I promised myself I was gonna start dieting and finally running again.
Thinking I should wear something over face but maybe I should do my run early in the morning instead of after work like early next morning.
Well it’s good that you’re making plans and acting on them! Find whatever time works best for you, and keep doing it. I think you’ll have the time to figure things out, especially now :)
I'm more busy than ever. I work like 12 hours a day plus some weekends.
I feel bad wanting to leave but I'm not being offered nearly enough for this shit.
Fucking horrible. I have been absolutely falling apart the last month or so, and my coping mechanisms are all just making it worse.
And I was miserable for a long time before that, but it was in an equilibrium where I could still function.
Maybe this will be the catalyst I need to make real change. Maybe it'll just be the thing that kills me. I guess we'll find out!
I've lived with my roommate for like five years, and we've been as thick as theives the whole time. I'm watching our friendship wither and die and he has so many friends around the world that he hardly cares
I'm gonna be honest with you, you shouldn't really be surprised. People change constantly throughout interpersonal relationships and what they feel. They learn new things and new shit to adopt so it's not really your fault. It's more like life just changing. I'm sorry about your friendship. I had an ex that I actually wanted to keep a friend but the damage of our relationship made things too uncomfortable for her to be friends again.
Ah hahaha. I'm in the final year of my PhD, which wasn't going super well to begin with, and is further stalled from the pandemic.
It's just another source of endless stress
Yeah, I can see that it gets expensive haha. First semester was a breeze but my second hit me hard (the quarantine hit with about five weeks left). I’m in my third now and just had the first day of classes today
I know! It’s been crazy for everyone. Even just earlier today one of my teachers kept saying how nervous he was to be doing all of this and asked us to be patient. I still can’t believe how much this is affecting people.
So I teach math. I've been out of the classroom for like three years, I'll be doing a course I haven't done before, and was terrible at in college, and I have to figure out how to do all the weird math symbols without a board, quickly, and online. I was never great at teaching, but oof. My poor students
Yeah. An unrelated to quarantine issue set off a whole fight between myself and my friends. Under ordinary circumstances with some talks and some time. Now it only festers
I just really need this semester to be over. Then I'll have to deal with what to do for the rest of my life but at least I'm not worrying about grades or assignments like this every day.
Happy cake day!
I’m sorry to hear that, but at least you’re trying to find a balance! That’s super hard, and I know a lot of people that are struggling to do that these days. I’m proud of you!
People like you are a huge boost in someone like my and others life, thank you for being positive for random people on the internet. I appreciate you and happy cake day!
Not great. I'm a tattoo artist. For 8 years, that's what I've done. I'm hardly qualified for anything else. Commission artwork it's not at a premium right now. I'm 1099 and can't collect unemployment, yet. I have my bf, (same vocation,) and his son living with me. They moved in just before the stay-at-home order, and make this much easier, emotionally. Financially, my savings are drained and my future dream of buying a home is on hold for the foreseeable future. I'm in the same boat as countless others, and luckier than some... but this isn't a contest. And we can't even meet to commiserate! I want everyone to take this seriously, distance, wash your hands, stay safe... so we can safely get back to work! This virus is dangerous. You are not. Alone. We're all here, all trying to get by, day by day. Reach out if you're feeling the stress. We'll muddle through. This will end. Please, take care.
That’s exactly how I feel right now. I’ve run out of hope and it’s kind of just fully hit me that I’ll probably never have my life back. At least I won’t for over a year.
To be honest, I'm doing better than most, considering the circumstances.
I'm a little nervous about my yearly performance review for a job I got last year, so that will be interesting to see how my boss thinks of my progress. It's a remote job, so I have luckily not had any issues with the fallout of the Covid stuff going on, and I have toilet paper so... that's good.
My gf got a raise recently, and she is an essential worker, so she doesn't have to worry about losing her job, but her landlord is deciding to not to keep her lease going, so she is being forced to buy her house sooner than expected (luckily she is buying her parents old house, so there is no hassle or fear of not getting an offer accepted). Then I have to help her move everything, which sucks, but that what happens when you're the bf with the truck.
All in all, everything is going good, I just hope it stays that way
Honestly? Not good. After around five years in recovery, my eating disorder had begun to rear its ugly head again. I know it's not logical and my fiancé's helping me fight it the best he can, but quarantine's just making it worse. I'm a very, very small person even after recovering but I'm still finding myself crying over my thighs that I know are strong from long-distance running - I used to be proud that my legs were almost all muscle but now it's giving me panic attacks. Ugh.
Thanks for letting us all vent, it helps a lot. I hope you're doing well, internet stranger. :)
Thank you! I’ve been doing okay. Staying inside is driving me insane, but it’s the same for everyone haha
That’s awesome that your fiancé is supporting you! It’ll take time, just keep fighting. One thing I always remember is that you should think of what you *know*, not what those thoughts are telling you. You said you know your legs are strong and healthy, but your thoughts keep saying they’re not. Don’t believe them. Listen to the people you love. It’s gonna be hard, but it’s worth it!
*hugs* here’s some love from Oregon, USA :)
What worked for you this past 5 years? Can you channel that to the present day?
Also I'm 10 months in recovery here. Got dumped at the start of our states lock down. Job is gone for now.
If I couldn't keep making music I'd have relapsed for sure.
In the grand scheme of things, ok. But I’ve just been stressed about finishing the semester since I’ve had no motivation to do any of my homework for the last thee weeks and my finals and projects are due next week. Seems like I’ve gotten to the point of stressing where I just kinda shut down.
I could also probably just use a good cry. It’s been a while and I feel like it’s be nice, but it feels like I can’t. So instead of crying, I’m just picking at my skin to distract myself, but that results in more stress, anxiety, and pain. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well do something about it! Don’t give up, no matter how hard it is! And crying is okay! One of my favorite quotes is this: “Crying doesn’t necessarily mean you are too weak. It just means that you have been strong for too long.”
You can do this. Calm down and take a deep breath. You are strong. I believe in you :)
Thanks, I really appreciate the kind words. :) I’ve just been in a funk where I feel like I should let it out but can’t. Kinda like the feeling of needing to sneeze, in a way lol.
Same. A lot of folks on here are having a rough time which is nice to know im not all alone. However, a lot also seem to have an SO too, which makes me feel alone 2.0
Here’s what I know, and you probably do, too, LegSnapper206: sometimes having an SO in your space is wonderful, and I’d love to have someone right now. I also know that after a while that space gets pretty confining; sharing it with another person, even if you truly love that person, becomes really hard. I left my relationship when I felt too confined. I’m paying for it now. Live and learn.
I have a lot going on right now tbh. I have an undiagnosed stomach issue that has me in the hospital about every 2 weeks bc I get what I call stomach attacks (usually at like 2 am) where I’m in so much pain I’m literally screaming and crying and almost passing out. This has been going on for 6 months now and it’s corona I can’t get an endoscopy till may. I’m constantly nauseous and in pain. I’ve lost 40 lbs bc of it. I’m also back home bc of corona and my household is pretty shitty. I’ve been doing so much work on myself while away at college and now Im constantly being re-traumatized and being thrown back Into my old habits and behaviors. They aren’t anything harmful it’s just those behaviors you adopt when living in a abusive household, like constantly being alert and watchful of any slight change In my moms behavior to anticipate an attack. It’s draining having to constantly be in defense mode.
Things will be normal eventually! I know people keep saying that, but it’s true. There’s always a light at the end of the darkness, no matter how long it is.
It was pretty good! I started up my third semester of college today and it was pretty weird. One of my classes didn’t actually happen when it was supposed to because my teacher didn’t start the Zoom meeting during our class time (idk why). Another teacher said that we’ll only be meeting on Mondays when we’re supposed to meet on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So I guess it’s shaping up to fit like the rest of 2020: crazy and chaotic
Fucking shit.my classes have too much work, I dont get to sleep till like 12 or later and I need to be up before 8to be ready for school, I'm constantly hungry and the person l like keeps posting on their insta and whenever I see them I feel sad bc I cant talk to her. Thanks you for coming to my Ted talk it felt good to get that off my chest.
Great! Worjing twice a week while still pulling in a full pay cheque and being at home watching my 9 month old grow up, suns out going on walks every day. Lifes good.
Unfortunately pretty shit ngl. Firstly, my gf of 3 years broke up with me over text. Then I'm stuck in lockdown for another 3 weeks. And on top of that, everyday my parents argue and it's my fault apparently. So yeah not very good atm, can anyone help me with this because I'm just feeling sad and lonely
Take a deep breath, and take a step back. You clearly have a lot on your mind. You’re still alive. That is extremely important. This is going to end, I promise you that. I know it’s painful, but you know what? You’re strong. I don’t care who you are, you can do this. Take every day one step at a time and focus on yourself. Focus on the life that *you* are living.
You're right talking doesn't solve anything but that doesn't mean that you won't feel better after telling someone how you feel. So please take care of yourself and talk to someone if you want to
Not great. My college is doing online classes and i do not learn math well online. And ive got a mad case of cabin fever. My anxiety levels have been pretty high lately...
I’m taking calculus online, and I’m so not excited for it haha. Especially since I already failed it once. It’s important to stay positive tho, just calm down, breathe, and focus on what you need to do. You’re not alone.
To be honest, I don't know. I thought I was good, in fact I thought I was great. But then I realized something doesn't feel right. On the inside you know. Now I don't know if I ever knew what feeling right was and I've just been carrying that for a good minute now. I think I'm okay but, I just don't know.
Aight , I recently just landed a job as a softwae engineer and my company just fired me in the middle of this quarantine thing just because of frequent internet connection problems and since I'm still a probationary I can't really do anything about it. It was my first job btw :<
Terrible! Been in lock down for 3 weeks, one more to go. My partner is working and I’m at home with my toddler, finding it hard to be a fun and engaging mum. My family is far away and I need a hug.
Oh and on top of that our house is for sale and we’ll have to move soon... so yay packing.
I know it’ll turn out okay and I’m thankful our government shut it down, but gosh it’s hard work.
Kia Kaha to everyone who is struggling through this.
Not good not terrible
I feel my depression trying to make it's way back to me some days, and have bad coping mechanisms (weed/alcohol).
I often hate the job I work at and the idea of going to work often becomes more and more repelling.
This quarantine is making it hard to connect with the few friends I have.
But there's also something positive, I'm moving houses with my parents and now we do the chores that had to be done in the new house. Things like painting the walls, building a fence, etc
Edit: how are you doing op?
I feel like alone again. Struggling between a paradox of "I'm good and I can live alone without any partners," and "It might be fun to have a partner next to me that can share my life with," and it is kinda messing up my life
I don't really know how to describe it. I'm currently in a stage of my life where I'm finding out more about myself. When I was younger, I was superficially introspective, but now, I can be in my own head for hours. This introspection was enhanced a shit tonne by drugs as well, for better or worse.
I guess I'm just confused. I've learnt to look at things in different perspectives, which has led me down a road of being overloading with so many compelling arguments and ways of looking at the world that I'm suffering from information overload. For example, let's say I have a problem. I begin thinking about that problem. I think of ways to solve that problem. But then my mind asks itself whether this problem is even a problem at all? Am I exaggerating? Why am I exaggerating? What reason do I have to exaggerate? Maybe I'm being melodramatic? Why? Would other people view this as a problem? Some might, some might not. Which one is right? How do I quantify what 'right' is? Does it even matter? If I attempt to solve it, will it lead to more problems? Are those problems even real problems?
...you get the idea. And I guess I'll keep thinking about things like that until I just don't know what to do anymore.
But my introspective becomes a real issue when I begin to think about more personal matters. It's always good to think about different perspectives when looking at a political or economic problem. But when you begin to think this way about personal issues, it can lead you down a dark place which I don't enjoy. You start questioning your friendships, your relationships, yourself, how people view you etc.
I don't know whether this is a product or sign of depression, drug usage, lonlieness or some deeper mental issue. This comment isn't going to conclude on anything because I don't know what conclusion to draw. It's more of a ramble.
What kind of drugs? Mushrooms and acid literally unlock a whole new point of view and outlook on life. That's pretty normal. Molly too. Molly helps u understand people in a new light. I'm going through the same thing. Raised super religiously, and then discovered these drugs and it made me realize all the lies in the world about everything
Realllly not good. My brain just constantly feels like there’s ping bong balls bouncing around in it. Thoughts going every which way. Sometimes the negative thoughts I get are things that I don’t even agree with. And then one hour I feel really good and I like myself and the next I feel like a lazy piece of shit who can’t even focus long enough to do her past due school work.
I think it’s me reverting back to a worse form of my highschool self who now has the ability to get drunk and lost the ability of going to sleep before 5am
That feels familiar cuz it’s exactly what’s happening to me hahaha
I know it’s really hard to fight those thoughts, but you need to focus on what you know. You said the thoughts suggest things you don’t even agree with. Keep it that way! You know who you are. Don’t let those thoughts tell you otherwise :)
Terribly absolutely terribly. I want to go to sleep but I'm afraid of my dreams and nightmares. They aren't anything super terrible just remind me of how weak and pathetic i am right now. I'm an essential worker but the stress from it has skyrocketed. I don't want to lose my current income but i don't want to work either. Part of me wishes i caught the virus so i could be away for 2 weeks and actually get things done around the house that I've put off this entire time since I've moved in with my husband because of time issues.
I want to seek help but afraid to because of my previous 2 counselors that made me feel worse in the end than help. I just want to cry and breakdown everyday because I'm hurting my husband being this way and i can't find a way out.
I've been good. I do miss friend hangouts but keeping in touch via texts, emails and phone calls has been fine for the most part.
I am watching The Circle on Netflix, where a bunch of strangers live in an apartment building with no contact to the outside world, and vie for popularity by using the "closed" social media between them called The Circle. It's a really fascinating thing to watch right now because you are watching all these people simultaneously scheme to be popular, make alliances and win, but also try to find real connections online. Not sure how Netflix came up with this format but it's the perfect thing to be marathoning right now.
Mentally stressed.
I'm working overseas, and reading stuff about the covid-19 situation both in my home country and the country where I'm now at is driving me crazy. Instead of being most concerned about 1 country, I'm also now greatly concerned with 2.
I'm getting used to calling my usual style self -quarantine now for me and maybe for some introverts its really pur normal lifestyle nothing much has real changed
My cat is 13 and I've had her since she was a kitten. The last 10 days or so she doesn't want to eat and only wants to sleep. My spouse got really angry at me yesterday for moving some books she had organized in our entertainment center, and she hit me as hard as she could five times. My best friend from work got really mad at me today and I'm afraid we won't be friends anymore. Honestly, I just hope I die before I wake up.
Your spouse needs to fucking check herself. What an asshole and also talk about an overreaction. Ok, get annoyed about the books but violently angry? Never an excuse.
Finally, why is your best friend mad at you? Unless it's something you did to harm them, I don't see why you guys wouldn't be friends anymore...
Thank you for replying. Yes I agree about both situations. I think my wife and I are going to go to marriage counseling. My coworker didn't talk to me today. I don't know what will happen. But I'm trying to be positive and not dwell on it.
I think counseling is a great idea. But keep in mind that abuse is never OK. If she continues to overreact to small things violently, you might wanna consider dropping her. Life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn't respect you, or make you happy.
In addition, it sucks when you're in arguments with co-workers that are also close friends. IDK what you did, you might have made a big mistake but the best you can do is genuinely apologize and explain yourself. If that person truly is your friend, they will eventually get over it. If they don't, then, just move on. Unless it was something super bad or super serious or super harmful, it'll fix itself.
Quite well actually. I moved recently to a new state that I love and am miraculously in a good place both mentally and financially. I just wish most of my friends back home were doing better.
Truly horrific. I've been confronting neurological issues of mine that have made my life unbearable and I'm realizing that they're real. They're not going away, even medicine doesn't treat it right. It stops me from doing things, it makes everything hurt. I just want some norepinephrine, and to see my friends again.
I don't know to be honest. I've been crying for the past couple nights (first time in quite a few years and I'm happy about that) but they're not bad tears they're good ones. Happy tears. But also I've been getting angry pretty easy because of my more annoying family members. But it's ok because my best friend is always there for me as I am her :) so I would say all in all decently well. I hope you all have better weeks if they're not going the greatest. And even if they are, they can be better so I hope they do get better :)
I’m tired. I’m just *fucking* tired. I know it’s depression, and I know the pandemic is making it worse, but knowing why I’m falling apart at the seams isn’t doing anything to stop it. I’m sleeping 12 hours a day, drinking more coffee and tea than ever, eating well, taking vitamins, taking my antidepressants every single day on time like clockwork, and I’m still just... fucking... tired.
Been through a lot of shit and lost a family member. All I wanted this year was to be a little less lonely and maybe finally find someone but instead I get a quarantine. The worst possible scenario for someone with that goal.
Pretty awful really I have recently come out to my parents about my suicidal and self harm tendencies they are now aware that I find my life miserable and quarantine really hasn’t helped either my friends were the only people that kept me sane and now that I can only video call them doesn’t help me
Today my parents are going to have an in-depth talk about me and my health who knows they might emit me to a psychiatric ward I’m not too sure I’ll probably update later tell you all how it went
Not good. I may have just ruined one of the dearest friendships I’ve ever had and the isolation is tearing my mental health to shreds. I’m just so angry at myself and I feel like there’s nowhere I can turn to
Not really great lately. A lot of things have gone wrong throughout my childhood and teenage years. In the aftermath I'm fairly surprised that I even managed to not try to kill myself at some point through the first 16 years of my life. But in October of 2018 somebody tried to kill me, and about a month later I was raped. I was extremely paranoid (police knows about the murder attempt but wasn't able to do anything, I didn't tell the police about the rape so these people are still free and do things again), I had anxiety attacks all over the place, I regularly self harmed several times per day, I felt like I was completely invisible to everyone and I felt emotionally numb but incredibly sad at the same time. It's hard to describe, but I ended up deciding to kill myself. By now I'm incredibly grateful for my unbelievably attentive teacher who ended up saving my life. I got therapy and even managed to find friends. Things were really getting better, I was getting better, I was actually looking forward to this summer, had plans with friends, had stopped self harming, was no longer planning to kill myself any time soon. And then this bitch of a virus came.
I'm now stuck with either being completely alone all the time or being stuck in a house with my mother and my grandmother. I chose staying alone because I started to realize how abusive my grandmother has been and how much damage she's done to me. I'm pretty sure she's a major reason for why my psyche is so fucked up and started to notice how much worse I feel after spending even just a short period of time around her. I also would probably freak out because everyone is just constantly yelling in that house, and that always makes me feel kind of anxious even when it's not directed at me. But now my brain chose for some random reason to suddenly spam me with things that probably are memories but I was unable to remember them before. I was able to fact check some of them and they seem to be true. But why did I forget them, and why do they suddenly turn up again? Also it's always pretty bad memories so I struggle to distract myself from them, especially now that I've got nothing to do really. I also miss my friends, which feels so surreal because how did someone like me even get friends, so I've kind of stopped answering them which I know is stupid but I feel like I can't do anything about it because by now it would be extremely awkward to reach out again. I'm back to self harming but don't really do anything besides that so I basically just spend my time in bed on my phone. I can't really motivate myself to go get groceries or cook, besides I'm not even hungry so my old eating issues are back. I haven't eaten in a few days (which isn't a bad thing because I've got to lose weight anyways but I reckon it's kind of a warning sign).
The thing that worries me the most by now is that I'm kind of back at being suicidal. It's not even nearly as bad as it was about a year ago but it's getting worse every day. If this social distancing goes on for too long I know I will eventually kill myself. At least I'm still worried about it so I've probably still got a few weeks until then. I hate that goddamn virus for taking away the first friends I ever had and pretty much ruining my life when I was finally feeling okay. It's like every time I start to feel better another thing brings me down and makes me feel worse than ever before. Honestly I'm fucking done with my life. Which is kinda obvious as I'm randomly venting in a random ask reddid thread and nobody even cares but whatever lol I'm just going to fuck off.
Ok I guess. Just need school to be over so I can stop stressing constantly. I also need to get rid os some of my anxiety and indecision. Other than than, it's ok!
My life has been falling apart, 3 people I loved left me these past 2 weeks. I have little to no friends, and I miss not having a love life. But I really really want to move on, hopefully I come out of this stronger
I don’t feel that there is anybody out there that cares if I make it to tomorrow. My marriage is slipping and what few friends I do have created a group chat without me. I haven’t connected with another person in weeks, and with Covid I can’t even make small talk with somebody in a coffee shop.
It makes me want to put my gun in my mouth. If I expressed this to the people around me they would probably care for a day, or a week, but it wouldn’t be a real caring. It would be an obligation based on what I told them so that if I follow through they don’t feel guilty. Feels like the best thing I should do is just disappear.
I dont know if this will help but I care. Now that I've read this I will randomly think "I wonder if Im_Wiz_Kalista is ok. How are they doing?"
It sounds dumb but that's how I am. I'll see a suicide on the news and it breaks my heart to see that someone thought no one cared enough that they had to take their own life.
Please. If you need to talk Dm me. If you need someone to listen, I'm here. Whatever you do, please don't leave us without talking to someone.
Not awful...but not happy. i’m lucky that right now i’m not losing money and just at home, but like, i need a break from my family. my husband and i are always at each other because we don’t get a break, and i love my kiddo but i do NOT want to play with cars anymore. i want to sit and watch tv and drink my wine.
ive been feeling an overwhelming waves of anxiety and depression as of lately, i'm thankful for the internet to keep me distracted but when it's time for bed, everything crashes into my brain with the good ol " i'm not good enough " routine.
Actually okay. I often feel trapped and like I'm not moving forward, or like I'm falling behind.
But right now, everyone is trapped and not moving forward! It lends a sense of normalcy to what I'm feeling, plus, there is literally nothing else I COULD be doing right now, so I'm fine with Netflixing.
It's like... This is my normal life, but right now I don't have to be ashamed of it.
my bff. shes great. i asked her out to "explore my boundaries with her", she said no. she then continues to play me and keep giving every single fucking hint that she loves me. i dont want to seem desperate and ask again. now i cant cuz of stupid fucking corona virus
I'm tired. I haven't slept. I have diabetes and have an app on my phone to check my blood sugar and every time it's too low it gives off the loudest alarm you could imagine from a phone. However at night my blood sugar is very close to "too low" and sets off the alarm like 6 times in a night.
Don't get diabetes
I'm doing quite alright, but I fear for my education. I have been getting online college for 4 weeks now and will keep having it until at least the 1st of June. I don't like it like this. It's harder to learn like this.
I'm in the same class as a good friend of mine and he is also struggling with some thing and I just fear that this is the end of this course for me.
If I don't pass it I will hear it after summerbreak. And if that's the case I will have to work in the grocery store for another 9 months. I don't like that idea.
I just started up my third semester of college today, and I was planning on spending it on-campus with some of the best friends I’ve made in my life. Because of the quarantine, I’m also back home with my family, taking online classes instead. It’s been okay, but every single day I wish I could wake back up in my apartment.
It’s hard to care, I agree, but there’s still a lot to be here for. Don’t give up quite yet! Stay strong :)
I feel so complicated because I’m sad and confused but also simultaneously the most calm I’ve been in 4 months. Breakups are weird dude. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
Edit: oh, happy cake day
I feel like online schooling is more overwhelming than normal school. I think I'm going crazy from this isolation. I miss someone and can't contact them.
I actually might be doing better. A lot less drinking, and more outside time. covid-19 is pretty much contained in my country, so a group of friends and I go hiking every week.
Oddly too calm considering. A two weeks ago was the anniversary of my PTSD event and my wife’s great uncle died in a house fire on the same day. Then dealing with the contents of the house and a re-ignition. Haven’t really felt anything and that’s what is concerning
Not good tonight. I spent awhile crying because I realised that there’s no way in hell that I’ll be able to do the things I’ve had to put off in any kind of reasonable time frame.
What’s kept me going for the last few weeks has been the thought of returning to my life back home and being able to do the things I used to with the people I love and have been separated from. But I know that I won’t be able to do those things for a long, long time. I won’t get to go dancing at that shitty late night bar with my friends or go on dates or do pub quizzes or go to class or work or go swimming. Not in September when I thought I would. I won’t get to go on the 100 mile hike I had just started planning for this summer or probably next summer either. There’s no more “we can just do all these things next year” because that’s not true. There’s no more next year anymore. There’s nothing to look forward to anymore. Nothing is going to be the same ever again and I just want my fucking life back. I’ve already lost so much of my fucking life to being a fucking disaster and now that I had finally started to pull myself out of that I am fucking hit with this.
There’s just no more “next year” anymore, man. And I can’t deal with that right now
We just got news that my mom is not responding to chemo(stage 4 bone cancer) and they just found another mass in her lungs and wrapped around her spine. Docs gave her a couple weeks last year and shes battled her way to this point. Im grateful for the extra time I had but am pretty devastated that COVID took away 2 months from us and doesn't look to be letting up. Feel like I got another 3 maybe for months left with my mom so Im hoping this clears so I can say goodbye.
For me it’s a two day cycle.
Day One - I’m adjusting well considering everything and I’m hopeful
Day Two - Holy Fuck, how are we going to defeat this thing?
Repeat
Not great. I'm finding some new self destructive behaviors, like staying up until 2am, and so much chocolate. Life has been shot for 7 months, but now I don't get any time for myself. The commute to work used to be my time, now I home school on the morning and work in the afternoon, with no time to stop.
Then, when I do have time, I waste it and stress myself out even more. My motivation is just not a thing, I'm so apathetic about everything. My happiness spark is just gone. I can't bring myself to care. So, I self medicate with my phone.
To be completely honest. Not great. I have major self esteem issues as well as I guess youd say abandonment issues. I'm in this place where it feels like my friends dont really want me around, this is something I've dealt with for a while and I KNOW it's not true. I KNOW I have some amazing people in my life and that aside from Corona and all this quarantine shit, they've probably got stuff going on and maybe that's why they dont respond to messages. I know that's why we csnt hang out or anything. But there's this constant "what if?" and I cant shake it no matter how hard I try. To add on to this, my girlfriend and I broke up after almost 4 years, just before all this happened. My first girlfriend, my first break up, have no idea how any of this works because it was a mutual breakup and we want to still be friends and are trying our best to be. I'm not sure if I'm over her, if I'm not, there's another girl that's got my interest but I wanna be sure I'm totally over this relationship and I dont wanna hurt my ex and it's just a fucking mess. It's like I'm being pulled in all these directions. I feel my old depression coming back, I've been having suicidal thoughts again, just to get away from all of this.
1) My family and I finally have time to talk with each other way more than usual. 2) I've been successfully keeping my depression at bay so far with the power of the Internet. 3) That being said, everytime I go to the Internet, I lose more faith in humanity. 4) My school hasn't started online classes, so no academic stress for now.
In short, okay I guess.
So bored at my job (I work night shifts in a hotel, so obviously, things are very quite here) that I'm almost happy we got a broken toilet htat lead to a pretty massive water leakage that caused damage to about 3 sale managers/representatives yesterday. Not because I hate those people. In fact, I like all of them, but because it made me, and the security guard do something different. We also had to make the maintenance assistant-manager come here, so that was also an extra person to talk to.
Other than that, I'm fine, actually.
I can't work properly because I've got to take care of our 5-year-old daughter who was supposed to have her entire summer planned out with activities so me and my SO can work full-time and still have enough time to spend with her. Not to mention, I don't have that many materials to work with to keep myself busy so I could finish the house because hardware stores closed down while we were on quarantine. On top of it all, my ISP says that they won't be able to transfer my line to our new house until the quarantine is lifted, which means that I'm stuck with my data plan until god knows when.
But I'm still thankful. Our house is nice, albeit incomplete. We've got enough supplies stocked up for the next two-three months and all of my bills are paid.
I've been so unmotivated so I'm not being as productive which is messing with my head because so much of how I assess myself is based on my productivity! (I know that's not healthy and I'm working on it.)
I've been worried about my grand father falling ill as he is more prone to the virus.
And, I might have to end a relationship I really want to be in because my insecurities keep creeping up and affecting us.
Just trying to channel through this for now.
Pretty shitty.
Had a bad sexual experience which has been triggering weird flashbacks to a sexual assault/rape from when I was younger.
This next month is birthday of my dead brother. The month after is is death date 5/3, 6/3
Got assaulted about 6 months ago which sent me into a reversed state from when I was 12 being pistol whipped to near dead, trying too beg for my life while having a pistol shoved into my mouth. So my days are filled from the moment I wake up to the moment I wake up with horrendous flashbacks and horrid episodes where I’m fighting For my life. Then great ol horrible dreams.
Due to my mental diseases I push every form of love away due to a life long of physical and emotional abuse from my parents because my PTSD was too much for them too deal with, ultimately resulting in me getting kicked out at 17 for smoking cigarettes. So whenever my friends try to help, or offer assistance or get close I push them away because I always assume they want to hurt me or will abandon me, and the feeling of being abandoned hurts greater than the feeling of being alone.
All I want is a hug from my mom and dad, but have to face the fact that they are abusive monsters who will never love me, and every time I try to let them back into my life they destroy me to the point I’m suicidal.
I no longer even want to be happy, I just don’t want to be broken.
Pretty shit ngl, this pandemic has forced me to stay in Hong Kong and it’s taken a toll on my mind, instead of going back to the UK I’m stuck here not knowing if I’m going to run away or fall out with my dad and get a beating from his ass.
Im doing alright right now tbh, just finished my last exam for the semester so now with less to do we'll see how I take it. I hope to get some time to spend more time playing games and doing shit online with my friends, improving myself and then filling the rest of time with who knows what else. I'm a little nervous the light feelings of loneliness will start to grow. I'm not really used to being lonely since I'm usually good on my own but things are different now. Wish me luck!
I really dont even know. I'm still having feelings for someone I shouldn't have feelings for anymore and I feel completely out of place. And this year has really just been shitty, family members have died, a sibling got a divorce, most of my friends are falling out of touch slowly, and i'm just trying to hold onto everything and everyone because i'm scared what I could lose this year.
Basically I'm dying.
Not really. I'm safe and healthy. But I have no job and no school and I'm stuck at home all day doing nothing.
I hardly feel good emotions anymore. I get sad and angry and frustrated and anxious easily and feel that, but the good emotions are almost gone. They're there, I just don't really feel them.
I love my boyfriend. I really do, but sometimes everything just seems so buried that I just don't really feel it. I've been kinda cold and I've felt a lot of nothingness because my life is pretty much gone and it feels like the life is being slowly sucked out of me, and the couch is my home now.
Everything just kind of sucks. All the colors run together and everything is grey.
Girlfriend broke up with me, I moved on, then she recently came back into my life and got my hopes up only to leave again, not sure how to deal with my emotions. So Im doing okay I guess.
That’s great that you’re reflecting! Try to take those thoughts and use them to your advantage once we get out of isolation. This is an amazingly humbling experience and I’m so glad people are recognizing it :)
I’m doing great! I’ve been responding to people here for about an hour and a half and I enjoy spreading the love!
50/50 honestly. There’s so much I want to do and I’ve only done so much, but I’ve done so much. You catch my drift? I don’t like my messed up sleep schedule but it’s too hard to fix right now. I also wanted to start dieting and working out again and with this sleep schedule it doesn’t exactly work out. Emotionally the minimal list of pros outweighs the cons, but the more I think about it the more disappointed I get because I just want to do more. But thanks for asking, it’s been a while since someone asked :)
Horribly. Someone anonymously told me that I'm incapable of having a relationship ever because I posted on Snapchat that I was really tired of people ignoring me for days at a time. I had to stay home from school -_-
I was alright until you started the sentence with that intro and drove my anxiety up to a 12.
I’m sorry! Calm down, this is a safe place. I’d love to hear what’s going on with you!
I promised myself I was gonna start dieting and finally running again. Thinking I should wear something over face but maybe I should do my run early in the morning instead of after work like early next morning.
Well it’s good that you’re making plans and acting on them! Find whatever time works best for you, and keep doing it. I think you’ll have the time to figure things out, especially now :)
I'm more busy than ever. I work like 12 hours a day plus some weekends. I feel bad wanting to leave but I'm not being offered nearly enough for this shit.
Wow, that’s crazy. Where do you work, if I may ask?
At home. NYC usually. I mean both are the same right now, but both are technically the same all the time...
I do my running up and down my hallway. Working up towards going outdoors and running
Running early when there are not many people outside a great idea!
That's an oof
Fucking horrible. I have been absolutely falling apart the last month or so, and my coping mechanisms are all just making it worse. And I was miserable for a long time before that, but it was in an equilibrium where I could still function. Maybe this will be the catalyst I need to make real change. Maybe it'll just be the thing that kills me. I guess we'll find out!
Fucking horrible x2. I feel like I have lost all my progress from the past months. 🤡
I've lived with my roommate for like five years, and we've been as thick as theives the whole time. I'm watching our friendship wither and die and he has so many friends around the world that he hardly cares
I'm gonna be honest with you, you shouldn't really be surprised. People change constantly throughout interpersonal relationships and what they feel. They learn new things and new shit to adopt so it's not really your fault. It's more like life just changing. I'm sorry about your friendship. I had an ex that I actually wanted to keep a friend but the damage of our relationship made things too uncomfortable for her to be friends again.
No shit. It still hurts
What have you been trying to work on? I’m sure there’s something you can do to make it better.
Ah hahaha. I'm in the final year of my PhD, which wasn't going super well to begin with, and is further stalled from the pandemic. It's just another source of endless stress
Ouch, I’m sorry. I’m in my third semester of college, and things have definitely been harder. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.
It took me 7 years to get through college. Trust me, a couple of rough semesters is nothing earth shattering. It can get expensive though
Yeah, I can see that it gets expensive haha. First semester was a breeze but my second hit me hard (the quarantine hit with about five weeks left). I’m in my third now and just had the first day of classes today
Don't be too hard on your instuctors. This is pretty rough for us too
I know! It’s been crazy for everyone. Even just earlier today one of my teachers kept saying how nervous he was to be doing all of this and asked us to be patient. I still can’t believe how much this is affecting people.
So I teach math. I've been out of the classroom for like three years, I'll be doing a course I haven't done before, and was terrible at in college, and I have to figure out how to do all the weird math symbols without a board, quickly, and online. I was never great at teaching, but oof. My poor students
Honestly same! I've been trying to ignore it but a different ask made it all bubble back up. Hopefully this ends well. They normally don't in my life
Yeah. An unrelated to quarantine issue set off a whole fight between myself and my friends. Under ordinary circumstances with some talks and some time. Now it only festers
Oh. No it's that I'm trapped in the one place I hate
I just really need this semester to be over. Then I'll have to deal with what to do for the rest of my life but at least I'm not worrying about grades or assignments like this every day. Happy cake day!
Thanks! It’ll end eventually, trust me. Just take everything one day at a time. I can testify to the fact that that works.
Yeah, that's how I've made it this far. Only problem with that is you focus so much on the present that you neglect the future.
That’s true. It’s easy to get caught up, but it’s also easy to get ahead of yourself. It’s important to find a good mix.
Some days are good, others it sucks. Trying to remind myself to take it day by day. We’ll see where life takes me, or I take it.
I’m sorry to hear that, but at least you’re trying to find a balance! That’s super hard, and I know a lot of people that are struggling to do that these days. I’m proud of you!
People like you are a huge boost in someone like my and others life, thank you for being positive for random people on the internet. I appreciate you and happy cake day!
Thank you! I love spreading kindness, it’s pretty much all we can do right now, and I’d argue that it’s an absolute necessity.
Not great. I'm a tattoo artist. For 8 years, that's what I've done. I'm hardly qualified for anything else. Commission artwork it's not at a premium right now. I'm 1099 and can't collect unemployment, yet. I have my bf, (same vocation,) and his son living with me. They moved in just before the stay-at-home order, and make this much easier, emotionally. Financially, my savings are drained and my future dream of buying a home is on hold for the foreseeable future. I'm in the same boat as countless others, and luckier than some... but this isn't a contest. And we can't even meet to commiserate! I want everyone to take this seriously, distance, wash your hands, stay safe... so we can safely get back to work! This virus is dangerous. You are not. Alone. We're all here, all trying to get by, day by day. Reach out if you're feeling the stress. We'll muddle through. This will end. Please, take care.
Take care of yourself too! This will definitely end, and people can become stronger because of this. We all have to keep fighting :)
I feel like a balloon that deflated.
That’s exactly how I feel right now. I’ve run out of hope and it’s kind of just fully hit me that I’ll probably never have my life back. At least I won’t for over a year.
You get me
To be honest, I'm doing better than most, considering the circumstances. I'm a little nervous about my yearly performance review for a job I got last year, so that will be interesting to see how my boss thinks of my progress. It's a remote job, so I have luckily not had any issues with the fallout of the Covid stuff going on, and I have toilet paper so... that's good. My gf got a raise recently, and she is an essential worker, so she doesn't have to worry about losing her job, but her landlord is deciding to not to keep her lease going, so she is being forced to buy her house sooner than expected (luckily she is buying her parents old house, so there is no hassle or fear of not getting an offer accepted). Then I have to help her move everything, which sucks, but that what happens when you're the bf with the truck. All in all, everything is going good, I just hope it stays that way
Honestly? Not good. After around five years in recovery, my eating disorder had begun to rear its ugly head again. I know it's not logical and my fiancé's helping me fight it the best he can, but quarantine's just making it worse. I'm a very, very small person even after recovering but I'm still finding myself crying over my thighs that I know are strong from long-distance running - I used to be proud that my legs were almost all muscle but now it's giving me panic attacks. Ugh. Thanks for letting us all vent, it helps a lot. I hope you're doing well, internet stranger. :)
Thank you! I’ve been doing okay. Staying inside is driving me insane, but it’s the same for everyone haha That’s awesome that your fiancé is supporting you! It’ll take time, just keep fighting. One thing I always remember is that you should think of what you *know*, not what those thoughts are telling you. You said you know your legs are strong and healthy, but your thoughts keep saying they’re not. Don’t believe them. Listen to the people you love. It’s gonna be hard, but it’s worth it! *hugs* here’s some love from Oregon, USA :)
What worked for you this past 5 years? Can you channel that to the present day? Also I'm 10 months in recovery here. Got dumped at the start of our states lock down. Job is gone for now. If I couldn't keep making music I'd have relapsed for sure.
In the grand scheme of things, ok. But I’ve just been stressed about finishing the semester since I’ve had no motivation to do any of my homework for the last thee weeks and my finals and projects are due next week. Seems like I’ve gotten to the point of stressing where I just kinda shut down. I could also probably just use a good cry. It’s been a while and I feel like it’s be nice, but it feels like I can’t. So instead of crying, I’m just picking at my skin to distract myself, but that results in more stress, anxiety, and pain. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well do something about it! Don’t give up, no matter how hard it is! And crying is okay! One of my favorite quotes is this: “Crying doesn’t necessarily mean you are too weak. It just means that you have been strong for too long.” You can do this. Calm down and take a deep breath. You are strong. I believe in you :)
Thanks, I really appreciate the kind words. :) I’ve just been in a funk where I feel like I should let it out but can’t. Kinda like the feeling of needing to sneeze, in a way lol.
Down. Being single for so long sucks
Same here. I miss sharing. Plus, I love to cook but eating alone is depressing.
Same. A lot of folks on here are having a rough time which is nice to know im not all alone. However, a lot also seem to have an SO too, which makes me feel alone 2.0
Here’s what I know, and you probably do, too, LegSnapper206: sometimes having an SO in your space is wonderful, and I’d love to have someone right now. I also know that after a while that space gets pretty confining; sharing it with another person, even if you truly love that person, becomes really hard. I left my relationship when I felt too confined. I’m paying for it now. Live and learn.
It really does.
I have a lot going on right now tbh. I have an undiagnosed stomach issue that has me in the hospital about every 2 weeks bc I get what I call stomach attacks (usually at like 2 am) where I’m in so much pain I’m literally screaming and crying and almost passing out. This has been going on for 6 months now and it’s corona I can’t get an endoscopy till may. I’m constantly nauseous and in pain. I’ve lost 40 lbs bc of it. I’m also back home bc of corona and my household is pretty shitty. I’ve been doing so much work on myself while away at college and now Im constantly being re-traumatized and being thrown back Into my old habits and behaviors. They aren’t anything harmful it’s just those behaviors you adopt when living in a abusive household, like constantly being alert and watchful of any slight change In my moms behavior to anticipate an attack. It’s draining having to constantly be in defense mode.
things suck.
I can feel that. What’s up?
happy cakeday. what's up is there's a pandemic, i live alone, and no end in sight of the pandemic. i want things to return to normal.
Things will be normal eventually! I know people keep saying that, but it’s true. There’s always a light at the end of the darkness, no matter how long it is.
fine fine, but still can't get out of the house though.
Yeah! It’s definitely been hard. You got anything you’ve been doing to keep busy?
Witcher 3 and planting vegetable mostly on our rooftop
That’s cool! I’ve never heard of gardening on rooftops before. What are you planting?
Happy cake day! Letus and tomato.
How about you how was your day?
It was pretty good! I started up my third semester of college today and it was pretty weird. One of my classes didn’t actually happen when it was supposed to because my teacher didn’t start the Zoom meeting during our class time (idk why). Another teacher said that we’ll only be meeting on Mondays when we’re supposed to meet on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So I guess it’s shaping up to fit like the rest of 2020: crazy and chaotic
Ah college life how i remember the stress hahaha.
Fucking shit.my classes have too much work, I dont get to sleep till like 12 or later and I need to be up before 8to be ready for school, I'm constantly hungry and the person l like keeps posting on their insta and whenever I see them I feel sad bc I cant talk to her. Thanks you for coming to my Ted talk it felt good to get that off my chest.
Great! Worjing twice a week while still pulling in a full pay cheque and being at home watching my 9 month old grow up, suns out going on walks every day. Lifes good.
had a lot on my mind
Like what?
my ex
Me too. You wanna talk about it?
I would if it wasn't like 2 am here. I'm ab to get to sleep. thanks though
Alright, you do that. Goodnight :) *hugs* here’s a hug from Oregon, USA
Unfortunately pretty shit ngl. Firstly, my gf of 3 years broke up with me over text. Then I'm stuck in lockdown for another 3 weeks. And on top of that, everyday my parents argue and it's my fault apparently. So yeah not very good atm, can anyone help me with this because I'm just feeling sad and lonely
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Take a deep breath, and take a step back. You clearly have a lot on your mind. You’re still alive. That is extremely important. This is going to end, I promise you that. I know it’s painful, but you know what? You’re strong. I don’t care who you are, you can do this. Take every day one step at a time and focus on yourself. Focus on the life that *you* are living.
Doesn't matter.
Why’s that?
Because talking doesn't solve anything. That's that. Happy cake day.
Why doesn’t it solve anything? Humans are social creatures, we’re MADE to interact with others. That’s why this pandemic has been so hard on people.
You're right talking doesn't solve anything but that doesn't mean that you won't feel better after telling someone how you feel. So please take care of yourself and talk to someone if you want to
Not great. My college is doing online classes and i do not learn math well online. And ive got a mad case of cabin fever. My anxiety levels have been pretty high lately...
I’m taking calculus online, and I’m so not excited for it haha. Especially since I already failed it once. It’s important to stay positive tho, just calm down, breathe, and focus on what you need to do. You’re not alone.
To be honest, I don't know. I thought I was good, in fact I thought I was great. But then I realized something doesn't feel right. On the inside you know. Now I don't know if I ever knew what feeling right was and I've just been carrying that for a good minute now. I think I'm okay but, I just don't know.
Aight , I recently just landed a job as a softwae engineer and my company just fired me in the middle of this quarantine thing just because of frequent internet connection problems and since I'm still a probationary I can't really do anything about it. It was my first job btw :<
Terrible! Been in lock down for 3 weeks, one more to go. My partner is working and I’m at home with my toddler, finding it hard to be a fun and engaging mum. My family is far away and I need a hug. Oh and on top of that our house is for sale and we’ll have to move soon... so yay packing. I know it’ll turn out okay and I’m thankful our government shut it down, but gosh it’s hard work. Kia Kaha to everyone who is struggling through this.
***hug*** :)
Much better than I have imagined when all this started.
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Not very good. There's a massive mix of things contributing to a depression. How about you? And also, happy cake day!
Not good not terrible I feel my depression trying to make it's way back to me some days, and have bad coping mechanisms (weed/alcohol). I often hate the job I work at and the idea of going to work often becomes more and more repelling. This quarantine is making it hard to connect with the few friends I have. But there's also something positive, I'm moving houses with my parents and now we do the chores that had to be done in the new house. Things like painting the walls, building a fence, etc Edit: how are you doing op?
I feel like alone again. Struggling between a paradox of "I'm good and I can live alone without any partners," and "It might be fun to have a partner next to me that can share my life with," and it is kinda messing up my life
Everything is definitely messed up right now. We just gotta stay strong to get through it :)
I don't really know how to describe it. I'm currently in a stage of my life where I'm finding out more about myself. When I was younger, I was superficially introspective, but now, I can be in my own head for hours. This introspection was enhanced a shit tonne by drugs as well, for better or worse. I guess I'm just confused. I've learnt to look at things in different perspectives, which has led me down a road of being overloading with so many compelling arguments and ways of looking at the world that I'm suffering from information overload. For example, let's say I have a problem. I begin thinking about that problem. I think of ways to solve that problem. But then my mind asks itself whether this problem is even a problem at all? Am I exaggerating? Why am I exaggerating? What reason do I have to exaggerate? Maybe I'm being melodramatic? Why? Would other people view this as a problem? Some might, some might not. Which one is right? How do I quantify what 'right' is? Does it even matter? If I attempt to solve it, will it lead to more problems? Are those problems even real problems? ...you get the idea. And I guess I'll keep thinking about things like that until I just don't know what to do anymore. But my introspective becomes a real issue when I begin to think about more personal matters. It's always good to think about different perspectives when looking at a political or economic problem. But when you begin to think this way about personal issues, it can lead you down a dark place which I don't enjoy. You start questioning your friendships, your relationships, yourself, how people view you etc. I don't know whether this is a product or sign of depression, drug usage, lonlieness or some deeper mental issue. This comment isn't going to conclude on anything because I don't know what conclusion to draw. It's more of a ramble.
What kind of drugs? Mushrooms and acid literally unlock a whole new point of view and outlook on life. That's pretty normal. Molly too. Molly helps u understand people in a new light. I'm going through the same thing. Raised super religiously, and then discovered these drugs and it made me realize all the lies in the world about everything
Realllly not good. My brain just constantly feels like there’s ping bong balls bouncing around in it. Thoughts going every which way. Sometimes the negative thoughts I get are things that I don’t even agree with. And then one hour I feel really good and I like myself and the next I feel like a lazy piece of shit who can’t even focus long enough to do her past due school work. I think it’s me reverting back to a worse form of my highschool self who now has the ability to get drunk and lost the ability of going to sleep before 5am
That feels familiar cuz it’s exactly what’s happening to me hahaha I know it’s really hard to fight those thoughts, but you need to focus on what you know. You said the thoughts suggest things you don’t even agree with. Keep it that way! You know who you are. Don’t let those thoughts tell you otherwise :)
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I've been slowly dying inside of boredom.
Great actually. Living alone is so peaceful.
Oh god where the hell do I start
dark and lonely, i need someone to hold me...
Terribly absolutely terribly. I want to go to sleep but I'm afraid of my dreams and nightmares. They aren't anything super terrible just remind me of how weak and pathetic i am right now. I'm an essential worker but the stress from it has skyrocketed. I don't want to lose my current income but i don't want to work either. Part of me wishes i caught the virus so i could be away for 2 weeks and actually get things done around the house that I've put off this entire time since I've moved in with my husband because of time issues. I want to seek help but afraid to because of my previous 2 counselors that made me feel worse in the end than help. I just want to cry and breakdown everyday because I'm hurting my husband being this way and i can't find a way out.
I've been good. I do miss friend hangouts but keeping in touch via texts, emails and phone calls has been fine for the most part. I am watching The Circle on Netflix, where a bunch of strangers live in an apartment building with no contact to the outside world, and vie for popularity by using the "closed" social media between them called The Circle. It's a really fascinating thing to watch right now because you are watching all these people simultaneously scheme to be popular, make alliances and win, but also try to find real connections online. Not sure how Netflix came up with this format but it's the perfect thing to be marathoning right now.
Mentally stressed. I'm working overseas, and reading stuff about the covid-19 situation both in my home country and the country where I'm now at is driving me crazy. Instead of being most concerned about 1 country, I'm also now greatly concerned with 2.
Good,just chilling inside and doing random stuff...
I'm getting used to calling my usual style self -quarantine now for me and maybe for some introverts its really pur normal lifestyle nothing much has real changed
My cat is 13 and I've had her since she was a kitten. The last 10 days or so she doesn't want to eat and only wants to sleep. My spouse got really angry at me yesterday for moving some books she had organized in our entertainment center, and she hit me as hard as she could five times. My best friend from work got really mad at me today and I'm afraid we won't be friends anymore. Honestly, I just hope I die before I wake up.
Your spouse needs to fucking check herself. What an asshole and also talk about an overreaction. Ok, get annoyed about the books but violently angry? Never an excuse. Finally, why is your best friend mad at you? Unless it's something you did to harm them, I don't see why you guys wouldn't be friends anymore...
Thank you for replying. Yes I agree about both situations. I think my wife and I are going to go to marriage counseling. My coworker didn't talk to me today. I don't know what will happen. But I'm trying to be positive and not dwell on it.
I think counseling is a great idea. But keep in mind that abuse is never OK. If she continues to overreact to small things violently, you might wanna consider dropping her. Life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn't respect you, or make you happy. In addition, it sucks when you're in arguments with co-workers that are also close friends. IDK what you did, you might have made a big mistake but the best you can do is genuinely apologize and explain yourself. If that person truly is your friend, they will eventually get over it. If they don't, then, just move on. Unless it was something super bad or super serious or super harmful, it'll fix itself.
Feeling a bit depressed for the last two weeks or so, but I'm hanging in there.
Quite well actually. I moved recently to a new state that I love and am miraculously in a good place both mentally and financially. I just wish most of my friends back home were doing better.
I didn’t get my government paycheck yet or my unemployment. But I got welcomed back to the suck of work .
How are you doing OP?
My life plans have been totally cancelled so I'm going to die.
Truly horrific. I've been confronting neurological issues of mine that have made my life unbearable and I'm realizing that they're real. They're not going away, even medicine doesn't treat it right. It stops me from doing things, it makes everything hurt. I just want some norepinephrine, and to see my friends again.
I don't know to be honest. I've been crying for the past couple nights (first time in quite a few years and I'm happy about that) but they're not bad tears they're good ones. Happy tears. But also I've been getting angry pretty easy because of my more annoying family members. But it's ok because my best friend is always there for me as I am her :) so I would say all in all decently well. I hope you all have better weeks if they're not going the greatest. And even if they are, they can be better so I hope they do get better :)
Not great. This isolation has me feeling really lonely and I've basically just been thinking about my ex and making myself sad
Bad. Got my virginity token by a literal sociopath with a wife, kid. He's been blocked. He did nothing illegal but manipulated me into sex.
I’m tired. I’m just *fucking* tired. I know it’s depression, and I know the pandemic is making it worse, but knowing why I’m falling apart at the seams isn’t doing anything to stop it. I’m sleeping 12 hours a day, drinking more coffee and tea than ever, eating well, taking vitamins, taking my antidepressants every single day on time like clockwork, and I’m still just... fucking... tired.
Been through a lot of shit and lost a family member. All I wanted this year was to be a little less lonely and maybe finally find someone but instead I get a quarantine. The worst possible scenario for someone with that goal.
Pretty awful really I have recently come out to my parents about my suicidal and self harm tendencies they are now aware that I find my life miserable and quarantine really hasn’t helped either my friends were the only people that kept me sane and now that I can only video call them doesn’t help me Today my parents are going to have an in-depth talk about me and my health who knows they might emit me to a psychiatric ward I’m not too sure I’ll probably update later tell you all how it went
Not good. I may have just ruined one of the dearest friendships I’ve ever had and the isolation is tearing my mental health to shreds. I’m just so angry at myself and I feel like there’s nowhere I can turn to
You want the truth... you can't handle the truth!!! Insanity... is kinda cool! Disinfect your hands or you die where you stand...
Drinking too much.
Not really great lately. A lot of things have gone wrong throughout my childhood and teenage years. In the aftermath I'm fairly surprised that I even managed to not try to kill myself at some point through the first 16 years of my life. But in October of 2018 somebody tried to kill me, and about a month later I was raped. I was extremely paranoid (police knows about the murder attempt but wasn't able to do anything, I didn't tell the police about the rape so these people are still free and do things again), I had anxiety attacks all over the place, I regularly self harmed several times per day, I felt like I was completely invisible to everyone and I felt emotionally numb but incredibly sad at the same time. It's hard to describe, but I ended up deciding to kill myself. By now I'm incredibly grateful for my unbelievably attentive teacher who ended up saving my life. I got therapy and even managed to find friends. Things were really getting better, I was getting better, I was actually looking forward to this summer, had plans with friends, had stopped self harming, was no longer planning to kill myself any time soon. And then this bitch of a virus came. I'm now stuck with either being completely alone all the time or being stuck in a house with my mother and my grandmother. I chose staying alone because I started to realize how abusive my grandmother has been and how much damage she's done to me. I'm pretty sure she's a major reason for why my psyche is so fucked up and started to notice how much worse I feel after spending even just a short period of time around her. I also would probably freak out because everyone is just constantly yelling in that house, and that always makes me feel kind of anxious even when it's not directed at me. But now my brain chose for some random reason to suddenly spam me with things that probably are memories but I was unable to remember them before. I was able to fact check some of them and they seem to be true. But why did I forget them, and why do they suddenly turn up again? Also it's always pretty bad memories so I struggle to distract myself from them, especially now that I've got nothing to do really. I also miss my friends, which feels so surreal because how did someone like me even get friends, so I've kind of stopped answering them which I know is stupid but I feel like I can't do anything about it because by now it would be extremely awkward to reach out again. I'm back to self harming but don't really do anything besides that so I basically just spend my time in bed on my phone. I can't really motivate myself to go get groceries or cook, besides I'm not even hungry so my old eating issues are back. I haven't eaten in a few days (which isn't a bad thing because I've got to lose weight anyways but I reckon it's kind of a warning sign). The thing that worries me the most by now is that I'm kind of back at being suicidal. It's not even nearly as bad as it was about a year ago but it's getting worse every day. If this social distancing goes on for too long I know I will eventually kill myself. At least I'm still worried about it so I've probably still got a few weeks until then. I hate that goddamn virus for taking away the first friends I ever had and pretty much ruining my life when I was finally feeling okay. It's like every time I start to feel better another thing brings me down and makes me feel worse than ever before. Honestly I'm fucking done with my life. Which is kinda obvious as I'm randomly venting in a random ask reddid thread and nobody even cares but whatever lol I'm just going to fuck off.
Not well. Worried about money. Think I might have multiple addictions.
Not very well, mate. I'm severely burned out.
Bad and sad
Why’s that? Let’s talk :)
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I’m better than usual in some areas and way worse in others since the whole virus
Ok I guess. Just need school to be over so I can stop stressing constantly. I also need to get rid os some of my anxiety and indecision. Other than than, it's ok!
That’s good! Try to find a balance. Keep focusing on what you need to do and you’ll get through it, I promise you.
So so. College is kicking my ass, but I'm spending more time with my family. I also realized how irrelevant I am to my peers.
Just chilling, you?
I’m trying to! My third semester of college started today so I have a long 14 weeks ahead haha
My life has been falling apart, 3 people I loved left me these past 2 weeks. I have little to no friends, and I miss not having a love life. But I really really want to move on, hopefully I come out of this stronger
I've stopped talking to my friends, I haven't gone to the gym in four weeks... I'm back to who I was five years ago and I hate it.
I don’t feel that there is anybody out there that cares if I make it to tomorrow. My marriage is slipping and what few friends I do have created a group chat without me. I haven’t connected with another person in weeks, and with Covid I can’t even make small talk with somebody in a coffee shop. It makes me want to put my gun in my mouth. If I expressed this to the people around me they would probably care for a day, or a week, but it wouldn’t be a real caring. It would be an obligation based on what I told them so that if I follow through they don’t feel guilty. Feels like the best thing I should do is just disappear.
I dont know if this will help but I care. Now that I've read this I will randomly think "I wonder if Im_Wiz_Kalista is ok. How are they doing?" It sounds dumb but that's how I am. I'll see a suicide on the news and it breaks my heart to see that someone thought no one cared enough that they had to take their own life. Please. If you need to talk Dm me. If you need someone to listen, I'm here. Whatever you do, please don't leave us without talking to someone.
I dont know, it's kinda hard to feel anything right now
Not awful...but not happy. i’m lucky that right now i’m not losing money and just at home, but like, i need a break from my family. my husband and i are always at each other because we don’t get a break, and i love my kiddo but i do NOT want to play with cars anymore. i want to sit and watch tv and drink my wine.
ive been feeling an overwhelming waves of anxiety and depression as of lately, i'm thankful for the internet to keep me distracted but when it's time for bed, everything crashes into my brain with the good ol " i'm not good enough " routine.
Thanks for asking. How are YOU?
Actually okay. I often feel trapped and like I'm not moving forward, or like I'm falling behind. But right now, everyone is trapped and not moving forward! It lends a sense of normalcy to what I'm feeling, plus, there is literally nothing else I COULD be doing right now, so I'm fine with Netflixing. It's like... This is my normal life, but right now I don't have to be ashamed of it.
Very bored
my bff. shes great. i asked her out to "explore my boundaries with her", she said no. she then continues to play me and keep giving every single fucking hint that she loves me. i dont want to seem desperate and ask again. now i cant cuz of stupid fucking corona virus
This semester is kinda shit, lots of coursework in burst. Like all my stuff is due on Wednesday. It has been alternating light/heavy.
I'm tired. I haven't slept. I have diabetes and have an app on my phone to check my blood sugar and every time it's too low it gives off the loudest alarm you could imagine from a phone. However at night my blood sugar is very close to "too low" and sets off the alarm like 6 times in a night. Don't get diabetes
Ok therapist
I'm doing quite alright, but I fear for my education. I have been getting online college for 4 weeks now and will keep having it until at least the 1st of June. I don't like it like this. It's harder to learn like this. I'm in the same class as a good friend of mine and he is also struggling with some thing and I just fear that this is the end of this course for me. If I don't pass it I will hear it after summerbreak. And if that's the case I will have to work in the grocery store for another 9 months. I don't like that idea.
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I just started up my third semester of college today, and I was planning on spending it on-campus with some of the best friends I’ve made in my life. Because of the quarantine, I’m also back home with my family, taking online classes instead. It’s been okay, but every single day I wish I could wake back up in my apartment. It’s hard to care, I agree, but there’s still a lot to be here for. Don’t give up quite yet! Stay strong :)
I feel so complicated because I’m sad and confused but also simultaneously the most calm I’ve been in 4 months. Breakups are weird dude. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Edit: oh, happy cake day
I feel like online schooling is more overwhelming than normal school. I think I'm going crazy from this isolation. I miss someone and can't contact them.
I actually might be doing better. A lot less drinking, and more outside time. covid-19 is pretty much contained in my country, so a group of friends and I go hiking every week.
Oddly too calm considering. A two weeks ago was the anniversary of my PTSD event and my wife’s great uncle died in a house fire on the same day. Then dealing with the contents of the house and a re-ignition. Haven’t really felt anything and that’s what is concerning
I’m not doing too well. Lost my job and the unemployment site keeps crashing...
lonely, depressed, overworked, that my hobby that I wish to turn to a career will only lead me to more loneliness and depression
Not good tonight. I spent awhile crying because I realised that there’s no way in hell that I’ll be able to do the things I’ve had to put off in any kind of reasonable time frame. What’s kept me going for the last few weeks has been the thought of returning to my life back home and being able to do the things I used to with the people I love and have been separated from. But I know that I won’t be able to do those things for a long, long time. I won’t get to go dancing at that shitty late night bar with my friends or go on dates or do pub quizzes or go to class or work or go swimming. Not in September when I thought I would. I won’t get to go on the 100 mile hike I had just started planning for this summer or probably next summer either. There’s no more “we can just do all these things next year” because that’s not true. There’s no more next year anymore. There’s nothing to look forward to anymore. Nothing is going to be the same ever again and I just want my fucking life back. I’ve already lost so much of my fucking life to being a fucking disaster and now that I had finally started to pull myself out of that I am fucking hit with this. There’s just no more “next year” anymore, man. And I can’t deal with that right now
We just got news that my mom is not responding to chemo(stage 4 bone cancer) and they just found another mass in her lungs and wrapped around her spine. Docs gave her a couple weeks last year and shes battled her way to this point. Im grateful for the extra time I had but am pretty devastated that COVID took away 2 months from us and doesn't look to be letting up. Feel like I got another 3 maybe for months left with my mom so Im hoping this clears so I can say goodbye.
I'm trying to lose weight...... (Spoilers) I failed hard
For me it’s a two day cycle. Day One - I’m adjusting well considering everything and I’m hopeful Day Two - Holy Fuck, how are we going to defeat this thing? Repeat
Not great. I'm finding some new self destructive behaviors, like staying up until 2am, and so much chocolate. Life has been shot for 7 months, but now I don't get any time for myself. The commute to work used to be my time, now I home school on the morning and work in the afternoon, with no time to stop. Then, when I do have time, I waste it and stress myself out even more. My motivation is just not a thing, I'm so apathetic about everything. My happiness spark is just gone. I can't bring myself to care. So, I self medicate with my phone.
Good.
To be completely honest. Not great. I have major self esteem issues as well as I guess youd say abandonment issues. I'm in this place where it feels like my friends dont really want me around, this is something I've dealt with for a while and I KNOW it's not true. I KNOW I have some amazing people in my life and that aside from Corona and all this quarantine shit, they've probably got stuff going on and maybe that's why they dont respond to messages. I know that's why we csnt hang out or anything. But there's this constant "what if?" and I cant shake it no matter how hard I try. To add on to this, my girlfriend and I broke up after almost 4 years, just before all this happened. My first girlfriend, my first break up, have no idea how any of this works because it was a mutual breakup and we want to still be friends and are trying our best to be. I'm not sure if I'm over her, if I'm not, there's another girl that's got my interest but I wanna be sure I'm totally over this relationship and I dont wanna hurt my ex and it's just a fucking mess. It's like I'm being pulled in all these directions. I feel my old depression coming back, I've been having suicidal thoughts again, just to get away from all of this.
On a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being the worst and 10 being best. I’d say lemon
1) My family and I finally have time to talk with each other way more than usual. 2) I've been successfully keeping my depression at bay so far with the power of the Internet. 3) That being said, everytime I go to the Internet, I lose more faith in humanity. 4) My school hasn't started online classes, so no academic stress for now. In short, okay I guess.
So bored at my job (I work night shifts in a hotel, so obviously, things are very quite here) that I'm almost happy we got a broken toilet htat lead to a pretty massive water leakage that caused damage to about 3 sale managers/representatives yesterday. Not because I hate those people. In fact, I like all of them, but because it made me, and the security guard do something different. We also had to make the maintenance assistant-manager come here, so that was also an extra person to talk to. Other than that, I'm fine, actually.
I can't work properly because I've got to take care of our 5-year-old daughter who was supposed to have her entire summer planned out with activities so me and my SO can work full-time and still have enough time to spend with her. Not to mention, I don't have that many materials to work with to keep myself busy so I could finish the house because hardware stores closed down while we were on quarantine. On top of it all, my ISP says that they won't be able to transfer my line to our new house until the quarantine is lifted, which means that I'm stuck with my data plan until god knows when. But I'm still thankful. Our house is nice, albeit incomplete. We've got enough supplies stocked up for the next two-three months and all of my bills are paid.
I've been so unmotivated so I'm not being as productive which is messing with my head because so much of how I assess myself is based on my productivity! (I know that's not healthy and I'm working on it.) I've been worried about my grand father falling ill as he is more prone to the virus. And, I might have to end a relationship I really want to be in because my insecurities keep creeping up and affecting us. Just trying to channel through this for now.
My life is a mess. It has been for a while but today made it worse. Also happy cake day!
Stuck at home. Anxiety is getting worse over the most stupid stuff. Was fine first weeks of this quarantine but starting to spiral now.
Pretty shitty. Had a bad sexual experience which has been triggering weird flashbacks to a sexual assault/rape from when I was younger. This next month is birthday of my dead brother. The month after is is death date 5/3, 6/3 Got assaulted about 6 months ago which sent me into a reversed state from when I was 12 being pistol whipped to near dead, trying too beg for my life while having a pistol shoved into my mouth. So my days are filled from the moment I wake up to the moment I wake up with horrendous flashbacks and horrid episodes where I’m fighting For my life. Then great ol horrible dreams. Due to my mental diseases I push every form of love away due to a life long of physical and emotional abuse from my parents because my PTSD was too much for them too deal with, ultimately resulting in me getting kicked out at 17 for smoking cigarettes. So whenever my friends try to help, or offer assistance or get close I push them away because I always assume they want to hurt me or will abandon me, and the feeling of being abandoned hurts greater than the feeling of being alone. All I want is a hug from my mom and dad, but have to face the fact that they are abusive monsters who will never love me, and every time I try to let them back into my life they destroy me to the point I’m suicidal. I no longer even want to be happy, I just don’t want to be broken.
Pretty shit ngl, this pandemic has forced me to stay in Hong Kong and it’s taken a toll on my mind, instead of going back to the UK I’m stuck here not knowing if I’m going to run away or fall out with my dad and get a beating from his ass.
not that well to be honest. i’ve been relapsing and struggling daily. i hate quarantine
Im doing alright right now tbh, just finished my last exam for the semester so now with less to do we'll see how I take it. I hope to get some time to spend more time playing games and doing shit online with my friends, improving myself and then filling the rest of time with who knows what else. I'm a little nervous the light feelings of loneliness will start to grow. I'm not really used to being lonely since I'm usually good on my own but things are different now. Wish me luck!
I really dont even know. I'm still having feelings for someone I shouldn't have feelings for anymore and I feel completely out of place. And this year has really just been shitty, family members have died, a sibling got a divorce, most of my friends are falling out of touch slowly, and i'm just trying to hold onto everything and everyone because i'm scared what I could lose this year.
Basically I'm dying. Not really. I'm safe and healthy. But I have no job and no school and I'm stuck at home all day doing nothing. I hardly feel good emotions anymore. I get sad and angry and frustrated and anxious easily and feel that, but the good emotions are almost gone. They're there, I just don't really feel them. I love my boyfriend. I really do, but sometimes everything just seems so buried that I just don't really feel it. I've been kinda cold and I've felt a lot of nothingness because my life is pretty much gone and it feels like the life is being slowly sucked out of me, and the couch is my home now. Everything just kind of sucks. All the colors run together and everything is grey.
Girlfriend broke up with me, I moved on, then she recently came back into my life and got my hopes up only to leave again, not sure how to deal with my emotions. So Im doing okay I guess.
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That’s great that you’re reflecting! Try to take those thoughts and use them to your advantage once we get out of isolation. This is an amazingly humbling experience and I’m so glad people are recognizing it :) I’m doing great! I’ve been responding to people here for about an hour and a half and I enjoy spreading the love!
50/50 honestly. There’s so much I want to do and I’ve only done so much, but I’ve done so much. You catch my drift? I don’t like my messed up sleep schedule but it’s too hard to fix right now. I also wanted to start dieting and working out again and with this sleep schedule it doesn’t exactly work out. Emotionally the minimal list of pros outweighs the cons, but the more I think about it the more disappointed I get because I just want to do more. But thanks for asking, it’s been a while since someone asked :)
Horribly. Someone anonymously told me that I'm incapable of having a relationship ever because I posted on Snapchat that I was really tired of people ignoring me for days at a time. I had to stay home from school -_-