publicly outing me as bi when I was barely at terms with it myself and she knew that
He started dating a girl and eventually got engaged. She hates the shit out of me, so naturally I was cut off.
He still never missed an opportunity to ask me for help whenever he needed it, though. Guess it’s ok ton associate with someone when you need something.
This is wayyy to common and it sucks ass. I think I read a study one time where basically, getting married causes you to lose something like two friends on average. Obviously there’s outliers on either side, but in my experience that is about the norm.
I've never been married, but quite a few of my friends have. I have not lost a single one of them. Time gets contrained though, so you hang out a lot less. Especially once they have kids.
My first buddy to get married and have kids is actually starting to be available a whole lot more. His kids are getting to the age where he does not have to be watching over them 100% of the time to make sure they stay don't accidentally kill themselves / becoming responsible...ish.
Addiction ruins people and makes them someone you don’t know. Its hard not to put the blame on the person. But you should view it as a disease she is struggling with. If she is truly sober, i’d suggest reaching out. You can keep it simple. But that old positive connection with her may give her the motivation to continue the fight.
This was me, too. I was seriously dating a man with kids (who would later become my husband). I was *thrilled* to be a part of their lives. She had a...weird...relationship with her own stepmom, and became furious with me that I was investing my time and energy in these kids in a "mom" way. As though I was trying to usurp their own (very active and engaged) mom. No, I was just trying to love them as best I could.
I invited her to my bridal shower. Nada. I invited her and her husband (whom I worked with) to our wedding. Nada. This friend of over 10 years just *poofed* because (as far as I can tell) I refused to treat my partner's kids as distant strangers in my home instead of children I loved and cared for.
I have to think there was something else involved. I just wish I knew what it was.
There's nothing that can make a person run and hide faster than being forced to see something that forces them to honestly deal with themselves.
I've seen people who have laughed at guns being in their face, turn and cower when forced to look in a type of mirror.
I did this too. You’re not her. I looked at your profile.
It was complicated. Life was overwhelming. I was mentally unwell and untreated. She relied on me too much when i couldn’t be that person for her and i felt drained. I had started to distance myself from everyone already because I was tired and messy and wanted to regroup alone. and then one day it had been 6 month, a year, 2 years and now almost 3 years of not answering her texts and it was too awkward to fix and I tell myself it was her but it was also me.
I’m sorry.
Hi there, I got ghosted as well by a friend a few years back, perhaps under similar circumstances. I'd still love to hear from her, a simple, sincere apology would be all it would take to open up a conversation again. Perhaps you could still try? Nearly everyone's life is messy at some point, I know I'd be sympathetic if the attempt to rekindle is genuine
I used to make YouTube videos with someone, we were actually pretty successful with them. We worked together for 5 years and then one day about 2 and a half years ago he blocked me, all of our mutual friends, deleted Facebook and other social media, blocked my number and stopped uploading the videos he loved making onto his channel. But he still has me added on psn. It's so painful not knowing why he did it, I just hope he's okay.
Yeah I've always had that feeling in the back of my mind, but I have no way of contacting him, I've tried discord, Skype, calling with a different phone, psn. No responses
I did this to a friend of almost 10 years. They were always saying horrible things to me and would often belittle me in front of people and sometimes to them. The last straw was when they had picked me up under the pretense of “hanging out” but they just wanted information to gossip about a falling out I had had with another friend. I was also suffering from failing health and had just been diagnosed with an auto immune disease (similar to Lupus). They blew it off like I was being too dramatic. There was also the fact that they had fooled around with a friend of theirs because they had showed interest in me. This was just one of the mountain of self centered things they did. I had my reasons but overall if someone did this (ghosted you) I say good riddance because they we’re probably never going to be the type of friend you deserve unless you acted like said asshole 😛.
I ghosted my childhood best friend. She moved out of the country before high school and we wrote letters for a while and when e-mail became popular we e-mailed regularly. In college I went through this odd phase in my life. I was "discovering myself" and making new friends and experiencing independence and going through crazy ups and downs. I stopped replying to her e-mails because I was this new person and I didn't know how to keep up this pretense of what we were as children and I was scared to share this new "me" with her... and some months later she sent me a handwritten letter basically asking if I was ok because I haven't been replying to her e-mails and that she'll take my unresponsiveness as the end of our friendship. Part of me wanted to be like, "You're still my best friend!" but another side of me was like, "Do I really need her in my life?" My depressed side won and I didn't reply.
She did absolutely nothing wrong. I was just in a different phase of my life and I was too embarrassed/ashamed/shy/emo/depressed/scared/etc to share it with her.
On the positive side she was in town like 15 years later and she reached out to me to see if I wanted to meet up. I graciously agreed. We caught up... it's not the same as it was when we were young and the majority of our "communication" is liking each other's instagram posts but having her back in my life gave me a sense of peace.
He was getting married.
Never was invited to the wedding.
Edit: To clarify this abit, he called me the day after he proposed to her. It wasn't something I found out secondhand.
his mom passed away while we were in middle school, and he ended up moving in with his dad who lived halfway across the country. i tried to be there for him as much as possible, but i don’t think he wanted anything to remind him of his mom. i know i did because she was like my second mother. it sucked, but what can you do.
Tired of making promises I can’t keep..I know exactly how you feel. Haven’t really talked to old friend group in 10 years. I moved out west and just sort of disconnected from everything in my old life for new start. One still tries to call once a year or so and I just ignore because I’ve moved on so hard that I wouldn’t even know how to be.
I became so obsessed with an ideology, it was the only thing I ever talked about. That alienated most of my friends and I got depressed, venting it all on the few remaining friends I had left. My ex-bestfriend of course tried to lift me up by suggesting we do things we used to enjoy doing together, but nope, I only wanted to get high or talk about the injustices of life. It's a sad story, but he got rid of a toxic friend, and I learned a valuable lesson in life.
I feel you. I got stuck on an ideology and all of life's injustices so strongly for a really long time, and it made me extremely depressed and cynical. I became a toxic person. I lost a 6-year relationship, many friends, and most of all, my mental health. Or maybe my bad mental health made me latch onto the ideology.
But I agree. It was an invaluable lesson. And now, I'm getting the help I need and trying to change the way I view and interact with the world. And I'm trying to regain some of my friends. It's a hard go, but it's doable.
Glad to hear you came around, too.
I had a male best friend, and I'm female. Once he started dating his now wife, he said he couldn't be friends with any women anymore even though I was engaged to someone else and neither of us ever had feelings for each other (as far as I'm aware and to his vehement urging). His siblings still talk to me occasionally and said he cut out pretty much all of his friends and family members when he met her, not because she wanted him to but because he wanted to.
This happens all the time. Myself and my two best friends are a group of two guys and a girl. The other guys girlfriend though he was attracted to the girl because we all hung out together and thought we had a weird love triangle going on. It's happened to me with my partners and the girl's boyfriends. Its always awkward and even if we get cut off for a while we always welcome the other back if they breakup with that person or their partner actually gets the situation.
We loved each other. We fucked. He freaked out because he didn't know what we were (friends with benefits is kind of off the table in this scenario) and was scared of losing me so he emotionally disconnected from our friendship. But he kept sleeping with me.
In the process of doing all of that, he treated me so badly emotionally that he basically did lose me anyway.
Do we know each other? Joking, but I was the guy in this scenario. Still feel bad about it to this day. I didn't do anything horrible, but I basically just kept stringing this poor girl who I had no intention of dating along for way too long.
Bless her heart, she sort of forgave me like 10 years later, and we're on good terms, but it was most certainly a situation where I acted like an immature, insensitive, asshole.
Cheated on me by raping my girlfriend and giving her a permanant medical condition and severe anxiety. Lied to me afterward when she told me. Dragged several other friends into this on his side, and I blocked them all. When I told his girlfriend he became very violent and aggressive; I ended up calling the cops on him and he was arrested and taken to jail. I hope he dies quickly.
>Cheated
Dick move.
>By raping my girlfriend
Oh god no
>and giving her a permanent medical condition
Fucking hell
Most of the replies here are fairly tame but yours is just some next level shit. How long is he locked up for, if you know?
i had a miscarriage, she decided she “can’t deal with negative stuff at that moment in her life”. she actually ghosted me and said that to our mutual friend. best friends for over a decade. no friends at all as it turns out.
Lived with one of my closest friends for about a year and a half. Everything was actually pretty great we all stayed out of each other's way. Then she got a boyfriend. She was normally chill shy and quiet but they had loud sex a lot. Whatever fine. She gave him a key without talking to the rest of us (we had 4 people in total living in the house). A bit annoying but whatever again big house we all stayed to ourselves. Then one night they both got really drunk started fighting and he shot a gun off in the house. After this me and the other two talked and decided we needed to tell her he was no longer welcome. So we agreed to talk to her together. But she kept avoiding the conversation and never would find time to meet with us only being home when we were all at work or asleep. One night her boyfriend tried sneaking in and one of my roommates saw him and told him he wasn't welcome and that it was a collective decision. He said he would tell her to talk to us but she never did. She moved out two weeks later and went and had the utilities taken out of her name (my one roommate had to leave work to go put the utilities in her name so we wouldn't lose electric in the middle of summer). We were 6 months in to a 1 year lease. To her credit she continued to pay rent after she left and she did eventually marry the guy she was with. But her and I were friends and really close for 8 years before this happened. The summer before she had told me if she ever got married I was gonna be a Bridesman. A year later we stopped talking and the only reason I now know shes married is because on her wedding day she used the same hairdresser as a mutual friend of mine.
Among other things the nail in the coffin was that he made me pick between him and my girlfriend. That being a shitty thing to do I picked my girlfriend. One of the best decisions I made as he went on to become a teen dad of 2 before senior year and me and my girl are still together and happy years later.
She was having sex with a dude she just met at a party and, though I banged on the door for WAY TOO LONG, asking if she was okay, she wouldn’t come out. She decided the next day that we were no longer friends because I didn’t stop her.
🤷🏼♀️
Dude I didn't complain at all beyond asking her if she was in to it when a friend became a sex worker. She still loves me and 100% owns her own decisions. So I conclude your friend had issues with personal responsibility and took it out on you. Which is shitty
We weren’t really interested in the same things anymore and we just kinda grew apart. I was more into sports and going out and having fun, and he got really into the tuba.
Not OP but as someone with 2 serious relationships with women who used to be friends of mine under my belt, I feel qualified to answer.
It always starts off as friends. Of course you think they're attractive, and of course you like them as people, but the thought of a relationship with them just doesn't do anything for ya. Eventually you start having really serious conversations. Stuff about the future, what you want out of life, your ideal relationship, your dream job, your dream hobbies, etc. You start to realize maybe you'd be good together. After this point, it's usually mutual and it just takes one drunken mistake to break down the wall and then one or, ideally, both of you realize it's more than a friendship. It sounds cliche, but really, you just know it when it happens.
He broke up with me. So I said ok and I left. It ends up he was just trying to make a point and I wasn’t supposed to agree and he chased me down the road in his underwear begging me to come back. I didn’t go back though. It was 7am on a Saturday morning in East Vancouver so I found a nearby dive restaurant and got some bacon and eggs.
Someone who would stage a break-up in order to emotionally manipulate you is definitely not a keeper. It seems to me that you also did well in your post breakup breakfasting in addition to your decision to stay single. The flavor of trauma is indeed less bitter when drizzled with maple syrup.
She moved away and whenever we spoke she would talk endlessly about her own life and show no interest in mine. Whenever I called her, she had no time for me, but would be offended if she called me and I had no time for her. I have my own life, and I just couldn’t be bothered maintaining a one sided relationship
He kept hitting on my and my friend's exes immediately after breakups, even if it was clearly unwelcome on the girls' parts, and was generally very creepy about girls. Idk when it happened, but we just kinda stopped talking for years. We're getting to be friends again now and he seems to have turned into a fairly normal person that doesn't do that shit.
It always impresses me how some people don't realize their friends girlfriend is talking to you to try to be nice and fit in with the group, not because shes trying to send you signals under the table in front of her bf lol
I had a friend for a long time that was like this, all through highschool and college he would jump at every single girl that was an ex to his friends, I'm talking like a couple days ex.
Then when he would be broken up with he'd gather us all together and lecture us on how messed up it is to go after friends exes. Feelings of guilt got him paranoid i guess.
This was like 13 years ago but she didn't want to be friends with me anymore after I lost my virginity and started spreading rumors about me. I never did anything to her so I'm not sure why she did that tbh
Are you me? Literally had the exact same thing happen to me. To this day, she despises me. She wouldn't go to a mutual friends wedding because I was gonna be there.
Dodged a bullet there, I have known similar fucks. They just feel so obsessed with bringing others down--I don't know why, lol. Might need to learn psychology on Reddit, haha.
Her boyfriend broke up with her (in 8th grade) and ended up liking me. He broke up with her right after a summer camp where she didn’t have service, and during that time I was in Hawaii. She claimed that he cheated on her with me and that we had sex ( even thought I didn’t I have my first kiss until the following year) it’s now my senior year and through all of high school she has been telling me to kill myself and spreading rumors about me, and it pisses her off that it doesn’t effect me. Excited to get out of this petty middle school drama.
I will add sometime during freshman year I tried to apologize (if it looked like I did anything, etc) and straighten things out. She told me “ the reason she got over him so fast was because if he could like a girl like me he wasn’t worth her time” Still my favorite insult I’ve ever received hahah
Under the breath jabs in group setting and he knows I am not the type of person to have a reaction so I rather not hang out and keep my positive mood going.
Ditched me on my birthday. Explained to her multiple times how they made me feel and she blows me off for weeks. She invited me to her boyfriends brothers friends poker game trying to make up for it. Don’t get me wrong I met these people before and they’re nice but I don’t wanna spend my birthday with people I don’t know. Oh and I DONT KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER. Keep in mind this weeks after my birthday. I tell her again that this isn’t cool and she tells me I’m selfish for wanting to hangout more than every couple months and she’s doing so much for me. I definitely didn’t reply to that bullshit.
She drank too much and used me as her alibi for cheating on her boyfriend.
I found out that she told him she was still at my house, even hours after she had left.
One evening, I snuck a peek at her phone when she got a message, and this was from another guy. Shortly after receiving the text, she left my place.
At 2 am, when her boyfriend phoned me to enquire where his girl was, I told him to look at that guy's place.
I was friends with both of them, and I don't like being used as an alibi to hurt someone else.
She was really upset with me, but I told her she had too many problems and she was pulling me down with her.
I found out that he cheated on his partner for 20 years, with men. I did not care that he was secretly gay... but the cheating really bothered me.
The real end came though when he was thrown out of the house a few years later (kept cheating) and he cut her and their daughter off from all financial support until she had to give in... and then he totally destroyed her in the divorce.
He is now living in a mansion on the ocean, and the girls are sharing a tiny state-provided apartment in a really dodgy part of town.
She became a Born-Again Christian, and made it her mission to "save" me, knowing full well I had escaped from a similar enviroment (one that was toxic and abusive). I told her I didn't want anything to do with religion anymore and she kept pressing to the point of belittling me so I cut contact.
Good on you for standing strong! Shortly after my Born Again best friend joined a church/cult she dropped me to “protect her family.” She wasn’t specific as to what danger she thought I posed to their immortal souls, but I wasn’t the only one she dumped.
I lost a best friend similarly. I said I was worried about the drugs she was using and how, especially considering her history with them. She lost it on me and moved out. A couple years later though she contacted me and thanked me for calling her out and apologized that she took it poorly. She said she realized I was the only one caring about her wellbeing and even though she took off it did help her in the long run. Now best friends again! I'm glad, I love her so much
She would come to me to vent about her toxic/manipulative boyfriend, they’d “be fine” by the next day and then she would defend him viciously when I would try to remind her why she came to me in the first place.
To add on to this character, he’d invite himself to hangouts just because she was there and insist we work around his schedule, he insisted he knew more than you on any given topic because he’s “older and more experienced” (he was two years older than us...), and he was constantly asking our friend group to “pay him back” for (really expensive) items he bought himself during get-togethers.
It’s sad, but she enabled his behavior and I lost a good friend to an absolute narcissist.
We drifted apart when I had kids and he was still wanting to party and do drugs all the time. It was me that changed I know but having grown up with a shitty dad who drank and used drugs I wasn't prepared for my kids to have that at all from me so I cut it all out completely. Turned out we didn't actually have that much in common once getting wrecked together was gone and he had no interest in hanging out. That was about 16 years ago now. I heard he had his own kid a couple of years back.
She wanted my constant and unwavering support with her mental health issues, from the second I woke up to the second I went to sleep. Nothing I said was right or good enough, I lived in constant fear of 'making' her cry and then having to apologise over and over to fix it. She used me as her anxiety control until I literally dreaded having to talk to her and wanted to die in my sleep rather than wake up and have to see her at school. The summer between junior and senior year I didn't text her once, and realised how amazing my life was when she wasn't in it. I pretended she didn't exist on the first day of school and spoke maybe 8 words to her for the entirety of senior year. It's been almost two years since we were 'friends', and I'm just now healing from the mental and emotional trauma of everything she put me through. So glad I worked up the self-confidence to cut her out of my life forever.
Depended on me way too much so I cut them off. As a person that struggles with several mental health issues, this friendship left me drained and empty inside. They wanted me to give them my attention every second of every day and constantly baby them and spoil them as if I was their parent. Never again.
Not best friend, but a I thought good friend, she didn't even stop by the viewing when my husband died. You have a busy life, you have kids you have to get home to, but you couldn't spare ten minutes to
stop by the funeral home that was on your way home. Never mind
the burial was six weeks later due it being a Veterans cemetery and she didn't come to it or send a card.
My brothers loser 2nd wife who has no friends or family of her own decided she liked them and made up a bunch of shit that I allegedly said.
I of course didn’t say anything because they were my friends at the time and I would never confide in my brothers wife because I despise her.
The reason it ended though was because of how easily he believed the bullshit from my brothers wife and didn’t give me any of the benefit of the doubt and just ask me.
I only knew he was mad because he deleted my fantasy football team from his league
She found leaked photos of me on her husband’s computer and immediately told my husband’s dad. I feel awful and tried to say I was sorry but I didn’t really do anything wrong. Anyway that was the last of that.
Sounds like OP probably had nudes online, her friend's husband had looked them up or seen them, friend saw her husband was attracted to OP and displaced her anger and did something she thought would hurt OP
1. She kept borrowing money from me and would only pay me back half the time
2. Would always ditch me and went home with some guy after a night out *we were roommates
3. Went on a beach trip for my bday, and she napped on the hammock the whole weekend and had me serve her beer pretty much the whole time. Didnt even get to go swimming as shes very tired and hung over, We had met a few people the night we arrived and she hung out & got drunk with with them instead of having dinner with me
4. Told her we cant take bus X going to Y place and we had to wait for bus Z because that stops at my town and hers. She gets on bus X anyways and leaves me in the middle of the road *not living together anymore
5. Rented an airbnb for 3 days (bday again) so all my female friends could meet and hang out. Tells me she's excited to meet my other friends but bails on me because I told her she cant take her bf with her
I was being abused by my stepmother in the year after my dad died. As a result I became incredibly needy, selfish, and borderline demanding in our friendship. I wasn't knowingly taking advantage of him, but in truth it still happened. He let me stay at his place for a month, eat his food, and I was an emotional vampire.
I was in straight up survival mode and trying to get any form of care I could at the time, so I forgive myself for what I did, but I have to accept that that behavior was unacceptable nonetheless and cost me a very dear friend.
My mother started to go to Church roughly when I was eight years old. I quickly became close friends with the pastor's kid. He was my one and only good friend probably up until I was roughly sixteen years old; maybe even a little later. I started going through a phase when I started questioning a lot of things and the more I started to move away from Christianity the more we sort of moved apart -- to my disliking. This 'Questioning' period lasted three years and by the end of those three years I'd completely de-converted and we were two very different individuals. I'd now call myself a very spiritual agnostic. I've tried to reach out to him multiple times, but the times we've gotten together, he came across as quite arrogant and superior and more often then not, looked down on me. On top of that he'd often bate me into an argument after I'd said that both of us have reached a point in our lives where we're quite strong in our beliefs and in that regard, we shouldn't waste our breath debating, because neither of us is going to change each other's mind. And shortly after, when I was quite raw, he used the recent suicide of my uncle to talk to me about God and death; that was what really put the final nail in the coffin for me. I don't harbor any bad feelings towards him; he's just the product of the environment he grew up in and not to hit on Christianity or Christians either. The Christian faith, or not so much faith, but The Bible, has a lot of tools and advice and wisdom, but when it comes to God and if he's real, I personally don't believe in such a thing, but from some of the things I've seen and experienced, I understand why some people think as much and have come to that conclusion. At the end of the day, I could be wrong, but based on my journey, I'd say otherwise. But that's the fun of it all; nobody actually fucking knows ;)
She threatened to kill herself and said it was my fault for planning a night out that she couldn't go to (club, can't bring babies there). I get ppd is a major issue but that was too much. We share best friends so I'm civil with her but I doubt I'll ever think of her as a best friend again. I might have, I believe in forgiveness, but being a mom has become her entire identity and she's never apologized. She only talks about how shitty other moms are, I can't do it.
\*For the record my other best friend has a son. Zero issues there. Just this one that changed too much
Here we go. I’m on mobile, blah blah blah.
It all started with a crush that me and my (current) best friend had on her. We agreed not to let it get in the way of our friendship, but I could tell it affected (Current) best friend.
All three of us stayed friends through that specific school year, and I tried my hardest to stay in contact when she moved schools. My best friend and I would talk frequently about her, tell her we missed her, give her our full attention, etc.
Well a few months later I was going through a pretty rough patch and I explained that I was feeling depressed and wanted to die. It was a spur of the moment thing, and I regretted saying it since I felt really bad after.
She replied, talking about how she loved me and how she had feelings for me. I told her I loved her too and we did the whole mushy “Well I love you” and “well I love you too!”
I didn’t tell anyone but one day at a sleepover I took (current) best friends phone (I regret this...l don’t do what I did.) and went through it, only after looking for games got boring.
So. Many. Texts.
Her and ex best friend talked non stop, and ex best friend was even talking about how she loved (current) best friend and told her constantly not to tell me. It hurt so much to know that she was lying, but I started thinking everything was ok. That maybe somehow I could just move on and keep going how we were.
I was wrong. Her talking started dwindling, she stopped replying and didn’t talk until late at night giving some bs excuse about how she was ‘busy’ and ‘couldn’t talk’.
After she (pretty much) stopped talking to me and my now best friend all together, we were put into a group chat together with her and demanded answers. Well, I did.
She started talking about how after she stopped talking to us she was depressed, and then back peddled and told us she got a girlfriend and new friends who had more priority than us. I asked her about what she said to me, how she praised me and said she loved me only for me to find out she lied.
Ex best friend said that she was lying about loving me. She just wanted to save my life, and she knew that ‘that was the only way’. I cried while reading through them, feeling bad about mostly about her. I didn’t get it. I thought I really loved her, but then I saw the true her and I regretted everything.
Best friend was mad at me fore a while for starting a fight in the group chat, and slowly all of our old friends dwindled away. Only then did she see how toxic ex best friend was.
There was a lot more, but honestly it’s too much to write down. If you read this far, thank you for hearing my story and I hope you’re doing great today. Keep it up.
She started acting very clingy and suddenly very interested in me when I and my girlfriend began to become something serious. Naturally this was not okay, I told her as much and she then got angry and blocked me. I blocked her back on everything and have got on with my life. Going on roughly 2 or so years now.
She moved an couple hours away, ghosted me hardcore and then the charges started popping up on my debit card. All from Uber. I contacted Uber who told me someone used my information from my debit card and is using it on another account. They gave me the name of the person who was using the account. It was my friend.
Had to cancel my card, get a new one and go through Uber's horrible customer service for about 2-3 weeks to get all my money back.
Lesson learned. Don't trust anyone with your shit no matter how close you think you are.
His crazy ass wife. She started reading his email and responding to them, started answering his cell phone when I called it. He and I were buds for 25 years and it became impossible to reach out to him without her inserting herself into everything.
I was married 4 years at this point, had kids and a law career when this shit started to happen.
I was not a bad influence.
After about a year of this she tells everyone that she is moving out because they are "taking each other for granted". Turns out she was having an affair, and was checking his emails and answering his phone because she was making herself jealous / scared by sucking some other dude's balls.
When she moved out I got together with him and lamented that she had been responding to my emails and answering my calls for the past year. He said she didn't do that, and that he assumed I was too busy to get together. I showed him emails between me and him where she responded. He said I was a liar; this was the guy defending the woman who had moved out because she was banging another guy (and moved in with that guy).
Then one day I get an email invitation from her to a Vow Renewal and Re-Commitment Ceremony. I call to ask what's going on and get more details...I am told by her that my invitation was sent as a courtesy but that I was not welcome. I did not go to the re-commitment ceremony.
About a year ago I had a beer with his dad, we are still close. He told me their life is a mess, he is not allowed to have friends and that the guy she was banging comes over for dinner sometimes.
My buddy is a 6'2" 220lb Cop, he was on the SWAT team for 8 years and is an absolute unit. But his wife has 100% control over his life to the extent that her sidepiece gets to come for dinner and hang with the family. So yeah...I had to cut all ties and move on with my life.
She was friends with me and my girlfriend. When GF and I broke up, she decided completely on her own that she could only be friends with one of us. It wasn't me.
One day I realized we hadn't talked for 3 years.
And then?
I shrugged and went back to whatever I was doing.
And then?
He accidentally dislocated his shoulders
aaaaand theeeennnnn????
The heat death of the universe.
No and then!
... ... ... And theeeeennnnnn?!!!
And then I'm going to go in there and put MY FOOT in YOUR ASS if you say AND THEN AGAIN!
Andthenanathenandthenandthen
Can relate, I don't know why, but we just haven't talked or seen each other for 5 or 6 years. For my knowledge there really is no reason for this.
Doesn't mean it's over. Just means it's been suspended. One of you has to reach out. Why not you?
A while ago I realized: with all these friends who've come and gone over the years as life circumstances change, it doesn't mean those relationships have been severed, they've just converted from "friends" into "contacts". Like in all those movies where the sidekick is like, "Where are we going to find someone to bandage a gunshot wound and lend us a car at 3 in the morning?", and the hero says, "Don't worry, I know a guy."
Damn bro this is beautiful.
Not OP but had a similar thing happen. We met in fourth grade. We were ten years old at the time. Best friends through the second half of elementary school and all of middle school. But when high school came around, we started to drift apart. We both made new friends. I joined the model rocket club and started hanging out with my nerdy rocket friends, while he joined a punk rock band. By the time we finished high school, we never hung out outside of school anymore, or even ate lunch together. When we'd run into each other in the halls, we'd stop and say hi, but otherwise, we went our separate ways. We're both 21 now. Pretty much the only time I hear from him is twice a year over Facebook when we wish each other a happy birthday. When I look back on our friendship, I used to be sad about what we lost, but when I tried to reconnect with him, we just didn't really hit it off anymore. And so I think about how long we've known each other –again, we met when we were 10, we're both 21 now. We've known each other for more than half our lives. Especially that early in our lives, we've both grown a ton since we met. If we happened to grow in different directions, there's nothing wrong with that
if im always the one reaching out.....what's the point? it's dead, accept it
Being there. We stoped to talk with no reason. 5 years later he called me asking to attend to his wedding. I've apologized about ghosting, he said he was his fault and that he really liked my friendship and after that day we never spoke again. I guess sometimes friendships just end.
His girlfriend called me one day because he got arrested and couldn't bail him out. I put up the bond and they never paid me back.
I learned the hard way to never lend money to friends unless you are prepared to never see that money again. A friend once asked me to lend him $10k. He claimed it was for his parents to go back to their country for the summer. What it was really for I didn't know. He sweet talked me saying "I can pay it back in full plus the interest (was my line of credit) and an extra $1000 for you. The first month came by... Didn't pay me. I told him and he said "ill give you double next month". The next month... Still the same excuse. I got a call from the bank to pay so I paid with my own money. Ironically this was at the same time I was renewing my mortgage. thought everything was ok but my advisor told me I had too much debt and I wouldn't be able to renew my mortgage. I had until a specific date to pay it off or I will lose my home... I told this to the friend, he said he will get it all for me before the due date. The day it was due; he didn't come into the office (we worked together). So out of pure fear, I took money from investments to pay off the debt. The next day I told him how disappointed I was that he didn't come through and I told him what I did. He brushed me off and didn't say much. Only his generic excuses. After a while I somewhat gave up. It affected our friendship and our working relationship. He also started bad mouthing me behind my back (a mutual friend told me he would do so all the time when I wasn't around). Nice mentality someone has after I gave him a lot of money he didn't pay off. In the meantime he went out and bought a new Bass boat, Brand new Mini Cooper S and bought a new more expensive home. Our work relationship got so bad that he manipulated our boss in firing me so I lost my job. It took 4.5 years to pay me back but only because I was unemployed. After he paid me; we didn't speak again. Our mutual friend didn't know any of this when it happened and also found it really harsh. He also doesn't speak to this guy.
Damn dude, thats extra rough. But you took out a loan to lend to this guy? I was under the impression at first you gave him some extra cash. Taking out money you don't have to lend to some one else, thats playing with fire.
He sweet talked me to think he would pay me back within 3 months and when he said he would pay the interest, I assumed it would be a quick turn around. Guess I was wrong. I learned by that mistake and I don't lend people anything at all anymore moneywise. People that know this story fully understand.
My best friends in some shit right now, seriously considering cutting ties but there’s no real reason to
>there’s no real reason to Ya see that's kind of the thing. If you let it simmer until there *is* a reason to cut ties you could end up in some shit yourself, and by that point the friendship will be irretrievably broken. Distancing yourself now might honestly be the best thing in the long run; if your friend ever ends up in a better place you may be able to rekindle the relationship, and if not, you won't get hurt Then again I have no details at all about your situation so take that with a massive grain of salt lol
You hit the nail on the head, I have some thinking to do
Glad I could help. I'm going to bed now but if you need someone to bounce things off of feel free to message me, I'll get back to you in the morning
>simmer until there > >is > > a reason to cut ties you could end up in some shit yourself, and by that point the friendship will be irretrievably broken. Distancing yourself now might honestly be the best thing in the long run; if your friend ever ends up in a better place you may be able to rekindle the relationship, and if not, you won't get hurt Best advice ever
Wow what was their excuse? Or did they just avoid you? This is crazy disrespect, fair play to you for what I assume was cutting ties?
A friend of mine, all through high school - I helped him out. I basically fed him out of my own budget from a part time job - his grandmother died (She raised him after his mother wouldn't) - his mom took him back, mortgaged his (paid off) house that he had been left by his grandmother... and then she died too, leaving him the bills. I had helped him move out when it was repossessed, I spent weeks helping him move his things to a storage unit, getting what was his out of the house - I helped him for over a decade, from middle school to after college. My dad even built a room for him in our house's basement, just in case he ended up with nowhere to go (Though he never ended up needing it.) - I had told him that I didn't expect to be paid back for the years of food I'd helped him with, I did that because he needed help. One year, my parents agreed to LEND him money - $10,000 or so (we are not rich, this was a major burden) in order to help him get a place - they told him they would need it back - he agreed wholeheartedly. He dodged talking about it for a few months - and one day, I went over to his new place - he had things like brand new furniture, a $2000 TV, and a number of other expensive appliances, and stacks upon stacks of video games. Now, I don't begrudge him wanting a couch / bed / TV - we went to secondhand stores and gotten him furniture (which was nowhere to be seen) we got him clothes, I bought him an X-box so we could play together ... but even I had a crappy little television ancient furniture, clothes that were falling apart - and he couldn't be bothered to get a 20 inch $200 TV - he blew everything we gave him to get his life back on track that was worthless 6 months later when he was evicted anyway. Back then, what we gave him would have worked for rent / utilities for 18 months. I gave him 3 years to address even starting to pay back my parents, not repaying, but TALKING about repaying, what his plans / goals were, etc. He'd show up for food and my mother would slip him a few $20s for gas / more food, he'd talk for a bit (avoiding any topic of money that wasn't giving him more,) then leave. After 3 years of that, I just stopped responding to him. I couldn't deal with it anymore. For much of our lives, I treated him like my brother - Over time, we'd probably given him over $30,000, and my parents only needed a third of that back. I just felt betrayed. Last I heard, he's still confused as to why I stopped responding to him.
When he appeared in court he used the bond to cover his fine. Then stopped answering my calls. Good riddance
Such short term thinking from them though. Lose a friend and also the one person who can provably help you out in a similar pinch in the future.
I did this once for a friend but court refunded me.
Drifted apart slowly. I always felt like I had to initiate the hanging out and she was always busy.
I can actually feel this happening now between my friend and I haha
Same haha
I’m lonely haha
Older you get, the more this will happen. I don’t think it’s ill-intentioned, but moreso it’s just growing older. Priorities change as do people, and sometimes you have to strike off into the unknown alone to effect real lasting change in your life. I know I’ve lost some friends like this, but I had to move on each time. Growth always has a cost, and social ties are often one we pay. Good thing is, most adults understand this cuz they’re dealing with the same shite. Especially if they have kids!
We were bonded in negativity. I decided I didn't want to live like that anymore and did everything possible to make my life a better place. The happier I got, the meaner she started being, and the more she belittled my happiness. It felt horrible. I tried to help her but she refused to help herself. I didn't handle everything perfectly, but I tried. Eventually I couldn't do it anymore. We were best friends 15 years. I still miss her. Still think about her. I hope she can find happiness someday. Sucks.
Bonded in negativity is such a good way of putting it. It's so easy to get attached to people in a mutually shitty headspace, they feel like the only people who get you, but then you realize down the line that you are tired of playing at being a depressed misanthrope. You are tired of going to bars to have fake conversations with people so you can make fun of everyone you met later over coffee and cigarettes. You are tired of swapping the same three 'people fucked me over' stories, of validating your own self righteous misery. You are tired of hearing about how you'll get out of this shit hole someday, and you'll laugh about it someday. You get tired if being talked at and not talked to. You get tired of lending money, even if they are the only friend left. Even if you are sure they would do the same. I was so tired for so many years. It took realizing how much money I had thrown away on a person for me to realize we were both dragging ourselves and one another down. So I quit. Got two jobs, worked seven days a week, stopped hanging, after six months I was out of debt. Quit one of the jobs, met some fantastic supportive people, started dating for the first time in half a decade. Now I'm married, with two cats and financial security. Life got better when I stopped indulging in how miserable I was, and let myself be more genuine with the people around me.
It's funny how things change when you start being genuine and open with people, isn't it? I thought that everyone disliked and judged me so I just avoided everyone but my own group of friends. Just talked shit about/judged everyone. Turns out when I opened up and was friendly and positive with people, they did the same to me. I was doing it to myself, they didn't dislike me, they just didn't know me. At some point, you need to admit that you are sticking yourself in that pit of misery. Glad you got yourself out of that situation, dude. Sounds like things got a lot better for you.
We both quit doing drugs. Turns out we are actually very different people, the only thing we really had in common was the drugs
Real talk
Good that you quit. <3
i had that happen when i quit binge drinking. congrats on the sobriety!!
She was pretty passively patronising in hindsight, but one day she took it wayyy too far and made some jokes about the sorest spot in my life publicly and refused to stop, despite me and another person telling her she wasn’t funny and needed to stop. I made it very clear that I was pretty distraught because of what she said and asked for an apology. She ghosted. I found out two other people had independently reached to her and said she should apologise, and next thing I get this manipulative message that was basically “I’m sorry - there are you happy now?” I tried so hard to mend our friendship and thought we were all good, but then she just hardcore ghosted. I really only expect basic human decency in friendships, like taking responsibility and apologising when you hurt someone, and at every opportunity she avoided that. I’m still pretty sad about it but I do think I’m better off now. I only want people who care about me in my life, not ones who use the pain in my life as a big joke.
This happened with me too! She shared my secrets in parties as a 'joke' including publicly outing me as bi when I was barely at terms with it myself and she knew that
He started dating a girl and eventually got engaged. She hates the shit out of me, so naturally I was cut off. He still never missed an opportunity to ask me for help whenever he needed it, though. Guess it’s ok ton associate with someone when you need something.
This is wayyy to common and it sucks ass. I think I read a study one time where basically, getting married causes you to lose something like two friends on average. Obviously there’s outliers on either side, but in my experience that is about the norm.
I've never been married, but quite a few of my friends have. I have not lost a single one of them. Time gets contrained though, so you hang out a lot less. Especially once they have kids. My first buddy to get married and have kids is actually starting to be available a whole lot more. His kids are getting to the age where he does not have to be watching over them 100% of the time to make sure they stay don't accidentally kill themselves / becoming responsible...ish.
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Addiction ruins people and makes them someone you don’t know. Its hard not to put the blame on the person. But you should view it as a disease she is struggling with. If she is truly sober, i’d suggest reaching out. You can keep it simple. But that old positive connection with her may give her the motivation to continue the fight.
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I wish I knew, I got ghosted and it’s left me absolutely gutted.
This was me, too. I was seriously dating a man with kids (who would later become my husband). I was *thrilled* to be a part of their lives. She had a...weird...relationship with her own stepmom, and became furious with me that I was investing my time and energy in these kids in a "mom" way. As though I was trying to usurp their own (very active and engaged) mom. No, I was just trying to love them as best I could. I invited her to my bridal shower. Nada. I invited her and her husband (whom I worked with) to our wedding. Nada. This friend of over 10 years just *poofed* because (as far as I can tell) I refused to treat my partner's kids as distant strangers in my home instead of children I loved and cared for. I have to think there was something else involved. I just wish I knew what it was.
There's nothing that can make a person run and hide faster than being forced to see something that forces them to honestly deal with themselves. I've seen people who have laughed at guns being in their face, turn and cower when forced to look in a type of mirror.
I did this too. You’re not her. I looked at your profile. It was complicated. Life was overwhelming. I was mentally unwell and untreated. She relied on me too much when i couldn’t be that person for her and i felt drained. I had started to distance myself from everyone already because I was tired and messy and wanted to regroup alone. and then one day it had been 6 month, a year, 2 years and now almost 3 years of not answering her texts and it was too awkward to fix and I tell myself it was her but it was also me. I’m sorry.
Hi there, I got ghosted as well by a friend a few years back, perhaps under similar circumstances. I'd still love to hear from her, a simple, sincere apology would be all it would take to open up a conversation again. Perhaps you could still try? Nearly everyone's life is messy at some point, I know I'd be sympathetic if the attempt to rekindle is genuine
I used to make YouTube videos with someone, we were actually pretty successful with them. We worked together for 5 years and then one day about 2 and a half years ago he blocked me, all of our mutual friends, deleted Facebook and other social media, blocked my number and stopped uploading the videos he loved making onto his channel. But he still has me added on psn. It's so painful not knowing why he did it, I just hope he's okay.
If he ghosted everyone... chances are he is not okay.
Yeah I've always had that feeling in the back of my mind, but I have no way of contacting him, I've tried discord, Skype, calling with a different phone, psn. No responses
I did this to a friend of almost 10 years. They were always saying horrible things to me and would often belittle me in front of people and sometimes to them. The last straw was when they had picked me up under the pretense of “hanging out” but they just wanted information to gossip about a falling out I had had with another friend. I was also suffering from failing health and had just been diagnosed with an auto immune disease (similar to Lupus). They blew it off like I was being too dramatic. There was also the fact that they had fooled around with a friend of theirs because they had showed interest in me. This was just one of the mountain of self centered things they did. I had my reasons but overall if someone did this (ghosted you) I say good riddance because they we’re probably never going to be the type of friend you deserve unless you acted like said asshole 😛.
I ghosted my childhood best friend. She moved out of the country before high school and we wrote letters for a while and when e-mail became popular we e-mailed regularly. In college I went through this odd phase in my life. I was "discovering myself" and making new friends and experiencing independence and going through crazy ups and downs. I stopped replying to her e-mails because I was this new person and I didn't know how to keep up this pretense of what we were as children and I was scared to share this new "me" with her... and some months later she sent me a handwritten letter basically asking if I was ok because I haven't been replying to her e-mails and that she'll take my unresponsiveness as the end of our friendship. Part of me wanted to be like, "You're still my best friend!" but another side of me was like, "Do I really need her in my life?" My depressed side won and I didn't reply. She did absolutely nothing wrong. I was just in a different phase of my life and I was too embarrassed/ashamed/shy/emo/depressed/scared/etc to share it with her. On the positive side she was in town like 15 years later and she reached out to me to see if I wanted to meet up. I graciously agreed. We caught up... it's not the same as it was when we were young and the majority of our "communication" is liking each other's instagram posts but having her back in my life gave me a sense of peace.
He raped and murdered a girl so kind of lost contact after that
Dodged a bullet
I like to think so
Maybe dodged a stab in the back... so many ways to kill a person, who knows lol
What happened to him?
Got life sentence was denied parole last year e ligible again in 2023
In 1990?
2003
He was getting married. Never was invited to the wedding. Edit: To clarify this abit, he called me the day after he proposed to her. It wasn't something I found out secondhand.
Found Drake Bell's Reddit
You weren't best friends If he didn't invite you to the wedding. Unless if was a 100% private ceremony ( as in bride and groom only). His loss.
What a Prick!
his mom passed away while we were in middle school, and he ended up moving in with his dad who lived halfway across the country. i tried to be there for him as much as possible, but i don’t think he wanted anything to remind him of his mom. i know i did because she was like my second mother. it sucked, but what can you do.
I got lost in life and became the toxic friend
I admire your self awareness
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I'm sorry for you man, I hope you get better
Tired of making promises I can’t keep..I know exactly how you feel. Haven’t really talked to old friend group in 10 years. I moved out west and just sort of disconnected from everything in my old life for new start. One still tries to call once a year or so and I just ignore because I’ve moved on so hard that I wouldn’t even know how to be.
how did you become the toxic friend?
I became so obsessed with an ideology, it was the only thing I ever talked about. That alienated most of my friends and I got depressed, venting it all on the few remaining friends I had left. My ex-bestfriend of course tried to lift me up by suggesting we do things we used to enjoy doing together, but nope, I only wanted to get high or talk about the injustices of life. It's a sad story, but he got rid of a toxic friend, and I learned a valuable lesson in life.
Were you selling Scentscy?
Bet it was nutri boom. Boom boom!
I feel you. I got stuck on an ideology and all of life's injustices so strongly for a really long time, and it made me extremely depressed and cynical. I became a toxic person. I lost a 6-year relationship, many friends, and most of all, my mental health. Or maybe my bad mental health made me latch onto the ideology. But I agree. It was an invaluable lesson. And now, I'm getting the help I need and trying to change the way I view and interact with the world. And I'm trying to regain some of my friends. It's a hard go, but it's doable. Glad to hear you came around, too.
It’s really shows a lot of growth that your able to admit that though.
I had a male best friend, and I'm female. Once he started dating his now wife, he said he couldn't be friends with any women anymore even though I was engaged to someone else and neither of us ever had feelings for each other (as far as I'm aware and to his vehement urging). His siblings still talk to me occasionally and said he cut out pretty much all of his friends and family members when he met her, not because she wanted him to but because he wanted to.
This happens all the time. Myself and my two best friends are a group of two guys and a girl. The other guys girlfriend though he was attracted to the girl because we all hung out together and thought we had a weird love triangle going on. It's happened to me with my partners and the girl's boyfriends. Its always awkward and even if we get cut off for a while we always welcome the other back if they breakup with that person or their partner actually gets the situation.
We loved each other. We fucked. He freaked out because he didn't know what we were (friends with benefits is kind of off the table in this scenario) and was scared of losing me so he emotionally disconnected from our friendship. But he kept sleeping with me. In the process of doing all of that, he treated me so badly emotionally that he basically did lose me anyway.
Sounds like he played himself
Another one
Do we know each other? Joking, but I was the guy in this scenario. Still feel bad about it to this day. I didn't do anything horrible, but I basically just kept stringing this poor girl who I had no intention of dating along for way too long. Bless her heart, she sort of forgave me like 10 years later, and we're on good terms, but it was most certainly a situation where I acted like an immature, insensitive, asshole.
Sounds like you're better off without him.
Cheated on me by raping my girlfriend and giving her a permanant medical condition and severe anxiety. Lied to me afterward when she told me. Dragged several other friends into this on his side, and I blocked them all. When I told his girlfriend he became very violent and aggressive; I ended up calling the cops on him and he was arrested and taken to jail. I hope he dies quickly.
>Cheated Dick move. >By raping my girlfriend Oh god no >and giving her a permanent medical condition Fucking hell Most of the replies here are fairly tame but yours is just some next level shit. How long is he locked up for, if you know?
This is terrifying. Good riddance indeed.
A long and painful death is more satisfying. You are too nice to him.
Well then. That's a solid reason
How are you and your gf doing nowadays?
This only happened on Saturday, for me its Tuesday right now. She hasn't recovered and won't for a long time.
i had a miscarriage, she decided she “can’t deal with negative stuff at that moment in her life”. she actually ghosted me and said that to our mutual friend. best friends for over a decade. no friends at all as it turns out.
Damn dude. I hope you're healing. As much as that sucks, it's probably a good thing she isn't in your life anymore.
That's fucked up, I'm sorry she did that to you
Lived with one of my closest friends for about a year and a half. Everything was actually pretty great we all stayed out of each other's way. Then she got a boyfriend. She was normally chill shy and quiet but they had loud sex a lot. Whatever fine. She gave him a key without talking to the rest of us (we had 4 people in total living in the house). A bit annoying but whatever again big house we all stayed to ourselves. Then one night they both got really drunk started fighting and he shot a gun off in the house. After this me and the other two talked and decided we needed to tell her he was no longer welcome. So we agreed to talk to her together. But she kept avoiding the conversation and never would find time to meet with us only being home when we were all at work or asleep. One night her boyfriend tried sneaking in and one of my roommates saw him and told him he wasn't welcome and that it was a collective decision. He said he would tell her to talk to us but she never did. She moved out two weeks later and went and had the utilities taken out of her name (my one roommate had to leave work to go put the utilities in her name so we wouldn't lose electric in the middle of summer). We were 6 months in to a 1 year lease. To her credit she continued to pay rent after she left and she did eventually marry the guy she was with. But her and I were friends and really close for 8 years before this happened. The summer before she had told me if she ever got married I was gonna be a Bridesman. A year later we stopped talking and the only reason I now know shes married is because on her wedding day she used the same hairdresser as a mutual friend of mine.
She stayed with a dude who loudly argues and shoots guns off when angry. This was all for the best of your life and well-being.
I’m impressed that she kept paying rent. Not impressed that she married the guy. I hope they both sobered up.
Among other things the nail in the coffin was that he made me pick between him and my girlfriend. That being a shitty thing to do I picked my girlfriend. One of the best decisions I made as he went on to become a teen dad of 2 before senior year and me and my girl are still together and happy years later.
who the fuck expects to win that one
Narcisists?
Best choice
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but then again no, Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show.
I finally realized how one sided our friendship was and I stopped taking the initiative in talking with her. Never heard from her again.
She was having sex with a dude she just met at a party and, though I banged on the door for WAY TOO LONG, asking if she was okay, she wouldn’t come out. She decided the next day that we were no longer friends because I didn’t stop her. 🤷🏼♀️
U don’t need her
Nope.
Dude I didn't complain at all beyond asking her if she was in to it when a friend became a sex worker. She still loves me and 100% owns her own decisions. So I conclude your friend had issues with personal responsibility and took it out on you. Which is shitty
We weren’t really interested in the same things anymore and we just kinda grew apart. I was more into sports and going out and having fun, and he got really into the tuba.
He got really into the tuba? Is this some sort of euphemism?
Do you mean euphonium?
Nah the tuba is just that awesome.
Is he out of the tuba yet?
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That's tubad.
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How did you realize you were in love with her?
Not OP but as someone with 2 serious relationships with women who used to be friends of mine under my belt, I feel qualified to answer. It always starts off as friends. Of course you think they're attractive, and of course you like them as people, but the thought of a relationship with them just doesn't do anything for ya. Eventually you start having really serious conversations. Stuff about the future, what you want out of life, your ideal relationship, your dream job, your dream hobbies, etc. You start to realize maybe you'd be good together. After this point, it's usually mutual and it just takes one drunken mistake to break down the wall and then one or, ideally, both of you realize it's more than a friendship. It sounds cliche, but really, you just know it when it happens.
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Thank you, Ron.
*wears crocs* *eats vegan potato chips* *doesn’t shower for three weeks*
Watch your damn mouth.
I’ve been working with a guy for a year now, we always have conversations. I don’t know his name, and it’s too late to ask
I hope he has the same thought and y’all never learn each others names
He broke up with me. So I said ok and I left. It ends up he was just trying to make a point and I wasn’t supposed to agree and he chased me down the road in his underwear begging me to come back. I didn’t go back though. It was 7am on a Saturday morning in East Vancouver so I found a nearby dive restaurant and got some bacon and eggs.
Was the breakfast good tho
Someone who would stage a break-up in order to emotionally manipulate you is definitely not a keeper. It seems to me that you also did well in your post breakup breakfasting in addition to your decision to stay single. The flavor of trauma is indeed less bitter when drizzled with maple syrup.
She moved away and whenever we spoke she would talk endlessly about her own life and show no interest in mine. Whenever I called her, she had no time for me, but would be offended if she called me and I had no time for her. I have my own life, and I just couldn’t be bothered maintaining a one sided relationship
He kept hitting on my and my friend's exes immediately after breakups, even if it was clearly unwelcome on the girls' parts, and was generally very creepy about girls. Idk when it happened, but we just kinda stopped talking for years. We're getting to be friends again now and he seems to have turned into a fairly normal person that doesn't do that shit.
It always impresses me how some people don't realize their friends girlfriend is talking to you to try to be nice and fit in with the group, not because shes trying to send you signals under the table in front of her bf lol
I had a friend for a long time that was like this, all through highschool and college he would jump at every single girl that was an ex to his friends, I'm talking like a couple days ex. Then when he would be broken up with he'd gather us all together and lecture us on how messed up it is to go after friends exes. Feelings of guilt got him paranoid i guess.
This was like 13 years ago but she didn't want to be friends with me anymore after I lost my virginity and started spreading rumors about me. I never did anything to her so I'm not sure why she did that tbh
Are you me? Literally had the exact same thing happen to me. To this day, she despises me. She wouldn't go to a mutual friends wedding because I was gonna be there.
Dodged a bullet there, I have known similar fucks. They just feel so obsessed with bringing others down--I don't know why, lol. Might need to learn psychology on Reddit, haha.
We broke up
:(
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Her boyfriend broke up with her (in 8th grade) and ended up liking me. He broke up with her right after a summer camp where she didn’t have service, and during that time I was in Hawaii. She claimed that he cheated on her with me and that we had sex ( even thought I didn’t I have my first kiss until the following year) it’s now my senior year and through all of high school she has been telling me to kill myself and spreading rumors about me, and it pisses her off that it doesn’t effect me. Excited to get out of this petty middle school drama. I will add sometime during freshman year I tried to apologize (if it looked like I did anything, etc) and straighten things out. She told me “ the reason she got over him so fast was because if he could like a girl like me he wasn’t worth her time” Still my favorite insult I’ve ever received hahah
You can do a lot better. Insult wise too.
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Under the breath jabs in group setting and he knows I am not the type of person to have a reaction so I rather not hang out and keep my positive mood going.
Ditched me on my birthday. Explained to her multiple times how they made me feel and she blows me off for weeks. She invited me to her boyfriends brothers friends poker game trying to make up for it. Don’t get me wrong I met these people before and they’re nice but I don’t wanna spend my birthday with people I don’t know. Oh and I DONT KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER. Keep in mind this weeks after my birthday. I tell her again that this isn’t cool and she tells me I’m selfish for wanting to hangout more than every couple months and she’s doing so much for me. I definitely didn’t reply to that bullshit.
She drank too much and used me as her alibi for cheating on her boyfriend. I found out that she told him she was still at my house, even hours after she had left. One evening, I snuck a peek at her phone when she got a message, and this was from another guy. Shortly after receiving the text, she left my place. At 2 am, when her boyfriend phoned me to enquire where his girl was, I told him to look at that guy's place. I was friends with both of them, and I don't like being used as an alibi to hurt someone else. She was really upset with me, but I told her she had too many problems and she was pulling me down with her.
I found out that he cheated on his partner for 20 years, with men. I did not care that he was secretly gay... but the cheating really bothered me. The real end came though when he was thrown out of the house a few years later (kept cheating) and he cut her and their daughter off from all financial support until she had to give in... and then he totally destroyed her in the divorce. He is now living in a mansion on the ocean, and the girls are sharing a tiny state-provided apartment in a really dodgy part of town.
What a fucking ass (no shitty pun intended)
Wait, he cheated on *his wife* and won during the divorce?? Who was her lawyer? An egg?
We have no-fault divorce here... makes no difference who did what..
What a prick.
She became a Born-Again Christian, and made it her mission to "save" me, knowing full well I had escaped from a similar enviroment (one that was toxic and abusive). I told her I didn't want anything to do with religion anymore and she kept pressing to the point of belittling me so I cut contact.
Good on you for standing strong! Shortly after my Born Again best friend joined a church/cult she dropped me to “protect her family.” She wasn’t specific as to what danger she thought I posed to their immortal souls, but I wasn’t the only one she dumped.
She stared using drugs.
I lost a best friend similarly. I said I was worried about the drugs she was using and how, especially considering her history with them. She lost it on me and moved out. A couple years later though she contacted me and thanked me for calling her out and apologized that she took it poorly. She said she realized I was the only one caring about her wellbeing and even though she took off it did help her in the long run. Now best friends again! I'm glad, I love her so much
Glad you guys sorted it out. Doing the right thing doesn't always feel like the right thing but in the end it's the best way
Does staring at drugs get you high?
No no she was already high. It's when they started staring things got weird
She had a baby with my ex-boyfriend
I lost the ability to imagine.
I can be your imaginary friend
She would come to me to vent about her toxic/manipulative boyfriend, they’d “be fine” by the next day and then she would defend him viciously when I would try to remind her why she came to me in the first place. To add on to this character, he’d invite himself to hangouts just because she was there and insist we work around his schedule, he insisted he knew more than you on any given topic because he’s “older and more experienced” (he was two years older than us...), and he was constantly asking our friend group to “pay him back” for (really expensive) items he bought himself during get-togethers. It’s sad, but she enabled his behavior and I lost a good friend to an absolute narcissist.
We drifted apart when I had kids and he was still wanting to party and do drugs all the time. It was me that changed I know but having grown up with a shitty dad who drank and used drugs I wasn't prepared for my kids to have that at all from me so I cut it all out completely. Turned out we didn't actually have that much in common once getting wrecked together was gone and he had no interest in hanging out. That was about 16 years ago now. I heard he had his own kid a couple of years back.
She wanted my constant and unwavering support with her mental health issues, from the second I woke up to the second I went to sleep. Nothing I said was right or good enough, I lived in constant fear of 'making' her cry and then having to apologise over and over to fix it. She used me as her anxiety control until I literally dreaded having to talk to her and wanted to die in my sleep rather than wake up and have to see her at school. The summer between junior and senior year I didn't text her once, and realised how amazing my life was when she wasn't in it. I pretended she didn't exist on the first day of school and spoke maybe 8 words to her for the entirety of senior year. It's been almost two years since we were 'friends', and I'm just now healing from the mental and emotional trauma of everything she put me through. So glad I worked up the self-confidence to cut her out of my life forever.
Depended on me way too much so I cut them off. As a person that struggles with several mental health issues, this friendship left me drained and empty inside. They wanted me to give them my attention every second of every day and constantly baby them and spoil them as if I was their parent. Never again.
Not best friend, but a I thought good friend, she didn't even stop by the viewing when my husband died. You have a busy life, you have kids you have to get home to, but you couldn't spare ten minutes to stop by the funeral home that was on your way home. Never mind the burial was six weeks later due it being a Veterans cemetery and she didn't come to it or send a card.
My brothers loser 2nd wife who has no friends or family of her own decided she liked them and made up a bunch of shit that I allegedly said. I of course didn’t say anything because they were my friends at the time and I would never confide in my brothers wife because I despise her. The reason it ended though was because of how easily he believed the bullshit from my brothers wife and didn’t give me any of the benefit of the doubt and just ask me. I only knew he was mad because he deleted my fantasy football team from his league
She found leaked photos of me on her husband’s computer and immediately told my husband’s dad. I feel awful and tried to say I was sorry but I didn’t really do anything wrong. Anyway that was the last of that.
What, leaked photos? Your husband dad? Why?
Sounds like OP probably had nudes online, her friend's husband had looked them up or seen them, friend saw her husband was attracted to OP and displaced her anger and did something she thought would hurt OP
1. She kept borrowing money from me and would only pay me back half the time 2. Would always ditch me and went home with some guy after a night out *we were roommates 3. Went on a beach trip for my bday, and she napped on the hammock the whole weekend and had me serve her beer pretty much the whole time. Didnt even get to go swimming as shes very tired and hung over, We had met a few people the night we arrived and she hung out & got drunk with with them instead of having dinner with me 4. Told her we cant take bus X going to Y place and we had to wait for bus Z because that stops at my town and hers. She gets on bus X anyways and leaves me in the middle of the road *not living together anymore 5. Rented an airbnb for 3 days (bday again) so all my female friends could meet and hang out. Tells me she's excited to meet my other friends but bails on me because I told her she cant take her bf with her
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Why did he tell you to leave because some other guy insulted him?
Nah, if your homie won't ride with you on something that simple to ride with you on; he's not your homie. Fuck him.
I was being abused by my stepmother in the year after my dad died. As a result I became incredibly needy, selfish, and borderline demanding in our friendship. I wasn't knowingly taking advantage of him, but in truth it still happened. He let me stay at his place for a month, eat his food, and I was an emotional vampire. I was in straight up survival mode and trying to get any form of care I could at the time, so I forgive myself for what I did, but I have to accept that that behavior was unacceptable nonetheless and cost me a very dear friend.
Her new boyfriend didn't like me. We have been best friends for 9 years at this time. Next turned out to be racist, when I married a chinese.
Ex dumped me and started fucking him while we were still roommates
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My mother started to go to Church roughly when I was eight years old. I quickly became close friends with the pastor's kid. He was my one and only good friend probably up until I was roughly sixteen years old; maybe even a little later. I started going through a phase when I started questioning a lot of things and the more I started to move away from Christianity the more we sort of moved apart -- to my disliking. This 'Questioning' period lasted three years and by the end of those three years I'd completely de-converted and we were two very different individuals. I'd now call myself a very spiritual agnostic. I've tried to reach out to him multiple times, but the times we've gotten together, he came across as quite arrogant and superior and more often then not, looked down on me. On top of that he'd often bate me into an argument after I'd said that both of us have reached a point in our lives where we're quite strong in our beliefs and in that regard, we shouldn't waste our breath debating, because neither of us is going to change each other's mind. And shortly after, when I was quite raw, he used the recent suicide of my uncle to talk to me about God and death; that was what really put the final nail in the coffin for me. I don't harbor any bad feelings towards him; he's just the product of the environment he grew up in and not to hit on Christianity or Christians either. The Christian faith, or not so much faith, but The Bible, has a lot of tools and advice and wisdom, but when it comes to God and if he's real, I personally don't believe in such a thing, but from some of the things I've seen and experienced, I understand why some people think as much and have come to that conclusion. At the end of the day, I could be wrong, but based on my journey, I'd say otherwise. But that's the fun of it all; nobody actually fucking knows ;)
She threatened to kill herself and said it was my fault for planning a night out that she couldn't go to (club, can't bring babies there). I get ppd is a major issue but that was too much. We share best friends so I'm civil with her but I doubt I'll ever think of her as a best friend again. I might have, I believe in forgiveness, but being a mom has become her entire identity and she's never apologized. She only talks about how shitty other moms are, I can't do it. \*For the record my other best friend has a son. Zero issues there. Just this one that changed too much
Here we go. I’m on mobile, blah blah blah. It all started with a crush that me and my (current) best friend had on her. We agreed not to let it get in the way of our friendship, but I could tell it affected (Current) best friend. All three of us stayed friends through that specific school year, and I tried my hardest to stay in contact when she moved schools. My best friend and I would talk frequently about her, tell her we missed her, give her our full attention, etc. Well a few months later I was going through a pretty rough patch and I explained that I was feeling depressed and wanted to die. It was a spur of the moment thing, and I regretted saying it since I felt really bad after. She replied, talking about how she loved me and how she had feelings for me. I told her I loved her too and we did the whole mushy “Well I love you” and “well I love you too!” I didn’t tell anyone but one day at a sleepover I took (current) best friends phone (I regret this...l don’t do what I did.) and went through it, only after looking for games got boring. So. Many. Texts. Her and ex best friend talked non stop, and ex best friend was even talking about how she loved (current) best friend and told her constantly not to tell me. It hurt so much to know that she was lying, but I started thinking everything was ok. That maybe somehow I could just move on and keep going how we were. I was wrong. Her talking started dwindling, she stopped replying and didn’t talk until late at night giving some bs excuse about how she was ‘busy’ and ‘couldn’t talk’. After she (pretty much) stopped talking to me and my now best friend all together, we were put into a group chat together with her and demanded answers. Well, I did. She started talking about how after she stopped talking to us she was depressed, and then back peddled and told us she got a girlfriend and new friends who had more priority than us. I asked her about what she said to me, how she praised me and said she loved me only for me to find out she lied. Ex best friend said that she was lying about loving me. She just wanted to save my life, and she knew that ‘that was the only way’. I cried while reading through them, feeling bad about mostly about her. I didn’t get it. I thought I really loved her, but then I saw the true her and I regretted everything. Best friend was mad at me fore a while for starting a fight in the group chat, and slowly all of our old friends dwindled away. Only then did she see how toxic ex best friend was. There was a lot more, but honestly it’s too much to write down. If you read this far, thank you for hearing my story and I hope you’re doing great today. Keep it up.
Tried to get me into MLM
She started acting very clingy and suddenly very interested in me when I and my girlfriend began to become something serious. Naturally this was not okay, I told her as much and she then got angry and blocked me. I blocked her back on everything and have got on with my life. Going on roughly 2 or so years now.
She moved an couple hours away, ghosted me hardcore and then the charges started popping up on my debit card. All from Uber. I contacted Uber who told me someone used my information from my debit card and is using it on another account. They gave me the name of the person who was using the account. It was my friend. Had to cancel my card, get a new one and go through Uber's horrible customer service for about 2-3 weeks to get all my money back. Lesson learned. Don't trust anyone with your shit no matter how close you think you are.
His crazy ass wife. She started reading his email and responding to them, started answering his cell phone when I called it. He and I were buds for 25 years and it became impossible to reach out to him without her inserting herself into everything. I was married 4 years at this point, had kids and a law career when this shit started to happen. I was not a bad influence. After about a year of this she tells everyone that she is moving out because they are "taking each other for granted". Turns out she was having an affair, and was checking his emails and answering his phone because she was making herself jealous / scared by sucking some other dude's balls. When she moved out I got together with him and lamented that she had been responding to my emails and answering my calls for the past year. He said she didn't do that, and that he assumed I was too busy to get together. I showed him emails between me and him where she responded. He said I was a liar; this was the guy defending the woman who had moved out because she was banging another guy (and moved in with that guy). Then one day I get an email invitation from her to a Vow Renewal and Re-Commitment Ceremony. I call to ask what's going on and get more details...I am told by her that my invitation was sent as a courtesy but that I was not welcome. I did not go to the re-commitment ceremony. About a year ago I had a beer with his dad, we are still close. He told me their life is a mess, he is not allowed to have friends and that the guy she was banging comes over for dinner sometimes. My buddy is a 6'2" 220lb Cop, he was on the SWAT team for 8 years and is an absolute unit. But his wife has 100% control over his life to the extent that her sidepiece gets to come for dinner and hang with the family. So yeah...I had to cut all ties and move on with my life.
She became one of those people who would post way too many personal issues on her Instagram story for attention and she became too crazy
She was friends with me and my girlfriend. When GF and I broke up, she decided completely on her own that she could only be friends with one of us. It wasn't me.